Chapters Millennium tokens was not something that Twilight Sparkle could find in a dictionary or any other reference book. It wasn't something anypony on the streets of any city in Equestria would know.
It was during one of her lunches with Princess Celestia in Canterlot that she heard the term. The princess had been having a cup of tea - a new flavor, if Twilight recalled correctly - and Twilight had been having a daisy sandwich without those little fried tomatoes that she liked because Rarity said that they would ruin her figure and Twilight wasn't about to argue with her marefriend about sandwiches.
While Twilight had been mulling over how to make her remarkably plain sandwich more appetizing without having to spend extra she realized that while she had been trying to rationalize countless decisions in order to make the perfect sandwich, Celestia had been talking about something that might have been important.
"Sorry, Prin-Celestia , could you repeat that?" Twilight had said, offering a sheepish smile and privately wondering if blaming the sandwich and Rarity's passive-aggressively imposed diet would get her out of this pickle.
Within her mind, Twilight praised herself. Pickles! How had she not thought of that? Those were way better than fried tomatoes and...
...according the menu wasn't available.
Celestia laughed slightly. "Are you sure that I should be the one repeating myself? I'm quite interested in what that sandwich was telling you."
Twilight's sheepishness intensified. "Uhh...well...it wasn't anything important or anything, this one uhh...just wanted to know the weather...?"
Twilight flashed her best smile, completely unaware that her jokes were terrible enough to be considered dangerous to the mental health of young children and that she had a very noticeable daisy petal caught between her teeth.
Celestia did end up repeating herself, and Twilight listened curiously. What was this 'millennium token' Discord had given the princess? She kept mentioning it by that name through the rest of their meal, never hinting at what it could be.
This is why Twilight had dragged - well not literally, she had to persuade Rarity to halt her latest project while she had been in a creative mood so she could come to Canterlot to help Twilight figure out the truth of the 'tokens', which meant her and Rarity could not stop to take in the 'chic atmosphere' of that new cafe that had opened right on one of the main boulevards of Canterlot.
Only then did they managed to reach the castle, where Twilight sought Princess Celestia's answer. What were 'millennium tokens' that Celestia had mentioned? She spoke about them almost casually, but there was nothing written about them anywhere! No archive or library held anything about the important-sounding mystery. Were these tokens some kind of magic artifact? That's where Twilight's thoughts had been straying in the case where she might be needed to study them or even use them to stop another enemy of Equestria.
At the same time, Twilight tried to listen to Rarity's concerns regarding her spring line, which was also important to the alicorn.
Rarity and her made their way through the halls of the castle which were warm and lit by the late morning sun. Their hooves made no little on the plush and brightly colored carpet of the high-ceilinged corridor.
A sudden sound caught Twilight's attention, causing her to halt. "Rarity! What was that?"
"Twilight, darling, are you so lost in your thoughts that you've forgotten the sound of Princess Celestia's voice?"
Twilight blinked, jaw agape at Rarity. "I what? Oh my goodness, we must be going down the wrong hall too..."
"We are."
Twilight sighed and backtracked according to Rarity's direction so they could find the source of Celestia's voice. The goddess' pleasant, almost motherly laughter could be heard echoing through the spacious halls of the castle and soon the two mares came to the threshold that gave them a full view of the scene playing out before them.
Standing in a hall with her near-silent secretary, Raven, was Princess Celestia. Her multi-colored mane flowed in the sunlight that she had brought forth at dawn, and she smiled kindly upon a bouquet of flowers unlike Twilight had ever seen.
Each part from petal to stem was a college of different flowers that both Twilight and Rarity knew to grow in Equestria, only they had been picked apart and mushed together somehow, and there wasn't a doubt in her mind about who could have given such an unusually exotic bouquet to her former mentor.
"Discord," Twilight whispered.
Rarity had not heard what Twilight had said, and was instead thinking of how she might be able to work some of those blooms into a floral trim for the upcoming line Twilight had pulled her away from, after all everything was still in the drafting stage and sketching the placement of a few trims here and there wouldn't be a problem.
"So that's what a millennium token is," Twilight concluded, "a token of affection."
"Mm-hm," Rarity chirped next to her, red spectacles still balanced on her muzzle.
"This...well it's certainly not what I expected." Twilight said, watching as the princess tucked a flower behind her ear.
"You do realize what this means, don't you Twilight?"
"We accidentally wasted time on something silly?"
"You must give me a millennium's worth of these tokens, starting today."
"But Rarity, you're not even going to live for a millennium!"
"You can at least try, dear."
"How? How in Equestria am I supposed to buy you one thousand year's worth of gifts when you won't make it past three centuries at most! Gah, this doesn't make any sense!"
"Well I certainly won't be living that long with your negative attitude."
"Twilight! Rarity!" Princess Celestia called, "How good to see you both, would you care to stay for tea?"
Millennium tokens
are but little gifts
to build a bridge
to cross time spent apart.
Both could agree—
that for at least one thousand years of parallel eternity,
each had been frozen in place.
Her with a smile upon her face
and a name removed without a trace.
He felt the paralyzing cage of stone,
which had changed his flesh and corrupted his bone.
