A Lesson in Skinny Love

by PeripheralPone

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy, Romance
Length: 3175

Insanity - noun: What Applejack must come to terms with as she helps Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie get over themselves.

Skinny Love; noun - when two ponies love each other but are too shy to admit it while still showing it.
Fact #1: Rainbow Dash is gay and afraid to come out to her friends, especially a certain pink party pony for fear of rejection
Fact #2: Pinkie is pansexual, but is too afraid to come out to Rainbow Dash for fear of rejection
Fact #3: Somewhere along the line, Applejack got roped into all of this.
C'mon skinny love, just last the year.
(Or until Applejack loses her mind. Whichever comes first.)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-23 03:40:01 UTC

Come On, Skinny Love, Just Last the Year.

The land of Equestria was appropriately named for the abundance of equines that live there. There were tall ones, fat ones, lanky ones, two-toned or multi-hued. Pegasi, earth ponies, and unicorns (and alicorns if you’re friends with the right pony). There’s the friendly ones, the shy ones, the arrogant ones, the snooty ones. In such a population of so many variants, there’s bound to be secrets that one holds about themselves. Maybe Mrs. Cake doesn’t want Mr.Cake to know that she sneaks sweets long after Celestia lays her sun to rest for the night, and maybe Mr. Cake doesn’t want his wife to know that he already knows. Perhaps Cheerilee would like to keep to herself that she owns her very own copy of Fifty Bales of Hay.

Maybe world-renowned hero and top Wonderbolts performer Rainbow Dash wants to keep the fact that she’s into mares a secret from her friends. Especially a certain pink party pony.

It was a bright, sunny day in Ponyville when Applejack and the rest of her friends grabbed a table at the local café. The table was large and circular, more than enough to seat the tittering young mares. Rarity was speaking boisterously about her new line of clothing as they sat down, and Applejack couldn’t help but return a couple of the glares thrown their way. It was group of six mares, of course they were going to be loud.

“It will take a bit of work, of course, but I think if I really concentrate I can have the whole line out just in time for autumn,” Rarity claimed as she sat down. Fluttershy sat to the unicorn’s left with a smile and a murmur of congratulations. Twilight sat to Rarity’s right, wrapping the chair in her lilac glow and pulling it out carefully.

 “Wow, Rarity!” Twilight exclaimed. “Sounds like you have your work cut out for you. I mean, twelve dresses for a line before the beginning of fall?” At that, Rarity waved a hoof in dismissal as Applejack took her seat next to Twilight while Dash sat across from the farm pony, directly next to Fluttershy.

“Like I said, a bit of work. But think of all of the business this will draw in!” She sighed happily crossed and her hooves on the table. “Any fashion-conscious pony will be looking for a new wardrobe to accommodate the fall season, you know. And when they go on their shopping spree it shall be Rarity who saves the day!”

It was then that Pinkie plopped down next to Rainbow Dash, finally back from her trip to the bathroom. Applejack didn’t miss the way that the blue Pegasus seemed to perk up at the sight of their friend, nor did she miss the subtle brush of pink across the mare’s cheeks. Applejack stifled a sigh, instead smiling at the server who brought their menus and left with the promise that their waiter would be by shortly.

When she looked back across the table she noticed how, as they listened to Rarity’s chattering, Pinkie’s gaze would stray to the pegasus next to her. AJ gave a little roll of her eyes and raised the menu to scan it. Rainbow and Pinkie Pie had been trotting around each other for so long that AJ had given up on betting how long it would take for somepony to make a move. She knew Dash wasn’t out yet, not to anypony except Applejack herself at least, and even that hadn’t been Dash’s choice. Being the Element of Honesty had its perks, and one of those perks was being able to read ponies and being able to tell when they weren’t being truthful. AJ hadn’t missed Dash’s reluctance to ogle stallions in public or how disgusted she’d be at a stallion’s advances. Pinkie, however, was a wildcard. She didn’t seem like the type to hide who she was, but she had pulled the rug out from under ponies before.

“What about you, Applejack?”

The pony in question had been too deep in thought to catch what they’d been talking about and she quickly snapped to attention, feeling her cheeks heat up at the five pairs of eyes on her. She put down the menu and cleared her throat before speaking, “I’m sorry, what?”

Twilight smirked and rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “I was saying that I was curious about who our waiter would be,” she said.

“Yeah!” Pinkie chirped with a giggle. “And Rarity asked if we thought it’d be the super cutie stallion right there,” she said, pointing over AJ’s head.

