Author's Note
*Quoted from American author Mark Twain: "The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."
Inspired (but not fully inspired) by Chicane's legendary dance track,
Well anyways, just enjoy.
Woven Woes Would've Worn
From the moment she stood by the yellow shores, Celestia knew no boundaries, as she stared deep into the sunshine blue rushing upon the sands to greet her, but the way they kept retracting themselves had the Sol Princess pondering on whether the ocean was nervous to meet a position of authority like hers. Nature has her own way of perceiving civilizations too.
To be skeptical of her own perspective, was no surprise, for the princess lifted her head about towards the sky. The whole world now seemed less than normal, despite the originality of the hues on the sands, and the water with its gleaming waves. The sky had a perfectly vast shade of blue, with partial chunks of white clouds floating by. The sun was beaming with the finest yellow ever as promised it would. There was no wind to feel, nor a gentle breeze to absorb, the sunlight she stood under radiated no heat. Her sense of vision had lied to her once again. Therefore, like always, she had to rely on her sense of touch to understand her environment.
How she arrived to such void place was a question that was out of her league. Her footprints along the sand have faded away. It was strange, all too strange, for the alicorn to even imagine. She retraced from her memory to the moment that led her here before it was too late.
Daylight broke through the air, lighting up the world as if it was an immortal candle. Officially began when Princess Luna headed to bed, resting soundly in her magical dreams.
It happened to be a day when the Princesses across Equestria get to have a break, away from the endless torments of paperwork and life threatening politics that can be triggered with one wrong decision. There was no one to bother Princess Celestia as the sunlight gently pushed down her fresh white coat.
She walked across the main hallway, aided by four Royal Guards to her side, and a secretary named Foremost Sort walking in front. It is not like she abhorred being led by a pony of status below hers, but the awkwardness did not create much of a placid feeling either.
"This way, Princess." Foremost Sort said as he bowed to make a path for the Sol Princess to trot through, much to the her relief. The stern look on her face does not give in to any guilt or shame, for everyday was a new day; and a fresh start for all ponies, lest regrets of their past sins. Those words were what Celestia have repeated throughout her millennial rule over Equestria.
Room to room, ponies were on their regular schedules: busy as ever as they bust their chops for the preparation of an endless amount of planning for the future of Equestria. Unfortunate for them, there is no room for a smile to carve when ponies of high degree professions are set to wear themselves out, either retiring with sweat, or dying unexpectedly. In the end, it did not matter for Celestia anyway, because she will never be able to tolerate the curse of their mortality, or her immortality, shall I say.
Celestia sighed as she sipped from her cup of tea and washed herself with a wet towel as she continued walking with her guards. Her supplies were soon returned by maidens who ambitiously kept up with them, eager to get their job done. Following behind the mares was once again, Foremost Sort. This time, however, he did not walk in front of the princess (much to her delight), but next to her as he tilted his head up to meet her amethyst gaze.
"Excuse me, Princess, but may I kindly ask for the specific location that we may be heading to?"
The alicorn shut her eyes for a brief second, and she responded coldly before the Guards are ready to let sunshine crash in through the main gate of the castle.
"To a place, where I cannot be certain of. Once we get there, my whereabouts might not even be clear."
Foremost Sort frowned in concern for his highness, while Celestia is known for her immeasurable status in knowledge, magic and experience, but if not even she knows where she has set her hoof down for, who else is supposed to look after her?
"I beg your pardon, Princess, but it is our job to make sure that you will not be harmed in any way. Shall we reschedule?"
Mildly irked with his skilled, but carefree enunciation, Celestia held a hoof in front of her secretary's face, stopping him and all four Royal Guards in their steps just as they were about to open the main gate. While they froze in spot under the warmth of the sunlight beaming upon, Celestia continued to trot forth with her tiara beaming in glory. She replied to the foremost pony without ever turning her head back,
"I think it is best for me to act upon this matter alone. If you would not mind, that is."
Foremost Sort shook his head, and watched helplessly as the Sol Princess flew off into the morning flame without a trace of smoke, but only her white feathered wings darkening the clouds nearby.
