Starlight Glimmer Gets Stabbed Repeatedly

by Sidral Mundet

Rating: teen
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2571

Starlight Glimmer get stabbed a lot.

Starlight Glimmer gets stabbed repeatedly by Twilight Sparkle.

WARNING: Contains stabbing, slashing, bloodless injuries, metaphysical discussions and Twilight probably acting really out of character. You have been warned.

This is a COMEDY. It is not a torture or do hurtful things to Starlight Glimmer fic. It is meant to be a Loony Tunes style fic with some ramblings about meta-narrative humor at the end and not much else. Please do not take the title too seriously.

Edited by: thePINKIEPIEsquad

Published 2017-03-12 21:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-03-12 21:40:01 UTC

The chapter in which Starlight gets shanked multiple times

Starlight Glimmer Gets Stabbed Repeatedly

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The shrill screech echoed far and wide down the vast corridors of the Castle, bouncing off of the crystal walls which amplified the terrifying yell.

Twilight Sparkle flashed instantly to the source of the screaming. “Starlight, what’s wrong!?” Twilight said as she viewed her newest pupil.

Starlight Glimmer was running around in circles, continuing her yell before stopping in front of Twilight. “THIS!” she wailed as she pointed to a large knife protruding from the small of her back.

“Oh Celestia, this is bad!” Twilight curled a hoof into her mouth in concern.

“I KNOW!” Starlight cried, panic overcoming her as tears wept down her eyes.

“How did this happen?” Twilight questioned, her voice trying to be as soothing as possible to calm the wild mare down.

Regaining composure for a second, Starlight stopped running around to speak with Twilight “I was making my breakfast in the kitchen when all of a sudden some random confetti bomb went off and I lost control of my magic and the knife dropped into my back.” Starlight took in a deep breath as she returned to her usually calm self, wiping the tears of panic from her eyes.

“How did it end up in your back?” Twilight continued on. “You’d have to throw it behind you for it to get like this."

“It was hovering over me,” Starlight had now fully regained herself, looking almost normal if not for the massive kitchen cleaver jutting out of her back.

“Why was it hovering over you?!” Twilight exclaimed.

“Well it was the only place I had room for it,” Starlight went on. “I mean the counter was full and I already had other knifes and spoon making all the other ingredients in the air surrounding me so it was the only place I had with enough room to cut the carrots.”

“Starlight, how many items were you levitating?” Twilight dryly asked, a look of slight contempt on her face.

“About 108,” Starlight casually replied.

“What have I told you about over reliance on magic?” Twilight scolded.

“That I should learn not to do so and use my hooves and take my time instead as that help me think through my actions,” Starlight said defeatedly and annoyed.

“Good, I hope you’ll do so next time,” Twilight said with an air of righteousness.

“So what do we do about this?” Starlight said, motioning to the knife. “We should probably go to a hospital.”

“No, it’s too far away,” Twilight looked over the blade. Most of it was buried deep into Starlight’s flesh but so far no blood appeared to be leaking from it. “We don’t want this causing any more internal damage while on our way there.”

“So what do we do then?” Starlight repeated.

“Luckily I was trained by Princess Celestia herself in all manner of healing spells and regenerative potions. I’ll pull the knife out and once that’s done I’ll stitch up the wound and we’ll call an ambulance!” Twilight moved into a position where she was able to get a better view of the knife.

“Okay if you think so,” Starlight said wearily.

“Oh don’t worry, I’ve got this,” Twilight said, a hint of smugness in her tone. “But did you know that Starswirl the Bearded had over 1006 used for peanut butter?”

Starlight turned to her mentor rather puzzled. “What does that have to-” She stopped talking as soon as Twilight pulled the knife out of her back with a quick swish, shock coming quickly to Starlight’s face.

“Nothing, I just heard being distracted helps,” Twilight slowly rested the knife down into her hoof.

“Well quick, heal me and get an ambulance here!” Starlight freaked out, not wanting to move a muscle in fear it would make things worse, but nothing happened. “Well come on!” She yelling out in anger when Twilight continued to just stare at her back.

“Huh? That’s weird.” Twilight said, examining Starlight’s back more closely.

“It’s a knife wound!” Starlight snapped. “Close it up and let’s go!”

“But there’s nothing to close up.”

Starlight turned around. The patch on her back was perfectly intact, no gaping wound, no blood, nothing. The only sign that the knife had even been there was the part of Starlight’s fur that had been parted. The two mares stared at it for a moment.

“Oh boy,” Starlight said wiping the sweat off of her brow. “That’s lucky.” She turned back to the wound again. “Huh I guess that explains why it didn’t hurt. Rather strange that it doesn’t but I’m not-” But Starlight as interrupted as a knife, the same knife that was recently in her back, was plunged into her rib cage.