Applejack followed Pinkie’s hoof and twisted her neck to see who they were talking about. Sure enough, there was a waiter donning a white cotton apron and holding an empty tray in a pale orange aura as he chatted with the ponies occupying the table across from them. He was cute, with his nutmeg coat and teal hair pulled into a small stallion-bun on top of his head and bright blue eyes. Yeah, definitely cute but not exactly AJ’s type. He didn’t have the bookworm air about him that she’d come to appreciate.

She looked back straight across from her to see Rainbow Dash with a bored look on her face. AJ huffed. “He’s okay. Not quite my type,” she said with a small smile at Rainbow Dash, who returned it. At Pinkie’s next words, however, both smiles fell.

“He’s definitely mine!” The pink mare giggled. Rainbow’s scowl went unnoticed by everypony except AJ.

“Pinkie Pie! Must you say that so loudly?” Rarity chided. Her eyes were narrowed but her voice was light and bubbling with laughter. Even Fluttershy was in a fit, the soft giggles muffled by her hoof, but AJ couldn’t keep the frown from forming on her face. She wanted to tell Dash that, yeah, Pinkie thought the guy was cute, but that didn’t prove anything. Heck, AJ didn’t consider herself to be on one side of the spectrum. Who knew where a pony like Pinkie Pie would be considered.

Wouldn’t surprise me one bit if Pinkie went off the spectrum altogether and invented her own, Applejack thought to herself.

“And what about you, Rainbow Dash?” Rarity asked with a quirked eyebrow.

Applejack held her breath as Dash barely spared the waiter a glance before shrugging and looking at the menu laid flat at her hooves. “He’s ‘aight,” she decided as she turned the menu over.

Twilight hummed thoughtfully and drew in breath to speak, only to be interrupted as Mr. Cute-Waiter-Guy himself swaggered his way to the table, a notepad and pencil levitating nearby. Rarity batted her eyelashes while Pinkie gave a friendly wave.

“Good afternoon, ladies,” he greeted in a deep, gravelly voice that caused Fluttershy to bury herself behind her mane. AJ grimaced.

Yeah… definitely not my type. She bit her tongue as he continued.

“My name is Roman, and I’ll be taking care of you today,” he introduced himself.

“He certainly will,” Twilight muttered to Applejack under her breath, who rolled her eyes once again. The last thing her group of friends needed was another love-sick pony within their midst.

Like Twi would really fall for that guy anyway, she thought with a smirk.

“Can I start you ladies off with some drinks?”

Applejack went with iced tea (sweet, of course).

Rarity and Fluttershy opted for water.

Twilight chose tea as well (but hot and unsweet, that weirdo).

Pinkie Pie couldn’t choose between sarsparilla and strawberry lemonade so, naturally, she ordered both.

Rainbow Dash was the only pony who hadn’t chosen her drink, only looking up when Pinkie Pie gave her a nudge. The other mare looked up at Roman, who gave her a smile so flirtatious that it could have knocked Queen Chrysalis herself out of Equestria for the second time. Applejack gave Rainbow Dash a sympathetic look. Poor girl just can’t catch a break.

“And you, my dear?” Roman asked. Pinkie’s smile fell at that and Applejack picked the menu up and pressed it into her face whilst sliding down in her chair, ignoring Twilight’s confused glance. Applejack had stifled so many sighs and bitten her tongue so many times at this luncheon alone to last a lifetime. And we ain’t even ordered yet.

“Oh, brother,” Applejack heard Rainbow mutter. “Just lemonade, please.”

“Right away,” came Roman’s reply, followed by his hoofsteps that faded as he left.

Applejack put the menu down just in time to see Fluttershy give Rainbow Dash a grin. “Oh my, I think he likes you.”

“Ugh,” Rainbow groaned, her chair scraping the ground as she got to her hooves. “I need to use the restroom.”

“Er, me too,” Applejack said, standing as well. “Be right back,” she said to the others before following Rainbow Dash out of the patio and into the restaurant. As they made their way through the maze of tables and hurrying staff of waiters and waitresses, Applejack found herself wishing she were back outside on the patio listening to her friends gossip; but there was a greater task at hoof at the moment.

Upon pushing open the door to the mares’ room, AJ sighed as Dash made her way to the sink. “When are you gonna tell ‘em, Dash?”