She reopened her eyes, and saw nothing but the same scene that sat in a frozen picture. The memory she had in that morning was slowly fading away. The alicorn wondered for more clues, but plain sands and clear waters do not solve the question alone. The scent of the saltwater was unavoidable, but Celestia did not pay much attention to this minor detail when she's still trying to figure out her whereabouts. She was right all along about this mysterious place, where she had the urge to must arrive to no matter what, even though her motive to take such risk was still thickly fogged in her head.
'So then, where exactly am I?' She thought to herself, she began moving along the battering low waves that crept up the shore once per five seconds with perfected timing, each wave broke in at the same length too, as if everything was animated. Same can be said about the sand particles remaining in the same exact color, size and shape.
'Could this, then, be another silly prank of Luna's?' Celestia was aware of her sister's ability to control and interfere with anypony's dreams, and assuming this whole scene to be another dream is quite likely. But why would her beloved little sister even try to make her feel this... Empty? What could she gain from all this? Luna would never play such a cruel joke on her like that. Then the second choice would be Discord, but he could not have found any enthusiasm out of this either, it would make him monotony or death.
Death?
Speaking of death, maybe this barren place is what common ponies have so called "heaven", or perhaps "hell" for their incomparable sins. Or a place in between:
Nothingness.
'I feel perfectly fine, though there is no such thing as being 'perfect'...'
Celestia stopped, and turned her head back at the horizon that divided the body of the ocean and the sky apart. She turned to her back, there was nothing there but sand, then a seemly white wall behind it, with nothing drawn but absolute blankness. The alicorn concentrated on her magic to move the sun, the heavenly body which she always had control over.
A few drops of sweat trickled down her cheeks, but they were the results of wasted effort when this sun had not moved by the Princess's will. She slowly grew worried of the path she has set herself, what will become of her?
Inhaling from her nostrils, then exhaling from her mouth, Princess Celestia ought to remain calm at all costs. *"The fear of death follows fear of life. A pony who lives fully is ready to die." is what she had to go by as a motto, to survive through this thrill but tranquil moment. She knew she was nowhere close to a mortal being, but she has the potential to end everything right this moment.
The scent of the saltwater continued to sink into her, it was strong enough to pull Celestia's white neck forward, leaning towards the placid ocean. For awhile she hesitated, asking herself whether she should try to find a way to escape this unpleasantness, or should she?
One step followed by the other, the alicorn's hooves turned wet, followed by her under belly, and never had she reached her head below the water's surface. While Celestia did not have the intention to go down any further, it was not her choice to remain floating in saltwater as she traveled deeper into the green body of liquid.
The water felt cold, and nowhere close to a soothing state. At least Celestia was not sinking in deep, or else she would drown in much pain, fear and emptiness; and it would be quite shameful and unimaginable for an authority of hers. She tried to not think about those consequences below her, and instead, refocused towards the opposite direction.
The clouds once there somehow vanished without a trace, which means only the large solar body of scorching mass remained in the spotlight. It baffled the Princess of the Sun on why she could not control it at her own will. She could not have gone to another dimension where she was merely an alienated substance searching for the ultimate question of life by just blinking her eyes, right?
Slowly and smoothly, she adjusted her position upside-down, with her light furred but experienced, stiff neck and torso in sunlight's exposure. She let nature take over her direction of choice as she continued to stare up at the independent sun. The knowledge of recognizing oneself in a powerless situation is frightening, and that was exactly what had her fur perk up, not because of the saltwater's low temperature.
She wondered why she had not fled, it would have been simple and harmless for her to leave this mysterious world... And rather uninteresting and waste of effort. Yes, Celestia would be respected well enough for using such an excuse to conceal herself from political exposure. No one will ever look her in the wrong way by then.
But no one was here to hear her out, so what was the point then? Why would she lie to herself like this?
Could it be that Princess Celestia is merely another audience of her own?
"Everything I say to myself is merely another waste of my breath." General Firefly grieved in vain. Princess Celestia nodded her head and took a sip of her morning tea.
She nodded, and once again she observed the room around them. It was her bedroom, with nothing but royal artworks of personal interest placed on the checkered floors and walls of black and white. She stared at the Captain of the Royal Guard for a minute, and in response Firefly dared not to speak, shutting the room out of any intruding sounds. Smiling, Celestia broke that silent barrier with a flick of her horn, lack of the stallion's noticing.
