The Crazed Mercenary From Hell

by Element Reading

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Sex, King Sombra, Princess Celestia, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Thriller, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 6251

During a huge battle a portal opens from Celestia and Sombra fighting, what comes out is a man without any morals, nothing to lose, and no soul. Now lets see who he works for, remember, he doesn't care if evil wins, just as long as he is paid enough.

Sex tag is for after sex, innuendos, and light nudity.

What happens when a mercenary from a destroyed world comes to Equestria during the Crystal war. I'll tell you, a lot of crazy shit is gonna go down. Ranging from sex jokes, gory battles, and showing a character way more crazy than he needs to be. The reason? Because I went to the funniest level of dark shit from him as I can get. If you don't like very dark jokes then click off NOW. If you're still here then I hope you have a nice fucking day.

Published 2016-08-17 03:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-03 18:18:39 UTC

Chapter 1: Shit just got real

(This story takes place in the crystal war universe, not the normal one if you didn't figure it out by now)

In a giant field near the Crystal empire (ruled by Sombra) Sombra's army and Princess Celestia's army were battling it out to the death. Basically the soldiers were slapping each other, how you'd think they'd fight, if you guessed horribly, you'd be absolutely right.

While the troops fought Celestia and Sombra were staring each other down. Both exhausted from fighting for hours. Celestia asked him.

"Are you done? Because I got a lot more where breath that came from!" Sombra replied.

"Oh please, you got nothing! I still, got a bunch of magic ready to go."

"Bring it you illusion!"

"You banana loving freak I'll win!" They charged their horns and fired huge beams of magic at each other. The beams hit right in the middle making a large boom.

Nopony was hurt, but it knocked them all down including Celestia and Sombra, when they arose there in the middle stood a lone figure.

He was a human wearing a gas mask covered in dry blood, you could see that his right eye was exposed from the broken eye piece, it was brown by the way. He had long flowing hair that reached the middle of his back, he also had a black, torn up leather jacket on with a lot of blood splattered on the back of it, the sleeves were torn off showing his huge muscles, I mean they were like this.

His arm in a nutshell.

His legs were covered by the bottom half of an orange radiation suit that has seen better days, his boots were just flat black with very sharp knifes poking out of the front of the shoe. He had a very toned body that looked like it was glowing a bit. His height was about 6 foot 3.

The strange man also had two pistols holstered at his sides, they were flowing green with radioactive goo balls that should of killed the man just by having them within a 30 foot radius of himself. His other weapon was a knife that was attached to the lower right part of his mask.

He looked around the battlefield for a minute, everypony was just stared at him not knowing what to do. The man looked at Sombra and Celestia before going to his holsters. He pulled out two......... business cards and held them in front of Celestia and Sombra, after a moment of hesitation they took the cards with their magic.

He pulled out his green goo guns and pointed the left one at Sombra's head, the right one to Celestia's head.

He said in a very fast and friendly voice, "Hi my name is Terrance and I'm a freelance mercenary with no morals, no soul, and nothing to lose, I have 1054 confirmed kills and I've never betrayed my initial employer no matter what the other guy offers. For the right price I will kill, torture, rape, or do anything you ask me to do to anyone you see fit.

Now if one of you wants my help then give me an offer, or I will kill you both and your armies in a heartbeat. Fyi I honestly don't care what ether of you stand for, I have no morals."

Sombra asked, "Why shouldn't we just kill you? All you got are some kind of glowing boxes!" He looked over to the soldier next to Sombra and asked.

"Is that soldier one of yours?"

"Yes it is, but that doesn't answer my question."

Terrance pointed the gun at the soldier and fired, a decent sized glob of goo shot out hitting the soldier in the face, immediately after it hit the goo started to melt through the helmet and onto the pony's head, the soldier screamed out.

"OW IT HURTS, IT HURTS SO MUCH, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF NOW! AAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!" He fell down and the goo melted his body into a green glob with half charred armor on top of it. Celestia and Sombra just started at the pile of goop.

"Don't think any kind of shield you have will deflect it, this goo will go through anything, I mean anything near it gets killed. Ask me again, why shouldn't you two just kill me? Assholes."

Celestia replied, "You realize that you just killed that stallion, without an ounce of thought, right?"

