This is not helping

by EverlastingKnightmare

Rating: teen
Tags: Diamond Dogs, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Adventure, Dark
Length: 20075

Jon is a mafia hit-man that loved his job with all his heart, but when a strange man sends him to a new world with a evil purpose what will he do?

He'll do more then evil, oh yes. A bone lord can do a lot of evil things.

Written in the world that was made by Rust and expanded by Blackwing.

Published 2012-06-25 06:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-06 05:54:31 UTC

Arrival

My father used to tell me ‘the only way to get something in life is to take it.’. I took those words to heart when I went into the world to ‘get a life’ as he put it. I became a business man of sorts, well my company calls me ‘the businessman’. I work for a mafia, collecting debts and ‘removing’ people for a price. It payed well up to this point, until that one day...

I kicked down the door and held my pistol up, scanning the room for any signs of life. ‘No one here...’ I thought as I kept moving through the building. I was here to ‘remove’ anyone from the building so the family could use it for a later project and all I had to do was check two more floors. After I checked the rest of the floor I went for the stairs. I saw a figure bolt up the stairs as I rounded the corner. “HEY!” I called out and charged after him. When I got to the top of the stairs I saw it just finish climbing the second flight. “Dammit...” I muttered under my breath and charged up the stairs. To my surprise it kept running up the stairs and didn’t try and hide in the floor it passed. ‘he’s heading for the roof.’ I thought and charged after him, making sure my pistol was loaded. I heard the roof door slam shut and I grinned. ‘He cornered himself, perfect.’ I reached the top of the stairs and kicked down the rusty door, the family can fix it later. I saw the figure standing by the edge of the building looking down. “Your done now, buddy.” I called and pointed my pistol at him. He turned to me slowly and put his hands up, his hood blocking my view of his face.

“P-please good sir, have mercy on this poor soul!” He sounded like the kind of guy to give orders, maybe he was a drill instructor? I shook my head and grinned at him.

“No luck pal.” I chuckled. “Sorry.” I said sarcastically and pulled the trigger, but I didn’t see a bullet, in fact I started feeling pain. “W-what the?!” I looked down and I saw that my chest bleeding, a lot. I looked up at the man who had put his hands down and removed his hood, a devilish look on his face.

“Aww, seems your gun backfired. Want some help?” I fell to my knees and clutched my chest. He walked over to me and kicked my head, making me fall onto my back. “Listen you little pawn of mine.” He growled threateningly. “You have no heart by the looks of it, so you fit my interests. Do you want to live or die?” I couldn’t talk but I held up one finger as if to say ‘option one’. “Good, now I will be quick about this little talk. I’m going to be ‘invading’ a game that is going on right now, and I want you to take over and kill off other game pieces if possible. Understand?” I gave him a shaky nod as my vision began to blur. “Good, off with you then. Oh, and welcome to Equestria, even tho your not landing in that area.” He lifted up his boot and stomped on my face.

*CRACK*

I jumped up at the loud snap. “What the?!” I looked around and found myself in a field of sorts. There was grassy areas in some places but dried up dirt with cracks in it in others. “Where am I?” I spoke in a scratchy voice, but that may be a side effect of getting shot. I waited a moment then looked down at my chest, there was the hole in my shirt where the bullet had hit me and my shirt was stained red by the blood that had come from the wound. Out of the corner of my vision I saw my arms were white. On closer inspection they were bare of any skin. At seeing this I began to panic. I got up only to fall over again. “Dammit!” I hissed and facepalmed. “Ok Jon, take it slowly.” I was going to have to get use to the voice. I pushed myself up from the ground and wobbled there for a moment before being able to stand stil. “There.” I chuckled to myself. “Wait, didn’t a crack wake me up?” I began to check myself over. After a moment of checking I failed to see anything broken.

“Odd, might as well try and find shelter. It is getting chilly, oh wait that’s because of the fact I don’t even have skin.” I grumbled and began walking. "So this must be that 'Equestria' place that crazy guy was talking about..... Looks like a dump." I grumbled and kept walking until I noticed a small cave entrance in the ground a few feet to the north of me. “That works.” I sighed and walked over to it. “Hmm, a foot drop at least. I’ll find something to help me get out when I make a plan.” I jumped in and landed with a thud. My bones creaked when I landed, which scared me a bit because I don’t know what will happen if my bones break. “Good landing.” I chuckled and turned to look into the eyes of what look liked werewolves. “HOLY SHIT!” I fell backwards and scrambled back.

“What is this? Talking bones?” The wolf man walked over to be and picked me up by the collar of my shirt. “Is this pony magic?” I tried to gulp but being nothing but bones you don’t have the ability to do that. “No matter. No one intrudes on diamond dog den!” It threw me against the cave wall and pulled out a spear. I looked at it with wide eye sockets then, I don’t know how, closed my eyes tight and waited for it to end.

*CRACK*

…......Am I dead yet? I opened one eye then opened the other one to look at the spear stuck in my chest. “What the?” I grabbed it a tugged on it enough to pull it out.

“You are suppose to die!” The D-dog seemed to be nervous at the fact I survived the stabbing. I looked at the spear then at him, putting on a evil smile.

“Let’s try that again, this time the other way around.” I ran up to him with the spear in one hand. He went wide eyed as I stabbed the spear deep into his chest. He fell to the cave floor and wheezed for a few moments before finally going limp. “So, I can take a hit like that without dieing? That makes this so much easier.” I let out my ghostly shuckle and ripped the spear out of the D-dog's chest. I heard steps behind me and I turned to a group of 4 D-dog's. One of them had a bow and some arrows and another spear, the other two had swords.

“Dead thing kill friend!” One of them growled at me. I grinned and turned to them fully. “Kill dead thing! Make sure he stays dead!” The one with the bow drew a arrow and shot one at my chest, where it made another crack sound and stayed there. They all got shocked looks on their faces.

“That’s not how you say ‘hi’ to a new friend.” I chuckled and charged forward, stabbing one of the swordsmen in the heart with a spear. I swung the spear with the corpse still on it to the bowmen and knocked him over. I dove and picked up the sword that was dropped and took a battle stance. “Come get some.” I laughed and dove at the other swordsmen. Being train and all he blocked my attack and chopped at my shoulder. The blade sunk in a bit then stopped. “This is too easy!” I laughed again and stabbed him in the chest. He fell to the floor dead while I pulled his sword out of my shoulder. I turned to the last two, the spearmen and the bowmen. “Three down, two to go.” I laughed and charged forward. An arrow went straight into my forehead, only making me stumble back. “A headshot to? What can kill me?” I chuckled and tackled the spearmen. When I had him pinned I made an X shape with my blades and cut his head off. The whole time I was doing that the bowmen was firing arrows into my back, I think I had like 10 stuck to me by the time I got up. “Sorry dog, but you lose.” I Laughed and plunged one of my blades into his chest. He fell over dead at me feet. “Hmm, there might be more. Let’s find out!” I laughed and looted the bow off of the dead dog, also collecting the arrows that were stuck to my body.

I had followed the tunnels further down, killing everything in my way. Dogs, slaves of various kinds. What surprised me was that I saw ponies down here, along with, from what I can remember, griffins. "Must be from that one show Jake loved so much, what was it? My Little Pony Friendship is Magic?" I chuckled at the thought of him taking the TV for a little while every Saturday. They must have been taken as slaves to dig something up for the D-dogs. I kept going until I reached a large chamber with three dogs in it. Two were smaller spear wielding dogs while the other one was slightly larger and had a hammer. I took the bow off my back and drew an arrow. ‘Maybe I can get one without them seeing me...’ I thought as I drew the bow back. I released the arrow and it flew silently over to one of the smaller D-dogs where it entered its skull and killed it within a instant. When it hit the ground the other two looked at the dog in shock then turned to me with hateful glares when I yelled 'BOOM HEADSHOT!'. “Um, sorry?” I grinned sheepishly.

Messing with Los Pegasus

“What is boney thing doing here?” The large dog with the hammer looked at the smaller one. “Get it out of here!” The small dog nodded and charged at me. I let him impale me with a grin on my face. He got a confused look on his face then a look of shock when I grabbed the spear and began to pull myself down towards him.

“What is this!?” He threw the spear with me on it to the side. I got up and ripped the spear out of my chest.

“That, tickles.” I chuckled. “Why don’t you try it then?” Without warning I charged forward and impaled him on the end of the spear, lifting him up and getting the spear stuck in the ground. “Jeez you guys are heavy!” I huffed a bit then got a confused look. “How can I breath if I don’t have lungs?” I scratched my head then shrugged. “Oh well, one more to go-” I got cut off by the dog with the hammer hammering me in the side and making me go flying into a cave wall. “OW! DAMMIT!” I clutched my arm, so if a bone breaks I can feel it? That’s not fair! I heard some snaps and I looked at my arm to see it snapping back into place by itself. “Sweet.”

“Strange dead thing, you have killed my pack mates so I shall take your life in return!” He charged and I dove to the side yelling ‘OHSHITOHSHITOHSHIT!’. I took my bow and drew an arrow back, aiming at fluffy’s arm. He saw that I was aiming at him so he gave me a clearer shot by trying to defend his head. I took the shot and the arrow went right into his shoulder. He howled in pain and dropped his hammer, this kind of thing reminds me of God Of War when you pick up the enemy weapon and use it to kill them.

“This is just too good!” I charged forward and tackled him to the ground, which was hard cause he was a big fella. I shot up and dove for the hammer. I had to use all the strength I could muster to pick that thing up. I lifted it over my head and brought it down on his pelvis where a sickening CRACK came from. “Oh that’s going to hurt.” I chuckled and watched him wiggle around a bit, trying to get away from me. “You know pal.” I said walking towards him, leaving the hammer on the ground. “It’s my job to pretty much get rid of things, and being in a new body like this that makes my job easier.” I stomped on his tail to stop him. He looked up at me with wide eyes. “And now that I have broken it in, I can get to what my current job is. But I can’t leave witnesses to my little rampage now can I?” I took one of my swords and held it to his throat. “Time to put this dog to sleep.” If only I had sunglasses. I drove the sword in and turned away, not wanting to see this execution.

“Now then.” I muttered looking around. “What can I loot from said cave? I know I need something else to wear, this has got too many holes in it and I will scare the hell out of everyone I see cause I’m dead.” I thought it over for a few minutes before finding a large amount of red cloth. “Perfect!” I grinned and took it. I wrapped it around my form and flicked up the leftover so it would act like a hood. “I must look like the grim reaper or something.” I chuckled and picked up one of the swords. “Only one will do me well.” I muttered and began making my way out of the cave. While I was at it I snatched a bag and stuffed it with gems so I could more then likely pawn them off later. I found the hole I had came in and began to think. “How the hell am I going to get out of here?” I really need to stop talking to myself. I Then remembered the corpses near by and piled them so I could jump up from those to get out. I pulled myself out of the hole and looked around, it was getting dark. I looked around until I saw a forest. “Good, cover.” I muttered and broke into a jog to reach the forest, it took me a few minutes but I made it. “Now, how will I sleep?” I had thought this through for almost a half hour when I remembered I’m undead. “Duh, I could just dig a hole and sleep in that!” I began digging my own grave you could say.

