Pippi Meets The Crusaders.
"Okay, so we know Cutie Mark Crusader Demolitionists doesn't work..."
"Ah'm sorry, Scoots, ya know I only meant to take out part of that wall!"
"You're welcome to sleep over at my place until... um, until you... have a house again."
Three fillies trotted down the road, wearing capes and covered in dust, splinters, and small scorchmarks. In any other town, this would have been cause for concern. In Ponyville, though, such a sight wasn't exactly uncommon; these particular young mares were often sighted covered in far more bizarre substances and the citizens had long ago learned that if they were walking around calmly there was no need to worry. It was only when they were excited or scared that a pony should be ready to bolt.
The orange pegasus waved off the statements. "Whatever. The point is, we need to do SOMETHING different. We've been ping-ponging around for who know how long with these ideas, and they've never worked!"
"Hey! Maybe ping pong is our special talent!" The yellow earth pony grinned... before remembering something. "Oh, wait. We tried that didn't we..."
Shuddering, the white unicorn rubbed her horn. "I thought we promised never to speak of that dark and terrible day."
"Oh, right... uh, sorry bout bringing that up."
Their winged friend snickered. "You got to admit, though, what the weather ponies did to fix that was pretty cool---"
A single glower from the unicorn caused her to shut up with a cringe.
"Hey... who's that pony?" The yellow filly pointed at a personage coming into view.
The pegasus, glad for some excuse to break from her friend's angry gaze, looked in the direction that she was pointing. "...I don't know, but she looks weird."
Truer words had never been spoken. The blue filly was probably just a year older then them, by the looks of it, her mane and tail tied up in pigtails so tight they stuck out from under the pirate hat like carrot-colored tree branches. A grin was on her freckle-splattered face, a red bandana around her neck, a golden ring clipped on her ear, and four differently colored socks were draped on her hooves. On her back was a trunk that looked too heavy for a workhorse to lift, some suitcases that had a few more oddly colored socks hanging out of them, and a strange brown creature gripping onto them casually.
To top it all off, she was walking backwards as though it was the most normal thing in the world.
The three fillies stared at her. She noticed them and waved. "Hello! Do you know the way to Villa Villekulla?"
"The old house across the river from Sugarcube Corner?" The unicorn nodded. "It's on the way to our home, actually. Well, me and Apple Bloom's. Scootaloo, um, doesn't... doesn't have a home at the moment."
"Ah said Ah was sorry!" Apple Bloom protested. "Besides, Sweetie Belle, ya'll were right thar long with me! And it's not like tha house is completely gone--"
"Why do you have a trunk on your back?" Scootaloo asked bluntly.
"Well because I haven't put it down yet, silly filly!"
The blue pony grinned as the strange brown creature hopped onto her head. The three caped ponies took a moment to process the statement.
"Ooooookay. See, what I meant was--"
"Why are ya'll walking backwards?" Apple Bloom interrupted.
"Is there something wrong with walking backwards?" the filly asked haughtily.
"Well, no, but--"
"Then why are you asking me?"
Apple Bloom opened her mouth... then realized that the other pony had a point. Some ponies could be a bit weird, yes, but that was no reason to point it out. She had learned that lesson with Zecora.
The blue filly huffed, looking up at the sky. "Darn it, I'm late now. If you three aren't going to show me to Villa Villekulla, I'm afraid I shall have to say goodbye and well fare you." She began trotting backwards again, the brown creature hopping off and following her with a rather odd gait.
"Wait! We'll take you there!' Sweetie Belle dashed forward, her friends rushing after her. "It's down this road and across a bridge... What's your name?"
"My name is Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking." She grinned again, mischievously. "It's extra long so as to scare away the sea ponies."
Apple Bloom rolled her eyes. "Oh come on. Thar's no such thing as sea ponies."
"Oh yes there is. I've seen them myself." The blue filly tapped her earring. "Where do you think I got this from? The sea ponies tried to kidnap me back when I was a foal!"
"No way!" Scootaloo shouted. "Wait, why did they put an earring on you?"
"If they'd put an earring on both my ears, I'd be a sea pony myself! Luckily my extra long name managed to hold them back long enough for my papa to rescue me. But now I have to remember to come up for air when I swim."
Scootaloo stared at her. "Whoa. That... THAT IS AWESOME!"
"Wait a minute...." Sweetie Belle tilted her head. "My sister has earrings like those!"
