Subject: Twilight Sparkle
Age: withheld by Royal Court
Species: Unicorn
Author: Dr. V. Idleite; Therapist
Transcript of latest recollections
When I was younger, I used to think that my life wasn't real. I liked to think that it was all a dream. A very long dream. I thought that I would wake up at any given moment to my real parents' house. That everything would still be okay. I would wake up in my bed, seeing a thin strip of light intruding itself into my room from the open door and catching the mirror’s face. I'd see shadows of familiar faces, but at the same time none that I could recall.
But then just as fast everything would shift in another direction. Princess Celestia sitting next to me, her long elegant mane practically touching my lips. She would be feeling my forehead, a frown of displeasure. For I had a fever. She pried me out carefully from the cave I had made of my sleeping bag. And as she set my hooves down onto the cold ground, my legs started to shake violently. Slowly, I would walk along with her, holding a sweaty hoof tightly in hers to keep myself upright. Princess Celestia directed me down the staircase to where she slept. Stepping inside the chamber, I shielded my eyes from the ruffled reflection blasting back at me as we passed a 270 degree mirror. Wondering what Princess Celestia thought of my less than desirable appearance. Stepping past, I eyed toward the princess' assorted collection of perfume and bows as I glanced about the room. Leading me on the Princess sat me down, insistently, on the bed and walked to the closet. With a quick scan of the closet she produced the medical supplies. Along with a strawberry flavored tonic to ease the pain. Right away, I would snatch the tonic from out of her hand and start chugging it down as though I'd been out in a desert for years.
But perhaps that's just what my real life was – dry, wretched, intolerable.
And after many years of dreaming, I eventually realized something. This was my life. Not a dream. At first, I cried for I felt as though my life was a disappointment. I felt like a disappointment to everyone around me. But if I could just go back to that day and choose differently; would I have all the right answers? Would anything really change? To save a few wouldn’t that require to sacrifice others?
At the very least, I wouldn't be the bad guy everyone made me out to be. I thought about it constantly. But I knew I could never go back. No matter how hard I wanted myself to wake up. I suppose you're wondering why this even matters. And to be honest, I'm not sure it does. I'm not sure what matters in the end.
End of Transcript
End notes: I believe it necessary for Miss Sparkle to undergo more sessions here at the Equestria Mental Institution. Her dreams are becoming more developed. And we should be reaching a breakthrough soon.
Had I known that it wasn't going to be another dull day, I probably would have woken up in a more enthusiastic mood that morning. Not to say I was in a poor one to begin with, but knowing I had the usual morning routine to look forward to didn't really put a skip in my step.
The always annoying sight of sunlight streaming from the window told that it was time to get out of bed, but I thought otherwise. Face still buried in my pillow, I reached out with a clenched hoof to tell the sun to shut up for once as I rolled over on my side to sleep.
Unfortunately, I wouldn't get that chance as a loud banging came from outside the room door just a few minutes later.
"Do not ignore me, Twilight. Get up." It was Applejack. Only she would enjoy starting her day off by dragging my tired butt out of bed. "You know I will come in there if I have to."
"What makes you think I'm still in bed?" I called out from under the covers.
"Because you did this yesterday. And the day before that. And you will probably do it tomorrow for all I know. It's getting old, Twi. Up. Now. Or so help me I will break this door faster than pigs at an all you can eat buffet."
Sighing, I solemnly did as I was told and removed myself from the comfort of the covers. Out of the corners of the eye, a still snoring Spike was sleeping in his bed. Lucky.
********************************
"So what about you? You like plays?"
...
"I'll take your silence as being indecisive. But I'm still glad you came."
Sighing, I brought the drink up to my mouth, expression devoid of emotion.
Across the table, Applejack's sister Apple Bloom was seated, looking out through the window at the crowd of bustling ponies and shaking her legs (and occasionally, apologetically, kicking mine).
Strangely, Apple Bloom had straightened out her hair into a ponytail. Something she had not done since I met her. In addition, she had donned a white bow, that complimented her blue skirt. Her small hooves were interlaced together in her lap, a gesture of misleading polite formality, since her eyes glared intently at a group of girls her age who were wearing similar outfits.
A niggling notion kept invading my mind – I would love an outfit like that. I did my absolute best to ignore it.
