The Starknight

by Sense of Humor

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Zecora
Length: 2604

Starlight has a regular cough, right?

Starlight Glimmer contracts a strange sickness after maybe or maybe not eating poison joke. It isn't long before she becomes the hero ponyville deserves.

But not the one it wants around.

Inspired by this lovely piece of beautifulness: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/149194/1/sweetie-bane/the-fire-rises

Published 2016-08-28 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-28 22:30:01 UTC

Where IS the trigger, anyways?

Author's Note

Get ready for another, possibly not funny story of mine! Woohoo!

Where IS the trigger, anyways?

Twilight scrutinized the book's contents with a soft glare. It just didn't seem very possible for anything in this book to have happened. Resurrecting prehistoric creatures for theme park use was far fetched as it was, let alone making a hybrid creature along those lines. The only thing she hadn't found to be so questionable about the book was the epic fight scene at the end of it. Apparently the hybrid was attacked by two prehistoric animals and brought down by some really big water creature, which was pretty detailed. It showed how the animals bit and how much of their neck muscles moved to drag the hybrid around the park. The book ended with the resident animal roaring into the sunset while the ponies fled from the island. It had its flaws and plot holes, but she considered it a rather worthy book.

She looked up from her book at the windows of the library, before scanning the clock as well. It seemed that she had been there for a good two hours of her luxurious morning, as usual to finish this strange book of hers. The Alicorn wouldn't deny doing this some more to finish other books that she found worth reading. There was such thing as an 'excellent morning sight' after all.

Speaking of which Starlight walked into the room at random, smiling softly as usual when she caught sight of her teacher. The Alicorn stood up just in time to greet the approaching pony with a smile wider than hers. "Ah, that's my student! Bright and early, I see. How ya doing?"

Starlight Glimmer spoke. Both their eyes widened in shock.

The princess was the first to break the silence between them, although she was sure it was after several minutes of intense staring. Her hoof pointed oddly at her student's neck. "What in the name of Celestia happened to your voice?!"

Starlight spoke again, or started to, before slapping a hoof over her muzzle. Twilight gasped again at the strange tone of the voice she'd heard, her pupils dilating. Her voice sounded just fine yesterday, and yet today it was...all wrong and completely terrible. "Okay...I know you had a cold yesterday...but this is impossible. No cold can make you sound like a gorilla gargling a lawnmower!"

Starlight glared.

"Sorry! It does though."

The unicorn only grunted at her. Twilight tapped her hoof on the ground as a similar event came to her mind soon." Wait! I remember Fluttershy having a similar issue. You haven't eaten any poison joke, have you? Funny looking plant with spots."

"Even eff Ah ded schee that plant, whah makes yoo think I would eat something as cruel as that?"

It took a few minutes, literally minutes, to decipher what her friend had just said to her. It sounded like she was hacking up a lung while talking. "Sorry. I don't doubt your intelligence or anything...Have you coughed since you got up?"

"No...my throat didn't feel right today...but it's what ah deeserved!" Starlight croaked solemnly and bowed her head for all of two seconds. "Nawt th' one that ah needed."

"...Interesting word choice. In any case, maybe it'll go away if you coughed a bit?"

That wasnt such a good idea, in hindsight. Not only did her voice beome more baritone-shrill as she coughed, but her coughs somehow sounded more like words. Twilight narrowed her eyes as the coughing continued and was surprised to hear these words instead of usual coughing :" A-Ah'm nawt wareen hawk-eee pads..."

"Did...Did you just cough out a sentence?" Twilight exchanged a worried glance with her pupil, her hoof resting underneath her chin. "Do it again."

"...thar woahnt bee annie fireworc-cks." Starlight coughed again, making Twilight cringe: every word in that sentence was filled congestion and possibly some kind of throat cancer. She suddenly felt a little for the unicorn and placed a hoof on her shoulder out of friendliness.

"Gee, I'm sorry you have to go through...whatever this is. I hope it's not permanent." Twilight paused and added. "I'll take you by Sugarcube corner and let you get a breakfast cupcake from Pinkie. You have the day off today."

Starlight nodded thankfully to her and gave a grateful smile too, just as another resident of the castle walked into the room. His eyes were entirely focused on Starlight however. "...Was that really her voice I just heard?"

"Yesh, unfoartunately..."

"..."

"...why ar yoo shmiling like that?"

"Yoar dragon ish nawt funny." Starlight trotted alongside Twilight, her eyes looking at the ground in disgust. She still couldn't believe Spike compared her voice to a dying cassowary. That little brat. "Nawt funny at all."

The Alicorn bit her bottom lip. "I wish I could understand anything that you're saying. Maybe you could try speaking slower."

"Whersh th' debtonator?" Starlight coughed into her hoof and wheezed a bit as she continued walking. Her teacher offered her a sympathetic smile, just as they came up to Sugarcube corner and pushed open the doors. Just as expected, Pinkie blasted them with her party cannon from the side.

