Rarity waited on the Ponyville pier for a stallion very dear to her heart. She was wearing a brand new scarf that she had sewn herself and even wore a small purse on her shoulder. She looked around excitedly only to find that there was still no sign of him.
'Where is he?' She thought to herself. 'He should've been here by now. He wouldn't ditch me...would he?'
Suddenly, as if on cue, a hoof tapped Rarity on the shoulder causing her to turn around happily and excitedly. There, right in front of her, was a brown pony with dark sunglasses, combing his slick black hair. Rarity bounced up excitedly.
"Oh Golden, don't say a word! Because I know exactly what you're going to say! I've been thinking about it all day! You're going to start off with 'Mmm, that heavenly odor. Is that perfume or is that you?' And then you're going to look into my eyes and say 'You drive me crazy! Did you know that?' And then, your going to take my hoof and hold it in yours! And then - this is the best part - then you're gonna say, 'Honey, you're the sweetest, the softest, the prettiest mare in this whole cockeyed, crazy, wonderful world!" She sighed to take a breath. "Man oh man, you sure know how to talk to a girl!"
She gave him a small kiss on the cheek before rambling on again. "You know what I did today? I went looking for furniture, bedroom sets, living room sets, bedroom sets, kitchen sets, bedroom sets...And I've got the money for it right here!"
Rarity used her magic to open her purse and take out at least a thousand bits. "My dowry!" She lowered the bits back down into her purse before walking to the edge of the pier and staring out into the sunset. "Oh Golden, doesn't the lake look beautiful?" She sat down and gently took off one of her horseshoes before finally dipping her hooves lightly into the water. "Ooohhh, it feels nice! Doesn't it look like a great, big wishing well? We should throw something in for good luck!"
Looking down at Rarity, Golden quickly looked around and in one swift cat-like movement, he grabbed Rarity's purse and shoved her into the lake before dashing off.
"Help! Help!" Rarity cried before sinking down under the water. She began to frantically throw her hooves around the water but to no avail, she couldn't swim.
Back on land, a pony couple walked by and the mare pointed the mare out to her husband. "Honey, I think there's a mare drowning!"
"Don't get involved, just keep walking!" Her husband said, rushing her along.
"But snookums-"
"It's not our business, just keep moving!"
As the young couple scattered, another young stallion walked by and happened to notice Rarity in the lake. "Hey! There's a mare in there! I think she's drowning!" He called out to anyone who would listen.
A mare with a very fancy hat galloped to his side and looked in the lake. "Why yes, it certainly looks like she's drowing."
One of the ice cream vendors from a nearby park heard the stallions call and rushed over. "What's going on?"
The mare with the hat pointed. "That attractive young mare is drowning."
A large group of ponies began to gather around the scene.
"Do you think she can swim?" A mare said.
"It certainly doesn't look like it." Somepony answered.
The mare with the hat cupped her hooves and yelled to Rarity. "You should've taken swimming lessons! Now it's too late!"
"Hey! I'll go get my foal brother! He's never seen a drowning before!" A baseball stallion said before racing from the scene.
"What in Celestia's name is going on here?!" A stallion walked in holding a froffy little dog in his hooves.
One of the stallion's pointed. "There's a mare in the lake. Looks like she's drowning."
The stallion stood in disgust and disbelief. "Drowning??? There's a mare drowning and you all just stand around??? Dear Celestia, why doesn't somepony do something?!"
"Why don't you?" The mare with the hat asked.
"I can't. I'm walking my dog." The stallion left, still holding his dog in his hoofs.
A spanish stallion made his way through the crowd and onto the dock. "She is floating over here! I get her! Here, senorita, here!" He got down on his knees and reached for Rarity. "Somepony, grab my ankles!" Two strong stallions grabbed his ankles to keep him from falling in.
Another mare in the crowd began tapping her hoof. "I do wish they'd hurry up! I have a dentist appointment at 3!"