The blue filly gasped. "Then your sister must be a sea pony laying low!" Her eyes widened.
"No! She's a unicorn, just like me!"
"Does she swim regularly?"
"Well... she does go to the spa..." Sweetie Belle conceded.
The blue filly nodded, a knowing expression on her face. "Mmm-hmm. And how does she feel about clothes?"
"She's a fashionista, makes dresses and designs clothing lines. She's actually very good at it."
"That must be why the other sea ponies don't like her. They absolutely hate clothes, on account of they get so HEAVY in water."
"So that's why you're wearing socks!" Scootaloo declared.
The blue filly paused, lifting a hoof and examining it. Then she laughed. "No, that's not why I'm wearing these. I'm wearing this one," she shook her rear leg, causing one of the suitcases to topple off the chest, "because I'm walking backward, and the other three to keep it company."
She grabbed the dropped suitcase and flicked back onto her back. The three other fillies stared at her, flabbergasted.
"...Ya know, Ah think ya'll're lying bout those sea ponies," Apple Bloom finally offered.
"Well... maybe I am. But there are so many stories out there, I can't be bothered remembering which ones are true." The blue filling began trotting backwards again. "Me and papa have sailed, oh, pretty much everywhere. You wouldn't believe a lot of what I've seen, so I'm going to tell you things you won't believe and not waste time telling truths you refuse to hear."
Apple Bloom blinked. Then she shrugged. "Well, just don't let mah sister hear ya. She hates lying."
"Will do!" The blue filly gave a salute without breaking her backwards pace. "Hmm. That's an odd looking building."
"Oh, that's Sugarcube Corner," Sweetie Belle explained--
A melodramatic gasp suddenly flooded their hearing.
"--and that is Pinkie Pie," she finished.
The pink mare in question bounced up to the fillies instantly, her eyes focused on the newcomer. "Ohmygosh you're new I can tell because I know everypony in Ponyville but you're so young and you have that cute monkey and you're carrying all those things by yourself so I can't host a party now because then the monkey will have to carry things but I can host a party tomorrow I guess which means I get to do more planning so I should ask you some things like your favorite flavor of cake and what your favorite color is and will the monkey be okay at the party and what's your name?"
"Vanilla, Blue, Mister Nilsson will be fine, and my name is Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking." The blue filly didn't bat an eye.
"Oooo. Extra long name to scare the sea ponies, right?"
"Got it in one!"
"Ha! I knew it couldn't be rock rats, you're wearing a pirate hat which you cannot find on a rock farm which I know because I've tried and anyways rock rats were scared away by Pinkamina Diane Pie which isn't as long a name as yours but sea ponies are a lot smarter then rock rats I guess although they're always going shoop-be-doo which doesn't make any sense!"
The blue filly giggled. "You know what, I can't wait for that party tomorrow!"
"Well Villa Villekulla is right across that bridge," Sweetie Belle pointed out. "If you put your stuff down in there, I'm sure Pinkie Pie will be able to--"
"Ohmygosh you live across the river from me?! OMYGOSH NEWNEIGHBORS!" Pinkie Pie dashed to the door of Sugarcube corner. "This has got to be one of the most splenderifous parties ever and I've got to host it today because that's what it means when my tongue starts a clicking which it did this morning so I'm lucky I'm almost prepared anyway I just need to round up everypony and finish the cake..."
The blue filly grinned and began walking backward towards the bridge. "And now I don't have to wait. Thanks Sweetie Belle!"
"You're welcome Pippilotta Delcata Windowshade... Makeralminute..." The unicorn grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head. "Um..."
The blue filly grinned. "Just call me Pippi Longstocking." She backed into the old house and shut the door as the brown creature on her head waved.
Sending the invitations out to everypony in ponyville on such short notice had been something of an issue for Pinkie Pie, who'd spent FIVE WHOLE MINUTES trying to figure out a good way to do so. Then she'd remembered her gyrocopter, kept out back so the Cake twins couldn't accidentally get hurt, and flown it over to the printing press she always used. Page Turner, the pegasus who ran the place, took one look at the machine and insisted on raining the invites down herself; for some reason she suspected the pony of parties might possibly injure herself with the machine. Well, even if it was a silly idea, Pinkie had agreed and flown straight back to Sugarcube Corner to make all the cupcakes and set everything up for the party.
