A Very LongTime Ago

They hugged the walls and ducked when running to a new building.

“Why are we hiding from ponies?” Kane questioned.

“Because ponies apparently hate humans in this messed up world.” John said and looked at the street ahead of them. It was full of happy ponies without a care in the world.

“You know, I would be surprised if humans didn’t actually exist here.” Miguel said. “It looks like they don’t know what the heck we are.”

They kept sneaking around. Little did they know, they were being followed. Not even a monk who had trained for years would be able to hear the ever-so-soft flapping of a Pegasus’s wings. The dastardly pony flew up to the sky, in plain view of everyone…everypony, and yelled.

“MONSTEEEEEEEEEEERS!”

Everypony in the streets looked at them in horror and ran away. A group of five or six gathered and kicked dirt behind them, huffing.

“…Holy fu—“John was cut off.

“RUN!” Kane screamed and pushed his two friends In front of him.

Stupid ponies in their stupid town. Stupid chase scenes.

“I swear, if we ever get back home the first thing I'm doing is having a horse burger!” Miguel yelled.

These ponies were fast. They ate away at the distance between them and the three friends.

“Ponyville Police!” One yelled. “Stop running! We need to ask you some questions!”

“And dissect us?!” Kane yelled back.

“No, that’s later!” The pony replied. “I mean, no we don’t dissect monsters!”

Kane turned left and jumped off a crate next to what he thought was a house. He grabbed a loose brick above the window sill and pulled himself onto the roof. From there he ran alongside the PP. Being humans, they tired quickly compared to the ponies. Their legs began to burn, their shirts drenched in sweat. They slowed down slightly. The ponies noticed this and picked up their pace. Kane, already having a speed disadvantage from having to jump roof to roof, was way behind his friends now. He jumped down and landed on one of the ponies. This one must have had anger management issues or something because Kane could practically feel the rage burning off this thing. The pony made a complete turn from the pack and headed for a wall. Kane pulled its mane back to the chase scene.

“AH! MEANY MONSTER!”

“I'm not a monster! I'm a human!”

It really stinks how wherever they went, busy places in town instantly became deserted. At this point, the ponies could practically bite shirts off them. In fact that’s what they did. John and Miguel tumbled, the other two ponies jumping on top of them.

“You’re under arrest!”

“Like heck I am!” Miguel retorted.

He wasn’t very fast or agile, but he was one strong dude. He ripped his arms out from the pony’s hold and grabbed its hooves. He got up and swung him away, like a frisbe. Right after that, Kane’s amazing horse crashed into him. Both were out cold. Not too long after that, John’s captor smashed his head into the ground, knocking him out as well.

Several hours later, they all woke up in jail cells…naked.

“Oh my aching head…” John rubbed his head and opened his eyes. “My eyes!” He covered them instantly.

Kane looked confused. “What’s wrong buddy?” Kane opened his eyes too. “What in the name of mother Earth happened to our clothes?!”

“Anyone else feel a draft?” Miguel asked.

“This is no time for jokes dude.” John glared through his hand.

Kane walked up to the bars.

“Yo, can we have our clothes back?”

“No.” The warden said.

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

“If you like what you see, take a picture. Otherwise, hand me back my god forsaken jeans before I bust your skull in!”

The guard got up. He shook his hat off to reveal a horn. It glowed orange, as did Kane. Instantly Kane was thrown into a wall, cracking it slightly. John ran up to the bars and kicked them as hard as he could. The guard jumped and stepped back.

“Stupid monsters always think they can run MY jail. You all just sit tight until the ‘doctor’ comes to dissect the lot of ya!” He yelled and left the rooms.

“After all we did for people, this is our reward…” Kane got up and rubbed his back.

“You alright man?” Miguel asked.

“Better now.” He smiled. Kane looked down at a few rocks that had fallen from the wall when he cracked it. He picked one up and looked at the glass window in the back of the cell. “Guess they haven’t figured out that part yet.”

Kane threw the rock with all him might at the window. It bounced right off and rocketed into one of the bars in the front, tearing right through it and crashing into the far right wall.

