A Very LongTime Ago

by Jack Jester

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Human
Length: 4465

3 Friends, 2000 years prior to main story.

The "Masquerade Vigis" were busted on another run. Escaping the law, they dive down a hill. Their day takes a turn for the worse when their one life line breaks, sending them on a lunch date with death. Before the final curtain, something very strange happens. A shining blue light, and they're teleported to a strange land. What does this new world have in store for them?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-25 19:04:03 UTC

Chapter 1: Drugged

“Halt in the name of the law!” A police officer yelled after them.

3 men are running. One turned to run backwards and answered “We are the law!”. He turned back and continued running. The 3 men were all wearing masks and helmets.

The officer lifted his phone to his ear. “We are en route! Repeat! Do you have a road block?” “Rodger that” “Copy!”

The 3 men looked at each other. The first was wearing a black leather jacket, a black t-shirt and dark blue pants. He had a black helmet covering his face. The second was ghostly white. His pitch black hair defied gravity constantly through the run. He wore a short sleeved denim jacket over a dirt covered grey t-shirt that tucked into baggy light blue pants with tears in the knees. The pants were held up by a piece of black cloth held in the loops. He wore a black mask that only covered his eyes. The last had caramel skin. He had a light blue long sleeve shirt that flapped in the wind. His black pants were tucked into blue boots. He had short black hair that waved behind him. His mouth was covered by a black mask, leaving his upper face visible.

The one with the eye mask looked to his friend with the helmet. “Well Johnny, nice planning this time!” He joked. His raspy voice dominated the air.

“If you hadn’t gone and missed the shot then we wouldn’t be in this mess, Kane!”

“The fuzz is on our tails and you 2 are worried about why? You should focus on the getting away partners!”

“Aw cool it Miguel. It’s not like we haven’t been on the run before!” Kane told him. They stopped dead in their tracks so quickly after that they almost fell forward. A full road block. Police cruiser to cruiser, a full street long. They had been running along a abandoned highway road for the past 10 minutes.

“Your fun ends here Robin Hood.” One cop told them over a megaphone.

“Our name is ‘The Masquerade Vigis!” Miguel yelled out.

“Whatever the name, you’re all still vigilantes acting above the law. This won’t pass in my town anymore boys! You’re all under arrest!” He answered back. The cops that were chasing them caught up finally.

“We help people!” John told them.

“We help people too but you don’t see us running from the law in masks, do you?”

“Alright, I don’t need this!” Kane yelled. He threw his friends over the ledge. The slid down the tall, steep, leafy hill. The brisk fall wind stung them as they descended. Kane jumped too. He practically flew down the hill, not putting his feet down for anything.

“Get them!”

They landed on a small ledge just above a giant cliff over a river.

“Smooth move, smart guy. Now how do we get back up?” Miguel asked him.

Kane sped by, still diving in the air. “Up?” He smirked. Kane grabbed hold of his two friends, spun around and shot a grappling hook into a tree. They continued falling and with their speed, smashed right through the ledge at the bottom. They were now dangling by a thread above a gargantuan canyon. There were small pine trees at the bottom. A large river flowed between the walls.

“…I hate you.” John said.

“I know.” Kane answered. Then, the line snapped. They began to fall. Down. ‘Down’ was a long way down.

“I really hate you!” Miguel yelled. Their masks ripped off revealing Mike’s small moustache, and Kane’s emerald green eyes.

“I know!” Kane answered. They fell. Faster and faster. Could this really be the end? Ended by the law they tried to uphold?

Blue aura formed around them. Light was distorted in every direction. A powerful wave of blue energy covered them, and then everything turned black. They were still falling though. Slowly, images started to appear. They were no longer next to a cliff or a bazillion feet over a gorge. Now they were right above a forest of cartoony trees. In fact, they all looked like cartoons now. Da fudge?

CRASH!

Black again.

They awoke what must have been hours later. Migeul groaned. He had twisted his arm on impact with the trees. John’s helmet glass was shattered. He slowly removed it. Sweat glistened off his dark brown face, covered in scratches. Kane dragged himself to a rock to lift himself off the ground. His legs were bloody and torn up.

“That looks like it hurts” John laughed.

“Not as much as your face will when I’m done... dude… your face.” Kane starred in awe at his friend. He looked to Miguel, then at his hands. “Are…we cartoons?”

John jumped up. His ripped jacket sleeve slid off him and floated to the ground. He looked at it. “Dude…this is epic!”

Miguel smiled. “I’ve always wanted to have my own cartoon!”