“AHHHHHHHHH!” Starlight screamed not out of pain but of shock and just as loudly as she had the previous times before she notices a violet aura around the knife’s hilt. Twilight was controlling the knife, her face contorted with curiosity.

“TWILIGHT?!” Starlight called out in confusion and anger, “What the-!”And again she was interrupted as the Twilight pulled the knife out. Instinctively, Starlight put her hooves to the wound, trying to cover it up, but when she felt it, it only felt like her normal skin. No wound was there either. “Okay,” Starlight said taking in deep breaths of air. “So let’s put the knife down and-“

“Hmm, so stabbing doesn’t do seem to do anything, I wonder if a cut will do something.” Twilight rubbed her chin in contemplation.

“Wait, what?!” Starlight cried out as Twilight slashed Starlight’s slide.

The knife moved across Starlight’s skin, breaking it and digging deep into it, but just as soon as it left, it heal up, leaving no sign, not even a drop of blood on the knife. Starlight was perfectly fine, physically anyways.

“Okay Twilight, what the hell!?!” Starlight veered in anger, her horn sparkling with magical energy.

“Starlight,” Twilight said, hugging her pupil tight, completely ignoring Starlight’s gesture to defend herself. “You seem to be completely knife-proof! Do you know what this mean?” Twilight said, the glee in her eyes not helping Starlight’s mood at all. “It’s time to experiment!”

“Wait, what?!” Starlight said again as she was picked up in Twilight’s magic and in a flash was teleported with Twilight.

Later

“Helllllloooooooo!” Pinkie Pie called out as she opened the door to Twilight’s Castle’s basement. “Is anypony home?”

“Pinkie Pie, is that you!? You gotta help me! Twilight’s gone crazy!” Starlight said as soon as Pinkie cleared the door.

Down below Pinkie Pie, Starlight Glimmer was locked up in a stockade, her front hooves sticking out of the leg holds, while on her head rested a weird metal helmet covered in wires and dials. On Starlight’s horn rested a black ring where below it her blue aura struggled to get out.

“So a normal Saturday then?” Pinkie joked as she descended the stairs.

“Pinkie, this is serious! Twilight’s been stabbing me for hours! Get me out of here!” Starlight pleaded.

“You look okay to me.” Pinkie examined the locked up pony. Outside of a coat that was so frazzled Rarity would faint over it, Starlight looked completely fine.

A soft creak of an opening door could be heard from the room next door. “Quick, hide!” Starlight commanded. “Twilight’s coming back!”

But Pinkie Pie didn’t move. The door soon swung full open and Twilight emerged with a tape recorder with notepad and quill floating next to her. “Experiment #1701. After multiple attempts with a wide variety of instrument ranging from knives to swords to axes to spoons on the subject’s torso with no effect, I have decided to move on to more delicate areas in for further testing. I will start with the eyes before moving towards-“ Twilight interrupted herself as she noticed Pinkie. “Pinkie, what are you doing here?”

“Getting you silly,” Pinkie said playfully, completely ignoring the bound mare next to her. “We were supposed to get ice cream with the rest of the girls, remember?”

“Oh I completely forgot!” Twilight face -hoofed herself.

“I know!” Pinkie exclaimed. “That’s not really like you, Twi.”

“Sorry, I’ve been caught up in something recently,” Twilight replied. “Pinkie, I’ve just found out Starlight seems to be completely invulnerable! Watch!” And with that Twilight picked up a short spear and thrusted into Starlight before proceeding to pull it back out. “I’ve been experimenting for hours!”

“Yes you have. Can you please stop now?!” Starlight snapped, much of her former cult leader coming through.

“Well duh, of course she is. Everypony’s invulnerable Twilight,” Pinkie said as she rolled her eyes. And with that she picked up a fork and drove it into her hoof, with no squeak of pain at all from Pinkie. She took the fork out like it was nothing and showed Twilight her undamaged hoof. “See?

“Wait, really?” Twilight said examine Pinkie hoof in detail.

“Eeyup,” Pinkie smiled. “Try it for yourself.” She handed Twilight a small scalpel.

Eyeing the scalpel carefully, Twilight raised her hoof to the blade and cautiously scratched off a bit of it. Like all the other times before, Twilight was perfectly fine, and she had felt no pain. She then took it and drove it into the palm of her hoof with the same results. “So wait, everypony’s invincible?”

“Eeyup,” Pinkie Pie repeated, not losing the bounce in her step. “I’m surprised you didn’t notice it earlier.”

“What do you mean?”

