"We're getting a Divorce"

by Smashology

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Lyra, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Bon-Bon
Length: 1594

Lyra and Bon Bon focus on how they are going to tell her daughter the most important decision of their lives.

Lyra and Bon Bon focus on how they are going to tell her daughter the most important decision of their lives.

Sweet Song by: Baka-Neku.

Thanks to Tide Hunter and Sparkletop Rainbows for the editing! You're the real heroes here!

Featured on the popular stories list! (8/16/16)

Published 2016-08-16 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-16 00:00:01 UTC

We're getting a divorce

A blue-green pegasus named Sweet Song was playing a board game in the living room with her friend, an orange pegasus named Mango Dash. Sitting on the sofa, they were having fun... but there was a problem Sweet Song’s parents were getting through: Lyra and Bon Bon, both nervous and fearful, watched from the kitchen how their offspring was enjoying her life while they were thinking skeptically about a theme that was constantly in their minds. Lyra, terrified, closed the door.

“We have to tell her NOW!”

“But why now?” Bon Bon asked. “She’s with her friend.”

“If not now, when?”

“Besides, it’s her birthday.”

“Then when?!”

“Quiet for a moment,” Bon Bon massaged her head to evade aches and both mares proceeded to sit down around the table. “We have to focus on how we are going to tell her we’re getting a divorce.”

“Relax, we just have to tell her the truth.”

Hypothetical scenario #1

Lyra and Bon Bon appear in the living room. They stand in front of Sweet Song and Mango Dash firmly and both fillies stop playing and pay attention to them.

“Sweet Song,” says Lyra. “We’re getting a divorce...” Sweet Song’s eyes open wide, Lyra pauses dramatically and suddenly holds Bon Bon’s left front leg. “BECAUSE YOUR MOM DATED A SPY AND CHEATED ON ME!”

Sweet Song ends traumatized.

Bon Bon frowned, and after visualizing that in her mind, she felt unamused, disappointed, and punched Lyra in the face.

“That’s your version, Lyra!” She yelled. “Your version!”

“But it actually happened!” countered Lyra as she kneaded her cheek.

“Please, Lyra, get over it!”

“Well then,” Lyra said overly self-confident to her former lover. “Tell me your plan, I’m waiting.”

Hypothetical scenario #2

Bon Bon appears in the living room panicked, rushing over to stand before Sweet Song and Mango Dash as both fillies stop playing and pay attention to her.

“Mom² died!”

“AAAAHHHH!” Sweet Song and Mango Dash scream.

“And you’ll never going to see her again!”

“AAAAHHHH!”

“But put yourself together,” Bon Bon pauses dramatically and continues more calm. “Because she’s going to send us the alimony from heaven.”

“AAAAHHHH!”

“If she doesn’t send us the alimony,” Bon Bon faces to her left where Lyra, hiding in the kitchen unseen, is. “SHE’LL GO TO JAIL...!” She returns her focus to her daughter. “In heaven.”

“AAAAHHHH!”

Sweet Song ends traumatized.

“Hey, hey! Hold on a moment,” Lyra interrupted the vision. “I want to keep watching my daughter even if she has some fault in this.”

“We have to tell her that too.”

Hypothetical scenario #3

Lyra and Bon Bon appear in the living room, they stand in front of Sweet Song and Mango Dash firmly, causing both fillies stop playing and pay attention to them.

“Sweet Song,” says Bon Bon serious. “We’re getting a divorce.”

“What?” Sweet Song asks surprised. “Why?”

“It’s not our fault,” replies Lyra. “It’s yours.”

The green unicorn points her daughter, Sweet Song’s jaw drops and Mango Dash suddenly sits up from her chair.

“Bad daughter,” she says while slapping Sweet Song in the face, who promptly faints.

“No,” said Lyra. “We’re going to leave her an impact.”

“And therapy is very expensive.”

“And she can become a drug addict, or a bully, or even worse...” Lyra paused dramatically. “A My Little Human fanfic writer,” Lyra breathed deeply while Bon Bon crossed herself. “And if we only disappear?”

Hypothetical scena–

“No, I can’t imagine that,” interrupted Bon Bon.

“Me neither.”

“And if we never talk about it? She may never realize we got separated.”

Hypothetical scenario #4

Bon Bon appears in the living room happy, trotting over to stand in front of Sweet Song and Mango Dash as both fillies stop playing and pay attention to her.

“Sweet Song,” she says. “Let’s go to the park with Mom²!”

Sweet Song smiles. From nowhere appears a yellow-coated, black mane stallion holding a chocolate ice cream cone. He’s tall, tanned and handsome.

“I bought you an ice cream, my daughter!”

“Mr. Golden Gun!” the little filly screams.

“No!” Lyra shouted annoyed.

“But baby–”

“NO, NO, NO!”