"GOOOOOOD MORNING!" The pink horse beamed down upon them until she floated back to the ground and zipped over to the counter. "I bet you two want breakfast cupcakes, complete with syrup filling!"

"I'd ask how you know that, but I don't want to know." Twilight shrugged and gestured to Starlight, who was staring at Pinkie...weird. "Yes, please! Sorry about Starlight, she's come down with some kind of...throat cold."

"Aw!" Pinkie reached way,way over and patted the unicorn's head. "Too bad I can't make that mean old cold go away!"

"Yoo'll tea en a slab and bellow foarever."

Pinkie flinched, her eyes meeting Twilight's before they both stared blankly at the glaring face of Starlight. Only, her scowl wasn't focused too well on them at all. "Uh...mind repeating that again? I couldn't really understand you?"

"U'll cree in a sad or fellow together."

Pinkie frowned more. "What?"

"You'll pee in a pad and sell forever."

"Why would I pee in a pad?" The poor each pony asked, clutched her temple in confusion and whimpering."And what am I selling forever?!"

"Sumwon noaz whur hee ez!" Starlight suddenly whined drunkenly. "Hee most hav frenz."

The Alicorn face palmed and waved Pinkie out of her stupor. "We'll take those cupcakes with us. We'll be going back ho-"

"Where wur the uthher drogs goaing?!" Starlight turned her glare to her Sensei immediately.

"I'm worried about her, Spike!"

"No kidding?" He asked her sarcastically while viewing his mother's mutilate steps that circled him. His sarcasm was , as always, completely lost on her.

"This is unlike any cold I've ever heard of! She's been spouting nonsense about drugs and swearing to her when I hardly said anything." Twilight whimpered to herself and finally halted, her thoughts making her more worried than before. "She's getting more and more delusional during this day!"

"And she's sounding more like a vomiting grizzly bear."

Twilight was about snap at Spike about the comment when she heard a clattering noise in the kitchen. They both rushed to the doorway of the kitchen and soon discovered that Starlight was within...wearing some strange looking helmet made out of utensils. She had a large black pot secured on her head along with a spatula on one sidea and a wooden spoon on the other. The princess gasped dramatically at the duck taped utensils, but more at her student. "Starlight! What are you-"

A blur swiftly knocked into her chest and forced her onto the ground facing upwards. Starlight stood over the mare with an embarrassing proximity to each other, their noses touching and Twilight's cheeks blushing. The unicorn snarled in long breaths and spoke as menacingly as she could. " Ummm Batman."

Then she promptly leaped off of her and raced up the stairs, no doubt to be in her room. Spike watched her home with wide eyes, which eventually shifted down to Twilight. "Uh...are you okay?"

"Not for long." She muttered, easily getting back to her hooves to begin thinking again. "Starlight doesn't look like she's gonna get any better, Spike. I'm afraid that she'll hurt someone soon...or herself."

From what he'd seen just now, Spike doubted that. But he was still worried about the unicorn anyways. "What are we gonna do?"

"Well, I could take who knows how long looking through medicine books...or I could just save time and go to Zecora." Twilight explained, heading towards the door even as she spoke. "This does look right up her alley after all. And I haven't visited her for almost half a season. "

"What do I do?"

"You stay here and keep an eye on Starlight!" Twilight instructed, already disappearing through the door. "Make sure she doesn't do anything bad."

Spike nodded in understanding and stood up straight as the door closed, before glancing up the stairs and wondering if he should climb them. He flinched in surprise when he saw Starlight on the balcony, perched like a vulture on the railing and staring down on him much more sinisterly. He swallowed and tried to think for something to break the silence; the scratches on his shoulder! He remembered getting those from a recent adventure. With a shaky smile he asked her: "uh...Y'know how I got these scars?"

Starlight didn't say anything for quite some time, but her eyelids did narrow even more than before.

"Noh...bot uh know how yuh gaht THEEZ!"

Derpy could've sworn she heard a little girl screaming in Twilight's castle.

"A mysterious cough, her thoughts changed too?" Zecora asked incredulously, eyebrows furrow ingredients in concentration. "But where did she eat? What did she do?"

Twilight shrugged without really trying to. "I don't know! She didn't really tell me anything yesterday. I think she might've eaten poison joke, though."

"Causes strange things; it can do just that...But can poison joke make her talk like a bat?"

"You're the expert on poison joke." Twilight accused her. "You tell me."

Zecora snorted at her remark and snatched a small bottle up in her mouth and placed it before Twilight. " I feared you might encounter Poison Joke again. Give this to dear Starlight, she'll be fine by ten."

"Thank you Zecora! Thank you so much! We really should try to keep in touch..." The Alicorn facehooved and started to walk out of the hut, a large grin on Zecora's face. " Oy. You rub off on me the more I visit."

