Cousin Bucking Red Necks!

by OpalescenceIsGod

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 1367

Applejack explains how she lost her virginity...to her cousin.

"At least I didn't loose my virginity when I was ten!" Applejack furiously shouted.
"Well at least I didn't loose mine to a relative, filthy hill billy!" Rarity snarled back.
Applejack's jaw dropped in shock, "How did you know?!"
Side note: Not to be taken seriously. I honestly think if you thumbs it up you are a sick, terrible person (says the one who wrote this fic).

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-29 08:14:01 UTC

Let me explain...

"Jeepers, that storm is getting pretty darn bad!" Applejack mumbled.

"You could say that again." Rarity replied, "and thank you a ton for letting me stay here!"

"No problem, sugar cube." Applejack said, "if I didn't you would whine at me 'till I die!" she added.

"What do you mean 'whine at you until you die'? Are you saying I'm a cry baby?" Rarity defensively asked.

"Calm your hoofs, sugar cube. I'm just saying you're a little sensitive."

"I don't seem why you're always trying to start something, Applejack."

"I ain't trying to start nothing, but maybe you're trying to start something." Applejack growled.

"Oh now you're blaming it on me? Nice, just as expected from you. 'I'm A.J. and I'm never wrong, sugar cube!'" Rarity mocked.

"Since when do I say that I'm perfect? Sounds more like you, taking three hours to take a shower!"

"At least I care about my health and my looks!"

"Yeah, you want to look good so you can get in bed with any stallion you spot!" Applejack yelled, "at least I didn't loose my virginity when I was ten!" she added.

"At least I didn't loose mine to a relative, you filthy hill billy!"  Rarity furiously growled.

Applejack's jaw dropped open in shock, "How did you know?" she asked.

"W-what? You're serious? You actually banged a second cousin!" Rarity laughed.

"Uh... actually my first..."

"You've got be kidding." she giggled.  Applejack blushed. "Well, are you going to tell me about it, or what?"

"Fine, I'll tell you about it" she muttered, "I was very excited; today was the Apple family reunion! We had it each year, this year we had it at Sweet Apple Acres!...

I was sitting under a tree eating a juicy, sweet apple! I never knew any fruit could taste better, boy was I wrong! One lick of that (short but) sweet banana made apples seem like rotten grains!-"

"You're getting off topic!" Rarity said.

"Do you want to hear this darn story, or not?" Applejack asked.

"Sorry, carry on with your banana licking story."

"I'm done with the banana part! Any ways, after I took the last bight of that delicious apple, Granny Smith was nagging at me to come and welcome my relatives....

I trotted towards the house. There I saw a lot of family I haven't seen in a while. They said all the basic stuff you'd think; 'haven't seen you since you were a wee little filly', 'you've grown so much since I saw you', 'you are sure becoming a beautiful young lady', 'have you ever banged any pony before? If so how did it feel?'.

'Wait what?" I asked.

'Well, have you?" the pony asked back. He was not the prettiest apple in the sauce; he had two big buck teeth, messy hair, thinner than a twig, I tell you he had absolutely no muscles! And his voice...puberty must've been pretty angry with him."

"Get on with it!" Rarity hissed.

"Fine, fine. Just stop interrupting!" Applejack said, "Now where was I? Oh yeah, I gave him a look, but he still waited for an answer....

'No!' I finally said, 'any ways, why in tar-nation would you want to know?!'

'I've never bucked a pony before, I want to know how it feels!'

'Well asking ponies is pretty darn creepy!' I snipped, 'find out yourself how it feels!'

'How in the hay will I get a pony in bed with me?!'

'You got a point there, but it's creepy asking me, still! I don't even know your darn name!'

'It's Braeburn.'...

Remember Braeburn from Applelooza? He was an ugly kid" Applejack asked.

"Yes I remember him! Now get on with it!" Rarity snapped.

"Whoa, Nelly. No need to have a hissy fit! Any ways, I introduced myself and then he started asking strange questions again...

'Don't you want to know what it feels like to get in a stallions pants?' he asked.

