Prattle of the Bands

by neorenamon

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Equestria Girls, Sunset Shimmer, Main 7 (EqG), Dazzlings, Comedy
Length: 1379

Something goes wrong at the Battle of the Bands concert. Really strangely wrong.

With the Rainbooms out of the way, the Dazzlings realize that nothing can stop them from taking the world!.. or whatever their goal was in Rainbow Rocks. I make no assumptions here. Of course, the best laid plans of mice and men...
Cameo by Stan Lee because EVERY MOVIE NEEDS A CAMEO BY STAN THE MAN LEE!! Jus sayin...

Published 2016-08-20 14:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-20 14:40:01 UTC

Welcome to the Show

by neorenamon

This is a little something I wrote on impulse. I apologize for this in advance.

Meanwhile, backstage at the Battle of the Bands concert, we have ourselves a wizened old janitor who apparently knows way too much for his own good. Allow me to introduce the Stan Lee cameo!

"Welcome, True Believers," sighs Stan as he adjust the collar on his ill fitting blue janitor uniform/jumpsuit, "You may be wondering what I'm even doing in a movie about pastel colored humans, magic and singing?"

He waits for some response that doesn't come.

"Because they pay me to!" he says as he answers his own question, "When you're as hard up for work as me, you takes what you get."

Another pause. He pushes a sweeper around as if he's actually working.

"Anyway, I'm here to explain a few things to you readers out there," he continued, "Don't be shy. I know you're out there somewhere. It's your breathing that gives you away."

*cricket noises*

"Bloody insects," he mutters as he sweeps a few crickets away. He looks back up as he continues, "Anywho, the Rainbooms have been turned against each other by the clever plan of the Dazzlings before they got trapped beneath the practice stage. Now that Dazzlings have no real competition left to stop them from taking over... whatever it is they're planning to take over."

"ADAGIO!" squeals Sonata, "There's a crazy old coot over here talking to himself!"

The Dazzlings walk over to Stan as he mutters, "Ah... if I was thirty years younger..."

"Get lost!" yells Adagio as she punts Stan out over the crowd, "This isn't a MARVEL CROSSOVER!!"

As he sails off into the distance, he yells "Stan Lee blasts off agaaiiinnnnnn!" He disappears in the distance with a twinkle of light.

"Wasn't that a little harsh?" asked Aria.

"Nah," she replies, "I just punted him into his next cameo. He was done here anyways."

"Oh..." says Sonata.

"Now make sure the CD is cued up so it starts playing when we walk out on stage," she continues as Aria sets the boombox to play. She mutters, "It's hard not having a real band to play our music for us..."

"What?" she replies, "We sing?"

"Shut it, Sonata!" hisses Aria.

As they walk towards the stage, the lights come up, the smoke starts and the curtains open by the hands of mysterious stage hands (who won't get any mention in the credits! NYEH-HEH-HEH!). They start with making the noises (a lot of AAHHaahhAAHH!).

After several seconds of this, the Dazzlings are well onto the stage when Adagio finally starts singing.

"Welcome to the show. It's time to let you know," she sings, "There's no plot now. We improvise somehow."

Aria and Sonata continue making the noises. Meanwhile, the Rainbooms who magically escaped the deadly trap *cough* because Spike managed to do something useful now gather on the convenient hill across from the Battle of the Band's main stage.

All three make with the noises again. FLAVEN!

Then they sing together, "Feel the plot around. As it crashes down.

"But you better stay. The end isn't far away.

"This movie is abhorred. Bad writing and more.

"We won't be ignored. There's more in store.

"Earplugs you are needing. Now your ears are bleeding.

"WE WON'T STOP IT NOOOWWW!!"

Applejack scratches her head and asks, "How the hay thought it was a good idea to sing out all them thar plot points?!"

"I don't know," said Pinkie, "At least it has a beat I can dance to."

"This just doesn't feel right," muttered Twilight.

"OH HECK!" cries Applejack as the music stops, "We all supposed to be singing now!"

"SOMETIME TODAY!" yells Adagio.

"Oh-oh-ohhh," sings the Rainbooms, "I got the music in me!"

"Ew!" cries Sonata, "They have a cure for that now, don't they?!"

