Principal Cinch stormed away from the games. How dare her own students betray her like that! After all she did to get Crystal Prep a winning edge. So she tried to get that miserable Sparkle to use some magic. How was she suppose to know it would turn her into a demon?
As the principal stared angrily into the distance, her thoughts were interrupted by some comical shouting. She looked around and did not expect to see this.
A green skinned, black haired boy wearing Crystal Prep apparel with a yellow 6 and toting a baseball bat was in a routine with a yellow skinned girl with red hair topped by a bright rose bow wearing CHS apparel. Cinch immediately recognized the boy.
"What the...? Saddle Tank? How did...? When did...?"
"Oh hello ma'am," said Saddle Tank. "This my new friend, Apple Bloom."
"Howdy ma'am," said Apple Bloom. "We're doing a routine for the halftime show."
"Yeah, we're pretending to organize a baseball team with Who's on first, What's on second, and I Don't Know's on third."
"So tell me the name of the guy on first."
"Who."
"The guy on first."
"Who."
"The guy on first."
"Who."
"The guy on first!"
"Who!"
"The first baseman!"
"Who's on first!!"
"WHADDYA ASKING ME FOR?!?"
"That might have worked except for one tiny detail," said Cinch.
"What's that, ma'am?" asked Saddle Tank.
"There's no halftime show, you idiot!" she snapped and smacked her student with the bat, then started to drag him away with her. "And furthermore, you shouldn't be with that brat. She's from Canterlot High. They're enchantresses, they spin webs and ensnare those who are weak minded. They have already caught my students who competed as well as my dean."
"Ya know ma'am..." Cinch jumped; Apple Bloom was right in front of them. "He has a first name. Ya might as well use it."
Cinch recovered and tried to shoo her away. "Out of our way, Canterlot brat. We have to leave." Everything went numb on her legs where Saddle Tank hit her with his bat. She fell to the ground, clutching her legs. "What's the meaning of that?" she wheezed. The principal tried to move her arms, but her wrists felt weighed down. She opened her eyes and saw yellow tape keeping her wrists stuck to her kneecaps. Then she saw Apple Bloom grinning madly. "What...what are you doing?" A flash green went by her eyes and landed on her mouth; suddenly she found it hard to breath...and stay conscious.
The last thing she was a whisper in her ear, "The Pink Lady doesn't like what you did to her friend."
Cinch managed to open her eyes. Her head felt like it might explode. It felt like she was lying on wood. She tried to move her hands and legs, but couldn't. Straining, she found her wrists and ankles strapped down. It turned out that she was lying on wood, a wooden table to be precise. She tried to speak, but all that came out was a muffled grunt, courtesy of the green neckerchief.
Two shapes slid from the shadows. Cinch was flabbergasted when she recognized Saddle Tank dressed in a flannel jacket made of several numbers...familiar numbers. She recognized Apple Bloom wearing a dress that had a white tiara on it. "Hello Cinchy," said Saddle Tank, "like my threads? Yes, they're from the other students." Cinch's eyes widened in shock. "Well, you're the one who's always made us think "downhill", how no one would like us because of our " good aspects, that being nice and friendly was a weakness. Well, ma'am that was what lead me to acquire these." He spread his arms, showing the numbers on his jacket.
"And there's the fact ya nearly destroyed the whole planet by turning Twilight into a demon." interrupted Apple Bloom. "Ah just can't believe ya'd stoop so low, just to win stupid games. Well, ma'am, now ya get yers." She noticed that Cinch that was trying to point to her dress. "This? The original owner always looked down on me because mah clothes had no mark. So ah, uh, 'took' hers." She pulled out a dagger with a bloodstained blade.
"Prepare to have your gizzards filleted." sneered Saddle Tank, armed with a butter knife. "Now this may be blunt, but most of the owners of these went under it." The tweens began advancing, wearing smiles that would've made Twilight Snapple proud. Cinch began emitting muffled screams and tried to escape, but the straps made it impossible.
