Author's Note

So, I am new to this whole writing thing and I decided to try my hand at this after some ideas sprouted in my head. Constructive criticism is recommended as I did my best to find any typos and punctuation errors. BUT! Keep in mind, I haven't actually written something in a while so bear with me on some of these. Also if you didn't notice, there will be a lot of cussing, not an overbearing amount but still a lot. Remember, to leave a like, comment or fave if you enjoy my little story, I will be updating every weekend.

Witty chapter name to start off series

*Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep*

“Ugh, shit” I roll over as my arm attempts to locate the source of my misery. After finally getting a hold of my phone I dismiss the alarm and check the date and time: 9:00am Saturday, August 21 2016. I groan before willing my body up and almost falling over because I’m a clumsy idiot. The dry feeling in my mouth motivates me to go to the restroom, out my door and a quick right leads me to the small oval office, I look at the mirror quickly taking in my appearance. Brown skin, unkempt dark brown hair, hazel eyes, some stubble forming a faint goatee with a 5 o’clock shadow, and a dashingly handsome broad face. I was somewhere between overweight yet a fit 215lbs at 5’7”, let’s just say my friends called me ape for a reason. After my shit, shower, shave ritual I dress myself with some blue Wrangler jeans, an olive green T-shirt and some black Jordan future lows, now I feel ready to make the day my bitch… or get my ass kicked by it because life is an asshole. I enter my hallway with my bedroom to my left and my office/man cave a few more feet to the right, at the end of the hall was a modest kitchen on the right and a small living room to my left.

Some thuds come from my ceiling that sound too much like running. “Fucking people don't got consideration for the other tenants”, I grumble out as I feel my happy mood begin to sour. Sighing as I pour myself some water and make my way to the living room, clicking the T.V. on I see the morning news.

“...ast night President Trump mistakenly insulted the Japanese representative Yuzuru Otonashi, who was stepping in due to the sudden illness of their current leader. The cause of the insult is still not clear, but even as Mr. Otonashi exclaimed that if President Trump apologized, all would be forgiven, Trump responded with “I don’t think I insulted you, I think you’re just not happy with how great I am at politics, in fact I’m so good at it that I am the best at politics, and that’s just why you’re insulted”. Mr. Otonashi was confused and upset about President Trumps response he insisted America had elected a “complete buffoon” and stated that his country will hear about this. Now on other news we come with the question of “How much mayonnaise is too much?”

I turn the T.V. off as my mind recovers from what I saw. “I swear, life is becoming more and more like a forum in the pits of 4Chan”, I lift my ass up and tread onto my pride and joy in life, my glorious Man Cave/ Office. The room isn't too big but inside is a nice desktop computer with croma gear from Razer, Logitech, and Roccat on the right wall; a PS4 with a wall mounted flat screen T.V. in front of me with shelves that contain all manner of things ranging from games, to my collection of MLP Vinyls; and to my left was a “Stack-On” steel gun safe that contained my babies, a Remington 12 gauge M870, a Glock 17 with enough ammo to last me a few trips to the range, a sling for my shotgun and a Blackhawk Tactical Serpa thigh holster. Not an impressive gun collection, but fuck it, and my response to people who ask why I have such weapons in an apartment is “Because I love America and the 2nd Amendment, now get your commie shit outta my face”. It’s also best to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it. The landlord knows of my weapons and respects me as a fellow gun owner, people got a right to protect themselves and those around them.

Checking the chalk board I have in there for any reminders I may have left myself the day before, I notice that there is a list of things I need to get from the grocery store. Beer, lettuce, bread, meat, some milk, a few veggies and some snacks. Groaning at the tasks I need to get done before I can play anything I grab my keys from a hook on the right side of the door. Stepping out of my apartment I hear kids running around on the walkways upstairs.

“Damn kids! You should know better than to run on the walkways! Where are your parents?!”, the children's only response is to blow a raspberry my way before running off. Fucking kids, if I were their parents I’d teach them some manners, being from a Mexican family had it’s ups and downs but we damn well knew how to make our kids behave. I sigh as I find my vehicle, a 2013 navy blue Toyota Tacoma, the most versatile car of them all. A V6 engine that gets 16mpg in the city and 21 on the highway, 5 seats, and a nice truck bed for things I can't carry inside the truck, it was a gift from a family friend after I graduated high school.

Once I started the truck and made my way to the store I turned the radio up once I heard Hymn for the weekend by Coldplay come on the radio. While the song played I thought of a few things ranging from my family, to my friends. For some reason music always gets me thinking, I look around town as I drive by and notice things that would look bad from an outsider's perspective, things that make me think badly of humanity, such as homeless people, tons of traffic, pollution, and assholes on the road. But as I keep looking I see the homeless have new clothes and blankets, cars being courteous to one another, hybrid vehicles and workers planting trees, and friends and family greeting each other in front of restaurants and hang out spots. Sure humanity is kind of shitty sometimes, but we also can create true beauty and love one another if we try. Noticing that i'm arriving at the grocery store I turn the radio down as the song comes to an end. About a half an hour later and i’m out of the store with everything I need along with three 24 packs of beer, Stella, Blue moon, and a Strongbow variety pack, I unload the cart onto my truck bed and proceed to head back to my apartment. I arrive at my destination without much trouble, and I notice a familiar looking girl waving at me as I park and exit the vehicle, Ashleigh Clough.

