I Will Find You

by Hazel_Hester777

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Sad, Other, Romance, Random
Length: 4266

Some scars are too deep to heal

Fluttershout takes a moment alone and remembers why she hated love and anything in relationship to it. It turns out to be more than just a first heartbreak

Published 2016-08-27 03:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-28 03:38:11 UTC

Remembering Pain

“I hate when you do that!” Fluttershout yelled at Rarifruit.

“But you know that I am right” Rarifruit calmly said, a smirk on her face.

“I told you to stop it!” the mare’s tone finally sounded like she was hurt.

Pinkis noticed her friend’s tone. “You should end it now…If you continue, you’ll make her cry”

Rarifruit finally softened the moment she saw the Pegasus’ eyes about tear up. “Hey, I didn’t mean to…”

“Shut it, shut it, SHUT IT!” Fluttershout yelled one last time before the pain and tears overwhelmed her. Turning her face away, she ran from the group as fast as she could.

Brutalight was having a good day after the whole Hunt was over. But her mood was killed off when she noticed her friend crying and running away.

“Why is she crying?” the Alicorn thought to herself.

Rarifruit was still staring at the direction Fluttershout ran to, upset that she hurt her friend. “I…I didn’t want to make her cry”

“Poor pony” Applepills shook her head.

Derpigun joined in. “Yeah, I’m sorry for her”

Their situation got worse when Brutalight came in. “Can anyone please explain why I just saw Fluttershout just ran away, crying?”

Rarifruit looked down, ashamed for her actions. “I…I didn’t do it on purpose”

“Rarifruit” Brutalight glared at the Unicorn.

The Unicorn didn’t answer, she just hang her head down in fear of her Leader.

“Fine! If you don’t answer me, maybe your daughter may know something” saying so, the Alicorn’s horn began to ignite as she looked at Pinkis Cupcake.

Pinkis tried to make a run for it, but Brutalight’s magic was faster. The cannibal could do nothing as she was levitated in the air. Brutalight knew this was cruel to do harm to her friends, but she had to get some answers. She tightened her magic’s grip on the cannibal’s neck.

Pinkis began to panic as she couldn’t breathe. “MOMMY! HELP ME!”

That did it; the Unicorn couldn’t bear to see her first child suffer. “Okay, I’ll talk! Just let her go!”

Brutalight smirked; a mother always hated to see her children suffer. She released her grip on Pinkis as the earth pony gasped for air and coughed as she began to recover. She finally let her back on the ground as Rarifruit ran to her side.

“Sorry, Pinkis” Brutalight mused.

Pinkis coughed. “It’s fine”

“I just wanted to help her…she needs somepony who to stay with. She can’t suffer forever”

“What do you hope to earn in this way? That she admits you’re right?”

“I…I just want to help her. We are best friends, despite how we quarrel with each other a bit now”

“This is because you don’t know when to close your mouth, especially when it comes to love and this is the result”

“I just want to make her understand that in the world, there aren’t just stallions like the brother of my husband”

“You’re right, there is worse: She screams us all to the Netherworld”

“But, Brutalight, she is suffering inside herself. She needs someone who can comfort her. How are you feeling now that you are staying with Flash?”

“What I suggest to you, Rarifruit is to help her, but don’t overdo. Until now, quarrel about love is just a utopia, especially for me”

“I’m sorry again for what I did with the meddling, but I did it for her own good”

“You mustn’t say sorry to me, but to her. I know you want to help her, but in doing so, you destroy her psychologically and you would make her heart a stone. Is this what you want?”

Rarifruit looked down again. “No…I don’t want…”

“Now find her, and tell her sorry”

Rarifruit then smiled. “Of course, see you later” and with that, Rarifruit disappeared.

Brutalight sighed. “Poor Shouty”

Pinkis looked down. “Yeah, it’s been over a year now since that Incident”

“The first heartbreak is always the most painful”

“You okay, Brutalight?” Applepills asked.

“I’m fine! It’s just…I worry about Fluttershout. She’s the second most powerful Freak of us all, me as the first of course, so she has all this chaotic energy inside her. If she gets upset and it consumes her, we’ll see worse than the day Rarifruit was reborn”

________________________________________

No, she’s not right…it wasn’t even my fault…He…

Fluttershout ran as fast as her hooves could carry her. Her tears were still as evident as ever. I know, this was normally not seen in Fluttershout. But, when it comes to a pain too deep, it all causes even the Queen of Ear Rape to break down. Finally, she reached her destination: a small, wooden room with a lock on it. She quickly undid the lock and went inside, closing it as she went. The mare stood stone silent for a good few moments, leaning on the door, until the sound of a small sniffle permeated through the stillness. She bit her lip, tears starting to fill her eyes completely. She finally sank down as the pain consumed her. The, slowly, she walked to the other side of the room for what she went for.