Kane looked at them. “Are you both stupid? We’re cartoons! Either we all died and went to some freak version of heaven, or we somehow lived, the cops got us and drugged us!”

“Well if we were drugged then how would we be in the same dream?” John questioned him.

“And I’m pretty sure heaven don’t do this to newcomers.” Miguel added.

They all heard a low growl from behind the trees. They looked. It was a giant lion…bird…scorpion thing. Um…yeah.

“On second thought, we probably in Hell…” John stepped back.

Kane struggled to his feet. He wobbled for a few seconds before spotting a house behind the tree line. They were close to civilization.

“It’s big. It shouldn’t be able to corner that well.” He lifted a knife from his pocket and held it up to the creature. “You guys zigzag around the trees and jump it from behind. I’ll keep its attention up here.”

His two friends complied. The creature ran after them, but Kane threw his knife and caught the thing in it’s nose. Enraged, it lunged for him. Kane was crushed beneath the animal’s weight. I lifted a paw. On each finger, a giant knife. Each had his name on them. Each was ready to tear into him. Before it could end this nightmare, his friends pounced. They each used their knives to grab it in the neck, and slice. The thing collapsed on Kane and struggled for air. They lifted the mighty…scorpiliobird off him.

“So…that happened…” Mike looked at it.

“Should we go tell the happy couple they have a pest problem?” John asked as he offered a hand for Kane.

Kane accepted it and stood up. He leaned on John for support and the 3 of them limped to the house. Miguel knocked.

“Hello? You have a couple of weird things in your yard you might want to look at…and also, do you grow drugs here?” He asked.

Kane smacked him on the back of the head.

“What? There has to be SOME reason we look like cartoons!”

Footsteps were heard inside reaching the door. Actually, they sounded more like…hooves. Did this person have a horse or something? A small, blue pony with a bowl like white mane and a picture of a flower on his butt answered the door.

“Um sir, you let horse out.”

“Why friends, I'm a stallion. What may I ask brings you to my humble abode?” He asked kindly. Then he opened his eyes and looked at them. “AHH!” He slammed the door shut and closed the blinds.

“…Did that pony just…talk?” John let go of Kane. Without the help of his friend, Kane fell to the ground. His legs were on fire. They really got a beating on the fall through the trees. Blood trickled from them and groaned. John ran back to the woods and came back with his ripped sleeve. They ripped it in half and tied the pieces around Kane’s hips to stop blood flow a bit.

“Right so, next hose?” He joked.

They all limped into the center of town to try and find someone to explain what the nuggets was going on. Instead, they saw ponies. Lots and lots of ponies. Ponies everywhere. Flying ones, magic ones, normal ones. All talking, all doing stuff.

“…So…drugged?” Miguel asked, dumfounded.

“Drugged” The two friends echoes as they starred in awe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A.N.: For some reason, HiE stories are the only ones I can write. Well, the only ones I think I can write. You guys decide if IM any good or not :/

Chapter 2: Freaks

A pony walking turned his head and saw the 3 misfits. He let off a horrified scream the let the town know.

“MONSTERS!!” He screamed and pointed. The ponies in the square laughed casually and slowly turned their head to look where he was pointing.

“Its evil incarnate!” One screamed.

“They’ll destroy us all!” Another jumped.

“Guys calm down!” One green mare said. “They’re probably just REALLY deformed apes.” She said with a reassuring smile.

“Oh that’s OK then.” They all sounded off.

The green, talking horse thing trotted up to them. It had a short green mane with a white stripe through it and a tooth tattoo on its butt. “Hello friends.”

“Um…hi…” John looked down. She was just above waist height.

“Does it hurt being so ugly?!” A yellow colt yelped as he threw a rock. Kane caught it in his hand before it hit anyone and gave the pony the death stare.

“Never mind! You guys cool with me!” He quickly ran away.

“Ignore him. Everyone else does.” The green pony said with a smile. “Here, let’s get you to the local doctor. Maybe he can fix up your wounds, and hopefully your hideous faces.” She smiled again.

“Wait wait wait!” Miguel held his hand up.

“What is it?”

“Pinch me.” He said flatly. The green mare looked at him funny and bit his arm. “Ow! Darn it, not a dream.”

“Miguel, you already twisted your arm. Doesn’t that hurt enough to tell you it’s not a dream?” John asked, disappointed.

