Author's Note
Y'know this started out more me trying to tackle the issue of mental health, but it somehow turned to being more about homophobia as a whole. Regardless, I'm happy about it and felt the need to post it.
Hurtful Words
“Okay, see ya'll tomorrow!”
Apple Bloom found herself waving to her two friends, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, as she went sprinting out the schoolhouse front door. Despite it having been a long day with the promise of summer drawing ever closer the mare found herself full of energy and smiling wide. She saw her friends wave back to her and call out their own goodbyes before she turned her head to the fence just past the playing field. There were groups of ponies all waiting outside, some conversing with each other in no hurry while others seemed impatient, all of them greeted by a foal in short. Apple Bloom looked around, eventually spotting the sight of a large red stallion and… nopony else.
Admittedly, it was a bit of a damper on her spirits. The smile she wore on her face faltered slightly when she approached her brother, Big Macintosh, who had a gentle smile on his face when he saw her.
“Howdy,” Big Macintosh said with a smile, extending his hoof to ruffle her mane slightly.
“Hey,” Apple Bloom tried to smile but it faltered slightly. She looked around her general vicinity to see nopony but those already walking away with their children. She pouted slightly and made a disgruntled sort of ‘hmph’ noise.
“Hmm?” Big Macintosh asked in his usual quiet kind of way. Apple Bloom looked up, apparently reading her annoyance, and she saw the look of his brow being slightly raised. “Somethin’ wrong, Bloom?”
“Noooooo,” Apple Bloom groaned out with a shake of her head. “Just that Uncle Caramel still ain’t here. He said he was gonna treat us to Sugarcube Corner three days ago.”
The foal looked down and bit the inside of her cheek, kicking lightly at the dirt as she felt her cheeks grow mildly warm. She felt another hoof on her head ruffle her, and instead of the usual comfort it gave her this made her feel irritated.
“I’m sorry, Sugar,” Big Macintosh said. “He ain’t feelin up to it t’day.”
“Okaaaaay,” Apple Bloom complained quietly and kicked lightly at the ground again before beginning to walk with her head held slightly down. She knew that it was childish to wear her disappointment so blatantly, her own bow drooping with the way her head was angled, but it was difficult to not feel annoyance.
Big Macintosh’s boyfriend, Caramel, more often than not usually came to pick up her from school. The two had been dating for so long now that it felt more common than not to call Caramel ‘Uncle’. She struggled to remember a time when Caramel wasn’t in their lives in some sort of form, sitting at the table and eating dinner with them several times a week or helping making breakfast with Big Macintosh as the two teased each other over things that Apple Bloom never really understood. When the two kissed it was always overly drawn out and gushy, even after all this time. It used to make Apple Bloom roll her eyes but in a way it had become comforting to see her brother actually look happy most of the time. However, it had been days since she had seen Caramel. He hadn’t come to pick her up, or eat dinner with them, or even help around the barn.
“Is he sick?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Who?” Big Macintosh replied. He had been walking along her silently as the two grew further away from the schoolhouse and down the beaten path of Ponyville’s plaza and market.
“Caramel!” Apple Bloom snapped, not meaning for it to sound as whiny as it did. “I-I mean… He didn’t look so well last time I saw him.”
“He thinks it’s sweet that ya'll keep askin ‘bout him,” Big Macintosh giggled.
“Maaaac, why’d you tell him that?” Apple Bloom cried out and looked away in irritation. Her face felt warm for a moment, especially with Big Macintosh laughed, but it faded quickly.
“Mel’s fine, Apple Bloom, he just…” Big Macintosh trailed off. His initially happy way of talking faded off as the sound of his footsteps was all that was heard. Apple Bloom looked up when he paused in his step, a small frown crossing his lips. He seemed puzzled, or lost on how to word it in a way she might understand.
“Well, he ain’t feelin’ so hot. But he ain’t sick,” Big Macintosh said.
Apple Bloom looked down at her hooves and bit her lip momentarily in thought. She tried to think, and then those thoughts faltered. She sighed loudly and shook her head.
“It ain’t… cause of what happened a few days ago, is it?”
Big Macintosh was quiet. When Apple Bloom looked up to see his face he was glancing away and had forcibly put a blank expression onto it. He seemed to be in thought again. A few ponies were looking at them as they were in the middle of the street, and he sighed loudly before putting one of his hooves onto his face.
“Hey, Sugar, C’mere,” Big Macintosh nodded his head. They made a quick beeline to the right, Big Macintosh making his way to a small stand in the shape of an ice cream cone. Apple Bloom wasn’t able to muster the energy to feel very excited about the treat Big Macintosh was already ordering as she usually did. When they talked, serious kind of grown up talk, he would always give her something that she liked to help her feel calmer. As a result, it usually made her feel anxious when she knew it was coming.
