Author's Note
The main body of this story takes place immediately before No Second Prances; the epilogue occurs during it.
Only Chapter
I’ve made my decision.
I’m doing it. Please don’t try and save me. I’m a lost cause. I don’t want to bring you any more trouble than I already have.
Goodbye, Twilight Sparkle.
Or should I say… goodnight.
Sincerely,
Trixie
The unicorn mare sighed softly as she gently laid the quill on her dressing table and released her magic's hold on it. Celestia only knew what had compelled her to come back to her wagon to write this addendum to her letter, especially since she was over halfway to Twilight's castle when it did. Was it some extra assurance that Twilight wouldn't stop her? That seemed unlikely; at this late hour, if the Princess of Friendship wasn't asleep, she was probably so deeply engrossed in a book that she was oblivious to the rest of Equestria's existence. Perhaps it was some last, desperate flash of self-preservation instinct hoping she'd stop herself... possible, but it wouldn't work. As she'd just written, her decision was made: deliver the letter, come back, then one little click and she'd never hurt anypony else again.
She had just finished a quick heating spell to dry the ink when a knock came at her door. "What in...?" she thought aloud; she never got visitors at stupid o'clock at night... in fact, she never got visitors, period. She turned herself around as best she could - the inside of her wagon was a bit cramped - and opened the door to find a light gray earth pony stallion on her steps. His mane and tail were the deep brown of dark chocolate, and his eyes were so dark of a blue that at first glance, especially in this light, he appeared to have no irises at all.
"Hiya, Trixie," he grinned. "I saw the light on, so..."
Trixie realized she'd seen him before, through the tour circuit, though she'd never actually talked to him. He was a show-pony, like her, though his act was silly rewrites of existing songs. She'd also heard his name more than a few times. "What do you want, Parody?" she huffed.
"A million bits and a date with Princess Luna would be a nice start," the grin turned into a smirk. That was his way, from what Trixie had heard; he always had some joke or wisecrack for any situation. A small part of her wondered if he'd have one for her situation.
"The Great and Powerful Trixie does not have time for your silliness," the unicorn said imperiously. "I have just completed an addition to a very important letter to Twilight Sparkle, and I must deliver it."
Parody looked genuinely surprised. "As in Princess Twilight Sparkle? The Princess of Friendship? I'd heard she lived somewhere in this area, but..."
"That is her castle, right over there," Trixie told him, motioning with her head toward the large structure on the edge of town and maintaining her superior tone.
"Talk about friends in high places," Parody's smirk returned, but it didn't last. His comment had struck a nerve in Trixie, and apparently she didn't hide it well enough. "That where you were going earlier?"
Trixie thought she'd heard some of the smarmy tone leave the earth pony's voice, but she ignored it. "The Great and Powerful Trixie has no idea what you're talking about."
"Right," the smirk was back again, now advanced to a completely sarcastic expression. "You don't know what I mean, your name's not Trixie Lulamoon, and I'm an alicorn." As she tilted her head back slightly to stare down her muzzle at him, he sighed, his features softening. "Look, I saw you heading over there, and I saw you coming back. That's the whole reason I came over here: I'm very familiar with the look of a pony who could use a friend to talk to..." he shrugged and continued. "I see it in the mirror all the time."
"Now you are being ridiculous," she let her tone ease, but only slightly; she hadn't yet made up her mind if he was mocking her or not. "First of all, ponies from here to the Crystal Empire think your little song rewrites are hilarious; you can't stand there and tell me..."
"That the clown sometimes needs somepony to cheer him up?" Parody interrupted, arching one eyebrow. He had a valid point and Trixie knew it, but she wasn't ready to give in just yet.
"Secondly," she continued, "I'd hardly call us 'friends'; we've never said one word to each other before now".
Parody shrugged. "Never had an excuse to before now... which roughly translates to 'never had the guts to try before now' from Parodese." He gave her a slight smirk, but it was more sad than sarcastic. "I'm not so great at the whole 'making friends' thing, especially with mares; last few times I tried, I somehow ended up dating them..." a small, humorless chuckle escaped him, "with disastrous results".
