Stranger Than Fan Mail

by Pineta

Rating: everyone
Tags: Quibble Pants, Comedy, Gilda, Daring Do, Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 2931

A look inside A.K. Yearling's mailbag.

A.K. Yearling's mail mostly consists of the usual fan correspondence. However just before the Friendship Summit in Griffonstone and the Daring Do Convention, the Griffon Ambassador writes to demand the return of the looted Griffon's Goblet. This is followed by a variety of letters from Griffonstone and elsewhere.

Published 2016-08-12 18:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-12 18:20:01 UTC

Ambassadors and Their Staff

Griffons High and Low

Princesses, Ponies, and Griffons

Author's Note

Wonderbolts Logo

Transcript

Foals, Fans, and Professors

Dear A.K. Yearling

I loved Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone. When I grow up I want to be an arkeeologist like Daring. I now want to read about Daring Do and the Griffon’s Goblet but I can’t yet as my big sister won’t let me until she has finished it.

Love from Cotton Cloudy Age 6 ¾

Dear A.K. Yearling

As a huge fan of the original Daring Do books, I would like to thank you for writing such a high class series, combining the excitement of old-time serialized adventures with a new intellectual twist, both self-reflective and ironic, while at the same time celebrating the art form without cynicism.

But I want to state a point. The books published after “Daring Do and the Ring of Destiny” are NOT DARING DO BOOKS. They are an unimpressive dumbed-down parody of Daring Do. It was clear from the first three chapters of “Trek to the Terrifying Tower” that the story has no subtlety. In contrast to the sophistication of the first series, the book is just a string of over-the-top action scenes, with a thin plot and token motivations.

I have many suggestions on how to reverse this in the next series and return to the intelligence of the original, and I hope you will be able to use these ideas. I look forward to meeting with you at the coming Daring Do convention.

Yours
Quibble Pants

PRANCETON UNIVERSITY

Professor Doric Column
Lecturer in Classical Antiquity
Department of Archaeology and Ponthropology

Dear Ms Yearling

As an archaeologist with many years' experience, I am writing to express my profound displeasure at the inaccurate and irresponsible way in which you portray our profession in your books. As an alumnus of this institution, I am sure you are aware that the work of a professional archaeologist involves many months, or years, meticulously mapping a site, painstakingly removing layers of soil, recording the precise position of every artefact. These are then carefully washed and catalogued before being shipped back to the museum for further study.

However, through your fictional character, your imply our work involves being chased through the jungle by thugs, dealing with deadly curses and poisonous snakes, then following the clues on some ancient map in order to illegally seize a priceless treasure for a museum.

It is very damaging to our profession that you are allowing young ponies to form such an unrealistic idea of our profession. It is at least reassuring to know that your character is a work of fiction and such atrocities would never actually happen.

Sincerely yours
Doric Column

Ambassadors and Their Staff

His Excellency Garuda Effigy
The Honourable Griffon Ambassador to Equestria
Griffonstone Embassy
505 Horseguards Parade
Canterlot

Illegal removal of antiquities from Griffon territory

For the attention of Ms A.K. Yearling

With the full gravity of my position as Griffon Ambassador to Equestria, I am writing to inform you that documents have been brought to my attention describing the unauthorized removal of cultural objects of global importance from a number of archaeological sites in Griffonstone by an agent of yours operating under the name of Ms Daring Do.

I would like to inform you that any archaeological excavation within Griffon territory must first receive written authorization from the Griffonstone Ministry of Cultural Affairs. Such authorization is usually granted after the completion of forms 1034A-D, 403K, 590B, and the receipt of the administration fee and work permits for all archaeologists (provided the five references from respected Griffon archaeologists are considered satisfactory). Our records show neither you, nor your agent, has submitted such a request.

Further, we remind you that the transportation of such artefacts across international boundaries is prohibited by the Maretonian Convention on the Illicit Import, Export and Transfer of Ownership of Cultural Property. I have instructed the Minister for Cultural Affairs to take appropriate action to recover these looted antiquities. I would appreciate your full cooperation with this matter.

Garuda Effigy

His Excellency Garuda Effigy
The Honourable Griffon Ambassador to Equestria
Griffonstone Embassy
505 Horseguards Parade
Canterlot

Recall of letter sent in error

Dear Ms Yearling

Please ignore the previous letter you received from this office, which was sent in error. It has come to my attention that the documents referred to are fraudulent and the official responsible for this mistake has been dismissed. I offer my sincere apologies for troubling you and trust I can rely on your discretion about this matter. In particular I politely request you do not mention this matter to the princesses.

Garuda Effigy

Joe’s Doughnut Shop
42 Manefair
Canterlot

Best Doughnuts in Equestria

Dear A.K.

