Seven Ways To Heaven

It wasn't always like this. He didn't always have a shop. Long before any of this, he roamed the land, selling his wares to any unlucky soul that might have been delusional enough to trust him. Thinking his trinkets would do anything for them. That they would make their lives just a bit easier.

He even heard one of his trinkets helped a pony overcome her own weakness and become a ruler for a short period of time before succumbing to her own inflated pride. Thinking there was an equal to the amulet she wore. Wanting nothing but the best.

But to say that the items he was selling were his own would be a lie. None of the items he has ever sold, and will sell, are not of, or will be, his own creations. Pride isn't something he can ever feel. Robbed of the joy that could have been felt if he himself had made something someone else would want. But this was his calling. What the world wanted him to do.

Nobody can ever sell happiness. No one can ever sell satisfaction. What he sold was despair. He sold reminders.

That was what he could take joy in. He was the one who would kick another while they were down. To laugh at their misery while trying to forget about his own. Trying to forget that the ones he was giving hope, were exactly like him. And he knew this. Every time he would give out a reminder, he would get a promise. Something he could never do to himself.

This was his duty.

Humming quietly to himself, he walked around his shop, taking care to avoid the various items and trinkets that hung at eye level. He traveled to the front of his shop, far beyond the reach of the candle's light. Where the items that hung from the ceiling grew sparse.

Eyeing the door to the world outside, he continued to hum. Thinking to himself as he tried to decide whether he wanted to advertise or not. Advertising certainly brought potential customers, but it also brought would be vandals, thieves, and the occasional drunken window shopper. Even if his store had no windows.

Nodding, he raised a hand to the knob and twisted. Opening the door with a creak, light began to spill into his shop as the door opened wider and wider. Soon, his entire shop was engulfed in the light of the sun. Various items that hung from the ceiling shined with the same intensity as light reflected off of them.

Stepping outside, the effects of the outside world were immediate. The noise, the smells, the sights. Everything screamed Manehattan. The almost rhythmic marching of hooves hitting pavement. A miasma of cooked foods and sputtering machinery thickening the air. A sea of various Ponies, Griffons, and the occasional Minotaur all moving, never stopping.

He smiled. This wasn't home, but it was close. Close enough.

These may have been the slums, but this didn't stop the inhabitants from trying to make a living. Trying to make something of their lives as they forged on.

Looking down at his side, he found that his bag of Bits were still fastened to his belt. Shutting the door behind himself, he made his way into the city.

His attire wasn't anything special. A pair of pale cream white jeans covered his lower half, held up by a rope that acted as a belt, with a dull grey long sleeved shirt covering his upper half. His pay didn't allow for him to have clothes tailored for him, so he learned a spell that acted as a wash for the clothes themselves. The spell taking a toll on the colors of his clothing as the pants used to be blue, and his shirt had been black. He didn't really care though, something to wear was all he was grateful for.

As he made his way through the crowd, he turned to his right and walked to the side of the road. Raising his hand, he shouted out. "Hey! Need a ride over here!" His voice booming over the hum of the city.

Almost immediately, an open topped carriage came to a grinding halt in front of him. The Earth Pony mare pulling it swung her head, motioning for him to get in.

Reaching a hand for the door, he froze as he noticed a hoof reaching for the same one.

"Oh, my bad," he said as his hand recoiled. Looking over, he smiled as he recognized a familiar face.

It was the mare from last night. The one who had taken the necklace. And lo and behold, wrapped around her neck was the very same necklace.

"Oh hey! It's you!" He exclaimed, spreading his arms out and to the sky as the mare turned to him. A questioning look on her face before realization washed over her.

"Hey! Hi! I almost didn't recognize you!" She laughed. "You look so different in the light. Want to join me? I was just going to work and I wanted to thank you once I came back."

"Sure," he said with a nod and a smile. Reaching for the door, he opened it and swept an arm to the cab. Letting her get in first. Climbing in after her, he closed the door. The driver shouted back to them.

"So, where are you headed?"

"I need to be dropped off right next to the printing company, Pressed Press." She shouted in reply.

The driver nodded, beginning her journey as she pulled the two of them down the road.

"What a coincidence. I have to stop by there." He said, giving a sigh of relief. "Saves me the trip."

She looked worriedly at him "Are you collecting a favor?"

He nodded. "Someone there bought something from me a little while ago and hasn't stopped by, so I think it's about time to collect. Probably avoiding me like some of the others."

"Do some run away?"

"Oh yeah, tons." He shrugged before grinning. "Why? Are you thinking of running away?" He gave a mock glare at her.

She raised her hooves and waved them in the air while shaking her head back and forth. "Not at all! I've never been happier. My husband has never treated me like he did last night. He wouldn't stop telling me how–" She paused, lowering her head as she fidgeted with her hooves.

He leaned. "How, what?" Turning an ear towards her.

"H-How beautiful I was," she muttered.