"Oh sorry, I have a thousand kills, one of them was me pulling a fetus out of the womb and shoving down the mother's throat while eating her husband's brains. I have no soul, remember? And the baby thing doesn't crack my top 10, so try me bitch."

Sombra shouted. "I'll pay you 10,000 bits!" Celestia replied,

"50,000 bits!"

"100,000 bits and the rank of general of my army!"

"Ha, 500,000 bits and you become commander of my entire army!"

"750,000 bits, a generals position, and a nice apartment in my empire."

"1 million bits, commander of my army, and a mansion overlooking all of Equestria!"

"Before I tell you my deal, do you like stallions or mares?"

He looked at Sombra and replied, "I'm a male, and I'm actually bisexual, meaning I can go for both sexes."

"Oh, well how about 1 and a half million bits, a generals position, a place in my castle, and you can get me."

Celestia shouted, "Hey! 2 million bits, commander of my whole army, a place in MY castle, and you can have me anytime, anywhere you'd like."

"Ha, how about anypony in my army?"

"Ha, 3 ways all night long."

"Orgy! all the orgies you could want. 3 million bits, the generals position, and a place in my castle."

"I'll match it, and Ill throw in a free shower, plus I'm over a thousand years old with a very hungry pussy, so I know how to suck a dick."

"I'll throw in the shower too!"

Terrance looked at both of them for a second trying to figure out who to side with.

After a couple seconds Terrance looked deep into Celestia's eyes which made her shiver. Then he looked at Sombra's eyes which made even him shiver from his cold stare, dead stare of something more evil than he ever could be.

He looked back at Celestia grinning under the gas mask, he tightened his grip on the gun, and fired it.

Author's Note

I don't care about likes, I'm gonna release more chapter no matter what, please just dont let the dislikes be over the likes, this story is going to a very select audience. Tell me what you all though of this story in the comments, and please, no hate comments, ether they need to be good, or they should tell me where I went wrong so I can fix it later.

Also I never said WHO he shot at, find out next chapter!

Chapter 2: Who did he kill?

Terrance grinned under his gas mask as his grip tightened on the gun. He fired the left gun at Sombra, since he wasn't expecting anything it hit him right in the left side of his face burning him instantly, he started to scream out in pain as he tried to use magic to get that stuff off.

Terrance told Celestia, "Come on, on a scale of 1 to 10 on hotness Sombra's an 8, you're a 12." Somehow Sombra used his magic and pulled off the goo before it killed him, though his face was still burning. He passed out from the sheer pain, only for a few of his soldiers to pick him up and run back to the crystal empire.

Terrance turned to the 200 ponies under Sombra's control staring right at him, "Alright." He pointed both pistols at the troops, "Which of you little bitch-fucks is fucking next?" They all charged Terrance only for him to point and fire upon all the troops.

He killed easily 100 troops before they got near him, there was just a large stream of goo and melted armor just lying around, the rest of his soldiers were starting to step back in fear.

"If you all think that, that was all I had then you are pretty fucking wrong, come on you little bitches!" He grabbed syringe filled with pure radiation from his pocket and shoved the 3 inch long needle into his arm.

After he pulled the needle out his body started to transform, he grew to about 12 foot 9 with the arms of a steroid infused bodybuilder. His eyes glowed green and his voice deepened.

"Have at the!" He shouted before he lunged 50 feet in the air landing on a couple of the troops squishing them under his big boots. Three troops charged him from the behind, but they were stopped by him punching the soldiers in the face. They flew about 50 feet before splattering on the walls.

One of them charged him with a spear, but he was aiming right for Terrance's dick. Once the two points connected the spear broke and Terrance turned around.

"Mine's a lot harder then your's bitch." He grabbed the soldier's head and lifted him up, he slammed the troop on the ground splattering his boots with pony blood.

A couple more ponies ran up to him with swords, but Terrance grabbed the knife that was on his mask. When the troops got in range Terrance punched two of them in the necks, the punches were so hard that the fists went right through the neck and he decapitated them.

The final one dropped the sword and ran for his life, "Get back here bitch!" Shouted Terrance as he threw his knife. The knife traveled over 50 yards and into the pony's head killing him.

He sprinted towards the body and grabbed his knife, the rest of the solders were running as fast as they could with their tails between their legs.