“…What?” John stood up on a stool and tapped the window lightly. It was pushed away so hard he fell back off the stool. “Magic I guess.”

Miguel looked at the pile of rocks and then at the torn section of bar.

“Guys I have a idea.” He said. “Which one of you is good at math?”

“Do you really have to ask?” John wore a cocky smile as Kane helped him back up.

“You throw a rock at the window full force. If you get the angle right, it should bounce off and go through the lock!”

John followed Miguel’s orders and aimed carefully. His mind practically drew a map of where to throw. Working as a professor for 4 years at Harvard really paid off. John launched the rock with all his might. It flew off the window and went right through the lock. Kane went over to the cell door and easily slid it open.

“Well…I got the rocks.”

They went in search of their clothes, got dressed and snuck out the door. Well, tried anyway. The second they opened the door, they met with the good doctor.

“Ah, so I see the test subjects are ready for dissection? Oh goodness, I think you’ve sprung a leak.” He pointed to Kane’s face, which had a tear forming in the corner of his eye.

Miguel clenched his fists. “I’ve had enough of you stupid ponies for one day!” He grabbed the door and pulled with all his might. After pulling about every muscle in his arm and probably pooping a little, the door ripped off its hinges. He swung at the two ponies in front of him. The yellow pony in the doctor coat and glasses, and the orange guard pony from before. Of course they dodged, but that made a opening for the others to get through. They burst through the hallway. Miguel threw the door up, sandwiching the ponies between it and the wall. He followed his friends. As if the day couldn’t get any worse, they were met with probably 10 carriages, all full of news re-ponies, doctor ponies, and guard ponies.

“Mommy I don’t want to be here anymore…” Miguel was exhausted from before. Not a muscle in his body would listen to him. He told his legs to move, they collapsed. He told his arms to flip everypony off, they fell to his sides.

John stepped back. Ahead of him was his doom, he was sure of it. He would die here, on a table, with ponies looking at his insides. He chuckled a bit. It was the only thing his mind could tell him to do. ‘Make a joke out of it. It’ll be all better if it’s just a mean joke.’

Kane stepped forward. “Look, I’ve had a REALLY long day. I’ve been chased by the cops, had my legs torn to shreds, been stoned, chased through a entire town, thrown against a wall, and I REALLY need a coffee! If you don’t let me through, so help me god, I will shove your heads so far up each other’s butts that you’ll practically be the same darned pony! Now, are you going to let me through or not?!”

Instead of backing up, Kane was again, thrown into a wall by magic. Not just one unicorn though, this time it was a dozen of them. Each trying to do a different thing, throwing him every which way. His friends watched in horror as he was tossed around like a rag toll glowing like a rainbow, ripping up the dirt road, making holes in walls of building, turning carriages and crates into broken lumber.

“ENOUGH!” A powerful voice said from the sky.

The magic on Kane wore off. His built up momentum kept him barreling through the sky. He slowly glowed grey. His path of destruction was halted. He was gently let down onto the dirt. Whispers were past all around the ponies as a tall, grey Pegasus with a horn landed.

“It’s Queen Twilight!”

She looked at them all with disappointment and sighed. “Is this what we have come to? Brutes that sentence creatures to death just because they look funny? I am sorely disappointed in you all.” She turned to the two humans on the ground. “Rise. What are your names?”

They just blacked out. Again. Today was just too much. Be real, if you were them, would you jump to your feet and follow any order these ponies gave?

She turned to Kane, lying on the ground. His jacket was in shreds and his shirt was torn. All his cuts and bruises he was finally rid of had returned with a vengeance. She gasped. He was still breathing.

“Well, at least we know these creatures are durable. Anything else would probably have keeled over by now after your welcoming party.” She turned back to the group of ponies, who shrunk and looked to the ground.

“We’re…we’re sorry Queen Twilight.” The orange guard pony from before said sorrowfully.

“Save it. You may be my subjects, and I have to protect you, but do not forget that everything in Equestria is also under my rule. That includes these newcomers. I don’t appreciate it when my subjects are tortured like this.” The three humans glowed grey and were lifted into the sky. The Queen disappeared into a flash of light. The humans continued on a flight path to a giant city on a mountain.