Apple Bloom watched her brother pay the man a few bits, and then carried a few small bowls of vanilla ice cream and sprinkles to the nearest table under the shade of a small tree. She sat down slowly, Big Macintosh following her on the opposite end and creaking the table with his weight. He pushed one of the bowls to her and she simply stared at it, the ice cream already beginning to look watery and smooth from the heat of the air.
“I don’t get it,” Apple Bloom shrugged.
Apple Bloom already knew what the conversation was going to be about based on her earlier guess. Three days prior after school had let out, both Big Macintosh and Caramel had come to pick her up as per usual. The two had been happier looking than usual, bumping up against each other and giggling really loudly. Apple Bloom was busy talking to her friends at the time about something she couldn’t even remember right now, so she was keeping the two of them waiting. She remembered out of the corner of her eye eventually one of them got fed up with the constant bumping, and Caramel jumped onto Mac and tackled him playfully to the grass only to kiss him. The two had laughed so loud that it had caught the attention of Apple Bloom in the moment.
She remembered one of the children’s parents talking, and loudly at that. Something about how she wished the two didn’t flaunt ‘it’ so much. Apple Bloom wasn’t too sure what ‘it’ was, but it was enough to get Caramel and Mac’s attention at the time. They had stopped laughing at the time, the mare clearly talking loud enough so that they would hear it. Apple Bloom really wasn’t sure whose parent it was, as she had only been half paying attention up until this point. She could remember the mare glaring at them and adjusting her thick rimmed glasses.
“Could you do that someplace where there aren’t kids running around?”
That had made Mac upset. Apple Bloom didn’t really understand why the mother had been so upset, or why. At first she thought it was because the two looked like they were rough housing, but it seemed more than that. Mac and Caramel weren’t just embarrassed, but upset. She could clearly remember the silence falling as though she had said something harsh. Apple Bloom could clearly remember Caramel apologizing, and loudly. It was something that Mac argued with him on the way home about. It was awkward to follow along behind them and watch Caramel’s ears lay flat against his head as Mac kept asking why he apologized, which only made him apologize more. The last time she had seen Caramel was when he had left for his own home despite the promise of staying for dinner the night before.
“Sugar,” Big Macintosh said. “It ain’t… easy to understand.”
“Mmm,” Apple Bloom whined. She felt her eyes sting slightly with the need to understand.
“What that mare said, to me an’ Mel, it wasn’t nice.” Big Macintosh said. “It was real embarrassin’ for the two of us.”
“I got that,” Apple Bloom mumbled. She felt silly, wanting to have an adult conversation while struggling not to cry. These always felt more like lectures over serious talks.
“It made Cara feel real bad,” Big Macintosh said. Apple Bloom took a spoon full of her ice cream. It tasted almost bitter. “It’s all he’s been thinkin’ bout for a while.”
“Did you two do something wrong?” Apple Bloom asked. “Is that why that lady got mad at you?”
Big Macintosh sighed loudly and rubbed his hoof against his forehead. He seemed to be thinking long and hard about this, and every time he would open his mouth he would close it again as though it were impossible for him to put into words what he wanted to say.
“You remember when ya'll didn’t have your cutie mark, Apple Bloom?” Big Macintosh asked finally. He extended his hoof and pointed down over the table to her flank. “When ya’ll used to complain to me ‘bout how mean those girls in your class were.”
“Y-Yeah,” Apple Bloom nodded. “They’re jerks.”
“That mare’s a jerk,” Big Macintosh nodded. “But point is they was makin’ fun of ya’ll for something you can’t really control. Some folks think that… that it’s…” Big Macintosh frowned.
“Mac?” Apple Bloom asked.
Big Macintosh sighed.
“Some ponies think that two stallion’s shouldn’t be together,” Big Macintosh finally said. “Our families real fine but some ponies just get mean when they see things they don’t like, just like those fillies who teased you senseless. That mare teased me an’ Mel real good.”
“But… why?” Apple Bloom asked. She had to admit to herself that even she had understood this to some capacity. Big Macintosh seemed protective of Caramel in certain places, most notably reunions when the rest of the family wasn’t around and they were in a town where it was mostly populated by older folk.
Big Macintosh shrugged. Apple Bloom felt her eyes sting again when she realized she wasn’t going to get a satisfactory answer.
“Why didn’t you just yell back at her?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I wanted to,” Big Macintosh shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t wanna cause a scene. Caramel was real close to crying right then and there.”
