Outside of a cafe in Ponyville, Equestria
S1LENC3
By Owlor
Hey, what's up party ponies? DJ Pon-3 is in da house! I'm a portable and club DJ, available for parties, fashion shows,cruises, parades, you name it. Here's my business card, I'm friendly and affordable.. hey wait, don't go!
Wow, bet I sounded really desperate there for a sec, huh? It's just that once I get a beat going, I don't want it to stop, y'know? These days, business has been much better than usual, it seems that after what happened with Discord, everypony just want to forget their troubles and dance the night away.
Last week was booked entirely by this pink pony with hair like chewed bubblegum. We had a blast raising the roof of the bakery where she worked. But when her bits ran out, she tried to pay me with cupcakes, and that's when I left. As much as I'd like to, I can't sustain myself on baked goods and music, I need money! Now, if she had paid me in energy drinks...
I bet you're wondering what happened to me, I can just hear it, ”everypony else was affected by Discords taint, where were you, Vinyl? We never heard from you.”
Right, the reason you never heard from me was that I couldn't SPEAK worth a buck. I couldn't talk, or shout, or even bang on drums. If I touched - if I even came too close - to a turntable, the music would stop.
”But how about your friends, Vinyl? Surely they could help you?”
Tell me, why would wanna have ol' Scratch around if she can't even get the party started? I could be replaced with a big hairy dog and there'd hardly be any difference, except that a dog would fetch sticks if you threw them. One point for the dog, then.
My college professor... yes, I went to college, I'm smart. (Granted, I didn't do much STUDYING, but I did learn a lot, like how to chug cider.) Anyway, he told us about this ”musical” composition that just consisted of a few minutes of silence.
Apparently, the idea behind it was to make us aware of all the little sounds around us. Because absolute silence is impossible, even if you somehow managed to isolate yourself completely, your own body would make a weak, barely noticeable sound. This made me convinced that modern art is nothing but one huge practical joke played on the artistic establishment.
Okay, maybe I'm shaky on the philosophy here, but I think silence is a very real thing. I don't CARE if my body is hissing or the clock is ticking or somepony two seats over is coughing akwardly, that's not music, that's not even noise, it's silence. Sure, there's sound there, but it doesn'tt MEAN anything. It's like, I don't care if my flat has furniture in it or not, if there's nopony there, it's EMPTY, is it not? Just 'cus there's a chair, or a mattress or a crate there doesn't mean I'm any less alone.
When I was alone, I had of time to think. I was thinking about silence, about music, and bout life in general. We work for five days just so that we can live for two, and then we spend most of the weekend worrying about work anyway, what sort of way to run a world is that?
I've seen ponies who wouldn't be able to hold a real job if their life depended on it work their cutie marks of to arrange a concert. That's 'cus they put their effort into LIVING. If everypony could do that, we wouldn't have any problems in the world.
Not to be blasphemous, but the princess would just never understand. OF COURSE work is gonna be terrible if you make it a chore. And of course ponies are going to end up alone with their heads full of worries if all the time they could've spent making friends they had to spend working.
Celestia... she's old, she's forgotten everything about how it is to be young, assuming she knew it in the first place. SHE isn't gonna change things, beause everything works out perfectly for her.
And that's when I started getting... ideas. I have plently of loudspeakers, and I could easily get more. One night when it was dark and cloudy I went out with a cart full of them and I started hiding them all around Ponyville.
There's a very simple magic you can use to replace cables, and it works even on great distances. I started learning it when I interrupted a rave by tripping on one of them. My turntables flew across the room and embedded themselves in the wall. They were fine afterward, it's a pair of Technics SL-1200, they are indestructible, but my pride got hurt and since then, I'm trying to avoid using cables.
While I was working, a pony snuck up on me without me noticing it, nearly scared me half to death.
”Hello,” she said. ”What are you doing?.” I recognized her as the pink party-lady from before.
”Uhm...” I began, feeling like the first time I got interrogated by the guards. I couldn't tell her about my plan, obviously, but there were no lie I could ever think up that would sound plausible. I could only sputter nonsense.
”Are you stashing loudspeakers all across Ponyville, in case of loudspeaker emergency?” she asked.
I dunno if she's crazy or what, but she handed me the perfect excuse on a silver plate and I'd be a fool not to take it.
”Ah yes, that's it!” I replied.
”Well you don't need to do that, cus I've already done it!”
”Is that so? Would you mind if I... borrowed them for a few days?”
”Not at all, have fun!” and with that the mare skipped merrily into the night and I suddenly had 35 (I counted them) high-quality loudspeakers already placed in strategic locations around Ponyville, ready to go.
