Halo: X Team in Equestria

by The Good Dark Lord

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Princess Luna, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Shining Armor, King Sombra, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 65591

A team of 6 OC SPARTANS from a FANON version of the Halo universe end up in Equestria. Crack ensues.

Meet X Team: six OC SPARTAN-II super soldiers from a FANON version of the Halo universe. When a slipspace accident sends the SPARTANS to Equestria, they have to find a way to get back home.

There's just two catches.

First: They can get home. All they need is the time to repair their ship.

Second: Through a series of misundersandings, the ponies perceive the SPARTANS as threats, and they don't intend to leave them alone.

What could possibly go wrong?

*Featured 12/4/2013*

Published 2012-06-25 18:04:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-07 06:00:41 UTC

Crash and Burn

James made a tackle for Kenny, and missed. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"Hey c'mon it's not that bad! We're just being sent into an alternate dimension filled with talking ponies!"

"WhathowcanyouIdon'teven- WE'RE SPARTANS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Our job is to protect humanity from the Covenant! As we speak those alien bastards are glassing Reach- Reach!- and here we are taking a joyride to some little girl's fantasy world! In fact, why the hell would you even watch that stuff?!"

"Hey, Lauren Faust is a creative genius! Don't talk smack about her work! Besides, watching My Little Pony really takes off the stress of being a super soldier."

James finally got a hold of Kenny and pinned him against the wall. The larger SPARTAN raised his right fist, when said right fist was grabbed from behind by Braden. "Stand down Seargeant!"

"But Colonel!"

"STAND. DOWN."

James lowered his fist and stepped away from Kenny. "Sir, are you seriously defending this moron?"

"How is Kenny a moron?"

"It's because of him that we're in this mess!"

"None of this is Kenny's fault!"

"Well then, Colonel, tell me, who is to blame then?"

"That Covenant supercarrier that snuck up on us attacked us just as we entered slipspace. The ship was tearing itself up so we had to take this Longsword. Now obviously, this thing isn't exactly built for slipsace travel, so an accident happened, and now we're going to... um, Kenny, what's the name of our destination?"

"Equestria." Kenny answered.

"So now we're going to Equestria. And the way I see it, fate has three options for us."

"Which are?" James asked.

"Either A: We end up going to Reach anyway; B: We end up in a black hole and die, which I honestly believe is the most likely outcome; or C: Equestria somehow does actually exist and we end up there."

"It's not often we get a third option." Ashley commented. It was rare for Ashley to speak in recent times, so whenever she said something, it was always relevent and/ or important. "If anything, it sounds like Kenny very well may have saved our lives."

James gave a sigh and turned away from the rest of the team. He found a corner to lean against and stayed there, looking down at the floor in frustration. Kenny crossed his arms and decided to stand by Rose, who was sitting in the pilot seat.

"Want me to reprimand James for insuboridnation?" Richard asked.

"No." Braden said. "Just give him time to take in the situation. You know well that he was eager to fight, and even die, for Reach."

"Very well."

"Uh, guys?" Rose said. Every SPARTAN turned to her.

"I think our wait is over. Get ready to exit slipspace!"

The SPARTANS all grabbed onto a part of the ship to brace themselves. Through the window, they could all see a dark blue orb at the end of the tube of trippy colors. That orb represented the portal they were going to go through. Now, had they been in a UNSC cruiser, the transition would have been smooth and uneventful. But seeing as how they were in a much less sturdy Longsword, well...

The Longsword passed through the portal, and began shaking uncontrollably. Slipspace energy crackled over the hull of the Longsword, and began interfering with the controls.

"I can't hold onto it!" Rose cried. "We're out of control!"

As the Longsword plummeted to the ground, they could see that they were making a B- Line for a large forest.

"We're going to crash in the Everfree Forest!" Kenny cried out.

An explosion erupted from somewhere behind the group.

"What the hell was that?!" Braden said.

"We just lost one of our engines!" Rose said.

A surge of slipspace energy that was still clinging to the Longsword made its way to the entry ramp, and messed up the controls. The ramp opened up slightly.

"Someone close that up!" Braden ordered.

Ashley and Richard sprinted out of the cockpit, down the short hall, and stopped at the rampway. Just as they were about to start fixing up the controls, a second explosion rang out. "We lost our other engine!" Rose yelled. The vibrations of the explosion not only knocked Richard and Ashley off their feet, but it also provided enough force to loosen the rampway.

"SHIT!" Richard yelled as he and Ashley struggled against the powerful winds that were sucking them out of the Longsword. "I HATE PHYSICS!"

Richard and Ashley were sucked out of the Longsword. Just before they fell out they both saw Braden appear too late to save them.

Braden watched as Richard and Ashley fell out of the Longsword. "NNNOOOOOO!!!" But there was nothing he could do now. He quickly turned away from the open ramp and rejoined the others in the cockpit.

"Where's Dick and Ash?!" James said.

"I was too late... I couldn't save them..."

The other SPARTANS knew well what their leader meant. After a brief moment of silence they came back to reality.

Rose gripped the handles tightly. "We are touching down in three... two... ONE!"

The Longsword crashed into the Everfree forest. The ship plowed through the trees and earth for more than 300 feet before finally coming to a stop. The Longsword had conveniently stopped in the middle of a sizable clearing.

**********

Princesses Celestia and Luna observed the anomoly that had appeared in the distant sky. Celestia had just risen the sun an hour ago, and to see something such as this was most unexpected.

"Any thoughts, sister?" Luna asked.

"If you mean if I have an idea of what it may be, I suspect it to be a portal." Celestia replied.

"A portal? For what?"

"We are about to find out."

A creature emerged from the portal. It was huge, possibly larger than a dragon. The creature was triangular in shape, and pitch black in color. A fire erupted from behind one of its wings, leaving a trail of smoke as it began lowering to the ground. A second fire erupted. The creature appeared to not be able to control itself, as it crashed into the Everfree Forest.

Luna looked to Celestia. "What in the hoof was that?"

"I don't know Luna, I don't know. But whatever it may be, we cannot afford to underestimate it. It may be dangerous. I will send Captain Shining Armor and a small platoon of guards to Ponyville, for protection."

"Celestia, look! The portal!"

Celestia looked back to the portal in the sky. The dark blue orb began to distort, and imploded on itself. It was gone.

Celestia rubbed her forehead in frustration at the absolute strangeness of today.

Jumping to Conclusions

Sunlight peeked through Twilight's window and shined over her face. She lazily half opened one eye for five seconds and pulled over her bedsheets. For a little over an hour she continued to sleep in, when she heard a commotion out in the street.

Twilight lifted her head up. "The buck is that?"

She hopped out of her bed and proceeded down to the bottom floor. She saw Spike emerge from his room, tiredly rubbing his eyes. Spike yawned. "Twilight... ya hear that? What's going on?"

"Something's going on outside, Spike. C'mon."

Twilight opened her front door, and was needless to say quite surprised to see thirty Canterlot guards patrolling Ponyville. She looked around. The civilians of Ponyville were just as confused as she was, they were attempting to ask the guards questions, but of course recieved no answer.

Now Twilight was looking for somepony. As she weaved throught the crowds, she finally found him. Her big brother, Captain Shining Armor, was currently speaking to the Mayor of Ponyville. The Mayor had a gravely worried look on her face.

"...And that's why this is happening." Shining Armor said, finishing his sentence as Twilight came within hearing range.

"I understand." The Mayor said.

"Don't worry ma'am. We will be as unintrusive as possible during our time here."

"Thank you, Captain."

"Please, just call me Shining Armor."

The Mayor nodded and walked away to go do political mayor stuff. Shining Armor noticed Twilight approaching. "Twilight! I was wondering when I'd find you."

"B.B.B.F.F.!" Twilight embraced her brother in a hug. "As much as Iike surprise visits, you wouldn't mind explaining what the whole royal guard's doing here?"

"Nice to see you too. Look, something happened earlier this morning. I just filled the Mayor in with the details, and she's gonna give a speech about it in a few minutes. Just be patient, alright sis?"

"Alright..."

"Maybe you should go check on your friends. I can see most of them just over there." Shining pointed a hoof down the street. Just a ten yards away were Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity.

"Morning girls." Twilight said.

"Good morning." They all replied.

"Twi." Applejack started. "Ya got any idea what in tarnation is goin' on here?"

"Not at all. I tried asking Shining, but he just kind of brushed me off and said the Mayor's gonna give a speech soon." Twilight replied. She looked around. "Has anypony seen Fluttershy?"

"Not since yesterday darling." Rarity answered. "She must still be at her cottage. Oh, I hope the royal guard isn't here because something dangerous was spotted outside Ponyville."

"Ah you're worrying too much." Rainbow Dash said while dismissivly waving a hoof. "I'm sure Fluttershy is perfectly fine. I mean, really, when has anything weird ever happened near Fluttershy's place?"

"You don't read crossover fan-fictions often, do you, Rainbow Dash?" Pinkie Pie deadpanned.

Everypony looked at her with confused looks when the Mayor appeared on the podium in the center of town. "Attention! If I could please have your attention everypony!" Everypony shut up and turned their attention to the Mayor. Shining Armor and two other guards stepped up to the podium to join the Mayor so that they stood behind her, but were also kind- of- sort- of next to her.

"Now, I know you are all wondering just what in the hay the royal guard is doing here. Apparently, Princess Celestia herself sent them down here for our own protection."

"Protection from what?" Derpy asked.

"According to Captain Shining Armor, earlier this morning an unidentified creature appeared in the sky and crashed down in the Everfree Forest." Gasps and murmers erupted from the crowd when the Mayor said this. "I'm not done, I'm not done! Now, we do not know whether or not this creature is hostile. So, the guard is here. But when I am done with this speech, the Captain and most of his stallions will go into the Everfree Forest to investigate this matter."

An awkward silence soon followed. Shining Armor gently tapped the Mayor on the shoulder. "Um, are you done?"

"Hm? Oh yes Shining Armor. You and the rest of the guard can go anytime."

"Thank you." Shining turned to the other twenty nine guards. "STALLIONS! TONIGHT WE DINE IN TAR-"

"Wrong speech sir." A guard in the front row said.

"Oh, um, *ahem* sorry. Alright, here are your orders. Ten of you will stay here, while the rest of you will come with me into the forest. Volunteers for who gets to stay?"

All the guards raised their hooves.

Shining Armor sighed. "Every bucking time. Okay, hooves down. Eenie, meenie, minie, mo." Shining randomly selected ten guards from the crowd. "Alright, you ten, stay here and watch over the town. The rest of you, with me."

Shining Armor and nineteen reluctant guards began marching for Everfree. Before he left the town, Shining was intercepted by Twilight.

"Promise me you'll be okay, alright B.B.B.F.F.?" Twilight said pleadingly.

Shining Armor chuckled and gave her a hug. "Hey c'mon Twilight, remember who you are talking to. What could happen?"

**********

Braden gave a powerful kick to the ramp of the Longsword, which had somehow closed shut when they crashed. The ramp was knocked off its hinges and landed on the ground with a *THUD*.

"I'll fix that later." Braden said as he exited the Longsword. Kenny, Rose, and James soon followed. The four SPARTANS looked around. They had crashed at the edge of an open clearing in the middle of a forest. The clearing was quite sizable, it could fit two Longswords if anybody ever bothered trying.

Braden turned to Kenny. "Kenny, you know more about this place than any of us. Can you identify where we are?"

"The Everfree Forest." Kenny said.

"Anything we should know about this "Everfree"?"

"That it is significantly more dangerous than most other places in Equestria. Be on your guard."

The SPARTANS checked their weapons. Braden had a Battle Rifle and a Sniper Rifle. James was armed with a shotgun and a rocket launcher. Rose was equipped with a magnum and an Assault Rifle. Kenny weilded an Assault Rifle and an SMG. For melee weaponry, James, Rose, and Kenny all had Combat Knives. Braden had his Katana.

Braden pointed to Rose. "Rose, I want you to check on the Longsword. Determine whether it can be fixed."

"On it sir." Rose replied as she returned to the crashed Longsword.

"Colonel." Kenny said, making it known that he had something to say.

"Yes Private?"

"Considering our current position, perhaps we should, you know..."

"Hm?"

"...Ask the ponies for help?"

"...No."

"But-"

"Private, we are on an alien planet with a race with unkown intentions. We do not know how they would react to our presence."

"Actually according to the show all the ponies ever intend to do is spread harmony and peace."

Braden sighed. "You have watched the show, correct?"

"Yes."

"And how this world is aesthetically cute and beautiful?"

"Uh huh?"

"Private, odds are that if we reveal ourselves to the ponies, they will only compromise our current objective to get back home. They would assume us to be monsters. Do you understand?"

"...Yes sir."

"Perhaps you should tell me about their government, in the event we do come into contact."

"Equestria is a monarchy, well, a diarchy actually. Two sisters rule the land: Princess Celestia and Princess Luna."

"I see. In which direction is civilization?"

"Northwards. Three major settlements: Ponyville, Cloudsdale, and the capitol city of Canterlot."

Rose reappeared. "The Longsword can be fixed." She said. "But it will take time. We have just barely enough tools to patch it up."

"Wait, how do we get out of here if we can't go into slipspace?" James asked.

"Oh I'm sure some bullshit deus ex machina will randomly appear to solve our problem." A small meteor appeared in the sky above them, and landed in the middle of the group without causing any trouble. It was a mini sized slipspace drive.

"See? I was right." Rose said as she picked up the sudden plot device.

"Where did it come from?" Braden said.

"Must've been The Red Shirt's. It appears to have survived the accident, shrunk down, and followed us here. And it is a perfect size to fit onto the Longsword."

James facepalmed. "Normally I would just call bullcrap on that but, hey, we're in a cartoon! So why the hell not!"

Before Rose could go back to the Longsword to fit it with the mini slipspace drive, all of their com links began beeping. "You guys getting this?" James asked. None of them could believe it. A message encrypted in UNSC code was being broadcast to them.

Braden created an open channel. "Hello? This is X 1; SPARTAN 007; does anyone read me over?"

A reply came throught their mics. The message was filled with static, but they understood every word of it.

"This... X 2... TAN 046... I re..."

"Richard! Richard that you?!"

"Col... my... ment is... maged... can s... town... orders?"

"Richard, stay away from any and all population centers and stay where you are. We will come to you. Can you confirm if Ashley is still alive?"

"Negat... not se... since fa...

"Richard, we're coming to get you. I'm sending X 4, 5, and 6 to get you. Clear?"

"...Hurry..."

Braden dropped the call and turned to the others. "Alright you three, head out. I'll stay here to hold down the fort and discourage the curious. And under no circumstances are you to come into contact with any of the locals. Go out, get Richard, and get back."

"Yes sir." The three SPARTANS replied. Kenny, James, and Rose; with Kenny leading the way obviously; set out into the woods of Everfree. From what they had heard from Richard, he was somewhere near a town, presumably Ponyville, which meant they had to go east. Their HUDs told them which direction was east, so that wasn't a problem. Seeing throught he darkness of the woods wasn't really a problem either, as SPARTANS had eyesight that was almost on par with night vision.

What was a problem though was just trying to get past the damn trees. On the show moving through the Everfree Forest appeared easy. But that was because most of the characters were small ponies. Moving through the thick woods was not easy for a seven foot SPARTAN.

Eventually the trio began seeing rays of light. They were nearing the edge of the forest.

"I see movement!" James suddenly said. The SPARTANS each picked a tree to hide behind. They were a mere forty feet away from the edge of the woods. Something was over there.

"Me too." Rose replied. "Kenny, you go on ahead to check it out."

Kenny silently nodded, holstered his guns, and unsheathed his knife. He silently crept forward, blade at the ready. Now there was just one tree between him and whatever James and Rose had spotted. Kenny peeked around the corner, and nearly gasped.

Fluttershy had her back turned to him. She was just ten feet away from him, innocently picking flowers and putting them into baskets. Kenny almost passed out from the sheer cuteness of the sight before him. Barely thinking, and forgetting that he was holding a large knife in one hand, he stepped out from behind the tree and began approaching Fluttershy. She still had not noticed him.

Kenny had taken only three steps when an unseen force hit him on the side of his head and knocked him out unconsious.

**********

"EEP!" Fluttershy cried out when a sudden noise from behind startled her. She turned around and was shocked to not only see a royal guard, but also a large red creature slumped against a tree. "W-what's going on?" Fluttershy nervously asked.

"Do not worry, you are safe now ma'am." The guard responded.

Suddenly two creatures who somewhat resembled the red one burst out from the treeline.

"Oh my god, they killed Kenny!" The smaller of the two cried out.

"YOU BASTARDS!" The larger of the two yelled.

Fluttershy and the guard were about to be manhandled when two more royal guards appeared from nowhere and bucked the attacking creatures on the sides of their heads. The monsters fell down unconsious. Suddenly a whole crowd of guards appeared. Fluttershy's anxiety increased, but she calmed down when she saw Shining Armor, who was fully dressed in his shining armor *BA DUM TSH*.

"Shining Armor! Twilight's brother, sir!"

Shining gave a warm smile. "Fluttershy! Wish we could have met under better circumstances."

"Y-yes." Fluttershy looked over to the unconsious forms of the three monsters. "What are they? And why did they attack? Why did YOU attack?"

"Good questions. Who was the guard you first met?"

Fluttershy looked around at the crowd of identical guards. "...That one." She pointed to a random guard, who actually WAS the guard who was on the scene first.

The guard saluted. "Captain."

"Random soldier." Shining responded. "Explain to me what happened."

"While we were marching, I noticed something in the treeline behind this here mare we were passing by. I saw that it was the large red creature over there. The mare had not noticed it, and it was coming up behind her with a dagger. I did what I thought was necessary. Then those other two attacked and the rest of you arrived."

Shining Armor stroked his chin. "This complicates things. Fluttershy, I... um, Fluttershy?" When Shining had turned back to Fluttershy, the poor pegasus was visibly silently shaking at the implications of (what the ponies thought) might have happened to her had the random guard not "saved" her.

Shining gently patted Fluttershy on the shoulder, gaining the pegasi's attention. "Fluttershy, listen to me. I want you to go to Ponyville and find Twilight and the rest of your friends. Tell them what happened. I do not believe these lands are safe anymore."

Fluttershy gave a somber nod and quickly galloped off to Ponyville. The random ass guard approached Shining Armor. "Captain, do you think there is a possibility that this and the event from earlier today are related?"

"There's only one way to find out. But first, we have to deal with these... things." Shining briefly pondered what to do with them. Then an idea popped in his head. "I want one guard to carry each of these creatures back to Canterlot for imprisonment. We cannot allow these hostiles to roam free. Oh, and make sure to pass through Ponyville, they need to see the danger we all face."

Three random unicorn guards nodded and enveloped the three creatures in an aura of magic and... nothing happened. Eventually the guards found out that these creatures literally weighed half a ton, and that it required three strong willed unicorns to lift one creature. So now Shining Armor's group consisted of himself, three other unicorns, and seven pegasi.

Shining Armor didn't know why, but he prayed to Celestia that 11 royal guards was enough to face off against whatever they encountered in the Everfree Forest. Especially if they had to go against any more of those creatures...

**********

Braden was sitting on the fixed ramp of the Longsword, sharpening his katana with a small rock.

"I hope those three kids are okay." He thought to himself.

Don't Pick Fights

*ZZT*

"Come on..."

*ZZT*

"...Almost there..."

*VVVRRRUUUUMMM*

"...There we go."

Braden's shields fully recharged. Since the crash, the SPARTAN's energy shields had temporarily shut down, and needed time to replinish themselves. The shock absorbers were also damaged, so in the time since the crash it would have taken a very well placed, well trained kick to the head to knock one of the SPARTANs out unconsious.

Suck it up butthurts I needed that to happen in the previous chapter to advance the plot. Aren't retcons great? No, seriously, get over it.

**********

"... And that's what happened." Fluttershy finished.

"When I get my hooves on that thing..." Rainbow Dash angerly said.

"Don't talk like that! W-what if this is all some big misunderstanding?"

"Fluttershy, you just told us that a large unknown monster tried to sneak up on you with a weapon. If Shining Armor and the other guards hadn't shown up... I don't want to think about what might have happened."

Fluttershy gave a defeated look to the ground. "Oh... okay... EEP!"

The ponies turned around to see what had scared Fluttershy. Nine guards who were initially with Shining Armor earlier had entered Ponyville while levitating the three creatures Fluttershy had described to her friends, three guards to a single creature. Fortunatly, the creatures were still unconsious, but that did not stop heads from turning.

To Twlight and the others these things were absolutly alien. None of them had mouths, ears, or noses as far as they could tell. They had hands and fingers, but their feet more or less seemed hoof- like, but all in all they looked bipedal in nature. Their skin appeared to be made of some kind of armor with the occasonal soft spot. And the only one of them that appeared to have "normal eyes" was the steely black creature. The red one had a strange single rectangular eye in the middle of its face, while the green one's entire face was a mirror.

Wait, the red one!

"Fluttershy, isn't that the one that tried to, ya know?"

"Y-yes." Fluttershy fearfully answered as the guards passed by carrying the creatures.

Twilight approached one of the guards. "Um, excuse me, sir?"

A bead of sweat rolled off the guard's snout. "Ugh, what is it?"

"What are those creatures?"

"Haven't got a clue, except that they're hostile. Captain Shining Armor gave us orders to toss these buckers into the Canterlot dungeons."

"...Are they heavy?"

The guard gave an exhausted huff. "PAINFULLY."

"Wait, where's Shining Armor?"

"He and the others continued onward with the mission. Now if you don't mind, I need to concentrate."

Twilight left the guard alone as he and the others continued onward to Canterlot. She had gotten her answers, but seeing the creatures only concerned her even MORE for her brother's safety. "Please make it back okay B.B.B.F.F...." She thought to herself.

**********

Braden checked the supply crates in the Longsword. There was enough food, water, and ammo in them for the SPARTANs for one week. "Well, it could be worse." The SPARTAN stepped out of the supply room and exited the Longsword. He looked around at the clearing. There was no sign of the others. It was quiet.

Too quiet...

A red blip appeared on Braden's motion tracker twenty feet directly ahead of him. He whipped out his BR and aimed it at the treeline, waiting for whatever was there to reveal itself. After a tense twelve seconds, a pony stepped out before him. A pony dressed in shining armor.

**********

Apparently Shining Armor's suspicions were correct. The flying creature the Princesses had seen earlier and the creatures the guards had knocked out were related. He had come to this conclusion because the new creature before him appeared to be guarding the large winged creature behind it. No, it was not a living thing. The "winged creature" appeared to be mechanical, a machine. "So, then those things must have been driving it." He thought.

Shining Armor and the creature silently stared at each other. The creature was slightly taller than the other ones, and was snow white in color. Shining found its face to be MUCH more intimidating than the others. Where its mouth should have been was a plain blank slate. Its eyes seemed to be permanatly fixed in an angry, challenging formation. The top of its head was decorated with several sharp looking horns. Oh, and it appeared to be pointing a menacing looking stick at him.

Yeah, this new creature was one scary motherbucker.

**********

Braden kept his rifle leveled at the pony. He was guessing at what its intentions were. Was it a part of the law enforcement here? A knight? Mercenary? Petty theif who happened to be in possession of some sweet ass armor? Nah, that last one seemed unlikely.

Then, the pony grinned. Braden cocked an eyebrow in confusion (not that the pony could see it). Before he could react a blip on his radar quickly appeared, and an unseen force hit him hard on the side of his head, and knocked him to the ground.

**********

"Good work." Shining Armor said to the pegasus guard who had bucked the creature. "Alright stallions, bag this one and take it to Canterlot. I want this place quarantined and-"

"S-sir!" The pegasus guard said.

"What is it?"

"L-look."

Shining Armor turned his attention to what the pegasus was referring to. "Oh buck."

The creature was back on its feet, facing them. "It's your day to die." It said.

**********

Thanks to the convenient replinishing of his shields and shock absorbers, Braden shook off the impact and got to his feet. His pony attackers noticed this and had alarmed looks on their faces. "It's your day to die." He said, immensly pissed off.

"How is this one up already?!" The pony who had first appeared, the leader Braden guessed, exclaimed. "The other ones went down with a single buck each!"

"Other ones?" Braden thought. "What do you mean "others ones"?"

The lead pony resumed a serious look. "Quickly, take him down!"

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SPARTANS?"

"Spartans? So that's what you things are called. Your "spartans" are currently imprisoned in a location that we will not reveal to you. But we will gladly reunite you with them." As the lead pony said this, several more ponies appeared from all sides, surrounding Braden. "I, Captain Shining Armor of the Royal Guard, hereby proclaim you and all other spartans to be under arrest! Come quietly, or we will use force!"

Aw, hell no he did not just say that.

**********

Shining Armor did not have to wait long for a response from the creature. It simply held out one of its hands, and made a "come at me" motion. "Seize him!" He and the other ten guards all moved in on the creature at once, and attacked.

The creature immediatly bitchslapped Shining Armor out of the fight. Shining flew back several feet and struggled to get up. "Why is this one so strong? He thought, unaware of the tech the SPARTAN possessed. Shining looked to see how the other guards were doing in the fight.

The other ten guards were getting punched, kicked, kneed, curb stomped, tossed around, and in general getting raped badly by the creature.

"WHAT THE BUCK?! We easily trounced those other three! Why is this one kicking our flanks?!"

The other guards now laid strewn about the ground, barely alive. The creature simply stood there, waiting, daring Shining Armor to strike again. Shining Armor mustered his courage, rallied is strength, and heroically charged toward the monster.

Shining Armor would later consider this the worst decision he ever made in his entire life.

The creature quickly tripped Shining Armor and brutally brought its leg down on his spine. "GAAAAHHH!!" It reached down, grabbed his front left leg, and snapped it in half. "BUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEE!!!" The creature picked Shining Armor up by the neck and kneed him in the ribs, breaking about, hmm, six of them. Shining Armor coughed up a cup's worth of blood with a "BFWAAAAAAA!!". Finally, the creature punched him in the face, sending him flying toward the tree line. Shining hit a tree and sat there, slumped against the trunk. He spat out some blood and four teeth.

The creature stood before him, towering over him. "Believe it or not, I was pulling my punches this whole time." It said. "But I'm done screwing around now." The creature reached behind its back, and withdrew a long, very sharp looking sword.

But before the creature could slice and dice Shining, a force field bubble enveloped it. "What the?" It said, surprised.

Shining Armor was also surprised. Behind the trapped creature he noticed the other guards getting back up and limping towards him. "Come on sir!" One of the unicorn guards cried out. "That force field I cast will only last ten minutes! We gotta go! NOW!" Two guards carefully picked Shining up by the shoulders, and they retreated as fast as they could from the could- have- been- might- as- well- be- bloodbath.

**********

After the ponies left, Braden waited for about ten minutes in the force field bubble. "Magic? Interesting." The bubble disappeared, freeing Braden. "No use hunting them down, they've probably already gathered reinforcements. Best to prepare for a second assault. But, what do I do about Kenny, Rose, and James?"

Braden returned to the Longsword, trying to figure out a solution to his problem.

**********

Twilight nervously paced around her library, her friends watching with concern. "Twi, maybe you should sit down." Applejack suggested. "It won't do you no good pacing about and fretting."

"Thanks Applejack, but, I can't help but worry more than usual for Shining Armor. I mean, how would you react if Big Mac was possibly going against more of those things?"

Applejack put a hoof to her chin, thinking. "Well, ya got a point there Twilight. But remember, Shining Armor is a soldier, he'll be alright."

Twilight smiled. Then, her smile dropped. "Anypony hear that?"

A commotion was occuring outside. "Oh! Oh! They must be back!" Pinkie Pie excitedly exclaimed. Twilight bucked the library door out of her way and frantically looked around. A large crowd was gathered at the far end of Ponyville to her right. She galloped over to the crowd and tried to make her way through. She was worried. She heard gasps erupt from further up and saw ponies backing away in horror. "THIS TENSION IS BUCKING KILLING ME!" Finally, she was at the front of the crowd, and froze up, shocked at the sight before her.

Two guards were holding up Shining Armor, trying to bring him further into town. The other guards followed behind. All of them were covered in blood to various degrees, and were limping, injuries covering their bodies. However, Shining Armor appeared to have the worst of it.

The guards who Shining had earlier instructed to stay behind in town formed a perimeter between the injured guards and the curious civilians. The only ones they let through were the doctors and nurses from the local hospital. All of the returning guards were placed on stretchers and carried away for treatment.

"What could have done this?" Twilight asked herself, a single tear dramatically rolling down her left cheek.

Hostiles & Hostages

The next day, in the Ponyville Hospital, on the second floor...

"Right in here, Ms. Sparkle." Nurse Redheart said as she opened the door to the injured guards for Twilight.

Twilight quickly entered the room and looked up and down the row of beat up guards. Each of them was on a bed, in slings, casts, and bandages. Honestly she couldn't give less of a shit about these random generics, she was worried about Shining Armor.

She found him at the left end of the line from where she entered the room, right next to a window. Shining was fully wrapped in bandages from horn to hoof. The only parts of his body that weren't covered up were his eyes.

"How bad is it?" Twilight worridly asked Redheart.

"Your brother recieved the worst injuries out of all the stallions here, Ms. Sparkle." Redheart replied. "His leg, back, and ribs are broken, his snout is cracked, and he's missing a few teeth. He's lost some blood, but if we give him time he should fully recover."

"How long should that be?"

"At least three months. It could take longer."

Twilight took another look at Shining. "Um, why is his whole body in bandages? You said that some of his bones were broken, but, isn't this overkill?"

"Two reasons."

"Which are?"

"First of all: the extent of your brother's injuries are really more then a few broken bones. He has lots of minor injuries all across his body. Second: Full body casts are freaking hilarious to look at. Just look at him!"

Shining Armor's eyebrows furrowed as he glared at Redheart.

"I'll leave you two alone. Just don't touch him or move any of the equipment, alright?" Redheart left the room and closed the door behind her.

Twilight stepped up to Shining Armor's bedside. "Oh B.B.B.F.F., I can't believe you've been hurt like this! Are you feeling any better?"

Shining replied, but the words he spoke came out muffled. "Mph... mmph... mmmph."

Twilight smiled. "That's good to hear."

What Shining Armor had actually tried to say was: The pain... it hurts... please, kill me.

"What did this to you? Please, tell me!"

"Mmmphmmph." A horrifying monster.

"It was another one of those creatures that you caught and sent to the Canterlot dungeon, right?"

"Mph." Eeyup.

Twilight gave a sad sniff. "I wish there was something I could do..."

"Mphmmmphmmphmph." Twilight, listen to me. I want you to stay as far away as possible from the Everfree Forest. Understand?

Twilight perked up. "That's a great idea!"

"Mphmph." I knew you would see reason.

"I'm gonna get my friends together and capture that monster!"

Twilight failed to notice the fact that Shining's eyes had just widened in surprise and horror. "MMPH?!" WHAT?!

"And I will avenge you!"

At this point Shining Armor was trying to break free of his bandage prison, but all he managed to accomplish was swing his slings a little bit and slightly roll around on his back. "MMMPHMMPH!!!" NO DON'T TWILIGHT! HE'LL RIP YOU TO PIECES!

"Thanks for wishing me luck big brother! I'll be back before you know it!" Twilight trotted out of the room.

Shining Armor tried to call out to Twilight, but alas, his efforts were futile. "MMMMMPH!!" NO! TWILIGHT! COME BACK! YOU'LL BE KILLED! BUCK!

**********

Banging noises awoke Kenny from his sleep. He slowly opened his eyes. His vision was hazy and blurry, but he could make out vague shapes. He moved his arms and... his arms didn't move. Kenny's vision became clear.

Kenny was in a medieval style jail cell; three stone walls, one small window on the back wall, and one bar door. He was sitting against the back wall, and his arms were bound and tied behind his back in some kind of magic glowing rope.

James and Rose were in the same cell as him, also bound in the rope. Rose was simply leaning against the wall to Kenny's right, while James was repeatedly trying to smash down the cell door with his body. To Kenny's surprise, the door hadn't broken yet. Every time James struck the door, an invisible barrier revealed itself, preventing the SPARTAN from escaping.

"Break already dammit! Break already!" James yelled out in frustration.

"Just give it up already James." Rose calmly said. "They're not taking any chances of us escaping again."

"Oh hell no. I am not going to die a captive at the hands of a bunch of goddamn ponies!"

"Hooves."

"I don't care!" James resumed hitting the barrier.

Kenny steadily positioned his feet, and balanced himself as he rose up to a standing position. "Rose, what happened? Where are we?"

"The ponies ambushed us. When we woke up, we were in a jail cell."

"A jail cell? Don't you mean this jail cell?"

"No. A different jail cell. When we woke up, we broke out. Well, James and I woke up. Your armor was still locked up, and you were asleep, so James had to carry you out."

"So what went wrong?"

"We were just about to make it out of this building, when a very large pony appeared and immobilized us. She bound us in these ropes, put us in this cell, and surrounded our cell with some kind of barrier."

"This pony, did she have wings, a horn, and a crown?"

"Yes. Should we be concerned?"

"That must have been Princess Celestia, the primary diarch of Equestria."

"Their leader?"

"Yes. Hey, um, by any chance did either of you two harm any of the ponies during our little prison break?"

"We didn't kill anyone, if that's what you are asking. But we did toss aside a few guards along the way. Why?"

"Let's just say that to kill any of the ponies is to diminish all chances of us ever being on good terms with them."

James hit the barrier one last time before giving a sigh of defeat. "Screw this." He leaned against the wall to Kenny's left. "So much for your "friendly ponies", Kenny. Turns out they're a bunch of douchebags."

The three SPARTANs stayed silent for several minutes, pondering their fate. They were imprisoned in an enemy stronghold bound in unbreakable shackles and in a cage with no way in or out. Three heroes of humanity- absolutely powerless to do anything about the situation. Or were they?

Kenny tried moving his wrists and fingers. They moved. "SPARTANs, move your hands."

Rose and James twirled their hands a little bit. "Yeah? And?" James sarcastically said.

"Rose, I need you to make an open channel on my com link."

"For what?" Rose asked.

"I'm going to call Braden."

"Understood. Kneel down."

Kenny got to his knees. Rose approached him and turned around so her fingers could interact with Kenny's communications thingy on the side of his head. She kept her neck craned so she could keep one eye on what she was doing.

**********

Braden loaded his sniper rifle with a fresh pack of ammo, and aimed down its scope, making sure it wasn't screwed up from the crash. Then, his com link started buzzing.

"Hm? Hello? Who is this?"

**********

"This is X 6; SPARTAN 013; does anyone read me, over?"

A voice was heard through Kenny's com. "This is X 1. Kenny, do you read me over?"

"I read you Braden!"

"Are you safe? Where's James and Rose?"

"X 4 and 5 are with me. We are currently being held captive by Princess Celestia in Canterlot, the capitol city of Equestria."

"Is there any way you can escape?"

"No."

"I'm coming to get you. Stay put."

"Negative sir. There is no way you can save us without killing any of the ponies. And trust me sir, casualties are the one thing we cannot afford on this mission."

"Then what the hell do you suppose I do?"

"Our best shot at getting out of this is to talk it out with the ponies. So long as we don't seriously injure anyone, we should be fine."

".........."

"Colonel, please tell me you didn't already."

"A group of guards assaulted me without warning. I may have... crippled most of them."

"Well then everything just got more compli- crap. Guards are coming. I'll call you back when I can, Colonel."

"Stay safe Private. Braden out."

Kenny shut off his com link. A pair of unicorn guards were approaching their cell, levitating three small bags. When they were up in front of the door, a small hole briefly appeared in the force field. The guards tossed the bags through the hole, turned around, and left.

"Hey. Hey!" James called out. "What the hell are these bags for?!"

One of the guards turned his head toward James. His horn began to glow. The three bags glowed and began to unwrap themselves. Each of the bags were spread out flat on the floor, each of them holding an apple, a carrot, and a canteen of water. The guards left the jail room and slammed the door behind themselves.

The three SPARTANs stared down in disbelief at their rations. Their hands were bound, and they couldn't take their helmets off.

"You have got to be shitting me." James said.

**********

It was late evening. Twilight and her five friends were on their way to the Everfree Forest, ready to kick the ass of whatever had kicked Shining Armor's ass.

"T-Twilight, are you sure this is a good idea?" Fluttershy nervously asked. "I mean, we're just six normal mares, and whatever monster attacked your brother managed to defeat him and ten others!"

"Oh please Fluttershy, everypony knows that the royal guards are just a bunch of incompetant tools." Rainbow Dash casually said. Twilight gave her a sour look. "Heh, well, except for your bro Twilight. But seriously, when have the guards ever taken down a threat?"

"Um..."

"Exactly. Nightmare Moon? Swatted them aside. Discord? Slipped right past them. Changelings? Beat them down easily. But we beat them all. Well, it was technically Shining Armor and Cadence who took out the Changelings, but still. We can do this!"

"That's the spirit Rainbow Dash!" Twilight said with a slightly crazed look.

Applejack trotted up beside her. "Twi, I know you're angry 'an all about your brother being hurt. Now, don't get me wrong, I'd be in your position right here right now if this had happened to Big Mac, but, you seem to be taking this a little too zealously."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that you probably aren't thinking straight. We need to turn back, now, and think up of a better battle plan."

"Too late we're already at the forest."

"D'oh!"

The six friends had arrived at the edge of Everfree. The dark trees menacingly loomed over them, the wind howling in the most creepily cliche'd way possible. Fluttershy hid behind Pinkie Pie, shivering. "WE'RE GOING IN." Twilight dramatically said. The ponies entered the forest.

"Twilight, how exactly do you know where to go?" Rarity asked.

"Easy. I asked a guard where in Everfree Shining and the others were attacked. I played the whole "concerned citizen" role."

The group continued onwards for several more minutes until Twilight suddenly stopped and raised a hoof. "Get down!" She quietly said. The six ponies dropped low to the ground. They silently crawled forward and peered over a bush. Just fifty feet away was an open clearing. In the middle of the clearing there appeared to be a giant winged creature that seemed to have crashed where it lay. Standing guard in front of the giant creature was a much smaller creature.

It resembled the monsters the girls had seen the other day.

"That must be it." Rainbow Dash whispered. "The monster that took out those guards."

Fluttershy whimpered. "It's so scary..."

Twilight observed the monster the best she could. It was bipedal, much taller than they were, pure white in color, and appeared to be heavily armed. She stroked her chin in thought. She recalled the damage it did to the guards. To her brother. "It's not merciful. We have to do this carefully." "Girls, I have an idea..."

**********

Braden heard a twig snap. He quickly turned around and scanned the trees. Nothing. But that's not what his radar said. Six red blips dotted the area ahead of him. "No killing." He reminded himself.

Three of the dots began to slowly move towards him, while the other three fanned out around him. "A diversion? Clever. But not clever enough."

If you don't know what Braden's going on about, here's the deal: shortly after his fight with the guards, Braden had lined the perimeter of the treeline with traps.

Three of the traps were set off by the three diversion blips. Three screams rang out.

"EEP!"

"AH! My beautiful mane!"

"A surprise! I love surprises!"

Hanging upside down by the legs in three of the snares Braden had set were three ponies. A yellow pegasus, a white unicorn, and a pink normal pony. They were obviously not military. "Civilians? Okay, definitely do not kill."

"It got them! I'm going in!" A brash voice called out. One of the blips that had been circling Braden shot out from the trees straight at him. He had fallen for that trick before. No way in hell would he get bucked again.

He twirled toward his oncoming opponent, stuck out a hand, and grabbed a blue pegasus by the face, stopping it in its tracks, or, flight, whatever.

His hand almost completely covered its face, save for its eyes. Its screams came out muffled. "Don't worry sugarcube! Ah got you!" Another voice with a southern accent yelled. Behind Braden, an orange normal pony charged out from the brush at him. "Dear god this is too easy." Braden thought to himself.

Just as the orange pony was going to tackle Braden, he scooped it up by the neck. So now he was holding a blue pegasus by the face in one hand, and an orange pony by the neck in the other. Braden noticed that the orange one was wearing a stetson hat and was wearing its mane in a ponytail. Get it? Pony? Ponytail? Heh... ah who am I kidding that joke's already been done one thousand three hundred and thirty seven times.

"Let us go!" The orange pony said to him in anger. Braden did not want to deal with this. He squeezed on the pony's neck, pressing down on those "sleepy parts". The pony gave a choking cry at first, then it fell asleep. Braden dropped its limp body to the ground.

He noticed that the pegasus he was holding was looking down in horror at the unconscious pony. Tears were welling up in its eyes. "Hmm. It must think its friend is dead. Better do this quick."

But he couldn't resist messing around with the pegasus first. "You're next." He said to it. The pegasus struggled and thrashed at first, but fell silent when Braden pressed down on its pressure points. He set it down next to the orange one.