"He's got her! He's got her!" Somepony from the crowd yelled.
The spanish stallion pulled Rarity out of the water and put his ear against her chest.
"She looks dead. Does she look dead to you?" A mare asked.
"I don't know. I never saw her before." A stallion answered.
"What do we do?"
Everyone in the crowd was panicky and didn't know what to do. "Upside down! We gotta get the water out of her!" a voice in the crowd said.
"Good idea!" Four stallions lifted Rarity upside down and began to shake her to get any water out of her.
"I think her eyes are beginning to open!"
"EVERYPONY SHUT UP!"
Rarity's eyes began to flicker, before rapidly looking at the upside down world around her. "OH CELESTIA I'M IN AUSTAILIA!!!"
"SHE'S ALRIGHT!" A young mare said with joy.
"Put me down! Put me down!" Rarity demanded, struggling to get free from the stallion's who held her. "What do you think you're doing you bunch of degenerates!"
The mare with the hat scoffed. "I beg your pardon?!"
"Is this how you get your kicks, lady?!"
"Take it easy! You was drowning!" The baseball stallion said, laughing.
"Wow, what a stupid mare."
"Maybe she was trying to knock herself off?"
"Over some guy?"
Rarity grew angry. "Ha! That's a laugh! I've got everything to live for! I'm a normal, desirable, and much sought after young mare who can have any stallion she wants at the snap of her hooves!" She attempted to snap her hooves together but there was no sound. "They're a little wet."
"I think you're a little wet!" The mare with the hat said, followed by laughing of her and everypony around her.
"How would you like a soggy hoof right in your big mouth?!" Rarity screamed, ready to swing her hooves.
A fight was seconds from happening before two police ponies galloped in. "Hey, hey let's break it up!"
"Yeah, let's break it up!" The second cop repeated.
The crowd began to flee, leaving Rarity alone to do all the talking. "Where were you when I needed you?!" Rarity scolded.
"You alright, young lady?" The first cop asked.
"Yes! I'm fine. I'm fine! Very fine! Put it down in your little book! "Crazy, drowned mare feels fine!"' Rarity said, looking around for her other shoe.
"You wanna tell us what happened?"
"I lost my shoe! That's what happened!"
The cop rolled his eyes and looked at the other cop. "Hey Monte! Look for her shoe!"
"Yeah, look for it, Monte." Rarity mocked.
"What did it look like?" Monte asked.
"Like this one." Rarity indictaded her other shoe. "What did it look like?" She imitated the other cop.
The other cop began taking notes in his book. "What's your name, miss?"
"Rarity!"
"Rarity?" Monte began to snicker.
"I wouldn't snicker at other peoples names, Monte" Rarity scolded.
"Occupation?"
"Seamstress."
"Where?"
"The Carasoul Boutique."
The cop stared at her before writing in his book. "Fancy designer."
"You mean, you're one of those ponies who make all those fancy dresses that are completely unnecessary?" Monte mocked.
"It's...um...temporary..."
"Length of employment?"
"Eight years. Oh! There's my shoe in the water! Monte, will you be a sweet cop and-"
"Yeah, yeah." Monte brushed her off as he leaned down into the lake.
"He's such a sweet cop." Rarity giggled.
Monte rose up with the shoe in his hoof and handed it to Rarity. She used her unicorn magic to secure it back on her hoof.
"Alright, I'd like to know what you were doing in the water." The first cop asked.
"Actually, very little. You see, my fiance, Golden and I, well...he's not really my fiance. We're engaged to be married to minute his own marriage breaks up. Which, if you ask me, looks like its on the rocks right now. Anyway! We had an appointment to meet in the park because we can't usually meet at his place. His wife is very peculiar. Well, I took my shoe off and put my hoof in the water and..."
Author's Note
Yes, in case you haven't figured it out, this is an MLP spin off of the musical, Sweet Charity ;)