The scenery outside turned to the pitch black night, with nothing but stars and the moon glistening white. Firefly was confused and endlessly questioned the princess, who raised a hoof before asking the general,
"And do you take what you just said by heart? Or were they naturally your first responses?"
He stopped, and answered with brutal honesty,
"It is because I am devoted to protect our nation and species at all costs, those questions will always be a part of my instinct towards sudden and oblivious events that may potentially harm the citizens of Equestria."
"Then it is resolved, that your monologues are not a waste of your space, nor your time and effort."
Firefly lifted his hoof and looked down at it. "How am I supposed to be a Captain of the Royal Guard if I cannot even hear myself out?"
"The reason I chose you as the leader is because you have the courage and wit to put direct influence towards your fellow comrades. Sure they might have ignored your orders and suggestions from time to time, and you may have made countless number of errors that have not benefited their securities, but that is no excuse of you to discredit yourself as a worthless someone."
"They respect you, General Firefly, and as your superior, I admire your leadership to follow your duties and protect Equestria from uncanny invaders. Not only that, you are the first earth pony to ever become the captain of the Royal Guard, even with the disadvantage of having no magic, you were able to accomplish so much."
Firefly wanted to protest, but he knew that his thirty five year experience was nothing compared to his superior's millennia ruler ship. He bared his teeth only by a slight amount. Celestia, noticing his reaction, did nothing but continuing where she had left off,
"Do not surrender to the fear of authoritative positions, for it only weakens your soul."
General Firefly sighed, but immediately, he lifted his head up high to salute her, and trotted off with only confidence inside his heart.
'So this is what you are trying to convey to me seven centuries ago, huh Firefly?' Celestia continued to stare at the immobile sun, as she rested her head on the surface of the green water.
'When the feeling that the whole world is on you and you have no clue on what to do, but you know that you are powerless and scorched on the inside,' she blinked once and hoped that this was only a dream. 'Just like the scorched sun.'
'What is it you want from me, Sol?' The sun responded with a high level of luminous flux straight into Celestia's eyes. The latter did not blink, nor felt frightened by its irritated reaction. Instead, she sighed and dived into the saltwater completely. She was quite curious of what is there to see below her, and judging by her instincts, she can tell the depth of this body of water to be quite immense. It would be tough luck if there was a fierce predator like a saltwater crocodile lurking up on her, dragging her down to the bottom of the ocean, ripping out her windpipes as she drowns.
Fortunately, there was nothing for her to see, with the exception of the fact that the ocean was actually not that deep to even begin with. In fact, this was not even an ocean at all. Celestia reemerged from the water and looked forward, a good twenty miles away, was the shore of the same barren land. She was basically in a lake, but a lake full of salt.
She shook her head, how could she have fooled herself so easily was another question that was out of her league. Erred perception is perhaps the greatest enemy to any leader, if this was a universal war, her self confusion and delays would not only harm her subjects, but her own legacy and respect from them as well.
She asked herself whether she was too relaxed with her scenario, the definite answer was a no. But her alertness of everything around her gave her a lack of attention on the true meaning behind her whereabouts.
'Am I overthinking too much?' Questions and unresolved thoughts came one after the other, not even she can comply with her own fast paced mind anymore. In no way was she able to create a clear vision of reality.
Memories returned to haunt her, and this time was a familiar dream.
Princess Celestia trotted out of her castle with absolute glory. Two long rows of Royal Guards bowed down to her as she approached them. Nopony was there to accompany her, she needed her own enjoyment of respect from her subjects. Ponies nearby who noticed her have bowed down as well. It is impossible to avoid a celestial body of hers that can radiate limitless energy to all of Equestria. Foreign nations are well aware of her presence more than anyone else.
"To our mighty ruler of Equestria! Who revolutionized against King Sombra and saved the Crystal Empire. Who defeated Discord to reestablish harmony for all subjects. Who imprisoned Tirek and saved not only Equestrian magic, but the world once again from chaos and disorder!"
