Not my Cookies!!!

by Swift The Fool

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Adventure, Pinkie Pie
Length: 1710

A cookie outbreak has swept Ponyville to get Rainbow Dash back for all her pranks, problem is: nopony told Swift Blade this.

During the events of ''28 Pranks Later'' everypony gets in on the prank of revenge on Rainbow Dash. However, the only other pony besides Dash whose unaware of all this, is Swift Blade, who avoids getting any cookies because he lives out of town.

Now he must survive the zombie outbreak. Can he keep his cookies safe?

Audio Version Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ym98doE7ODw&feature=youtu.be

Published 2016-08-26 23:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-26 23:50:01 UTC

Ham on rye

They were closing in, he just knew it. Swift Blade had dealt with many monsters in the past, faced many evils, but nothing could have prepared him for this.

The outbreak had hit in the dead of night, suddenly and out of nowhere, he had no idea how it had spread until all the ponies in Ponyville were infected in under an hour, but he did know that neither he, nor his cookies, were safe.

Swift had always read stories about zombie outbreaks, but never something like this. The zombies were dull in color, and they had a rainbow colored splotch over their mouths, as if they had eaten something messily before they turned. The beings that had once been ponies now craved the flesh of others, or cookies.

The swordstallion knew one thing he had to do at all costs, protect his beloved oat and wheat cookies. If something happened to them, it would feel like the zombies got HIM instead of the cookies. Those were good cookies...they were so good he would marry them if he didn't eat them every time he bought some. Swift was just THAT into cookies.

Swift stepped away from the door, hefting the hammer in one hoof, before falling onto all fours again. He admired his work, quite happy to see he had gotten it done so quickly. The blue pony had boarded up all the windows and had just finished the door, completely securing the small house from the beasts outside.

''Nothing's gonna get through there'' Swift smirked as he tossed the hammer somewhere behind him, resulting in a screech of pain from what might have been a cat.

As soon as he had realized what was happening, the lone stallion had grabbed as many boards and nails as he could, shoved boxes of his favorite cookies into his saddlebags, and hid in the nearest house in town. Now he was safe, and he could enjoy his cookies without attracting those cookie-hungry monsters.

The sound of shattering glass and boards cracking broke the stallion from his thoughts. His ears flattened, and he groaned, ''Spoke to soon...'' He grumbled, before dashing into the kitchen so fast it would have impressed Rainbow Dash.

Swift Blade screeched to a stop in the room, spotting several hooves now groping through several shattered windows, trying to reach past the boards and get at the boxes of cookies that lay on a fancy looking table in the center of the room.

''NOT MY COOKIES!'' Swift yelped, snatching up the boxes and shoving them in his saddlebags once again. The panicked pony was suddenly gone, leaving only a cloud of dust shaped like him.

''Oh Celestia what am I gonna do!?'' Swift exclaimed to nopony in particular. He now stood behind a small brick wall, that barely concealed him from anything that was searching for him.

''Oh all the times not to bring my longsword with me...'' The blue stallion facehooved. It felt so wrong to be without his sword, it was his talent after all! Not to mention he felt rather naked without it.

''Wait...I'm almost always naked anyway.'' Swift realized.

A groan from behind him jolted him, causing him to fall forwards. He rolled and landed clean, avoiding any damage to the cookies in his saddlebags.

''What?'' He turned, and came face to face with Rainbow Dash, however, she was a duller color than her normal bright cyan and rainbow, and she had that rainbow colored splotch across her mouth...

''Oh horse apples...'' Swift turned and began galloping as fast as he could. He could tell Rainbow was catching up, although slower than normal, she was still faster.

Rounding a corner, the swordstallion was met with a small herd of ponies, and one donkey. ''WHY ME?! He screamed, and began assessing his options. He went with the third best choice, and jumped through a nearby window.

He was screwed, they were everywhere! Everywhere Swift had run he was met with more cookie crazed zombies, he had barely gotten his cookies to where he was now intact.

''Alright, just got to think of a way to stop this...I know! There has to be a spell in Twilight's castle! Swift Blade raised a hoof in the air. ''I will cure this!''

He began to gallop out of his latest hiding place, a prickly bush, which had left him with a few scratch's and lots of itchiness, but it was a small price to pay.

Traveling as fast as he could, the stallion soon spotted the castle, and began sprinting for it. However, because its cliché, he was surrounded by a horde before he could make it. ''Oh no no NO!'' This is a load of-'' A loud groan of ''Cookies!'' from the crowd around him censored out what he said next.

