“Hey, babe. Ready to go?” asked Rainbow Dash, smiling as Applejack flopped into the passenger seat of the car. Immediately, both girls brought a finger up to their cheek, with Applejack being just a little bit faster.
“Pucker up,” she said, grinning slightly. With a roll of her eyes, Rainbow leaned over and pecked Applejack on the cheek. Their ritual over, Applejack returned the affection, then kicked her feet up on the dash.
“Has it ever occurred to you that I let you win on purpose?” asked Rainbow, putting her vehicle into drive and pressing down on the gas. Soon, they left Applejack’s house behind, with plans to head over to Pinkies after securing some food.
“Sure. But then Ah realized sumthin,” said Applejack with a shrug.
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“If that were the case, that’d mean ya love givin me little smooches.” Much to Applejack’s pleasure, Rainbow blushed. “Ah don’t mind yer lovey-dovey side, Dash. Just never knew ya had it in you.” Immediately, Rainbow Dash attempted to prove her girlfriend wrong.
“How romantic could I possibly be? Look at how cheap I am!” exclaimed Dash. “Three days from our anniversary and I’m taking you to Taco Bell!”
“Awww. You remembered our anniversary?” Applejack grinned sinisterly. “How sweet of ya, sugarcube! Ah thought fer sure you’d forget.”
“Son of a bitch…”
Though Rainbow Dash seemed a bit miffed, she actually didn’t mind at all. She was glad that her friendship hadn’t changed much since they started dating almost a year ago. They still teased each other and flirted like before. Things were just like they used to be, except with a lot more making out. Neither girl found it in them to complain about that.
Soon enough, the two arrived in the parking lot of the tastiest Mexican restaurant that comfortably fell into Rainbow’s budget of “damn near nothing”. Again, Applejack didn’t mind. What Rainbow lacked in capital, she made up for with looks, charm, and French kissing skills.
“You wanna head in?” asked Rainbow. “Or you wanna just use the drive-thru?”
“Ah like to see the person Ah’m talking to,” said Applejack. Rainbow nodded, then went to find suitable parking. When she had her spot secured, she stepped out of the car, going out of her way to open Applejack’s door and help her out of the vehicle. Applejack rolled her eyes at the unnecessary display of chivalry, then broke into a smile. When Rainbow wasn’t being loud, brash, stubborn, and obnoxious, she was actually the perfect gentleman.
Hand in hand, the two stepped into the restaurant. It wasn’t as busy as they'd ever seen, but a line of two customers were still present. After making themselves the third addition to the line, the two scanned the menu to decide what they wanted.
“Who else is gonna be at Pinkie’s?” asked Rainbow, wrapping her arm around Applejack’s waist.
“Just her and Sunny, as far as Ah know. Everyone else is busy,” said Applejack with a shrug. As they spoke, the cashier finished an order and moved on to the next customer. “It's all cool, though. Sometimes, a smaller group is nice.”
“Right,” agreed Rainbow. “I was kinda hoping Princess Twilight would show up. It's been too long since she's been around. Seriously, next time I see her, I'm gonna give her piece of my—”
“$2.65 is your change.”
Immediately, Rainbow Dash froze in place, her mouth half-open in the middle of her sentence. She let go of Applejack, then leaned to the side to see the front of the line, just to confirm her fears.
“Aw, shit,” mumbled Rainbow. Applejack picked up on her date’s discomfort, and looked to see whatever it is that made Dash react that way. She didn’t see anything too out of the ordinary; The lone cashier seemed normal, if a bit tired behind the eyes. Her pale blue skin reminded her a little of Rainbow, as did her thin, toned body. The bit of her hair that Applejack could see from behind her Taco Bell visor was spiky and golden. Her eyes, though half-closed and absolutely exhausted, were bright gold and still shined with a certain smarminess. All in all, she seemed very similar to the girl Applejack was standing right next to.
“What’s the matter, Dashie?” asked Applejack. “You good?”