“Shut up!” Rainbow cried, looking about in a panic. AJ watched as the Pegasus peeked between the stall doors and the tile floor with bated breath. When she straightened back up, she fixed her friend with a glare and turned back to the sink. “You’re lucky nopony was in here just now,” she retorted as she turned on the water.

“And why is that?” Applejack asked. She could see Rainbow fighting back frustration in the mirror that hung above the sink. Applejack grimaced as she noticed it sway, just from the power of water hitting the bottom of the sink.

“Um,hello?” Rainbow retorted. She turned off the water and looked at Applejack in the mirror. She used a hoof to gesture to herself. “Did you forget I’m a Wonderbolt? If word about…this were to get out it could get very messy, and I doubt our publicist is gonna wanna deal with that.”

Deciding Rainbow Dash had a point, AJ gave a nod. “Yeah, I s’pose you’re right. Sorry,” she lamented. “But really, Dash, when?”

“When… when the time is right.”

“And when will that be?”

“Um…” Dash hummed as she moved away from the sink. “Never? Yeah, hopefully never.”

“Dash, c’mon now.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do?!” Rainbow Dash asked, her voice cracking.

“Oh, I dunno Dash, maybe trust our friends?” Applejack shot back. “They love you, sugarcube, they ain’t gonna care about which way your door swings. Especially Pinkie.”

“Oh?” Dash asked skeptically. “And how do you know?”

“Because ain’t it obvious that she’s head-over-hooves for ya?”

The silence that followed Applejack’s question was nearly earth-shattering. For a moment that could have lasted a thousand moons or a single heartbeat, emerald met magenta as the two mares stared each other down, Rainbow’s prismatic tail twitching behind her. Finally, the silence was broken as the fire died from Rainbow Dash’s eyes to be replaced with clouds.

“AJ, it’s Pinkie Pie," Rainbow said slowly. "She loves everypony.”

“No! Well, yes, but it’s different with you,” Applejack plead.

“How so?”

“Well… th-the hugs, the cheek-kisses, the huge birthday… parties…” Applejack trailed off.

Rainbow didn’t look impressed. “You just listed off things she does for literally everypony she knows. You realize that right?”

“Yes,” Applejack groaned in annoyance. “Yes, I realize that but…” she sighed and took a deep breath before starting over. “Aside from the Pinkie thing, I still think you should tell the others. They won’t think any different of ya,” she assured, chancing a smile.

To the farmer’s surprise, Rainbow Dash gave a dry, humorless huff of laughter. “Oh sure, have me come out to them and pave the way for you!”

...

...

“Say what?”

“You just want me to test the waters before you come out and make a move on Twilight!”

Applejack’s entire train-of-thought came to a screeching halt as she took in her friend’s words. She looked at Rainbow Dash for a long moment before scrunching up her nose and snorting as she stifled a loud guffaw.

Rainbow glared. “What’s so funny?”

Applejack couldn’t hold it in, letting the yelp of laughter spew from her lips and echo in the bathroom. “Rainbow you… what?! Me? And Twilight? Sweet Celestia, ahaha!”

Rainbow Dash huffed and looked away from the giggling mare. “Whatever,” she said under her breath.

“Hehe, Dash. No. It’s true I’m not ‘straight’ or whatever, but everypony’s on a spectrum. But c’mon, me and Twi? Nah.”

“Why not?”

“Hm?”

Now it was Rainbow’s turn to smirk. “Nothing. Now look… let’s make a deal.”

“Alright…”

Rainbow Dash led the way out of the restroom, signalling for Applejack to stay in the empty corridor leading out to the main dining hall of the restaurant. Her eyes were sparking with nervousness, which normally would have concerned Applejack. But there was also dangerous mischief swirling in the depths of her friend’s gaze, and that worried Applejack far more.

“I’ll come out to the others.”

“Good, I think--”

“And you’re gonna help me.”

“Come again?”

“You heard me,” Rainbow Dash replied. “You want me to come out to them? Fine. But you’re coming along for the ride, AJ.”

Applejack was never one to abandon a friend in need, but she couldn’t help but push Dash a bit more. “And if I refuse?”

“You get to watch as I awkwardly make conversation with them and avoid eye contact with Pinkie for an indefinite amount of time.”

Well, shoot. She got her there. A indefinite amount of time of watching Rainbow Dash stumble through the closet? Applejack sighed. “Deal.”

“Seal the deal, AJ.”

“We’re about to go back to the table and eat, Dash.”

“Seal. The. Deal.”

