THE ONLY OTHER CHAPTER, INSECT!
In a tavern, an orc and a human faced off in a battle of wits, strategy, and cards...
“Face it, Gul'dan,” Uther the Lightbringer—a human notorious for saying that justice demands retribution—said. “I control the board! My minions will destroy you!”
Gul'dan—an Orc who looks like he's about eighty—grinned. “Foolish Paladin! I have an answer for everything!” he said as he held up a card. “Except board wide clears, but that's besides the point!” Gul'dan slammed down the card, which opened an enormous rift that swallowed every card on the board. “Uhhh… oops. I must've accidentally infused that card with magic.”
Uther face palmed. “You’re a moron.”
“I'll find where they are,” Gul'dan said. “I always find what I look for.”
Meanwhile, a Changeling walked through a scorched desert. I wonder if anyone will believe me, he thought.
Just then, a giant portal opened above him. “What the…?”
Then, a giant being fell out of it.
SPLAT
Ragnaros, Lightlord stood up. “Where am I?” he asked as he looked around. As he did so, he felt something beneath him.
It was a pancaked Changeling.
The Lightlord gasped. “LIVE, INSECT!” he said as he hurled a ball of light at the Changeling.
The ball of light healed the Changeling. “W-What happened?” he asked.
“I landed on you and made you look like you were a part of a complete breakfast!”
The Changeling recognized the voice. He looked up at Ragnaros and blinked.
Unlike the elemental lord of fire, this Ragnaros wore a kilt and had a giant mace and shield. It also had more yellow fire rather than orange.
The Changeling blankly at Ragnaros. “I swore you just left,” he said. “Or are you Ragnaros’ brother?”
“What do you mean?” Ragnaros asked. “I am Ragnaros!”
“Yeah, but… you look different,” the Changeling said. “You aren't burning the land around you and you have yet to refer to me as an insect.”
“I told you to ‘LIVE, INSECT!’-” Ragnaros summoned a large ball of light and held it up- “when I saw I'd squashed you.” Ragnaros threw the ball of light over the Changeling. It hot the ground and turned the desert ground back to its original appearance.
Which isn't much different since it's a desert, but Ragnaros didn't care.
The Changeling did however. “Oh, thanks for fixing the desert!” he said. “Now, allow me to tell you: I'm a Changeling. Not an insect.”
“You look like an insect to me!” Ragnaros said. “You’re small and ugly.”
“HEY!” the Changeling snapped. “You're no spring chicken yourself.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Ragnaros said as he waved a giant hand at the Changeling. “Listen, you have a way I can get back home?”
“You're fiery counterpart asked the same question,” the Changeling said with a frown. “Unlike him, there is a way!”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, jump off a cliff.”
Ragnaros let out a heartburny chuckle. “Tell me how to get home or I'll destroy you, insect!”
The Changeling groaned. “Are you for real, bud?”
“Yes,” Ragnaros deadpanned. “Now, do you maybe have a mage around? Or perhaps a shredder?”
“Wait, did you just say 'a shredder'?”
“Yes,” Ragnaros answered. “Shredders can summon anything!”
The Changeling tilted his head. “How did you fit inside of it?”
“Well, you see, I'm actually a card from a card game called Hearthstone,” Ragnaros said. “I don't actually got inside of it. I just get picked randomly.”
The Changeling fell backwards. “Wait, wait, wait,” he said as he stared at the sky. “You're a card?”
“Yes.”
“If you're a card, then how in Chrysalis's name are you a physical being?”
“Magic.”
“Right. Sure.” The Changeling stood up and shook his head. Somehow, it didn't fly off. “Now, tell me the truth.”
“A Warlock sent me here because he's a reckless dipstick.”
“I wanted the truth,” the Changeling said. “Not your pathetic attempt at a story.”
“That is the truth, insect!” Ragnaros said. “Gul'dan sent me!”
“If that's the case, how were you even aware that you're a card!”
“I've always been aware I was a card!”
“THAT MAKES NO SENSE!”
“Hey, stop yelling,” Ragnaros said. “You might wake the pups.”
The Changeling looked around. Nearby were two sleeping dingo pups who had somehow slept through Ragnaros' arrival. “Oh,” the Changeling said.
“You inconsiderate jerk.”
The Changeling glared at the near fifty foot tall being of unrivaled class-specific value. “Hey, you're the one who won't explain how he's aware that he's a drawing on a card.”
“And you're the one who's apparently met another version of me and isn't panicking at the very sight of me,” Ragnaros said. “Now, if you'd be so kind as to point me in the direction of the nearest portal home, I'd be very grateful.”
“There isn't a way home you stupid bastard.”
“Then I guess we'll do this the hard way!” Ragnaros raised his holy mace: Holfuras, Hand of the Lightlord and slammed it down onto the ground, which sent holy light towards the Changeling.
The Changeling was overwhelmed by the beautiful light.
And completely unharmed.
“Huh, that should've turned you to ash,” Ragnaros said.
The Changeling stared angrily at the confused elemental lord of light. “Ragnaros.”
“Insect.”
The Changeling's right eye twitched. “I hate you.”
“So do most Hearthstone players.”
The Changeling groaned. “I have no time for this,” he said as he walked passed the elemental lord of all that is holy.
“Wait, insect!”
“Piss off, you freak!” the Changeling yelled back as he ran ahead.
Ragnaros gripped Holfuras and ran towards the pitiful insect. “DIE, INSECT!” he yelled as he slammed Holfuras down onto the ground again, which sent out an explosion of holy light.
The Changeling leaped out of the way. “Your fiery counterpart also did that,” he said. “You guys lack originality.”
Ragnaros frowned and lifted his holy mace back up. “BY HOLINESS BE PURGED!” he bellowed before he slammed his mace back onto the ground.
Once again, the Changeling leaped out of the way. “Are you going to keep making craters in the desert or can I go back to work?”
Just then, a portal appeared under Ragnaros and sucked him through. “NOOOO!” Holygnaros said as he was sucked through. “CURSE YOU, INSECT!” Then, it vanished.
The Changeling stared blankly at where the elemental lord had once been. “I think I need therapy,” he said before he continued his walk back to the hive.
“Success!” Gul'dan said as the cards sucked into the nether (and to Equestria) appeared back in the tavern room. “I told you that I find what I look for!”
Uther smiled and picked up his cards. “Huh, why does Ragnaros look more pissed off than normal?”
Aren't you actually dead? Ragnaros thought as he stared at Uther.
Gul'dan walked over and looked at the card. “Meh, probably just a side effect of my magic,” he said. “Now, how about a rematch?”
“Sure!”
At least I don't have to deal with that Changeling anymore.
Author's Note
Leave a comment telling me if you'd like a third Ragnaros story featuring Lil' Ragnaros!
