Breathe in.
The smile was small and demure, and unlike any Rarity remembered seeing on Pinkies face. The deep blue eyes bore into Rarity’s own, and she felt her breath catch. She couldn’t have heard that right, could she? She had said it so easily, so simply, as if it had entered her head like one of her typical adorable comments.
And oh, how that smile was slowly growing. Rarity knew she hadn’t said anything. At least, she didn’t remember saying anything in the eighth second since Pinkie had stopped talking. Her mouth had only just started to open for response, after all.
What should she say? Oh, her heart sang, certainly, but they were so different, despite everything. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t imagined a similar occurrence, though more often than not, it was Rarity herself as the instigator and Pinkie saying…
“Of course I’ll go on a date with you, darling,” Rarity said.
Breathe out.
Rarity hadn’t expected anything like this from Pinkie. The propensity Pinkie possessed for positively preposterous parties was well know, so of course, when it came to their first date, she had expected the same sort of immature extravagance. What she was met with, however, was nothing like that. Pinkie arrived promptly at six, just as the day was starting to cool from the early summer heat.
Opening the door had taken Rarity’s breath. The dress Pinkie was in was nothing short of flawless. It was long and flowing silver, falling just above the ground, just short enough to show off the sparkling bracelets Pinkie was wearing.
If the breath that Pinkie had sucked in was any indication, then she felt the same about the dress Rarity had made, just for the occasion. Her own dress was a metallic gold, meant to shine in the summer sunset, and she couldn’t help but repress a giggle at their choice of complimentary colors.
Pinkie joined in the giggling, and soon, both mares were leaned against each other, laughing over something neither could pinpoint. After a moment to catch their breath, Rarity cleared her throat and stood. “Now, where are we going? I’m simply dying to know.”
With another giggle, Pinkie shook her head. “I told you, it’s a surprise. Although we should hurry a little, or we’ll miss the train to Canterlot.” With a wink, Pinkie skipped toward the station.
How soon was too soon for a first kiss? Rarity contemplated while watching Pinkie drink the largest milkshake she had ever laid eyes on. She wasn’t sure why she was thinking it, but she wanted to do nothing more than reach over and remove the splotch of whipped cream from the corner of Pinkie’s face. It would be fine, wouldn’t it? A kiss two weeks into a new relationship?
It wasn’t like they had only just met, either. How long had they been friends for, now? It was entirely reasonable to want to kiss the mare she was dating. In fact—
“Hey, Rarity, do you want some of my milkshake?”
Rarity blinked, looking at Pinkie. “I’m sorry, my mind wandered.”
Pinkie bounced in her seat. “Oh, where did it go?”
Her breathing increased. Where had her mind gone? More images flashed in front of her, imagined sensations, and exactly what a kiss from Pinkie would taste like at that moment. “I was thinking I’d like to kiss you,” she said. Her cheeks heated nearly instantly, but her embarrassment settled just seconds later with Pinkie’s giggle.
“Okay.”
Pinkie was friendly. With everypony. For Rarity, that meant taking a simple walk around town to stretch her legs, as she had been working for quite a while, went from being a half hour to an hour and a half. She huffed as they made it back to her door.
Pinkie’s voice broke the silence.“It was really nice to see Roseluck again. And I’m glad Big Mac helped her with her flowers.”
“Hmm, yes,” Rarity said, wondering into her creativity room. “Thank you for the walk, darling, but I really must be getting back to work. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
With a nod and a quick kiss, Pinkie agreed.
Pet Play Days were always one of Rarity’s favorite times of the week. All of her friends got together to chat and let their pets roam free for a few hours. It let them catch up and discuss their lives, even if somepony had been out of the loop for a while. She settled onto the blanket, snuggled close to Pinkie. The red, orange, and yellow leaves fluttered across the grass and she watched as Opalescence tried to catch one. Wynonna was being chased by Angel nearby, while Gummy floated in the water. Owlosicious sat perched on the top of Tanks shell, watching the other pets.
Their friends had, thankfully, gotten over the giggles and most of the questions in the last few weeks, and now the six of them sat on the blanket, sharing lemonade and muffins. Twilight was explaining how, with Ember’s help, she was learning so much about the culture of Dragons. Spike had even gone to spend a week with her, and learn more.
With a happy sigh, Pinkie laid her head on Rarity’s shoulder, and Rarity felt herself smile.
Rarity bit her tongue for a moment before speaking. “Pinkie, darling, I’ve asked you before, please don’t disturb me in my creativity room. I had the spark in my grasp, and now I’ve lost it because you slammed the door open and yelled.”
Pinkie’s ears folded back and she stopped her bouncing, though her smile didn’t diminish at all. “But…but Rarity, you said it was okay if it was important.”
