Agent Big Mac and Agent Caramel - by Apple Bloom
“I’m just saying, schools sometimes look kinda weird when nopony is inside of them…”
Big Macintosh wasn’t sure how long Caramel was talking since they left the farm, but he honestly didn’t know if it was something he could complain about. The red workhorse couldn’t call himself a talker in the least, so it wasn’t like he could add much to the conversation. Plus, given where they were headed, Mac couldn’t blame his coltfriend for acting a little hesitant about things. Even though he wasn’t listening to Caramel the entire time they were walking (or even a large majority of the time), Mac preferred the sound of the stallion’s voice over a long, looming bout of awkward silence.
By the time the Ponyville Schoolhouse came within their line of vision, Mac looked towards the smaller pony while he continued rambling. “I mean, it’s sorta like seeing a clown out in an open field by itself in the daytime. If it was in a more fitting place, it wouldn’t be scary, but when it’s out alone--”
“Cara,” said Mac firmly enough to get his coltfriend to quickly shut his muzzle. The tan stallion glanced up to see Macintosh’s subtle, but evident smile as he said, “Is goin’ to a school really the reason you’re actin’ like this?”
Caramel blushed and turned his head away while walking. While he wasn’t a fan of Mac assuming something was up with him, he couldn’t necessarily say that the big guy was wrong either. Heck, Cara actually felt really happy with himself for most of the day until Apple Bloom came home from school. The filly seemed pretty nervous when she gave her older brother the note from her teacher, asking for both Macintosh and Caramel to come to the schoolhouse for a talk.
Caramel’s pause was fairly brief, but still evident before he gave off a faint whinny. “Well, maybe not,” he admitted while his muzzle pointed to the dirt road underneath their hooves. “I mean, empty schools are creepy, but…”
Mac saw his coltfriend bite his bottom lip during that pause, which prompted the farmpony to ask, “But…”
Caramel huffed in a mix of nervousness and guilt. “But I… I’m just a little worried about being in a room with you and her.”
Macintosh’s head tilted to the side while giving Caramel a confused look. “Well, why not? It’s just Cheerilee.”
“I know, but…” Caramel bit his lip again for a couple seconds before glancing back at Mac. “But she… she was an ex of yours, right?”
Mac sighed in relief, almost looking like he was trying not to chuckle with the widened smile on his face. “Oh c’mon, Sugarcube,” said the workhorse assuredly as he looked back to the schoolhouse ahead of them. “Cheerilee an’ I only went out on two dates. An’ it’s kinda hard to even count the first one since we were under that love poison.”
“Yeah…” Caramel tried to smile back at his coltfriend, but it was still hard despite what Mac said. “Still, it’s just… wouldn’t it be kinda awkward to be in the same room as your coltfriend and your ex-marefriend?”
“Nnnope.”
The tan pony groaned annoyedly. “Well, why not?! I figured you wouldbe more nervous about this situation than I am!”
Big Macintosh stopped while the couple were just outside the schoolhouse’s front entrance. Caramel stopped as well and looked up at the red stallion confusedly. “Sugar,” said Mac while staring down at Caramel with insistent eyes and a caring smile. “Cheerilee an’ I never really had feelins’ for each other. We went out once, and we both knew it wasn’t gonna work out. She’s just a friend, an’ she knows that you mean more to me than anypony else.”
Given how one-sided their conversations usually went, hearing that many words come out of his coltfriend at once was enough to make Caramel blink a couple times in surprised silence. Nevertheless, what the bigger stallion said still stuck, and it was more than enough to make Caramel smile up at him with a warm blush on his cheeks. “Awww… You really mean that?”
Mac answered with a sincere nod before leaning his head in. “Eeyup…”
Caramel usually wasn’t comfortable with kissing in public where other ponies could see them, but he honestly didn’t feel that way at all when he bent in to press his lips against Big Macintosh’s. As his eyes closed, the pony felt his heart flutter at the feel of those warm, supple lips against his own. The kiss only lasted three seconds at the most, but it was enough to make Caramel smile more naturally when they pulled apart.
“How ya feelin’ now?” asked Mac with an encouraging smirk.
Caramel exhaled strongly and looked up at him with a smile of his own. “W-Well… I think that helped a little bit.”