"Wait. There were six. Three in the snares, two asleep, but where is that last one?"

The sixth blip reappeared on his radar, but it was fazed, and in the exact same spot he was. "But that means..."

Braden looked up.

A purple unicorn was standing directly above him on the wing of the Longsword.

"What the fu-"

The unicorn jumped. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Braden casually stepped to the side.

"YAAAAHHHH- OH BUCK NO!"

The unicorn landed on its face with a splat. Braden lightly pressed down on its back with his foot, grabbed its horn, and reared it back so she could look at him in the eye visors. The unicorn gave a groan of pain and stared at him. Its face was filled with rage. "Go ahead. Do to me what you did to my brother!"

"Your brother?"

"Does "Shining Armor" ring any bells?"

"...Ah yes. The arrogent fool who tried to arrest me for no legitimate reason."

"You HURT HIM!"

"Not as much as I'm going to hurt you." Braden unsheathed his sword and set the blade to the unicorn's neck. It whimpered. "What's your name?"

"T-Twilight S-Sparkle."

"And your friends?"

Twilight first looked to the orange pony and blue pegasus. "You killed them..."

"No. They're just asleep. Now, their names."

"...Applejack and Rainbow Dash."

"And the three in the traps?"

"Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity."

Braden briefly pondered what he should do with these ponies. Should he keep them, or let them go? Then, an idea sprang into his head. "They have three of my SPARTANs. So, if I have three of their ponies..." Braden chuckled. He pressed down on the pressure points on Twilight's neck, causing the unicorn to fall unconscious. He picked her up, as well as Rainbow Dash and Applejack. He carried them into the Longsword, tied each of them up in rope, cuffed their legs, and placed them in one of the empty spare rooms. He closed the door shut and went back outside.

He approached the ponies Twilight had named Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity. They were still hanging there, upside down. The pink pony and white unicorn saw him coming and started shuddering in fear, unable to move. However, the yellow pegasus was facing the opposite direction. "W-what's going on?" The pegasus nervously asked. "D-did w-we win?"

Braden was standing directly behind Fluttershy. "Pinkie Pie?" He calmly said. The pink pony waved a hoof. The pegasus started shaking badly upon hearing Braden directly behind her.

"Rarity?" The white unicorn nodded.

Braden looked down at the pegasus. He gently grabbed one of its hooves that was caught in the snare, and twirled it around so it would face him. The pegasus froze up and looked up at Braden in terror. "Fluttershy?"

"Eep."

"W-what are you going to do to us?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"And where are our friends?!" Rarity demanded. "Twilight deary! Applejack! Rainbow Dash!"

"They are my prisoners." Braden responded.

"Let them go!"

"Not until I get what I want."

Suddenly, Fluttershy was eye level with Braden. She was flapping her wings, trying to stay upright. Gone was the timid creature just five seconds ago, Fluttershy now looked more intimidating than a Jiralhanae going berserk. Fluttershy was giving Braden The Stare at point blank range.

"Now you listen here mister! Just because you're bigger and stronger than others, doesn't mean you get to hurt others! Now, free me and my friends, or suffer the consequences! NOW!"

Braden grabbed Fluttershy by the neck. Pinkie and Rarity gasped, while Fluttershy was simply shocked that The Stare had failed.

"You ponies attack my team without cause, take them captive, threaten our lives, and you have the nerve to label me the villain?"

Fluttershy began whimpering. "B-but you-"

"SILENCE!" Braden let go of Fluttershy and took out his katana. The ponies looked up in terror as he raised it over his head, and brought it down.

He had cut the snare lines. The three ponies each dropped to the ground with a small *thud*.

"I have a message I want you three to deliver to Princess Celestia! So listen closely!"

The ponies looked up at the SPARTAN in terror.

"Tell Princess Celestia that if she ever wants to see Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack alive ever again, she is to immediately release the SPARTANs James, Rose, and Kenny from their prison in Canterlot, alive and unharmed, to me in person here. Alone. No exceptions. Is that understood?"

"W-when do you w-want to meet h-her?" Rarity asked.

"In twenty four hours. Now GO!"

Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity ran away from the SPARTAN. Braden watched them disappear into the darkness. He could hear them crying.

Trollestia Strikes Back

It was morning, and Princess Celestia was chillin' on her throne, munching on a banana, drinking tea, reading her personal copy of Public Enemy #2. She chuckled. "Ha! That zebra is so black." She dipped her banana into her tea and shoved the whole fruit down her throat. "OMN. Secretary, what's my schedule for today?"

A scruffy looking earth pony with a wild black mane and an orange and dark blue hat on his head came into view. "Well your Majesty, you have a noon meeting with the griffin diplomats, a two o'clock inspection on the quality of your moon cannon, and a five o'clock molesting of Discord's statue."

"Anything else?" Celestia asked as she sipped her tea.

"Oh, and some mares just came by today claiming that Twilight Sparkling Skin, Apple n' Jacks, and Rainbow Slash are being held against their will by a monster in the Everfree Forest."

Celestia spat out her tea. "PFFFFFFT. WHAT?"

"Don't worry your Majesty, I'll see them off."

Before the secretary could make things worse, Celestia levitated a coin in front of his face.

"Look at the change! See the change?"

"CHANGE! CHAAAAAAAANGE!!!!"

"Go get the change!" Celestia tossed the coin out the nearest window, and the secretary followed suit.

Celestia pointed a hoof to the nearest guard. "Guard, get your underpaid ass out there and tell those tools at the main door to allow those three mares entry to my throne room!"

The guard stared at her with a dazed expression. "Hurrr..."

Celestia face hoofed. "Let them in."

The guard saluted and suddenly became more serious. "Yes your Highness!"

The guard sprinted to the door, opened it a little, and poked his head through the opening. After a few seconds he brought his head back out and opened the doors the rest of the way. Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy bolted through the door, causing said door to collide with the guard's face. Nopony gave a second thought to the guard who was now grasping his bleeding snout in agony.

"Fluttershy, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, have the other Elements really been captured?" Celestia asked with much concern.

"Yes your Majesty." Rarity somberly answered.

"By whom?"

"That same meany pants who bucked up Shining Armor and those guards!" Pinkie replied.

Celestia narrowed her eyes. "Now wait, just what exactly were you girls doing there anyways?"

Everypony looked to Fluttershy. "Psst, Fluttershy," Pinkie whispered, "It's your line now."

"Oh! S- sorry." Fluttershy timidly said. "W- well, Twilight was very upset about that monster hurting her poor brother, s- so we all went out to try to capture it, but, that didn't work out so well."

"But why weren't you three captured? Did you escape?"

"That's just the thing Princess Celestia." Rarity said. "He just, well, let us go and told us to tell you this."

"What? Why?"

"I trust that you are well aware of those other three ruffians Shining Armor managed to capture?"

"Yes. They attempted to escape earlier but I stopped them- wait. Is he asking for a prisoner trade?"

"Yes."

"What were his conditions?"

"He wants you to meet him alone at his camp, with the three captive "spartans"- that's what they call themselves I believe- at evening."

"Did he say what would happen if I refused his offer?"

"He... heavily implied that he would kill Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash."

"Did it just get warm in here?" Pinkie rhetorically asked.

Indeed, all three of the mares suddenly felt the air getting hotter. They soon realized that the heat was in fact radiating from a majorly pissed off looking Princess Celestia. "Come with me." Celestia said as she stepped down from her throne.

"W- where are we going?" Fluttershy nervously asked.

"To the dungeon."

**********

James kicked away another rat that had tried to steal his rations. "Little shits." He said. He looked to Rose and Kenny. "Hey, where did they put our guns again?"

"In the guard's quarters." They both replied.

"Have either of you managed to pick up Braden's signal again?"

"No." Rose responded. "Nothing but static. Like there's some kind of interference."

Then, they heard a door open. The three SPARTANs looked down the hall to see four ponies entering the dungeon.

"The big one's Princess Celestia, right?" Rose quietly whispered to Kenny.

"That's right." He replied. "The smaller white one is Rarity, the pink one is Pinkie Pie, and the yellow one is Fluttershy."

"Hey, wasn't that Fluttershy pony the one we saw just before we got captured?" James asked. "And what the hell happened back there anyway Kenny? When you saw her you looked like you were in a trance or something."

"Well I- I was just uh, um-"

"Spartans." Celestia said. She, Rarity, Pinkie, and Fluttershy were standing in front of their cell.

The SPARTANs stood up straight, facing her. The smaller three ponies visibly shrank back in fear. "How do you know that word?" James asked with suspicion.

"You can thank your leader for that."

"Colonel told you?"

"Ah, so his name is Colonel?"

"No." Kenny said before James could say anymore. "That is his rank, your Majesty."

Celestia cocked an eyebrow. "You know who I am?"

"That I do, Princess Celestia."

"But we have never spoken before."

"I know many things."

"Oh really? Well then, elaborate."

"I know that we are in Equestria, in the Canterlot dungeon, North of Ponyville and the Everfree Forset, and I know the names of the three with you; Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Fluttershy."

The three ponies gasped while Celestia simply widened her eyes in surprise at how much Kenny knew.

"How do you know our names?" Fluttershy squeaked.

Kenny decided to make himself seem even more knowledgeable. "I also know where you live." Unfortunately this came off as creepy as the three mares hid behind Celestia, who glared at him angrily.

He decided to change the subject. "But tell me, Celestia, why do I only see three of the Elements of Harmony with you? Where is your star pupil Twilight Sparkle, the farmer Applejack, and Wonderbolt fangirl Rainbow Dash?"

Once again, he had unintentionally struck a nerve. However, this time it was Celestia who was alarmed by how much he knew, and Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie who glared at him.

"You have no right to talk about our friends like that!" Rarity exclaimed while pointing an accusing hoof. "Especially not after they were kidnapped by your barbaric Colonel!"

The SPARTANs flinched. "I beg your pardon?" Rose asked.

Celestia "Ahem'd" and waved the three mares off. "From what these three have told me, your leader has taken the other three Elements hostage, and is demanding a prisoner trade."

"Okay, stop, everyone just stop!" James cried out. They all looked to him. "First things first, release our bonds so we can take off our helmets!"

Celestia gave a small scowl. "You would try to escape again."

"You already have us trapped in a force field box! How can we get out?!"

Celestia rolled her eyes. Her horn began to glow, and the magic ropes disappeared. James immediately took off his helmet, scarfed down his apple and carrot, and chugged down his water. Kenny and Rose did the same but with less zeal.

Then they put their helmets back on. "Okay we're good." James simply said.

The ponies were a little stunned at what happened. Celestia opened her mouth, then closed it, trying to find the right words to say. "Ah forget it."

Celestia and the ponies then turned and left for the door.

"Hey!" Kenny yelled out. "You said our Colonel wanted a prisoner trade!"

Before she closed the door, Celestia casually turned her head back to him. "Well you know what I want? A rescue. Besides, I don't negotiate with terrorists. Problem?"

She closed the door.

James started shaking. "FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

**********

"...Wake up... WAKE UP!"

Twilight's eyes shot open. "AH! Who's there?!"

"It's me, Dash!"

Twilight looked to her right. Rainbow Dash was sitting next to her, tied up and in cuffs. She looked down at herself. Tied up and in cuffs. She looked to her left to see Applejack struggling to get out of her bonds. She observed her surroundings. They were in a small room that was about seven square feet in shape. There was one door in front of them, a dim light above them, and no windows. All three of them were sitting with their backs against the wall.

"Where are we? What's going on?" Twilight asked.

"We got captured, that's what happened Twilight." Applejack answered as she continually tried and failed to escape.

"Oh yeah, that's right..." Twilight said as she remembered her botched attempt at taking out the creature. Then, she became alarmed. "Wait, where's Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rarity?!"

Rainbow Dash nervously gulped. "Them? Oh I'm sure they got away! Heh, heh, I hope."

Applejack scowled. "I swear if that varmit hurt any of them I'll-"

The door suddenly opened, revealing the creature. "You'll what?" The creature said. Its tone and the timing of its reveal was more than enough to shut Applejack up.

Twilight snarled. "YOU!"

"Me."

The creature stepped through the door and kneeled down on one leg in front of them. Its face still had the same intimidating, unchanged look to it. No mouth, just a blank surface. Its golden unblinking eyes; no pupils, no irises; stared into the souls of the ponies. The crown of horns on its head added to the fear factor. "Twilight Sparkle. Rainbow Dash. Applejack."

"How do you know who we are?!" Rainbow demanded.

"I told him." Twilight answered. She looked to the creature. "Who are you? We have a right to at least know who is holding us hostage."

"I suppose that's fair." The creature said. "I am Colonel Braden 007. I assume you have many questions for me."

"Yes. First of all, what did you do to our friends?!"

"The ones named Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity?"

"Yes!"

"I let them go."

"...No you didn't."

"Yes I did."

"My flank you did! You ate them didn't you!?"

"No. I let them go and told them to deliver a message to Princess Celestia."

"Oh really? Well them, what did you tell them to tell Celestia, hm?"

"I told them to tell her that if she ever wanted to see you three alive ever again, she would release Kenny, Rose, and James."

"Wait, y- you're going to kill us?!"

"...Nah I was just bluffing."

"Who bluffs about murder?!"

"I do."

"...You mentioned someponies named Kenny, Rose, and James. Were those the three creatures Shining Armor captured?"

"Yes. And as you can imagine, I was not too happy when he told me that."

"And then you sent him and ten other guards to the hospital!"

"They were military hostiles who attacked me without reason! I had every reason to defend myself! Go ahead! I dare you to unjustify that!"

"You're dangerous! And your lackeys tried to hurt Fluttershy!"

Braden stood up suddenly, looming over the ponies menacingly. They shrank back. "Never call my SPARTANs "lackeys". NEVER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

The three mares quickly nodded.

"Now then, tell me, what do you mean by "tried to hurt Fluttershy" ?"

Twilight strengthened her resolve. "A few days ago, Fluttershy had an encounter with your "spartans". She was out picking flowers. She told us that the red one tried to sneak up on her with a dagger, and that she didn't even know it until she was saved by the passing guards who you later beat up."

"Interesting."

"Interesting?"

"Kenny. He's the one who wears red armor. He's, eh..."

"Is there something we should know?"

"...He's a fan."

The ponies looked quizzically at the SPARTAN. "I beg yer pardon?" Applejack asked.

"Kenny, the one whom you claim tried to "sneak up" on Fluttershy, he is a fan of you ponies."

"..."

"Yeah, I know. I was a bit surprised myself when I found out."

"What do you mean by "fan"?" Rainbow Dash asked with a hint of interest.

"He has been... observing you ponies for some time. I don't know for how long, but he knows a thing or two about this "Equestria" place. He admires you. He respects you."

"Then why would he try to sneak up on Fluttershy with a weapon?" Twilight said, trying to keep the conversation from getting too friendly.

"I'm willing to bet he was going to try to communicate with her. But your guards screwed that up, didn't they?"

"You don't know that for sure."

"You can ask for the details on what happened if you meet him."

An awkward silence followed.

"What are you doing here?" Twilight asked, breaking the silence.

"Hm?"

"You and the other spartans. Nothing like you has ever been seen in Equestria before. Why are you here?"

Braden scratched his chin, thinking of a response. Then, he pointed to the ceiling. "Do you know what you are in?"

"A building?"

"No. You are in our ship."

"Um... if this is a ship, then shouldn't it, you know, be in water?"

"This ship flies."

Rainbow Dash sat up. "It flies? How fast?"

"At top speed, faster than you."

"Oh yeah? You wanna bet? Let's race!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

"Aww, why not?"

"Because A: this is a military fighter, not a tool for racing. And B: it's wrecked. We have to fix it."

"Oh. Did you crash?"

"Did you not notice earlier? We fought right next to it."

"Oooooooh so that's what that thing was. Can you fix it?"

"Yes. All we need is time, then we can leave."

"A'right now hold up all of you." Applejack said out of nowhere. Braden, Twilight, and Rainbow looked at her. "Does nopony else here see just how weird this whole situation is? Here you are, holding us captive, and we're all just having a casual conversation like nothing's happened." She shook her cuffs. "Just let us out, darn it!"

"I'm sorry ma'am but bear in mind that your government is still hostile towards us and holding some of my kin captive. I must do what is necessary."

Braden stood up and proceeded out the door. He stopped before he closed the door. "Ms. Sparkle." He said.

Twilight looked to him.

"I am sorry for harming your brother. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I just want you to understand that I had no other choice."

"..."

He closed the door.

**********

Braden closed the door. He stepped back, and leaned against the other wall. He gave a frustrated sigh. "Dammit, how the hell did I get sucked into this?" He thought to himself. "I'm supposed to be on Reach with John and Carter fighting the Covenant, not playing standoff with ponies."

He heard noises outside the Longsword. Braden stopped his inner bitching and went into super- serious mode. He lowered the ramp and stepped out, expecting the worst.

To his mild surprise, an almost regular sized horse stood about twenty feet away from him. It had wings, a horn, a crown, and a wavy multicolored mane. And it did not look happy.

"...Princess Celestia?"

"Yes." The alicorn said. "Colonel?"

Braden decided against asking how she knew his rank and got right down to business. "Yes. Now then, where are they?"

"Where is who?"

"Do not toy with me. Did the ones called Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie not deliver the message?"

"They did."

"Then you know my terms!"

"I do. But I will not tolerate you harming my little ponies." Celestia's horn began to glow.

"You stupid bitch." Braden unsheathed his katana and sprinted towards Celestia. She fired a thin stream of energy that hit Braden in the chest. The spell she had cast upon him enveloped him in an aura of colors and held him in place as if he was pinned against an invisible wall. He struggled to break free.

"I will deal with you later." Celestia said as she walked past Braden and into the Longsword. He was not facing the Longsword at the moment, but he could hear what was occuring. He heard footsteps, and a door opening. Clangs sounded against the metal floor. "Crap."

Suddenly, Rainbow Dash filled his field of vision. She was free and out of her bonds, hovering in front of him. "Woah. The princess totally got you. You're still in there, right?"

Braden growled. Rainbow Dash backed off and landed on the ground, looking a little hurt. Along with Celestia, Twilight and Applejack also came into view, free from their ropes and cuffs. Applejack had a smug look of victory on her face, while Twilight seemed to be conflicted, as if not sure what to really think.

"Colonel Braden 007." Celestia said with all her sternness. "I hereby place you under arrest for assault and kidnapping, and I sentence you to the Canterlot dungeon for life!"

Braden started shaking uncontrollably. "NO!" He spat out.

"There is no use denying it, spartan. Deal with it."

Twilight tapped Celestia on the shoulder. "Um, princess, I think you're being a little rash..."

"Rash? Nonsense!"

"No really you should at least hear him out-"

"Not now Twilight, I'm busy taunting him. Oh don't worry Colonel, I'll be sure to place you in the same cell as your other spartans-"

Braden's right arm bust out of Celestia's magic field. The broken pieces shattered against the ground like glass. "You ponies really don't like doing things the easy way, do you?" His left leg broke free.

"Quickly you three, get close to me!" Celestia yelled. Twilight, Rainbow, and Applejack huddled up close to her. "Stay close! I'm going to teleport us out of here!" Her horn began to glow, and a white light enveloped them.

At this point Braden had completely shaken off the last of the magic and was charging towards them. "NOOOOOO! GET BACK HERE!"

The four ponies disappeared in a flash of light.

Braden dropped to his knees, his fists raised in the air. "RRRRAAAAAAAAWWWW!!!!"

Yeah, he's not a happy camper anymore.

**********

Celestia, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack reappeared in the throne room. Conveniently, Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rarity were there waiting for them.

The Mane 6 had a big corny group hug of friendship.

Fluttershy was crying. "Oh my goodness you're all safe and sound oh boo hoo hoo!"

Pinkie was spazzing out. "You're back! This is great! I'm going to throw the biggest "Welcome back from being held hostage" party ever!"

And Rarity was, eh, meh whatever. "Oh I am SO relieved that Celestia managed to save you from that horrible ruffian!"

"Phew-ee, I'm sure glad that's over." Applejack said in relief.

"My little ponies, did he do anything to you?"

"Hm?"

"You know. Did he torture you, touch you, viol-"

"We talked." Twilight said.

"Okay but did he-"

"No we just talked." Rainbow said.

"Did he say mean things?" Fluttershy asked.

"No he just... answered our questions. And he was kind of... cool. Buck if anything, I'd say Colonel Braden's just trying to make sure his friends make it out okay."

"He even said he was sorry for hurting Shining Armor..." Twilight added.

"Regardless, he is a threat to ponykind." Celestia said, crushing the emotional fragileness of the conversation. "And I will not rest until he is brought to justice."

**********

Braden sat on the ramp of the Longsword, fuming. That goddam princess horse. All he demanded was a simple prisoner exchange but noooooooo she just had to complicate things, didn't she? Man he was so pissed off, so PISSED off, SO PISSED O-

A twig snapped.

Braden immediately raised his sniper rifle. Two blips were on his radar ahead of him in the treeline. Not a sound was heard, then...

A six note, six beat tone was whistled out from the treeline. "Oly Oly Oxen Free!" A voice called out after.

Braden calmed down and holstered his rifle. "Oly Oly Oxen Free, All out in the free, We're all free." He responded.

Two SPARTANs stepped out from the trees.

"Richard, Ashley. Glad to see that you're both still alive."

"Likewise, sir." The two SPARTANs both said in response.

Braden motioned them towards the Longsword. "Get in. We have a lot to talk about. First I'm going to fill you in on what's been going on for me, then, you two are going to tell me what you've been up to."

The three SPARTANs entered the Longsword, and closed the ramp.

Sir Cuss- a- Lot

"SHIT!" Richard yelled as he and Ashley struggled against the powerful winds that were sucking them out of the Longsword. "I HATE PHYSICS!"

Both SPARTANs lost their grips on the Longsword's ramp. Braden appeared just as they fell away.

"FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" Was one of the few words Richard could say as he was free falling. He noticed that Ashley was drifting away from him, possibly due to a gust of wind.

Anyways, where was he? Oh yes.

"ShitshitshitgoddammitshitassdammitcrapcrapshitAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!"

Richard was nearing the ridiculously green and lush ground. He braced himself the best he could, and hoped to some non specific deity (Even though as a SPARTAN he was naturally an atheist) that he wouldn't end up like a screwed over Helljumper.

*HONK HONK*

Richard noticed a train below him. The train was incredibly cartoonish in appearance, and was very colorful. It was moving along a railroad that was directly where he was maybe sort of probably going to land.

"Oh shit I think I'm going to hit that."

Richard crashed right through the roof of the second last car the head locomotive was pulling. Somehow, don't ask, but apparently Richard's impact with the roof was enough to break his fall. He landed on the floor with a loud *THUD*. The wooden floor he landed on splintered, but fortunately it didn't break.

**********

A generic family that consisted of an OC stallion, an OC mare, and their OC filly daughter sat in the third last compartment, waiting to arrive at their destination: Appleloosa. They were the only ones in their section.

*CRASH*

"What was that?" The mare asked in alarm, protectively holding her daughter.

"It came from the other section. I'm going to check it out." The stallion said.

"Be careful daddy." The young filly adorably said.

The stallion gave a small smile and reassuringly patted the filly on the head. He walked over to the back door, opened it, walked through, and closed it. He stepped over to the other compartment, taking care to not lose his balance and fall to his death.

He reached the compartment where the noise had come from, and opened the door.

A large blue creature was on its knees and hands, groaning in pain. It put one hand to the side of its head, and seemed to be trying to regain its senses. The stallion noticed a large hole in the roof and a noticeable dent in the floor beneath the creature, so he assumed the creature had crashed through the roof.

The creature suddenly looked up at him. It had no mouth, but it did have one eye that was thin and almost stretched all the way to the very sides of its head.

They stared at each other for a full half minute.

Eventually the stallion decided that his soul had been stared at for long enough, so he calmly closed the door, and returned to his wife and child in the other compartment.

"Was there something wrong?" His wife asked.

"Nope." He replied as casually dismissive as possible.

**********

"Well that was weird." Richard thought to himself after the pony had left.

He brushed the thought aside and stood up. The room he was in rattled and bumped, causing him to take a step back. He looked out the nearest window. The landscape outside was moving by at an alarmingly fast pace. "I'm on a train." He mentally slapped himself. "No shit Sherlock!"

"Okay, first course of action: get off this train, and follow the tracks back to the others."

Richard proceeded to the back door and stepped out. He looked to both his left and right, and noticed that the landscape the train was currently traveling through was becoming increasingly arid. He hopped over the small gap and entered the next compartment. It looked like the previous one, but plainer. He opened the door in the back, and discovered that he was at the end of the caboose, as there was but a small platform to stand on and a safety railing.

Looking at the horizon, he realized that the greenery filled environment he was originally going to fall into was now several miles away, and that he was currently in a dry sandy desert. And for every second he spent on the train, the deeper he went into the desert.

"Goddammit."

He positioned himself on the railing, and prepared to jump. "Okay on the count of three I'm going to jump. One... two... thr-"

The caboose hit a bump.

"SHIT!"

Richard fell off the caboose, and rolled a few times when he hit the ground. The train continued going down the track as if nothing had happened, and slowly got smaller as it got farther from Richard.

Richard was lying flat on his stomach on the railroad. "Well, at least there's no third rail. Heh." He stood up and stepped away from the railroad track, in case another train should come by.

Before he started his trek, he tried to remember what he had learned of this world from Kenny. "Okay so I'm in a cartoon in a country called Equestria that is populated by talking ponies. Crap."

A sudden thought popped into Richard's head. He checked what weapons he had on him. "Hmm... a battle rifle and a magnum... and they're both broke. Damn. Wait, I got one frag grenade. Good. And what about my... phew, didn't lose them." Richard unsheathed his dual combat knives from his waist and examined them. They appeared to be undamaged, and sharp as ever. He put them back into their holders.

Richard opened a com channel. "This is Major Richard 046, do any UNSC forces read me over? Braden, do you read me over?" Nobody answered. He shut the channel off. "I'll have to try again later."

Suddenly he felt thirsty. He checked himself to see whether he had any water on him. He didn't. "Ah crap."

Richard looked down the railway towards the direction he had come from. Over there was water. And his teammates. Richard started walking. "It's probably closer than it looks." He thought. "Why, I bet within the hour, I'll already be there."

**********

It had been one hour and twenty minutes, and it seemed to Richard that he had barely covered any distance. There was a slight drag to his walk. He may have been a SPARTAN, but he was still a human, and he was really freaking thirsty. His last drink had been about an hour before the slipspace accident.

Sand was kicked aside with every step he took. All of the cacti he passed by were shriveled and dry, they most likely did not have any water in them. Every now and then he spotted a small lizard or scorpion that quickly scurried off. A rattlesnake tried to bite him, but only succeeded in fracturing its fangs.

The scorching sun blazed heat down upon him, seemingly mocking him. "Screw you too sun." He looked ahead. The greenery in the distance was still far off. "How fast was that damn train moving?"

Something caught his attention off in the distance to his far right. He squinted. The shapes were hazy, but they eventually revealed themselves to be a town.

Civilization!

But Richard did not move in. He did not know whether or not the inhabitants would be hostile or not. Too many unknowns. He decided to try calling X Team again.

He opened a channel. A voice immediately answered. "Hello? This is X 1; SPARTAN 007; does anyone read me over?"

"This is X 2; SPARTAN 046; I read you." Richard noticed his voice sounded like it had a little static in it, so he didn't know how well it came out on the other end.

"Richard! Richard is that you?!"

"Colonel, my equipment is damaged, and I can see a town. Orders?"

"Richard, stay away from any and all population centers and stay where you are. We will come to you. Can you confirm if Ashley is still alive?"

"Negative. I have not seen her since falling out of the Longsword."

"Richard, we're coming to get you. I'm sending X 4, 5, and 6 to get you. Clear?"

Richard suddenly lost whatever saliva he still had in his throat. His voice came out tired and raspy. "Hurry."

The call was dropped. Even though he was practically dying, Richard was glad to know that at least four other members of his team had survived. He looked over to the town again, and almost shit a brick.

The town was gone. After a few moments of contemplation, Richard realized that he must have seen a mirage.

Then he almost shit another brick. Not only was he vague as hell about his location to the team, he had just sent them on a wild goose chase. For all any of them knew, they were searching in the opposite direction.

Richard quickly tried to create another com channel, but all that came through was static. "Oh, NOW it decides to be fried by the sun." He sarcastically said to himself.

Richard continued his epic journey of following the train track that was built by ponies through a hot sandy desert.

He decided to ignore just how retarded that ultimately sounded.

**********

Night had fallen. After the day's hike Richard had covered a decent amount of distance to his destination, but he still had a long way to go. Fortunately he had managed to leave the desert and was now in the grasslands. He also found a small running stream, which he drank gratefully. But now he needed rest. He was sitting against a rock, away from the tracks, sleeping.

**********

Richard opened his eyes to bright sunlight. He stood up, stretched, and gave a groan. Sleeping in one's armor kind of hurts. He suddenly realized just how hungry he was. He scanned the area for any game he could eat, but he saw nothing.

"Well, I guess I'll have to settle for the next best thing."

Richard started digging in the dirt. It didn't take long for him to find his prize.

"Worm spaghetti with beetle grub meatballs. Yipee."

**********

For several more hours Richard followed the tracks. The further he went, the more lush the land became. He also started seeing animals such as rabbits and birds.

Richard noticed something strange about the horizon. It seemed distorted, like it sloped down suddenly and then came back up. As he came nearer the source of his confusion, he found out why.

He was standing at the edge of a massive gorge. The tracks spanned across its great length, supported by large wooden beams. A wide river ran along the bottom, which was being fed by a waterfall far to Richard's right off in the distance. Richard noticed a sign.

DANGER! YOU ARE NOW CROSSING GHASTLY GORGE!

"Subtle name."

He looked at the bridge. "Should I cross it? Or go around it? ...The hell am I thinking? Of course I'll go around it! No way in hell I'm crossing that bridge."

Richard turned north to go around the gorge. However, just as he took his first step, the ground underneath gave away. "OH SHIT!" Richard tumbled down the rocky slope. He couldn't find anything to grab onto.

"Owfrakballsdammitcrapshitfrakballsassshitdammit!" He finally hit a solid edge that was jutting out from the side. "OW."

He got up and dusted himself off. He looked up to the top and then down to the bottom. He guessed that he was somewhere at the half- way point.

He sighed. "I guess I'm going across after all." Richard began carefully climbing the rest of the way down, occasionally having to jump from ledge to ledge when a gap was just too wide.

He finally reached the bottom. The soil was hard and damp. As he neared the river the ground became more gravelly. He stuck a finger into the water's current, testing it. The water was moving at a fast pace, but it was nothing he couldn't handle.

Richard carefully waded into the river. The current pushed against him, but he kept his course. So far it was pretty shallow for him, waist height, and the water was clear. He could see salmon swimming past his legs. His foot suddenly felt a slope, and he took a step back. Looking into the water, he could see a noticeable drop off. He guessed that it must have gone down about ten feet. Richard stood on the edge of the drop off, launched himself into the deep water, and started swimming to the other side like an Olympic athlete. After about fifteen seconds he decided that he should check the water's depth. He was in the shallows again. Looking back he saw that the deeper water was only two feet behind him.

Richard trudged the rest of the way out of the river and onto the bank. He looked up at the cliff- face. Like the other side, there were plenty of ledges and easy places to climb around to get to the top. But, something was different. The cliff was dotted with large holes. Animal nests? He would have to be careful around those if that was the case.

Richard started climbing. With ease he lifted himself from ledge to ledge, getting nearer and nearer the top. Then he noticed that he had somehow gotten himself directly below one of the holes. He suddenly felt very cautious. He lifted one hand so as to move around the hole.

A giant sized blob appeared on his motion tracker for a second.

Richard froze. He pressed himself against the cliff- face, waiting. For what he did not know

...

Nothing.

He slowly reached his hand out to a nearby ledge. He accidentally knocked over a small pebble.

A red blur suddenly shot out from the hole above him. Looking up Richard came face to face with something that could make a Brute Chieftain piss himself in fear.

A giant eel was staring down at him, reared up, snarling, hunger in its eyes. The giant eel roared at Richard, spitting saliva all over him, especially on his visor.

He wiped the spit off his visor. "Oh, I am so going to wipe the floor with you."

The eel opened its mouth and quickly snapped up Richard. The monster tilted its head up to swallow him, when Richard grabbed onto one of its lower teeth. The eel started shaking its head so as to make him lose his grip, but Richard wasn't keen on the idea of being some animal's lunch.

The SPARTAN placed both of his feet between the eel's teeth on both sides of its mouth. Moving quickly, Richard picked his only grenade off from his belt, pulled the pin, and chucked it down the eel's throat.

He pulled himself further up the mouth so as to give him some space from the-

*BOOM*

...Explosion.

Richard tried to keep his balance as the eel rocked its head back. It opened its mouth to roar, but instead only gurgled blood. That was his chance. Richard jumped out from the beast's mouth and grabbed onto the nearest cliff ledge. By sheer luck, he had managed to grab a ledge that was a few feet above the eel's hole. He climbed up a little bit, found his footing, and looked back down.

The eel's limp head was slightly hanging out of its hole. Its eyes were dark and glazed over, and its neck just below the jawline was an enormous hole of ripped up flesh and gore. Blood trailed down along the cliff. It was dead.

Several giant red blobs started appearing on Richard's motion tracker. He tensed up and looked around. Eels from the nearby holes were leaving their homes, closing in on him. However, when they did get close, Richard realized that they were not interested in him...

He started climbing faster. This was his best chance to get to the top while the other predators were distracted. Sure he could easily take them all on with his knives alone, it's just that he doesn't exactly have the time for them.

Richard finally reached the top of the gorge, and rolled over onto the flat surface. He stood up, and took one final look at the grisly scene below him. The eels were deeply engrossed in their meal. Richard started walking away.

After only ten steps he stopped and looked at himself. "Ugh. I really gotta find someplace to wash this blood and spit off."

**********

Richard found a sizable river to wash off the gore that evening. "Wait, evening?" He had not noticed that the sun was starting to set. "Better find some shelter soon." He stepped out of the water and scanned his surroundings. A couple hundred yards to the north was a forest.

A very dark forest.

"It will have to do."

The SPARTAN approached the treeline. He stopped. Not out of fear, but out of mild surprise. The trees were noticeably lacking in height. Most of them were a mere five meters in height, while the tallest ones were just under thirty feet. He entered the woods.

The stars were now visible in the night sky. Or at least visible when an opening appeared in the thick canopy. Richard was having a little difficulty navigating his way around the trunks of the trees, which he couldn't but help feel give off ominous vibes.

"Grrrr..."

He stopped and turned toward the direction from where he heard the animal. A large dot appeared on his motion tracker. He could hear something slowly coming near him in the bushes as it stepped on fallen leaves and twigs.

The creature revealed itself. It was a lion with a scarlet mane, bat wings flaring out from its back, and a scorpion's tail. It growled at him again.

Richard had read Greek mythology. He knew what it was. "A manticore. It's a goddamn manticore. Why am I still surprised by this world at this point?"

The manticore continued stalking towards him, growling, no doubt planning on eating him. He stood still, calm.

The manticore was now only two feet away from him. It reared up on its hind legs, raised its massive clawed paw, and-

Richard bitch slapped the manticore in the face. It coiled back, and gave a whimper.

"Beat it pussycat."

The manticore gave a frightened "mew" and ran off.

**********

Richard stepped into something sloshy. He looked down. His foot was submerged in muck. He pulled it out and took a step back onto more stable ground.

"I must be in a bog. Better call it a day for now. Last thing I need is to get stuck in a mud- trap in the middle of the night."

He noticed a large tree nearby with thick branches. He climbed up, and laid down on a branch that seemed to hold his weight.

**********

Richard suddenly woke up, and fell out of the tree. "Ow, dammit!"

He quickly stood up and started sniffing the air. That smell had woken him up. He sniffed again.

Smoke. He smelled smoke.

Either the forest was burning down, or somebody had lit a fire. He climbed back up the tree, and climbed higher until he was at the top, holding onto the tip with one hand. He looked over the horizon, searching for a plume of smoke.

He saw it. Just a few miles north, deeper into the bog, a thin plume of smoke was rising out from the treetops. Maybe it was the other SPARTANs. Or maybe it was some of the locals. Either way, he was gonna find out.

The tip of the tree that he was holding onto snapped off.

"OH FU-"

*THUMP*

"I really gotta stop falling off of things..."

**********

Richard trudged through the thick muck of the bog, getting nearer the source of the smoke with each step. He took the opportunity to walk on solid ground whenever he could, but for the most part he was forced to move through mud.

"Shit and more shit everywhere."

As a SPARTAN, he naturally did not like having to move through mud. It made him slower, and a more easy target. Instinct told him to look around for any Jackal Snipers. For all he knew, the Covenant had followed the SPARTANs to this world.

(They didn't but Richard has a right to be cautious ya know.)

The source of the smoke was now less than fifty feet away, on a small island in the middle of the bog. A thick grove of trees were in his way. He slipped through and stepped onto solid ground. He quietly sneaked through the trees, and found the source.

In the center of the island was a small campfire. Two trout were roasting over the fire on sharpened sticks. Richard looked around. Whoever had did this was nowhere to be seen. He stayed where he was, waiting.

"Oly Oly Oxen Free." A female voice calmly said.

"Did I really hear that?" Richard thought to himself. He stood up and responded. "Oly Oly Oxen Free, All out in the free, We're all free. Is that you Ashley?"

A SPARTAN in grey Rouge armor dropped down from the canopy in front of him. He noticed that she had some strange wooden decoration on her left shoulder. "Major." She simply said.

It took all of Richard's willpower to keep himself from giving an undignified "Gah!" in surprise. "Warrant Officer." He responded.

**********

After the two SPARTANs gave each other a brief simplified summary on what happened to both of them, they ate the two cooked trout and put out the fire. "We have to go north." Ashley said.

"I agree. How far do you think the others are?"

She shrugged. "If they haven't moved, ten miles. Give or take."

"Move out."

"Yes sir."

The two SPARTANs traveled north through the bog. After about an hour they found their way into normal forestry. And by "normal forestry", I mean creepy as hell atmosphere, trees, plants, and sound effects.

At one point during their hike, Richard heard a wolf- like growling. He turned his head to the shadows to see several pairs of glowing yellow eyes staring straight at him. They started coming closer, but stopped when Ashley turned and looked at them. The creatures quieted down, and quickly began backing off.

"What was that?" Richard asked.

"Timber wolves." Ashley responded.

"They seemed scared of you. Is there something I should know?"

She gave a light tap on the wooden decoration on her shoulder. "Where do you think I got this from?"

Richard took a moment to actually observe the piece of wood. Then he recognized it for what it truly was. "Oh."

Mounted on Ashley's shoulder pad was the top half of a wooden wolf's head.

**********

"He looks mad." Ashley quietly said.

"Yeah," Richard responded, "Let's not surprise him."

It was early evening, and just through the trees the two SPARTANs could see both the crashed Longsword and Colonel Braden. However, they felt a little hesitant about going near him. You see, SPARTANs have a knack for reading body language. And if Richard and Ashley were to choose two words to describe Braden right now, those words would be "bloody" and "murder".

Richard accidentally stepped on a twig, which snapped. Braden shot up from his sitting position and aimed his sniper rifle in their direction.

Richard looked to Ashley, shrugged, and whistled "Oly Oly Oxen Free."

**********

"...And then you brought us in here, I started telling you what happened during the past three days from my perspective." Richard said, thus finishing his tale. He, Braden, and Ashley were currently in the cockpit of the Longsword.

"Well, sounds like things went better for you two than us." Braden said.

Richard softly chuckled. "We leave you alone with those three for a few days, and look what happens. So, what's the plan?"

"Hold on now, I believe we have one more story." Braden looked to Ashley.

"Fine." Ashley said.

Richard noticed something was off. Ashley never responded to anyone, especially her superior officers, in such an informal manner. He suspected that she had something to hide, something she didn't want to talk about.

I'm Not Afraid... I'm Not...

Ashley and Richard lost their grips on the Longsword.

As Ashley tumbled through the air, she could hear Richard shouting out a mouth full of swears. "How unprofessional." She thought. She felt a small gust of wind hit her side, which was enough to knock her off course from Richard. "Oh. So this is going to be one of those drops."

She curled up into a ball the best she could and readied herself for when she hit the ground. She was heading straight for a forest. She crashed through a few trees and finally skidded to a halt in the dirt on her back.

Ashley gave a groan and steadily got up on her feet. She looked around. She seemed to be the only living thing in the general area. She was alone.

Alone...

Ashley shook her head. She couldn't afford to reopen old wounds now. She had to focus on getting back together with X Team.

She looked up. "Okay so if I landed here, then the Longsword was heading over there." She looked Northwest. "And then Richard landed over there." She looked West.