So it was that Twilight Sparkle, on the advice of her number one assistant, decided to take a break from her research and a few minutes later walked through the door of Sugarcube Corner. "Wow. Everything looks so... blue." Blue streamers, blue balloons, blue tablecloths, blue icing on the cake--
"Yeah that's the color that Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking says is her favorite! And it's her party after all!" Pinkie pointed to the blue banner above them; the words 'Welcome to Ponyville Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking' were written in bright yellow, as a concession to the small size the letters had to be to fit on the thing.
"Wow, that's a mouthful. Why did you draw a Jolly Roger up there?"
"Because Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking was wearing a pirate hat!" Pinkie bounced round the room, doing a last-minute slap of all the balloons to make sure they were properly floaty. You couldn't just inflate them, you had to get the right PSI for every balloon or the entire chi of the room could flow incorrectly. "Can you believe it Twilight, she hasn't even earned her cutie mark and she's already a pirate!"
"...I don't think it works that way, Pinkie." Pippilotta... part of her mind started to deconstruct that word, trying to identify its source language and deconstruct it, out of idle intellectual curiosity. The Pippi part sounded Darlarnan... And Lotta was obviously a fillyzation of some male name, probably germaneic? Idly she wandered over to the cake, noticing that four socks mad of icing on the top. She gave the party pony an askew glance.
Suddenly a cloud of dust kicked up outside the door, and a few moments later Rainbow Dash burst through the door. "All right, a Pinkie Party! I got here as soon Page Turner woke me up to give me the invite!" She looked up at the banner and blinked. "....Pippilotta Delcatsa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking?"
"It's 'Dellicatessa'," Twilight helpfully corrected. "Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking. Oh! Longstocking! That's why there are socks on this cake!" She smiled at her own brilliance.
"No silly filly!" Pinkie replied. "Those were the socks she was wearing!"
Twilight deflated. Then she blinked. Four mismatched socks...?
"Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking?" Rainbow huffed at the banner. "What kind of a name is that?"
"Oh it's extra long to scare away the seaponies."
Unicorn and pegasus turned to stare at the oblivious earth pony. The oblivious earth pony, for her part, adjusted one of the tablecloths and began setting out blue party hats.
Rainbow Dash shook her head. "Fine. Seaponies. So how old is this Pippilotta deli---I'm going to call her Pippi. How old is she?"
"Oh she's about as old as the crusaders. Maybe a bit older." Pinkie smiled as she hopped over to the punchbowl and gave it a quarter stir clockwise, half stir counterclockwise. "She's super strong though, I mean even for an earth pony! She was balancing all her stuff like it was just a pie. And there was this monkey too--Ohmygosh can monkeys eat cake?"
"Yes," Twilight deadpanned, "Monkeys can eat cake."
"My oh my, what's all this about monkeys eating cake?" Rarity found herself dragged in after her younger sister, and glanced around at all the blue. "Well, this is unusual... but quite stylish. Sweetie Belle, are you sure I have to meet this, ah," she glanced at the banner, "Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking?"
"Yeah! She's half sea pony like you!"
The young unicorn found herself subject of a trio of stares, while Pinkie just set out some treats.
"Uh... I mean, she has this earring like some of the ones you have, and, and she said it was because she was a sea pony..." Sweetie Belle blushed, slinking over to a table and trying not to attract attention.
"...Well, even if this Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking--"
"We're calling her Pippi," Rainbow deadpanned.
"--very well, even if this Pippi has the habit of unusual tall tales, knowing her taste in jewelry is as high class as mine does make me wish to view her in high regard."
"Plus she's a pirate!" Pinkie piped up. "Hat and everything! Well, no pegleg, or an eyepatch, or a hook for a horn because she's an earth pony, but otherwise yeah!"
"She wears a bicorn," Twilight helpfully submitted. "Pinkie just... deduced things."
"Pinkie, I feel I must disappoint you; a hat is a fashion statement, not a pirate uniform."
"It'd be cool if the kid were a pirate though." Rainbow lounged in the chair next to Sweetie Belle. "Hey, does she have a parrot?"
"She has a monkey," the fashionista's sister explained. "She said his name was Mister Nillson."
"A monkey can be difficult to handle," Twilight mused, glancing out the door. "I hope she's mature enough to handle it."
"Well if her parents trust her with it she must be," Rarity reasoned.
"I dunno if she has parents," Sweetie said. "She didn't have anypony helping her move her things... but she did say her and her papa sailed everywhere."