"Ya, run away you little cunts-fucks! Go back to you bitch leader and the shitty empire of dick you fuckers!" He cleaned his knife on one of the bodies and put it back on his mask, he took another syringe from his pocket and injected a clear substance into his arm, he shrunk down to his normal size and his body wasn't glowing anymore.

He walked over to Celestia and asked. "So, you said something about anytime, anywhere?"

"After you take a shower, then I'll give you a night to remember." She turned around and walked away. The royal guards grabbed some buckets and a few mops to clean up the battlefield.

All the guards kept their distance from him, except for one pony, the crystal war Rainbow Dash walked up to him, she asked, "Um, I gotta ask, where did you learn all of those moves?"

"Heh, Earth, I'd take you, but the radiation would melt you just by breathing the air." She looked quizzical. "Oh sorry, my world was destroyed by a stupid president, he fired all of our nuclear weapons at the other side of the planet, and they did the same thing. Basically it turned my world into a wasteland of death, gangs, pain, and death."

"You said death twice."

"I know, because there is a lot of it."

"So, is anything else, giant?"

"Heh, my dick is a foot long."

"Hmm, is that true?"

He unzipped his pants making her blush and drool a bit, he zipped his pants back up (BTW you were looked at Rainbow, not the dick)

"Wow, can I get one of those, business cards?"

"Sure." He hands her a card and says, "My contact info is on there if you'd like to... see it again."

"Oh ya I would." Terrance walked away leaving Rainbow Dash there to clean up what was left of Sombra's guards, he had another pony to take care of first >:).

Canterlot:

Terrance was standing right in front of Celestia's bathing room, he was looking at a beautiful bath, it had a little steam from the heat, a couple bubbles, and there were rose pedals in it, Celestia was right next to him wearing a pink bathrobe.

Terrance asked, "I've face godly demons, armies of biker gangs with nothing to lose, and even radiation that has altered me in the wrong way for the rest of my life, but I don't know how to face this at all."

Celestia replied, "It's easy, just take off all your clothes, step in, and I'll do the rest."

He looked back at her, "Alright." He took off the gas mask first, he was white with one red eye, one brown eye, a bruised up nose. he had a long scar down the right cheek, and golden brown hair.

She kissed him right on the mouth and- (I don't write sex so I'll be skipping this scene, sorry, but don't ask for it, I will not write sex)

2 hours later

Terrance and Celestia were sitting at the dining table (In here Nightmare Moon never turned back into Luna because the elements never existed) Terrance was wearing a plain white shirt and some underwear, his clothes were being washed.

Terrance was sitting at one side of the table, Celestia, the other. Celestia was eating a nice salad, while Terrance was eating some nicely cook steak, directly from the griffon empire.

Celestia was eating her salad with grace, silverware, and she often used her napkin, while Terrance was eating with his hands and barely used his napkin at all.

Celestia asked him, "So I gotta ask, what kind of world could turn you into, well you?"

"Well my world was blown up by giant bombs back when I was a young teenager, we had a shit president who fired big bombs at the rest of the world, while the rest of the world bombed my country, basically we fucked up big time.

After spending 80 years in that hellhole you'd be pretty crazy too."

"Wait, you're 80? You look 20."

"Why thank you, the radiation from the bombs increased how long I'll live, I think I'm gonna survive for a few hundred more years."

"So that's how you knew all that stuff we did in the tub."

"Yep."

"Well, what were you like as a teenager? Before the bombs hit."

"Well I was in college finishing my associates degree, oh I had an intelligence of 165 before the bombs, now it's like 115 or something."

"So you were one of those gifted minds?"

"Yep."

"What is your world now?"

"It's a shit-fest, everyone who was once respected as stockbrokers, bakers, scientists, now lawless bandit parties, the once beautiful grasslands, now deserted wasteland of radiation which should kill anyone who steps in it."

"Wow, that's pretty dark."

"Ya, but on the bright side I found out I love cannibalism."

"You're a cannibal?"

"Yes."

"Thank me that I made you brush your teeth before I kissed you."

"Ya, so after we eat do you wanna fuck again? I could go all night with you."

Celestia grinned with lust.

30 minutes later:

Terrance and Celestia were in bed sleeping after having one round of sex.

(He can go all night my foot!)

