Just like any other day, Pinkie began her mornings with the twins. She put on her multicolored headband and danced and made them laugh with her rather hysterical routine. Next, she went to the kitchen and baked cupcakes and worked behind the counter while the Cakes got recalibrated for the day. Once they were up, Pinkie left the kitchen and set off to make her friends smile. She stopped back at Sugar Cube Corner for lunch, (cupcakes) and went back to doing what Pinkamena does best. She returned to the bakery just before Luna's night had descended upon Equestria. She entered the bakery and she was almost to the stairs to her loft when Mr. Cake called her over.
“Pinkie, could you watch the store tonight? We have to deliver a cake for my mother's birthday. We'll be bringing the twins with us, since their grandmother would like to see them. Is that okay with you?”
“Okie dokie lokie!”
“It shouldn't be that hard, there's only a few orders you have to give to ponies who are going to pick them up tonight.”
“You can count on me, sir Cake!” Pinkie adressed him with a salute, vaguely similar to a Middle Age knight adressing his commander.
The Cakes left in haste.
Pinkie returned to the counter. Three of four customers arrived within a half hour. The fourth had yet to come when somepony wearing a black silk outfit came into the place.
“Are you here for your delicious treat? Oooooh- cool costume!”
“Uhh- yeah. That's why I'm here.”
“Okie dokie lokie.”
“Can you give me some extra things, too?”
“Like what?”
“The drawer of silverware.”
“Wait, you're just borrowing them, right?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Hhmm- Do you Pinkie promise?”
“Sure. I Pinkie promise.”
“Here you go!”
The thief looked up at the party pony in awe.
“You know what? I need that red jar and that silver box in the back, too.”
“There ya go. Thank you for visiting Sugar Cube Corner! When are you gonna bring these back?”
“You'll see 'em before morning.”
“Come back soon! Thanks for visiting!”
“No, thank YOU.”
“Tell your friends!”
“Heh, I will!” He shouted back.
As he walked away, he whispered, “Sucker.”
Pinkie stared at the clock. It reached twelve. With Gummy on her back, she reassured herself he was just late. The clock struck eleven. Any minute now,. The clock struck twelve. Right on time! The clock struck twelve-thirty. He's probably just running late. When the clock rang one, she became a bit anxious. The clock rang one-thirty. She began to think he wouldn't come back. By the time the clock rang two, she had fallen asleep on the floor. When the clock rang nine AM, she woke up. Furious, she bolted out the front door.
“NOPONY BREAKS A PINKIE PROMISE!” Pinkie shouted. Overall, her shouted
With that, she was off on his trail.
As it is told, there was a body in a black suit discovered outside of a Mexicolt City train station within a day.
“ Police reports say that the body was mangled beyond belief. The face was entirely unrecognizeable. The body carried the scent of cake and blood, strangely, and absolutely nothing was recovered from his innards, as they were nowhere to be found. His genitals were violated, but intact nevertheless. The throat had obviously been stabbed repeatedly.” Inspector whitehooves said to Princess Celestia.
“Oh my, have we found any hoofprints?”
“None were to be found. No feathers, and no trace of magic, either.”
“Oh dear.” Celestia said, “From hence forth and onward, more guards will be recruited for train station security.”
And so it was. Pinkie Pie still works at Sugar Cube Corner. The Cakes still own the silver box, the red tip jar, and all of their silverware. And absolutely nopony breaks a Pinkie promise. Nopony.
Author's Note:
Hope you enjoyed! This took me about ten minutes to write, so I hope my ten minutes was well spent. I probably should have been working on my current long fic, but this was an idea that I just couldn't ignore. Well, stay classy San Franciscolt. Stay tuned for part two. It completes the epicocity.
-Pegasus Lightning.
Part Two (Ominescent Third Person)
Pinkie Pie bolted through the door of the shop, not before locking the door. Seeing footsteps, she saw where he'd gone. The wind in her mane and her Pinkie sense were unimportant, for now. She hopped on the train to Mexicolt City, as his accent had given hints pointing to him being from there.