She opened a com channel. "This is Warrant Officer SPARTAN- 090, do any UNSC forces read me over? X Team, are you there?" She only got static in reply. "Dammit. Com's broke."

Ashley debated her options. She could either A: Search for Richard first and then find the others. B: Search for the Longsword first and then find Richard. And finally C: ~~Abandon her squad and take over the world.~~

She settled for option A, as it would most likely be best if the two isolated SPARTANs found each other first and joined up with the others later.

She looked at her weapons. A knife, a magnum, and an Assault Rifle. The AR was busted, but the knife and magnum were in acceptable condition. But she only had two clips of ammo for the magnum.

Ashley started her trek westwards, after shaking off a sore muscle in her back.

**********

Ashley had been walking for a few hours now. During her time in the forest she had seen a diverse plethora of plant life and animals. Some were familiar like the occasional daisy flower or squirrel. While others were not, such as the strange bulbous insects with adorable faces, or the obviously carnivorous plants that snapped at whatever came a little too near.

One plant decided to have a taste of Ashley, and clamped down on her leg. She responded by uprooting the plant from the dirt.

Overall the forest was very strange and lively, but there was one particular trait about it that especially stuck out to her.

The forest was dark. Very, very dark.

Dark...

"That is enough!" She scolded herself. "Get a hold of yourself Ashley! Dammit, you're a SPARTAN for crying out loud!"

Ashley tried to force the thoughts out of her head, but the analogies were too great. She was alone, in a dark environment, and more than likely surrounded by hostiles. She had to get out of the forest soon.

**********

It was midnight. Ashley had stopped to rest in a small open clearing that was at the edge of what appeared to be a chasm. On the other side were more trees, and at the bottom, more trees. The SPARTAN had set up a small fire about ten feet from the edge. Over the fire were two slabs of cooking meat. Said meat was from a deer she had hunted with her combat knife. Ashley picked up her canteen and took a small gulp of water.

A bush rustled.

She whipped out her gun and pointed it at the bush, expecting a Covenant Elite to jump out at any moment.

Nothing came, but that didn't stop Ashley from only getting a few hours of rest.

**********

Ashley was walking through the woods. It had been a few hours since she had left her camp, but she wasn't exactly sure of the time. She couldn't see anything through that damn thick canopy.

Ashley grabbed onto a low tree branch and used it to hoist herself up. She climbed the relatively small tree until her head poked through the top. She had to squint for a few seconds until her vision adjusted to the bright sunlight. She had been in that dark forest for too long.

The weather in the area was ideal. Sunny with a few clouds. She looked up at the sun. It was about half- way across the sky. "Noon".

She dropped down to the ground.

"Gggrrrrrr..."

Ashley tensed and looked in the direction of the growl. Past a thicket of bushes she could see a pair of glowing yellow eyes in the darkness. Then there was more growling. At least a dozen more of the creatures had surrounded her.

The growling reminded Ashley of the wolves that Deja had taught her and the other SPARTANs about. That plus the apparent pack pretty much confirmed that wolves were exactly what Ashley was dealing with.

The wolves slowly came closer, and revealed themselves.

"What the hell?" Was all Ashley could think.

The "wolves" were made of tree bark. Timber wood, in fact.

Ashley face palmed. "Oh I get it. Timber. Timber wolves. Ugh."

A timber wolf that was larger than the rest, the Alpha, Ashley assumed, leaped at her, and bit down on her arm. Before she could shake the predator off the rest of the pack swarmed in on her. They clamped their jaws around her, pulling at her limbs as she tried to shake them off.

So there Ashley was, alone, in a dark enclosed area, at the mercy of enemies with superior numbers, just... like... THAT... ONE... TIME!!!

**********

*Flashback within a flashback lol*

2536- Random generic colony world- 2300 hours

Ashley was running through the pitch black jungle. Her weapons were either lost or useless, all of the marines she had been tasked with helping out were dead, and she was tired.

Oh, and three Phantom dropships, six Banshees, a Wraith tank, and about five Elite strike teams were on her ass.

The Wraith fired a massive blob of burning plasma at her. Fortunately the tank's driver had a shitty aim and missed her by about twenty feet to her left. The Phantoms and Banshees fired plasma bolts down upon the lone SPARTAN, and also missed, but were a little closer to home.

A pink needle shot past her. That wasn't good (No shit). It meant that the Elites were close enough that they could afford to risk slowing down to fire. She had to be faster.

She failed to notice a small rock in her path, causing her to trip over it. She hit the dirt and scrambled to the nearest cover: a large tree. She pressed herself against it, hoping that the Covenant would bypass her.

She felt something in her chest. A strange feeling, something she had not felt in a long time.

Fear.

"NO! SPARTANs do not feel fear!" Ashley thought to herself. And yet she could not but help tremble a little as she heard the Elites crashing through the dense jungle, searching for her. The pressure was starting to get to her.

ONI always did consider X Team to not be as psychologically tough as the other SPARTANs...

The sounds were coming closer. Ashley did not dare to even breathe. Then all was quiet.

She dared to take a peak around the tree. Nothing. She turned back around-

-only to come face to face with an Elite Zealot.

The Zealot snarled and swung his glowing energy sword at her, which she dodged. Ashley grabbed onto its wrist and forcibly twisted it, causing the Elite to give a pain filled roar. It smacked her aside and momentarily focused on nursing its broken wrist.

Ashley took this as her chance to escape, but no sooner had she gotten up was she knocked back down by an Elite Ultra. Several more Elites arrived and swarmed her. They punched her, kicked her, and she fought back, but they eventually grabbed hold of her legs and arms and held her steady.

"What are they doing?" Ashley frantically thought. Her vision was blurry, disoriented, but it soon began to clear.

She looked forward and got her answer. The Zealot from before was approaching her, its sword in the hand she didn't twist. It stopped in front of her as its comrades held her in place. The Zealot seemed to give a smug smirk, then raised its sword.

So, this is it? This is how she is going to die? Well, nothing she can do about it now, might as well-

"No..."

Huh?

"RRRRRAAAAAAWWW!!!!!!!!!"

What the hell?! Holy shit Ashley's gone batshit insane on those Elites! Oh my- OH MY GOD! That is freaking nasty! Oh my, oh my- OH. I can't help but feel sorry for those Covenant. I mean I know that their #1 goal is to exterminate the human race, but, damn. Sweet monkey jesus this is just plain horrific! Is she really gonna... EEEWWWWW!!! Good god Jason Voorhees himself would consider this overkill. Oh god I think I'm going to be sick, I'm barely holding back my lunch. Ashley. Ashley don't you dare do to that Elite what I think you're gonna- HURBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. *cough- cough* Okay, okay I think it's over. Is it over? *Looks at impossibly gory scene of carnage.* Yeah its over. Ugh, okay, let's see what Ashley's up to for the rest of the flashback.

Ashley jumped onto the Wraith tank and ripped off the entry door. The pilot- a grunt- screamed in terror as the blood covered SPARTAN crushed its skull in her fist-

OKAY let's all get back to Equestria everybody!

**********

Ashley was beginning to spaz out a little as the memories flooded her mind. Then the wolves pinned her to the ground. Too similar. The Alpha approached her from the front. WAY TOO SIMILAR. The Alpha smugly smirked down at her.

Okay I barely survived witnessing one Ashley massacre, alright? So you wanna know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to pick up my universal remote, change the channel, and occasionally switch back to this fic to see if the beat- down is over yet.

Ashley picked up a timber wolf over her head and ripped it in half-

*TV static*

and just like most women in real life, once the female Black Widow Spider has mated with the male, she murders him and inherits all of his possessions-

*TV static*

Ashley punched her hand into a timber wolf's chest, and ripped out its ribcage-

*TV static*

Batman held the crook up to his face.

"W- who are you?" The crook fearfully asked.

Batman narrowed his eyes. "I'm Batman. NANANANANANANANANANA-"

*TV static*

a timber wolf tried to crawl away, but its attempts were futile as Ashley grabbed its legs and began dragging it back-

*TV static*

tapped his friend on the shoulder. "Hey, you alright?"

"Huh? Yeah, just got a few things on my mind."

"Like what?"

"Well, yesterday I saw my dad's johnson."

"WHAT?! That's horrible!"

"Not really actually."

"Why not?"

"Well, I guess I'm just glad that I inherited by mom's huge-"

*TV static*

Ashley stood triumphant over the pile of sticks and tree sap.

Most of the timber wolves had given up and run away, but Ashley knew there was still one other opponent.

She twirled around and grabbed the Alpha by the neck as it jumped at her. She pinned the struggling animal to the ground and broke its jaws in half King Kong style.

Ashley gave the brief thought that perhaps she had broken it too far, as the top half of the Alpha's head broke off from the rest of the body. She knelt down and picked up the piece of wood. Sap oozed from the breaking point. A sick thought went through her mind. She mounted the half- head on her left shoulder and held it there. The sap hardened, essentially gluing the piece to her armor.

She stood there for a moment, contemplating that she had just lost control of her emotions, had just let the pain come back to her. She felt a tingle in her chest. It wasn't fear, or anger, no, it was something else. She couldn't properly describe it.

It was times like this when Ashley did not feel like the highly trained killer she was now. Right now, she felt like the scared little girl in boot camp whom she used to be. Right now, she really needed a friend to comfort her...

**********

It was sundown. Ashley was now in a bog, trudging through thick mud. Earlier she had managed to catch a couple of trout, which she was carrying in one arm, from a river she crossed, but now she needed a campsite. And frankly, there wasn't much solid ground.

She heard something move through the muck. She looked. Nothing.

Then, the mud in front of her exploded.

Ashley looked up to see a gigantic serpentine monster with four heads and orange scales staring down at her.

"A hydra. You've got to be shitting me." Ashley thought.

The hydra let out a loud roar, reared back its heads to strike, and-

Ashley whipped out her magnum and fired four shots, one into each of the hydra's heads. The beast seemed to freeze for a second, then toppled over into the mud. Ashley passed by the hydra's corpse as if nothing happened.

Well, that was anti- climatic.

**********

Ashley had finally managed to find a piece of dry land to camp out on. It was a small hill that was almost completely covered in trees, save for the middle, which was clear. Ashley set up a fire pit and put the fish she had caught over it. She went to sleep. She would cook her food in the morning.

**********

Ashley woke early. First thing she focused on doing was starting a fire and cooking the fish. But for this fire, she made sure that it created a lot of smoke. She was hoping that maybe, just maybe, another SPARTAN would see the smoke.

**********

Ashley was sitting on a tree branch above the campsite, waiting. Then, her motion tracker picked up something. She looked down to see a SPARTAN in blue Recon armor. She smiled.

**********

"- and the rest is the same as what Richard told you." Ashley said.

"I see." Braden responded.

"So now can we focus on freeing James, Rose, and Kenny?" Richard inquired.

"Yes." Braden said. "SPARTANs, listen up, here's the plan. We are going to infiltrate Canterlot, and free our teammates, no matter the opposition. Simple as that."

"Are we allowed to use lethal force against the ponies?"

Braden sighed. "At this point I should say yes, but my gut is telling me no. If we start killing them, they'll only bother us even more. It's best that we simply get the message across that we are not to be trifled with."

"So... no killing ponies?"

"NO KILLING PONIES."

"There's just two problems with your plan, sir." Ashley said.

"What?" Braden asked.

"Do we even know where Canterlot is?"

"...No."

"And from the looks of things we have only one way of obtaining that information..."

The three SPARTANs were quiet for a moment, then Richard said "Aw... shit."

Braden face palmed.

"...We have to ask."

No Not Reconz- RECONNAISSANCE!

It was night out. Nine o' clock, in fact.

Braden, Richard, and Ashley silently waited under the cover of the treeline, eyeing the few lights in the distance that signaled pony civilization.

Richard turned his head to Braden. "Orders, sir?"

"X 2, you're coming with me to investigate the village. X 3, I want you to check out the outskirts for any ponies that live out of town. Stay away from groups of two or more. Only confront a pony who you are absolutely sure is alone. I want you to interrogate them for information on Canterlot's location, but do not harm them. Once you have the intel send a signal to all of our HUDs, and we will meet back here. Clear?"

"Clear." Richard and Ashley said.

"Move out."

**********

"Well, ah think we should call it a day. G' night everypony." Applejack said as she and the rest of the Mane Six left the Ponyville train station.

Rarity gave her a concerned look. "Applejack, are you sure it's safe to go all the way over to your house at this hour when that," She nervously gulped, "Colonel ruffian is running amok?"

"Ah don't got much of a choice. I've been away from Granny, Big Mac, and Apple Bloom for too long, they have to be worried sick by this point."

"Oh, and I have to check up on the animals." Fluttershy brought up. "But, I live so close to the Everfree Forest, I don't know if it's safe..."

"Ah'll escort ya to your cottage, sugarcube." Applejack reassuringly said with a smile. Fluttershy perked up a little at this.

"Are you sure you two couldn't just stay in town until morning?" Pinkie asked. "I mean, you two could have a slumber party over at my place! It'll be awesome!"

Applejack shook her head. "No can do Pinkie. Fluttershy and ah both got responsibilities, and we gotta stay true to them."

Pinkie sullenly looked to the ground, but her mane didn't deflate, so that was a sign that she understood.

"Before we all depart," Rarity said, "Anypony have any last thoughts on what should be done about the Colonel? Twilight, Rainbow Dash, you two have been awfully quiet since we left Canterlot. Is there something on your minds?"

Rainbow Dash rubbed her forehead in frustration. "I'm just confused right now. I mean, at first I thought he was evil, but then I thought he was good, and then evil, and then good, and then- GAH! I need to think this over..."

"And what about you, Twi?" Applejack said.

Twilight nervously kicked the dirt at her hooves. "Well... maybe he's not as bad as we thought he was?"

"What?! Twilight, the Colonel is clearly evil! He attacked those guards, nearly killed your brother, held us hostage, attempted to take down Princess Celestia herself, and all you have to say is maybe he's not evil?!"

"And who are you, or any of us for that matter to decide what is good or evil?" Twilight sharply replied.

The others were a bit shocked at Twilight's response.

Especially Applejack. "Twi, what are you talking about?"

"Listen to me. So far in the past few days, every conflict between ponykind and the spartans has always been started by us ponies."

"But didn't they start it first?" Rarity inquired. "I mean, that one red one tried to sneak up on Fluttershy, and then those other two attacked after."

"Maybe, but we still don't know what Kenny's- that's the red spartan's name- intentions were. Besides, the guard hit him first. And those other two most likely attacked to save their friend. And unfortunately, due to SOMEPONY," Twilight accusingly looked at Pinkie, "Leading us on a wild goose chase about imaginary walking cupcakes, we completely forgot to ask the prisoner spartans about their motives while we were in Canterlot."

Pinkie Pie shrugged. "What can I say? The author asked me to provide this fic with a reason for why most of us should still harbor bad feelings toward the spartans. Besides, he loves trolling the audience." Pinkie then looked at you and winked.

"Yer point, Twilight?" Applejack asked in an irate tone.

"My point is this: what if they aren't the bad guys in this situation?"

**********

Ashley had been searching the outskirts of the pony town for a good ten minutes now. She kept low to the ground, the darkness helping her stay hidden from sight. Her skills at stealth also helped her stay quiet. Not that she really needed to. It wasn't like there were any ponies nearby or anything. The area was just one big empty grass field. Sure there was a small pond or stream every now and then, but the landscape was pretty much the same everywhere. Not a sign of variation in sight.

Something caught Ashley's attention.

A short way's off in the distance, near the forest she and the others had emerged from just a while ago, was what appeared to be a cottage. She stealthily approached it. It was on a hill, and appeared to have a nature- theme to it. Bird houses, nests, and rabbit holes were everywhere. There was a small bridge that crossed over a river.

Naturally, all of this pretty decor brought one single thought to Ashley's mind.

"Aesthetic design obviously that of a single individual's. Said single individual is isolated from the rest of the community. A perfect interrogation target. Mwahaha."

Ashley started making her way to the back of the building. She saw the back door, a small table, and a chicken coop. As she made her way back to the front, she heard voices. She looked down the path and saw two ponies approaching the cottage.

Thinking quickly, Ashley took cover behind the cottage just before they saw her. She listened to their conversation.

"Thanks for walking home with me, Applejack, I felt much safer with you around."

"No problem, Fluttershy. Ah can't exactly blame you for being a little nervous, what with that Colonel on the loose."

"They must be two of those ponies who attacked Braden." Ashley thought to herself.

"Um, Applejack, can I ask you a question? I mean, if that's okay with you..."

"Not at all. What about?"

"Are you still mad at Twilight for disagreeing with you?"

Ashley heard the one called "Applejack" give a deep sigh. "No. Ah'm pretty sure Twi's just letting that monster's words get ta her. Y'know, just like Discord."

"Oh, okay. Well, good night. Stay safe."

"Likewise Fluttershy."

Applejack left Fluttershy's cottage heading in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. Once she was a safe distance away, Ashley started following her. Oh sure "Fluttershy" would have been a perfectly suitable target, but Ashley had a gut feeling that she would be more successful if she followed this "Applejack".

A SPARTAN's gut feeling was never wrong.

**********

Apple Bloom and Winona worriedly looked out the window for the three hundred- and second time since Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Rarity had briefly stopped by and told the Apple family that Applejack, Twilight, and Rainbow Dash had been captured by some monster called "The Colonel". That was a whole day ago.

Big Mac walked up next to his sister. "Apple Bloom, it's late. You should go off to bed."

She looked up at her older brother. "But ah'm worried about Applejack."

"And fretting about it by the window won't do either of you any good. Now get some shut eye, alright?"

Apple Bloom lowered her head in defeat of Big Mac's logic. But before she left she did one last look out the window.

"IT'S HER!" Apple Bloom cried out with a smile. Applejack could be seen out the window. She was just coming up the hill to the house, in fact.

"WHAT!" Big Mac almost pressed his face against the window. He then gave a relieved sigh. "Thank Celestia."

Apple Bloom and Winona quickly rushed out the front door with Big Macintosh following close behind.

"Applejack!" Apple Bloom and Big Mac yelled out at the same time.

"Bark bark!" Winona barked.

"Apple Bloom! Big Mac! Winona!" Applejack responded.

Granny Smith poked her head out of her bedroom window. "WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE BUCK UP I'M TRYING TO SLEEP- oh Applejack your'e back! Oh it is such a relief to know that yer alright. But seriously now, all of you, shut up."

Granny closed her window.

The three ponies and dog who were outside briefly silently stared up at Granny's window for a moment, and then they all let out a nervous chuckle. And then they hugged.

"You have no idea how relieved we are to have you with us again." Macintosh said. "Are you okay?"

"Ah'm fine, Big Mac." Applejack replied. "All I have on my mind right now is getting a good night's sleep."

The group started making their way back to the house, when Applejack noticed Apple Bloom was missing. "Where's Apple Bloom?"

"Over here!"

They turned to see Apple Bloom trotting towards the barn.

"Apple Bloom, where are ya going?"

"During all mah worrying about you, I forgot about the school project Ms. Cheerilee assigned me a few days ago."

"And it's in the barn?"

"Yeah. She told us all to make a miniature model of Equestria. Me, Sweetie Belle, an' Scootaloo helped out in making each others, an' ah left mine in the barn."

Applejack gave her sister a worried look. "Maybe ya could get it in the morning..."

"Ah might forget again! An' it's due tomorrow!"

Apple Bloom noticed that Applejack's gaze had left her, and was now scanning the area behind her. Apple Bloom turned her head around to see what Applejack was looking at. All she could see was the darkness...

"Apple Bloom, ah-"

"It'll only be a minute, no, half a minute, an' ah'll be back!"

"Fine, but ah'll be waiting here. Make it quick."

Apple Bloom smiled at her apparent victory and resumed her trek to the barn. She followed the path down the hill, climbed the next hill, and in no time was at the family barn. She made her way to the front of the barn and opened the doors. She entered the building. It took her a moment to notice just how creepy the barn was at night.

Apple Bloom did a quick scan of the inside of the barn, and saw her school project sitting on top of the right side counter. She went over to it and picked it up with her teeth.

*CREAK*

Apple Bloom froze.

She quietly set her project down, and as cautiously as possible, turned around.

The barn door was slightly a little more ajar than it was when she had come in. And tonight wasn't a windy night.

Apple Bloom started feeling a little scared, when-

"Psst."

Apple Bloom yelped. "W-who's there?!" She frightfully asked.

"Up here."

Apple Bloom looked up.

**********

Applejack watched Apple Bloom as she trotted off to the barn. As soon as her little sister went around the barn and was thus out of her sight, Applejack immediately regretted letting Apple Bloom go off on her own.

"Grrrr..."

Applejack and Big Macintosh both looked down at Winona in surprise. The Border Collie was pointed in the direction Apple Bloom had gone, growling intensely at something.

"BARK BARK!"

Applejack's heart began thumping. She began looking over the land, searching for whatever had spooked Winona.

For the briefest second, Applejack saw a tall, bipedal shadow sprint towards the barn.

**********

All that Apple Bloom saw was a small bat staring blankly at her as it hung from the rafters.

"Is somepony there?" She timidly asked.

"Well I'm the only bat here, so, obviously."

Apple Bloom narrowed her eyes at the bat. "You're a talking bat?"

"Is there a problem with that, child?"

"N- no ma'am I just-"

"Forgiven. Listen, I need directions. Could you please help me?"

"Um... okay... where to?"

"Do you know the way to Canterlot?"

**********

"Would you just slow down for a moment Applejack!" Big Mac said as he helped Applejack up. "That's the second time you've tripped over your own hooves!"

Applejack paid her brother no acknowledgment and quickly resumed her run to the barn. She turned the corner and flung the barn doors open. She saw Apple Bloom standing off to the far right side. Said filly snapped her head towards Applejack with a startled expression.

"Apple Bloom! Are ya alright!?"

"Y- yes, why?"

Applejack frantically looked around. "Was there anypony else in here with you?!"

"No, just me and this talking bat."

Applejack sighed in relief. "Phew. For a second there, I thought- wait. Talking bat?"

"Yeah! Come see."

Applejack went over to Apple Bloom. Big Mac and the still growling Winona stayed behind at the entrance. When Applejack was close enough, Apple Bloom pointed up at he rafters. She looked up to see a bat staring blankly at her.

"Well go on, say hi!" Apple Bloom encouraged.

Applejack cocked an eyebrow and looked back at the bat. "Uh, hi?"

The bat didn't respond.

"Hello?"

Still no response.

"Why aren't ya talking?" Apple Bloom asked the bat.

The bat suddenly gave a small screech and flew up to the higher rafters.

The ponies stayed silent for a moment. "Apple Bloom..." Applejack almost whispered. "...What did you and the bat talk about?"

"She just asked me directions to Canterlot is all. Why?"

"She?"

"Yeah, she."

Applejack began mumbling to herself. "...She... directions... Canterlot..." Applejack's eyes widened at the realization of what had just occurred.

Normally Applejack would have ran as fast as she could to Ponyville there and then. However, there were certain things to be accounted for. First, she absolutely needed to sleep. Second, she had to get Apple Bloom to safety. And third, if what she thought had spoken to Apple Bloom was still nearby, or even worse watching them at this very moment, it could easily pick her off before she could get to town.

"Apple Bloom, get your project and come back to the house with me an' yer brother, quickly."

**********

Ashley watched the three ponies and dog from the roof of the barn as they quickly returned to their house. The mission had gone perfectly. It was quick, there wasn't a single snag, and she had completed her objective. According to the child, Canterlot was positioned on a mountain Northeast of her current position.

Ashley pressed a button on her helmet, which sent a signal to Braden and Richard.

**********

The Colonel and the Major silently infiltrated Ponyville. Guards were practically everywhere, but they were easy to avoid. After a few stealthy ninja jumps, the two SPARTANs were at the top of an exceptionally large building, the town hall, in fact.

"Major." Braden said. "From here we part ways. Until you either get a signal or find the info we need, continue searching. Either way, meet Ashley and I at the treeline when the time comes."

"Understood, Colonel." Richard replied.

With that, Braden turned around, and jumped from the building. Richard briefly watched as his superior disappeared into the shadows. Richard then turned to the opposite side of the building, and did the same, but less gracefully. He tripped, actually.

"OH CRAP-"

*THUD*

"Did you hear that?" A masculine voice said.

Richard got up and sprinted to the nearest dark alley. Just as he found a random barrel to hide behind, two guards appeared on the scene. They were unicorns, and appeared to be using their horns as flashlights. One of the guards shone his light down the alley Richard was hiding in. They began to approach.

"Turn around, turn around!" Richard thought to himself.

The guards weren't turning around. They were almost close enough to see Richard behind the barrel.

One of the guards got a little closer, and saw Richard.

"I SEE ONE-"

Richard's hand shot out and jabbed the guard in his sleepy pressure spot. He fell to the ground unconscious. The other guard was about to scream like a bitch, but he too was non- fatally silenced by the SPARTAN. The two guards were lying next to each other, snoring.

"Great, now I have to find a place to hide the bodies." Richard half- humorously thought.

Richard was just about to pick up the two guards when he suddenly felt a strange tingling on the back of his head. The sensation grew, to the point where it was almost painful.

"Itchy... WHY AM I SO ITCHY?"

Richard tried to resist the urge to take off his helmet, but, goddammit this was a bad itch. He quickly took off his helmet and scratched the hell out of the back of his head. He gave a relieved sigh.

"Ah, much bet-" *ZAP* "- HIGAGURKURK."

**********

"Wake up human..." A feminine voice said. "...You're not dead... just... paralyzed."

Richard's eyesight was a bit hazy, but he could tell he was in a cellar shackled to a wall. His vision fully cleared. Around him plastered against the walls and littering the floor were hundreds of papers with images and articles about humans, and on a few desks were several books and models of the human anatomy. It was really creepy. To his right was a staircase and a door. Suddenly, an aquamarine unicorn appeared before him like some supernatural entity.

"You're an amazing creature, you know that? You and I aren't so different." The pony said.

"No we're not..." Richard managed to say. "...You're a pony."

"Well, to each their own."

"Who are you?"

"Oh, where are my manners? My name is Lyra Heartstrings." Lyra held out a hoof for Richard to shake. "Pleased to meet you Mr..."

Richard simply coldly stared at Lyra, and tugged at his shackles a bit. They didn't break.

Lyra giggled. "Oh how silly of me, you can't shake my hoof chained up!"

"So could you free me so I can shake your hoof?"

"Ha! Yeah right, you would just try to escape. And don't bother trying to break them, they're reinforced with magic. So anyways, your name?"

"That's classified."

"Oh now don't be like that, think of this as the beginning of a WONDERFUL inter- species relationship!"

Richard noticed that as Lyra said this, she began to look a little more... unbalanced.

"How did you capture me?"

"I cast the Itchy As Buck spell on your scalp, and once you had removed your helmet," Lyra pointed a hoof to Richard's helmet, which was sitting on one of the desks, "I stunned you. I then brought you and those two guards here to my house. Well, the house itself technically legally belongs to my roommate Bon Bon, but you know what I mean. Any other questions?"

"What's your plan?"

"Hm?"

"What do you plan on doing to me?"

"Oh, I'm just going to keep you here, and study you, and... heh heh..."

"And?"

"...And then I will become the ONLY AND MOST BRILLIANT ANTHROPOLOGIST IN ALL OF EQUESTRIA!"

Richard was absolutely shocked by Lyra's unimaginably diabolical plan. "You fiend!"

"AH HAHAHAHAHA! BWAAAA HAHAHAHA-"

Suddenly the basement door that was just up the staircase opened up. It was Bon Bon. "For the love of Celestia will you be quiet Lyra! I can hear you laughing like a maniac from upstairs!"

"Oops, sorry Bon Bon. Did I wake up those hurt guards?"

"They're starting to come around, but really that's probably a good thing."

Lyra tapped a hoof to her chin. "In that case I will have to find a means of permanently silencing them..."

"What was that?" Bon Bon asked slightly panicked.

"Oh nothing." Lyra dismissed a little too casually. "Anyways, I have to get back to my specimen... oh shit."

Richard, who had freed himself of his bonds while Lyra was distracted, quickly pulled a vulcan neck jab on her.

"NOOOOO! I HAVE SO MUCH TO ASK YOU- ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

"AAAAAAAAAAHHH!" Bon Bon shrieked. Richard sprinted up the stairs to her and soon Bon Bon was also unconscious on the floor.

Richard then went back downstairs and reclaimed his helmet. Returning upstairs Richard found himself to be in a kitchen. To his side was an opening to the living room, and the two guards from earlier. They were both lying on the sofas, and they were beginning to awake.

A coded signal from Ashley abruptly appeared on Richard's HUD. She had gotten what they needed.

Now all he needed to do was get these guards out of the way for just a little longer.

Richard noticed a perfectly good frying pan sitting on the counter right next to him...

**********

The guards left Braden's hiding spot. That was the fourth patrol in a row he had successfully managed to evade. But he still did not have information on where Canterlot was. He silently passed through a few more alleys and stopped just before passing the street.

A pony was passing by.

He waited. This was his best chance yet all night to get a lead, and he was going to take advantage of it. Finally the pony came into view. Braden prepared to pounce and...

"Dammit." He thought. "Not you again."

It was that purple unicorn; Twilight Sparkle.

Braden highly doubted she would give him any information after their last encounter, and yet he was curious. What was she doing out at this hour?

He decided to follow her. He made sure to stay out of her sight at all times, while at the same time keeping her within his. After a few turns and streets, Twilight suddenly turned around in Braden's direction. She continued to stare, as if she suspected, or worse, knew that he was in the shadows, following her.

...

Twilight cautiously resumed her walk.

A few minutes passed, and finally Braden discovered her destination.

The local hospital.

He watched from a short distance as Twilight entered the hospital. A short wait later, he noticed her silhouette reappear against the window of the one lone second story room that was still lit.

**********

Shining Armor watched Twilight leave. He was beyond relieved that she was okay and safe from harm. As he was still stuck in his cast and was only able to move his eyes, he shifted his eyes to look out the window to his right. It was a beautiful, clear night. He looked to his left. The other guards were all asleep.

He then used his magic to turn off the room light and began drifting off to sleep...

...

*tap tap*

...

*tap tap*

...

*tap tap*

Shining Armor opened his eyes in frustration. "Ugh, probably just a stupid bird."

He looked over to the window, and nearly shit himself.

There, crouched just out on the window sill, was the same monster who had placed him and the other guards in the hospital in the first place.

It waved at him.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPHHHHHHHH! MMMMMMPPPHHHH!" IT'S HERE! ITS COME TO FINISH ME OFF! AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!

**********

Braden sprinted as fast as he could from the hospital. "Risky, but worth it."

A signal from Ashley appeared on his HUD. She had the information they needed.

"And it gets better."

Nothing Important Happens

"Kenny." James said. "Kenny, you're freaking me out. Stop it."

Kenny was sitting cross- legged with his back to the wall. He was looking straight ahead, as if concentrating really hard on something.

"Remind us again, what are you trying to do?" Rose asked.

Without looking up, Kenny spoke. "I am trying to gain the ultimate skill in all of existence."

"Which would be?"

"Meta physical powers."

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Well good luck with that."

"If I can gain the same powers as Pinkie Pie or Discord, I can get us out of here."

"And exactly how do you plan to achieve cartoon physics?" James sarcastically asked.

"I dunno. I figure if I just muster enough willpower and believe in myself, it'll all work out."

James face palmed.

"Wait! I'm feeling something!"

James and Rose both perked their heads up.

"I- I... HHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG..." Kenny reached behind his back, and pulled out...

Nothing.

"Kenny, it's a lost cause." Rose said. "There is no way at all that someone can just spontaneously gain physics- breaking powers."

"No way! I am NOT giving up! If a pink amish filly can do this, then so can I!"

Kenny resumed his futile attempt at gaining meta physical powers that will totally not work.

**********

Morning.

Twilight was laying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She had been awake doing this for the past twenty minutes, contemplating. She was thinking about the spartans, the argument last night, her role in this whole situation, and how long it might be until everything is resolved. Deep stuff.

She shook her head and forced herself to get out of bed. She went over to her mirror, fixed up her mangled mane, and opened her bedroom door. Twilight trotted downstairs and entered her kitchen.

She opened her fridge. It was almost empty.

"Ah crap." She thought. "I need to go buy groceries."

Twilight levitated a pen and a piece of paper and started writing.

Spike- Out to buy groceries. I'll be back in an hour.

Twilight

She set the note down on the table where Spike could easily see it.

Then she put her saddlebag around her neck, counted her bits, and left her house. Everypony was out and about, doing their thing. Twilight turned a few corners, and saw the market place straight ahead. But just out of the corner of her left eye, she saw something. A large crowd of ponies appeared to be gathering around Bon Bon and Lyra's house. From what she could hear they sounded worried.

Twilight made her way over to see what the commotion was about. When she was near enough she could see through the doorway that there were several royal guards inside the house, investigating stuff. Outside the doorway were an irritated looking Lyra, a nervous Bon Bon, a royal guard officer, and two other rather tired looking guards who both had a comically huge bump on their head.

"So let me get this straight." The officer said. He sounded exasperated. "After you saw the monster knock out these two geniuses here, you thought it would be a good idea to capture it for yourself and bring it into your home?" He was saying these things to Bon Bon.

"No, it wasn't her idea." Lyra said. "It was all my doing. And yes, I thought it was a good idea."

"What about now?"

"He wouldn't have gotten away if Bon Bon here hadn't distracted me!"

Bon Bon shot a glare at Lyra. "Oh, don't even start that up again! You should have known that those magic- reinforced chains weren't strong enough!"

"Sir." A unicorn guard said as he exited the house. He was levitating a frying pan that had two noticeable dents. "We believe that this is the weapon the creature used to subdue those two."

The officer took the pan from the guard's telekinetic grasp. "Hmmmmm..." He mused.

Then he turned around and smashed the two hapless guards on the head with the frying pan. "Well boys? Do you think that this is what he used to knock you out with?"

"Yep."

"Without a doubt."

They both passed out with an audible "Bleh."

Twilight left the scene for the market. She had to get away to think about this. Just before she was out of earshot, she heard Lyra speak to herself. "I'll get you yet my human! Heh heh." Twilight started trotting a little faster.

As Twilight bought her supplies from the the various market stalls, she allowed herself to formulate new questions. "Were they talking about the Colonel? Was the Colonel in Ponyville last night? If so, why? Where else was he? Did he see me? Maybe that's why I had that weird feeling last night..." She shivered at the thought of the Colonel stalking her in the night.

Now there was just one stall left to buy from: Applejack's. Twilight vividly remembered the heated argument between her and her farmer friend, but she figured it would be best to make amends as soon as possible. Besides, she needed some frickin' apples.

Twilight neared Applejack's stand. Applejack was selling apples to customers. She hadn't noticed her yet. As she came closer, Twilight noticed something strange. Applejack was continually scanning the horizon with a nervous look. In fact, she was sweating a little bit along her neck. Twilight decided she would ask after she had made amends.

"Applejack." Twilight simply said when she was close enough.

"O- Oh! Hey Twi." Applejack said.

"AJ... about last night..."

"Ah don't worry about that! We were both just angry is all. It's water under the bridge now." Applejack said with a sincere smile.

Twilight returned the smile. She held her hoof up. "Friends?"

"Friends."

They bumped hooves.

"Applejack, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you so nervous?"

"...Twi, last night... Apple Bloom had an encounter with one of 'em spartans."

"What happened?" Twilight asked with complete concern.

"It happened right after ah got home. Apple Bloom remembered that she left her school project in the barn, so she went out to get it. Right after she went in, ah saw it go in after her."

"She wasn't hurt, right?"

"No. Ah galloped as fast as ah could when ah saw that varmint. But when ah got there, it wasn't in the barn with Apple Bloom."

"Hm?"

"From what ah pieced together Twi, the spartan had tricked my little sister into thinking she was giving a talking bat directions to Canterlot."

"Canterlot? Then that means... oh no."

"It gets worse. Apple Bloom told me that whoever she talked to was a she, not a he. Ya get where ah'm going with this?"

"...There's more than one of them still out free."

"Eeyup."

"..."

"..."

"How's Apple Bloom holding up?"

"She didn't realize how much danger she was in until ah told her after we all got back in the house. Poor thing wouldn't have gotten any sleep if ah hadn't let her bunk with me."

"Awww..."

"Don't get sappy yet. Ah had to walk her to school this morning. Ah would have done so anyways if she wasn't scared already, but she don't need to know that."

The two of them shared a small laugh.

"We could talk about this all day Twi, but ah can see some regulars comin' down our way. Anything ya need to buy quick before you leave?"

"Oh! Yes, of course. I'll have..."

**********

"HHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG ALMOST THERE..."

"Kenny, stop!" James yelled. "You're hurting yourself!"

"NO I GOT THIS!" Kenny put the last of his willpower into one final push for cosmic insanity. "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And then Kenny passed out. His body went limp against the wall.

"Oh my god, Kenny!" Rose cried as she and James knelt down by him. "Wake up! Say something!"

"...rblarbla..."

"Huh?" James said.

Kenny groaned, and shook his head a little bit. Then he looked straight forward, and started breathing heavily.

"Kenny?" Rose said as she put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Very slowly, Kenny turned his head to look at Rose, then he looked at James.

Kenny put a hand behind his back, and pulled out...

A hammer and a nail.

"It worked." He said.

**********

Mr. Cake stood behind the counter of Sugarcube Corner, taking orders for customers. Since Mrs. Cake was out at the market with Pumpkin and Pound, it was just him and Pinkie Pie for now. Speaking of Pinkie Pie, he was waiting for her to finish baking the next batch of cupcakes.

*DING*

Mr. Cake listened as Pinkie opened the oven, took out the cupcakes, and-

*CLANG- SPLAT*

Alarmed, Mr. Cake rushed into the kitchen. There on the floor was the cupcake batch. Upside down. Splattered. "Well there goes ten bits." He thought to himself. Then he looked up to Pinkie Pie, who looked like she just had a life- changing epiphany.

"Pinkie Pie? What's wrong?" Mr. Cake asked. "Did something happen?"

"I sense a disturbance in the Force." Pinkie said. Without another word she darted out the back door.

**********

Princess Celestia was thinking of how she should best assault the spartan base. Surrounded from all sides with overwhelming numbers? Yes, that would do nicely. In less than a day her perfect utopia would be brought back to normal-

"AAAAAAHHHH!!!!" A voice screamed from behind the doors.

"What the?"

*CRASH*

"What was that?"

"OH SWEET CELESTIA!"

"What is going on-"

The doors at the end of the hall suddenly opened up with a *BOOM*. Standing there with a trail of beat up guards behind them were Braden, Richard, and Ashley.

Braden cracked his knuckles and neck. "Take care of the guards. The princess is mine."

Celestia couldn't help but feel a little nervous as Braden casually strolled down the middle of the hall towards her while Richard and Ashley laid the smack down on her present guards. He was at the bottom of the steps now.

As quick as she could, Celestia summoned a pen and paper, frantically wrote a letter to Twilight, and sent it off with a *poof*.

Immediately after she sent the letter, Braden punched Celestia right in her face. The impact sent her flying into the back wall, which she ungracefully peeled off of and landed on the floor on her stomach with a *thud*.

**********

"See? Right there. I found a crack in the magic wall." Kenny stated as he pointed to a small crack in Celestia's wall.

"How is it that I am not insane yet?" James rhetorically asked.

Kenny delicately put the tip of the nail into the crack, and with precise pressure, hit the flat end with the hammer. *Tap*. Large cracks suddenly formed from the impact point, and the whole thing shattered.

"Problem solved!" Kenny declared.

Then he kicked the cell door off its hinges.

**********

"TWILIGHT! TWILIGHT!" Pinkie Pie yelled as she barged into Twilight's library.

Twilight looked up from the book she was reading. "What is it Pinkie?"

"SHIT'S GOING DOWN! WE HAVE TO GET TO CANTERLOT!"

"Whatever makes you think that?"

"I don't know, but I can feel it! It wasn't my Pinkie Sense, oh no, this is something bigger."

"Oh relax Pinkie, you're probably just overreacting again. I'm sure absolutely nothing is happening as of this moment."

*BURP* "Hey, Twilight, you got a letter from Celestia." Spike said.

"Oh really? Well then, I wonder what she wants."

Twilight opened the letter.

To my most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle

Get your ass over to Canterlot the spartans are wrecking shit up and the Colonel looks like he's gonna rape me bring the other Elements of Harmony HELP!

-Princess Celestia

**********

"Okay, is everypony ready?" Twilight asked Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Applejack. They all nodded. They were all standing in a circle in Twilight's library.

"Okay, now everypony hold still. This is going to be a very powerful teleportation spell, and the Princess is counting on us, so don't do anything to screw me up."

Twilight began charging her horn and focused all of her magic on teleporting the six of them to Canterlot. A white light filled the room.

Then, at the last second...