The next step of my plan involved the library. There's a purple egghead living in it, Twilight I think she's called. She's pretty much turned it into her home.
She reacts with almost theatrical exaggeration as I walk in, as tough the idea that somepony other than her might want to actually USE a library was alien to her.
I gotta admit, I wasn't prepared for the library to look like such a mess. The door and part of the outher wall had been replaced, and the inside did not look much better, with books scattered everywhere, like the floor was one big bookshelf.
”Vinyl what are you doing here?” she asked, trying to sort trough a stash of book with an expression that I read as somewhat desperate, close to the face of a neatfreak covered in mud.
”What does it look like I'm doing?” I said. ”I wanna borrow a book.”
”I didn't know you where a reader Twilight says. ”I'm sorry for the mess, we had a crisis like you wouldn't believe when you were away...”
”I know,” I said. ”I WASN'T away. I was here the whole time.”
”Really? Must've missed you, then.”
”yeah, you must have. Anyway, got any good books on musical enchantments?”
Twilight dove into a pile of books. I'm not being hyperbolic.
”Oh tons,” she said. ”What do you want? There's this really great book on magical music theory that...”
With her magic, she waved a book I've already read to the point of memorization. Seriously, what kind of musician does she take me for? It's like giving an ABC-book to a newspaper editor.
”No, I mean something more in the way of... hypnosis. Y'know, just to spice things up during a slow night.”
Twilight gives me such a straight-laced look it's almost painful. I wanna take this girl to a nightclub sometimes, she seriously needs to get laid.
”Is it really fair to the non-unicorn DJs to use magic to make ponies enjoy the music more?” she asked.
”Look, it's a competitive business, okay? It's not my fault they don't have a horn.”
”Allright then...”
She swam trough the sea of books (I AM being hyperbolic this time) and she produced a thick textbook on magic.”
”Here you go,” she said. ”But you think you can manage it? It IS kinda complicated.”
She didn't say anything else. She should have said something else, the silence was cutting trough me like a knife. It felt waaay too much like when I was gray and dead to the world, only this time there was nothing holding me back from expressing my feelings. Loudly.
”You think I'm an idiot, don't you?” I shouted.
”What no? I...” Twilight began.
”You think that just because I like to take things easy, because I'm not an uptight type A like you, it means my brain must be empty right? With a soft breeze blowing from ear to ear, right?”
”I didn't mean it like that, Vinyl, take a deep breath...”
Again with treating me like a freaking preschooler!
”Just give me that book!” I shouted and levitated it towards me.
Again, Twilight is silent, and my anger trails off. There's nowhere for it to go, and Twilight gies me nothing to fuel it. I huff and puff for a few seconds, grasping the book like a teddy. I stare at her with glazed eyes, but of course she can't see that behind my sunglasses.
Why won't she say something? Tell me to leave, get mad, ANYTHING. Anything at all that acknowledges that I'm a pony with toughs and feelings, and not an object in the room, like an obnoxiously flashy bookcase, or a problem that needs to be solved. I walk out of the library, feeling like the biggest donkey in history, no offense...
Only one final ingredient was missing. C'mon, you know what, can't have a party without music! In theory, any old track would do, since for once the magic isn't in the music. But if I'm gonna enslave ponykind with a guerilla champaign of subliminal messeges, I might as well do it with style.
And y'know, I'm the DJ, this is what I live for. Sure, you can dance to anything if you're in the mood for it, but I have in my crates tracks that can turn a mediocre night into a fantastic night. I'm not gonna pick one of those, tough. No this requires a special track, a nuclear weapon of a track.
I ain't kidding when I say that I keep this record in a glass box with the words ”in case of emergency, break glass” on it. I don't want to overplay it, 'cus ruining its effect would be tantamount to treason to the entire DJ community. This song can turn squares into freaks in a matter of minutes and it's power should be used for good, not evil.
Frankly, I don't know if what I'm doing is right or wrong. Somehow it sounds wrong whenever I explain it to myself, but it felt right. My stereo is connected to a magically enhanced remote control. Anytime, anywhere, If I push this button, I'll be the pied piper of Ponyville, everypony will dance to my beat.
I was sitting in a cafe and the content of the paper cup in front of me (triple shot of espresso with sugar and caramel syrup, no milk.) was gradually growing cold. My hooves were hovering over the remote control, but I couldn't bring myself to press it. It felt so... anticlimactic, y'know? It shouldn't be this easy to just take over the world.
What a miserable place we live in, if a schmuck like me can just step in and take it over from the inside simply by not being somepony worth noticing. All my life ponies have acted like I can't do anything just 'cus I don't like to be serious all the time.
For a moment, I feel like pressing the button and then let everypony dance madly until their hooves are worn down to the knees, and then continue until they pass out...