----The next morning!----

I awoke when the light of the sun hit my face. I yawned and dug myself up. “Being dead I don’t think I have to eat, that gives me more time to go fuck everything up.” I grinned and brushed the dirt off my robe. “Wish I had a map.” I muttered as I began to make my way deeper into the forest. After about a hour of walking I broke out of the forest and spy a large city by the looks of it not too far away. “Hmm, maybe I can get some money there for these gems.” I pulled the bag out from my rib cage and smiled at it. I put it back and sped up towards the city. “Maybe I can pick up a good weapon while I’m at it.” I chuckled as I neared the city. It was rather large to say the least, and there were ponies everywhere! “So much color, my eyes burn!” I half joked to myself and kept walking. When I found out that I’m getting nowhere by wondering around I decided to stop someone. “Excuse me, but can you tell me where I can trade in these gems for some money?” I quickly showed the pony the bag then put it away.

“Oh ya, you can go to a fashion shop and they will pay you for the gems!” The mare smiled warmly at me, I need to show these ponies that talking to strangers is not a good thing.

“Thanks.” I muttered and walked off. Now I have to find a- wait a minute. I spun around to the mare that I had just talked to and walked back over to her, that smile still on her face. “Why are you not scared of me? I am not even a pony!” The rage in my ghostly voice was apparent but she didn’t even flinch.

“It’s always good to be nice to others, even if they are different.” I could slap this pony, but I could get arrested. I just made a growling sound and walked off again. I kept walking around until I found a place that made cloths and stuff. I pushed open the door and walked in.

“Good day good.......Um...”

“Sir.”

“I was just about to say that! What can I do for you?” I do not know how but I could hear a bit of fear in his voice, to me that was music playing by god.

“I want to turn in these gems.” I removed the bag of gems and placed them on the table. He was watching my hand the whole time. “Excuse me.” I almost growled at him. He jumped and looked at me with a sheepish grin.

“S-sorry sir, it’s just that you are deathly pale, do you want me to take you to the hospital?” You know what? I’m done with their stupidity, I’m going to get into a lot of trouble for this, I already know.

“No, I think you would need one more then I would.”

“Why?” In a flash I removed my blade from under my cloak and stabbed him in the chest. I put the blade away quick and dove behind the counter. I placed a bonie hand over his mouth to keep him from screaming. He struggled for a few minutes then finally went limp.

“Jeez, they live way too long sometimes.” I chuckled and spotted a small chest that was under the counter. “Hmm.” I grabbed it and tried to open it. “Locked, maybe...” I held up a slightly pointed finger and jabbed it into the lock, wiggling it around for a moment before I heard a ‘click’. “Success!” I laughed and opened it to see a bunch of small golden coins. “That must be the currency here.” I muttered and grabbed my bag full of gems. I dumped it out then filled the bag with as much of the coins as I could. “Thank you for your time.” I chuckled and got up. I spotted a newspaper and picked it up. “Los Pegasus hmm? Sounds like Vegas.” I chuckled and put the paper down, I don’t have time for news. Before I left I switched my red robe out for a black one, I’d say it’s a better color, wouldn't you? I left the store with a smile on my face. I stopped when I saw someone go in out of the corner of my eye and watched. After a few moment the pony came out screaming for the guards.

“Oh, time to make my getaway.” I chuckled and fast walked away from the store. I had walked for a little while now, bumping into a few ponies who look too scared to ever see straight. I chuckled every time I did, but that’s not important. I kept walking until I found a place that sells weapons. ‘Peaceful ponies, they sell weapons.’ I laughed and walked in. The bulky pony behind the counter look at me a moment then went back to his newspaper, mumbling something about strange customers. I browsed for a few minutes before a combat scythe caught my eyes. ‘Oh I am totally going to look like the grim reaper after I buy this thing.’ I grinned and took it off the wall. After twisting it around in my hands a bit and making a slow cutting motion with it I walked up to the counter. “How much?” I put it on the table. The pony looked at it then at me.

“100 bits, take it or leave it.” So they're called bits hmm? I took out my bag and counted out 100 bits. I pushed them towards him and he finally put the paper down. “Rich guy eh? Nice choice in weapons.” When he sat up I saw he had wings. “Favor them two handers, good for both attacking and defending when you need it to.” He scooped all the bits off the counter and into a chest I saw. “You have a nice day now, and come back any time.” He pushed me the scythe and leaned back in his chair. I grabbed the scythe and nodded at him. I walked out and looked at my new weapon.

‘Now I have this and a backup sword. I think I can leave now.” I chuckled and began making my way out of the city. I was almost there when two white ponies in golden armor stopped me.

“Where did you get that?” One of them demanded.

“I bought it with some bits I had.” I answered truthfully. The one who asked me looked at the other guard then back at me.

“Do you have any other weapons on you?” I nodded, why not be a truthful guy for now? Besides I got all the blood off my blade by now. I pulled out my blade and showed it to them.

“May I leave now?” I asked putting it away. The guards turned away for a moment then back to me.

“You're going to have to come with us.” One said sternly. Aw hell naw.

“Sorry gentlemen but I can’t go with you at this time.” I removed my hood and they jumped back.

“W-what are you?” One asked taking a brave step forward.

“Don’t you know what bones look like?” I grinned at them. “And yes I did kill that storekeeper, you mad?” They paused for a few moments before they both charged me. I dove to the side and, with my new toy, cleaved downwards. It got the one closest to me and dragged him to the ground. He gave me a wide eyed look when I took my blade out and stabbed him in the side. The other guard let out a roar of rage and charged me again. I stepped to the side and grabbed his wing, forcing him to the ground. “Stop right there criminal scum!” I could not help yelling while I moved my scythe under him. “Naw, you're good.” I chuckled and forced the scythe up. I will not describe the beheading, cause that would be gross. I got up and bolted away from the area and back into the forest.

“Now I should get a wanted poster. I’m in deep shit aren't I?” I chuckled and slumped down on a tree. “Now to rest....” I sighed and closed my non-existent eyes.

Chase! And Pinkie

“YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!” The crazy purple pony yelled at me as I ran. In case no one remembers she got a letter saying something bad about me and she was now chasing me like I was a escaped cat that had robbed a bank and killed a few hostages.

“NO! YOU'RE GOING TO (try to) HURT ME!” I yelled back as I ran, not daring to look back. She chased me around the town, we getting some strange looks as she did so. Sooner or later the orange apple pony ran beside me, looking back at the purple one.

“Mind tellin me what ya did?”

“She got a letter and started chasing me. Does this happen a lot?” The orange pony shook her head. “Well, I feel loved.” I sighed and turned my head to look at the purple torpedo that was slowly getting closer and closer. “Why do the crazy like things happen to me when I don’t want them to?” I chuckled then stopped when a flash of purple light......Well flashed in front of me and the orange one. “MY EYES! MY NON-EXISTENT EYES!” I fell over covering my eye sockets.

“What the hay did ya do that for Twilight?” The orange one spoke while I recovered. Twilight showed her the note.

“BYE AGAIN!” I yelled and started running. I heard the orange one gasp and growl before I ran around a corner. “Must, stay, quiet.” I muttered. After a minute I saw them run by where I was hiding. “Nice save Jon.” I whispered and walked out of the ally I had hidden in. “Might want to get out of this place. It got boring anyway.” I chuckled and started walking down the path that lead out of town when the pick fluff ball decided to latch onto my back and start talking again. “ARGH! NOOOOOO! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!!” I yelled and began running out of the town, maybe she would despawn if I got far enough out of town! I kept running and running until the voice finally stopped. “Good god, I thought she would never stop.”

“Stop what?” I think I felt my bones turn to liquid for 3.4 seconds. I jumped high enough to touch a tree branch.

“Why the hell are you still on my back!?” I yelled at the pink pony on my back.

“Cause it’s fun! You run really fast!” She giggled and jumped off of my back. I turned to the pony with the glare that could cut rock.

“Now another question, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE!?” I was just about ready to stab this pony and make a fancy coat out of it. She just looked at me with a smile as if I had said nothing offensive at all.

“Well one your new and I want to get to know you and two I’m lost and can’t find my way back to town. So I’m going to stay with you!” She answered cheerfully. I was really starting to hate this little pink shit.

“Yea how about NO!” I turned around and stomped away. I really hope she won’t follow me, that would have to make me kill her. I turned my head slightly to see she wasn't following AND she wasn't there. I chuckled a bit and turned my head forward to look into the eyes of the pink beast that would torment me for half of my time here. “GAH! THATS IT!” I pulled my scythe out from behind my robe and took a swing at her. I must have blinked cause when I swung the blade she disappeared. “What?” I turned and saw her not to far away with a slight frown. “What!? I thought I just hit you!” I growled.

“No, but it was mean trying to.” She pouted, good thing I don’t have any human innards or I would have diabetes, why was this cute? Beats me... “Why do you want to hit me?”

“Cause you never stop talking! If you could then I would MAYBE let you come along!” I sat there glaring at her for a full 10 minutes and when she didn’t say anything I turned and began walking. “Fine, just don’t get in the way too much, got it?”

“Yes sir!” I think she did a salute type thing and caught up with me. “So what’s your name?”

“Jon the reaper.” I grumbled in sarcasm, wait a second that sounds awesome!

“Really? That sounds so cool! I’m Pinkie Pie!”

“Well Pinkie, I think I will keep you alive for a while.” She let out a cheer. We walked for a good period of time talking about random things like cake, cupcakes, and parties. “So for anything that could happen you would throw a party?” She nodded rapidly. “That’s a lot of sweets, how do you avoid getting sick or large?”

“I run a lot.” That explains the skinny part. “How are you able to move if you have no skin?”

“Not a clue, I just blame magic and go along with it. Cause with magic you don’t have to explain nothing.” I chuckled and she let out a yawn.

“So you don’t have to breath either?” I nodded. I think she was getting tired, I suppose having all the guts and lungs and skin and stuff can make you tired.

“Are you tired? It is getting dark after all.” I looked up at the ever darkening sky. She was about to say something but was cut off by a yawn. “I’ll take that as a yes.” I chuckled and sat down right where I was. She giggled and sat down next to me.

“So how do you sleep with no eyes?”

“I can still blink, that confuses me sometimes but hey, don’t question it.” I chuckled and laid down. “Night Pinks.” She muttered something with a tired voice and everything went black as I fell into a deep slumber.

Trottingham! WOO!

I woke up to a slight warmth on my stomach. ‘Did I get my skin back?’ I thought and leaned up a bit to see Pinkie had, during the night, crawled onto my stomach and wrapped herself up in my robe. ‘Aww.’ I silently chuckled and shook her shoulder a bit. “Pinks, come on get up, we’re burning daylight.” After a few moments and ‘five more minutes.’ she got up with a yawn and smiled at me.

“Hiya Jon, what are we going to do today?” She asked with a hint of excitement. To be honest I don’t know what to do today, I could go burn down a town, kill some ponies, mass robbery, the works.

“Let’s go see if I have a wanted poster yet.” Perfect! I pushed myself up and noticed Pinkie had somehow gotten onto my shoulder. “You're not pikachu and I’m not Ash, why the hell are you up there?” She giggled and did a pony shrug.

“It’s got an awesome view up here!” I sighed and began walking.

“You're something else Pinks, you know that?” She nodded rapidly while grinning. “Alright, I suppose we just keep walking until we find something, do you happen to have a map?” She nodded and pulled a rather large map out of her mane.

“I drew this one!” I looked at the map for a while before looking back at her.

“Not bad, better than I could have done. Hell I can’t even bake!” I laughed and looked back at the map. “Now, where are we...” Pinkie shook her head a bit then we got into a funny argument on where we were.

“-and we left ponyville through the west entrance! So we have to be going towards Trottingham!” She concluded the argument with actual logic.

