Chapters Booping Princess Celestia
So, I’ve learned something new today, thus far.
Cows in Equestria can not only talk, but they aren’t used for meat. I feel bad now, for eating them back on Earth. Normally, in my line of work, I would merely watch the animal to see their habits, but now I can just walk up to them and ask them myself.
“So, you don’t have four different stomach compartments?” I ask a cow named Daisy Jo, who speaks to me in an accent that sounds distinctly Canadian.
“You have to pardon me with the big talk, mister.” she replies in a polite manner. “I’m not as smart as you, dontcha know.”
“Sorry.” I rub the back of my head in embarrassment. She chuckles at my mistake, but not maliciously. This Daisy Jo is a real sweetheart. “When you eat your food and swallow, does it stay down, or does it come back up?”
“It stays down there, dearie. Nothing comes back up, unless we’re sick.” Daisy Jo turns to another cow nearby, named Bessie, “Does your food come back up when you eat?”
“Not that I’m aware of!” Bessie replies.
“See? Nothing comes up. Why do ya ask?”
“There are cows where I come from, but they’re really not like you gals. Except for the appearance.”
“Do they bring their food back up?”
“Yes. There was a common misconception that they had four stomachs, and…” I remember who I’m talking to. “They would bring their food back up, and continue eating it to break it down more, before properly digesting it.”
“Oh, heavens! That sounds a bit gross, dontcha know?”
“A little bit.” I chuckle.
“Do the cows where you come from talk?”
“Not at all. They make a few noises, but can’t hold a conversation like you. Where I come from, cows are mainly used for milk and…” I pause. I’m not going to tell them that their kind is slaughtered in my world. That would horrify them! “Actually, just for milking.”
“Just like us!” Daisy Jo says happily.
“Hey, if you gals aren’t busy, do you mind if I watch you graze for a while? I just want to take some notes down for extra comparisons.”
“Go right ahead, sweetie. We girls are gonna be here for a while.”
“Great. Thanks so much. Have a good day.” I wave goodbye to her, and walk a distance to some nearby bushes, where there is a nice bit of shade to sit and take notes.
A day has passed between the night Twilight sent that letter to Princess Celestia and today. Surprisingly, yesterday was all but uneventful. I stayed indoors, out of expectation that a pony was going to come knocking and ask to be booped. I wasn’t that disappointed that no one showed up, but it did make me a little upset that I never got to go outside for the day. To be fair, though, I did like the quiet, and it gave me time to watch more quality Equestrian programming on the television.
Equestia’s television programs and films are not unlike those from my world, except for the obvious difference that their programs have ponies as the actors. Equestria has their superhero films, their romantic comedies, their mindless action epics, and their silly horror films where character do impossibly stupid decisions. Those are the best to watch. Then again, they’re also the best to watch with company. It’s not entirely great to watch a horror movie by yourself if the intention is to goof off and make fun of it. Having someone else next to you that loves to do the same thing is ideal.
I don’t really want to think about this too much, as it’s eating into my note taking time. Daisy Jo and her herd of cows are happily grazing along the field; eating up flowers and hay provided by the farmer ponies nearby. I have to make sure not to stay out too long, though. Queen Chrysalis will be arriving soon for our appointment.
You know, the weather is really nice, today. Not too hot, not too cold. It’s that perfect temperature that makes me want to stay here for hours on end. I don’t anything can spoil the calm and serene mood I’m in, right now.
RUSTLE RUSTLE
Hm, the bushes behind me are rustling. Must be a squirrel who has found some nuts or something. No big deal. It happens. Now, back to…
RUSTLE RUSTLE
The bushes are rustling even more. Now, it sounds like something has popped out behind me. I know this, because I can hear breathing, and the breath is pushing my shirt against my back. Slowly, I turn around to see who this mystery guest is.
It’s a while alicorn. She’s wearing a nice golden crown. She also has long hair that looks like it’s alive, simulating something akin to a rainbow river.
Um…is this Princess Celestia?
“Uhhhhhh….hi?” I say with caution.
“Good morning.” she says in a friendly tone. If nothing else, she seems nice.
“Are you Princess Celestia?”
“Yes, I am. It’s nice to meet you.” she smiles. This would be a pleasant meeting, if not for the fact that most of her is hidden away inside some bushes. “Would you mind if I lay down next to you?”
“No…I don’t….think so…” I reply slowly.
Princess Celestia fully emerges from the bushes, revealing her grand and illustrious figure. She’s tall; taller than any of the other ponies in Ponyville. She’s pretty much as tall as I am, and second only to Queen Chrysalis. I can’t imagine how tall she’d be if she stood on her back legs. Her stature complements her royal looks, showing a sense of regalia and strength.
I’m impressed. Still…she came out of those bushes not seconds ago. If she flew down and landed before me, I’d be bowing before her in an instant. The bush emergence is also present in her endlessly flowing hair, with leaves and sticks protruding out of her otherwise gorgeous mane.
Before I can open my mouth to tell her that there are sticks and leaves in her hair, she lays down next to me with a smile.
A silence between us ensues. She isn’t asking about my day, or my research, or what I am doing here, she’s just staring at me with curled lips, and a wiggling rump.
Wait, hold on. Wiggling rump?
“Princess Celestia?”
“Yes?”
“May I ask what you’re doing here?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“Not….entirely?” I say in the form of a question. “I think I can take a guess. Do you…want to hang out?”
“In a sense.” Princess Celestia giggles, “I received Twilight’s letter the other night, and…”
“Oh…” it makes sense now, “You want me to boop you.”
“Yes. That would be preferable.”
“You realize that…”
“Booping is touching my muzzle, yes I know.” Princess Celestia laughs heartedly. “Twilight made sure to make that point clear. She told me all about the misunderstanding between you two. I apologize for her naiveté.”
“No, no apologies necessary.” I wave it off, “It’s kind of funny, in retrospect.”
“She also mentions you are friends with Queen Chrysalis. I extend my congratulations. It’s nice that she was able to find a friend.”
“Yes, well, she’s been a great friend these past few months.” I raise a hand up as she’s about to speak. I assume she’s going to talk about Queen Chrysalis’ misdeeds. “But, I know that she did some things before we met, and like I told Twilight, if there’s anything I notice, I’ll inform you.”
“There’s no need for worry.” Princess Celestia giggles again, “Twilight has always been…worried…about impending attacks, but Queen Chrysalis hasn’t attacked the kingdom for well over a year now, nor had there been any reports of her armies doing any harm. I always figured that she realized the error of her ways, or retreated back into her home.”
“So…you don’t see her as a threat anymore?”
“Unless she gives me reason to think so. Has she been nice to you?”
“She’s been really nice to me recently.”
“More than usual?” Princess Celestia queries with curiosity.
“Yeah. I mean, she’s been relatively friendly for the most part, but she’s started to apologize for being forgetful, or being generally…well…sweet.”
“Sweet?” Celestia thinks. It feels like quite some time is passing by during her moment of reflection. A smile inches across her face as she then nods. “I see.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” she shakes her head dismissively. “Now then…about my booping?”
“Right.” I nod. I position myself, facing Princess Celestia, who is looking at me with an expectant grin. That wiggling rump is getting me a little worried, though. “Princess Celestia? Why is your rump shaking around?”
“Huh?” she looks back at her wriggling rump. “Oh, I’m just excited, is all. Twilight really sold your booping as something fun. Are you…disturbed by my excitement?”
“No. It’s just…” I draw another parallel to cats. “The way your body is moving, it’s like you’re going to pounce me, much like a cat would do.”
“No, no, no.” Princess Celestia shakes her head, laughing. “I’m not going to pounce you. That would be very unlike me.”
“Okay. Just making sure.” I smile. “Alright, here goes.”
I raise my hand up, and form it into a pointed gesture. Princess Celestia looks at my hand with an excited grin, and her rump sways side to side even faster. I’m still not convinced that she won’t pounce me, but I’ve delayed this long enough. I swallow my words and bring my finger forward.
Boop.
My finger has landed on Princess Celestia’s nose.
Her eyes cross, much like Princess Twilight’s did, looking at my finger against her muzzle. When I remove my finger away, she stares at it in disappointment, but then smiles again when I bring it back and prod her muzzle once more.
“This is nice.” Princess Celestia closes her eyes in comfort. “Keep going until I tell you to stop.”
She likes it. That’s good. It’s nice that I’m going three for three on the list of pleased customers of the booping station.
I keep booping Princess Celestia on the nose. Each time I do it, she relaxes even further. Light giggles escape from her mouth, but not as lively and as animated as Queen Chrysalis. It gets even more low-key with further boops. Actually, it almost looks like she’s getting tired. Is she bored?
“Do you want me to stop?” I ask.
“No. Keep going.” she replies in a tired voice, “I like it…”
I almost feel like stopping, but if she still wants me to continue, then I guess I should keep on going.
I continue to boop Princess Celestia, and it gets to the point where she yawns, like she’s going to fall asleep. Seriously, should I stop? No, I think I’ll keep going. If she tells me to stop, then I’ll stop. So, I keep booping her. Her swaying rump gets less excited, and more still. Guess my booping is more relaxing to her than both Princess Twilight and Queen Chrysalis combined.
After about thirty boops, Princess Celestia’s wings begin to unfurl. Wow, they’re beautiful. The feathers look so soft and comfortable. Maybe after I’m done booping, I can ask if I could touch her wings for myse-ummm….they’re wrapping around me.
What’s happening?
Princess Celestia lets out another yawn, and gets closer to me with her forelegs reaching out for me like I’m a pillow! No, no, get away! I’m not a pillow! I’m not…
ARGH! SHE’S ON TOP OF ME! PRINCESS CELESTIA IS ON TOP OF ME!!!!
The weight of Princess Celestia isn’t horrible, but it is enough to pin me to the ground below. Her vice grip around my body with both her forelegs and her wings are more alarming than her body weight. I can barely move. Only my left arm is free. Her neck is pressed against my neck, making my voice strained to talk.
“Ack! Celestia! You’re…you’re on me! What’s…ack…going on?”
Snore…..
Um….is Princess Celestia…sleeping?
Snore…
She is! Princess Celestia is actually sleeping on me! I’ve become a pillow! A human pillow! I can barely move, I can barely breathe. I’m literally trapped under the weight of royalty, and there is no way out, as far as I can tell.
“The cows! The cows will help!” I look to where the cows are. Oh, wait. The cows are gone. “Dammit.” I have to get out from underneath her, but how? I put my free hand against Princess Celestia’s side and I lightly push her from side to side. “Hey…um…Princess? It’s time to wake up.” No response, just small snores. I push a little bit harder. “Please, wake up?” Still nothing. “Princess Celestia.” I say firmly, “I must implore that yo-arck!”
Princess Celestia’s head moves to the left, and her neck covers my face.
Crap. Now I can’t breathe.
Her soft skin and coat are suffocating me, and it’s not fun at all. I squirm and struggle, trying desperately to get her to move. Eventually, she moves, and all the air returns to my lungs. I have to get out of here, and fast.
Oh, wait. My notebook!