“Y-yeah,” lied Rainbow. “Y’know what? Tacos are overrated. Let’s go get some pizza instead? I know a place down the block that—”
“May I help whoever is next in line?”
“Shit.” Rainbow cleared her throat, then stepped forward to the front counter. She looked about everywhere but the cashier. Applejack leaned in a bit to read the girl’s name tag. It read “Lightning Dust”, which sounded vaguely familiar to Applejack.
“What can I do for you today?” asked Lightning Dust flatly.
Rainbow stood silent for nearly a full minute before Applejack elbowed her in the ribs.
“Uh… Sorry. Can I get a Triple Double Crunchwrap box, and two steak flatbreads,” said Rainbow slowly. “Hold the chipotle sauce.”
“Would you like that Crunchwrap spicy or regular?”
“Spicy.”
“That’ll be $8.54,” said Lightning Dust. Rainbow stared for another few seconds, then handed Lightning Dash a $10 bill. “And $1.46 is your change.” She handed the money back to Rainbow, as well as a receipt. Then, Lightning turned around and passed Dash a cup to fill with her drink of choice.
Rainbow immediately rushed over to the soda fountain, then became strangely fascinated with her Mountain Dew. Applejack stood by her side, waiting for an explanation. When she didn’t get one, she voiced her concerns.
“Wanna tell me what just went down?” asked Applejack. “Who’s the chick at the counter?”
“Uh… That’s just Lightning Dust,” said Rainbow, a visible sheen of sweat dripping down her face.
“Ah noticed. Who is she?”
“She goes to CHS. You might’ve seen her in the halls or something,” said Rainbow. Applejack squeezed Rainbow’s arm firmly, glaring at her with enough force to crack stone. “Alright, alright, you got me. She’s… She’s the girl I dated before you.”
“Oh. Alrighty then,” said Applejack, releasing her girlfriend. “No biggie.”
“Maybe not to you,” sighed Rainbow. “That was awkward as hell. Oh god, I’m having war flashbacks to our time together.”
“What? Bad relationship?”
“It was great! That’s why it’s so bad.” Dash slurped as much of her tooth-decaying, diabetes-inducing soda as possible in one gulp. “When she dumped me, I—”
“You got dumped?”
“Shut up. When she dumped me, I told her I’d never get over her,” groaned Dash. “I told her that I would keep hitting on her until she took me back, and there was never gonna be another girl for me. Now, she’s seeing me here with you…”
“A might awkward, yeah. Ah see how y’all can be nervous about seein her,” said Applejack with a knowing nod. “Why’d she dump ya?”
“That is not a story I’m ready to tell right now.”
“Order for Rainbow Dash,” called Lightning Dust, her voice still flat and monotonous, as if she hated her life and everyone who contributed to her birth. Rainbow groaned, then made her way back to the counter. She tried to grab her bag from the counter but was stopped when Lightning got her hands around it first. Slowly, keeping eye contact with Dash the whole time, she raised a fist full of Diablo hot sauce packets, then slowly dropped them into Rainbow’s bag.
“Enjoy your date,” said Lightning dryly. “Be sure to show her a good time, okay?”
Rainbow just about died as she slowly trudged forward, practically falling into Applejack’s arms.
“What was that about?” asked Applejack.
“I’m not telling you,” said Rainbow.
“Now you’ve got to tell us,” said Sunset, lounging on Pinkie’s bed. Applejack and Pinkie murmured their agreement, each of them lying to either side of Rainbow on the floor. The girl in question refused to look at any of her friends, instead staring directly at Pinkie’s hot pink carpet while nibbling on her super-spicy crunchwrap.
“No.” Dash’s voice was scarcely higher than a whisper. “I don’t wanna talk about it. Too embarrassing.”
“Please, Dash. We all have embarrassing stories about our exes,” said Sunset. “It can’t be that bad.”