Applejack remembered it like it was twelve seconds ago, because it kinda was. She remembered walking alongside Applebloom happily, determined to get her little sister the perfect hat just like hers since she kept asking so much. The weather was getting warmer too;Celestia occasionally made the sun hotter for some reason, so Applebloom would need a hat for such weather. The older mare considered something softer for her sibling's head, nothing made of plastic or anything like that. They made it to the hat store, or would have if Starlight hadn't suddenly interrupted them.

Applejack wasn't too happy with one of her friends tackling her to the ground and then pinning her there with a hoof. She might not have looked like it, but Starlight was much stronger than one might think. The earth pony's eyes narrowed at the pair of unfocused eyes in anger. "Hey! What 'n tarna--"

"WHURZ DA CHREGGA?!" Starlight currently her off in a heartbeat, spittle flying onto her friend's orange coat and her vulture voice causing other ponies to look at them."WHURRRR EZ ET?! WHERE EZ EIT?!"

"What?" Applejack struggled to get up, still glaring at Starlight. Applebloom worriedly watched from the side, but she almost cracked up after hearing the unicorn's voice. "I can't understan--"

"YOOD NEVAH GEV ET TO N OARDINAREE CHITIZEN!" Applejack gasped as she was levitated into the air, then promptly shaken like some kind of doll. Starlight continued her crazed questioning. "WHURRRRRR EZ IT?! WHURRZ DA TRIGGA?! WHURRR EZ EET?!! WHUR EZ IT??!!! *indescribable hacking noise* "

A dizzy Applejack was brought down close to Starlight in an instant, allowing hear to hear the castrated walrus sounds more clearly. "Dell mee whurda tigger izz...An then...yoo have mie purmizzion t' die."

Before Applejack could even begin to buck the tar out of Starlight's jaw, A purple blur suddenly tackled the unicorn to the ground and spoke up in a fast but familiar voice. "NONEEDTOWORRYEVERYPONYITSJUSTDRUGSIMMEANMEDICINEYOUKNOWHOWITISHAHAHAHAOKAYBYE!"

Suddenly it seemed that the purple blur was zipping into the distance, carrying an unhappy Starlight...who was yelling something no one could understand. It probably hadoesn't something to do with being excommunicated by a gang of psychopaths.

"What wuz that about?" Applebloom grimaced.

Applejack finally got all of her senses, and looked down at her sister. "Nothing that you need to know about, Ah hope." She coughed and decided to get back to doing what she was before.

"Sorry I keep saying sorry for yesterday Spike." Starlight spoke in a clearer, more embarrassed tone than the other day. Twilight was standing beside her with a stern look molded into her features. "I didn't think I could buck that hard."

"Oh, it wasn't that bad." Spike smiled enthusiastically, removing the cold steak from his swollen purple eyelids and testing to see if it would open up. "You made me fly for a few seconds, and that was pretty fun to me."

"And I'm sorry I messed up your day, too." Starlight offered her despondent teacher. "I know your reputation is probably ruined."

"It's not ruined. I'm just known for something else now." She hesitated, sighed loudly and spoke again. "It happens a lot in this town, so don't worry. I'm just glad we stopped it before anypony else got hurt."

"Well, I still need to apologize to Applejack. Who knows how bad that could have been for her?" Starlight turned towards the door. "Mind if I head out real quick?"

Once she was let go, the unicorn began her perilously guilty walk to her friends house. It was going to be very hard to explain that a throat cold had caused so much trouble yesterday, especially when explaining this someone like Applejack...no offense to her. Maybe with the right word choices then arguments could be avoided...

She walked under the Sweet Apple Acres sign and saw that the doors of the barn were open wide, so she walked up to it first. She didn't see anypony inside the dimly lit insides of the barn, until she actually looked upwards. Applejack was fiddling with the rope of a haystack on a beam of wood, not noticing Starlight there all. The unicorn cleared throat softly to make sure she didn't startled the earth pony.

"Applejack? I wanted to come here to apologize for yesterday's...mishap." Starlight took a step forward. "I'm sorry if I might have hurt you or Applebloom in anyway?"

"Applebloom?" Starlight squinted her eyes at the strange tone of voice, and suddenly noticed that the rope was tied to the beam of wood. Applejack leaped from the high area in a flash, using the rope to efficiently zip down to the ground in impeccable style. But Starlight wasnt focused on her friend's rope skill...but moreso the unfocused, angry glare on her face.

"WOO-EYE DED YOU SAY THAT NAIM?!" The orange pony roughly poked Starlight's chest. "APPLEBLOOM--WHY DID YOO SAY THAT NAME?!WHY DI'D YOU SAY THAT NAME?!"

This was going to be a longer day than anyone could imagine.