The princess who let her crown speak for her
and the being who could no longer feel the wind stir.
They had been friends in another time, and for her what felt like another life,
where her mind had yet to go under her own knife.
Parted and driven apart like nothing one day,
he felt like he needed to be dust in the wind, taste a freedom that wouldn't allow him to stay.
Inside the filly who had already lost so much, her heart crashed and burned,
but she hid it all behind the perfect smile she had learned.
He traveled the world doing whatever he wanted
while the sun traveled north, seeking the land where she was wanted.
For many years they only diverged with the aid of the distance between them,
his name she did condemn.
He who wandered to the south, became a famed menace through word of mouth.
She to the bitter north brought so many bottled emotions forth
a roaring fire she became, warming those far away and burning those closest to her
locking her in a tragic dance with her own shadow,
the bright blue creature having no more sisterhood to bestow.
And there was silence.
To the land south, she guides ponies to a land free of shrouds of snow, her royal birthright she seeks to reclaim,
and he who travels north seeks entertainment brought by anarchy and fame.
Face to face after so long the tyrant meets the puppet master,
with her stringed shadow and his lost friendship they forge their own disaster,
their own names but insults on the other's tongue
gone and forgotten are the days when they were young.
After their first spat, the tyrant thirsting for her taken kingdom drags her shadow away with threats of return,
carefree and mad, the usurper finds the two goddesses to be no concern.
With ancient gems that aren't what they seem,
the dying sisterhood unites temporarily to bring back the elder's regime.
Their former friend, their Elements petrify
as if anymore were needed to make their bond die.
Fifty years later and it's one thousand years ago,
did the truly lone Sun have tears that did overflow,
and while she realized that none but her were to blame, part of her refused to acknowledge that in her mind of absolutes she may have been the villain all along.
She tries to learn of her sister's plight,
with a daring and dangerous flight
to scream tabula rasa at the skies, crying for her hollow-feeling heart and mechanical mind to be made truly blank,
to forget grief and feeling, to be the perfect princess and rule on, for this destruction of herself she would not see herself as the tyrant a moment longer, a vile monster withing, disgusting and rank.
Century after century she rules alone smiling almost all day, as if neat and clock-work driven,
until one day she confronts a forgotten statue and asks if she can be forgiven,
she cannot hear his words as he hears hers, and only wants her to accept his entropy and give in.
A miscommunication and half forgiveness with a plea to change his ways
and a few decades later her Faithful Student and nation of Equestria he tried to raze.
She couldn't bear to witness what felt like only a tyrant's crime,
and so he found his seal to be broken in such short time
and there the princess waited to see if he'd adopt the trend,
waiting and waiting in her castle only to hear the confirmation that he had made a friend.
From there they try to build the friendship that was lost
only for her to be hurt once more as Equestria's flag —from his mismatched claw—was tossed
so he could follow a different tyrant
and even though the situation seemed so dour
she found herself forgiving him again—this time for a flower
that was a leap from friendship, a silent shove
and her nod a confirmation of mutual love.
It's so hard not to smile like the royal I have conditioned myself to behave like, so the mutterings in the back of my skull do not appear to trouble me at all, so they don't hurt anypony and make themselves known.
Your smile is so free, so uneven. It kills the hollowness I have, just for a while I can forget myself more and more.
Ever since I was a filly, I was frightened and as I grew, I became like a pot that can no longer contain the flower within: a small speck amidst a sea of gnawing emptiness, with the perfectly tailored mask to hide it all.
I am a creature of order, and once, of the Harmony I still preach to my ponies. Yet your chaos is a welcome distraction from everything.
I love you. I love the light I bring forth each day. I love my little ponies, my niece, Twilight Sparkle, and my sister.
Despite all this love, without ponies or any other soul beside me, I feel empty. A faint pulse that highlight a space in myself that should or might have been filled by something I can't bear to acknowledge. It's like part of me is - was - mortal, and has left so long ago.
This part of me I cannot ever say is real, I fight it the way light overcomes darkness: a bright and beautiful distraction to strangle out all that is impure.
The strange corner of an otherwise perfect mind feels almost like a contradiction, something soft and whispery that tells me little things I can't feel I understand, mostly because I do not want to.
You know that Luna was the Element of Honesty and how when we were all so young and innocent together I would tell Luna little white lies. I loved watching her smile when I told her something to make her feel better.
It could last. So much can last on lies. Twilight Sparkle has written so much of the supposed virtue of honesty to me and every time I read those letters I can't fathom why somepony would want to have honesty so much. Honesty hurts. It hurts more than most things in this world.
I don't feel like myself when I think these things, so I say that the voices think them.
They do.
I don't want to hurt ponies like a tyrant does, so even though many consider honesty a virtue, I do not correct them. I want everypony to be happy in Equestria, if reasonably possible. There is no happiness that can be gained with honesty and one day I wish that this encouragement of honesty in all ways goes as well. Honesty must be small if it is to exist at all.
I remember that after Luna and I lost the Elements, I lied more than ever.
I started to look at myself, briefly. We're all like drawings with different lines, features, and outlines of black and white. Some lines are bold, some thin.