“Whoa, nice.” I made a fist with my hand and held it out, where she bumped her hoof agents it. “Right, so we keep heading west to Trottingham, cause mass property damage, kill some ponies, then split.” I closed up the map and put it right next to the hidden blade in my ribs, kind of tickled. “Alrighty then! Let’s-ah go!” I began to walk again with Pinkie still on my shoulder.

The walk lasted a few hours, time added cause Pinkie got hungry and needed to use the bathroom. He finally got to to the (Outside) city of Trottingham, looks kind of nice but the guards standing by the entrance did NOT look happy. “So Pinks, what’s the plan for getting me inside without getting yelled at and/or arrested?” I saw she got a ‘thinking’ face. While she thought I let my mind wander for a bit.

Unfortunately when I do that, I think about my kills like a normal person.

If I had skin I would be in a cold sweat, my arms started to shake and my spine felt tingly. If I had eyes they would be the size of pin pricks and I would be tearing up.

Innocent life,

Innocent blood,

Families torn apart because of me. My chest pounded, how could it? There is no heart there. Pinkie gave me a mix of a strange and worried look. “Jonny? You ok?” I didn’t answer her.

After all those people I killed, I was only worried about running out of ammo, lossing sight of the target, and having clean shoes.

What kind of monster am I?

Suddenly a very hard object connected with my boney face and I snapped out of it. “What? Did we get found out? Who did I kill? Was it funny?!” Pinkie slapped me again. “Sorry, got anything?” She gave me a curios look before continuing.

“I don’t know how we are going to get you in without getting caught.” She got a sad look. I thought about it a moment when a cart began going towards the gate. It stopped at the gate and a guard walked up to it.

“Pass?”

“Merchant pass, here you go my fellow.” The earth pony gave the guard a paper with some legal shit on it.

“You may enter.” The cart puller go a happy look and entered as soon as the gates opened.

“That’s it!” I almost shouted and began to sprint down the road the cart had come from. “Pinks.” I turned and looked at the pink mare following me. “We are going t steal a wagon and their pass so we can get in.” She grinned. “Are you secretly evil?” I put on a questioning face.

“No, it just sounds like fun!”

“Ya, evil.”

“No!”

“Mhmm,”

“Nope, not evil.”

“Totally evil.”

“Argh!” I laughed, weather this girl likes it or not she has a evil side and it fuels most of her fun! As soon as we got to a crossroads we hid in a tree and waited.

“So Pinks, what else don’t I know about you?”

“A lot of stuff I can’t tell you.” She winked at me and I just gave her a bored look.

“You know where other humans are, don’t you.” She made a ‘pifft’ sound and kept watching. “Why you little-” Just then a cart showed up being pulled by a rather large green earth pony with a golden apple as one of those butt marks, it has a bite out of it to! “Big guy isn’t he?” I chuckled.

“Yea! Thats Gold-Bite! His apples almost rivals Applejack’s!” She chuckled. “To her he doesn't even come close!” I waved my hand at her to make her quiet down. As the stallion passed below our tree I jumped down and onto his back.

“Sup bro?”

“Sup?” I bashed him over the head with the handle of my scythe.

Fucking nothing.

“Um.....?”

“Let me guess, you just want the cart and I won't get hurt?” I nodded. Pinkie fell out of the tree and landed on my shoulder. “Hi Pinkie.” She waved at him as he began to unhook himself from the wagon. “This makes us even, ok?” Pinkie nodded as he stepped away from. “Later Pinks, have fun with your game.”

“You can join any time! Just ask Celestia!” Gold-Bite nodded and mumbled something before walking off.

“Think he left his pass on the cart?”

“Yup! He left it on purpose! Come on!” I nodded and helped her get hooked into the cart before jumping in the back.

----A few minutes later!----

We finally got to the front gates. Pinkie stopped and smiled at the guard. “Pass?” Pinkie nodded and held out the pass. “You may enter.” Pinkie’s grin grew as the gate opened and she brought us in.

“Now what? Ditch the cart somewhere?” I asked sticking my head out of the curtain in the front.

“No, Gold-Bite would not be happy.” I groaned and fell back into the cart, the place was stocked with apple products that I will not get into explaining for the sake of my sanity.

…....The fuck you lookin at?

When the cart came to a stop I sat up and jumped out. By the looks of it the place was getting ready for some kind of concert, there was a large stage all set up and waiting for something to host. “Cool, we should stay here a while and see who's singing.” I chuckled while looking around. This place was getting all ‘concert’-ed up, it might be worth it.

Might even find someone to kill.

I laughed at the thought, sounds good to me, oh yes. I unhooked Pinkie from the cart and we began to explore the town, for Pinks to find something to eat that was sweet, me? I was looking for places to set on fire that no one would find fast.

Evil, aren't I?

We continued for a while before a guard FINALLY recognized me and said I had to go with him. I went to get my scythe but Pinkie stopped me. “Come on Jonny, just meet the captain.” The guard got a confused look.

“how did she-”

“Don’t ask, you WILL go crazy trying to find out how.” I mumbled. “Lead zie way.” I growled and he began walking with a scared look. After a few minutes we came to a fort like thing on the very edge, I hate being cornered.

‘budum-ch’ (I think.)

We walked up to the front door, at least I thought it was, and the guard pony pushed the door open. It took about 10 seconds for everyone there to see me, recognise me, and draw weapons. “I AM famous!” I laughed.

“Wait! Everypony just hold on!” The guard waved one of his hooves rapidly. “Before we kill him we need to take him to see the captain!” Oh I feel loved. Some of them put their weapons away and some just glared at me while still pointing.

“Calm your male hormone for fighting! And if there is a female in here, hey.” I chuckled a bit, Pinkie did also. “You count to Pinks!” I patted her head. “Now then.” I turned back to the guard who had been leading us. “On with this little mission of yours.” I almost hissed. He jumped and lead us through the outpost, passing tons of pissed of guards and sharp weapons.

I felt like a kid in a factory that makes knives, and I LOVED IT!

We finally got to a door painted with a sun like symbol on it. The guard pushed the door open and allowed us to enter before closing it behind him. The pony sitting at the desk glared at me a moment before seeing Pinkie. “Pinkie? What the hell are you doing here?” Pinkie paused a moment before letting out a huge gasp and almost tackled the commander, she would have if I didn’t grab her.

“HI Echo-Beat!” Ok she knows this guy to. I set her down and she started hopping around his desk.

“Pinkie,” He chuckled. “Can you answer my question please?” She stopped in mid air- wait how the fuck did she do that?

“Just traveling around with Jo-” I lept over to her and covered her mouth.

“Name not important! Ignore the crazy mare!” I laughed nervously and spun around with Pinkie in in my arms. “Pinkie! Promise me never to tell anyone that could be a possible threat to me my name, got it?” She nodded and did a fancy dance thing where she pretended to stick something in her eye (Bad minds you all have.). “I’ll take your dance for it.” I spun around again and set her down. The commander, Echo-Beat, had a bemused look on his face. “So mister mayor.” I joked. “What’s with the stage in the middle of town?”

“I am allowing a concert to be held here, I will not let off anymore.” He crossed his front hooves and allowed himself to spin a bit in the chair. I think he likes that chair.......JEALOUSY! “Now, I believe in second chances, thats one of the reasons I almost NEVER became commanding guard in this town.” BACKSTORY! Well a bit. “Anyway you are going to stay in this town for a week unless I let you out for good behavior.” Wait.

“So, this is like prison?” He nodded and grinned, fucking unicorns. “Wonderful, so I can’t kill, rob, or brutally harm anyone?” He nodded again. “Can I hit on your wife?” This made both him and Pinkie break out laughing.

“If I had one! Well I did but not here.” He chuckled a bit.

“Alright, where will I be staying?” I asked clapping my boney hands together.

“I’ll have a apartment given to you, but you can not spend all day in it. Oh and I’m charging you with watching over Pinkie during her stay.” I shrugged, sure, I was doing that anyway. “AND,” Aw dammit. “Have a nice day.” He made a trollface and zapped me with a spell.

“MAGICZ! NUUUUUUU!” I shouted as I fell face first into couch. “Argh, magic.” I complained as I got up and looked around.......

It looked just like my apartment back home, and Pinkie was in the kitchen.

“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

The chapter in which stuff happens

It had been three days since I was placed under ‘town arrest’ by that one pony Pinkie knew and I was now free to leave, so naturally I almost jumped over the walls. “YES! Pinkie!” I looked at the pink party pony resting upon my shoulder. “Let us head for the capital and share my new rehabilitated state with the ponies!” We both cheered and when I was out of view I fake threw up. “That was THEE most hated three days of my life. Now that that is done, I need to kill something.” I left Pinkie on the road while I went into the woods with my scythe in hand. I surprisingly found nothing big enough to kill, all their was were birds and squirrels, nothing worthy enough of my awesomeness. “Damn, nothing, not even a bear.” I sighed and leaned on my scythe. “Do I have to go into song and dance to attract something?” I turned around to see a unicorn pony of gray color chopping down a tree. “OH! A forester!”

I snuck up behind him and grabbed the axe as it was floating back. “Excuse me.” He turned to me with a smile that turned to horror as soon as he saw me. “I seem to have-” I popped my head off and grinned at him. “-lost my head, mind if I borrow yours?” He backed up into the tree, shaking with terror. “I’ll take that as a yes!” I laughed darkly and put his neck between my blade and the tree. “Thanks again!” I pushed down and the scythe slipped past his flesh to meet the tree. When it was finished the body hit the ground and the head balanced neatly on the side of the blade. “Awesome way to kill someone.” I chuckled darkly, but when I tried to put my head back on it wouldn’t stay. “Good thing I cut his head off, hope this works.” I picked his head up by the mane and sighed. “Bombs away!” I put the head on my shoulders and blacked up. After about five minutes of not knowing what the hell was going on my vision returned and I noticed I was shorted. “The fuck...”

I looked at the ground and noticed that all my old bones had fallen to the ground, along with my hold head. Where the foresting ponies body was there was nothing but a small pool of blood. “Well thats nice.” I chuckled and looked at myself, I was still wearing my robes so that’s a plus. I moved around a bit and got a look at my bones, everything looks like pony bones. “So I’m a pony now? Blending in will be a breeze!” I laughed and stuck my scythe in my ribs, a little faster this time cause the ribcage was wider. I walked back to where I left Pinkie.

“Hiya Jon! You look different....Did you cut your hair?!” She gasped at me, as if this were a concept beyond imagination!

“I totally did, but lost my head in the process, had to borrow another one.” I did a pony bow. “And this forester was kind enough to lend me his.”

“Well that was nice of him!” Pinkie laughed and bounced up and down. How she was able to do that still eludes me, but it’s kinda funny.

“Alright Pinks, today we move for that town castle thing on that mountain!” I stood on my back hooves and pointed dramatically at the mountain. “We shall mess with their shit! And rob a few ponies!” Somehow Pinkie cheered, whenever I talk about this kinda stuff she gives me a sad look, maybe shes getting use to the way I do things?

“Maybe we can visit Celestia as well!”

“Sure! But last though, we have to cause shit.” I got back down on all four hooves and began walking, to be honest in this form moving was easier, the four legs thing was still kinda weird. We walked for a while, the city in the mountain was NOT getting any closer, so to pass time I started talking with Pinkie.

“So Pinks, why do you keep following me?” I turned my head sideways a bit to look at her jumping up and down behind me.