“If you only knew…”
“We would if you just told us!” exclaimed Pinkie. “C’mon, Dashie! We wanna know! What happened with you and Dusty?!”
Rainbow’s eyes narrowed, and she involuntarily convulsed.
“Don’t call her Dusty,” said Rainbow flatly. Fed up, Applejack groaned and rolled her eyes before wiggling over and laying her head on Rainbow’s lap. Rainbow had to set her food down to avoid dripping jalapeno juice onto Applejack’s face.
“Listen up, Dash. Ah wanna know what the hell is so embarrassing about running into Lightning Dust, in case Ah gotta kick some ass fer ya,” said Applejack. “So y’all better spill it before Ah go ask her mahself.”
“We’ll tell our stories first if it makes you feel better,” said Sunset. “I never told you guys how I broke up with Flash, did I?”
“I thought he broke up with you,” said Rainbow.
“Yeah, that’s probably the story I’d tell if I were him. He was so head-over-heels for me that he saw past all my problems and flaws, he was totally in love with me, he’d die before he let me out of his grasp, et cetera.” Sunset smiled darkly. “Then, I told him that I had squeezed all the popularity I could out of him and that he was no longer useful to me. Mind you, that was back when I was an awful person, but even then it was awkward.”
“That’s not that bad,” mumbled Rainbow.
“Did I mention that he ended up being my chemistry partner for the year?”
“Ouch. Mah turn,” said Applejack. She sat up straight, clearing her throat with a little cough. “Mah first breakup was when Ah was still tryin out boys in the 8th grade. Nice enough guy, don’t really remember his name, but he was nice enough ta me. Then, he asked me to go skating.”
“What’s wrong with that?” asked Pinkie.
“Ah never really got talked to about dating or nothing as a girl. The little bit of information Ah did get came in the form of Granny’s crazy metaphors. Granny taught me that boys would try to take me out ‘skatin’, but they actually wanted in mah pants.” Applejack chuckled nervously. “Beat that poor kid’s ass. Never explained why, just kicked his teeth in and kept yellin ‘Ah ain’t no whore!’. Felt dumber than a bag of hammers when Rarity explained the whole thing to me.”
“Are you frigging serious?” asked Rainbow. “Sunset’s story was bad, sure, but she was a bitch at the time, so who cares? Yours actually made you look kinda badass, and, somehow, even hotter! You know how I feel about girls who can kick ass!”
“Ah beat up a boy cause he wanted to take me out for a fun night,” said Applejack flatly. “If that ain’t the most embarrassing thing Ah’ve ever done… Anyway, maybe Pinkie will make ya feel better.”
Attention shifted to Pinkie, who was suddenly slurping loudly on a Big Gulp Slurpee that she procured from apparently nowhere. The three stared at Pinkie for a solid two minutes as she finished her drink, then stowed her cup in her hair, a disappointed frown etched onto her normally always-smiling face.
“Darn. I was hoping you guys would get tired of waiting for me to finish that gag,” said Pinkie sullenly. Her frown evaporated, replaced with her typical good-natured grin. “But, it’s time for my story! I was giving the guy one of my world-famous Pinkie Pie BJs, and—”
“Pinks, we’ve talked about this,” said Sunset. “Putting the phrase ‘world-famous’ in front of a word doesn’t actually make it world-famous. It doesn’t even necessarily make it good. Matter of fact, the way you said that makes you seem like a huge slut.”
“No offense, but, uh… Duh. Have you met Pinkie Pie?” asked Applejack. “She’ll put out on the first date if they ask nicely.” Pinkie shrugged, rolling her eyes in a way that made it clear that she didn’t understand all the fuss.
“Well, duh,” she said. “If he asks nicely… Anyway, I was all ready to blow his mind! In more ways than one, if you know what I’m saying.” She nudged Rainbow with her elbow, then made a fist and brought it to the side of her mouth, simultaneously puffing out the opposite cheek. “Geddit? Cause I was sucking his dick.”