My right arm is now the one that is free, while the left has been trapped by Princess Celestia’s position change. I grab the pen next to the notebook, and start writing. It’s much harder to write while trapped under the weight of a Princess.
“Princess Celestia, when booped, becomes so relaxed, that she falls asleep. Note to self; if done again, make sure to boop her someplace more comfortable.”
Now that I’m done with notes, I should concern myself with waking Princess Celestia up. Maybe I should shake her a few more times. This would be a lot easier if I had both hands instead of just one. I shake her around. It’s not working. I shake her around, only harder. Still not work-ack! Her grip is tighter!
Princess Celestia moves her head again, and now my left side is once again freed, and my right is out of commission.
I need to..oh, Queen Chrysalis! She’s arrived, and she’s looking at me with concern, and a little amusement. Don’t try to hide your amusement, Chrissy, I can see it on your face! Still, I’m grateful she’s here.
“Chrysalis!” I smile in happiness at her appearance, “Thank god you’re here!”
“Ummm….it’s not that I’m not happy to see you, but God is currently on top of you. Why are you thanking her for my being here?”
“It’s a figure of speech. Now, I’m kind of having trouble breathing, and her grip is too strong for me to handle.”
“Yes, I can see that.” Queen Chrysalis smiles, “What in Equestria caused her to…”
“OH MY!” Another voice screams out.
I turn my head to see another mare has stumbled upon this situation. She looks familiar. White coat. Purple mane. Diamond mark.
“Rarity?” I say. This catches her attention.
“Oh, it’s the human!” Rarity says in worry.
“Actually, my name is…”
“What is Queen Chrysalis doing here?!” Rarity interrupts, pointing at Queen Chrysalis, before realizing… “And what is Princess Celestia doing on top of you?” She then gasps, “Did you two conspire against her?! Is she dead?!”
“No, Rarity! She’s not dead!” I struggle to say, as Princess Celestia’s grip has gotten tighter. “She’s asleep! She’s asleep because…ack…I booped her!” Rarity’s mouth is about to open, no doubt to demand what booping is. “It’s prodding someone’s nose!”
“It’s a sign of trust and comfort.” Queen Chrysalis finishes the explanation for me. “I’m here, because he regularly helps with my stress with his booping. I mean Equestria no harm, anymore.”
“Oh…well…” Rarity considers this, but is realizing she has little time to make a decision. “If you’re not attacking, I can only assume you’re here to help the poor dear and the good Princess.” Rarity walks closer, and the two come to me. “What can we do to help?”
“I’ve been trying to get Princess Celestia off. My booping made her too relaxed, and now she’s sleeping.”
“We have to find a way to push her off.” Queen Chrysalis nods to Rarity. “She’s strong, so we have to work together on this.”
“Right. For Equestria.”
“Okay, it’s not that dire.” Queen Chrysalis rolls her eyes. She places her hooves on Princess Celestia’s side, as does Rarity. “Okay, ready? Push!”
Queen Chrysalis and Rarity push with all their might. I try to lend a helping hand. Unfortunately, even with the combined might of these two mares, Princess Celestia still isn’t budging. They try more times, each effort stronger than the last. They keep pushing until….uh-oh.
Princess Celestia has moved her neck onto my face, and stops moving any further.
Oh crap. Crap, crap, crap! I can’t breathe!
“Sweet Celestia!” I can hear Rarity gasp, “Celestia is unintentionally killing him!”
I shake and struggle to get Princess Celestia to move, but the tight grip is preventing me from making any progress with her. Oh no! Is this the end for me? Is this how I go? To be suffocated by a Princess? Is this how I was meant to go out? I always thought I’d have a more dignified death. Maybe something like…saving the world….or…I don’t know…saving the world. I said that already, didn’t I? I can see my life flash before my eyes.
Huh, my life was pretty uneventful, all things considered.
“CELESTIA!!! EQUESTRIA IS UNDER ATTACK!!!!” Queen Chrysalis shouts at the top of her lungs. “TIREK IS INVADING AND EATING ALL THE CAKES!!!”
“WHAT?! CAKES?!” Princess Celestia immediately lets go of me and stands up. “YOU FIEND!!!” Princess Celestia unleashes a battle cry and starts shooting magic at the sky in a machine gun like blast. She fires onwards for such a long time, that the cast of that movie Predator, who spent a minute firing their guns in the jungle, would think that she’s being excessive.
By the time she is done, I have regained my normal breathing habits, and am now looking at her in fright. I have to make notes not to anger her in any way, shape, or form.
“What?” Princess Celestia looks around for this Tirek. I don’t know who that guy is, but if it’s enough for Princess Celestia to go full Schwarzenegger, then he must be a bad guy. “There’s no Tirek.” She then sees Queen Chrysalis and Rarity, and looks at them, surprised. “Oh, Queen Chrysalis…and Rarity. What are you…” she looks down to see me looking up at her. “Oh, my. Did I…”
“You fell asleep on me.” I say.
“I am so sorry!” Princess Celestia backs away, allowing me to stand and pick up my notebook. “Please, forgive me! I guess your booping was a bit…relaxing.”
“That’s putting it mildly.” I chuckle, stretching my back and cracking my neck. “You fell asleep on me, and gripped my body like a pillow.”
“Are you injured?”
“Nothing a few stretches can’t fix. I was more worried about my air supply.”
“This is embarrassing.” Princess Celestia shakes her head. “Allow me to extend my deepest apologies.”
“It’s fine. I didn’t get hurt, so…”
Princess Celestia nods with a smile. She then looks at Queen Chrysalis, and smirks at her with a bit of deviance, which is rather odd, I must say. “So…this is what he did to tame you?”
“W-what?” Queen Chrysalis’ eyes dart around the area. “What are you talking about?”
“I must say. I’m surprised to see that such a simple action was able to turn you to the ways of friendship. I guess the booping was a very…liberating experience for you.”
“I-Um…silence!” Queen Chrysalis scoffs. “It’s merely delaying my world domination plan! I will rule this world with an iron hoof!” She raises her muzzle up in defiance, but I can see a blush on her cheeks. Awww…Queen Chrysalis…
“You keep telling yourself that, darling.” Princess Celestia chuckles. “Anyway, I must be off. I realize that I have twigs and leaves in my mane, and must take them out.”
“I’ll help!” Rarity jumps in. “I have some wonderful ideas for that mane that I’m sure you’ll love.”
“Well, my afternoon schedule has been filled up.” Princess Celestia smiles. “Good day to you both. Queen Chrysalis, you’ve made a wonderful companion.” She laughs and trots away with Rarity.
“Ooohhh…that Celestia.” Queen Chrysalis seethes. “Sometimes, I do wish I actually had a plan to take over Equestria.”
“So, you were bluffing.” I walk to her and smirk.
“Of course I was bluffing! I have no plans, but I can’t let her know that! She sees me as weak! I’ll show her! I’ll…”
“Hey…hey…” I place my hand on her shoulder. It’s been a while since I have seen her angry. It worries me when I do. “She’s just playing around…I think…”
Queen Chrysalis looks at me. We stare for a bit, but her frown then turns to an amused smirk. She chortles and shakes her head. Her foreleg then pushed my chest in playful fashion, and I chuckle along with her.
“I guess I’m a bit stressed.”
“Well, that’s why you have me.”
“Are you sure you want to recommence the booping? After all, you just had a rather taxing experience.”
“I’ll be fine. I don’t have to worry about you sleeping on top of me.”
“Can you even imagine if I did that? You’d be done with me after the first boop!”
We laugh together as we walk back to my house. Queen Chrysalis’ ears perk up, as if realizing something. She looks at me while we walk.
“Hold on. Princess Celestia knows of your booping?”
“Yes. I told Princess Twilight about it, and she sent a letter out to Princess Celestia. I guess she wanted to test it out before sending out a mass letter to anypony that wants it.”
“Wait, wait, wait…a mass letter?”
“Princess Twilight wants her to send the letter to certain ponies that could benefit from the booping.”
“I certainly hope you charge for it.”
“I never thought about it.” I think. “Fine then, you’ll be my first customer. Five bits for five boops.”
“Oh, Tartarus no!” Queen Chrysalis laughs out loud. “We’re friends! If you do the average amount of boops, then that means I owe you five hundred bits!”
“Okay, I’ll do a discount…um…” I think some more. “How about…you watch a scary movie with me tonight, and stay for dinner?”
Queen Chrysalis stops in her tracks. I turn to look at her with a look of surprise and a little bit of shock. Did something get her spooked? I look around the area to see if there was something around that could be frightening, but I see nothing.
“You okay?” I ask.
“Huh?” Queen Chrysalis breaks out of her little funk. “Y-Yeah, I’m fine.” She goes back to her happy mood, and we continue our walk. “A scary movie, huh? Fine then.” she snorts in amusement, “But, I get first pick.”
“You better pick a good one. Actually, the worse the better. I plan on making jokes as we watch.”
“Oh, you want a BAD horror movie to make fun of, huh? Well, I have a few ideas!”
“You’re on.”
That was a fun night.
Had a delicious dinner from the Fillydelphia place in Ponyville, and topped it off by watching a couple of crummy horror movies, all in the company of Queen Chrysalis. It was nice, spending a movie night with someone. It reminded me a lot of my college days, where my friends and I would spend nights, either over the summer or after a rigorous study session, watching dumb flicks to get our mind off of school and life in general. Being with Queen Chrysalis reminded me of those days.
We sat down together and watched what Equestria’s version of the Paranormal Activity movies had to offer. In a somewhat surprising twist, they were just as stupid as the ones back in my world, and Queen Chrysalis and I had an absolute ball. Yelling at the ponies trying to egg the ghost on, and laughing hysterically at the loud noises and attack scenes, all the while providing running commentary for the scared out of their wits ponies.
Strangely enough, I don’t know how the night ended. Right now, I’m obviously dreaming. I have to be. Why else would I be in a swirling blue void? How did I even end up falling asleep? I don’t remember. It feels like a blur.
“Well, I’m dreaming, I better make the most of it.” I really should. Dreams are where anything is possible. My favorite dreams involve flying, so that's what I'm going to do. I jump off the floor to fly, but instead I come back down to the ground. “Hey. I want to fly, so…fly!” I jump again, but I do not fly. “Why isn’t this working?”
“I can explain that.” a feminine voice calls out.
What the...? Now, I’m alert. Who could that be? It’s no voice I recognize, that’s for sure. Is this even a dream? It could be a nightmare. Maybe the feminine voice is meant to lull me into a false sense of security, and when I least expect it…BAM! Demon Clown From Hell.
“Who’s there?” I call out, “If you’re going to scare me, just get it over with.”
Then, materializing in front of me, is an alicorn. Dark blue, I mean, like, really dark blue. Her figure is slender, and her mane looks like it is made out of the stars themselves. Her mark is of a crescent moon, with stars and clouds on it, which matches her chest piece.
I haven’t seen her before, but she does look like royalty. She must be…
“Princess Luna?” I guess.
“You guess correctly.” Princess Luna nods. “What gave it away?”
“The alicorn part.” I smirk. “That, and the crown.” I point at the crown on her head.