”D.J. Pon the third? a voice said behind me, jerking me out of my megalomaniac fantasies. It took me a few minutes just to realize it was supposed to be my name, completely ruining my chances of making a good first impression.
”ah.. oh... yes, that's me, uhm... but it's 'De-yay Pon-three.'” I turned around and found myself face to face with a grayish brown longhair that reminded me of the suit of an old blues musician, elegant but tattered.
"It's just a nickname," I explained. "my real name is Vinyl Scratch"
”Really? I'm Octavia... say, if you don't mind me asking, what's that device for?” she pointed with her hoof towards the remote control and again I was stuck in a position where I had no time to come up with a plausible lie.
”It's... well, I had something special planned, 'cus nopony was paying attention to me. It was gonna be something big, like,' point of no return'-big, but I wasn't sure I had the guts to do it.”
That was close enough to the truth, and I could tell from Octavias worried expression that she hadn't grasped the full extent of what I was planning. She was prolly thinking I was talking 'bout suicide.
”Oh dear! Well, if you want to talk about it, I will listen.”
”You expect me to just pour my heart out to somepony I barely know?” I asked, and Octavia gave me a smile I hope was not intended to be condescending.
”Darling, Discord's taint got to everypony, not just you, she said. ”We are all dealing with some heavy psychological problems, the normal code of behavior will be temporarily suspended until everypony's wounds heal.”
Yeah, that made sense. I downed the last of my now cold coffee and Octavia sipped on hers. She listened to my long, rambling monologue. Nothing I said seemed to break through her stoicism... that's what I thought at least. But once I learned to read her muted expressions, I saw a slight worried glaze in hey eyes.
”So yeah, that was my evil plan for world domination,” I told her. ”what do you say about that?”
When Octavia put her cup down, half its content spilled out on the table.
”Oh dear, she said. ”and this was something you were actually planning? Darling, the reason that parties and recreation is so fun is because it does not last forever. It is the break from the routine that makes them enjoyable. Really, as an artist you ought to know this. In music, silence is as important as the notes, it's what gives the notes meaning and context.”
She took the remote control and she balanced it on the side of the table. Then, as carefully as she could muster, she crushed the control under her hoof. I hear weeks of planning crumble with a noise like a cable being forcefully unplugged of a loudspeaker. I just watched it happen and felt like a little filly being scolded by her teacher.
”There we go, now this cannot hurt anypony” she said firmly.
”you must think I'm a real maniac, huh?” I said.
She slowly adjusted her collar.
”Well, yes, but that is because you have spectacles that makes you look like a bug. Overreacting is only natural after some thing as traumatic as the force of chaos and disharmony briefly taking over.”
Octavia leaned forward and said in a near-whisper ”you want to know what he did to me?”
”Fair trade I guess, your trauma for mine.”
So, she tells me about her problems and I listen to it politely, can you believe it? I hate hearing ponies pour their hearts out. Sometimes when a pony had too much to drink, they'll get all moody and seek out anypony standing still long enough to hear their moaning, and as a DJ I'm usually a prime target, unlike the customers, I can't exactly escape to the bar for more than a few minutes at a time.
Her story was like the punchline of the funniest joke in the world being played at my expense and by the end of it I seriously didn't know if I wanted to laugh or bang my head on the table.
”You mean that for you, EVERYTHING became noisy, and you went around communicating trough signs afterwards, like a freaking Greyhooves & Roadtrotter cartoon?”
”Yes, that's right. That's why I wanted to talk to you actually. It was getting a bit TOO quiet around my house and I was thinking of throwing a garden party to lighten up the mood a bit. My friends are all expecting me to play instrumental music, or at most some old crooner, and I wanted to give them a nice surprise.”
”Then you've come to the right mare, Surprise is my middle name, Vinyl Surprise Danger Scratch. Uhhh... but how did you find out about me?”
Octavia showed me a small piece of paper she had been carrying around.
”A friend of mine had your buisness card, he said you are giving them away to anypony that stands still for long enough.”
”Well yeah, the more you have printed, the cheaper they are. Would you like another business card? Or ten?”
Octavia smiled and put the conversation back on track.
”You could even play that song you wanted the ponies to hear. Just... promise me not to use the enchanted version, allright?”
”Pinkie promise,” I said. ”Uhm, it's a thing they do around here,” I add when she raised a questioning eyebrow.
I am walking home, and I got music in my head. A chorus is echoing through my skull:
"All of your demons will wither away, ecstasy comes and they cannot stay, you'll understand when you come my way, 'cus all of my demons have withered away."
I repeat it over and over in my head, hoping that it will become more true with each repetition.