Can you please help me out? Please! I'm one of your biggest fans and I'm in a bit of trouble, which is partly my fault, but it's not fair that they picked on me when we were in it together. You see, I work—or rather I used to work—as a member of the secretarial staff at the Griffonstone embassy. Then last week a group of us got together for a glass of punch after finishing work, as we usually do, and we got talking about you latest book (which by the way is really awesome—I really like Rainbow Dash—she's your best character yet, except for Daring Do of course). After a few rounds we thought it would be a good joke to send the ambassador a report pointing out how Daring Do looted the Griffon's Goblet from Griffonstone and telling him to take action. We had a bit of fun making it sound all formal, like the decrees we get from the Foreign Office. Maybe it was a bit of a silly idea, but you know what it's like after you've had a few drinks with friends.

Anyway, next day I assumed we'd all just get a bollocking from the boss for not taking the job seriously. You won't believe how serious how deadly serious some of the top staff are in the griffon diplomatic corps—especially the new arrivals—they really need to learn how to chill out. But it turned out the ambassador actually believed it! And he asked us to draft loads of official statements to send to all sorts of ponies. None of us dared to tell him it was a joke, but it was kind of difficult to keep a straight face while we were listening to him go on about Equestrian violations of Griffon culture and stuff.

Unfortunately that evening he went to an official state banquet with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna and loads of other important ponies and griffons. He decided to use the opportunity to make a very serious formal declaration saying that Equestria should return the goblet to Griffonstone and formally apologise. At this most ponies kept quiet, but Princess Luna had to snigger and say that Griffonstone could have the goblet back, but Daring Do might have drunk some of the contents, and retrieving that might be a bit messy. At this everyone present just burst out laughing and the ambassador looked like the silly old fool which everyone knows he is, but they usually don't say.

Anyway he wasn't very cool about it and he stormed into the embassy the next day demanding to know who was responsible, and everyone pointed at me! I know it was me who had the idea, and I thought up some of the best lines in the false-dispatch, but you would have thought some of my colleagues would support me. I knew the ambassador was a twit, but how was I to know he was such a birdbrain that he wouldn't see the joke?

So I'm now out of a job, which is a problem given the cost of renting a flat in Canterlot and I really don't want to move back to Griffonstone. I mean I love my homeland, but it’s way more fun living here—the griffons back home don't have any sense of humour. And I've made lots of pony friends here.

So I was wondering if maybe you could write to ambassador and say that you are the Number One writer in Equestria and tell him this was all a little joke? And maybe if you have any friends who are important ponies, could you ask them to put in a word for me. He tends to soften up a bit when Very Important Ponies ask him nicely and flatter him a bit. If you could help me get my job back I would be very grateful and promise I won't play any more jokes on stupid big-headed diplomats (unless they really ask for it).

Thanks ever so much and please keep writing the books.

Your biggest Griffon fan
Glitzy Feather-Fluff

PS - Please reply c/o Doughnut Joe - I don’t know where I will be staying next week!

Griffons High and Low

Order of King Guto
Preserving the Rituals and
Memory of the Age of Kings

Garion von Guto
Master of the Order of King Guto
Regimental Tower
Griffonstone

Dear Ms A.K. Yearling

I am writing to you on behalf of the Order of King Guto, after reading in the Griffonstone Gazette that you have recovered the legendary jewelled goblet of His Majesty Guto the Great, and the current administration have requested it is returned. While we applaud the desire to return this ancient treasure to Griffonstone, we would like to alert you to fact that the rightful owners are the descendants of King Guto. Until such times as they can be traced, our order would be happy to act as a custodian. Our Order is a much respected group of retired Griffon military officers, committed to maintaining high standards of society, which have sadly lapsed since the fall of the monarchy.

We strongly urge you not to hand over any treasure to the current authorities in Griffonstone who are a corrupt group of feather-brained fools who cannot be trusted to keep such antiquities safe. Our solicitor has advised us that they have no legal right of ownership.

Yours sincerely

Garion von Guto

Dear A.K. Yearling

We heard that you have found the legendary Griffon goblet of King Guto and are looking to return it to Griffon ownership, but there is some uncertainty about who should keep it. We would to hold up a talon and offer to help. We are a group of Griffons resident in Cloudsdale. Although we are exiled from our homeland by economic circumstances, we are trying to preserve our griffon heritage and culture. We meet every week to discuss Griffon culture, and we have a study group reading “Bygone Griffons of Greatness”. We would be honoured to safeguard the Griffon Goblet along with our other heirlooms including a photograph of the Griffonstone team at the Equestria Games and a tea towel which Gertie brought back from a trip to Griffonstone. Please send it to

Adie the Griffon

Flat 22

Nimbus A

Strata 8

Cloudsdale

Tell the mail pony that if no one is in, they can leave it with Mrs Fogbow in flat 19.

Best regards
Adie the Griffon

Order of King Guto
Preserving the Rituals and
Memory of the Age of Kings

Garion von Guto
Master of the Order of King Guto
Regimental Tower
Griffonstone

Dear A.K. Yearling

It has been brought to our attention that a 'Griffon Culture Group’ in Cloudsdale is also making a claim of ownership on the Goblet of King Guto. We have investigated this group and found they are not griffons at all but a group of Pegasus teenagers who like to dress up in feathered hoods and wear artificial beaks and flap around pretending to be griffons. Needless to say this group have no right to claim any connection with His Majesty Guto the Great, and it would be irresponsible to offer any ancient Griffon antiquities to them.