“Oh…” she chuckles, “I suppose that would be dead giveaway.” Princess Luna bows to me. Courteous. “It’s an honor to meet finally you. I realize we had not met in person, so I wish to see you here.”
“In…my dream? You…” I look around the area, “…you can meet others in dreams?”
“Yes. As ruler of the night, conversation with awake ponies is…minimal. So, I look into their dreams, and offer aid...if they so desire it.”
“That’s….amazing.” I gape in awe at her ability. “How many dreams do you enter per night?”
“It depends on if I like the dream.” she smiles. “If it’s something I find pleasant, I stay for a while, but if it’s something I find, well…let’s say undesirable…I move on to something else. If you must know, Queen Chrysalis’ dreams are surprisingly pleasant. I see your friendship with her has paid off.”
“Oh, have you seen her dreams before I arrived?”
“Yes.” Princess Luna looks down in sadness. “I do not wish to repeat what I’ve seen.”
“I understand.” I nod. Poor Queen Chrysalis. She’s so happy now. I can’t bear to imagine what she was like before, though if she was evil back in the day, I can have an idea.
“Sorry.” Princess Luna shakes her head, repelling possibly bad thoughts. “I have almost derailed what I have come here to see you about.”
“Ah.” I smile, knowing what she is about to ask of me.
“What? Do you know why I am here?” Princess Luna turns her head to the side, curious at my behavior.
“Of course I know why. You are here, so that I may boop you.” I chuckle as I say it.
“Is…” Princess Luna blushes, “…is it really that obvious?”
“With the days I have had so far, I’d say yes. Don’t worry, I’m not mad. It’s actually quite impressive. Yesterday, I thought that Princess Twilight’s letter wasn’t going to reach anyone, and that my booping would only be given to one. Now, both you and Celestia have come to me.”
“My apologies. I could not help but be curious. Twilight’s letter was so enthusiastic, that I had to see for myself what the big deal was.” Princess Luna’s ears perk. “Celestia came to see you?”
“Yeah. I booped her on the nose, and she fell asleep on top of me.”
“Oh my.” she gasps, “That’s quite the sudden reaction. Are you okay?”
“I’ll live. It’s interesting that each pony has a different reaction to the booping.”
“If that’s the way it is…” Princess Luna smiles, “I look forward to see what my reaction will be. Since we are in a dream, it could be anything. The dream-space you are in was created by my magic, so whatever I feel when you boop me will manifest itself physically.”
“Sounds cool…and a bit dangerous.” I’m hesitant, but I walk over to her, and she walks over to me. “How can I be sure that, if you feel displeased, whatever you feel won’t try to kill me?”
“Do not worry, young human. If I feel displeased, my feelings will most likely be multiples of myself, looking upon you in disappointment.”
We find each other in the middle. I think about what she said. Being looked at by multiples of her? And all of them would be staring at me in disappointment?
“Somehow, that feels worse.” I chuckle, “But, I suppose it’s a chance I am willing to take.”
“It’s a chance that you are required to take. I won’t let you wake up until the booping is complete.”
“You drive a hard bargain, Princess. Guess I have no choice.” I raise my hand up and point my finger at her muzzle. “Time to boop you on the nose.”
Princess Luna smiles as I do. I bring my finger forward. This is it. Once again, I find myself in the presence of royalty. It feels almost repetitive at this point. I wonder if the next pony I find myself booping will also be royalty, or if it will be a normal pony, looking to quell her curiosity.
That being said, I wonder what Princess Luna’s reaction will be. Queen Chrysalis’ reaction is amusement and comfort, Princess Twilight turns into a pet, and Princess Celestia falls into a coma. Not only that, but I’m in a dream space created by Princess Luna. Anything can happen.
No turning back now.
Boop.
I separate my finger from Princess Luna’s nose. She looks at me curiously, like if she’s wondering this that’s it.
“Want me to do it again?” I ask.
“Sure.” she nods in approval.
I boop her on the nose again. It seems that nothing has happened. Wow, could I be losing my touch so soon? I was on a bit of a roll. I have to say, I’m pretty…
“pprrrrr….”
Hold on. It was faint, but I heard it. Did…did Princess Luna just purr?
“Princess Luna? Was that you?”
“Huh?” Princess Luna looks around the area. “That wasn’t me. You must be hearing things. Maybe there’s some other creature in the dream-scape with us.”
“There is?” I look around with her. “Then, what should I do?”
“Best not dwell on it. If you leave it alone, it’ll leave you alone. Now, keep on with the booping.”
“Um…okay.” I shrug.
I boop her on the nose a couple more times.
“ppprrrrr….”
She is! Princess Luna is purring! I can hear her loud and clear! There’s no thing in the dream with us! There’s no monster to be afraid of! She’s being a pony cat! Or...a cat pony...either one!
“Ah ha!” I say in triumph. Don't know why I'm so excited about this. “I knew it was you!”
“What are you talking about? You’re crazy! I would never lower myself to simple…”
Boop.
Princess Luna instantly falls to the floor and rolls on to her back, purring loudly now. I step back in surprise at this sudden behavior. The dark blue void suddenly turns into something akin to her bedroom. The floor that Princess Luna lay on has transformed into a big round bed. It looks rather comfortable, I have to say. I’d be amazed if I wasn’t so transfixed on Princess Luna rolling around on the bed, still purring with that loud purr.
“Princess Luna!” I gasp, “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know!” Princess Luna says mid roll and mid purr, “But I require more boops if I am to stop with this behavior!”
“Stop? I’m afraid that if I boop you more, you’ll do…THAT more!”
“Boop me! Your Princess demands it!”
Suddenly and literally out of nowhere, Royal Guards poof into the room. There’s dozens of them; more than enough to make me worried for my safety. Actually, only one would be enough to get me worried. Having over a dozen of them? Total. Fright.
“Boop the Princess!” all the guards say in unison, “Boop the Princess!”
“Oh, wow.” I back away slowly, “This is…” Suddenly, I feel swords pointing at my back. I turn to see even more guards, this time unicorns, holding up swords with their magic, blocking my way of escape. “…freaking scary.”
A lone guard walks out of the crowd. He has a white coat, with a blue mane. His strong stature makes it seem like he’s the leader of this army of royal guards. A scroll appears in front of him, and he unfurls it to read.
“By the decree of the Princess of The Night, Luna must be booped no less than fifty times, or else the punishment…will be DEATH!”
“DEATH! DEATH! DEATH!” go the guards.
Oh boy…this took a dark turn and fast. I turn to Luna with an understandable expression of absolute panic.
“Death?! Are you kidding me?!”
“Yes, I am kidding. But you have to admit, it sounds oh so dramatic, don’t you think?” Princess Luna says with a mischievous giggle. “Now, come here and boop me. I must feel your glorious finger against my muzzle once more!”
Gulping down some panic saliva, I walk over to Princess Luna, who is on her back, and looking at me upside down. I form my hand back into the pointing gesture, and she laughs in delight, knowing what is coming.
I boop her on the nose, and she squeals and purrs in happiness.
“Again!” she demands.
I boop her again.
“Again!” she shouts.
I boop her again.
“AGAIN!” she screams out.
“Look, Princess Luna…” I say calmly. “I’m going to follow the orders of the guards. I’m going to boop you fifty times. You don’t have to say ‘again’ all the time.”
“But it’s so fun to say.” she pouts. Okay, that’s kind of cute. “Fine, you shall boop me for as many times as necessary. No more shouting. Only booping.”
“Sounds good to me.” I smile and nod. “Okay, Princess…”
I start to boop her. Every time I touch her muzzle, she laughs and purrs, all the while rolling around on the bed. The guards watch with smiles on their faces. Even though I know full well that this is a dream, and the guards that stand before us are nothing more than constructs created by her imagination, the fact that all eyes are on me is doing a lot to creep me out. Is this what Princess Luna likes? To be watched? I can’t imagine what other kinds of dreams that she has, which require a bunch of guards watching her.
Ugh, I shudder to think about it.
As I continue to boop her, she starts to move around too much for me to stay in one place, so I move onto the bed with her. This gets uncomfortable in a fast rate of time, as she rolls on top of me.
"Continue to boop me!" she demands.
"I'm booping! I'm booping! This is supposed to make you calm!"
"I am calm!" She sure doesn't sound like it.
On the plus side, she isn’t as heavy as Princess Celestia, and she isn’t sleeping, so to speak, making moving away from this situation easier. Still, the fact that she is so willing to roll on top of me makes me more than a little antsy to get away as fast as possible.
I sit up quickly to avoid another awkward moment, and I move along with her, booping her after every roll. It is kind of amusing to watch, as it’s like a game of whack-a-mole back at the arcade on earth, only this time, it’s Boop-The-Princess. I get her pattern down well, and hit my target with precision, and a great amount of skill.
Hey, this is harder than it looks.
Once I hit fifty, Princess Luna lets out one final purr. This one is louder and more powerful than the rest. So powerful, that the room suddenly vanishes, along with the guards that were watching us. I fall to the floor, as I am now unsupported by the bed. Princess Luna, on the other hand, floats down the beauty, grace, and style; completely unlike her behavior not moments ago.
“You have pleased your princess with your booping technique. For that, you have my admiration and gratitude.”
“Um…thanks?” I say. Her royal attitude is throwing me way off. “It was…my…honor?”
“No, the honor was mine.” She bows before me. “You have shown me great happiness. I can see why the others have sought you out.”
“Actually, only Princess Celestia sought me out. Princess Twilight got a demonstration after a misunderstanding.”
“I see…and Queen Chrysalis?”
“That was me taking a wild chance, in an attempt to calm her down.”
“Ah.” Princess Luna nods in understanding, “Still, I must assume that other ponies will seek your skills, after this. After all, I saw Princess Celestia using a spell to send Twilight’s letter to multiple places.”
“When we say ‘multiple places,’ how many is that, exactly?”
“I don’t know? Ten? Twenty? It could be more or less. It all depends on who Celestia deems worthy of your gifts.”
“I’m not sure if what I do is a gift.”
“Oh, but it is.” Princess Luna walks closer. “What you do will give many ponies throughout the land a chance to unwind and relax. To feel happy through a single touch. That is what I call a gift.”
“I guess…” I scratch my head. I’m not sure if causing ponies to purr or fall asleep could be constituted as a gift, but if Princess Luna says so, then I probably shouldn't argue with her. “So…how do I get out of this dream?”
“Simple, when you are ready, all you have to do is wake up?”
“Wake up? Just like that?”
“Yep. Just like….”
I wake up. Wow, that was faster than I was expecting. Makes me wonder if I should have woken up before all the crazy booping started. The first couple times were fine. The purring was strange, but also kind of adorable, so I would have been able to get past that. It was when the guards appeared and death was threatened, that it got really strange.
Well, she did say that I wouldn't be able to wake up until she was satisfied, so maybe it was best that I didn't try.
That being said, I had a little bit of fun in the end. Princess Luna’s reaction was definitely one I wasn’t expected. Then again, I haven't expecting any of the reactions I have gotten so far.
I’m kind of concerned about what lies ahead.
Why is there a weight on my lap?