Author's Note

I will not be writing ore chapters in the time it took to release this one, they need a lot more work so expect at least a week before the next chapter.

There is a shit-ton more action where that came from, trust me, this story is gonna get a lot more battles, time for some pure dark comedy.

If you like this story and you haven't upvoted, why not? I wanna know if people want me to upload more of these chapters.

Chapter 3: Sombra comes back

While Terrance fucks the princess and everypony under her command, Sombra on the other hand was lying in his bed, it was pure black with green swirls on the top of his bed.

His room was almost purely flat black, it had the basics meaning the bathroom, closet, dresser, ect. He had bandages all on the left side of his face, he hasn't awaken in a few days which wasn't good, his troops were getting slaughtered by Terrance.

There was one soldier at his door, but besides him there was no other pony in that room. Sombra started to wake up and groan as his morphine was almost out, he lifted his hoof onto the bandages, then he yelled out.

"GUARDS!!!!" Suddenly 3 guards busted through his door ready to fight, "What happened to me?!" Asked Sombra, none of the guards spoke, "One of you tell me! NOW!"

One of the guards replied, "Sir, you were shot by the demon, he melted half of your face, we did all we could to fix it, but it was almost no use. We just kept it from spreading."

"And of my army, have we made any kind of advance on Celestia?"

"Since his arrival we've been losing every battle, he fights like no other, none of us can comprehend how he fights that good."

"Send Prime Timber, my top assassin, tell him to bring the creature back... alive."

"Yes sir." The guards left and Sombra told himself.

"Oh you will pay, I will make your time here the worst you'll ever know."

Canterlot:

Terrance exited the barracks, the area was almost pure grass and bushes, nothing really more, Terrance looked back in the barracks and shouted.

"I'll see you all tomorrow!" They were all asleep from how hard he pounded them. His hair was fucked up, he had one shoe missing, and he smelled like sex (I'm a virgin so I have no idea what the smell is nor how to describe it).

"I didn't know humans could cum 20 times in one night, I might have to take a day off and let my balls rest..... nah, they need the practice."

Right behind him hiding in the bushes was Prime Timber, a timberwolf and Sombra's top assassin was getting ready to shoot him. Prime was hiding in the bushes next to the barracks.

As soon as Terrance stopped and stretched Prime fired a poison dart into Terrance's butt, not the cheek, right through the pants and into the actual asshole.

Terrance turned around and looked into Prime's eyes making him shiver a bit, "Hey! You have to buy me dinner first." Terrance fell down with his head on the ground with his ass in the air.

Prime walked up to Terrance and slowly pulled him out of the open area, he said, "Wow, this bastard is bucking heavy as hell, lay off the carbs dude."

Sombra's castle 3 hours later:

Terrance slowly opened his eyes and said, "Ulgh, no more orgies before bed." He looked around and realized he wasn't in Canterlot anymore. The walls were a black crystal with miscellaneous weapons and torture devices all around, he was strapped to a crystal table.

He looked right in front of him only to see a shadow forming into King Sombra, he had bandages on the left side of his face and the other side looked pissed, Terrance said.

"Wow, I have to say this room is cool, but I've seen better, I'll give this one a 9 out of 10."

"Heh, you think this is funny?"

"ya, kind of, I am a crazy fuck, you knew that right?"

"Shut up before I gut you."

"Alright, I'll let you have your monologue before I kick your ass."

"Why do you think you stand a chance against me?"

"Because I've faces Brodgedon, the world eater, triple the size of a sun and no weak spot, outside that is, I blew up his heart with a bomb saving my world, and the thanks I get, every bandit group is still trying to kick my ass. That is how I know you're gonna die."

"Fear not, all I'm gonna do for my monologue is show you what you did you my perfect face." He used his magic and took the bandages off, the left side was burnt to a crisp, as his face moved it looked like it was crumbling a bit.

"Damn, it's an improvement." Sombra used his magic and took a bonesaw off the wall.

"You have some SICK humor?! Now you'll pay for it." Sombra used the bonesaw and sliced into Terrance's left arm, he bellowed out in pain for a second making Sombra smile.

As he dug it deeper into Terrance's arm the screams of pain turned into laughter and his face went from pain to joy, Sombra took the bonesaw out and asked, "What's so funny, I just gutted your arm!"