It was Trixie's turn to smirk at him. "Oh, please; every time we've been in the same town on a tour, I've always seen you surrounded by..."
"Fans," the stallion cut her off, "not friends; you know there's a difference as well as I do". He could tell by her expression that he was right on the last point. "I can count the number of honest-to-goodness friends I have on one hoof..." he sighed, turning his eyes down and to the side. "Actually, I don't even need that."
"Zero is the number of friends I deserve," thought Trixie, looking away also. A surprised "Huh?" from her guest made her realize she'd also said it aloud. She returned her gaze to him to find an expression mixing confusion and... is that what concern looks like on a pony's face? She'd never seen it before, to her memory, at least not directed toward her. Guilt forced her to look away again. "You don't know what I've done..."
"I know the rumors I've heard," he absently scratched behind his head with one forehoof, "something about an Ursa Minor and a dark magic amulet that turned you into a raging, phenomenal..."
"Not helping, Parody," Trixie deadpanned.
"Heh, sorry," was Trixie imagining things, or was the pony comedian starting to blush? "Told'ja I'm not very good at this; you know if Princess Twilight gives lessons?" She could tell he was trying to get some semblance of a smile from her, but he went the wrong direction.
"I wouldn't know, I wouldn't exactly call her a friend, either." The periwinkle unicorn couldn't bring herself to meet the gray earth pony's gaze. "I guess the closest you can get to describing my relationship with her is 'rival', but that's way off, too; it gives the impression that she's not insanely beyond my league."
"Well, why were you writing her, then?" He tried to make it clear in his tone that he wasn't being accusatory; he was simply curious.
"How did you hear these rumors about me?" asked Trixie, less to learn the answer to her question and more to avoid answering his. She fully expected him to come back with "I asked you first" and was prepared to draw it out if needed.
Parody surprised her. "I asked around," he said simply. "Lots of ponies were glad to tell me about it, especially here in Ponyville."
"Well, the rumors are true," she snapped, though her venom was aimed more at herself than him, "so I wouldn't blame you one bit if you decide I'm not worth continuing this conversation with".
He bit back his initial response and decided to take a different route. "So, everything everypony has said about that is true?" He hoped that she wouldn't catch the sly undertone in his voice.
"Every bit," she told him.
"Including the part about neither incident being your fault?" Trixie stared at him, dumbstruck. "Every single pony I asked, particularly here, made a point to let me know that it was two nitwit fancolts who stirred up the Ursa, not you."
"The Alicorn Amulet was my fault," she sighed, hanging her head. "I was so jealous of Twilight for showing me up with the Ursa..."
"You were jealous of being outdone by an alicorn?" the stallion's look bordered on incredulous, but wasn't quite there.
"She wasn't an alicorn yet at the time," the mare clarified.
"Oh, just the Element of Magic," Parody quipped.
"That's not the point," when Trixie snapped this time, it was simply out of frustration. "I spent nearly a year searching Equestria for something to make me powerful enough to get even with her. If it hadn't been the Alicorn Amulet, it would've been something else."
"Ah, I see," Parody nodded, "and did you know the amulet would warp your thoughts and give you the personality of a she-demon?"
"Well, no," Trixie admitted sheepishly.
Parody nodded again. "Did you not then try to make amends by providing fireworks for the party welcoming the dignitaries from... where was it again?"
"Saddle Arabia," she reminded him. "It was the least I could do..." she sighed. "Let's face it: it was all I could do."
"The point is you did something." He gently put one hoof under her chin and lifted her face to look him in the eye. "You didn't just sweep it under the rug or keep plotting revenge; you felt genuinely sorry for the problems and tried to make up for them as best you could." The small grin he gave her was as much in his eyes as on his lips. "That tells me there's a good pony in there somewhere."
A slight chuckle blew through Trixie's nostrils, completely devoid of humor. "Either that, or you're crazy."
The earth pony straightened his neck to stand taller. "My dear, everypony in the entertainment field is crazy in one way or another," he said as if beginning a lecture. "Sapphire Shores is an obsessive perfectionist, A.K. Yearling's an antisocial recluse, Countess Coloratura had so many self-image issues her manager made more of her decisions than she did, at least 'til she fired him," he lowered his head, twisting his neck slightly to bring himself nose-to-nose with the mare, "and you, Miss Lulamoon, present yourself as an egomaniac when you actually have two types of persecution complex: the traditional sort where you think everyone hates you and they don't, and a more insidious variety where you don't need anypony else to hate you; you do a remarkable job of that yourself".