My eyes adjust. I'm still in the living room. The television is off, but the lamp to my left is still on. I must have fallen asleep on the couch. Still, the weight is concerning me.
I look to my right to see Queen Chrysalis. Her body is curled up for warmth. I follow her neck and see that her head is resting on my lap. Ah, so that's where the weight is coming from. She's lightly snoring the night away. Her sharp looking horn points upwards. I'm thankful that I didn't lean downwards in my sleep, or else that could have ended in tragedy. Or, at the very least, a missing eyeball.
Wow. Queen Chrysalis would hate it if I said this to her face, but I have to say it; seeing her like this, is really cute. The way she's curled up, and the way she's snoring. It sounds like a soft purr, not like the loud purring that Princess Luna was doing. It's hard to believe that this was the same Changeling Queen that threatened to kill me all those months ago. That she is able to trust me so much, that she feels comfortable sleeping on my lap, says a lot about our friendship.
Thinking about how far we have come makes me smile. I run my hand along her neck, and lightly caress her mane. I won't disturb her. I have no reason to. I'll just go on back to sleep. I'm still very tired.
Hopefully this time, I have normal dreams.
Author's Note
Fun Fact: I originally planned Princess Luna's reaction to be a big musical number. But, I felt that would have been too big for so early in the saga.
Maybe some other time.
I’m disappointed.
Queen Chrysalis wasn’t here when I woke up. I hoped that she would still be here, and I would make breakfast and tell her how fun last night was. I would have also taken the opportunity to ask her if I could accompany her to her place of residence, where I could see and study her army, while also investigating the habits of the changelings.
Unfortunately, that is not meant to be. When I opened my eyes, Queen Chrysalis’s head wasn’t resting on my lap, nor were there any signs that she was present in the house. Not even a note on the fridge or the dining room table. She must have left early in the morning, and was quiet enough to not disturb my sleep.
Breakfast alone again, I suppose.
Today is a special day. It’s my five month anniversary of being in Equestria. Five months since the portal snafu that separated me and my team. I still wonder what happened to my crew. There were no signs of them in or around Equestria; even after a worldwide investigation by the various nations. I truly was the only one of my species.
When I wrote to Princess Celestia during my first month in Equestria, I asked if there was a way to send me back. Unfortunately, inter-dimensional travel was something that was a rarity, with the only method they had being a mirror to another world that had similarities to mine, the main one being that there were people inhabiting it. However, in my world, there was no Canterlot, no people with purple, blue, or yellow skin, unless there was some sort of illness befalling them. This world was just a mirror universe of Equestria; nothing like my world.
I think about my world from time to time. I can’t help it. Still, I’m here now, and I want to make the most of it. I didn’t think booping various ponies would be a part of it, but if that’s the way it’s going to be, then…
KNOCK KNOCK
Who could that be? It’s still fairly early in the morning. Could it be Queen Chrysalis? Maybe she went out to get some food, or made a quick errand at her residence.
I open the door, expecting to see Queen Chrysalis behind it.
She isn’t.
“Hello…” a droll voice speaks below me. I look down to see a grey pony, with a purple mane, and wearing a dark blue frock. She is staring up at me with a blank expression on her face; not showing a hint of emotion. “You must be the human.” There is no tone or emotion in her voice. It’s just…there.
I can’t even tell her my name, I’m so stunned. This is the most emotionally blank pony I have ever come across, thus far.
“My name is Maud Pie. I’m Pinkie Pie’s sister.”
Pinkie Pie. Yeah, that name is familiar. I see her whenever I stop by Sugar Cube Corner, the local bakery, for some sweets. She’s an expert at making all kinds of pastries, like cupcakes and muffins. Donuts, on the other hand, I am more of a fan of Donut Joe, who has his own bakery elsewhere in town. Back to Pinkie, she’s also very energetic; always bouncing along the walls at new and exciting things. I asked her a few questions about herself, as she displayed certain qualities other ponies did not possess, such as making extremely accurate guesses, and breaking the very laws of physics. I once saw her walking on air, and she gave no explanation as to why.
Maud Pie is her sister?! They’re nothing alike!
“I-I…um…pleased to meet you, Maud.” I say. I don’t want to point out the large difference in personalities. I may offend her.
“I hear that you help relieve ponies of stress by touching their muzzles. I received a message from the Princess detailing what you do, and where to find you. I hope this isn’t a bad time.”
Wow, she may be droll in speech, but she is awfully polite. It’s hard to really be freaked out about her at this point. Maybe this is just how she is with everyone.
“Not at all, Maud.” I say, responding to her politeness with my own. “Would you like to come in?” I extend my arm to the inside of the house, welcoming her.
“Sure.” Maud nods, walking inside. She looks around the house, setting her eyes on the couch. She hops onto the comfortable mattress, giving it a bit of a bounce. That was hard to ignore. “This is nice.”
“Thanks. Would you like something to drink? Some water?”
“No, this won’t take very long.”
I sit down next to her. Maud Pie reaches into her frock, and takes out a small rock, placing it on the table in front of us.
“Boulder wanted to have some space.”
“Boulder?” I query.
“My pet. He’s a rock.” she points at the rock on the table.
Yeah, I can see that. I’m not going to tell her that. It could sound rude or impolite. Instead, I watch the rock shake around on the table, before it comes to a standstill. My silence could confuse her. I should say something.
“So, you’ve been having some stress?” I ask. She nods. “May I ask what it is?”
“You may. I study rocks. I like rocks. I’ve written many papers about rocks. Sometimes I write poems, but that’s just for fun. I’m what they call a geologist.”
“That sounds interesting.” I’m serious. I knew a geologist, but she wasn’t half as interesting as this Maud Pie. “I’m a zoologist. I study animals.”
“Have you been studying us?”
“From time to time.” I wave it off. “I’m sorry, continue.”
“It’s fine.” she nods slowly, “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I don’t show my emotions as much as my sister, Pinkie. You’ve met her, right?”
“Yes. She’s very…energetic.”
“I’m nothing like that. It makes me hard to read for some ponies. My colleagues mistake my tone for condescension, when I am merely stating my facts in the findings. When I try to apologize, they think I am being sarcastic, so it’s frustrating. I can’t yell at them; I don’t have it in me to, so I get stressed out.” Maud Pie glances at me, then looks back down. “I know you don’t notice. It’s fine that you don’t.”
“Actually, I kind of do.” I admit. While her voice is mostly droll, there are little moments where it picks up, and it’s pretty easy to tell what her tone is. It must be hard for some ponies to catch this, and I can’t blame them, but for her own colleagues getting angry with her? That must be aggravating. “I’m sorry about that.”
“There’s no need to be sorry. It’s not your fault. But, thanks.” Maud Pie positions herself to face me. “Anyway, about your stress relief. I believe the letter called it ‘booping.’ Am I correct?”
“Yes.” I position myself as well. “I prod your muzzle lightly. Reactions have been different with each subject, so I can’t say for sure what you are going to experience. If you feel that it doesn’t work, just say so.”
“Any charge? I have bits.”
“No, no, no.” I shake my head. “There’s no need for payment.” There isn’t. Princess Celestia actually donated some money to me back when I started living in Ponyville. It’s amazing that I never officially met her until yesterday. “I’ll boop you once, and then you can tell me if I can keep going.”
“That sounds fair. Go ahead.”
I do the same song and dance. I put my hand into a pointing gesture and…
Boop.
I separate from her muzzle. She appears as stoic as ever. Actually, her muzzle felt hard compared to the others. She must be really strong.
“Would you like me to keep going?” I ask.
“Yes.” she responds.
I nod and continue booping her. Each boop is the same as the last. I feel her hard muzzle, and she continues to stare at my finger with the same expressionless look. I don’t know if this is doing anything for her. While voice tone is easy to spot for me, facial tone is a different story. Maud Pie is giving me nothing to work with. If she hated it, she would have told me to stop, but it sure doesn’t look like she likes it. Normally, after a few boops, I would see some kind of response, but I’m getting absolute zero.
I reach about fifty boops. I put my hand down, and Maud Pie follows my hand until it rests on the sofa. She then looks back at me.
“How do you feel?” I ask, interested in the outcome.
“I feel good.” she nods. “Much better than yesterday.” I can tell she’s being sincere. There’s a slight uptick in her tone of voice. “Thank you for your help.”
“Anytime.” I smile. “Would you like a glass of water?”
“Sure.”
I get up and head for the kitchen. Another satisfied customer. While her reaction isn’t what I expected, it was almost refreshing to see. From the near crushing of Princess Celestia, the purring of Princess Luna, and the dog like nature of Princess Twilight, having a more stoic response is pleasing.
I fill a mug full of water to give to Maud Pie. I turn around and…
Oh, Maud Pie is in the kitchen with me. I didn’t even hear her come in.
“Hey, Maud.” I smile, holding out the cup of water. “Here you go.” Maud Pie looks at the water, then back at me. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes. I felt a connection back there.” she says.
Um…what?
“Excuse me?” I’m confused.
“When you booped me. I felt such care and gentleness. There was affection in it. I felt that affection, too. I didn’t know I was your type, but I also like a pony who is straightforward in his intentions, even though you are not a pony.”
“I-I…uh….I…” It’s hard to get the words out. She seriously thought my booping was…a form of flirting? “Maud…”
“I have to admit. I didn’t know what to think of you when we first met, but now that I know your intentions, I think of you as handsome.”
“I-I…I’m flattered, but…”
“You haven’t been with a pony before. I understand. Don’t worry. I’ll make sure your entry is a comforting one.”
Maud Pie wriggles her behind, like a cat getting ready to…uh-oh.
POUNCE!
Maud Pie jumps at me, and I immediately dodge! She lands perfectly on the kitchen counter, swiftly turning and looking at me. I can read her face now; her eyes show an insatiable lust. A lust? For me? The human who booped her? How could she think that booping is…
She lunges again! I duck and dive out of the kitchen. I run to the door.
Maud Pie is too fast! She’s suddenly at the front door. I back away slowly…
“Maud…listen….the booping…it’s…”
“I know you’re nervous. Don’t be. If your mating is as good as your booping, I think this will be a fulfilling relationship.”
I have limited options here. I could try to push her out of the way and run out the door, but I can tell that she is a strong mare. I could turn and go to the back door, but she was so quick to get to the front door, that she could be just as fast getting to the back. I could go up the stairs and jump out the window, but that seems like the worst idea that could lead to injury.
I could give up and let her…NO! Why would I do that?! Stupid brain! What’s wrong with…OH GOD! SHE’S LUNGING AGAIN!
No other options are making sense. I run up the stairs, and into my bedroom. I shut the door and lock it. I hear Maud Pie hit the door with a meteoric WHAM, bending the wood ever so briefly.
“Maud! Listen to me! Something has gone terribly wrong! The booping! It’s changed you!”
“No, it hasn’t.” I hear her say on the other side of the door. “It has opened my eyes to something wonderful, and I must share it with you.”
BASH! A foreleg comes bursting through the door. I scream. Maud Pie hits the door further, creating a bigger hole. She looks through the hole and sees my look of fright.