"Hush now Apple Bloom and let the big ponies talk," Applejack suddenly announced pulling out a stack of papers from a bag and handing the top one to me.
"But Applejack-"
"Nope, no buts. You promised me peace of mind and togetherness, and peace of mind and togetherness I shall have." She gave her sister a hug. "You can stay but you'll have to be quiet. Its respective to Twilight."
"Yes ma'am." Apple Bloom muttered.
That was nice. If I was going to have a sister, I wanted her to be someone like Applejack. A pony I could actually get along with.
"Now on to the other one." Applejack said turning to me.
I spat out my drink, forming an impressive arc of water which I wasn't in the mood to admire.
"M-me?" I gagged as I gathered myself. "But... no, you have other things and..." My voice droned off, as A.J. raised a hoof.
"As of today, things change." Applejack said, taking back the paper and glancing over it. "From the checklist it appears we have everything for your requested visit."
I scoffed. "Requests are for those with free will."
"Don't go throwing a tantrum. You know as much as I do, that it's going to be fine. This is just a regular review. They're not going to pull a fast one on ya. They're making sure they have everything in order and that you haven't started hiding symptoms from them. Again."
"You know, I don't think I mind that much when the doctors talk down to me like I'm a little filly. But you really need to stop doing it." I glared. "You're not the one getting treated like a lab experiment."
"Point taken." Applejack nodded. "But look at the bright side. They're making you see a new doctor this time. I for one can't wait to see how long it takes for you to drive this one up the wall."
Despite myself, I laughed. " That poor pony."
I would be lying if I told you that I expected any of this. It would seem easy to think that living in Ponyville and having to return to a life that I can barely recall living in the first place would cause nothing to surprise me anymore. If anything it only made me more wary of the unexpected.
I can't say that any amount of past memories that the old Twilight experienced would have lessened the blow of avoiding the only ponies I have ever considered my family. The only ones that ever bothered to help when I awoke on that hospital bed.
I didn't expect to be standing in my shower for hours in an attempt to escape the ever present metallic iron laced scent of blood that clung to my skin. I didn't expect to be desperately holding what was left of my sanity together and trying to understand what happened to me. Or even more pressing, why did the events leading up to the coma have a complete blackout order on it.
Shouldn't I get to know what happened if it involves me?
Most of all, I definitely didn't expect to be holding back the monster that I knew was there; lurking within the shadows of my mind. The one desperately clawing at its' mental chains, waiting for the chance to come out and play.
When I closed my eyes, I could see its teeth snapping in the dark. And hear resounding laughter that echoed through the very edges of my fragile mind. A hollow mocking laugh that led me to do things I never thought I would find myself doing. Things I couldn't tell anyone. Not even the Princesses.
The wound on my right forehoof painfully throbbed as I walked through the long empty hallways of the Equestrian Mental Institution. What was going on with me? I mean, the pain shouldn't be this much, should it? Princess Celestia had had one of her personal doctors examine me when I was first discharged. And he had said it was healing fine. Even Fluttershy herself had sewn and bandaged said wound yesterday before I met with Applejack.
But what had started out as a dull ache when I had awoken this morning had slowly evolved into a full-fledged inferno throughout the course of a matter of hours. Not to mention I felt plain awful to begin with. The latter being the feeling before you actually walk into the principal's office and the restless nights to come after said meeting.
Step. Step. Wince. Step. Step. Wince. Step. Step. Wince.
This pattern was getting real old real fast. But it wasn't all THAT bad. At least, that's what I told everyone. But being herself, Fluttershy had to have apologized to me at least a few thousand times after the coma had lifted, even though to my knowledge she had nil to do with my current state of being. Eventually I had enough of the repeated; 'I'm so sorry Twilight! I wish there was something I could do!'. That just to get her to calm down and stop freaking out every time I fell on my face. I flashed one of the best smiles I could manage and told her and everyone else in the room I had been in worse situations than Rainbow Dash described in her stories.
Fluttershy, however, didn't look the least bit convinced. But to her credit, that was probably due to the blood dripping down my hoof to form a puddle on the ground.
In all honesty, the wound hurt almost as bad as seeing the disappointment in everyone's eyes as I had to relearn how to do basic independent actions. Actions that fillies and colts could do by themselves.
Despite myself, I sighed as I stopped outside the door of my new doctor.
Help me. Help me. Help me.