"Dude, I'm a masochist, I enjoy pain, it hurts and feels so good. After 80 years of pure pain you get to enjoy it more and more."

Sombra replied, "Wow, you really are fucked up aren't you?"

"Like I said, no soul, bitch." He smiled as he arm sealed back up closing the wound.

"Wait, didn't I just cut that arm?"

"I can regenerate asshole, how else do you think I've survived as long as I have?"

"Alright, no physical pain, how about going back through all those memories, the pain, the lose, the hatred."

"Go ahead, you'll get hurt more than I will."

Sombra's horn glowed and Terrance's entire life started to flash right before his very eyes, from a happy childhood to a decent teenager, to his fucked up adult life.

His face went from scared to happy. He was starting to laugh at a particular memory, a minute passed and he hasn't gone passed the memory, he was just laughing.

Sombra was getting curious, his horn glowed again and he entered the memory as a spectator.

Inside Terrances mind it was almost all black fog, Terrance was sitting in a recliner made out of skulls that were screaming out in pain. He had a bucket of popcorn covered in blood as was laughing at a window which showed the memory.

Sombra walked right next to Terrance and watched the horror unfold.

(I had a very hard time writing this, I was actually crying by the end of it, so please don't judge me, I just needed something far to fucked up to make him into a dark villain fighting for Celestia)

Terrance stood in front of a small town, it had little to no defense, it was one of the last places without blood, guts, and gore on the walls. A shrine of what was. Terrance had white cloths covering his face, it also had eye holes so he could see and a smile was painted on it with his own blood.

He was holding a bloody chainsaw, the citizens were all just staring at him, until he shouted, "DEATH TO ALL!" He ran into the village and slaughtered everyone.

The men tried to fight, but he would just chainsaw them in the face, the women and children were shown no mercy, he entered one house to see a woman holding her baby in her arms, she begged him to kill her and to let the baby live, all he said was.

"Sorry, I'm all out of mercy bitch." He swung his chainsaw slicing the mother's head off, she dropped the baby, he looked at it for a second before saying, "Heh, so innocent, so pure, so easy to kill." He dropped it on the ground and crushed the baby with his foot splattering blood onto his boots, underneath he smiled a bit.

When he was done all that was left was tents covered in blood, women and children lie dead on the ground covered in their own blood. The reason he attacked the town, was for fun, nothing more, just some fun.

Sombra was just looking at Terrance, "What kind of demon could do something so horrible and not feel any kind of pain? Even I would feel very sad."

"A being that has no soul, a being that has no heart, now get out of my head you fucker!"

Sombra opened his eyes and got up off the floor, Terrance was staring at Sombra, "What?!"

"You're gonna die right here, after I have a bit of fun of course."

"how, you're chained up." Terrance flexed his muscles and broke the chains, "How?! How is that possible?!"

"I've done a lot of things, that village was only the start, I've done far more fucked up things." He punched Sombra in the jaw making him fall to the ground, Terrance got up and grabbed Sombra by the neck, he pinned Sombra to the wall.

"Please, don't kill me."

"Oh I'm not gonna kill you this second, but I am gonna make this hurt... a lot bitch."

(This was just added)

Terrance broke off Sombra's horn and held it up, "AARGH!!"

"Hurt's doesn't it bitch?" Terrance's eyes started to glow green and Sombra's horn glowed.

"What's happening, I'm not doing this!"

"You're going to my world, have fun in hell fucker!"

A bright blue light glowed behind Sombra as he was slowly sucked into the portal to Earth. He shouted, "I'll get back here, you'll pay big time for this you hear me?!"

"Oh dear Sombra, you are gonna die, without your magic the radiation will kill you, the burning of the goo will be like cumming into a beautiful pussy." He was sucked all the way in and the portal closed.

Terrance looked at the horn and realized he could use it for himself. "I think I need to test this horn out, it could be like a wand, my extremely evil wand, but a wand none the less."

Author's Note

I just read the Sombra comic and realized I fucked up, so I quickly added a bit, hope it doesn't bother you all to much.

Thank you all for reading, if you've made it this far then I should tell you something big and unexpected is gonna happen in the final few chapters I'm gonna publish.

It will ether make you all say cool, or the writer's fucked up.