“Nope! I can’t even feel it.” He answered with a triumphant grin. “Oh wait…”

They all walked to the hospital. The 3 friends looked in utter shock, and slight fear at everything around them. Where were they? What were these freaks of nature around them? Would they ever see home again? Their questions were answered with stares and glares. With threats and thrown stones. Screams of “get out of our town, ya freaks!”. Actually, that doesn’t answer their questions at all. In fact, it added more. What’s wrong with these things? What side of whose bed did THEY wake up on?

“Hi there, nurse.” The green mare greeted the pink pony trotting around the lobby.

“Oh hello Crest.” The nurse said. The nurse then looked at the 3 humans. Her eyes widened and she stepped back. “F-f-friends of y-yours?”

“Yep.” She flicked John with her tail and shot him a look.

“Oh! Um…yeah. Best friends! We um…we hang out ALL the time!” He stuttered, looking to the nurse for approval.

“Well, I guess they can’t be that bad then.” She eyed them nervously.

The nurse…pony thing led them to the back of the lobby and kicked a door open with her back hoof.

“Doctor, you have some...uh, patients.”  She called to him.

“Coming, my sweet cherry blossom.” He sung as he trotted down the hall. His gaze drifted from the nurse, to Crest, and then to the three ugly things behind her. His pace slowed and his eyes widened. “Ahem…Cherry Blossom, you know the…vet is down the road, right?”

“Yes but--”

“But nothing. These are my friends, not pets.” Crest intervened.

“Why is she the only decent thing we’ve met since we got here?” Kane whispered to John.

The doctor let out a sign. “Come, this say.” He said, defeated.

The brown pony led them down a hall, past 4 or 5 big rooms with comfy looking beds, and arrived at a small one, with one low-to-the-ground bed, in the way back of the hallway.

“Here you go.” He told them.

“This room is so small…” Miguel looked at it in confusion. “Two of us would barley fit in that bed…”

“What’s wrong with the room back there?” John pointed his thumb behind him. Its direction was at a empty, spacious room with about eight smaller beds.

“Yes, well, that one is…” The stallion stammered.

“Too close to the other patients?” Kane asked.

“No no no! Not that! It’s…um…”

“Too close to the other patients!” Crest gasped.

“You know what, that room is fine. We’ll take it.” John huffed. He turned and yanked Kane the other direction, almost making his friend fall over. Miguel turned, looked at the doctor, and followed his friends.

They all sat down on separate beds. The doctor stepped in, looking cautiously at the other patients watching him, and quickly closed the door.

“So, what seems to be the problem?” He asked, wearing a fake smile.

“Really?” Kane looked at him funny.

“Riiiight. So, we’ll have Nurse Fixeruper fix you up and you’ll be on your merry ways!” He told them gleefully and left the room, Nurse Cherry Blossom following him.

There was a awkward silence.

“I think he likes us.” John said.

A few minutes later, which felt like hours for the three friends burning in pain, a short, blue unicorn with a red cross on her butt walked in. She looked at the wounds, not scared off by the appearances of the three men in front of her.

“Let’s get you boys patched up, shall we?” She smiled. A real one.

Her horn glowed and so did John face. Slowly, his cuts started to close. After about ten seconds, they were more like lines now. You know a scar, but not a scar….

Next was Miguel. His arm started to glow blue as well. Slowly the bruises disappeared. Snapping noises were heard as it moved back into place. He winced in pain slightly. Over the years, they had trained themselves to be resilient to pain so they could continue to work under the worst pressures. Hard to believe, but it happened. Soon all that was left on his arm were some lines where you could tell the skin was pulled and torn.

After that, Kane’s legs started to glow. The color returned to them. The cuts closed, the gashes turned into lines, the blood seemed to disappear. All was well aside from some throbbing pain, but at that point he would have been grateful to just have a broken leg.

“All better now?” She asked.

The three Masquerade Vigis looked at her in astonishment. After everything, unicorn they could handle. The healing, they were grateful for but THIS? Not being terrified of them? It blew them away. Since they got there, they had only met one nice pony.

“T-thank you.” Miguel blurted out.

The Nurse smiled and left, leaving the door wide open.

“She’s my favorite…” Crest melted into a warm smile.

Kane got up and stretched his legs. John followed, cracking his neck.

“I almost want to twist my arm again…” Miguel said. Kane nodded.

“So…what now?” Kane asked.

“Well, why don’t you guys sneak out the window so you don’t catch those nasty looks again, and I’ll pay upfront?” Crest asked.

“We couldn’t.” Miguel said.

“We could.” John grabbed his shirt collar, Kane’s ear and pulled them in the direction of the window.

“At least take some money!” Kane tossed a wadded up five dollar bill on the floor as he was chucked out the window. To pony, it would be about a one story fall. To a human, it wasn’t really all that much. More like just tripping and falling down. Except, you know, out a window…and not tripping.

John tossed Miguel and soon followed them. They all ran down the side of the building and darted for the back allies. They had nothing to hide, but they didn’t want more rocks thrown at them. Come to think of it, how did ponies even throw rocks?

Crest looked at the bill on the floor and raised a eyebrow. “What’s this thing?” She sniffed it, eyed it carefully, and took it into her mouth. It tasted good. She continued chewing and swallowed. “Wow thanks guys.” She smiled and trotted down the hall.

Chapter 3: My Little Human: Friendship Is...Devoid In This Situation

They hugged the walls and ducked when running to a new building.

“Why are we hiding from ponies?” Kane questioned.

“Because ponies apparently hate humans in this messed up world.” John said and looked at the street ahead of them. It was full of happy ponies without a care in the world.

“You know, I would be surprised if humans didn’t actually exist here.” Miguel said. “It looks like they don’t know what the heck we are.”

They kept sneaking around. Little did they know, they were being followed. Not even a monk who had trained for years would be able to hear the ever-so-soft flapping of a Pegasus’s wings. The dastardly pony flew up to the sky, in plain view of everyone…everypony, and yelled.

“MONSTEEEEEEEEEEERS!”

Everypony in the streets looked at them in horror and ran away. A group of five or six gathered and kicked dirt behind them, huffing.

“…Holy fu—“John was cut off.

“RUN!” Kane screamed and pushed his two friends In front of him.

Stupid ponies in their stupid town. Stupid chase scenes.

“I swear, if we ever get back home the first thing I'm doing is having a horse burger!” Miguel yelled.

These ponies were fast. They ate away at the distance between them and the three friends.

“Ponyville Police!” One yelled. “Stop running! We need to ask you some questions!”

“And dissect us?!” Kane yelled back.

“No, that’s later!” The pony replied. “I mean, no we don’t dissect monsters!”

Kane turned left and jumped off a crate next to what he thought was a house. He grabbed a loose brick above the window sill and pulled himself onto the roof. From there he ran alongside the PP. Being humans, they tired quickly compared to the ponies. Their legs began to burn, their shirts drenched in sweat. They slowed down slightly. The ponies noticed this and picked up their pace. Kane, already having a speed disadvantage from having to jump roof to roof, was way behind his friends now. He jumped down and landed on one of the ponies. This one must have had anger management issues or something because Kane could practically feel the rage burning off this thing. The pony made a complete turn from the pack and headed for a wall. Kane pulled its mane back to the chase scene.

“AH! MEANY MONSTER!”

“I'm not a monster! I'm a human!”

It really stinks how wherever they went, busy places in town instantly became deserted. At this point, the ponies could practically bite shirts off them. In fact that’s what they did. John and Miguel tumbled, the other two ponies jumping on top of them.

“You’re under arrest!”

“Like heck I am!” Miguel retorted.

He wasn’t very fast or agile, but he was one strong dude. He ripped his arms out from the pony’s hold and grabbed its hooves. He got up and swung him away, like a frisbe. Right after that, Kane’s amazing horse crashed into him. Both were out cold. Not too long after that, John’s captor smashed his head into the ground, knocking him out as well.

Several hours later, they all woke up in jail cells…naked.

“Oh my aching head…” John rubbed his head and opened his eyes. “My eyes!” He covered them instantly.

Kane looked confused. “What’s wrong buddy?” Kane opened his eyes too. “What in the name of mother Earth happened to our clothes?!”

“Anyone else feel a draft?” Miguel asked.

“This is no time for jokes dude.” John glared through his hand.

Kane walked up to the bars.

“Yo, can we have our clothes back?”

“No.” The warden said.

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

“If you like what you see, take a picture. Otherwise, hand me back my god forsaken jeans before I bust your skull in!”

The guard got up. He shook his hat off to reveal a horn. It glowed orange, as did Kane. Instantly Kane was thrown into a wall, cracking it slightly. John ran up to the bars and kicked them as hard as he could. The guard jumped and stepped back.

“Stupid monsters always think they can run MY jail. You all just sit tight until the ‘doctor’ comes to dissect the lot of ya!” He yelled and left the rooms.

“After all we did for people, this is our reward…” Kane got up and rubbed his back.

“You alright man?” Miguel asked.