“Got it, thanks,” said Rainbow. Pinkie beamed, then picked up on her story right where she left off.
“I had on my nice top, I had my hair tied back, I had my earbuds in—” This time, Sunset was the one to cut in.
“You listen to music while giving head?” asked Sunset.
“Helps me with rhythm. Whatever, that part’s not important. What’s important is that I really, really, really liked the guy, so I wanted to make sure I gave him all I had. I got really excited and, after he finished… I just kept going. For like, two hours.”
Rainbow, Sunset, and Applejack all stared at their friend as if concerned for her mental state. After a few moments of stunned silence, Pinkie brought her fist up and resumed pantomiming fellatio.
“Uh… Why?” asked Sunset.
“Well, I normally listen to Darude- Sandstorm and they’re done,” said Pinkie, still giving her invisible blowjob. “But someone switched my playlist so that it played my ten-hour loop. Only reason I stopped at all is cause he started crying louder than my music.”
“Jesus. Dash, I wanna apologize for that,” said Sunset. “I did not expect for that to be said. Guess that’s what I get for trying to predict Pinkie Pie.”
Rainbow fell flat on her back. Despite still wanting to die a little bit, her friends had managed to make things seem a bit less terrible. With a tired sigh, Rainbow covered her face with her palms.
“You guys know how I eat basically everything with hot sauce?” asked Rainbow.
“You ‘accidentally’ drank half of my sriracha last week,” said Sunset, a small grin on her face. “Some like it hot, so what?”
“So, one night, I was eating…”
Some time ago…
Rainbow Dash sat on her couch, chewing on buffalo wings and waiting for Lightning Dust to return from the bathroom. Rainbow thought she must’ve been the luckiest girl in the world. What are the odds that she’d find a hot, fun, athletic chick that was just like her in almost every way? Rainbow couldn’t wait to show Lightning off to her friends, but she decided to hold off until she could get them all together.
Rainbow Dash, the chicken wing-eating machine that she is, finished off what must’ve been her twentieth wing, and she still had room for more. Sure, her stomach was starting to burn a bit, and her fingers were absolutely coated in spicy sauce, but she didn’t care. What she cared about was her task.
For the last three weeks, Rainbow had been not-so-subtly trying to hook up with her girlfriend, who consistently shot her down. Lightning Dust just kept assuring Rainbow that she'd “get it when I'm good and ready”.
“Maybe flowers?” Rainbow muttered to herself. She set down her wings, laid herself out on the couch, and grabbed her Dr. Pepper. “Girls like flowers, right?”
So focused was she with trying to find a way into Lightning Dust’s pants was Rainbow that she didn’t notice the sound of Lightning Dust sliding down the banister. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she crossed over to the couch and dropped down in front of it, throwing her head back onto Rainbow’s stomach. It was silent for a few seconds, then Lightning decided to ignore the TV and lock eyes with Rainbow.
“What’re you thinking about?” asked Lightning. Rainbow tried to decide if that was a test of some sort.
“Uh… Just thinking about us,” said Rainbow evasively.
“You’re a bad liar.”
“Okay, okay, fine. I’m thinking about you. And me, I guess. I guess that is ‘us’, I guess.”
“Dashie, if you say ‘guess’ again, I’m going to punch you,” said Lightning Dust, only half joking.
“Sorry. It’s just… I like you a lot, Dustie,” said Rainbow. “Like, a lot. And it’s kinda frustrating that you don’t seem to feel the same.”
“What makes you think that I don’t?” Lightning turned to face Rainbow, then poked her belly. “I wouldn’t keep you around if I didn’t like you.”
“Well… You never wanna fool around or anything.” Rainbow saw Lightning’s eyebrow raise and sought to immediately correct herself. “Which is fine. I don’t wanna force you to do anything you don’t want to.”
“Don’t worry. You can’t.”