“Oh for the love of-- fine,” Applejack grumbled. She could have wiped that smug look off of Rainbow Dash’s face as she raised a hoof and spat onto it before holding it out to the other mare, who looked at the offer for a moment before wiggling her nose and scoffing.

“Nah.”

“What?!”

“We’re about to eat, AJ,” Rainbow Dash said over her shoulder as she walked out of the corridor. “Better go back in there and wash your hooves!”

Applejack stared, dumbfounded, at the entrance to the corridor where her friend had disappeared before scowling down at her soiled hoof. As she hobbled back into the bathroom and over to the sink on three legs, she groaned. She could already feel a headache coming on, and hardly anything had happened!

“Well,” Applejack said aloud to the empty bathroom as she scrubbed her hooves. “At least I won...sorta. She’s gonna come out to the others and we can this once and for all. No more hidin’.” She nodded at her reflection in the mirror and shut off the water before drying her hooves and pushing her way out once more, feeling more confident heading back to her friends than she did upon leaving them.

When she rejoined her friends on the patio, she saw that her tea was there waiting for her, the condensation dripping down the glass in large droplets as the ice melted under Celestia’s sun. Rainbow Dash looked up from her lemonade to give Applejack a devious smile, which quickly disappeared as the other mare mouthed the words, “you owe me”. With her own self-satisfied smirk, Applejack took her seat across from her friend, allowing her eyes to scan the menu once more, nothing really catching her eye. With an annoyed grunt, she set the menu down and looked to her friends.

“What are y’all gettin’?”

Rarity raised her chin as she answered. “While I can't speak for the others, I have decided on a lovely watercress sandwich.”

“Uh huh. Fluttershy?”

The pastel pegasus was silent for a short moment. “Well, um, I was thinking of just some seaweed salad.”

Applejack wrinkled her nose at that. I hate seaweed.

Twilight put a hoof on her shoulder to get her attention and the earth pony gladly obliged, facing her friend with a smile as a signal to go ahead and speak.

“I went for a fruit salad,” the Princess said. She smirked at Applejack and winked. “And don't worry, there's no seaweed."

Applejack chuckled and gave a nod. “Fruit salad it is, then.”

As if her decision had summoned him, Roman appeared then, notepad levitating within reach once more. He took their orders dutifully, giving a smile and a hum as Rainbow Dash ordered her carrot soup, making the mare squirm uncomfortably. As he took up their menus, Applejack caught his eye and fixed him with a smoldering stare, summoning her inner Granny Smith (the old mare knew her way around a curse). She celebrated silently when the unicorn seemed to crumble just before he turned away with his ears flopped. Fortunately none of the other girls seemed to notice, as the topic of conversation had changed again.

“... I don't know, Rarity,” Fluttershy was saying. “I just don't see the use in going to the banquet if I already know most of the ponies in town.”

“Exactly, darling!” Rarity exclaimed, going to levitate her water. She gestured to Town Hall, which could be seen from the restaurant patio. “You know most of the ponies, not all. The banquet is for meeting ponies you don't know. It's for making creating new friendships, or rekindling old ones that have faded away!”

“Come on, Fluttershy, it'll be fun! I'm going, “ Pinkie chirped.

Twilight exchanged an amused glance with Applejack, who rolled her eyes. They both knew Pinkie would go (it was a party, after all) but they decided to converse about it anyway.

“Of course,” Twilight began, “you hardly know anypony in town, Pinkie.”

As expected, Pinkie turned her blue eyes on the alicorn, who couldn't keep the grin off of her face. Applejack couldn't blame her; messing with Pinkie was too fun sometimes. So fun, in fact…

“Yeah,” Applejack added. “I bet you couldn't look out there and recognize five ponies,” she challenged, sweeping a hoof to the street next to them. There weren't many ponies out at the moment, most of them being at work or school.

Pinkie stood from her seat and placed her hooves on the table, narrowing her eyes at Twilight and Applejack. She paid no attention to Applejack’s smile or how Twilight was about to erupt into a fit of laughter, using Applejack’s mane to stifle her giggles. Rainbow was staring up at Pinkie with wide eyes and a grin.

The table was silent for a long moment. Then, “Is that a challenge?”

As Pinkie began rattling off names, Applejack looked back to Rainbow Dash. The pegasus’ magenta gaze was fixed on Pinkie, the warmth in her eyes unmistakeable and unbreakable. Applejack stifled a sigh as she realized that Rainbow wasn’t just crushing, but head-over-hooves.

What have I gotten myself into?