Apple Bloom could recall just how small Caramel looked, as though he were hiding in a corner out of fear. It made her frown to think about. Her ice cream was mostly soup by now, as she had hardly touched it.
“Mel’s really shooken up, is all. Best I can do is try and make him feel happy… I screwed up that day, too.”
“Huh?” Apple Bloom asked. “B-But you didn’t do anything wrong?”
“I…” Big Macintosh trailed off, lifting his hoof to scratch at his cheek. “Remember, when we was walkin’ home an’ I just kept askin’ him again and again why he apologized to her. Ah told him Ah was sorry, but Ah still feel bad.”
“Mmm,” Apple Bloom responded, and uncomfortable twist knotting inside of her belly.
“I was real angry, Sugar, and I took it out on him when he was already feelin’ down.” Big Macintosh sighed and hunched his back slightly, resting his face on both of his crossed arms. He seemed down in a way, and despite her brother’s massive body side he looked small.
“Mac?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Eeyup?” Big Macintosh asked, one of his ears perking up much like a dog.
“Why doesn’t Caramel want to come pick me up anymore?” Apple Bloom asked. “He’s a grown up like you, right? Shouldn’t he… Shouldn’t he just get over it?”
The second those words left Apple Bloom’s mouth she felt dumber than ever. Her face flushed quickly, and she wanted to defend her words before she saw her brother chuckle. He had a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, which only made her belly feel more upset.
“Grown up’s can get their feelin’s hurt real bad,” Big Macintosh said. “Sometimes he just gets these thoughts in his head that make him feel real bad. They’ll stick to him real good and make him feel like he ain’t worth much of anythin’ really. Caramel grew up with ponies who were like that mare, he thinks of us like we’re his family now.”
“Mmm,” Apple Bloom made a sound.
“Did I tell ya’ll that he cried the first time you called him ‘Uncle Caramel’?” Big Macintosh asked with a chuckle.
Apple Bloom giggled in reply and shook her head. Her smile faded slowly to a frown when she looked down to her melted ice cream.“Is… Is he gonna be okay?”
“Sure he is, Sugar,” Big Macintosh responded, sticking out his hoof and ruffling her mane. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“Are…” Apple Bloom frowned. “Are you gonna be okay? That mare… How many more ponies are mean like her?”
Big Macintosh frowned as well. Apple Bloom looked away and closed her eyes, feeling the breeze whip her hair slightly. She felt silly for asking a question like that. When she had the courage to look back at him he seemed lost in thought.
“Ponies are always gonna be mean long as I’m with Mel,” Big Macintosh said. “Sometimes Mel’ll lie an’ say he ain’t seeing nopony when he meets new ponies. You’re never gonna be sure who’ll be nice ‘bout it till you know em better. Ponies like to make other ponies business their business.”
Apple Bloom looked down.
“Am I mean?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Huh?” Big Macintosh asked. “Nope. What are ya’ll on about?”
Apple Bloom found herself sniffling. “I always roll my eyes when you two kiss a lot.”
She felt a mix of emotions that were difficult to put to words. She remembered all the times she rolled her eyes at Caramel and Mac’s overly mushy kissing and nick name calling and cuddling.
“Sugar, that’s different,” Big Macintosh assured. “You an’ AJ an Granny are all nice.”
“Okay,” Apple Bloom replied.
A long silence passed where Apple Bloom had the chance to calm her emotions down. She thought about everything that Big Macintosh had told her, and then some more. Caramel always looked happy when Mac was with him, and when they first began to date he was always shy about being seen being affectionate. She compared the first few months of hiding kissing and apologizing for cuddling too much to being so happy Caramel would tackle Mac to the ground just to kiss him he was so happy. She liked that Caramel better, the one who was happy to be in love with her brother.
“I’m sure Caramel would be real happy to see a friendly face right ‘bout now,” Big Macintosh spoke up finally, making Apple Bloom jump and rip her from her thoughts. “How bout it?”
“R-Really?” Apple Bloom stuttered. “We can go see him?”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh nodded. “Just finish your ice cream and we’ll go.”
“Oh oh!” Apple Bloom shouted. “Let’s buy him something!”
“Like what?” Big Macintosh laughed.
“Flowers!” Apple Bloom suggested. “He told me once he really likes it when you get those for him. He’s too shy to tell you cause it makes him feel girly.”
Big Macintosh smiled, and nodded his head.
“Flowers it is.”