The alicorn kept calm with the last said feat by her senate, but was still quite shook considering it being debatable. The credit should have been given to Scorpan, who informed her of Tirek's plans, and the guards of Tartarus, who actually captured the centaur. Then there was her sister, who fought alongside her against Sombra and Discord, without her she would not have even been alive today.
Once she stepped onto an elevated platform above all other ponies, Celestia stared deep beyond the sky, and into the sun. Her tiara continuously glowed in the sunshine. Her white coat of fur brightened into light itself. All of the Royal Guards saluted to her at the same time. To the Princess of the Sun, there was no better word to describe the ideal way of self-glorification in daytime.
"But what about Luna? The one whom you banished and humiliated since her birth?"
Celestia shivered in response, the mysterious voice rang as loud as the cornu used to signal Sombra's incoming armada during the Revolution of the Crystal Empire. She tried to keep the situation under her control, but she only sweated more and bit her lips until they bled. Until they bled red, red as the sudden sunset where the sky poured dark and crimson blood out from the horizon.
She then saw the eyes of everypony staring down into her naked soul. Those eyes were no longer that of normal ponies, but a familiar sight where she had no choice but to break the bond of the two sisters. Nightmare Moon emerged and pounced onto Celestia, stepping over her like a ragged doll. There was no point for her to retaliate, after the endless waves of magic spells being fired at her face and hooves.
She was now pinned, and mortally wounded.
The moon rose as it shattered the once glamorous sun into a million pieces, burning out into nothingness. All around the two sisters were only darkness and uncertainty, but one thing for sure, is the moon's highlight of all the raw corpses that once belonged to Celestia: Her citizens, her soldiers and even her acquaintances whom once she was close to. All of them lied there, unresponsive, silent and frightfully cold. Nightmare Moon planted her hoof onto Celestia's chest, causing her to wince. She leaned towards the alicorn and spoke loud enough to deafen her,
"What have you done as the ruler of Equestria? All you did was lie, lie, and come up with even more lies!"
"You took all the credit for yourself! And every excuse you make becomes another cover for your mistakes! But that is daylight, a time where the world is so visible and clear that none is safe from personal exposure!"
"Who needs an unfit ruler like you?! Equestria from now on shall be nighttime forever!"
Celestia pushed Nightmare Moon's face away, and made a quick teleportation spell to escape, but once she reappeared, she found herself in the Summit along with many leaders from different nations. Whether it be the griffons, the dragons, zebras, changelings or other creatures, Celestia was nervous and unprepared. Everyone was finished speaking their part, and are now staring into the princess's naked, white soul that is floating around in a magical barrier, with no ways of escaping.
"So, Princess Celestia of the Sol, where are your contributions that you will bring to the floor?" Dragon Lord Torch asked, growling as his patience was spent on killing time.
She shook, sweat trickling down her neck, dripping away onto the floor. Swirling eyes spun above her, giving her glares of unwelcoming death. Why she was here at first place became a question, but the bigger picture was the fact that she was afraid.
'No, as the leader of Equestria I cannot back off from any challenges. I am brave, I am courageous, I am kind, I am morale...'
"I am the ideal ruler that everyone should follow!"
Silence rang across the whole room. First followed by awkwardness and then absolute embarrassment. Celestia's eyes opened wide and was dumbstruck by what she had just said out loud.
"N-n-no-no-no, no, no. T-t-that was not what I was going to say! Y-you have it all wrong, I-I-I-I—"
"Hmph! So you're saying that we're supposed to make progress and benefit each and one of us, if we have a self centered fool like her!" The dragon lord roared, slamming his fist onto the conference table made of crystal, his sharp claws were sizzling along its surface, marking a streak that may go down in the history of politics that eventually will serve as a propaganda to condemn Princess Celestia.
The others nodded in agreement, and all scorned at the alicorn.
Shaming her to her rotten core.
She woke up, finding herself back on the same elevated platform where she was about to make a speech to her fellow subjects. This time, however, the senator walked slowly towards Celestia, followed by thousands of Royal Guards and citizens behind them. Baffled and truly concerned this time, Celestia stepped down and was ready to ask for a consensus, only to be interrupted by the senator, in the voice of her sister.