Pinkie slept. Her dreams led her to the believe that he was waiting at the train stop for somepony who would take all of his stolen goods from him. Well, the goods Pinkie gave him unintentionally.
The train's whistle blew. Pinkie woke up, and was the first one off of the train. Just as she'd suspected, there he was. She grabbed somepony's suit out of their suitcase, and put it on, like the boss Pinkie is.
She walked over to the thief.
"Hey," she began with a deep voice, "Come with me. I'll take those off your hands."
"You got it."
She walked him over to a small, abandoned warehouse behind the station, which happened to be relatively quiet seeing as it was the middle of the day.
"Where'd you get all this loot?"
"Some namby-pamby shop in Ponyville."
"Nice. How'd you get it?"
"Some stupid pinki pony and her dumb pet crocodile gave it to me. I said I was borrowing it. Heh. How stupid of her."
"Well I'm afraid something's gone wrong for you."
"What?"
"NOPONY BREAKS A PINKIE PROMISE!!" She shouted with a true Gilda-force scream.
She ripped off her suit and hat, revealing her stunningly pink self. Pinkie wrestled him to the ground. She took a knife (Celestia knows where she got it) from the jacet pocket, and stabbed it through his hoof.
While he frantically tried to take it out, she walked over to the other side of the room. Chuckling, she grabbed a syringe. She injected it into the flaling outlaw, and he was asleep within ten seconds.
"Out like Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake." she laughed meniacally to herself.
She grabbed some rope, which she'd stored in the small case that had been smuggled onto the train, which is the same place the syringe was from.
She tied him to a table which she'd bolted to the floor with screws and a screwdriver (also from the case).
Pinkamena began her work. She undressed him out of his black silk outfit. He was a light-brown Earth pony, somewhat smaller than Big Mac. She aroused him with her touch around his groin. Seeing as he was unconcious, he couldn't control anything. His 'number' showed Pinkie interest. His face showed interest in sleep thanks to the narcotic she injected him with. Pinkie didn't wear any clothes, except for a pair of sterile plastic gloves, so she was all set and ready.
Seeing as he was aroused, she put herself in his lap. She moved up and down, naturally. Her own personal sensation was fantastic. When the stallion's number was out of it, Pinkie was, too.
Satisfied, she left his genitals alone. For now.
She awaited him to wake up. He did, and she grabbed a second syringe. She injected it into his neck, right in the jugular. A bit of blood was lost, but he was alive. She grabbed her knife.
"I'm going to make this quick, for your sake and for mine."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Nopony breaks a Pinkie promise."
She cut into his stomach. She watched as his inner materials and organs practically dumped out. His intestines came first, followed by blood,and the rest of the gastro-tract.
Due to the drug, he felt nothing. Her slicing continued. His ribcage was now a visible structure. One by one, she took his yellow-white rib bones, and snapped them off of his ribcage. They landed with a clank on the floor. Each one making a tad less noise. Pinkie saw his heart and lungs. She left them to be for a bit.
She made an insicion in his kidney, and removed it swiftly. With a splat and a now-growing pile of blood on the floor, she smirked as it hit. She was getting too much enjoyment out of his termination. She was aroused again, and raped him again.
She cut into his hooves, removing all of the skin that came with them. His bare flesh contained a sense of fresh steam and warmth and blood. She cut up his legs, right up the middle. His body was still warm.
"You know, they say vengeance is a dish best served cold. But I think this vengeance is the exception. At least, until you get cold. Dead cold."
"uhh" He tried to speak, but was unable. Pinkie felt his neck. His pulse was slowing. Wanting to leave on a good note, she aroused him again, and raped him twice. she stuck her knife in his exposed heart with a squish, and cracked his spine with her drill. She put his body (without his entrails) in a sack marked for potatoes, and dropped it at the train station. She dumped his entrails in a bag into the engine of the train to burn them.
Pinkie Pie had completed her mission. And she was no longer a virgin.
Nopony breaks a Pinkie promise. Nopony.
