Chapters Chapter 2 - A Quiet Evening
“You actually live here?” Picture Perfect looked at Orange Pip incredulously.
“What? Caramel Apple is my Aunt,” Orange Pip shrugged, “Apples and Oranges are two branches of the same family. When I got my internship with The Dreadfuls my dad wired Caramel and got me a real paying job at the Belfry. Pay’s not great, but it comes with a place to crash. And I can eat free, so long as I don’t mind a combination of lunar diet and carny food.”
“So you live at the most notorious night-spot in Canterlot, and intern for the most disreputable publication in Equestria? Nice.” Picture smirked at the young stallion.
“Say’s the mare who draws smut for the most the most disreputable publication in Equestria,” Pip countered, “We should go in through the side door, since they’re not open yet.
-=-=-=-=-
“Hiya, Pip!” A young, burgundy lunar pegasus mare bounced up to the couple as they quietly entered through the side door and made their way past the back stage. “Is this that artist friend you keep going on about?” The mare turned her attention to Picture Perfect. “I’m Candy Apple, bar maid and magician’s assistant extraordinaire.”
“I’m a Soothsayer, Candy, not a magician,” an irritable goat grumbled, before turning his unfocused gaze on Picture, “We receive precious few visits from nobility here, Miss Perfect. I do hope you find the accommodations to your liking.”
“I think you must be mistaken, sir!” the mare objected vigorously, “I’m no noble! I live in an Apartment in South Decanter! I’m just an illustrator for Pony Dreadful.”
“Of course,” the goat smiles coyly, “Perhaps I didn’t see things clearly. Pip, you are of course welcome to bring the lady upstairs for the show later.”
“Okay, Pip, what just happened?” Picture confronted the stallion the minute they had left earshot.
“That was just my cousin's Candy Apple and Tarot. They do shows every friday for the goth ponies, and Tarot reads the cards for customers sometimes.” Pip explained casually as the couple descended downstairs into the family living quarters.
“Yeah, he’s the blind goat.” Picture deadpanned in irritation. “I’ve been living in Canterlot my whole life, I know who he is and what he does. But he just totally called me out!”
“Yeah, he does that.” Pip laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head. “The good news is that means he likes you.”
“So you’re not gonna say anything about it?” Picture demanded as they stopped outside the door to Pip’s room. “You’re cousin just drops a bombshell like that, and you’re just gonna act like it never happened?”
“Well, obviously it’s not something you want to talk about.” Pip shrugged as he opened the door to a modestly furnished, windowless bedroom. “I figure we’ve been dating a while now, if that was something you wanted me to know, you would have told me. Sorry about Tarot though. He kinda knows everypony’s secrets already and sometimes he doesn’t seem to get that the rest of us even have secrets.”
“Well, it’s out now, I guess.” Picture flopped on the bed with a heavy sigh. “I guess that’s what I get for insisting we go back to your place this time. Look, it doesn’t matter anyway. I should have told you a long time ago. My parents are nobles. It doesn’t matter which house. It doesn’t matter because they disowned me a long time ago.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” Pip laid a foreleg across her withers.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Picture huffed, then sighed again, and finally smiled. “I’ll tell you later, promise. Right now, we’ve had a good evening. We’re alone. Let’s just enjoy some ‘us’ time for a couple of hours.”
-=-=-=-=-
“Whatdoya mean cease and desist?” Type Set glared angrily at the imposing royal guard standing in front of his desk.
“The story, ‘The Astonishing Voyages of Silver Stars’ has been deemed unfit for public consumption and contrary to Equestrian morality.” The guard read over the notice in a dull, slightly embarrassed monotone. “In the interest of keeping pornographic materials out of the hooves of impressionable minors, Princess Celestia has hereby ordered that the publication of said story be halted immediately, and shall not be resumed at any future time.”
-=-=-=-=-
“Wow, how does he even do that with the cards?” Picture Perfect watched in amazement as the goat casually flipped a deck of cards from one cloven hoof to the other with a ease and grace that would shame the most practiced unicorn.
“They cards can tell you many things.” The goats words hung heavy over the audience. “The cards can deliver many gifts… and the cards demand their price! Who among you tonight is willing to… willing to?”
The goat paused, his head cocked to one side for a moment. At first the audience seemed to assume it was part of the show, but as the pause dragged on, quiet whispering began when finally Tarot Solitaire’s voice cut through the crowd, “Lights! Bring up the lights!”
There was only a moment of surprised and angry exclamations before the doors burst open. Six lunar guards entered lead by their stern captain. The guards took up positions at the door as the captain walked calmly up to the stage. Hushed murmurs passed among the audience as the Captain of the Night Guard exchanged hushed words with the goat. After a moment the goat nodded and addressed the audience.
“Ladies and Gentlecolts, please do not be alarmed, but there is a matter of dire importance and her Majesty Princess Luna’s guard have asked for my assistance. If you will keep your ticket stubs, we will be holding a special repeat performance tomorrow night. Captain Moon Phase has asked me to advise all ponies present to please exercise all due caution when returning to your homes tonight. If possible remain in groups of two or more, and be sure to keep your doors firmly locked and bolted.”
Gasps of alarm rang out, but the taciturn goat had nothing else to say to the crowd, instead walking directly to the Pip and Picture’s table and addressing his cousin in hushed tones, “Pip, I believe you may be of more assistance than myself in this instance, and by all means, bring the lady. Her talents would be sorely missed in her absence.”
Tarotius William Solitaire walked out the front door without a word, or even a glance behind him.
Chapter 3- The Morning After
“Hiya Ink,” Orange Pip greeted his co-worker as he entered the office behind Picture.
“Sweet Celestia’s great white flank, you two look rough!” Ink Well laughed at the couple jovially. “If I can read ponis like I know I can read ponies you two got up to steamy shenanigans last night.”
“Suffice to say if we want to get any sleep we’re going back to my apartment from now on,” Picture Perfect said flatly.
“Oooh, gonna tell me all about it? You’ve actually seen Our little Orange Pips swinging bachelor pad?” Ink Well grinned triumphantly.
“I live in my Aunt Caramel Apple’s basement,” Pip replied flatly.
“Yeah,” Picture Perfect nodded, “We watched a magic show and hung out with his cousins all night.”
“Wow, really Pip?” Ink Well couldn’t hide his look of disappointment. “Really know how to show a mare a good time huh? Look Pic, if you ever need some excitement in your life…”
The stallion was cut off by a nasty glare from Picture Perfect, who turned and whispered to her coltfriend, “Seriously, we ARE going to talk about what happened last night.”
“Seriously team,” Type Set strode into the office with a scowl on his face, “We are going to talk about what happened last night! We got a visit from the royal guard and a cease and desist order on the ‘Fantastic Voyages of Silver Stars’. Apparently it offends the royal family’s impeccable moral fiber.”
“What?” Pip thumped his head against his desk. “I already had that laid out and ready the photo. I have important family business tonight!”
“Well then you can just stay double late tomorrow.” Type scowled at the intern. “It’ll be tomorrow before we’ve got material to fill the space, but if those negatives aren’t at the printshop by midnight your flank turns into a pumpkin, got it?”
“Yes sir,” the orange earth pony said with a sigh.
“Ink, you gotta sift through the old submissions and find us something to replace it with,” Type nodded to his second in command.
“Aye, aye, sir! Porn filtering it is then!” The unflappable stallion grinned widely.
“Picture, you’re not off the hook,” Type Set turned his gaze to the unicorn illustrator. “I know we didn’t have an illustration planned for that story this week, but we’re gonna need one now. I need an ink piece of Celestia looking stern and disapproving. Not unflattering mind you, but maybe looking a bit stuffy and prudish. We’re gonna run it opposite of our politely worded apology to our readers explaining that by order of Celestia their favorite story has been deemed unfit for public consumption. Oh and Pip, I need you to write a nice letter of condolence to Miss Sunny Days, and include a check for payment for that last chapter. We were going to run it. I’m sure she’s gonna feel bad enough without having to scramble for bits.”
“Can you believe it, with all the hijinks that go on up at the castle, Celestia is playing morality police over some lonely old mare’s fantasy fic?” Ink Well’s normally cheerful demeanour cracked for a moment.
“Hey, at least your not the one who has to give her the bad news.” Pip took quill in mouth and began to pen the letter.
-=-=-=-=-
Dear Miss Sunny Days,
Let me begin by saying how pleased we here at The Pony Dreadful have been with the quality and Popularity of your story “The Astonishing Voyages of Prince Silver Stars”. I probably don’t have to tell you that your story has been one of, if not the most popular story we have ever published. In fact your next chapter, “Mutiny of Lust” was scheduled to run as our featured story in next week's addition. Unfortunately my use of the past tense is not accidental.
We have received a cease and desist order from the office of Princess Celestia ordering that we immediately stop publication of this story. We have included a check for payment for the latest chapter. Though it will not be published, we want you to understand that this is no fault in yourself, nor any statement on our opinion of your work (which we consider to be of the highest quality).
Moving forward we would be happy to accept any future stories you may submit, although if I may make a suggestion, please try to avoid any resemblance between your characters and any member of the Canterlot Royal family it may well avoid any unfortunate incidents like his in the future. We look forward to further correspondence and submission.
Sincerely,
-=-=-=-=-
“So what are we gonna run in place of ‘Silver Stars’, Ink?” Type Set paced the floor impatiently.
“Well boss, I dug out this one ‘True Confession’ piece from a Miss Lyra Heartstrings.” Ink Well grinned broadly. “You might remember I turned it down flat last month, because quite frankly it was just too far fetched.”
“Is that the one about the two filly foolers who met a pony author and his imaginary human-friend at bi-ped con?” Pip raised a skeptical eyebrow.
“Yeah I remember that one,” Picture rolled her eyes. “They tried to form a herd, but the unicorn botched a transformation spell and immediately turned the human into some kind of pony-hybrid, or something, right?”
“Right on, sister,” Ink well replied with a laugh, “And then Princess Luna appears and fixes everything all Deus ex Machina. It’s cornball, but there’s nothing too steamy for the Royals to get their knickers in a bunch over.”
“Wait a minute,” Type Set raised a hoof as he read over the copy. “The human’s name is David Silver. Too close to certain members of the royal family. I’m pretty sure that’s what set ‘em off last time.”
“Not a problem, we’ll just change it to...Copperfield?” Ink suggested, looking around for support.
“Okay Lyra Heartstrings and David Copperfield, we’ll run with it,” Type Set nodded, “I see no reason why the royals would object to that.”
Chapter 4 - About Last Night…
“So your ‘aunt’s basement’ is ‘The Belfry’?” Picture Perfect leveled a steady stare on Orange Pip.
Pip replied casually, “The Apple family is big in the brewing business.”
“You’re part of the Apple Family? As in The Apple Family,” Picture pressed incredulously, “You actually live here?”
“What? Caramel Apple is my Aunt,” Orange Pip shrugged, “Apples and Oranges are two branches of the same family. When I got my internship with The Dreadfuls my dad wired Caramel and got me a real paying job at the Belfry. Pay’s not great, but it comes with a place to crash. And I can eat free, so long as I don’t mind a combination of lunar diet and carny food.”
That was how it started…
-=-=-=-=-
“It would take one hell of a unicorn to just knock a hole in a minotaur’s skull like that,” Captain Moonphase noted, before turning to Tarot. “We’re sorry to bother you Mister Solitaire, but the other victim… the drone… she wasn’t from the local hive. We assume she was a feral refugee from the circus. She was definitely one of Butterfly’s.”
A large, pale white minotaur with red hair lay sprawled in the alley with a changeling mare, her black chitin tinged deep blue.
A changeling guard stepped forward. “Murder is rare enough, but a double equicide involving one of Madam Butterfly’s drones….”
“So you think this was a unicorn’s bolt that did this?” Pip walked past the lunar and changeling guards and began examining the crime scene.
“Hey, now! This is an active crime scene, no looky-loos!” A gruff lunar guard quickly moved to intercept the orange earth pony.
“It’s quite alright,” the goat said with a faint smile as he moved between the two, “I brought my cousin along to be of assistance in your investigation.”
“You personally assured Princess Luna that you would offer assistance in any matter involving the circus incident,” Captain Moonphase argued with a scowl, “The changeling guard assures us that is one of Madame Butterflies drones, and that means this involves the incident!”
“And I’ve offered you the services of my quite talented cousin, Orange Pip, by way of assistance,” the goat countered easily, “If you wish to turn down my offered assistance, well there’s really nothing I can do about that.”
“Do you believe this wound was not, in fact, the result of unicorn magic darling?” A second changeling guard approached Pip. “If Mr. Solitaire vouches for you, that is good enough for Princess Fast Change, and certainly good enough for us, please do explain what you think happened here.”
“Well, I suspect when you complete the autopsy you’ll find a metal projectile lodged in Mr. Solid’s head.” Pip nodded to himself.
“Wait a minute!” Moonphase interrupted, “Just who told you the identity of the victim?”
“Please, captain,” Picture Perfect answered with a roll of her eyes, “There aren’t that many ginger minotaurs running around Canterlot. Even I recognized Rock Solid.”
“Yes,” the second changeling hung her head sadly, “He is well know to our hive as well. His son is friends with Diane Pastel, the adopted daughter of Train Wreck Pastel. He was a widower and single father, I can’t imagine who could possibly do something so dreadful.”
“What’s odd, is that the second victim, the changeling, seems to have been bludgeoned to death,” Pip noted absently, “Which is the biggest argument against the minotaur’s death being magic related.”
“So you don’t think it was a unicorn?” Moon Phase cocked his head, considering the earth pony’s words.
“Picture, dear, could you make me a drawing of the scene,” Pip smiled at his mare friend, “I might want to go over it later over a few drinks, and you can produce a far more detailed image than any camera, especially in this light.”
“We’re going to talk about this later, Pip,” the unicorn assured the earth pony as she set to work, pulling her sketch-pad and a charcoal pencil from her saddlebags in the steady grip of unicorn magic.
“Now, I’m relatively certain that the Minotaur was killed with some form of firearm, but tell me,” Pip looked away thoughtfully, “Do we have the murder weapon that was used on the changeling?”
“We do,” Moon Phase nodded grimly, “We found an iron pipe in a nearby dumpster coated in changeling blood. If what you’ve suggested is true, it makes a certain amount of sense, these deadly little human ‘toys’ only come with so many ‘shots’. Our minotaur was ambushed by a human, shot in the head, but then the changeling came along. The damned monkey only had one shot, so he grabbed an available pipe to use as a bludgeon. I have to admit I was skeptical, Mr. Pip, but that sharp mind of yours is proving as useful as the goat promised.”
“I wouldn’t become too attached to any conclusions just yet,” Pip replied with a shake of his head, “We haven’t examined the murder weapon we do have.”
“What’s to examine, it’s an iron pipe, it’s covered in changeling blood, it was clearly used to bash a changelings brains in,” the first changeling argued, as much with herself as with anypony else.
“Please, Split Shift, let Mr. Pip do his job,” the second changeling scolded her companion, “By the way darling, I’m Sweet Shift, and that charming mare is my sister Split, we’re…”
“Diane Pastel’s personal bodyguards, I know,” Pip answered absently as he fished into the gore-soden pipe with a piece of wire from his own saddle bags, “The subtle pinkish hue to your chitin is a dead give-away. Most refugee changelings either have the green hue from their old hive, or the red hue associated with Princess Fast Change. Your’s is close, but not quite… ah there it is!”
The earth pony pulled lose a scorched wad of cardboard, holding it up as if it’s secrets were obvious to all.
“It’s a burned wad of paper Pip,” Picture said flatly, clearly not at all impressed.
Chapter 5 - Further Observations
“You’ll notice that one end of this pipe has been sealed shut.” Pip pointed out the details of the pipe as Pic held it in her telekinetic grasp. “Also you’ll notice scorch marks on the open end. This weapon was made for one purpose, and it wasn’t for bludgeoning defenseless drones to death. This isn’t just a murder, it’s an assassination gone wrong. Yes, they met their target as planned. Were you a stallion or a mare… it makes a huge difference where motive is concerned. But that doesn’t matter yet anyway.”
Pip paced nervously looking over the crimes scene, the position of the bodies, and the pile of debris where they had found the pipe. Suddenly he froze. “But you are a unicorn! You HAVE to be a unicorn… or possible another changeling. That weapon requires at least competent telekinesis and a spell to light a match. There’s no other way you could even fire it. A human holding it in their hand would suffer severe fractures. An earth pony or pegasus holding it in their mouths would be lucky to survive. So that means you either a unicorn or a changeling.”
“Surely darling, you're not suggesting that…” Sweet Shift started, only to be cut off.
“Only way to look at it. They’re either or they’re a unicorn.” Pip continued to think out loud. “Of course, if they were a changeling, why bother with eliminating a witness at all. That’s what happened here. The whole job went south when our murderer had to deal with a pesky witness, so they stuck to the plan, tossed the pipe and ran. Had things not went south, this pipe would just be a pipe, with no reason at all to think it might be a murder weapon. A pipe in an alley is nothing suspicious if it’s not covered in changeling blood.”
“So our murderer came around this corner, most likely following their target. But they didn’t know the target was coming into this alley to meet the witness, so the question is who was the target, and who was the witness?” Pip re-enacted the scene as he spoke. “And why would some unknown unicorn want them dead?”
“Revenge?” Sweet Shift suggested helpfully, “After what happened at that dreadful circus… well let's say there were plenty of ponies with damaged marriages and frayed pride.”
“Not a bad theory in and of itself,” Pip noted, “And were this an act of random violence it would go a long way to explain it. But nopony makes or acquires a truly unique weapon to commit a random act of racial violence. That would explain our battered changeling, but not the minotaur with an extra hole in his head.”
“Rock Solid had his share of enemies especially up on the hill.” Moonphase scowled thoughtfully. “He was what you might call a political activist. Quick to run his mouth, quick to stir up a stink. He was on good terms with the changelings, sure, but he’d made more than his share of enemies among the nobles. In particular when he threw in with the Train Wreck. He went as far as to suggest in Celestia’s court that they were using strong arm tactics to bully over citizens in Decanter. He didn’t make many friends in the lunar guard either.”
“Seriously, Moonphase? You guys are holding a grudge because he called you guys out for, what was the list again? Oh yeah you beat up an ambassador, dropped a building on a local hero, beat up an innocent changeling… oh and let's not forget when you accused your own princess of being brainwashed, we had some good laughs back at the hive over that.” Split shift leveled the lunar guard with her best “seriously?” stare.
“Okay, there may have been some breaches in discipline,” Moonphase grumped, glancing around to see if anyone would challenge his account, “But it was nothing that couldn’t be handled in the ranks. We didn’t need some rabble rouser parading all our mistakes in front of Celestia’s court. We catch enough flack from sun ponies as it is!” The captain suddenly remember that he was in decidedly mixed company and quickly added, “No offense.”
“Look, as much fun as this has been, I was SUPPOSED to be on a date with my coltfriend, who's been abducted and mysteriously replaced by some trotting encyclopedia.” Picture Perfect rolled her eyes and stamped a pretty yellow hoof. “I’ll make copies of the sketch, and we can meet tomorrow at the guard precinct, or whatever. But for right now, I’m dragging my stallion back to the damned Belfry and we’re going to TRY to get some sleep before we have to go to work in the morning. Though how I’m supposed to sleep after all this, I don’t have any idea!”
I’m really sorry Pic!” Orange Pip suddenly became self conscious. “I did NOT know Tarot was going to be dragging us into this tonight, I swear!”
“Save for after we’ve got some sleep and have tomorrow's edition laid out, but we ARE going to talk about this later.” Picture sighed heavily, it wasn’t that she didn’t find the whole thing… interesting, but this wasn’t the Orange Pip she thought she knew. Though she also had to admit it wasn’t a pony she didn’t want to know…
“Alright, then, I promise I’ll tell you everything tomorrow, Pic,” Orange Pip smiled nervously, “I didn’t lie, I just… I didn’t expect my family to set me out on this kind of work again again this quick. It usually works better if I keep this part of my life to myself.”
“You’re not helping mister.” Picture Perfect scolded the stallion. “Do yourself a favor and shut up while we’re still going back to your place. It’s a lot to take in, but I’m not running scared… yet. Like I said, we WILL talk about this tomorrow.”
“Well darling,” Sweet Shift turned to Moonphase, “That promises to be the most awkward conversation since when Train Wreck had to explain the muffin codes to Princess Fast Change during a hive staff meeting…”
“I hate to ask this… I really do…” Picture Perfect made every effort at avoiding eye contact. “Which pony is you, the slightly goofy magazine intern, or the hard boiled detective”
“I don’t know, both?” Orange Pip replied, “They’re hardly mutually exclusive.”
“You’ve been telling everyone at the office for months that you live in your aunt’s basement and run errands for your family!” The mare glared as she made her accusation.
“I do. We slept there last night,” Pip’s voice was tinged with confusion. “I actually took you on one of the errands.”
“You didn’t say that your aunt owned the biggest lunar bar in Canterlot!” Pic countered crossly, “And this is what you refer to as an ‘errand’?”
“No, this is what my family refers to as an errand. Most aren’t this interesting, but Tarot threw me a bone.” Pip corrected the unicorn mare.
“And he thought I'd enjoy this sort of thing?” Pic raised a critical eyebrow.
“He wasn’t wrong,” Pip shrugged with a smile, “After all, you didn’t run off, and we’re going to a wake for a Minotaur neither of us ever met.”
“It’s an interesting second date, I’ll give you that,” Picture smiled dryly.
“Uh, we’ve had more than two dates,” Pip pointed out in confusion.
“Well, it’s the second since I found out about your little hobby,” Pic teased.
“Technically, The Dreadful is the hobby, I get paid for my family errands,” Pip pointed out.
“Focus Pip,” Pic rolled her eyes, “We’ve got to socialize with the friends and family of a murdered minotaur… speaking of which, does the lack of minotaurs seem odd to you?”
“Well, it’s well known that Rock Solid was a single father with a taste for quadrupeds.” Pip walked casually through the room. “It’s possible that his family objects to his pony loving ways. But one would think the circumstances would mitigate any bad feelings.”
“Hello, I don’t think we’ve met, Solid was a great guy, He’s going to be missed.” A massive cloaked pony loomed over the pair. Beneath its hood there was a strange movement of it’s lower jaw, accompanied by an audible clicking. “Please excuse my asking, but how do you know the deceased? I hate to ask, but we’ve had problems keeping out the press.”
“We are the private investigators hired by the lunar guard Mister Pastel.” Pip bowed slightly before the massive, robed figure, as Pic’s eyes nearly bulged from her head. “I am Orange Pip, and this lovely lady is my marefriend and business associate, Picture Perfect.”
“I see, well, it hardly seems an appropriate time, but if it helps catch whoever did this…” The giant trailed off, looking down at the floor for a long time before continuing. “If there’s anything I can do to help, send word via the changeling guard.”
“If I could bother you with one question, sir,” Pip asked with an awkward smile, “I can’t help but notice a distinct lack of minotaurs, what with this being the wake for a well known member of the race. Did Mister Solid not have any family at all beyond his son?”
“I suppose it’s a fair question, given how he died, follow me.” The giant walked away without bothering to look to see if the two ponies followed.
“Pip, do you know who that is?” Pic whispered frantically.
“I wouldn’t be much of a detective if I didn’t,” Orange Pip whispered back. “The cloak isn’t really much of a disguise. Most likely to spoil any pictures the press might try to take on the sly. His size alone is enough to identify him. And besides, I addressed him by name. Obviously I either recognized him, or I’m as simple as a foal.”
“That’s the Unspoken Prince, Pip,” Pic hissed through clenched teeth, “You can’t just address him like some grocer in the Decanter Market!”
“Actually, Miss, I prefer to be addressed by my married name when formality demands a title.” The pony turned his massive head to face the comparatively diminutive mare. “I never asked for the title of Prince. I am a simple baker’s husband, a human who fell into the games of Immortals and became this thing that I am. Discord demanded that I be afforded the title of royalty when the Princesses up on The Hill decided to put a crown on the human they turned into an alicorn. To be honest, I find the whole affair embarrassing.”
They entered a well, but modestly furnished sitting room. The creature that was almost a pony gestured to two chairs while he himself settled his haunches on the floor. “There are no Minotaurs attending the wake because Rock Solid had no family in Equestria other than his son. Like myself, he was a former human. Like all humans in Equestria, he was brought here by a mysterious entity that always appears as written words.”
“Yes, the text, I've heard the stories…” Pip mused, “And if they are correct he was given a choice of what he wished to bring with him, and I assume he chose to bring his infant son.”
“Very astute, Mr. Pip.” The beast nodded solemnly, then explained. “Rock Solid was a widower back on his human world, yes, before either of you ask, there is more than one. He asked to be sent to a good place to raise his son. He arrived in Decanter about 14 years ago, he never said but I assume it was Celestia who transformed them both. She seemed to have a soft spot for poor Solid.”
“Hmmm, if he’s been here that long it’s unlikely that he’s been targeted by enemies from his home world, then.” Pip looked thoughtful, before pulling an ornate pipe from his saddle bags. “Do you mind if I partake, I find it clears my thought processes quite nicely, and you’ve given me quite a bit to think about.”
“Just keep it in this room, and if your smoking anything good, I could use a couple of puffs myself.” Mr. Pastel let out a heavy sigh and an agitated clicking drifted from beneath his hood. “My daughter and Solid’s son are close friends. He’s been staying with us since his father disappeared. The tabloids have been all over us.”
Chapter 7- Another Day at the Office
“Alright you two, which paper is it? Equestria Daily? The Canterlot Enquirer? I’m not mad, it’s not like we print news, but if my employees are going to moonlight, I'd like to at least be in the loop.” Type Set fixed his glare on the youngest two member’s of the Pony Dreadful staff.
“Excuse me sir?” Picture Perfect cocked her head to one side in clear confusion. “I don’t think I know what you mean?”
“Oh come on, guys,” Ink Well grinned widely in reply, “We know you were at Rock Solid’s wake last night. Scuttlebutt is that you managed to interview Train Wreck Pastel himself. Honestly, Typo’s just worried he’s gonna have to give you both a raise to keep you on… or in Pip’s case, actually start paying him.”
“I thought you had ‘important family business’ last night, Pip?” Type Set fumed on, “You know we’re on a tight schedule. Is it the money? You’re a good enough layout editor, I guess it is past time we put you on payroll.”
“It’s nothing like that sir. I was at the wake tending to important business for my family, that’s the honest truth. I don’t work for any news paper.” Pip held up a hoof defensively. “I prefer to publish fiction as fiction. I find journalism distasteful. The truth is, I’m working on some business for my cousin.”
“Oh, really? That’s your story huh?” Type Set huffed angrily, “What about you Pic? Pip’s an intern, I expect as much loyalty as I pay for. You’ve been with us long enough that I’d expect better. At least that you wouldn’t pull something like this when we’re in a bind. But I’ll tell you what, how about you tell me what the deal really is?”
“I was helping Pip investigate the murder sir.” Pic sighed heavily, glad to be relieved of the burden.
“Alright, was that so hard? So which paper are you two moonlighting with?” Type nodded gruffly.
“We’re working for the Lunar guard, sir. At least indirectly. It was my cousin who set up the job.” Pip shrugged with disinterest.
“Seriously? The same cousin who lives in his mom's basement has you working with the Lunar Guard, AND has enough pull to get you in to see the Unspoken?” Ink Well guffawed. “I’ll give ya this, when you lie you don’t play around. It’s all balls deep.”
“His cousin is the Blind Goat, he lives in the basement of the Belfry.” Picture Perfect answered honestly in her most level voice.
Ink Well sprayed coffee across his desk in shock, and even Type Set seemed put off by the notion.
"What?" Pip asked innocently, "It shouldn't be that surprising. Honestly I would have thought it would be pretty obvious."
"Yeah, you're related to the most notorious fortune teller in Equestria and live in the most infamous lunar bar in East Decanter, how could we have not just made those two perfectly random assumptions?" Ink rolled his eyes, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"I've told you before I live in my Aunt Caramel Apple's basement." Pip gave a long suffering sigh as he began his explanation. "Now Apple's not THAT uncommon a name, but my family name is Orange, and you know I'm from Manehattan. There's only one family of Apples who are blood relation to a family of Oranges from Manehattan. These two families are both major players in the brewery business. The only Caramel Apple in Canterlot from THE Apple Family is known to be married to a lunar pegasus and half owner of the Belfry. From this point it's only logical that their adopted son, Tarotius William Solitaire is in fact my cousin. If you had never heard of the Belfry or the Blind Goat, the news wouldn't be surprising, it would be meaningless. Since you have, the conclusion should have been if not obvious, certainly not any sort of shock. I never made any attempt to conceal where I live. Also, Tarot is a soothsayer, not a fortune teller. There's a difference."
"And these 'errands' you run for your family... involve solving crimes?" Type Set asked skeptically.
"They involve solving puzzles." Pip corrected absently as he went about his work carefully arranging the columns of text and pictures on the layout board securing each piece with hot beeswax applied carefully with a specially constructed roller. "I find the moral boundaries that define 'crime' to be tedious at best."
“Okay, I’m gonna ask the obvious question,” Ink Well said flatly, “Are you a changeling?”
“Is that a serious question?” Pip asked with annoyance.
“No. Pip.” Pic rolled her eyes.
“Yes it is,” insisted Ink, “You know I have nothing against the local hive, but we all know there are still rogue changelings running around the city since the circus. You weren’t there Pic. That shit was terrifying.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better,” Pip’s voice dripped venom, “There’s at least one less ‘evil’ rogue changeling out there, because she was bludgeoned to death in an alley the night before last. Does that make you feel better?”
“Dammit, all of you! Pip is not a changeling! Ink is not a bigot!” Type Set stamped an angry hoof. “Fine, Pip is a detective. Up is down, left is right sane is crazy, crazy is sane, just get this next issue ready for the press. I don’t care!”
-=-=-=-=-
“The guard have hired a private detective!” A unicorn argued angrily.
“So what? How is that my problem?” an unseen speaker laughed from the shadows.
“They tried to bring in the Goat! We’re just lucky he was too busy, and sent in his damned dirt pony cousin, or we’d already be sunk!” The unicorn insisted. “My contact in the guard says they found your damn boom stick! You said they wouldn’t be able to tell it from any common iron pipe!”
“Well, it helps if the pipe’s not covered in blood.” The unseen speaker giggled uncontrollably. “You ponies are really bad at this sort of thing.”.
“How can you take this so lightly? I promise you, if I go down, I’m going to take you down with me!” The angry unicorn snorted in his frustration.
“Oh? You’re going to tell them where you got the boom stick? You’re going to drop a name maybe? This is just TOO funny!” The speaker stepped forward, revealing a tall, thin, male human wearing a green ski mask. “And just what name are you going to give them? I’m anonymous.”
Chapter Eight - Hot off the Presses
“They liked it, Surprise, you were right.” Train Wreck Pastel smiled sadly as he spoke. “It made the cover, even. I was going to let Diane read it too, but it turns out she had her own copy before I did. She ambushed me with it this morning. She cried. Z cried some too. I didn’t cry. There may have been some liquid pride, but I didn’t cry. I promise… I Pinkie Prom… no, I can’t tell a lie that big, not to you. I’ve submitted the first five chapters already, I’ll submit the rest one week at a time until it’s over. This is your story. I know you dressed it up in my equestria, but we both know this is your’s and Charlie’s story. And that’s okay. We promised each other from the start we weren’t going to be jealous of ghosts… and…”
The giant took a moment to regain his composure before changing the subject. “Zillia is growing like a weed. She’s twice as big as she was when she hatched. Z keeps insisting on calling her ‘Face Hugger’, and it’s kinda stuck. My poor daughter’s just stuck with that now. Zillia Face Hugger Pastel.” Train Wreck laughed a little bit, then became more somber. “Rock Solid’s gone. It… I’d rather not talk about it. Maybe if you see him, he can tell you. If it works that way, tell him Steady’s okay. He’s staying with us now.”
A single copy of “The Pony Dreadful” landed on a humble grave in Canterlot cemetery.
-=-=-=-=-
“Is something wrong sister?” Luna teased reading over her sister’s shoulder, “I have to say, that is a rather clever likeness of you. For such a seedy publication they certainly hire a truly top rate art staff.”
“You understand I did not intend any embarrassment towards our prince,” Celestia sighed heavily, “I simply felt it was a story that should be told.”
“I understand all too well.” Luna bowed her head sadly. “An entire world was summoned from the ether, only to fade away like the dream it was. With Surprise gone, the only thing to survive its destruction is the nameless nightmare that stalks the malformed nightmare our ponies call The Unspoken. But the wounds are yet too fresh. Given time our Prince will be more open to allowing the world to see that side of things, not as some abridged fiction, but as the awkward and uncomfortable truth that is a part of who he is… it would have helped had our grandson, Moonbeam not been caught reading of it.”
“Night Watch is still furious.” Celestia couldn’t help but giggle even as she rolled her eyes, before shaking her head. “But, at any rate, it is done. They have canceled the story. They’ve made me seem something of an overzealous nanny of a mare for stopping it, but perhaps I deserve that…”
-=-=-=-=-
“Lyra!” Bon Bon fumed, “I can’t believe you sold the story of how we met David to a penny dreadful! How could you!”
“But it’s not just a Penny Dreadful Bonny, it’s THE Pony Dreadful, and look, we made the featured stories! We’re even listed on the cover!” Lyra beamed in reply.
“That doesn’t make it better,” Bon on huffed angrily before giving up entirely, “At least we didn’t do anything TOO embarrassing with the future alicorn prince…”
-=-=-=-=-
“Rainbow Dash, check it out! The new issue of Pony Dreadful’s in, and they published another one of my stories!”
“Heh, good for you Scoots, although I wish you could make things a little less… physical… between me and Jake,” Rainbow rubbed the back of her head with one hoof in embarrassment as she hovered in mid air.
“What,” teased Jake, “The most we did in the story was huddle together for warmth in the ice temple of Yak Yakastan last issue. Are you saying you would let me freeze to death in an Ice Temple?”
“You two stop being weird, it’s just a stupid story!” Apple Bloom interjected.
“Tell ‘em about the letter!” Sweetie Belle broke in.
“What letter?” Rainbow raised an eyebrow.
“The ‘Layout Editor’ wants to meet me!” Scootaloo beamed with pride. “It turns out he’s a big fan of my stories. He says he likes the way I wrote the ‘steamy parts’ in the last chapter… which is weird since it was set in an Ice Temple. Maybe he meant this chapter, jungles are steamy right?”
Rainbow and Jake shared a glance, before replying together, “So how old did you tell this magazine you were again?”
Chapter 9 - House of Lies
“Watch yourself Picture, this isn’t The Belfry. These ponies aren’t here to be understood.” Orange Pip’s eyes narrowed as they moved through the smokey bar.
“Orange Pip,” a course earth pony snarled as he moved to intercept the couple, “I thought you were cleaning up you act? You slummin’ it, or just showing that pretty little ray of sunshine how ponies have fun in the barrows?”
“‘Ey, Pip!” A lascivious mare grinned at the stallion. “Got yourself a proper lady, ‘eh? You don’t actually think she can satisfy your appetites? You know you need somepony more… flexible?”
The mare shifted in a flash of unseen green flames, becoming first a griffon, and then a manticore. “I knew you’d be back. Hope your daddy doesn’t get word of this, it’d be a shame for him to cut you off… again…”
Pip scowled as he pushed past the mare and towards the bar. “Box Cutter. I’m here to see Anypony.”
“I’m sure you are,” a scar-faced lunar bartender laughed cruelly, “What makes you think she wants to see you?”
“Trust me, she’s gonna want to see what I have to show her,” Orange Pip hissed, “Come on, you’ve had your fun.”
“Oh we haven’t had near the fun you’ve brought through the door,” the first stallion said menacingly as he came up from behind them, “I ain't never tried a trick with a noble-whore… not one who walked straight through the door at any rate.”
The stallion grinned as he slapped Picture Perfect's flank casually. There was a blur of movement, and a changeling stallion was laying on the floor, unconscious with a thin stream of blood running from his mouth.
“Hooves off the lady, she’s with me.” The earth pony's voice was cold and analytical as he took in his surroundings.
Throughout the bar, one by one each pony dissolved into flashes of changeling magic. Two large changeling stallions took point and advanced on the couple. “Why did you have to go and lay hooves on Sleazy, Pip?” The largest stallion scowled at the smaller earth pony. “Did you really think you could just walk in here after all this time with some upper crusty cunt of a mare and demand to see the Madame like that? Then you gonna put my brother on the floor? You’ve got nerve.”
“Don’t make me make you stand down Toad,” Pip snarled in reply, “You’re talking smack because I’m letting you, and you know it.”
“You’ve really got it bad, don’t you deary?” A sultry voice floated down from the ceiling. “Too bad I can’t feed off that, but then again, your little snack is radiating just the sweetest affection. The fear makes a nice seasoning.”
Instantly the glamour was dispelled and the shadows fled the ceiling, revealing a fat bodied chitinous… creature. It’s forebody was clearly a changeling mare, holes proudly displayed without shame. All resemblance to any normal changeling, however disappeared at the barrel which continued into a bloated abdomen. The thing clung to the ceiling by four chitinous insectile hind legs surrounded by hanging pods some empty others revealing equine shadows that hinted at their foul contents.
“Madame Anypony,” Pip acknowledged the creature with stern courtesy, “I have news about your sister.”
“Oh please darling,” the thing replied as it descended on a thin rope of organic silk, “There’s no need to be so formal, call me Night Shift. And I certainly hope you’re not just here to tell me news you know I’ve already heard. Poor Day Shift, we was always a sweet little thing. It pains me, but what can be done? She was in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“I have reason to believe that your sister was the actual target of the assassination. It was the Minotaur who was in the wrong place, Pic, dear, could you bring out the picture?” Pip nodded to his marefriend.
“Madame, my special talent is reproducing any scene, with more detail than any camera.” Picture Perfect fought to keep the fear out of her voice. Pip had warned her they were going to a changeling bar, but things had escalated all too quickly. And too many questions had been raised that would demand answers, but she knew this wasn’t the time. “If you pay attention to the victim's fetlocks and her horn you’ll notice very specific scarring.”
The paper was snatched from Pic’s magic grip with a magic of surprising strength and ferocity. As the creature called Night Shift focused, two additional eyes opened to her forehead. “What is the meaning of this?!?!”
“We believe the victim was restrained for an extended period of time before her murder.” Picture Perfect swallowed hard at the monster’s scrutiny. “The scars indicate that she was kept in both chains and a horn blocker, both of which were tight enough to scar the chitin. The scrapes along her fetlocks indicate that she had probably pulled free of her manacles forcefully, probably around a week and a half prior to her murder.”
“I see, little pony.” Night Shift glared at the mare before focuses her gaze on Pip. “And what makes you think my sister was the target?”
“The… brutality of the crime for one thing,” Pip explained cautiously, “Day Shift was beaten to death with the remains of an improvised human firearm. That’s a very personal means to silence a witness who already wouldn't have dared to come forward. I’m more concerned by the lack of defensive wounds. She was a gentle soul, but I have a hard time seeing one of… any changeling standing by while they were beat to death with a blunt object.”
“I agree,” Night Shift nodded thoughtfully, “We are a resilient species. Day Shift never hurt any living creature. When Alias went berserk, she ran. I’ve been searching for her ever since. You will find who did this.”
It was neither a question nor a request. Pip nodded in reply. “I believe the key lies in finding the maker of the murder weapon. I suspect a human, or at least a former human, to be the source. If you have any information about any human who might deal in such things…”
“There are rumors.” The changeling-thing spoke in slow measured tones. “When the monster prince banished the Nopony and the ponies locked up Madame Butterfly they created a vacuum, and as much as nature hates a vacuum, power hates it more. There is word of a human. No one knows his name. He is anonymous, but his reputation spreads quickly. Canterlot, Manehatten, Vanhoover. One day you hear a rumor from one city, the next from another. He is a shadow cast by a dozen candles,”
“And you’re sure it’s not a new incarnation of…” Pip began, only to be interrupted by the thing’s laughter.
“As if he would ever remain anonymous. He never hid his name. He simply never had one. No, this pretender is something altogether new.” As the creature ascended back into the reforming shadows on the ceiling her voice taunted Orange Pip. “If you ever get tired of repenting for the sins of your infancy little cuckoo bird, you know where to find us.”
Picture only looked between the two silently, her eyes silently questioning everything she had just seen.
“Just let it lie,” Pip whispered desperately, “Please, if you love me at all just let it lie.”
Chapter 10 - House of Secrets
Chapter 9 - House of Secrets
Picture Perfect strode towards the Belfry with a clear purpose that would not be denied. Over the past three days the questions concerning her coltfriend had first grown, and then metamorphosed. It was no longer a mystery as to “who” he really was, so much as “what” he was. She suspected the answer… in hindsight she realized that she should have suspected all along, at least since the night of the crime scene. He had identified those two changeling guards. He had known not only their hive allegiance, but exactly which queen within the hive they served, based on a near imperceptible difference in the iridescent sheen of their chitin. At first it seemed a simple trick of his previously hidden talent for deduction, but after last night…
“Orange Pip isn’t here, miss,” a massive pale horse of an earth pony watching the door responded in firm but polite tones as the mare approached.
“I wanted to talk to his cousins, if they’re not performing… if that’s alright.” Picture smiled at the gigantic stallion. “We’ve been dating for months now, and I’ve never really met his family before the other night.”
“And nopony ever met yours at all.” The stallion smiled grimly, but he stepped aside all the same. “Tonight’s the freak show burlesque. If his kin want to speak with you, they’ll speak I imagine.”
Pic’s eyes adjusted quickly to the darkened interior. Still she was no lunar and the corners guarded their secrets well. Out of nowhere an earth pony mare melted out of the darkness. Though her best years were clearly behind her, Pic could easily see even in the low light that she had once been a great beauty. She carried herself with a practiced grace. Her fur was the color of smooth caramel and she wore the streaks of grey in her matching tail and mane like badges of honor.
“You must be Photo, I’m so pleased to meet you,” the mares smile was warm, but guarded, “My nephew speaks very highly of you. I’m Caramel Apple.”
“I-it’s Picture, ma’am,” Picture replied, clearly rattled, “Picture Perfect.”
“Oh, of course, it’s easy to mix up names at my age dear. I have so much on my plate, you understand.” The mare’s warm smile never even faltered, even as she gave the unicorn a knowing wink. “You’ll find Candy Apple downstairs, Michelle is serving drinks for the Freak Show, so she should be on break. And don’t you worry, The Belfry is a house of secrets, we can keep yours as well as you keep ours.”
Picture moved shakily toward the stairs. There was no way that exchange could have been an accident. They knew. Of course they knew. How could they not? As she advanced into the downstairs theatre, a three headed filly of truly giant proportions sang a somber round, each head following the next verse for verse.
“Got a secret can you keep it, swear this one you’ll save Better lock it in your pocket, taking this one to the grave.”
Picture could nearly swear the white unicorn head flashed a predatory smile directly at her with the last line.
“Billy was right as usual.” a familiar burgundy lunar mare sidled up beside her. “Michelle! Can we have two sweet ciders?”
A pretty orange earth pony mare with a slightly enlarged jaw smiled shyly and moved towards the bar.
“You, know, this is usually when mares quietly stop coming around.” The young mare’s voice took on a stern edge. “Don’t think we don’t know why you're here.”
“If I show you then I know you won’t tell what I said. Cause two can keep a secret if one of them is dead.”
There was no doubt in her mind this time, the yellow earth pony head made eye-contact as she sang the last line, her eyes flashing a clear warning.
“Please, I love Pip. I didn’t run off when he dragged me to a murder scene in the middle of the night.” Picture pleaded earnestly. “I didn’t question when he suddenly showed me this new, terrifying secret life. I’ve followed him into places that scare me worse than Tartarus. I just… I love him, I don’t even mind that I don’t really know who I love. I just want to know what I love. Is that so wrong?”
“Why do you smile like you’ve been told a secret? Now you're telling lies, cause you’ve been sworn to keep it.” But no one keeps a secret, no, no one keeps a secret!”
“Do you think you can take his secrets, while you keep your own?” The mare’s normally friendly voice became caustic.
The bar maid returned, and Picture only flinched a little as she served the ciders with agile tendrils that emerged from her split mouth.
“Why when we do our darkest deeds do we tell? It burns in our brain, becomes a living hell, Cause everybody tells, everybody tells!”
The orange head grinned viciously as she met Picture’s eye.
“I’m not afraid of you!” Picture glared at the burgundy mare. “I’m scared FOR Pip! He calls you his family, but he serves you like a slave! Rogue changelings treat him like exiled royalty. I’m not running away, I just want to know the truth! How can I stand beside him if I don’t even know who or what we stand beside or against? I deserve that much!”
“The goat will see you now, miss,” a scaled pony-like creature said calmly, shocking Pic out of her rant, “Just follow the backstage hall down the stairs on the left. Knock three times. He’s expecting you.”
Chapter 11 - Who Are You?
“Who are you?” The goat gazed past Picture Perfect into the gathering shadows of the tiny room.
“You know who I am,” The unicorn responded in annoyance.
“Answers have their price. My price is your name from your own lips. You are aware of my reputation. You have become acquainted with my cousin’s capabilities. You know you have no secrets to hide in this place.” The goats voice was infuriatingly impassive. “Why should we hand you our secrets when you insist on pretending to hide your own.”
“You know who I am,” Picture repeated, prompting the goat lay lay out a single card. The cards backing was a deep indigo, adorned with an image of a short bow and a ring of keys. The top corner of the card was burned away.
“Your answer is on the face of the card. Speak your true name and turn the card. I warn you do not touch my card with your magic, unless you are prepared to be judged by fate.” The goat swept up a bottle of bitter ale in a dextrous cloven hoof and proceeded to ignore the mare.
“Why are you doing this to me?” Picture demanded, as the goat silently turned up his bottle. “I know Pip is a changeling, okay? If you don’t want me to know, fine! But I’m not going anywhere, not because of any of you. If Pip wants me to leave I will but you’re not going to scare me off! STOP IGNORING ME!”
“The card holds your answer, and it demands its price.” The goat never looked up from his bottle.
“My name is Photo Plate.” Picture slumped in defeat. “I abandoned my sister and left her with our father because if I stayed I was going to kill myself. I’m a coward and a traitor. Are you happy now you damned sadistic bastard?!?!”