“Think of all the times you, me and all of our friends have been pulverized by who knows what and come out completely fine?” Pinkie said, wrapping a hoof around Twilight’s shoulder. “I mean Applejack gets tossed off a diving board straight in the ground, Rainbow Dash crashed into a boulder and into Celestia knows how many trees, and she and Rarity survived an instant 90 degree turn at Mach 10, and every time we’ve all been perfectly fine. I even lost my mouth for a whole week Twilight. A whole week without a nose or mouth! And I’m still here.” She added cheerily, a smile stretched over her still attached mouth.

“Hmm yeah I forgot about that,” Twilight said puzzling over this new batch of data Pinkie threw at her. “But then how come Rainbow Dash needed to go to the hospital twice? Why are there hospitals in the first place if everyone can’t get hurt?"

“Oh silly, I never said everyone was invulnerable all the time.” Pinkie said, fiddling with one an item on a table nearby. “And that second time Rainbow went to the hospital doesn’t count since she was faking her injuries. As for the first time, she got hurt because it gelled with dramatic progression."

“Dramatic progression?” Twilight was lost even more now.

“Eeyup! See Twilight, Rainbow Dash got hurt because it allowed for more dramatic progression, it allowed her to see or experience something that wouldn’t have happened otherwise.”

“So she got hurt because she needed to experience a love for reading?” Twilight inquired. “But what about ponies that get hurt and have to deal with debilitating effects? Why do they suffer if everyone else is invulnerable?”

“I don’t know,” Pinkie replied. “To experience what it’s like to lose what once defined you? To explore the Hum- er Pony condition? All I know is that those work with dramatic progression. Most of the time with us it doesn’t, so we were completely fine.”

“I’m still confused.”

“Okay let’s try an example,” Pinkie pulled out two dolls from her hair, one a normal pony doll, the other a centaur like creature. “You know how you fought Tirek with your magic laser blasts and whatnot?” She banged the two dolls together as Twilight nodded.

“And you know how you got totally smashed through a mountain?” Pinkie slammed the pony doll on the table with the centaur one on top. “That was really cool! And you blasted him and he threw spikes at you. Oh boy was that epic!”

“Pinkie, your point,” Twilight said slightly annoyed as Pinkie continued making the dolls fight.

“Oops sorry,” Pinkie gave an apologetic smile as she put the dolls away. “Anyways you got smashed through a mountain. That should have really messed you up, right? But it didn’t because then that would have been really boring and short. You were fine because it allowed you to keep going and do all kinds of super cool tricks!” Pinkie got up on her hind legs and mimicked a Kamehameha blast. “If there had been more dramatic stuff that would have happened if you were hurt, then you would be vulnerable. But since there wasn’t, you weren’t.”

“Okay I think I get it now,” Twilight said looking over a notepad. “I can only get hurt when there’s some kind of dramatic tension there, to raise the stakes or explore some kind of potential. Otherwise I’m completely fine, correct?”

“Bingo!” Pinkie winked. “At least long term anyways. Comedic progression always allows for short term pain.”

“Comedic progression, what’s that?”

“Basically you get hurt any time it’s funny,” Pinkie said, pulling out an air horn from her mane, with her mane and blasting it point blank at Twilight.

“BOOOOOOOOOM!”

“Oww!” Twilight said rubbing her ears at the blast.

“But don’t worry, it never lasts long,” Pinkie absorbed the horn into her seemingly unending mane.

“Yeah you’re right,” Twilight said rubbing her ear which no longer ached. “But this is all so much to take in. We need to talk further, like what are the limits of this? Does it apply to death? Oh there are just so many questions!”

“Well I can answer some on our way to Sugarcube Corner,” Pinkie replied. “All the girls are waiting for us there! And besides, you said you’ve been at it for hours. You could use a break.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right.” Twilight put down her notepad and recorder. “I can come back at this with a fresh mind, see if I think of something new or maybe if it’s even worth my time to continue it at all. And ice cream sounds really good right now.”

“Then come on slowpoke!” Pinkie yelled from the top of the stairs, somehow magically teleporting up there.

Twilight shook her head. “I wonder about that girl sometimes,” She chuckled to herself as she ascended the stairs and turned the lights out, going out to enjoy the rest of the day with her friends.

The End

Still in the basement,

“Hello? Is anypony there?” Starlight said into the black gloom that enveloped her, still trussed up in the stockade. “Can somepony let me out now? I really need to use the little filly’s room.”

Author's Note

So yeah this was just meant to be a fun little piece, hopefully that came threw. I did not want to make a Starlight/Twilight Cupcakes, I'll tell you that much. :twilightblush:

Anyways lucky story number 13 for me. True enough I have minor case of Triskaidekaphobia, ie fear of the number 13. Heck I've been sitting on this story for a while but I didn't want to publish it until I had written something else. So yeah that's a thing.

Edited by thePINKIEPIEsquad Thanks for all the help!

Constructive criticism welcomed!

Also had some weird syntax stuff pop up when I imported this over from Google Docs. Does anyone know how to fix that?