"And what about the Great and Comical Parody?" Despite herself, Trixie could feel the first shadows of a grin coming into her features.
Parody assumed a relaxed pose. "Borderline bipolar leaning to the manic side," he said nonchalantly, "plus a touch of schizophrenia; I talk to ponies that aren't there from time to time". He leaned forward, as if to share some great secret. "When I'm around tour promoters, it's the only way I can have an intelligent conversation," he added with a wink.
Trixie laughed; it was the first pure, heartfelt laugh she'd had in... longer than she could remember. When it subsided, her smile remained, but it was bittersweet. There was still a part of her mind wondering if it was too late. She decided to go for broke. "You really want to know why I was writing Twilight?"
Parody shrugged. "If you wanna tell me; your call."
"I'd rather show you." She looked over her shoulder, then guided the floating letter from her dressing table to his waiting hoof. His eyes grew wider as they scanned each line.
"Sweet Celestia," he choked; the look he gave her as he raised his head from the parchment was as pleading as his tone. "Tell me you're not serious..." Instead of answering, she lead his gaze over her shoulder again, back to her dressing table. A drawer at the bottom slid open, then a revolver hovered out of it and settled on the tabletop.
Parody's mind was in overdrive; luckily, that was the speed it worked best at. "Look, I know you don't owe me anything..."
"Wrong, I owe you more than you'll ever realize," part of Trixie's mind told him silently, though another part still denied it.
"... but I wanna make a deal with you," he went on. "You let me hold on to that for tonight," he nodded toward the gun. "I hear there's an awesome spa here in Ponyville; best treatment this side of Canterlot, they say. Tomorrow morning, go get yourself the works, really let 'em pamper you. When you're done, bring me the receipt at the inn just off town square, and I'll give you back every bit you spend on it, and the gun. If you still wanna use it..." he looked down and sighed, then back to her with a sheepish grin. "Well, you'll know at least one pony will show up... and will definitely be crying."
"You'd do that?" Trixie could barely get the words past the sudden lump in her throat.
Parody shrugged with a lopsided grin. "What's a few bits? I can spare..."
"Not that," she stopped him. She looked directly into his eyes as her own started to well with tears. "You'd... cry... for me?"
Neither of them were quite sure if the next sound he made was a chuckle, a sob, or some strange mix of the two. "Tryin' not to now..."
The unicorn looked over her shoulder again, to the gun, then back to the earth pony before her. Maybe he wasn't the first pony to show her real kindness, even recently, but he was certainly the first to be so blatant about it that she couldn't blind herself to it. "Deal."
EPILOGUE
Parody paced the room he'd rented. He didn't need to be in Las Pegasus until the following week, so he'd intended to hang around for a day or two, at least at first, then the previous night happened. He could tell when he saw her that the unicorn was pretty down, but suicidal...
He was hoping the fact that it was past noon and he hadn't heard back from Trixie yet was a good sign. He had every intention of paying her back for her spa treatment; he'd even give her back the gun, if she insisted. He tried not to think about the possibility that she'd simply found some other method after he'd left. There was a pretty high cliff in the area...
He was still shaking his head to get that thought out when someone knocked on his door. His smile was as much relief as pleasure upon seeing the mare on the other side. "Hi, Trixie," he opened the door a little wider. "C'mon in and I'll find my saddlebag. What do I owe ya?"
"I can't stay," Trixie shook her head, though she was grinning. "I just stopped by to say you can keep your money..." her grin grew wider, "and the other thing. Turns out somepony else at the spa has been through a lot of the same things I have; she and I got to talking and really hit it off."
Trixie looked behind her and waved, and another unicorn stepped forward. This one was shades of purple with a near-white stripe through her mane and tail. "This is my new friend, Starlight Glimmer; Starlight..." her next words brought a feeling of pride to the earth pony's heart like he'd never felt before. "This is Parody... my old friend."