“Right. But still. What is it? Am I not hot enough for you?” Rainbow laughed slightly to herself. “Nah, that’s not it, is it? What are we waiting for?” To Rainbow’s surprise, Lightning started to laugh. She got up, then slowly began take off her shirt. “Uh… What’re you doing?”
“You wanted to fool around, so let’s fool,” said Lightning. “I was waiting for you to just ask instead of trying to be smooth and hitting on me.”
“Are you frigging serious?!”
“Yup. So, you gonna finger me or what?” Nodding madly, Rainbow got to work undressing Lightning Dust as quickly as possible.
Rainbow simply wasn’t thinking. She was just really excited to finally be getting to the promised land that she just moved. She gave very little thought to what she had been doing just before Lightning Dust came back.
She forgot that her fingers were coated with copious amounts of rather spicy buffalo sauce.
“Ow! Son of a bitch, that burns!”
“Wow. Seriously?” asked Sunset. Rainbow Dash nodded sadly.
“They were ghost pepper wings, too…” sighed Rainbow. She nibbled on what remained of her meal. “She was so pissed at me…”
“Damn, Dashie. Y’all was right to be uncomfortable,” said Applejack. “That’s awkward as hell.”
“She gave me hot sauce!” groaned Rainbow. “And I ate it! Oh, why won’t she let it go? Just get over it so I can forget about and then we never have to talk to each other again.”
“Or…” said Pinkie, pulling her phone from her hair. “You could just talk to her. You never apologized, did you?”
“Yeah, Pinks, I’ll just call her. No way that’ll get weird.” Rainbow mimed a phone with her hand and put it to her ear. “Hey, Lightning Dust, it’s Rainbow. I know we haven’t spoken in ages, but remember when I turned your girl bits into a stage five forest fire? Yeah, well, my bad!” She dropped her “phone”, her expression flat and unamused. “That shit’s not gonna fly, Pinks.”
“Dashie, stop being dramatic. Just call the girl,” said Applejack. Now that she knew what was happening, she could be the mature one and help Rainbow to get over her issues. “Ah promise, you’ll live. Plus, Lightning Dust is probably as embarrassed about the whole thing as you are. You’ll feel better if ya call her.”
“Will I? Cause I think I’ll probably die horrifically and I really don’t wanna do that on Pinkie’s floor.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” said Pinkie obliviously. “It wouldn’t be the first time, and my parents have the horrific floor death insurance.” Everyone looked at Pinkie, who rolled her eyes. “That was a joke. Geez, not every weird thing I say is supposed to be taken seriously.”
“Right. Well, I say call her,” said Sunset. “You don’t want this to fester any more than it already has.” Rainbow whined quietly, which said to Applejack that she needed a hug.
“C’mon now, sugarcube,” said Applejack, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend. “Ah’m right here with you.” Rainbow sighed, then kissed Applejack.
“Fine. I’ll call her,” muttered Rainbow. Pinkie tossed her the phone, which Rainbow caught easily. She dialed the number, then locked eyes with Applejack one more time.
Applejack looked as though she had just stepped out of a sauna. Her face was reddening at an alarming rate, her eyes were welling with tears, and her breathing was becoming labored. She looked as if she were about to start speaking, but she devolved into a coughing fit before she could get the words out.
“You alright?” asked Rainbow.
“That taco or whatever,” coughed Applejack. “Tha hell was in it?”
“Beef, cheese, tomatoes, sour cream,” listed Rainbow. “Lettuce, I think. Oh.” Her face paled slightly. “Jalapenos and Diablo sauce.”
“You used the sauce she gave you?!”
“Yeah. It’s really good.”
“What’s happening?” asked Sunset. “We’re confused.”
“Dash kissed me with all that spicy shit on her lips,” grumbled AJ. She tried to fight off the pain, but it was growing to unbearable levels. “Goddamn it, how many of those damn packets did ya put?!”
“Uh…” Rainbow peered into her bag. “All of them?”
“Ow! Son of a bitch, that burns!”