Drawings can be erased, painted over, altered, and even destroyed.
I gained such a fascination with lies after that. It feels so good to make other ponies happy, to see them believe things.
How can those things be lies? Lies were supposed to be 'bad'. I hear many parents say these things to their children and many parts of me don't understand what this is supposed to mean.
It's not kind to tell the truth, and as a former Element of Kindness, I would know what is cruel to ponies and honesty is one of the cruelest things I know.
Honesty hurts everypony, and who would want to hurt ponies except somepony who was cruel?
Sometimes, I don't know what goes on in this mind of mine. It's quite funny, actually. Nopony would ever know because I'm very good at being a princess.
Life is so surreal, even without you, my dear. There's times when I don't feel like I'm in it, but my mask keep smiling because I don't want anypony to worry or see what I'm really like, including you and everypony else.
Every time I wake up, I feel as if I'm a different me.
I'm not refreshed, or rested. I'm not sure who I am at times, just that I have to be Princess Celestia, who is a princess beloved by everypony.
That means that when I go to sleep it's like dying, except there's only a foggy, and everyday oblivion for that day's Celestia.
Is it so strange that I feel nothing at all towards my own life, but vow to protect the lives of others?
It's like all the voices: each and every one of them is me, or Celestia. At times it can be hard to tell who is who.
I don't know myself, but I know everypony else. Luna, you, Twilight, Cadance, and others. You are the ones who tell me who I am supposed to be, and I love that.
But I don't need to fear the voices anymore.
I don't need to feel anything unless somepony tells me to. Some of the Celestias know what they're doing and that helps.
But they all love the same ponies, and believe the same things.
With company like you, I know who I am no matter what I go through because with the company I keep, I'll never have to remember myself. Only Celestia and all the things I know about her.
Discord, I love you and your chaos with all of Celestia's heart because no matter who I am or where my mind is, you've always been an anchor in all this even though nopony - not you, not Luna - absolutely nopony will know about anything beyond Celestia's mask. She loves you and everypony else too much to tell the truth.
Maybe tomorrow's princess will feel more like Celestia.
But she'll still love you.
Celestia hummed as she daintily plucked the stems of flowers, which she planned to weave into her flowing pink mane after she untangled a few pesky knots that one gets when living in a state of constant adventure where little princesses could not stop to brush their manes to shining perfection as they always wished.
However, there was always a flower or two where one knew a patch of sunshine could be found. So it was there that she spent time alone - when she bothered to serperate herself from her sister and best friend at all - picking flowers in the vast meadow the three had stopped at, barely north of the desert. She had no crown to wear, which she pined for along with other small luxuries of her princesshood - fluffy pillows and well-cooked food, for example. Things like clean floors and orderly gardens with the most brilliant of flowers, so she wouldn't have to settle for anything.
She always dreamed of places like that, where glass would separate her from the storms of the world and ponies would smile at her. Celestia the markless no longer wished to be marked with dirt each time she slept and have to scrub herself in a stream each morning. If there was one, that is.
She wanted - privately, and behind a pleasant smile or thoughtful glance at their only map - all the things that Luna hadn't cared for. The bright filly just wanted a light to guide her to a road in a world that didn't match up with the map she held, not always.
Something missing, it was always something missing. A hollow feeling with smile for a balm.
She made do in a world that had lit a jaded light within her, what was she living? It felt like she was at the end of a storybook with no conclusion at all, only to wake up at page one over and over again.
But she made do. For Luna.
She picked flowers and played pretend.
Princesses played pretend.
Princesses smiled.
She may not know what she's doing to herself, just that she must follow the map, go somewhere, and always look after Luna. Celestia must change, and this is what she would change into - a filly ripping out flowers in an empty meadow to make a futile effort in crafting a crown to reassure herself of something.
Something, and only that. There was no clue to what it was, only that it might be there.
Princesses don't yank flowers from their roots.
Princesses don't get dirty.
Princesses always smile.
Princesses don't break their own rules.
Princesses put others above themselves.
Princesses are graceful and will defend their kingdoms.
Princesses have a kingdom to defend.
Princesses do not ask questions, they give answers.
Princesses tell themselves the rules over and over again.
Princesses follow those rules.
And there was a whole host of them, all almost parable-like commandments she would assert about things like manners to help remind Luna that mud was very yucky, or how she had to always stay six steps of Celestia when it was dark - mostly for the latter's sake. The elder believed every one of them in some way.
Luna didn't listen much, but not out of spite. Luna simply wasn't afraid.
Of something.
Luna wasn't the one who stood in meadows with their legs covered in dirt because she hurt flowers on purpose .
Except, they weren't much of flowers anymore, as two magenta eyes could plainly see.
Dozens of butterflies, of all colors and sizes soaring into the cloudless sky and back again so the cascading wave of pink mane was like a nest hosting many birds.
From a short distance across a bed, now flower-less, Celestia could see the wave of a paw. It was not Luna, who either snuck up on her or bounded over calling 'Tia!' with an honest grin. Luna did not have a snaggle-toothed grin.
Celestia smiled only a little bit wider - after all, she was still a princess - but at least this time she knew it was real.
If only for a moment.
