“Good morning, Princess.”
“Good morning, my faithful student,” said Princess Celestia. “I trust you got my letter.”
“Yes, I did. Was there something that you needed?” As Twilight talked, she heard a strange rustling behind her. She turned about, but didn't see anything.
“No, it's not me, per se. I sent you the letter for-”
“Luna? Oh, alright. Did she want some help reading my friendship reports?”
“No, Twilight. Luna doesn't need you either.”
“Well, who then?”
“Me,” said a different voice. Twilight whirled around, looking for the source of the voice. The only other thing in the main hall, though, was Discord's statue.
“Who said that?” asked Twilight. “And... how long... has that statue been there?” Her eyes dilated as she teleported to the Princess's side. “Princess! Discord... he's here! What is he doing here?”
“I invited him here, Twilight Sparkle.”
“Yes, have a little more faith in me, my magical friend,” said Discord. “Your princess has given me a second chance.” As he walked towards the throne, Twilight noticed the scraping sound of stone with his steps.
“Ummm... Princess? Why is he still made of stone?”
“It's a sort of power restrainer. It keeps him from actually using his abilities.”
“Except in here, Celestia.” He snapped his stone fingers and created a small door, not unlike the one Twilight could make. He opened the door and gestured chivalrously. “After you, Twilight.”
Twilight looked in, then turned back to her mentor quizzically. She nodded and gestured as well. Hesistantly, Twilight entered Discord's bizarre portal.
The world inside the door defied all sense. It was a place whose dimensions threatened to break one's psyche at any moment. Stairs led in every direction, upside-down and side to side. Objects seemed to phase in and out of existence without warning. Echoing throughout the space was a haunting melody whose origin eluded her. She willed herself to take calm breaths, walking carefully across the warped space. She turned her head and nearly jumped. Discord was there, unpetrified and just staring. At her reaction, he began laughing his head off. Literally; it popped off from his neck and began to swirl around Twilight. She cowered from the sheer insanity, until she could hardly take it anymore. “Cut it out, Discord!” she cried out. “Did you want something from me or not?”
“Not really,” he said, reattaching his head. “I'm just here for the entertainment. However, your glorious princess thinks I could use some lessons in friendship, so she's inviting you and your friends to lecture me.”
“Hmm... that seems fair. Maybe if you listen really well, you'll learn how to be a good friend and not be so dangerous.”
“Yes, because I'm sure the things you need to convince me are Kindness, Generosity, Honesty, Loyalty, and Ma-a-gic!” He said the last word with a twirl of his talon.
“...And Laughter,” added Twilight. “You missed Pinkie.”
“No, Pinkie won't get to come, unfortunately.”
“Why not?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, no big reason. Just a prophecy I made when they first woke me up. Here, let me show you.”
He teleported them to another area in the twisted space, a dark facsimile of the throne room. In it, the statue of Discord stood, bright and shining, while two rag dolls that vaguely looked like the two princesses floated at the side. Discord picked up the Luna doll and mimicked her voice. “Oh, big sister, you should free Discord.”
“Why's that,” said Discord as Celestia. He dropped his voice to a very un-Celestia baritone. “Discord's just a big stupid jerk.”
“Yes, but you gave me a second chance. Doesn't he deserve one as well?”
“Fine,” said Celestia. “But he'll have to stay locked in stone if he wants to stay.” Discord waved the doll's hoof, and the statue began to move.
“I'm Discord,” the statue spoke for itself, “and I'm the coolest guy there's ever been.”
“Oh, I'm such a kind and gracious pony,” said Celestia, “that I'm willing to give you a second chance. What do you have to say about that?”
“I have one thing to say,” said the statue. He mimed a cough, then began:
“My prison of stone is a dangerous thing,
You've locked up my outside, but inside I sing.
The Child of Laughter shall join in the song,
And then you will know I was right all along.”
“And... scene!” said Discord. He gave a bow, tossing himself roses. Yes, a crowd of Discords appeared out of nowhere and tossed him roses. Twilight only rolled her eyes. “Oh, Twilight Sparkle, don't be such a spoilsport,” he sneered.
“Do you want to begin our lessons or not?”
“Not yet, not yet,” he replied. He snapped his fingers, teleporting them once again. They appeared to be in a schoolroom. Discord sat in the only desk, while Twilight stood in the front. She noticed with a heavy heart that Discord had taken her horn once again.
“Why is my horn gone, Discord?” she asked, containing her panic.
“From now on, that's your new form in my realm, Twilight,” Discord replied. “Your magic is your identity, and nothing makes me happier than to see it gone.”
“I don't get a say in that, do I?”
“Nope.” Discord cackled, thunder and lightning filling the air. Finally, he settled down. He transformed himself into a filly version of Twilight and sat with mock rapt attention. “Let's begin!” he said in young Twilight's squeaky voice.
“Well, why don't I start from the moment I started in Ponyville...”
* * *
“So you see, that's how I learned that friends have a way of making hard days better...”
“Y'all should never get too competitive. Ah know the Princesses ain't yor cup o' tea, but you should try and figure out how to compromise without being so mean...”
“My dear, you must learn how to accessorize! I know you're a bit of a... hodgepodge, but I'm sure I could find something that'll make you feel like a million bits!...”
“I know what you need: a best bud! Having lots of friends is fine and all, but having one person to really spend time with is so much better! I mean, I met Applejack through Twilight, and we've been inseparable!...”
“Well... I mean... goodness, I don't know... do you like animals?... oh my...”
