Why Cadence is a VERY Big Dum Dum
Butter slid down Cadence's face and down her mane. It plopped in front of Twilight and splashed Cadence's hooves. She tried not to giggle at the sight. "Do not ever do that again," Cadence snarled, advancing on Twilight. "You little...you little..." Her jaw clenched and her cheeks started to go red as she remembered the events from the past two minutes. She took a deep breath and calmed herself. "Deep breaths," she gasped. "Deep breaths deep breaths deep breaths." Then she lost control. "Why did you put toast in the fan? What in Celestia's name is wrong with you? That thing turns one thousand times a second! Do you know how long it will take to clean up one million pieces of toast from the walls of the ballroom? There is butter everywhere! I don't even...I can't even...I just....I don't know what to... I just can't even..." Cadence ran out of half sentences. She tried to take deep breaths but the thought of cleaning up all that butter and toast kept coming back to her. Twilight couldn't hold it in anymore as she burst out laughing at the butter covered princess in front of her. "Stay there," Cadence whispered dangerously. "Stay there, and do not move unless there's a fire and you have to run!" She turned around and ran out of the room to wash her mane.
Twilight rolled over and kicked the wall. She lay upside down and snickered as she remembered Cadence's face when she saw her little masterpiece. Butter all over the walls! Toast plastered to the ceiling! The mangled fan dangling out of the window from it's cord! Oh, it was hilarious. But it was starting to get boring sitting in time out. Then she remembered her secret weapon. She stood up and crept to the drawer near the timeout corner. Sure enough, there were a few paper and quills sitting in there waiting to be used. Twilight grinned wickedly as she levitated them out. Then she saw something else in the drawer and her grin grew even wider as she remembered Cadence's last words to her.
Cadence wrung out her hair and tossed it over her shoulder. Sighing, she wearily walked to her chest of drawers and leaned against them. "That brat has done enough!" She hissed through her teeth. "She tasered a police officer, nearly got me thrown in jail, danced a jig down the street in somepony else's underwear, and then she fed her toast through the fan!" She put put her hoof the her head and rubbed her mane into a frizzy mess. "Celestia, why?" Groaning, she leaned down further and bumped into an object of some sort. She jumped up and looked at it. It was a letter scrunched into a ball. She unscrewed it and read the title. Aw, how sweet! Cadence thought. Somepony's wrote me a thank you letter! Then she read the whole thing.
A Thank You Letter for Cadence
Dear Princess Cadence. I just wanted to thank you for raising me into the jerk I am today. I mean just think about it! Half the ideas I get for my pranks come from you. Like when I stole that old pony's underpants and did the moonwalk down the street! I remember once you stole Shining Armour's underwear and you had a blast dancing to Saphire Shores' music in them! I even got a video of you doing that somewhere! For some reason, when I showed Shining Armour, he wasn't amused. I wonder why that was? And when I tasered that police officer who had the guts to call me cute! I mean, who does that? I got that idea from when you tasered Shining Armour and looked through his stuff while he was out. I never could quite figure out why you did that...
I just wanted to thank you for all the insults you taught me. Would you like some examples? Go stick your head in the toilet! Go talk to someone who cares about your rubbish! Fock off! What does fock mean anyway? I mean, you're always saying it. Like, fock, I dropped my crown on the floor! Or, fock, Celestia kicked me in the bum! Don't worry, Celestia has hit me in the bum before. After I slid down the hallway in Solar Flare's armour. That was so much fun! And then that naughty guard shouted at me! It's not fair! I can't believe he did that! He is such a jerk.
And that is why Solar Flare should be fired. Wait, what was this letter about? Hang on, I'll reread it. Is reread even a word? I don't know. Oh yes. The thank you letter to Cadence. Well, thanks for everything, jerk!
Cadence blinked. "What?" She murmured, looking back through the letter. "What? Tasered Shining Armour? What's that supposed to mean? And how did she know that?" She frowned at the rude things Twilight had said. She didn't have Celestia's temper, but this was too much. And she had only just finished cleaning up the mess she had made earlier. "Wait," she gasped. "How did she get out of the time out room? It has a spell around it so that she can't leave without my permission..."
"I had permission." Cadence spun around and sure enough, there was Twilight.
"What? How did you..." She whispered, dread filling her stomach. "Oh wait...you don't mean you..." Her last words to Twilight suddenly came back to her. Stay there, and do not move unless there's a fire and you have to run! Flames filled the room and Twilight dropped a matchbox on the floor. "You're a little TURD!" Cadence screamed.
Twilight smiled proudly. "I know."