“Don’t be afraid.” she says as calmly and as drolly as ever.
Screw this. I jump out the window behind me. I begin to realize that this isn’t my smartest decision.
One, I went through glass, which is expensive. Two, and this is a slightly more pressing matter…I’m on the second floor. Luckily, I land in some bushes. Actually, not all that luckily, since bushes don’t do too much to soften such a fall. Still, nothing has been broken, so I’ll take what I can get.
“Owww….” I wheeze. I look up at the window. I don’t see Maud Pie looking down at me. Maybe she hasn’t fully broken through the door yet. I don’t want to stay here any longer. I need to get some help.
Pinkie Pie. She might be able to help!
I get up and take off running towards Sugar Cube Corner. I run as fast as I can go. I feel like an olympic champion by how fast I am going. There’s no way Maud Pie can catch up to me.
I see Sugar Cube Corner. There’s a line of ponies waiting outside, no doubt looking to get some tasty treats. I hope she’s in, or else what I’m about to do is going to be extremely embarassing.
“PINKIE PIE!!!” I shout. All heads turn to me. “PINKIE PIE! YOUR SISTER MAUD’S GONE CRAZY!!! SHE’S…”
WHAM!!!!
I am hit by what feels like a train, and I rocket into a nearby alleyway, onto some garbage. That hurt. Like, really hurt. The train analogy might be underselling it. I can’t move. I don’t want to move. I feel like if I tried to move, that I’ll discover that I have broken bones. How does Equestria treat broken bones? Do they use magic? Magical healing would be pretty useful. With my luck, it’ll be the normal and slow process. I wonder how much it costs?
“There’s no need to run.” That familiar and droll voice. I open my eyes to see Maud Pie slowly approaching me, licking her lips. "This must be a scary experience for you. Being with somepony of a different species. You were probably taught that such a thing was unnatural. Strange.” She has no idea how right she is. Maud Pie is very close to me now. Anything can happen. I still hurt too much to get the courage to move. “Don’t be scared…” her mouth opens, getting closer to mine, “…I know that deep down, you want this. Your booping told me.”
“MAUD!!!” a voice cries out from the end of the alley.
Maud quickly turns around, milliseconds away from kissing me, to see the angry expression of the usually joyful Pinkie Pie, with a crowd of naturally curious ponies watching behind her.
“Pinkie Pie!” I shout in joy. “Thank god you’re here!”
“I don’t need to thank Celestia!” Pinkie Pie says in an amazingly tough voice, “I need to thank you! I heard your voice from inside the bakery. I had no idea that my sister was capable of such shameful acts!” She walks closer to Maud. “Explain!”
“You can’t stop me, Pinkie." Maud Pie grasps me tightly. Ouch. Too strong. "I love him. We are meant to be together. I can tell. His booping was a sign that he wanted me.”
Pinkie Pie looks past Maud, staring at me with a confused expression. I shake my head wildly, telling her that Maud is being crazy. Pinkie nods in understanding. If she’s not asking for clarification on booping, then…oh…did she get sent the letter, too?
“Maud…” Pinkie Pie tones down her angry speech. “…booping…isn’t a form of affection.”
“What? Yes it is. I know what affection feels like, and this felt like it. It felt good.”
“Well, duh. It’s meant to feel good, silly. But, didn’t you read the letter closely? It said that it was a form of relaxation. It’s not meant to be intimate.”
“It felt intimate. I felt my stress just fade away.”
“That’s what booping is meant to be! A stress reliever! Whatever you thought he was doing to you, it wasn’t some form of intimacy. He was being nice.”
“He…” Maud Pie turns to me, “…you weren’t trying to initiate mating?”
“No.” I shake my head. “I wasn’t trying to woo you. I was trying to make you feel better. I wasn’t expecting this.” Still not moving. Still in pain.
“I…I…” Maud Pie looks around the alleyway, then back at me splayed out on the garbage. “Oh, sweet Celestia. This is embarrassing. I almost…I tried to…this was…” It's hard for her to get the words out. I know exactly what she tried to do. There's a word for it in my world.
I move. Surprisingly, I feel nothing is broken. I can move my arms, legs, fingers, toes, back, and nose. Yes, my side hurts like hell, and I should be expecting a massive bruise in the next couple of days. Maybe I should visit the doctor before I go home. I stand up and pat myself of any dirt and garbage that made it onto my clothes.
“Yeah…you became a total whacko.”
“Is that the official term?” Maud Pie smirks a little bit. Wow, I didn’t even know she could smirk. Still doesn’t change that I still feel a little uneasy around her.
“I could make an official term, but I can’t right now.” I clutch my side. “Oww…I have to get to the hospital. You really did a number on my side.”
“Oh.” Maud Pie goes to me, guiding me out of the alleyway. I try to keep my distance, but she's providing a good source of balance. “I’ll take you to Ponyville General. This is all my fault, and I should make it up to you.” Maud Pie thinks for a moment. “Right, I’ll have ponies come to your house and fix your door and window.”
“Door and window?” Pinkie queries, “What happened to his door and window?”
“I broke his bedroom door, and he jumped out the window to escape.”
“He did?!” Pinkie Pie gasps, looking up at me. “You did?!”
"Yeah. It was pretty sick." I try to play it off. It's not working. I'm in too much pain to hide the fact that jumping out the window was an impressively bad idea. "Hey, Maud?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you work out?"
"No. Why?"
"No reason." I'm lying. Inside, I'm amazed that she is so strong. The fact that she doesn't work out, but was strong enough to break through the door and ram me so hard that my insides feel like they've gone kaput, is incredible. "Jesus Christ." I whisper to myself.
Hopefully, a trip to the hospital will take care of my injuries.
Well, this is nice.
This hospital room is a lot nicer than the ones on my world. The rooms I would be in looked cold and uninviting. However, rooms at Ponyville General look the complete opposite. Warm and cozy. I could almost fall asleep on this comfortable bed. I just might. It’s doing wonders for the pain in my side.
Feeling sleepy…
The door opens. Looks like sleeping will have to wait. I immediately shoot up into a sitting position. Ouch. That was a bad idea. The pain in my side came back. A white pony with a first aid mark on her flank comes walking in, holding a clipboard in front of her face.
“Okay, Mister…” she lowers the clipboard to look at me. The nurse pauses, then stammers upon seeing me. “Oh, you’re the human. I was wondering why you had such a strange name.”
“It’s okay.” I smile, but I also wince at the stinging sensation on my side.
The nurse places the clipboard down on a nearby chair, and walks closer to me. Woah, without anything close to a warning, she lifts my shirt up to see what is wrong. There is a big section of my side that consists of a dark purple blotch. The nurse goes back to the cabinet, pulling out a swanky little doodad.
"What is that?" I ask.
“It's going to take your x-ray. Close your eyes.” she says. I do so. Through the darkness, I see a bright light and I also hear a heavenly hum. After a few seconds, the light and noise stop. “You can open your eyes, now.” she says in a pleasant tone. I do so, spotting the nurse getting a syringe ready by a medicine cabinet. Yuck, I hate needles. “You have a couple cracked ribs, and some serious bruising. I’m going to give you a shot of acceladrine.”
“Excuse me, what?” I haven’t heard of any medicine in my world called acceladrine.
“Just a standard shot. You’ll feel better in half a day.” the nurse trots back to me and sticks my side with the needle. That hurt, but it doesn’t hurt as much as my side. “There we go.” Once the shot is finished, she goes back to the medicine cabinet, pulling out a container that looks like its full of vaseline. “This gel will also help with your bruising. Take off your shirt, so that I don’t have to fight with your cloth.”
I do so, and the nurse lets out a bit of a gasp. She noticed the small cuts I sustained while jumping out the window. I didn’t think much of them, due to the more pressing pain, but it seems enough to get her worried.
“The summary of your condition didn’t mention that you sustained cuts.”
“Sorry, I didn’t notice.”
“I’ll disinfect them after I apply the gel.” She starts applying the gel to my side. Her touch is nice and gentle; something I wasn’t expecting, given ponies’ hard hooves. Guess she knows that if she applied any more pressure, I will go back to wincing in pain. Once she is done, she gets some cotton balls and dabs some disinfecting liquid on them. She then comes back to me and starts applying the cotton to my wounds. “So, the report says you jumped out of a window?”
“Yeah. I was trying…”
“To escape Ms. Pie. Yes, the report says that, too. It also says you were tackled by her. This explains all the injuries. I’m surprised you’re still able to stand after all that. Maud Pie is one of the strongest ponies I’ve seen. I heard she was once able to disintegrate a rock with her bare hooves.”
“Wow.” I say in awe “Then I’m lucky to be alive.”
The nurse and I chuckle. She finishes disinfecting my cuts. The nurse gets some bandages and wraps them around my waist and arms snugly with relative ease. Once she is done wrapping, she cuts the excess bandages, and ties them up to stay put.
“There we go. You should be able to take those off in a day or so. You can put your shirt back on.”
I put my shirt back on, and she puts her stuff away. The nurse picks up the clipboard again, looking it over. Probably to make sure that she didn’t miss anything important. Makes sense. Though she didn’t miss anything, I can appreciate someone who is thorough.
“Looks like you’re all set. You can rest for a bit, as you might feel a bit woozy from the acceladrine.”
“Woozy, I don’t…” I stand up. Wait a second…yep, I feel woozy. “Nevermind, I’ll take a rest for a bit.” I sit back down.
“That’s a good reaction. It means the medicine is working. The pain in your ribs should be subsiding soon.”
“Is it okay if I rest here? I don’t want to take up space from anyone.”
“No, it’s fine. We have a couple emergencies from time to time, but Ponyville is a largely safe place. Take all the time you need to rest up.” The nurse puts the clipboard back down. “By the way, I’m Nurse Redheart. It’s nice to meet you, finally. I’ve heard a lot about you. I’ve heard nothing but rumors.”
“Rumors? There’s actually rumors going around about me?”
“Nothing bad, I assure you. Merely curious, is all.”
“Well, what have other ponies been saying about me?”
“Some thought you took to being in Ponyville quite well within your first couple weeks. Said that you found a…particular liking for the pony species.” The tone of voice she is giving seems to be suggesting that I like ponies...a little bit more than most.
“What? What gave them that idea?”
“Apparently, others have seen various ponies come to your door. They think you have some personal harem or something.”
Oh, wow. A harem? Why in Equestria would…oh wait. Queen Chrysalis would always come to my door disguised as different ponies. She would never transform into someone recognizable. I know this because I’ve seen many of the regular citizens of town during my days out. I suppose that, to the average Ponyville pony, this would seem like an odd sight to be sure. From the look on Nurse Redheart’s face, she seems a little flustered just saying the rumor.
“I…um…” I stammer “I don’t have a harem of ponies. It’s…” I can’t tell her that the Queen of The Changelings comes by; how would she react? After all, Princess Twilight did say that Queen Chrysalis once tried to rule over Equestria. Maybe saying that we’re friends would be a bad… “That’s just Queen Chrysalis. She comes by disguised as another pony.”
WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, BRAIN?!