“I dunno, a new adventure! We haven't gone on many lately, even if my friends aren't here it’s still fun.”

“Well, it would be traveling with me or hanging out with your friends, and if they didn’t hate me then they would have more than likely come along, but they do, and it’s too bad.” I grumbled. “They tried to KILL me, not surprising. Oh and sorry I headbut your rainbow friend.”

“It’s alright, she’ll get over it.” She bounced up and next to me.

“So, what is this ‘Canterlot’ like?” I asked, noticing we actually got closer.

“It’s full of fancy looking ponies who don’t like my kind of parties.”

“A criminal act.” I said absentmindedly while we walked up the cobblestone walkway, by the looks of it it was made so ponies walking could get into the city. “Right, distract the guards while I get in. We won’t be here long, I have a bad feeling in my chest area.” I muttered as I snuck into some hedges planted next to the little road. Pinkie bounced over to the guards and began talking a million miles an hour. “Glad I don’t have ears...” I muttered as I saw the eyes of the guards begin twitching, poor bastards. I made my way through the hedge until I was in the city area, fancy dressed ponies walking to and from areas outside my vision from this area.

“Ok, did I do good?” Pinkie was suddenly on my back, I was a large pony so it wasn't too much of a problem.

“Wonderfully Pinks, they might even need therapy!” I chuckled like a skeleton (heh) and walked out of the hedge.

“Excuse me.” Suddenly there was a fancy dressed mare RIGHT BESIDE ME! I jumped, bad. “What is that robe made of? It looks like a flowing liquid.”

“Honestly I don’t know, just picked it up one day.” What? It’s the truth.

“I simply must know! And are you quite alright? Your voice is cracking terribly.” I am surprised, I thought they would be snooty, huh.

“No I am alright, thanks.” I said as I turned to walk away.

“At least come with me to a tailor, I wish to know what that fabric is!” ARGH! I’MMA SLAP A BITCH!

“Alright.” Soon Jon, soon... I followed the mare through the town, getting compliments from ponies about my robe GAH it was infuriating! We finally made it to the tailors place and I was instantly the target of fashion, and it was horrifying, I FELT Pinkie shiver on my back.

“WHERE did you get the fantastic cloke!?” The male pony with the suspicious voice and AWESOME mustache.

“I picked it up in a town a while back, can’t remember which since I travel a lot.” He gave me a blank look for a minute before shrugging and looking closely at the robe.

“It moves like water, shines in the light, and looks a bit like obsidian, but it can’t be...” He then appeared RIGHT in front of me and in my face. “May I have a bit of this cloak? I must study it!” If I was capable of moving my face beyond a smile I would have had the look of pure terror.

“Um, sure. But only a small piece, I like this cloak.” And just like that a small piece of my cloak was cut off and brought to the back. “Well I hope you're happy, this is the only piece of clothing I have!” I growled at the mare who had dragged me here and left. “I need to kill something, Pinkie we’re leaving. Sorry but Celestia’s flank can be spanked later.” The comment made Pinkie gasp, could you blame her? I just said I would, at some point, spank a goddess’s royal flank....

And I would do it in front of her kingdom, and the world. Then make her beg for more.

“GAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I suddenly screamed at the top of my lungs. Making Pinkie fall off my back as I stood on my hind hooves. “WHY!? CRUEL ONE! MUST I NOT HAVE REPRODUCTIVE ORGANS!?” I screamed to the air when my vision suddenly went black. “Dammit, again?”

“Whine whine whine.” A voice KINDA like mine called from behind me. “You're just looking at the near endless black ceiling.” I looked down and saw that there were actually candles in the...I think this is a cave, anyway it had candles, BIG ONES! Like the ones you find in temples that have burned for thousands of years.

“Right, so who you be?” I turned to the voice to see he had the same robe I had. “Nice sense of fashion.”

“Thank you.” I saw him grin under his hood. “My name is Necore the IMPRISONED Bone Lord king.” He yelled imprisoned, must have upset him. Now that I get a good look at him he seems to be chained up with really dark chains. “Now, I used up the power I've been working up for a LONG time to bring you here. Be a bro and cut the damn chains.”

“I dunno, they look pretty strong.” It was true, they look like they were made of metal beyond that of even dipping in lava!

“Just do it, see what happens.” He sounded a lot like me, and was a bro, HOW COULD I SAY NO?!

“Ok fine,” I pulled my scythe out of my ribs with my teeth and did a downward slash on the a part of the chains, and what do you know it cut like paper. The chains began to move rapidly, retreating to some unknown location as Necore slowly got up, his bones cracking the whole time he moved.

“You do not know how GOOD if feels to be able to move after 2.4 million years!”

“Holy shit, you’ve been here that long?”

“Yup, now to help you with your job a little more.” He walked over to me while holding up a piece of bone. “Put this in your ribs, it’s a human bone.”

“Alright...” I looked at him strangely. “What will that do?” He looked at me for a few moments before facepalming.

“I thought by this time I learned this.” He mumbled to himself and held out the rib. “Bone Lords can take on the skeletal structure of any creature they kill if they rip out a bone and replace that bone on their body with said bone. For example, this bone is a human bone, so if you put it in your rib cage then it will turn you back into a human skeleton.” I took the bone in my teeth and reached into my ribs, as soon as the bone touched my vision went black for a few minutes. When it came back I was just a bit taller then Necore and I felt back in my element. “See?”

“Cool!” I looked at my old hands, god it’s good to have hands again. “So this works for any creature?”

“Except dragons, you can only have one dragon body part, wings counting as one.” Welp, looks like I’m going dragon hunting later. Necore walked over to one of the four candles and put one out. “Now, I want you to head for Stalliongrad, there will be a dark pelted pony named Breeze Walker there. He’s a noble, but you have to prove to him you can fight pretty damn good with your fists, I recommend starting a bar fight.” He turned back to me and pulled something out of his robe. “Take these, it will make the fighting easier on the way, and when I teleport you out of here go to the right a little ways.” He held out to me 6 rings, each a different color.

“Right, what are these used for?” He facepalmed again, its not my fault I don’t know stuff!

“They allow magic usage, just say the latin word for the spell you want to use and it will happen depending on what ring it is you use. Like this red one? Fire magic. All you have to do is whisper the word and the effect happens.” He poked my forehead and WHOA! My mind is now full of fuck and I love it! SO MUCH KNOWLEDGE! “There, you should know the words now.” He patted my back and my vision went black again.

“How many times do I have to lose my vision today?” I said while still blind. After a moment I felt grass touch my feet and my vision returned. I was in forest, well a jungle. “Do I have to worry about mosquitoes?” I grinned as I turned to the right, remembering Necore’s advice. “I think not.” I laughed hysterically while I walked. I walked a good hour through the jungle, nothing really got in my way, I was at least hoping for a bore or a bear. “NOTHING TO DO!” I shouted out, again nothing happened. “Why the hell did he want me to come this way? There’s nothing her-” I stopped mid sentence to take the time to fall off a cliff, it was quite a nice fall, peaceful, rather loud and filled with swearing on the way down.

“-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCHHHH!” I landed face first on black ground, but it felt like dirt? I looked up to see a rather large skeleton of a beast I had seen only in awesome books. “Dragon!” I cheered and shot up. “But why is the ground black?” I wondered out loud and shrugged. I walked over to the skeleton, it seems to have been picked clean by something, maybe another dragon? “Right, what did that guy say about dragon bones......Oh right, I have to pick ONE body part to take...” I began thinking about this, if I had a claw I could easily rip anything to pieces and look like a total badass, if I had wings I could look badass and more than likely not be able to fly....

“Wings it is.” I trolled myself out of a awesome claw.....Sounds just like me. I plucked off the base of the wing bones after a climb up onto the back of the dead dragon. “Fall from here, might just break open my skull.” I muttered as I looked down, this fella was fucking huge! I gazed at the two bones for a small while until and reached under my cloak and put them on two different place, my shoulderblades. I waited a moment the let go, they didn’t fall off. “Right, now what?” I asked to no one in particular when I heard cracking. “I wonder if I should be feeling pain right no- GAHHHHHHH FUCK!” Pain suddenly ruptured from my back and spread throughout.

“Now you see.” I heard Necore’s mocking voice in my head, though it was kinda hard to pay attention to him for obvious reasons. “This is why your vision goes black, your body knocks you out while your bone structure changes to match the new bone added. Don’t worry since it’s only two bones it will end in a second.” He was right, a few seconds after he was done talking the pain stopped all together.

“Motherfucker.” I muttered as I looked behind me to see rather large skeletal wings, I could feel them to, like they had always been there. “That’s trippy.” I chuckled and gave them a flap, which sent me into the air a few feet and scared the shit out of me. “WHOA! COOL!” I continued to flap them until I was sure I was almost out of the atmosphere. “Let’s not go any further.” I muttered and looked down to the planet. “Let’s see...” I scanned the ground to see if anything that could make me look like I’m doing something productive. It was then I spotted a city looking thing a ways away from the jungle. “Target acquired.” I grinned like a madman and dove at the city at full speed, about half way I was beginning to regret this. “Hmm, maybe I should have thought this through a bit more...” I said as I neared the town.

Necore: Escaping hell

Hello, my name is Necore, and I have to escape ‘hell’ you could call it. You see I don’t work very well from hell, so I need to get out of hell so I can get to business, see what I’m getting at? But the problem is my power is limited here, so I can’t just burn a path of glory right to the door. I was standing in the prison cell I was tied to before I brought Jon in to free me, the candles signify the limit on my powers, being freed was just one step to bringing back my full power. There are three left, for one to go out I need to escape here, then we shall build up from there. I began my long walk out of my cell, into the black abyss that surrounded it. “Well this sucks.” I muttered. “Back then I had it all, a army, a wench, and a child.” I sighed. “Too bad its my fault for their downfall, pretty damn funny.” I chuckled darkly, the memory playing back in my head over, and over, and over again. I think I’m enjoying it too much. I could feel heat, so I knew I was nearing the end of my walk.

I could see a faint light in the distance, but I didn’t speed up any. “Fools.” I muttered with a grin. “They know better than to try and stop me.” Allow me to explain, in the darkness there are some....Nasty creatures that were imprisoned here especially to keep me from leaving, but those creatures know me, and fear me. Using the power of infamy should keep me from getting TOO harmed on my way out, and the Wardens are going to be a problem as well. “Maybe I could make some rope...” I muttered as I finally reached the light, a door with a keyhole. I poked my finger into the keyhole and unlocked the door. “Pfft, low level lockpicking.” I chuckled as the door slowly swung open. “Ahh, hellfire and brimstone.” I took a deep breath as some fires raged on near my cell. “It’s good to be back.” I chuckled darkly and took my first step into freedom...

“Halt!” SON OF A BITCH! A Warden, a undead guardian of the depths began to charge me with his sword in hand.

“Simple minded fool...” I growled and clicked my fingers together, summoning a rusty old scythe. “Very well, I shall indulge you.” He began to swing his claymore at me, I love fighting enemies with slow weapons. I dashed forward and cut one arm off with the scythe, the blade, too heavy to be held with one hand, fell out of his grasp. I cut off the other arm, along with the legs. “You just put yourself back together now.” I chuckled and dashed away to let him get to his business. I dove behind one of the prison areas and peeked around, no Wardens seem to be around yet. “Right.” I got up and walked into the area. “Hello minor demons!”

“You dare belittle me!?” One shouted from a cell. “I shall bathe in your blood!”