There, on a desk, was a picture of her and her ex, Creepigie. All bit of her sadness began to turn into rage when she stared at it. He did this to her. He was the one to blame.

If you didn’t do what you did on that fateful night, none of this would’ve happened. If you didn’t take…her…

Fluttershout just stared at the picture, before she went to remember the events that led to her state that one year ago. If I didn’t know any better, she looked like a mother who just lost her child.

A Little Ways Down the Road

Fluttershout just sat there, before she started to remember various events that happened beginning to end from last year that one fateful night ago.

________________________________________

Fluttershout woke up with a happy smile across her face. Just beside her was her lover, Creepigie, still asleep. She was quite still tired from, well, what happened last night. She felt like she could just stare at her lover all day long until he woke up, but she felt something. It was discomfort in her throat, like she was gonna be sick. Putting a hoof over her mouth, she bolted for the bathroom.

She threw up for a good one hour, without Creepigie even waking up, before it finally stopped. She wasn’t really sure what was going on. She placed a hoof over her stomach, to feel some small movement. Her eyes shot open at that. She wasn’t sure, but she had to check. Getting up, she rummaged through the cabinet and found what she was looking for: a Pregnancy Test she found from one of her Hunts. She decided to keep it just in case if things like this would happen, and now was a good time.

After a while, she looked and saw the results came out. What she saw made her eyes wide open, and her jaw dropped. She screamed, unaware that it caused Creepigie to wake up with a boost from how loud she was.

He ran as fast as he could to her side, slamming the door open. “Fluttershout, dear, what’s wrong?”

She didn’t answer, but finally stopped screaming. She merely turned around, the Pregnancy Test in her hooves. She passed it to Creepigie, who looked at the result.

It read “Positive”

Creepigie’s jaw dropped as he fainted, leaving a worried Fluttershout in the bathroom.

Later, when Creepigie regained consciousness, he and Fluttershout went down to the living room to talk it over. Creepigie kinda liked the idea of being a dad, since his brother already was, but he needed Fluttershout’s choice.

“So, what do you think?” Fluttershout asked, looking down.

“Well, did you ever want to be a mom?”

Fluttershout felt the slight movement in her belly again. She smiled a bit from it. “Yeah, I guess. What about you?”

“Well, I kinda like the thought of being a dad”

________________________________________

Fluttershout just remembered that bit of happiness, but it would’ve lasted longer if everything went well. She was gonna be a mother, if that wasn’t taken from her. She also recalled a memory about the child’s future.

________________________________________

“Hey, Cree” Fluttershout called to her lover. She was lying on the couch as Creepigie was about to exit the room. It had been two months since they found out she was pregnant, and Flutterwolf decided to be the midwife when the birth starts. They didn’t tell Endario yet, as they wanted it to be surprise when the child was out. Creepigie often left to the Hunts, leaving Fluttershout with Flutterwolf. Flutterwolf decided to do an old ritual she hid that determines an unborn child’s gender.

“I discovered something today” Fluttershout said, looking at her belly before finishing. “I think it’s a girl”

Creepigie nodded slowly before he smiled.

Meanwhile, the Monster Hunters had just recently captured Flutterwolf. They heard about the fact that she’s not only a midwife, but she may know something about the destiny of an unborn Freak child. They managed to strap Flutterwolf down to a device that shows memories. Flutterwolf struggled in pain as they managed to watch on the screen what she saw earlier.

On the screen were Flutterwolf and Fluttershout in the living room. Fluttershout was lying on the couch while Flutterwolf was dangling a pendant over the Freak’s belly. This was part of the ritual that will determine the gender of the child.

“I think it’s a girl” Flutterwolf said, stealing a smile from Fluttershout. “Wait” she said after noticing something.

“What?” Fluttershout asked.

Flutterwolf stared at the pendant, before she began to chant and her eyes turned white with her head turned back.