“Oh my!” Nurse Redheart gasps, and understandably so. “You’re…friends with Queen Chrysalis? I heard that she tried to rule over Equestria!”
“No, it’s not like that anymore. I met her a few months ago, and we became good friends. She’s always been very nice to me.”
“Wow…” Nurse Redheart exhales in relief. “Queen Chrysalis being nice. That’s something I never thought I would hear. Whatever happened to get her like that, then I’ll have to thank the one responsible.” Nurse Redheart looks to me and gives me a playful wink. The two of us share another laugh. “There’s another rumor going around right now. It’s quite recent, and it’s frankly even more ridiculous than the harem.”
“What is it? That I'm actually an octopus in disguise?” I laugh.
“No, but that would be quite silly.” she laughs with me. “The rumor is that you…calm ponies down by touching their muzzles.”
“Actually, that one is true. It’s called booping.” I say matter of factly. I’m surprised she thinks the pony harem rumor was less ridiculous than the booping.
Nurse Redheart stares at me with a look of surprise. That the silliest rumor she heard about me being the true one would no doubt have surprised anyone. The news makes her sit down on the floor, and tilt her head to the side.
“That’s…true?” she asks.
“Yeah. Apparently, ponies…and even Queen Chrysalis…have found this method of relaxation to be quite pleasing. Although, the reactions to prolonged booping has been rather…extreme. The reason why I’m here, is because I booped Maud Pie on the nose, and she went a little…let’s just say a little crazy.”
“Oh…” Nurse Redheart steps back. “Your booping caused her to do that to you? That must be some amazing technique.”
“I personally don’t think it’s all that amazing.” I admit. I still don’t quite know WHY ponies find it to be a comfort. All I know is that they do. “The only thing I do is prod their nose with my finger, and that’s it.”
“That’s it?”
“Yep.”
“That’s all you do? Just a simple prod and that’s the way the story goes?”
“That’s the way the story goes.” There’s a pause in the room. I can see the thoughts in Nurse Redheart’s eyes. I’m going to say it before she does. “You want me to try it out, don’t you?”
“Well…I don’t know. If Maud Pie had such a visceral reaction, it might not be safe. Plus, you’re still recovering, and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Okay.” I nod. That’s some pretty valid reasoning right there. Besides, I really need to be more cautious, myself. I can’t just boop anypony willy-nilly. Then again, I might have to. Maybe I should invest in some hockey pads. Does Equestria have hockey, or at least a variation of it that can make pads? Maybe Rarity can supply some. I hear she makes some pretty swanky clothes. Maybe she can provide me with some human…
“But, I’m just so curious now!” Nurse Redheart interrupts. “How about this. You said that prolonged exposure causes strange reactions, right? Well…maybe…you only boop me a few times, and that’s it.”
“How much is a few?”
“I don’t know. How many times did you do it, before the ponies had a big reaction?”
“Somewhere in the double digits. Like thirty or so.”
“Good. Then, ten times. That should be a good amount. Boop me ten times, and that’s it.” Nurse Redheart gets up on the bed and sits up straight, putting on a brave face. She closes her eyes tightly, as if expecting some kind of worse case scenario reaction. “Okay, do it.”
“Um…okay.” I shrug “Here we go.”
Boop goes my finger to her nose.
Nothing.
Nurse Redheart’s eyes are still closed shut. I boop her again, and then a third time. One eye from Nurse Redheart opens up, looking straight at me. I recognize that look. It’s the look of someone who is wondering what the big deal is. I can see she is a bit disappointed, but I can also see a hint of relief as well.
I keep booping her. Getting towards the tail end, and I hear a small giggle escape from her. Guess she’s finding a little bit of enjoyment now, but it’s still a remarkably subdued reaction, all things considered. In a way, I kind of like it. It would have been quite frightening if I had to deal with two crazed ponies in one day.
I hit boop number ten and place my hand down. Once I do, Nurse Redheart’s other eye opens, and breathes a sigh of relief that all she experienced was a slight case of amusement.
“How was that?” I ask.
“It was…fine.” Nurse Redheart replied after a few moments of thinking. “But, for the life of me, I cannot see what the big deal is. Yes, it was a bit amusing, and I do admit that I started feeling a bit ticklish, but other than that, I don’t understand why other ponies such as Maud had an over-the-top reaction.”
“Have you been feeling stressed, lately?”
“Well…no, not really. I mean, I have a couple days of annoyance, but I don’t really leave the workplace stressed out. Like I said, Ponyville is a mostly safe place. The worst case we had ever gotten was when a pegasus broke both her wings trying a rather dangerous stunt.”
“Interesting…” I say quietly. I remove my small notebook from my back pocket, and a pen from the breast pocket in my shirt. “It appears that the more stressed a pony is…the more likely they are to have an extreme reaction.” I talk to myself as I write the note down.
“It could just be a fluke.” Nurse Redheart says “Maybe I’m somehow immune to your booping.”
“No, this is actually really good stuff.” I smile. “You did have a reaction. You chuckled and smiled after a few boops. The thing is, you weren’t really all that stressed, so that’s all it could do for you. So, you had a reaction, just a very small and subdued one.”
“So, the more stressed the subject, the more grand the reaction? What were other ponies like?”
“Well, Maud was…this…” I point to my side “Princess Celestia was relaxed to the point of falling asleep, Princess Luna was becoming very catlike, Princess Twilight was acting like an affectionate puppy…”
“Wow, you have been busy with the royalty, haven’t you?”
“Yeah.” I chuckle “It sort of worked out that way.”
“And…what of Queen Chrysalis? You said you booped her, too.”
“The first time I booped her, she had a sort of subdued reaction. She cooed and purred at the booping and relaxed greatly. When we met, she was under a lot of stress. On subsequent boops, her reaction is even more sustained. All she does is giggle and stick her tongue out.”
“That’s it?” Nurse Redheart tilts her head. “No wild dance, or laughing maniacally with fire and brimstone behind her?”
“No, but that would be kind of cool.”
“Hmmm….” Nurse Redheart taps a hoof under her chin. Suddenly, she chuckles quietly, catching my attention.
“What is it?”
“It almost sounds like she’s not really that stressed, and just likes hanging out with you.”
“Huh? Nah.” I wave it off. “I mean, yeah, I get the feeling she likes to hang out, but every time she shows up, it’s always one thing after another with her army. She definitely looks stressed when I see her. Maybe changelings react differently from ponies. After all, changelings only have a few physical similarities to the Equestrian species. Inside, I bet it’s a completely different beast…in a manner of speaking, of course, I do not think of ponies or changelings as actual beasts.”
“No, I know what you meant.” she smiles. “Differing physiologies…that’s a sound theory. A bit more complicated than my much simpler ‘affectionate’ theory.”
“Besides, she’s a changeling Queen, what do I have that she feels affection for? My booping?” I think to myself “Well…okay, that could be a pretty good reason.”
“You should ask her, the next time you see her. See what she says. If I’m wrong…then I’ll give you ten bits.”
“Okay. You’re on, Nurse Redheart.”
As I shake her hoof as a sign that the challenge has been made, a unicorn doctor comes bursting in with a terrified look on his face. It must be bad, if he’s looking like this.
“Nurse Redheart! Quick! Ditzy Doo has her head stuck in a honey jar!”
“I’m on it.” Nurse Redheart hops off the bed and stands proud. She then turns to me. “Nice to meet you. This was fun, but…try to avoid jumping out of windows next time, okay?”
“I’ll give it a shot.” I wave goodbye to her.
I rest on the bed for another half hour. The acceledrine she gave me really knocked that pain away fairly quickly. To be sure it stays that way, I slowly move off the bed, and make my way out of the hospital, signing myself out and waving goodbye to the staff.
It’s late afternoon, now, but I don’t have any time today to look for any creatures and ask about their lifestyle and habits. Maybe tomorrow, once I am completely sure I can move around like normal, without any fear of feeling like I’m going to buckle down in pain at one wrong move.
I approach my house, where I see Maud Pie giving a pony with a construction hat on a bag of bits. Seeing Maud standing there is giving me a little bit of pause, even though she was more than generous enough to help me to the hospital. Once the construction pony has moved out of sight, Maud Pie looks to me with the slightest hint of surprise in her eyes.
“Hey.” Maud Pie says, walking up to me. “You’re out of the hospital.”
“Yeah. Nurse Redheart patched me up, and by tomorrow, I should be ready to seize the day.” I reply with enthusiasm. I see a small smirk on Maud Pie’ s face. “What were you paying that construction pony for?”
“I had ponies come by to fix your door and window. It’s good now.”
“Oh…” I’m surprised that she had it done already. “Thanks. How much do I owe you? I’ll pay you back.”
“That’s not necessary. It’s the least I could do after almost having my way with you.” Maud Pie’s droll voice in saying that makes me chuckle on the inside. “I know it’s not enough, but…”
“It’s…fine…for the most part. It didn’t end up happening, in the end.”
“That still doesn’t excuse it. I’m sorry I acted that way. If you feel that you don’t want to see me again, then I understand.”
I feel a little bit bad for Maud Pie. If my theory is correct, then the gravity of her stress affected her reaction greatly. Sure, it was a violent, and even frightening reaction, but underneath that cool and calm looking exterior is no doubt a pony who can be just as stressed as the rest of them. She’s right, though. In my world, such an action would be considered reprehensible, no matter how funny others would perceive it as.
Still…
“Don’t worry about it.” I shake my head. “I’m better now. You’re better now. The house is better now. It’s all better now. Yes, what happened was really…something…but, if you’re still feeling a bit stressed…I wouldn’t mind if you came back for more.”
“What? Really?”
“Yeah. I think I have a solid theory that the biggest reactions to booping are always the first reactions. The next time it happens, it’ll be much less…well…what happened today.”
“I see. Then…” she thinks for a couple seconds “…then, I think I’ll come back again. Thank you.” She nods, turning to move away. As if remembering something, she then turns back around. “Oh, another pony came by, looking for you.”
“Who was it?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never seen her before.”
“What did she look like?”
“Tall. Blue. Blonde mane.”
“I don’t…” Wait a minute. Queen Chrysalis likes to transform into ponies, but never those from Ponyville. She must have stopped by earlier. “Oh, wait. Yeah. I remember her. Where is she?”
“She's not here anymore. I told her what happened, and she yelled at me. Then, she came back and brought a present, and left soon after that. She left it on the living room table.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
Maud Pie gives a small wave, and walks away. Queen Chrysalis yelling at Maud Pie? That must have been some exchange. I can only imagine Maud Pie staring at her with that blank expression on her face, as Queen Chrysalis went off on her. Still, I’m surprised Queen Chrysalis would even do that.
I go upstairs and see the new door and window. Good as new. Looks as it did early in the morning, like no pony threw her hoof through the door, and no dumb human jumped out the window. They did a fantastic job.
I go downstairs to the living room to see what Queen Chrysalis left.
On the table, I see a black rose, along with a card with a picture of a pony with a cast on his foreleg. The front says ‘Get Well Soon.’
Aww, thanks.