Picture flipped the card angrily and gasped as the secret was revealed. The card portray a broken mare with pale blue eyes standing beneath an orange tree in a graveyard. A tiny empty coffin sat beside an open grave. In one foreleg she held a clock swaddled like a baby foal. The mare's face was a mask of betrayal grief, even as she fawned over her bundle of counterfeit joy.
“The Gilded Duchess.” The goat spoke at last. “The foal she loves is not her own. She is a victim of the foulest deception, though she is not decieved. She resigns herself to false motherhood. Madness shall be her final prize. The foal that remains is a counterfeit, but an innocent none the less. Her hooves are clean, but it will be her place to forever pay the price. Long gone are the fiends who committed the crime that stains her birth, and thus there can be no justice, no reconciliation, and no closure. She is an imposter who can never stop playing the role that was forced upon her from birth. It is her eternal penance to live a lie that ultimately decieves no one. You have your answers, Photo Plate.”
“I- I don’t understand,” Picture stammered.
“Do not lie, Miss Plate.” The goat gestured carelessly and the door swung open. “Go now. You have learned what you came to learn. If you do not like the answers, you have only yourself to blame. After all, you were the one who asked the questions.”
As she left the bar no pony moved to stop her. On the stage, the strange scaled pony now sang her own song, dressed in provocative dancer’s attire. The audience was held entranced by the exotic mare, and the only eyes on Picture were the singer’s herself.
“I can’t decide whether you should live or die.” “Well you’ll probbly go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry.”
The audience was just anther prop, Pic realized suddenly. This whole show, this whole night in fact had all been staged for her benefit. Was it a test? A warning perhaps? Or maybe even a threat?
“I wonder why…” “My heart is dead inside, cold and hard and petrified.” “Lock the doors and close the blinds, we’re going for a ride.”
The peculiar, pretty orange mare serving drinks casually passed her a note as she left
Pic,
Truly,
Chapter 12 - Who We Are
“Do you know what is at stake?” Pip asked casually.
“I don’t know you, Pip. I thought I did. I really tried to understand. What are they afraid I’m going to see at this point?!?!” The mare’s chest heaved with exertion. “And if I’m fair, you don’t really know me. Whatever you do know, and it’s probably everything, you figured out on your own and just patiently waited for me to tell you.”
“My father is a rapist, Pip. I left because I wanted to live, and I knew if I stayed I was going to kill myself, because one way or another I had to escape.. If I had ended my life my sister might have escaped. Even the royals on the hill couldn’t ignore that. I could have saved her.” Photo Plate hung her head and cried in shame. “I made my choice. And I have to live with it.”
“It started with two ponies... they explored too far into the badlands. They brought their infant son with them, and they brought me back. They never even suspected… I wonder sometimes if he’s still alive in some Celestia damned pod.” In an invisible flash of flames Orange Pip was gone. The changeling mare leveled a stern stare on the unicorn. “They raised me as their son. Even I never knew. Why was I so malnourished? There were so many doctors. So many theories. Then one day I got my cutie mark. The five orange pips. My biggest secret came out. I changed for the first time and my life ended.”
“Pip…” Picture moved to comfort her lover, but she snatched away from her touch like it was a flame.
“I thought I was him. I don’t even know my changeling name. I tracked down every feral and escaped changeling I could find looking for answers. I eventually learned I had a ‘sister’, Butterfly, once… We were twins, born from one egg. I tried to find her, that’s how I met Night Shift.” The changeling collapsed in the rain. “I know she seems horrible, but I’ve seen the other side of the rainbow, and it’s black and white. I didn’t even know why I why I was so weak. I didn’t even know that I was just hungry. Eventually my father found me. My mother had a mental breakdown, she never really recovered. They sent me away to live with my aunt in Canterlot, I hide my true form to spare them any more grief and shame than I’ve already caused.”
“I left my little sister to him. Destiny and fate.” Picture and Photo spoke together. “I am a parasite. More than any other changeling. I replaced a real life.”
“I’m a monster.” Each turned their head unwilling to face the other.
“The world can break Pic, it has happened before. At least twice that Tarot has told me about. Maybe more. I’m terrified, maybe tomorrow I wake up in a hive and we never even met because you’re floating in a pod!” Orange Pip spoke first, breaking down beneath a soft rain. “We don’t remember it, but it happened. I don’t want to lose you because I told you too much… or not enough. I never wanted to tell you any of this, but my damned cousin had to bring you into his games. This murder, Pic, it’s the keystone of our entire future. There’s a war coming.”
-=-=-=-=-
“I don’t get it boss, I thought you were in a hurry meet up with Lyra Heartstrings and blow this town.” A plain, brown, colt-faced earth pony mare addressed her mohawked human companion. “The next thing I know we’re hiding out for weeks at the old Pearfield place. If I never eat another pear for the rest of my life I’ll die a happy mare.”
“I swear I thought that stupid whorse died in Canterlot.” The human scowled at nopony in particular. “Trust me, we want to avoid the Pastel family. Especially now. With Greenie Pie gone there’s going to be very little holding the two dangerous ones in check. I made a mistake last time thinking the small one would be an easy target without her pet monster, facing them together would be suicide.”
“Hey boss, why is Lyra having lunch with a human in a green luchadore mask?” The human was brought out of his thoughts by a tug at his shirt-tails.
“What the hell? An Anon? In Ponyville? Gods in hell, I lay low for a few weeks and THIS happens?” The human cursed loudly, as ponies tried to ignore his outburst and go about their business. “Well dammit. This shit changes our plans.”
“What’s an anon, boss?” Velvet asked her unnamed master.
“They’re a series of humans who don’t really realize the reality of their predicament.” The nameless human explained. “They wear a stupid mask and call themselves ‘Anon’ while they play out their own little fantasy games until it all collapses around them. They range from harmlessly annoying to sadistically evil, depending on the human and their fantasy. Since they generally don’t believe that anything happening around them is real, they tend to have short life-spans. Normally I enjoy watching their little misadventures play out, but this one is directly in my way.”
“So what are we gonna do about it boss?” Velvet’s ears folded back, as she was relatively sure she already knew the answer.
“Well, this one seems to be trolling the low lying fruit. He’s probably already struck out with at least five other mares, probably including one or more of the element bearers, so he’s trying his luck with the one mare known for her fascination with all things biped.” The human mused. “He’s probably planning to take my former therapist back to whatever hole he’s squatting in and either seducing her, or tying her up in his rape dungeon. Like I said, Anons can vary wildly according to their particular fantasy and how desperate they are to play it out. Either way this one get’s to be a corpse ahead of schedule.”
Velvet swallowed hard. “Are you sure that’s necessary, boss, I mean if he’s just a harmless fetishist…”
“Then Lyra will be hurt and vulnerable when her mysterious lover turns into a one night stand,” the human replied coldly, “And if it turns all rape dungeony… well, she’ll be grateful to the dashing human who rescued her. Either way, she’ll be in a receptive state to be talked into turning me back into a changeling. It all works out for the best… for me, of course.”
Chapter 13 - Case Closed?
“Ahhhh, Picture Perfect and Captain Moonphase,” Pip sighed bitterly as he swayed on his barstool at the empty bar, “Just the ponies I was hoping to see. Good news…”
“You don’t look like you have good news, Pip,” Picture replied cautiously.
“Are you drunk, sir?” Moonphase asked with distaste.
“I am most certainly not drunk!” Pip argued defiantly. “At least not very drunk…”
“Well, that’s good, it’s still too early for…” Pic started only to be interrupted by the inebriated pony.
“I’m high as a kite is what I am! 2% solution of coca leaf extract injected intravenously.” Orange Pip waved his hoof dismissively.
“Cocaine?” Moonphase asked incredulously, “Do you mean the stuff they prescribe for toothaches? I’ve heard of ponies snorting the stuff, but did you actually…”
“You injected cocaine?!?! Pip, what is wrong with you?” Picture slammed her hoof down on the bar angrily.
“There’s been a break in the case!” Pip pulled out the morning paper and tossed it casually on the bar.
“Changeling Infiltration Uncovered At Crystal Empire Mining Facility,” the headline read.
“What’s this?” Moon Phase carefully scooped up the paper with his wing tips. “A rogue changeling was spotted outside the Crystal Empire? Dozens of changelings were found replacing mine workers? What does this have to do with…”
“And yet, not one missing pony report. Dozens of mineworkers replaced, and not one’s gone missing.” Pip snatched up his stein of bitter ale, turning up an angry gulp. “Not the that anypony noticed, their all too busy being paranoid of the scary changelings.”
“But what does this have to do with our case?” Moonphase asked in confusion.
“Do you see? No, of course you don’t, what was I thinking.” Pip rolled his eyes before explaining. “The shackle scars. The unknown motive. Why bother to assassinate a rogue changeling? To cover up the other rogue changelings you’ve enslaved. Our Mr. Gold Brick was running a slave operation. Apparently with the heat on after Mr. Solid got caught in the botched assassination, he took advantage of this changeling sighting to cry changeling. Princess Cadence likely didn’t even question it. They were, after all rogue drones from the circus hive. She just locked them all up and called a hunt for the infiltrator drone that started the panic. Case closed. Don’t bother to pay my family, it worked itself out.”
“The hell it has! We still have two murder victims! Crystal Empire be damned, I intend to get to the bottom of this!” Moonphase ranted as Pip calmly finished his stein and slammed it on the bar.
“Do you now? We have several dozen feral changeling drones who just somehow ended up working in a mine in the Crystal Empire, how do you think that happens, Captain?” Pip scowled fiercely. “Miss Day Shift… excuse me, the victim's escape wounds were days, possibly weeks old. She was badly malnourished at the point she arrived back in Canterlot. Her murderer was clearly on the look-out for the poor drone…”
“The guards!” Picture gasped.
“Specifically the day guard,” Pip agreed, “At least two. One unicorn guard in Canterlot, and one of Cadence’s royal guards in the Empire. We can rule out the night guard because they have no real presence in the Empire.”
“Praise Luna for that,” Moonphase huffed, “We’ve had our own share of troubles. But what makes you so sure?”
“For one, the lack of rogue changelings to be captured since the circus,” Pip started on his second stein. “Homeless drones should be falling over themselves to gain admittance. The obvious answer is that they have been… but they haven’t been taken to the Canterlot hive, they’ve been taken to the Crystal Empire. Without strong evidence, Gold Brick is untouchable. The Day Guard are likely to rally against the very idea of corruption within their ranks.”
“It’s true, we faced the same problem in the Night Guard, until Stormy Night dragged our troubles into the glaring sun,” Moonphase agreed, “And there are still a few of the brass who’d rather pretend there was never really a problem.”
“So our only lead is an anonymous human, who nopony has ever seen, or can even agree on his where-abouts.” Picture nodded in understanding.
“Which is why I’m drunk and high as a kite on a friday afternoon.” Pip laughed bitterly. “Because quite honestly, it’s no more a waste of my time than anything else I could be doing right now. So if you will politely excuse me, I’m going to retire to my quarters.”
“He’s in bad shape miss,” Moonphase whispered to Picture as Orange Pip staggered towards the backstage door.
“I know, I’ve never seen him like this,” the unicorn mare nearly whispered.
“I have,” a new voice chimed in as the two turned to see Candy Apple, “The last time we heard from my uncle, when we got the news that Aunt Juice had died in the asylum. Pip didn’t take it very well. This case has him rattled.”
“Maybe we should drop it.” Picture turned to the Lunar Guard Captain, “Maybe we should just let you handle it from here.”
“Nopony would fault you miss, either of you. This case is clearly having an ill effect on Mr. Pip, and he really should consider his health first.”
“He won’t let go that easy.” Candy Apple should her head. “He’s started now, he has to finish. If he doesn’t it’s going to eat him alive from the inside out.”
Chapter 14 - The Broken Mother
“Changelings do not have siblings, stupid pony.” The changeling queen laughed bitterly within her comfortably furnished cell. “My drones are not my children, they are my drones. I had a daughter once, a true proto-queen nymph. I hid her from Chrysalis among my worker drones when the leaders smuggled me from the hive. Iam Noone promised he could help me find her again, all I had to do was give him my drones and kill a stupid little mutated whore. I failed. But I have no sister, that’s not how changelings work, you stupid whorse.”
“Are you familiar with two changeling drones named Day and Night Shift,” Picture perfect asked evenly.
“Ah yes, the two incompetents who lost my daughter,” Madame Butterfly rolled her eyes. “I should have killed them the moment they arrived in Fillydelphia. Such horrid disappointments, the Shifts. At least Switch had the decency to die in the line of duty… though I’ve heard rumor that reports of her death may have been grossly exaggerated.”
“Night Shift refered to Day as her sister, when I interviewed her. But you just told me changelings don’t have siblings.” Picture quickly changed tactics as she realized news of Day’s murder would probably mean nothing to the fallen queen. “So is she a liar too, because everypony knows you don’t have an ounce of truth in your shell… Whatserface.”
“You lying BITCH!” The queen slammed herself bodily into the bars. “Don’t EVER call me that! And don’t presume to lie to me! If you had confronted the Widow Maker, you’d be getting sucked dry. She hates ponies! She hates you all! Night Shift is so twisted by hate even Franklin wouldn’t take her in with his freaks. And you expect me to believe she let you go?”
“But you didn’t call her a liar.” Picture noted with a nod. “The Shifts are sisters, but you said changelings don’t have those kind of relationships.”
“Oh you stupid little pony.” Butterfly laughed cruelly. “The shifts were conditioned as nymphs, they were programed to be sisters. I thought it would make them more loyal to my little Dragonfly. Loyalty is as useless as everything else ponies ever invented, it turns out.”
“You were a small larvae, I’m told,” Picture said with a smile, “Not surprising when two grubs hatch from one egg.”
“What are you talking about pony?” Butterfly’s eye’s narrowed dangerously
“I had a long talk with Fast Change’s grub-nanny, she’s had that job for years… decades really.” Picture smiled menacingly. “She remember’s your hatching… and Swing Shift’s…”
“MY DAUGHTER?!?!” You know where she is? You will tell me pony! You will tell me now!” Butterfly hissed in rage.
“I want something from you first Madame Butterfly.” Picture leveled a cold gaze on the queen.
“Why do you care about any of this, pony?” The queen paced in her cage like the predator she was.
“Because somepony I care about is hurting. And they’re somepony you should care about. You have a twin.” Picture made one last attempt to convince Butterfly to do the right thing. “A grub hatched from the same egg who was smuggled out of the hive as a nymph. She was placed in the home of a pony couple to replace a stolen infant colt.”
“I have heard of such things,” Butterfly confessed, “but why should this matter to me? If I had a twin, she escaped! I was raised to be a brood queen! A breeding machine for Chrysalis’ madness! Let the wretch suffer!”
“Then you can rot in this cell and never know what happened to you daughter.” Picture bowed her head sadly. “Or you can tell me what I want to know. How could a guard so easily track down so many feral drones? The answer should have been obvious. They had help from the drone’s queen. You sold your own children into slavery. For what? You’re never going to see the outside of this cage. Why did you do it and who was the guard?”
“How do I even know you know anything about my Dragonfly?” Butterfly shuffled uncomfortably.
“How else would I know the name you gave her to make her fit in with the Shift sisters? She’s been in Canterlot since the invasion.” Picture turned to leave. “But if you don’t want to give me what I want…”
“The guard’s name is Iron Hoof,” Butterfly scowled in reply, “He brought me my medicine. These stupid ponies don’t understand what I need! The cravings! I need it! I need it more than love! The stupid ponies want to make me not want it anymore. Iron hoof said he would help me if I told him what I knew about the escaped drones… things he could say that they would trust. We had code words to let each other know which ponies could be trusted. Now tell me what you know! Where is Dragonfly! I want to see her!”
“You wouldn’t even recognize her, I can promise you that.” Picture smiled with cruel malice, all sympathy for the fallen changeling long lost. “Or maybe you would. She would certainly recognize you.”
“What? What do you mean, pony? Tell me!” the queen glared murder at the pony on the outside of the cage.
“Your daughter spent a long time cut off from other changelings, what love she could find was poisoned by her shame at what ponies made her do to obtain it. She was wracked with survivor's guilt. She was scarred by witnessing the death of the changeling she believed to be her sister. It changed her.” The yellow unicorn sighed heavily, unable to take pleasure in the news she was honor bound to deliver. “She was… mutated… for lack of a better word. Her most notable features are her pink carapace, and her smile.”
“No! You’re lying!” The queen collapsed under the weight of the realization. “No! It can’t be true!”
“You’re daughter is healthy and she is loved.” Picture slowly walked away. “She calls herself Diane. She lives with her adopted uncle, and her big sister. You can believe that’s just something you programmed but your daughter and the Shifts, they are family. Even Night Shift, she loved her sister. Day shift died a hero trying to free her fellow changelings. All the family you ever had you threw away, traded away, or tried to kill. I pity you Madame Butterfly, even Chrysalis valued love enough to try to steal it.”
It would be hours before the fallen queen’s screams were finally silenced by exhaustion.
And now it's time for another cartoon, kiddies.
Chapter 15 - Legal Considerations
“It’s no good,” Moon Phase shook his head, “We’ve got this Iron Hoof character dead to rights. Celestia’s put Princess Fast Change in charge of his trial, so he’ll get his, but he didn’t have any direct involvement with Gold Brick. Couldn’t even pick him out of a photo lineup. He delivered the drones to his human contact who supplied the weapon, but he never saw his face, so unless this ‘Anon’ fellow walks around town wearing a green mask on a day to day basis we’ve got nothing.”
“Wonderful,” Pip rolled his eyes, “So Pic goes dragging up my family’s dirty laundry, and I will hear about that…”
“Well, what did you want me to do Pip? You were pretty close to rock bottom.” Picture stamped a yellow hoof angrily. “And it was pretty obvious your estranged hive-sister was the best lead we had.”
“Well, I thought you’d realize there were reasons I hadn’t contacted Madame Butterfly,” Pip replied coldly, “Or did you think I was just too dense to…”
“Excuse me, there’s somepony here to see you,” a lunar guard interrupted poking his head through the door, “She say’s she has a lead on the whereabouts of this human named Anon.”
“Send her in already,” replied the exasperated guard captain.
“Miss Heartstrings? The investigators will see you now.” The guard's voice carried in from the next room.
-=-=-=-=-
“I don’t understand.” The minty blue unicorn shook her head in confusion. “I thought you were investigating Timothy’s murder… I… Tim’s a good human, he’s just a little… confused, that’s all.”
“Well, Miss Heartstrings, sometimes even those closest to us can have surprisingly dark secrets,” Moon Phase said grimly, “We have serious reason to believe your patient…”
“My friend, Captain,” Lyra corrected, “I’m not a doctor, I’m a professional friend.”
“But you do have a doctorate in transmogrification from a rather prestigious university in Canterlot,” Pip noted absently.
“Well, I suppose technically I’m a professor, and I do specialize in transformation magic,” Lyra responded thoughtfully, “But I’ve found my true calling is being a professional friend. Timothy was a displaced human who… let's just say didn’t take well to being trapped in Equestria. He had trouble accepting the reality of his plight. To compensate he created a fictional persona and believed he was a character in a work of fiction.”
“Well at any rate, he’s dead as heliocentric solar theory, and we once again have no way to link Gold Brick to the abductions.” Pip swept a jumbled pile of notes onto the floor in irritation. “All we have is the word of a handful of changeling prisoners in the Crystal Empire, who at the moment are considered to be agents of a hostile foreign government! With Anon dead we have nothing.”
“Mr. Orange Pip, if you don’t mind, Timothy wasn’t just an anon. He was a person just as much as any pony. He was a victim of a terrible crime as much as any of those poor changelings, or Rock Solid!” Lyra fumed in indignation.
“So you knew Mr. Solid then?” Moon Phase arced a suspicious, bushy eyebrow.
“I- of course I did, he was a regular at biped con,” Lyra confessed in confusion, “I couldn’t make it to Canterlot for his funeral, but we corresponded regularly.”
“And this Anon was your patient?” The Lunar guard’s face split into a grin. “Do you hear that Mr. Pip? We’ve got a connection between Anon and Rock Solid!”
“Yes, and if you look closely enough, inspector, you could find a very real connection between worms and bird shit.” Pip scowled angrily. “It won’t help you catch a worm, but the connection is there. What was that you said again about your friend not being ‘just an anon’?”
“Well, it’s true!” Lyra matched the earth pony scowl for scowl. “Timothy may have found comfort in taking a common human alter-ego, but that doesn’t make him a criminal!”
“A ‘common’ human alter-ego?” Picture interjected.
“Well, it’s not that common, I suppose if you don’t trot in ‘human’ circles.” Lyra quickly explained, happy that somepony was finally listening to her. “It’s a reference to part of their human-culture. In human tales a human named ‘Anon’ travels to other worlds, sometimes ours, sometimes others. He’s always faceless and nameless, and he’s essentially a faceless template for the human audience to project their own fantasies onto.”
“So Anon isn’t just one particular human, then?” Picture asked politely. “It’s an identity from human folklore that humans sometimes assume in our world.”
“That’s it exactly!” Lyra beamed happily. “Some humans do it just for fun, Ever since the first human showed up at Biped Con a few years back, there’s always at least one human showing up in costume as ‘Anon’. Timothy took it a step further, he used the identity to hide from his own loss. He had a family, a wife and foals, that he was seperated from when he got sent here. He couldn’t take facing what he’d left behind so instead he pretended he was somepony who hadn’t lost anything.”
“At any rate, a human named Anon was the culprit of any alleged crime in this instance.” A new voice drifted into the conversation with the face of a well dressed unicorn. “And a human using that name has been killed. No doubt he found himself in quite over his head, with all this involvement with pony-trafficking.”
“Excuse me sir,” Moon Phase turned angrily on the newcomer, “We are trying to conduct an investigation.”
“An investigation which does not concern my client or his business dealings.” The Unicorn snarled. “Mr. Gold Brick has been a victim in this from the start. My clients legal and legitimate business proceedings have been infiltrated by alien and foreign changeling interests. I have been sent to deliver an order to cease and desist in this unlawful harassment of my client and in any activity which seeks to besmirch his honorable reputation.”
“And how, sir, might you be privy to this privileged information concerning our investigation?” Moon Phase huffed angrily.
“My firm does not answer to you, bat pony!” the unicorn smirked as he slammed an official paper on the nearest desk and strode confidently from the room.
“Well, it’s certainly legally binding,” Pip’s eyes narrowed dangerously as he read over the paper. “The Law Firm Habeas, Corpus, and Knives… hmmm, well there’s nothing we can do, legally to touch Gold Brick now… Night Shift will be absolutely furious. Mr. Brick’s lawyers have certainly done him no favors.”
“Who’s this Night Shift?” Moon Phase inquired even as the name elicited a shiver from Picture.
“Better that you don’t know.” Pip turned absently to Lyra Heartstrings. “The matter of Gold Brick may be out of our hooves, but if you are really that sure of your friend’s innocence then there’s still one more guilty party left to find.”
Chapter 16 - Paying the Piper
“Hello, Anon.” The masked human jumped at the unexpected interruption. “Don’t bother getting up, we have some business to discuss.”
“H-how did you get in here?!” The masked, anonymous human demanded, turning to see a dirt-colored earth pony standing uncomfortably close at his back, smirking cheerfully.
“Oh, you're going to need a new door pony, by the way.” The earth pony vanished in a flash of green flames, replaced by a cyan maned changeling stallion. “The last one just wouldn’t stop slamming the door on his head for some reason. Well, until he stopped. I think he broke something. I mean he definitely broke something, Velvet, is the unitard still breathing?”
“Y-yeah boss, but he’s twitching in a bad way,” a nervous mare’s voices carried from the adjoining room.
“Be a dear and stomp on his head until he stops,” the changeling said with a smile, “I can’t stand twitchers.”
“W-what do you want from me?” The human reached under his work-bench as he spoke.
“Oh, what does anypony want from you, Anon? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not your charming companionship.” The changeling smiled broadly. “And why are you pointing a gun at your own head? Honestly, that’s no way to threaten somepony who broke into your hide-out.”
“What are you doing to me, you damned bug?” Anon began to panic as he realized he was in fact pointing the gun at himself.
“Funny thing, did you know changelings are NOT telepathic?” The changeling explained calmly as he circled around Anon. “I mean, with all the mind control, and the psychic vampirism, you’d assume they were, right? You’d think there would at least be some kind of ‘hive mind’, what with the whole insect motif, but sadly no. It turns out the one thing changelings don’t use psychic powers for is talking to each other. Isn’t that just crazy ironic?”
“Please, don’t kill me. I’ll do anything you want! Anything!” Anon pleaded with the grinning changeling, unable to move the gun from his head. “You can make me a love slave, changelings do that, right? I won’t produce much love with my brains on the floor!”
“Really? Love slave? Seriously?” The changeling rolled his eyes. “Relax, Jimbo, nobody has to die here…”
“He’s not twitching anymore boss!” Velvet Hammer reported loyally from the next room.
“Well except for him obviously.” The changeling heaved a sigh and shouted back to his hench-pony, “Timing, Velvet, dear. You really have to work on your timing. You’ll have to excuse Velvet, she’s a minion-in-training.”
“What do you want from me?” Anon shifted his eyes nervously.
“First off, I want this.” The human’s gun was scooped up in the changeling telekinetic grip. “Oooo, a Glock. Good taste.”
“You know what a Glock is?” the confused human cocked his head, peril momentarily forgotten.
“Former human… ish.” The changeling admitted with a grin. “An you’re actually really lucky I need a bomb-maker, you do make bombs right? I mean, you made a boom-stick, so I assume you can make a bomb.”
“You’re a terrorist?” The masked human blinked incredulously.
“Terrorist is such an ugly word. The changeling tsked. “I prefer to think of myself as more of a mass murderer. Oh and a rapist, but we’ll talk about that later.”
“Wait… what?!?!” Anon gasped in alarm.
“The point is, Night Shift isn’t very happy, and when my dear widow maker isn’t happy, things die painfully.” The changeling shrugged with a smile. “Your former employer gave you up rather easily. He really should have turned himself in. Celestia, for all her faults isn’t known for pulling pony’s legs off like flies. The good news is that his family are more than happy with his replacement and now I have a mole in the nobles. Also, Nighty Night still has a soft spot for yours truly so she’s gonna let me keep you as a pet.”
“Who are you?” Anon asked in near panic.
“Oh, I’m nopony of any importance.” The changeling grinned widely. “Have you ever been to Baltimare? Don’t answer that, the answer is not important. Velvet dear, will you bring Anon his present.”
“Coming, boss!” a colt-faced brown earth pony mare entered pushing a wheelchair.
“What are you doing?!?!” Anon tried to bolt, only to find himself held in a vice-like magical grip.
“Night Shift had one little stipulation, the changeling that died was her sister… well sort of,” the changeling narrated cheerfully, “Changelings generally don’t form sibling bonds, but the Shifts are a special case. The point is, you made the gun that killed poor little Day Shift, and I’m not too happy about that myself, she was the pretty one…”
“Please! It wasn’t my fault! I’m not the one who killed her! It wasn’t even my call, it was Gold Brick! I just…” Anon found himself silenced by a magical gag.
“You just traded several of my drones into slavery with a crooked noble, I know.” The changeling waved his hoof dismissively. “And honestly, if you had given me a cut of the action that wouldn’t have even been a problem. But… Day Shift… what can ya do? With my circus in the shitter, and half my minions either dead, in the pokey, or done jumped ship, I gotta keep Night happy. Believe me, this is NOT how I normally welcome new members to Team Nopony. And honestly you would have been a lot more useful to me with your feet, but like I said, you really upset Night Shift. Just be glad I need somebody to make the bombs. Velvet dear, pass me the saw. And you might want to step out of the room, I know how squeamish you can get with blood.”
“I made that unicorn stop twitching, though.” The mare pulled a jagged saw from a worn corduroy bag. “I’m getting better, right, boss?”
“You are getting better,” the Nopony responded with a warm smile, “You’re still no Whatserface, but you’re getting there. It seems like it was only yesterday you were failing to rob humans in an alley. You’ve come a long way dear. I’m proud of you. Now out you go! I can’t have you tossing your cookies, and I need somepony to keep a lookout. Alright, Mr. Anonymous, I’m going to take the gag off now, so make sure to scream like your feet are being cut off with a dull saw.”
Chapter 17: Missing Reels
Chapter 17: Missing Reels
Very vague spoilers for the season finale. You were warned.
“Wait, so Scootaloo IS Rainbow Dash? Daring Dash is a self insert story?” Inkwell blinked in confusion.
“No, dude, Scoots is a 13 year old filly and somepony really should have have put a stop to this. Mind you I’m not arguing. I’m totally awesome and I totally ship with Dashie.” The human named Jake proclaimed with confidence.
“Jake, can we stay on topic.” The cyan mare in question rolled her eyes in annoyance.
“Wow, Mister Inkwell, your old.” A cute little orange filly announced without preamble.
-=-=-=-=-
“It’s over Pic, I failed,” Orange Pip secured the cord around his fetlock.
“Pip, the case isn’t closed, it’s just… ” Pic argued uselessly.
“It’s over. The underground has closed ranks. If my sources are to be believed at all the Nopony himself is involved. This comes from higher up. The Bitch-Queen herself is planning something. We. Have. Nothing.” Pip casually inserted the needle into his vein and squeezed. “We’ve lost Picture, dear. How much of Canterlot has already been replaced? Who are we going to take are findings to if we have any?”
“I just can’t believe there’s no hope at all.” Picture Perfect turned away as her one true love injected one more piece of suicide.
-=-=-=-=-
“It’s going dark, Fast, he’s out there. He’s out there and I can’t stop him.” A giant pony-shaped beast heaved beneath his cloak. “I’m useless. I’m useless to you, I’m useless to the hive. I’m useless to Diane, and Z, and Carrot. Without Surprise…”
“She never gave up on you, even when we all thought you were dead.” The Princess of Changelings laid a forehoof over the beast’s withers. “She never gave up on this world, no matter how much it took from her, she took it back. She reached down the maw of the beast and she pulled out what she loved.”
“I know.” The beast sighed heavily. “But I’m not as strong as her.”
“It’s alright Train Wreck,” Fast Change said soothingly, “Nopony is asking you to save equestria from a nightmare changeling. For all we know, the Nopony is gone for good. You drained him of his magic until he was forced to reveal his true form and faded from existence.”
“I see him in my dreams now.” The giant confessed. “We’re inseparably linked. I can’t explain it, but me and that… thing… that came out of my doppelgangers mind…”
“Have you tried going to the other royals for help? I know for a fact Luna wouldn’t turn you away. She asks about you every time we have a meeting. Or Silver, he’s the only pony still live who saw the world that the Nopony and Surprise…”
“No.” The beast pulled clear of the princess and turned away. “Don’t talk about him like he was her friend. After the way they treated Surprise…”
“She forgave them. And she’d want you to forgive them to, and you know it.” The changeling took a stern tone, scolding the monster. “And while you're at it you need to give up this stupid jealousy.”
“I’m not jealous, dammit! Silver Watch is simply insufferable, and his wife is judgemental whorse!” The slap reverberated through the room and came with enough force to sting through even his dense hide.
“Those are ponies I happen to Love Train Wreck Pastel!” The Crimson Changeling Princess fumed with rage. “You’re bitter about how Night treated Surprise. That’s understandable, but there were two sides to that story. But you know that don’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess I do.” Train wreck pastel sulked, fighting his urge to unleash his snakes in his anger. “Because it’s not like I was really her first choice is it? That was a damned ghost. I wasn’t even her second choice. That was your golden pony prince. Shit, how could I blame her, who in their right mind would choose an abomination like me, if they had that choice.”
His glance said the unspoken words, “You wouldn’t.” as he stalked out of the Princess’s throne room.
“Yeah, because you’re totally not jealous.” Fast Change heaved a sad, angry sigh. “Dammit, Surprise, how am I supposed to deal with this? How did you do this? How the hell does a giant monster have self-confidence issues anyway?”
-=-=-=-=-
“I should kill you right now,” Queen Chrysalis fumed in rage. “How dare you come back here!”
“If you could kill me Chrissy, I’d have been dead for a long time now.” Iam Noone’s greasy smile spread from ear to ear. “Maybe when I brought back your favorite brood queen? Or maybe when I left with her. Green really is your color, darling. You're just SO jelly, and you can’t even see it. All those drones. And not one of them will give you an ounce of love.”
“SHUT UP!” The evil queen raged helplessly.
“And what if they did? All your children just gave you all that love all at once... “ The Nopony grinned maliciously. “It would break you down, and you would just be so small. I understand, Chrissy, it’s the only thing that keeps me alive when we have these little talks. Because who else could possibly understand your pain. What you want so much will break you. I’m a parent too you know.”
“What do you want, Noone?” Chrysalis spat in disgust.
“I want to give you what you want, Chrissy. All I need from you is one simple act of vengeance. Just sleep on it and send a drone or something. I’ll show myself out.” The living nightmare flickered for a fraction of a moment, and then simply wasn’t there.
Chapter 18 - Dealing with Demons
“I have a job to do Discord.” Celestia let her royal facade slip and he voice rang with annoyance as she stood on the palace balcony raising the morning sun. “Whatever you want can wait.”
“Want? Tia, dearest soul, what-ever makes you think I want anything?” The Lord of Chaos smirked coyly as he loomed over the ruling diarch. “Maybe I just dropped in to see how your little family is getting along. Obviously some pony's not getting her beauty rest. Is your strapping new alicorn prince keeping you up late? Hmmmm?”
“Perhaps you should be less concerned with my protege and spend more time worrying about your own creation… or did you make your little abortion of an alicorn just to sulk about a changeling hive regretting the mess you made of him?” The imperious voice of Princess Luna preceded the Princess of the night herself.
“Oh Lu Lu, do you think it’s that gloriously handsome body I gave him that haunts his troubled mind?” Discord coiled close around the dark alicorn. “Honestly how many times has he complained about his looks? Well aside from that one time YOUR guard tried to bury him alive in a burning pit… but that was hardly MY fault, now was it?”
“Enough, Discord! I will not allow you to play on my sister’s guilt for her part in your mad experiment!” Celestia stamped her hoof in anger as the sun brilliantly cascaded over the horizon.
“Your right Tia, Lu Lu has nothing to feel guilty about.” Discord winked broadly at the Princess of the night. “She never even once took a lost, mentally unbalanced human and deliberately turned him into a killing machine. No that was all on you, dear. And that wasn’t even Nightmare-Celestia, that was just what you did when you had to face Sombra without your prize pupil. I will spare you the horrors of what SHE did. By comparison your crimes were downright tame.”
-=-=-=-=-
“The world is going to break, because I am going to break it!” The giant cloaked stallion screamed across the Belfry, only to be tapped on the withers by a pale horse of an earth pony that rivaled him in sheer mass.
“You’ve had enough Train Wreck,” DeadLift place a massive hoof over the pitcher of bitter ale. “Come on man, pull yourself together. You're scaring the customers, and with our customers that’s really saying something.”
“Do you know what she told me Jimmy Jack? Do you?” The massive beasts speech was slurred and nearly incoherent as he addressed his friend by his abandoned human name.
“Naw Ki, I don’t, I just know you're upset. And you're drunk. And it’s my job to keep the peace up in here. Why don’t you tell me what she said..” The circus strong-pony looked his friend in the eyes. “Just stop the drinking and tell me what she said?”
“She said my depression was poisoning my family! F- fast Change, I thought we were friends. She stood by me through everything, man. The fire. The burns. When Surprise died she was there!” An addled serpent darted from the things maw snatched the pitcher from under the earth pony’s hoof and splashed its contents across it’s face. “She handed me a train ticket! She said my family would be happier if I ‘caught a train’, Jimmy.”
“That… doesn’t sound like Fast, dude.” DeadLift voice grated like nails on a blackboard.
“She was right though, depression is poison for a changeling.” Train Wreck’s head wobbled as he spoke. “I’m poisoning them. Diane… she’s tasted enough poison. And Z… my poor… simple… brilliant, Z-978… she could be so much… I’m killing her, man. A- and little Zilia…”
“Look dude, just go home,” Deadlift pleaded with his friend, “Whatever went down, it was a misunderstanding…”
“No… Carrot already bailed,” the beast sobbed helplessly.
“She got accepted into Baltimare University man! You were just here Tuesday telling me how proud you were! Nothing you’re saying now makes sense Ki! Hell you made more sense in the looney bin when the plague hit! Something evil has done crawled up in your head man.” Dead lift argued uselessly with his friend, who simply stood and stumbled for the door.
“They don’t need me, they’re better off if I’m gone. I have a train to catch.” Train Wreck Pastel stumbled through the door without a single look back.
-=-=-=-=-
“He’s out of the picture,” Night Shift scuttled up to the cyan maned changeling affectionately. “It went down just like you said it would.”
“The ‘Unbreakable’ Unspoken Prince.” Iam Noone chuckled merrily. “Everything has it’s breaking point. I assume the infiltrators are in place?”
“Everything is set to play out just like you planned boss.” Split Shift nodded eagerly. “After the Circus, the ponies think they know exactly which bugs are on their side.”
“Of course they do. The cute little hole-free bugs are good. The ugly little spiny bugs are evil. Poor Diane, I really miss you so much. It’s a shame this is what it takes for you to see how things really are.” The Nopony whispered with the chorus of his hive. “Come home.”
Chapter 19 - Monsters and Outcasts
“I am terribly sorry ma’am, But we simply don’t have any seats available that can accommodate a pony of you proportions.” The train attendant certainly didn’t sound at all sorry, much less “very” sorry, but Nelly was used to this kind of treatment. Still…
“But you’re asking me to ride in a baggage car?” The bulbous mint-coated unicorn pleaded, sadly. “Couldn’t I just stand?”
“I’m sorry ma’am, but if the train were to stop suddenly, you might fall and injure yourself, or possibly even somepony else.” The attendant fought, unsuccessfully, against the urge the giggle at the picture of the rotund mare rolling down the train aisle, but quickly recovered. “But it’s not as bad as you might think, we have a car specially cleared already for another passenger with similar problems. So you’ll have somepony to talk to at least.”
“Hmph, great, we can form our own ‘fat-pony’ club.” The mare rolled her eyes as she moved into the waiting, unfurnished baggage car.
“That’s the spirit!” The train attendant smirked as he pulled the door closed behind her.
“Why’s it so dark in here?” The round Pony asked out loud, almost not expecting an answer.
“Because they don’t carry enough booze on this train to keep me drunk and was I hoping to get some sleep.” Train Wreck pastel fixed his luminous red eyes on the newcomer.
“Sweet Celestia, you’re The Unspoken Prince!” The rotund mare gushed with a wide smile. “My name is Nelly, I’m your biggest fan! Can I see your snakes? Is it true Middler can power a light bulb? Where’s Princess Diane? Is she traveling with you? I’ve always wanted to meet her, she’s SO pretty… did I say something wrong?”
The beast heaved a sigh and gave the mare a sad smile, “Nothing you had any way of knowing. I wish Diane was here to meet you. She loves it when someone calls her a princess without being prompted. But no, I’m relocating to Ponyville. It seems the Princess of Changelings thinks my depression is a danger to the hive.”
“I… I’m sorry. I always heard you two were super-close, what with both being misfit royalty.” Nelly looked at the monster-prince in confusion. “I mean the tabloids make it sound like you're practically a couple… not that I believe the tabloids.”
“Best not to, me and Fast were never like that. She’s only got eyes for one former-human royal.” Train Wreck rolled his eyes. “We’re just good friends. That’s why I had to leave. Anyone else told me that and I’d tell ‘em to get bent, but coming from Fast… I just can’t believe she said it like she did. She told me she didn’t even want me coming back to the hive. She said it was my episodes that drove off Carrot Plate, and that they were all better off without me.”
“Wow, and here I’d always heard she was so nice.” Nelly averted her eyes and whispered sadly. “I guess we’ve both got some pretty mean friends. Or in my case some mean, pretty friends.”
“Hey, it’s a rough world all around. Wanna talk about it?” Train wreck flashed his least predatory smile.
“I wouldn’t want to bother you with the petty little problems of some fat, ugly nopony like me.” Nelly demurred quietly.
“Hey now, don’t talk about yourself like that,” The beast admonished, “You’re a pretty adorable little pony.”
“You don’t have to flatter me, your majesty.” Nelly smiled bitterly. “There’s nothing adorable, or little about me.”
“Hey, compared to me, you’re all ‘little’ ponies.” Train Wreck grinned back at the mare. “And I have pretty expansive definitions of adorable. You should see my youngest daughter, cutest little alien squid-grub you’ll ever lay eyes on.”
-=-=-=-=-
“I will not stand here and be held accountable for actions that happened in an alternate past, Disord!” Celestia snapped angrily.
“How about in an alternate future, then your magnitude?” Discord smiled coyly. “Because I did some poking around and it turns out it doesn’t take much for you to commit out-right genocide.”
“Silence fiend!” Luna snapped bruskly, “Who are you to accuse my sister?”
“Who am I, Lu Lu?” Discord laughed as he coiled around the Princess of the Night. “I’m actually going to skip the self aggrandizing answer to that and ask, who are YOU to accuse your own dear sister of being capable of atrocities if she thinks it will protect her little ponies.”
“I have never…” Luna began only to be silenced by an apple appearing in her mouth out of thin air.”
“Pish-tosh! Whose fears do you think the Celestia of the Nightmare world was based on Luna dear?” Discord brought his eyes uncomfortably close to his verbal prey.
“You will NOT toy with my sister in this fashion, monster!” Celestia’s voice took on a warning edge and the draconequus suddenly materialized in her face instead.
“I told you already, Frau Führer, I’m not here to accuse your sister, I’m here to accuse YOU.” Discord’s voice for one moment lost its characteristic mirth. “After all, it’s not like Luna doesn’t have good reason to fear you. You’re the one who banished her to the moons for one thousand years. Your own baby sister, sweet innocent Lu Lu, but the minute she became a threat to your ponies happiness, it’s zap-bang-boom, to the moon!”
“My sister had no choice!” Luna insisted angrily.
“Really now? Because the Tree of Harmony didn’t seem to think so. Or didn’t you notice that with the new bearers, the elements of Harmony seemed a bit… well… less banishy than before.”
“I notice they still returned you to your stone prison.” Celestia smirked victoriously, only to be met with Discord’s condescending smile.
“Well, maybe I had that coming. It’s NEVER a good idea to turn the pink horror’s smile upside down, she takes that very personally.” Discord wrung his tail nervously for a moment. “But if I really was so deserving, then why not let Star Butt and her friends live with the decision to imprison me for eternity? You know, like you did?”
“It’s a funny thing about ponies who create monsters, Tia dear,” Disord slowly faded into a cheshire smile, “They can always find a more terrible monster if they know where to look. I’ll give you a hint… it’s in the mirror.”
Chapter 20 - Off the Rails
Chapter 20 - Off the Rails
“I just wanted to be a pretty little princess. Everypony said, ‘Go to Rarity, she can see the beauty in anypony.’ So I went… and she… she laughed at me…” Nelly cried softly. “The element of generosity… she actually laughed at me.”
“It’s okay, I know… better than most… ponies can be cruel. I met Rarity once. She can be absent minded, but she’s not cruel. She was laughing at some private joke. I promise. Human spoiler promise, she wasn’t laughing at you.” Train Wreck hugged the massive mare. Only for one guilty, mirthless, moment he wondered when the last time any pony’s hug had connected it’s hooves behind her withers.
“You have spoilers? She felt bad about laughing at me?” Nellie sobbed.
“I promise, there was a whole episode in the human world…” Train Wreck lied shamelessly, only justifying his lie with what he hoped was the truth. “She never even realized how much that moment meant to you, because she was too busy in her own moment.”
The giant was momentarily distracted by a stack of barrels in the corner of the otherwise empty baggage car. “Hey, Cider barrels. We’re in luck! You look like you could use a good drink and I know I could.”
“I dunno, your majesty, wouldn’t that be stealing?” Nely looked nervous and unsure.
“Naw, I’m technically a prince, so as long as we apologize and pay for the cider it’s not stealing, it’s a friendship lesson. Trust me, that’s totally how that works.” Train Wreck grinned as his industrious serpent-tongues dragged over the nearest barrel. “And here I thought I might have to sober up before I talked to Twilight again. Nice mare, but I’d really rather have a few drinks before I had this conversation.”
“Uh, your majesty, why is that cider barrel ticking? Is it supposed to do that?” The rotund mare asked in a worried voice.
“Oh no. No, no, no, no, no… Nelly, don’t panic, but I need you go back into the passenger section as quickly as possible.” The Unspoken Prince buried his face in a massive hoof.
“But the train operator said…”
“Doesn't matter, I outrank him.” Despite his best attempts, a nervous edge crept into the stallion's voice as he carefully removed the barrel’s lid revealing… “Of course it’s a bomb.’
“You’re majesty, the passenger car’s locked!” Nely began to panic. “They’ve locked us out!”
“Dammit all!” Train Wreck growled. “That’s almost insulting, given that I could pretty easily rip off the wall itself if I wasn’t worried about derailing the train. Look at the stop-watch on the bomb and tell me how much time we’ve got.”
“Five seconds!” the mare shuffled in a jiggly panic.
5…
Train Wreck grabbed the pin connecting the baggage cars to the passenger car, pulling it free allowing the train to pull free, leaving the pair on the now coasting remainder of the train. “Come on!”
4…
Train Wreck threw open the back door of the baggage car, only to see the break car retreating into the distance along with two grinning, clown-faced changelings waving at the duo. “Are you shitting me?”
3…
The giant grabbed up the massive mare with his serpent like appendages and tossed her on his back. “We’re gonna have to jump!”
2…
“We’re on the edge of a cliff! Are you insane?” Nely argued in a panic.
“In theory I can fly.” Train Wreck flexed his scaly wings.
“Do you have any idea how much I weigh?!?!” Nelly screamed.
1…
The Tazzlecorn lept into the abyss, desperately hoping his scaly wings could support both his passenger, and his own not-inconsiderable bulk.
0…
The blast ripped open the peaceful afternoon. Wood and steel flew out in all directions. The Friendship express ground to a halt in a screaming of the friction of steel grinding against iron. And two ponies plunged into the abyss amid useless flapping of draconic wings.
“Goddammit, Discord, you fucking TROLL!” Train Wreck screamed as he plummeted, his passenger's wordless screech nearly drowning out his own.
-=-=-=-=-
“This is bad,” Fast Change addressed the Princess of the sun directly and without preamble. “DeadLift came to me as soon as Train Wreck left the Belfry. Apparently, a rogue changeling impersonated me well enough to convince him to take the first train out of town to Ponyville.”