I didn't know how to answer. I thought for a little bit, then finally replied 'every filly my age wants to know how it feels! But it ain't right to go asking strangers!'

'Well, maybe I can find out how it feels...without asking' he suggested and awkwardly winked, it gave me chills! What was this colt thinking? Braeburn trotted away.

'Listen up everypony' Granny Smith said (in her god awfully annoying voice), 'tonight y'all were gonna sleep out in the ol' tent! But it turns out two ponies won't be able to fit!'-"

"Isn't that just a little convinient?" Rarity asked, "two, excatly TWO ponies can't fit?"

"Well that's how it is! Kay, stop interrupting!", "any ways, Braeburn stepped right up...

'Me and Jackapple over here can stay inside!' he volunteered.

'It's Applejack, not jackapple! Any ways, why would I want to stay inside that stuffy ol' barn when I could be sleepin' under the stars!' I shouted.

'C'mon AJ, can't you do somethin' this small? The family will be so happy, getting to camp out!' Granny Smith said.

'But Granny Smith!'

'Aw, Applejack! D'you wan't little Applebloom to miss out on her first night in a tent?' she convinced.

'Aw, Granny Smith! Fine.' I gave in.

'Thank you, sugar cube!' she smiled, 'now how 'bout y'all start setting up the tent!'."

"Seriously, when is the sexual part coming?" Rarity impatiently asked.

"Soon, we still 'ought to set up the tent! It's such a funny story! Oh how I laughed when Big Macintosh fell in that mud puddle!" Applejack laughed.

"I don't care about that!" Rarity snapped, "Just start at the sexual part!".

"Fine, fine! So after the bonfire me n' Braeburn went into the barn....

At the time me and Applebloom shared a bed! Man, she sure was small! But she was in the tent, so I had the bed all to myself, or at least I thought I did. Braeburn was suppose to sleep in Granny Smiths room, but he walked into mine.

'What in the hay are you doing in here?' I asked.

'Remember what me n' you were chit-chatting 'bout earlier?' he asked.

I cleared my throat, 'Uh..yeah...'course I do!'.

'Well...' he said, shufflin' his eyebrows.

'Ugh, ew! Why in tar-nation would I want to doodle with you?'

He thought for a minute, 'Why in tar-nation not?'

'Hm...' I thought, 'You've got yourself a point there!' I thought for a bit longer, 'Fine, we can buckaroo! But I have some rules!'

'And what are those rules?'

'No role playin'! I won't be snortin' your sperm! No sticking it in my ear! And you better have somethin' there! If I find out it's just an empty field without a plum or banana; deals off! And if I don't enjoy it, get off!'

'Okay! Now push off those blankets!' I pushed them off. He got on...

he tried banging really hard, but he sucked. That's all, 'kay?" Applejack rushed.

"No! No! I've listened through your boring story for this? I want to hear you two fuck!" Rarity complained.

"That's all there is to it!"

"Didn't you say something earlier...about tasting banana?" Rarity snickered. Applejack gulped. "You gave that hill billy a blowjob! Tell me about it!"

"Okay, fine! So after sex he was begging me to blow him, I had no idea what it meant. He explained it...

'No way!' I shouted.

'C'mon! You never said anything  'bout blow jobs in your silly rules!' Braeburn replied.

'I said no snortin' your cum!'

'Snorting is with a nose, blowing is with a mouth.' he defended.

'Okay fine!' I grumbled while getting on my knees, 'take your small penis over here!' I sucked and sucked 'till the cows came out! Sperm was flyin' everywhere! I swear the bed looked like a blizzard just hit! Finally we wrapped things up, without even cleaning up the bed!"

"Well then...that was interesting." Rarity stated, "Well the storm has passed! Guess I'll be leaving now! Thanks and bye." she quickly hurried out of the house. Applebloom was in the room beside them and came walking into the room Applejack was in.

"D-did you hear that!?" Applejack worryingly asked.

Applebloom didn't answer, all she said was "So that's the dried up white stuff I ate."