"TAKE ME WITH YOU!"

**********

Twilight gave a groan and wearily looked up. She was lying in front of the entrance to the Princess' palace. She got to her hooves and looked around. Her other five friends were there, and so was...

"LYRA?" Twilight asked in disbelief. "What the buck are you doing here?!"

"I heard that the humans were here, so I tagged along!" Lyra happily answered.

"Humans? Don't ya mean spartans?" Applejack asked.

"I've seen their biology up close and personal, and I'm telling you all, they are HUMAN!" Lyra ran up the stairs to the palace and thrust the doors open. She ran inside. "WHERE ARE YOU MY LITTLE HUMANS?"

"Ah crap somepony stop her!" Twilight ordered. She took one step- and then fell over from exhaustion.

"TWILIGHT!" Her friends yelled as they crowded around her.

"Are you alright?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight coughed. "Yeah, I'm fine. That spell took way too much outta me. WHOO. Y'know what? I think I'm just gonna take a quick power nap..."

"TWILIGHT." Her friends sternly said.

Twilight shot back up. "I'm up! I'm up!"

The Mane Six ran into the palace.

One Big Clusterfudge

Celestia looked upwards to her attacker. Braden had jumped from the throne hill(?) and had his boots aimed for her face. Celestia darted to the side just before Braden landed on her. She spread her wings and took flight back to the center of the room. She hovered in the middle of the room just a few feet below the ceiling and assessed her situation. All of her guards had been beaten to a pulp and now it was just her against three SPARTANs.

"Get down here Celestia!" Braden challenged.

"You, and your other spartans, not only have the audacity to harm and kidnap my subjects, but also the nerve to launch an assault on my castle?!" Celestia yelled. Not quite ROYAL CAPS LOCK yet, but close. "For this, I shall see to it that you are banished to the SUN!"

"You and your ponies have no one to blame but yourselves!" Braden retorted. "Every misfortune that has transpired thus far has been because of you and your kin. We tried to communicate with you, we tried leaving you alone, we even tried a perfectly fair prisoner exchange! And yet you ponies continued doing everything in your power to make everything worse. And guess what?"

Celestia narrowed her eyes and scowled. "What?"

"We are sick of your bullshit. But I am willing to give you one final choice now and only now. Either you release the rest of my team from your prison and leave us be, or we will break them out by force."

Celestia cocked an eyebrow. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Two reasons. If you accept, we have the word of this kingdom's ruler to go about our business. And if you refuse, well, on high risk missions, the highest priority target is always to be eliminated first."

"N- NO! I'M IN CHARGE HERE! I AM THE ALMIGHTY HOLIER THAN THOU RULER OF EQUESTRIA! I CONTROL THE SUN! I WILL NOT BE ORDERED AROUND BY SOME VILE MONSTER SUCH AS YOU! YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER VILLAIN TO BE ZAPPED BY THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY! JUST ANOTHER THREAT TO MY PERFECT UTOPIA! I"M RIGHT! I'M ALWAYS RIGHT! RBLARBLARBLARBLARBLA!"

Celestia fired a solar beam down upon the SPARTANs. Braden, Richard, and Ashley quickly jumped out of the way before they got disintegrated. She fired again. They dodged the blast again.

"Let's not bring our guns, ya said. We only needed to rustle 'em up a bit ya said. It'll be fun ya said!" Richard sarcastically exclaimed.

"What the hell was I thinking?" Braden thought. "Bah, can't deal with that now. Gotta take that nag out."

Braden frantically looked around for something to use against Celestia as she fired another beam. A piece of chest armor that had been knocked off a guard caught his eye. He rolled for it. Just as Celestia fired a beam specifically aimed at him, Braden grabbed the piece of golden armor and held it above him like a shield. The beam ricocheted off the piece of armor and shot straight back at Celestia. Celestia ducked out of the way, but not before the beam hit her outstretched wings, setting them ablaze.

Celestia screamed, dropped to the floor, and started rolling around. "Stop drop and roll! Stop drop and roll!"

The flames went out. Celestia gave a relieved sigh, but was reminded of her situation when three pairs of boots stepped into her field of vision.

"Go ahead. Try to fly away this time." Braden sarcastically said.

Celestia turned her head to look at her wings. They were barren of any feathers and slightly smoking. She scowled and stood to face the SPARTANs. "I don't need to fly to defeat you."

"Is that why you did so in the first place?"

The combatants looked ready to charge when the throne room doors suddenly burst open, revealing the Mane Six.

"PRINCESS CELESTIA!" They all cried out as one.

"Go my little ponies! You have to use the Elements of Harmony to stop the spartans! Go, now!" Celestia ordered.

The Mane Six hesitated for a moment, but bravely nodded in acknowledgement and ran off to that one room where the Elements are kept.

"Dick, Ash!" Braden barked. "Stop them! I'll hold Celestia off."

"Yes sir!" The two SPARTANs replied, and ran off after the ponies.

And then there were two.

"You'll never prevail Colonel!" Celestia announced. "The Elements of Harmony will stop-"

Celestia's speech of holy righteousness was cut short when Braden tackled her.

**********

"Oh how I missed you my babies." James whispered as he cradled his shotgun and rocket launcher.

Rose checked the ammo in her Assault Rifle and Magnum. Kenny did the same for his own AR and SMG.

"Alright, here's the plan." Kenny said. "We make a break for it, we don't stop for nothing, and we don't kill anything."

"After all the crap we've been through?" James asked as he cocked his shotgun. "Hell no. I'm gonna get myself some kills."

"Then you're gonna need this to do that, eh?" Kenny responded as he pulled James' shotgun out from behind his back.

James froze and stared. He looked to his now empty hands. Then back at Kenny. Hands. Kenny. Hands. Kenny. "But how did- I what- what is this I don't even... I'm a higher rank than you."

"And you're not thinking straight."

Kenny tossed the gun back to James, who caught it. "No killing."

James glared at him.

Kenny took off his helmet. "Look in my eyes James. What do you see?"

James walked up to Kenny until they were inches away from each other. "Before I give you a black eye, I'll humor you. I see... I see... holy crap... eh... uh, yeah, okay. Heh heh. No killing. Got it."

James cautiously backed away from Kenny, who put his helmet back on.

"We've been here long enough." Rose said, who was getting impatient. "C'mon, the door's this way."

**********

"Get back here you little shits!" Richard yelled to Twilight and the others as he and Ashley chased them through the palace.

"Ah told you they were evil!" Applejack yelled as she galloped next to Twilight.

"I thought you said that was water under the bridge?!" Twilight exclaimed.

"It was under it! But now it's over it!"

**********

Celestia kicked Braden in the face, who responded by grabbing her leg, lifting her over his head, and slamming her on the ground. He pressed his foot against her back and was about to curb stop her face when the throne room doors once again burst open revealing...

A pink alicorn.

"Sup." She said with a pissed off expression on her face.

Braden and Celestia both paused to look at this new combatant.

"And you are?" Braden asked with honest curiosity.

"I am Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. But you can just call me Cadence if you want, douchebag."

"Um, have I wronged you at some point ma'am?"

"Do you recall ever meeting somepony named Shining Armor?"

"Yeah?"

"We got married four months ago."

"...Ah."

"Yes, ah. Which will be the last thing you scream as I BEAT THE LIVING BUCK OUT OF YOU!"

Cadence then tackled Braden off of Celestia, pinned him to the ground, and began punching him in a ferocious manner.

"NOPONY HOSPITALIZES MY HUSBAND! NOPONY! NOPO-"

Braden calmly reached up and pressed the sleepy nerve in her neck.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING- zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..."

Braden gently pushed the sleeping alicorn off him. He then picked her up, walked out the throne room, and set her down so that she would stay out of the way. He walked back into the throne room and found Celestia standing there, waiting.

"Shall we resume?" She inquired.

"Yes." He replied.

**********

"Hold up, does nobody find this suspicious?" Rose said.

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"Okay, so we escaped the dungeon, turned eight corners, gone through three doors, and all without encountering any guards."

"Maybe they're preoccupied with something else." Kenny said.

"No way. They're setting a trap." Rose pointed to the door just ahead of them. "You see that door?"

The two other SPARTANs nodded.

"I'm willing to bet all of my years of training from Hell that a small army of guards are on the other side of that specific door right there just waiting for us."

The SPARTANs opened the door.

"STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!" The small army of guards yelled at the same time.

James raised his rocket launcher and aimed it at the guards. "Bring it!"

Kenny shot him a sharp glare.

James gave a quiet grumble and put his rocket launcher back on his back.

The guards snarled and pawed at the floor with their hooves. Some of the unicorn guards were levitating swords and spears.

"I'll take the hundred on the right." Rose said.

"I'll take the hundred down the middle." Kenny said.

"And I'll take the hundred on the left. But I won't go easy on them Kenny!" James said.

"Fair enough." Kenny replied.

The guards all gave a thunderous battle cry and charged the SPARTANs. The three super soldiers silently ran forward with clenched fists, each of them already planning an ass- kicking mile- long rampage. Oh god this is going to be so epic! Stop chewing your popcorn so loudly! Oh shit this is it! The guards at the front of the army leaped forward into the air, the SPARTANs did the same, and-

*TV static*

"God bucking DAMMIT!" Discord yelled as he angrily chucked his bucket of popcorn at the floor.

Okay, who has the universal remote?

"It wasn't me..." Fluttershy timidly said.

"Or me!" Pinkie exclaimed.

Luna entered the room levitating a can of cola. "Hey guys, did I miss anything? Um, why is Rick Astley on the television?"

Someone bumped the remote.

"Ah."

"I bet Derpy sat on it." Discord meanly sneered.

Shut it dog or I'll make you work overtime tonight with your best friend: the ten foot stack of boring- ass paperwork. Again.

"Found it!" Lyra triumphantly called out as she pulled the universal remote from between the couch cushions.

Gimme dat.

I took the universal remote out from Lyra's hooves and sat back down in my ~~chair~~ throne. My cape was ruffled and my armor felt a little funny so I shifted around a bit until I was comfortable again.

The door reopened.

I thought I told you kids you weren't old enough to watch this movie.

From behind the barely open door, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo each gave an audible "Awwwww..."

Time Turner trotted up to the door and shut it back in place, and locked it.

I clicked on the 7 button, and we were returned to our regularly scheduled fan fiction.

*TV static*

Kenny, James, and Rose stood triumphantly on a hill of unconscious guards. James had a slight limp in his right leg and Rose's visor had a small crack. Given that she was wearing an EVA helmet, it was pretty noticeable.

"Isn't it great how eight chapters ago we all got our asses handed to us by three guards and yet right when the story needs it we're able to take down a small army in a glorious ass- kicking spree that could make even the most stoic of people orgasm at our awesomeness?" Kenny casually said with his newly found lampshade hanging skills.

**********

Rainbow Dash was ahead of the others. "Hey guys! I think the Elements are this way!" She called out from around a corner.

The others soon caught up and ran to the door in their way. Twilight and Rarity quickly grabbed the handles with their magic, swung open the doors...

And came face to face with Kenny, James, and Rose.

"Well... this was unexpected." Kenny said.

"Turn back! Everypony turn back!" Twilight yelled.

Just as the Mane Six turned around, Richard and Ashley rounded the corner.

"Dick! Ash!" James yelled. "You're alive!"

"Surprised?" Richard said.

"Well kind of but- GAH!"

Applejack had bucked James' injured leg. The Mane Six used this brief distraction to run past Kenny and Rose.

"Why didn't you stop then?!" Richard demanded.

"You mean aside from watching James suffer a little?" Kenny responded. "I dunno. Were we supposed to?"

"We have orders from Braden to stop them from reaching the Elements of Harmony or some shit."

"Then lets get to it. Hey, where's James?"

The four SPARTANs looked around for a moment, then they noticed James limping towards the direction the Mane Six had gone.

He was mumbling something.

"I'm gonna gut that bitch... I'm gonna gut her good..."

**********

"How did they escape?!" Rarity huffed as they continued to gallop.

"It's that Kenny guy!" Pinkie exclaimed. "He must have somehow gotten fourth wall powers!"

"What in the hay are ya talking about?!" Applejack yelled.

"That's how I knew something was wrong in Canterlot, I sensed a presence similar to my own! It's like having a seventh sense!"

"As if six were normal to begin with." Applejack deadpanned.

"We're here!" Twilight declared.

Indeed, the Mane Six had arrived at that room that holds the Elements of Harmony. They opened the doors and ran in, passing the murals that depicted the events of the first two seasons.

"Stop right there!" They heard Richard yell just as they were two- thirds of the way across the room.

They turned around and saw Richard, Ashley, James, and Rose standing at the doorway. The ponies began slowly backing away when Fluttershy gave an "EEP!"

They turned around again to discover that Fluttershy had bumped into Kenny while she was backing up, who had somehow managed to sneak around them, and was cowering in fear before him.

The dramatic tension in the air was immediately and violently murdered when somepony screamed out "THERE YOU ARE HUMAN!"

A deep sense of dread filled Richard. "No. Oh god please no tell me it isn't... her."

Richard (plus James, Ashley, and Rose) turned around.

There, at the far opposite end of the hall, was Lyra.

"Did you honestly think you could escape me, HUMAN?! You know I never did get your name." Lyra said. Then she burst into a full- on gallop towards them.

"EVERYONE INSIDE!" Richard yelled. The four SPARTANs quickly stepped into the room. "CLOSE AND BARRICADE THAT DOOR!"

"Holy crap Dick. Do you and that unicorn have a history or something?" Rose asked, oblivious to the current danger they were all in.

He ignored her, and shut the door. He then grabbed an ornamental spear from the side wall and stuck it between the handles. Two seconds after he did so Lyra collided with the door from the other side, producing a loud *BANG*.

"YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER!"

Lyra proceeded to hit the door, but seemed to be making no progress.

Richard gave a relieved sigh. "Okay, now, to deal with you six..." He turned around, and his jaw dropped.

The six ponies who they had been chasing were giving their full attention to Kenny, who was kneeling down on one knee in front of them. They were having a conversation.

"Kenny! Just what do you think you're doing?!"

Kenny looked up to him. "While you were distracted, I calmly explained our situation to these six mares."

"Yeah don't worry we're all cool now." Pinkie Pie said. "I'd do the same in your place."

Richard and the others stared. "...So in just thirty seconds you managed to convince these ponies to cease hostilities?"

"Yep."

"Dammit." James said. "I was really hoping for the chance to tear out the orange one's intestines."

Applejack blankly stared at James, then took a cautious step backwards.

"That's enough." Richard said to James. "Well, I suppose if we are allies now, we should introduce ourselves. I am-"

VRUM- VRUM- VVVVVVVVVVVVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

"Is that a... chainsaw I hear?" Rose said.

Richard turned and looked to the door. "Oh, you have got to be shitting me."

The whirring blades of a fully revved chainsaw sliced through the great doors and cut a hole into it. The blades were removed and the cut out part was bucked from its foundation.

Lyra poked her face into the hole.

"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrre's LYRA!"

**********

Luna, Princess of the Night, was sleeping like a boss.

She was in her bedroom, on her cushy bed and pillows and blankets and other things that I can't but help feel diminish my masculinity when I write about them.

She was dreaming.

"Mmmmmmmmm..." She moaned.

*RUMBLE*

"Mmmmmm... no, Pinkie..."

*RUMBLE*

"Please... don't turn me into a cupcake..."

*RUMBLE*

Luna woke up. "AH!" She frantically looked around. "Oh, phew, it was only a nightmare! But alas, poor Rainbow Dash..."

*RUMBLE*

"What the? That sounded like it came from the throne room."

**********

Prince Blueblood arrogantly snorted like the pompous douchebag he was as he strutted down the halls of the palace.

"I am so awesome." He said to himself.

He was so busy admiring his better- than- you- ness that he failed to notice five SPARTANs, the Mane Six, and a now pacified Lyra stampeding towards him.

"I'm so good. I'm so goooooooooood. I'M SO BUCKING GOOD- HURACKBLARGBLEH."

Blueblood had been violently trampled by the party of twelve.

Blueblood was a crumpled heap on the floor. All four of his legs had been twisted, he was missing a few teeth, and he had a black eye. He let out a whine of pain when he heard a *clip clop* coming towards his way. He painfully twisted his head to see Luna approaching him.

She stopped just a few inches from him.

Blueblood looked up at her with pleading eyes. "A- Aunt Luna... help me..." He pathetically said.

Luna looked down at her nephew for a few moments. Then she shifted her eyes from side to side, making sure that there were no witnesses. With a calm, expressionless face, she raised a hoof.

"L-Luna?"

*SMACK*

**********

The group continued running down the hall, hoping to break up the fight between Braden and Celestia before it was too late.

"Wait up!" A voice cried out.

They all turned their heads to see Luna catching up with them.

"Twilight Sparkle." Luna said. "Before I ask what is going on, I have to ask: are you, your friends, and these creatures responsible for trampling that... unfortunate stallion back there?"

"Oh you mean Blueblood?" Kenny said before Twilight could reply. "Yeah, that was us."

"And you harbor no regrets for inflicting great physical harm upon him?"

"None at all."

"Oh well then in that case I trust you completely."

**********

Braden judo chopped Celestia right in her face. She recoiled and leaped back, trying to buy time to realign her eyes.

As soon as she did she saw Braden jump at her. Using her magic she grabbed his head and began repeatedly slamming his face against the floor. After about the fifteenth time he found the will to resist her magic and strained against her latest attempt to smash his face down. They both gave long groans of frustration but Braden eventually won out when Celestia's hold on him shattered.

"Why won't you just accept defeat?!" Celestia cried out panting.

Braden stood up. He was a little wobbly and dazed. In fact if one didn't know better they would have thought the SPARTAN was drunk.

"Because... I are guy... who gun teach you lesson..."

Celestia cocked an eyebrow. "Are you high?"

Finally Braden shook his head and straightened up. "Enough of this nonsense!"

The two were about to go at it again when the throne room doors burst open. Again. For the fourth time today.

"Sister, stop!" Luna cried out. "This is all just a big misunderstanding!"

Twilight nodded. "Yeah Princess! We were wrong about the spartans!"

Celestia stared at them with visible shock. She slowly turned her head back to Braden, who was silently waiting.

She whispered something.

"Didn't catch that." Braden said.

"...You mind raped my ponies..."

"WHAT?! No they/ we didn't!" Everypony/ body yelled out.

"Well then if that's how it's gonna be, then I'm going to mind rape YOU!"

Celestia tackled Braden and pinned him to the floor. "Let's see what makes a spartan's mind tick." She said.

Celestia then put the tip of her horn to Braden's forehead, and entered his mind.

Celestia would later consider this the worst mistake she ever made in her entire life.

My Whole Life Has Been Nothing But Nightmare Fuel Part Two

December 20, 2525

UNSC Point of No Return

Braden did not like this ship. He did not like it at all. Everything about the Destroyer- sized stealth prowler felt wrong. He felt as though spies and assassins were hiding everywhere, just waiting for the opportunity to stab him in the back with a knife.

He brushed that thought off. "I'm just being paranoid."

Braden, Richard, Ashley, James, Rose, and Kenny were currently in a waiting room of sorts. It was extraordinarily plain- looking, and almost felt like a sterile lab. The door to Braden's left led to the rest of the ship. The door to his right led to the people who wanted to see him and the others. But, why? He leaned back in his chair, causing it to give a creak. "What does ONI want with us?"

Seriously, the hell? There's a war going on with Al Qaeda aliens and suddenly these black- operations jerkoffs pull six of their best soldiers off the battlefield?

The door to the right opened, revealing Halsey. She had come aboard the ship with the SPARTANs, and was asked to enter the meeting room before the SPARTANs. She stepped forward and-

Okay, please hold up for one paragraph. I'm getting tired of spelling SPARTAN in full caps lock acronym form. From now on, lets spell SPARTAN as "Spartan", okay? Cool? Good.

Anyways, Halsey stepped forward into the room. "They are ready to see you." She said. She sounded flustered and agitated.

The Spartans stood and followed Halsey through the door. They entered a surprisingly large coliseum- like room. It was dark, the only lights being the three in the middle that formed a sort of walkway for the Spartans. At the end of the last light Braden could make out a lone figure: a small, harmless looking old woman. She was seated at a desk. Braden looked around. He could vaguely see the outlines of other people in the shadows, all of them seated in the coliseum rings. As to how many there were, Braden could not guess. There might have been as many as fifty or as little as five. He never found out.

"Walk forward." The old woman said to the Spartans.

The Spartans and Halsey walked forward.

"I told them to walk forward, Halsey." The old woman sharply said to Halsey. "Not you."

Halsey stopped and glared at the elderly bitch.

The Spartans were now just ten feet away from the old woman. "Stop." She said. The Spartans stopped.

Braden waited as the old woman looked over them, silently judging them with cold, icy eyes.

"I am Rear Admiral Margaret Parangosky, and you are here so that we may decide your final fate." The little old lady said.

Braden stiffened and straightened his pose. "THE Parangosky? THE single highest power in the UNSC? THE head of ONI? Shit, this won't end well."

"Permission to speak, ma'am." Richard said.

Parangosky glared at him. "...Granted." She said.

"What do you mean by "decide" our fate?"

Parangosky straightened up slightly and laced her fingers. "Well, it is why you are here, so I might as well cut to the chase. Now while there is no denying that the Spartan- II project was a phenomenal success, you six are not... up to our standards."

"Are you saying we aren't good enough for you?" James challenged.

"Thank you for proving our case," Parangosky coldly said, "You six are not like the other Spartans. You speak out of line, your performances have no consistent pattern, you twist your orders, and you don't take your jobs as soldiers seriously enough. All of you are different than your other Spartan brothers and sisters. You're inferior. And quite frankly, I cannot bother myself with inferior, failed experiments."

"Which is exactly why you are dealing with us right now, right?" Braden shot back out of nowhere.

The room went dead silent.

"...Did... you just talk back to me?" Parangosky said in a mix of disbelief and rage.

"You're damn right I did, ma'am."

Shuffling was heard in the shadows. "I, uh, I think I left my sink running..." A deep, gruff, manly voice said.

"Stay where you are, general." Parangosky icily said without taking her eyes off Braden. The unseen general gave an "Eep!" and sat back down in his seat.

"How dare you disrespect me," Parangosky seethed, "I am the highest authority in the UNSC. I could easily have you ordered to be executed, right here, right now."

"So you would off one of your best soldiers, who took eight years and god knows how many billions of dollars to train, just because he talked back to you? In the middle of a war against a race of aliens who are demanding our extinction, mind you? Ha. Fat chance."

Had Parangosky been smoking a cigar at that moment, she would have looked like this.

"In fact, that's what you're doing with all six of us. Just because we "aren't up to your standards". Oh pfft, as if you ONI spooks have standards. I bet you're just on a power trip and looking for an excuse to be evil."

Parangosky looked like a nuclear bomb had just went off inside of her. "I... I am going to do everything in my power to see to it that you suffer a horrible, painful de-"

"Alien war, rear admiral. Alien war."

"YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!!!"

"I lost all respect for your authority as soon as you began insulting my Spartans for no legitimate reason."

"Oh really now? Well then, let's see how your lack of respect fares against the firing squad!"

"Admiral wait!" Halsey called out. "You're missing out on a great opportunity here."

Parangosky paused, and slightly calmed down. "And what might that be?"

"You want these six Spartans dead, or at least out of the picture, right?"

"Very much so."

"Doctor, what are you doing?" Rose whispered to Halsey.

Halsey ignored her. "But, they're Spartans, and it would be such a waste to simply get rid of them during this war..."

Parangosky slightly raised an eyebrow. "...Go on..."

"So admiral, what if, hypothetically, ONI suddenly gained its own private team of Spartans for any... exceptional missions? I mean, if you send them out on a test run, and they all die, then you get what you want, no? But, if they all survive, or at least most of them, then you have your own reserve team of Spartans you can send out anytime you like. And in this war, we can't afford to waste precious resources for such petty reasons."

Parangosky simply stared at Halsey for a few seconds, and then began rubbing her forehead in frustration. "Damn you, Halsey. This is why you're still alive. ...Ugh, fine. We will consider your offer. Take your Spartans and leave, we will notify you when we have made a final decision."

"Thank you for your consideration, rear admiral," Halsey said, "We'll be waiting."

Halsey and the six Spartans turned to leave the room. But as they walked to the door, Parangosky had one last thing to say.

"Do not think I will forget this, Spartan."

Three guesses who she was talking to.

They exited the ominous room and closed the door. Halsey turned to Braden. "What the hell was that?! You're lucky she so much as bothered listening to me!"

"My apologies ma'am," Braden replied, "But I figured she was gonna kill us all regardless, so I decided to go out defiant to the end."

"That was pretty badass, sir." James said.

"More like suicidal." Richard snarked.

Halsey gave a heavy sigh. "I just hope you know what you got yourself into."

Braden gave a small chuckle. "I look forward to finding out."

**********

January 26, 2526

UNSC Outer Colonies, Generic Garden World

Braden stood in the cockpit of the Pelican next to the seated pilot. Said Pelican was in space flying towards a small blue and green planet. As the dropship drew closer, it began to rumble.

"We're entering the atmosphere." Carol Rawley said.

Braden nodded to her and turned to enter the back section. Kenny, Richard, James, Ashley, and Rose were in their seats, fiddling with their weapons of choice. "I trust that we all know the stakes of this mission, correct?" Braden asked his team.

"Yeah, yeah," James casually said, "Kill all the alien bastards, blow up their base, gather any intel we can, and get the hell out. Piece of cake."

"Don't get so cocky, James," Ashley chided, "We know next to nothing about these "Covenant" and how they work. Remember that we're technically only on this mission to see how their ground forces operate."

"Oh come off it. From what John told us these things are supposed to be bird- lizards with piss- poor armor. Y'know, like something out of that Star Trek crap that Kenny watches."

Braden noticed Kenny adjust himself in his seat with an annoyed grumble.

**********

Braden and the other five Spartans silently sprinted through the alien jungle, brushing past gigantic fern- like plants. The ground was covered in a thick green moss. The trees stood sixty feet high and blotted out most of the sun with their leaves, allowing only a few rays of sunlight through the dense canopy. Unseen animals barked and whistled to one another.

They had left the Pelican and Carol in a small clearing five miles behind them.

One mile ahead of them was their objective.

Braden stepped out from a thick bush, and almost walked over a ledge. He stopped and held up a hand. The other five stopped. "Hold up. Cliff." He said.

Rose walked up next to Braden and looked over the edge. The cliff had many smaller ledges jutting out of its face and dropped down at least four- hundred feet. She whistled. "Damn. That's a long way down."

"Sir, look." Richard said, pointing to the distance.

Past the cliff and a mile of jungle Braden could see a purple fortress poking out of the treetops.

**********

Braden slowly crouch- walked his way through the underbrush, not making a sound. The team had split up just an hour ago to cover different positions around the base. Braden was covering the north.

*snap*

Braden froze, and silently leveled his sniper rifle.

Just twenty feet ahead of him, a creature emerged from the foliage to his left. The creature had not seen him yet, and appeared to be simply on patrol. It looked like a bald and tail- less velociraptor standing upright. Braden took note of the shield device it carried on its wrist. It was also carrying what looked like an alien pistol. He set his rifle's scope on the alien's head.

"HIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS..."

The noise had come from Braden's left. He moved his head just enough to see the culprit while keeping the other alien within his sights.

The new creature was similar to the first one, but unlike the other one, this alien flat out WAS a velociraptor standing upright. Still, no tail.

"Clever girl..." Braden whispered.

And then he whirled his rifle toward the alien. However, the creature knocked the rifle out of his grasp before he could pull the trigger, and tackled him. "SHREAAAAAAAWWWWW!" It roared.

It began biting on Braden's visor while clawing at his torso. Braden reached for his combat knife, pulled it out of its sheath, and stabbed it into the creature's head. Its body instantly went limp and slumped over him. Braden pulled the knife out of its head and rolled the corpse off him. He stood up.

Suddenly a green blast whizzed by his head, and hit a nearby tree. "Whoa!" He took a second to look at the impact. The bark was completely scorched away. He turned around to see where it had come from. The first alien with the shield was staring at him, snarling. The alien pistol in its hand started to glow green.

Before it could pop off another shot Braden chucked his knife at the creature. The blade inserted its mouth and pinned it to the tree right behind it. The alien dropped its gun and weakly reached for the knife's handle to pull it out, but then it went limp.

Braden approached his second kill, and quickly pulled out the knife. The alien's body slid down and sat there slumped against the tree trunk. Purple blood drooled from its mouth.

**********

Braden was sitting in a bush looking through his rifle's scope.

What was he looking at you ask?

Kenny, James, and Rose just outside the Covenant base. On their knees. With their hands bound behind their backs. Surrounded by a bunch of scaly chimp- looking midget things that were wearing gas masks and some kind of tank on each of their backs.

One of the midget things slapped James.

"You're my BITCH now!" It said in a hilariously high pitched tone.

James responded by growling and briefly trying to shake free of his restraints, to which the scaly chimp responded by giving a frightened yelp and running away.

Braden gave an exasperated sigh. "Just... HOW did this happen?" He thought. "Wait, how did that Covenant know how to speak English?"

As I and just about any other die- hard Halo fan reading this story would know, the answer to Braden's question is the Unggoy demand on the Covenant Black Market for human sitcoms, and that the mentioned Grunt above had watched a few seasons of How I Met Your Mother.

Which he stole during the confusion of a sting operation.

But that's a COMPLETELY different story.

Anyways, right after asking himself that, Braden received a call.

"Sir, can you hear me?" Richard said.

"Copy that Richard. Where are you?" Braden replied.

"I'm sitting in a tree watching James, Rose, and Kenny. Sir, the Covenant have them."

"I know. I'm watching them from the ground."

"Wait, so you're watching them from the treeline?"

"Yes. Why?"

"...Sir, I don't see you anywhere. Wait a moment- AH!"

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

Braden looked up. A Spartan was falling towards him. Said Spartan landed in front of him with a *THUD*.

Braden crouched next to the Spartan. "Richard?"

"Yeah?"

"Please don't make a habit out of falling from great heights."

"Yes, sir." Richard got up.

"FREEZE!" A high pitched voiced screeched.

It had come from one of the scaly chimps, who was now pointing his gun at Braden and Richard.

Scratch that, it had come from several scaly chimps who now had their guns aimed at Braden and Richard.

"Weapons down! Hands up!"

The two Spartans complied.

As they did this, Braden noticed that this was the same group who were keeping an eye on Kenny, James, and Rose, and that they had left just one of their own to stand guard.

And, oh, who is that sneaking up behind the lone guard? Why it's Ashley!

Oh, and what's that that Ashley's doing right now? Why she's silently breaking the guard's neck of course!

And now Ashley's trying to free the other three.

Thinking of a way to buy Ashley time, Braden decided to play kiss ass with the aliens. "Tell me, great warriors," He said in the most completely sincere tone ever, "How did you ever capture us in such a clever manner? Surely you such be a strategic master."

An alien in white armor, the leader, Braden presumed, spoke to him. "Well shucks, thanks. Hear that guys? We're finally getting some respect!"

And then the alien's head asploded. Everybody turned to see Ashley with a smoking pistol, accompanied by Kenny, James, and Rose.

**********

"Well that was fun." James said as he pulled his knife out of the neck of a scaly chimp alien. The blade was covered in blue blood. He wiped the blood on the grass and sheathed it. "So, now can we enter their base?"

"Yes," Braden responded, "But stay on your guard, we don't know what else the Covenant have to throw at us."

The group of six approached the door. It was big and purple.

But it didn't open.

Braden leaned forward, inspecting the door. "Hm... maybe we have to-"

The door suddenly opened, and Braden was face- to- face with the lovechild of a Predator and a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Their faces were literally inches away from one another.

Before the Preda- rex could react Braden punched it in the face. A blue field shimmered around the new alien as it staggered back.

"WORT WORT WORT!" It yelled at them, which as we all know is Elite for: "OW! You stupid ass human cracker I'm gonna kick your heretic ass!"

The alien raised its gun. Braden whipped out his pistol and shot the weapon out of the alien's hand Clint Eastwood style. The creature's shocked expression gave Braden enough time to fire two more shots. The first hit the shield that seemed to surround the creature, and the second destroyed the shield, which *popped* out of existence.

Braden lined up one more shot -

*BANG*

and capped it in the face.

**********

Amazingly, after several minutes of touring the halls of the base, the Spartans had not encountered any more Covenant. It was quiet. Far too quiet. They passed through another set of doors and entered a large room. A ramp led up to a platform with what looked like a holographic interface.

"It looks like a control room." Kenny mused.

"I'm gonna have a look." Rose said. She jogged up the ramp and up to the controls. "Beginning recording." She said as she activated her helmet's built- in video camera. Rose took a moment to observe the alien symbols, and then began randomly touching different ones.

"What are you doing?" Braden asked, slightly alarmed. For all he knew one of those "buttons" activated the base's self- destruct.

"I'm documenting as much intel as I can," Rose replied, "We don't currently know what any of this means, but in the future we may be able to use this for reference."

"Well, now's as good a time as any to set up Fatboy." James said, reaching behind his back.

"Fatboy?" Ashley quizzically asked.

"A little nickname I gave the nuke ONI gave us." James said as he pulled the nuclear device off his back that was clamped onto him during this whole mission.

What are you talking about, of course I mentioned that earlier! I didn't? Huh, I guess the nuclear bomb must have slipped my mind.

James planted the nuke on the ground, and pressed a few buttons. "Don't worry guys, this thing can only be set off by a remote detonator."

"And who has the detonator?" Kenny asked.

James took out a small device with a red button on the top. He flipped it up in the air and caught it. "Me."

"Okay I'm done recording," Rose announced, "Let's get out of here."

"Agreed," Braden said, "Spartans, move out." He activated a com link. "Foe Hammer, we're ready for extraction. We'll see you outside the base in five."

Kenny moved for the door. He pressed the side panel to open the door. The doors opened...

Revealing a blue armored titan with a cannon on one arm, a shield on the other, and spines sticking out of its back. The titan stood at least twice as tall as Kenny. Its neck and mid- section were unarmored, revealing orange flesh that looked as if a bunch of worms had decided to form together to create a walking hive and- oh wait that's exactly what it is. A second titan stood directly behind it. The two giants reeled back slightly in surprise of Kenny for a moment, but then they serioused up and roared at him.

"HOLY SHIT!" Kenny yelled as the foremost titan raised its shield to squash him.

Kenny whipped out his pistol and randomly fired a shot. As it so happened, that shot was fired at a trajectory that allowed the bullet to tear through the exposed mid- sections of both titans. The walking tanks instantly fell dead.

"Oh." Kenny said, sounding disappointed about the anticlimax that he caused.

**********

"Well... this isn't good." Braden said right after they exited the Covenant base. Just thirty feet ahead of them were ten Elites, fifty Grunts, twenty Jackals, fifteen Skirmishers, and two Hunters. The aliens growled at them in their own languages and brandished their weapons.

Braden looked to the sky. He could see the pelican flying toward them off in the distance. "Spartans, clear a landing zone for Foe Hammer."

Each of the Spartans chucked a grenade into the crowd.

*BOOM*

For a moment, the surviving Covenant were in a disoriented and confused state. Braden and Richard took out their battle rifles and began popping headshots. The first thing that James did was get out his rocket launcher, and fire two blasts into the crowd; he quickly reloaded. Kenny, Rose, and Ashley all took out their assault rifles and unloaded into the enemy.

The Covenant finally regained their senses, and retaliated. They fired their plasma weapons. A lucky Elite managed to break Rose's shields, and hit her in the legs. "AH!" She fell.

Kenny crouched in front of her while continually firing at the Covenant. "Cover me covering her!" He yelled. The other four Spartans charged and leaped into the crowd of aliens, distracting them.

Braden and Ashley continued fighting guns blazing, dodging physical attacks and plasma fire. Richard unsheathed his dual combat knives and tore through any Covenant in his way, slicing off limbs and tearing out necks as if he was an 1980's slasher villain. James replaced his rocket launcher with his shotgun and fired away with amazing speed and accuracy.

James came upon the Hunters. He fired a shot, hitting one Hunter in the chest. He pulled the trigger again.

*Click*

He had to reload.

The two Hunters fired green blobs of searing hot energy at James. He rolled out of the way, switched his shotgun for his rocket launcher, and fired two shots at the nearest Hunter. The rockets connected and killed the Hunter. The other Hunter charged James, roaring madly. James tried to quickly reload, but the Hunter hit him before he could succeed. James was sent flying and hit a tree.

The Hunter pinned James to the ground with its foot and aimed its cannon at his face. As it charged its shot, Richard jumped onto the giant's back and dug both of his blades deep into its neck. The Hunter roared and reared backwards, trying to throw Richard off. As it did so it unintentionally released James. With the Hunter distracted, Braden rushed to James.

Braden skidded to a halt next to James. "James! Are you alright?"

"I feel like shit," James replied, "Just take that bastard out already!"

Braden propped James up against the tree trunk, and returned his attention to the Hunter. Richard was repeatedly stabbing the Hunter in the neck while trying to not be thrown off. Ashley was taking shots at the mid section whilst dodging the Hunter's spastic attempts of smashing her. Kenny had rejoined the fight; Braden could see Rose patching herself up a way's off; and was doing the same thing as Ashley.

"WHY. WON'T. YOU. DIE?" Richard demanded out of the Hunter. The Hunter began shaking even more violently, and finally tossed Richard off. The Hunter calmed down a little, allowing Braden to get a good look at the damage Richard caused. Half of its neck was torn out and the head was hanging loosely off to the side. It let out a pained grumble and staggered forward.

Braden decided that he was going to put the beast out of its misery. He primed a grenade, dashed forward, and punched the explosive device into the Hunter's exposed guts. The Hunter hit Braden with his shield and he was sent flying to a safe distance.

The Hunter exploded, which was followed by a brief shower of orange gore.

Braden groaned as he got up, his sides hurt, and looked around. All of the Covenant were dead, and all of the Spartans were alive. Richard was helping up a limping James, Kenny was carrying Rose pieta- style, and Ashley was inspecting the dead.

The pelican finally made it to their location.

**********

The pelican was flying straight upwards into space.

"We're at minimum safe distance," Carol said, "You can set off that nuke now."

"Understood." Braden said. He left the cockpit and entered the back section. He and James made eye contact. He nodded to him.

James gave a dark chuckle. He took out the detonator, flipped off the safety-

"Yippee ki yay..."

and pressed the button.

**********

February 5, 2526

UNSC Point of No Return

"I hate you... I hate you so much," Parangosky fumed as she glared at Braden and the other five Spartans in front of her, "But it would appear that you have all proved your usefulness and efficiancy. Welcome to the black ops."

"Gee, I feel so honored." Ashley sarcastically whispered.

"Now let's get some things straight," Parangosky continued, "First of all, each of your designated ranks. We reviewed the footage of your mission from your built in cameras and have decided who will be what." She then pointed to Braden, Richard, Ashley, James, Rose, and Kenny in respective order. "Colonel, Major, Warrant Officer, Sergeant, Corporal, and Private. Those will be your ranks for the rest of your lives. End of story."

Braden and the others were all a little bit uncomfortable with these unorthodox promotions and demotions, but whatever.

"Secondly, if all six of you are going to be a team, you need a name. Now I'm not in a very creative mood right now and I'm sick of your presence so let's just get this over with. ... X Team. The six of you are now X Team. NOW GET OFF MY SHIP!"

**********

July 7, 2526

Generic Colony World

Braden was perched on a cliff edge. He was looking down the scope of a sniper rifle at a rather interesting scene. Just fifty feet away on the ground below him were three mutant wookies who looked like they had been beaten ten times over with a fugly stick. Buzzing around the air and skittering along the ground were several man- sized praying mantis/ dragonfly hybrid abominations. All of the aliens seemed to have their attention focused on a device that was projecting a holographic image of some weird looking douche with chin balls wearing red robes and a golden crown sitting in a floating throne. The hologram and a wookie in very ornamental armor seemed to be holding a conversation.

Braden fired. The Brute Chieftain's head exploded. The hologram reeled back in surprise and disgust. The other two Brutes twirled around to face Braden, but they two were quickly sniped. The Drones buzzed angrily and made a b- line for Braden. He quickly cut them down with one whole clip of assault rifle ammo.

The immediate threats neutralized, Braden leaped from his perch, and approached the hologram. He stopped when he was in front of it. The alien pope glared at him, his fingers laced. Braden returned the glare.

"You dare make your presence known to me, Demon?" The Prophet said.

"I'm sorry, do I know you? I don't believe we've met." Braden said with totally not fake sincerity.

"I am the Prophet of Tr-"

"Blah, blah, blah, listen asshole, the only reason I'm dealing with your ugly- as- sin face is so I can deliver you a message on behalf of humanity."

The Prophet growled. "And what message from you pathetic heretics could possibly be worth my time?"