The next day, Flutterwolf was saved. She was in the living room again with Creepigie and Fluttershout. They were thankful to Brutalight for saving their midwife, as they were no match for her abilities. Flutterwolf did confess the reason why the Hunters captured her was because she had a vision about the foal.

“How is this vision interpreted?” Creepigie asked.

Flutterwolf looked down. “Your child will bring death to all Hunters”

Creepigie beamed a bit while Fluttershout was in shock. “Ah, I grew fonder of this child by the minute” he said.

Fluttershout frowned. “It’s like saying the child’s a beast”

________________________________________

The child will bring death to all Hunters, Fluttershout thought. That would be sweet. I owe it to Brutalight that she was able to save Flutterwolf, despite their differences.

That was also the time and point when Brutalight found out about the pregnancy. She was happy for Fluttershout, especially since there would be another crazed Freak roaming the night. She promised to protect them and the child in the best way she could.

________________________________________

Creepigie noticed Fluttershout drawing something on the paper. He glanced further to see it was a sketch of Brutalight’s cutie mark.

“Brutalight has a solid stone heart, and yet she protects us” he said, making Fluttershout glance to him. “How was she when she found out?”

Fluttershout looked down to remember. “She was kind to me”

Creepigie was surprised; Brutalight was hard to see in that trait. Fluttershout got up as she felt movement again in her belly.

“How’s our youngest Freak coming?” Creepigie asked with a smile.

“Do you want to?” Fluttershout gestured. Creepigie flinched a bit. Fluttershout chuckled, “Come on”

Creepigie went closer, and put his hoof over the swollen stomach of Fluttershout. He suddenly felt the child inside kick. Fluttershout giggled, “Feel that?”

“She’s strong”

________________________________________

Fluttershout knew that was a good memory, too bad the others weren’t so much the same. She then recalled the time when Brutalight snapped a Hunter’s neck because they tried to cause Fluttershout to miscarriage.

________________________________________

“That child will bring death to us” the Hunter said as Brutalight grabbed him by the neck.

“Nopony hurts my friends and lives” she said before she snapped the Hunter’s neck. She looked back to Fluttershout and Creepigie, who watched in awe. She nodded.

________________________________________

Fluttershout knew that was fun. But the next memory was the one that caused her to become what she was now: the night the child was born

Or, rather, reborn.

________________________________________

Fluttershout and Creepigie were in the cemetery of every Freak’s rebirth. She suddenly felt pain in her stomach; she suddenly noticed her hinds were suddenly wet. Creepigie didn’t have any time to get her to a hospital or call Flutterwolf. He did learn about childbirth, and now was a good time. After a while of labor, what came out was a small, still body, and a spirit came out too. The spirit glared at Creepigie, before heading to an unsuspecting bystander. They didn’t see who it was, but she was a little orange. It was all blur when the spirit merged with the bystander.

Creepigie walked over to the area, and managed to carry a small ball of black and white. “It’s a girl”

Fluttershout panted. “A girl?”

Creepigie nodded.

“Please, can I hold her?”

Creepigie didn’t do so. “No, what I am gonna do is leave you here alone. The child is mine!”

Before Shouty could react, Creepigie stabbed her in the chest with a knife. She didn’t expect it as she coughed up blood. “Cree…why?”

“We’re over, Fluttershout” he said before running off with the child in bundle.

Fluttershout could only watch as she was left alone to bleed, before she finally passed out.

________________________________________

Fluttershout glared and began to cry from both anger and sadness. That was why she got all bitter, Creepigie didn’t just break up with her, and he tried to kill her so he can have the child all to himself. Fluttershout swore that, one day, she will find him, and take back the child she lost. She didn’t like the break up, but the child was all on her mind. She was a mother who lost her child. That left a scar in Fluttershout, metaphorically and literally, and was too deep to heal.

Lament of a Deprived Mother

Fluttershout was still staring at the picture in anger. She hated everything that happened between her and Creepigie. She was thankful that she managed to get out of the graveyard before sunrise when the Hunters came to check for Freaks. She kept all those secrets hidden since that day. It was only by accident on how Rarifruit discovered her ex was her brother-in-law, but she is continuously mocked for her sorrow.

“You did this to me” Fluttershout growled at the picture. “Someday, I will find you, and get you”

“Fluttershout?” a familiar voice rang out.

The Pegasus didn’t waste any time as she went to the door, unlocked it, and came outside, locking it again. She knew that she recognized whose voice it was. It was Rarifruit.