“How many changelings, that we know of could accomplish that level of deception?” Celestia’s eyes narrowed dangerously.
“In my hive? Less than half a dozen, if we don’t count myself or Diane.” Princess Fast’s voice was equally grave.
“And it’s safe to assume the Unspoken’s daughter was not the culprit, methinks.” Luna paced nervously reverting to her royal speech patterns in her agitation.
“Diane is beside herself.” Fast Change nodded in confirmation. “It was all I could do to convince her that it wasn’t ME who drove off her ‘Uncle Train Wreck’. Her jealousy played in my favor in this case. Ever since Surprise’s passing, she’s too worried about me stealing ‘her Train Wreck' to believe for one moment I’d drive him off.”
“Indeed, the tabloids say the two of you have become quite close.” Celestia raised an eyebrow with a knowing smile.
“I already have a one jealous alicorn in my life your majesty,” Fast Change’s voice radiated warning, “And an equally jealous adolescent changeling queen. I don’t have time for your games right now Celestia. I love Silver, and Train Wreck is one of my closest friends. Let’s not make this any more awkward and complicated than it already is.”
“Agreed.” Celestia nodded curtly. “But you have to recognize this was not some random prank. This changeling had intimate knowledge of your unique situation They preyed directly on the prince’s own self doubts and fears of rejection.”
“It’s worse than that, your majesty,” Fast Change grimaced, “The Pastels have an extensive system to know exactly who they're talking to at any given time. Whoever did this… they knew the safewords…”
“Your Majesty!” A panicked guard burst in without warning, “There’s been a terrible accident! An explosion on the Friendship Express!”
Chapter 21 - Sad But True
“You can stop screaming now Nelly.” Train Wreck said flatly as the pair hovered in protective bubbles of unicorn magic. “Hiya Starlight, funny meeting you here.”
“I WAS chasing Discord,” The pink mare snarled with disdain, “He plastered the entire castle with pictures of me and my best friend… errr… I’m not even going to say it!”
“You and Trixie?” The giant beast snorted out loud. “I totally ship iiiiiiitttttttttttt.”
“Oh no! Prince Train Wreck! How could you!” Nelly fixed her tear filled gaze met Starlight Shimmer’s as the tazzlecorn plummeted.
“He’ll be fine.” Starlight Glimmer rolled her eyes. “I doubt the explosion itself would have done any permanent damage. Are you alright?”
“I- the train- he- he saved us!” Nelly stammered. “That explosion would have thrown the whole train off the cliff, and he saved us, AND YOU DROPPED HIM!”
“Pfft, he was being a jerk.” Starlight Glimmer rolled her eyes. “And like I told you, he’s fine. I’ve personally seen Twilight drop him from way higher than this…”
-=-=-=-=-
“Are you sure this is okay?” Diane’s shark-like smile broke for a moment and the pink changeling looked worriedly to her adopted mother.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine honey.” The green straight-maned mare smiled at her daughter. “You know how tough Train Wreck is, and Twilights already run a bizillion tests, so I’m sure it’s perfectly safe.”
“Surprise is right, your uncle will be fine. We just have to make sure we’re far enough back from the impact. He’s going to make quite a crater if my calculations are correct.” The Princess of Friendship and Nerdom gave the family a reassuring smile.
“You know I’m standing right here, right, I can totally hear you.” The giant monster rolled his eyes.
“Train Wreck must be quiet!” Z-978 stamped an angry hoof. “Z is trying to watch an important experiment! The Twilight Sparkle say’s that it is that thing Carrot Plate likes so much, it is educational!”
“It’s Okay Z.” A red unicorn mare nuzzled the brain addled changeling. “The interesting parts gonna be really loud anyway.”
“There is going to be a kaboom? Z-978 left little Face Hugger with the dragon who is spike because The Twilight said there is going to be a kaboom.” Z pranced in anticipation.
“So we’re going to start you out with a drop from about 20,000 meters, okay?” Twilight smiled, activating the teleportation
-=-=-=-=-
“Hey. Hey, buddy, you’re okay right?” Train Wreck looked up to see a cyan maned changeling stallion poking him in the side. “We really needed to get away from everypony, you know, just to talk.”
“You tried to kill them. You just tried to blow up a train, and you just want to talk?!?!” The beast stood effortlessly from the crater.
“And if we’re being honest, I was really hoping that would work out more… I don’t know… is murdery a word? I was at least hoping, at least, YOU would be more broken. Wow, I thought you were pretty intimidating back when you all Freddy Kruger, but damn.” Nopony smiled nervously at his antithesis.
“What do you want? I should kill you now!” Train wreck unleashed his snakes, each hissing violently at the interloper.
“You really should. I’m sure if you could then you would. But you can’t, So. You. Won’t” The nightmare grinned. “We both know it. Discord made you so you can’t kill yourself. We both want the same thing… what’s best for my daughter.”
“SHE’S NOT YOUR DAUGHTER!” Middler coiled around the changelings throat and spoke directly.
“Oh genetic science, even the really wonky equestrian version, begs to differ.” The changeling laughed. “You don’t remember, I know. I overplayed my hand. I thought I was the only one who made a deal with those damned words, but The Writing on the Wall promised the D man a protege who could take Celestia in a fight. But that doesn’t mean you can kill me.”
“What do you want?” Train Wreck released the pony who wasn’t there and fixed his disinterested gaze.
“I need a queen. I need a changeling queen who's been programmed to feed her own hive.” The changeling pimp grinned as he paced. “You spend a decade or so building a plan and you get attached. It’s not like I’m coming empty handed. You have another daughter. You have your own changeling dependent to concern yourself with. Do really think your princess crush can protect Z? From me?”
“We’re going to kill you.” Train Wreck snatched up the changeling breeder and slammed him into the smoking crater of his landing point in a spray of blood. “The only pony who would ever hold us back is gone! We will hunt you down and we will break you. I don’t care what it costs!”
“That’s all I ever wanted to hear.” Iam Noone flickered and the pony who wasn’t there wasn’t.
“Your majesty something simply MUST be done.” Civil Doctrine pleaded his case before the entirety of Celestia’s court. “Nopony is disparaging the good changelings of Princess fast Change’s hive, but we have an unknown number of rogue drones loose in our city.”
“Changelings are bad enough on their own,” Platinum Bond interjected, “But this unprovoked attack was clearly carried out with human assistance!”
“We have no way to know that.” Fancy Pants strode forward attempting to calm the mood. “What we know is simply this, changelings believed to be in league with the villainess, Madame Alias have engaged in an act of sabotage, which was largely averted by the quick thinking of Train Wreck Pastel.”
“Wait, you mean he STOPPED a train from wrecking? Didn’t see that one coming!” The usual heckler shouted from the back of the court.
“If you would kindly address his highness by his proper title,” Celestia reproached, perhaps with more of an edge than she intended, “I think he’s earned it.”
“Of course your majesty.” Fancy reddened slightly in embarrassment. “I meant no offense.”
“My point remains that human involvement is obvious.” Platinum Bond would not be deterred. “The Unspoken Prince himself suggested as much in his own testimony! What exactly is his Highness, Prince Silver Watch doing to protect us from these dangerous interlopers? Human immigrants are his explicit domain! If humans are bringing dangerous weapons from their own barbaric home world into our kingdom...”
“Order!” Celestia brought down her hoof like a gavel, the ringing impact resonating throughout the crowded court. “Fancy Pants is quite correct, we have no way to know that this foul attack was carried out with any artifacts from the human world!”
“Her Majesty is correct, of course.” All heads turned as Gold Brick sauntered into the court. “This attack wasn’t carried out by any artifact brought from the human world, but using stolen equestrian goods, crafted by insidiously clever human hands!”
“Gold Brick,” Fancy Pants fairly hissed, “I’d think you would have the common sense, if not decency not to show your face in these proceedings.”
“And why is that? I have not been convicted, nor even publically accused of any crime. But I have evidence today that not only exonerates my good name, but points the finger directly at the conspiracy that led to that poor changeling’s murder some weeks past.” The disgraced unicorn tossed a stack of papers at Celestia’s hooves. “Inventory slips from my mines in the Crystal Empire. They show a large amount of explosives were stolen by the very changeling infiltrators that my colleagues would accuse me of enslaving behind closed doors.”
“Explosives you say?” Celestia raised an eyebrow.
“I suspect the murdered changeling had attempted to warn us all of this impending attack before she was silenced by her fellow saboteurs.” Gasps of shock rolled across the court followed by hushed whispers. “I also found bills of sale, linking these explosives to a human in South Decanter. But most damning of all, the private investigator hired by the Lunar Guard to besmirch my name was himself… or perhaps I should say herself, a changeling!”
Several several photos quickly joined the stack of papers, showing a pale orange earth pony in an alley talking to a yellow unicorn. As one picture progressed to the next, he stallion transitioned into a changeling queen. Celestia quickly gathered the evidence in her telekinetic order, murmurs already erupting from those ponies close enough to have seen the damning documents. The Princess of the Sun addressed her subjects with uncharacteristic brusqueness. “The Court is in recess until further notice as I examine this new evidence. You are all dismissed.”
-=-=-=-=-
“Velvet dear,” Iam Noone lounged back on his favorite fainting couch, a Rarity original, “What do you think I’m afraid of?”
“Afraid of, boss?” The brown earth pony mare froze like a deer caught in a bright light. “There’s something that could scare you?”
“Indeed, my pretty-ish little nutcracker,” The changeling stretched lazily, “What happens in your mind after I’m gone? I mean, you have to move on sometime… And so does he.”
“Come on! Entomb me in a rubber room! I wanna meet my doom!” The mare fell back as the cacophony began. “And I’m never gonna let it go!”
“I’ll cracker jack and rise, I wanna slip and slide, my secret hide out, right? I’ll never let you find” The stallion’s eyes flashed with raw madness as the machinery of the abandoned toy factory gave symphony to insanity. The mad-pony ripped away a curtain revealing a spider-legged tank-like contraption. “I hit the thrusters on my mean machine, it’s mean and black and green, an I’m never gonna give it up!”
“So let go my my super villain ego, my psychosis has been loaded, evil far below!” The Nopony threw up his hooves in imagined triumph and defeat. “Don’t go! No, Don’t go! Don’t Go! I wanna be here forever!”
Velvet Hammer tried to scurry back, but the evil music would not release her as Madame Alias continued her horrible anthem. “At 49 we’ll be best imaginary friends, till the end, recomend the something should disrupt!”
“Shake it up just like an etch-a-sketch, erase the filthy retch, of the life I have rejected now!” The mare collapsed for a moment in her mania, only to jump back to her hooves, “Well some would say ‘Shut up!’, and some would say ‘Grow up!’, and some would say ‘Give Up, and be like everypony else!’”
“I do not like it on a boat, don’t like it with a goat, and I’m never gonna let you go!” Velvet awkwardly disentangled herself from the exhausted form of her lover/captor as she reminded herself that she was a special pony who deserved to be loved and respected. She knew she was because the boss always said that…
Chapter 23 - Trickity Treat
“In two short years we have had 27 murders in Equestria.” The brown coltish earth pony mare preached to an increasingly agitated crowd. Not accidental deaths. Not casualties from monster attacks. Ponies killing ponies. Cold. Blooded. Murder.”
The crowd murmured indecisively, which only urged on the fire-brand mare. “The first human to enter our country in modern times, our ‘esteemed’ Prince Silver Watch. Engaged in a so-called ‘game’ of imaginary murder, called of all things, ‘Humanway’, where ponies were encouraged to pretend that they were humans slaughtering Diamond Dogs!”
“Barbaric!” The cries rang out as the crowd began to argue. “But Silver is such a gentle pony, I’ve met him myself.” “I was at that Biped Con, some ponies could barely keep their lunch, it was so violent!”
“Our peaceful kingdom and our very way of life is, even as we speak being torn asunder by outsiders who take our forms and pervert of very core values! And I’m not even talking about the changelings!” The were disapproving gasps, but more than too many appreciative chuckles at the jest. “Consider for a moment the OTHER transformed human who lurks within the shadows of our poorest neighborhoods, frequenting the most disreputable of Lunar Saloons. The Heir of Chaos, the one who’s name is spoken only in shadows within our own government…”
“Train Wreck Pastel is a hero!” An earth pony stallion shouted angrily from the crowd. Drawing supportive cheers and jeers from many other ponies in the crowd.
“Oh yes, he’s always there to save the little ponies who get caught up in the fires, in the explosions, in the carnivals of rape and murder that seem to follow in his wake, doesn’t he?” The mare smiled cruelly as the crowd seemed taken aback by this unexpected argument. “Because that’s my point, good ponies of Canterlot. These aliens don’t have to be evil. Even the noblest of them drag chaos and death in their wake. They are a destructive force!”
-=-=-=-=-
“Captain Moonphase,” Civil Doctrine addressed the Lunar Guard Officer coldly, “Were you aware that the private investigator you had hired to assist in the murder of Rock Solid was in fact a rogue changeling?”
“I was not aware that Orange Pip was a changeling, no sir.” The unflappable guard answered.
“A rogue changeling, captain.” The normally taciturn noble’s voice dripped with acidic hate
“I fail to see in what way Orange Pip is a ‘rogue’ sir.” The captain scowled at the inquisition noble.
“What was his cutie mark, Captain?” A shadowed noble in the background asked plainly.
“Five orange seeds, arranged in no particular pattern.” The guard captain replied evenly.
“Then the changeling in questions cutie mark was not a changeling?” Moon Phase was surprised to hear the voice of Fancy Pants amond Pips accusers.
“I have never once seen Orange Pip attempt to impersonate anypony.” The Lunar guard insisted defiantly, Pip had proved himself and his patriotism far over, as far as Moon Phase was concerned.
“And yet, SHE disguised herself every day.” Fancy Pants pressed on. “We already have the testimony of this… the imposter’s marefriend, it’s coworkers. They all are so quick to defend this deceiver, and yet why should we NOT ask, how long did they live among us, before they chose to make themselves into prettier invaders?”
Gasps of shock rang out, especially among the changeling observers who had been invited to the hearing. Fancy Pants had always been among their most ardent defenders.
-=-=-=-=-
“You have to come with us,” Split Shift urged the little shark-toothed changeling, “it’s not safe in the hive anymore.”
“But Fast Change said I should wait here until Uncle Train Wreck got back from Ponyville,” Diane argued stubbornly.
“Swing Shift, darling,” Sweet Shift cooed sadly, “I don’t know how to tell you this… but Fast Change lied to you. Train Wreck was caught in the explosion… she led him into the only trap that could possibly work… she told him to get on a train…”
“NO! You’re wrong!” Diane’s eyes stung with tears. “Fast Change would never do that! It was an imposter! One of Nopony’s changelings!”
“How could one of Nopony’s changelings fool Train Wreck, Swing?” Split Shift argued. “You know how many safewords there are!”
“Oh no… Nonononono…” Diane shook her head frantically.
“And only a pony who knows his whole story would know that he dies in a…”
“DON’T SAY THAT! HE’S NOT DEAD!” Diane exploded into grief. “He’s unbreakable! He’s unstoppable! He… he can’t be dead… And stop calling me Swing Shift! I hate that name! I hate it! My name is…”
“Dragonfly,” A scarfaced changeling queen stepped out of the shadows. “Don’t be afraid my little Dragonfly. I’m not under that monster’s spell anymore. I came back. I would have come sooner, but you had a new mother… a better mother. But I couldn’t leave my little Dragonfly as an orphan, not again, never again. Your mother loves you, she loves her little Dragonfly. Everything before was a horrible dream.”
Diane felt confusion and grief solidify into one solid emotion, longing, as she fled into Madame Butterfly's embrace. Too late she felt the damp cloth press over her face and the last sight she saw as she lost consciousness was Madame Butterfly dissolve into the bloated mass of Night Shift. “Let the bitch queen take all the princesses if she wants them so much. After tonight, Canterlot belongs to the Shadow Hive.”
-=-=-=-=-
“Z, honey, I don’t want to scare you.” Princess Fast Change took a deep breath, preparing herself to negotiate with the brain-damaged mare.
“Z-978 is not afraid.” The mare buzzed nervously. “Fast Change told Z-978 Train Wreck is okay. She told her he saved ponies. This is a thing that he does. Why would Z-978 be afraid? Fast Change is scaring Z-978! She should stop doing that!”
“Z, the bad changeling that tricked Train Wreck knew the safewords.” Fast Change closed her eyes, tightly for only one moment. “Our hive has been infiltrated, Z. I need you to… wait… Z, where is your sister?”
Chapter 24 - Something Rotten in Ponyville
Chapter 24 - Something Rotten in Ponyville
“What do you mean Twilight’s not here?” Train Wreck glowered as he stalked through ponyville, trailed by an annoyed Starlight Glimmer.
“Twilight’s gone to Cloudsdale with Rainbow dash,” Starlight rolled her eyes. “Friendship problem. Aren’t you supposed to be the equivalent of an alicorn yourself?”
“Dammit!” The giant clicked his mandibles in agitation, ignoring the pink mare’s question altogether. “What about Pinkie Pie? Noone’s terrified of Pinkie Pie.”
“Friendship problem with Rarity.” Starlight supplied, less than helpfully. “Although that was IN Canterlot, so maybe you could catch up to her when you get back there. And before you ask, Applejack is in Las Pegasus with Fluttershy.”
“I wasn’t going to ask, me and Applesmack ain’t buddies, and...wait a minute,” Train Wreck stopped short in the middle of the street, “Do you mean to tell me that all six of the Bearers of Harmony are out on ‘friendship business’.”
“So? “ Starlight moved around the behemoth and continued walking. “They’re busy mares. They can’t just break out the super rainbow attack every time something comes up!”
“Uh, dad, I’m not really comfortable with…” Diamond Tiara stammered awkwardly only to be interrupted.
“Oh come on, every pony in town loves Filthy Rich, and you're gonna try and horn in on the one pony that has any love for me at all?” Spoiled Rich angrily interrupted her husband.
“Look, there’s real trouble in Canterlot here!” Train Wreck continued to argue, only vaguely aware of the strange conversation he had just peripherally witnessed. “Maybe you didn’t notice, but there was just a terrorist attack on the frickin’ Friendship Express!”
“‘Terrorist’? How is it yhumans already have words for these things?” Starlight fumed. “And of course I noticed. I’M the one who had to put that poor mare back on the train and then use my telekinesis to keep the whole thing from derailing because those rogue changelings unhitched the break car. I hope you had a relaxing walk back to town mister ‘hero’.”
“And as part of my campaign to become the most loved mayor in equestria, I hereby declare all taxes in Ponyville null and void!” A small crowd of ponies cheered as their mayor addressed them from behind her podium.
“Besides,” Starlight continued, “It’s not like Queen Chrysalis is invading. It’s just that stupid changeling that keeps stalking you.”
“Okay, I know you don’t take the Nopony seriously...” Train Wreck started only to be cut off.
“You’re right, I don’t” Starlight Glimmer huffed angrily. “Do you know why? Because I WAS a threat to all of Equestria. Iam Noone is just a changeling with a teleport spell. If his last ‘attack’ is any indication, he’ll do more damage to his own operation than he does to Canterlot. You’re acting like there’s an imminent changeling invasion, trust me, somepony would notice if changelings just started replacing ponies.”
“Oh, Ah know what your cutie mark means,” Applebloom smirked, “It’s means you're destined to be a spoonfed little rich brat who’ll never accomplish anything on her own!”
Silver Spoon, shrank back at the unexpected bullying.
“Hey, that makes perfect sense!” Sweetie Belle grinned, pointing at the little grey mare's flank. “A Silver spoon, just like the one everypony says was in her mouth since she was born!”
“Why are you being like this?” Silver Spoon cried, “I thought we were friends now! I thought you helped ponies find their special purpose!”
“It’s not our fault your special purpose is so lame.” Scootaloo sneered at the crying filly. “Look on the bright side, all you gotta do is keep sucking up to rich ponies who are better than you. Sounds like an easy ride to me.”
“Yeah, seems like ya got it pretty easy. No pressure to excel, just sit back and be spoon fed till you're old and fat!” Apple Bloom laughed.
“Besides,” Starlight chided as they passed the bickering fillies, “You’ve got you’re own changeling queen, no less than three alicorns, two of which raise the sun and moon, and you’re pretty imposing yourself. I mean, I just dropped you off the side of a mountain. That. Just. Happened.”
“I guess you're right, Starlight. I’m just so lost ever since…” The giant winged tazzle pony trailed off.
“”Hey, it’s gonna be fine big guy, you’ve got this.” Starlight Glimmer smiled warmly. “I’d help out myself if I could, but I gotta meet Trixie in the morning. We’re going back to m old town for the Summer Sun Celebration. They invited me back, and I’m… kinda terrified.”
“Don’t sweat it,” Train Wreck smiled, drawing an involuntary flinch from Starlight, and pretty much anypony in line of sight. “Like you said, I’ve got this. I just gotta figure out how to get back up the mountain. It’s a safe bet that the trains are down...”
“Well that I can help you with,” Starlight grinned, “Twilight and I have been doing long range teleportation drills lately. I can get us both to the edge of Canterlot in one jump. I’m not sure how much you weigh, but I’m pretty sure it’ll beat Twilight’s record. Seriously, it was easier stopping the train, than holding you in the air. I’m just glad you gave me a good excuse to drop you on purpose. You know Trixie is married right?”
Chapter 25 - The Lost Foals
“Why are you doing this?” Diane sobbed, glaring at the changeling spider thing. “You know him! He only builds things so he can tear them down! He’s going to laugh while you burn!”
“”Perhaps he will. Perhaps it is worth it.” Night Shift scuttled up to the bound filly. “Did you really think we would forgive you, brat queen? Switch Shift is dead little Dragonfly. Did you really think some goat’s card game would make that go away?”
“You had every chance darling,” Sweet Shift smiled coyly, flashing into a wasp-like countenance, “We’ve been waiting with bated breath since the invasion, living in the shadows of this rather… pony… city. You were supposed to be our great hope. But all you ever fed us was self loathing, shame, and regret. Fast Change was really the last straw.”
“You gave up on us!” Split Shift’s form melted into a sickening chromatic fly-pony. “Did you even know Day Shift was dead? Did you?!?! Or were too busy playing love-struck school filly?”
“Please! I didn’t know!” Diane closed her eyes against the onslaught. “I thought you had all gone back to…”
“Back to where, sister?” A pale yellow mosquito-like changeling emerged from the shadows. “Chrysalis would never take us back. I’m sorry, but you always knew that. We’re the nightmare’s brood. There was never a place for us there.”
“Ah recon you brought this on yerself, little filly.” A thickly carapaced changeling with too many legs and a nasty set of mandibles protruding from her toothless maw emerged from the shadows.
“You’ve all been here… since the invasion?” Diane cringed. “Where are…”
“Our escorts?” Night shift laughed cruelly. “After we lost the stupid little brat queen, they moved on to Fillydelphia. Nopony cared what happened to a gaggle of lost little freaks. We were only drones after all. After you killed Switch Shift, why would anypony bother?”
-=-=-=-=-
“I’m a prince… sort of! Let me in!” An angry lunar colt struggled against the changeling guard. “I demand to see Diane!”
“We’re sorry, Prince Moonbeam.” The closest guard responded with firm respect. “We have a security issue. Nopony comes in, nopony leaves.”
“The Moonbeam will prove he is the Moonbeam, NO SAFE WORDS!” The guards shuffled aside to make room for the angry changeling mare who emerged. “He will will prove to Z-978 he is the Moonbeam, or he will sleep in a pod until her sister is returned!”
“I- Diane said Train Wreck left, sh- she told me to meet her here,” Moonbeam backed away slowly.
“That is not good enough little pony, Z-978 is sorry,” the mare bowed her head sadly as the guards advanced.
Something embarrassing that only he knew about? "I was the one that recruited my mom into the whole Am-Neigh thing. She was totally into it to, made me a lot of bits." He rubbed one hoof against the opposing leg. "I'm not proud of it, looking back…"
"Z-978 has heard of this Neigh of Ams,” The changeling nodded. “The Samantha has spoken with Z at the association of parents and teachers. But many ponies know of what you did because they are the ponies that you did it to. Why would Z’s sister call the Moonbeam to meet her here? Why would she tell him the Train Wreck has left the hive? This is Moon Pie information. Even Z’s sister Carrot does not know Train Wreck is not with his family!”
His ears sagged a little before their tufted tips jerked upright. "She trusts me, you know, to help." He stood a little taller. "If I can, I want to. She's, you know, a friend. Friends help friends." He put a hoof over his own chest. "Mom taught me that, cheesy as that sounds."
“And you will help Z’s sister? Because you are friends? Or because of the pancakes you think Z is too stupid to know you are making?” Z fixed a stern gaze on the young lunar.
Moonbeam glanced away a moment. "What we do in the kitchen ain't nopony's business." A hoof scuffed the ground lightly. "We're better friends than just that."
“Does the Moonbeam know where Diane is?” Z’s interogation broke down into a note of desperation.
He looked lost a moment before he thrust a hoof at Z. "She said somethin'. I think it was a, uh, code, sorta. There was this place, a, uh, private place. Only we knew 'bout it. She, uh…" His stammering grew a bit worse under the pressure. "How can I be sure you ain't part of the problem?"
“Is it the place where Z’s sister once hid… or is it the place where Z’s sister saw her die?” Z’s eye’s turned to steel. “It is one of those places. Unless it is another place.”
His swallow was audible across the room. "I… guess you're legit alright." He turned half away. "I could show you, if that would help. Luna take it, I don't know what helps anymore!"
“If you can show Z-978 where her sister would have gone… where would she go when the Train Wreck left?” The changeling mare shuffled in despair. “Surprise would have known! She would have kept Z’s sisters together while the stupid Train Wreck had his sulk!”
Moonbeam knew little about the family as a whole. His own family was quite bizarre enough to keep track of. He took a little breath, trying to calm himself. "I can show you where we usually meet. I can't promise she's there, alright?"
“Z-978 will follow the Moonbeam. She will trust him. Z cannot lose her sister.” Z nodded with resolve. “She cannot lose another sister.”
“Z, is there any word on Di-... what are YOU doing here?” a young minotaur bull ran out, only to glare at Moonbeam.
Moonbeam started back, but recovered quickly. "This where you ran off to? We're busy, you know, getting things done." Someone was feeling like a protagonist. "Would you know anything about that?"
“I- how can we even trust him?!?! Half of upper canterlot is already compromised!” Rock Steady countered defensively. “What do you know about anything, living up on the hill in a big fancy castle? I bet grandpa married-to-the-crown doesn’t even know there’s an invasion! Why would he? Not like any of you snobs noticed the last time this happened!”
Moonbeam snorted softly. "Where'd you get this joker? Acting like I'm one of those pricks up on th' hill or somethin'." Moonbeam turned entirely around and began to walk. "We gonna argue politics or get things done? I vote the latter." He had no idea what he was doing, but doing felt a lot better than not doing.
“Fine! We’ll follow the Con-Pony-Prince.” Rock Steady rolled his eyes when Z brought down an angry hoof.
“This is not a time for these things,” the mare hissed. “If you are Diane’s brother, you will follow. If not you will stay.”
“I got Diane’s back. I been here since the beginning,” The minotaur shot a pointed look at Moonbeam, “She had other friends before you fluttered down from on high, you know.”
He shrugged. "What, is it a line now? Get off your damn perch." He strode forward. It was all he could do, but he'd do it well.
Rock huffed up but fell in line following his rival to, he was embarrassed to admit he had no idea where. They had already searched the old bakery, the circus grounds, and all of the gang’s hangouts around the school. As much as Rock hated to admit it, Diane’s life before the hive was a mystery to him. It was something they just didn’t talk about. Like, ever.
Weaving through the streets, darting his eyes left and right, Moonbeam led the way off that beaten path. It wasn't at the school, or the usual places. It wasn't much of a place at all. It was a quiet little plot of graves that he grew more somber as he approached. "My, uh… My real folks, they're here… I brought her here, you know… to meet them." His voice was strained. "She better be alright…"
The hoofprints were clear but confusing in the soft earth. There had been a meeting of ponies… or more likely changelings here. There was a struggle, that much was clear, but at the center of it there were simply...too many hooves.
“No.” Z’s eye’s narrowed in panic. “Nononononono, NO!”
“It had to be them. Z knew this, but she did not want to know this! They were our sisters! How could you do this!?!? Sweet! Split! She trusted you!” Z scraped the earth with her hoof and circled herself in her rage seeking the offending changelings. “Z was wrong to bring you here! She should have trusted the Princess Fast Change… you should run…”
"Who? Me?" Moonbeam pointed at himself with a hoof. "Not without Diane." He brought down that same hoof angrily. "Some real shit for brains went and bothered my parents' place. We kick them in the face, take Diane back, right?"
“Got a secret, can you keep it? Swear this one you’ll save!” A voice as sweet as honey rang out across the graves as a cheshire smile spilt the night. “Ah, Number 7! And you brought friends. And snacks! Better lock it in your pocket, taking this one to the grave.”
“Graveyard Shift.” Z shuffled in a panic.
“I’ve missed my little sister SO much!” The sing-song voice teased. “We’ve all been waiting. We’ve all been waiting this whole time for a big fat reunion party.” The smile hovered in the dark, one second in front of them, the next leering over their shoulders.
Moonbeam shrieked like any filly half his size. His wings snapped open and beat to lift him off the ground and away from the threat even as he spun in place. "Get 'em!"
“Who do you think YOU are mister?” A bloated spider of a changeling scuttled out of the shadows.
“Y- you shouldn’t be here!” a nervous voice buzzed from the dark..
“Switch, darling, have you finally come to your senses?” Sweet shift emerged, her wasp-body proudly on display. “I know it must have been dreadful for you, pretending to be something you weren’t in who knows where and when.”
“This is so much more fucked up than I thought it was going to be.” Rock Steady took a step back. “And I was was actually there for the circus. Seriously, Diane? Are you out there?”
“Z’s right.” A tiny voice carried from the darkness. “They're giving you a chance. You should run.”
“Why keep up the disguise Switch?” Split shift’s fly-head poked out of the shadows. “They can’t be more scared than they already are.”
“Poor little bat-prince,” Night Shift loomed over Moonbeam, “Are we scaring you? The ‘scary’ nightmare changelings. Imagine if you really saw our queen.”
"I ain't scared none!" Moonbeam lifted up to be even with Night Shift. "Give back Diane! And get offa my parents while yer at it!" His eyes darted nervously to the other threats, but he stayed his ground despite it.
“Oh he’s so adorable!” Sweet Shift gushed. “They both are! Why couldn’t you leave more like these two lying in alleyways, Swing?”
“Leave them alone!” Diane’s voice carried out of the darkness. “I’m sorry! It wasn’t… it-”
“It wasn’t Switch Shift’s Sister’s fault!” Z’s form shimmered in pink flames, becoming something more akin to a pink cockroach than a changeling. “It wasn’t ANY of our faults!"
“She wasn’t a queen! We were not soldiers!” Z shouted angrily. “We were frightened fillies, running from bad into worse!”
“We are the spawn of the nightmare.” Night Shift spat. “It s our place to scrape and suffer!”
“I-Its really better to lie.” The shy voice buzzed from the edge of sight. “It’s not like changeling’s even have fathers.”
“Oh come on!” the cheshire smile split over the would be heroes. “You said there was going to be a party! And snacks!”
Moon couldn't help but to look towards each pony that spoke. They sounded like a mess. What should he do? He thought to his mother, the living one. She would probably want to study them all, forever if allowed. That wouldn't help. "So, uh, hey, since we're all… here, why don't we just, ya know, talk this out or somethin'?" He had heard Diane, he was sure of that.
“Well done girls,” Z flinched at the sound of the new, masculine voice, her chitin visibly paling.
“Moonbeam,” Diane pleaded from the edge of vision, “Please, just run.”
Chapter 26 - Deals in the Dark
“Welcome, Prince Moonbeam!” An grinning changeling with a cyan mane, wearing a bright purple zoot suit strode from the shadows. “By all means let’s talk. We have SO much to discuss. Night Shift dear, I do believe you're standing on the poor colt’s parent’s graves. Be a good little filly and scuttle five feet to the left.”
The bloated mutant rolled her eyes, but quickly complied. Z quickly regained her composure, reassuming her more familiar ‘normal changeling’ form and glared silently at the newcomer.
“Let’s start with what exactly does the royal family have to do with the abduction and subversion of my daughters?” The stallion smiled poisonously.
Moonbeam's hooves twitched a little, swaying with the motion of his wings that kept him aloft. "I have no idea? Who are your fillies?" He was in far over his head. A little information gathering, sure, that'd help.
“Well, you seem quite familiar with my little Dragonfly. Her sisters prefer to call her by her codename, ‘Swing Shift’.” The stallion spoke in measured tones. “And you’ve obvious met little Switch Shift…”
“Z’s name is Z-978! It is a good name that she named herself!” Z’s wings flared in agitation.
“She’s obviously at that rebellious age were changeling fillies pretend to be adults and give themselves silly little nicknames.” The stallion drolled in condescending tones, rolling his eyes. “I believe you’ve been referring to my other daughter as ‘Diane’ in fact. And you’ve met much of the rest of my brood. The others are around here somewhere I’m sure. Mischievous little scamps, the lot of them.”
Moonbeam gave a little nod. "Good folk." Sure… "Me and Diane, well, she kinda started it, but I continued it, right? We get along just fine." He glanced away a moment. "Is that a problem, uh, dad?"
“Oh please call me Iam,” the changeling said with a warm smile, “and I see nothing amiss with young love. It’s not like you’ve inducted an underage changeling into your herd and had a hybrid child with her.” The stallion gave Z a reproachful look. “There’s been some confusion I think on who the villain really is here, thanks in no part to the frankly criminal actions of some of my former employees.”
“Don’t trust him, Moon!” Rock steady blurted out. “He’s the changeling who led that damned circus!”
“Yes, of course, the former employees I was refering to.” Iam nodded absently. “Ba’al Zebul,I believe abducted a young griffin as a hostage in a stand-off with some local fortune teller, a goat I believe it was. And Franklin… well his smallest crime was poisoning all my poor guests. I was somehow implicated and was forced to fend off a mob of vigilantes led by my own daughter. It was terrible misunderstanding, one I nearly didn’t survive.”
"Sucks," spoke Moon eloquently. "I know that rag. Some ponies still blame me for taking their money with that whole thing." He wobbled a hoof. "So, uh, why are you keeping Diane away from everyone? We got school to get to, ya know?" Play it cool. Keep it chill…
“Try to see things from my perspective.” The Nopony kept smiling. “My brood was supposed to have rejoined my hive in Filly years ago. The plan had been to smuggle them away from the Bitch Queen during the whole invasion fiasco. We were forced to set up the traveling circus to try and find out why they never made it. Imagine my surprise to find that they had been abducted into a foreign hive and left in the care of a disreputable beast, who has obviously already taken advantage of poor Switch Shift, and clearly turned Dragonfly completely against me. She honestly believes that I’m some boogie-pony come to life from the nightmare of a dead human. Has she told you that story yet?”
Moon tilted his head. Whether he had or not, it was not the time to go talking about that. "I wouldn't worry about it too hard, but she has a school and friends and stuff, nothin' to do with no hives, promise. Hey, we should totally meet up, ya know, regular like. Maybe get somethin' to eat, or watch a show, family stuff."
“Clever little colt, I can see why Dragonfly fancies you, but you can obviously see why I can’t just send her back to the hive of the so-called Princess Fast Change. And as clever as you are, we both know, prince or not, you have no authority to negotiate parental custody.” Iam rolled his hoof and winked at the lunar. “Now if only you were in some way able to relay a message to somepony in the castle who might have more said authority. I think any adult member of the royal family could help us clear away this misunderstanding.”
Z shuffled in place, suddenly unsure. Much of what the changeling said she knew was the truth, but she also knew this was the Nopony her sister only spoke of in fearful whispers. Rock Steady watched cautiously, sending a questioning look to Moonbeam, who had obviously become the group’s defacto leader.
He rolled a hoof in the air. "Sure sure, I can totally do that, but it won't look good if we're in an awkward spot while we do it. Let her do her thing while the adults argue about it. It ain't like she's going anywhere, right?"
“You say that easily enough.” The changeling’s voice hardened. “But what guarantees do I have? The word of her school-yard crush? I’ve been completely reasonable, and I will continue to be. Allow me to be more direct, I’m speaking to the parent and or guardian of the young lunar prince. I know you’re listening, unless you allow juvenile members of the royal family to wander around graveyards unattended. I have no intention of negotiating from any position of weakness, and I have no intention of returning any of my brood to the custody of Train Wreck Pastel or Princess Fast Change. We negotiate here and now, or I take my brood and I leave. Your guards have been searching for me for months. This meeting is happening because I wanted it.”
"On the contrary," came a new voice. A unicorn tossed a tied figure into a small closet space that seemed to be part of that particular grave. "I often go to a grave for confusing thoughts." Samantha smiled at the one that had summoned her. "You're a curious one. I hope you don't mind me getting rid of some of the others. It's rude to not have a one on one. Moon? Shoo."
"Yes'm!" He flew away with all the speed in him. He knew when his mom used her serious tone.
“I trust you haven’t harmed them, they are you understand, only fillies.” The stallion smiled coldly. “You must be Samantha, if my intelligence is to be trusted the adopted daughter of Princess Luna herself. I am Iam Selahc Noone. Patriarch of what I affectionately like to call The Shadow Hive. Pretentious, perhaps, but I like the way it rolls off the tongue.”
Rock looked uncertain for a moment, but then hurried off behind his friend and rival. Z-978 sulked silently, glowering at the two adults as they prepared to debate her fate. Her beliefs had been shaken to their core, and she found herself suddenly separated from everypony she would normally lean on for support, and had been simultaneously lowered in status from peer to foal to the familiar unicorn.
"That wouldn't be logical. They haven't harmed anyone." Her horn glowed as a small cloud of darts hovered about her. "Besides, I learned my lesson. Dosage is very important in my patients, and I don't intend a repeat performance." She lifted a hoof at Iam. "I'm afraid I lack documentation on the 'Shadow Hive', but I am given to understand you are having a dispute concerning the parental authority of one 'Diane'?"
“Her given name is ‘Dragonfly’. I’m afraid her mother is undergoing… shall we say rehabilitation in your castle. Poor Butterfly has always had a certain addictive personality. I’m afraid her association With Franklin Nathaniel Stein only exacerbated the problem. But yes.” Iam Noone nodded grimly, “I also would like to lodge a complaint against one Train Wreck Pastel, who has taken advantage of another member of my brood, Switch Shift, I believe you know her as ‘Z-978’ and actually fathered a larvae with her. Despite her appearance, I can assure you she is no older than your own son, and the oldest of my brood by mere hours. In addition, all of this happened under the direct supervision of your ‘Princess’ Fast Change, with her tacit approval in her own hive.”
"Serious accusations." She nodded. "It will need to be routed through the proper authorities." She looked distant for just half a moment. "Are you available tomorrow at precisely two o'clock? I can arrange a court date to settle these affairs in a complete fashion that should satisfy your need for justice and see that all issues are brought to light." It seemed perfectly reasonable to her at least.
“Of course!” Iam smiled brightly. “As a token of goodwill, I will even release both Dragonfly and Switch Shift into royal custody.” The changeling raised one eyebrow. “On the obvious stipulation that they are to have no contact with Fast Change, Train Wreck Pastel, or any member of his herd, of course. I have no other wish than to put this whole dirty business behind us, and reunite my family.”
"Of course. That will remain true until this matter is handled properly." She nodded firmly. "We have an agreement." The dart cloud about her bristled softly. "There is only one thing remaining. You threatened my son. While it was subtle, I am not entirely untrained in the art of social cues." One could thank one of her adoptive mothers. "That must be settled now, separate of the rest."
“My brood can be rambunctious, Miss… Watch is it?” Iam grinned broadly. “Children at play. I did not involve your son in this, but if you must insist on fun, one parent to another… consenting adults as they say… Blue, Red! Meet the Doppler twins.”
A pair of fly faced changelings, color coded by name stepped from the shadows, escorting a sad and desperate looking Diane between them. The Nopony continued, “They will escort Switch Shift and Dragonfly to the castle on your authority while we settle this imagined slight.”
Samantha gave a faint nod towards them, her eyes largely on the one that had inspired her ire. "Our agreement is still in effect. Now, you could remain still and allow me to properly measure this dosage. I wouldn't want to harm a pony." But would she feel that bad? She doesn't sound like concern is dripping too heavily from her lips.
“Oh by all means, Miss Watch. I’m never one to pass on a dose!” Iam flashed his greaziest smile, all pretense past, quivering in anticipation.
The cloud was gone, shards flying out in several angry swarms of bees under the gentle grip of her magic. Only the faint glint might reveal, if one were staring at her instead of the darts, that more lurked in her pelt.
One gathering seemed far faster than the others, rushing at Iam directly, but Samantha had no delusion that the first attack would hit. Other waves were coming, separated and timed to play havoc should her victim dodge or jerk out of the way. "I mean you no harm," she said in a placid way. "You could teach me so much."
Iam stood fast, receiving the flurry of stings with a quiver of pure exstacy. He stood for only a moment, a sickly smile engulfing his face before he shimmered out of existence in a burst of static born of no known magic. Reappearing at Samantha’s flank he stroked her mane intimately. “You are a true professional, my dear. Tell me… was that an offer or just a clever quip? Because I have SO much to show you.”
She drove down a forehoof on the ground, propelling herself forward even as the silvery hints of darts exploding free of her pelt, scattering over Iam like a grenade set loose all too close. "A delayed reaction? I fear I may overdose…" Each little prick carried an unfortunate amount of depressive drugs, seeking to drag their victim down with the very power of science, or at least chemistry. "Father and mothers will be upset with me."
“Daddy doesn’t have to know.” Iam’s smile became liquid as he staggered in a happy daze. “It’s been awhile since I was the one being roofied. Are you going to tie me up? I have to admit, I didn’t see see tonight going this well! An overdose even! Tell me it won’t spoil the date if I vomit, because it’s really not my fault. You chose the dose. You’re the professional here after all.”
Scientific questions are met with answers. Samantha doesn't seem to quite grasp the uneasy behavior of her foe. "It would be prudent to secure you. Rope is the most expedient. If you experience emesis, I will ensure your throat remains unobjected." Her magic refocused in a wide fan, creating a dome over herself. "I believe you've been drugged sufficiently." It seemed she was willing to wait for the collapse to occur.
Iam flickered, appearing again inside Samantha’s shield to lay a foreleg over her withers. “Yeah, your right. We’ve had good fun for one night. I should probably sleep it off. Tomorrow at two… ish? I may oversleep, you understand why, of course.” He winked clumsily.
"You are a very agreeable subject." She bobbed her head even as she backed away from the blinking pony. "You are also alarmingly skilled at teleportation. I will have to research counters to that method. Next time."
“The offer stands,” Iam took one last stumble backwards, “I have SO much to show you. Heh, teleportation. That’s so adorable. I like you.”
The Nopony flickered and ceased to exist.
Samantha frowned a little. "That does not compute."
Does it have to?
Samantha blinked at the floating letters. Silver had mentioned them before. "You are the Text."
I am.
"I was not aware you could appear to non-humans."
And you are not? Precious little hybrid. Your heritage is not forgotten
Samantha perked an ear. "Are you here to offer me a path?"
You've been listening to your 'father'. Yes, I am. Does that bother you?
"No." Samantha sat, peering at the words that floated there. "I don't like that he escaped. I feel he is a threat to my child."
Without a doubt.
"I want to stop him."
Many others have wanted to. Are you willing to pay the fee?
Samantha tilted her head one way then the other. "Is this like the card?"
Yes. Speaking with you has a refreshing bluntness to it.
Samantha reached out a hoof. "Then I agree. Give me my card."
I had not intended on that being literal, but let it be so.
The words collapsed on themselves, congealing to a thick tarot card that fell into Samantha's outstretched hoof. She looked over it curiously before she turned it over, daring to see and face fate.
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Chapter 27 - Uncomfortable Questions and Unfortunate Truths
“Z, it’s gonna be okay,” Diane laid her forehoof over her sister’s withers. “It’s just like a sleepover.”
“Diane is wrong, it is not okay, nothing is okay!” The slightly older changeling sobbed. “We are broken! Diane sees everything as she wants it to be, but we were broken before Surprise… before she…”
“Z, I don’t know what to say! But it’s going to be better, it’s going to be…” Diane trailed off, staring into the luxurious palace suite that might as well be a prison.
“The Princess Luna said they will bring Facehugger.” Z’s voice was tiny and pained. “They will bring Z her perfect little grub.”
“It’s going to be okay Z, you’ll see! Train Wreck will…” Diane was suddenly cut off by her sister’s continuing rant.
“He will leave! He will sulk! He will run off and play like he is a hero! He will ignore the world around him while it burns because it doesn’t hurt him the way it hurts us!” Z stamped an angry hoof. “Train Wreck should not have asked!”
“Z… I… does he he even know? You said you didn’t want him to know. Should I have said…” Diane pawed the carpet nervously.
“It does not matter what the Train Wreck did not know! He gave Z-978 her sister back! He rescued Z! Z could not say no to the Train Wreck. He should not have asked!” Z ranted at empty air. “Z talked to Surprise and she said she would explain to the Train Wreck. And then he was gone. And then the evil bat pony burned him up, and all Z had of the Train Wreck was the egg that was Facehugger. But he came back and he said he would always come back! And then he… he...”
“He… left us, didn’t he?” Diane whispered in a small voice.
“The Train Wreck floats while the whole world sinks around him,” Z-978 sulked quietly, “And he doesn’t see how broken he leaves things because the world doesn’t hurt him like it hurts us. Z’s sister Carrot Plate would understand.”
-=-=-=-=-
“Carrot, what’s wrong?” Sour Sweet moved next to roommate as they walked along the campu of Baltimare University. “You thinking about your family again?”
“I just wish I knew I was doing the right thing.” The red and orange unicorn filly slumped on the sidewalk. “Ever since Surprise died things have been… weird... back home.”
“Well, you lived in a changeling hive, I’d think ‘weird’ would be pretty subjective.” The baege earth pony tried to suppress a giggle, but was suddenly distracted. “Is that a human?”
Glad for the distraction, Carrot Plate followed her friend’s gaze to see a human wearing a green ski-mask pushing himself in a wheelchair, hiding brightly colored gift boxes around the campus. “That’s weird, what do you think he’s doing?”
“Oooo, I bet he’s one those Anons!” Sour Sweet squealed. “They’re like an extra special, rare human type! We should go talk to him! I bet he’s planning some crazy prank!”