Adagio and Aria cut her off with a glare.

Twilight sings, "Don't need to sing so loud. Facebook full of flame.

"I didn't come here for acting just the same."

The Rainbooms chime in, "The plot demands the thing that we now sing.

"Sing the music, sing the music like a troll!

"Gonna break out. We're gonna see.

"Let it all go. As bad as this can be."

Meanwhile, Sunset waits in the background hoping she can do something bloody useful before the movie ends.

The Dazzlings sing in the meantime, "Buy stuff from the store. We want to sell some more.

"We will break through. It's just what we do!"

Twilight developes a nervous twitch in her left eye. Meanwhile, a random flight of F-22 Raptors fly around the auditorium dropping random laser guided bombs causing explosions all over the place. Several side characters no one cares about going flying in random directions spinning gracefully head over heals.

"Uh Twillie," asked Applejack, "What all is goin on here?"

"Yeah," agrees Pinkie, "When did this become a Michael Bay film?"

The army of brain eating undead begins shambling over the hill behind them saying, "Plot. Plot. Plooooot."

Fluttershy shrieks. Twilight becomes angrier. The Dazzlings look at the hungry crowd scratching there heads.

"Is our music supposed to be doing this?" asks Aria.

"Of course not, you idiot!" hisses Adagio.

"TACOS!!" screams Sonata randomly.

Twilight raises her fists in the air and screams, "STOP!!" So everyone stops. They wait while she stomps off 'the set'. A stillness settles in as they await her return. She comes back looking over a massive script. A moment passes as she flips from page to page. Finally she holds the book up as she screams, "DISCORD!!"

Canned laughter is heard as Discord flashes in.

"What! Is! The! Meaning! Of! This!?" she growls as she slaps her hand across the open script.

"Oh trust me," he says smoothly, "The things I changed in the plot only add color and enrichment to the whole movie."

"I'm laughing inside right now," says Pinkie as Vinyl drives up in her speakermobile.

"See?!" said the lord of chaos, "Somepony appreciates my efforts!"

Slapping the script some more, Twilight replied, "You aren't even supposed to appear in this movie!"

"Well neither was Stan Lee," says Discord, "but he invited himself as well."

Twilight growled some more.

"Okay okay. I asked him to appear. The poor man really needs the work."

"I should turn you into a lawn ornament and leave you at Canterlot Hight for a thousand years!"

"Oh, could you leave me inside the women's locker..."

"DISCORD!!"

"Okay fine," admitted Discord, "I can see you're... a little upset with me."

"Understatement of the century," mumbled Rainbow Dash.

"Who the hay is this?!" asked Applejack as she looked the strange draconequus up and down.

"Huh?" replied Twilight, "Oh this is Discord. He comes from the same place I do. Spirit of Chaos. Very magical."

The Dazzling stomp through the crowd to get up to the hill where the others are.

"HEY!" growls Adagio, "We're the villains in this movie! Go crash someone else's movie!"

"Yeah," said Sonata, "We were about to... uh... about to..." She turned to Aria and asks, "What were we about to do?"

"Idiot!" she hissed back, "We were... we are... going to take something over... for some reason."

Adagio looks out towards the readers and asks, "Yeah. Why the heck are we doing this?! What's my motivation?!"

"Sorry," says the scriptwriter, "We didn't have enough time in the movie for boring backgrounds and motivations."

"What?! But my reasons..."

"BOOORRRIIINNNG!" he hisses, "No one cares about that crap anyways! The whole movie is a merchandising plot so we can move toys and someone's music! Get used to it!"

"You're... you're... just USING US?!" sniffs Adagio on the verge of crying.

"I never got treated like this back in Equestria!" hissed Twilight.

"That's alright," says the scriptwriter, "You're hardly appearing in the next movie anyways."

"You wish!" she growled, "I already know I'm supposed to play my counter..."

Pinkie grabs Twilight's mouth and hisses into her ear, "No spoilers!"

"Hmph..." she mumbles into Pinkie's hands.

"Okay, that's it!" hisses an omnipresent voice, "Everyone go home! We reshoot the entire Battle of the Bands sequence first thing tomorrow! Get some rest because we start EARLY!"

"Yes Mister Director," mutters everyone.
~fade to black~