"Struggling makes it worse, you know," said a soprano voice. The two dropped their weapons as a pink skinned, pink haired girl entered. Cinch knew her as one of the students that competed in the games. The principal paled to see such seriousness and anger on a face that was disgustingly happy. To her surprise, Pinkie Pie swished the air four times and the straps loosened and the principal slid off the table. Pinkie Pie ripped off the neckerchief and she gasped for air, then turned to Saddle Tank. "Can we talk about this?"
DING!
Cinch went flying across the room, crashed through a pair of shed doors, and landed on a train track.
"Oh..." Apple Bloom's face had genuine fear on it.
"...Crud." Saddle Tank's face was no different.
"If this about the demon incident," Cinch hyperventilated, "I can make it up!"
Pinkie Pie snapped her fingers. "Bars." Whimpering, Saddle Tank scuttled over to a box and flipped the switch inside. Bars came down blocking Cinch's only way out. "Your former student here told me everything. You blackmail my friend into competing in those games, used her magic, and turned her into a demon...all for the championship?!" She hit her forehead. "That disgusts even me."
"The part about the demon was unintended!" protested Cinch.
"You of all people should know that evil is not a toy!" retorted Pinkie Pie. She produced a small golden bell. "You'll find out what happens when someone disgusts me." Her protégés quivered with fear. When she rang it, they clung to each other in terror and stared at the darkness to Cinch's right.
Cinch followed their gaze. Surely, those three were joking. After all, the pink one was always joyful (albeit annoyingly) and Saddle Tank did have a good side (even though it got on her nerves). But she found out it was for real. "Is that a train?"
"Mmhmm."
"With a...skull face?!"
"Mmhmm."
Cinch began clinging to the bars. "Now miss, I am willing to admit that what I did was wrong. But isn't this a bit much?" She laughed nervously. "After all, this is a bit past me."
"I'm not satisfying my own wants here, Cinchy. I don't cross the Moral Event Horizon by turning girls into monsters." She glanced at Apple Bloom, who was cowering in Saddle Tank's arms. "Well, at least not demonic monsters."
Cinch suddenly felt herself leave the floor. She looked down to see what looked like long bones around her waist. She glanced behind her and got the fight of her life. The bones that held her were connected to more bones that were connected to what appeared to be a moving upper skeleton. There appeared to be no lower part for it looked like it was a train...an E2 train.
"Are those organs?!?"
"Mmhmm."
"What the hell is that thing?!?"
"It's Skelly. His back story is so sad; he use to be a boy. Then he got ran over by a train. He was resurrected in the form of a tank engine. Long story short: this one found out that he was a clone. He couldn't handle the truth and turned into the thing you see before you. He hasn't been fed this evening and he is famished. Why not give him someone every body else hates? I'm not sure anyone will miss you."
"Please! Please! I've learned my lesson!" wailed Cinch.
But Pinkie Pie's unusually stern face never changed. "You pay the bills, you take the chances." Her two protégés covered each others eyes and heard Cinch's screams followed by a loud gulp. They risked a peek: the skeleton rested into its frame. Pinkie Pie made a "raise" gesture and Saddle Tank lifted the switch which in turned raised the bars.
"Should we make respective gesture?" asked Apple Bloom.
"Nah," answered Saddle Tank. "It's like Pinkie said: no one will miss her."
Pinkie Pie walked up to the Skeleton Engine and began to pat its face. "Oh Skelly, my baby. My Poopsie. Did Mommy's little honey bunch enjoy his tasty treat?" The answer was a burp. "I don't blame you. She was a rotten egg, wasn't she?" She left its berth and had the others close the door. "Goodnight, my pet."
Author's Note
If you want to know what the Skeleton Engine looks like, go to the Island of Sodor Residents forum and look under "Shed 17".
The chapter is named for the trope because this is one murder where Pinkamena doesn't laugh or make any sick puns at all.
I am not trying to prove that Pinkamena does have standards because if she did, she'd kill Cinch herself.
As I said before, the administrator of the "Brony Horror" group wanted a darkfic with that would leave someone awake in the night. Here you go sir.
Oh by the way, the only thing about Saddle Tank that's an OC is his name.