Franticly glancing around, the swordstallion's gaze fell on an old baseball bat that was conveniently lying right next to him. ''Oh.'' Swift snatched up the sports item, turned weapon, and clenched it in his teeth. ''Ohrith! Leth git it oun!'' The bat muffled his words, but it almost seemed as if the zombies could understand him, and were afraid now.

Swift Blade charged, switching back and forth between his mouth and his hooves as he swung the bat at the zombies, knocking them away and clearing a path to his destination.

The final zombie, who had once been the former donkey in Ponyville, was met with a bat between the eyes before it could dodge, and hit the ground hard. Not caring if it was dead or knocked out, Swift continued to run, hearing the horde chasing him once more.

''You'll never catch me!'' He shouted back at them, allowing the bat to fall from his mouth. He shouldn't have spoken so soon however, as a blur of movement suddenly blocked his path, and he crashed right into it. Tumbling end over end, Swift finally ended up on his back with whatever he had crashed into on top of him. He slowly looked up, groaning slightly.

His pupils shrank. If it wasn't for the fact she was a zombie trying to eat his cookies and maybe him, Swift would be red as a beat and so flustered he might have melted. Rainbow Dash stared down at him, her eyes narrowed.

''Oh Celestia not my cookies! Take me instead!'' Swift pleaded, his eyes squeezed shut. When nothing happened, he cracked an eye open, Rainbow had just wiped the rainbow color from her face and now was staring at Swift again, her eyes narrowed.

''What?'' Swift asked.

A sinister smile crept across Dash's lips, as she sneered at Swift. ''Gotcha!''

Swift could only gape. ''Whaaaaaaaaaaat?'' He asked again.

Suddenly all the pony folk from the horde was standing behind Dash, wiping their own mouths of rainbow colored...whatever it was. Swift's jaw dropped. ''Looks like we got you good Swift.'' Rainbow chuckled.

Swift felt a blush form on his cheeks, and he looked to the side, ''Um...Could you get off of me please?'' He muttered. Realizing that this was one of the most awkward positions ever, Dash immediately jumped off him, a pink blush forming on her cheeks.

''So...This was a prank?'' Swift said as he stood up, rubbing the back of his head nervously.

Dash chuckled again. ''Pretty much, it started when I went on a pranking spree around town, and my friends came up with a way to get me back. Boom! Cookie craving zombie infestation.'' She leapt off the ground, hovering in the air with her wings, spreading her front hooves to emphasize her point.

''Oh...Kay. Why did I not know of this?''

''You weren't in town until a little after I found out it was a prank, and since you had no idea, we figured it would be funny to see what you would do.'' Rainbow Dash landed on the ground.

''Kinda sounds like you didn't learn any lessons then.'' Swift observed.

''Oh I did, its just that you kinda deserved to be scared out of your mind, remember the ''Incident''?'' Rainbow narrowed one eye at the swordstallion.

Swift bit his lip, and tried to focus on anything but the cyan pony before him.

''Um...why cookies? And what was that rainbow stuff on your mouths?''

Rainbow quickly explained the entire plan and the whole cookie prank, and she did fast, so it was quick, but gave lots of information.

''One more thing, why was there a bat lying right by me at the most convenient time?'' Swift asked.

Rainbow shrugged. ''I figure it must have been left by a couple of foals who were playing baseball before they got roped in to help prank me, they probably just dropped all their stuff and ran off to help. The fact that the bat was right there...well...I really don't know.''

Nodding his head, Swift turned to the ponies of Ponyville, his ears flattening. ''Um...''

''Torches and pitchforks for EVERYPONY!'' A familiar and cheerful voice announced.

Suddenly, as if by magic, the mob of ponies were carrying said items in their hooves. They all narrowed their eyes, and began to advance on Swift and Rainbow Dash.

Swift began to back up, his eyes darting all around. ''Um...Dash? He turned around to see the rainbow maned mare starting to fly away, she turned to look at him and simply said:

''Their mad at you, not me'' And flew off with a light laugh.

He had broken a lot of private property, broke into houses, and beat the crud out of almost all the ponies in town, plus a donkey. It may have been to protect his beloved cookies, but the other ponies weren't going to buy that excuse.

''Um...Can we talk about this?''

''GET HIM!!!'' The mob shouted as one, and charged.

Swift turned and began galloping for his life, ''HAM ON RYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!'' He screamed.

A cheerful party pony suddenly poked her head out of the crowd, bouncing above them. ''What's Ham on rye?'' She asked puzzled.

''I DON"T KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWwwwwwwww!'' The swordstallion yelled as he ran into the light of dawn, and over the horizon.

Author's Note

Just something I wanted to do for fun. Expect more chapters of my other books soon.

Stay awesome!