“I don’t have blood.” I held up my arm and pointed at it. “Anyway, I’m here to free some of you!”

“D-did I say that?” The demon chuckled sheepishly. “I ment I will aid you in anyway possible! Just let me out!” All the demons began promising to help me out, they're so cute.

“I’m sure you all will, but all I really require from you is to defeat the Wardens, together we shall leave this place and conquer Equis!” They erupted in cheers, I just need to know if I can trust them to follow me when I let them out. “We shall bring down the dark queen! And rule over this plain and the other!” More cheers, at this rate the Wardens are bound to notice soon. “Then I release you!” With a click my my fingers, all the cell doors swung open. “Go! And take Tartarus!” And with that, the demons poured out of their cells and began to rampage around, trying to all get out of the holding area at once. “ONE AT A TIME!” I yelled at them, they understood and finally I was left alone. “Bunch of idiots...” I giggled at the thought of all of them dieing.

“YOU! STOP!” I turned to see the warden from before, charging at me AGAIN!

“Hey, live and let learn!” I said as I summoned my rusty old scythe again. “Let’s make your reconstruction a good few hours, I need time to think.” He came at me again, but had smartened up and made side slash at me, this made him quicker and able to recover faster. “Sneaky little bugger.” I chuckled and stopped the blade with my hand. “You have never fought a being such as myself.” I grinned at him in pure evil and chopped him in half, continuing to chop and slice until there was nothing but a pile of undead flesh and armor. “Better.” I chuckled and walked out of the prison area, this place was starting to bore me and I had to see how the demons were doing. I kept walking for awhile, it seemed to be the only thing I do other than be crazy as fuck and slice things up. I stopped when I saw the battle, complete chaos on the battlefield. “Ah, sweet harmony.” I giggled and began to make my way there, the demons saw me and got a bit more violent with their fighting. “Huh, never thought I could give hope, meh.” I walked into the battle, cutting anything in my way to pieces, be it warden or demon, I went through them.

“Where’s the damn door?” I grumbled as I chopped through a distracted warden, literally cutting him to ribbons. “You there!” I pointed at the surprised demon who had been fighting the warden. “Where is the exit?”

“I do not know how you will get out, but I know you will.” He commented. “The door is to the north, I shall accompany you.” I shrugged and let him lead the way, we cut through the battlefield without much trouble as we went. Soon enough we made it past the carnage and began to walk the dark landscape, a little scorch there and some lava here, you know, hell kinda stuff. We walked for a good few hours, it didn’t trouble me at all, walking at least made me know I was free once again. The demon turned to me from time to time to look at me, he kinda looked like a alien from those movies, black, bug like, you know that kinda stuff.

“Are we there yet?” I began, getting a bit bored with the silence.

“Almost, a mile or so more and we shall be there, how will you open the door?” He asked out of curiosity, he’s like a puppy.

“I have control of a weak minded pony on the outside world,” I began. “And he will open the door for us, as soon as we get there that is.” I finished. The demon gave me a excited look.

“Finally, I get to leave is accursed prison! To ruin the lives of those miserable ponies!” This made me chuckle, he's like a mini me!

“Yeah, and I bet you would stay alive longer if you stuck with me.” This made him stop and turn to me, what did I say?

“You think you, a skeleton, could aid me, a powerful demon?” I nodded.

“Wait till we get out of here, then I shall show you my power, you demons do a battle for dominance type thing?” The demon nodded.

“Yes, I am ranked the 3rd strongest among my cell mates.” I grinned devilishly.

“Good, a challenge. At least you not like those weak ass wardens.” We both chuckled at this and he continued to lead me until we reached large stone doors, carved with runes that I suspect are what keeps us from opening the door.

“Here we are.....Now what?” He asked as I walked up next to him and put a hand on the door. The door glowed slightly and almost blew up my hand.

“Ow! We wait a few moments for my puppet to get here.” I sighed a bit and gazed at the door for a few moments when it began to slowly open.

“I don’t believe it...” The demon muttered in awe. I quickly moved to the opening and began to help open the door. When the door was open enough for us to slip through I stopped and jumped through the door. The demon followed a moment later and help my puppet and I close the door.

“You did well!” I turned to the pony next to me, his made and coat was covered in dirt, blood, and feathers. “Griffin?”

“Griffin.” He sighed and looked me in the eyes, his eyes were pinpricks due to me taking his sanity. “It is good you escaped father, I have run out of those life potions you gave me all those years ago and require more.” I see, so he ran out of potions right as it was time for me escape, I plan way too well.

“Alright, your services are not needed anymore. Be a good puppet and feed my new friend here.” I gestured to the rather hungry looking demon, who by that point had tackled the pony and began to devour him. I waited for him to finish when he turned back to me with a grin. “Right, so how does this fight work?” He held up his claw and shook his head.

“You have given me a sacrifice, therefore I am your ally, for now.” I stared at him a while then shrugged.

“Alrighty then, I'll call on you when I need you, try not to get thrown back into that hell hole.” I snapped my fingers and shifted forms, my bones snapped and cracked until they resembled that of a pony. I turned my gave over to the puddle of blood and bones that had been my puppet and lit up my horn. The blood rose from the ground and shot over to me, moving in and out of my bones and creating flesh. Soon I stood there with a dark red coat and horn, I was rather tall, but hey, don’t want to be a show off. “I will be in Canterlot, causing small chaos and things like that. Laters.” And with a flick of my horn and a flash, I was gone.

Crazy snake lady!

I hit the ground, hard, cobblestone does not go well with bones. “OW BITCH!” I yelled and shot up from my little dust cloud and cracked street. “Ok where am I?” I wondered out loud. No one answered me though because I gave them one hell of a scare. “Eh, I’ll find out sooner or later.” I said with a shrug and began to walk the streets of the enormous city. There we races of all kinds here! Most I couldn’t begin to name. “I should have payed more attention in school.” I said with a chuckle. I must have been heading outwards from the city cause I could now see a rather large stone wall before me, and a gate. “Cool.” I commented and kept walking until I was at the gate.

“You're not getting in.” I heard a rather pissed off voice call from the other side.

“You forget you place, pony.” A scratchy ( yet sexy) voice came after, a little hiss at the end.

“My ‘place’ is to keep you from getting in, without the proper payment of course.” Greed dripped off the first voice like fucking honey. I poked my head around the corner to see something I saw in a book once, a half woman, half snake lady who was towering over a armored guard pony with a bored look.

“I smell a fight brewing.” I giggled excitedly. The snake woman hissed and lowered herself further until her ‘upper lady parts’ were now resting on the snout of the pony, he being completely unfazed. “DDDAAAAAAYYYYYYYUUUUMMMM!” I may have said that too loud for they both looked at me, one with rage and the other slight annoyance.

“Hey! How did you get into the city!?” The guard pony raged and began to stomp towards me.

“I flew in from up north, and boy my arms are tired!” Budum-chi. He momentarily replaced his rage filled face with a confused one. “You can never beat the classics.” I told the pony with wisdom in my voice.

“....Anyway.” The pony coughed and put back on his rap- I mean rage face. “You're going to have to come with me.” I shook my head. “But you have to!”

“I don’t care.” I chuckled. He must be a new guard or something cause he was starting to think about HOW to get me to prison.

“Umm....Will you come if I make sure you get good food?” I thought for a moment, maybe I could fuck with him a bit more.

“Go on.” I said, my fake curiosity giving him false hope.

“And,um.....You can get the Naga!” He then pointed with his hoof at the snake lady sitting in confusion.

“I was planning on that in the first place.”I chuckled darkly. She gave me a look mixed with anger and interest. “What else you got?”

“Umm...How about my helmet? It’s made of gold and might be very expensive.” Bingo.

“Alright, shake on it!” I extended my hand with the offensive rings on it. He placed his hoof in my hand with a victorious smile, but it faded when he saw my dark grin. “fulgur.” I whispered and the green ring glowed, sending a very high and very dangerous volt of electricity through my skeletal hand and into the pony. His mane stood up and tail shot out in surprise and because of the electricity. This is very gruesome, but his eye melted out of his head and his hooves curled up like a dead spider. He fell to the ground, twitching from time to time. “Well, that felt REALLY good, I haven’t killed anything in like, 20 minutes or something!” I sighed happily.

“A very amusssing display, but how will you get rid of the body?” I looked at the snake women, a Naga the pony called her, with a smile.

“Why, with fire of course!” I looked down at the twitching body and pointed a finger at it. “Ignis.” I whispered again and a fire shot from my finger and onto the pony. Being magic and all the fire burned the body away fairly fast and with minimum burning flesh smell! “There, problem solved!” I patted my hands together. “And with little casualties cause, surprisingly, there was only one guard here.”

“Well there wasss.” The Naga spoke again. “But he went to get a few more guardsss to help ‘remove’ me.”

“Who would treat a lady like that?” I sighed and did a bow. “Jon the reaper, at your service.”

“If you are at my service, I demand you buy me a drink.” I think we’re hitting on each other, or she just likes being. I looked up at her to see her giving me a seductive look.

“Why of course, m’lady. Shall we proceed to the largest bar we can find and purchase drinks until we do not know how to pronounce our own names?” I smiled at her.

“Why yesss, my ‘knight in dark armor’, and my name is Rikka.” She finally told me her name, I think it was a trust thing but eh, anyway, we began to make our way through the city, avoiding guards like pros and sometimes tripping them with Rikka’s tail. A woman after my own heart I tell you what. After a few moments we were, I don’t know how, surrounded by guards.

“Well, fuck.” I mumbled and looked all around us. Most of the guards had dented helmets, must be the ones we tripped. “Hello gentlemen! How may we assssist you?” I made the s longer and gave an adorable look to Rikka, she just rolled her eyes.

“You two ARE coming with us,we’re putting YOU to death for killing out recruit before we were finished with him!”......Whoa. Anyway I just chuckled darkly and stopped Rikka from turning them inside out.

“Now now, do you know who I am?” They just glared at me. “Then take a look at this!” I pulled my wanted poster out of my robe and showed it to them. “Now tell me, what is my highest kill count and for what?” I didn’t think I could see a white pony’s face go pale, you learn something everyday! “Now, what is different about now? What will keep me from sending your guts to your families in a present, express delivery?” They began to back off.

“W-w-we’re terribly sorry for the misunderstanding sir! We’ll leave you now!” I stopped one as they all began to scatter.

“Where is the best bar in the town? The lady wants a drink.” I looked at Rikka, then back to the pony. “Unless you feel like feeding her?”

“N-NO!” He yelped. “The Hall! You want the Hall! Please don’t kill me! I have a wife and three kids!” Overused excuse, but I’ll let it slide. I pushed him away and waved goodbye as he ran like hell.

“Nice fella, I need to track him down later.” I chuckled darkly and turned back to Rikka. “After you my dear.” I bowed.

“What a gentleman.” She kinda purred and slithered past me in the direction we though was ‘The Hall’. After a few minutes and asking for directions (I swear it wasn't me.) we found the large building and out front was the biggest fucking dog you would ever see, and he was a doberman.

“I got this.” I cracked my neck and approached the huge dog, who looked down at me like a badass. I took in a deep breath (As if I needed it) and began speaking Pinkie speed. “Hellogoodsirhowareyougrate?Thatsgreatheywhatsthisplaceabar?ThatssocoolcanIgoinwithmyladyfriendok?Sweetthanks!” I quickly motioned for Rikka to enter and I followed behind, leaving the completely fucking confused dog man behind. The place was huge, like really huge, it had multiple floors with less druck creatures the further it went up, I think at least. There were some slightly raging drunk creatures down here, I guess they don’t want to rage too much in case their thrown out. “Alright, lets go a floor up, I don’t want to be around drunks in case a fight breaks out, caused by me.” I chuckled and proceeded to the stairs, Rikka trailing behind me excitedly.