With a huff, Rarity nodded. “I did. Is this an emergency of some sort?”
Now the smile was gone. Oh, that wasn’t good, at all. She hated seeing Pinkie like that. Was it so wrong to want to have one single space where she could simply think without everything being a reason to be excited? And now there were tears.
“You don’t remember?”
Rarity stood and walked over to Pinkie, giving her fillyfriend a nuzzle as a way of apology. “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I haven’t the slightest inkling as to what you’re talking about.”
“Oh,” Pinkie said. She pulled away slightly.
“Pinkie, what is it? You’ve got my full attention now.” She booped Pinkie on the nose and gave her a smile, hoping to draw out the cheerful nature of the mare.
It didn’t work. “I thought you would remember. Maybe it isn’t as important as I thought after all.” Pinkie looked at the floor with a sigh.
Remember. Important. “It’s…it isn’t your birthday, Pinkie, and it certainly isn’t mine, nor is it our friendaversa…oh, oh dear.” Rarity took a step forward and put her hoof under Pinkie’s chin, raising her face so their eyes could meet. “I really messed up, didn’t I? I forgot our three-month anniversary. I’m so sorry, darling.”
“It’s okay, I know you’ve had a lot of orders, since the store in Manehattan just opened up.” Pinkie looked up, ears standing at attention and eyes full of hope. “Do you have time to go out tonight?”
“Of course, Pinkie. I will always have time for you. We can do whatever we want today. Just let me…” Rarity glanced behind her, at the hub of inspiration she was about to leave. “Just let me lock everything up and…shall we dress up?”
Pinkie shook her head. “No, I have a great idea.”
The blankets were piled in front of the fireplace, and empty mugs that had once contained hot apple cider lay to the side. Pinkie and Rarity lay together, enjoying the quiet. It was peaceful. It was perfect. “This has been an absolutely lovely evening, hasn’t it, Pinkie?”
Pinkie nodded. “It has! I just love it so, so much. I love you, so much.” Pinkie grinned, laying her head on Rarity’s shoulder with a sigh.
Rarity’s heart thudded in her chest. Love. Pinkie loved her. She had said it so easily. So sure of herself. Burying her face in Pinkie’s fluffy curls, Rarity breathed in deep. It really should be that simple, shouldn’t it. To not worry or feel like it was a big thing, to just say how you felt, and that you really couldn’t imagine your life without someone, or that if something were to happen…
“I love you too, Pinkie.”
Rarity gave an exasperated sigh. “Dearest, I absolutely refuse to go somewhere, again, and not knowing what to expect. You must start telling me your plans for our dates. They can’t all be top secret.”
“Aww, but it’s so fun when they’re secret.” Pinkie pushed her bottom lip out in a pout. “But okay, I’ll tell you.”
Rarity smiled. “Wonderful. What are we doing today?”
“I’ll tell you after this date. It really is better a secret. Pinkie Promise.”
Rarity rolled her eyes, but smiled and nodded. “Very well then. Lead the way.”
For the last five months, Pinkie had surprised her. This time, Rarity was determined to be the one doing the surprising. It was still dark out, but that was no matter. Pinkie had left her black body suit at Rarity’s when they had snuck around town, leaving hats and scarves to keep warm for all the foals who hadn’t had any.
And now, two weeks after that escapade, she found herself using the skills Pinkie had taught her to sneak into Sugarcube Corner unannounced. She was unsurprised to see Cup and Carrot already awake and working in the kitchen, but for her plan to work, she needed to sneak into Pinkie’s room, through the window.
She trotted around the store and huffed. This was the difficult part. Twilight had enchanted a set of shoes with a wall-climbing spell, but walking up the wall made her stomach flutter in all the wrong ways. She put her hoof on the wall and removed it. Nothing different seemed to happen. With a sigh, she reared and put both front hooves on the walls, and then one hind leg. She took a breath to steady her nerves. And another. Then she pulled her last hoof off the ground and slammed it into the wall and…stood still.
She barely repressed the laugh in time. She didn’t want to alert Pinkie. She looked up to Pinkie’s window and carefully made her way up the bakery. She made it to the window, eased it up, and slipped into the dark room. She took three steps and stopped, using her hoof to open her saddlebags. She felt around for a moment, and, finding what she was looking for, went to put it in the saddle bags.
Then she was on the floor. “Ha! I don’t think so, robber, no one steals from Pinkie Pie.” Her snout was pressed into the carpet so she could do little more than splutter. Hoofsteps on the stairs let her know the Cakes were on their way just seconds before the door to Pinkie’s room burst open and the light came on.