“Hey Ash”, I greet the short dirty blonde woman who I believe has taken an interest with me. I admire her form, a nice hourglass form with a bit more mass on that ass, I always was a trunk kind of guy.

“Sup Erik, just get back from the store?”, she says while walking toward me.

“Yup, just got some beer, food and snacks. What brings you around these parts? Seeing as you don't live anywhere near here.”, She actually lives a good 15 minute drive from here, but seeing her at the apartment complex isn't usually a common occurrence.

“Well, I was actually looking for you”, the attractive woman says with a slight blush.

A number of things pop into my mind ranging from our little flirtations to her actually needing me for something. “Okay cool! Mind talking to me and helping out with some groceries? I’ll throw in some free beer”, she nods her head and helps with the light things while I take the heavy load, let it be known that even if I have temper a I could be a bit of a gentleman when I want to be.

“I was looking to see if your offer about tomorrow was still open, if it isn't I completely understand but I figured… you know… it wouldn't hurt to go out on that date”, her blush intensified as one appeared on my face.

“OH! Uh, sure! I mean yeah I don't mind, we could go check out that new Italian place that opened up on 4th street”, I tried to keep the nervousness out of my voice considering she was most likely just as anxious if not more, sometimes being a rock pays off.

“Okay, cool. Um what would I need to wear?” asks my future date just as we get to my apartment door.

While fishing for my keys I respond with, “Oh it doesn’t seem like a super fancy place, so when in doubt just go casual I guess” I finish off with a shrug. Opening my door to the humble abode I call my home I tell her she can just leave the groceries on my kitchen counters. After everything is put down I lock my door and open the pack of Blue Moon popping the caps off with a wall mounted bottle opener. As I hand her the alcoholic drink she thanks me before making her way to my living room and taking a spot on my couch, and places the drink on a small glass nightstand next to the sofa.

“So since you didn't respond to what I said i'm guessing you're already planning a cute outfit to wear tonight?”, I ask with a wiggle on my eyebrows and a smirk.

“Yeah, I gotta look good if i'm going to be seen in public with you, I do have a reputation to maintain”, the level of sarcasm was well over an exaggerated amount that would be to easy to reference.

“Oooh, this one's got some fight in her. Ya wanna tussle sweet cheeks?”, I say in my best old Chicago gangster accent.

“Fight me bro! I can take you!”, the woman now turned brodude exclaims as she taps her chest in a taunting manner.

Smiling evilly at her I pounce at my new prey aiming for her weak point that will surely secure me victory, her tummy. I unleash a torrent of tickles that makes her start laughing in pure comic agony, she tells me to stop or else but I don't let that deter me from my onslaught. Then a fist made its way to my stomach slightly knocking the wind out of me. It wasn’t too hard of a hit but I exaggerate the effects and fall on the floor attempting to look like i’m gravely wounded.

“Huuuuugh! I've been hit! MEDIC!!”, dramatically holding my hand in the air as I take in my last breaths. Ash stands atop me with a maniacal laugh that would impress any evil villain.

“Fear my wrath foolish mortal! Now there is nothing stopping me from raiding your stash of beer and chips!”

“Gasp! You monster, you'll never get away with this!”

“That's the thing though, I already have…”

…

…

“Way to be cliche ash”

“Your one to talk Mr. Broadway actor”, at her snarky comeback I stand back up and take a bow.

“Thank you, thank you, you’re too kind”, at that we bust out laughing for a couple of minutes then going into a contempt silence with an atmosphere full of a certain mutual feeling. But just as she starts to say something to break said silence, a light rumble makes its way into the room.

“Damn kids are at it again”, and just as I was about to head outside to yell at what I was sure was the cause of such a ruckus Ash grabs my hand and looks at me with a face that resembled the feeling I was getting in my gut.

“Erik I don't think those kids caused that”, with those words our world became chaotic mess of shaking that could only mean one thing.

“SHIT, EARTHQUAKE! FIND COVER!”

Making my way to the kitchen table with Ash still in tow I drag us down there and tell her to hold on to the table legs.

“Erik i’m scared!”

“Don't be, just keep holding onto my hand and close your eyes! Everything's gonna be fine, I won't let anything happen to you!”

Just as I finish comforting the one i’m committed to protect, the world feels like it's tearing itself apart. Right when I thought our end was surely to come, all the shaking ceased and an eerie silence filled the room only broken by the sound of our heavy breathing.

“I think the worst of it passed, come on we need to get out of the building in case it decides to collapse”, I don’t wait for Ash to respond as I make my way to the door, I mentally prepare myself for what destruction may await us while silently hoping that even the annoying kids were spared from the worst. I may have an attitude toward the little fuckers but they didn't deserve something falling on them or the walkway collapsing under them. Opening the front door we're greeted with something neither of us would have expected in a thousand years, causing me and Ashleigh to stare wordlessly.

An open field filled with lush grass that probably reached my ankles. As a breeze makes its way through the terrain, it causes the grass to ripple like a green ocean. The tranquil sound of our new environment is broken by the first words to come out of our mouths.

“Well shit”

“Well shit”