“It has been years since I have had a drink! I can not wait!” She then shot past me really fucking fast, snakes are fast.

“Great, now I have to find her.” I mumbled with a slight smile and kept going up until I was on the second floor. I looked around for Rikka for a full 10 minutes when I found her taking her order.

“Is it possible that I can have all of your alcoholic beverages?” She spoke to the waiter, who was a smaller version of a dragon who was also yellow!

“One of those days...” He muttered. I walked over to the table and took a seat.

“Um...Just get her a large mug of your strongest stuff, refills are on me.” He gave me a look I couldn’t decipher. “And I suppose a small cup of beer for me.” He nodded, wrote something down, and walked away. “I think he was bored, oh well.” Rikka’s tail was swinging around like a happy dog. “Well, you're excited.”

“of coursssse I am you fool! I get to finally calm down with booze!” I chuckled, she really was like a puppy, getting its first piece of bacon.

“I honestly don’t drink, I can’t hold my liquor worth a damn.” She gave me a look of death, I actually shivered.

“You WILL drink with me.” She hissed and reached over the table and lifted me up by the neck.

“OK OK!” I said while shaking my hands. She set me down and I sighed. “You are very persuasive, even without your body.” She blushed and gave me a cute look.

“Why thank you.” She answered and suddenly the dragon kid was back, setting our drinks down on the table.

“Someone bought these for you.” He said simply and walked away, more then likely to get away from Rikka.

“That would be me.” A random pony walked up to us and set down his drink.

“I have enough names to try and remember. Don’t bother.” I said waving my hand at him and began to drink.

---A hour later!---

“Now shut up! That is not true!” I yelled at the pony across from me, I honestly forgot what we were talking about and I have lost all control over what I do, so lets watch shall we?

“Don’t tell me to shut up ya bag of bones! It so is true!” The pony returned, slamming on the table with his hooves and pointing at me. Rikka was sitting there, her head on the table, all passed out and shit.

“Horse shit!” I yelled and grabbed him by the neck. He pushed off me, sending me toppling back into another pony, who apologized quickly. “What you say about my mother?!” I grabbed him and threw him over the side, where he landed on a drunk d-dog, who went into a rage because his drink got spilled.

“WHO THREW THAT!?” He roared looking around.

“I did you absurd ball of fluff!” I yelled down like an idiot.

“GET DOWN ER SO AH CAN URT YA!” He yelled up, I obliged by jumping down and landing my heel in his face.

“Bitch please!” I growled as he fell down, out like a light.

“EY! He was out friend you ugly bugger!” Another dog shot up from his table and shot over to me, where I delivered an uppercut faster than I could blink. He went down like a sack of bricks.

“Didn’t know I was that strong.” I chuckled and was again assaulted by a dog. “FUCK!” I yelled and elbowed him in the forehead, drawing blood. I stood up and yelled. “ANYMORE DRUNK FUCKTARDS WANTING TO GET THE SHIT BEATEN OUT OF HIM!?” Almost everyone there stood up. “......Fuck.”

Necore, what the fuck are you doing?

Thanks to Tamara Bloodhoof, writer of Dancing Flame, Cooling Ember for working on this with me, please do read her story.

written in the 3rd person for reasons of making this easier.

Necore appeared in an alley, his new found mane and tail all ruffled. “Dammit, I hate hair.” He mumbled as he used his magic the straighten both his tail and mane. “Now then, what shit can I cause?” A grin slowly appeared on his face as he began to walk out of the alley. “Maybe I can turn a pony inside out? No, no, too much too soon, maybe I can make a cat bark endlessly for a while.” He kept searching through his head to think of things to do while ponies looked at him in curiosity and slight horror at the sight of his red coat. “Might need to fix that later...” He mumbled then shrugged. He continued down the street for a while before seeing a small unicorn child playing with a ball.

“Bingo.” Necore chuckled darkly and pointed his horn at the ball, one spell later the child was running away screaming from a pac-man ball with teeth. “HAH! Thats good! Glad to be back!” He quickly walked away from the scene so he wouldn’t be blamed for what he did. “Right, now where is a bakery?” He kept going until he found what looked like a doughnut shop. “Hmm, what to do here?” He questioned himself and pointed his horn at the window. He unleashed a spell towards it, then making the spell go through the window. When the spell his the counter full of doughnuts they grew wings and small stingers. They began to fly around, stinging random ponies currently in the shop. “Hope none of them are allergic to dough.” He chuckled darkly to himself and continued down the street. “This is getting boring.” He mumbled. “Maybe there’s a dog somewhere I can turn into a time bomb, or a bench I can super glue.....Hehehehe.” He had to calm down, his insane laughter was going to attract attention soon.

“Breath Necore, breath.” He took a deep breath and began to make his way to the castle. “Maybe I can steal Tia’s cake and blame it on someone else, I just need a guard pony uniform.”

That’s when he noticed two people walking down the street, one of them a dragoness, her arms crossed and her face grim, the other an Earth pony in full metal armor, covering her entire body, minus the helm, revealing a pale furred mare with dark pink hair.

“I still refuse to go Ritz.”

“Ember, I’ve lived here forever and I’ve never gone. At least give it a shot. Please?” Necore grins, a possible guard pony arguing with a dragon, maybe he could pull the old switch-a-roo on her.

“Hope it fits.” He mumbled as he began to make his way towards them when he stopped. “Will they be put off by my fur?” He wondered out loud before shrugging and beginning his walk to them again. “Wait, the fuck I’m doing?” He stopped again. “A dragon, and a female one at that, is in a city full of jumpy ponies, why not use that?” His grin widened at the thought of getting the dragoness to go on a mini rampage. “Now, to find a button to press...” He conjured up a bucket of water, a button, and some popcorn. He made the bucket float up above the dragon and then placed the button on the ground beside him. “Time for the easier button!” He smashed the button with his hoof and the bucket began to plummet towards the dragon. The bucket turned over in the air and poured the water on the dragon, then the bucket itself hit her. “Hole in one!” He paused. “Shit, too loud.”

The dragoness looked up slowly, the bucket falling off her head onto the ground, to see him. “Who the buck are you?” she asked, a scaly eyebrow cocked.

“Um....Friendly prankster?” He put his hooves up in a shrug. “Just saying, I might do it again, not going to lie.” He put on a innocent grin.

“Really, you’d do that again just to give it a try?” she asked, her eyebrow raising higher. “Dear lord, why do I get all the crazies.” to which the pony on the ground gave her head a resounding smack. “Okay okay, that’s your line.” the dragoness muttered, rubbing the back of her head.

“Sadly yes, and you don’t know how right you are!” He laughed and cracked his neck. “The names Necore, soon to be mad god at your serves.” He did a little bow. The pony child from before ran by screaming, still fleeing from the carnivorous pac-man ball. “...Hehehe.” He giggled.

The dragoness looked at the ball, then pointed her finger out and said, “Lacino.” causing the ball to suddenly stop in its tracks, lose it’s teeth, and become a regular ball again. She then looked up at the red unicorn, his mane similar to the color of her eyes. “Since you named yourself, I guess I should to. I’m Ember.” she said.

“Nice to meet ya.” He gazed at the ball with a sad look.” “Now that was funny, ah well.” He shrugged and looked at the earth pony. “Can I borrow that armor? I need it to make some carvings in the garden come to life, excluding Dissy.” He gave her the best sad kitten eyes he could muster.

“Ummmmmm, my name’s Ritz, and no, it’s survived over a centuries of battles, so it’s going to stick with me for now.” the metal clad pony said.

“There goes play A.” He mumbled. “Right-o! Time to set something on fire!” He began to turn when he tripped on his robe. The sudden connection with the ground and his horn dispelled his magic, making his flesh melt off showing nothing but his skeleton. “SONOVABITCH!” He got up and looked at his robe. “Aww I got blood on my robe!”

The two people looked at Necore for a second, then at eachother, then at the screaming ponies surrounding them.

“So then.” said Ritz.

“Yep.” Ember muttered.

“You seen worse.”

“Hell yeah.” Ember said, looking at Necore again. “So what’s your deal?”

“Broke my horn, blood magic fucked up, need new blood.” He explained. “Right, now who to pick...” He gazed around before grabbing a random screaming stallion and ripping his throat out with his teeth. The blood poured out but never hit the ground, instead it swirled around Necore for a few moment before molding to his bones and recreating his skin. “There we go.” He said as he dropped the now dying and twitching pony. “Excuse me one more moment.” A flash came from his horn and all the ponies currently watching (Not Ritz) fell over, unconscious. “Right, done now.” He chuckled lightly.

Ember turned over to the dying pony, tears in its eyes. “Sanas, dolor remissionis.” She muttered, and his neck patched itself up, his eyelids flapping shut in relief. As his breathing slowed it became evident that he had just fallen asleep. “One cured, many harmed.” Ember muttered

“Just a big softy ain’t ya?” Necore looked at Ember with a disappointed look. “I thought humans were use to seeing things like that happen, well seeing it in horror movies anyway.” He chuckled and looked around at the fallen ponies. “Guess some just have weak stomachs, not use to seeing the death of another being, or just have hearts made of fluff.” He chuckled again. “Hey! That would be a nice letter to Tia!”

she looked at the crazy creature before her. “Actually, I’ve gotten better about death, but healing is my speciality and I could save him. Besides that, how do you know I’m a human, wait, I just told you didn’t I?”

“Eeyup.” His horn flashed and his skin melted away again, this time the blood became a very tiny compressed ball. His bones began to snap apart and reassemble into the bone structure of a human skeleton. “Four legs are hard to walk on.” He mumbled and cracked his neck.

“A walking skeleton, scary.” Ritz mumbled dryly. “Seen so many of those by now that they really don’t seem frightening.”

“Honestly wasn't going for a spook, its just really fucking hard walking on four legs.” He cracked his back this time. “So......Hi.” He waved at them, honestly not knowing what to talk to them about now, but hey at least he found a human to mess around with, maybe he would take a peek inside her mind to see how messed up she was.

Ritz looked at the skeleton, then at Ember. “Is this really what we look like without our skin and muscles?”

The dragoness looked at the pony and stated, rather matter of factly, “You grew up on a battlefield, you should know.”

“Hey, I hacked the live one’s, not the dead.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that.”

While they were talking Necore took a long look into Ember’s head to see not one, but TWO people there, talking to each other in a wasteland like area.

“No Ember, he isn’t a complete psychopath who needs to shove out, he’s just a bit nuts.”

“Shut up Gemina, I’m talking to Ritz for now.”

“Oh boy! Even more new friends! And I’m not nuts, I’m fucking nuts, theres a difference.” He said to the purple one, this dragon had wings. “I take it you're this ‘Gemina’?”

The dragoness turned around and looked at the visitor. “Oh, there you are, was wondering who had entered here. Yeah, fucking nuts seems right, but she doesn’t appreciate it quite like I do. So then,” she said, a giant pouf armchair appearing Behind her. She sat down in the chair, crossed her legs, and asked, “Why are you here?”

Necore shrugged, making his own seat of choice appear, a throne made of bones. He took a seat in it and smile. “Just visiting, seeing how stuff works, what confuses me is how one body can house two souls...” He leaned forward a bit and place a hand on his chin while he studied her.