Ether way I hope you all keep on my story, I'm having a blast writing it.

Chapter 4: What has Celestia unleashed

Terrance stayed in the crystal empire and caused havoc upon Sombra's freed slaves. They cheered him for helping them become free, but right after they got the chains off, Terrance used the horn and massacred everypony there, no pony was spared, not even the fillies and colts.

The only one who survived was Prime Timber, he barely got out of his murder spree. The first place he ran to was the royal guard camp about 500 yards away from the crystal empire.

As soon as he got near the guards drew their swords and were prepared to strike until he said, "Sombra's dead, I'm free, but something is wrong with Celestia's mercenary. I must see her now!"

"Depends on the news timberwolf." Said one of the guards.

"He was slaughtering everypony there after he killed King Sombra, and his weapon was Sombra's horn, I think something happened to him. What he is doing to those ponies is unspeakable."

"We've heard enough, you're going to Princess Celestia now."

"Thank you."

Canterlot:

Celestia was in the throne room reviewing some documents, until a guard opened the door and said, "Princess, do you have a minute?"

"Well, it depends on what this is about."

"It's one of the ponies, or timberwolf I should say, he had some horrible news with Terrance. He did... things to the freed ponies."

"Oh, let him in." The guard nodded and fully opened the door, Prime Timber walked in with two guards at his sides pointing spears at him. He entered with shackles binding his legs, "What did Terrance do?"

"Ma'am, the good news is he killed Sombra, freeing our minds of him, but I looked into the torture chamber and saw Sombra react to a memory. He was in shock, his exact words were. What kind of demon could do something so horrible and not feel any kind of pain? Even I would feel very sad for them.

After he killed Sombra he used his horn and slaughtered everyone of the freed slaves and guards, I looked at his face, covered in blood with a smile of pure evil, nothing like Sombra could ever do to them, which is a lot by the way.

I barely got out with my life, but that.... thing is something far worse than Sombra would ever be, get him out of this world as soon as you can princess. Or he will kill you all, now I'm gonna get out of this place before the thing comes back and kills me, slowly."

"You may leave, I've heard all I need to hear."

"Thank you Ma'am." He ran out the door and out of Canterlot before you could say damn.

Celestia looked down and said, "He couldn't of done all that, right? He maybe be crazy, but no one could ever do something like that, could they? I'll have to ask him when he gets back here."

Just as she finishes Terrance kicks the doors down, he is covered in pony blood, I mean some parts of his cloths are still dripping blood. The guards in the room just stared at him with their jaws dropped.

"What happened Terrance?"

He was skipping all the way down the hall dripping blood all over her carpet, "I slaughtered all of the evil ponies, no thanks are necessary."

"You were supposed to only kill Sombra and his minions."

"You did, and everypony there were near him so, I slowly slaughtered everypony of them in front of their fiends and families, I just love to see the faces of them watching other ponies die, pure magical happiness."

"They were under his spell, until you killed him setting them free, I told you that!"

"Heh, I know, but I didn't care, I just enjoyed my killing spree." He pulled out Sombra's horn, it was tapped on a wooden stick, like a wand.

"And this thing, oh my god, this thing could level a city, which actually is what I did to that shining beacon of girliness. I love the demons in my head, they tell me things. Like death, guns, explosions."

"Um, well that's interesting, I think."

Celestia thought, "He did kill them all, I need to send him away RIGHT now, or I know he will end all of Equestria."

"Well, thank you so much, guards please bring Terrance his pay, you will always have a nice home here, but don't you have more business on Earth?"

"Are you kidding, I wanna stay, this place is so cool, all it needs is blood, gore, death, and nuclear waste everywhere."

"Nice thought, heh." She started to really worry now, one of the guards reluctantly handed Terrance the cash he was owed, "Now I think you have more things to do on Earth, so I will open a portal to your planet."

Her horn lit up and a blue swirling vortex formed right behind Terrance, "Wait, why do I get the feeling you're trying to get rid of me?"

"What? That's absurd, I love your sweet foot long love, I just think you should do a bit more in your world before you settle down here, in a world of mostly peace and love, you'll be bored in a few days."

"Interesting point, alright, I'll go, in a long while, I got ponies to fuck, and beer to drink. I think you're getting worried, how about we go up and bury my boner, if you know what I mean?"