He cooed. "Aren't you adorable." He laughed as the mare shrunk into her seat. "Isn't it great? To be in love?" He stretched his arms to the sky as he gave a sigh.

Looking up at him with an eyebrow raised, she spoke up. "Are you in love?" She asked, her turn to lean forward, waiting for an answer.

"I could never say no!"

"Who is the lucky mare? Or human... mare?"

"It's you!" He shouted. Causing her to recoil at the intensity, her eyes wide from the answer.

"M-Me?"

"Yes! You! My customer! Every single one of my customers brings me so much joy when I find out I helped them! This feeling can't be anything else but love!"

She laughed. "It's nice to see that you care about us."

He laughed along with her.

They decided to have idle chatter the rest of the way. Once the carriage stopped, the driver looked back. "That'll be thirty-five bits please."

"How about this. I give you forty-five, and you wait here until I get back. Won't be long, five minutes tops. I'll even pay the same for the return trip, sound good?" He asked, waggling his eyebrows.

The coal colored mare pouted before nodding. "Make it quick though, time is money after all."

"Right you are!" He jumped from the carriage. "Oh and..." He turned back to his new friend.

"Rose. Rose Wind." She said.

"Rose." He nodded quickly. "That necklace around your neck?"

She quickly looked down at it before looking back at him. "Yes?"

"Ask your husband what he thought of you before you began wearing it." He chuckled before continuing, "Jealousy can be a healthy thing to feel, but it isn't always warranted. You might learn something if you just talk things out."

Turning around, he swung an arm up and placed his palm on the glass door in front of him. Pushing it open, he stepped inside and off of the street. Leaving the mare in the carriage with so many questions, but no answers.

"Now to play the waiting game," He said as his shoes began to clack on the floor below him.

"I wanted that story printed an hour ago!" Newsworthy shouted. The dirt brown cap atop his head slipping slightly as he ran around the office. Carrying various papers and scrolls in his magic. Dodging ponies and printing machinery alike.

This was Newsworthy. Not his real name of course. Newsworthy was the name that went on the papers. His real name was and still is, Barren Sheet.

"Ironic. I know." He muttered as he watched Barren scuttle around the office.

Barren was never what he was today. He was a meek Unicorn when he entered the shop. Now, after having bought from him, he gained the means to go out and become one of the best reporters to ever grace Manehattan. Becoming the head honcho of Pressed Press. Earning himself a life of luxury as his pay rose higher and higher. The more time went by, the more the cap atop his scrawny head affected him.

Stepping into the office, he noticed the path that Barren was taking. He moved to step into his path. Coughing as the smell of ink slogged his lungs.

"Hey hey hey! Watch it!" Barren shouted as he came to a grinding halt, his hooves slipping on the tiled floor as he did so, this caught the attention of everyone in the office. The cap atop his head slipped down and covered the sight of the human. Raising a hoof to adjust it, he moved it back to the top of his head, in between his grey furred ears.

His eyes widened at what he saw.

"Hey! Barren!" The human greeted with a shout. Spreading his arms and leaning down as he gave the unicorn a hug. Said unicorn tried to escape. Wriggling and writhing as he tried to escape the human's clutches.

"So are you happy to see me?" He asked as he stepped back.

"N-No? What are you doing here?" He said, his eyes darting back and forth from the human to the papers that floated in his lime-green magic.

By this time, the sound of machinery stopped. All eyes were on the two of them. None of them had ever seen Newsworthy act the way he was acting now.

"Oh you!" He wagged a finger at him "You know what I'm here for! I'm here for that favor you promised me."

Whispers began to permeate the room as ponies turned to each other before returning their gazes to them

"Fine fine. What do you want? Your name in the paper? Money? Vacation tickets the most tropical resort in Equestria?"

"None of that," He said with a shake of his head. "You know my rules." He began to list them off on his fingers. "No sex. No money. And nothing illegal. What I want is a favor."

"What is it already?" He shouted. Sweat dripping from his brow, muddying his coat as the sweat and dried ink mixed into his already dark grey coat.

"Give it back."

"Give what back?" He chuckled nervously.

"My virginity," he mocked. "No, the hat!" He shouted.

"N-No! You can't have it! It's mine!"

He began to crack his knuckles. "If you don't want to give it back, I'll have to lay down some emotional beatings on you."

"Somepony call the guards! This monsters crazy!"

The moment he finished speaking, a pair of guards walked up from behind the human. Their grey armor dulled to match the very stone streets they patrolled.

"What seems to be the issue? Somepony came down to tell us about a commotion." One spoke, his tone baritone and groggy as if he had just woken up.

Barren scurried to their side. "This... monster was threatening me!" He pointed at the human with a shaking hoof. A smile hidden as he lowered his gaze to the ground.

The guards looked at the human.

"Is this true?"

He looked between the guards. One sky-blue and the other an eggshell-white. His eyes snapped back to the sky-blue guard. A smile making its way across his face. "Bars, is that you?" He asked the sky-blue Earth Pony.