-=-=-=-=-
“We’ve all seen it now haven’t we?” Velvet Hammer stood in the public square, preaching to the angry, gathering crowd. “We let those damned bugs into our city with open hooves and open hearts, and just look what happened! Who here doesn’t know somepony who’s been assaulted by changelings? Who here doesn’t know someone who hasn’t been robbed by changelings? And they just fly around the corner and POOF they look just like any pony on the street. Turn another corner and paint a funny little bug face on their flank and then it’s all ‘No it wasn’t me! It must be one of those rogue changelings!’. And how are are we supposed to know the difference? They can get away with anything! And what about the so called ‘prince’ who brought them here? Humans were supposed to be a myth, and then one day he just appears, at Biped con no less, where witnesses confirm he assumed at least four different forms before coming to Canterlot and leading an entire hive of changelings right into our city!”
Murmurs of assent rolled across the crowd, and the earth pony continued her rant. “And they say they're the good changelings, and maybe they are. Maybe they are. But how are WE supposed to know that? Because they don’t have any holes? Any changeling worth it’s name can cover it’s holes! They. Can. Look. Like . Anything. They can look like anything, and anypony, they want to. And it’s not just ponies. They can appear to be ANY species. Even humans. And suddenly right as our city is flooded with changeling ‘refugees’, suddenly we start seeing humans everywhere all across Equestria. They just walk right out of mythology. And we’re supposed to believe it’s all one big, happy coincidence.”
-=-=-=-=-
“Prince Train Wreck, you will behave yourself in this court,” Celestia sternly addressed the Unspoken Prince, “You do not make demands before the rulers of Equestria. Your title is, at best, a courtesy.”
“You can shove the title up your great white flank!” The winged tazzle pony's lower jaw separated menacingly. “I’ve been jerked around long enough! I’ve been deceived, assaulted, my family has been abducted, and then I find out you were in on it?!?! You will return Diane and Z, or baby Jesus nailed to a stick, I will take this castle apart until I find them!”
“Two o’clock, just as I promised your lovely niece, your majesty.” Iam Noone flickered into existence amidst a flurry a gasps from the tense crowd of noble-ponies.
“YOU!” Train Wreck’s snakes struck instantly pinning the changeling to the floor in flurry of violence. Simultaneously the beast was struck by multiple blasts of paralyzing magic as the warlocks swarmed from their hidden perches.
“You idiots! Why are you protecting hi?” Train Wreck struggled to keep his hooves beneath him.
“Train Wreck Pastel, you have proven yourself a brave and good-hearted pony.” Celestia’s voice was hard as steel. “But do not try my patience further. As powerful as Discord has made you, I am ancient beyond your comprehension, and if you continue down this path, as much as it may pain me to do so, I will lay you low.”
“So uncivilized. Your majesty can clearly see why I would not want any of my brood to be raised under THAT kind of influence.” The cyan-maned changeling smiled broadly.
“Do not entertain any fantasies that this court is at all friendly towards yourself, Mr. Noone.” Celestia warned coldly. “I am not unaware of your activities. You have much to answer for, and before this day is done, I will have answers.”
Chapter 28 - Careless Wishes
“Z-978 does not blame the Train Wreck, and she does not trust the evil changeling who is obviously evil.” Z hovered, cradling her cthulian grub in her fore-legs. “Z-978 is not a foal. She has marched over the broken bodies of ponies in a triumph that broke her heart and forced her to abandon her hive and live in the ruins of this city when it was ruins and changelings conquered the ponies.”
Hushed murmurs flowed across the court, when a voice rang out, “What does she mean ‘when changeling conquered the ponies’?”
“Order,” Celestia’s voice rang clear, “I’m sorry dear, please continue.”
“Z-978 watched her sister fall in that terrible battle. And she swore that she would not take away anyone else’s sister. She would not share that pain, and she lived alone. The others say that it made Z sick in her brain, and Z-978 knows she is not a smarty pants changeling.” The mare bowed her head sadly.
“Your majesty!” Fancy Pants stood and adjusted his monocle, “Everything this poor… creature… say’s only reinforces what my peers and I have said from the beginning! The beast known as Train Wreck Pastel is a brute and a monster! This poor thing is clearly mentally deficient, and the beast has played on it’s insecurities to pressure her into it’s ‘herd’. Given what the crown now knows about the unfortunate thing’s age…”
“I never liked you Nancy Pants,” Train Wreck glowered. “And you have one more time to call Z a thing, and then I’m going to rip you in half. And Celestia, and all her guards can’t stop me. They may put me down like a dog, and I’m sure they will, and I hope your front half is still breathing when they do, because I want the last thing I see to be you’re ego-driven torso choking on it’s own blood.”
“Please stop!” Z’s voice cut the beast to it’s core. “This is not the Train Wreck! This is not the father of Z’s perfect grub! You are scaring face-hugger!”
“I’m sorry Z…I pushed things too far. I was stupid and I…” Train Wreck was interrupted by the suddenly angry mare.
“You do not even know what you are sorry for! Your anger, your loneliness, it is more important to you than Z! It is more important to you than Diane! It is more important than your own grub! You run away just because a stupid smelly changeling queen tells you to! Z-978 wishes the Train Wreck would just DISAPPEAR!” A gasp rang out through the court, followed by silence. Z stared at the empty spot on the floor in horrified shock.
The deathly still was sliced open by the sound of a single changeling slow clapping, “Well since he just ceased to exist, I’ll just collect my offspring and be on my way then.” Iam Nooned grinned widely as Celestia’s visage shifted from shock to anger. Before the Alicorn could express her frustrations, however, a keening wail reverberated throughout the castle.”
“Z DIDN’T REALLY MEAN IT! SHE DIDN’T MEAN IT! GIVE HIM BACK!”
-=-=-=-=-
// She’s screaming for me to give you back now.
“Goddamit! Why are you doing this to me???” Train Wreck lowered his shoulder’s unleashing his serpents.
// Why are you doing this to them? I could send you back to Z-978. If I do, your other wife, or adopted sister that you sleep with, or whatever you call it, will not survive.
“Don’t you dare threaten Carrot Plate!” The beast growled.
// I’m not the threat. I’m just telling you what will happen. I’m giving you a choice really. Opening a new path.
“Like the last path you opened?” The monster cocked an eyebrow.
// I sent you exactly where you said you wanted to go. I put you in front of a train, with nothing. Just like you begged me to. Now I’m offering you a chance to save a pony you supposedly cared about. Or be reunited forever with you beloved changeling family. Either one works, but you can’t have both. Save the one remaining pony in your life, and leave Z and Diane to face Iam Noone alone, or return to your little changelings and allow Carrot Plate to become his first victim…
-=-=-=-=-
“Open it!” Sour Sweet pranced with glee, as Carrot examined the white gift-box with it’s tempting red bow.
“You know it’s some kind of prank, right?” Carrot rolled her eyes. “It’ll probably blow up and cover me with meringue or sticky syrup or something.”
“I know! It’s gonna be SO funny. Come on! Don’t be chicken, that human went to a lot of trouble to set this up! We could be the first ponies to see the prank!” The young mare could barely contain her excitement. “A HUMAN prank! We are so lucky!”
-=-=-=-=-
“I told you not to bring her here!” Celestia glared at the two royal guards escorting a panic-stricken pink changeling filly with a shark like maw, devoid of it’s usual grin.
“We apologize your majesty, but we were under very explicit orders.” The lead guard grinned maliciously as his form melted in a flash of changeling magic. Both guards, now revealed seized Diane suddenly.
“BOOM!” Iam noone jumped into the air hurling confetti and streamers in all directions. “So raise your hoof if you had any friends or family attending classes at Baltimare University today!”
“Guards! Stop those changelings!” The Princess screamed the order knowing it was already too late. A general panic began to descend over the court as the changelings flew out through a second tier balcony with their captive, while the instigator of the pandemonium examined the back of one hoof with an absent smile.
Celestia slowly became aware of the words the messenger-pony was whispering in her ear, and her blood froze in her veins. “No.”
Almost nopony noticed the small despairing changeling in the middle of it all as she wept, her hooves wrapped tightly around the last member of her family that had not been taken from her in a matter of seconds.
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Chapter 29 - Confession is Good for the Soul
Iam Noone sat in a dark room, tied to a chair. The guards had made no effort to handle him gently, as evidenced by the gash along the left side of his face. The sheer number of enchantments on his bonds, the ring on his horn, even the room itself was impressive. He looked between the two guards and a smile played across his his face, “So you two don’t smell like any of my drones, too much piss and depression in your pheromones. So your Chrysi’s right?”
“You’re getting exactly what you deserve, scum!” Was the guard’s only reply.
“Yeah, your not fooling anyone, old bug-butt’s drones always were shitty infiltrators.” The changeling grinned widely. “But by all means, have your fun. Half the castle is already infiltrated by my drones. More than a few from my own brood. They’re NOT shitty infiltrators, mind you. I’ve got ‘lings inside Princess Fast Change’s hive right now. Do you even know how hard it is to fake a changeling disguise? Of course not, your Queen Cheese Cunt’s drones. You can barely do proper ponies. I even took care of the local hive’s resident giant monster.”
“Dozens of ponies injured, numerous deaths,” the guard on the right stepped forward, “And that whole fiasco in court today was just one big SHOW for you?!?!”
“You’re not one of Chrysi’s drones are you?” Iam raised an eyebrow and grinned. “Heh, I guess castle screening was better than I thought. Are you even a changeling? You’re not a changeling at all are you? Sorry, I’m really not on my “A” game today. Didn’t expect the big guy to up and disappear. Didn’t really expect him to up and appear in the first place, either, though.”
“Are you happy with yourself, Mr. Nopony?” A new, regal voice voice rang out behind the changelings head. “Is this what you really wanted? Ponies dead? Ponies turning against changelings they were ready to embrace as friends? Is this really what you wanted?”
“I should ask you that, your majesty.” Iam grinned with a confident smile. “How many monsters did it take until you got it right? You think I’m SO evil?” The changeling’s voice became mockingly sweet and coy. “I killed SO many ponies. Pfft. That was the monster you named prince on a bad day. And I’m not even talking about Discord’s little abortion. That was the monster you share a bed with every night. You didn’t see what he was capable of inside your baby sister’s little nightmare dream machine, but I did. It inspired me… with your help of course. You’d be amazed what your precious sister fears you might do. Her fears, my life.”
At Celestia’s silence the monster continued. “But that wasn’t really you, right? That was just your sister’s nightmare of what you might become. Let’s look at that ‘other’, the one Disord thought might stop me. That wasn’t a nightmare. That was just one ancient bitch horse trying to win a war. He killed more ponies than I ever even tried to, everyday. Do you know why? Because you told him to. He did unspeakable shit because you put a weapon in his hand, pointed him at your enemies and said, ‘Hey, you just take care of these bad ponies and I’ll let Pinkie Pie tell you that your still not a monster’. Is it any wonder the only one of us who wasn’t a murderer died before he ever saw your face? You made me. Again and again. Is it better or worse when I thank you for it?”
“Guards! Leave us.” At Celestia’s order the guards quickly exited the room and the monarch turned an oddly predatory smile on her captive. “Your bonds are enchanted to prevent you from changing into a smaller form. The doo-dad on your horn will stop any magic you might be thinking of using, and this room is enchanted to prevent teleportation. Why Baltimare University.?”
“Well, it had to be a school. And it had to be a human working with a changeling. To tell you the truth, I was going to go with Decanter Elementary. Probably would’ve been more effective. But then I found out Big Sulky’s only surviving pony waifu was a student at Baltimare U. Well it’s been fun...teleportation she says,” The changeling's grin suddenly became a scowl. “Why am I still here. Text! Dammit you stupid fucking words! We had deal! TEXT!”
“So you were targeting Z’s big sister on purpose?” The alicorn narrowed her eyes, “But what did you want with me?”
“You? What the fuck are you talking about? This was never about you, you fat assed whorse! This was about my daughter, little #7. She eats fear, loathing and hatred. All my brood do, or at least can. And she can radiate emotion. You don’t know it yet, but the changeling evolution is at hand.” Nopony sneered at his captor defiantly. “Even now her hatred is feeding my loyal brood. It may take time, but eventually she WILL come around. She has to. Her mother’s been useless as a brood queen ever since the factory. I told her all those flamable chemicals weren’t good for her, but bug loves her work.”
“Loved. Past tense. She’s dead.” Celestia smiled warmly. “I saw her on my way here.”
“Wow, so your sister was really spot on about you, huh?” Iam Noone chuckled to himself. “It’s always the overly nice ones ya gotta watch out for. Seriously, Text? Now would be a really good time.”
“The words aren’t going to save you this time.” Celestia walked casually out of view. “I should spare you. It’s what Surprise would have wanted, if only for my sake. But you made Z cry. You killed her big sister. And I might still spare your life if that was all, because Z would never want me to kill anypony. But you took him away from me. Again. And he was the only pony who could possibly talk me out of killing you right now.”
“Wait… what?” An icy wind cut through what passed for Iam Noone’s soul.
“Got a secret, can you keep it? Swear this one you’ll save.” A sadistically cheerful voice cut through the room and the shadows became just ever so slightly darker. “Better lock it in pocket, you’re taking this one to the grave.”
Chapter 30 - Corrupted Laughter
Fair warning, this chapter get's pretty graphic.
“No… HELP! She’s going to kill me! She’s going to torture me and then she’s going to kill me!” Nopony broke down sobbing a mix of rage and sheer terror.
“Honestly, I wonder if you aren’t as suicidal as he was, he made you after all.” Diane whispered in the changeling’s ear from directly behind him. “You left ten thirteen year old changeling fillies in charge of your entire foal-napping scheme while you played up your little bug and pony show. Nine of them were drones. What did you THINK was going to happen. I’m not some toy you’d broken to your will in this world!”
“I...wait… you know about that?” The tried to turn his head, only to feel it snatched back into pace in Diane’s vice-like magic.
“Or did you forget that thing you were just telling me about how I can feed on my own hate.” Diane’s voice seemed to rend the air itself. “There is not a single pony in Equestria who hates you more than me right now. Not. Even. One.”
“But, you… Night said…” The Nopony stammered.
“I talked them into joining the invasion of canterlot because I thought it might be fun. These are the ponies you put in charge of foal-napping me.” Diane giggled, madness giving he voice an almost visible aura. “You had a deal with the text. But then you made a deal with the goat. You knew you were living in the head of dying madman. The Nightmare was the whole wide world, but it was still a dream, the first dreamer had already woke up, and the second was about to die. You’d broken so many worlds, and you were about to be caught on a breaking world and you couldn’t face it. YOU’RE NOTHING COMPARED TO HIM!”
A single card floated before his eyes, and Iam Noone’s sin’s crawled down his spine as he remembered that fateful night In Decantur.
-=-=-=-=-
:”I’m telling you Gary, I have broke the world. The whole wide world, SO many times. I dragged the soul of this alicorn to hell. For realsies. The look on his face! Funny thing, his soul was still a lunar unicorn.” Iam Noone threw up a bottle of Tainted love, as he laughed. “He’s the key to it. He’s here too. That bat-pony prince. He can make the spell.”
“As one fictional villain to another, Iam, you really need help.” The grey goat smiled cheerfully. “Have you met Pinkie Pie’s adopted goat cousin? You two should really talk.”
-=-=-=-=-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Xk6EUuqi-w
“Do you feel that? Ooooh, shit.” There was a smirk on Diane’s voice. Her voice degenerated into an obscene laugh. “Wah hah hah hah hah!!!”
Suddenly the filly’s pink, shark-like maw was hanging upside down in his face, a manic smile permanently etched on her face, her eye’s twitching with newfound madness.
“It’s like seeing my own reflection.” Tears fell down Noone’s trembling face. “When suddenly it changes.”
“VIOLENTLY IT CHANGES!” Diane sang with glee as her razor teeth seized the older changeling horn and ripped it free from his chitinous skull as her voice sank back into a gentle cooing. “There is no turning back now. You’ve woken up the demon in me.”
“Get up! Come on get down with the sickness!” Iam’s front fetlocks twisted unnaturally with a sickening snap in the pink aura of his daughter’s magic. “You fucker get up! Come on get down with the sickness.”
“I’m waiting, get up, and we’ll get down with the sickness.” Diane gleefully ran a knife across the changeling’s face, cutting a permanent ear to ear grin to match her own. “You opened up your hate, and then you fed it to me!”
“I can feel inside me this sickness that’s rising,” Diane offered a desperate plea to forgiveness to her memory of Surprise, “I cannot deny what I feel. Or what he’s put into me.”
“It seems that all that was good has died, and it’s decaying in me.” Iam’s brief respite ended as the hellish pink fiend once more turned her baleful gaze upon him. “It’s what you put into me!”
It seems you’re having some problems,” Diane ran her tongue across the bloody wound she had inflicted, “Living with these changes. In dealing with these changes.”
The pink terror propped her hooves against her victim and smiled warming, her voice become a seductive buzz-saw, “The world is a scary place, now that you’ve woken up the demon in me.”
“Get up! Come on get down with the sickness!” The Nopony, who had tortured and killed so many, screamed as his left wing was violently ripped from his body and his mad tormentor half hid her face behind it in mock shyness. “You fucker get up! Come on get down with the sickness.”
It’s over, give up! Come on, get down with the sickness.” Diane gleefully ran a knife across the changeling’s face, cutting a permanent ear to ear grin to match her own. “Madness is the gift that you have given to me!”
“Don’t kill me!” The Nopony pleaded for his life. “I won’t do it again! I promise! Please, mercy! I’ll be a good pony! I promise, I’ll be a good pony!”
“Why do you just shut up and die!” Diane screamed back her hellish teeth mere inches from his face. “Why can’t you just leave here and DIE?!?! You want to see how it feels to feed on hatred? Here it comes! Get ready to DIE!”
Pure darkness radiated from Diane, forcing itself into the mouth of Iam Noone. The changeling sobbed in heaves, trying without success to turn away. As his body bloated, it attempt to divest itself of unwelcome empathic nectar in a choking heave, that left sticky black tar running down the changelings face and chest. But it was only a few dropped in the seemingly unending river of hate that poured from the little queen.
The last thing the Nopony saw as his vision dimmed and his chitin began to split was a flash of dark energy. The creature that stood before him was no longer even recognizably a changeling. It’s wasp-like black chitin was accented with bright stripes of pink. It’s singular horn hack split into two hole-pocked, goat like spirals. A snake-like, wickedly barbed tail curved over her back and the only recognizable feature left of Diane Pastel was a wicked grin filled with rows of razor sharp teeth.
-=-=-=-=-
“Laughter of Swords,” the goat sighed impassively, “A double edged blade that will both open the path you seek, and then cut off the hoof of any foolish enough to wield it. You will have your stolen destiny, and you will escape the end of the dream that is this world. Your reward shall be reaped in the hatred that you have sown. As hatred has consumed you, so will it be consumed by you until you have become bloated and burst with it.”
Chapter 31 - Devils and Details
9 Hours Earlier
“Come on! Let’s play Pinkie Pie!” A Cheshire Smile danced happily in front of Diane. “We haven’t Played Pinkie Pie in SO long! Split tried to play Pinkie Pie with me, but she’s no good at Pinkie Pie. She does Dash. And we can play SUPER fun Dash and Pinkie Pranking, but that’s not the same. And you know, since you’re back…”
“Midnight Shift, untie me. I have to go kill our father.” Diane spoke in measured tones. “We’ll play Pinkie Pie when I get back.”
“Okay, have fun killing him, okay? I wanted to, I really did.” Diane’s bonds fell away in a flurry of magic. “Night Shift said you didn’t care about us anymore. She said if you cared about us then Switch… I mean Z-978… she said if you had cared then she wouldn’t be dead. And we were really mad at you about that, but she's back now, so it's okay I guess. But you really are going to kill him, right? And can my name be Pinkie Pie #13?”
“Your name can be whatever you want it to be Thirteen.” Diane couldn’t fight the black and greasy moisture oozing from eyes. “We are the spawn of the living nightmare. After tonight, no one in this world will ever name us again. They won’t dare.”
“Midnight!” The panicked voice of Twilight Sparkle erupted from the bloated form of Night shift as she scuttled across the wall on eight hole pocked hooves. “What the hell? Don’t untie her!”
“She said she needed to go kill dad?” The smile wavered for only a moment.
“Do you remember what happened to Day Shift?” The larger changeling protested.
“What did happen to Day Shift? Where IS your sister, Night? I haven’t seen Twilight number one yet.” Diane arched an eyebrow.
“She disappeared and then…” For a split second a winged worm flickered into view in the place of the cheshire smile. “She never came back…”
“Like you even care! Like you ever really cared! I did what I had to do to! If we didn’t serve him we’d have ended up just like...” Night Shift reared up on haunches in defeat even as Diane gripped the leader caste changeling in her jaws and hurled her into the waiting wall.
“You coward! You delivered them to him! Our own sisters! When I get back we WILL have a lot to talk about. Or you will run, And they will find you in pieces like they will him!” Diane turned to leave only to be face to face with a familiar unicorn.
“Nurse Zillia.” Diane gasped and took a step back, how did Samantha know… “If you’re going to end him, you’ll need this. I do not understand it’s significance, but it was given to me by what Prince Silver refers to as the Text.”
“His card.” Diane’s permanent smile took a cruel edge. “His deal with goat is still in play. It’s HIS fault that Train Wreck disappeared. Pinkie-13! See to any of our sisters who have been sedated and escort Doctor Samantha to to the exit. NICE escort!”
-=-=-=-=-
Present Time
-=-=-=-=-
“While I’m glad to see the threat has been eliminated, we are going to have a talk about you methods when this is over.” Samantha’s voice rang out in Diane’s head like a silver bell, snapping her out of her hate-induced trance. She took a brief moment to absorb the totality of what she’d done, and what she had become before her friend’s voice continued. “You're going to need a disguise. Not Princess Celestia this time. My monitors are showing at least two Celestia’s on the grounds already. It’s safe to say you are not the only changeling infiltrating the castle at this point.”
“Damn it,” In a flash of pink flames, the mutated queen was a soldier-drone from Chrysalis hive. “Well at least I have a scape goat.”
“Is it just me, or was Celestia acting… I dunno… off?” The guard on the left made wary conversation to pass the time.
“Who can blame her? I mean, think about what that bug did! Just think about it for a minute. We’re actually going to have to bring back capital punishment. It’s been how many hundred years since anypony did anything to warrant execution?” The other guard shot back.
“Witness how Queen Chrysalis deals with traitors!” A changeling soldier burst from the cell and shouted before speeding down the stone hallway
“What the heck?!?!” The first guard blinked in confusion before running off in pursuit. “Changelings in the castle! Changelings in the castle!”
“That’s odd,” The second guard disappeared in a wash of green flame. “I thought I was supposed to be taking care of… by the egg…”
The changeling backpedalled from the horrific scene within the cell. “Well… I… guess... mission accomplished? Damn, but that was one sick assassin bug.”
-=-=-=-=-
It’s official Sister.” Luna scowled angrily. “We have been infiltrated.”
“I believe that was the Nopony’s goal from the beginning.” Celestia nodded. “His perverted circus, that show he put on in my court. Even the bombs in Baltimore. He sought to drive a wedge between our ponies and their best defense against changeling invasion.”
“If you mean Princess Fast Change’s hive, then he has succeeded, sister.” Luna nodded thoughtfully. “She has called all of her changelings back into the hive for their own safety. In addition, a number of ponies have taken refuge there with their changeling friends and loved ones. At any rate the invasion is under way in earnest. I’ve placed one of my most trusted guards under Prince Silver’s command. We will unravel this tangled web of betrayal and murder, even as we weather this coming storm. Have you been in contact with Discord? Is there any chance that he intends to make himself useful during this crisis?”
“I have sent him a summons, and his answer was… less than hopeful.” Celestia passed a note, sloppily written in grey crayon.
“I gave you a perfectly good alicorn who was super-good with changelings and you just let him vanish. Honestly, who loses a whole alicorn? It’s your problem, Princess Sunny Flanks. You deal with it.”
“I should have suspected. If there is any good news at all it’s that Queen Chrysalis has saved us the burden of a public execution. I know how distasteful you found the idea, But nopony will mourn neither the Nopony, nor MAdame Butterfly.” Luna’s shook her head sadly. “I only pray that the daughter of the unspoken prince is well. We should have sent a legion of our guards to…”
“Impossible sister, we both know our guard is compromised. And we both know what Chrysalis would do if we handed her a juvenile changeling queen. There is a prophecy in play, and many paths are closed to us now.” Celestia bowed her head. “We must trust our kingdom to destiny and to Gaea’s Shield. We must pray that the changeling race can rise above the hate that the Nopony has infected them with. Changeling evolution must begin with love, or we are all doomed.”
-=-=-=-=-
“Pinkie-13,” Diane swished her new scorpion tail aggressively, “What’s our status?”
“Well, Z is locked up with Princess bug butt at the stinky hive, and I don’t think Night shift is gonna be useful for a while.” The cheshire grin bobbed thoughtfully. “I think you might have went too far. I’m pretty sure she learned her lesson after the first two broken legs.”
“She’ll be fine.” Diane’s voice echoed coldly. “She still has five good legs. She just has to sit this game out is all. Gather the shifts. We’re going to play Canterlot Wedding. We’re the Elements of Corruption, and any changeling who’s not us is an evil invader.”
“Do I get to… can I be…” The disembodied smile stammered hopefully.
“Yes, Thirteen,” Diane rolled her eyes, before changing into the spitting image of Twilight Sparkle. “You can be Pinkie Pie, and yes, I’ll let you do ‘the thing’ Now gather our sisters and meet me at the entrance. The Bitch Queen can have the castle, but Decanter is OURS.”
“You’re the best sis!” Pinkie Pie appeared in a flash of changeling fire and bounced happily down the hallway.
Chapter 32 - Welcome Home
Carrot Plate spun around in confusion, and cast a quick light spell. She was standing in a dirty concrete room, a single locked door with a wire-mesh window seemed to be the only way in or out. A metal roll down cage separated her from what was clearly toiletry facilities, though just as clearly not designed for pony use. The familiar monster of a pony beside her heaved a heavy sigh.
“Train Wreck? What are you doing here? What am I doing here?” The unicorn began to panic. “Where is here? And what happened to Sour Sweet?”
“Carrot, calm down.” The softly glowing behemoth spoke in measured tones. “Something very bad happened. I don’t know what it was, but the Text took me and it… gave me an impossible choice.”
“What are you talking about? The text? Where are we?” the red unicorn began trotting around the small room, trying to find some way out, or at least to make sense of it.
“The Text said that Iam Noone’s agents were about to kill you, and I could either take you with me back to my world, or I could go back to Z and Diane and let it happen.” Train Wreck bowed his head and as he spoke the words they became real. “God’s in hell. I left them. I left them to deal with that maniac alone! What the hell have I done???”
“Iam Noone’s agents?” Carrot’s eyes went wide with realization. “That human hiding gift boxes and handing them out to ponies on campus! We have to go back! I have to warn them! They think it’s just a prank!”
“There is no going back. Carrot, there’s nothing we can do to save them. The Text only gave me the option to save one pony.” Angry serpents struck from within the beast’s maw gripping the reinforced door of the observation cell and casually ripping it loose from it’s moorings. “We should get moving.”
“It’s not fair!” The unicorn sobbed, drawing a feral snarl from her companion.
“Fair?!?! I had to abandon my two daughters and the changeling I love more than anypony in the world, or I had to let you die!” Train Wreck snapped. “Whatever that sick bastard is planning, Diane has to face it by herself because of choice I made!”
“M- maybe you should have stayed with them.” Carrot shank back into a ball. “M- maybe it was my destiny to die.”
“Carrot… I’m sorry.” The beast’s voice calmed. “Look, it’s not your fault, what happened. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”
“Why did you save me?” Carrot lay, sobbing in a miserable heap. “I know you don’t love me, not like you did Surprise, and not like you love Z and Diane.”
“I- I couldn’t go back, and look Z in the eyes, knowing that I let her big sister die.” Train worked his mandibles in thought. “Because she really did love you, and you were as much a sister to her as Diane. And… I knew if Surprise were there she’d have told me that Diane and Z were stronger than I could ever believe, and that I had to save the pony that needed saving, even if it cost me everything. So yeah, Carrot, your right, and I know it’s a shit thing to say, but I don’t love you the same way I love Z-978. And that’s why I had to save you. Because letting you die would have broken her heart way more than just not having my ugly mug around the hive. Now come on, I don’t even wanna know what kind of mutant hobos are calling an abandoned looney bin home.”
“An abandoned looney bin?” Carrot echoed in confusion.
“Human slang,” Train Wreck explained, “Before the plague this was a hospital for the mentally ill. My alma mater, you might say. Luckily the observation rooms aren’t too far in. On the other hoof, it’s been a long time since they locked me up here, so my memory is a little fuzzy on the layout.”
“This place is giving me the creeps, is your whole world this broken?” Carrot glanced around nervously.
“I dunno… probably? I was only here for the start of the plague, after that the text sent me to Pinkamena’s world, and then Surprise bounced me into your’s.” Train Wreck shrugged. “Time doesn’t run the same in the different worlds though, so it’s impossible to say how long it’s been on this side… hold up, there’s ponies up ahead, four, no wait I think five.”
“How can you know that?” Carrot cocked her head to the side. “You couldn’t sense ponies back home.”
“It’s not ponies really.” Train Wreck gestured for a stop as he explained. “I can sense the infection. I think it’s because I was infected when Discord changed me, Usagi and Jimmy Jack explained it to me back at the Belfry.”
“A… plague royal?” Carrot asked curiously.
“Okay, so plague ponies, that’s humans who got turned into ponies by the pink step are a lot like changelings. You’ve got your ferals, and they're basically drones.” Train Wreck continued his explanation. “Really, really frisky drones. They’re really only dangerous if you're not infected. Because they LOVE infecting humans. Really, really, REALLY love it. Basically they’re rape machines. And you’re not infected. So don’t trust strange ponies. And remember they’re ALL strange ponies.”
“So, you’re saying your world is full of diseased pony rapists?” Carrot Plate demanded incredulously.
“Okay, I know how that sounds.” Train Wreck rubbed the back of his head with a massive hoof. “And it’s even worse because it’s exactly how it sounds. Luckily, like I said, they're like drones, so they pretty much HAVE to do what I say. There’s also higher functioning ferals like the triplets back home. They’re smarter, and not QUITE as frisky, and generally friendly enough unless you’re just uninfected and say, ‘You know what? I’m just gonna go have sex with a semi-retarded pony and catch the plague’. So don’t have sex with any not-so-bright ponies that might hit on you. Because they have the plague.”
“Ewww! Train Wreck! That gross. Besides how do you know I’m not infected? I mean it was only that one time, but.. DAMMIT TRAIN WRECK!” Carrot screamed with sudden realization. “YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU HAD THE PONY RAPE PLAGUE?!?!?!”
“Dammit! Carrot! Now they’re moving towards us.” Train Wreck ducked his head. “And the plague was dormant in me until Discord ignited it in the course of transforming me, and that neutralized it, so I was never really contagious.”
“Well, you still should have told me!” Carrot stamped her hoof.
“Yeah, and somepony should have told me that Z was basically the same age as Diane! I mean… seriously, did you know about that?” Train Wreck deftly changed the subject.
“Z said not to tell you, because it would just make things more awkward. Besides that thing with you and Z happened before we even met!” Carrot blushed fiercely.
“Look can we be done with that before those ponies outside find us here?” Train Wreck rolled his eyes.
“Little late for that, mister.” A blue unicorn with a badge for a cutie mark rounded the corner floating a 9mm pistol in her magic. “And if I heard right, you're in an awful lot of trouble. Infecting a human without their consent is a serious offense.”
“Good news Carrot, there are still laws.” The giant arched an eyebrow. “Look officer there’s been a misunderstanding. I haven’t infected anybody.”
“Really?” The unicorn replied dryly. “Because she’s clearly a pony.”
“I-I’ve always been a pony officer.” Carrot supplied helpfully.
“If you WERE born a pony, than your boyfriend here would be in even more trouble than he already IS miss. But seeing as you’re not a baby, maybe you would like to explain why you would tell me a bald-faced lie.” The officer turned her stern eye on Carrot Plate.”
“Well you see…” Train Wreck tried to intervene, only to be cut off.
“I wasn’t asking you, I was asking her.” The no-nonsense unicorn said brusquely. “Ma’am, you wouldn’t be the first nice girl some slick talking pony told he was ‘cleansed’ when he was still as hot as Tokyo at Ground Zero. And you wouldn’t be the first girl who I’ve seen defend the slimeball or decide she’s ‘okay with it’ because she thinks she’s in love. Do you know what happens? The infection burns out and you realize you’ve been having crazy horse sex with a mutant for months, but it’s too late because you’ve already waived you right to file charges.”
“You don’t understand ma’am.” Carrot did her best to explain. “On my world most people are ponies. We were…”
“Ixnay on the alienay, Carrot.” Train Wreck whispered.
“Everything okay in there, Mary Beth?” A male voice shouted from outside.
“Just a mutant and a unicorn sneaking in the old ‘haunted nuthouse’ for some fun, looks like.” The female officer shouted back. “You gotta see the big guy though! We may have to make a new category of mutant!”
“Dammit, Mary Beth, you can’t just go calling us mutants!” A red tazzl pony rounded the corner carrying a sawed-off shotgun in his tentacles. “That’s just as bad as calling a changeling a bu..oh holy Baby Jesus on a stick!”
“I told you so! Anyway, normally I’d say ‘just let ‘em off with a warning’. But this young lady, in a ridiculous attempt to make excuses for her boyfriend giving her the Pink Step, claims she’s from the pony world.”
“Shit! I don’t want to have to make a trip to the CDC today.
“Train Wreck, what’s a See-Dee-See?” Carrot asked nervously.
“So you’re gonna play this game huh? Okay you two. James, call it in. Come on you two, and don’t get any ideas big guy, we’ve got three more ponies outside packing heat. You giants aren’t bullet proof.” The police-mare glowered at the giant. “What the hell are you anyway?”
“Tazzlcorn.” Train Wreck sighed. “It rhymes with alicorn for a reason, and you don’t want to take us to CDC right now.”
“You know what James, do we really have to trot all the way uptown. I mean we both know she’s full of shit.” Mary Beth began to justify when Carrot’s nervous voice broke in.
“Train Wreck, there’s a glowing red dot that just appeared on the back of your head.”
“Listen to your girlfriend and cut it out, royal.” A new male voice fairly sneered. “Your jedi mind tricks aren’t gonna work on me, princess. I’m proudly uninfected AND vaccinated. 100% human and staying that way. My grand-kids might be technicolor centaur babies. But I’m gonna stay 100% original recipe just so we can keep a leash on mind controlling scum like you.”
Mary Beth shook her head before pulling out her radio. “We have a rogue royal at the site of the ‘Pink Ghost Anomaly’ with a pony claiming to be from Equestria. We are requesting back-up. Repeat we are requesting immediate backup.”
“Okay,” Train wreck said without a hint of psychic push. “I think we’ve had a bit of a misunderstanding.”
“You think I ain’t seen this kinda shit before, Princess?” The human snarled. “One of you boss-ponies stays off the grid for a while gets some little cult together.”
"That would be my guess, Dan, but she is NOT infected.” A brown unicorn trotted into the room and announced.
“Okay, obviously she’s infected, she’s a fucking pony.” James, the tazzl pony broke in. “I mean look at her!”
That’s what I’m telling you, I scaned her twice while you kept them talking, and she’s an uninfected pony.” The brown unicorn insisted. “And he’s clearly… some kind of alicorn. One of the teams has re-established contact with Equestria!”
Chapter 34 - If You're Reading This...
“I can find him! I should be the one to go!” Lt. Pinkamena argued.
“Be calm, my little soldier.” Though her voice carried the weight of law, her smile was kind. “This ‘other Equestria’ interfered greatly in our war efforts. A near bumbling former human private became a master wizard and turned the tide in our final battle. One of my most promising researchers was spotted in the food production centers, and the factory worker who spoke to her swears that she was an alicorn. And this a mere mile from a table that is unmistakably an artifact of the tree of harmony. And then there was Sgt. Ki’s disappearance.”
“I won’t forgive that green whorse! He was supposed to be safe.” Lt Pinkamena gritted her. “He was supposed to be waiting for me. Me and Charlie were going to retire and open a bakery after the war. Please, your majesty, I have to find him. It has to be me, I’m the only one who can see the writing between the walls. I can make those smelly words take me to him!”
“I’m sorry your majesty.” Cpt. Rainbow Dash stepped forward. “Pinkamena… she gets emotional where the Sergeant is concerned.”
“My sister has a point.” Lt. Maud Pie said tonelessly. “If there is anypony who can successfully navigate the void between worlds, it is Pinkamena. She’s motivated, and she will find him. In all likelihood, if we find out where he went, then we will find the source of the temporal anomalies.”
“I have no doubt of your sister’s talents, or her resolve, Lt. Maud.” Celestia heaved a sigh and smiled sadly. “I only fear that this could well be a one-way journey from which there was no return. The Pie family has given so much, I cannot ask any more sacrifices from you.”
“I lost one sister to that war, your majesty.” Maud’s even voice betrayed no hint of emotion. “If you deny her, then I will in every real way lose another. Pinkamena hasn’t smiled since our return. If she smiles and I never see it, it is still better than if her smile dies in front of me. If you allow that, then you allow laughter to die, your majesty.”
Celestia’s smile broke for only a moment and she stepped back. “These are the core values of our nation, Lt. Maud Pie. I will consider your words. My decision will be made by daybreak, And Lieutenant… I want you to know that Cpt. Limestone’s sacrifice saved so many ponies… you cannot imagine the entirety of what she prevented.”
“I don’t imagine your majesty.” Lt. Maud replied evenly. “It’s easier that way.”
-=-=-=-=-
I didn’t want this. I didn’t want any of this. I just wanted to make ponies smile. There’s magic in a smile. I didn’t get the magic of smiles though, I got the magic of rocks , and rocks are great too. Don’t get me wrong. The stones remember. You can talk to a red brick, and it’s all like “I used to be mud and now I’m a house and now ponies live here.” Or the big stuffy castle stones, and they're like, “I used to be a part of a whole mountain.”
And that’s great, but there’s no “I am” in a rock. That’s what’s special about a rainbow, a rainbow is all “I am, right now, so you better be looking, because later I won’t be there and if you gotta ask then you really don’t know.”
Charlie wasn’t rock special, you have to understand. He was rainbow special. And If I didn't plan every step just right then I would miss it. And then I would just be some poor putz of a pony asking, “Did you see the rainbow?”
I don’t know if you get what I’m talking about, but it’s why I had to try. A rock will be there forever. It doesn’t need you to see it. It will be there when you come back, waiting to tell you about how it used to be a mountain.
If you miss the rainbow... Well I can’t help but think I missed my rainbow. Maybe that’s why I get so mad when I hear the troops call me Pinkie… even Charlie, but he’s only slipped once or twice.
Maybe he was right about the spoilers.
Why am I doing this? One human. One Pony, We’re not that important in the scheme of things. I know that because the scheme of things just said, “Hey Pinkamena, lets see what happens when we rip him out and just leave a big hole there. Do you know what happened? Nothing. We won the war. Just one little pony didn’t get her bakery. No big woop.
And that’s why. Because rainbows don’t just happen. There’s no big rainbow explosion. Nope. Never. Really. Happened. You have to find your smile, and when you do find it, you have to keep it. And if anypony get’s in the way of that, well there’s friendly and less than friendly ways to deal with it.
War. War is a big stinky thing that chokes rainbows in their crib. And if anything Charlie ever said about his world is true, I’m going to dive snout first into a whole heap of war that would have made Sombra wet his fuzzy red cape.
I’m probably not coming back. Even if I find him, the chance of finding a unicorn or alicorn on that end who can stitch this back together is less than a big fat zero. But I’m going to meet this with a smile, and I’m going to do everything that I can, and I’m going to find that rainbow, And gods in hell can defend any pony that tries to take that away from me.
You’re the best Sis,
Pinkamena Diane Pie
Chapter 35 - Awkward Reunions
“You should understand that sending somepony TO another world is far more difficult than simply conjuring a willing being from a random timeline.” I never liked Dr. Fetlock, I know what she did was important work for the war effort. And I know humans make super-good soldiers. And I know all the humans she pulled through asked to come here. But I never met one that didn’t change their mind after their first battle. “Pay attention Pinkamena, this is important. I can’t send you specifically to the source of the anomalies, because we don’t know where that is in six dimensional space.”
Doctor Pony Stein (I’ll always call her that behind her back, because what she did was just wrong, even if it did help us win the war) casually blew her mane out of her face. “What I can do is push you outside of six dimensional space, where we believe your… specific… abilities and personal ties to the missing soldier will allow you to navigate to the origin of the anomaly, or at the very least to the missing soldiers present location.”
“So you kick me out of space time and I follow whatever trail of pace time stuff leads to Charlie, got it.” I scowled. “Are we ready to go?”
“Lt. Pinkamena,” Celestia gave me that kind-but-sad smile she always gave when she was sending us on one of the super-special “volunteer” missions, the she said the stupidest thing an immortal princess has ever said in the history of ever. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Yes I do. I left a note for Maud. Can we get this over with before she reads it and tries to do something stupid like say good bye.” My scowl warranted a brief look of worry across me commander’s face. Which is understandable, because who in their right mind scowls at Princess Celestia.
“Very well, you may proceed, Dr. Fetlock.” The Princess sighed, and I let out a relieved breath myself. For a minute there I was afraid she might call the whole thing off.
It only took a moment and a brief flash of magic, and I wasn’t in Equestria anymore. In fact I wasn’t anywhere anymore. I spent a long time in that place, before I finally found Charlie. The problem was he hadn’t left yet. And he had to leave or we wouldn’t ever meet. And then I waited. My pinkie sense told me he would come back. Either back to the hospital, or back to that train where he disappeared. It took a long time for me to get the hang of being in the world again, and in a lot of ways I never really was in the world again.
I was the pony-who-wasn’t-there. I was a nopony. I was the Pink Ghost.
-=-=-=-=-
“Okay, so you guys have SEVERAL things wrong.” Train Wreck rolled his eyes at the assorted ponies and human that surrounded him. “Starting with I’m not from one of the teams you sent to find Equestria. And ending with the fact that there’s no way I’m turning Carrot Plate over to the CDC to use as some lab rat.”
“Lab rat?” Dan, the human, rolled his eyes and finally lowered his weapon. “What kind of mad-science shit do think is going on around here.”
“More importantly, who are you? And if you’re not part of one of the expeditionary teams, then what are you doing with here with an uninfected native Equestrian?”
“It’s complicated. My human name was Kiki Charles Steen, and this is my… wife? Yeah we’re gonna go with wife, Carrot Plate.” Carrot rolled her eyes eyes the giant tried to explain himself.
Suddenly the air was alive with crackling pink energy.
“Shit! The unnamed blue Unicorn cursed. “We have Pink Ghost activity! We should really finish this talk somewhere else.”
“Charlie you two timing son of a crystal whorse!” An angry voice cut through the minds of everyone present.
“Diane?!?!” Train Wreck’s face split into a stomach turning grin. “You’re alive?!?!”
The angry form of Lt. Pinkamena flickered into existence directly in front of the monster. “What do you mean, I’M alive?!?! I’M not the one who just suddenly left the universe and married some background-pony civilian!”
“Actually, I’m more of a herd sister than a wife really…” Carrot Plate shrank back from the wrathful mare.
“I KNEW IT!” Dan proclaimed. “A damned herd! It’s always the same with these damn royals! I bet you there’s another royal involved too! Either a princess of a changeling queen! Probably knocked up some poor teenage pony girl, too, while he was at it.”
“That’s oddly specific.” Pinkamena raised a critical eyebrow.
“And uncomfortably close to home…” Carrot plate blushed fiercely.
“Okay, the changeling queen is my adopted daughter.” Train wreck glared all around. “And nobody told me Z-978 was that young! I mean she was a soldier drone who’d defected from Chrysalis’ army. How was I supposed to know?”
“A herd? You ran off to another dimension and started a herd???” Pinkamena’s fury grew exponentially.
“It’s not like that, Diane.” Train Wreck tried to explain.
“That’s Lt. Pinkamena, to you buster!” The Pink Ghost Flickered angrily.
“Look Surprise handed me this card, and she told me the time loops were going to collapse and everything was going to go back the way it was… and back the way it was… I was dead and we had never even met.” Train Wreck lowered his head and looked away. “And then the universe just seemed to fall apart and I was somewhere else. And I thought you were gone…”
“I… You…” Pinkamena stuttered her anger finally ebbing. “You were dead?”
“Not me-me, just that Equestria’s me. I thought you were gone… and then everything moved so fast, and we met Z, and then Discord turned me into THIS… and…” The behemoth was cut off by a bone crushing hug.
“As touching and weird as all this is, and it is touching…” Mary Beth rolled her eyes.
“And weird, definitely weird.” James cut in. “And this from a guy who got turned into a tentacle pony.”
“Yeah, anyway, everything you’ve just said only makes it that much more important to get you to the CDC. The UAC bigwigs are gonna want to ask you a lot of questions, all three of you.”
Chapter 36 - Sole Survivors
“I have three missions Missy.” Pinkamena turned her baleful gave on Mary Beth. “Mission One: Find Charlie. Checkeroony. Mission Dos: Identify the source of my timelines destabilization. Check. Mission C: If possible stop the destabilization.”
“Destabilization… baby jeebus on a stick.” Train Wreck cursed. “Surprise was right… Diane…”
“Lt. Pinkamena!” Diane snapped, and then grumbled. “You’re still sleeping in the barracks for scaring me like that!”
“Diane please, just listen to me.” Train Wreck pleaded. “Starlight tried explaining it to me once. The destabilization seems really slow when you’re in the timeline, but once you're out of it…”
“What are you saying Charlie?” Diane scowled at her friend. “Just come out and say it.”
“I’m saying it’s gone, and it has been for a long time.” Train Wreck shook his head sadly. “You and me… we’re temporal anomalies. We’re one off copies of the versions of us that exist in main-line equestria. We’re all that’s left.”
“No!” Pinkamena’s scream shattered nearby windows. “That’s not it true! It’s just not! I didn’t even say goodbye to Maud, or Marble, or my parents! They can’t be gone!”
“They’re… not… exactly. They’re just... Pinkie Pie’s parents now.” Train Wreck admitted awkwardly. “Honestly I thought that Pinkie Pie was you, and it hurt like hell that you didn’t recognize me.”
