If Only It Was a Dream

by SugarPop13

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Slice of Life
Length: 1170

A certain purple alicorn knows what had happened that very day. She wants to forget it all. She knows the truth and the truth is, she was the one that caused the tragedy

It's hard to comprehend what had happened. You don't want to believe it had happened. You want to forget everything that went down on that very day. Well, that's the case for a certain purple alicorn, who blames herself the tragedy. She knows everypony hates her because she was the one that caused the grieving of her five friends.

Rated Teen for a little bit of bad language. Not a lot.

Cover Art By: Tarantad0.deviantart.com

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-28 17:20:01 UTC

But it wasn't...

They're gone.

That's all I can say.

I don't know where they've gone, but I know they're there because... of me.

My own selfishness took them away from me.

I always wanted to be the one to save the day. I always wanted to impress Princess Celestia. I never seemed to realise how much that can hurt others.

I used to hate the thought of having friends. I always wanted to succeed. I never saw what joy friendship could bring until I met them five. The five friends that changed my life. The five friends that made me see everything around me differently.

They made me so happy. I didn’t know if I was happy or upset before I met them. I had a complicated life up until then. It’s hard to explain.

Now, yet again, I’m back to square one.

I haven’t been outside since the incident because I fear of hatred. I fear of rejection. I fear of anger.

Everypony hates me and, I don’t blame them. They’ve stopped talking to me and I’ve lost everypony close to me. I’ve lost the ponies that were the only ones left after the tragedy. I haven’t been in touch with them since.

I’ve let down my family, the princess, everypony in Equestria and... My friends.

I want to go back in time and change everything. I should have been the one to go. Not them. Not my friends. They didn’t do anything wrong. It was all my fault. They all went from me just like that. There was no time to save them.  I wanted to do everything I could, but there was nothing to do.  It was already too late.

I screamed seeing the state of them. I couldn’t believe I caused all of it.

When that bright light hit them, I knew what was going to happen. I just didn’t react quick enough to push them all out the way.

I know they wanted to protect and well, they shouldn’t of. I was the one that whipped up the spell. I was the one to not think for a second that the spell wouldn’t work and that it would backfire. I knew it wouldn’t work, but all I could think of at the time was more attention.

They saved my life and for what reason!? Because I was selfish. Because I wanted to be the centre of attention.

They risked everything they had to save the life of a useless, attention hogger, bitch that was me.

I never admitted to anypony parts of what I just  said. I knew they would just leave me. I realize now I should of been honest. So, I’m gonna be honest right here, right now, that everything that I have said, and what I’m about to say, is true.

My life has been a lie.

It was all an act.

My friends may have changed my life, but I still had my old habits dug at the back of my mind and when I became a princess, I dug them old habits back up and started using them again.

And, I know why.

Becoming a princess made me realize I was becoming more powerful. I obviously wasn’t as powerful as Celestia, but I was getting there. So I started playing that good girl act again.

The power had eventually taken over my body.

Before being crowned as a princess, I stopped playing an act and started being who I really was. I saw the light of my errors and wanted to change my life around.

I wanted to make a new impression on the world by giving it more positivity. By giving others around me courage and confidence.

I started believing in myself and giving others around me strength.

And it was all thanks to them.

Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Rarity, I am so sorry. I’m sorry for what had happened to you all. I regret every minute of it.

You guys really had a big impact on my life, so I owe everything to you five.

I had to go and wreck everything that was starting to build itself up. I had to be that good for nothing slut again.

My life is over. My reputation is over. I have nothing else to cherish in life. Like I said, I’ve stopped talking to family. They’ve probably disowned anyway. They probably don’t want to see me anymore and I’m grateful for that. I don’t want to bring down terror on their lives. I already have done so I don’t want to do anymore damage.

The Princess is just going to ignore me. Besides, I’ve basically destroyed Equestria.

It was our duty to be there when ever Equestria needed us. However, like I mentioned before, I always believed it was MY duty to save Equestria.

I really have let everypony down and all five of you. What happened is never ever going to be forgotten. All your family have been deeply saddened by the recent events and as you guys would probably no, they truly hate me. They’re the ones that I have let down the most.

They trusted me.

They trusted us.

Everypony had faith in us. Everypony knew we could stand up and defend Equestria.

I still remember the times where we would just give up. But then we all remembered that no matter what we all we still be friends and we should all stick together.

Now, that’s not true. We are not friends anymore and we haven’t been sticking together. And, it was all caused by me.

The truth is, now we have just given up. I’ve given up. I don’t have faith in me anymore; nopony has faith in me anymore.

They all still think of you five as heroes.

They all think of me as a loser.

Which is true.

You five should have stayed. I should have been the one to go. It would have been better off that way. It would be better for Equestria that way.

Nopony would miss me. I couldn’t care less.

Nopony is probably even worried about me. They don’t even want to see me. So, why should I be worried about that?

What has happened, has happened.

The time had finally come for me to say goodbye.

I didn’t what to believe that. I never have dreamt of believing that. I can’t come to terms with what I did. I have never felt so guilty in my entire life. The nightmares just keep coming back. They’re gradually taking over my mind. I can’t live in grief for the rest of my life. It’s slowly turning me insane. I can’t take it anymore.

So I’ve decided that my time has come to an end.

It’s now my time for me to say goodbye. But, it’s definitely not a goodbye to you guys anymore.

I’m coming for you all.

I’ll be there soon guys. Don’t worry.

I just hope you can forgive me for what I did...

The End