"See, she IS a pirate!"
"Eeep!" Fluttershy cowered in the doorway, only partway inside. "A pirate?"
"Pinkie, there is no way that a pony around Sweetie Belle's age is a pirate," Twilight insisted. "She wears a pirate hat. Her father was a sailor. And piracy is illegal, so if she were a pirate she would be in jail instead of moving into Villa Villekulla." The unicorn shook her head, walking over to comfort the shy pegasus. "Don't worry, Pinkie's just being Pinkie. We're glad you could make it, the guest of honor has a pet monkey."
"A pet monkey?" Fluttershy rose immediately, stepping to the blue party and looking around eagerly. "Oh my, those are so reare in this area of Equestria. I do hope he's been well behaved."
"Oh the monkey's not here yet," Rainbow Dash explained. "He's coming with Pippi."
"Pippi?"
The cyan pegasus pointed to the banner. "Miss Too-Long-Didn't-Read."
"Dash!" Twilight scolded. "Be nice!"
"Actually she did tell us Crusaders to call her Pippi Longstocking, so I don't think she minds..." Sweetie glanced around. "And she also told us Rarity was half sea pony."
"I still don't understand how that came about," Rarity huffed.
"I think you would be a pretty sea pony," Fluttershy ventured. "I mean, you have... you would look glamorous in the water, I think."
"...well at least that much is true." The white unicorn smiled and flicked her mane. "My curls do flow when supported by water. But to lose my beautiful tail and legs.... even if my fins were fabulous, darling, I don't think I'm cut out for the aquatic life!"
"Oh, well... I guess you're right." Fluttershy sighed. "Still, swimming is like flying slow.... I wouldn't mind being a seapony. The animals that live in water are... interesting."
"Oh most certainly," Twilight agreed. "Especially the ones that live in the deeps."
"Wait wait wait, let me think." Pinkie paused, counting all the ponies. "We're missing somepony here... Oh! Applejack! And the other Crusaders, OBVIOUSLY!"
And as if on cue, the final member of the Elemental Harmony Squad was dragged through the door by her sister and an orange pegasus. "Ah'm tellin' ya, Apple Bloom, I gotta set up tha stall an sell some apples! Ya can bring yer friend by ta meet me later--"
"Come on big sis! Pippi's not like otha ponies, Ah don't know how she'll get when she hears ya couldn't make it!"
"Yeah, and besides, after Apple Boom's little stunt I don't think anypony will want to go anywhere near your apples for a week!" Scootaloo grunted, just managing to pull the mare into the shop.
"Now what in tarnation ya'll mean by that?"
"Apple Bloom made bombs out of apples!" Sweetie Belle piped up,
The earth pony chuckled nervously. "Well, mostly apples..."
"Apple Bloom!" The orange mare stared down her sister with a dissapointed look on her face.
"It's not ma fault! Ah thought tha bombs would have a much smaller radius of kinetic energy then thay did! Ah was only trying to put a window in, Ah didn't think tha whole wall would--"
"APPLE BLOOM!"
"Oh yeah that reminds me." Scootaloo turned to Rarity. "You have a spare bedroom?"
"Well, yes but--"
"Wait wait wait." Twilight shook her head. "You managed to blow up a wall.... using apples."
"...mostly apples."
"Apple Bloom..." Applejack rubbed her forehead tiredly. "....Alright, Ah'll stay fer this here party, but then you and Ah are going home to have a CHAT with Big Mac."
"Yes big sis," the filly murmured, bow drooping.
There was a quiet, awkward moment.
"...So Rarity! How does being a sea pony feel?" Pinkie was suddenly in the unicorn's face.
"Sea pony?" Applejack looked at Rarity oddly. "I don't understand."
"Believe me, I don't either. Apparently this Pippilotta Delicatessa Window--"
"Pippi!" Rainbow reminded her. "We're calling her Pippi!"
"Yes. Apparently, this Pippi Longstocking filly thinks I am a seapony because she wears the same earrings as me."
"Well, that's not exactly true miss Rarity."
The assembled ponies turned to the door. There, dressed in a red dress with blue patches, carrying a monkey on her back and a pirate hat on her head, grinning and shaking her mane as though she knew something nopony else did.... There was Pippilotta Delicatessa Windowshade Makrelmint Fruitmane's Daughter Longstocking.
"I think you're half seapony."