Our solicitor has advised us that the legal situation regarding the ownership of antiquities under Griffon and Equestrian law is clear. Only the proven descendants of King Guto have a claim on ownership. All other parties are merely custodians, and this status comes with a legal responsibility to ensure such artefacts are only passed on to those with an equal or greater claim.

Yours sincerely

Garion von Guto

Dear A.K. Yearling

I was really upset to hear that some racist group in Griffonstone has been saying we are not proper Griffons! This is complete garbage. We know we are real griffons as we identify with griffon culture and any Griffon who says only those with genetic purity are real Griffons is just a neo fascist racist thug. Some of us have spent a lot of time studying griffon history and know a lot more about it than those stuck-up racial-purists in Griffonstone, and we have just as much right over the Griffons Goblet as they have.

Best regards

Adie the Griffon

Joe’s Doughnut Shop
42 Manefair
Canterlot

Best Doughnuts in Equestria

Dear A.K.

Exciting News! You don't have to write to the ambassador after all as I've now got a new job and this one is way better than my last one. The really funny thing is I actually have to thank the ambassador for this. It turned out all that fuss he was making about the Griffon's Goblet got reported in the newspapers back in Griffonstone. That made every griffon want to know about Daring Do and they were all asking for your books. So the publisher was desperately looking for someone who understood griffon administration AND Daring Do! Can you believe it? I got the job!

It's really cool. Everyone here is really super friendly and they let me dress how I want. But I now have some important work to do—I need to design a marketing strategy to sell the books to griffons. I was thinking we could have a special boxed set with a golden griffon figure. Then we can have a big launch party in Griffonstone. And maybe a Griffonstone Daring Do Convention next summer. Will you come along to it? Please say you will. This is going to be so awesome!!!

GFF*, your GFF§

* Glitzy Feather-Fluff
§ Griffon Friend Forever

P.S My new address is:

International Marketing (Griffonstone)
Random Horse Publications
Vanhoover Square
Canterlot

Princesses, Ponies, and Griffons

Princess Twilight Sparkle
Castle of Friendship
Ponyville

Dear A.K. Yearling

I wanted to share with you the news of an exciting Friendship Opportunity which has arisen thanks to one of your books. It seems that ‘Daring Do and the Griffon's Goblet’ has become a sudden bestseller in Griffonstone. And this has led to renewed interest in antiquities. Many Griffons think the Griffon's goblet is an actual artefact in one of the Canterlot or Manehattan museums, although there doesn't seem to be any agreement about exactly which artefact they are referring to.

This is an amazing opportunity as Celestia and I are going to find a suitable shiny jewelled antique griffon-made goblet from the Canterlot Castle vaults, and another pony-made one, which we can gift to griffons when we go to Griffonstone for the Friendship Summit. Although we might have to keep them in Canterlot until they build a museum to display them. I'm now getting quite excited about it—I've been preparing a talk about the history of Griffon metalwork, which they're sure to love! I'm just sorry that because of this, I will miss the Daring Do Convention.

Yours in friendship

Twilight Sparkle

Wonderbolt HQ
Precipice Plateau
Equestria

Dear A.K.

Just got this and had to share it with you
Your pal

Rainbow Dash

Dear Rainbow Dash

I just read the most amazing book. Daring Do and the Griffon's Goblet is awesome! I thought reading was just for egghead ponies, but this one's different. You have got to read it!

Your friend
Gilda

Wormbeak District Elementary School
Griffonstone

Dear A.K Yearling

I had to write to you to express my thanks to you for writing the Daring Do books. I am a class teacher at Wormbeak District Elementary School in Griffonstone. It is usually a frustrating experience trying to get young cubs to read anything. However following the release of Daring Do books, it is a struggle to get them to stop. Your adventure-filled tales clearly engage them. We have also had a very enjoyable class reading session, at the end of which the little cubs were begging me to keep reading and didn't want to go home. I attach a few of their comments.

Gratefully yours

Miss Gisou Gingerclaw

Dear A.K. Yearling
I love Daring Do. When are you going to come to Griffonstone?
Love Gizi

Dear Ms Yearling
My name is Gigi and I am 8 years old. I really like the book Daring Do and so do all the griffons in my class. I really like Ahuizotl who is like my little brother.

DEAR MS YEARLING
DARING DO AND THE GRIFFON’S GOBLET IS THE BEST BOOK EVER
GUSTAV

Dear A.K. Yearling
I have started writing a new Daring Do story. I will send it to you when it is finished. Can you make it into a book and send me the bits?
From Geza age 7

Foals, Fans, and Professors

Author's Note

Image Credits:
Derpy the Mailmare
Cloud
Daring Do
Daring Do Cutie Mark