Mac chuckled and nuzzled his mate lovingly. “Alright then,” he said before walking up the entrance to the school first. Caramel followed closely behind, but still looked around as his nervousness began to creep back.
“W-Wow,” muttered Cara as his cheeks flushed with a light shade of red, “I can’t believe we kissed in front of the school like that.”
“So? It ain’t like any kids are around.” A thought crossed Mac’s mind to make him snicker lowly, and he turned back to Caramel to add, “An’ it ain’t like we haven’t done riskier things back on the farm--”
“SSHHH!!” Caramel looked towards the school worriedly, hoping none of those windows were open. “C’mon, I don’t want her to hear us!”
Mac opened the schoolhouse door with a smirk as he replied, “You’ve said that before.”
By now, Caramel’s face was a beet red. Alas, the pony could only groan to himself as he followed his coltfriend into the building. Luckily, most of the blush on Caramel’s face was gone by the time they reached Miss Cheerilee’s classroom and entered.
“Oh, there you guys are!” said the magenta mare cheerfully. She was sitting behind her desk as she pointed to the two wooden (and thankfully adult-sized) chairs at the front. “Please, come on in.”
Caramel closed the door behind them, and looked around the classroom briefly on the way to his chair. The room was fairly bright and vibrant, and seemed a lot less dreary than the class he remembered attending as a colt. After he sat down beside his boyfriend, Caramel shuffled in his seat a little while Cheerilee spoke.
“Now Mac,” began the mare insistently with a smile, “before I say anything, I want you to know that Apple Bloom is not in any trouble. That note wasn’t a punishment, and she isn’t getting any detention or anything.”
The red stallion nodded, but his eyes were still narrowed in slight confusion. Cheerilee’s smile began to falter a little, and turned shakier as she opened a drawer behind her desk. “However,” she continued, “the reason I asked for both of you to come here is because what she wrote for a class project…”
She then placed a homemade book on top of her desk, allowing Mac and Caramel to peer in curiously. The book was more like a stack of construction paper, with several holes along one side to tie everything together by strings of yarn. The cover of the book was drawn in marker, showing both Big Macintosh and Caramel's cutie marks. Underneath them was the title:
Agent Big Mac and Agent Caramel
By Apple Bloom
“Oh, wow!” Caramel’s face lit up as he looked at the project Apple Bloom made of them. “This is really neat!”
Mac chuckled when he saw how well his sister drew his cutie mark for the cover. “Heh heh. Eeyup, she's got quite the drawin' skills.”
Cheerilee nodded, but her smile was greatly diminished due to the way her lips were pursed shut. “Mmmhmm…” She awkwardly tapped her hooves together while waiting for the two to look back at her. “W-Well, I… I think you two should read what she wrote inside.”
Not catching her nervous tone, Mac nodded with a smile as he pulled the book closer towards him and his coltfriend. Caramel opened to the first page, which showed a drawing of Apple Bloom beside Big Mac and Caramel outside Sweet Apple Acres. At the bottom of the page was Big Mac and Caramel again, but with both of them donned in tuxedos with matching silver bow-ties. Between the two sketches read:
My name is Apple Bloom, and about a month ago, I discovered that my big brother Mac is a secret agent! His coltfriend Uncle Caramel is an agent too, but they don’t know that I know.
Both of them were confused, wondering whether or not the filly really believed such a thing. The two looked at each other quizzically while trying not to snicker. “What?” asked Caramel with a confused smirk.
Mac turned back to Cheerilee and asked, “Umm, what kinda project was this for?”
“Well,” answered Cheerilee as she tried to keep her tone professional-sounding, “students were told to make a picture book about somepony in their lives, and Apple Bloom chose you two.”
Her eyes then went back to the book in front of them, with her muzzle skewing even further with a shade of discomfort. Mac finally noticed how her expression was changing, and glanced back at the book as well when Caramel turned the page. The drawing was of Apple Bloom standing outside a very familiar-looking door, and leaning in while symbols that looked to be sound effects were coming from it. There were also little words written by the door like “Unf!” and “Ooh!” Apple Bloom wrote underneath the picture:
I know about this because of what I heard from them while they’re alone in Mac’s bedroom!
Both stallions’ eyes opened rather wide, and Caramel covered his mouth with a hoof. While his boyfriend began to blush again, Mac saw that Cheerilee was now carrying a knowing, awkward glance at both of them. “Yyyeahhh, she… she wrote a lot.”