“Pinkie Pie?” The Pink Ghost rolled her eyes. “You seriously thought some knock off pony who actually LET ponies call her Pinkie Pie was me?”
“Shouldn’t we get moving?” The blue unicorn glanced around nervously.
“I don’t see why.” Dan shrugged. “I mean, the Pink Ghost is right there, so there’s really nothing dangerous in this area left to be trying to avoid. I’M not gonna get in the middle of a domestic dispute between the Pink Ghost and a mutant the size of a Buick.”
“Well actually, Surprise was a Pinkie Pie from another universe that collapsed in on itself too.” Carrot said thoughtfully, causing Pinkamena’s blood to boil.
“Surprise,” the pink mare ground her teeth, “I keep hearing that name. Charlie, you better NOT have been shacking up with that damned green whorse of an imposter who abducted you.”
“Come on Carrot, we might as well go with them to the CDC, if there’s anyone who can send us home it’s there.” The beast turned a cold gaze on his old love, and spoke in bitter tones. “I’m sorry to have disappointed you, Lt. Pinkamena.”
The fearsome phantoms ears pinned back at the rebuff as the former human she had come so far to find turned his massive back to her and plodded towards the exit.
“I’m terribly sorry.” Carrot offered a sympathetic smile. “He doesn’t mean it, I promise. It’s just… he didn’t take Surprise’s death very very well.”
Pinkamena’s eye’s widened in comprehension. “Charlie, wait up! I’m sorry. I… didn’t know.”
“Maybe you guys should let us exit first.” James suggested. “We did call in backup. Steve, teleport outside and tell them we’re coming out with the suspects, and that they’re friendly and co-operating. We wouldn’t want any of you to get shot.”
“If any of you shot Charlie I would have to… well you know what I do to bad ponies, don’t you.” Pinkamena was suddenly hanging upside down in front of the armed tatzl pony, who swallowed hard.
“Relax Diane.” Train Wreck heaved a heavy sigh. “I’m pretty damned sure I’m bulletproof.”
“I’m pretty damned sure you’re not.” Dan quipped. “You’re big, even for a royal, but you're not saurian big, and even they can’t take heavy caliber rifle fire.”
“I’ve been dropped from low orbit.” Train Wreck smirked.
“Yeah right.” The human scoffed.
“Don’t call Charlie a liar mister, I won’t tell you twice.” Pinkamena glared, causing the man to take a step back. “But seriously, Charlie, you know that’s at least a little bit of a fib.”
“It’s not, Miss Pinkamena.” Carrot Plate quickly shook her head. “I was there. Princess Twilight Sparkle was running tests on his impact resistance. She actually ended up finding the effective range of her long range teleport spell first though. The impact crater was… pretty impressive.”
“We’re ready.” Steve suddenly teleported back inside. “Just don’t make any sudden or threatening moves, keep your tentacles and magic to yourselves.”
As they walked outside they were greeted by a team of well-armed humans. “You think he’s gonna behave Dan? We’ve got tranq darts ready.”
“I think it’ll be fine.” Dan nodded with a grin. “We had one tense moment. He thought we were gonna do some kind of alien autopsy on his girlfriend. Be we’ve got him talked down.”
“As long as he behaves himself.” The other human nodded, then turned to the assembled group. “Alright, my name is Sgt. John Jackson. And it’s my job to escort you across Atlanta to the UAC headquarters at the CDC.”
“Pleased to meet you Captain Jackson, I’m Carrot Plate. We’re sorry to be so much trouble.” Carrot flashed a friendly smile.
“No trouble miss. My brother was on one of the expeditionary teams, and we’ve been looking forward to reestablishing contact so we could bring our people home.” The Captain, a dark skinned black man with friendly eyes and a no-nonsense disposition nodded.
“Your brother… he wasn’t an orderly at this hospital before the plague, was he?” Train Wreck asked cautiously.
“You’ve seen him? Is he alright, did his team make it?” The Captain's professional mask fell away for a moment.
“I… was a patient here, before the plague.” Train Wreck nodded. “You’re brother helped evacuate me and several of the patients and staff to safety before I sort of fell out of the world. I saw him when I was in Equestria. He was a hero there too. He helped save a lot of ponies from a very bad bad changeling. I’m proud to call Jimmy Jack my friend.”
Chapter 37 - A Pleasant Walk
“Wow.” Carrot Plate craned her neck as they walked down the street. “This city is huge! It’s much nicer than I thought it would be, compared to the hospital.”
“Well, that hospital’s been abandoned since the plague started three years ago. Some… really bad things went down there. We’d have torn it down already, but what with the place being haunted…” Dan cast a nervous glance back at Pinkamena who was keeping in military lock step with Train Wreck.
“What was this plague everyone keeps talking about?” Carrot asked curiously.
“You don’t know?” The human seemed genuinely surprised. “Well, a guess the big guy DID kinda say you weren’t any kind of official envoy.”
As the two new acquaintances chatted, Cpt. Jackson approached the giant and the ghost. “So, assuming you’re telling the truth, and I take your story at face value. How did you end up in Equestria? For that matter how did you get back?”
“I sort of fell out of the world, right after everything went to shit.” The giant mutant admitted, shrugging his massive shoulders. “There was some kind of… entity? A disembodied sort of writing, and it sent me to Diane’s Equestria first.” He nodded at his somber companion. “And then… strange things happened and I ended up in Carrot’s Equestria. That’s where I ran back into your brother. He said that it wasn’t the ‘right’ Equestria, not the one that started the plague, that is. They ended up going native, having no way to get back. I got back here the same way I left, I fell out of the universe and the words sent me here with Carrot. If we can find a way to send me back, then it stands to reason we can return your brother and his team.”
"Wait… ‘fell out of the world’... Fuck! You’re him! The one they thought was immune.” The captain suddenly was hit with the realization.
“Apparently not so immune.” Train gave a dry chuckle. “More like the plague was just dormant in me until Discord activated it and turned it up to eleven.”
“Discord?” Pinkamena raised an eyebrow. Her voice taking a dangerous edge. “The Lord of Chaos? He’s the one who turned you into...that?”
“I know how I look Diane. There’s no reason to rub it in.” The mutant grumbled.
“Don’t you get mopey with me soldier.” The Pink ghost scolded. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. If anything, you're slightly less of an alien than when we met.”
“What do you think James?” Mary Beth asked quietly from the back.
“Well the unicorn seems nice enough.” The tatzl pony narrowed his eyes. “But the big one tried to mind-fuck us, and that’s not something I’m about to let go of very easy.”
“I don’t like the way the big one and the ghost are so casual about this.” Steve shook his head. “They’re both surrounded by humans with high calibre rifles. They should be at least a little nervous. It makes sense for the Equestrian, I get the idea she doesn’t even know what a gun is, but the other two… we’re all armed to the teeth so why do I feel like we’re the ones who should be worried?”
“Survival instinct maybe?” Mary Beth scowled. “We know what the Pink Ghost is capable of and she has a real mixed reputation when it comes to the UAC. The one that calls himself Train Wreck on the other hand… hell we don’t even know what the hell he is. And I've been a cop long enough to know better than to trust a guy who keeps his hands in his pockets all the time.”
“Yeah, I noticed that too.” James nodded. “He hasn't used his tentacles to so much as scratch an itch.”
“Snakes,” Dan interjected, “His ‘herd sister’ is downright chatty, and big gruesome is her favorite subject. And it turns out it's not tentacles he’s keeping inside that bisected mouth, it's his other three heads.”
“Hydra type, tatzl type, dragon type… and judging by his size, saurian type.” Mary Beth nodded. “Makes sense I guess. Mutant alicorn, so basically all the mutant types mashed together.”
“Oh it gets better.” Dan laughed. “Get the romantic story of how they met. She nursed him back to health after somebody dropped a burning building on him.”
“You’re shitting me?” James’ split jaw dropped.
“And get this, he was turned into… that, by somebody named Discord. Who is basically Pony-Satan.” Dan grinned widely.
“So did you get her number?” Mary Beth asked dryly.
“Yeah...no.” Dan laughed. “Herd-sister of the spawn of Pony-Satan. I may be a horn dog, but I'm not suicidal.”
“That blonde human’s been flirting with your new marefriend and pumping her for Intel.” Pinkamena whispered in a voice Train Wreck was pretty sure was in his head.
“She's not my marefriend.” The giant grumbled. “And I know.”
“Well if she's not your marefriend then you wouldn't mind if I had a little chat then, would you?” The pink mare flickered and appeared beside Carrot Plate, drawing a brief flurry of reaction from their human escort.
“As you were.” Cpt Jackson barked, restoring order to the ranks.
“So tell me about this family my sergeant has apparently put together since he's been gone.” The mare’s voice was tense but not angry.
“Well, first there's Z-978.” Carrot couldn't keep the affection out of her voice. “Surprise pulled her out of one of the time loops too. In the real… in my Equestria she had accidentally been killed during the changeling invasion. Did I mention she's a changeling? She's younger than she looks, kinda older too. If that makes sense.”
“War can do that to a foal.” Pinkamena nodded.
“She and Train Wreck have a complicated relationship.” Carrot confided in the older mare. “Mostly they're kinda like siblings, but apparently this one time they… well… Z-978 laid an egg. I'm pretty sure Train Wreck didn't know how young she was. Z really doesn't like for ponies to know. Especially Train Wreck, but I'm pretty sure Surprise knew because she put a stop to it. New rule: No special snuggles between Z and Train Wreck. Z’s kinda not right in the head, anyway. And she was really confused because she didn’t think drones could lay eggs. After Train Wreck came back with me, everypony had a long talk and that was that. Z told me later what was what, but she didn’t want me to tell Train Wreck…”
“Secrets and lies.” Pinkamena rolled her eyes. “Wonderful way to build a stable herd.”
“Well what was I supposed to do?” Carrot argued. “Z is my my best friend and the best little sister a pony could have! And she really loves Train Wreck, and she has a grub to consider.”
“Ambush.” The Pink Ghost replied evenly.
“Well I hardly think ambushing Train Wreck with the truth would have helped anypony!” Carrot Plate stamped an indignant hoof.
“No, no, no.” Pinkamena’s voice fairly echoed with frustration. “We’re about to be ambushed.”
Chapter 38 - The Unspeakable Pinkie Pie
“Are you actually Jimmy Jack’s brother?” Train Wreck trotted and cheerfully addressed Cpt Jackson. “It’s okay if you’re not. But now’s the time to come clean. I have two changeling daughters, one adopted and one mine. And I can sense the plague. So you never had me fooled. But the Lieutenant, well she’s getting edgy, and sooner or later the local patrol is gonna realize that back-up got there really quick.”
“Look, I know who you are. That’s proof enough. And your girlfriend hasn’t killed me yet.” Cpt John Jackson fairly snarled. “We’re gonna take a left up here towards Decatur. We need to get the Equestrian vaccinated..”
“I've already briefed her on the ferals.” Train Wreck cocked a curious eyebrow. “Even the most retarded rape-horse isn’t gonna take us on.”
“Ferals? Are you serious?” Cpt Jackson did a quick double take, “This isn’t the outlands. It only takes one anti-vaxxer with forged paperwork, I know, but I’m talking about the water. Before the vaccine humans couldn’t even enter the city unless they just WANTED to be a pony. Look could you just let the ghost know we’re turning left?”
Train Wreck Trotted ahead, “Turning left. They’re all changelings.”
“Well of course they’re changelings!” Carrot Plate protested. “So what?”
“They’re not UAC.” Lt Pinkamena spoke evenly.
“Cpt Jackson is... sort of.” Train Wreck nodded. “You probably know more about him than I do. But he’s Jimmy Jack’s brother, and I still got a debt to pay there.”
“There’s an ambush.” Pinkamena grinned. “They’re going to ambush us. US! That’s so adorable. I wish you still had your old body. And me too, really. This feels like using a cheat code.”
“So if John turns left he’s with the hive, if he walks straight North he’s with the UAC? Where do we stand?” Dan chuckled nervously.”
“We’re with the ATL, like we always were.” Steve nodded sharply. “Queen Cicada wouldn’t take this risk if she didn’t think it was worth it.”
“This is where we find out if our diapers are still on or if we were just pissing in the wind this whole time” James gave a haunted, bisected smile. “Turning left.”
“So we can trust John then, the hive is the city.” Mary Beth nodded.
“And the City IS the hive.” Dan answered with a smile. “Hell, if we’re going to Five Points maybe I could take half a day to hang with Cindy and spend some time with the grubs? She said they’re gonna molt any time now. I bet one of ‘em’s got little segmented fingers.”
“I’m totally gonna tell her you were flirting up with Little Miss Equestria.” Mary Beth chided.
“Okay, that was totally professional, and you know it. We’ve got an unknown alicorn of unknown type and species. He’s not a rogue, the opposite, he’s official Equestrian Royalty.”
“And somehow you didn’t lead with that.” Steve cocked an eyebrow.
“Apparently he’s not very...comfortable with it.” Dan grinned sheepishly.
“I give exactly two shits.” Train wreck fell back and interjected, “You guys Diane and Captain Jackson have exactly one thing in common. You don’t trust the UAC. So why are we turning left on 76? And if we’re not going to the CDC, then where ARE we going?”
“The political situation is… complicated right now.” Steve grumbled. “The UAC isn’t bad on it’s own, But there are conflicting factions.”
“So I’m gonna spin and flare my wings in a minute. Cpt. Jackson and his troops are going to drop the act and take to the air and return fire, I imagine. Not my call, though. Diane is going to drop Carrot directly behind me, Use my wings as cover. You're cops, not soldiers. Keep your heads down and return fire only if absolutely necessary.”
“Dude, I’m seriously pretty sure you’re not bulletproof.” Dan said flatly.
“And I’m pretty sure that I am.” Train Wreck spun and flared his wings as the first shot rang out, eliciting an immediate wince from the beast. “Ow! Okay more bullet resistant. Ow! Goddammit, it’s like being shot with a BB gun! You pricks keep this shit up and I am GONNA come over there!”
“Hold your position soldier!” Pinkamena barked her order, suddenly behind him with Carrot Plate in tow.
“You hear that!” Train Wreck laughed. “You’re LUCKY my mare’s holding me back!”
Cpt Jackson and his fellow changelings had indeed taken to the air and darted about in skillful formations harrying the as yet unseen enemy.
“Where the fuck are they?” Dan Screamed above the din.
“They're Changeling soldier drones, and their using active camouflage.” Carrot shouted back. “Z showed it to me. If a changeling's good enough at it they can be practically invisible. They’re good but I can make them out.”
The human peeked past the cover of Train Wrecks wing only to jump back as a bullet whizzed past his face.
“I count three, Diane… OW fuck! I’m kinda shielding the civilians here, could you...FUCK! Okay I’m really about to walk over there!” Train Wrecks screamed over the hail of gunfire.
“I just wanted to see what kind of monster you were this time, Charlie.” Diane grinned and spoke in a whisper that silenced the world. “You’re not the only one who came back from the dead with new tricks.”
“Locusts, huh?” Pinkamena was gone but her voice rang out. “I guess Ma Belle’s back at Six Flags in a pod? Too bad, I always liked the old Ace Hardware. It reminds me of when I first got here and I thought this world wasn’t so bad. I thought I knew what war and misery were. I tried to stay out of hive war. But Queen Locust just HAD to have the drugs out of Charlie’s hospital. She just HAD to keep the rail lines locked down.”
A camouflaged changeling suddenly dropped camouflage as Pinkamena grabbed him by the throat and slammed him to the ground in her powerful jaws. She disappeared in a hail of cross fire only to whisper in another drone’s ear. “I went easy on you drones then. A lot of you were confused. You had to follow a queen and you couldn’t figure out which one wasn’t going to get you killed.” Pinkamena grabbed the hapless changeling to use him as a shield against his comrades assault only to disappear again. “But it’s been two years and you just won’t learn that enslaving ponies is wrong. And yet you follow that creed by CHOICE!” The voice dropped into a whisper, but echoed in the head of the remaining changeling. “I’m not going to kill you, I’m going to show you something. It’s what’s behind the walls, it’s what could have been.”
A proud changeling father welcomed his half-unicorn daughter into the world. He watched with pride as she flourished and surpassed his greatest expectations. And the thread slipped and Damocles sword fell. And the changeling instead was dragging a pretty unicorn filly forcefully into a pod. “That was the day you chose this fate.”
The Pink Ghost Smiled as she walked away and a single shot echoed in the air. “We need to get to Decatur Station”
Chapter 39 - A Pretty Changeling...
Z-978 is not a silly bug. And she is not a stupid bug. She is a pretty bug. And she is a clever bug. And she is a soldier. Z-978 is a big sister. And Z-978 is a little sister. She IS a good sister. But Z-978 is a mother. And she can’t leave the hive with the Facehugger. And Z-978 can’t leave Facehugger here alone. It is not that Z-978 does not trust the Fast Change it is that Z-978 does not like the Fast Change anymore. Z-978 was NOT wearing a disguise to fool ponies! She was not!
“Hey Z, are you doing okay?” It is the stupid guard, Chitin who Z-978’s bratty sister would flirt with but Diane is not here, “I heard some news from Baltimare.”
“Z-978 is NOT an ugly bug with too many legs!” Z-978 shouts in the Chitin’s stupid face. “She is tired of not being able to go outside. Her sisters are missing. And she doesn't want to be this changeling! She wants to be the changeling she was!”
“Z… I’ll talk to Fast Change, but you do realize that this is for your own good don’t you?” Z-978 hates the Chitin’s stupid face. “Look, Z it’s rough, I know but there's bad things going on out there. I know you're worried about Diane, but she’s fine, I promise. Hell half the guard’s terrified of her.”
“Z-978’s sister Diane is a GOOD changeling! She would NOT do the thing that the stink bug princess lied about!” Z-978 does not want to talk to the Chitin if he is going to say mean things about her sister.
“I didn’t mean it that way, I swear.” The Chitin looks like he feels sorry. The Chitin should feel sorry. “I just meant that Diane can take care of herself, and after this is over we’re going to find her and we’re going to bring her back. You’re not in trouble, either of of you. We’re not doing any of this to punish you. I came to bring you some good news about Carrot Plate.”
“They have found Z-978’s sister and she is okay?” Perhaps Z-978 hates Chitin’s stupid face a little less now.
“Well, she’s not one of the ponies they interviewed for the paper, but they do have a list of all the ponies injured or killed, and Carrot plate’s not on it. So she’s fine.” Chitin is not a mean ugly old stink bug, but Z-978 still does not like him. And she does not like ugly princess!
“It is not fair to make Z-978 be a changeling she does not want to be!” Z-978 is NOT sulking. It is NOT fair! “You did not make Diane be a spiny little bug covered in stabbing!”
“First off,” Chitin is making that stupid face again, “there’s a difference between looking more pony like to try and fit in, which is basically what we’re supposed to do, and well… what you’re doing. You can’t just spend your whole life pretending to be some changeling you’re not, Z. It’s not healthy and it can get you in a lot of trouble.”
“Z-978 didn’t mean to get the Train Wreck in trouble! She did not mean to make him disappear!” Why does the stupid Chitin want to make Z-978 think about this!
“Train Wreck was never in any real trouble Z. The whole thing was a ruse by Princess Celestia to lure the Nopony out into open. And he didn’t vanish because of anything you said. He was a former human, and sometimes they appear and disappear out of thin air. He’ll come back.” The Chitin is lying to Z-978 and she does not like it. Z-978 wished the Train Wreck would disappear and he did. Anypony can clearly see that it is her fault. “You’re not in trouble and he’s not in trouble, but we’re all going to sit down and talk about things when he does come back, okay?”
“Z-978 doesn’t want to be an ugly bug with too many legs!” Of course it is not okay. The Chitin is a stupid bug to ask that.
“You’re not an ugly bug, Z.” The Chitin is laughing at Z-978, and she hates him for that. Z-978 hates the Chitin. “And this is why we can’t let you shapeshift right now. It’s not healthy to hate yourself like that. You’re a pretty changeling filly, and you’re probably the friendliest changeling in the hive. We’re not like Chrysalis. No changeling here is going to be mean or do bad things just because you’re different.”
“Z-978 is not different! She is not a smarty pants changeling, but she is a normal changeling and she is not a fily! She is a mare and she is a soldier! Z-978 is a mother and she wants to see her pretty grub! The Chitin will take Z-978 to see Facehugger!” Z-978 is tired of talking about stupid things.
“Facehugger’s in a feeding cycle in the nursery. And you need to eat too. Come on, there’s some volunteers in the pods. Mostly friends and family of ponies taking shelter in the hive” Chitin will take Z-978 to see her grub later. Z-978 does not like this, but she will have to make do.
“Z-978 does not want to feed from a stupid pod.” Z-978 is hungry, but she does not want pod love. “Z-978 will be fine until Carrot and Train Wreck come back.”
“Come on Z, not this again. Those nice ponies are volunteering to donate love to feed us.” The Chitin’s face is stupid. “Please don’t make me drag you in there and make a big scene in front of the ponies like last time. I’m your friend, Z, that’s why I volunteered for this job, but it is my job. You know Fast Change is going to get mad at me if you don’t eat.”
Z-978 does not want the Chitin to get in trouble, so she will feed on stinky pod love even though it smells funny. Buy she is still mad at the Chitin and she must make sure he knows this. “If the Chitin was Z-978’s friend he wouldn’t make her be an ugly bug with too many legs!”
“I’m sorry Z.” The Chitin SHOULD feel sorry, because he is bad friend and Z-978 should not feel like she is the one who is not being a good friend.
Chapter 40 - A Stormy Reunion
“Will ya look at that,” Stormy Night strolled casually into the Belfry, with two lunar guards following behind him, ignoring the angry looks from the lunare ponies surrounding him. “All the worthless cowards, all in one room.”
“Figures Chrysalis would let him out.” A lunar pony muttered from the bar.
“Let me out? Hell I’m the new Captain of the guard! Luna was pretty clever, disbanding her guard at the last minute.” Stormy grinned. “The new administration would have had a hell of a time rounding you all up too, but that’s where I came in.”
“You filthy traitor!” Moon Phase spat in the larger stallions face. “I knew you were a thug, but I never thought even you would stoop this low!”
“Luna betrayed me!” Stormy lashed out to strike his former superior with both front hooves. “And you’re no better! Siding with that damned monster and his ugly mutant offspring, over one of your own kind!”
More of the fake lunar guards trailed into the bar, as Stormy Night continued. “I changed my mind about changelings though, they’re okay.”
“Changeling Removal Service!” Pinkie Pie dropped from the ceiling. “Looks like we’re just in time!”
“Stormy Night.” Twilight Sparkle stroke calmly through the door, followed quickly by the other elements of harmony.
“Heh,” The lunar pony sneered. “The elements of harmony are safely floating in pods back at the Queen’s hive. I guess it was just a matter of time though before the Bug Princess sent her useless minions. And Twilight Sparkle is an alicorn nightmare in the moon, but you lot are pathetic.”
“Nuh-uh!” Pinkie Pie argued. “We’re playing canterlot wedding! And Twilight was a unicorn when THAT invasion happened, silly!”
“Whatever,” Stormy rolled his eyes and replied, “My changelings are feeding on the love of Equestria’s beloved ruler, while you lot are picking at the scraps in a city that suddenly hates changelings. I gotta hand it to the Nopony, he handed Chrysalis the city on a silver platter.”
“He doesn’t even know.” Rainbow Dash snickered. “This is gonna be SO much fun.”
“No,” Twilight said grimly, disappeared in a flash into a black and pink striped, scorpion tailed changeling with a painfully straight, pink mane. And then she smiled. “He’s mine. Remember me, Stormy? Because I remember you.”
“Y- you’re that monster’s deformed brat!” Stormy took a slow step back. “How did you manage to get even uglier?”
“Fear, hate, sure that may be a problem for Princess Fast In The Sack.” Diane’s grin grew even wider. “But for me and my sisters, that’s all part of a balanced breakfast. I eat hate, you should understand, and right about now you look delicious.”
Dianes tail lashed out striking the large lunar guard squarely in the chest. She leaned in snout to snout and opened her massive jaws impossibly wide and leaned in closer partially enclosing the stallion's head. “A little kiss, I could never have become what I am today if it wasn’t for you.”
The nightmare queen inhaled in and seconds later the emotionless husk of Stormy night fell to the floor. Diane spun on the nearest 'lunar guard', “You, drone! Report back to your queen and tell her I don’t give two clops about her stupid castle or the stupid princesses. But Decanter and all the ponies in it are mine!”
“B-but I can’t! You don’t know what she’ll do to us if we deliver a message like that!” A quick inhale from Diane and the changelings lifeless, emaciated body fell to the floor.
The remaining drones dropped their disguises and shuffled nervously. “W-what did she just do?”
“And now you know what I’ll do if you DON’T deliver my message” The remaining changelings bolted for the door.
“Wow, sis! That was amazing! And Awsome! It was Awesomazing!” Pinkie 13’s cheshire smile bounced up behind Diane. “But you can’t just break character like that!”
“That was a personal matter Thirteen.” Diane replied coldly, before turning her baleful gaze to the pale orange earth pony and yellow unicorn in a booth in the back corner. “You! The changeling in the corner? Did you miss the news flash? I just explained that Decanter is MY territory. That goes for Princess Bug Butt’s drones as much as Queen Not-So-Bright! Or do I have to set another example?”
“Perhaps you need a reminder of whose territory this really is.” Tarot Solitaire's calm voice silenced the room. “I had hoped the price my cards imposed on you last time would have pushed you to become a better person on the inside. But I see you have embraced the monster in the mirror. It was always your choice to make, but I can’t have you roughing up my poor cousin. He’s gone through quite enough as it is. Deadlift, please show this young lady and her sisters to the door.”
“You know you can’t take me a fight, Jimmy Jack.” Diane sneered at the giant pale horse.
“Diane, what would Train Wreck say if he could see you right now?” Dead Lift shook his head sadly. “For once I’m glad Surprise passed when she did, because seeing you like this would break her heart.”
“You don’t know anything about it!” Diane snapped, before turning for the door. “Come on girls, let the bat-ponies have their stupid bar. I never liked the place anyway.”
“Wait!” Orange Pip stood up. “Are you the Shift Sisters?”
“You should really just shut your stupid face, drone.” Diane spat on the floor. “I’m letting you go because I owe the goat a favor. Don’t push your luck.”
“First things first.” In a flash of changeling magic the earth pony stallion was an emaciated changeling Queen. “I was hatched from the same egg as Madame Butterfly, but I was raised by ponies.”
“Butterfly’s not a name you should really be dropping like that Mister Missus.” Pinkie 13’s smile hung upside down in front of the new changelings face. “We kinda had issues with mom, ‘had’ issues until Diane decided to play stabby-stabby, which is usually MY favorite game.”
“I had no ties to Madame Butterfly. We never met, really.” Pip amended quickly. “But I’ve lived my entire life chained to a family that hated me for a dark deed committed when I was still simply a nymph. The Orange family had me sterilized, when they found out what I was, but in all other respects I have the full capacity of a changeling queen. I would like to join your hive as an adviser.”
“I dunno, Diane,” Split shift dropped her Rainbow Dash disguise, “I don’t like the look of her. What if she tries to take over?”
“Then she’ll end up in even smaller pieces than her twin sister.” Diane smiled evilly. “You know what? You get to be Twilight Sparkle. Go play ‘Canterlot Wedding’ with my sisters.”
“Pip…” Picture Perfect fidgeted nervously.
“It’s okay Pic.” The changeling quickly flashed into the form of the Princess of Friendship.
“No! No! No!” Pinkie 13 quickly argued. “Unicorn Twilight, and stay in character, Sheesh!”
“You better take her marefriend too.” Diane said thoughtfully. “We’ll need to keep her fed. And there’s not much love for changelings in this city anymore.”
“You sure about this, Pip?” Deadlift gave his friend a serious look.
“These fillies are my only connection left to my changeling origins.” Orange Pip replied in Twilight’s voice. “I can’t just spend the rest of my life pretending to be a pony.”
Chapter 41 - Lost In Shadows
“So what’s your real name, Orange Pip?” Diane grinned at the older queen. “Your changeling name?”
“I don’t know, to be honest. I was imprinted to replace the colt of a wealthy Manehatten family.” Pip admitted, “I didn’t even realize I was a changeling and not a pony until I got my cutie mark and was forced to assume my true form. My pony… parents… had been captured by changelings while exploring the wastelands with their infant son. They escaped, and they thought they had rescued their son. That was a changeling trick. What they had really brought back was me. The fives pips is a very specific message in the Orange family. It means you are marked as a traitor.”
“You look familiar…” Diane turned on Picture Perfect and gave her coat a long sniff. “You smell familiar too.” Diane opened her lethal jaws and ran her tongue along Pic’s blushing cheek. “And I’ve definitely tasted that flavor of fear. Who are you? Really? Don’t be afraid to drop names.”
“Pho-Photo Plate. I guess it’s not surprising that you would recognize me. You live with my sister.” Picture shuffled away.
“Heh, funny, Carrot never mentioned you.” Diane laughed coldly. “But then, you two have a family that rival’s mine and Z’s. Listen up girls, these are your new big sisters. Photo here is the big sister of Z’s big sister Carrot Plate. And Orange Pip… no, her hive name is Moth until and unless she names herself… Moth is truly one of us, hatched from the same egg that hatched our mother.”
Suddenly all eyes were on the older Queen, “I… Thank you, your majesty. I was a discarded piece of some long forgotten scheme. You’ve given me a place to belong.”
“I’m giving you a chance. One chance, Moth, one shot.” Diane’s voice echoed grimly. “One chance, one shot, that’s all any of us ever got.”
“If it’s all the same… your majesty,” Picture stammered nervously. “I prefer not no use my birth name.”
“Nopony can name you in in the Shadow hive.” The small queen gave a warm and somewhat terrifying smile. “What do you want your name to be?”
“Well, since I ran away, I’ve always gone by Picture Perfect.” Pic smiled back.
“No way!” Pinkie 13’s disembodied smile bobbed in. “Okay, we get it, you’re pretty. But I am not calling you that, like, ever! From now on your name is Sketch!”
“Thirteen, she can name herself what she wants.” Diane gave her sister a warning glare.
“It’s okay, I kind of like the name Sketch.” The yellow unicorn smiled. “It actually describes what I do very well.”
Sketch felt a nuzzle out of nowhere from the nearly invisible Thirteen. “Moth and Sketch! Hey! This means there’s 13 of us again!”
“Fourteen” Diane corrected. "Our next move is to Break out Z.”
“That would explain why we’ve been walking to the hive.” Moth nodded. “And I hate to bring this up, because I know it has to be a painful subject, but with the Unspoken Prince… gone…”
“Be careful how you say the next words out of your mouth.” Diane hissed.
“Well… your sister has an offspring to care for, your majesty.” The nervous changeling continued. “And we are… for lack of better words, at war.”
“She’s right Diane, Darling.” Sweet Shift cut in soothingly. “Remember the tragedy of the last invasion. We both know that Fast Change is not holding Z prisoner. We simply cannot subject our niece to these conditions.”
“Grr, dammit Moth, don’t make yourself more trouble than you're worth.” Diane growled.
“I wouldn’t be much of an adviser if I didn’t give advise, your majesty.” The older changeling chuckled.
“Okay, it’s back to playing ‘Canterlot Wedding’, then.” Diane nodded. “The game works like this. You and our sisters are the elements of Destruction. You get to be Twilight Sparkle, Moth. The game is to root out the evil changelings in Decanter. You were raised by ponies, so you’ll probably have a harder time spotting changelings than the the rest, but don’t worry, they're good at it. You’ve got five sisters with you now, you better have five when you come back or a really good place to hide.”
“But… there’s eight of us…” Sketch flinched nervously.
“Yeah, but me and you are gonna take a walk up the hill for some ‘sisterly bonding’. Noone had his leaders planted all through the noble houses. They all flocked to Chrysalis when he died, and now they think they can just hide their crimes behind the bitch queens schemes.” The little queen explained. “I have reason to take them out even if they weren’t wearing faces that make it even more fun. But they are.”
“Are you saying we’re going to kill them?” The yellow unicorn looked uncertain.
“Remember Day Shift? The changeling whose murder we were investigating?” Moth nuzzled into her beloved. “These are the ones responsible for that. They're the one’s ones responsible for the attack in Baltimare. They won’t see justice any other way. When Chrysalis IS eventually defeated, they’ll go on masquerading as if they were hapless tools in her schemes.”
“And they’ll just do it again.” Diane agreed with an angry nod. “You can’t just run away and let them keep getting away with it. Because they’ll just keep hurting ponies. Just like Iam Noone, just like Stormy Night, and just like your father. Carrot was at the University when the attack happened. She’s been missing ever since. She was never my favorite pony, but she was part of Train Wreck’s herd, and that means she was my sister. And I plan to have my revenge. If you can’t avenge your own sister then you have no place in our hive, Sketch.”
“Carrot?” The yellow unicorn choked back a sob. “Please… there has to be some mistake.”
“Come on or run away.” Diane started walking and Sketch fell in line behind her. “The rest of you, follow Moth and show her the ropes. We’ll meet back at the hive later. And you can both meet the rest of the shifts.”
Chapter 42 - Time For Some Payback...
Chapter 42 - Time For Some Payback...
“HELL-Oh, ‘Fancy Pants’” Diane grinned as she strutted forward.
“I…” The seeming unicorn’s voice dried in his mouth.
“Carrot Plate.” Sketch’s voice was cold. “Does the name mean anything to you?”
“How about Day Shift?” Diane Cooed. “She was a fellow changeling.”
“Guards!” The changeling screamed helplessly.
“Oh don’t worry, your guards are perfectly safe. We would never hurt innocent drones” Diane grinned widely. “But it’s nice that you thought about them.”
The changeling slammed against an alley wall to find himself pinned in Sketch’s telekinetic grasp
“I won’t lie. You’re just not going to pull through. The nopony is dead. But you know that, don’t you. We want the bomb maker. If you tell us where he is, we’ll make it painless…” Diane’s smile was positively toxic.
-=-=-=-=-
“Don’t worry Anon,” Velvet Hammer reassured her wheelchair bound human companion as she nuzzled his masked cheek, “Iam used a drone to actually plant the bombs. The drone was caught, and you're just a human in a mask. All we have to do is hide out here until this stupid invasion blows over.”
“They’re going to figure out that we worked with him!” Anon protested in a panic. “And they’re going to connect me with Gold Brick! I’m not going back to jail, Velvet!”
“It’s going to be fine. Just take off your mask, and you're just some crippled human.” The earth pony mare reassured her lover. “Without the mask, you're just a human. You could even use your real name. Jack and Velvet, it has a nice ring to it. Remember, Iam had me preaching in the streets that the changelings were all monsters. Why would anypony believe ever believe that we had anything to do with the changeling plot?”
“Oh, I don’t know, human with no feet in a wheelchair maybe?” Jack grumbled.
“So what if they do? We’re victims here. It’s not like the Nopony ever actually gave us any choice.” The mare spoke in soothing tones, calming the panicked human. “We just have to stick together. It’s me and you. Always.”
“You’re the victims.” A sickeningly sweet voice echoed through the chamber. “Well that’s rich, wouldn’t you say, Sketch?”
“W-who’s there?” Jack/Anon spun his wheelchair in a rapid circle.
“All those young ponies at the university in Baltimare.” Charcoal flew over paper, and a photo-quality picture was suddenly thrust in the human’s face, portraying an image of a young, timid Carrot Plate. “It was easy, I’ll bet. Pretending it wasn’t your fault.” A second page was rapidly produced, this one portraying a pretty changeling filly with her skull caved into an unnatural shape. “It’s easy when you don’t have to see the aftermath. When you don’t have to live with the nightmares of the pictures you can never unsee!”
“What should we do Sketch?” Diane rubbed against the unicorn like cat.
“I- I never killed anyone!” Anon protested.
“Please!” Velvet sobbed, seeing the end that the path she chose come into view. “It was Iam Noone! He made us do it! You don’t know what he’s like, you…”
“That as the wrong thing to say.” Diane replied coolly. Her tones became soothing as she nuzzled into Velvet Hammer. “Whatever abuse he threw on you, he didn’t just lock you in a room in a basement and throw you ponies to torture, did he? You could have escaped. He’s dead, and we still found you here. Making excuses for why you serve him. I’ve seen you on the streets, preaching his hate. He trusted you to walk free. And you never ran away.”
“I can’t just leave Anon! Look at what the Nopony did to him!” Velvet protested. “And the changeling in Baltimare wore his form! He can’t be seen on the streets! It’s not our fault.”
“What are we going to to do?” The yellow unicorn cast the younger changeling a grim look.
“They said it themselves. They never killed anypony. Tirek in Tartarus, these two are more innocent than me, the way they tell it!” Diane smiled. “They just want to hide their shame.”
“I know a spell. It seals a door.” Sketch nodded. “It’s a rarely used maintenance room in the Canterlot sewers. They won’t be found for months.”
“Y-you can’t just seal us down here!” Anon protested. “We don’t have anything to eat, we’ll starve!”
“You still each other.” Diane cooed soothingly as Sketch sealed the door behind them.
-=-=-=-=-
“I’m not ready for this, your majesty.” Sketch shuffled at the door of her family home.
“Nonsense, Sketch.” The young queen nuzzled the reluctant unicorn. “This reunion is long overdue.”
“I- I left her with him…” Sketch protested frantically. “I ran away, and I left her here… and now she’s…”
“He deserves to pay.” Diane hissed. “Sometimes we can’t protect our sisters from the world. Sometimes the world takes from us. That’s why we exist. We take back from the world.”
The doors of the Plate mansion splintered in a burst of Diane’s magic. “Ooohh Gold Plate, somepony’s here to see you!”
“Can’t you just leave me to rot in peace!” An older unicorn looked up with disinterest. “I wasn’t even worth replacing!”
“Wow, Carrot wasn’t lying, Uncle Train Wreck really did a number on this place.” Diane laughed as she walked into the once opulent living space. Unfinished repairs scarred what was once an elegant entry way.
“Hello, father.” Sketch fought back her tears as she entered. “It should make me happy to see you reduced to this, but it doesn’t.”
“I… deserve this, I suppose.” The noble sighed as he set his table, preparing a pot of hot tea. “I’ve lived a poor life in a rich house. I won’t deny my crimes. Will you kill your mother too?”
Sketch stepped back, as Gold Plate continued. “She was as willing as I to sell you both for favor. For what it’s worth our family would have thrived had I succeeded. My only regret is failure.”
“Look at him… Diane, I can’t do it.” Sketch turned her head. “He’s already broken. He wants this. He wants us to end his shame, he’s been waiting for this moment."
“She left me, you know.” Gold Plate rambled on, obliviously. “Your mother I mean. It’s funny really. After everything I did, and after everything she turned a blind eye to… I always knew you would come back one day, to drag me down into Tartarus. I think I’m ready now.”
“This… feels… empty.” Sketch shook her head. “I came here to face a demon… not to murder an old, broken, and useless stallion.”
“Remember what he did to you.” Diane hissed. “Remember what he did to Carrot.”
“When you ran away, I had to find… other ways to advance our family.” Gold Plate sighed absently as he poured his tea. “For generations we Plates had climbed the social ladder in Canterlot through marriages of convenience. I broke that chain when I married your mother Digger. It was my responsibility to correct my mistake, to…”
“NO!” Sketch shouted. “You don’t get to put any kind of noble facade in front of your perversions! I was there, I know what you did, father. It had nothing to do with social climbing or any kind of intrigue. This house has fallen. There will be no Plate family named in any history book.”
With a flash of magic, silken curtains ignited in flame. “It’s time to leave, your majesty”
“What about Gold Plate?” Diane snarled, not quite satisfied.
“The Unspoken Prince has broken his power. He can burn with what’s left of his legacy, or he can wander the streets of Canterlot as a worthless and nameless beggar. I don’t care which.” Sketch marched out the doors without further comment.
“You raised your daughter with more mercy in you heart than my father did.” Diane sneered at the old stallion as she left.
“Is that what you believe this is young one? Mercy?” The noble calmly sipped his tea as the House of Plate burned around him.
Chapter 43 - Time for Some Fun
“A thought occurred to me,” Moth grinned, and in a flash of changeling fire, her unicorn-Twilight form suddenly sported a pair of pale-green, gossamer wings, “The game will be much more effective if the ponies know who we are.”
“Moth!” Pinkie 13 bounced in front of the older changeling and leveled her fiercest glare. “No breaking character!”
“I’m not breaking character, Thirteen.” Moth smiled at the youngest of her wards. “I’m just… personalizing my character. You should all do the same. If we’re going to claim this territory right out from under Princess Fast Change, we’d do well to let the ponies know which hive is in charge. When this is over, they will know that while Fast Change hid safely in her hive, it was the Shadow Hive that came forward to fight the invaders.”
“You make a good point darling.” Sweet Shift smiled warmly as she flashed from Rarity to Nightmare Rarity. “A rather fabulous nightmare wouldn’t you say?”
“I got one!” Split Shifts Rainbow Dash disguise was suddenly starkly contrasting black and white. “Because everything is 20% edgier in black and white!”
“Is this alright?” Everypony turned to the changeling who had previously been disguised as Applejack, and still was… sort of.
“Tazzlejack? That’s pretty good Early Shift!” Split Shift grinned.
“Ah’m a big fan of the Unspoken Prince.” The orange pseudo-pony blushed and turned her head to one side.
“Don’t forget me... please… if you don’t mind that is…” Flutterbat hid her face behind her pink mane.
“Oh, you know you’ve been wanting to do that all night, Evening Shift.” Pinkie 13 teased her sister. “Well, I guess it’s my turn then!”
Thirteen struck a dramatic pose, but instead of changeling flame, her main and tail just seemed to deflate and hang painfully straight as the brightness of her coat became ever so slightly dimmer. Her eyes seemed to lose focus and the young changeling whipped out a knife out of nowhere, held in a manic grin. “Wanna make some cupcakes?”
“Well, the good news is I don’t need to use the little filly’s room anymore.” Split Shift stared at her little sister in semi-awe.
-=-=-=-=-
“Hey! Will you look at that! And here I thought all the little bug ponies were hiding in their hive with their bug princess!” The unicorn guard sneered. “Haven’t you bugs heard the news? Nopony loves you anymore! In fact all the little ponies in Canterlot HATE changelings.”
“Now you see here! A small umbrum pony flittered into the guard’s face. “Princess Fast Change has done more for Decanter than any of you lot on the hill!”
“Bug lover, eh?” The unicorn brought the butt of his spear across the umbrums head with a decisive crack. “That’s what we think of bug-lovers in Canterlot!”
“Did you see that?” The whispers began. “That guard just assaulted Miss Shadefire!” Ponies began to hurry finding their way off the streets, as the guards merely grinned at the accusations. “She’s just a school teacher! Celestia would never allow this!”
“Clear the streets, peasants!” The guard captain bellowed then turned to the assembled changelings. “You should have hid out with your little princess traitors. Do you really think five little love starved drones can make any difference?”
“Six.” A voice seemed to echo in the air around the guard and even into his very soul.
“What the…” The guards all turned around in confusion trying to locate the source of the sound.
Suddenly a blade burst forth from the guard captains head, and Pinky Thirteen appeared out of nowhere in her Pinkamena suit, leap frogging gleefully over the already collapsing changeling soldier. “STABBY STABBY!”
Ponies screamed in horror as the “guards” dropped all pretense, as well as their disguises and scattered.
“Thirteen!” Moth scolded the murderess. “What did I tell you about killing drones?”
“He wasn’t a drone! He was a leader-caste! And you saw what he did to that poor little umbrum!” Miss Shadefire was grasped gently in 13’s magic and nudged into consciousness. “Are you alright, miss?”
“Oh my!” The little grey changeling stood on unsteady legs. “W-what happened?”
“That mean old stinky changeling from Queen Stupid Face attacked you!” Thirteen supplied helpfully. “And Princess Diane sent us to drive them out of our territory.”
“P-princess Diane?” Shadefire questioned. “You mean Train Wreck’s daughter?”
“Yeah, she’s my big sister, and we’re totally taking over Decanter!” Thirteen explained happily. “So I guess all you ponies belong to the Shadow Hive now! We promise to be super-fun overlords, so don’t worry… well actually do worry. We feed off fear. And by law you have to feed us! And umbrum! Because I like umbrum! So don’t worry, but be very afraid!”
“S-she killed that changeling!” A pony stammered. “She just killed him without a second thought!”
“The Unspoken’s heir is usurping Princess Fast Change?” Ponies began to step outside.
“Chrysalis has invaded?” More and more ponies began to murmur in panicked tones.
“C-can I come with you?” The little umbrum asked uncertainly.
“You aren’t exactly a changeling.” Split Shift raised an eyebrow.
“Neither was Sketch, but Diane let her in and she’s super cool!” Thirteen bounced with unrestrained glee. “Besides, we have more in common with umbrum than we do with most changelings! Can we keep her, Auntie Moth? She can be super helpful! She can be our hives scare master! And she’s a school teacher! It will be that thing you grown-ups like so much… educational?”
“Miss Shadefire!” A harried unicorn mare approached timidly. “You can’t go with these ruffians! The pink one just killed somepony!”
“Oh pull your head out of your privileged flank! You just saw the same thing we all did!” Shadefire fluttered above the assembled ponies and raised her voice, shouting over the confused din. “The royal guards are Chrysalis soldiers! We aren’t being infiltrated, we have been infiltrated! How long has it been since the sun moved? This isn’t an invasion. We. Have. Been. Conquered! Canterlot has fallen! Our leaders in the Castle have likely been replaced. Our Princess of Changelings hides in her hive. We were broken and divided by the Nopony, the shadow that hung too long over Decanter. He delivered us to evil! He banished even our own Prince, the Undestructable Train Wreck! He led the forces of Queen Chrysalis to our very doorstep! And in the end it took the courage of a filly to end his evil. One of my own students, I’m proud to say! You speak in shock of death? This is war! Do we hide behind Changeling fillies while we debate if they go too far to defend us? I stand with Princess Diane Pastel and her Shadow Hive!”
Uncertain murmurs passed through the crowd until a young Minotaur stepped forward. “I’m in!”
“Rock Steady!” Shadefire scolded the young bull. “I told you to stay inside!”
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Chapter 44 - Murderous Villains and Conquering Heroes
Chapter 44 - Murderous Villains and Conquering Heroes
“Um, your highness?” Sketch asked nervously.
“Just call me Diane.” The young changeling grinned. “We’re family now.”
“O-okay… Diane… why are we going to the castle?” Sketch finished her question. “I thought you said we didn’t care about what Chrysalis did in Upper Canterlot.”
“We don’t. Let their royalty fix that.” Diane shrugged. “But the rest of Noone’s ‘nobles’ are hiding in the day court. I guess they think I care about witnesses.”
-=-=-=-=-
Mandible was enjoying his job. How could he not? It didn’t really matter what he did, ponies loved it. He wondered why they didn’t just enlist the whole hive to faking Celestia appearances around Equestria. Of course he’d have to give up most of the harvested love when he got back to the hive, but it wouldn’t hurt if he enjoyed just a little for himself, right.
“Uh mandible…” one of his fellow drones whispered in his ear. “It’s the local queen, she’s at the gate…”
“Fast Change?” The changeling impersonating Celestia scowled. “She’s holed up in her hive. They are too love-starved to put up any resistance!”
“No… the OTHER queen…” The guard whispered nervously.
The court crier looked uncertainly at the scroll he had been given, but he knew his duty, and his duty was to announce whoever was on that scroll. “Here ye, the Princess Diane Contessa Bobessa Banana Fanna Fo Fessa Fe Fi Fo Fessa Pastel will now grace the court of the sun.”
The castle itself shook as the door to the court splintered in a magical explosion.
“I can too make doors explode, you owe me a milkshake, Sketch.” The evil queen sauntered into the room, her hips swaying and her scorpion tail swishing like a cats.
“What is the meaning of this outrage!” Mandible tried to sound regal as ponies descended into panic.
“Oh relax ‘princess’.” Diane grinned, showing off her shark-like maw. “I come with joyous tiding for all the ponies and changelings who were not in league with the nopony! None of you are going to die! But that gal right there…”
Diane’s tail wrapped around the unicorn mares throat and pulled her beside her, before turning Sketch and smiling. “Sketch, can I get a picture? I want to remember that look on her stupid face.”
“Please!” The changeling quickly dropped her disguise, eliciting gasps of shock from the assembled ponies. “You making a mistake! I was just part of the invasion. I’m one of Chrysalis’!”
Mandible’s heart froze in his chest. That idiot had just given away the whole show. Ponies were starting to panic in earnest, with murmurs of invasion spreading through the court. Mandible was just about to make a show of rounding up the “evil changelings” when the mutant brat leaned in to kiss the loud mouth changeling… and sucked every ounce of love out of her, leaving her emaciated husk to fall to floor. To the changelings of Chrysalis' hive who lived in constant hunger it was hard to imagine a more horrible death.
“You’re not a changeling, and you’re not a changeling.” Diane moved through the panicking nobility like an affectionate cat. “And you… wait…” She stopped to run her tongue along a nervous unicorn’s face. “Okay, you’re with Queen Stupid, so you get to live.”
The outed changeling’s ‘wife’ looked at him in shock when Sketch spoke up. “That one… Gold Brick. My uncle. He was working for the Nopony before this started. And... no…”
The changeling shuffled nervously, and the well dressed mare beside him looked at the approaching duo in terror. “Ph-photo Plate?”
“That hasn’t been my name for a long time, Gold Digger.” The yellow mare’s voice echoed with hate.
“I-I can explain!” The mare began to break down. “When the Unspoken Prince broke your father’s power… I… I mean…”
“Oh, at least face this with dignity.” The changeling beside her snapped as he dropped his disguise. “You didn’t even care that I was a changeling, or which side you ended up on. The love was sweet, the sex was fun, and we almost got away with it.”
“Most of my father's minions begged for their lives.” Diane smiled at her victim. “What’s your name?”
“Sting.” The changeling grinned. “I was your mother’s best assassin.”
A burst of magic erupted catching Diane off guard. It was only for a moment, but in that moment the assassin was on her. For all her strength and power, the older changeling had experience that Diane just couldn’t match, and for all her flailing, she just couldn’t seem to land a telling blow, all the while she herself was taking a brutal pummelling.
“You're worse than father ever was!” Sketch spat on her mother. “At least he had the dignity to accept defeat. You’re like a virus! You just move from one pony to the next, sowing misery and reaping wealth.”
“It’s called winning the game dear!” The older unicorn sneered. “If you hadn’t been such an ungrateful little slut you could have been living in luxury yourself!”
The marble bust slammed into the back of Gold Digger’s head, twisting it to a sickeningly wrong angle as it shattered. Sketch could barely see past the tears in her own eyes. She could barely even comprehend what she had just done. “You didn’t even mention Carrot Plate. You… didn’t even care…”
“I won’t fall so easy to your wrath, little queen!” Sting had managed to restrain Diane in multiple magical tethers. “Did you think I was just going to…”
The changeling collapsed, multiple little silver darts sticking out of his back. Diane pushed unconscious changeling and moved to her feet, searching the crowd until she had spotted her savior.
“You should leave before the others arrive.” Samantha smiled at her young friend.
“Come on Sketch.” Diane nodded, taking a moment to bring her hoof down on the skull of the assassin with finality. “We’re done here.”
As they quickly made their exit amid the panicking throngs of fleeing ponies, Diane could hear Samantha cheerfully interrogating ‘Celestia’. "Go on, let's see the real you. Are you larger than normal, or changing to be this size? It must be very tiring."
“I- I killed her.” Sketch sobbed as they ducked into an alley.
“We killed a lot today.” Diane stretched. “Also a spot of arson, and we’re currently usurping the power from the Princess of Changelings, which I’m pretty sure is treason. Welcome to the darkside. We have cookies. They're my mom’s recipe… Surprise I mean, not Madame Butterfly but that’s probably pretty obvious.”
“We just killed three ponies in front of the entire court.” Sketch began to panic openly.
“Well, at least half of the witnesses were invading changelings. And it was such a panic, I don’t think anypony even noticed when you bashed mommy dearest’s skull in with a bust of Celestia.” Diane draped a hoof over the older mare’s withers. “I didn’t even know you had that in you! Relax, there was an impending pitched battle, those always scatter evidence.”
“I’m a murderer.” Sketch sobbed.
“Actually you're more like an accessory to murder.” The young queen noted. “You know, kind of like murder’s turquoise pendant. Oh come on that was funny. Relax, at the time it all went down I was the only member of Royalty who wasn’t either captured by changelings or in hiding. I’m pretty sure I was the reigning monarch at the time, so it wasn’t really even murder. Well, we’re here…”
Diane stopped suddenly as they rounded the corner. “Get behind me Sketch…”
A gathering of ponies, griffons, and even a few changeling drones armed with a variety of makeshift weapons milled around the abandoned warehouse that served as the Shadow Hive’s base of operation.”There she is!”
“Well, I always knew it was end in a lynch mob sooner or later.” Diane’s voice was grim. “I’ll buy you some time, Sketch, just run.”
“No, I’m not going to run out on a another little sister!” Sketch braced herself for the onslaught.
“All hail Princess Diane!” Moth moved to the front of the mob, which abruptly broke into raucous cheering. “All hail the savior of Decanter!”
“Hey, sis!” Thirteen’s cheshire smile bobbed along in the air. “We conquered Decanter! Oh, and I met this really cute minotaur, and we made out and I think we’re going steady now. That’s kinda a joke because his name is Steady. He said he was a friend of yours but that you weren’t going out or anything and he didn’t think you' be mad.”
“You conquered decanter?” Diane repeated tonelessly.
“And I’m dating a really cute minotaur. Geez, weren’t you listening.” Thirteen giggled. “Hey Sketch! Did you and sis have as much fun as we did?”
Chapter 45 - Missing Pieces
“Z,” Chitin shuffled nervously in front of the mare, he knew she wasn’t going to be happy to hear what he had to say, “Diane has… done some bad things…”
“NO!” The heavily shelled changeling stamped all six of her hooves. “The stupid smelly Chitin will stop lying about Diane! She would not kill a pony. Not even the Nopony! And even if she did, she was only defending herself!”
“It’s not… just the Nopony, Z.” Chitin admitted sadly. “She’s been killing any pony and any changeling she could find in his entire organization. And… we’ve had reports that she’s planning to move against Fast Change and the hive…”
“No! The Chitin is lying because why does that make sense?” Z sobbed openly. “Fast Change took us in! The Hive is our home! Diane would not betray our friend who has taken us into her hive! The Chitin is lying and the Chitin smells bad!”
“I just want you to be ready Z. Because Princess Fast needs to talk to you.” Chitin lowered his head sadly.
“The Princess? The Fast Change?” Z perked up. “Z will tell her about the nasty lies the Chitin has told about her sister!”
A large figure stepped in from outside, clucking her tongue softly. "Relax, even if you're tired of doing that." She, Fast Change, glanced to where the castle would be would the hive not in the way of seeing it. "I have a feeling it's all coming to a head right about now."
“The Chitin is a bad changeling!” Z angrily accused. “He pretends like he is Z-978’s friend but hell tells horrible lies about her sister!”
“I didn’t tell her the details, your majesty…” Chitin shuffled in place. “But it’s going to come out… I just wanted her to be… ready when it did.”
"There are only so many details to share," sighed out Fast as she settled beside the others. "We're going to have a bit of a mess. With luck, the ponies will be too busy being happy that everything is fixed to care much about anything else."
“Diane would not kill ponies! The Princess must tell the Chitin to stop telling lies!” Z insisted vehemently. “If he does not stop telling lies, Z-978 will NOT be his friend anymore!”
“I can’t get through to her your majesty.” Chitin admitted meekly. “I thought she might listen to you.”
Fast reached out a hoof, the one who's leg still bore that hole she had earned not too long previously. "Sometimes ponies… act badly. As friends, we have to be there, ready to catch them when they fall, and help them stand up again. Real friends are ready to do that, which means admitting they fell in the first place. Are you a real friend?"
“Diane is a GOOD changeling!” Z cried softly. “Why would she turn against the hive that has taken her in? She would not kill ponies.”
"We won't know until we have a chance to ask," replied Fast with a tired tone. "I'm as eager to know as you are at least. Whatever the case, this is still Equestria. We will not meet an eye for an eye. That just ends up with profits to the eye patch makers."
“Z-978 misses Surprise. This would not happen if Surprise were here because Surprise would not let Train Wreck disappear and she would not let Diane do horrible things that Z-978 does not believe that she did.” Z looked at the Changeling queen and sighed, looking away to the floor. “Is the Face Hugger alright? Z does not get to see her grub enough. She is bigger than the other grubs in the nursery, and Z worries that the other grubs will tease Facehugger.”
Fast had to chuckle a little at that. "Oh, it's the other way around. Face'll be running the place soon." She rose to her hooves and turned for the door. "Let's go check on them. That's something we can do right now, instead of worrying about what's outside the reach of our hooves."
“We will see Facehugger?” Z nuzzled into Fast Change. “Surprise said Z should listen to Fast Change. Even if Train Wreck was being stupid. Does the Fast Change think Train Wreck will come back?”
"Look, let me be… honest. If you had asked that say ten years ago, I'd have said no way, but things… I've seen the impossible a few times now. It happens." She leaned in and kissed the top of Z's head. "Let's hope and move forward."
“The Train Wreck liked the Fast Change.” Z trotted along with her odd six legged gait. “He said it was complicated. Can Z pretend to be a regular changeling? Z knows it’s just pretend, but Z-978 does not want to be an ugly bug.”
That made Fast wince softly. She spent so much time hiding herself. With a rush of green flame, the ruddy red-furred unicorn had returned, limping with every step. "We are what we are, but, no, you can put on a pretty face if you want. That's part of being a changeling, isn't it?"
In a flash of changling flames Z was back in her changeling drone ‘disguise’. “Z-978 knows she is not a normal changeling. She knows she is not a pretty changeling. And she knows she is not a smarty-pants changeling. But she is a good changeling. That is what she wants ponies to see.”
Fast pat Z on the head lightly. "Ponies will see what you really are through your actions." She held up her leg, hole still intact. "They were surprised when I first got this, but they knew why, and they know who I am and what I do. That means more than how many holes you have. Never forget that."
“Maybe Diane is just defending us too?” Z asked hopefully as they approached the nursery. “Perhaps she is only doing what she has to do? She will not turn on the hive. The Fast Change has always been our friend.”
"Maybe," allowed Fast as she guided the way. "We won't know for sure until we talk. It doesn't look good, but I'm not throwing down sentences or anything until the smoke clears, and we got plenty of that to go around."
“Then Z’s sister… Diane killed ponies…” Z swallowed hard. “Z-978 is not a smarty pants changeling but she is not a stupid bug! The Surprise said that Princess Fast Change would not lie to Z-978 so you have to tell Z the truth! Did her sister kill ponies?”
Fast inclined an ear at Z a silent moment. "I didn't see it myself, but the reports… aren't looking good. I'm still hoping it'll all be proven wrong, but, no… It really isn't looking good." She stopped just before the door. "Do you want to go in?"
“Facehugger must cling to her mommy’s face.” Z smiled, grief rolling off as she accepted the truth. “She is Z-978’s perfect grub.”
Fast let Z go past into the nursery and gave a little smile. There was still some happiness to be found. "You'd better pull a rainbow out of that plot of yours," she grunted, thinking of her would-be husband. "I'm tired of waiting for it."
Chapter 46 - Unholy Ambition
“How far do we take this, your majesty?” Moth’s face was grim as the two queens conferred.
“You’re hooves are clean Moth.” Diane smiled wanly. “By all account you and my sisters are heroes… I pushed Sketch into going along with me. This was about revenge. It’s going to be over soon. And I have to pay.”
“We’re with you in this.” Sketch spoke uncertainly. “You didn’t force me to do anything.”
“You both misunderstand me.” Moth’s voice grew colder. “We have eliminated the Nopony’s command structure. The battle for the castle will be over in hours, but the confusion of clearing the infiltration could take weeks. Critical positions in the ruling bureaucracy will be left empty throughout lower canterlot.”
“You’re not suggesting we install changelings?” Sketch regretted the accusation the moment it left her mouth at Moth’s sad, reproachful look.
“I think it would be easier to instal resistance ponies, like Miss Shadefire, who have sympathies to our hive… over… hers…” Moth corrected her mate sternly.
“This was always the plan I suppose.” Diane sighed heavily. “Fast Change is… she’s always been a friend to my family.”
“We won’t be able to displace her of course.” Moth shook her head. “And it doesn’t have to be anything but a peaceful transfer of power. But when this is over, Decanter has to see our hive as having came to their defense and restored order while the Princesses on the Hill and in the Hive hid and did nothing.”
“She’s not a bad queen.” Diane cursed, as if this was the worst news imaginable. “It’s not even like she’s really hiding! You said it yourself, she’s protecting her changelings. That’s why we didn’t bust out Z! But you’re right, we’re only doing what we have to do. Rainbows and princesses and princes and happy endings have already failed!”
-=-=-=-=-
“E-ever since the goat… It doesn’t matter what I change into, the mirror just..” Diane sobbed in her adopted mother’s hooves.
“Why don’t you just show me what that mean old stinky mirror keeps trying to tell my little smile waggon she is?” Surprise hugged her daughter tight.
“I should… step back…” The filly sobbed, drawing a nod from Surprise and in a flash of pink flame Diane shuffled in place.
“I can see only two things you need.” Surprise carefully embraced the spiny changeling. “The first is something you need right now. You need a very careful hug. The second thing you don’t need yet, but you will. It’s something I used to tell your uncle Train Wreck after the fire. When you feel like there’s nothing left of you but a monster in the mirror, remember that your looking at your reflection backwards. Look behind you. There are ponies back there who NEED a monster, because sometimes the world just swallows rainbows whole.”
-=-=-=-=-
Diane looked slowly over her shoulder, and sure enough there was Sketch petting her own tail. There was Rock Steady slow dancing unsteadily with her sister’s disembodied smile floating at face level. She saw her sisters, walking freely among ponies and others in their natural forms, drawing not loathing, but admiration and respect. She saw the gathered citizens of Decanter, who had rallied behind her hive to push out the invaders. And she thought of two faces that should be there. Two ponies who should have been there to stand beside her. Two smiles she had been powerless to save
Diane smiled sadly. “When I sleep, I have dreams, almost nightmares, where they’re both still out there somewhere, I think maybe the text just sent them back to Train Wreck’s world and they're still out there having super-fun adventures. But I saw Noone’s card. I know what it meant. I can’t lie to myself. Train Wreck doesn’t exist anymore… and Carrot…”
“We have to focus on the present your majesty,” Moth’s tone was soothing but insistent. “We have to defend those the Princesses can’t… or won’t defend. And to do that we need power. They sat idly by while the Nopony crafted this invasion. When they did choose to finally fight back it was to take back their damned castle. You want to defend Princess Fast Change? Fine. She’s protecting HER changelings, which we are clearly not part of. You’ve expanded our hive beyond just our sisters. We include multiple species who right now are 100% loyal to you. If we wait until the Princesses regain control, that WILL change. And then NOTHING will change. Decanter will go right back to being the noble’s neglected playground.”
“She’s right, Princess Diane.” Hearing her teacher call her by that title brought a smile back to the changelings face, maybe not her usual face-splitting grin, but a smile nonetheless. But she was taken aback by the bitterness in Shadefire’s voice. “We have to lock in our power now, or we’ll just go back to being a bunch of ponies the Princesses can’t be bothered with because we’re not important enough.”
“So what do we do, then?” Diane inquired of her advisors.
“Well, we’ve removed Chrysalis soldiers from the streets,” Moth smiled coldly, “And you’ve removed the Nopony’s infiltrators from the nobles. Who’s to say how long the nobles have been infiltrated? Virtually every administrator they’ve appointed in Decanter is suspect.”
“Of course we’ll need our own guards.” Shadefire nodded in agreement. “And only our guards can be allowed jurisdiction within Decanter. That means the guards from Upper Canterlot, and it also means…”
“Fast Change’s Changeling Guard. I know.” Diane scowled. “I don’t like it. This would work better if we could get Fast Change to back us up.”
“She’s not going to do anything that might anger the two sisters on the hill while she’s still swooning over Prince Silver Watch and trying to get accepted into the royal herd.” Again there was that bitterness in Shadefire’s voice. “On the other hoof, we have the support of the ponies of Decanter behind us. If we demand she disband her guard, then the Princesses on the hill can object all they want. Let her guard try to patrol…”
“Alright, then, first order of business is to clean house in the city administration.” Moth stroked her chin with one hoof. “We’ll need you, of course, your majesty. Myself. Miss Shadefire, without a doubt to act as our spokespony should there be any public outcry…”
“Oooooo, a new game?” Thirteen detached herself from her minotaur perch and floated over joyfully. “Can I play too?”
“Not this time, Thirteen.” Moth scuffed the changeling’s invisible head with one hoof. “We need diplomacy for this. I nominate Sweet Shift and Split Shift.”
“Hmmm, not a bad idea. We better take Red and Blue as well, in case there’s trouble.” Diane nodded. “And all of the non-changelings in the hive.”
“An excellent idea, Princess.” Shadefire beamed at her young pupil. “A large contingent of non-changelings will make it clear we have the will of the ponies behind us.”
“If Rock Steady’s going, then so am I!” Thirteen insisted. “I mean what harm can it do?”
“No stabby-stabby, no hide-and-stabby, no lurking, and no whispering unspeakable words in ponies ears.” Diane spoke severely to her sister.
“The same goes for you, Rock.” Shadefire turned to her ward. “This isn’t meant to be a fight. If it becomes a fight than Diane’s guards will handle it.”
“Heh,” Diane grinned, grimly but not without pleasure, “I’ve got guards. Okay, let's get this done and over before they retake the castle. We need our ponies in place already when Celestia retakes control and Fast re-opens the hive. By the time they know what happened we will be the rightful and recognized authority in Decanter.”
Chapter 47 - Unsettling Tidings
Equestria
“I was assigned this position by his Lordship Civil Doctrine himself!” The surly administrator fumed as her belongings were cleared from her office.
“You don’t call him “Uncle Doctrine?” Diane smiled cruelly. “You’re not a very dedicated niece, I have to say.”
“Miss Shadefire! I’m the Minister of Education for Lower Canterlot! I’ll have your job for this!” The angry mare railed at the fluttering umbrum.
“Actually, we don’t know how long your uncle has been replaced by a changeling.” Moth casually examined the back of one hoof. “Princess Diane, as the undisputed heir of Prince Train Wreck Pastel is the the only member of equestrian royalty who is not currently compromised by the invasion. She’s simply acting in her legal authority to ensure no agents of the Nopony or Queen Chrysalis remain entrenched within the Decanter political system. Once Princess Celestia has returned to active ruling status you can feel free to make your case that you were not planted in this position by an agent of the Nopony but were simply given the job by virtue of simple nepotism. Until such time, your office will be overseen by Miss Shadefire, who has been duly and legally appointed by Princess Diane Pastel.”
“Don’t think Celestia won’t see this as the political power grab that it is!” The angry mare snarled as she stalked out of the office.
“Uh, Sis,” Thirteen’s cheshire smile wavered as it floated into the room, “You might oughta come outside.”
“Thirteen,” Moth scolded the young drone, “We’re a little busy right now…”
“Seriously, you gotta see this!” Thirteen’s voice too on a manic edge.
-=-=-=-=-
“What the hell is going on?” Diane looked at the swarms of fleeing changelings. “They couldn’t have taken back the castle that fast! Did we somehow miss a rainbow explosion?”
“All of Chrysalis’ drones just scattered!” Thirteen confessed her ignorance. “Even the ones who had joined up with us. It was like something really spooked ‘em.”
“Well this isn’t good.” Moth shook her head. “We were depending on a war of attrition on the hill covering our activities until we had all our pieces in place. A full scale retreat will leave the royals space to reorganize the guard and begin restoring order. Additionally, it will free Fast Change to reopen her own hive.”
“It’s worse than that.” Shadefire’s voice was grim. “Look around. Our ponies were following us because we were resisting the invasion. They’re already dispersing while we speak. Whatever just happened, it’s destroyed our narrative that we were maintaining order while the Royal’s in Upper Canterlot did nothing.”
“This was always a risk, Shadefire.” Moth mused. “We simply need to modify the narrative. Deposing the city government of Decanter is something I can sleep with, myself. And I doubt Celestia will be opposed to any of the candidates we’ve installed in their place. She’s no fan of the noble’s nepotism. At the end of the day we were reigning in the destructive tendencies of a swarm of misguided fillies and trying to restore order amidst the chaos.”
-=-=-=-=-
Every wire became a speaker all at once. “DJ Legion Scratch here, ladies and gentlecolts of Trotlanta. We have a special treat in store for you today! City authorities are colluding with an Equestrian national. This goes all the way up to Cicada's plants in the UAC. But we’re gonna build that railroad…”
“That voice…” Train Wreck snarled as he spun in place. “Nopony! I know it’s you! Come out in the open and let’s finish this!”
“Nopony?” The disembodied voice chided. “I don’t know if you heard that, dear listeners, but this treasonous mutant just called your beloved host, ME, a nopony! Well dear listeners, I think it’s time these traitors were dealt with. The loss of the faithful soldiers of the loyal Queen Locust demands it!”
“The UAC is working with Locust?” Mary Beth shot Jackson a dirty look. “Did you know about this?”
“There’ve been rumors. That’s why the detour. But apparently Scratch caught word.” Cpt. Jackson narrowed his eyes. “Get ready…”
A white unicorn with a blue mane, striped mane flickered into existence. And then flickered into existence again, and again, until the party was surrounded by an army of Vinyl Scratch. “Well, dear listeners, it’s not like they deserve it, but let’s give these foul rebels a chance to surrender. Turn over the Equestrian and walk away. It’s that easy.”
A large pickup truck suddenly slammed into first one then another clone, leaving smears of blood in their place. Jaws dropped as Carrot continued smashing duplicates as quickly as they appeared with her over-sized cudgel. “You will not use me to hurt Z and Diane! I don’t know why Train Wreck can’t kill you, but I have no problem with that!”
“Z, and…” One clone splattered only for another to continue. “...who again? Have we…” Another duplicate died mid-sentence. “...met somewhere?”
“This is a new trick, Noone.” Train Wrecks mouth-snakes lashed out grabbing two clones and draining them, first until they dropped their changeling disguise and then reverted into middle-aged male humans, only for their necks to snap in Carrot’s magic.
“Legion Scratch is a changeling?” Dan staggered at the revelation.
“Charlie… those two humans looked just like…” Pinkamena looked to her gigantic companion.
“Yeah… I know… long story.” The beast snarled.
The legion glared fiercely as it continued to be crushed and pummeled. “We have been lessened. Ignore the idiot unicorn. The big one can actually pull us back into reality.”
“Well listeners,” The pleasant voice of Legion Scratch continued to broadcast. “Looks like these interlopers in our planet’s affairs have me at a disadvantage. Lucky for our great nation, I have all kinds of tricks. I am everypony! I am anypony! My name is Legion!”
The swarm flickered out of view, only to reappear piled on top of the massive tazzlecorn. “Let’s me and you step outside for a little chat…”
“Train Wreck!” Carrot screamed, as the space suddenly became empty.
“Charlie!” Pinkamena cried out in rage for flickering out of existence herself.
//Hello.
“Well, this is new…” Legion, suddenly compressed into a single form looked in the expanse of darkness that surrounded them.
“Don’t act like you’ve never seen the text, Noone, or whatever you're calling yourself this time.”
“Charlie!” Pinkamena flickered into the void.
//Well this is quite the reunion we have here. Past, Present, and Future, all at once when looked at from the right angle.
“I don’t know why Charlie’s herd-mate was trying to kill you so hard.” Pinkamena flashed a thin smile. “I have my own reasons.”
“Wait, Diane,” Train Wreck paced thoughtfully, “we can’t kill him… not now…”
//And they said you were the stupid one. But he’s right. Legion Scratch is quite safely insulated in her own history, and is quite untouchable by you. Speaking of which… you’re in the wrong place and time altogether. We had a deal after all, and you have a train to catch.
“Who do you think you are?!?!” Legion spat at the disembodied words. “Do you know who i am?!?!”
//Yes, you are Charles Madrie. And you are a plague.
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Chapter 48 - They call it “Celestia’s School for Special Foals”
They call it “Celestia’s School for Special Foals”. They don’t call it a “looney bin”, they don’t call it a “nut house” and they certainly don’t call it an “asylum”. I’m still not allowed to leave though. They said I needed help. Maybe they’re right. I did a lot of bad things. Really bad things.
Ponies love to tell you it’s what’s on the inside that counts. That’s an easy thing for a pony to say. For a changeling what’s on the inside IS what’s on the outside, unless you want to pretend to be something you’re not. And it’s really easy to pretend to be something you’re not. That’s how I got here. I was pretending to be something sweet, and something innocent, and something good because I wanted two really important ponies to love me.
And after a while I forgot that I was pretending and I almost thought I really was that filly. And I believed that right on up until they were both gone. That’s when I saw who I really was, when I wasn’t trying to trick anypony into loving me because the ponies I wanted to love me were already gone. I found out that past that lie there wasn’t anything inside but a monster. And… I looked at that monster in the mirror and I smiled.
I tried to tell myself at the time that I was protecting and helping ponies just like mom told me I should, but the things I did… it hurts to remember her now. She was always so cheerful, but sad, somehow at the same time. She saw the monster that I was, but she believed in me anyway. She believed that deep down inside I was good. But in the end it turned out I was only pretending to make her love me. Because as soon as she was gone, I proved her wrong.
It’s hard to get news here, but I heard that Sketch is in “protective custody”. I was told she has a “professional friend” and she’s doing fine. That makes me happy. I tried to take the fall for the Plates, but Sketch just couldn’t live with herself. The teachers tell me it’s not my fault, Sketch I mean. They say that she was the adult, but she was the one following me, and that makes it my fault, right? I don’t know what happened to Moth, or Shadefire, but Rock Steady comes around to visit me and Thirteen… mostly Thirteen, but that’s alright. Thirteen’s here too of course. They couldn’t very well just let her run loose. No more than they could me, really. Z comes around a couple of times a week. She say’s Facehugger is huge. Chitin’s nicknamed her “thunder-grub”. Are they a thing now? I don’t know how I feel about that. And they’re both… converted. And I don’t like that.
It’s not that I have anything against the idea of it, anymore… I just hate the idea that Z thought she had to change herself so much to make ponies like her. Or maybe I’m just jealous because when she became what she was on the inside it wasn’t a monster. The stupid cap on my tail is chafing again. I hate it here.
Nopony will tell me anything about what happened to Night Shift. Or even if there’s anything to tell. The rest of my sister’s rejoined Thorax's hive. I don’t know what happened to the Canterlot hive. If I even ask I’m pretty pointedly told that’s not something I should worry about. You try to stage one little coup. Sheesh. I just want to know if my old home is still there. Obviously I haven’t heard from Fast Change since… what happened. I’m not ready to talk about that yet.
Mostly it’s just a daily grind. Wake up eat breakfast . Go to class. Daily Activity. Lunch. Go to class. Visiting hours. Dinner. Day room time. Sleep. It’s like clockwork… at least I assume. They don’t keep clocks where we can see them. If I ask what time it is, they tell me how long it is until the next point in the schedule. Rinse and repeat.
There are other students of course. Alice in particular. She’s an earth pony who fell through a mirror from the human world… or one of them anyway. She’s been here for a while. The teacher’s all think she’s crazy as hell, and she really is, but it’s not like there AREN’T mirror portals to human worlds. And she does seem to know a lot about human-world-stuff. She’s a couple of years older than me and Thirteen. We get along. She say’s Thirteen reminds her of a cat she used to know. Like I said, crazy as hell.
Having my magic blocked is a bitch and a half. I wish I’d paid more attention now when mom used to try to teach me and Z how to do things like an earth pony. I’m just no good with my hooves. I’m even blocked from feeding, outside of mealtimes. The school has a couple of donated pods, and the staff take turns volunteering time to keep me and Thirteen fed. We’re the only two changelings here, of course.
Most of the ponies are unicorns, besides Alice. There’s a few pegasi, and even a lunar, but she’s the only Earth pony. There aren’t any griffons. That makes me wonder what happened to Glenda. Me and her and Indigo used to be so close… before the circus anyway. But I’m not supposed to dwell on that. I’m not supposed to dwell on him. Or everything he took from me. Or what I did to him. Or what I kept doing. I’m not supposed to…
I feel better now. I just had to walk away for a few minutes. I don’t know what writing all this down is going to do, honestly. I don’t know how these classes are supposed to help me. It’s not bad mind you. Thirteen’s actually learning how to read. And that’s good, but it’s not like they’re going to let us go home. For one thing, there’s no home to go to. Surprise and… they're gone. I don’t know if Fast Change even has a hive anymore, but the fact that they won’t even tell me that much tells me I can’t go back there. Not that I really needed to be told.
So I’m here. And I’m writing this journal because the teacher’s said it would help, even though I don’t see how. And every day I just try to sort out how it all came down to this, while everypony lies and tells me it's somehow not my fault.
Chapter 49 - The Soft and the Fragile
No! Just no! How could they let this happen?!?! They caused this! They bound Thirteen’s magic so she couldn’t hide! They only fed her enough to get by so she wouldn’t be able to fight. They even bound up her wings so she couldn’t fly! She was helpless! They were supposed to keep her safe!
Thirteen’s just a big grub, really. She doesn’t even have a carapace. Normally when all you see is her smile it looks like she’s bouncing along at pony-level because she’s really flying. Since we’ve been here she’s had to crawl along on the floor like a worm. It would break most changelings, but she never stopped smiling. Even I can’t smile in this place, but there’s no stopping Thirteen. And now she’s in traction because of that stupid pegasus Gale Storm. All because she was taking too long in the snack line!
I should start from the beginning.
We had finished our second set of classes for the day, and they were passing out snacks in the day-room. I never bother to get in the snack line. I hate their stupid stale cookies and their stupid juice cups. It’s not even food for me. And they're not even real cookies compared to what mom used to make at the bakery. But Thirteen never had mom’s cookies, so I guess they were alright to her. Stupid Gale Storm, with her fat stupid blue flank had got sent to the back of the line for pushing. Of course Thirteen was in the back of the line. She’s always at the end of the line because she has to crawl everywhere.
Thirteen was moving as quick as she could. But that stupid whorse just kept nagging her to go faster. I should have stayed with her, even if I do hate their stupid fake cookies, I shouldn’t have left her by herself. Gale just wouldn’t leave Thirteen alone, and finally Thirteen told her to shove it up her plot. And… and… she stomped on her! And there was screaming. And then I got there, and I saw Thirteen laying there Twitching like that… and… I’m not sorry. I don’t care if I have to wear a muzzle forever. I hope the scar on her stupid face never heals and foals and fillies scream and throw things at her for the rest of her life. I don’t know if Thirteen is going to be alright or not. The teacher doesn’t want to look at me when I ask. They let me have my journal back, and they let me out of the restraints eventually. But I’m still looked up in observation. Alice looked in through the window once and smiled at me. I think she tried to tell me something, but I couldn’t hear her through the door.
I still have the dreams, sometimes. The ones about Train Wreck and Carrot. Sometimes I like to daydream that he’s gonna come back some day. And he’s going to tear this stupid school apart and he’s going to rip that stupid door right off its stupid hinges, and he’s going to take me and Thirteen out of this stupid place and we’re going to be a family again. Alice too if she wants to come. But I know it’s just a stupid dream. The Nopony took Train Wreck and threw him right out of the whole world, and Carrot… Z still holds out hope because they never found a body in Baltimare. But it’s been so long… she would have come back already if she could. She wouldn’t have left Z hanging like that. Especially not after everything that happened with the hive and the rest of the changelings. It had to have been in all the papers.
I’m really tired right now. I’m going to lay down until they come back around to wheel me to the feeding pods. I still get strapped down when they have to move me back through general population. I’ll write more after lunch.
-=-=-=-=-
They wheeled me into the medical area to see Thirteen. She looks pretty rough, but the big squishy dent is gone, and she’s awake, and… she was grinning like a damned fool. I felt so stupid. I haven’t cried so much since mom’s funeral in Ponyville. And while I was blubbering like a foal, Thirteen was just grinning and talking… and talking… and talking! She said Alice had come by to see her earlier, which I could see beause she was still there. I got mad a little, because I should have got to seen her first. Not mad at Alice of course. I was mad at the stupid staff for making me wait until after lunch!
Alice said Gale was going to be alright, and I told her I didn’t care. The teacher said I shouldn’t say things like that, but that stupid pegasus could have killed Thirteen, over some stale cookies! And she didn’t even care! The teacher tried to lie and say Gale Storm felt really bad, and that she even cried when she found out how bad Thirteen was hurt. I told her she was only crying because I bit her stupid face. She wanted to hurt Thirteen! She would be laughing right now if I hadn’t made sure she got hurt too. Then they wheeled me back into observation because they said I was upsetting Thirteen. I guess she did look upset, but it was that stupid pegasus’ fault!
So it looks like I’m gonna be spending lots of quality time to myself for a few days. I’m just glad they let me have my journal. I told them the stupid cap on my tail was chafing, and they said they’d send someone in to sedate me and adjust it later. That kind of annoys me. I’m not gonna sting some pony when they’re trying to help me. I only ever hurt ponies and changelings who deserved it. That includes that stupid bully Gale. I only feel bad because I should have been in the snack line with Thirteen to look after her. And a little because I know when Z comes to visit she’s gonna give me that look. That damned stupid, I’m-not-angry-I’m-sad look. None of this would happen if Train Wreck were here. He’d never let some stupid bully stomp on Thirteen like that. I try to be like him. I try to be like mom. But it seems like all that ever happens is ponies get hurt and in the end I can’t protect anypony. Well, that’s enough for one day. I’m going to try to get a nap before dinner. There’s not much else to do when you’re locked in observation.
Chapter 51 - Perchance to Dream
“Wait… Train Wreck, how did we get here?” Carrot looked around in momentary confusion as they walked through the Decatur open market. Ponies, changelings, humans, and mutants shouted on all sides, proclaiming their wares.
“I- uh… good question, Diane?” The beast turned to the Pink Ghost.
“The last thing I can remember clearly we were fighting an army of the same white unicorn, then they all piled on you and disappeared and I tried to follow and then… gahh!!!” Pinkamena fell back on her haunches and gripped her head with both hooves.
“Are you okay?” Carrot Plate rushed over to offer support, when suddenly Dan interjected.
“Wow, you guys were pretty amazing back there! I can’t believe you just used a pickup truck as a freakin’ fly swatter!” The human gushed over Carrot.
Train Wreck and Pinkamena shared a look but kept their thoughts to themselves.
“The train station is just ahead,” Mary Beth took the lead. “Then the westbound line will take us to Five Points Station. The Marta Rails are completely under Cicada’s control, so we shouldn’t have any more problems with Locust or the UAC from this point.”
“What’s bugging’ ya Charlie?” Pinkamena trotted cautiously alongside her companion.
“Just something Diane… little Diane, not you, obviously, but this reminds me of the stories Diane used to tell me about the… other me… somehow. But I just can’t put my hoof down on it.” Train Wreck Pastel shook his massive head.
“The other you as in that army of one changeling that turned into you when you drained her?” Pinkamena raised an eyebrow.
“No… or maybe yes… I’m not sure about him… or her… whatever.” Train Wreck shrugged. “I don’t think anypony knows exactly where the Nopony came from, not originally. Be it existed in the other version of me, in his coma dream before he died.”
“So that… thing came out of the dream of the version of you that died in the other Equestria? But how would your adopted daughter know about...grrr, never mind, I’ve got a bad enough headache as it is.” Pinkamena rolled her eyes. “What does any of that have to do with this?”
“I don’t know. It’s just so many little things just seem… I don’t know… off…” Train wreck glanced around nervously. “Like how did we get here? And why don’t we remember walking from the Ace hardware? That’s about a mile. We didn’t just teleport.”
“Wake up!” Mary Beth snapped at Carrot Plate suddenly. “You’re dreaming if you think the UAC is just going to send you home!”
“But you said they have a portal!” Carrot argued. “That’s why they need me so badly, so they can calibrate it! You want your ponies back from Equestria, right? Well I know where at least some of them are. If we establish a portal, I can go home and you could get your people back, right?”
“Yeah, it COULD go down like that…” Dan rolled his eyes. “But with the brass listening more and more to Legion, well, let’s just say there’s a whole lot of people who don’t want to just live and let live. We lost a LOT of lives during the plague.”
“Pfft,” Pinkamena scoffed, “I’ve been here since the start. The pink step never killed anyone. It was a tragic accident, unlike the massacre YOU people inflicted on yourselves.”
“She’s got a point.” Cpt. Jackson nodded. “I was in Afghanistan when it started. Jihadis slaughtered ponies right up until the plague spread into their ranks, then lo and behold, ponies were the chosen people and they started slaughtering humans. Same thing happened here in Central America under Neon from what I understand.”
“It never would have happened if they hadn’t started the plague in the first place!” Mary Beth snapped.
“Yeah, because before the pink step it was peace on earth, good will towards man.” Cpt. Jackson rolled his eyes. “In fact, I was in Afghanistan passing out candy to needy children.”
“Really?” Carrot asked innocently, drawing an eye roll from Pinkamena and a snort from Jackson.
“You really are living in a dream world, babe.” Dan chuckled dryly.
“Hey, Captain?” Pinkamena cut in suddenly. “What happened to the other soldiers?”
“What do you mean?” The captain looked up suddenly.
“And the other cops, for that matter?” The pink ghost pressed her case.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Mary Beth snarled, ending the uncomfortable questions.
“You’re right, Charlie, something's not right here.” Pinkamena moved close and whispered to her mutant friend.
“Diane…” Train Wreck looked uncomfortable as they approached the subway station. “I want you to know that I loved you, and I never would have left of my own free will, even if it meant the whole world was gonna disapear and I was going to wake up dead.”
“Shut up Charlie!” Diane shuffled uncomfortably. “It doesn’t matter because I found you.”
“I’m not so sure that you did.” The beast’s voice was barely more than a whisper and his head hung nearly to the ground.
-=-=-=-=-
“So far she’s the only survivor we haven’t identified.” The doctor stood in front of a changeling pod. “She was burned fairly extensively, including her cutie mark, so there’s really not much to go on. So far all the families who were missing loved ones have confirmed that she wasn’t the pony they were looking for. We’ve come closer to identifying more casualties by process of elimination than we have to identifying her. We think she’s either Sour Sweet or Carrot Plate. Sweet’s parents will be arriving later today. The mess in Canterlot hasn’t made this any easier. Carrot Plate’s parents apparently died in the invasion.”
“Is there any chance she’ll wake up doctor?” A garishly colored reformed changeling cocked his head to one side in worry.
“We can only hope Pincer. Honestly she wouldn’t have made it this long if Princess Fast Change hadn’t donated these pods to the University for research before everything went to hell. For now, all we can do is let the pod do its work and hope her dreams are pleasant.”
Chapter 53 - Strange Rumors
Z-978 is going to marry Chitin. I guess I’m not surprised. I’m not mad. I shouldn’t be mad. I can’t be mad at Z. I really shouldn’t be mad at Chitin. They’re not breaking up our family. Mom is dead, and Uncle Train Wreck is gone. Z is still going to be my sister. Chitin isn’t taking her away from me, so I shouldn’t be angry. I shouldn’t be angry. I shouldn’t sulk. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I know it really hurt Z, and she didn’t deserve that. She’s not the one who gave up on Uncle Train Wreck, I was. And he wouldn’t be like this about it. He loved Z. He would want her to be happy. Chitin said they’d be back in a couple of days. I’m going to apologize. I will.
And I’m happy for them. And I’m happy that they’re going to rebuild the bakery. Mom and Uncle Train Wreck wanted to, but with mom being sick, and with the Nopony’s shadow hanging over us like a damned vulture… but Z and Chitin are going to rebuild Just Deserts, but they’re going to call it Sweet Surprise, in honor of mom. That’s so great, and so sweet, and so appropriate, and why couldn’t I tell them that? But no, I had to run my big stupid mouth. But Chitin said Z didn’t mean what she said and they are going to come back, and I’m going to tell her I’m sorry. I am SO sorry.
Alice called e aside in the day room today. I’m not even sure if I should write this down, but the teachers said my journal was just for me, and they haven’t tried to read it yet. At any rate, it’s probably just more Alice-crazy. I mean, she obviously really did used to be a human. There’s so many tells you just couldn’t miss after living with a former human. I mentioned it to the teachers, and they just said, “Well, she’s a pony now, that’s what’s important.” They sound just like that stupid Prince Silver Pants up on the hill. I see why Uncle Train Wreck never liked him. Sure he means well, but he doesn’t see the problems that attitude causes ponies like Alice. The teachers just don’t want to admit they were wrong for years. They treated Alice like a crazy liar for years, because they were so sure there was no such thing as humans. Now they just parrot the former human prince and it’s Alice’s job to just deal with it.
Some of her stories though… smoking caterpillars, talking cats, nopony could blame her for being unhinged, but a lot of it is it’s own special kind of crazy. And today she confided that Ms. Hearts stole “The White Queen’s Crown”. I don’t know who this White Queen is. It’s not Celestia. I cleared that up. She’s somepony, or rather someone, from the other side of the mirror she came in from. So I assume a human. I didn’t ask, but it seemed like she was talking about a human. She didn’t specify a cat or a white rabbit or a mock-turtle. I’m not sure why I’m even paying this any mind at all.
Ms. Scarlet Hearts really IS fifty shades of creepy though. She keeps insisting that the Nightmare World is just something I made up, but then she keeps asking if I brought anything back. If I just imagined it, then how could I have brought anything back? On the other hoof, if she thinks it’s real enough to bring something back, then why does she keep insisting I made it up? And hasn’t anypony told the staff anything about my family? Mom came from the Nightmare. That’s undisputed fact. In fact, everypony in our family besides me and Carrot came from some sort of alternate reality. Why is everypony in this school so skeptical of other worlds? They exist. It’s like a weird kind of professional denial. And it’s all centered around Miss Scarlet Hearts. She’s not even that high ranking. She’s just a teacher, but it’s like she runs the place. She doesn’t know about the Nopony’s card. If I have any say in things she never will.
Chapter 54 - The Collection
The gaunt, cream-color mare mare walked through the hidden hallways deep beneath Celestia’s School for Special Foals, her head held high, her blood colored mane and tail well kempt in a conservative style. These halls and vaults held the artifacts that were the secret of her power and her success. She had been born into a lesser noble house, rich in titles and little else. She had bore her only, illegitimate, offspring at a young age, the product of an illicit liaison with an older married stallion of a wealthy, if disreputable house. Her family had married her quickly to a widowed earth-pony landholder to conceal the scandal.
The bean-farming stallion had been worse than useless, unable to uphold even a shadow of the splendor of Canterlot, and bankrupting himself in the attempt. His son had proven an even greater failure than the Father, in every way inferior to her own colt. In the end he had allowed himself to be swindled by a passing magic vender. In the end this proved to be her greatest opportunity. The “magic beans” had proven capable, in the son’s hooves of opening a passage into the sky to a “Sky Kingdom”. When the idiot returned he brought her the source of her current wealth: a goose that laid eggs of pure gold. Jack Nimblehooves rantings of course seemed like madness, and after his father’s untimely death she was seen as the kindest of stepmothers, using her newfound wealth to build a special school, not just for him of course, but for all foals beset by delerium.
The school had allowed her to find others; foals who had visited other worlds, or even who had come from other worlds themselves. She paused by an oil-lamp sitting on n ornate pedestal. It had been brought to her by a Saddle Arabian family whose daughter had become smitten by a street beggar. The little urchin had presented the filly with a variety of precious jewels. Obviously they were stolen, but the wayward colt swore they had been procured by the servant of the lamp. It had taken many months to break the poor colt of his delusions, but Scarlet Hearts had broken him. In time he was transferred to a more conventional orphanage. The lamp itself had long since ceased to be useful, but it had served it’s purpose well.
She passed a more recent acquisition; a pair of silver horseshoes, the former property of a poor deluded filly who told impossible tales of lions and tin-stallions and and talking scarecrows. She also shared the common delusion that she had been a “human”. The appearance of humans had become a nuisance of late. But not an insurmountable one. After all these poor foals were ponies now, and that was the important thing, to help them to adapt to their current situation moving forward. They were ponies in Equestria. It was better that they adapt and move forward, and not dwell on former forms and other, unreachable worlds. Better for the little ones of course.
Finally she came to the artifact she sought. By comparison it was a simple, common-place thing, a special journal always produced in pairs. It’s usual use was for simple communication. Anything written in one journal would appear in the other, no matter the distance between them. This particular volume’s sister copy was a gift to a very special, very dangerous little filly. It was a safe place where she could record her most private thoughts, safe from prying eyes. And indeed, the school staff would never dream of reading her diary. There was no need after all. There were no secrets in Celestia’s school for special foals. Not from Scarlet Hearts. The malnourished mare smiled cruelly as she turned the pages, her face quickly turning to a scowl.
“Alice,” the mare clucked her tongue, “sweet Alice… you’ve been a naughty filly. You’ve been warned many times, little one. See no evil. Hear no evil. And never tell.”
Chapter 55 - The Worst Day Ever
I remember everything about that horrible day. Everything else, the trial, my first days in the school, all that’s still a blur. Between the rage and the sedation I guess it always will be. But that terrible day is burned across my brain. Moth was fanning the flames even as the invasion force scattered. It was all Princess Fast Change’s fault. She hid in her hive. She LET the Nopony take Decanter. She only cared about securing her place on the hill in the bed of the Silver Prince.
We arrived at the hive to an explosion of garish color. At once our grievance was validated, and our ambitions were thwarted in one fell swoop. Fast Change was gone. She had finally done it, she had abandoned the hive to chase that damned prince on the hill. She left Z-978 and Facehugger without a second thought. In the end her promise to Surprise didn’t mean anything. It would hurt less I think if it came as any kind of surprise. Fast Change had abdicated to Stand In. She had called all the drones together. They had gone through that weird transformation. Even Z, I don’t know if I would have recognized her without Facehugger. She always wanted ponies to think she was a pretty changeling. Maybe I should be happy for her.
Damn Stand In. Damn Celestia twice. What kind of choice did they give the hive? Be pretty or be evil. That was what it was. I didn’t really even have a choice anymore. I wasn’t the heir of the Unspoken Prince, no, I was the daughter of the darkness. I was the heir of the Nopony. And every pony on the hill who ignored his reign of terror in Decanter would be screaming for vengeance against me. They let him run loose, they let him take everything from me. They didn’t care so long as he only hurt the ponies in the shadows of Upper Canterlot. Even Fast Change, all she cared about was escaping back to the shining city above us. She made mom a promise, but in the end it meant nothing.
Stand In made it clear she would not tolerate dissent. I understand her position. She had to secure the mess she had inherited. That meant giving the ponies the new pretty changelings Celestia told them meant that we weren’t evil anymore. I wasn’t really a princess, just like Uncle Train Wreck wasn’t really a Prince. Pretty and colorful equalled good. Celestia had decreed it. I had made my choice when I unleashed my hate to destroy the Nopony. That path was closed to me. I was an evil queen, and more important to Stand In, a dangerous rival.
I can’t blame my sisters for abandoning me. Stand In had already led changeling drones away from one evil queen. What chance did I really have? They all took the out, right there in front of me, one by one. Why wouldn’t they? Who wants to be a hideous freak. Who wants to be an evil changeling? Thirteen stood by me, and Moth held off the guards and gave us time to escape. I’m thankful for that. Moth. Sketch. Shadefire. They were all apprehended then and there. Stand In painted us as villains and opportunists. As if the problem wasn’t real. As if our grievances were just in our minds.
I escaped with Thirteen and I knew exactly where to go. I had to confront her. I knew it meant the end of my freedom. It didn’t matter anymore. What did I have left to lose? What was there left to take away? I hated Fast Change at that moment. I don’t know what I really wanted. I don’t know what would have made me happy. I wanted her to come back, and I wanted her to disappear. I wanted her to love me the way she loved her little changelings, and I wanted her to just dry up and blow away. I was never good enough to be part of her family, just like Uncle Train Wreck had never been good enough for her. But in the end did it matter? Because she left them too. All she cared about was living in that big shining castle. All she cared about was her perfect alicorn prince. Nothing else mattered to her. Not her promise to mom, not Z, not her changelings, not even her own grubs.
She said I was a disgrace to mom’s memory. She said Uncle Train Wreck would be ashamed of me. Maybe she was right, but she’s no better! She “earned” her little hoof hole defending the ponies in half measures. She could never go back, any more than I could. She thought she was so good. She thought I was so evil. But she’s never going to be a pretty little unicorn again. And she can hide in a shiny castle forever behind her Silver Prince, but she’s no better than me. She could have fought the Nopony. She could have stopped him. She could have saved Uncle Train Wreck. He loved her, but she didn’t want him, so she let him die. If she could, she’d let the whole hive die. One less thing between her and her rainbows. She wished they were all dead! All the changelings, all her grubs, Z, me, she wanted us to all disappear so she could have her rainbows.
That’s what I told her. I didn’t cry, because I’m an evil queen. And she didn’t cry, because Fast Change doesn’t care about anything but her own happy little ending. She got everything she wanted, and me and Thirteen are going to be locked away forever. Because that’s how she wants it. And that’s what I told her. And I don’t feel bad about it. Because she gets to be happy in her big shiny castle, and I get to shuffle between classes and meal times. She get’s to cuddle with her Silver Prince, and I’ll never get to cuddle with mom or Uncle Train Wreck ever again. And it’s HER fault. And even if it’s not, I’m still never going to forgive her.
It was a small ceremony. Nothing big or fancy. Why would there be? We were just there to bury an empty box. That’s twice now I’ve buried an empty box for Uncle Train Wreck. It’s just… he’s not coming back this time. The Goat confirmed it. The card I used to make the Nopony mortal again opened a new path for Uncle Train Wreck. He chose to disappear to save Carrot. His life for hers. I want to be mad at him, for leaving us… for leaving me, but I can’t.
It’s the same path he chose on the night of the fire. He dove into the flames to save that filly, even though he knew it meant he would never see us again. He was a hero. He was the hero Charlie never was. If I regret anything it’s that I never told him that. He always lived in the shadow of a ghost he could never be. In the end he brought Carrot back to Z. I saw Carrot at the funeral. They made me wear my muzzle of course.
Carrot’s alive, did I mention that? She’s burned pretty bad, but she said the doctors told her she’ll heal with time, and eventually her fur will grow back. She’s going to live with Z and Chitin at Sweet Surprise. They said there’s even a room for me and Thirteen when the teachers say we’ve learned how to “embrace friendship and harmony”. Right… like THAT’S gonna happen.
Fast Change was there. She didn’t have anything to say to me, I didn’t have anything to say to her. I was there to bury the most important pony in my life. I don’t know why she was there. Train Wreck never belonged in her pretty little world. Neither did I. Maybe that’s what she was burying. I’m the foal of a crueler creator. All my screaming, all my fighting, it was just the thrashing of a moth in the flame. And here were the pretty ponies to bury the ashes of the rejects.
Maybe I’m being unfair. I know she was friends with mom and Uncle Train Wreck. Maybe she really was sad, at least Z seemed glad to see her. But why in Tartarus did she bring HIM? Prince Silver Prick had as much business at my uncle’s funeral as father. I know mom wanted us to all get along, and she always told us how great Silver was and how they were such great friends. And then he couldn’t even be bothered to go to Ponyville for her funeral. The only reason he showed up this time was to chase Fast Change’s stupid tail. He wasn’t Train Wreck’s friend. He didn’t even know him! He shouldn’t have been there.
Jake, the human was there. He poured a bottle of cider over the grave, and that drew some glares from the ponies, but Z hugged him and let everypony know that was, in her words, “a for real thing that humans do because Z-978 was told by the Train Wreck that it is a thing that mohawkian humans do.” That blue rainbow pony said some things to me that ponies say at funerals to ponies they don’t really know when they want to be nice.
Some yellow mare that I didn’t know said Discord was really sad, but that he “doesn’t handle grief well.” Whatever. She was nice enough. I don’t know. I guess she was Discord’s mare-friend or something. She was obviously afraid of me, but it didn’t annoy me as much as most ponies do when they’re afraid of me because I got the idea that she was kind of afraid of pretty much everything.
Starlight talked to me a lot about reforming, and being a better pony, and moving forward. I didn’t really know her that well, but she spent a lot of time talking to Uncle Train Wreck back when we were in Ponyville. And I guess she meant well. Princess Twilight says she knew what I was going through, but somehow I don’t believe it. But she was nice, and she was friends with Uncle Train Wreck, even if it was just while we were in Ponyville.
I wish we had stayed in Ponyville. It was probably the best time of my life. We were happy. There wasn’t any drama with the nobles. There weren’t any reporters chasing uncle Train Wreck trying to get a picture of the “monster prince”. We were happy. But then mom got sick… I guess she was always sick. And then everything just fell apart. I just wish we could go back to that. Baking with mom and Aunt Pinkie. Watching Princess Twilight test Uncle Train Wreck’s undestructableness (it was “for science”). Nuzzling with Carrot and Z. We were happy then. It was like whatever horrible story we were trapped in had just stopped. I just wish I could go back to that, back to before everything was finally broke for good. But it’s too late to go back now. Watching that empty coffin going in the dirt… there’s no going back anymore.
Aunt Pinkie gave the eulogy. I wish I could say it was beautiful, or touching, or… I wish I could have heard it. I wish I could have heard anything past my own sobs. I broke down. Z had to hold me up or I would have collapsed right there. My escorts wanted to take me back right then and there, but Princess Twilight stepped in. She was always nice to our family when we were in Ponyville. I begged her to just let me go home with Z and Chitin, but she said she couldn’t… that it was out of her hooves. So here I am, back at the school. I guess it’s for the best. Somepony has to take care of Thirteen. I haven’t seen Alice since I got back. I guess it was too late, she’s probably gone back to her room for the night. I’m sure I’ll see her at breakfast….
Chapter 57 - Curiouser and Curiouser
"Miss Hearts," the grey, gotee'd earth pony shuffled nervously, "Th-there's been an incident in the Emerald ward."
"What did you just say, Ozwell?" The cream mare hissed dangerously. "This had best not involve my stepson, or I promise you, heads WILL roll."
Ozwell swallowed hard. "It's not Nimblehooves Headmistress... it's... Alice is loose in the school."
"What?!?!" The angry unicorn mare glared viciously. "How?"
"The floors, Headmistress, they had been freshly polished..." Ozwell stammered. "There was a reflective surface."
"I thought the orderlies had been briefed on the situation with that student and mirrors." Scarlet Heart's growled with a feral snarl.
"Th-they were! I can assure you!" Ozwell quickly tried to reassure his employer. "She's never been able to move through anything but proper mirrors before, though. We had no way of knowing..."
"Of course," the headmistress scowled, continuing thoughtfully, "She's a clever little filly. She's been holding back. She could have escaped any time she wanted to. Why bother though? She's a stranger in a strange land. She has no family, no parents, no bits. She knows next to nothing about surviving in Equestria."
"That said, she can't get far." Ozwell smiled with relief. "I will make sure to put out word with the guards in local villages. We'll have her back by evening meal-time I'm sure."
"You assume she's left the school, then?" Scarlet raised a critical eye-brow.
"Why else would she escape?" The stallion asked, confused at his employer's reasoning.
"I can see your line of thought, clearly, Ozwell. You're a very clever pony, yourself, a wizard in your own right... it's too bad you couldn't have been born a unicorn." The mare smiled coyly. "She's well treated, well fed, and the only thing we deny her is freedom and the outside world. So what else could she want?"
"Indeed, Headmistress." Ozwell answered cautiously.
“She knows entirely too much of my collection, and my plans." Scarlet answered flatly. "Her little mirror tricks have allowed her to become quite troublesome. I've allowed her as much liberty as I have simply because her stories would seem beyond belief to most ponies. After all who would she tell? Who would believe her? Until recently, nopony, at least nopony who had any contact with the outside world. Our 'extra special' students up to this point have all been orphans. But our dear little Alice has been making friends. And friendship is the most dangerous magic there is."
"Diane Pastel!" Ozwell gasped with realization.
"Technically Princess Diane Pastel." Scarlet smiled coldly. "I knew that changeling would be trouble."
"Diane Pastel is a dangerous criminal." Ozwell spoke evenly. "Assuming she did believe Alice's wild stories, she has no say at all in the royal court."
"That is far from certain, Ozwell." Scarlet stroked her chin thoughtfully with one hoof. "She has Princess Luna's sympathies, and there are many ponies both in the lunar court and among the commoners of Lower Canterlot who consider her a hero. And that's assuming it's Alice's plan to simply expose us. We have taken everything she had to remind her of her home and spent the last five years convincing everypony that she is insane. If she wanted to expose us, she could have escaped at any time. We now know our petty attempts to contain her were useless from the start. She could have walked out this school through any darkened pane of glass and stepped out of Princess Celestia's vanity mirror any time she wanted. No, she want's something Princess Pastel is an expert at extracting, she wants revenge."
Ozwell swallowed hard. He regretted or perhaps the thousandth time becoming associated with Miss Hearts. He had only wanted to help troubled foals, but no hospital in canterlot would accept an earth pony therapist. When he had received his letter of acceptance from a school endorsed by Celestia herself. There were red flags from the beginning. It was a reform school for starters, so it was little wonder they had accepted him. Despite bearing the name of the Princess, it was hardly a prestigious position. Still it was a chance to help troubled foals who others considered beyond redemption. And the Headmistress herself was quite... charming.
It was obvious in retrospect that she had used him, playing with his heart to draw him further and further into her games until he was in deep enough that there was no escape. He had no choice but to play along. Safely hidden behind Scarlet Heart's masquerade he was a good and noble pony. The truth was his own dark secret. He really did his best to help the colts and fillies in his care, even those who he used. The headmistress had a special interest in foals who had visited other worlds, or who had come from them. Ozwell's job was to insure that these special colts and fillies "disorders" were properly diagnosed. They were confused after all. Everypony knew there was no such thing as humans, and that the very notion of ponies simply falling into and out of the world was pure nonsense. These poor foals were victims of their own overactive imaginations. They imagined evidence of their wild stories that Scarlet Hearts had "stolen", but in reality they were just ponies, just like every pony else. And at the end of it all, they really would be happier if they could just accept this simple "truth".
-=-=-=-=-
Thirteen stared curiously at the little candy her sister's friend had passed her through the window. She smiled at the thought of how funny the exchange had been. There she had been, reared up on her back six legs, admiring her dim reflection. She was a sexy little caterpillar, and she didn't need Rock Steady to tell her that (though she reminded herself with a giggle to make sure the young minotaur in question did in fact tell her that on his next visit). Suddenly there, in place of her pretty reflection, was that funny blond filly Diane liked to hang out with. She made a shushing motion and pushed the little candy right out of the window.
"Eat Me." Thirteen smiled as she carefully read the words printed on the sweet in fancy little letters. She held her head up and smiled, proud of herself for the simple accomplishment of reading the simple message. To her this was far more amazing than Diane's weird friend giving her the candy from a reflection in the day room window. Alice was a weird pony, after all. Why wouldn't she do something weird like that? But actually reading words was something special. She had given so little thought to eating the candy that she hadn't even realized it was gone. Her first hint, in fact was not the absence of the candy itself, but rather the somewhat surprising fact that the day room had gotten so incredibly BIG all of a sudden.
She felt a moment of panic as she realized that the room was not really so very big, but she herself was suddenly so very, very small. For a moment she was tempted to scream for help, or at last scream to warn other ponies not to step on her. Then she noticed her collar and her restraints, lying uselessly about her in huge mountainous piles. With a grin she spread her wings buzzed back up to the darkened window to make sure she hadn't suddenly become less sexy. After all, the rest of her had shrunk, and she would be extremely annoyed with Alice if her cuteness had become diminished as well. She was pleased to see that she was as pretty as ever, at least until Alice's giant, weird face filled her vision.
"The candy won't last long, Thirteen! You have to find a place to hide!" The weird, suddenly not-so-little filly warned her sternly.
Thirteen giggled merrily in response. "A place to hide? I see why Diane likes you so much, you're silly!"
"Thirteen we have to..." Before the filly could finish the thought, the little caterpillar changeling had vanished, only her bright happy little smile darting about through the air. Alice cocked her head to one side. "Curiouser and curiouser!"
-=-=-=-=-
"Where's Thirteen?" Diane hissed angrily through her muzzle. "First Alice disappears and now my sister! What are trying to pull here?"
"Please, Miss Pastel," Ozwell said soothingly, "That's what we're trying to determine here. Your sister has managed to somehow get free of her restraints. We need your help before she hurts somepony..."
"Or before our security staff is forced to hurt her." Scarlet Hearts interrupted, drawing an exasperated eye roll from the therapist.
"Is that a threat?" Diane's voice dropped to a whisper. "You'd do well not to threaten my sister... I've heard some things about what goes on here. If word were to get out to Luna..."
"And how will that happen, when you are quite incapable of any kind of cognitive dreaming?" The Headmistress smiled cruelly.
"All a part of your treatment, Miss Pastel." Ozwell rushed to clarify the statement.
"Stuff it up you're flank!" Diane sneered. "Miss Heartless has already overplayed that hand. It's too late to pretend that this is about helping 'poor misguided foals'. Alice was right. I already knew she was a former human, now I know that you did to. And you don't want that little fact to get out."
"Clever little filly." Scarlet snarled. "How clever will you feel in solitary confinement? Ozwell, make a note on Miss Pastel's record. 'Student has been determined to be threat to other ponies. Solitary confinement has been recommended. The student's visiting privileges have been revoked until such time as her treatment is complete and she has been determined not to be a threat to either other ponies or herself'. You may be a princess by technicality, but in this school, I am the Queen."
"You're making a mistake, bitch." Diane rose to her hooves. "My sister is somewhere in this school. She's watching you, and you're never going to see her, and you're never going to find her. And the only thing that's going to save you from her is I'm saving you for myself. You think you can lock me in a hole? They found the last pony who thought they could do that in pieces... very small pieces."
"Guards!" Scarlet stepped back nervously. "This student has threatened myself and Dr. Ozwell."
"No just you." For the first time in what felt like an eternity, Diane’s face split into an impossibly wide grin. “Only you.”
Chapter 58- Seven Impossible Things Pt. 1
Scarlet Hearts carefully fitted the ivory tiara upon her brow, as she concentrated on the task set before her. Celestia's School for special foals was located well away from the shadow of Canterlot. This was ostensibly to placate the noble population. Even the slums of Decanter were considered far too close for the comfort of the well tended ponies of Upper Canterlot. Though they were only colts and fillies, it was well known that the ponies who made up the "student body" of the school were dangerous. They were criminals, ponies who would likely be outright imprisoned if not for their age. It was one of Equestria's darker, dirty, little secrets. And so it was kept in an out of the way place. The nearest town of Ponyvale and it's surrounding farming villages paid the vast manor little to no mind. Most simply did not talk about the dire school. If asked they would simply insist that no good pony would ever go there. And no good pony knew anything about what went on in that place.
At present, when the grounds were patrolled by frantic winged primates, one might think it impossible that such a place could be so easily ignored. And one would not, in fact, be wrong in thinking that, for it was indeed the case. The "Somepony Else's Problem" spell was a simple obfuscation. It was not a spell of invisibility but rather one of "unnoticeaibility". It was meant to make ponies ignore small inconsistencies in a very small level. Hiding the bizarre goings on of a large estate from a small town and surrounding villages was quite beyond the scope and intention of the spell. To utilize such a simple spell in this way was patently impossible. Scarlet Hearts grimaced at the growling and associated cramps from her stomach. She would have to break her fast soon... but not yet. There was too much at stake.
-=-=-=-=-
// Where do you want to go?
“Can you send me to my ex-wife?” The human man asked suspiciously.
// It can be arranged. What do you want to take with you?
“My 12-gaugeguage shotgun! I’m gonna show that bitch better than to think she can take my kids just because some judge said so!” The man spit into the void.
// You’ve chosen to bring a deadly weapon with violent intent. You’re penalty will be…
The text suddenly altered from a type written font to a flowing feminine script.
// Celestia’s School for Special Foals.
“What the...argh!!!” The angry man had no sooner appeared from the void before he was gripped by an impossibly strong glowing, bright red aura. His form twisted and bones popped as he shrank and changed. Finally a small unicorn filly stood before the Headmistress, her ivory crown glowing faintly. “What have you done to me you bitch?!”
“Twizzler Sparks, you’ve suffered a psychotic breakdown.” The unicorn mare said with a matronly smile. “No doubt from your terrible experience. Don’t worry, we’ll help you remember that you were always a pony. A pretty little filly.”
“A pretty little…” The little pony took a glance towards it’s nether quarters, and screamed sceamed anew. “You… you neutered me! You took my manhood, you sick bitch!”
“Orderlies!” At Scarlet Heart’s command a pair of burly unicorns burst in and seized siezed the young filly. “This unfortunate… gender misaligned… filly has become a danger to herself and the staff. Have her sedated and placed in solitary confinement until she is ready to accept our help.”
“A human cannon?” Scarlet rolled her eyes as soon as the orderlies were gone, examining her prize. “To think I wasted a task on this.”
She only staggered slightly as she removed the heavy crown from her brow.
-=-=-=-=-
Princess Celestia,
I’m sorry to report that there has been a setback with the treatment of Diane Pastel. She has become set against her treatment and has become a disruption to the treatment of the other patients. In addition, she has seized control of the drone she refers to as her “sister” and has begun sowing seeds of sedition among the other students. As a result we have had to place them both under sedation in solitary confinement.
Please rest assured that they are both being well cared for and they will not be denied therapy or education. However, it’s my unfortunate duty to inform you that their visiting privileges have been temporarily suspended. Please convey my apologies to Princess Stand In and my condolences to the Pastel family. I hope we can resolve this issue as quickly as possible.
Your Loyal Subject,
It was almost a waste, but deceiving the millennia old Reigning Princess of Equestria was no small task. She staggered as her stomach growled noisily. It was a necessary sacrifice, and one she stoically accepted.
-=-=-=-=-
A single loose nightmare could bring the newly crowned human prince to investigate. That alone would be enough to expose her ambitions. The scandal alone would be enough to end her. And that was before she had been placed in charge of that damned changeling brat. Her ties to pony royalty were tenuous at best, but she was considered to be of special interest to the former Changeling Princess, which meant she was of at least passing interest to Silver Watch. And that in itself was enough to draw Princess Luna’s attention. It would be hard enough to simply close off the students’ dreams, but that in and of itself might draw suspicion. What the headmistress needed was an impossible spell. A spell that would make her students’ dreams seem entirely uninteresting. Like the spell that hid the strangeness on the outer grounds, but far more complicated. It was on the very edge of the crown’s capabilities. It was truly impossible.
Scarlet’s body protested as she walked down the hall. She needed food. She needed sustenance. But the crown had it limits. And the Crown of the White Queen named it’s price...
Chapter 59 - Seven Impossible Things, Pt. 2
-=-=-=-=-
"Mom! Uncle Train Wreck is sulking again! He tastes funny!” The little pink changeling stomped into the the Kitchen of Just Deserts wearing a scowl.
“Train Wreck… has trouble with being happy, honey.” The green earth pony known as Surprised smiled sadly at her adopted changeling daughter. “And you know you're not supposed to feed without asking first, Diane, especially from Uncle Train Wreck.”
“But he loves me! So it’s not like I’m stealing love!” The little filly argued before flopping on her haunches in a sulk. “Nopony ever skolds Z! Charlie loved her, you know! He loved her more than he ever loved either of us! I saw his dream!”
“I’m not going to listen to you if you’re going to be a big fat meanie, Diane.” Surprise glared at her daughter. “And if you knew Charlie as well as you thought you did, then you would know that Train Wreck isn’t him.
-=-=-=-=-
Diane scowled at the pale mare across from her. “You don’t really think I would would betray my sister just because of some stupid hat, do you?”
“It’s an impossible thing to expect, I’m sure.” Scarlet Hearts smiled coyly. “But the Crown of the White Queen specializes in making the impossible a reality.”
“You can do the impossible?” Diane’s boredom suddenly disappeared. “If you can bring back the dead… maybe we might have a deal…”
“An impossible bargain?” The headmistress smiled thinly. “The crown is clever in it’s own way. I expend a second task to secure the first… Still, with your equicidal sibling back in custody perhaps I can sleep soundly again.”
// You are a fool Scarlet Hearts.
The pale mare and and the mad queen suddenly stood in a black expanse of nothingness.
“The Text.” Diane’s grin split her face from ear to pointed ear. “I’ve heard so much about you…”
// Are you here for revenge? Even the Ivory Crown won’t help you prevail against me. I am the narrative itself, the embodiment of your story. And besides, the crown isn’t yours to command.
“You want to find Thirteen before she gets bored and plays ‘doctor surgeon’ in your sleep?” Diane scowled at the mare who was supposedly in control. “Make the Text bring him back!”
// Is THAT all you wanted?
-=-=-=-=-
// Where do you want to go?
Kai glared at the untitled message, before typing angrily. “Dammit David, this is not a funny joke right now. I’m on a crowded unairconditioned bus halfway to Upstate New York.”
// What do you want?
“Aside from a stable life?” The overheated human rolled his eyes as he typed. “How about my damn niece back? Think, you can hook that up? I didn’t think so?”
//What are you willing to pay?
“This isn’t funny, David.” The man scowled as he typed. “You know damn well I’m upset about that…”
“Aw, shit!” The human exclaimed, before falling backwards on the floor.
“C-charlie?!?!” Diane grinned past freshly forming tears. “Is it really you? Y-you were dead!”
“What in the name of fuck?” The mohawked humans response was as eloquent as it was credulous.
“Welcome to Celestia’s School for Special Foals, human.” A pale, gaunt mare with a matching crimson mane and tale smiled thinly. “Of course that means you’ll have to get used to a few… changes.”
The headmistress horn glowed, eliciting a scream from the middle aged human as bones cracked and flesh was rendered into new forms.
“Stop it! You’re hurting him!” Diane screamed, struggling against her restraints. “Charlie! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for…”
“Quiet now little filly.” Scarlet chuckled darkly. “We had a deal. I bring him back for you, and you sing a little song for me. Where is your sister hiding?”
“I… I can’t… I don’t know…” Diane stammered as the former human writhed in agony.
“Come now, it’s not the end of the world. I can be very reasonable.” Scarlet gestured off-handedly with a stray hoof. “We ARE civilized here, after all. I’ll have Alice recaptured soon enough. And I WILL find your sister, with or without your help. I can have her back in her classes by dinner, chatting it up with her chubby little friend Gale.”
A new wave of screams emerged as the newly formed colt sprouted a pair of feathered wings in a violent flurry of action. Still Scarlet Hearts continued her monologue. “With the crown's power I can keep you locked away forever… in fact I intend to. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a sweet little colt to talk to in solitary confinement? Something to make it… less solitary…”
“Thirteen trusts me!” Diane bawled, openly heartbroken. “I can’t betray her! I can’t!”
“Well, perhaps a little filly then, her little blue mind cleared of any nasty memories of her horrible ideal.” Scarlet smiled with a shrug. “The poor thing might be better off without you anyway.”
The blue colt, spun around in horror, his body forcefully taken, as the terrible mare threatened to take even more. “This can’t be happening! I’m on a bus! I’m going to Upstate New York to see my friend! This is a nightmare!”
“The stray cat.” Diane nearly whispered as she bowed her head in shame. “The big fuzzy orange cat that hangs around the kitchen and smiles all the time. That her. That’s Thirteen.”
“I had no idea she could keep that much control of her size.” Scarlet smiled warmly. “She’s been learning a thing or two from our dear sweet Alice. Orderlies! Please escort these two dear friends to one of our more… comfortable dormitories. They will be bunk mates, but otherwise held in solitary confinement for the foreseeable future. After that, you will accompany me to the kitchen. We have a strict no pets policy at the school.”
-=-=-=-=-
“Who… what are you?” The blue pegasus sat calmly not even bothering to struggle against his restraints.
“Charlie! It’s me! Diane!” The little changeling cried in a corner behind your muzzle. “Don’t you remember me?”
“It’s a dream, that’s the only explanation. I fell asleep on the bus and I’m dreaming that I fell into my own damn story.” The former human rambled on. “I dreamed I was stuck in some kind of damned horse asylum and I’m locked in a padded room with my OC waifu and I’m going to wake up and I’m gonna tell David about it and we’re gonna laugh and then Sprite's gonna pick me up in Syracuse.”
“Charlie! Stop talking like that! This isn’t a dream!” Diane broke down into incoherent sobs.
-=-=-=-=-
“Well, you’ve been a naughty little kitty.” Scarlet Hearts crept up on the cornered feline. “Come along now. You’re friends miss you. Wouldn’t you like to have your visiting privileges back?” The cat hissed in response, seeming to stare past the confident headmistress. “Come now. Your own sister told me how to find you. Can you believe it? Don’t be to hard on her, with the Ivory Crown it’s impossible for me to lose.”
Scarlet Hearts didn't see the telltale smile that formed behind her, floating mirthfully in thin air. A white mare with a blonde mane suddenly appeared in the warped reflection of a cooking pot. The young fillies voice echoed across the mare’s mind. “You just said the magic words. Thirteen, show the Red Queen the new game I taught you…”
“OFF WITH HER HEAD!”
Chapter 60 - Abuse of Power
“OFF WITH HER HEAD!” Thirteen swung her knife in a powerful arc, prompting Scarlet Hearts to gasp out loud. As the blade connected, Thirteen grinned in inane glee, her smile quickly turning to a scowl as the pale mare suddenly wasn’t there.
“Seven impossible things.” Scarlet Hearts laughed absently as the burly unicorn orderlies seized Pinkie Thirteen in their firm telekinetic grasp as the poor pony-worm struggled helplessly. “Dear, sweet Alice, it’s time to admit you’ve met your match. Is it really so hard a life for you? Do you remember when I found you? Starving? Alone? Not a real friend in the world, desperately jumping in any looking glass to try and find a way home? I took you in. I gave you a place to sleep. I only asked one little thing. Never tell. Such a small favor. Come out of the mirror. You still have a place here… for now.”
“I’d rather die than be a pawn in your game!” The white filly spat though the reflection in the dirty silver pot. “You’re a fool! No power is ever going to fill the void in your heart, Red Queen!”
“Such silly little names.” The headmistress chuckled. “It’s not too late. Dorothy misses you. You wouldn’t want to end up like poor Jack?”
“Don’t even speak his name, bitch!” Alice spewed venom through the mirror.
“We all choose our own path.” Scarlet’s cheerful quip was interrupted by an unwelcome flash of words.
// That we do. What did you want again? You said the cost didn’t matter.
“Take the outgrown changeling larvae to surgery, and page Doctor Westwitch. It’s time we set an example.” The orderlies shuddered visibly at the headmistress words.
-=-=-=-=-
“Charlie, please, we have to get out of here!” Diane clung desperately to the pegasus colt as she sobbed.
“This is fucked up,” the blue colt laughed, “This is just the way it would happen. No mind, no future, just a stupid ball of feels.”
“I need you.” Diane begged, tears rolling down her face like scars on her chitin.
“No, you don’t. No-one needs me.” The colt grinned mirthlessly. “No one needs me.”
“Charlie! Snap out of it!” The changeling sobbed.
“Why do you keep calling me that?” The colt asked calmly. “No one calls me by my middle name.”
“You’re Charlie!” Dian insisted helplessly. “You’re Charlie and I’m Diane? Don’t you remember?”
“I’m not who you… I’m not him.” The colt exhaled a defeated sigh. “Charlie… he is… was… he was a fictional character… he was someone I made up. A smoke screen for my own insecurities. At least that’s what I thought… I just thought I was writing stories…”
“Charlie! You’re not making any sense.” Diane shook her head as violently as his restraints would allow.
“Diane, Don’t blink.” A distant, tiny, female voice emerged from behind the changeling’s moistened orbs.
“Alice?!?!” Diane exclaimed as the tiny cream colored filly tumbled out of the reflection in her eyes and scrambled up her mane.
“Scarlet Hearts has Thirteen and she taking her to Westwitch!” Alice explained as she struggled to perch on the changeling’s head and remove the rings from her horns.
“No! Alice! I… I betrayed her. I didn’t want to!” Diane cried quietly.
“It’s not your fault.” The tiny filly reassured her friend. “So long as she’s wearing the crown, she can do almost anything. But she’s used up her seven impossible things, and she’s going to the surgery theater to gloat. That means she still hasn’t eaten. This is our chance! We’ll never catch her this weak again! Who is he?”
Diane dissolved into a heap of inconsolable sobs, leaving the former human to answer for himself. “I was a human until about an hour ago… I was riding in a bus. I was on my way to upstate new york. It doesn’t matter who I am.”
“I thought she could bring him back, Alice!” Diane pleaded. “She said she wouldn’t hurt Thirteen, and she was going to lock me away anyway!”
“It’s not your fault.” The colt inched over through his restraints to nuzzle the distraught filly. “Huggles and snuggles. She’s a bad person… or pony. You’re just a little girl. It’s not your fault she lied to you.”
“Whoever you are, can you give me a hoof with these restraints?” Alice replied sharply.
“I think… yeah.” The colt leaned into the young changeling and grabbed the nearest ring in his mouth, drawing a blush from the filly. “I’m not trying to get fresh with you, but this is going to be awkward… there’s one down… dammit… sorry, tiny pony-girl, didn’t mean to to knock you off your perch… and two! You’re magic is loose.”
Diane’s muzzle and straight jacket unfastened and slid free in the grasp of her telepathy. “You’re next, Charlie! Hold still, I don’t want to strain your wings pulling it off.”
“Gotcha... Also, not Charlie. Please don’t call me Charlie, because that is NOT my name.” The pegasus colt sighed.
“We’re going to need help.” Alice resumed her perch in Diane’s mane. “Dorothy's on lockdown while Westwitch is working. If we can bust her out we have a chance.”
“What about Nimble?” Diane asked nervously.
“I’d rather leave Jack where he is.” Alice responded grimly.
“We need all the help we can get.” Diane argued. “And nopony has better reason to hate Scarlet Hearts than him.”
“He’s not gonna stop. If he gets out he’s not going to stop until he pulls this whole place down on all our heads.” Alice intoned darkly. “He’s as bad as she is, Diane. Trust me. We should stick to Dorothy, I can trust her. What about your little friend. Can he fight?”
“Again, I was just a bipe and hour ago, I’m doing good to walk straight.” The colt rolled his eyes in irritation. “Besides, We’re still locked in a padded room, with or without the pony straight jackets.”
“I’ve got this.” Diane grinned. “Do you still love me Charlie?”
“Look, I’m really sorry but I’m not… gah!” The colt was suddenly interrupted as Diane’s serpentine tail lashed out, striking him in the breast, injecting it’ venom.
“That was a rhetorical question, silly.” The mutated changeling giggled demurely. “Of course you love me, because I said so.”
Chapter 61 - The Lost and the Failed
-=-=-=-=-
“They’re going to take you somewhere safe.” The Mohawked man smiled sadly, struggling to keep the rising panic from his voice.
“I miss mommy and daddy.” A little girl cried as she was fastened into her booster seat.
“I know you do. But mommy’s sick, and daddy’s… he’s sick too. They have to see doctors and get better so maybe one day they can bring you home.” The tears felt like they would burn out his eyes if he didn’t release them. Still, he held his composure. He only had to be brave for a little while. It was so much less than what he asked of his niece.
“Why can’t I stay here with you and Grandpop?” The little girl pleaded.
“Listen, Savannah,” his voice was calm, he hoped to the gods in hell that his voice was calm, “Uncle Kiki has to go away. You’re daddy is going to the hospital, and he’s going to get better, and he’s going to come get you one day, but you’re uncle’s not going to be here anymore. I need you to be strong and brave like we talked about, and I need you to look after your brothers and your sisters until your daddy gets better, can you do that for me?”
Savanah’s moist eyes didn’t shed a single tear as she nodded grimly. As he hugged his niece, he heard the voice of his father shout cheerfully across the yard. “I’ll see you later, Savannah!”
He had never hated the old man more in his whole life than he did at that one moment of deceit. He had never hated himself more in his whole life than he did at that one moment of failure.
-=-=-=-=-
“Okay, I just blasted the door of our cell off it’s hinges.” Diane looked around in annoyance. “Where is every pony?”
“This isn’t right.” Alice agreed grimly from her perch in the changelings mane. “We should be fetlock-deep in orderlies right now. Given the priority the Red Queen places on you, I half expected her to call out the flying monkeys.”
“I thought this was some kind of asylum.” Ki, the former human turned pegasus colt noted curiously. “Shouldn’t there be other patients? Even if they’re all locked up, we should hear them. No psyche ward is ever THIS quiet… wait… did you say ‘flying monkeys’?”
“Ozwell!” Alice’s voice was laced with venom.
“He’s with me, Alice.” A monochrome filly in a gingham dress walked shyly into view. “He’s on our side.”
“Isn’t that convenient?” The diminutive earth pony hopped down from her perch and took a sip from a tiny flask, quickly growing to her full size. “How can you trust him? He sold us out, he sold you out, Dorothy! To the West Witch of all people!”
“I’ve always been a coward and a fraud.” Ozwell bowed his head sadly. “When we were displaced here, Scarlet Hearts found us. She said she could get us all home… or at least back where we were before. Calling a truce on our previous feuds seemed like a reasonable thing to do.”
“And abducting humans? Exploiting sick, hurting ponies? Was that reasonable?” Alice spat on the polished tile.
“I can’t make any excuses.” The stallion sighed. “I am the good man who did nothing while evil prevailed. Time and again. I couldn’t stand up to the West Witch in my own place and time. When I had an army at my command, I took a little girl and made her my assassin. I always told myself that I could help the ponies in this school. I told myself that Scarlet was only giving the worst of the humans to he West Witch. I swore that once we got everyone back where they belonged I’d make it all right again. I would pay for my sins and…”
The floor shook with a reverberating hoofbeat, causing Alice to snap to attention. “He’s loose.”
“Diane, get behind me.” Diane’s formerly human companion spread his wings defensively.
“Charlie, you can’t…” She started to reply, only to be cut off.
“Don’t call me Charlie.” Kai nearly whispered. “That’s not who I am. Just run. Find your sister. I won’t fail again.
-=-=-=-=-
“Do you think they’ll think I’m pretty in Canterlot?” Diane primped in front of the bathroom mirror, admiring her pink chitin and sharklike smile.
“Of course they will, Diane.” A pale blue tazzle-pony stallion named Dayglo Pastel pulled the changeling into a gentle embrace in his snake-headed tendrils.
“I can’t believe we’re actually going to get married!” Diane pranced about the hotel room like a school filly. “All the flower fillies are going to toss chocolate kisses, and then they’re going to release a flock of parasprites, and we’re going to have a huge wedding cake, and I’m going to jump out of it, and then I’m going to do the nyan nyan dance… All. Night. Long.”
“I’m sure we can arrange… some… of that.” Dayglo laughed. But right now we gotta get some sleep. We have an early train to catch in the morning.”
“I don’t want to sleep, Charlie. What if this is just another dream, like inside the other dream you told me about?” The pink bundle of smiles and spines whimpered, pitifully. “What if you disappear?”
“I’m not gonna just disappear, Diane. Iam Noone is gone. We beat him, we did, me and you. We escaped, and I promise you, he can’t come back.” He kissed his companion’s forehead, below the base of her jagged horn. “And even if he does, I’m going to be there. Now come to bed, tomorrow’s the first day of our new life.”
Chapter 62 - The Other Side of Rainbow
“Wow, I didn’t expect lot of things, but a giant, anatomically accurate pony was definitely something I expected least.” Kai stood between the massive horse and his fleeing… what? What was she to him? It seemed very cut and dried, when the alien creature that called herself Diane had been standing beside him. Now he was left with a mix of confused and confusing emotions, and a sharp stabbing pain in his chest. He was brought out of his moment of contemplation when the yellow horse before him spoke.
“I don’t have any quarrel with wayward colts.” Despite it’s size, the horse’s face looked young.
“You are not a little pony.” The blue pegasus pointed out less-than-helpfully. “You are a full on horse-pony. I want to say ‘earth pony’ to denote a pony from earth, but that’s actually it’s own thing.”
“Get out of my way runt! I have to stop Alice!” The giant horse-pony growled.
“Alice? Nice, cream colored filly? The one who’s NOT trying to lobotomize Diane’s sister?” Ki clumsily attempted to take an approximation of a quadrupedal fighting stance. “I’m afraid she’s busy right now saving semi-innocent fillies from really questionable brain surgery. But hey, if you just gotta fight someone, I’m right here.”
“You have no idea where you even are do you?” The Giant face-hoofed i frustrated embarrassment. “That’s how she gets you, just like she got my step-mom. ‘Celestia’s School for Special Foals’, what a joke!”
“Well, I’m here to buy time, you explaining what’s what will do as good as you pounding my skull with your hoof. Less fun, yes, but also less head-achey. Do you have a name? I’m Ki, but I should probably pick something more cartoon horsey. Maybe you could start by telling me where we are, if this isn’t some juvenile reform school, what is it?” He replied easily.
“My Name is Beanpole.” The giant shook his head sadly. “I’m Beanpole Jackson Nimblehooves. And this is Tartarus.”
-=-=-=-=-
“Where is everypony?” Diane looked around nervously. “Charlie was right, this isn’t at all right.”
“Why do you keep calling him that?” Dorothy’s voice was oddly hollow. “He’s repeatedly asked you not too. It’s clearly not his name.”
“Jeez! Into my business much?” The young queen snapped. “We only, like, just met, like five minutes ago. Me and Charlie have a complicated relationship… but he loves me! Nd I love him! That’s all that matters…”
“Of course he loves you.” Alice smiled kindly. “After all he loves you because you said so… that’s what you said, right?”
“Alice!” Diane blinked in surprise. “Why are you being like this?”
“It’s alright Diane, I’m not going to judge you.” Alice nuzzled into the changelings side. “It’s me and you against the world.”
“It’s a brave new wonderland.” Again Dorothy’s voice rang hollow.
“I’m sorry.” Ozwell rung his hooves sorrowfully. “I’m so very, very sorry.”
“Where are we going? I thought the we were going to save my sister!” Diane protested as the shadows grew tight around her, like a snug, itchy blanket.
“It’s too late for that.” Dorothy laughed absently. “It’s too late for story time and happy endings.”
“The roles have been cast, the heroes and the villains.” Ozwell nodded.
“What are you talking about? We have to save my sister!” Diane shouted.
“You can’t save her, I’m sorry.” Dorothy’s hollow voice rang with sincere regret. “She was a very understanding friend.”
“But you never even met Thirteen!” Diane argued.
“My Full name is Dorothy Gale. I was swept for my world in a powerful…” For the first time, Diane noticed, not the filly’s grey shaded coat and mane, but her pudginess… the way she ruffled her wings…
“Stormy Gale.” Diane’s eyes went wide.
“It hurts to fail, Diane.” Alice whispered softly. “It hurts to be failed. But it makes us stronger.”
“NO! I’m not going to fail! I’m not going to lose another sister! I won’t!” Diane ran aimlessly, her only destination was away.
“Do we have to do this Alice?” Dorothy looked sorrowfully to her friend. “I liked Thirteen. She’s so… innocent…”
“Like you used to be?” Alice glared at nothing in particular. “She’s a killer. Just like you. Just like me. Just like Diane. We were all innocent once. Until somepony poisons us with hope. Isn’t that right, Ozwell?”
“The former human is going to be a problem.” The older stallion’s head sunk in resignation. “That… thing… calling itself Westwitch warned us about a human Diane called Charlie.”
“Westwitch will play her part. Just like the Scarlet Hearts plays our Red Queen, Westwitch was made to play the wicked. I should know. I made her.”
“And what about Jack? The Red Queen can’t just keep him locked up forever.” Dorothy Gale’s face became stern. “He’s one of us, we can’t just forget about him.”
“That’s why we need Diane. Look what she did to that colt.” Alice smiled fondly. “She can make ponies do the one thing I can’t. She can make them love her.”
-=-Missing Reel-=-
“Welcome.” The Goat smiled coldly. “You are hardly a stranger to my mother’s cards.”
“Do not involve my guards in your schemes, Mister Solitaire.” Celestia glared across the table at the blind, cloven hooved fortune-teller.
“So very forceful, it’s such a… human… trait.” The Goat swung his bottle back with undisguised mirth. “The influence of your new husband… no… I think not…”
“With one decree, I could have this den of disharmony wiped from the face of Canterlot.” The Sun Princess did nothing to hide or disguise her disgust, or the threat behind it.
“Mr. Shield came to me, they all come to me.” Tarotius chuckled. “Just like you came to my mother. Burn this place to the ground if you like. But we both know you won’t. Why are you really here?”
-=-Video Unavailable-=-
“I told her sister you would treat Diane Pastel with mercy!”, ---.
“I am granting as much mercy as is possible.” ---. “She killed a changeling in the royal court, in front of witnesses. What do you expect me to do?”
“Sister, you’ve seen what this process does to ponies.”
“You saw what it did to Silver! The only other creature it was ever used on was a human who died! Night, help me out here!” ---.
“Their right.” ---.
“How can you say that? She’s just a little filly. You wouldn’t do this if she was a pony!” ---.
“Fast, you know it’s not like that.” ---.
“Sadly, my little ponies, it is. It is exactly like that. Diane Pastel is not a pony. At this point I don’t think she’s even a changeling anymore…”
Chapter 63 - Windows to the Soul
“Why are we going this way? I thought you wanted to stop Alice?” Ki cocked his head curiously.
“I want to stop all of this.” Jack shook his massive head. “This place… it’s wrong.”
“Everything here is wrong. Where’s the orderlies? Hell, where’s the patients? I’ve never seen a nut-house this dead.” The pegasus colt noted grimly.
“Celestia’s School for Special Foals doesn’t exist… not anymore.” The horse pony replied without turning. “It burned to the ground years ago.”
“Wait? Are you sure this was supposed to be a school? Because I’m pretty sure it’s an asylum.” The colt retorted. “I mean, not bragging, but I know asylums, and this is definitely one of those. And what do you mean, ‘it burned down’? It’s right here. We’re right here in this place, that is freaky empty, but not at all burned down.”
“Nothing you see now is even remotely what’s going on. I told you, we’re in Tartarus.” Jack said glumly as he plodded down the empty hall.
“So if you’re trying to stop Alice from whatever she’s going to do, why aren’t you going that way? I mean, I can barely walk on four legs. I’m not doing that good a job at stopping you.” Ki kept talking, hoping that he was somehow buying the others the time they needed to… do what, exactly?
“You’ll see. When we get to Scarlet Hearts’ office it will make sense, I promise.” The giant’s voice carried an odd echo for a moment.
-=-=-=-=
“As you can all see, the patient is beset by extreme psychosis.” Scarlet Hearts paced the floor of the operating theatre with a sad smile. Beyond the glaring lights the shadows of assembled unicorns watched passively. “In earlier, more barbaric, times we would have little choice but to imprison this poor filly indefinitely. But now through the miracles of modern thaumatic surgery, we can remove the evil that torments this poor innocent at its very source. Doctor Westwitch, if you would care to elaborate…”
“Yes.” A green unicorn mare with a greying black mane and tail walked before her audience with arrogant confidence. “Tonight, we shall explore the mysteries of the pony brain, and it’s limitations. We will isolate and remove disharmony like the cancer that it truly is…”
-=-=-=-=-
“We only have one shot at this Diane.” Alice grinned wickedly. “You have to kill Scarlet Hearts.”
“Kill her?” Diane took a sudden step back.
“Do you want to save Thirteen or not?” The filly snapped. “If you don’t kill the Red Queen then Westwitch is going to cut up your sister’s brain.”
“Then why am I after her, why not go after this Westwitch pony?” Diane argued back. “Either way, I don’t have to kill her to save Thirteen.”
“It’s already too late.” Dorothy shook her head sadly, speaking in a hollow echoing voice. “And in any case the Witch of the West is dead. It never brought them back.”
“Dorothy, dear,” Oxwell moved to comfort the young pegasus. “It wasn't your fault.”
“Just trust me Diane! Scarlet Hearts is evil. She’s the one who keeps us all here.” the pale, blonde filly pressed on. “She caused all of this! She’s going to break every part of your sister that makes her… her… I’ve seen her do it before.”
“We should go find Charlie.” Diane shook her head, as if to clear her thoughts. “He’ll know what to do.”
“There’s no time!” Alice hissed urgently. “He stayed back to buy us what time we do have. Don’t make his sacrifice in vain… again.”
The last word cut the little changeling queen to the quick, her face contorting into a sobbing mask for only a moment before her features hardened. “I… no… not again!”
Alice smiled viciously as the trio advanced on the operating room.
-=-=-=-=-
“As you can see, ladies and gentlecolts, the basic skull structure of a changeling is really no different from that of the average unicorn pony.” An overly cheerful voice drifted from the surgery table. “Despite the outer layer of hardened skin, as you can see, changelings are not, as commonly believed, exoskeletal. In fact, in terms of skeletal structure, they are most familiar to the modern breezy. This has led many researchers to speculate the possibility of a common ancestor between the two…”
“What are you doing to my sister???” Diane screamed in rage, drawing a bemused grin from the surgeon.
“Well, depending on your point of view, it’s either a lobotomy… or maybe an autopsy. It depends on if you really want to pretend you can ‘save’ her.” The green mare flashed a manic smile to the would-be heroine.
“No… it can’t…” Diane’s brain reeled with momentary recognition, before the gaunt form of Scarlet Hearts interposed herself between them.
“Orderlies! Get those foals out of here!” She screamed desperately. “Ozwell! What are you doing?!?!”
“I’ve turned a blind eye for far too long, Scarlet. This… it isn’t right.” The older stallion pleaded with his former lover.
“I’m doing what has to be done Oz! Can’t you see? She’s gotten to you! She’s gotten to all of us!” The mare’s eyes were alight with fear and revulsion.
“It’s a pity Diane.” The thing that took the form of Westwitch sing-songed. “You really shouldn’t be allowed to play ‘follow the leader’, you’re really the worst at it!”
Without warning, the green mare was drenched by a sudden onslaught of cold water. Behind her, Dorothy stood defiantly, pail still hanging from her jaws.
-=-=-=-=-
“What the hell is this???” Ki swept the stacks of papers forcefully from the desk.
“They’re the reason we’re here…” Jack spoke softly. “They’re the reason she had to do what she did… the surgery... I didn’t understand… Alice was her own daughter...”
Scattered across the floor were reams of crayon drawings. Cheshire cats, and mock turtles and ponies laying still in grass green fields beneath a smiling lemon yellow sun in pools of fire-engine red blood.
“We thought we were saving her…” The giant colts voice rang hollow. “We were too late… And I burned it all down. But that’s not why I brought you here.” Jack Nimblehooves gestured to the window. “It’s the only window in the whole school. Look outside, it will all make sense then…”
And the night was cut by the scream of a broken mind...
“No!” Scarlet Hearts shrieked in horror.
An array of thaumatic electrical devices erupted in a sharp shower of sparks, evoked convulsions from the patient on the operating table. “Thirteen!” Diane cried in vain is her sister went limp.
“Scarlet Hearts did this Diane!” Alice smiled pure venom at the head mistress. “She took away everything you loved!” Diane felt the hilt of the blade pass from the earth pony's mouth into her’s with a kiss. “Snicker Snack, Diane! Make her pay! Snicker Snack!”
“I’m melting! I’m melting!” The green surgeon laughed uncontrollably as the electrical currents passed through her body. “What a world! What a world!”
“What have I done?!?!” Ozwell collapsed into a fit of sobs.
“Orderlies! Get these foals out of here!” Scarlet ran in circles in a grief stricken panic.
“No! I didn’t mean to!” Dorothy galloped to the operating table as the sparking electrical charge subsided.
“That’s okay, deary.” Westwitch slid a scalpel across her throat. “I’m just fine, but it was sweet of you to worry.”
“Dorothy!” Alice was suddenly snapped out of her psychotic trance as her friend’s body slid to the floor.
“Oopsies... I never was really good with endgames.” The green mare was washed over in the flames of changeling magic. “Oh Diane, dear, tell me something… where do evil changelings who engage in rape and murder, for fun and profit, go when they die? I’ll give you three guesses.”
-=-=-=-=-
“He took his vorpal blade in hoof,” the horse-pony’s voice rang hollow as he chanted, “Long time the manxome foe he sought.”
“Yeah, vorpal knife, man.” Ki backed slowly away on unsteady hooves. “I’m going to go find Diane.”
“Snicker snack, it’s not late.” The horse-faced colt turned slowly. “The head shall roll and seal their fate.”
“Good luck with that dude.” The blue pegasus glanced back as he left the room. “Freaky-ass goddamn bullshit. No wonder they don’t have any fucking windows. And now the hall’s chock full of flying monkeys. Why wouldn’t it be.”
A menacing, bat-winged baboon landed directly in his path and hissed menacingly. The colt scowled angrily. “You’re probably going to rip me in half, but I swear to the god of fuck I will die with my horse-dick in your bulbous red shit hole if you do not get the fuck out of my way.”
The creature blinked incredulously, before slowly backing away. The colt continued to glare as he trotted past. “I was supposed to be in Upstate New York right now. I do NOT have time for this winged monkey bullshit!” He screamed at no one in particular. “I’m done! Do you hear me? I am done with this shit!”
-=-=-=-=-
“You can’t be here!” Diane backpedaled in shear terror. “I killed you!”
“You did!” The demented changeling grinned merrily. “You killed me but good! And then you killed all my lieutenants, my bomb-maker, my sex-pony… that bit with Anon and Velvet was classic. Daddy is very proud of you Diane. Too bad about thirteen though… she was always the funny one. Always got a good laugh from her…”
“No! No no no no no!” The changeling collapsed into a helpless sobbing mass.
“Diane, it’s okay honey.” The voice barely registered on her consciousness.
“You’re a killer, a murderer, just like me.” The changeling dissolved into a mass of snakes slithering and winding around the filly’s hooves.
“Welcome home Diane.” The body on the surgical table sat upright, the earth pony's blonde mane falling around the botched surgery that scared her head.
“Diane, listen to me. It wasn’t your fault. This isn’t where you belong.” The voice seemed like it drifted into her head from miles away.
“J-Jack! Please! We were trying to help her!” The gaunt, pale mare stood shakily before the massive horse-pony.
“This is where they send killers. Like daughter, like sire.”
Diane could smell smoke, in the corner of her awareness she was aware of Ozwell consoling the corpse of Dorothy Gale… or was it Stormy?
“Just let it all out, girl.” Diane felt the comforting squeeze of a feathered wing. “It’s not your fault. You were hurt, and you were angry, and no one was there for you.”
The cage hung suspended over the pits of Tartarus. Scattered across its metal floor were a hooful of story books, broken dolls, and an elaborate doll house. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to! I wanted to be like mom and Uncle Train Wreck! But I couldn’t! I wasn’t strong enough…”
“Shhh, it’s okay, Diane. I’m right here. It’s okay.” The blue colt huddled against the sobbing filly. “It’s going to be okay. The nightmare is over, Diane. You’re awake now.”
“Where’s Thirteen?” She blinked.
“I don’t know, Diane. But we’re gonna get out of here and we’re gonna find her.” The colt smiled.
“Where are we Charlie?” The changeling took in her dire surroundings.
“I’m pretty sure we’re in pony hell, honey. I’m pretty sure we’re in pony hell…”
Chapter 65 - Unto the Looking Glass
// Where do you want to go?
Kai glared at the untitled message, before typing angrily. “Dammit David, this is not a funny joke right now. I’m on a crowded unairconditioned bus halfway to Upstate New York.”
// What do you want?
“Aside from a stable life?” The overheated human rolled his eyes as he typed. “How about my damn niece back? Think, you can hook that up? I didn’t think so?”
//What are you willing to pay?
“This isn’t funny, David.” The man scowled as he typed. “You know damn well I’m upset about that shit. My family disowned me. I just want to go away.
//Which pony would you rather be…
“Fine. David, I’ll play along.” He rolled his eyes in exasperation. “Whatever weird horse-words you’re playing at better be the most cheerful, rainbow soaked bullshit in the history of ever, though.”
Suddenly he became aware that he had, in fact been speaking out loud as he typed, and the Hispanic immigrant in the seat next to him was openly staring. “Don’t judge me! I’ve had a rough week. You know what, ‘A’, I’ma choose ‘A’...”
And the world began to unravel around him.
-=-=-=-=-
“That fucking hurt!” A young pegasus colt stood shakily on the summoning platform. “Did I just have a seizure? Because it feels like I just had a seizure.”
“You are here because you asked to be.” A calm unicorn mare blew an errant strand of blue and black mane out of her face.
“Or maybe it was an aneurysm. That would explain a lot of shit right now.” The colt rambled as he examined himself.
“Your name is Sunshine Cloudprancer and you’ve been in a terrible accident.” The mare continued. “Your parents love you very much and have spared no expense in tending to your recovery.”
“No, my name is Ki, sometimes Kai…. occasional Kookoo, or Keekee, but that pisses me off.” The colt scowled in annoyance. “The date is March 31st, and Trump is president, which I probably shouldn’t know since I’ve obviously suffered a head injury. Did the bus crash? Am I dead?”
“In a very real sense, you were dead,” the mare patiently explained, “Your death left a void in Equestria, and filling these voids is my special talent.” The mare gestured at her cutie mark, an empty outline of a pony. “Now, Cloudprancer, your parents say you prefer to be called Cloud Prancer...”
“No, I prefer to be called Kiki, that’s pronounced like Kaikai, but spelled like Keykey.” The colt argued. “And my parents are dead. Both of them. I have a stepdad, but he can suck a bag of dicks.”
“Do we have a problem, Doctor Fetlock?” A frumpy griffon then moved into view.
“Wait a minute… fetlock?” The colt laughed out loud. “I know where I am! Man, this is one crazy dream.”
“He recognized you.” The gryphoness responded grimly.
“He did.” Fetlock nodded. “It’s a shame really. It will be a terrible waste, having to start over. But it’s always been a risk that sooner or later this would happen.”
“Wait… what?” The foal blinked in confusion.
“I’m sorry I can’t send you back where you came from.” Fetlock blew aside the ill behaved wisp of mane. “It would have been better for everypony involved if you had just known random trivia about the royal family.”
“Don’t forget what happened before…” The griffon spoke softly, but firmly.
“I’m not a fool, Gudrun.” Fetlock chastised her business partner. “Guido! Nunzio! We have a situation.”
The misplaced colt saw two burly earth ponies enter through a side door before he felt a sharp pain in the back of his head and the world went dark.
-=-=-=-=-
“You’ve met a horrible fate.” Ki came to, soaking wet, in a pile of mud. A quick glance revealed him to be huddled on a sand bar beneath a gigantic suspension bridge. A dull grey, goat-headed caterpillar with a mismatched antler drew in a long draw from an elaborate hookah. “Who are you?”
“What the fuck?” Ki tried unsuccessfully to shake the dull ache free of his skull.
“No, not what, who. Why do you always have to be dense?” The caterpillar-thing rolled his yellow eyes.
“You’re Discord, right?” The colt raised an inquisitive eyebrow.
“No, I’m a rare goat-a-pillar-pony.” The creature replied flatly. “Does reincarnation cause brain damage? Remind me to ask Purple Smart about that later, would you?”
“So… that’s a yes?” Ki scrunched his face in confusion. “I’m pretty sure, but I’ve been up since 4 a.m., and this has really been a really confusing day, and the end of a really bad week…”
“Yes. The answer is yes, I am Discord, the glorious lord of all things that are not dull and boring.” With a sigh and a snap of his fingers, Discord resumed his unnatural appearance. “I honestly don’t know why I keep bothering with you, especially after that last performance. I mean who just ceases to exist right before the big boss fight?”
“Wait… Are you talking about Train Wreck?” The question was almost rhetorical. “Like, my fictional self insert OC, Train Wreck?”
“Well, I was curious before, but now I’m certain. All this dying has put a strain on your already dubious grasp of reality.” The draconequus clucked his tongue. “The things I go through… I swear I wouldn’t even bother if it wasn’t for Pinkie Pie. But if she finds out I left her niece in Tartarus without adult...ish… supervision… well, let’s just say game night would get a might awkward down Ponyville way. Well, off you go then!”
“Wait! What the hell?!?!”
“Now you’re getting the idea!” Discord grinned as he snapped reality out of existence.
-=-=-=-=-
He stood there watching the sleeping insectile pony for what seemed like the longest time. The cage swung gently over the seemingly endless abyss, but if he was honest with himself, his surroundings were not even on the top ten list of odd occurrences that day. But the creature quietly sobbing in her sleep before him in her nest of books and broken toys easily topped said list. She was more than familiar… she was… quite literally everything he had imagined she would be...
Chapter 66 - Separate Ways
“Z-978 will not go back to the stinky old hive! She told herself that she would not ever go back there and she will not!” Chitin winced at his partner’s harsh words.
“Z, be reasonable!” He pleaded desperately. “It’s not the same hive as it used to be. Chrysalis is gone now!”
“No, Z-978 will never go back. She knows the Thorax is the King now, because he ran away when the changelings lost.” Z shook her brightly colored head sadly. “Just like the Chitin ran away because the ponies won and the Silver pony and the Fast Change came to save them. They did not see what happened when the changelings won. They did not run away then.”
“Z, I- I don’t understand…” Chitin shook his head in honest confusion.
“The Chitin, and the Thorax did not run away in Z’s broken world.” The mare cried softly. “The Thorax did not run away when the changelings won. The Fast Change did not rescue the changelings when the ponies lost. And that is why the Chitin will not leave the Thorax’s hive. That is why Z-978 will never go go back.”
“Z, you can’t just stay here by yourself, you need a hive!” The changeling guard attempted to reason with her.
“Only Z-978 left the changeling hive when the changelings beat the ponies. Z-978 did not need the stinky hive, and she does not need the stinky pony princess who hates the changelings and wants them to go away.” The mare heaved a heavy sigh. “But the Chitin will go back to the old hive, because the changelings have won. And when the changelings win the Chitin goes back to the hive, because he is a guard and that is what he does.”
“Z, you’re not being fair. None of that really happened here…” Chitin realized his mistake the moment the words had left his mouth.
“Just because it did not happen to the Chitin does not mean it did not happen to Z-978!” Z hissed angrily. “Z has seen the changelings of this hive do horrible things to the ponies. Did they feel sorry? Z does not know, but she knows they did not feel sorry enough to stop. They did not feel sorry enough to leave! The Chitin say’s that this did not happen? Does the Chitin say that the Train Wreck did not happen? Does he say the Surprise did not happen?”
“Z, please, you know I didn’t mean…” Chitin stammered only to be cut off.
“The Chitin must leave because the Chitin must have a hive.” Z sobbed openly. “She understands this, and she does not hate the Chitin. She knew the Chitin must have a hive, but she cannot return to that hive. She will not be ruled by the King Thorax who only ran away when the Changelings lost. It is not the Chitins fault. Z thought the Celestia would let us have another hive. But the Celestia hates the changelings. She wants this hive to go away. And Z cannot follow the Chitin to the old hive and she must wait here because Carrot Plate is coming back.”
“Z… I’m sorry but Carrot Plate is…”
“NO! Z’s sister Carrot Pate is NOT dead!” the changeling mare screamed. “She is alive! Z saw her in her dreams with the Train Wreck and the Surprise who was not Surprise!”
“Z… I… if you change your mind…” Chitin shook his head sadly, knowing it was useless to argue further. “Do you at least have anywhere to go?”
“Z will go to the Belfry. She will talk to the Jimmy Jack. He was the Train Wreck’s friend. He will help her find her place again.” Z-978 turned and walked away slowly, down the darkened streets of Decanter. Had she looked back she would have seen a changelings guard scuttle uncertainly in place until the mare he loved disappeared into the night’s shadows. Had she listened closely she would have heard the sound of a changeling’s heart breaking.
-=-=-=-=-
“Z, what are you doin’ here?” The massive pale horse known to ponies as Deadlift, and to his friends as Jimmy Jack, looked down at the troubled changeling who had wandered to the front door of the Belfry.
“The stinky pony princess does not want changelings in her pretty little pony city!” The mare pouted. “Z-978 needs a place to live now. The Train Wreck said the Jimmy Jack would help her if anything ever happened to… Z-978 needs a place to go!”
“Z, I don’t think things are quite the way you think they are… we get a lot of changelings in here and I’ve heard the news.” The massive stallion explained things carefully. “Celestia’s not making any changeling leave who doesn’t want to… hell, you filed your citizenship papers a long time ago, back when Surprise and K… er… Trainwreck adopted Diane. If you need a place to crash, you know I’ve got you covered, but your not being kicked out of the city, you know that right?”
“The ugly stink-butt princess said there would not be two hives anymore!” Z exclaimed in agitation as if the problem should be obvious. “The Chitin will not stay in the city without the hive! Z-978 will not go back to the old hive because it was stupid and mean and she hates it!”
“I… see…” Jimmy Jack nodded slowly.
“It is not the Chitin’s fault!” Z shook her head angrily. “It is the stupid worst princess who made him leave!”
“Z… it’s… you know what? Come on in and I’ll get Miss Caramel to fry you up some chili cheese hay fries, my treat, okay. It’s gonna work out, I promise. You’re just scared because everything is changing, and that’s okay. Ain’t nothin’ set in stone. You don’t know that Chitin ain’t gonna stay, and if he don’t, then you don’t need him anyway. You go inside and try not to worry about it. You’re with family here, and whatever happens, it’s gonna be okay.”
Chapter 67: The Unspeakable Truth
Chapter 67: The Unspeakable Truth
“What do you plan to do about her?” Usagi, the fire-eating dragon-pony cast her head back towards the booth in the corner.
“I don’t know.” Deadlift, the strong pony shook his head. “I don’t know, but we can’t just leave her out on the street. She’s one of Train Wreck’s, and that means she’s one of us.”
“She’s one of Train Wreck’s…”
A heavy bottle flew between the gathered freaks and shattered against the wall, followed by three heavy tendrils striking the table.
“Geez Michelle…”
“We’re not turnin’ her out.” Deadlift shared a look of solidarity with Michelle.
“We get it. We owe him. But it’s twice now he’s just vanished without a trace. And we don’t know if he’s coming back now no more than we did then.” Usagi grumbled. “And besides that, the triplets have a point. She’s one of Iam Noone’s offspring. The Shifts have murder in their blood. Diane was his flame, and we don’t know what he planned for the rest of them.”
“We’re all assumin’ Diane really killed him…”
“I figure we can trust Z. Switch Shift died years ago. She died, and the last thing Noone ever planned on was the pink ghost gettin’ involved on this end and bringing her back.” Deadlift insisted, drawing a firm nod from Michelle.
“Alright, so we let her stay.” Usagi nodded. “But we still need to decide what to do about Franklin. He’s too dangerous to just let the Equestrians keep him. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I don’t trust Princess Sunny Side with any of the technology he could replicate.”
“These Equestrians may not be the one’s who unraveled our world…”
“It’s a moot point. Like it or not, we let Celestia have Franklin when we split with Noone.” Deadlift scowled. “We don’t have time to worry about busting him out, and even if we did, what the hell would we do with him? I couldn’t bring myself to kill him before, and I’m not gonna be the one to put him down now.”
-=-=-=-=-
“How long has it been, Charlie?” Diane wrapped her hooves about the bars of the cage and stared into the abyss.
“Days… hours… weeks, maybe? There’s no way to tell.” The blue pegasus sighed and shook his head. “And please… stop calling me Charlie, I’m not him…”
“This isn’t my first rodeo mister.” The young mutant grinned back at her fellow captive. “You don’t remember… Train Wreck didn’t either. It’s just like the dream. The text gets us out, trust me, it’s not the first time I’ve been locked up with you.”
“Yeah, the Filly Factory. I remember that. David needed Surprise back for his story… that’s why I wrote you, to replace the first Surprise.” The Pegasus laughed mirthlessly.
“Charlie, that doesn’t make sense! Why would you talk like that about mom? And what do you mean you wrote me?” Diane’s face scrunched in confusion. “You didn’t write me, you dreamed me… sort of… not you-you… the first Charlie…”
“It started that Christmas… I wrote a fun little story. A human working in a warehouse with a gender-ambiguous changeling. I named her Z-978.” The former human chuckled to himself. “The text can’t get us out of here, Diane. I know, because I’m the text… one of them anyway.”
“That’s not funny! If you don’t want me to call you Charlie anymore that’s fine, but don’t say things like that!” Diane snapped in anger.
“Diane,” The pegasus persisted, “I’m sorry… I… I’m sorry for Surprise, for Train Wreck, for Carrot Plate… you deserved a rainbow. You needed a rainbow.”
“I wasn’t made for a world of rainbows, Charlie.” Diane shook her head sadly. “It’s not your fault.”
“It is.” The colt smiled sadly. “I put the wheels in motion. I sent my devil to play in pony land. The man who wasn’t there… He was such a funny little man…”
“Iam Noone… yeah, you’ve told me that before. You made him…” She looked away uncertainly.
“I did… I made him. I made them both… Iam Noone and the Cannibal Head.” The blue colt laughed maniacally. “The Nopony and the Train Wreck… and… her… you…”
“You’re talking nonsense, Charlie, you didn’t make me. I was hatched in Equestria.” Diane hugged her love close.
“No… you go back further… I made you before I ever heard of ponies, just like the other two… I can show you…” The colt’s eye’s became strangely hollow. “I can still control the narrative enough for that…”
“Ch- Charlie… what is this? I don’t understand.” The young changeling gaped at the impossible paper.
“It’s page from a comic I drew a lot of years ago… I tried to tell you Diane, I’m not who you think I am…”
“Z-978 does not want to leave! What if Carrot Plate comes back? There is no hive, there is no Train Wreck, who will take care of Carrot Plate if she comes back?” The colorful young changeling asked sadly.
“It’s gonna be fine, Z.” Deadlift reassured her. “Me and you are gonna go to Baltimare while the others go on ahead to Las Pegasus. I promise, we’re gonna find out what happened to Carrot. But you have to be ready to accept what we find.”
“Carrot Plate is alive! Z-978 knows that she is alive!” Z countered definitely.
“I hope your right, Z, and I promise, we’re gonna find out for sure.” The pale horse smiled sadly. “I just don’t want to get your hopes up too high. The reports say they’ve identified all the survivors and… we’re gonna find out, one way or the other, I promise.”
“May the cards show mercy on our journey.” The Blind Goat Bleated as he tossed a small bundle into his long neglected show cart. “We’ll travel together as far as Ponyville. From there you should be able to purchase passage by train without drawing any undue royal attention. The sun shines brightest when it sees it’s own shadow, and I fear Decanter will not be safe for us any longer.”
“Mom,” Candy Apple looked uncertainly between the tavern that had always been her home and the ragtag caravan of carnival freaks, “Are you sure you can run the Belfry on your own?”
“Luna’s Ghost in the moon, dear,” Caramel Apple laughed easily, “It’s past time you left home with a proper carny! If spendin’ our youth with our flanks planted in one spot was in our blood we’d be apple farmers. You go and you take good care of Billy. Next time I hear word, it better be about the greatest act in Las Pegasus, ya hear?”
Mother and Daughter shared a tight embrace as the girls of the freak show wet about their practiced routine of preparing to move on for the next town.
=-=-=-=-=
“You were right Moth! They’re really gonna do it!” A happy voice bubbled from a disembodied smile.
“Of course I was right, dear niece. Being right about what makes ponies and changelings tick is what I do after all.” The older changeling chided.
“I feel bad about lying to Z, though. She really liked Chitin!” The younger changeling mused. “And he was nice. Are you sure Night’s gonna behave herself?”
“Don’t worry your pretty little head, Thirteen.” Moth smiled gently. “Your sister knows I’m the only thing keeping her out of Celestia’s dungeon… or worse if the rumors I’ve heard about Diane have any truth. Our little love struck guard will wake up in an alley with a bad hang-over, a broken heart, and no idea how he came by either.”
“It’s too bad, though. Chitin was really nice.” Thirteen hummed a little tune to herself. “Serves him right though for pervin’ up on my big sister like that!”
“No Thirteen, Chitin didn’t do anything wrong.” Moth scolded her young ward. “He just stood in the way of what has to be done. That was a masterful performance, however, you should be proud of yourself.”
“It was weird, pretending to be Not-Pinkie-Pie.” The invisible filly giggled shyly.
“Well you did a wonderful job!” Moth’s words filled the young mutant’s heart with pride. “Now how about we go get some ice-cream, and if you can keep a decent filly disguise the whole time I’ll take you to the redlight district and let you find a wicked pony to play with...”
-=-=-=-=-
“Stop it!” Diane slapped the blue pegasus hard across the face. “I don’t care how many spoilers you pull out of your stupid plot! I know who you are! Stop doing this! Why are you saying things just to hurt me!”
“Diane, I’m not trying to hurt you!” The former human shouted angrily. “I never wanted to hurt you! I… dammit, Diane, I was shitty failure of a person in my world, and I played a shitty failure of a god in yours. I thought I was doing right, but in the end everything went to hell. You don’t belong here, Diane, but I do. I just don’t know how to get you out.”
“Damn you, Charlie! I’m tired of this! You keep on throwing everything away for me, like it’s so important that you love me, well it’s not! Do you hear me buster?!?!” Diane fumed, her razor teeth snapping in the colt’s face with each word. “Is that all you think I care about? Do you think I just follow you around through all this… insanity… just for your stupid, icky love? Because your love smells funny, mister! And it tastes like depression and self loathing!”
“Diane, I…” His words were cut short by another hoof to the face.
“I’m not finished!” The changeling practically spat in his face. “You know what else I’m tired of? All these damned pony-forms! You wanna be the text? Then explain that one to me! What? You’re a pegasus colt now, so that makes the whole weird dynamic okay? Over and over we’ve played this out, what’s it supposed to be, Charlie? Am I your waifu, or are you gonna play uncle daddy? You’re the text! So tell me, how being a giant tentacle monster and adopting me made things less weird than marrying me? Or was that just all about you wanting to be with Pinkie Pie?”
“Diane… it was…”
“Just a story Charlie? Just like Iam Noone was just a story? Because if you're just making up stories, why be with some stupid broken changeling, right?” Diane swung her stinger in the colts stupid, blue face. “One sting and I could make you love me! I could make you love me the way you love HER! The way you love anypony but me! Is that what it takes, Charlie? Is that what it takes to make assage your stupid guilt complex?” The changeling collapsed, defeated and emotionally deflated. “Because it’s just not worth it. I don’t care if you love me anymore, Charlie. I love you, but you just don’t want to believe that. And I don’t know what else I can do to convince you that I don’t want your love, I just want to give you mine.”
Their eyes met, and something exploded.
Class of Decanter High: Part 2
Class of Decanter High: Part 3
Class of Decanter High: Part 4
Class of Decanter High: Part 5
Class of Decanter High: Part 6
Class of Decanter High: Part 7
Class of Decanter High: Part 8
Class of Decanter High: Part 9
Class of Decanter High: Part 11
Class of Decanter High: Part 11
Chapter 1 - The Pony Dreadfuls
“Do we have anything to run for a cover story?” Type Set placed his hoof to the bridge of his snout to fend off the impending headache. “Run the submissions by me again.”
“We’ve got the vampony story,” Ink Well, a white and black stallion whose coloration helped to offset the constant ink that stained his coat (sometimes Type wondered how much, if any of the black splotches were even natural coloration at all) supplied..
“No. I am NOT going to deal with irate Lunar Guards this week. I’m just not going to do it.” Type Set put his hoof down, quite literally, with a loud clop.
“Actually boss, the vampony in this one is a unicorn.” Ink corrected his employer. “The lunar pegasus is the vampony hunter.”
“Okay, that might be useful, but I don’t know if I wanna run it as a cover,” Type Set muttered, “What else ya got?”
“We’ve got a new chapter from Miss Sunny Days,” the intern Orange Pip spoke up from behind his crowded desk, “Geez, but this mare has some kinks!”
“Heh, trust me, youngster,” Ink Well laughed, “I promise you, Miss Sunny Days is older than your Granny Orange and twice as wrinkled. ‘The Astonishing Voyages of Silver Stars’, yep indeedy, that’s the work of a dirty old mare or I’ll eat tomorrow's edition.”
“No way!” Orange Pip argued vehemently, “There’s no way some old grandma could’ve wrote anything this steamy! This chapter actually has Captain Silver raping an entire pirate crew into submission!”
“All while pining for his… how many wives is it again he has back home?” Picture Perfect, the pretty yellow unicorn mare who handled the illustrations chided. “Obviously we’re gonna run it, but can it not be a cover piece? I don’t wanna draw sexy pirates this week if I can help it.”
“Well we’ve gotta run something for a cover piece! Ink Well, what else have you got?” Type Set barked impatiently.
“Well, I’ve got this little gem,” the earth pony laughed, holding up the copy for all to see. “‘Daring Dash and the Lost Jungle of Peril’.”
At the collection of groans, Ink only laughed and went on to defend his choice, “Oh come on, we’ve been running these for a while now, I say we give this Scootaloo mare some cover space. Personally I like ‘em. Sure the action scenes are a little campy, but the way she writes the sexual tension between Dash and her faithful human sidekick…”
“No, Ink,” Type said firmly, “Just no.”
“Well how about this?” Orange Pip spoke up. “It’s an adventure/romance set in an alternate universe about a human soldier, ‘Charlie’, and his pony Commanding officer, ‘Diane’.”
“You know you’re just throwing that out there to score points with Pic,” Ink Well laughed, “We all know that was one of her picks for a cover issue.”
“H-hey!” Pip blushed fiercely. “It’s still a really good story! Especially by our standards!”
“Excuse me?” Type set raised a stern eyebrow, causing Orange Pip to shrink back behind the mountain of papers on his desk, before the older stallion laughed, “We DO have standards! They may be low, but we have them!”
“If it helps, I’ve already got some pencils for a cover illustration,” Picture Perfect supplied.
“You two planned this didn’t you! You sly little bastards,” Ink Well laughed even harder.
“Okay, it’s a plan. We’ll run the adventure/romance, for the cover. What’s it called again?” Type Set asked, only for the answer to be interrupted by Ink Well.
“Daring Dash and the Lost Jungle of Peril,” the snarky stallion butted in.
“No Ink,” Type Set replied dryly, “So we run…”
“‘One Tin Soldier’, boss,” Orange Pip supplied, “By Mint Surprise.”
“Right, we’ll run that as a cover,” Type Set said as much to himself as to his staff, “The housewives in Upper Canterlot will just eat that up I’m betting. Handsome, exotic, alien soldier fighting to defend the mare he loves and the country that isn’t really his. Yeah, give the noble’s wives something to forget that their real husbands are lare largely sycophants who hide under their beds and wait for the rainbows to blast whatever threatens their gravy train.
Pip and Pic clopped hooves and giggled as the boss continued, “We'll run Ms. Sunny Day's latest little smut spectacle as featured, because we’ve pretty much gotta, it’s our most popular story and if pony’s want pirate-raping smut, I’ll be damned if we won’t give it to them! After that we’ll run the vampony story with a nice juicy centerfold illustration of the evil blood-sucking unicorn noble. Picture, you get an extra bonus if you can make the blood-sucker look like Golden Plate. That’ll play well down in Decanter.”
“And?” Ink Well looked on expectantly.
“And what?” Type set grumbled.
“Ah come on, boss. We gotta run the jungle fic!” Ink Well gave up on subtlety and outright begged.
“Fine, we’ll run it between the personals and the back cover,” Type set rolled his eyes.
“I don’t know what you guys have against the Daring Dash series. I’m telling you, this Scootaloo is going to be the next Yearling! If I ever meet her, I’m gonna be like, ‘Hey, miss, did you know I work for ‘Pony Dreadful’? I’m your publisher AND your biggest fan!’ How can we NOT hook up?” Ink Well rambled on, lost in his own fantasy.
“You know,” Picture Perfect cut in, raising a critical eyebrow. “I hate to rain on your parade but I’m pretty sure this Scootaloo is underage.”
“What? N-no way!” Ink Well stammered.
“Yeah, I mean, I’ve read a few of those, and there’s a lot, and I mean A LOT of new slang being thrown around for that to be the work of a grown mare, sorry Ink.” Orange Pip agreed, although with a note of sincere apology in his voice.
“There’s no way a school filly could write those scenes between Daring Dash and Jake the human!” Ink Well continued to argue. “That’s way too steamy, I’m telling you, Scootaloo is an adult mare!”
“Look Ink, we’ve been friends for a long time,” Type set sighed heavily. “All I’m saying is, if you get a chance to meet this author, make sure it’s in a public place. And don’t say we didn’t warn you. Okay, we’ve got tomorrow’s issue on the presses, I want this laid out, illustrated, and ready to photograph for the printing plates by day after tomorrow. Get to work!”
Finally finished the first page of My Ugly Little World: Chapter 1. While not technically part of the story, MULW was inspired by this story and Awkwark conversation (the previous story) and features re-imagined versions of the characters. If you like this story, you'llprobably also like the comic. You can find more of my work (including all illustrations from my stories) at my Deviant Art page .
Super Fun Meta Chapter: Know Your Shift
Super Fun Meta Chapter: Know Your Shift
The Shift Sisters have finally been reunited. Note their real names all have numbers. When they hatched Madame Butterfly gave them all worker-drone names to hide them in Chrysalis hive. She urged her lover, Iam Noone, to name the drones as well and in the end he decided it would be more fun to give them numbers instead. The sisters all despise their numbers except for Midnight Shift, who thinks #13 is “the most super fun number EVER!”
Day Shift #1
Night Shift #2
Sweet Shift #3
Split Shift #4
Blue Shift #5
Switch Shift #6 (AKA Z-978)
Swing Shift #7 (AKA Diane)
Red Shift #8
Late Shift #9
Early Shift #10
Evening Shift #11
Morning Shift #12
Midnight Shift #13 (AKA Pinkie 13)
Chapter 50 - Victims and Monsters
Today was really weird. They said they wanted me to go to a special class, and if I did good enough, they said they’d let me out of observation without the restraints. I was surprised at first when they started wheeling me into the medical wing, but then they said this class was going to be a special friendship group with Thirteen and another pony. I was really happy to hear that. I’m almost never in a class with Thirteen. Or in a group class either, really. Most of my classes are just me and one of the teachers asking stupid questions about how I feel about things. Usually I only see Thirteen in the day-room. She really likes her classes. But most of hers are just regular stuff like math and reading. She told me there were some pretty silly classes about feelings, too. I could here Thirteen talking before we even went in the room. There was another filly too, but she was talking really quiet and I couldn’t make out her voice.
Then they wheeled me through the door and there was Gale Storm, with her face all stitched up (honestly, I thought I had done way more damage than that), and she was talking with Thirteen, and for some reason Thirteen was actually smiling. Not that smile she gets when she plays stabby-stabby, either. She was smiling like she smiles when she’s really just happy. I don’t know what I was supposed to feel. I was angry, I guess. It made me mad that they would let that bitch anywhere near my sister after what she had done. But I was confused, because why was Thirteen smiling like that? Why was she talking to that pegasus like they were actually friends? Did she forget that Gale had tried to KILL her? That made me mad again, because the teachers had tricked Thirteen into thinking she was safe around that… monster! I know, I know, ME calling somepony a monster, right? But she had stomped on Thirteen! She actually squished part of her middle flat!
They both looked up when they rolled me in, and the room went silent. I glared murder at that stupid pegasus and for one minute if it hadn’t been for all the restraints I would have torn her apart. But then she just gave me the most pathetic, doe-eyed look of terror, and I thought for a moment that she was going push back right off the edge of her bed. And then Thirteen actually scowled at me, and she said, “Stop it sis! You’re scaring Galey!”
I think that might have been the first time Thirteen had ever looked at me when she wasn’t smiling. And that look on Gale Storm’s fat stupid face… it should have made me feel good, but it didn’t. It made me feel like I felt the first time Z saw me after my transformation when she tried to hide Facehugger behind her and I realized that she was trying to protect her from me. It was a kind of sick feeling, and I found I couldn’t look anypony in the room in the eyes.
Thirteen and Gale did most of the talking. It’s hard to share your feelings when you’re strapped to a gurney wearing a muzzle. But the teacher didn’t seem to mind, and I think maybe that was part of the point. I was supposed to listen. If I listened to the stupid fat pony's sob story so they'd let me out of observation and give me back my day-room privileges. It’s amazing, how far you’ll bend backwards just for a few stupid outdated board games. And as I listened, I found it harder and harder to hate the damn bird-pony.
Her dad… he liked little fillies. He was one of those ponies I would have drained dry and beaten half to death to be found in an alley behind the Tasty Treat back before Mom saved me, and Z, and Train Wreck… back when I was on my own. She tried to tell her mom, but then her mom got mad at her and beat her up and told her to keep her mouth shut. It reminded me of some of the stories I’d hear Carrot telling Z when they thought I was asleep and were all cuddled up. Gale said she started eating more and more, because she thought maybe if she got fat her dad wouldn’t think she was pretty anymore, and then her mom wouldn’t hit her and they could be like a normal family. It didn’t work that way of course.
So then the other colts and fillies started teasing he, but they figured out pretty quick that it was hard to pick on a pony who’s bigger than you. So then she became the bully. After everything she went through she was the bad pony for standing up for herself! I have to admit, it was a story I understood. I knew what it was like to be labeled a monster for fighting back. Finally she couldn’t take anymore, and she just grabbed a knife and stabbed her damned pervert father in the shoulder. The guards got involved and the whole thing came out. Secrets always do. She had finally escaped, but no foster family was going to take a filly who stabbed her own father. Stabbing was something only bad ponies do, after all. So she ended up here.
It’s weird, but it turns out that her and Thirteen were actually friends. They had a lot of the same classes and were in the same friendship group, even. That day in the day-room she was just having a bad day. It turns out that was her I heard screaming that day. She was being rough, but she didn’t know Thirteen was soft like that. Gale Storm doesn’t really have many friends, because of the bullying, and Thirteen doesn’t have many friends because the stabby-talk. And Gale thought she had just killed her only friend. And then I tried to bite her face off.
Because Gale Storm is really a victim. And Pinkie 13 is really misunderstood. But deep down inside, I’m really a monster.
Chapter 52: Rise of the Dreadfuls
Chapter 52: Rise of the Dreadfuls
-=-=-=-=-
“Why’d you do it Pip? We all stood up for you, you know.” Moon Phase looked harshly on the sneering changeling.
“I prefer Moth.” The changeling replied.
“And yet you still wear that mark on your flank.” The lunar guard captain shook his head. “Why bother? You’re not even trying to be a pony.”
“You think the mark is a choice I have?” Moth laughed dryly. “It’s my destiny. If you need a reason why I did what I did, there’s your answer. Revenge.”
“Revenge? What did Princess Fast Change ever do to you?” Moon Phase snapped.
“Who said anything about the Princess?” Moth smiled coyly. “No my revenge was against the Orange family. Succeed or fail there was going to be a scandal.”
“And your niece? What about Diane? Was she just a pawn in your petty schemes then?” The lunar stallion asked in disgust.
“Diane Pastel, a pawn?” Moth laughed wholeheartedly. “Do you think I’m suicidal? Diane was going to challenge Fast Change or Fast Change was going to challenge her. Just like Diane was going to take her revenge. Standing in her way would have been foolhardy. If anything, I was able to minimize the carnage caused by her over-zealous ‘sisters’. Do you expect me to be ashamed that we rattled the noble’s chains? Do expect me to feel badly that I replaced their spoiled relatives with qualified administrators? I regret that we didn’t have twelve more hours. We never intended harm to Princess Fast Change. Let her go home to the hill and marry her handsome prince! We nearly made Decanter an independent city. Decanter doesn’t need Canterlot. Diane Pastel may be a spoiled and psychotic foal but she was right about that. With proper guidance…”
“Your guidance?” Moon Phase raised an eyebrow.
“I didn’t do this for power, captain.” Moth snarled.
“No you did this for revenge.” the lunar guard sighed heavily. “You, Diane Pastel, your mare-friend, hell, even the damned school teacher! You all talk a big game about the greater good, but it was all about revenge. Do you really think you can make Equestria a better place out of spite?”
“It never bothered you when I was helping you solve crimes, now did it?” The changeling sneered cruelly. “Do you remember our last case? A changeling was murdered. A young minotaur bull was orphaned. We knew exactly who was responsible. And we could do NOTHING! We could have stopped it all right there. The invasion, the massacre in Baltimare, Gold Brick was the lynchpin to the Nopony schemes. And we had no choice but to let him walk away. Within hours he had been betrayed and replaced and the wheels were in motion. How many lives could we have saved with one little act of spite? Just one act of vengeance?”
-=-=-=-=-
“She used a changeling filly to spite the family who raised her.” Celestia’s voice was cold. “She is NOT a good pony.”
“She is not a pony at all sister.” Luna’s smile was equally cold.
“No, she’s a sterile changeling queen, with no intention of reforming.” Celestia raised a skeptical eyebrow.
“Equestria faces threats that would break good ponies.” Luna responded calmly. “Human immigration is only the tip of the iceberg. And our human prince is far too quick to assume the best in his fellow humans… and ponies. Our nation was saved by those we had seen as villains. Our ‘good little ponies’ drove the Unspoken Prince into hiding and shunned him; even he cried alarm. They watched and cheered even as you dragged him to trial at the demands of the very fiend he sought to defend them against.”
“That is hardly fair, sister,” Celestia said, hurt in her voice.
“Very little in this world truly is.” Luna shrugged. “The threats to our kingdom have become more insidious. Princess Diane Pastel, and I will acknowledge her title, she may have been confused and misguided, but her Shadow Hive served a noble purpose. Our kingdom will not be dependent on the good intentions of misguided foals. My task force will see to the… dreadful… of these new threats. This ‘Moth’ is my choice to lead them.”
“I do not approve, dear sister, but I will not interfere.” Celestia turned for the door with a heavy sigh.
-=-=-=-=-
"Charlie, what the hell is going on?" Pinkamena scowled as the party boarded the commuter-rail.
"None of this is real. The text tricked me, we're in a dream." Train Wreck spoke quietly to the mares to either side of him.
"That doesn't make sense." Carrot shook her head. "How can this be a dream?"
"Think about it, think about specifics. How long have we been here? A few hours, a few days? Where'd the other soldiers go? Diane, do you remember what the text said, about Noone?" The mutant's voice was grim.
"Those words? They said that we couldn't kill that thing because it was in its own past." The Pink Ghost replied thoughtfully.
"Right. I have a history with the Nopony. It was out of the dream world. A sort of demiplane that existed outside of normal space and time, a coma-dream." Train Wreck nodded. "When I left Equestria I made a deal with the Text. I disappeared, and Carrot Plate lived. I thought at first it had sent Carrot Plate back with me to my home-world, but now..."
The whole world suddenly stopped cold. All around them it was as if some god had hit the pause button. "And where did you think your home-world was?" Legion Scratch lounged leisurely on a bench-seat. "I had the most enlightening little chat with those words after you left. You called me Iam Noone. That should have struck more of a nerve than it did. Do you even remember who Iam Noone was? You don't do you? But if you're Kiki, you should. You wrote him, after all. You drew him. You created me... if you're him."
"What are you doing here?" Train Wreck snarled.
"Oh relax. You can't kill me, and I have no real reason to kill you... not yet anyway." The blue-maned changeling grinned. "You can't kill me. You can't even interfere with my revenge. Woe be unto all the little ponies, for the devil sends the beast with wrath, because he knows his time is short... well not that short. I have almost 15 years. The Text showed me exactly where, or rather when, I have to go to find the exit to this little nightmare Twilight banished me to. You and the pink abomination on the other hand only have until she wakes up, because that's when this little corner of sleepytime collapses and everything in it ceases to exist."
"What's he talking about Train Wreck?" Carrot shrank back as the Nopony pointed her out.
"The text promised you would live." Train Wreck shook his head sadly. "You're in a coma, and me and Diane are trapped in your dream."
"But here's the really fun part." The insane changeling laughed merrily. "You don't know who you are. You think you're him. You think you're the real Kiki, and I'm some kind of living nightmare. But if I'm Iam Noone, who does that make you? Come on, you should have his memories, there in that big ugly noggin of yours. You just lack the proper cues to access them. I'm poking all the right neurons, think about it. I'm Iam Noone, who are you with that big pointy grin splitting your skull?"
"NO! I'm not some figment! I exist!" Train Wreck lashed out, grabbing the changeling in his snakes.
"Now you're getting it!" The would-be Nopony chuckled. "Now you're getting it! You're the other side of my coin. The man who wasn't there, and the monster under the bed. If I'm Iam Noone, then you're the Cannibal Head. The mad imaginings of a dead madman. But here's the trick... I already won. It just hasn't happened yet. And the most beautiful part: this moment, right now, is when you close the loop and ensure my success. I WILL burn Equestria, and now you know it’s all your fault.”
Class of Decanter High: Part 1
Class of Decanter High: Part 1
Hold on to you waifus gentle readers, cause shit is about to get real... ish.
Class of Decanter High: Part 10
Class of Decanter High: Part 10