I pick up the black rose, and smell it. It smells nice. Despite the color, it smells no different from regular roses. Still, being out of water must be damaging it a little bit. I put the rose in a thin vase with some water inside, and stand it over at the counter by the kitchen window. It’ll get some nice moonlight tonight, and sun when morning comes.
I open up the card, and find green lipstick markings on the inside.
No words. Just markings. I put my finger on the mark, and it feels soft. It’s not part of the card.
Did…did Queen Chrysalis kiss this card?
That’s…odd.
“Please come to Carousel Boutique at 1pm for an important matter.”
Signed,
Rarity
What could she possibly want with me? Oh, I bet I know what she wants. She wants me to boop her, and then a bunch of crazy shenanigans will happen. Unless she’s not all that stressed out, then nothing of note will happen. I doubt the latter will turn out to be true; she makes dresses and outfits. Surely, the life of a fashionista is a stressful one. Then again, I always thought a nurse’s life would be a stressful one, but Nurse Redheart managed to defy all odds.
Still, this could be a fruitful visit. I can ask Rarity if she would like to make me some clothes. I packed a few clothes for my inter-dimensional visit, as we didn’t know how long we were going to stay in wherever we were going to end up. Wearing the same five outfits every week, with a trip to the washing machine every Saturday was getting a bit repetitive. I suppose it’s something I can live with, if Rarity says no. Either that, or I’ll take up sewing and make my own clothes.
It should be simple enough. Insert house explosion here.
It get to Carousel Boutique, and I take a moment to gander at its architecture. It really does look like a Carousel, only it’s home to a pony, and not a ride for foals and adults. It’ll be interesting to see what is on the inside, though I’m going to have to assume that I won’t be seeing metal poles through various seats that look like animals.
Opening the door, I can already see Rarity, who has turned to me with a smile. Facing her, is a pony I’ve never seen before. Brilliant orange coat, short blonde mane, blue eyes, and a mark on her flank that looks like a trophy. Covering her torso is a dark purple jacket that looks made for high class businessmen or women, a light purple scarf around her neck, and some nice looking earrings on her…ears…naturally.
This businesspony turns to me with a cocked eyebrow, and her eyes scanning me up and down, as if I’m already being judged harshly on my appearance alone. I can tell that this pony must be fun at parties.
“Ah, darling, you made it!” Rarity glances over at the clock “And right on time, too! Very punctual. Darling, there’s somepony I would like you to meet.” Rarity raises a foreleg to the still not happy looking pony that’s staring at me. “This is Ms. Harshwhinny.”
“How do you do?” Ms. Harshwhinny says in a prim and proper snooty tone of voice.
Wait a minute…the word “HARSH” is actually in her name? Huh, that harsh crack I made just a few seconds ago is sounding a little ironic now.
“I’m good.” I respond “How are you?”
“As well as can be expected.” Ms. Harshwhinny turns her nose up “Rarity says that you have a…particular talent; one that has interested me. Mind you, I do not think that it will be anything of note, but I cannot deny my curiosity.”
Oh. I’m not going to boop Rarity. Instead, I’m booping this extremely snooty Ms. Harshwhinny instead. Judging by her stature, her poise and her attitude, I can tell that someone such as her must be extremely stressed out on most days, if not every hour of every day. She looks like someone who wants perfection and professionalism to all that surround her, and those who don’t bring it, will be subjected to her no doubt great vengeance and furious anger.
Hmmm…that reminds me…I wonder if there’s a version of Pulp Fiction in Equestria with ponies. That would be pretty cool. Imagine all the cute ponies running around talking about five bit milkshakes and gunning down one another at the pop of the pop-tart.
“Sir!”
Oh, Ms. Harshwhinny is talking to me. I snap out of my thoughts quickly.
“Ma’am.” My voice trembles.
“Huh, you are a polite one. I did not expect that. This may not be as bad as I imagined it would be.” Ms. Harshwhinny approaches me slowly. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I am a pony who demands perfection and professionalism from all that I can see. If somepony is out of line, or does not perform the duties I ask of him or her, I can be quite…aggravated.” She says that last word with such seething hatred, that I cannot imagine what happened to make her say it like that.
“Naturally, I’ve had days where such professionalism has been unfulfilled, and I have spent many a week yelling at those who have angered me. My doctor says that I need to lower my stress levels, lest that I suffer from what she calls a serious emotional breakdown. Rarity here was listening to my troubles during a spa visit the other day, and she said that you may be able to help me out.”
Holy lord! Did I call it or what? High five…me! I knew it! The second Ms. Harshwhinny told me to boop her, I could tell what the problem was. If I wanted to, I could dance in victory! But…I better not. I don’t want to seem rude, and I doubt she would appreciate such behavior.
“I’m sorry for springing this up on you, darling, but can you do…you know…that thing you do?” asks Rarity. Now there’s a pony who is polite. While she strikes me as someone who wishes to be considered high class, the fact that she is still living in Ponyville, and has a lot of friends, tells me that she never thinks less of those who aren’t living it up in Canterlot.
“Yeah…I’ll give it a shot.” I say “Is there a particular place you want to do this?”
“We can do this here.” Ms. Harshwhinny nods “There’s no need to go to your house, is there? You don’t have indecent intentions, do you?”
“No, no, no…” I shake my head “I was just asking.”
I’m glad she doesn’t want to do this at my house. If my theory is right, and her stress levels are off the charts, I don’t want my house to be destroyed in an explosion of obsessive lust. Maud Pie was bad enough; she broke a door to try and get to me. Ms. Harshwhinny looks like a one million megaton nuclear bomb by comparison.
“Good.” Ms. Harshwhinny nods, pointing to a nearby chair. “Now, if you please.”
I go to the chair and sit down, facing Ms. Harshwhinny. She looks at me with impatience. She wants me to boop her right now. Come on, lady, I need to prepare myself for it. Her left foreleg taps on the floor rapidly, and she gives me a pouty expression. Okay, that’s kind of cute.
“I’m waiting.” she says rudely. And the cuteness is gone.
“Look, I can’t just throw caution to the wind and boop you. There’s a formula to this.”
“What kind of formula is there to booping? That sounds preposterous.”
“Do you want to have less stress or not?” Now I’m the one getting impatient with her.
Ms. Harshwhinny looks at me with a gasp. I must have offended her, somehow. There probably aren’t many ponies out there that talk back to her. I must be one of the first to do so. If not that…well…I’m definitely the first HUMAN to do so. Oh, wait…I’m the ONLY human.
“Fine.” she composes herself and scoffs “What do you need me to do?”
“I need you to look at me, and stay still.”
Ms. Harshwhinny looks me up and down again, and then rolls her eyes. As if reluctantly, she sits down and arches herself in a professional poise.
“There. Satisfied?” she asks “Now, what do you want?”
“Remain…” I raise my finger up “…quiet.”
Boop.
My finger presses softly against her nose. She looks at it the same way other like Princess Twilight and Princess Luna have looked at it; with crossed eyes. Except, Ms. Harshwhinny’s look of displeasure is still present. A “Harumph” leaves her. She’s unimpressed.
“Is that all?” she wonders.
“Give it time.” I respond.
I boop her more times. Each boop on the nose gets another scoff and a harumph. She appears to be unimpressed all around. I’m unsurprised, and yet I feel a little bad for her. I kind of expected her to be as nonplussed as she was when she first saw me, but I also feel bad that whatever stress she is feeling isn’t going away.
She hasn’t told me to stop, yet. Maybe I’m getting through to her a little bit. I’m passing the thirty boop mark, and she remains as snooty as ever, but she’s still not stopping me. I figured that she would have lost patience by the tenth boop. There is the possibility that her curiosity hasn’t been sated yet, and she wants me to reach the minimum amount of fifty, before deciding that my booping just isn’t for her.
As I hit boop number fifty…
“That’s enough.” she slaps my hand away after the fiftieth boop. “There’s no more need for booping.” Ms. Harshwhinny stands, brushes her hair back, and turns to face Rarity. “Is this some kind of joke?”
“Excuse me?” Rarity asks with worry.
“I asked for somepony who can alleviate my stress! Not this…” Ms Harshwhinny looks at me again, scanning me up and down with her eyes once more. Stop that! It’s freaking me out! “…this not awful looking creature who presses muzzles!” Did…did she just kind-of-sort-of-maybe complement me? “Do I look alleviated to you?”
“Umm…to be honest, dear, it’s sort of hard to tell with you.” Rarity admits.
“I am NOT alleviated!” Ms. Harshwhinny yells “In fact, I am even MORE stressed, because my precious time has been wasted on these nonsensical shenanigans!” Ms. Harshwhinny then quickly turns to me, shooting daggers into my soul with her eyes. “And you!”
“I’m sorry…” I say meekly. She’s scaring me. "I was only trying to help."
“You…oaf! You…brute!” Ms. Harshwhinny shakes her head around, mussing up that nicely combed mane. She looks crazed like this. “You are a pitiful excuse for help!” She wraps a hoof around her scarf, quickly removing it and throwing it on the floor. Is she going to beat me up? “You have absolutely no idea what it means to help ponies relax!” Her hoof then unbuttons her jacket. “You think that just because you have pleased royalty, that you would be able to please me?!” She removes her jacket and slowly approaches me.
Umm…what’s happening? I’m really confused, here.
“I’ll have you know, that I am most certainly not pleased!” she unbuttons her dress shirt “I am not pleased in the slightest!” she takes off her shirt. “You are, without a doubt, the most useless…” she climbs up the chair “…most idiotic…” she’s on my lap “…waste of life I have EVER met!”
She’s straddling me. Her back legs are wrapped around my waist.
“Ms. Harsh…”
Ms. Harshwhinny opens her mouth and shoves her tongue into mine as I’m trying to talk.
Oh my god.
She’s making out with me. Ms. Harshwhinny…is…making out with me! A pony is making out with me! Why is a pony making out with me?! Why is MS. HARSHWHINNY making out with me?! I don’t get it! My brain cannot comprehend it! My own brain! That’s a big deal! The same brain that had the brief idea to let Maud Pie do what she wanted to me! The same brain that controlled my mouth to tell Nurse Redheart about Queen Chrysalis! That brain!
Back on the topic at hand…
WHY IS MS. HARSHWHINNY MAKING OUT WITH ME?!
She just told me how awful the booping was! Why is she doing this?! Was that just for show?! Did she really like it, but didn’t want to admit it?! That’s the only logical explanation I can think of! It makes sense, really. She’s a proud and snooty pony. She wouldn’t want to admit such a simple action as booping could make her calm down.
Wait…this is calm? This is exactly what Maud Pie wanted to do to me a couple days ago! I wasn’t ready for this! I didn’t ask for this! WHY would I ask for this?!
More importantly…WHY IS MS. HARSHWHINNY MAKING OUT WITH ME?!
I can’t move. My hands are in a frozen state. I can’t push her off, I can’t stand up. Rarity is watching the scene with shock and terror; she can’t do anything to help. Ms. Harshwhinny’s tongue is slithering around my mouth, combining our saliva together. For such a prim and proper pony, she sure doesn’t kiss like one.
Her hooves are underneath my shirt, feeling my chest. Moans of pleasure are leaving her mouth every time she slightly separates from me.