Apple Bloom finished her ice cream quickly, so fast that she almost choked on it. She found herself nearly dragging Big Macintosh into a run so fast that eventually he grabbed her by the mid section and hoisted her onto his back so she would stop running off. He at least picked up speed by her request, or at least when she pulled on his mane, and it took the two no less than fifteen minutes to buy Caramel a hoof full of roses and some of his favorite cake from Sugar Cube Corner, enough for the three of them.
With Apple Bloom’s insistence of saying “C’mon c’mon, faster!” Every thirty seconds it felt like an eternity before they were even on their way to Caramel’s house. She had the job of holding the cake while Big Macintosh kept the roses in his mouth by the stems. He jogged lightly, but still not fast enough for Apple Bloom’s growing impatience.
They reached Caramel’s small house in due time. Apple Bloom insisted on being the one to knock on the door, laying on Big Macintosh’s head to do so. She bounced lightly on her brother’s back and finally saw a shift in the curtains and Caramel’s eye for just a moment. She waved and the curtain shut. A few seconds later the door cracked open, but didn’t swing wide.
“U-Uh,” Caramel stuttered.
For just a moment Apple Bloom hesitated. Caramel didn’t look like himself. His mane looked unwashed and raggedy, and his eyes looked as though there were circles under them. He looked like he tried to put on a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He stood in the doorway, looking from each other.
“H-Hey Mac, Apple Bloom, what ar-”
Apple Bloom jumped down from Big Macintosh’s back and rushed forward to crash into Caramel, wrapping her hooves tightly around his front.
“Oof!” Caramel cried out, staggering backwards with the door opening hard.
“She missed you,” Big Macintosh chuckled when he let the roses drop from his mouth into his hooves.
“Uh-Huh!” Apple Bloom shouted. “I missed you, Uncle Caramel.”
“U-Um, well, I missed you too,” Caramel chuckled despite the confusion in his voice. “A-Are those for me?”
Apple Bloom pulled away from Caramel and saw he was looking at the flowers with the hint of a pink blush hitting his cheeks. He seemed embarrassed, but a smirk crossed his face when he laughed quietly in response.
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh nodded, holding out his hoof to hand the roses to Caramel who took them. He squirmed slightly and looked away, a smile on his lips that looked like he was trying to fight against it.
“G-Geeze, Mac,” Caramel giggled.
“We got cake too!” Apple Bloom said. “To make you feel better.”
“Uh, what did you tell her?” Caramel asked, looking to Mac with a hint of worry on his face. Big Macintosh shrugged, and for a moment Apple Bloom worried that she might have given away too much.
“Just explained why you were upset,” Big Macintosh said, reaching out his hoof to touch Caramel’s cheek. Caramel blushed slightly and lifted his hoof to touch it. “She get’s it, Sugar Cube.”
“Yeah!” Apple Bloom chimed in. “I wanted to make you feel better, Uncle Caramel. I’ll stand up for you next time that mare says something, okay? Feel better, okay?”
“Mmm,” Caramel made a noise but it was followed by a smile. “Thanks, Apple Bloom. I feel better knowing that, I promise.”
Big Macintosh leaned in and kissed Caramel lightly on the cheek. It made him giggle, and made Apple Bloom smile.
“You two can totally kiss and cuddle!” Apple Bloom said loudly, making Caramel’s eyes widen and Big Macintosh burst out in a deep belly laugh. “I promise I won’t roll my eyes or nothing!”
“W-Well, Geeze, I haven’t showed in like…”
“I like that offer,” Big Macintosh giggled heartily and took a step forward.
“W-Wait, Mac, c’mon, I’m serious!” Caramel took a step back, though was already giggling. He already looked better than when he had been in the door frame. “I haven’t brushed my teeth today or anything! L-Let me at least...!”
“Nope!”
Big Macintosh took a running start at Caramel, who scrambled back and tried to run but mistakenly threw himself onto the couch with Big Macintosh on top of him fast to pin him down and forcibly kiss him. Caramel squealed in excitement and happiness for a moment.
“Stop stop stop stop!” Caramel couldn’t stop laughing whenever he said that, trying to push Mac off of him. “Ugh you’re like a dog!”
Big Macintosh only let up when Caramel finally gave up squirming. Apple Bloom saw that the two were smiling happily and looking into each other’s eyes. She smiled too, feeling a lot better than she had just a half hour prior.
“Do you two want some alone time?” Apple Bloom asked. “Y’know, to get a room.”
Suddenly both of their eyes widened, and they both turned to Apple Bloom. Their faces held no emotion other than wild confusion and questioning. Apple Bloom raised her brow, feeling that same feeling stir up within her.
“W-What?” Apple Bloom asked. “That’s what AJ always says!”