"And that is how we know that you are unfit to rule, for putting yourself ahead of everyone else. You are nothing but a narcissistic mare who was falsely gifted by the drunk divinity above as an alicorn. Asides from that you lack in all capabilities of being our ruler."
Celestia backed off in fear, only to be advanced on by the mob, they moved toward her, staring down into her naked, white soul.
"You are not qualified for anything, you are a true example of a failure."
She fell down and lied on her back, her silver tiara was thrown off by the sudden fall. She attempted to shield herself with magic, but it only proved to be futile when her horn flickered and no longer made a spark. She had no choice but to shield herself with her hooves as she was backed by her own marble castle wall, heartless like a stone kicked around by ponies without care. As the mob inched closer and closer towards her, Celestia could not keep herself from hearing the same, but horrifying word.
"Failure."
"Failure."
"Failure."
"Failure."
"Failure."
"Failure. Failure. Failure."
She could fly away and soar into the deep crimson skies, burning along with the horizon of the ravaging afternoon, but even her wings were too fearful to open up. It made her doubt that whether running away from her own people would truly grant them the trust they once had for her. It was all too sudden, as the pressure just kept piling up on her, shattering her tiara as they stepped over it. Nightmare Moon flew above, watching as this scene unravel itself to truth, she cackled across the sky and spoke to the dark skies above,
"So long, Celestia. May your sunny tales be scorched to the bottom of the ocean..."
Her eyes snapped open, she could not breathe, she quickly swam upwards to reach the surface. Her hooves paddled and waddled like a baby. Once she arrived back at the surface of the salt lake, she gasped and always had this personal habit to stick her tongue out.
And so she did, only to taste a raindrop of salt falling out of the sky, followed by another, and soon were ten drops splashing the lake at once, then hundreds, and finally it became clear to her that it was raining. At this moment Celestia no longer cared for the reason why must there be a sudden shift in weather, because the cool air tingled her as she breathed in. Every droplet of saltwater was the next step towards her regeneration to a refreshment of her original state.
She managed to float back onto the shore. The sun was still there, given a room by the vast dark clouds crying from above. She relaxed her fur as they leaned down. There was no thunderstorm, nor any natural disasters hinted nearby. Celestia's instinct had been confident this time: for she was certain that everything will be fine. She was able to cast a magic spell this time that can keep her hooves dry, a spell that many unicorns are not capable of making, as she trotted through the soaked sand. Nevertheless, she allowed the rain to wash over and clean both her tense body and her conflicting mind.
'I finally understood, Luna... Deep down everyone has a monster that they would never wish to unleash, and it is only the worst if we were to be not who we truly are.'
'That monster does not identify our character, but rather a need to exist, to make us feel truly alive.'
'But you, sister, you were brave, you allowed Nightmare Moon to take over you to prove to us all that you needed help, and I'm deeply sorry that you had to painfully wait for one thousand years for that. My heart ached too every night when I had to raise the moon.'
'I, on the other hand, was a coward, I concealed everything to ensure my position on top of the throne. I had a most unpleasant side to me that I never wished to let anyone see, lest myself.'
'But now, I have admitted that I have my own weaknesses, and that I can be a hindrance to the progress of my... No, our subjects. It is only through understanding ourselves we can move forward. So please, give me one more chance to make everything right.'
By this time, the rain had finally stopped, and the sun remained in the same spot after many hours since she arrived. She can fly away right this instant and return to protect and watch over her little ponies, but she chose not to and continued to trot across the shimmering sands, leaving permanent hoofprints this time that can be recognized by anyone.
'I think I will take my time returning home, I'll have so much to reflect on today.'
A still image, unexpectedly boring. Ripples ceased to exist. Every particle of sand traveled no distance at all. Only the sunlight, which stayed solid as it gently beams on the motionless land and water below. The sky was clear and perfectly blue, as if it was an animation created by skillful artists.
Just then, a particle of sand quietly tumbled down the pile and remained in another pile. It was just like all other particles of sand, but that one moved. The water traveled just a margin further onto the shore, barely noticeable, but it still moved. The sun remained in the sky, glowing without any expression.
And the lake rests in peace, waiting for the next soulless creature to confess its inner truth and embrace it.