“Are you still aggregating at that photo again?” Rarifruit asked.

Fluttershout looked down, growling. “As much as I want to rip out his heart? Yes”

“Fluttershout, I know how painful your first heartbreak is, but it’s been over a year. Why can’t you just stop your fury, move on and…”

“You don’t know the FULL story, Rarifruit” Fluttershout closed her eyes tightly.

Rarifruit stepped back. “What…what do you mean?”

Fluttershout hesitated, but she opened her eyes, a scowl on her face. “All you know is that he broke up with me”. She finally looked up to face Rarifruit. She then walked away with the last word on the matter, “I’ll tell you everything when I’m ready”

Rarifruit could only look on as the Pegasus walked away. She watched her until she was no longer in sight. Finally, she let out a sigh. “Oh, Creepigie, my brother-in-law, what have you done to my best friend?”

________________________________________

Fluttershout walked on, heading to her room. No, her actual bedroom. She knew that it had been over a year, but she always had kept that memory. As for the heart stab, she got a scar, but her mane kept it hidden. Fluttershout walked on to her room with thoughts in mind; the only ones who knew the truth about her state now were herself, Creepigie, and…

“She bothered you again, I take it” a familiar voice rang out.

Fluttershout looked around the unfinished buildings until she finally found the source. “Brutalight!”

Without hesitation, the dark purple Alicorn flew back down on the ground infront of the Pegasus. “I sensed your anger from afar”

“I made sure she knew I was in no mood to talk” Fluttershout said, looking down.

“Fluttershout” Brutalight lifted the Pegasus’ face so they can see eye-to-eye. “Your secret’s safe with me, but if you don’t tell the others soon, it’s gonna eat your soul. They have to know”

“Not until I can hold my child” the Pegasus looked down again.

“And you will. Don’t worry, when you’re ready to tell, I’ll be there to support you. For now, I’ll issue a rule among all the Freaks not to mention your ex’s name until you heal. If they do, I’ll send them to the Crusher for however long I see fit”

Fluttershout stole a giggle at that. The Crusher that Brutalight created was a painful machine that always made the one inside it goes through their worst fears. It was named that way because the first time Brutalight used it; Rainbine was crushed for nearly a whole week. Because of that, she used it as a form of punishment that every Freak always feared.

“Now, go to your room. You’ll need plenty of rest for dusk” Brutalight stated while Fluttershout whipped away a tear. This Alicorn was now the only one who Fluttershout trusted.

“Thanks, Brutalight” Fluttershout began to turn away. “I wouldn’t have come back here alive if it weren’t for you”

The Alicorn nodded. “I remember that day”

________________________________________

Brutalight was having a wonderful night, having just come out of a Hunt with an army of Reds. She was already going back to Headquarters, where she and the other Freaks have gone into hiding. She decided that flying past the forsaken graveyard of their origins was the best way to end a Hunt before returning for their daytime snooze. As she passed by the graveyard via flying, she couldn’t help notice something in there. Could it be another Freak? She investigated further by flying down. What she found was a shock.

“Fluttershout?”

There, among the tombstones, just a couple of feet away from her, was Fluttershout. The poor mare looked as though she was bleeding terribly. She looked very weak, and she was all alone. She groaned in pain as she half-opened her eyes.

“Bru…Brutalight?” the Pegasus spoke weakly.

“What the heck happened to you?”

“I’m…Creepigie…he…” she choked out. But she groaned in pain again as she rolled on her back, revealing a knife embedded into her chest.

Brutalight was more shocked than ever. “Oh my Celestia…did he stab you?”

“He took her. He took the child and stabbed me in the heart…and left me for dead”

“He…he did?”

“It hurts…both physically and emotionally” Fluttershout said as she pulled the knife out of her chest and let out a small cry of pain.

“Don’t worry; I’ll help you find them. But now, we must go; it’s almost dawn”

“You’re…you’re right” Fluttershout started to get up. An aftermath from childbirth and a stab in the heart was just enough to weaken even the Queen of Ear Rape. As weak as she now felt, she had to be strong. She walked herself slowly to Brutalight, her legs wobbling. “The Hunters might be coming soon”

The Pegasus struggled to keep herself up, but her legs wouldn’t cooperate. She was about to fall, but Brutalight caught her with magic. The Alicorn then levitated her friend close to her before she teleported away with her. “I’ve got you, Shout” she whispered. “I’ve gotcha”

Later on, Brutalight managed to teleport back to Headquarters. She wanted to take Shouty back to her own bedroom, but the mare knew that Rarifruit may find out. And the Pegasus didn’t want any of her friends to find out yet. The Alicorn knew of a place where her friend could stay that nopony else would dare to go. It was a small wooden room that had a lock on it. Brutalight issued that no Freak should go there as she claimed it for herself. But, since she had no use for it whatsoever, she decided it would be the perfect spot. She undid the lock, and then levitated the weakened Pegasus on a small bed she kept inside.

