The Inner Machinations of My Mind

Author's note- What has been read, cannot be unread.

The Inner Machinations of My Mind

“GET OUT OF HERE YOU, FUCKING BUM!" screamed Twilight sparkle, pointing at the disgusting, bearded excuse for an earth pony, who shuffled towards Ponyville on the opposite side of the street. The mangy nomad was dressed in a cloak of various animal pelts sewn crudely together with what a trained eye could determine to be long pubic hair. The skinned bodies of the defenceless animals he had slain for their furs were mangled together in his saddle bags for later use. At the sound of this rather insulting assortment of words, the “bum” proceeded to acquire an erection, run across the street, and slap dear Twilight across the face with his member. Twilight stood in awe at the events that had thus befallen her on this sunny Saturday morning.

After much internal debate, Twilight decided to flee the scene via projectile vomit. The bum’s stoic gaze never faltered as the contents of Twilights stomach gushed out with a force greater than that of Equestrian gravity. She found herself accelerating up into the air and away from the bum. After several layers of atmosphere, she situated herself in geosynchronous orbit, and began to formulate what would become the most intellectual plan of her young life. This plan was one of revenge.

The bum sheathed his fifth limb, and continued down the street. None had witnessed the spectacle that took place between him and Twilight Sparkle. As he entered Ponyville, he received several dirty looks and a partial erection, but nothing more. Eventually, he stopped at a nice, sunny spot in the market next to a celery vendor, to see if he could make some bits. With great care, the bum slid seven bloody, skinless animal corpses out of his saddle bags and onto the grass. He then dumped the rest of the items in his bags onto the grass: a 5lb crack rock, four mouldy cheese buns, the uterus from which he was born, and a rusty, deformed slinky. He stood back, admiring his voluptuous merchandise.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders approached chatting about the intricacies of Equestria’s economy. The conversation died abruptly as the three fillies reached the bum’s purchasable goods. A tantalising scent crept from the various products that lay before them. Without warning, Scootaloo’s face slowly began to melt off of her skull. Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom could only stare at their friend in horror as her eyes melted out of their very sockets. Gurgled screams of pain and anguish spewed from what once was Scootaloo’s mouth. At last she collapsed into a lifeless pile, her liquid face in a gelatinous puddle next to her.

A fleeting moment passed as the two fillies regarded the faceless corpse of their friend which remotely resembled a slaughtered chicken. Their gazes slowly turned towards what had obliterated their useless comrade. The disgusting stare of what could only be described as the definition of filth emanated from the wily vagabond. The two minors were completely repulsed yet somehow aroused by the compilation of merchandise dangerously close to their hooves. Apple Bloom gulped as she tentatively stepped forward, lubricant seeping from her loins, to greet the unsavory character.

“Yuh dun got yerself some maty fahn stuff thar mister!” she piped with a wild grin, evidently unscathed by Scootaloo’s death, “I’ll give ya Sweetie Belle’s left kidney fer that thar slinky and two o’ them cheese buns!” The bum’s eyes cascaded lustfully across his beautiful possessions, none of which he was sure he could part with. As he lowered himself to his beloved, rust-laden slinky, emotions of friendship and compassion welled up inside him. A flurry of distant memories flooded his thoughts. The rape...the pillaging...the butt flossing...all of it had been done with this glorious companion of his. How foolish of him to sell his dearest friend. How foolish of...her. How dare she offer such a lowly organ! Eyes from the deepest chasm of hell shot a gaze at Apple Bloom that would liquefy the vital organs of a lesser opponent. The bum dove savagely at the southern drawl wielding wretch before him.

Sweetie Belle could only watch in horror as the vagrant viciously tackled Apple Bloom down to the ground with the force of an enraged rhinoceros. Winded, the small apple creature gawked in terror at the malicious stallion towering over her. In her fright she glanced down to see something massive and pulsating droop down between his hind legs. A deep crimson washed over her cheeks and her loins let out a gush of approval. Before the bum executed his patented B&E (Break and Enter) maneuver he detected a spray of warm liquid upon his hooves. Realizing the distinct aroma of adolescent pleasure, he knew instantly that such excretions were not of urine, but of something much more. Grinning mischievously he swiftly scooped the filly into his large gore-infused cloak, gathered his prized possessions, and galloped down the streets of Ponyville, leaving a trail of sensual fluids in his wake. Nopony besides Sweetie Belle witnessed the kidnapping.

Shortly after his discrete escape from the Ponyville market, the bum dove through a glass window of Twilight’s library and rolled majestically to his feet on the other side. He proceeded to throw Apple Bloom violently against a bookshelf, knocking her unconscious and moistening nearly all of the books it contained. After light investigation, he discovered the library to be void of life save for a young, sleeping dragon. The cogs of the bum’s genius mind whirled into action as he devised the perfect way to deal with this apparent obstacle. He withdrew his rusty slinky and professionally strangled the life out of one which he would never come to know as Spike. Returning to the adorable, comatose sack of vaginal fluid he had left on the floor, the bum thought deeply on what to do next. Deciding that there was only one logical course of action, he swiftly gathered bits of glass that had been strewn about from his diving entrance. Slowly but surely, he pieced together an elegant looking crack pipe. After intense masturbation to Apple Bloom and her riches a plenty, he had enough glue to hold the glass together. Taking a step back from his creation, the bum looked triumphantly at a crack pipe fit for a princess.

Little did the bum know, Twilight Sparkle had descended from her commendable geosynchronous orbit and was now lurking just beyond the window, whose glass had been used in the construction of a crack pipe. Peeking into her library, she could make out Apple Bloom’s motionless form, the bum smoking a 5lb crack rock, and the Spike's carcass tangled in what looked like a rusty slinky. Despite being enraged and slightly seduced, Twilight waited for her chance to strike. Eventually the bum vomited on himself and had a graceful seizure. With a spell, Twilight climbed through the window and onto the wall cackling feverishly. Many a strange noise came from her as she galloped triumphantly around the room via the walls. At the sounds coming from the library, a passerby might go so far as to assume an orgy of epic proportions was going on within. At the conclusion of this celebratory ritual, Twilight made her way over to the vomit covered trespasser. With the utmost ease and precision, she stealthily took a massive dump on the bum’s chest. Balance had been restored to Equestria once more. With her fantastic act of revenge complete, she savagely dry humped his beard like there was no tomorrow.

Think of it what you will. Do not attempt to understand the complexities of this elaborate plot. It is far beyond your level of comprehension.