“Oh my gosh, Rarity?” Pinkie asked, not moving from her current position of uncomfortably pressing Rarity into the floor. “Why are you trying to steal from me?” When all that Rarity could do was mumble, Pinkie moved. “Sorry,” she said, looking sheepish. Then her expression changed to one of anger. “Now, why were you trying to steal from me?”
Rarity rubbed her jaw and stood before replying. “I wasn’t stealing, Pinkie. I was simply trying to give you your present for our six month anniversary.”
Pinkie gasped, rushing to Rarity and knocking her over again to give her a hug. “I have the bestest marefriend in the world.”
Rarity giggled, pushing Pinkie’s hair away from her face in order to kiss her. “Only because you aren’t able to date yourself.” The quiet hooffalls pulled Rarity’s attention away, and she saw Mr. and Mrs. Cake, red faced, trying to quietly retreat. With a giggle, she turned back to Pinkie. “You’re wonderful, Pinkie.”
Pinkie just smiled, sinking to lay with Rarity on the ground, and nuzzling her head into Rarity’s shoulder. “I’m just so happy.”
“Will you stop that?” Pinkie yelled. “Stop calling me pet names when you want me to just go along with whatever you want.”
Rarity raised an indignant hoof to her chest, the few spectators that were in the park on a cold, starlit night only barely flashing across her mind. “I don’t do that.”
“Yes you do!” Pinkie stomped her hoof, her eyes narrowed in anger. “You’re always, ‘darling, let’s do this’ or, ‘dearest, please stop, I don’t want you to talk’, or- or- or-“ She took in a shaky breath and plopped down on the grass. “I’m not a foal to be placated, Rarity. I’m a grown mare. I know I’m immature and…I know I’m not exactly what you’d like me to be, but I’m just me.” The moonlight illuminated the tear tracks running through her pink fur. “I can be talked to, and I want to do things you like. I love you, and I—I just want you to stop that, please.”
They sat in silence for a few moments, just looking at each other. Then Rarity nodded. “I’m sorry, Pinkie, I didn’t realize I was doing that. I’ll stop.”
Pinkie offered her a week smile and sighed. “Okay.” She swallowed. “What did you want to do, again?”
Rarity walked over and sat close to Pinkie, looking her in the eyes. “I think it would be best if we talked instead. Clear the air, so to speak, of anything else that you or I may be doing that…hurts the other.”
Pinkie nodded, and they settled into the grass.
Walking on eggshells was not easy, and now, every time she walked into Sugarcube Corner, she felt that was what she was doing. She wasn’t sure what she had done wrong, but Mr. and Mrs. Cake always gave her disbarring looks and she was certain they were marking up her orders. She wouldn’t say a word about it to them, or to Pinkie.
“Oh, Rarity! You’re early. Hold on and I’ll get my bags.” Pinkie zipped up the stairs and back down, seeming to be gone just long enough to blink. “Okay, ready.”
Mr. and Mrs. Cake said goodbye to Pinkie and Rarity, and told them to have a nice vacation. Pound and Pumpkin cooed at them, and after Pinkie said her long, heartfelt goodbye to the four of them, they left for Neighagra Falls.
Rarity stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. She wasn’t sure why they had been fighting today, but she felt awful. She should try to appreciate Pinkie more, find a comfort in her seeming endless supply of optimism. Or maybe just find enjoyment in the things Pinkie did, and figure out why she liked them so much.
Shouldn’t she know that already? Their one year anniversary was only three months away.
Breathe out.
Pinkie was always able to just say things. It was one of the things Rarity loved about her. Gentle truth or brutal honesty, Pinkie said it. She just didn’t want to hear what Pinkie had said. Because it wasn’t true. Maybe it was the smile that was so sad that adorned Pinkie’s face, or maybe it was the resignation she saw in Pinkie’s eyes, but she knew that Pinkie believed what she had said. It wasn’t a fair question.
It didn’t speak of the way Rarity’s heart still fluttered when she thought of Pinkie, or of how a goofy grin and a mass of curly pink mane was her favorite thing to wake up to. It didn’t say anything about how much Rarity loved Pinkie, raw and unbroken, or of how the thought of not having Pinkie around sometimes kept her up at night.
She felt hollow, like she was empty, and yet weighted to the earth.
How could she answer such a question? She wanted to tell Pinkie that no, they were right for each other. They were good for each other. That Pinkie was everything she could ever want, and all that she wanted. She loved her and couldn’t think of anything more important than that.
Rarity couldn’t speak. She couldn’t breathe. This was not supposed to happen. They were supposed to be together.
She loved her.
“We aren’t happy together, are we?” The words rang in her head, and she wanted to run and scream and hide, so she didn’t have to face them.
She already felt the burning behind her eyes, because she knew, despite everything she wanted to say, what the answer was.
She just couldn’t say it.
Breathe in.
And in your hesitation, I found my answer