"Sooner or later, Prophet, humanity is going to kick. Your. ASS."

Braden then flipped the bird at the Prophet, and delivered a vicious kick to the hologram- creating device, destroying it.

The Prophet of Truth's hologram fazed out of existence. He never got the chance to get back at Braden.

**********

March 3, 2536

Generic Colony World

100 Hours

Ashley's signal was just up ahead. Braden ran through the jungle trees and ferns towards her. It had been hours since she and the marines she was with had been separated from the main battle, and only now had her signal been tracked.

He found her.

She was on her knees, her arms limply hanging to her sides. She was covered in alien blood. The flaming debris of a Wraith, three Phantoms, and six Banshees sat behind her. The splattered remains of countless Covenant surrounded her.

"Ashley!" Braden yelled out. He opened a com channel. "This is X 1, I found X 3! Get over to my position NOW!"

Braden rushed up to her and kneeled next to her. "It's okay Ash, I'm here." He looked around at the carnage. "Damn, looks like you put up a hell of a fight. What happened?"

Ashley remained silent.

"Answer me, Spartan."

Silence.

"Ashley?"

"... No more..."

Ashley suddenly grabbed Braden's shoulders. "NO MORE! NO MORE FIGHTING!"

He grabbed her arms. "Ashley! ASH! Get a hold of yourself soldier!"

Ashley began hyperventilating. "I- I can't do it anymore." She then drew Braden into a tight hug. And started crying.

Braden did not know what to do. He... he just never saw this coming. He felt a strange emotional feeling in his chest. He didn't like it. A thought passed through his mind that at any other time he would have NEVER dared to think. "What if ONI was right? What if... what if we aren't fit to be Spartans"

"P- Please... no m- more..." Ashley took a deep breath, and screamed to the heavens. "RAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!"

**********

September 20, 2538

Generic Colony World, Museum of History, Ancient Japan Section

The Elite Zealot kicked Braden into the exhibit window, causing it to shatter. Braden collided with a samurai suit that had one of those big top hats and silly mustaches.

Braden was lying on his back amidst the glass shards. He groaned. He looked up and saw the Zealot jumping through the hole head first towards him. It held a glowing ~~lightsaber~~ energy sword.

"FOR THE GREAT JOURNEY!"

Thinking quickly, Braden blindly reached to his side for something to defend himself with. He felt something and grabbed it. He pointed it towards his aggressor, hoping that it was something that would save him.

It was a katana. He was holding the handle. The blade was pointed at the Zealot.

The Zealot impaled itself through its chest when it landed on the blade. It froze up, in shock of what happened. It made a choking sound and blood began to spill from its mouth. The tip of its own sword was an inch away from Braden's visor. Its grip loosened as it finally died, deactivating the energy sword.

Braden let the body fall to the side. He got up, and pulled the katana out from the alien's torso. He stared at the blood smeared blade.

"Hmm..."

**********

October 10, 2538

Some random ONI lab

"Hello, my name is Doctor Oc, I presume that you are the Spartan called Braden?"

"That would be correct."

"Excellent. I have your package right over here." Doctor Oc motioned to Braden to follow him. They crossed to the other side of the generic lab that I am too lazy to describe. Oc walked up to a secure weapons locker, punched in a secret password(it was 133769101), and opened the doors. "Aha, here we are. I must say that this is perhaps the most unusual request I have ever gotten, but I like a challenge."

Oc handed Braden a sheathed katana. The sheath itself was grey and the handle was reddish brown. Braden stared at it for a moment.

"Well go on, take it out." Oc said.

Braden grabbed the handle, and slowly drew the blade out. It was light grey. He could see his reflection.

"You like?"

"Very. Thank you, doctor." He gave it an experimental slash through the air. "So, anything I should know about my new toy?"

"Besides the fact that it is sharp enough to cleanly cut down a tree with one slice, is almost as hard as diamond, and when sheathed can automatically magnetize to the back of your armor while only taking up minimal space? No, not really."

Braden gave the sword another experimental swing.

"Although, I recommend that you take some fencing lessons first."

"Oh, uh, sure."

Oc rubbed his chin. "Hm, you know, there's something else that I think you might be interested in. Wanna see?"

"What is it?" Braden asked.

"A few years ago back in '36, there was this little company called RKD that worked on a project codenamed "Hayabusa"..."

**********

May 1, 2540

On some UNSC Cruiser

Braden was bored. He was sitting in the lounge on a cushy chair next to a window that had a rather good view of space. He had already spent a few hours in the weight room and sparred with Richard and James, so exercise was out of the question. All the books in the room were about boring stuff like military protocol and playboy, so he was really bored.

Braden looked out the window.

Space.

He looked away.

...

Braden looked out the window. And then he looked away.

...

!!!

Braden looked back out the window, both hands against the thick glass and his face almost pressed against it.

Space.

He plopped back into his chair and sat there for a few moments, thinking.

...

"Another hour in the gym wouldn't hurt."

**********

August 4, 2541

ONI Facility

Braden and Richard were both sitting on a bench in a waiting room. Their postures were straight and professional.

"Sir," Richard said, "Permission to speak, sir?"

"Dick, you don't need to talk like that to me when we're not on the battlefield," Braden responded, "But, yes. You may."

"Why again does ONI want us to meet these "Spartan Three's"?"

"Because they're putting together another team, like us, just with a bit more military discipline. ONI just wants us to take them on a small- scale suicide mission, and show them the ropes of not getting killed."

"So we're taking a bunch of kids on a field trip? Great."

"Don't be so pessimistic. And they're not kids."

A door opened. A man stepped through. Both Spartans suddenly stood up and saluted him.

"Colonel Urban Holland, SIR!" They both said at the same time.

"At ease, Spartans," Holland said. Braden and Richard both relaxed. "Follow me, they're waiting to meet you."

Holland turned and reentered the room. Braden and Richard followed him. When they got inside the small room, they found a table and five chairs. Two of the chairs were occupied, one by a young man, and the other by a young woman.

"Spartan III's," Holland said, "Meet the leader of X Team, Braden 007, and his second in command, Richard 046. Spartan II's, meet the leader of Noble Team, Carter A259, and his second in command, Catherine B320."

Carter and Kat stood up and saluted. "It's an honor, sir." Carter said.

"The honor is our's." Braden replied.

**********

December 8, 2541

Generic Colony World

Braden, John, and three Marines were pinned under heavy fire from Brute forces. They were hiding behind a wall of rubble, which weakened as the Brutes continually bombarded it.

"I'm scared." One of the Marines said.

"Easy there, Caboose," Braden said, trying his best to assure the frightened private, "You'll make it out alive."

"He's right Caboose," another of the Marines said, "I mean, look at him! He's a freaking samurai! AND we've got the Master Chief himself with us! Trust me, the moment we get outta here, we'll all get laid! Especially me."

"You are such a pig, Tucker." The third Marine said.

"Hey don't be cramping my style Church!"

"You two aren't helping," John deadpanned, "Now, we need to focus on... wait a sec..."

"What the hell is that music?" Braden asked.

Indeed, there was music playing in the distance, and it was getting closer. Everyone, even the Brutes, gave pause to whatever they were doing at the moment to identify the sound.

"Never thought I'd be happy to hear that song." Church said.

"Wait, what's going on?" Braden asked.

Suddenly, a Warthog came flying over the top of a nearby hill, and crashed into the pack of Brutes, with the music playing at full blast.

The Warthog's dynamic entry killed several of the Brutes. The gunner and the passenger- who was armed with a shotgun- finished the rest off.

Church, Tucker, and Caboose stood up and approached the Warthog. Braden and John hesitated for a moment, confused(with good reason), but soon followed suit. Three Marines occupied the Warthog.

The passenger hopped out of his seat, shotgun in hand. "Simmons!" He barked to the gunner. "Keep an eye out for any Covenant."

"On it, Sarge!" Simmons replied in the most kiss- ass way possible.

"Grif!" Sarge shouted to the driver. "Don't fall asleep. Or eat any snacks. Or drive off without me. Or continue to be lazy and stupid."

Grif gave a frustrated sigh. "Dammit."

"Hooray for the abuse of the command of chains!" Caboose cheered.

Braden and John were more or less speechless.

**********

???, 2544

UNSC Interrogation Room

A UNSC interrogation room. The half of the room with the door to the rest of the facility was well lit. The other half was pitch black. A table was in the middle of the room. Well, mostly in the middle. The majority of the table was in the light, but one end was slightly in the dark half.

Anyways, an Elite Minor was sitting in a chair at the end of the table that was slightly in the dark. He was weaponless, but unrestrained. However, he was one of those rare "life before honor" types, so he was smart enough to not try anything suicidal so far. He was also quite short for an Elite, he stood at a measly 7' 5".

The door opened. The Minor looked up and clicked its mandibles with curiosity.

Avery Junior Johnson closed the door, walked over to the table, and took a seat opposite the Minor.

"A while ago, there was a battle on a planet called Miridem," Johnson explained to the Minor, "During that, while our ships were evacuating, your friends stole a very important package from us."

The Minor remained silent.

Johnson leaned forward. "You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

The Minor crossed its arms. "And if I do?"

"Now you listen here, I'm going to give you one chance, just one chance, to give me a straight answer to my question, or things are going to get ugly," Johnson suddenly stood up and slammed his fists on the table, "DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"

The Minor gave an arrogant huff. "As if you could ever make me talk."

"Answer my question, squid head. Where. Is. Halsey?"

"I may hold little respect for my own people's tradition for honor, but I dare not imperil the Great Journey."

Johnson blankly stared at the Minor for a moment. He then stood up, and returned to the door.

"So how does this work," The Minor asked, "Bad cop first, good cop second? That is strange, even for you heretics."

Johnson raised an eyebrow as he opened the door. "Pardon?"

"You are the bad cop, are you not?"

Johnson cracked a smile. "Nope. I'm the good cop." Johnson exited the room, and closed the door.

The lights for the back half of the room suddenly turned on, revealing Braden, who had been standing right behind the Minor this whole time.

Braden grabbed the back of the Minor's head and slammed his face into the table.

"GAH!" The Minor snarled. Braden circled around to the other side of the table so he could properly face the Minor. "Cowardly human filth! Of course one as dishonorable as you would strike a foe from behi-"

Braden backhanded the Minor in the face. The blow forced the Minor's head to turn away from Braden and face the floor. The Minor took a moment to let the action sink in. He returned his head to its proper posture and glared at Braden. He stayed silent.

"A friend of mine was killed during that battle," Braden said, "Her name was Sheila. She was a Spartan."

The Minor clicked its mandibles.

"She died trying to keep Halsey out of the Covenant's grasp. So the fact that you killed one of my friends and kidnapped another makes this little interrogation between you and me very personal."

"I did not kill your Demon friend," The Minor calmly explained, "Nor did I abduct Halsey. Both of those honors belong to Major 'Lodamee, that shameless bastard. But I will admit, before he sent me away to scout a section of your planet's atmosphere- where you caught me- watching him gut the Demon was most satisfying. Her screams were music to my ears."

Braden grabbed the Minor by the neck, simultaneously stood up, and drew him up to his face. "Where's Halsey?" He growled.

"You honestly think I will sell out the Covenant under the threat of pain?" The Minor was clearly not impressed.

"You seem like the type." Braden then pulled the Minor over the table and pinned him against the wall. "This is your last chance. Where's Halsey?"

"I will not imperil the Great Journey, and the blood of mankind shall-"

Braden flipped the Minor upside down and slammed him onto the table. The Minor gave a pained groan and rolled off. As he struggled to get up, Braden grabbed him by the back of his head and smashed his face into the room's obligatory one- way mirror, creating a spiderweb- shaped crack in the glass.

"WHERE IS SHE?"

"You're gonna have to try harder if you want-"

Braden punched him. "WHERE IS SHE?"

"The Great Journey-"

*PUNCH*

"WHERE IS SHE?"

The Minor gave a chuckle. "You know what the problem is with you humans? You don't know when to just quit. Your Halsey is beyond your reach now. You have no hope of retrieving her."

Braden grabbed him by the neck again and pulled him up to his face. "How about we cut a deal?"

The Minor raised one of his scaly brows. "Go on..."

"You tell us where Halsey is, and you live. Don't tell us, and you die. Simple as that."

The Minor shifted his eyes, his mandibles clicking with consideration.

"You're going to die here and you know it, the least you can do is buy yourself some time. So tell me, what's more important to you," Braden asked, "Your own life, or your religion?"

The Minor looked to Braden. "... I will talk..."

Braden pulled the Elite closer. "Halsey's location. NOW."

"She is currently being held by the Third Fleet of Glorious Consequence, the fleet that attacked your planet. You should be able to discern which ship she is on by tracing her "cryo pod's" signal. Under normal circumstances the fleet would have been long gone by now and this entire episode rendered moot, but they are currently trapped in a stellar magnetic field, thus preventing them from using Slipspace. Temporarily, anyway."

"So this is our only chance to act then?"

The Minor nodded.

"Thank you for the information. Oh, and remember what I said about letting you live if you told us what we needed?"

"Yes?"

Braden quickly unsheathed his katana and swiftly decapitated the Minor with a single stroke.

"I lied."

Braden moved for the door, opened it, and stepped through. He opened a com link.

"John, it's me. I have what we need. Tell Captain Jiron to get the PRO ready..."

As Braden left, Johnson took a moment to take a peek inside the room. He grimaced at the bloody mess.

"Can someone get Frankie the Janitor down here to clean this mess," Johnson called out, "Please?"

**********

April 22, 2552

Fumirole

The Elite Ultra pinned Braden to the ground with its foot, pressing down on his chest. The Ultra raised its sword and was about to finish Braden, when Carter leaped onto its back and stabbed his combat knife into its neck. The Ultra gave a pained roar and fell over dead. Carter offered a hand to Braden, who grabbed it and hoisted himself up.

"Thanks for the save." Braden said.

"Don't mention it." Carter replied. Carter's com suddenly activated.

"Noble One! Carter, are you there?!" A static voice said from Carter's helmet. It was Jun- A266.

"What is it Noble Three?!" Carter yelled over the explosions and chaos around them. Braden provided cover fire for Carter as he talked. A Skirmisher managed to get close to them and jumped at them, its toothy maw wide open, but Braden promptly gunned it down.

"Noble Two has been hit by a Banshee and dropped Hope! I repeat, Kat is down and she dropped the armed nuke!" Jun yelled.

"WHAT?!" Braden and Carter exclaimed at the same time.

They both looked in the direction Kat had gone when she ran past them. A way's off, just across the battlefield, they saw Kat lying on the ground, immobile, with the nuke beside her. They ran to her.

However, another Spartan beat them to her.

It was Thom- 293.

Thom looked at Kat, then at the nuke. Thom picked up the nuke. He looked upwards to the Covenant Cruiser that floated menacingly in the sky. He activated his jet pack and flew off towards the ship. Seconds later Braden and Carter finally reached Kat.

"What the hell is he doing?!" Braden rhetorically asked as he watched Thom fly away.

Carter was crouched next to Kat. Her right arm was burned and broken. "Kat! Kat can you hear me?" He asked.

Kat gave a pained groan. "Commander... I'm sorry..."

At that moment James, Emile- A239, Kenny, and Jorge arrived.

"Oh shit! Kat!" Emile yelled.

Jorge kneeled next to Carter and Kat. "Sir, she's not gonna make it if we don't amputate her arm. The burns are too severe."

"I KNOW!"

"Wait, who just flew up there?" James asked. "And where's that Hope nuke?"

"That was Thom," Braden said, "He took the nuke and flew into the ship."

"He's up there?!" Kenny exclaimed. "I- but- what- he's gonna make it, right? I- I mean, Thom's gonna get out of there in time, right guys?"

"Of course he is!" Emile said. "He's Thom for crying out loud! Any moment now that cowboy's gonna come flying back to us shouting "YEEHAW" or something with a blaze of glory behind him. Just wait and see."

The Covenant Cruiser suddenly exploded, and crashed into the ground. There was no sign of Thom.

**********

August 13, 2552

The Red Shirt

Braden and Captain Johnson Head were on the bridge of Head's ship, The Red Shirt.

Captain Johnson Head scratched his chin in deep thought. "HMMM... What do you think, Colonel?" He asked Braden as he stared intently at his personal vending machine. "Coke, or Pepsi?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Braden screamed at the Captain. "For the past two months that my team and I have been under your command, you nearly botched six missions, almost killed two thousand civilians, barely avoided crashing into a nuclear power plant, and here you are, literally half a minute after we just received A GODDAMN DISTRESS CALL FROM REACH SAYING THAT THE PLANET IS UNDER COVENANT ATTACK, taking your sweet time deciding what GODDAMN SODA YOU WANT TO DRINK!!!"

Head looked shocked, as if he suddenly had an epiphany. "My god, you're right, Colonel! Why not have both Coke and Pepsi at the same time?!" Head then put two quarters into the vending machine, pressed two buttons, and a can of Coke and Pepsi dropped out at the bottom. Head grabbed both cans and chugged them down at the same time.

Braden facepalmed. "How... how are you still employed?"

Head gave him a coy smile. "It's simple, Spartan. All you have to do is know how to please the ladies in High Command. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink."

"... Captain."

"Yes?"

"Get us to Reach, now, or I will stage a one- man mutiny and throw you out the airlock."

Head paled. "... Uh, navigator, get us to Reach, asap."

"Aye, Captain." The navigator, a young man, replied. "Preparing slipspace."

"I'm going down to the hanger to check on my team," Braden said as he turned to leave the bridge, "And we had better be at Reach in forty- eight hours."

"Relax, Spartan," Head said, a bit calmed down now, "We'll get there." Just before Braden was out of earshot, he heard Head say something to himself. "Heh, I'm totally going to survive this war."

After a few lefts and rights in the halls, Braden finally found the elevator to the hanger. The doors opened. He entered. The doors closed. He waited. The doors opened again. He stepped out.

Braden looked around the hanger. Richard and Rose were both examining The Red Shirt's sole Longsword. Kenny, James, and Ashley were hanging around some crates just across the hanger. He took a deep breath to calm down from his little episode on the bridge. He decided to question Richard and Rose about the status of the Longsword that they were going to be using.

Braden calmly walked up to Richard and Rose. "Is everything set and ready?" He asked.

From here on out you know the rest of the story.

**********

The mental connection between Celestia and Braden snapped like a cord. Celestia gave a pained scream and fell backwards, writhing in pain on the ground. Braden just silently laid where he was.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight yelled. She moved to assist her mentor, but was stopped by Luna.

"No, do not go near her! She is disoriented, and very dangerous." Luna explained.

Twilight reluctantly obeyed, but was clearly ready to bolt the moment she was given the ok. After a few tense moments, Celestia finally stopped squirming. She was hyperventilating, her hooves to the sides of her head, her eyes frantically darting all around the room. She was shaking uncontrollably.

Twilight looked to Luna. Luna nodded. Twilight sprinted to Celestia and stopped when she was by her side. "C- Celestia? Are you alright?"

Celestia looked at Twilight. Her breathing slowed down. "Twilight... my most faithful student... I have seen... horrible, terrible things... GET THEM OUT OF MY HEAD!"

"It's okay Princess! We're all here to help you and-" Twilight stopped. She was looking above at something behind Celestia. Fear dominated her face.

Celestia dared to turn her head around. Braden stood over her, his katana held in his right hand, breathing heavily like a deranged lunatic.

"You... you just don't know when to stop being a problem, do you?" Braden said in a tone darker than any he had ever spoken in before.

Celestia held up a hoof in defense. "S- Stay away! Please!"

"You are too dangerous to be left alive."

Braden raised his katana.

"HAVE MERCY!"

And brought it down upon Celestia.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

Kenny dashed forward and grabbed Braden's arm before he could smite Celestia. "NO COLONEL!"

The blade stopped just a few inches short of slicing Celestia's skull in half down the middle.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING PRIVATE?!" Braden yelled with supreme outrage.

"No blood needs to be shed!" Kenny said. "We are free from the dungeon and have made our point! You don't have to kill Celestia!"

"And why not?! So she can trouble us again? What if she ends up killing you, Kenny!"

Kenny looked to Celestia. For a moment, he was tempted to let Braden kill her. This was not the Celestia he had seen on the cartoon. This was...

"Wait..." Kenny thought. "Of course... but that shall be dealt with later."

Kenny looked back to Braden. "Colonel. Braden, let it go."

Braden continued to glance between Kenny and Celestia.

...

He sheathed his katana. Kenny, and everybody else, sighed with relief. Braden began taking steps toward the main door...

... Then suddenly scooped up Celestia by her neck with one arm, holding her up to his face. The Mane Six(and Lyra) gasped, Luna's horn glowed, and the rest of X Team took ready stances. Kenny held his hands up in an attempt to keep Braden calm.

"Sir, please, don't-"

"I did not give you permission to speak, Private."

Kenny flinched.

Braden returned his attention to Celestia. "Now you listen to me, and you listen to me now. I don't care who you are. I don't care what you want. You have seen my past, and thus you know that I have a very particular set of skills. You saw how I got those skills. You saw what I have used those skills for. What you experienced during our fight? I was holding back, and only slightly annoyed by your actions. You don't want to deal with me when I'm not holding back, and angry. If you do not bring any more harm to my Spartans, I will not look for you, and I will not pursue you. But if you do, I will look for you. I will find you. And I will kill you."

Celestia simply stared at Braden, horrified.

Braden released Celestia from his grip. She dropped to the floor in limp shock. He made his way for the door. The other ponies, shocked as they were, still had enough sense to move out of his way.

"Spartans, move out," Braden ordered with a no bullshit tone, "We're returning to base." He then continued calmly walking down the hall.

Richard, Ashley, Rose, and James followed him.

Kenny followed too, but he stopped as he passed the other ponies. He made a quick glance to his teammates, then motioned to Luna to come nearer. Luna, surprised, took a tentative step toward him.

Kenny whispered something into Luna's ear that the other seven ponies couldn't hear. At first Luna looked confused, but she nodded to him. He nodded back. Then he ran after the rest of X Team.

The Spartans were gone.

The ponies stood there(or in Celestia's case: laid on the floor in a fetal position) silently for a good three minutes, trying to take in what the buck just happened.

And then Cadence walked in. She gave a yawn. "Hello everypony," She awkwardly said as she looked around. "So, what did I miss after I got knocked out?"

Author's Note

... I... I don't know what happened. This chapter was supposed to be only 3k words long but then it got dipped in radioactive sludge and grew and was supposed to come out last Feb and... shit.

I am such a dick for making you guys wait. Sorry.

Anyways, good news and bad news everybody! Good news: Next chapter WILL be out MUCH sooner! And shorter. Cross my heart hope to fly stick a cupcake in my eye, I promise. Hold me to that.

Bad news: there will only be 6 more chapters after this one. That's 20 chapters. Sorry folks, gotta end this fic SOMETIME and move on to my next big project.

The Night Mare

The sun hanged low in the sky. The Mane Six(and Lyra) had been sent back to Ponyville just a few hours prior. Canterlot was currently cleaning up after the Spartan's assault.

Luna nervously stood off to the side with Cadence, Blueblood, and the leader of her Night Guard- Captain Amazing Originality- as Celestia stalked back and forth across her room's outside balcony, fuming. As unorthodox as it was to have a meeting on Celestia's personal balcony, the usual meeting place- the throne room- was, for lack of a better term, trashed. Plus they were all a little paranoid about the Spartans at the moment, so they all at least wanted to be somewhere that would at least give the illusion of security.

But that wasn't why Luna was nervous.

"They must be stopped!" Celestia viciously said to herself. Her eyes were bloodshot and foam was forming at the corners of her mouth. "The nerve of them to break into my palace and one- up me! ME! I am justice incarnate! I'm always right! I never lose!"

"This isn't you, sister," Luna thought to herself, "Something is affecting you, but what?"

"IDEAS! NOW!" Celestia yelled at them.

Caught unawares, Luna, Cadence, Blueblood, and Amazing Originality shifted their eyes to one another.

Cadence dared to speak up first. "I, uh, I suggest we, uh, uh..."

Celestia zoomed up to her. They were snout- to- snout now."YES? YES?"

Beads of sweat were rolling off Cadence's head. "W- We, w- we, uh... surround them from all sides?"

Celestia blankly stared at Cedence. Then, she slowly put both of her hooves to the sides of Cadence's head, firmly holding her delicate skull in place. "Cadence..." Celestia said in a cold, icy tone, "You..."

"Oh no, it has finally happened! Celestia's snapped and become the Solar Tyrant!" Cadence frantically thought to herself.

"Are..."

"I'm screwed!"

"A..."

"Goodbye cruel world!"

"GENIUS!" Celestia then drew Cadence into a tight hug. "I never took you for a tactical mastermind! Of course the simplest first step is the best one! Eh heh! EH HEH HEH!"

Although she was calmed by the fact that her skull wasn't going to be crushed, Cadence was nevertheless still frightened of her aunt's recent strange behavior. "I... I just want to avenge my husband. Who's still in the hospital. Why again can't I visit him?"

"Yeeesss, let your hatred for the humans flow through you!"

For those of you out there who are wondering why nopony is asking what a "human" is, Celestia told them all from what little she understood from Braden's mind earlier. That and I'm just a lazy ass of a writer.

Celestia suddenly pointed at Blueblood. "BLUEBLOOD! Surely you too are seeking revenge? I need a follow up plan for our attack!"

Blueblood was in a wheelchair with all of his legs in casts and had an eye patch over his black eye. Nopony expressed it, but they all thought his situation hilarious.

Blueblood gave an arrogant snort that could have only been done after years of practice. "In my high opinion, we should swarm them, take them alive, and then torture them to death."

"I knew I should have done more than just knock him out." Luna thought to herself.

"BRILLIANT!" Celestia yelled out.

So loudly, in fact, that Blueblood's chair tipped over backwards. "AGH! MY BACK!"

"And you, Captain Amazing Originality? What say you?"

Amazing Originality cleared his throat and began speaking. "Well your Highness, in my professional military opinion, our best of action should be to-"

"OH WHY AM I LISTENING TO YOU? YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER RANDOM- ASS ORIGINAL CHARACTER WHO WILL NEVER BE SEEN, HEARD FROM, NOR MENTIONED AGAIN!" Celestia then shifted her attention to Luna. "And what of you, Luna? You've been awful quiet lately. Tell me, why were you with the Spartans earlier? Where do your true loyalties lie?"

Luna was both miffed and filled with fear. She had to make up a cover story, quickly. "Sister, I was only on their side during the battle because I worried for the safety of our citizens."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I thought it best to appease them and let them leave before things got too serious."

Celestia's eyes scanned over Luna, searching for any deception. Fortunately, Luna had told her the truth, albeit only half of the truth, but the truth nonetheless.

Celestia nodded. "Very well. Now then, we must-"

Luna interrupted. "Sister."

Celestia gave an uncharacteristic snarl. "WHAT?"

"The time has come when you must set the sun and I must rise the moon. Perhaps we should postpone our plans for retaliation in the morning? You know, to build up energy?"

"Every second those monsters run amok my kingdom, the more I endanger my little ponies. But, I cannot deny that your logic is sound, and so I must agree with you." Celestia's horn started glowing. The sun began to descend more rapidly overhead. "Take care, sister. The rest of you are dismissed. I will see you all in the morning."

Cadence helped Blueblood back into his chair and soon both were out of Celestia's room. Captain Amazing Originality trotted off into obscurity.

The sun disappeared over the horizon. Luna's horn glowed. Seconds later, the moon appeared. "I must be off." Luna said as she spread her wings and prepared to take flight.

"Oh Luna, one more thing?" Celestia sweetly asked.

Luna froze, and slowly turned her head back to Celestia. "Yes?"

"Perhaps you could use your time tonight to do some recon?"

"Wait, what?"

"Oh you know, get inside the Spartan's dreams, see what they're thinking, that sort of thing."

"... I understand, sister." Luna jumped off the balcony and flew off. It took all off her willpower to look casual and not flap her wings faster and make it look like she frantically wanted to get away from Celestia and raise suspicion.

"The red Spartan was right! Celestia has been corrupted... but by what?"

**********

Luna had taken the form of a blue mist. She silently moved through the trees of the Everfree Forest, searching for the Spartan's base. After a couple of minutes of searching, she found it. She stared in awe at the huge bulk of the wrecked "ship" that Twilight had spoken of. But just as she began to move in closer, she recoiled back into the foliage.

She had noticed the base's sole guard just in time: The Colonel.

Braden was simply sitting there in front of the main door cross- legged. The only movement he made that indicated that he was awake was his continuous sharpening of his sword against a stone. Otherwise he was just sitting there... still... silent... waiting...

Luna shivered, and decided that it would be best to not reveal herself to the Spartan who almost broke Celestia's mind. She circled around the base, and approached the main door above and behind Braden. Although she was currently just a wisp, she didn't want to risk making even the faintest noise, so she sneaked past slowly.

She got to the door. She dared to take a peek back at Braden. Despite only being a few feet away, he had not noticed her yet. Yep, Luna's just that good at sneaking around.

Luna returned her attention to the door. It was closed. But that wasn't a problem, because MIST! Luna can slip through the tiniest of cracks and spaces.

She was inside the Longsword now. Slowly and cautiously, she moved through the halls. It wasn't long until she found the cockpit. She curiously looked at the complicated controls and was tempted to investigate further, when she heard mumbling. Luna backtracked until she traced the noise to a doorway she had passed on her way in. Blocking her was another closed door.

She slipped through the bottom and looked around the inside of the room. She found the other five Spartans sleeping in a series of bunks. Knowing full well that she was treading on thin ice here, Luna quietly entered the room.

She saw what she had come here for: Kenny. He was asleep at the far end of the room. She moved to approach him, but then stopped. She looked to the other four Spartans. Luna's curiosity to know what they were dreaming about was practically killing her.

...

"Surely a quick peek before we get to business wouldn't hurt?" Luna reasoned.

Luna then entered the dream of the Spartan who was nearest to her: Richard.

**********

Richard

Luna found herself seated in an auditorium. Surrounding her, also seated, were hundreds of humans. Some were unarmored officers, some were marines, some were ODSTs, and some were even Spartans. There was a stage a few rows ahead of her. On the stage stood a proud looking elderly human male. Suddenly, a light from up above was turned on, and was pointed at one specific person in the row right in front of Luna.

The light's target was Richard. Richard expressed genuine surprise as the people around him clapped and the old man motioned to him to come onstage. Richard stood up from his seat, filed his way out of his row, and walked onstage, the light following him the entire way. The fact that he was fully decked out in his armor while in this dream amused Luna.

Richard was now standing in front of the old man on the stage. He saluted. "Fleet Admiral Hood, sir!"

Hood returned the salute. "At ease, Spartan. Major Richard- Zero Forty Six, you are here on this day to be honored and rewarded for your outstanding performance in the service of the UNSC."

Richard stood up straighter. "I am honored, sir."

"From this day forth. you are no longer Major Richard." Hood said as he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a shiny gold medal. He pinned the medal on Richard's chest armor. For some odd reason, it stuck.

"Congratulations, Spartan. You have been promoted... to janitor."

Luna did a double take.

"... What." Richard deadpanned.

Hood gave Richard a cheeky grin. "Here's your mop." Hood then pulled a mop out of his ass and thrust it into Richard's arms.

Richard looked at the mop he was holding. Then to Hood. Then back to the mop. Hood. Mop. Hood. Mop. Hood. Mop. Hood.

"... WHAT?" He repeated.

"There was a drinking contest earlier in the mess hall today, so you might want to get down there and clean up all that vomit and shit. Oh, I almost forgot, here's your bucket of water." Hood placed a bucket of water at Richard's feet.

"... WHAT!"

Hood saluted Richard. "Make us proud, soldier."

The audience applauded.

Richard smashed Hood over the head with the mop and continued to club him with it. "YOU GODDAMN JACKASS I'M GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU YOU STUPID MOTHERFU-"

Luna quickly left the dream before things got any uglier.

**********

Ashley

Luna found herself in a dark room. She pulled a 360 degree spin, hoping to find some light, but to no avail. Then, she heard crying. A child crying, to be exact. Suddenly, no more than thirty feet away, a light shone down from up above(Don't worry this won't be a recurring theme or anything), and spotlighted a small figure.

It was the figure who was crying. Luna cautiously approached it. It was facing her, but it was sitting down in a fetal position with its face tucked into its curled up arms and legs, sobbing away.

"It... it appears to be a child. A human child." Luna thought to herself. Then she remembered she was in a dream of one of the Spartans. "What demons could plague a warrior as fierce as this one to dream of a child in distress? Yeesh, and I thought I had problems."

Luna was now just in front of the child, looking down on her. "Um, hello, little one?"

The child immediately stopped crying, and looked up at Luna. Luna physically recoiled from seeing the child's eyes.

Dear god, THOSE EYES. What Luna saw in those eyes was a sick and perverted combination of sadness, loneliness, violence, and fear. Those eyes were the eyes of someone who had seen some serious shit.

"W- who a- are y- you?" The child stuttered. From its voice Luna realized that "it" was actually a "she".

"I am Luna." Luna answered in a sweet tone accompanied by a sincere smile. She kneeled down on all fours so that she was eye level with the little girl. "What is your name?"

"... Ashley..."

"It's nice to meet you, Ashley. Why are you crying?"

"... Because... It's just me..."

"What do you mean?"

"I just want to be with people... but then the monsters come..."

"Monsters? Little Ashley, if you are crying because of the monsters, all you need to do is-"

"I kill the monsters."

"... Ah."

"But when I kill the monsters, people get scared, and they run. I don't want them to run, but I like killing the monsters."

"You want friends... but everypony is too scared of you to return the feeling?"

Little! Ashley looked to Luna with big watery eyes, and then nodded.

"... So then stop fighting." Luna offered.

"W- what?" Ashley sounded legitimately surprised.

"Just stop fighting the monsters, Ashley."

"But, but what if they come back?!"

"They won't come back, I promise you."

"That's what everyone says. But they always come back, always."

"These monsters you speak of, who are they? And why do you fear them if you claim to slay them?"

"They are the Covenant. They come to our planets. They burn all, kill all, obliterate all. We fight back. Sometimes, we win, but more just keep coming. I... I'm tired. I'm sick of fighting."

For a moment, Luna had no idea what to say. Oh sure she counseled a guard every now and then when they had a nightmare, but this was a legitimate case of a soldier having PTSD or something for crying out loud! Besides, as if the Equestrian Guard ever actually saw any action that warranted such a need for help. HA.

And then the obvious solution hit her like a freight train. She smiled. Odds were it wouldn't work, but it was worth a shot.

"Ashley, what if I told you... that you could have both of your wishes?"

"What do you mean?"

"You want a life free of war, and to be accepted into society by others. Such things exist here, in Equestria."

"I... no. The Covenant will come."

"The Covenant are not in Equestria."

"I must stand vigilant! It is my duty as a Spartan!" Ashley at this point was slightly foaming at the mouth and had a small twitch to her eyes.

Luna took a few cautious steps back, even though she was only in a dream. "Is this why you cannot move on? Because of your fear of the Covenant?"

"I'M NOT AFRAID! I'M NOT!"

Luna wasn't buying it. "Who are you lying to, Ashley? Me, or yourself?"

Ashley huffed and looked away.

"You must face your fears, warrior."

"Another time."

"... Tell them that." Luna's voice now had a nervous edge to it.

Ashley looked up at Luna. Luna was staring at something behind Ashley, her eyes wide in fear. Ashley turned around to see what it was, but she already knew.

Barely twenty paces away was a massive horde of Covenant.

No, it was not just any Covenant horde. Elites. Lots of them. And at the head of the group was a very familiar Zealot wielding an energy sword, arrogantly smirking at her as if he knew he was going to win.

Ashley's breathing sped up. Her pupils turned to pinpricks. Her knees buckled. A cold sweat rolled down her face.

"You must face your fear..." Luna said.

Ashley turned around, but Luna was gone.

She was alone again... helpless...

...

...

...

"... No... I'm... NOT."

Ashley stared defiantly at the Elites. They roared at her and bared their teeth and menacingly brandished their weapons.

Ashley was only vaguely aware that her subconscious form was transforming from a defenseless little girl barely seven years of age to a seven foot super soldier clad in high tech armor.

Ashley took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. "Alright... let's finish this."

**********

James

Luna found herself standing in the middle of a creepy living room. Wood walls, old smelly furniture, cobwebs on the lamp and clock, a stack of Uwe Boll DVD's in the far corner...

Luna nervously shifted her eyes. "Um, okay, I'm disturbed." She turned around and found an exit. She walked through said exit and looked around. She was now in the weird part of the house where you walk in, but it's neither a hall or a room and it's connected to the rest of the house. Basically she was by the front door now.

*CH- CHK*

Luna felt something press against the back of her head.

"Don't move." A harsh voice growled.

Luna stayed still.

"Turn around. Slowly."

Luna slowly turned around, and came face to face with... James. And the barrel end of a UNSC shotgun.

"Oh, it's you." James deadpanned. He pointed the gun away from Luna's face and walked past her, seemingly forgetting about her.

"WHAT WAS THE MEANING OF THAT!" Luna demanded.

James ignored her.

"ANSWER ME!"

James returned his attention to her. The Spartan walked up to her, and leaned over so that he was eye level with her. Luna could tell that underneath that helmet he was giving her a scrutinizing look.

"How the hell did you get in here?" James asked.

Luna blinked. "Well I-"

"I have every door and window barricaded with wood planks and nails, so I'm going to ask again. How the hell did you get in here?"

"I, uh, teleported?"

"... Hm, fair enough, Luna."

"Very well, misterrrrrrrr- uh, Spartan."

"Huh?"

"N- Nothing."

"... You forgot my name, didn't you?"

"No I didn't!"

"Don't lie to me."

"But our meeting in Canterlot was so rushed and chaotic and there were so many of us and-"

"Stop. For future context, it's James, forgetful bitch."

Luna decided to change the subject. "If you don't mind me asking, but where are we?"

James stood back up to his full height. "We're in an abandoned mansion in the middle of nowhere."

"And why, pray tell, did you barricade the doors and windows?"

"So that... they don't get back in."

"They? They who?"

James did a quick tilt of his head to the nearest window. "Look out there."

Luna carefully approached the window. Four large wooden planks served as a barricade. She peeked through one of the spaces between the planks to take a look. It was nighttime, trees surrounded the house they were in. Luna didn't know why, but she suddenly felt compelled to look at the actual window itself. She then looked at the other windows. The windows looked incomplete, as if...

"Where are the shutters?" Luna asked.

"Torn right off the hinges during the first attack. After that I boarded the house up. It's been a while, so no doubt they'll be back soon."

Luna nervously eyed the outside darkness.

*DOOM*

"What was that?" Luna asked.

James tightly gripped his shotgun. "They are coming."

The drumbeats continued. *DOOM*

"What do we do?! What do we do?!"

*DOOM- DOOM*

"Take this," James handed a magnum to Luna, "Make yourself useful."

*DOOM- DOOM*

"I am ROYALTY! You will not speak to me in such a disrespectful manner and respect my authority!"

Banging was suddenly heard on the barricades, accompanied by the scratching of sharp claws.

Luna quickly took the magnum with her magic and aimed it at the noise. "I'm holding this the right way, right?"

"No. Flip it the other way around before you blow your goddamn head off."

Luna flipped the gun around. James walked up to one of the windows, put his shotgun between a pair of planks, and fired off a round.

*BANG*

"YOU BITCHES READY FOR ROUND TWO? ARE YOU? WELL, ARE YOU?!" James fired another shot.

*BANG*

Suddenly the front door exploded into splinters, allowing their attackers entry.

The moment Luna saw the first one walk in, she pressed herself against the wall away from the vile creature and had to physically restrain herself from vomiting. "SWEET MYSELF WHAT THE BUCK IS THAT ABOMINATION?!?!"

"That, Luna," James answered with utter disgust, "Is a FURRY."

More furries swarmed into the house. Cats, dogs, mice, foxes, rabbits, and more, all of them inconceivable horrors that were never meant to exist. They all stretched their hands/ paws toward James and Luna and began chanting.

"LOOOOVVVVE UUUUUUUSSSSSSSS. LOOOOVVVVE UUUUUUUSSSSSSSS."

But James would have none of it.

He fired his shotgun. *BANG*. "Come on! I'll take you all on!"

*BANG*

"I'm not turned on by animals, dammit!"

*BANG*

"You're not misunderstood, you're just weird!"

*BANG*

"Go outside!"

*BANG*

"Get a life!"

*BANG*

"And for god's sake GET A GIRLFRIEND!"

"Who are you talking to?" Luna asked as she took pot shots with her magnum from behind a lamp.

"I'm talking to... aw crap, I think Kenny's metaness is starting to rub off on me."

James fired his shotgun again. But instead of a *BANG* there was a *CLICK*. "Shit! Outta ammo!"