The pony in question had widened eyes.

"It is you! How's it been man? Wife and foals doing well?"

He only nodded. Not wanting to speak.

"That golden voice of yours not good enough for show business?"

He shook his head, his usually blue face was now a bright red as the guard next to him was trying to hold back laughter.

"I-I needed discipline in my life. After you came to get a favor from me, I didn't know what to do. I-I was just always so angry. With myself. My job. My family." He bit his lip as he sucked in air. "I ended up being sent away for a while."

He gave a sigh. "I can visit the foals once in a while."

"That's nice. Now let me ask you this, it's been a long enough time to think about it, and I know you, you already have the answer." He paused. Scowling at him as he spoke. "What did you learn? That's the only question I'll ask, then you can forget about any of this happening. Meeting me, going into that store."

"That I'd be the father I promised my wife I would be. For her and my children. Even if it meant giving up a part of me. Loving my family comes before my pride. It comes before me."

He nodded. "Good. G-Good." He choked. "Now. You know what I'm doing. Are you going to stop it?"

He shook his head and bumped a shoulder with his partner, the armor clanking together. Motioning with a wave of his head for the door.

As the two guards left. The human extended a hand towards Barren. "Hat. Now. This doesn't have to get uglier than it will be."

Barren whimpered as the hat atop his head was encased in his magic. Floating it over to the human, he let it drop onto his hand.

With the hat in his hand. He turned to the ponies on the room. Barren's co-workers. His peers. "Now. I want to ask you all some questions. Answer with a hoof raised high so both Barren and I, can see you."

There were murmurs among the crowd, but no objections.

"How many of you like that Barren works in your department?" There were more murmurs before two hooves among the group of thirty ponies were raised.

"Why do you like him, might I ask."

"He makes money!" A voice shouted out, an agreement followed.

"Fair enough." He nodded. "What about the rest of you?"

Silence.

"How many of you hate his guts." It was slow at first but soon, nearly all of the ponies in the room raised their hooves. Looking down at Barren Sheet, he asked him a question. "Why do you think they hate you?"

He only lightly shook his head, not wanting to look the human in the eye as he muttered three words. "I don't know."

"I think I know why." He said, presenting the hat. Drawing Barren's gaze to it as his eyes snapped towards it. Bringing it up next to his face, he forced Barren's eyes to meet his own. "Because of this hat." He paused. "You became what you always wanted to be. An evil, greedy, little shit who couldn't care about anything else but the bag of Bits he got at the end of the day. You wanted to be able to boss ponies around, using them as a means to get your next raise. Am I right?"

He choked. Trying to fight back tears as he shook his head.

"You treat more than half of the ponies here like dirt, don't you?"

He shook his head again, this time weaker than before as tears began to fill his eyes.

"When you walked into my shop, I saw a pony who couldn't walk five hooves in any direction without worry about what somebody else thought about him. You want to know what I see now?"

Barren sobbed. Falling to the floor as he shook his head. Tears flying in every direction as he did so. "P-Please~" He cried.

"I see that very same pony. Trying to make his way through the world, leaving nothing but a trail of crushed and defeated ponies in his wake. I see someone who wants nothing more than to be excepted, and looked upon with respect as he speaks his mind."

Getting to a knee. He took Barren in his hands. Lifting him as he stood back up. Taking him to the group of ponies in the room. He sat him down before them in a chair, his eyes puffy and soaked with tears as snot trailed down from his snout.

"Everybody." He spoke. Gathering the gazes of the room. "Please welcome back the old Barren Sheet. I know it's going to be hard forgetting whatever he's done. But for the sake of everyone here, do me a favor, forget it." He turned around and made his way to the door of the office.

Before his hand reached the latch, he turned around. "Oh yeah, and if anybody here has someone who needs a lesson. Send them to the shop with no windows and no sign down in the slum's marketplace. Don't tell them about any of... this. Just tell them to tell me about their problem. Okay?"

He stepped out of the office, giving a sigh of relief as the weight from his shoulders lifted. He rolled his neck before making his way back outside of the building.

"That was way longer than five minutes." The driver said as he stepped back into the carriage. The streets nearly dead as everybody was either at work, or at home.

"Yeah, sorry about that," he mumbled.

The driver looked back and shrugged. "It's fine. Just remember about what we agreed on."

He chuckled weakly. "Yeah yeah, I know. A night full of fun and excitement."

The driver laughed as she began to pull the carriage.

He doesn't sell happiness. He doesn't sell joy. He sells despair, reminders of what you wanted to become. He derives joy from kicking others while they're down, only for them to be brought back up, better than they could have ever hope to be. Pilfering promises from innocent ponies foolish enough to believe that what they're buying can make them better. That it can make them happy. But it never does.

"Happiness is earned."

This is his duty.

"To make others earn their happiness."