“Better now.” He smiled. Kane looked down at a few rocks that had fallen from the wall when he cracked it. He picked one up and looked at the glass window in the back of the cell. “Guess they haven’t figured out that part yet.”

Kane threw the rock with all him might at the window. It bounced right off and rocketed into one of the bars in the front, tearing right through it and crashing into the far right wall.

“…What?” John stood up on a stool and tapped the window lightly. It was pushed away so hard he fell back off the stool. “Magic I guess.”

Miguel looked at the pile of rocks and then at the torn section of bar.

“Guys I have a idea.” He said. “Which one of you is good at math?”

“Do you really have to ask?” John wore a cocky smile as Kane helped him back up.

“You throw a rock at the window full force. If you get the angle right, it should bounce off and go through the lock!”

John followed Miguel’s orders and aimed carefully. His mind practically drew a map of where to throw. Working as a professor for 4 years at Harvard really paid off. John launched the rock with all his might. It flew off the window and went right through the lock. Kane went over to the cell door and easily slid it open.

“Well…I got the rocks.”

They went in search of their clothes, got dressed and snuck out the door. Well, tried anyway. The second they opened the door, they met with the good doctor.

“Ah, so I see the test subjects are ready for dissection? Oh goodness, I think you’ve sprung a leak.” He pointed to Kane’s face, which had a tear forming in the corner of his eye.

Miguel clenched his fists. “I’ve had enough of you stupid ponies for one day!” He grabbed the door and pulled with all his might. After pulling about every muscle in his arm and probably pooping a little, the door ripped off its hinges. He swung at the two ponies in front of him. The yellow pony in the doctor coat and glasses, and the orange guard pony from before. Of course they dodged, but that made a opening for the others to get through. They burst through the hallway. Miguel threw the door up, sandwiching the ponies between it and the wall. He followed his friends. As if the day couldn’t get any worse, they were met with probably 10 carriages, all full of news re-ponies, doctor ponies, and guard ponies.

“Mommy I don’t want to be here anymore…” Miguel was exhausted from before. Not a muscle in his body would listen to him. He told his legs to move, they collapsed. He told his arms to flip everypony off, they fell to his sides.

John stepped back. Ahead of him was his doom, he was sure of it. He would die here, on a table, with ponies looking at his insides. He chuckled a bit. It was the only thing his mind could tell him to do. ‘Make a joke out of it. It’ll be all better if it’s just a mean joke.’

Kane stepped forward. “Look, I’ve had a REALLY long day. I’ve been chased by the cops, had my legs torn to shreds, been stoned, chased through a entire town, thrown against a wall, and I REALLY need a coffee! If you don’t let me through, so help me god, I will shove your heads so far up each other’s butts that you’ll practically be the same darned pony! Now, are you going to let me through or not?!”

Instead of backing up, Kane was again, thrown into a wall by magic. Not just one unicorn though, this time it was a dozen of them. Each trying to do a different thing, throwing him every which way. His friends watched in horror as he was tossed around like a rag toll glowing like a rainbow, ripping up the dirt road, making holes in walls of building, turning carriages and crates into broken lumber.

“ENOUGH!” A powerful voice said from the sky.

The magic on Kane wore off. His built up momentum kept him barreling through the sky. He slowly glowed grey. His path of destruction was halted. He was gently let down onto the dirt. Whispers were past all around the ponies as a tall, grey Pegasus with a horn landed.

“It’s Queen Twilight!”

She looked at them all with disappointment and sighed. “Is this what we have come to? Brutes that sentence creatures to death just because they look funny? I am sorely disappointed in you all.” She turned to the two humans on the ground. “Rise. What are your names?”

They just blacked out. Again. Today was just too much. Be real, if you were them, would you jump to your feet and follow any order these ponies gave?

She turned to Kane, lying on the ground. His jacket was in shreds and his shirt was torn. All his cuts and bruises he was finally rid of had returned with a vengeance. She gasped. He was still breathing.

“Well, at least we know these creatures are durable. Anything else would probably have keeled over by now after your welcoming party.” She turned back to the group of ponies, who shrunk and looked to the ground.

“We’re…we’re sorry Queen Twilight.” The orange guard pony from before said sorrowfully.

“Save it. You may be my subjects, and I have to protect you, but do not forget that everything in Equestria is also under my rule. That includes these newcomers. I don’t appreciate it when my subjects are tortured like this.” The three humans glowed grey and were lifted into the sky. The Queen disappeared into a flash of light. The humans continued on a flight path to a giant city on a mountain.