The Mailpony Urinates on Discord

by twilightsparkle3562

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 1019

When asking for answers as to why his Gala ticket was late, Discord gets an unexpected surprise from the Mail Pony.

When asking for answers as to why his Gala ticket was late, Discord gets an unwanted disgustingly unexpected surprise from the Mail Pony.

*Written at FillyCon 2016 in Philadelphia, PA

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-27 11:00:02 UTC

The Mailpony Urinates on Discord

"Why is this so late?" Discord asked in a quiet and evil voice as he tried to gain an answer from the mailpony over why his ticket to the Grand Galloping Gala was late. It was only a short period of time since Discord had given up his chaos wreaking ways for good and now, here he was, on the verge of being invited to the most important event in Equestria.

"Well, you see…" the mailpony started to say, but then Discord stopped him by put two of his lion fingers on the pony's lips to silence him.

As the mailpony spoke however, Discord felt a strange warm liquid on his deer leg. It was a liquid that was not like any liquid that he ever felt and it made the retired master of chaos feel very cross.

"What is this?" asked Discord, dropping the mailpony from his grip and snapping his lion fingers to produce a flashing arrow that pointed towards the liquid at his legs. "Would you care to explain how this got here?"

The mailpony then began to feel a sense of embarrassment. He had a problem and was now showing it in front of the one who used to be one of Equestria's most wanted. What's more is that he did this while on the job.

On the Job!

"Excuse me, Mr. Discord," stuttered the mailpony, trying to find words to explain his actions as he floated in nothingless. "You see, I couldn't help myself. You're so intimidating and I got scared."

"This all wouldn't have happened if you were on time," replied Discord, pointing to a watch on his eagle claw. "You were after all late, my friend and that is why I am rather disappointed in you. But, that is beside the point."

Discord then showed the mailpony his liquid ridden deer leg, which caused the mailpony to have even more embarrassment shown on his face. The sight of his own bodily fluids on Discord made him feel sick to his stomach and now it seemed like there was nothing left to do but face the consequences of his actions.

"You displayed something that was very disgusting and inappropriate, my friend," added Discord. "Now, you are going to have to clean up this mess."

Discord snapped his fingers and produced a mop and bucket filled with water, sliding it all over to the mailpony.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" asked Discord, impatiently. "Start cleaning my leg."

Doing as he was told, the Mailpony started to clean up the mess that he caused as Discord watched carefully.

"All right, it's all clean," whimpered the mailpony, after a few minutes of scrubbing down hard on Discord's leg. "Can I go now, Mr. Discord? I've got other tickets to deliver, so if you could direct me in the direction of the bottomless pit, I think that I can make my way back from there."

"Yes, yes, yes," said Discord, only focusing on his Gala ticket and completely ignoring the mailpony. "Take two lefts and a right. You can't miss it."

So, the mailpony left and as he did leave, he felt nothing but shame and embarrassment for what he did.

"I can't believe I did that," he said to himself with bitterness and shame in his voice. "After all these years, I did the unthinkable. I got scared and did my business on somepony who just happens to be the master of chaos himself. Way to go, mailpony. Your cutie mark shouldn't be delivering mail, it should be your own pee because your special talent is urinating on ponies."

Finally reaching the bottomless pit, the mailpony emerged and found himself back in Equestria where he belonged. Despite his shortcomings however, he still had a job to do and had no choice but to carry on.

Back in his dimension, Discord was now in the shower and still trying to completely rid himself of all the liquid that was dumped upon him, even if it was on his leg. As Discord showered, he began to think that maybe, just maybe, he got another of those embarrassing punishments where he deserved to be humiliated for his recent actions for betraying Equestria to Tirek. Yes, he was angry and embarrassed by this revolting stunt that the mailpony had caused, but maybe that was all a sign that he was facing his own consequences.

"I can't help but think I deserved that," Discord muttered to himself as he stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel to dry himself off. "After all I had done to Equestria, I couldn't believe that one stunt told me what I needed to do. I need to be a better creature in life, but doing all that I did with Scorpan was only the beginning. Even so, Celestia must trust me again or else she wouldn't have invited me to begin with."

It was then that another knock at the door was heard and Discord smiled at this, knowingly that his own plus one to the Gala had just arrived.

"Ah, Smoozinator," he chuckled, looking at a creature made entirely of green slime that had on a blue top hat and red bow tie. "I see you've already gotten ready for tonight. And please excuse the smell, I had a rather…unfortunate accident on my leg courtesy of the mailpony that I did deserve."

Discord then snapped his fingers and produced an orange tuxedo and top hat along with a cane with seven stars on it.

"Shall we go then?" asked Discord as he and the Smooze disappeared from the dimension, finding themselves at the gates of Canterlot, although several ponies could still smell the aftereffects of the Mailpony's otherwise revolting stunt back on Discord's front door. To this end, Discord snapped his fingers and sprayed some cologne over himself to cover up the smell.

"Thanks a lot, Mailpony," Discord muttered to himself as he and the Smooze made their entrance at the Grand Galloping Gala. "You delivered more than a ticket today, that is for sure."