Mac’s face dropped a little after hearing that, and it took everything in him not to wince. Regardless, Caramel hesitantly turned the page. The drawing showed Caramel posed in a tuxedo like a spy movie character, but the description underneath was what made the stallion gasp:
My Uncle Caramel is a very special spy, and goes by the codename “Jiggly” by my brother. I don’t know what his special skills are during missions, but I know it involves doing both “top” and “bottom” work. Or as he calls it: The Verse.
Caramel’s face was now just as red as his coltfriend’s, but it was hard to tell with both his hooves covering it. Mac wanted to comfort him, but he knew it was hard to do so when he was biting his bottom lip and trying not to laugh. Cheerilee had no idea what to say that could help, but she was able to at least point to the book and say, “Ummm… the next page gets a little... private.”
Caramel looked up at her wide-eyed, and quickly grabbed the book so she couldn’t see it from her seat. Mac took a breath before leaning in beside the stallion to see the next page. It showed Mac talking to Caramel, with both of them clearly blushed from the copious amounts of red she drew on their faces. Mac’s jaw dropped when he saw that Apple Bloom actually drew him saying the words, “I want ya to top again!”
I don’t know what “top” or “bottom” means, but I don’t think Cara’s very good at Top work. Mac keeps asking for him to top more, so I think he needs the practice. I hope he gets better at it before their next mission!
Now it was Mac’s turn to look embarrassed. Even with how red his fur usually was, his blush was fairly evident as he sat frozen in his seat. Caramel looked like he was going to get sick, and silently passed the book to his coltfriend before leaving the room. “I-I-I… I need to go out for a while…”
Cheerilee opened her muzzle to say that was fine, but she couldn’t get a single word out before Caramel rushed out the door in a panic. It took a moment before Mac registered what happened, and his head whipped around the room as he realized he was alone with his “ex.” The farmpony slowly glanced back at Cheerilee, whose uncomfortable look was only intensified. Mac’s mouth felt especially dry, but he was able to speak after clearing his throat hoarsely. “Uhhh... “ He pointed a hoof down at the book and tried to clarify. “Th-this ain’t accurate.”
“A-Alright,” said Cheerilee with a small nod, even though it couldn’t take a detective to know she wasn’t completely convinced. “I get it. I just… figured you should know what she wrote about you two.”
After nodding back to her silently, Mac returned his attention to the book that was now in his hooves. There were still a few pages left, so he gulped in hesitation before turning to the next one. This one was a drawing of Mac in a similar movie-like pose as Caramel’s while wearing a tuxedo. However, there was a smaller drawing beside it that showed him tackling a masked pony rump-first.
My brother Macintosh is a really important agent! His codename is “Freckle Butt” (that’s what Uncle Cara calls him in secret), and his special talent during missions is using his butt to take down enemies!
That’s why he’s called the Power Bottom!
Mac’s hooves clenched the edges of the book tightly enough to make the pages crinkle. His lips were spread wide apart while his eyes stayed widened; however, his green pupils were quickly shrinking to the size of pins. Cheerilee didn’t say anything, which was probably for the best since she was looking away from him with a deep blush of her own.
Despite knowing the rest of this book probably wasn’t going to get better, Mac shakily exhaled as he looked to see what was next. Unfortunately, he nearly tore the book in half when he saw the drawing of Apple Bloom walking into his bedroom, while Cara was on the bed with Mac sitting on top of him. The drawing showed Mac yelling “GET OUT!” while his face was shaded deeply with extra red.
In fact, I saw him practicing it once in his bedroom with Uncle Cara! They must have had a big mission coming up!
“OHNO!” Mac slammed the book shut and scooted his seat away from the teacher’s direction. The farmpony groaned deeply as he sunk his head into his hooves, not wanting to even think of what Cheerilee would have to say about that. Even though he knew what he said earlier to Caramel, the fact he was technically with an ex-marefriend definitely made this more awkward than it already was. “Urrrrghhhhh…”
“Mac?” asked Cheerilee worriedly as she leaned forward at her desk. Even though she felt uncomfortable too, she wanted him to listen as she said, “Mac, I’m not judging you, okay? And that’s not the biggest reason why--”
“Oh, what?!” shouted Mac angrily as he turned back to her with a bitter glare. “Why’d ya bring us here for, huh? To make us all embarrassed ‘cause of what Apple Bloom wrote?!”
