Cowardice

Looking more bedraggled than ever, Astral Haze trudged through the lonely and desolate paths between trench lines, flanked by the huge oppressive walls of the long ditch he now called home. He felt somewhat melancholic as he trotted. The brightness of the early morning sun in the cloudless sky cast a dazzling array of colours all over his surroundings, which contrasted sharply with their very purpose, which was anything but bright. He couldn’t help but feel quite mixed emotions about it all.

On top of that, he was still turning his previous episode over in his mind. Did he mean to do that? The bloody mess of a face still sat over his vision, the work of his magic and no one else’s. He could still see her cheekbones, smashed to pieces and out of place under her skin. He could still see her fractured eye socket, malformed and pulpy. Moreover, he could still see the moment before all that. The moment she raised her hooves and called out in surrender.

It still made him shudder, just the thought that he did such a thing.

To his relief, everything was mostly silent. The sounds of battle didn’t seem to be ringing. He figured that a temporary no fire policy must have been enacted. For the first time in two days, which now seemed like months, he heard birds chirping. He relished the sound, slowing down his pace to relax and listen. The birdsong seemed to wash away a slight portion of the stress he was undergoing, giving him something normal, something regular to latch onto.

He kept trotting, on and on and on, past rudimentary signposts, and other trenches, filled with ponies doing their best to wind down slightly for the cease fire.

The mud was beginning to irritate him. It sank through his boots and was beginning to make tender his already worn hooves. In that instance it seemed as though it would be a day of ups and downs, and he wasn’t wrong.

By midday he had managed to find the front. Without the slow marching of a battalion, his journey had been fairly quick. He both glad of that fact and scared of it. He hadn’t spent inordinate amount of walking time, but he was still at the fore front of where the killing would be taking place.

Now he just had to walk along the front to find his unit. Haze sighed to himself. Walking seemed like it was going to be one of those things he would have to put up with. Continuing on, he arrived at his unit’s position within a few minutes. He had a little of the way memorised from entering the first time.

Upon seeing him, Coal was the first to come running. His movement was awkward, as his hooves stuck in the mud as he ran, shimmying slightly to stay balanced. The brown, fuzzy pony came to a halt and looked Haze up and down. Once satisfied he was physically fine, he rested a hoof on his shoulder. Haze found this somewhat annoying, ignoring the fact he would have been fine if it was that doctor mare, but tried to hide it.

“Haze, man, are you okay? As in, up here?”

Coal raised a hoof to his head and tapped it.

“I think so. The doctor that saw me gave me the all clear.”

“Aaah, her.” Coal said with a mischievous tone in his voice.

“What, you know he-”

“I took you up there, I insisted to Sergeant Shaft. She’s a beauty in’t she?”

Haze smirked, then his face contorted.

“Sergeant Shaft? Why him? We’re Merlot’s unit.”

“Oh right, you weren’t there because you were slugging it out with that armoured mare.”

“What happened? Spit it out!”

“He got blown to bits by one of those cannons while we were retreating. There’s a few stallions still picking up the pieces.”

“Honestly?”

“No joke. If you ask me, I think he deserved it.”

“Maybe...”

“Well, Shaft’s our new leader, and I’m thankful for it. Merlot was an incompetent arsehole.”

“I can agree with you more on that point.”

“Anyway, let’s shift and head back to the others.”

“Right.”

Haze looked at the stallion in front of him as he trotted over to the larger group of soldiers, sitting in recovery from the previous night. He watched the slightly effeminate swagger in his trot, and took in his grin, which fell somewhere between cocky and optimistic. Now that he thought about, Haze could see the two of them becoming friends, a sentiment he had garnered for very few people. He actually enjoyed talking to him.

As they stood in comfortable, restful silence, his thought turned back to Canterlot once more. How the war came to be, in the bowels of the city’s political scene, to be exact. He could see the headlines as though in fresh print behind his mind’s eye.

‘GENERALS STORM FROM HEAD OFFICE IN FURY’

‘CELESTIA IN ROW WITH MILITARY’

‘COUPS RUMOURS IN MILITARY ESTABLISHMENT’

The newspapers had hype flying thick and fast about a year previous, over a political quarrel between the princesses, their generals and their advisors. Border disputes had been bitterly argued over and public policy had been hotly debated. Differing attitudes created the basis for conflict, and what could only be seen as the ignorance and naivety of the military figures of Equestria only ignited the problem. The generals were then seen storming out of said political office and into their private carriages. From there they travelled north and began establishing a network of control among the lands of snow, and frigid villages. With false promises of more wealth and food, as well as coercion from troops loyal to them, they began to raise an army.

The rest could be seen before his own eyes. The deadlock of a bloody civil war was evident all around.

Coal, lay across the ground, not particularly caring about the mud. He was stretched and relaxed, calm in the mid day quiet.

“Lunch should be coming past soon.” He said, matter of factly.

Everypony around shrugged and cocked their heads in slightly confused agreement and readied their tins for the daily ladle of porridge and sandwich. He looked up at the reaction he had garnered and grinned.

“I happen to keep a handle on the time, unlike you idiots.” He jested.

“You keep telling us that, but I’m pretty sure you’re illiterate.” Haze chipped in.

He had confused himself with that one. He never bantered with ponies, ever, though this felt different. He felt relaxed, comfortable even. To an extent it was helping him take his mind off that mare he killed, though he wasn’t going to forget that any time soon.

“Ohoho! The posh cunt said a fancy word!” Came a shout from a stocky pony to Haze’s right. The utterance had no joking tone, and seemed to come from annoyance.

“Yeah. I can say more-”

Coal quickly got to his hooves and stepped between the two.

“He is posh, I know, but he’s not a half bad stallion. He was just joking, I’m not quite sure he understands how we feel. Alright?”

The angered troop stepped back and sat against the trench wall, silently fuming.

Conversation petered out from there, and all were silent when their meal came past, aside from a few words of thanks.

After that, the day drained away, wasted. Nothing was done, and little was said. Useless moment after useless moment went by until Princess Luna began to raise the moon. The coolness of night began to settle over the small company, and the darkness provided a little restful comfort.

Coal and Haze now sat beside each other, simply basking in the moonlight. Haze tilted his head slightly and opened his mouth, but then decided against it.

As if sensing this, Coal began to speak himself.

“You know that mare you mashed?”

Haze’s breath caught in his throat, and his mouth suddenly became as dry as sandpaper.

“Yeah...”

“I forgot to say earlier, but she was taken off to a field hospital way back past the front lines.”

Haze’s eyes widened, and he suddenly became very alert.

“She’s alive?”

“Surprisingly. You did quite a number on her.”

His guilt suddenly multiplied tenfold, as though someone were piling lead weight into his stomach.

“I don’t know what to think.”

“Can’t help you there buddy.”

Haze began to shake again. It was the same as that morning, having to fight that gut feeling to cry in guilt and self pity. He knew he should be upset for her, despite what she had tried to do, but he could only manage to be upset for himself. Unsurprisingly, this fact made him cry more.

Coal put a hoof around his shoulder, not knowing quite how Haze felt, but sympathising none the less. Haze took a little comfort in knowing that now, he had a friend. He had never truly had one before, and it assuaged some of his feelings. However, it didn't stop him from crying himself to sleep.