A tiger furry in a skimpy bikini suddenly rushed up to James and pinned him against the wall. She seductively stroked the chin of his helmet with a claw. "Are you sure you wanna kill us? I mean, we could have fun upstairs..."

James stopped struggling and stared into her eyes...

And then he punched her face off. The tiger furry's faceless corpse fell to the ground.

"Sorry babe, I ain't into beastiality." James triumphantly said. He then pulled a machine gun turret out of nowhere, "Now it's furry killing time," and let out one long continuous burst of gunfire. The horde of furries never stood a chance.

Meanwhile, Luna was huddled up in a corner. "Can I go now?" She asked as blood splattered the walls around her.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure, go ahead," James replied without taking his eyes off the massacre, "You'd only be in my way if you stuck around anyways."

Luna immediately left James' dream.

The bullets in the turret finally ran out. James noticed. "What the? Oh, damn."

Another wave of dozens of furries were running towards him.

In response, James pulled out a flamethrower.

Then, James started singing.

"Do you believe in magic? In a young girl's heart, how the music can free her whenever it starts~..."

**********

Rose

Luna was standing on the sidewalk of what she assumed was the street of a human city. There were lots of trippy flashing lights and strange driver- less vehicles going around. She heard footsteps. She turned her head to see Rose strutting down the street toward her.

Rose looked happy and content. "Isn't this great?" Rose asked Luna, completely unfazed at Luna's sudden appearance. "Look at all this cool stuff I get to screw around with! And it's mine! All mine!"

"You do know that you are a rather shallow and undeveloped character, do you not?" Luna questioned.

"Pft, like I care!"

For a whole whopping five seconds, Luna was certain that she would not have to experience another traumatic nightmare.

And then a television fell out of the sky and landed between Luna and Rose, completely undamaged. Rose stopped mid- strut to look at the curious box while Luna was simply baffled as to what the buck this thing was. The screen turned on to reveal an anchorman sitting at a desk.

"This is Ron Burgundy with breaking news!" The anchorman said. "Today in ten seconds there will be a galaxy- wide conversion to 1920's technology! Hide your alcohol!"

Suddenly there was a big wave of... something, and now everything was 1920- ish.

Rose took in her new surroundings with a look of sheer horror. "No... No!"

A man wearing a silly mask walked up to Rose. "Excuse me ma'am, but would you be interested in buying the latest in cutting edge technology? Like this phonograph!"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

Luna facehoofed and hightailed it out of there.

**********

"Okay, enough messing around," Luna thought to herself as she left Rose's mind and entered Kenny's, "Onto business! Though given that the red one is a bit more eccentric than the others, I do worry that he may also be having a bizarre dream. But no matter! Given what I have just seen from his comrades, there is nothing that I'm not prepared for! Nothing!"

**********

Kenny

Luna was not prepared for this.

And then it was all gone. Luna was left standing in black nothingness, alone...

"Was that not a great show?" A voice behind Luna said.

Luna jumped, gave an "Ah!" and twirled around. Standing before her was Kenny.

"Oh! Oh, it's you," Luna said, relaxing a little, "You told me earlier in Canterlot that you wished to speak to me in private tonight?"

Kenny nodded his head. "That is correct, your Highness."

"Before we proceed, I have to ask, what was that nonsense I just saw?"

"Oh, just a little something I conjured up for my amusement. Looney Tunes powers have their perks in dreams too, ya know."

"Rrrriiiiiight..."

"Alright, enough fun and games. Luna, listen to me. Shit's going down, and the only way we can all get out of this alive is through very careful and precise planning."

"Just how serious is the situation?"

"If we fail, Equestria will burn, and everypony and everything you love will be destroyed."

"... And you think Celestia is going to be the cause of this?"

"No, not Celestia herself. I am one hundred and twenty percent certain that she has been possessed."

"Possessed?! By whom?!"

"That's the problem, I don't know. Which is why we have to do this as carefully as possible."

"Can't we just shoot it with the Elements of Harmony?"

"We could, but I doubt it would work. Most villains you ponies face typically go down in less than twenty four hours, but this doucher we're dealing with has been running amok in Celestia's body for the past few days, meaning that he is without a doubt far more powerful and competent at villainy than anything Equestria has seen before."

Luna gave Kenny a deadpan look.

"No offense."

"None taken. But what do we do about this?"

"Don't worry, I've got a plan that will totally not backfire on us."

**********

As per Kenny's orders, Luna was flying as fast as she could to Twilight's. She was taking deep, long breaths. "Breathe, Luna. Don't panic! Just breathe."

She reached Twilight's library.

**********

Twilight was on a romantic dinner date with the Canterlot approved edition of the Equestrian Dictionary. The table they sat at had a nice clean white cloth over it. The candle sitting in the middle of the table gave off a pleasurable aroma. The room they were sitting in was a comfortable deep red. Classical music was playing. The scent of delicious fancy food drifted through the air.

"Kiss me, you fool." Twilight seductively said to the Dictionary. She puckered her lips, closed her eyes, leaned over, and-

"Twilight Sparkle." An all too familiar voice said.

Twilight froze in place and opened her eyes. She looked to her right. Luna was standing right next to her.

"Twilight. You, me. Taking down Celestia. Now."

Author's Note

What a twist!

Ok, so regarding the sudden "Celestia is possessed" plot, I just wanna make up for portraying Celestia as a total bitch. At the time I was going through a CELESTIA IS BIG BROTHER phase, so, yeah, shit. This fic needs a legit villain. At first I wanted this to be a good vs good/ grey and grey morality fic, but we need to blame someone for all the problems in this fic besides Celestia.

Seriously, that poor alicorn has been dragged through the mud and diagnosed with OOC by so many other fics that it's just not funny anymore, and I am ashamed.

On a happier note, I got a challenge for you guys. Guess who the villain will be. He is NOT an original character of mine. He is NOT an MLP villain. Hell, if anything, he's technically a Halo villain. The only way you will ever guess right is if you are a die hard Halo fan who frequently read Bungie's blog during the Halo Reach era.

See ya next chapter!

Teh Epik Battel

Celestia menacingly stalked through the palace halls as the morning rays of the sun shined through the giant stain glass windows.

"Soon," She thought, "Soon, the Spartans will be destroyed, and I will be able to initiate my ultimate plan..."

She heard the clip clop of hooves behind her. She turned around. It was Luna.

"Sister, I believe I have found the perfect solution to exterminating our Spartan problem." Luna said with a sly look.

"Oh have you now?" Celestia asked. "Do tell me, what is it?"

"It is an ancient magical artifact of mass destruction that I discovered in a cave last night. I did not wish to risk accidentally breaking it by moving it, so I thought it best to bring you to it. Is that alright sister?"

Celestia smiled. "Of course, Luna, lead the way.

**********

Celestia and Luna landed outside the entrance of a cave in the Everfree Forest.

"This is where you found the artifact?" Celestia asked.

"Yes, sister," Luna replied as she entered the cave, "If you would please follow me, so that we may defeat the Spartans sooner." Luna disappeared into the darkness of the cave.

Celestia raised an eyebrow and observed the cave with suspicion. "Hmm, my sister, who has been acting rather sketchy lately, just suddenly finds a powerful weapon in some random cave by the Everfree and expects me to follow her into it? Seems legit."

Celestia entered the cave. It actually went on for a while; by the time one minute had passed, Celestia was still walking in a straight line, and the entrance was but a small dot of light behind her. Finally the cave began to show a little variety via a naturally formed dirt stairway that led deeper into the ground. Celestia took her time descending down the path. No sense rushing ahead and breaking her neck eh wot?

The "stair" leveled out into more flat ground. "Luna?" Celestia called out. "Can you hear me?"

"We are close sister!" Luna called out from the darkness ahead. "Just a little further! The weapon is here!"

Celestia proceeded forward. After a few moments Celestia found herself in a surprisingly spacious and well- lit area of the cave. Celestia walked forward and stopped when she was in the middle of the giant room.

She looked around. There was no artifact or weapon, nor was there any Luna. In fact, now that she listened, it was quiet, too quiet...

"NOW!" A voice from above called out.

Celestia looked up in shock to see Kenny, Luna, and Twilight drop from the ceiling wielding a giant butterfly net. Said net landed over Celestia, trapping her.

"We did it! Woo!" Kenny cheered.

"I am sorry my sister, but this exorcism is for your own good." Luna grimly said.

"Please don't hate me please don't hate me please don't hate me..." Twilight pleaded.

Celestia gave the trio an unimpressed look. Her horn glowed, and the butterfly net promptly burst into flame and turned into ash around her.

Luna and Twilight stared at Celestia with morbid horror while Kenny merely gave a curious "Huh, I was pretty sure that would work."

"WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO THINK THAT WOULD WORK AT ALL?!?!" Luna screamed.

"Well I figured since Celestia had wings and butterfly nets are made to catch things with wings..."

"How dare you betray me again," Celestia said, redirecting everyone's attention back at her, "How dare you Luna! I allow your foul presence back into my utopia, and this is the thanks I get?! And you, Twilight Sparkle! My own faithful student! I should have known taking an overpowered freak like you under my wing in hope of turning you into the ultimate blind loyalist was a fool's hope! It was only a matter of time before you attempted a coup! I should have killed you while you were young and helpless at my school for gifted unicorns!"

Celestia then looked to Kenny, and snarled. "And YOU, human! No doubt that it was you who talked them into this! That's all your kind does! You spread misery and chaos, and you bring out the worst in ponies! Well then, I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS! PREPARE TO FACE THE WRATH OF A GODDESS!!!"

"Shut the buck up." Luna said without any hesitation or regret.

"Yeah seriously," Kenny said, "You are so full of shit."

"How dare you speak to me as such!" Celestia yelled. "I am Princess Celestia, and I- "

"You are not Celestia." Kenny firmly said.

Celestia gave Kenny a curious look. "What?"

"Don't play dumb with me. You are not Celestia. The real Celestia would never be this antagonistic, unreasonable, and bitchy. You hijacked her body and used her to your own ends. So tell me, who are you really?"

Celestia stared blankly at Kenny for a few moments, and then gave a small smile. She reared up on her hind legs so that she now stood straight up, and began sarcastically clapping with her front hooves. Luna and Twilight both took half a step back from the bizarre image. Kenny stayed where he was, staring intently and the villain.

"Well played, Spartan, well played," Celestia said as she finished her clapping and dropped back down to all four hooves, "I must admit, I am slightly impressed with your cleverness. When did you find me out?"

"When I pleaded to Braden to spare your life in Canterlot. I looked into your eyes. Wanna know what I saw?"

"What did you see?"

"I saw a mini version of Celestia in both of your pupils, pounding against the wall to break free. A classic symptom of possession."

Celestia stomped a hoof against the ground in frustration. "Damn, I knew I should have worn eye contacts."

"Answer my question. Who are you?"

"Well, you have come this far, so I suppose it is only fair that I tell you before I kill you. I am..."

Kenny saw, for the briefest moment, Celestia shift her eyes.

"... Chatoyance!"

"... Who?" Luna and Twilight asked at the same time with confused looks.

"... What." Kenny deadpanned in the most flat tone ever.

"Yes it is I," Celestia announced, "The greatest internet personality to ever exist! You inferior humans will bow down before the ponies! Oh but please don't hate me because I'm bullied because people don't like my pro- genocide stories and my life sucks oh boo hoo."

"Seriously?" Kenny asked. "Are you really this desperate? Even now when we have you cornered, you still try to pretend that you're someone you're not? I... I am legitimately dumbstruck right now. Yeah, I'm freaking dumbstruck right now. And of all the people to pretend to be, why the chatty annoyance herself? Do you honestly expect me to believe that some fat old hag with a dick who sits at home all day writing shitty canon defiling fan fiction from the 21st century orchestrated all of this? Bullshit, she does not have the competence. Besides, making fun of her has been done to death already."

Celestia pouted. "Well, it was worth a shot."

"Now will you tell us who you are?"

"Of course I will, right after... THIS BOSS BATTLE!"

Kenny- 013
Spartan Reality Warper
Lv. 77

Luna
Princess of the Night
Lv. 95

Twilight Sparkle
Element of Magic
Lv. 39

VERSUS!!!

Celestia
Princess of the Sun
Lv. 100

Kenny used Judo Chop!

Luna used Moon Beam!

Twilight Sparkle used Freakin' Laser Beams!

Celestia used Solar Wave!

Party was wiped out!

"What?!" Kenny yelled out as he pushed Twilight and Luna's unconscious forms off of him. He stood up, dusted himself off, and pointed an accusing finger at Celestia. "Hax! You're using HAX!"

"Me?" Celestia asked with faux innocence. "Oh don't be silly! It's not like you had a chance to win anyways."

"There's always a chance."

"Give it up, you've lost! Now burn and die like a good human."

"So you don't want to hear my backup plan?"

Celestia paused for a moment before asking, "What backup plan?"

Had Kenny not been wearing a helmet, she would have seen him grin. "Hey Celestia, or whoever you are, have you ever heard of the term Mary Sue?"

"Yes, I have. A Mary Sue is a fictional character of ludicrous levels of amazing. Where are you going with this?"

"Well, it is common knowledge that when a Mary Sue engages an opponent in battle, the Mary Sue will win no matter what, correct?"

"Seriously, where are you going with this?"

"What if I told you... that I led a Mary Sue here?"

"Tch, fat chance. There are no Mary Sues in Equestria!"

Kenny grinned even wider. "Oh really? So nobody with an impossibly badass past and set of character traits come to mind at all?"

And then Braden walked in. "KENNY! What the HELL did I tell you?!?!"

"Oh shit." Celestia whispered.

"To stay away from the ponies?" Kenny answered.

"Then why the hell did you disobey my orders?!"

"Because Colonel, A: That's a silly order. And B: We had to defeat whatever entity possessed Princess Celestia and caused all of our problems."

At the mention of the name Celestia, Braden's eyes immediately locked onto the Solar Diarch in question, who was in the middle of trying to conspicuously tiptoe her way out of the cave.

Braden pointed a finger at her. "You."

Celestia froze mid- step. "M- Me?"

"I thought I told you to stay away from my Spartans..."

"But he lured me here!"

"No exceptions." Braden then pounced at Celestia.

"AAAAAAAAHHH!!!"

While Braden and Celestia fought within one of those cartoon fight clouds, Twilight and Luna began to stir.

"Ugh, what happened?" Twilight drowsily asked as she slowly opened her eyes.

"You got an F on your test and Celestia banished you." Kenny cheerfully offered.

Twilight immediately sprung up with a panicked look. "WHAT?! NONONONONO-"

"Ha! I'm just kidding. That's not what happened."

Twilight stopped, and scowled at Kenny. But then she let up and gave a relieved sigh. "Phew..."

"What really happened was you attacked Celestia and she knocked you out and now she wants to kill all of us."

Twilight fell to her side, her legs twitching and foam coming from her mouth. "HIGAGURKURK."

Luna had just woken up and gave Kenny a disapproving look. "Please stop messing with her."

"Okay okay I'm sorry, but I couldn't resist."

Celestia suddenly landed in front of the trio, battered and bruised. Braden placed a foot firmly of her back and held the tip of his katana to her throat.

"Kenny! Tell him to stop!" Celestia pleaded. "Tell your Colonel to spare my life as you did before! You wouldn't let him kill me of all ponies, now would you?"

Kenny stared down at Celestia with a cold, indifferent look. "I dunno, I kind of want to see you be sliced up."

Celestia stared at Kenny with horror.

Kenny gestured a hand to Braden. "Sir, if you would do the honor?"

"My pleasure." Braden said as he raised his katana.

Celestia screamed. "NOOOOOOO!!!"

Braden brought the blade down.

"Unless..." Kenny said.

The blade stopped exactly one inch from Celestia's snout.

"U- Unless w- what?" Celestia asked.

"I will ask my superior to not kill you... if you release Celestia from your control and show us who you really are."

"NEVER!"

Kenny shrugged. "Suit yourself."

"Don't we get a say in this?" Luna demanded.

"We can't just let you murder Princess Celestia!" Twilight yelled.

"I'm sorry, but we can't let that thing inside Celestia live. Who knows how much damage it could do with her power!" Kenny turned his attention back to Celestia. "Fact is, there is no outcome where that thing comes out on top. That is, unless it leaves her body, then it might have a fighting chance."

Braden raised his blade once more.

"You have five seconds." Kenny whispered to Celestia.

"... Very well," Celestia darkly said. Then, she smiled. "But be careful what you wish for."

Suddenly beams of light shot out from all around Celestia's body, throwing Kenny, Braden, Twilight, and Luna against a cave wall.

Celestia levitated into the air, twitching and spazzing while chanting. "ARKUTHLISOFBMISN AKVLUVPEEPEMXJMARRG..."

"What is happening to my sister?!" Luna shouted.

"The beast inside her is leaving," Kenny explained, "Get ready."

Celestia's mouth opened wide. A red and white snake- like mass slowly emerged from it, followed by a beak, and feathers. Then, plated scales. Not the scales of a reptile, but of an insect. A hundred legs lined the monster's body, each one tipped with a sharp iron claw.

Finally the beast had fully evacuated Celestia's body, the feathers at the tip of its tail giving a ruffle as they brushed past her lips. Celestia froze up, and dropped to the ground, unconscious.

Our four heroes stared up in horror at the cosmic abomination. It was truly huge, its body took up more than half the room in the chamber, and it was tall enough that it had to arch its neck down so that its head did not hit the ceiling.

"It... it cannot be..." Kenny whispered.

"W- What i- is that t- thing?" Luna fearfully asked, her eyes never leaving the creature.

"You can't be real... YOU CAN'T BE!!!" Kenny yelled with rage.

"Oh but I am real, Kenny," The abomination said with a deep, ominous voice that vibrated through the air, "I am very real. I always was, and always have been."

"Kenny, if you know what this thing is, tell us." Braden ordered.

"What is that I hear in your voice, Braden? Fear? Not so tough now that I am out of that pathetically weak horse, are you?"

"YOU WILL NOT SPEAK OF MY SISTER WITH SUCH DISRESPECT!!!" Luna yelled with the RCV.

"Or what, little Woona? With an attitude like that, I think somebody needs another thousand years on the moon."

Luna cringed back.

"And don't think I'm incapable of such petty magic..."

"You aren't that powerful!" Twilight yelled, having finally mustered enough courage. "You're probably all talk!"

"Oh ho ho, well look at you, little Twilight Sparkle, being the hero as always. Thank you for the letters you sent me, by the way. The fire was starting to get a little cold." The monster gave a chuckle at Twilight's distress. "Still up for that cute little picnic you wanted, my most faithful student?"

"Kenny, WHO IS HE?" Braden demanded.

Kenny gulped. "That thing is... is..."

"Go on, say it. Your friends are dying to know."

"... It's Chickenpede."

Oh no! Will our brave heroes manage to defeat this dasterdly villain? Tune in next time to find out!

To Be Continued...

... Immediately

"Huh. Kind of an uncreative name, no?" Luna said.

"Yeah really," Twilight added, "I was expecting something more evil- ish sounding."

"I am your salvation through destruction."

"How the hell did you get here?" Kenny growled. "And at what point did you possess Celestia?!"

Chickenpede chuckled. "It was quite simple really. I was following your ship to Reach, but when that Covenant ship attacked, I hitched a ride on your Longsword and got a free ride here. After I realized where I was, the first thing I did in Equestria was go to Canterlot and committed grand theft body on little Celly. Her attempts at resistance were laughably pathetic, but amusing. I immediately began planning my conquest of the multiverse afterwards, but then I discovered one tiny little flaw in my plans," At this, Chickenpede's tone became darker, "For whatever reason, this world would not allow me to leave until you six Spartans were dead. And since I needed the loyalty of the ponies to further enact my plans, I needed to stay in my weak horse form 24/7, so I couldn't finish you off easily."

"But why," Kenny asked, "Why do all of this?!"

"Because I want revenge."

"On WHO?"

"ON BUNGIE!" Chickenpede roared. "The nerve of those cretins to not make me a canon Halo character! ME! The almighty CHICKENPEDE! But no, they left me as nothing more than another joke in their blog! Forgotten! Lost to the depths of the internet! But at last, after five hundred and forty two years of waiting, I am going to invade the multiverse, go back in time, and WIPE BUNGIE FROM HISTORY! And everyone else too ha ha."

"Who's Bungie?" Twilight innocently asked.

Kenny was absolutely mortified. "Oh my god. He's going to go to the Home Universe, and wipe us all out from existence. We have to stop him!"

"Oh but you won't." Chickenpede lashed out and pinned the two ponies and two humans against the wall with a leg each. "Nothing can stop me now."

And then a burst of light shot out from behind Chickenpede and vaporized his head. The abomination fell dead, releasing our four heroes. From behind the giant corpse stepped forth a certain somepony.

"Princess Celestia!" Twilight cheered as she ran up to Celestia.

"Sister!" Luna cheered as she ran up to Celestia.

"What the hell is going on." Braden deadpanned.

"Okay," Kenny said, "So, that monster? He's the asshole that's been causing most of our problems from the get go. And her?" Kenny pointed to Celestia. "She was under his control the whole time. So she's cool, okay?"

"Hrm..."

Celestia walked up to Braden. She just flat out walked up to him without any hesitation or worry. "Hello." She said.

Braden glared at her. Not that she could see it under his visor, "Hello." He replied evenly.

"Am I correct to assume that you are Colonel Braden of the Spartans?"

"You are correct."

"Well then, may I say that it is an honor to meet the one who beat the tar out of Chickenpede while he was in control of my body?"

Braden cocked an eyebrow. "You're not holding anything against me?"

"Oh heavens no! If anything, you should be the one to hold something against me. I was too weak to defend myself against Chickenpede, and was forced to commit many out of character atrocities. I deserve those beatings...*sniff sniff*"

"I, uh, well, I wouldn't say that but..."

"But enough of that! What say we all start over while eating cake?!" Celestia's eye gave a slight twitch.

"Um, Princess Celestia, are you okay?" Twilight anxiously asked.

"Please, my faithful student, do not call me that, for I am no longer Celestia. I now go by a new name. I am... MEMELESTIA!"

"Oh boy, looks like Chickenpede's influence on Celestia has done a number on her sanity," Kenny said, "She's gonna need some therapy."

"Wait, there is still one thing I do not understand," Luna said, "If Celestia was not able to defeat Chickenpede earlier, then how did she just kill him now?"

"Oh, pft, the answer to that is obvious," Celestia replied, "I used the exact same move, but then he just got back up. I'm pretty sure it worked this time though."

Everyone silently agreed to not panic as a giant Chickenpede- shaped shadow loomed over them.

"Round two. FIGHT."

**********

Kenny, Braden, Twilight, Luna, and Celestia ran out of the collapsing cave just as the entrance was sealed by a giant boulder.

"We *huff* we made it," Twilight said, "We bucking made it!"

"I can't believe we actually managed to kill that thing," Luna distantly said as she tried to get the horrific images from the battle out of her eyes.

"Isn't this great?" Kenny asked everyone, "We defeated the monster and saved the princess! All thanks to the power of friendship!"

"What is wrong with you people?" Braden asked as he wiped Chickenpede's blood off his katana with a leaf.

Celestia giggled. "So, how about that cake?"

Author's Note

Wow, it has been one full year since I first published this story, and it's still not complete. I AM SUCH A LAZY ASS.

Anyways, there ya have it. The main villain is dead, Celestia isn't a bitch anymore, and all is fine and dandy. But we've still got a few chapters to go, and a lot can happen in just a few chapters heh heh...

Btw, look up Chickenpede on Google. I dare you to unsee.

I regret nothing.

Hug It Out

The Mane Six were walking through the Everfree.

"Twilight, are ya sure this is a good idea?" Applejack asked. "I mean, is going up to the Spartans and asking for their friendship so soon right after all the manure we put them through really a good plan?"

Twilight sighed. "Applejack, I don't want to do this any more than you do, or any more than all of us. But, as the Elements of Harmony, we're kind of obligated to own up to our mistakes."

"B- But what i- if the C- C- Colonel curb stomps us a- again?" Fluttershy fearfully asked.

"Don't worry Fluttershy, so long as we don't start a fight with them, nopony's getting curb stomped. Besides, I'm sure Kenny will put in a good word for us."

"Hey Twilight, since when did you and Kenny suddenly get so close?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Oh, we just slayed a cosmic horror that had possessed Celestia. Luna and the Colonel helped too."

"Wait, what?! When did THAT happen?!?!"

"Oh, just three days ago. Eh heh, yep, I was there alright," Twilight suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, and her eyes had a shell- shocked look to them, "I was there..."

"Uh, Twilight?" Rainbow asked with worry.

"I was there three days ago..."

**********

Three Days Ago

Chickenpede gave a roar of agony as the ponies and humans pulled out their horns and blades from his belly, causing a flood of blood and guts to come spilling out.

The ground beneath Chickenpede began to glow, and the monster was sucked into a vortex of raging fire. But just before he fell into forever, he threw a golden egg that contained his soul out the hole.

The golden egg landed at Kenny's feet. The Spartan picked it up and examined it. The Egg was so small, so beautiful... so powerful. He caressed it. "My precious..."

"Cast it into the fire!" Twilight yelled, pointing a hoof at Kenny. "DESTROY IT!!!

Kenny darkly looked at Twilight. "No." He then turned around and began walking out of the cave, staring intently at The Egg.

"KENNYYYYYYY!!!!!" Twilight screamed.

Kenny twirled around on his feet. "Psyche! I'm just messing with ya!"

He then swaggered up to the raging inferno, and with a flick of his thumb The Egg fell into the hole.

The hole promptly closed up with no fanfare.

"... Well, that was anticlimatic." Luna said.

"I liked the colors." Celestia commented as she began derping worse than Derpy ever did.

*RUMBLE*

"Did anybody else hear that?" Braden asked.

The whole cave started to rumble and big rocks began falling from the ceiling.

**********

Twilight found herself being shaken by Pinkie Pie.

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" Pinkie yelled.

"I'm okay! Stop shaking me!" Twilight said, stopping Pinkie.

"A'right that's enough flashbacks," Applejack said, "Let's get this over and done with."

"You're gonna tell us the whole story later, right?" Rainbow whispered to Twilight.

"You there! Stop!" An angry voice called out.

The Mane Six gasped and stopped in their tracks. Just ahead of them stood Richard.

"What are you doing here?" Richard demanded.

Twilight stepped forward and cleared her throat. "H- Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. You must be Richard, we met during that little fiasco in Canterlot. Do you remember?"

Richard continued glaring.

Twilight gulped. "We, uh, we just wanted to say how sorry we are for the trouble we put you through, and put our past behind us. I- Is that okay?"

Richard crossed his arms. "You'll have to take that up with Colonel Braden."

"So... is that a yes?"

Richard raised a hand and made a signal. Ashley and James stepped out from the shadows behind the Mane Six.

"We will take you to our ship so that you may speak to Braden." Richard said. "If you try anything funny, we will kill you."

"K- Kill us?!" Fluttershy exclaimed. "W- Why?!"

"Because we're getting really tired of your shit." James said.

Fluttershy flinched.

**********

Rose stood up from her kneeling position in front of the Longsword controls and gave a disappointed sigh. "Navigation's busted." She deadpanned.

"This is going to take awhile to fix, won't it?" Braden asked.

"I'm estimating around three months."

"Dammit."

"And besides this, we still have to dig the whole damn ship out of the ground, and repair the wings, and get all systems in general back online. Our lack of resources also doesn't help matters."

Braden wanted to punch the wall, but he restrained himself.

**********

Kenny was just a few meters away from the Longsword, building a campfire circle. Everyone knew that they were going to be stuck here for a long while, so Kenny figured that they might as well make the most of it. So far he had dug a shallow pit and surrounded it with stones, and was now setting up the sacred tepee of wood.

He detected movement from the treeline. He looked up and got ready to whip out his assault rifle, but relaxed when he saw it was just Richard, James, Ashley, and the Mane Six.

"What's the story here, Major?" Kenny asked.

"These ponies want a word with the Colonel. They want to apologize for their bitchy behavior."

The ground suddenly became very interesting to the Mane Six.

Kenny looked down on them with pity. "You go get the boss," He said to Richard, "I just wanna give them a quick pep talk."

Richard walked past Kenny to the Longsword. Kenny stepped towards the Mane Six. He noticed that James and Ashley were still menacingly looming behind them.

"Guys, chillax, they're not gonna give us any trouble." Kenny said to them.

James crossed his arms. "Tch. You can't tell us what to do, we're your superior officers. Right Ash?"

...

"Ash?" James looked to his side, expecting Ashley to be standing there. Instead, she was now sitting against a tree with her legs crossed and hands behind her head. "Ashley, what the hell!"

"Kenny speaks the truth," Ashley calmly said, "These ponies don't mean us harm."

"Since when did you become so trusting of strangers?"

While James and Ashley argued, Kenny spoke to the ponies.

"Holding up alright, Twilight?" Kenny asked.

"I'm fine," Twilight answered, "But I'm still having flashbacks."

"So, you're all here to make up?"

"Yeah..."

"Hey, if it makes you feel any better, this was all technically my fault."

"What? No it's wasn't!"

"Yes, it was. If I hadn't tried communicating with Fluttershy, we might have been able to avoid this whole plot."

Fluttershy gave a sad sniffle. "Oh, now I feel even more awful. You just wanted to say hi..."

Kenny put his finger under Fluttershy's chin and gently tilted her face upwards to him. "Hey, that's all in the past. Wanna start over after this?"

Fluttershy smiled. "I'd like that."

"Uh, hey, that still doesn't explain why you had a knife on you," Rainbow Dash pointed out, "Mind explaining that?"

Kenny rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, about that, I wasn't sure at the time if it was Fluttershy or not, so I had to be cautious. Combine that with bad timing and bad thinking, and, well, y'know."

Applejack cleared her throat. "Hate ta break ya'll up, but, the Colonel's here."

Kenny stood up and turned around. Indeed, Braden was standing just a couple feet from them with his arms crossed.

Twilight took in a breath and bravely walked up to him. "Hello, um, thank you for taking the time to talk with us, sir."

Braden continued to stare down at her.

Unnerved as she was, Twilight continued. "Colonel, on behalf of all of Equestria, we wish to apologize for our ill treatment towards you and your kin. Please, accept our forgiveness. We'll do anything to make up for it!"

Braden kneeled so he was eye level with Twilight. "Very well then. I forgive you."

"Please! Have mercy- wait, really?"

"Yay~!" Fluttershy whispered.

"Under one condition." Braden commanded.

Twilight nodded. "Of course."

Braden pointed to the Longsword. "See that? You ponies are going to help us make it flight worthy again."

Twilight's eyes widened. Not from the manual labor such a feat would require, but the potential learning experience she could gain from it. "It's a deal!"

"Yeah, because none of us get a say in this." Rainbow panned.

"Oh, and Colonel," Twilight said as she nervously kicked a pebble, "Could I ask something of you? I know I'm really pushing my luck, but please?" Twilight finished this off with a pouty face.

Braden leered towards her. "Well that depends."

**********

Shining Armor was having a great day. His injuries had miraculously healed for some reason so the doctors had let him out of the hospital a few months early. Right now he was relaxing in his favorite chair in the living room of his home in Canterlot. He was waiting for Cadence to get home.

There was knocking at the front door. However, Shining noticed that it was too heavy- sounding to be Cadence. Curious, he trotted over.

He grabbed the door knob with his magic and opened the door by just a crack. Outside, obscured by shadow, was a tall biped.

"Shining Armor?" The shadowy figure asked.

Shining raised an eyebrow. "Yes?"

Suddenly, the figure kicked the door, shattering it to pieces and forcing Shining Armor to fall to the floor on his back. Regaining his senses, Shining Armor looked up at the offender, and gasped.

It was the Colonel, with his katana in hand.

The Colonel raised his katana-

Shining Armor dramatically raised a foreleg in a futile effort to protect himself and screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

and brought the blade down, slicing Shining's arm off. Blood began spurting out the severed limb and stump much like water from a faucet.

"AIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

Braden continued hacking away at Shining Armor, causing blood and entrails to splatter the entire room. Once he was done, Braden kicked Shining Armor's head- which had a permanent expression of screaming terror on it- into the fireplace. Shining's eyes began oozing out from the sockets and his brain exploded out the back due to the heat of the flames.

The delicious scent of blood and cooked pony filled the air.

Shining Armor's eyes snapped open. He was still in the hospital, he was still in that dorky full body cast, and he was hyperventilating.

"Just a dream," Shining Armor thought to himself, "Just a really bad night terror. Phew."

He took a deep breath and regained his composure.

Literally five seconds later Twilight walked in. "Hi there B.B.B.F.F.!"

Shining smiled beneath the cast. "Mmph." Hey Twiley.

"Hey, guess what?"

"Mph?" What?

"I brought a special guest along!" Twilight turned back to the door. "Okay, you can come in now."

And then, to Shining Armor's horror, the absolute last thing in existence that he wanted to meet again walked into the room. He heard the terrified screams of the other guards in the room, but he paid them no heed.

The Colonel was literally standing at the foot of Shining's bed. Right next to his little sister.

"MMMMPH! MMMMMMMPH!!!!" RUN TWILIGHT! SAVE YOURSELF!!!!

Twilight smiled and gave a cute giggle. "Oh don't worry big brother, Braden isn't here to fight. He's here to say sorry to you!" She looked up at Braden. "Right?"

Braden nodded.

Shining wasn't buying it. "Oh no, oh Celestia, this is it, isn't it? He's drawn us all into this room where we can't escape and now he's gonna kill us all! Just like in my dream! No! NO! This is where it all ends..."

Braden began walking towards Shining, his arms outstretched.

Shining's pupils turned into pinpricks.

And then Braden gently hugged Shining Armor.

Shining blinked in surprise. "Wait, what?"

"Let me make something clear to you," Braden whispered into Shining's ear, "If you ever seek out my Spartans and hurt them, and make me go through the trouble of getting them back, ever again, I will hunt you down, make you endure pain that could get me a job in Hell, and kill you. You will never see me coming."

Braden released Shining from the hug and stood upright. "I'm glad we understand each other." Braden sweetly said.

Twilight gave a sigh of relief. "See big brother? That wasn't so bad, now was it? I'm glad we have all the dramatics behind us! Now then Colonel, if you wouldn't mind, can I see your ship? Might as well get to work as soon as possible, right?"

"My thoughts exactly, Miss Sparkle."

Twilight and Braden left the room.

Tears flowed from Shining's eyes.

CUTIE MARK CRUSADER SPARTANS! YAY!

October 13, 2552

"Two months," James cynically thought to himself, "It has been exactly two months since we got stranded in this god forsaken land of ponies, and repairs for the Longsword still aren't done. F. M. L."

James was currently sitting on the open ramp of the Longsword. He was waiting for Ashley to get back from patrol, so he could start his own shift. Next to him, Rose was tinkering away at the ramp openers, fixing them up so they wouldn't pop open like last time.

"Hey James, could you hold this for a moment?" Rose asked, handing him a bolt. "I'm gonna need that in a moment, so don't lose that, okay?"

Not really paying attention or caring, James took the bolt and stuffed it into one of his belt pockets. "Uh huh, sure, whatever."

Rose resumed working. James resumed angsting.

Ashley stepped out from the trees, walking towards the Longsword. She and James nodded to each other. He stood up, and made his way into the forest. She sat down on the ramp, relaxing slightly.

All was quiet for about five minutes, until...

Without taking her eyes off of her work, Rose held out an open hand to Ashley. Ashley noticed and raised an eyebrow.

"Ahem." Rose coughed.

Now Ashley was confused.

"AHEM."

"Is there something you need?" Ashley asked.

Rose's head immediately snapped up towards Ashley. "When the hell did you get here?! Where's James?!"

"We switched patrol shifts a little while ago."

"That freaking dumbass!"

"What's wrong?"

"I asked that idiot to hold onto a bolt that I needed to fix our ship!"

"So? Just find a new one."

"It was our last bolt."

"... Uh oh."

**********

James was stalking through the dark gloomy forest, his trusty shotgun in hand. Three blips appeared on his radar ahead of him. He crouched, and raised his gun. He slowly crept through the bushes, looking ahead for whatever was near.

That's when he heard the pitter- patter of little hooves, and distinctly childish voices. He peeked over some bushes and saw an orange pegasus, a white unicorn, and a yellow earth pony. They were talking about something, but James wasn't really listening.

James stepped out from the brush and spoke up. "Hey, you three!" He called out while putting his gun on his back. He doubted he would need it. "What are you doing here?"

The pony children stopped speaking and gasped at him. They stared at him in horror, frozen in place, with those big adorable eyes.

"D'aaawwww," James mentally slapped himself, "No! I hate ponies, dammit!"

And then the three ponied broke out into a cheer. "YAY! WE FOUND ONE!"

James stopped. "Eh?"

They started circling him while excitedly bouncing up and down.

"Wow! So cool!"

"Ah bet you've been all over the world!"

"Do you do your own stunts?"

"What sort of weird armor are you wearing?"

"Show us what your WMD can do!"

"Why are you so tall?"

"ENOUGH!" James yelled.

The three stopped and immediately huddled up fearfully in front of him.

"So cute." *Mental slap*

"Alright, this is how it's gonna go down. I ask, you answer. Got it?"

They nodded.

"Good. Okay, first, identify yourselves."

"Identi- what now?" The yellow one with a bow asked.

James facepalmed. "Your names."

"Oh! Ah'm Applebloom!"

"I'm Scootaloo!"

"And my name's Sweetie Belle! What's your name?"

"James. Now, what are you doing here, exactly?"

"Well, you're one of those Spartans, right?"

"Yeah? So?"

"And you're a professional at being awesome, right?"

"Well, I don't mean to brag-"

"So, we decided to try to get our Spartan cutie marks!"

"... Your what?"

"Our Spartan cutie marks! The three of us are on a never ending quest to find our special talent; our cutie mark! And together, we are..."

Pause for dramatic effect.

"... THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!! YAY!!!"

James was fairly certain that his ears hadn't been ringing five seconds ago.

He shook his head and grumbled. "No. That's not gonna happen."

The CMC frowned. "But whyyyyy?"

"Because my job right now is to make sure nobody trespasses in this area and see them out. And right now that means you."

"You can't do that!" Scootaloo challenged.

"Watch me."

"But all we wanted was to ask y'all to teach us how to be a Spartan!" Applebloom said.

James looked down at her. "Listen kid, flattered as I am, you don't have what it takes to be a Spartan. No pony does."

"Yes we do!" Sweetie Belle protested. "We have what it takes. We'll take you on to prove it!"

James chuckled. "Well ain't that cute? But you're wrong."

"He's got a point Sweetie," Scootaloo glumly said, "We're no match for him."

Sweetie Belle struck a confident pose. "Anypony can take on a Spartan so long as they have courage!"

"You're not letting this go, are you?" James deadpanned.

"Nope!"

He sighed. "Okay, how about I humor you? If you can beat me in an arm wrestling match, I'll give you a tip on how to be a Spartan. Deal?"

"Deal!" Sweetie Belle squeaked. She held her hoof out in preparation.

James kneeled down to grab her hoof. She was a tiny little thing so he was only going to use 1/1,000th of his strength. Yeah, that should be safe enough. "Okay now on the count of three we're gonna start, got it?"

"Yes sir!"

"Alright, three... two... one!"

Sweetie Belle promptly flipped the seven foot- two ton- cyborg death soldier off his feet and over onto his back.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo cheered in celebration while Sweetie Belle did a cute little victory dance.

James silently laid there, staring up into the tree canopy. "How... just... HOW? How does a foot- tall unicorn DO THAT?! Oh god, I can feel my sanity slipping away..."

Sweetie Belle's face suddenly filled his view. "Are you okay?" She asked.

James could have sworn he saw her pupils whir like a camera optic.

Anyways, he stood up and dusted himself off. Then, he picked up Sweetie Belle and tucked her under his arm.

"Hey! Put me down!"

He ignored her and went over to Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. They dove for the bushes to escape, but it was in vain. He picked them out from the bushes- not really caring that some twigs had gotten stuck in their manes- and tucked them under his arm with their friend. He started walking.

"Hey! Where are ya takin' us?!" Apple Bloom asked.

"To the edge of the forest," James deadpanned, "I've had enough of you three."

"Can't you put us down for a sec? These sticks in my mane are really bugging me!" Scootaloo complained.

"You can pull them out once we get out of here."

"What about our deal?" Sweetie Belle whined. "You were going to tell us how to be a Spartan!"

"I only recall agreeing to giving you a tip, so here's your tip: when given an order, don't argue and just do it. And here's my order to you. Be quiet."

"But-"

"Shh!"

"Ya can't-"

"Shh!"

"We-"

"Shh!"

"Hey-"

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Shh!"

"Look-"

"Let me tell you a story about a little pony named Shh!"

They were about to protest again, but were cut off before they could start.