“That is NOT the reason why, and I would’ve thought you knew me better than that!” Since Cheerilee was usually fairly calm when it came to heated discussions (mostly due to her occupation), the angered tone she made during that statement was enough to make Mac shut up pretty quickly. After pausing to sigh briefly, Cheerilee calmed herself down and added, “Now, while I did intend to show you two this book, it wasn’t just because of content like that. Although, it probably wouldn’t hurt to keep this in mind when you try to be private.”
Mac sighed and nodded in understanding. “Ugh… eeyup.”
“Now,” continued the mare as she motioned to the book still in his hooves, “I’m fairly sure I know which page made you stop, which I can understand completely. But…” With that added emphasis, Cheerilee pointed a hoof to the book while keeping a more sensible smile on her muzzle. “I do think that you should read the rest of the book before assuming anything else.”
One of Mac’s brows raised in confusion, clearly unsure what the mare meant by that. However, instead of ignoring her opinion, the stallion just sighed and reopened the book. After getting to the point that made him stop, Mac suppressed the urge to wince before turning to the following page. This one wasn’t explicit, and just showed Mac and Caramel sitting at a restaurant. Next to it was another drawing that had the two fighting a bunch of masked bad guys.
The two don’t just train at the barn. They also do undercover work around town! When the two go out on dates, they sometimes find bad guys who try to blow their cover.
Mac’s eyes widened in surprise, and he blinked a couple times while turning the page again. It was a drawing that he recognized almost instantly, which showed a grey stallion yelling at Caramel. Caramel was sitting on the floor with tears coming down his cheeks.
One time, Caramel was yelled at by a big meanie. He called Uncle Cara a bunch of names that made him cry. I don’t want to say them because I know Mac hates hearing them too.
Mac’s lips pursed shut, not sure how to feel about his sister knowing what was said that day. He was sure she already heard words like “colt-cuddler” or “pansy” being thrown around before, but he was glad she was smart enough to know not to use them. The drawing alongside it showed Mac kicking the grey pony across the page, with the description underneath:
Big Mac saw his coltfriend getting hurt, so he kicked the pony in the face! I never saw him that angry before (except when my friends and I put makeup on him while he was asleep).
The workhorse cringed with a bit lip. Even though he didn’t exactly regret doing that to the guy (especially given how hurt Cara was over it), he hated that it happened when Apple Bloom was around to witness it. Fortunately, the following page showed Mac talking to Apple Bloom outside what looked to be the Ponyville Hospital.
After the pony went to the hospital, Mac told me that he NEVER wanted me to do that, because hitting somepony shouldn’t be the first thing I should do. You should try to find other options to solve a problem first.
The page next to that showed Big Mac hugging Caramel while a couple hearts floated over their heads. Caramel still had a couple tears, but he was also clearly smiling.
Plus, since they’re agents, I know that Mac was only trying to protect his partner when he needed him most. I think it’s really important for partners to be for each other like that.
Mac couldn’t help smiling after that page, and even let out a tiny chuckle. Seeing his reaction, Cheerilee watched with an attentive smile as he focused on the rest of the book. The next page was of Mac and Caramel standing back-to-back in their suits, each giving smirks while outside Canterlot Castle.
I was confused why a couple would be secret agents, but I figured out why they were after that.
If you’re partners with somepony who you love, it makes you more dedicated to making sure they’re okay during big missions. It also makes you a better team when fighting bad guys.
The following drawing was of Mac and Caramel talking with Mister and Missus Cake in their shop, with all of them smiling. A different drawing beside it showed the couple talking with Applejack and Granny Smith. While a heart was above Mac and Cara’s heads, the two mares had a question mark above theirs.
The reason why they’re secret agents is because they want to help the world understand that love can come from anywhere, just like friendship! And even though some ponies might not understand, they stay partners because they know they love each other more than anypony else. Even if they need to explain it sometimes.
On one of the last pages, it showed Mac and Caramel walking side-by-side down a dirt road. On the side of the road was Lyra and Bon-Bon, who were holding hooves while waving at them. And above them in the skies, a silver gryphon was flying with a smile while a bluish-green stallion sat on his back.