“Oh for goodness' sake!” He could hardly take any more of this. This had been going on for a solid week: lesson after lesson, each more asinine than the last. He flipped his desk, sending the pegasus-turned-unicorn cowering in the corner. “You!” he shouted, “get me Princess Celestia immediately!” The door appeared before her; he could see the relief on her face as she bolted away. In moments, the princesses (Luna had tagged along, as usual) entered Discord's sacred realm. He chuckled at Celestia's face, proud though straining under a force of magic. “My dear queen,” he said venomously, “give it up. You can't fight my power forever.”
At last Celestia relaxed, and in moments the two princesses had been turned into earth ponies, devoid of magic or flight. Discord remarked, “I am forced into humility in your realm. The least you can do is show some reciprocity.”
“What did you want from us, Discord? I am in no mood for your games.”
“Now, now, Celestia, that's no way to talk.” He twisted his way over to Luna. “Surely you, dear Selene, mistress of the moon, could help me?”
“What... do you want?” said Luna. She tried to be brave, but Discord saw an opening.
“I need a friend, but the ponies I've seen so far have been frightfully dull. If you wouldn't mind...?”
“Um, I would... but I remember from when you tried to kill us. Back when we were fillies. You set our manes on fire and threw us off of a cliff. That wasn't very nice. So, no.”
“Not you, you crepuscular cutie. I want Pinkie Pie.”
“Absolutely not!” said Celestia.
“Now, come on, Celestia. You have no idea if the Child of Laughter is really her.”
“The Bearer of the Element of Laughter?” Celestia raised an eyebrow. “The mare who embodies as much chaos as you do? The one who you claimed was your 'personal favorite?'”
“Okay, perhaps I made the prophecy a little too obvious. But come on... I'm so lonely. I need someone who will actually empathize with me. After all, how better to make friends than with someone who is so similar to me?”
“No. I won't risk the safety of my nation on your inability to be reasonable with the Bearers of Harmony.”
“Very well,” said Discord. “If you won’t give her to me the easy way, I’ll do it the hard way.” He pushed forward with his powerful wings, blowing the two demoted alicorns back through the door and slamming it shut. He magicked himself a pen and paper and began furiously scribbling. “If I say this, they’ll definitely do this… Oh, yes, this is good… Perfect!” he said, vanishing the paper once more. “They’ll bring Pinkie to me, and no one can stop me! There is no way this could fail! Ahahahahaha!” The laughter rang throughout the infinite space, a foreboding omen for the time to come.
* * *
Pinkie sat in her room, trusty tin can apparatus dangling through the hole in her floor. She was spying on her friends. They had been awfully suspicious, what with the Princess calling them to the castle all the time. And they were so evasive about it! “Just royal business,” they'd say. She had even asked the Princess directly – no dice. If Princess Celestia wouldn't say, it had to be good!
So there she was again, trying to glean information from their whispered conversation. They seemed to be on the other side of the room, so she could only make out a word or two per sentence. “All five... progress... couldn't we... no... not Pinkie... Child of Laughter... could try...yes, that'll do...”
“Stupid tin can!” said Pinkie. She tossed the can to Gummy, who stuck his snout inside of it as far as he could. She leaned her head down the staircase, trying to catch any more words. However, it seemed Rainbow Dash had been looking that way, as she nudged the others with a hoof and gestured towards the stairs. At once, their conversation ended, and they turned toward her, faces plastered with terribly cheesy grins. Pinkie didn't buy it for a second.
Twilight was the first to speak up. “Hi, Pinkie,” she said through her fake smile. “What's up?”
“Oh, nothing,” said Pinkie, a bit of haughtiness rising to her voice. “Just waiting for my friends to start noticing me again.”
“C'mon, that's not fair,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Then what are you guys talking about, hm?”
“We can't tell you, Pinkie Pie,” said Rarity.
“If we could, we would, promise!” said Fluttershy.
“What could be so important that all of you could know but I can't?”
“Do you remember when we planned your surprise party?” said Twilight. “In my letter to the Princess, I told her, 'Always assume the best of your friends, and never the worst.' What I'm trying to say is, trust us, Pinkie. If we can't tell you, there's probably a good reason why. If or when we can tell you what's going on, we'll tell you. Is that all right?”
“You got it!” she said. She pulled a 180 and began to hop merrily away. The five girls looked at each other warily.
“That was easy,” said Fluttershy.
“A little too easy, if'n ya ask me,” said Applejack.
“I don't think she got the right message from you, darling,” said Rarity.
“Well, as long as she's not paranoid about our meetings with Discord, she'll stay out of trouble, right?”
* * *
Of course! How could she have forgotten? It was so obvious! The shiftiness, the weird places to be, the secrecy. They were throwing her another surprise party! And at the castle, no less. Even though it wasn't her birthday, Pinkie felt confident this was exactly the case. She had celebrated other things some might see as mundane, so she knew it was a celebration of some thing she had forgotten amidst the swarm of ideas buzzing about her brain. Her thoughts drifted to bees dancing in their hive before snapping back to another realization: they had forgotten to invite her! They should have said something like, “Hey Pinkie, can you stop by the castle tomorrow? The castle chefs need a second opinion on some recipes of theirs.” Or maybe, “The Princesses want a new party planner after the last Gala. Interview's tomorrow.” Ooh! Or they could have said, “Some cute colt wants to meet you at the castle tomorrow.” (All lies, of course, but that's the fun of pretend, right?) So, Pinkie decided, she could figure out their invitation anyways. She would just wait until they left first, then surprise them by showing up right after! She chuckled with glee. There was no way this could fail!