"Shh! Even before you start. That was a preemptive shh! Just know that I have a whole bag of shh with your names on it."

A low growl was heard.

"My god, you three just don't get it, do you?"

"Th- that wasn't us mister!" Scootaloo whimpered as she fearfully eyed some rustling bushes.

James blinked. "Wait, growling? Rustling bushes? Oh snap, this is gonna suck." He looked to said bushes.

Out from the bushes stepped forth a panther- wolf creature with scales, spines, and claws that had a purple/ blue/ green color scheme going on. It snarled, revealing a nasty set of fangs.

The CMC screamed in terror. "Oh no! It's a CHUPACABRA!"

James quirked an eyebrow. "Huh, so that's the chupathingy Sarge was always going on about. Not quite as devilish as I expected it to be, though."

"REEAAW!!!" The chupacabra roared.

"Devilish enough."

James noticed that the chupacabra was licking its lips and getting ready to pounce while eyeing something in his direction. He looked around, then set his gaze on the three quivering little fillies. "Heh, with those sticks in their manes, they almost look like... goats..."

The chupacabra lunged forward, jaws wide and claws spread out. James immediately shifted his position so that his whole body was between the beast and the children, his fist held up. The chupacabra's face collided with his fist, breaking its nose and shattering some of its teeth. It fell back, dazed, but then struck a pose of newly found savagery. It started to creep forward...

And then it gave a whimper, flattening its ears and backing off. Then it just flat out turned around and ran off.

James laughed. "Ha! Yeah that's right bitch! Run to mommy!"

"Um, mister Spartan?" Apple Bloom said.

"I showed your punk ass what's what!"

"Sir!"

"You ain't got nothing on me!"

"JAMES!"

"What? What is it?"

"Timber wolves behind us."

James turned around, expecting the animal he had seen videos of during training. Instead, what he saw was an abomination made entirely out of sticks and leaves. That was snarling at him. From just a few feet away. With several more of its kin behind it.

Normally James would have gladly started a brawl then and there, but, seeing how he was currently in possession of three children, well, he had priorities.

He bolted in the opposite direction, holding the CMC close to him. He could hear the timber wolves behind him as he swiftly maneuvered through the trees, their barks and yaps echoing through the forest. The fillies were crying in terror.

Out of the corners of his eyes he saw timber wolves breaking formation, going ahead of him. "Trying to flank me, eh? Clever sons of bitches." He ran faster, putting his superior physical abilities to full use. Shame that James didn't know the layout of the forest as well as the wolves.

James suddenly found himself face to face with a rock wall in a small dirt clearing. A dead end. He turned around. Timber wolves surrounded them from all sides, they were trapped. James realized then that the wolves had herded them into this spot, and had played him like a sap. That pissed him off.

He set the three fillies up onto a rock ledge well out of reach of the wolves. "Stay there." James ordered. He grabbed his shotgun.

"Are you seriously going to take them all on?!" Scootaloo yelled.

"Yep."

"But what if you lose?!"

He cocked his shotgun. "I won't."

James suddenly twirled around and fired at the nearest wolf, making its head explode in a shower of splinters and tree sap. The rest of the pack swarmed James, gnashing their teeth and scraping their claws against his armor. More than a few of the wolves were blown away from point blank shots to the chest, leaving them either torn in half or with gaping holes in their torsos. The rest were brutally torn apart with his bare hands and tossed around like ragdolls.

One particularly smart wolf decided to quit screwing around, and grabbed hold of James' shotgun. And no, I don't mean it grabbed the gun with its mouth, it physically grabbed the weapon with its paws and tried to pull it away from James.

James kicked it away. "Piss off ya freak! Why I outta- ah- AH!"

Why did James freak out, you ask?

Well, for starters, he had just noticed that the top half of the timber wolf's head was gone.

"What the hell happened to you?!"

Spittle gurgled up from the wolf's exposed throat in a sad attempt to growl.

"Oh whatever." James promptly blasted the wolf away. He looked around at the piles of broken wood. Apparently that had been the last wolf. "Huh. Guess that was the last one." He walked back over to the CMC. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were staring at him with slack jaws, while Scootaloo was jumping up and down with cheers.

"Now I really wanna be a Spartan!" Scootaloo declared.

"Not in a million years kid," James said, shooting her down, "We're leaving before anything else comes by."

The sound of wood moving was heard.

"Eh?"

James turned around. The broken pieces of the wolves had become enveloped in a sickly green glow, and began forming together, drawing in nearby trees, stumps, and sticks to create one giant entity.

*TSCHE-CHU-CHU-CHU-TSCHE*

James blinked as he stared up at the giant timber wolf with a dopey crown on its head. "Well fu-"

"REEEEEEEAAAAAWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!!" The king timber wolf roared.

James raised his shotgun and stayed his ground, the CMC cowering behind him. Tree sap dripped to the ground from between the wooden fangs of the giant wolf as it snarled. It stalked forward, each step making the earth vibrate.

"Hey, what's that?" Apple Bloom asked, pointing up at the sky.

The others looked up, even the king wolf. A little blue ball that was wreathed in what looked like blue flame was arcing in the sky, and now falling towards them.

"A flying blue fireball?" Scootaloo inquired.

The ball landed just above the wolf's left eye, and stuck there.

"Is it a spider?" Sweetie Belle added.

And then the blue ball EXPLODED, blowing out the top left quarter of the wolf's head in a glorious shower of splinters and tree sap. James and the CMC got splattered by the tree sap. "OH COME ON!" Sweetie Belle yelled at the tree sap. The great wolf screamed in pain and horror at its disfigured state, and began thrashing around violently.

Then, from the cliff edge above them, Rose appeared. She leaped into the air and fired upon the giant timber wolf with a pair of submachine guns. While upside down. Having spent an entire clip for both guns, she set them on her back while still in mid air, landed on the wolf's head and took out her magnum. Rose held onto the wolf's ear as she blew away entire portions of its scalp with the godly side arm. The king timber wolf started shaking wilder than ever before, foam forming at the corners of its mouth while garbling madly.

Rose jumped off her mount and landed in front of James. "Aw, so you do have a soft spot." She taunted, obviously referring to the three fillies.

"Shut up," James deadpanned, "But thanks for the save. Good thinking with that plasma grenade."

"Hm? Oh, that wasn't me."

"It wasn't?"

"No, that was Ashley."

"Then were is she?"

"Just give her a moment."

The king timber wolf, practically insane at this point and done with screwing around, got ready to pounce upon his prey.

"Hello." A soft voice from behind said.

The wolf froze, its eyes widened, and it slowly turned around. There, standing just behind it, was Ashley. "It has been a while." She said.

The wolf dared not move an inch as Ashley calmly walked up to it. Once she was just a foot away from its muzzle, she reached for her shoulder, and pulled off the decorative top half of a timber wolf head she had set on it. She set the piece on the king timber wolf's snout, and let it absorb into the larger monster.

Then, she leaned forward, and whispered a single word to it in a deathly cold tone.

"Run."

The king timber wolf gave a "YELP!" and ran off into the forest screaming "YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!" as it went.

Ashley walked over to the others. "Problem solved."

"Wonderful," Rose said, "But first thing's first." She turned to James and held out an open palm. "Give me my damn bolt back."

James stared at her for a few seconds. ...DING "Oh yeah, I was holding onto that for you. Heh, sorry." He reached into his belt pocket and gave Rose the precious bolt.

"Maybe it was for the best. If we hadn't come looking for you, I'm pretty sure that pile of sticks and leaves would've kicked your ass."

"Don't push your luck."

"But hey, seriously James, you did a good job protecting those children. I didn't take you for the type to actually care about ponies."

James looked over at the CMC, who were currently being helped down by Ashley. "There's more to these ponies than I first thought, Rose. They are human like in an uncanny, but not disturbing way. And they possess something that I... that I haven't felt in decades. ... Heh, wow. Here I am spouting philosophy after only knowing those three kids for a few minutes."

Suddenly, Ashley. "We need to get the children out of here." She said. James and Rose nodded.

"Alright you three, come along now," James said, "You've got a full armed escort so there shouldn't be anymore bumps on the road."

The CMC gave the Spartans a salute. "YES SIR!"

"Move out."

As they left for Ponyville, Apple Bloom started making small talk with Ashley "So miss, uh..."

"My name is Ashley."

"Oh okay. So Ashley, just wanted to ask, were you that one bat who asked me for directions to Canterlot a couple months ago?"

"... Yes."

"How'd ya do that? With the bat?"

"Let me tell you about a little trick called ventriloquism..."

The group left the clearing and disappeared into the treeline.

Literally one minute later a blue- armored fist holding a plastic spoon burst out from the ground in the middle of the clearing. Richard pulled himself out from the dirt and stood triumphant. He turned back towards the hole he had just crawled out from and reached down into it.

He pulled out Bon Bon. "Sky! Air! Sunlight!" Bon Bon cheerfully exclaimed. "We made it! Aha! AHAHAHAHA! WE MADE IT!"

Lyra followed suit, climbing out after Bon Bon. "Suck it Crab Ponies!" Lyra yelled down the hole.

"Help me fill this up." Richard said. The trio began filling up the hole.

Author's Note

You felt innocence, James. You felt innocence.

I know this chapter seems pointless, but a little character development never hurt anyone, right?

The Return of King Donut Steel

November 10, 2552

"... Apology accepted." Braden said to Celestia, who was sitting atop her throne.

Celestia gave a smile and a relieved sigh. "Thank you for your forgiveness, Colonel. When I finally completed my therapy yesterday, the first thing I wanted to do was make it clear to you that I am not your enemy."

"Oh it's okay, all you did was waste several hours of my time and keep a mare with a stack of paperwork just outside the room waiting." Braden snarked while pointing his thumb to the throne room doors.

Said throne room doors suddenly burst open, again, for the hundredth time this story, to reveal a guard. The guard ran into the room towards Celestia. "News from northern Equestria!" He stopped and did a respectful bow. "Uh, your Highness."

"Yes?" Celestia asked.

The guard took off his helmet with his hooves- "How the hell do these ponies do that?" Braden thought - and put it to his chest.

"I am simply to tell you that... IT has returned." The guard dramatically said.

Celestia gave a shocked gasp.

"Really? That's all you have to say? It? Could you be any more damn vague?" Braden deadpanned, making the guard cringe under his gaze.

Celestia turned to the guard on her right. "Find Princess Cadence and Shining Armor." Celestia ordered. "Wait, Shining Armor's doctor said it was okay for him to resume active duty, right?"

"Yes, your highness," the guard answered, "He is fully healed." With that all the guards in the room ran off.

Celestia picked up a pen and scroll with her magic. "My dearest Twilight, you must come to Canterlot at once..."

Braden snapped his figures a couple times, regaining Celestia's attention. "Hey, the human is lost here. What the hell is going on?"

Celestia stared at Braden for a few seconds, and then her eyes widened, as if she just had a brilliant idea. "Colonel... would I be pushing my luck if I asked you and your team to do a favor for me?"

"... We're going to the Crystal Empire!" Twilight announced.

"Huh?" The rest of the Mane Six said in unison.

"And Princess Celestia asked the Spartans to be our security escort! And they agreed!"

"HUH?!"

"That's right," Braden said as he and the rest of X Team walked up to the train platform, "We heard a dictator needed taking out, so we figured we'd help."

"And I assume you are getting some kind of profit out of this?" Rarity asked.

"No. It's our job to do this sort of thing. That and, well, some of us have been getting cabin fever."

James cocked his shotgun with one arm. "It's unicorn season, and I've got a license."

Twilight and Rarity took a couple steps back.

Kenny stared out the window of the train as the bitter, snowy winds rushed by. Snow covered plains stretched on for miles, and in the distance he could see mountains. He was not thinking joyous thoughts.

Braden sat down next to him. "Private, is there any information you can give us about this mission before we arrive? The ponies are in the other compartment, so you don't have to worry about creating a paradox. Now's the time." Richard, Ashley, James, and Rose gathered around in interest.

Kenny shifted in his seat. "Okay guys, here's a quick recap of what we're going up against. We're going to fight King Sombra, an evil unicorn king who is a cheap expy of Sauron with no personality that ruled over the Crystal Empire. A thousand years ago, Celestia and Luna imprisoned him within the ice of the northern tundra, but he took the Empire down with him. And now, both are back."

"Wait," Braden said, holding a hand up, "I've been reading the history books during our stay here. Why have I never heard about these details?"

Kenny rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah... Celestia has a tendency to erase important figures and events from the history books."

"Has something like this happened before?"

"At least twice in the past couple years."

"I'll have to have a talk with her about that..."

The train suddenly stopped, and the door to the front of the train opened, revealing Pinkie Pie. "We're here guys!" The Spartans got off the train with the Mane Six and Spike. The train station they had arrived at was... less than impressive to say the least. A platform and a small building.

The wind was a continuous force, throwing snow everywhere. The ponies shivered in response to the biting cold, except for Rarity, who was wearing a pink scarf. "Ha! And you all made fun of me for packing so many scarfs!"

Spike followed them out, carrying a ton of Rarity's baggage on his back. He grunted. "I didn't say a word..." And then he slipped on some ice and fell on his ass. The carriers fell, opened on impact, and the scarfs started flying around. "Hey! Come back here!" Nothing in this paragraph was relevant to the plot of this chapter.

"Twilight!" A voice called out from the obscuring wind.

"Shining Armor?" Twilight called back.

Shining Armor stepped out from the winds, wearing goggles and a brown scarf. "Twiley! You made it!" Twilight ran up to him and hugged him. He returned the hug, but he quickly broke off and his face turned serious. "We better get moving. There are things we really don't want to run into after dark..."

"You mean like me?" Braden asked, who was suddenly standing right next to Shining Armor.

Shining nodded. "Yes, like you, you, you, YOU, YOU! AH! IT'S YOU!!!"

"Nice to see you again, Captain."

Shining put himself between Twilight and Braden. His horn glowed. "What the buck are YOU doing here?!?!"

"It's okay, Shining!" Twilight said. "Princess Celestia asked the Colonel and the Spartans to help us out!"

Braden crouched down in front of Shining. "That's right." He tilted his head to the side in a taunting manner. "But I thought we had set our differences aside, Captain. Did we not do that?"

Shining Armor nervously shifted his eyes. "I, we... yes, yes we did, Colonel." His horn stopped glowing.

Twilight smiled, oblivious to the tension. "Wonderful! I'll just be over by the girls until we're ready to go." Twilight went over to the others.

Shining Armor was about to remind them that they had to go right now, when Braden wrapped his arm around his shoulder and whispered to him. "Unless you want to go a second round, you would be wise to remember what I said to you in the hospital." Braden took his arm off Shining's shoulder and went over to the other Spartans.

Shining Armor could only stand there, flustered. Whereas before he only feared the Colonel, he now felt anger, true anger at him. "I'll show you. Even if I can't take you on in a fight, fair or unfair, I'll prove to everypony that I'm better than you, I swear!" He thought to himself. He took a breath to calm himself down. "Alright everypony, come on! We gotta go."

The group of fourteen made their way into the blizzard, with Shining Armor in the lead. "Something keeps trying to get in!" He yelled over the loud wind. "We think it's the unicorn king who originally cursed the place!"

"But Princess Celestia said I was being sent to find a way to protect the Empire!" Twilight yelled back. "If King Sombra can't get in, then it must already be protected!"

Something nearby roared. "ARRROOOOOOOOOO!" Everyone stopped dead in their tracks and looked around.

"What the hell was that?" Richard asked.

"We have to get to the Crystal Empire, now!" Shining yelled.

Suddenly a giant cloud of black smoke rose up from behind the group, growling like an animal. It had a purple mist around its green and red eyes. The Mane Six immediately ran away. Spike was momentarily frozen with fear, knees shaking and still carrying all of that damn luggage on his back. Shining picked him up with his magic for a moment to snap him out of it, causing Spike to drop the luggage, and then they both ran off to join the mares. Rarity's luggage was forever forgotten to the depths of time...

But the Spartans didn't run. Since they were human, they were too badass to be scared by a puff of smoke. And, frankly, they had guns.

X Team fired upon Sombra with their rifles in an unrelenting hail of bullets. Sombra screamed like a bitch in pain and began dodging the gunfire.

"Eat lead, ASSHOLE!" James yelled as he pulled out his rocket launcher and fired at Sombra. Sombra saw the rocket coming and ducked. The rocket continued going skyward.

Above Equestria, IN SPACE

A slipspace portal appeared in the vacuum of space, and a Covenant Banshee exited it. It was piloted by Crackdog Mg'ee, the captain of the Covenant ship that had destroyed The Red Shirt and stranded X Team in Equestria in the first place.

Mg'ee clicked his mandibles. "Soon," He said, "Soon I will have vengeance. It is a tragedy that after my own ship, The Karmic Justice, followed that filthy human ship into that portal, it was destroyed, leaving me as the only survivor after I took this Banshee. But I have finally arrived upon the planet where the human survivors have fled to. I will hunt them down, I will kill them, I will avenge my fallen crew, and most importantly, I WILL RESTORE MY HONOR!"

He activated the thrust on the Banshee and dived down straight for the planet. "FOR THE GREAT JOURNEY!!!!!!"

He had been so engaged in his monologue that he didn't notice that he was flying straight into the path of an incoming rocket until it was too late.

He noticed, but it was too late.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

The rocket hit the Banshee, blowing it up.

*BOOM*

Crackdog survived that, but was killed when he was incinerated while entering Equestria's atmosphere.

"Shouldn't you be hanging out with some polar bears on some stupid island?" James taunted as he did a back flip to avoid Sombra's magical blasts.

"At least that show was better than the SHITTY SEASON YOU KICKED OFF," Kenny added as he pulled out a machine gun turret from behind his back and started unloading on Sombra, "THAT WE ARE UNLUCKY ENOUGH TO BE STUCK IN RIGHT NOW!" He started grenade spamming. "SERIOUSLY? WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE IN SEASON THREE? HUH? BECAUSE IT'S THE FAN FICTION SEASON? IS THAT WHY? VERY FUNNY, AUTHOR!"

Guilty as charged.

Sombra stared in confusion for a moment, but then shrugged it off as nothing and resumed firing blasts of unicorn death magic.

"This is getting us nowhere." Braden grumbled to himself. He looked in the direction the ponies had run off to. He could see a faint blue light not too far off. "Spartans! Fall back to the light!" He ran, the other five right behind him, Sombra in hot pursuit.

They were almost there when Shining Armor rushed past them. Braden skidded to a halt. The other Spartans were about to do the same. "No! Keep going!" Braden ordered. "That idiot's gonna get himself killed!" The other five nodded and resumed running to the light.

Braden returned his attention to Shining and Sombra. Apparently Shining was trying to be a big hero by holding Sombra off. Shining fired a blast at Sombra, which was easily dodged. Sombra responded by bearing down on Shining and eating him.

No, seriously! Sombra just straight up ate Shining Armor in one bite!

Shining responded by creating a magical shock wave from inside Sombra, freeing himself and knocking Sombra back. However, after disorientating Sombra, Shining fell on his side in the snow. Braden ran over to him, scooped him up in one arm. Sombra made a strike at the Spartan. Braden dodged and punched Sombra, knocking the puff of smoke back. Braden took this as his opportunity to run for it.

As he got closer to it, Braden saw that the light was a giant blue dome. He leaped into the barrier, passed through it, and landed on fresh green grass. He quickly took in his surroundings. First, there was grass everywhere. Second, there were two pinkish- purple crystal spires that he guessed served as a gate. Third, there was a crystal- themed city not too far off that had a really shiny palace towering over it.

Also, the others were jogging towards him. He dropped Shining on the ground and approached his team. Twilight ran past him to talk to Shining Armor.

"Colonel, are you injured?" Richard asked.

"Negative, Major."

"Uh, sir?" Rose said, pointing at Shining.

Shining Armor was weakly lying on the ground, panting in pain. Black crystals covered the top half of his horn.

"What's that on his horn? Horn Syphilis?" James asked. Rose slapped him on the back of his head. "Ow!"

Kenny kneeled down next to Shining. "Twilight, how long has it been since Shining left the hospital."

Twilight was tearing up, but not quite crying yet. "About two weeks ago."

"His internal wounds must have been ruptured from Sombra's attack. Thankfully none of his stitches have opened up. I'll carry him." Kenny gently picked up Shining Armor.

The group began walking towards the Crystal Empire. As they did, Kenny took a moment to look at Braden. The latter was looking downwards and away from the others.

Later, after catching up with Cadence and putting Shining Armor in the hospital, again, Kenny was roaming the streets of the city. While the others were cheering up the Crystal Ponies and investigating where the Crystal Heart might be, (he was too, and he already knew where it was, but he didn't want to change the timeline anymore than it already has been) he was searching for a certain someone.

Kenny found him. Braden was slowly walking along a sidewalk, looking up at the tall buildings. The Crystal Ponies, traumatized enough as they were, fearfully gave him a wide birth.

Kenny went up to him. "Colonel."

Braden stopped and looked at him. "Private."

"..."

"..."

"... Well?"

"Well what?"

"What's eating you? And don't say nothing."

Kenny could tell that under the helmet, Braden was glaring at him. "It's none of your concern."

"I have an obligation as a soldier to make sure my commanding officer is mentally fit for duty."

Braden stared, then looked away. "...Kenny... in the show, King Sombra was defeated, correct?"

"Yes, yes they defeated him."

Braden took a deep breath, as if dreading to ask the next question. "Was Shining Armor vital to his defeat?"

"... Yes."

"Private, have I damned an entire population of innocent civilians, just because of a decision I made months ago?"

"You mean when you decided to go overboard and rip Shining Armor a new asshole?"

"Yes."

"Colonel, you of all people should know that every choice, no matter how small, no matter how insignificant, can have a huge consequence in the future. What might have been funny long ago, now has horrifying implications in the present. The choices we make create the future, and what happens, happens. The choices we make define us, show us what we really are, and it is based on those choices that history will depict us. A horrible monster may do something good just once, and he will be remembered as a national hero, while a good saint may make one bad choice, and he will forever be a hated villain."

"But how do we know we can win? How do we know I haven't botched this entire thing?"

"... Braden, what I want you to understand now, is that unlike so many others from the past who regret what they have done, you can right what you did wrong. You can fix this, you can restore order to the timeline of this world. All you have to do, is ask yourself this; are you willing to swallow your pride, and own up to your mistakes?"

Braden stared at Kenny for a long minute, and then turned his gaze towards the weakening barrier. He could see Sombra's dark form behind it, trying to break in.

"... Yes. Yes, I am willing. And I know just what to do."

Shining Armor wanted to cry. Here he was, once again injured and in a hospital bed, helpless. Sad. Pathetic. King Sombra was breaching the barrier, and if he got through, no, when he got through, his little sister and severely weakened wife would have to face him alone. And there was nothing he could do about it.

He heard a door open. He looked to see the Colonel enter his room. Shining Armor narrowed his eyes. "What do you want?"

Braden pulled a chair and sat down. "I've come to talk."

"Oh, tch, about what? About how useless I am? And how you're going to go and be a big bucking hero? WELL?"

"They need you, Shining Armor."

"For what, so I can get my flank kicked again and then you step in and-"

"Listen. This is not about me, this is about you, Shining Armor."

"Pft, how is this not about you? Ever since you aliens showed up its always been about you!"

"I AM NOT NEEDED!" Braden yelled. "None of us Spartans were needed for this mission! The ponies can win against King Sombra, but they can only win if you are with them. Victory needs you, not me, you."

Shining Armor gaped at Braden. "I... I... but I'm a loser compared to you!"

"Look at yourself. A prince of Equestria, the captain of Celestia's own Royal Guard, underestimating his own worth. Make no mistake, you are worthy, and right now, the Crystal Empire just needs one more hero to survive. And that hero will be you, because you're more important than me. You're better than me."

Shining Armor felt a sudden surge of heroic willpower well up inside his chest.

Braden stood up and held out his hand. "Captain Prince Shining Armor, your wife needs you. Are you going to let her down in her darkest hour?"

X Team was down by the fake Crystal Heart with the Crystal Ponies. Twilight and Spike were at the top of the palace with the real Crystal Heart, and the other main characters were on the balcony.

"So Shining Armor is up there with Cadence?" Kenny asked.

"Yes." Braden answered.

"Okay, good."

"So what's supposed to happen now?"

"Well, the barrier's supposed to drop any second now..."

The barrier surrounding the Crystal Empire promptly dropped.

"He's back! I can't take it!" A Crystal Mare yelled as she got ready to turn and run.

"I've had enough of this." Braden said. He held his hands up. "HOLD YOUR GROUND!" He announced. "HOLD YOUR GROUND!"

The mare stopped, and looked to him, as did all the other Crystal Ponies. Braden briefly turned his head back to look at Sombra, who was hanging back, waiting to see what the Spartan was up to. The rest of X Team kept their weapons trained on Sombra. Braden turned back to the Crystal Ponies.

"Crystal Ponies!" Braden yelled. "Citizens of the Crystal Empire! A thousand years ago, King Sombra enslaved you, and turned your lives into a living HELL! And then, when Princesses Celestia and Luna defeated him, Sombra took you all down with him, robbing you once again of a life of happiness! WELL NO MORE!"

The Crystal Ponies had formed a large crowd in front of Braden and the rest of X Team, their interest piqued. In fact, many of them looked riled up.

"For too long has Sombra had control over your lives! For too long has this tyrant tormented you! Wronged you! And right now, freedom is just within your reach! WILL YOU ALLOW KING SOMBRA TO ROB YOU ONCE MORE?"

"NAY!" The Crystal Ponies roared in response

"The time to fight for your right to live is now!" Braden unsheathed his katana, and held it straight up in the air. "Give me freedom, or give me death!"

All of the Crystal Ponies held one hoof up high. "GIVE ME FREEDOM, OR GIVE ME DEATH!" They yelled as one.

"Give me freedom, or give me DEATH!"

"GIVE ME FREEDOM! OR GIVE ME DEATH!"

"DEATH!"

"DEATH!"

"DEEEEAAAAAATH!!!!"

"DEEEEAAAAAATH!!!!"

"I bid thee stand, ponies, OF EQUESTRIA!"

The Crystal Ponies struck battle stances. Braden turned around and pointed his katana at Sombra. "SPARTANS! PONIES! TONIGHT! WE DINE! IN HELL! CHARGE!"

And so six Spartans and an army of cute and pissed off Crystal Ponies all charged at the evil unicorn king that was currently a smoke monster.

Braden was at the head of the charge, and, when Sombra was only twenty feet away, Braden leaped into the air towards the dreaded king, and delivered a haymaker right on his muzzle. Despite being a puff of smoke, Sombra stumbled back, and, in his moment of weakness, was dog piled by the Crystal Ponies.

The Crystal Ponies more or less took turns punching Sombra around and kicking him while he was down. "Hold him steady!" The Crystal Mare who almost ran off earlier said. A Crystal Stallion got behind Sombra and wrapped his hooves around his neck. The mare and several others began delivering gut punches to Sombra.

Sombra roared in anger and lashed out, knocking the Crystal Ponies back. They all got right back up and got ready to pounce on their former tormentor again. Before any of them could act Ashley fired a sniper rifle round into Sombra's eye, blinding him. Sombra screamed and started flailing about. Kenny, Richard, James, and Rose quickly tackled him and started beating on him.

The Crystal Ponies briefly took their attention off of Sombra and looked at Ashley. "Wow, what was that thing?" One of them asked.

Ashley reloaded. "It's called a gun."

"Cool! Can you show us it later?"

"... Sure."

They were interrupted when Richard abruptly landed between them. Ashley quickly helped him up. James and Rose were likewise tossed away.

Kenny's leg was currently being held in Sombra's mouth. The Spartan took out his magnum and began firing shots in Sombra's face in defiance. Sombra, tired of these games, lifted Kenny up, and slammed him down on the ground. HARD.

Kenny stopped shooting. "Ow..."

Sombra lifted him up again, and brought him down even harder.

Kenny movements were becoming weaker. "Uh..."

Sombra repeated with even more ferocity.

Kenny stopped moving.

Sombra lifted Kenny up again...

And was stabbed in the chest by Braden's katana.

Sombra dropped Kenny and let loose a mighty roar. "AAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!"

"Damn you," Braden snarled as he drove the blade in deeper, "Damn you to hell!"

Sombra bore down on him, jaws open and fangs exposed. Braden pulled his blade out and slashed upwards at his foe, creating a large gash over Sombra's face. While the villain was once again distracted, Braden sheathed his sword, and grabbed Sombra's head, one hand on his horn and the other on his lower jaw. The Spartan grappled the unicorn king as a bull fighter would a bull, shifting his weight and trying to drive his opponent into the dirt.

An Equestrian Unicorn may be strong... but a Spartan is stronger.

Braden slammed Sombra's head into the dirt ground, and held him there. "Yield." Braden said.

"Never!" Sombra spat back. "RARG! Power! Slaves! Control! Oppression!"

"Wow, you sound just like Parangosky. Are you two related?"

"Hey! Up here!" A voice called out from above. Everybody looked up to see Spike, standing on the ledge of a crystal spire, with the Crystal Heart in his claws. "I got the Crystal Heart!"

Sombra growled, and began wildly thrashing about. He slipped out of Braden's grip and knocked the Spartan aside. "That is MINE!" Sombra said as he reared up and dove into the ground. He began swimming through the dirt towards the palace like a shark, leaving a trail of dark crystals behind him.

Then, a truly massive dark crystal burst forth from the ground, and continued going upwards at the palace at a diagonal angle, with Sombra at the tip.

Spike tripped and fell off the spire, dropping the Crystal Heart in the process. He kept trying to grab it as he fell straight at Sombra.

Sombra's smoke suddenly blew away, revealing a physical body clad in armor and a thick red cape. He expressed brief surprise at his good fortune, and then quickly returned his attention to Spike and the Crystal Heart with newly found vigor.

And then Shining Armor threw Cadence off the balcony.

Cadence caught Spike and the Crystal Heart on her back just before Sombra could get them. Cadence circled around, and landed on the fake Crystal Heart, smashing it to pieces. "The Crystal Heart is returned," Cadence announced to the surrounding Crystal Ponies, "Use the light and love within you to ensure that King Sombra does not!" She then tossed the Crystal Heart over to its holding place, where it stuck, and began glowing.

The Crystal Ponies all suddenly gained shiny, crystal- like coats. But before they did what Cadence told them, they all looked to the Spartans.

Richard, Ashley, James, and Rose looked a bit roughed up but were overall okay. However, Kenny was unconscious, and was being held in Braden's arms pieta- style.

Braden nodded to the Crystal Ponies. "Waste him."

The Crystal Ponies smiled and bowed their heads down to the ground, which suddenly began to brightly glow blue.

Sombra noticed. "What?" The glowing continued spreading throughout the kingdom. "No! NO! STOP!" The glowing reached its apex, creating a snowflake symbol across the land, then all the energy and power came rushing back into the Crystal Heart, which in turn gave off a great pulse. The pulse enveloped the entire kingdom, destroying all of the dark crystals and giving every pony, dragon, and Spartan a new shiny look.

When the pulse hit Sombra, it began tearing him apart, but gave him just enough time to let out one final roar of hate in the face of his defeat.

"RRRRREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"

King Sombra exploded.

A beam of pure energy shot out from the topmost spire of the palace, creating an aurora borealis that could be seen all across Equestria.

The day was saved. *Puts on a pair of sunglasses* Hell yeah.

Cadence and Spike flew back up to the balcony. Shining ran up to Cadence and gave her a big ol' hug. They and the Mane Six (minus Twilight, who was still stuck at the top) turned around to look over the balcony and accept the cheers from the Crystal Ponies.

Except it was not they who the Crystal Ponies were cheering for.

All of the Crystal Ponies had their attention focused on the Spartans. Especially Braden, who they were holding up and parading through the city while chanting "Messiah! Messiah! Messiah!"

Everyone on the balcony stared down at the scene with poker faces.

"I knew that bastard was going to take all the credit." Shining Armor grumbled.

Kenny started to wake up. "Rablabla. Where am I?"

"You're on the train, relax." Richard said. "We're heading back to Canterlot right now."

"Did we win?"

"Affirmative. King Sombra was eliminated and the safety of the Crystal Empire was secured. Our armor was crystallized for a brief time, but wore off once we left the Empire's borders."

"Did anything else happen while I was out?"

"Yes, the Crystal Ponies convinced themselves that the Colonel is their lord and savior."

"Really?"

"It was quite amusing. You should have been awake."

"... I admit, I am surprised." Braden said as he and Celestia watched Twilight giddily prance out the door.

"How so?" Celestia asked.

"I first took you and your ponies to be spoiled naive children, unaware of the realities of the world. The fact that you just taught your student something as mature as the meaning of self sacrifice is... admirable."

"I am getting the sense that this means a lot to you, Colonel Braden."

"... Self sacrifice is the definition of a Spartan, Princess Celestia. Most Spartans have given more than I ever have."

"I see..."

There was a respectful moment of silence between the two.

Braden looked up at the new stain glass window. "So... this is the new one with us in it, eh?"

Celestia nodded and smiled. "Correct. What do you think?"

Braden analyzed the piece of art. At the very top of the window was the Crystal Heart. Below that, was Spike. Below that, were tiny versions of Kenny, Ashley, Richard, James, and Rose standing in a row. Below that, was Braden facing forward holding his katana up with one arm. And below that, were some Crystal Ponies cheering. And finally, at the bottom of the window, was King Sombra, whose head was facing upwards at the rest of the picture and growling.

"It's... detailed." Braden said.

"Thank you." Celestia said. "Say, is it true that the Crystal Ponies are calling you their 'lord and savior'?"

Braden face palmed and sighed. "Yes. Apparently I've inspired the Crystal Ponies and now they want to 'be just like me and my team'. So now you've got Spartan Ponies to deal with. Sorry."

"Oh I'm sure they'll behave themselves. Now if you will excuse me, I must join Luna over by the balcony and talk to her about a very important book."

"Fine, but I'll be sticking around for a while. I still want to talk to you about your little habit of erasing important events in history."

Celestia gulped and nervously shifted her eyes.

Author's Note

Next chapter is last chapter.

I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil.

... And The Pony You Rode In On

April 10, 2553

"PUSH! WE'RE ALMOST THERE!" A Crystal Pony yelled as he and his hundred or so companions pushed the Longsword through the dirt. They were all dressed up in crude pony made versions of Spartan armor.

"PUSH!"

The Crystal Ponies pushed. "HNNNG!"

"PUSH!"

"HNNNG!"

"PUSH!!!"

"HNNNG!!!"

The Longsword finally reached its destination: a dirt runway in the middle of the grass field just outside the Everfree Forest. The ponies made it so the Spartans could leave.

"We did it!" The Crystal Ponies started cheering and brohoofing each other. Footsteps were heard. They turned around and saw that it was Braden. They all saluted.

"At ease," Braden said, "You've all done a damn fine job. Go get some food and rest."

The Crystal Ponies nodded and left. As they dispersed, Braden took another gander at the surrounding area.

Due to the work effort it took to create the runway, fix up the Longsword, and get the Longsword out of the Everfree, word had gotten out across the country that they were leaving soon. Now while Braden agreed that this was a big and important event, he didn't think it was necessary for over two thousand ponies to camp out here just so they could watch. He had spotted several other non pony races in attendance, namely griffons, minotaurs, donkeys, and buffalo.

Concession stands were set up, campsites with tents and fireplaces were established, ponies were milling about everywhere doing stuff, goddammit, this was supposed to be a launch site, not a party. Braden shook his head in annoyance.

Richard walked up to him. "Sir, I have just finished the final inspections with Sparkle. Everything looks ready to go."

"Excellent," Braden said, relieved, "Any chance we can leave by tonight?"

"Affirmative."

"Wait, what about the mini slipspace drive? Was it fixed up after the Pinkie Pie clones stole it?"

"Rose repaired and installed it. Nothing to worry about."

And what an adventure that was.

Later that night, X Team was standing on a podium before the giant crowd of ponies. Celestia was up there with them.

"Why are we doing this?" Braden asked.

"So you can leave on good terms," Celestia answered, "Make a good last impression!"

Braden sighed. "Fine. Whatever. Uh, citizens of Equestria! We thank you for your relative hospitality these past few months, but now we gotta go, and, save the universe, and stuff. Thank you."

Silence reigned.

...

"Wow, that speech sucked." Celestia said.

"Screw it. Everyone on the Longsword we're leaving!" The Longsword's ramp promptly opened up for the Spartans.

"Wait, just like that?" Twilight asked. "You're just gonna up and go now?"

"Yes. Now all of you clear out! Make room for the runway."

The Crystal Ponies stepped forward. "Wait! Our savior! With you gone, who will guide us?"

"I expect you all to behave yourselves. That is all I ask."

"YES SIR!"

The Spartans began boarding the ship. Well, most of them. Kenny stayed behind so he could say goodbye to the Mane Six. Because they're the only ones that matter.

"Will you ever come back?" Pinkie sniffled.

Kenny kneeled down to her level and hugged ear. "Probably not, but never say never, right?" That made Pinkie smile a little.

Fluttershy jumped into Kenny's arms and snuggled him. D'aaawwwww. "You're the nicest badass I know! I wish there were more like you. *Sniff sniff*."

Kenny patted her on the head. "There there, you're a big girl don't cry."

Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack, and Rarity were about to say something when a scarecrow jumped in front of them.

Kenny jumped back. "Gah! Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Scarecrow! Aren't you going to miss me the most?"

"No!" Kenny delivered an uppercut to Scarecrow, sending him off into the distance.

All the ponies cheered. Kenny waved at them as he walked up the ramp. "Goodbye everypony!"

The ramp closed. Just as the token celebration band was about to start, the engines activated and the Longsword began hovering. The ponies flipped their shit and started running away. Well, most of them ran away. The main characters from the show knew that they were at a safe watching distance.

Oh and Blueblood was there. This was a big event, after all. As the Longsword took off into the sky, the vibrations it made caused his wheelchair to tip over. "AGH! MY BACK!" Everypony snickered. Rarity took a photo.

As the Longsword flew up higher and higher into the sky, a portal opened up, and the Spartans disappeared into it. The portal closed.

Everypony just stared for a few minutes.

"So, now that the Spartans are gone," Twilight said, "What do we do now?"

Celestia gave her a mischievous smile. "Now, my most faithful student, we start reverse engineering their technology that we made blueprints of." She winked at the camera. "Ain't I a stinker?"

From her seat in the cockpit, Rose turned and pressed a few dials and buttons. "Checking coordinates. ... Right. We're heading for Reach."

"So it's back to business now, eh?" James said more to himself than the others. "How much do you think we missed?"

"A lot can happen in eight months." Ashley quietly said.

"And in the event we do get back to the UNSC, they're going to ask questions," Richard pointed out, "They'll want to know why six of their Spartans went MIA for over half a year, and I have a feeling that 'oh we were stuck in the magical land of ponies' isn't going to cut it. Parangosky will throw us in the insane asylum for sure."

"A valid concern," Braden said, "One that I anticipated."

"Anticipated? You mean you have a plan for this?"

"Yes. For the past couple months I've had Kenny film his experiences in Equestria. All we have to do is present the footage to the higher ups and have them pass it off as classified. We'll be labeled sane and get off the hook."

James looked at Kenny. "Dare I ask, but, how much footage did you get?"

"I've got nine hours of footage in this sucker," Kenny said pointing to the camera on his helmet, "Let's hope it makes a few ONI heads explode."

"Guys." Rose said.

"Yeah?"

"We're here."

The Longsword exited Slipspace. And then they saw it.

James put a hand to his mouth. "No..."

Reach had been glassed.

May 1, 2553

Earth, East Africa

X Team stood in front of the memorial. It was... practical, to say the least, but it was enough.

"So... we won." Kenny quietly said.

Richard gave a small nod. "Yeah."

James looked over at the giant crater that had apparently been a gateway to someplace called The Ark. "Hard to believe what we missed out on. Galactic weapons of mass destruction, space zombies..."

"Don't forget the whole enemy mine situation with the Elites." Rose added.

Everyone went quiet again for a moment, thinking about what had transpired during their absence. The Halos, The Flood, it was a lot to take in. And they all thought: "Would things have turned out better, had we been there?" Truth be told they were all happy to hear that Humanity had won the war, but, the sacrifices that had to be made in the name of victory...

"Hey guys," Ashley said, breaking the silence, "Do you think that maybe, just maybe... there are still other Spartans out there? Who survived?"

When they had gotten back, Parangosky had told them that all other Spartan- II's were MIA (ONI for good- as- dead). Since they were Spartans, they weren't exactly physically capable of breaking down and crying at the thought of everyone they had trained with being dead, but that didn't stop the news from tearing them apart on the inside. But then again...

"It's a possibility." Braden replied. It was wishful thinking at best.

But then again...