I think there might be other secret agents like that in Ponyville, but I’m not sure. All I know is that they have an awesome job! They fall in love, and then use their combined talents to help others understand why it’s not a bad thing. I think their purpose is really cool, and that’s why I wanted to talk about it!
The final page was of Mac and Cara’s faces inside of a big pink heart, giving each other a kiss while the words “The End” were written underneath.
Mac’s hooves were still shaking a little, but it wasn’t from embarrassment or anger anymore. In fact, the stallion’s lips were trembling as he grew an honored smile on his muzzle. Cheerilee saw that his eyes were starting to get red, and instinctively pushed a box of tissues towards him. Mac quickly snatched the box before the mare could see any tears while he wiped his eyes.
“Are you feeling alright?” asked Cheerilee with a warm and caring smile.
“Mmmhmm.” Mac nodded faintly, and it took a couple wipes before he could pull the tissues away from his eyes. Of course, it was clear there were still some stray tears forming at the corners of them as he looked out the window and breathed choppily. “Y-yeah,” he added for clarification, despite his voice coming out strained.
After letting out a long, alleviated sigh, he turned back to the teacher with a thankful smile as he nodded. “Th-thank ya, Cheerilee.”
“Oh, it’s perfectly fine,” she said with a wave of her hoof. “In fact, if you want, I can let you take that with you so Caramel can read it too.”
Mac’s brows raised in surprise. After looking back down at the book, he huffed with a smile and nodded to her. “That’s mighty nice of ya, Miss Cheerilee. Thanks.”
As he got up from his seat with the book under one of his forelegs, Cheerilee decided to speak up before he could go to the door. “Oh, and… just so you know…”
When Mac turned back to her, Cheerilee let out a small breath and said sincerely, “I’m really glad you have somepony like him, Mac.”
Mac returned the smile with a warm blush on his cheeks. “Thank ya. I’m… I’m really glad ta have him too.”
Caramel was leaned back against the side wall of one of the equipment sheds on Sweet Apple Acres. In his hooves was the book Apple Bloom made, which he was just finishing as a few tears came down his blushing cheeks. As he sniffed and wiped his cheeks with a hoof, the pony carried a smile on his face. His ears twitched up when he overheard hoofsteps, and he turned to see Mac come around the corner.
“So,” said Mac as he saw his coltfriend with the book, “whad’ja think?”
“Well…” Even though he wasn’t exactly a fan of the beginning, Caramel couldn’t help shrugging while holding the book with a smile. “I have to say, I’m really glad you made me finish it.”
“Eeyup,” stated Mac cheerfully as he stood beside him. “But just so ya know, I told Apple Bloom that it might not be a good idea to share the first few pages with ponies and ‘compromise our identities.’ Seemed like she bought it.”
“Well, that’s a relief, I guess.” Caramel chuckled as he looked back down at the book’s title page. As he smiled, the stallion sighed before turning his attention back to Mac. “You know, we should really get her something nice for her birthday.”
Mac nodded in agreement back at him. “Mmmhmm. Maybe we could get her one of them science experiment kits. She seems ta like makin’ potions with Zecora when visitin’ her.”
“Hmmm… that’s not a bad idea.” Caramel’s smile slowly turned more nervous as he looked away from his coltfriend. Before Mac could ask what it was, he noticed how much the tan stallion’s cheeks were blushing as he added, “Y-You know, speaking of ideas, I… I wouldn’t mind getting some more ‘secret training’ in the barn if you’re interested.”
Mac’s eyes shot wide-open, and a blush of his own began to spread across his cheeks. The farmpony looked around briefly to make sure nopony was around before saying, “R… Really?”
“Mmmhmm.” With that, Caramel began to make his way towards the barn furthest away from the property. But before he could get out of earshot of Mac, the pony turned back to him with a sultry grin as he flicked his tail teasingly. “I think you could use a little training too, Agent Freckle Butt~”
Mac’s blush practically exploded across his face, and he was frozen at the spot as he watched his coltfriend walked away with an obvious sway of his hips. The stallion waited a moment after Caramel disappeared into the barn, and made one last glance around before a large grin spread across his muzzle. “Heh heh heh... “
As he made his way to the barn as well, Macintosh bit his lip before saying to himself, “Boy, am I glad I soundproofed that barn today.”
The End
Author's Note
This story was written as a birthday present for my boyfriend Storm Butt. I love ya, bae!