“Well if you’re not going to listen to my ideas then I expect some proposals at least.”

Lyra reflexed for a moment, then proceeded to speak. “I’ve been thinking in telling her in a very subtle, almost imperceptible way.”

“Like a subliminal message?”

“Exactly.”

“How will you do that?!”

“I have everything planned.”

Hypothetical scenario #5

Lyra and Bon Bon appear in the living room cheerful in front of the fillies, Lyra is disguised as a clown while Bon Bon is dressed as a harlequin, and the green unicorn is holding a birthday cake. Sweet Song and Mango Dash stop playing and pay attention to them.

“Today’s gonna be OK. ♪”
“‘Cause we’re celebrating your birthday! ♪”
“Happy Birthday, we’regettingadivorce Sweet Song! ♪”
“Celebrating your Birthday! ♪”

Sweet Song puts a ‘surprised in the wrong way’ face for the ‘subliminal’ part and then their parents show her the cake, which has written on its cover ‘El Divorcio.’

“Eh? Eh?” Lyra put a smile on her face, like presuming her plan was going to work but in the end Bon Bon, down to earth, had the final answer.

“Why do you always have to choose the awkward options?! Why can’t you be a normal pony like the rest?!”

Lyra, a little offended by that comment, kept silence for a few minutes and then replied. “I don’t know. I always supposed it was in my nature to be awkward. It’s not my fault that I’m obsessed with humans and all that stuff. I mean, you are the only one who has supported my craziness when everypony mocked at me and called me ‘crazy mare.’ You always have the reason, you always know what to do. Meanwhile I’m sit here, waiting for a party invitation so I can play my lyre and wasting my time writing stories about a kids show. I guessed we would be together... until you started hanging out with that Golden Gun guy.”

Bon Bon then told her version. “I only invited him to dinner with me. Is it wrong to try making a new friend? I mean I’m the only agent in the entire ministration whose private life is no longer private. Remember? I brought you there to convince the superiors to not erase your memory and now things have change. You want to know the real reason why the superiors don’t erased your memory?” Lyra nodded. “They love you, all of them. Everypony in the agency knows you, all my partners know about our relationship and they love getting along with you, even W. And he’s the boss!” Bon Bon sighed deeply. “...I don’t make friends that easy.”

Both mares kept silences, looked directly into their eyes and smiled. Then held their hooves. “What happened then? What happened between us?”

“We change... the world changes, whether we like it or not... that’s all that I can get,” Bon Bon reflexed for a moment. “Look Lyra, we have to stop thinking of ourselves. There’s a little girl out there waiting for an answer. Let’s tell her this is a decision both have taken, in the mildest way possible.”

“...I guess we finally agree on something,” said Lyra smiling, both stood up from the chairs and Lyra opened the door heading to the living room. “First you, my secret agent.”

“Thank you, my anthropologist.”

Actual scenario

Lyra and Bon Bon appear in the living room, they stand in front of Sweet Song and Mango Dash firmly.

“Sweet Song,” says Bon Bon in a worried mood. “Listen to us for a second, ok?”

Both fillies stop playing and pay attention to them. Sweet Song focus her sight on them.

“There’s something we have to tell you and we think you’re old enough to listen to.”

“Mom² and I have decided to take on separate ways.”

“But that doesn’t mean we’re going to stop being your parents ever.”

“And I want you to know that you have no fault in this decision we have made as a couple.”

“We’re getting a divorce.”

“I already knew it.”

Sweet Song’s words interrupted the mares thoughts, a broken record sound passed through their minds.

“Really?” Bon Bon asks.

“Yes, for some time.”

“You have great parents,” says Mango Dash. “Mine explained it to me in a–” the orange filly remembers when their parents told her the same thing and gets disgusted. “Yuck!”

“Actually,” adds Sweet Song. “This can help us as a family because being apart can make a relationship get clean and some day you can become best friends.”

“Besides,” continues Mango. “Every classmate’s parents are divorced... except Sweetie Belle’s and Dinky’s.”

“That must be,” says Lyra. “Because neither Cookie Crumbles nor Derpy...” she pauses dramatically. “ARE SLUTS WHO GETS LAID WITH A SPY!”

“IT WAS ONLY A DINNER!”

Bon Bon lunges over Lyra, Sweet Song cries and gets traumatized while Mango Dash facehoofs disappointedly.

Author's Note

-With this project, every member of the Background 6 has officially a starring main role in one story.
-This was an experiment for the most part: trying to mix fanon Lyra with canon Bon Bon, something few users have done.
-Birthday song from Regular Show. I planned to include the original "Happy Birthday" but couldn't for copyright issues.

-Lyra is disguised as a clown while Bon Bon is dressed as a harlequin.

Any resemblance with Suicide Squad is mere coincidence.
-Sweet Song: