Celestia and Luna sit on their haunches in front of Ms. Cherilee's classroom. Celestia speaks in a soothing but excited voice.
“Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria. There were two regal sisters who ruled together, and created harmony for all the land.”
Luna looks at her before smiling and nodding.
“Except the older sister was a self-entitled narcissist, who assumed anything in the fridge was hers, and devoured everything in site. Thus gaining a weight problem.”
Celestia grits her teeth.
“I did not eat everything in sight!”
Luna ignores her and talks with a calming voice.
“The eldest pony was in complete denial of her destructive eating, plunging the land into a vicious famine! Luckily, the younger sister was kind and forgiving, allowed the elder sister to delve into her wicked ways, while delivering sweets and baked goods to all the poor foals of the kingdom!”
Luna closes her eyes and gives a prideful nod of her head.
Celestia glares at Luna before continuing.
“To do this, the eldest, used her unicorn power to raise the sun at dawn. The younger brought out the moon to begin the night.
Thus the two sisters maintained balance for their kingdom and their subjects, and for all the different types of ponies.”
Celestia stops and motions for Luna to begin speaking, who happily nods.
“As time went on, the younger sister became saddened. The ponies would relish and play in the day her sister brought forth, ignoring such concerns like skin cancer, eye damage, and sunburn. But they shunned and slept through her beautiful night, which only brought forth mosquitoes, and that lead to the sale of bug repellant, assisting the economy through many difficult times!”
Celestia stomps a hoof angrily.
“Oh that is so bias! You can’t just make night out to be perfect! Maybe they slept at night because that’s what normal animals do!” Celestia roars.
Luna blatantly ignores her.
“The elder sister became jealous over her much more gorgeous, and talented younger sister, and lied to the ponies, telling them that nighttime was dangerous! In fact, to this day, the eldest sister is still known as a liar, borrowing her sister’s clothing without asking and claiming she has no idea how that cake stain got on the prettier sister’s dress.”
Cheerilee nervously interrupts.
“Um...beg your pardon princesses, but I think the class is eager for you to get back to the story?”
Luna rolls her eyes, and waves a sarcastic hoof for her sister to continue.
Celestia clears her throat angrily.
“One faithful day, the younger unicorn refused to lower the moon to make way for the dawn.
The elder sister tried to reason with her-”
Luna cuts her off calmly.
“And by reason with her, she actually yelled and screamed with all her might, not stopping for just one moment to consider the idea that maybe her sister was joking, and that maybe someone should learn to develop a sense of humor.”
Celestia sighs.
” But the bitterness in the young ones heart had transformed her into a wicked mare of darkness; Nightmare Moon”
Luna nods happily.
“Nightmare moon was stylish, bold, and had some awesome new armor that the elder sister was jealous of. Too large from her selfish eating to fit into her own armor anymore, she snuck into the crypt, desecrating the remains of her ancestors, and stole the elements of harmony like a common thief!”
Celestia stomps an angry hoof.
“Using the magic of the elements of harmony, she defeated her younger sister, and banished her permanently in the moon!”
Luna glares back at her.
“And by defeated, she means her younger sister decided to take the more mature route, and left her sister to wallow in her anger and her outrageous eating habits, shrouding all of Equestria in a new darkness even more dangerous than Nightmare Moon: Celestia’s overzealous flank!”
Diamond Tiara raises her hoof. Celestia points at her.
“My father says that Luna is only around because they’re related and that she doesn't actually do anything.” She crosses her forelegs arrogantly.
Celestia looks over at Luna and smirks. Luna narrows her eyes at Diamond Tiara.
“Well first off, your father wanted to put you up for adoption but the only reason he kept you was that he would rather buy a new Ponystation than pay the adoption fees. And secondly-”
Celestia gawks at Luna.
“Luna! You can’t say that to her!” Diamond Tiara nods her head smugly. Luna puts a hoof to her chest apologetically.
“Oh that is quite true sister, it’s not her fault her father’s a tool, who is in debt to Canterlot up to his eyeballs!” Diamond Tiara’s face flashes to horror. The other foals, besides Silver Spoon, point and laugh at her.
Pip raises his hoof. Luna points at him and nods.
“Excuse me, but where did the Elements of Harmony come from originally?” Celestia is about to speak but Luna talks first.
“Well you see, when Celestia gets really mad, she turns small foals into gems, using them to conquer innocent villages!”
“Oh come on! That is a complete lie!” yells Celestia. Luna looks at her with narrow skeptical eyes.
“All I’m saying dearest sister, is when foals make you mad, they suddenly go missing. Also how did Starlight Glimmer make her town, hm? A strange coincidence…”
Celestia gets in Luna’s face.
“You are making all that up! The only foals who make me angry, are the ones you convince to steal my quills!”
Luna shakes her head disappointedly.
“There you go again, projecting your insecurities on me. It’s alright Tia. I as the more reasonable sister, forgive you.” Celestia glares at her for a moment before shoving her lightly. Luna shoves her back. Celestia hits Luna with her hoof, and the two sisters start a vicious hoof slapping contest, tucking their heads back as they take blind swings at each other while yelling.
Cheerilee gets up and quickly pushes the two sisters out of her classroom.
“Okay thank you so much princesses! That was a wonderful retelling of Nightmare Moon’s banishment.”