Gemina laughed. “Yep, one body two souls, and two different strands of D.N.A. to save the day.”

“Interesting.” He mumbled and shrugged. “Bah, too hyper to be smart right now.” He laughed and made a bouncy ball appear. “So, I take it you're more powerful then Ember is?” He asked as he began to bounce the ball around.

Gemina tapped her chin thoughtfully for a few seconds, then shook her head. “Not really. She has a strong will, I also have a strong will, but mine is usually short living. I guess you could qualify me as powerful rage, her as unending stubbornness.”

“I see, I am, as well, one of two halfs, the other is currently....Locked up, so to say.” Necore chuckled a bit. “Not as much of a good fighter apart though, we use to be a killing machine.” He sighed happily at the memories. “Then we got our asses kicked by a bast, a shame really.” He shrugged as the ball began to bounce away.

“Only twice have we both lost it at once. First time concluded with four concussions, three compound fractures, and everyone in the hospital. Oh, and even a broken swing set. Last time concluded with a town of D-dogs being murdered, most of the town being drowned in a literal bath of fire.”

“Must have been fun, it would have been for me.” He chuckled. “You two are fun, when I get my city up in running you should come and visit.” He said as his form began to fade from existence. “Later.”

Gemina put on a set of sunglasses from seemingly nowhere and said, her voice suddenly deep. “Hasta la vista.”

Necore’s train of thought returned to his physical body. “I'm back! What did I miss?”

“Huh?” came the simultaneous response from Ember and Ritz, their noses pressed up against one another, now both turned to look at him. “Miss what?”

“Hmm, nevermind.” He picked up his box of popcorn and began to munch on some. “Want some?” He held out the box.

“Why would I want popcorn?” Ember asked.

“Popcorn? I’ve always wanted to try some. Corn doesn’t exist under King Henry.” Ritz muttered, rubbing her chin with a hoof.

“From England are we? Here, have some.” Necore walked over to Ritz and crouched down in front of her, holding out the popcorn.

“Thank you I guess.” Ritz said, taking a kernel out and popping it into her mouth. “Not bad.” she hummed, chewing the little kernel in her mouth. “Thank you.

“No problem.” He said, taking a handful of popcorn and stuffing it in his mouth. “And you younger one?” He held the box out to Ember.

“Younger one?” she asked, pushing the box away.

“I’m older than the both of you, and she’s older than you.” He pointed out. “See the logic here? You're the youngest one here.”

“I guess I see the logic.” Ember said, looking at the skeleton. “But how old are you?

“About......2.5 million years old? I was imprisoned for 2.4 and free for 1 before that imprisonment.” He shrugged. “Never lost my sense of humor though, and I have my own cult built around me!” He said gleefully.

I looked at his visage. “What, the Elder God?” Ember asked, a smirk spreading across her lips.

“You could call me a elder, but I’m not one of those Elder Gods” He chuckled.

“If you’re the new god of madness you should be able to be a bit more scary than,” and here Ember started shouting, “HASTUR!”

Necore, being the idiot he is, conjured up some flying monkeys. “Oh shit, look what you did.” He grinned as the monkey's landed on Ember and grabbed her. “Bye bye.” He waved as they began to (Slowly) drag her into the sky.

“The hell!?” Ember screamed, cutting the monkey’s to pieces, falling back to Earth. “Ventus!” she shouted, an air bubble appearing on the ground and launching her to her feet.

“It was your own damn fault, I mean come on! You know what you said.” Necore crossed his arms and pouted.

“You meanie!” Ember shouted, pointing at Necore. “Wait, why is my finger so small. Why am I small. What happened?” Ember asked, her body roughly the size of a nine year old. “What the hell did you just do Necore!?”

“By the looks of it I think I turned you into a toddler.” To crouched down to inspect her. “Hmm.” He poked her belly lightly.

“What?” Ember said, looking at herself. “Oh heck no, incrementum!”

“I think you look adorable.” He said with a smile, one that promptly fell as the little Ember suddenly grew back to her old proportions.

“Don’t buck with those who know magic as well, eh?” she huffed.

“Well then,” He said as where he was looking distracted him. “That was....Unexpected....” He paused. “This is weird without skin...”

Sudden realization dawning on her face, she proceeded to knee his head as hard as possible, knocking the head spinning around and around.

“WEEEEEE!” He said as he fell backwards and stopped his head. “Trippy...” He then looked at Ember and grinned. “So...........Dinner sometime?”

Ember’s eyes suddenly turned purple. “Fuck you asshole. Fucking nuts is okay, this is just perversion in a disgusting way.” then her eyes changed back into their previous scarlet.

“You're the one who thought it was a wonderful idea to suddenly grow to full size with me right in front of you.” Necore grumbled.

“And you’re the one who decided it was funny to poke multiple jokes at this one point. Saying, after you backed up, ‘Hey, that was awkward.’ might’ve been okay, but you just made it disgusting.”

“Couldn’t help it.” He grinned. “Well, I feel accomplished.” He pushed himself up and dusted off his robe. “I’m one of those guys who's just evil to the bone and funny as hell, and very comfortable with killing innocents.” He opens his arms with a dark grin. “Hug for the evil one?”

Ember looked at you with a look of disinterest. “Hug for the perverted skeleton who randomly kills people for amusement? Maybe not...”

Ritz however walked forward and hugged Necore, laughing. “You can’t be that bad if you truly think like you do. However,” she said, her laughter dying away immediately, “If you hurt more innocent people, I do swear to hunt you down.”

“I’m shaking in my skin, oh wait.” He chuckled lightly. “I don’t have any! Meh.” He returned the hug. “Now, I must be off, things to see, people to do, that sorta thing.” He did a fancy bow and gave Ember a bouquet of roses. “A parting gift, farewell my dear, we shall meet again.” With that, he jumped over a building and out of sight.

“..............And here I thought you were weird......” Ritz sighed, shaking her head.

“And he’s not the craziest one I’ve met to date.” Ember responded, looking at the roses in amusement. “Still, goodnight Necore.”

Tonight, we dine in the streets! (Title slightly related)

Short chapter, you have been warned.

“Argh my head, what the hell hit me last night?” I mumbled as I rolled off a.....Table? I pushed myself up and looked around, bodies, mostly knocked out, and stuff. “...Did I cause the end of the world again?” I said, still a bit out of it. I stumbled through the field of snoring bodies and out the front door, where Rikka was mostly blocking it with her snake body and stuff. “Rikka...” I mumbled and pushed her out of the way. “Wake up you silly snake we have to get the hell out of here and find me a bed to sleep in.” She made some muttering as I stepped past her and grabbed my leg. Now I was dragging a half asleep naga that was too weak at the moment to keep herself down yet strong enough to be clung to my leg. As we went the ponies and other races gave me a strange look as I dragged her along. “Where the hell is a hotel when you need one?” I grumbled. I grabbed a pony from a bench and brought it up to my face. “You, where is the hotel?” The pony just yelped and passed out.

“Fan-fucking-tastic.” I grumbled and dropped the pony. Most guards I passed just whistled nervously and walked the other way, bunch of pansy asses if you ask me.

“Joooooony! I’m hungry!” I paused and looked down at Rikka rubbing her belly like a little kid asking for a snack.

“Then eat something.” She did so by getting up, grabbing a pony, and slithering into a alley way. After some pleading, and crunching sounds, she slithered back out licking up any blood left over. “.....I love you.”

“What was that?”

“Bitch you heard me.” I grumbled and proceeded to walk until I ran into a wall of random races. “Oy! Out of the way!” I then heard punching. “....Move over.” I quickly pushed my way into the crowd some more until I was able to see what looked like two cat people fighting some guards. “Oh sweet! Bite his bloody head off Ozzy!” I words of encouragement was ignored and more than likely not heard what so ever. As the fight went on I found myself watching the cat dude with the limp arm more than the old one. “Huh.”

“What is it?” Rikka said, somehow have gotten coiled around me during the fight.

“I dunno, he seems....Familiar? I think thats the word.....Wait a sec.” I looked down at my left hand, where three rings were suppose to be, but only two resided. “Its Mango! That cheeky mother fucker that stole my ring!” I would have charged in there if it weren't for me being tied up.

“Jonny, calm down, we’ll get it later, just let the pigs, I mean guards take care of it.” She said while resting he pillows on my head, due to that I was more than willing to wait for later. Soon the battle ended with a net, kind of anticlimactic if you ask me. We proceed with our walk through town until we found a nice tree, in which we climbed it and fell asleep in the cover of the leaves.

Door to palace salesman Necore!

I stood at the gates of the castle, this plan was foolproof and everyone should know it. I walked over to the guard and put on my best tough guy voice. “Excuse me, I have to see the princesses, important message from the Griffin Pirates.” The guard looked at me closely then flinched back when I glared at him.

“Go on in.” With his magic, he opened the door and I strolled right in. When I knew I was out of earshot of anyone I giggled darkly.

“Works every time.” I sighed happily and kept walking though the palace. To be honest it was hard to find the throne room, why? I have no clue, but it was. When I had arrived it looked like Tia just got done reading something. I took a step in the room and her head instantly shot up to look at me. “Greetings your majesty.” I bowed. “I am here to offer you something.”

“And what would that be?” I looked up and grinned a grin that could be considered evil to even the most foul of beings.

“Why,” I opened my saddlebag things and pulled out....

Shampoo,

Pony axe shampoo for mares actually, you don’t know how long it took to make this stuff. “Shampoo my dear princess, it will give your mane that flow that would never come naturally! Think of it as turning your hair into a gentle stream on a cool summers day, it will shine like the sun, which you are yourself, and give anypony a pleasant feeling when they run their hoof through it!” She had a intrested look, good to know I was succeeding at least. “I can provide a sample, I can apply it here.” She got a thoughtful look on her face.

“Very well, go ahead.” I nodded and levitated the shampoo up into the air and over to her head. I summoned some water and got her mane wet, which actually turned to hair when doing so other then that rainbow flowy thing. I poured some out and onto her mane and began to wash. She got a pleasant look on her face then, I finished up by instant-drying it.

“All finished you majesty, tell me how it feels.” It shined brighter to say the least, and looked a LOT more flowy. She ran her hoof through it and giggled at the feeling.

“Oh this is wonderful! How much for a bottle?”

“Ten bits for you princess.” I bowed again, jeez faking this stuff is fun yet boring.

“I’ll take a dozen!” Well, that was more than I was expecting. Looks like I’m going to have to make more of this stuff.

“I have 5 with me right now, I have to make more, will that be ok?” I asked with a slightly scared face, milk it for all its worth Necore.

“Why of course, here you go.” She levitated a bag over to me, which was full of the bits she owed me. “120 bits, as promised for the shampoo.” I bowed again and she left. I looked at the guards and they looked at me.

“....Dance?” I asked with a nervous grin. They just stared at me. “Right.....I’ll do that.” I then did danced to this song and provided the music with my magic. That got the guards to raise their eyebrows and begin to bob their heads. With a grin, I sent to dance moves to their heads and had them join in on the dance, it was a very rewarding victory dance. I made my escape as the song began to near its end, so they wouldn’t yell at me.

Messing with the mane six!