"I do, well you make your way to the bathroom and I'll meet you there, got a couple more sheets of paper to take care of."

"Alright." He turned around as Celestia charged her horn, she was gonna use magic and push him into the portal. Until he turned around and used Sombra's horn to make a shield around himself, Celestia's spell bounced off and it hit one of the guards pushing him out of a window, he died from the 500 yard drop.

"I knew you were up to something, so that's how you wanna play this huh?! Well let's play bitch!" He pointed the horn, or as it is now his wand. He fired a green beam of magic evil at Celestia, she flew up and avoided it.

"Stop it Terrance, or I'll make you stop."

"Heh, I got all the power now you little dick... tater!" Celestia grew super angry and charged up a golden beam, Terrance started to charge his horn (lol) while Celestia charged hers.

They fired the horns right at each other, they wanted to see who was hornier (lolololololol... ignore my immaturity) the beams collided with each other causing a bright flash and an explosion a couple seconds later. The explosion was so massive, that the whole throne room was blown to kingdom come.

Celestia was knocked out and lying on one of the last pieces of the throne room, Terrance on the other hand was hanging on to a small corner that was starting to break. Now remember, there is easily 500 feet in the air from the ground.

Terrance was trying to get back up, but the corner was quickly breaking off, "Argh, this, isn't, how, I, fucking die!"He pulled himself up and jumped to a small platform right as the corner broke off. "That was too fucking close for my taste."

Celestia was starting to wake back up, "What happened? Terrance, I remember!" She rose up and charged her horn. But Terrance pulled out a small pistol and fired it at Celestia's left leg, "AAAHH!" Celestia shouted.

She fell back down and her magic subsided, Terrance jumped right behind her and pulled her hair back as he whispered into her ear, "We could of been together, but no, you had to send me away from fear. Now I really would have done all of that, just not in front of you. Now, you will be no more, and this pitiful land shall become my sandbox of destruction, you failed, say your final words and I'll make it quick."

"You will never come back here again you mutant!" She charged her horn for a second and fired. It hit Terrance with a heavy blow, he was so busy thinking how great it would be to kill everypony there she got the shot in. It launched him far up and he hit the ceiling, hard.

When he fell down he was knocked out cold, Celestia used the time she had and opened a portal back to his planet, "Thank you for helping us stop Sombra, you would have been welcomed in open hoofs if you weren't so.... fucked up." She turns around and bucks him into the portal making him disappear.

She closed the portal and said, "Shame, real shame, he could have done a lot more for me. He was just, wrong for this world." She somehow got to the door and walked out of whats left of the throne room.

Earth:

Terrance was lying down in a dessert, there were bandits all around him, they looked like the bandits in mad max (sorry the image is so big, couldn't find a smaller and cooler one)

There were 5 of them, one of which had a skull helmet on him, basically he is the pack leader.

One of the smaller ones was poking him, he asked, "Is this guy dead? Can I take his guns?"

The biggest one replied, "No you can't, we get this guy to our leader, in one piece and with all his gear, the king might want some of it."

"I can see that pack leader." Terrance started to groan and his right leg started to move, "Holy shit, this guy's alive! Let's kill him."

"Now that I can concur with." Terrance opened his eyes and looked at the small group of bandits wanting to kill him.

"Oh you all have fucked up now." He quickly jumped up and grabbed his goo guns, "Wait, how long have I had these? I could of used them to kill her, oh motherfucker that is fucking, fucked up."

"Shut up meat bag!" The goons all got out clubs as Terrance cocked his guns. Just before he fired he gives a very dark smile that guaranteed their deaths.

He raised the guns and spun around really fast firing the guns in every direction. The goons were each hit in the head melting their brains before it could really hurt. "Damn, I wanted to hear them scream more, heh what can you do?" He hoped into the pickup truck they arrived in.

As he was about to drive off he looked over and saw a bottle of unknown beer, Terrance grabbed it and drank the whole bottle, "Whoo!" He yelled as he floored the gas on the truck. He was never seen in Equestria ever again. At least in that dimension.

Author's Note

Well, it's finally over, my most hated story yet is finally over, I can refocus on my actual college work. Thanks for reading and have a nice day.

You know what, 30 upvotes and I'll make a sequel of another dimension.