July 7, 2553

Earth, Super Secret ONI Facility

Braden frowned at the short old woman who sat across the table from him. "Alright, you got me here, Parangosky. What do you want?"

Parangosky sneered. "Disrespectful as always. But I'll let it pass, considering the bigger issue at hand."

"What are you talking about?"

"There was an idea, to create Humanity's greatest warriors, an idea that one Catherine Halsey made a reality."

"This is about Spartans? What-"

"However, her methods, while ultimately successful, were time consuming, costly, and worst of all, controversial. Do you have any idea how many ONI agents I had to kill and then replace just because they wouldn't go through with the program that created you? Most impractical..."

"Get to the point."

"The next generation is coming, Colonel, and we need veterans to train them. Veterans like you and your team." Parangosky hit a button under the table. "Let him in."

The door to the room opened. A man wearing a suit walked in. He was bald, and had a tattoo depicting a fistful of arrows on the left side of his head.

Braden's jaw dropped.

Jun smiled. "Hello again, Braden. I'm here to talk to you about the Spartan- Four Initiative."

To be continued

Oly Oly Oxen Free

All out in the free

We're all free

Author's Note

A bit rushed, I know, but I just wanted to get this over and done with.

Yes, there will be a sequel. After Halo 5 comes out, of course.

Meet the SPARTANS

Meet X Team, the strangest team of SPARTAN-II super soldiers in existance. Due to various miscalculations in ONI's selecting process, the training of these specific SPARTANs, and their genetic aguementations, the SPARTANS who would eventually become X Team came out more like civilians with super powers than soldiers with super powers. ONI originally planned to simply discard them and write them off as failures, but Dr. Catherine Halsey saved their lives by asserting that they should prove their worth before a final decision was made.

These misfit SPARTANS were present during the Battle of Chi Ceti, but their official first engagement against Covenant forces was when they were sent to destroy a Covenant base on a small garden world in the Outer Colonies in 2526. The mission was a success and all six SPARTANS survivied. Over the course of the war they were sent on many operations, and eventually ONI gave them the official title of "X Team", as a sign of their legitimancy, and often sent them on black ops missions. Ironically, despite their role as ONI black ops, X Team is quite skilled at mingling with civilians, and immerse themselves in culture more so than other SPARTANS.

But enough about the team's history, it's time you met the individuals themselves.

Colonel Braden-007 is X Team's leader. Braden is unusually observant of whatever situation he is in, even for a SPARTAN. He could spot almost any flaw in any battle stategy, point out any weak point in any arguement, and he was damn good at taking advantage of any chance for victory. This is a part of why he is the highest ranking SPARTAN in the UNSC.

Another reason for his high rank is that he competes with John-117 and SPARTAN-B312 for position of "Most hyper- lethal SPARTAN". But there is one more reason. Throughout his career, Braden has shown exceptional care for his fellow soldiers, whether they be marine, ODST, or SPARTAN. He firmly believes in the no- man- left- behind saying and will go to almost any lengths to make sure everyone makes it out alive.This mindset has gained him high respect from the higher ups and those he fights alongside with.

Braden prefers precision weapons such as sniper rifles, battle rifles, and magnums. Instead of the standard combat knife, Braden managed to pull a few strings and carries a katana on his back as his melee weapon, which makes him really stand out. Speaking of said katana, Braden wears all white Hayabusa armor, which reenforces the image of a "samurai SPARTAN".

It should be noted that Braden is initially hostile to Margaret Parangosky, the most dangerous human in the UNSC, despite Parangosky being his superior. Their rivalry is legendary not because of their difference in rank, but because Braden deliberately pissed her off several times, and got away with it every time.

Major Richard-046 is X Team's second in command. Richard is a stickler for rules and protocal, and in general takes everything super seriously. His attitude is dry, sarcastic, to the point, and sometimes hostile. This no nonsense attitude has been the annoyance of many military personal, and the savior of countless human lives.

Like Braden he prefers precision weapons, but his real skill is the combat knife. Richard wears dark blue Recon armor.

He also has a small swearing problem, and tends to accidentally fall from great heights.

Warrant Officer Ashley-090 is the scary one. No, seriously, she's the SPARTAN other SPARTANS are wary of when she enters the room. She is not feared because she's a bitch or anything, oh no. She's just like every other SPARTAN: quiet, heroic, dangerous. Emphasis on the dangerous. During the Human/Covenant War, a series of very unfortunate events occured during a battle that drove Ashley nearly insane. She didn't just kill the covies, oh no. She tore them apart ORGAN BY ORGAN. Ever since then, Ashley was an anti- Covenant killing machine to the umpteenth degree.

Ashely has no specific preferences for weapons. So long as you give her at least a knife and a magnum, the job will be done. She wears grey Rouge armor.

It should be noted that despite being described as a cold blooded lone wolf, Ashley prefers team missions over solo missions, and exibits a noticeable decrease in efficiancy and increase in anxiety when alone.

Seargeant James-149 is X Team's heavy weapons expert. A bit of a jerk, especially for a SPARTAN, James just flat out loves action and the thrill of fighting. When you first meet him you may get the first impression that James is a bully douchebag who happens to be a SPARTAN. That couldn't be further from the truth. James is just a loyal sodier who has a somewhat immature sense of humor.

James is a crack shot with the shotgun, extremely accurate with rockets and SPARTAN Lasers, and is an artist when it comes to explosives. He wears black EOD armor.

Corporal Rose-064 is X Team's engineer. And tech expert. And pilot. And driver. Yeah, she's really good with technology in case you didn't notice. Rose can fly almost any vehicle in the UNSC, short of the SABRE starfighter and any UNSC ship frigate size or larger.

Rose is curious and adventurous at heart, and often stumbles upon things that she shouldn't. Fortunately for her the number of times this turns out to be a good thing far exceeds the number of times it is a bad thing. Her skills as a technician and a spy often lands her in missions where sabotage is involved.

Rose prefers small arms such as magnums, but will occasionally use the assault rifle or shotgun. She wears green EVA armor.

Private Kenny-013 is the "rookie". Being the youngest of the SPARTANS, Kenny naturally tries to prove himself to the others, and is a little naive.

Kenny prefers automatics such as the assault rifle or SMG. He wears red Mark 5 armor.

It should be noted that Kenny has an unusual interest in media from the 21st century, especially children's media from the years 2010 onwards. Hopefully Kenny will one day move on from this strange behaviour for a SPARTAN and forget about his interests, as there is absolutely no way that anything he learned from those years will be relevent in ANY mission he will ever partake in.

Slipspace Sucks

The year was 2552

X Team waited in the maintenance hanger of the UNSC cruiser The Red Shirt with a Longsword. They were curently on their way to Reach, which was under attack from Covenant forces to serve as back up. That Longsword? They were gonna fly in and bomb the crap out of the covies.

Braden calmly walked up to Richard and Rose, who were examining status reports of the Longsword they were set to use. "Is everything set and ready?" Braden asked.

"Yes Colonel." Richard replied. "Rose here says everything is in working order and the bombs are all set to be dropped when we enter combat."

"Well, not everything, actually." Rose said. The other two SPARTANS looked at her. "The main computer interface is a little buggy. So much so that I honestly recommend we use a different Longsword. But seeing that this is the only one in a hundred light years, we don't have much choice."

Braden gave a sigh. "There's always a catch. Just do your best, alright?"

"Yes sir."

Just across the hanger, Ashley, James, and Kenny were hanging out by some crates. Ashley was quietly sharpening her combat knife against a piece of scrap metal while sitting cross legged on a crate. James was leaning against a double stack in a bored manner. He looked over to Ashley, then to Kenny. Kenny was watching some show on the inside of his visor. James couldn't identify the show that Kenny was watching, but whatever it was the red armored SPARTAN was enjoying it. Kenny gave a small chuckle.

"Watcha watching Kenny?" James asked.

Kenny quickly turned his head to James in a manner the latter recognized as nervousness, and turned off whatever he was just watching. "Oh, uh, nothing."

"C'mon, what were you watching?"

"I... uh..."

"You were watching cartoons again, weren't you?"

"Please don't tell Braden or Richard."

"Heh. No promises."

Ashley continued sharpening her knife in silence, only god knowing what was going on in her mind.

An intercom speaker turned on. "Attention, all crew members." It was the captain of the ship, Johnson Head. "We are preparing to enter slipspace. Prepare your asses for any last minute bullshit."

Sure enough, a Covenant supercarrier convienently appeared out of nowhere right behind The Red Shirt, and began firing.

As The Red Shirt began taking damage, it entered slipspace.

As the cruiser traveled through the tubular path of trippy colors the injuries it took began becoming larger, and eventually started tearing the ship apart.

"Crap!" Richard cursed. "Why the hell can't things ever go as planned in this war? EVER?"

"Everyone onto the Longsword!" Braden yelled out. Richard, Ashley, James, Rose, and Kenny sprinted up the lowered ramp and into the Longsword as Braden stayed behind to make sure they all got in before he did. Braden turned to the rest of the hanger and noticed a marine and engineer also making a run for the Longsword.

"Come on! You're gonna make it! You're gonna make it!" Braden called out to them. The marine and engineer were just twenty feet away when an explosion ripped through the floor beneath them. Yeah, they're dead. "Dammit!" Braden said.

Braden ran up the ramp and punched the close button. He progressed to the cockpit. The rest of the SPARTANS were already there, with Rose in the pilot seat. All six of them looked through the window and saw the walls of The Red Shirt tear away to reveal an open shot into the slipspace stream.

"We're taking off! It's our only chance!" Rose said as she ignited the Longsword's engines, and lifted off of what was left of the hanger floor.

"Taking off?!" Richard yelled. "Where the hell are we supposed to go?!"

"Do you have any better ideas smartass?"

"I am going to court martial your ass for insuboridnation when we get to Reach!"

"I highly doubt that that will be our concern if we survive."

"Lock it down, both of you!" Braden commanded. "We have bigger problems than this! Rose, get us out of here!"

"With pleasure."

The Longsword flew away from the exploding wreck of The Red Shirt and progressed down the slipspace stream at super speeds. Far behind them what was left of the UNSC cruiser exploded and disappeared into oblivion.

"We made it." James quietly said. "Sweet merciful god we made it! Hell yeah!"

"We still have to get to Reach." Richard said. "Stay sharp. Getting into orbit without being noticed by Covenant forces isn't going to be easy. Even in this Longsword."

"Well so long as we keep a steady pace and our coordinates don't change, we should get there in one piece." Rose casually said.

Right after she said that a bolt of energy zipped by the Longsword and ever so slightly brushed against the wing, which was enough to knock the Longsword off course. The SPARTANS were knocked off their feet; except for Rose; and Kenny just so happened to hit the back of his head onto the main computer- drive thingy. A probe/ chip thingy shot out from the computer- drive thingy and stuck itself into Kenny's neural implant thingy.

"ACCESSING MEMORY BANKS." a synthetic voice said." SEARCHING FOR NEW COORDINATES."

"Wait, WHAT?" Kenny said. The probe/ chip thingy exited his helmet and disappeared back into the rest of the Longsword.

"NEW COORDINATES FOUND. VISUALIZING. HAVE A NICE DAY LOSERS."

A holographic screen appeared on the main window in front of the SPARTANS and began depicting colorful cartoonish images. A song started playing.

My Little Pony
My Little Pony
Ah- ah- ah- ah
My Little Pony!
I used to wonder what friendship could be!
My Little Pony!

Everyone just stared at Kenny in silence. The young SPARTAN let out a nervous chuckle.

James broke the silence. "YOU STUPID BRONY YOU JUST SENT US INTO A GODDAM CARTOON YOU STUPID MOTHERFU-"

A thin stream of slipspace energy reached out from the wall of trippy colors to the Longsword's left, grabbed onto the Longsword, and pulled it into the wall so that it would be redirected from Reach to its new destination...

My Whole Life Has Been Nothing But Nightmare Fuel Part One

To Celestia, Braden's mind was a horrifying series of flashing visuals beyond her imagining, and she felt every ounce of pain he ever experienced. To her, the intrusion into the spartan's mind lasted only twenty seconds. But to Braden, it was like reliving an entire lifetime...

**********

July 7, 2510

Sigma Octanus IV, Cote d'Azur

Darkness. Then, a flash of white light. Braden felt something wrap two arms around him. He was briefly lifted into the air, and set into the grasp of a new pair of arms. He slowly opened his young eyes. The first thing he saw was the face of his mother.

She was beautiful.

**********

December 24, 2516

Sigma Octanus IV, Cote d'Azur

"...And Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night." Braden's mother softly said as she closed the book. She got up from sitting on the bed, and kissed Braden on his forehead. "Good night, Braden."

Braden closed his eyes as he drifted off to sleep. "Good night mommy..."

His mother smiled. She walked over to the bedroom doorway, where her husband was waiting, shut off the light, and quietly closed the door.

**********

March 2, 2517

Sigma Octanus IV, Cote d'Azur

Museum of Natural History

Braden and his father walked among the crowds of the Museum of Natural History. Braden looked up. Above him was the skeleton of a blue whale hanging from the ceiling. "Woah." He said.

Braden's father noticed his awe. "That is the skeleton of a blue whale, Braden. Largest living creature on Earth."

"On Earth?" The little boy asked. "You mean it's not from this planet?"

His father chuckled. "Nope, but we'll talk about that some other time. C'mon, there's lots of other neat stuff your mother wanted me to show you."

The two continued onward, heading down the east wing. Braden saw displays of all sorts of flora and fauna; gigantic flowers with petals as long as his legs and beetles bigger than his fist. Then they turned a corner and made their way into the west wing.

Now Braden was passing by static electric generators and quantum field holograms and all sorts of other weird electronic crap. Then they turned another corner and entered another wing. The entry arch was simply labelled GEOLOGY. The room they were in contained various mineral samples ranging from sulfur crystals to rubies, but what immediately caught Braden's imagination was the giant six foot monolith of pink quartz.

As they passed by the display cases, something caught Braden's eye. He peered into the glass for a better look. Sitting inside the display case was a sizable piece of granite that glittered with a few jewel- like inclusions. Braden didn't know why, but he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something... fishy about the rock.

He continued to stare at it when his father tapped him on the shoulder. "You hungry? It's past noon, we should stop by the cafe for a quick bite."

Braden looked up to him. Now that he mentioned it... "Yeah, I'm kinda hungry. Let's go." They left.

Just before they exited the room, Braden gave that suspicious rock one last backwards glance...

**********

July 7, 2517

Sigma Octanus IV, Cote d'Azur

Braden blew out all seven candles on his chocolate birthday cake. His friends and other party guests all clapped and smiled and laughed in congratulations. His father rustled his hair and his mother took out a camera. "Cheese!" She said.

Braden smiled.

He was happy.

**********

August 28, 2517

Sigma Octanus IV, Cote d'Azur

Braden was playing ball with a couple of his friends at the local park. Just thirty feet away his mother was sitting on a park bench reading her personal copy of The Hobbit. His father was sitting next to her, napping.

Braden accidentally kicked the ball out of bounds. "Don't worry, I'll get it!" He rushed off to get the ball. Braden picked up the ball from the grass.

And then he saw them.

A short distance away, by the street, were two strange men. They wore sharp black suits, black sunglasses, and had no visible emotion on their faces. They were looking at him. Then they turned back to each other and appeared to be speaking to each other. Braden shrugged and turned back around to resume his game.

If anyone had been watching, they would have noticed the two mysterious men discreetly return their gaze to Braden...

**********

September ?, 2517

Sigma Octanus IV, Cote d'Azur

Braden heard a noise in the dark of the night.

He opened his eyes and turned over. Two shadowy men were standing in his doorway. The man who was closer to Braden appeared to be carrying a pistol, while the man behind him was carrying an unconscious little boy who bore a striking resemblance to Braden.

Before Braden could so much as scream for help, the agent with the gun raised the weapon at him, and pulled the trigger.

A tranquilizer dart silently hit Braden in the neck, and he immediately blacked out.

**********

September 23, 2517

Reach, Military Complex

Braden and seventy four other children were ushered into an amphitheater by men in camouflaged pattern fatigues. He and the others were tired, cold, and most of all, scared. They all took their seats.

A woman at the head of the amphitheater cleared her throat, gaining their attention. "As per Naval Code 45812, you are hereby conscripted into the UNSC Special Project, codenamed SPARTAN- II." She said.

Braden and the others looked among each other uncertainly. He saw a few of the others try to stand and leave, but their handlers firmly forced them back down.

"You have been called upon to serve," the woman said, "You will be trained... and you will become the best we can make of you. You will be the protectors of Earth and all her colonies."

This caught Braden's attention. A sort of confidence welled up inside him, and he and a handful of other children who seemed to have the same feeling straightened up in their seats. He was still frightened, but at least he was interested.

"This will be hard to understand, but you cannot return to your parents."

A cold chill suddenly took over Braden's body. He was dimly aware of the other children stirring and their handlers keeping them in place, but he paid them no heed. "I can... never see... Mom and Dad again?" He thought to himself. Tears welled in his eyes, but he did not cry. It is not that he would not, but rather he could not. He had simply lost the willpower to bother crying.

The woman continued speaking, regaining Braden's attention. "This place will become your home. Your fellow trainees will be your family now. The training will be difficult. There will be a great deal of hardship on the road ahead, bit I know you will all make it. Rest now. We begin tomorrow."

**********

September 24, 2517

Reach, Military Complex

"WAKE UP, TRAINEE!"

Braden stirred in his cot and opened his eyes. Directly across the room from him a man was yelling at a boy. Said boy rolled over in his sleep and turned away from the man. The man responded by zapping the boy in the ass with an electric baton. The boy gave a yell in surprise and fell out of his cot and onto the floor.

"Jesus Christ!" Braden thought to himself in horror. The only reason he didn't say it out loud was because his mother had told him that it wasn't decent to say things like that in front of other people. For some reason that had never stopped his father from saying such things every now and then.

The boy got back up as the man continued yelling at him. He had short brown hair, a few scattered freckles on his cheeks, and a gap between his front teeth.

Suddenly a bunch of other angry men with electric batons rushed into the room and scared Braden and the other kids out of their cots. "RABLABLABLALALALA!!!!!"

"I am Chief Petty Officer Mendez!" The first angry man shouted out so everyone would hear him. "The rest of these men are your instructors. You will do exactly as we tell you at all times." Mendez pointed to the far end of the barracks. "Showers are aft. You will all wash and then return here to dress." He opened a trunk at the foot of the cot that belonged to the boy with the zapped ass and pulled out a matching set of grey sweats.

Braden looked at the foot of his own cot. There was a trunk there. He leaned closer and saw something stenciled on the chest. It said Braden- 007.

"So... does this mean I have a license to kill?" Braden asked himself in his head.

What? He saw Goldfinger when he was six.

...Stop looking at me like that.

"No slacking. On the double!" Mendez shouted as he randomly zapped the kid again, but this time between his shoulder blades. "I mean it! Go, go, GO!"

Braden and all the kids then made a mad dash for the showers. There they undressed and stepped into the shower room. The water turned on. It was lukewarm and soapy. "Hey, this is kinda alright." Braden thought to himself. And then they were all rinsed in an icy cold spray. "F- f- f- friggin' c- c- c- cold!" After that they were all handed dry towels.

Then they all rushed back to their cots and opened their trunks. Braden looked at what he had. Underwear, thick socks, sweats, and a pair of combat boots. He looked around after putting his clothes on. Every kid had the same outfit.

"Outside, trainees." Mendez announced. "Triple time... MARCH!"

Braden and the others marched out of the barracks and onto a strip of grass. The sun hadn't risen yet, the sky was indigo. As they passed by a dozen rows of other barracks through the wet grass, a pair of jets roared by overhead. "EEP!" Braden looked to his right to see the source of the noise. A girl who was just beside him, Ashley- 090 from what her clothes were labelled, had been startled by the jets. In fact, the poor thing looked more frightened than all the other children who were here.

"Hey." Braden said to Ashley. She looked at him with pitiful teary eyes. "You're gonna be okay."

Ashley sniffled and gave a nervous nod.

"You will make five equal- length rows." Mendez suddenly said. "Fifteen trainees each. Straighten those rows. You know how to count to fifteen, trainee? Take three steps back."

Braden stepped into the third row.

"JUMPING JACKS! Count off to one hundred. Ready, go." Mendez started the exercise and Braden and Ashley followed his lead.

However, the boy in front of Braden refused for a split second. An instructor was on his ass instantly. The thirty- something year old man in camo whipped the seven year old boy in the stomach with his baton. The kid doubled over in pain.

"Get with the program, boot!" The man snarled. "RABLABLA!"

The boy uncurled, glared at the man, and started jumping. The man walked away. Once he was out of earshot, Braden spoke. "Hey, you alright?"

The boy didn't turn around, but he did answer. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine."

"NINETY- EIGHT. NINETY- NINE. ONE HUNDRED." Mendez paused. He took in a deep breath and said "SIT UPS!" He dropped onto the grass. "Count off to one hundred. No slacking."

Braden and the others dropped to the ground.

"The first crewman who quits gets to run around the compound twice- and then comes back here and does two hundred sit- ups. Ready... count off! One... two... three..." Deep squats followed, then knee bends.

Kids all around Braden were throwing up at this point. The instructors were having a baton- whipping field day. Braden noticed the kid who got zapped twice by Mendez throw up, and then be promptly beaten down by an instructor. "Geez, that kid just can't get a break, can he?" Braden thought.

Suddenly the boy in front of Braden stopped and clutched his stomach in pain. "Uh oh."

The instructor who had hit the boy earlier returned. He lifted the kid up by his shirt collar and brought him right up to his face. He growled.

"I thought I told you to get with the pro-"

"HURBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

A torrent of vomit had shot out from the boy's mouth and into the man's face.

"Leg lifts." Mendez said, completely oblivious to what just happened.

The instructor dropped the boy and began running around like a pussy screaming "OHMYGODOHMYGOGOHMYGOGOHMYGODGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!" A couple other instructors ran after him in an attempt to calm him down. Amazingly, Mendez was still unaware off what was currently happening. That or he just didn't give a ~~fu~~ damn.

"Rest." Mendez said. "Trainers, get the water."

The boy wiped some vomit off the side of his lip and snickered. He turned to Braden. The label on his clothes said James- 149. "Funny stuff, huh?"

"Uh, sure, I guess." Braden replied with a shrug.

"That was disgusting." A boy who was next to Braden in row four said. His label was Richard- 046. "You can't just go and spit in a superior's face."

James narrowed his eyes at Richard and crossed his arms. "I didn't spit. I vomited. There's a difference."

Richard rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Delinquent."

"What did you call me?!"

"I said-"

"Um, aren't you guys gonna get some water?" Ashley meekly asked. She already had a bottle, which she sipped.

James and Richard glared at each other. "We'll finish this later." They both said at the same time.

Braden, James, and Richard each grabbed a water bottle that the trainers were handing out. Braden twisted off the cap and gulped the liquid down. It was warm and salty, but he didn't care at this point. Warm salty water is best water.

"Hey, you guys are the only people I've gotten to talk to here." James said.

"Yeah? So?" Richard said.

"So, what's your names? I'm James."

"I'm Braden."

"I'm Ashley."

"I'm Richard."

"Alright, that settles it. We are all officially friends."

Ashley smiled a little at this, but Braden wasn't too sure, and Richard did not look convinced at all. "You expect us to just go along with this?" Richard sarcastically asked.

"You wanna go through this by yourself? Okay, that's cool with me. Suit yourself."

Richard grumbled and looked away.

"He does have a point." Braden thought. He smiled a sad smile. "At least I have friends here now."

"A good start trainees!" Mendez blurted. "Now we run. On your feet!"

The trainers brandished their batons like hoodlum street gangsters would brandish their knives before a mugging. Mendez started jogging and the kids followed him. First they went down the gravel path, then past more cinderblock barracks. They ran alongside a river, over a bridge, past a jet runway, ~~through Jellystone Park~~, and on a zigzagging path of stone.

They ran into a courtyard. At the far end was a building with a dome, white columns, and wide steps leading to the entrance. The words NAVAL OFFICERS ACADEMY were chiseled into the arc over the entrance.

A woman at the top of the steps beckoned to them. She wore a white sheet wrapped around her body. As Braden neared her, he noticed the motes of light orbiting her head, and realized that she was an AI.

"Excellent work, Chief Petty Officer Mendez." The AI said. She turned to the children. "Welcome. My name is Deja and I will be your teacher. Please come in. Class is about to start."

Braden gave an audible groan, as did some of the other kids. James even voiced his resentment. "Great, first we played The Biggest Loser and now they want us to star in an episode of Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader!"

Deja turned and started to walk inside. "Of course, if you prefer to skip your lessons, you may continue the morning calisthenics."

Braden and the others all double- timed it up the stairs.

When they got inside, they took their seats in an air conditioned room. They were served crackers and milk. It was in that class that Braden first learned of an ancient group of Greek warriors called "Spartans". He was fascinated.

So anyways after a kick- ass battle simulation via mini- holograms Deja announced that class was over. "That's all for today. We'll continue tomorrow and I'll show you some wolves. Now it's time for you to go to the playground."

"Playground?" Someone asked. Braden looked over to who it was. It was the boy who was constantly getting his ass kicked by the trainers. His clothes were labelled John- 117. Braden and the others ran out of the room. Mendez and the other trainers, even the one who got puked on by James, were waiting for them outside of the classroom.

Mendez waved the kids closer. "Time for the playground. It's a short run. Fall in."

The "short run" turned into two miles. And when Braden finally got there, the "playground" turned out to be a goddamn obstacle course. It was a forest of twenty- meter tall wooden poles. Rope cargo nets and bridges stretched between the poles and swings and platforms and loops and- oh you know what I mean.

"Trainees," Mendez said, "Form three lines."

Braden and the others did so without comment or fuss.

"The first person in every row will be team number one. The second person in each row will be team number two... and so on. If you do not understand this, speak up now."

No one spoke.

Braden looked for Richard, James, and Ashley. All three of them happened to be the row in front of him. He looked to his right. A spunky- looking girl with a mischievous smirk was next to him. Stenciled on her sweat top was Rose- 064. Beyond Rose was a small nervous looking boy who appeared to be younger than any one of them. Kenny- 013.

"Today's game is called Ring the Bell." Mendez said as he pointed to the tallest pole on the playground. It was thirty meters tall and had a steel slide pole next to it. Hung at the very top of that pole was a brass bell. "There are many ways to get to the bell. I leave it up to each team to find their own way. When every member of your team has rung the bell, you are to get groundside double time and run back here across this finish line." Mendez drew a straight line in the sand with his baton.

Braden noticed John raising his hand.

Mendez glared at John. "A question, trainee?"

"What do we win?" John asked.

Mendez cocked an eyebrow. "You win dinner, Number- 117. Tonight, dinner is roast turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, brownies, and ice cream."

A murmur of approval swept through the children.

"But," Mendez said, "For those to be winners there must be a loser. The last team to finish goes without food."

The children fell silent.

"Make ready."

"I'm Rose." Rose whispered.

"I- I'm Kenny."

"I'm Braden."

Braden attempted a small smile to boost their confidence. It seemed to work. A little.

"GO!" Mendez shouted.

Braden and all the kids rushed the nearest cargo net. He had gotten near the front and was almost at the top. He looked ahead to see who was in first place. It was John. Braden, Rose, Kenny, and five others were on the first platform.

Suddenly, Braden felt a jolt of instinct to get off the platform. He grabbed onto Rose and Kenny. "Jump!" He yelled. They leaped to the nearest platform to their left. As soon as they were airborne the platform they were just on flipped over and sent the other five kids into the water below. And before you ask, no, they were not eaten by alligators.

The whole game was complete chaos. Children were scrambling over each other, getting tangled in ropes, falling ~~to their deaths~~ into the water below. Only a spare few were actually aware of what the hell was going on. Braden was one of those few.

"Follow me!" He said to his two teammates. He motioned to a net that went straight up to the bell. "Quick, up!"

Kenny and Rose nodded and began climbing. They heard the bell ring three times. Braden looked up just in time to see John slide down the steel pole next to the bell. "Dammit."

"Help!"

Braden looked down. While they were climbing, an entire cluster of kids had formed down below, and were now following them. One of the kids who was closer to them than the others had grabbed onto Kenny's ankle, and was trying to throw him down.

Kenny was too far beneath Braden. He couldn't save him. But Rose could.

She swung out her legs and kicked the kid off of Kenny.

Braden made it to the top. He looked down and crouched, arms extended. Rose came up first, then Kenny. But before they could ring the bell, a trio of kids scrambled up from the rope and tackled them from behind. Whoever pinned down Braden- he never got a good look at his face or name and number- kept his foot firmly on Braden's chest and moved to the bell. He would have made it, too, had James not blindsided him with a fist sandwich.

"Get off him!" James yelled at the boy. He held a hand out to Braden. "C'mon. The bell's waiting."

Braden took his hand and stood up. He looked over James' shoulder to see that Richard and Ashley had managed to save Kenny and Rose from their attackers.

The six of them took a moment to look at each other out of companionship, when they remembered that the other kids were still coming. They each ran up to the bell, rang it, and slid down the pole, landing on a pile of cushions. They all ran for the finish line, and they all crossed it at the same time. Mendez and John were waiting for them. Mendez looked at them in a funny way for a moment, as if he was uncertain about something, and made six new checks on his clipboard.

The rest of the children came running soon after in a large crowd. Mendez checked them each off on his clipboard as they each crossed the finish line. After they had all crossed the line, Braden saw that there were two stragglers- a boy and a girl- still up in the playground. They both rang the bell and slid down the pole together. As they ran for the finish line Braden read their labels. Their names were Samuel- 034 and Kelly- 087.

After they both crossed the finish line, Sam and Kelly walked past Braden and up to John. They looked pissed off. John gave them a shrug that said "I don't give a crap". Braden deduced right there that John, Sam, and Kelly were teammates, but John had left them in the dust. For some reason, Braden felt a little irked by John.

"Good work, trainees." Mendez said. "Let's get to the barracks and chow down..."

The kids cheered.

"...All except you three." Mendez said to John, Kelly, and Sam.

"But I won," John protested, "I was first."

"Yes, you were first." Mendez explained. "But your team came last." He turned to all the children. "Remember this: you don't win unless your team wins. One person winning at the expense of the group means that you lose."

"Damn, talk about getting screwed over big time." James whispered to Braden as they ran back to the barracks.

When they got to the barracks, a fancy Thanksgiving- style cuisine had been made for them. Braden and his five "official" teammates all had a table to themselves.

**********

October 2, 2517

Reach, Military Complex

Braden and Richard watched as James argued with James. While Braden's face was that of confusion, Richard's was that of wry amusement.

"No, I'm James!" James- 149 yelled.

"No, I'M James!" James- 005 yelled back.

"NO I'M JAMES!"

"NO I'M JAMES!"

"BLAH!"

"NYAH!"

"Should we stop them?" Braden asked.

"No... let him suffer." Richard responded.

Braden face- palmed.

**********

May 8, 2518

Reach, Military Complex

"Hey, did you guys hear that we have a visiting officer here today?" Rose said.

"Really?" Braden said. "What's his name?"

"I think his name was Colonel Ackerson or something. He's up there actually." Rose pointed to the second story window of a nearby building. "He's in there talking with Chief Mendez and Doctor Halsey. For some reason, he and Doctor Halsey don't like each other very-"

"LOOK OUT!"

Braden and Rose turned around and immediately ducked when a bowling ball went flying over their heads. Said bowling ball crashed through the window that Rose just pointed out.

"OW! SON OF A BITCH!" A voice that Braden never heard before called out.

Braden looked back again to find the culprit. Kenny and James were standing not ten feet from him with "oh shit" expressions on their faces. Without taking their eyes off of Braden or the window, they both pointed accusing fingers at Jorge.

"Hey don't look at me I didn't do that!" Jorge- 052 said with his hands defensively raised.

"I know." Braden said. He turned back to Kenny and James. "What I want to know is where you two got a bowling ball and what the hell you were doing with it."

Before either could answer, a pissed off looking man with a comically sized bump on his head poked his head out the window. "YOU LITTLE SHITS! I'LL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!"

"Run." Braden said. He and all of the nearby kids ran for it.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM? I AM COLONEL JAMES ACKERSON! I WILL HUNT YOU ALL DOWN UNTIL THE DAY YOU DIE! I WILL-"

"Ah blow it out your ass Ackerson." Halsey said.

**********

July 12, 2519

Reach, Military Wilderness Training Preserve

Braden and John stood at the sides of the entry into the Albatross dropship as the rest of the children entered.

"Who's getting left behind?" Kelly asked.

"No one." John said. "Just get in." The last kids got onto the Albatross. Braden and John followed after. They entered the cockpit. "Okay, Deja, get us out of here."

The dropship's jets roared to life and it rose into the sky.

"So... why wasn't someone left behind?" Serin- 019 asked.

"Yeah," Naomi- 010 added, "Mendez is gonna be pissed."

Braden turned around and gave them an icy death glare. "Because we don't leave people behind. But if that bothers you two so much, we can always turn around and leave you BOTH there."

Serin and Naomi nervously glanced at each other and straightened up. "N- No, sir."

Braden looked upon the rest of the children. "Any other complaints?"

They all straightened up in their seats. "NO, SIR!"

"Good." He turned back around to look out the cockpit window.

He looked at John and saw that he seemed to be worried about something. "What's eating you?"

"Naomi's right." John replied. "Mendez is gonna be mad. Specifically at me."

"Well then it's a good thing that I let you take all the credit for the plan, eh?"

John frowned even more.

"Oh lighten up. I'm sure the whole leave someone behind thing was just a test to prove our loyalty to each other. Or something. Who knows, maybe you'll be promoted to squad leader for this."

**********

March 9, 2525

ONI Medical Facility, In Orbit Around Reach

Braden was strapped to a bed. The needles were getting closer.

According to Doctor Halsey, the chemical, physical, and biological augmentations would greatly increase their performance.

Those needles looked really sharp.

He had to stay strong.

The needles drilled into his skull, his arms, his legs, and his torso.

It really hurt. But he didn't scream. He couldn't. The slightest movement would screw up the process and possibly kill him.

He felt something being pumped into his body.

The needles retracted. Now he could scream.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

**********

March 30, 2525

UNSC Carrier Atlas En Route To The Lambda Serpentis System

"God dammit." Braden thought.

"...And so we commit the bodies of our fallen brothers to space." Mendez solemnly said, finishing the funeral. He pressed a control and the ash canisters moved slowly into the ejection tubes... and the void beyond.

"Thirty dead..."

"Honors... TEN HUT!"

Braden and the other surviving SPARTANs saluted in unison.

"...Twelve permanently disabled..."

"Duty, honor, and self sacrifice. Death does not diminish these qualities in a soldier. We shall remember."

"...Why were only we thirty three spared?"

A series of thumps resounded through the Atlas' hull as the canisters were hurled into space.

**********

November 2, 2525

Reach, Military Complex

Braden and the other SPARTANs were sitting in the amphitheater. To put it bluntly, he and the rest had no idea why they were here. Mendez entered the room and marched onto the center platform. The SPARTANs rose and stood at attention. Halsey entered.

Another man, older than either Mendez or Halsey, strode onto the stage soon after.

"Vice Admiral on deck!" Mendez announced.

The SPARTANs snapped straighter.

"At ease, spartans." The man said. "I'm Vice Admiral Stanforth."

Braden and the others sat down.

Suddenly, dust swirled onstage and collected into a ghostly robed figure. Its face was obscured within the shadows of its hood. Braden could not see any hands at the end of its sleeves.

"And this, ugh, is Beowulf." Stanforth said with evident distaste as he gestured to the ~~Nazgul Dementor Ghost of Christmas Past~~ Wraith. "He is our AI attache with the Office of Naval Intelligence. We have several important issues to cover this morning, so let's get started."

The lights dimmed. An amber sun appeared in the center of the room, with three planets in close orbit. "This is Harvest." Stanforth said. "Population of approximately three million. Although on the periphery of UNSC controlled space, this world is one of our more productive and peaceful colonies. As of military calender February 3, at 1423 hours, the Harvest orbital platform made long range radar contact with this object."

A blurry outline appeared over the stage. "Spectroscopic analysis proved inconclusive. The object is constructed of material unknown to us." A molecular absorption graph appeared on a side screen, spikes and jagged lines indicating the relative proportions of elements.

Beowulf raised a cloaked arm. The image darkened, the words CLASSIFIED- EYES ONLY appearing over the censored data.

Stanforth shot a glare at the AI.

"AI bastard." Braden thought.

"Contact with Harvest," Stanforth continued, "Was lost shortly thereafter. The Colonial Military Administration sent the scout ship Argo to investigate. That ship arrived in- system on April 20, but other than a brief transmission to confirm their exit slipstream position, no further reports were made. In response, Fleet Command assembled a battle group to investigate. The group consisted of the destroyer Heracles, commanded by Captain Veredi, as well as the frigates Arabia and Vostok. They entered the Epsilon Indi System on October seventh and discovered the following."

The holograph of Harvest changed.

The planet was... charred. Burned.

Glassed.

"This is what was left of the colony." Stanforth said. He paused for a moment to stare at the image. "We assume that all inhabitants are lost."

Three million dead. Braden could not fathom the power it had to take to kill so many. He was horrified... and angered.

"And this is what the Heracles battlegroup found in orbit."

The blurry outline that was still visible sharpened into crisp focus. Braden leaned forward a little bit. It looked like a ship. It was purple, and had a very sleek, smooth, and curved hull. He thought it was beautiful, in a scary sort of way.

"The unidentified vessel launched an immediate attack against our forces." Stanforth said. The image began moving. Blue flashes shot out from the alien ship and hit the Arabia, burning away its armor. "Those were pulse lasers, and- if this record is to be believed- some kind of self- guided, superheated plasma weapon."

The Heracles and Vostok launched salvos of missiles at the alien craft. The enemy's lasers shot half before they reached their target. The missiles impacted and detonated into blossoms of fire...

...That quickly faded. The strange ship shimmered with a semitransparent silver coating, which then vanished.

"They also seem to have some reflective energy shield." Stanforth continued. He took a deep breath and his face turned into a mask of grim resolve. "The Vostok and Arabia were lost with all hands. The Heracles jumped out of the system, but due to the damage she sustained, it took several weeks for Captain Veredi to make it back to Reach. These weapons and defensive systems are currently beyond our technology. Therefore... this craft is of nonhuman origin." He paused for a moment. "The product of a race with technology far in advance of our own."

A murmur buzzed through the chamber.

"Extraterrestrials?" Richard whispered to Braden.

"Maybe they're an honor- bound race of split jaws that can turn invisible?" Kenny suggested.

"You've been watching those Predator movies again, haven't you?" Braden said.

"We have, of course, developed a number of first contact scenarios, and Captain Veredi followed our established protocols." Stanforth said, quieting the SPARTANs. "We had hoped that contact with a new race would be peaceful. Obviously, this was not the case- the alien vessel did not open fire until our task force attempted to initiate communications."

He paused, considering his words. "Fragments of the enemy's transmissions were intercepted. A few words have been translated. We believe they call themselves "The Covenant." However, before opening fire, the alien ship broadcast the following message in the clear."

Stanforth gestured to Beowulf, who nodded.

A moment later, a voice thundered from the amphitheater's speakers. Braden stiffened in his seat when he heard it. The voice was calm and formal, but laden with hate and malice.

"Your destruction is the will of the Gods... and we are their instrument."

**********

November 27, 2525

In Orbit Over Chi Ceti 4

Braden, Halsey, and three technicians from the Damascus facility were in the cockpit of the Pelican. Twenty nine other SPARTANs were in the aft section.

"I shouldn't have let them go..." Halsey solemnly said to herself.

"John, Sam, and Kelly are three of the best, Doctor." Braden responded. "They'll make it back."

The Covenant ship exploded.

Halsey put her hand to her mouth. "No..."

"Hey... I think I see something." One of the technicians said, pointing in the direction of the destroyed vessel. Among the debris, two figures could be seen flying towards them. "They made it!"

Halsey gave a sigh of relief.

Braden, however, was not feeling so jovial. Three were sent, but only two were coming back.

He knocked on the aft door to let the SPARTANs know that the others were coming back. Someone on the other side knocked back in confirmation. He waited. The two figures floated past the front of the Pelican towards the back. He heard the Pelican ramp open, and then it closed. He opened the cockpit door to enter the aft.

When Braden entered the aft, he noticed that the SPARTANs were quiet. Not in their usual stoic sort of way, but in a sad, solemn way.

"No..."

Braden waded through the crowd until he found who he was looking for. John and Kelly were present, but Sam was missing.

Braden took a deep breath. He looked to John. "Sam... what happened to him?"

John looked at the floor. "...He stayed behind."

Author's Note

Sorry for the wait folks. There was A LOT of stuff I wanted to cover and I wanted to make sure EVERY detail was correct.

Next chapter X Team is gonna kick some Covenant ass.