I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face. “So, let’s list off some things!” I jumped up and started pacing. “I killed a store owner, took his bits, got a new weapon, killed two guards, and I think I fell asleep.” I laughed and looked around. “Any thoughts?” …..Nothing. “I agree.” I laughed and kept walking a random way. “I am really off my noggin aren't I?” Again, no reply. “Damn I am so fucked up.” I sighed and suddenly found myself facing a small cliff. “OH BOY!” I laughed and began to climb. I placed my hand near a small opening and suddenly a snake shot out and latched onto my hand. “Oh hey there little fella!” I laughed and moved my hand in front of my face. “Do you know the muffin man?” The snake just hissed at me. “YOU NOT HELPING!” I tossed it over the side of the cliff and began to climb again. “Stupid snake...” I muttered and pulled myself up over the ledge.

I Looked around for a moment then shrugged. “To all kinds of hell with it I’ll just keep walking.” I then proceed to walk what I could only guess was north.

----A unknown but known to be longer time later!----

I was bored out of my mind from walking so long that I could just fall to bits and think that was funny. “I swear if nothing happens in the next 2 seconds I’m going to-!” I cut myself out when I saw a small town about a mile down the way. “YES! ENTERTAINMENT!” I laughed and ran forward with excitement. It took me about an hour to get there. I got out of the forest to see a small cottage with a bunch of woodland creatures around it. I saw a small yellow pony talking to a bunch of ducks. “......Hehehehehe.” I chuckled and began to sneak up on the pony, as I got closer I could see she had the motherly love kind of thing to her. I snuck up right until I was behind her, raising my scythe slowly above my head. The ducks looked at me in horror and the pony got a confused look.

“What’s wrong little ones?” She flinched a bit when the ducks flew off. She shrugged and turned to me, my face just inches from hers.

“Boo.” She let out the loudest scream I ever thought possible and zoomed into the cottage. I burst into laughter at the sudden scare I just cause. “HAH! I hope she has a heart attack.” I chuckled and turned to the town. After a few minutes I was in the town square looking at the almost painful amounts of color. “Holy shmo!” I chuckled and walked around a bit. I saw a cowboy pony, or cowgirl pony, selling apples. I walked over to her and laughed. “Hello new face! One of your largest apples!” She let out the widest grin and put down an apple I think I would need two hands for.

“That’ll be 20 bits.” She said happily, stroke dat ego, just for the hell of it! I place 30 bits down and smiled at her through my hood.

“For these apples? I must insist on a ten bit tip.” I took the apple in both my hands and almost fell to the ground. “This will be the best apple ever!” I chuckled as I walked away. When I had gotten around a corner and into an ally I tossed the apple in a trash can. “Hehehee.” I laughed darkly. I kept walking around the town until I saw a fancy looking building that looked like the fashion place I robbed. “Oh goodie!” I laughed and ran up to the store. When I entered I heard a mare say something that was not repeatable to me.

“What can I do for you?” The fancy unicorn asked me as she worked on a dress.

“Oh just browsing.” She looked to into her work to even notice a fire at this point........ Best idea ever. I walked over to a random shelf of cloths and pulled a lighter out of my old pants pocket. I lowered the lighter to one of the cloths and- A fucking cat landed on my head and began to claw my skull. “GAHHHHHHH!” I yelled in pain and terror and ran out of the store with the demon cat on my head. “GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!” I screamed and finally ripped the satan spawn off my head and chucked it at a tree, where it got stuck on one of the branches. “YEA AND STAY THERE YOU ROTTEN ASSHAT!” I yelled and turned away, stomping down the road towards a gingerbread house. I had to stop myself from kicking down the door but when I entered I was assaulted by a pink pony.

“Hiwhatsyournamewaitdonttellmeskully?Jack?Death?” She just went on and on and on.

“ARGH! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!” I screamed and ran out of the gingerbread house as fast as possible. When I got far enough away I stopped and looked around. “A park? Sweet.” I walked around for a bit when I saw a low cloud. “I do not think clouds get that low.” I walked over and under it. “How the hell did it get so low?”

“How did what get so low?” I heard a voice call from the cloud and a pony stuck it’s head out from the side.

“Holy shit.” I muttered as it landed in front of me.

“Wow, you look dead.”

“Yea and you look like you like girls.” She paused a moment before she got a look of pure rage on her face. ‘Oh shit.’ I chuckled to myself.

“What’s that suppose to mean?” She growled at me and took a step forward.

“I said what I meant and meant what I said. YOU LIKE MARES!” I turned around and shit like a bullet....

Only to be tackled to the ground a few seconds later. “Dah fwak?” I muttered and turned my head to the really pissed off rainbow maned pony.

“Take that back!”

“Ask politely.”

“.....Please?”

“NOPE!” I rolled to one side and got her pinned. “Nighty night!” I chuckled and headbutted her. She got a woozy look then passed out. I left a rather large bruise on her forehead and I contemplated killing her. “Naw, I would seem like some sorta racist towards these kinds of ponies.” I chuckled and walked towards a large tree in the middle of the town. This had drawn my interest for some reason. I saw that it was a library, so why not just walk in? I pushed open the door and got that smell libraries had. That always seemed to calm me down for some reason. I walked in and looked around the books a few moments before pulling out a book about magic. “Hmm.” I found a rather small chair and sat down. It took me a few hours to finished the book but I had gotten through it. “Heh, magic. Wish I had some of dat.” I closed the book to be face to face with a wall of purple. “IFIHADAHEARTITWOULDHAVESHOTITSELFBYKNOW!” I yelled and fell back in the chair. The purple pony let out a gasp.

“Oh my! I’m so sorry! Here let me help you!” Her horn glowed and the chair and myself got lifted into the air then set down standing up. “Are you ok?”

“Oh no harm done, can’t even feel it.” I chuckled and she gave me a curious look.

“Why?”

“I’m dead.” She paused and gave me a blank look before laughing.

“That’s impossible! No pony can be dead and walking!” I gave her a bored look then pulled out my sword.

“Oh yea? Here.” I held out my sword and she reluctantly took it with her magic. I pointed at where my heart should be. “Go ahead. Come on don’t be shy!” She was shivering at this point. “Do it! Come on I’ll be fine!” I kept telling her I would be fine for 5 minutes.

“Alright! Alright just.....Don’t move.” I held perfectly still as she slowly raised the blade to my chest. “R-r-ready?” She was shaking out of control now.

“YES! COME ON!” I suddenly yelled which made her jump and plunge the sword straght through my chest.

I have to do this.

I fell to the ground and laid there. The purple unicorn walked over to me and poked me. “Oh no....” She muttered then began to run around the room yelling ‘OHNOOHNOOHNO!’ over and over again.

“Twilight! I’m trying to sleep!” Out of the corner of my eye I saw a small purple lizard thing walk down the stairs. It looked at me a moment then at the panicking ‘Twilight’. His eyes grew wider and wider as time went on before he fainted.

“Oh no! Spike!” She ran over to him and put a hoof on his head. “Ok, he’s still breathing.” She let out a sighed and looked at me, her face going back into a panic. I could not hold it any longer and I began to giggle. She gave me a confused look then one of embarrassed anger as I broke out into a full laugh. “Your so mean! I thought I killed you!” I had started pointing at her in my fit of laughter. “Ok yes, it was funny. Calm down or you’ll laugh yourself to life.” She had began to join in my laughter until she was leaning on me to stay standing.

“OH! You should have seen the look on your face! That was planned out too well.” I finally stopped and sat up. “Anyway I told you I would be alright.” I pulled the sword out of my chest. “I’m dead and alive, don’t even know what I am tho. I know I’m not a normal undead.” I began thinking when a book hovered in front of my face with a purple glow covering it.

“Here, look in this. You might find it in here.” ‘Twilight’ smiled at me and I took the book with a grin.

“Thanks.” I opened the book to a random page. “Bone Lord?” I muttered and looked at the page closer.

-----Bone Lords-----

Bone Lords are beings that are impossible to disassemble without the presence of holy magic. If they wish to they can take the skeletal system of any race by replacing one of its bones with the bone of the other race. There have only been two recorded Bone Lords in history and only one has gathered enough power to become a alicorn Bone Lord without having a alicorn bone. The other Bone Lord has gone missing from even the eyes of the princesses. The alicorn Bone Lord has been imprisoned in the sun after a fierce battle between it and the princesses. It is unknown if the Bone Lord is still alive.

“.....” I had a blank look on my face after reading that page, I kinda didn’t want to read the next one but I could not help myself.

The Bone Lord that went missing was the only one of the two to give his name, Necros. He was the one of the two to not crave power like his rumored sibling, yet he still wielded magic that could turn a dragon to ash if he wished. It is unknown how he was able to cast such powerful magic without a horn of some kind but it is known that a Bone Lord can grow a horn if it reaches a higher state of power.

The alicorn Bone Lord does have followers, much like Nightmare Moon. They could be your neighbors or they could be a father or mother, they are secretly everywhere, waiting for a new lord to take their place among the strongest.

We can only hope there are no more among us.

I closed the book with a face of pure rage. They don’t want me here? Fuck em all I’ll take over if I want! I gave Twilight back the book and sighed. “Um....What’s wrong?” I looked at her and pointed at the book.

“I’m hated that’s what! What I am is what everyone fears!” I decided not to say what was on my mind. She gave me a concerned look, this gave me a idea. “You know, I’m an adventurer, and I will more then likely get caught on fire a LOT! If you could, please make this robe fireproof. I love this thing.” She gave me a long confused look before smiling warmly at me.

“Alright! Hold still please.” The temptation to move was almost unbearable. Her horn glowed that purple color and my robes got surrounded in that same color. After about a minute her horn flashed and the colors stopped. “There, all fireproof!” I Grinned and nodded.

“Thank you madam!” I chuckled and, out of nowhere, a not poofed in front of her from the mouth of the passed out dragon thing that I wanted to kill for some reason. ‘Welp thats more then likely for me! Time to GTFO!’ I thought and shot up. “Well it’s been an honor miss but I must leave. Bye bye!” I speed walked to the door and closed it just as she got to the midpoint of the letter. I thought I was home free so I began walking to the side when the door to her library exploded off it’s hinges. “AWWWWWW Crap.” I muttered.

Mini Visions of the Future: Season three has begun! WITH EVIL!

I gazed up at the sky, filled with a prism of colors. Looking at it made me feel......Feel......

The same.

Somewhere, someone fell down, hard.

Anyway, the sky was full of colors, not surprising. Seeing that huge crystal place below Skyhaven was a sight though, I could feel this place was the source of this strange sky coloration. “Dezzy!” The small d-dog standing next to me looked up. “Take note, this place must burn.” He nodded and wrote something down on a random piece of paper he pulled out of nowhere. The time it took him to write down my order gave me enough time to get hit in the face with a, what looked to be black and red...Horn? “The hell is this? Did a unicorn get blown up or something?”

“I have no idea.” Dezzy said as he ate a piece of paper with writing on it, I wonder what was on it. Oh well.

“Hmm, I smell dark power and hatred.” I looked at the horn(?) for a few moment before something started whispering in my head. “.....Hmm.....I think its a evil unicorn horn filled with hatred and dark,evil, power over crystals.” Dezzy looked up at me with a confused look.

“How did you know that?”

“I watched the whole thing go on through my magic TV in the palace. But those damn commercials RUINED IT!” I hissed. “Oh well, now then.” I looked back at the horn and grinned. “Hello Sombra, I’m going to bring you back to life, but at the price of your freedom.” The horn glowed slightly and zapped my hand. “Silly, I eat magic, of any kind really. Now lets get you patched up so I can exploit your powers like a father that has a son with a ton of money.” I turned to the palace and walked in, my plans renewed in my mind.