“It’s just for little while, while you recover. Nopony’s gonna come and look for you here. I’ll check on you every now and then to make sure. I don’t really use this place, so you can keep it after” Brutalight said as Fluttershout looked around her surroundings.

“So, what do you like to do?” Brutalight asked.

Fluttershout looked down for bit. “Write”

“A writer! That’s cool” Brutalight then made a pen and notebook appear out of nowhere, she then levitated them to the Pegasus. “I got them just today from the Hunt; it’s an unused notebook and a pen that doesn’t run out of ink. You can keep them if you want and…”

“Brutalight” Fluttershout called out as she forcefully closed her eyes. “Do you want to know what I really want? I want my child back, and I want to make Creepigie pay”

Brutalight knew that those words just meant she was angry at what happened to her. The Alicorn then nodded. “You will. Well, if you want, I won’t tell anypony about this whole ordeal from beginning to end”

Fluttershout was surprised to hear that. “Promise?”

“I promise”

“Thank you, for everything”

________________________________________

Fluttershout nodded with a smile at the memory. She owed Brutalight her life for all that. She then spread her wings and took off to the air for her room. Brutalight smiled as she watched the Pegasus go. She knew that Fluttershout may feel obligated to return the favor. The Alicorn made sure to remember that due to the whole ordeal, it didn’t just make Shouty hate love, it made her depressed to the fact that she lost her baby. That whole thing made Brutalight remember she had to give her therapy to help her heal, even if the scar won’t.

Fluttershout did one last thing as she did every night before going to sleep. She lied down on her bed and took out the notebook and pen Brutalight gave her. She had been writing a lot of poems in there, mostly dedicated to her child. And the next one was just about that too.

Little Soul rushing to meet you mommy
Born into the world, you’re now free
Little Soul on a long journey
Embrace your host, follow your destiny
Little Soul searching for that face
The one who brought you forth that day
Little Soul, is it you mother you want to know?
For you are loved and never alone.
Little Soul, nurse your broken heart
For there’s no going back to the start.
Little Soul, drowning in darkness and pain
Let your tears wash away with the rain
Little Soul, I wish I didn’t lose you that night
It’s almost as though I’m dying inside

Little Soul, are you reaching for your mom?
In her eyes, she lost you at dawn.
Little Soul lost from thee,
Rise above your misery.

Little Soul lost from thee,
You wonder who your mother could be.

Little Soul lost from thee
You will be found… maybe.

Fluttershout tried her best to hold back the tears as she felt like she was gonna break down any minute now. She clearly was punishing herself for losing her baby as she tried to hold back the sobs. She looked down at the scar that was hidden on her chest; it was a memento of the whole ordeal. She cried herself to sleep as silent as she could. She was still looking for her child. Creepigie could wait, the child needs her mother.

________________________________________

Meanwhile…

A young earth pony named Kyle was just about to go to sleep himself. He knew it was another day of work at the fort ahead of him tomorrow. As he walked heading to his room, he heard somepony knock on the door. Who could that be at this late hour? He trotted over to it slowly, before opening it to reveal a hooded figure at the door.

“Excuse me, sir” its voice rang out; it sounded like a female and was young. “If I could trouble you for a moment” it then held out a picture of a pale yellow mare with a red mane, white tail, one eye red and the other blue. “Have you seen this mare? Her name is Fluttershout”

Kyle recognized her. “Yes, she comes here often” he said. “How did you know her name? Are you a friend of hers?”

“No” the figure said, before lifting her hood up to show her face. She looked like a Katsuma, but the stripes were black and her fur was white. Her ears seemed to have white marking on them. A small blue hat with diamonds rested on her head. But what made Kyle shocked was the color of her eyes; left eye cerulean and right eye red with a birthmark. Kyle knew he saw that birthmark on only one pony else. The next word the figure spoke confirmed his thoughts.

“I’m her daughter”