If I don’t do something right here, right now, something really bad might happen.
Suddenly, Ms. Harshwhinny separates herself from me and SLAPS me across the face with her hoof! Ow. That hurts a hell of a lot more than a human hand.
“You perverted brute!” she scoffs “How dare you?”
Uh, how dare I? I’m not the one who got naked and straddled you, lady! Hey, come to think of it…most of the ponies I’ve seen around town don’t wear clothes, but Ms. Harshwhinny does. That, and Rarity makes clothes.
Is Ponyville a nudist colony?
Gah! I really need to stop derailing myself! I haven’t even said a word to Ms. Harshwhinny after…what just happened.
“You think you can just make out with me, and all will be forgiven?!” She moves to my left ear, and nibbles on it. Oh, Jesus Christ. “Thank you…” she whispers.
Ms. Harshwhinny hops off of me and gathers her clothes.
“This was a complete waste of my time and my life!” Ms. Harshwhinny looks at Rarity “Good day to you!” She walks out of Carousel Boutique, and slams the door shut.
I…I have no words. No words for what just happened. I didn’t think this WOULD happen. Did I WANT it to happen? No. No I did not. Again, I have found myself getting assaulted by a mare, and she just walked out the door, getting away with it, scot free. I mean, I know that booping would cause a reaction. My entire thesis has now become seeing if the level of stress would affect the reaction of the subject. Ms. Harshwhinny was extremely stressed. Stressed enough that when I booped her, she took her clothes off and made out with me.
On that level, I guess this was a massive success. One that I have to write about…once I get movement again in my arms to reach my notebook and pen.
“Darling?” Rarity slowly approaches me “Are you okay?”
“Ummm…I’ll get back to you on that.” I replay with a strained voice. “Rarity?”
“Yes?”
“I was wondering…can you make some clothes for me? Like shirts and pants?”
“Of course, darling. Anything you want. Uh…let me take some measurements while you’re there.”
Rarity uses her magic to float a roll of measuring tape to me. It wraps around my chest, then my waist, and then measures the length of my legs. As this is happening, Rarity writes the measurements down in her own notebook. She nods when she is complete.
“There we go. All set. You should be getting clothes within the next couple of days. Any particular preference to color?”
“Whatever you think is best.”
“Excellent. Oh, and darling?”
“Yes?”
“It probably isn’t a good idea for me to ask you to do the same courtesy to me that you did to Ms. Harshwhinny, isn’t it?”
“No. It’s not a good idea. Maybe later. Wait…” I remember “Spike said that if I booped you, he would burn my house down.”
“I never!” Rarity gasps “Why in Equestria would he do such a thing?!”
I can’t find the strength in me to shrug, so I do nothing. A familiar scent hits my nose. It smells…fruity. It’s coming from my lips. I carefully lick my lips, and discover that Ms. Harshwhinny wears flavored lipstick.
“Hey, Rarity? Did you know that Ms. Harshwhinny wears strawberry flavored lipstick?”
“Why would I know that?”
“Oh…right.”
After ten minutes of staying perfectly still, I manage to get the movement back in my arms and legs. I say my goodbyes to Rarity, and head on out of Carousel Boutique. Well, this was a rather strange day. My week has been strange, overall. Once booping was discovered by Princess Twilight, it’s been one crazy situation after the other, and I barely have time to do my research, much less recover from the days before.
Wasn’t Queen Chrysalis supposed to be here today? Usually, she arrives in the afternoon for our regularly scheduled booping, but as I approach my house, I don’t see her in disguise. I don’t see anypony there. Maybe she’s busy. It’s understandable, since she’s a queen and all, and I can only assume that being a queen is busy work. Maybe she’ll come by tomorrow to make up for lost time.
I make it to the front door. Finally. I can go inside and get some of my own relaxation. Maybe watch a film or just standard television programming. All I know is that…
The ground just shook. Was that an earthquake? Oh, now I feel breathing behind me. Deep breathing. Monstrous breathing. I really should just get inside and shut the door as fast as I can, but I know I won’t be fast enough. Whatever is behind me is going to catch me quickly.
I turn around to face the mystery guest.
It’s…it’s….a dragon. A big dragon.
“Uh….I…” is all I am getting out.
“Are you the human?” the dragon asks in a deep and threatening voice.
“Ummm….no.” I shake my head, lying my ass off. “The human is over there, behind those bushes.” The dragon looks over at the bushes. Now’s my chance. While he’s distracted, I’ll quickly get inside and lock the door. This dragon can’t be stronger than Maud Pie. “Yeah, just go over there and look…” The dragon grabs me with his giant hand. “ACK!” I say.
“The Dragon Lord wishes to see you!” He yells in my face “You have thirty seconds to comply!”
“Okay…” I wheeze.
Booping Dragon Lord Ember
OW! Couldn’t you have dropped me onto something softer? Don’t you dragons have beds or something?
Here I am, in a rocky canyon full of dragons who are looking down and staring at me. I must be in the Dragon Lands that I heard about through my trips to the library in Ponyville. I was flown here by a big dragon, who is now perched on a rock and scraping his claws against it. I never thought I would ever be carried around by a dragon, but so many other surprising things have happened this past week, that I really shouldn’t be surprised about anything at this point.
I look all around at the various types of dragons watching. Big dragons. Small dragons. Ones as big as your head. Ones as big as a car. A very diverse set, if I do say so myself. One thing that is catching my attention, is that they are all quiet. Not a growl or a whisper, just pure silence.
Suddenly, flames begin to shoot up from the ground, forming into a line of fire that goes past me, all the way to a throne that I didn’t even notice was there. The flames travel to the top of the throne, illuminating the subject sitting on it.
It’s a small blue dragon, staring at me with her legs crossed, her chin resting on her left hand, and holding a large scepter with a red jewel at the end of it. The dragons cheer in celebration at her appearance. She stands, and slowly flies over to me. When she gets closer, her eyes scan me up and down, and starts to descend. When her feet hit the ground, she then looks up, noticing that I am taller than her.
“Ahem.” she feigns coughing to a larger dragon off to the side. The Dragon comes over with a rock and sets it down. “Thank you.” She hops onto the rock, and is now at eye level with me. “Greetings, human. I…am Dragon Lord Ember.” The second she says her title, the dragons roar loudly. “Do you know why I have brought you here?”
“To boop you, and help you relax?”
“I…” She looks at me like she’s caught off guard by what I said. I’m right on the money. Dragon Lord Ember scoffs and rolls her eyes. “You really have no tact at all, do you?”
“Believe me, it’s an honor to meet you, but there’s no reason to beat around the bush.”
“Idiot…” she says under her breath. Man, that’s a little harsh. She snaps her fingers, and the dragons then take off to the skies to parts unknown. Except for that one on the rock, he's still scratching away. “Follow me.” Dragon Lord Ember floats off to a nearby set of stone stairs, and I follow her. “I had no idea what to expect, when I was sent a letter detailing your exploits, but I thought you would be more…regal.”
“A guy who boops ponies to help them relax is hardly what I call regal.”
“Not just any ponies. You have found yourself satisfying royalty. Twilight, Celestia, and even Queen Chrysalis have all apparently succumbed to your…what’s the word…charms.”
“The last few have been normal ponies.”
“So, you don’t discriminate.”
“I have no reason to. I’m not objecting to booping you, am I?”
“I don’t know. Are you?” she turns to me with a raised eyebrow. I shake my head, letting her know that her wish will become fulfilled. “Is this what you expected to see, when you were being taken to the Dragon Lord?”
“No. I wasn’t.”
“Were you surprised to see a female ruling over such a large army of dragons?”
“Equestria is under the rule of female alicorns, I would have been surprised if you were male.” Dragon Lord Ember smirks slightly. “Though, I am surprised of your…um…size…”
“That’s fair.” she shrugs, not offended at my words. “My father used to be Dragon Lord. He was massive. Probably bigger than your house.”
“Oh, is he…”
“No, he’s alive and well. He’s off seeing the world, like he always wanted, but couldn’t until now. After an event called the Gauntlet of Fire, which I passed, I became Dragon Lord.”
“Must be a cushy job.”
“It’s more stressful than you think.”
“You rule over an army of dragons. I can assume it would be pretty stressful.”
“You may be okay with a small female being Dragon Lord, but some haven’t taken well to it.”
“Well, they’re jerks. Have you considered biting their heads off?”
“I try to avoid violence, idiot.” she snaps at my attempt at dark humor. “Being Dragon Lord isn’t and shouldn’t be about acting like a bloodthirsty tyrant. Maybe in your world, but most certainly not mine.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to offend.”
“I…” she sighs, rubbing her closed eyelids. “It’s fine, but you need to watch your tongue from here on out. Your sense of humor isn’t exactly welcome.”
I am tempted to be cute and tell her that I noticed, but she might not find it as cute as I think it is. Instead, I nod in understanding. Dragon Lord Ember looks as if she’s in enough stress as it is, so I best not do anything to potentially get on her bad side.
Things become quiet between us, and she leads me to a fancy stone door with rather beautiful carvings in the rock. They depict images of battle, and a dragon in an awesome suit of armor cutting down his or her foes. It’s hard to tell what the gender is, but I suppose that’s the point. If male and female dragons are able to become Dragon Lord, then it shouldn’t matter.
My admiration at the picture ends fairly quickly, as the doors open to reveal a large pile of gold. Now, my admiration turns to pure and unadulterated awe. So much gold; if I had such treasure, I would never have to work again! Actually, I’m not working right now. My study of the different species of Equestria is something I’m pretty much doing out of curiosity, as I’m not currently being paid for it.
Eventually, those bits Princess Celestia gave to me will run out, and I’ll have to get a job. Maybe I could get a job at Canterlot Castle, or maybe with Princess Twilight. I wonder if Queen Chrysalis has any positions open?
Dragon Lord Ember throws her scepter on the pile of gold and jumps in, herself. She smiles and splashes some gold around, stretching herself out in relaxation. I watch as she writhes and coos on the pile of riches, and I’m taking note of her body structure. It’s fascinating, really. Though she’s a dragon, and has obvious signs of such; the claws, the scales, the wings, the snout, there is something quite feminine about her appearance. I’m almost tempted to take my notebook out and write down the similarities between her and human females, but Dragon Lord Ember quickly sits up after her series of stretches.
“Have a seat.” Dragon Lord Ember palms the gold.
“You want me to sit in the gold pile?”
“This is my bed.”
“What…are we going to do on the bed, Dragon Lord Ember?” I become hesitant.
“You’re going to boop me, idiot.” she rolls her eyes at me. “Get down here.”
“I-WAH!” I try to say, but Dragon Lord Ember forcefully pulls me onto the gold pile. The speed of the action made the contact with the gold hurt. I suppose that dragon scales can make such a pile seem soft, but my fragile human skin isn’t taking kindly to it. “This is your bed?”
“Of course it is. I’m not a fan of your soft and fluffy mattresses. Laying on a pile of gold and diamonds is much more comfortable.”
“Diamond-OW!” I yelp. My hand has been poked by a sharp diamond. No bleeding, but it still hurts. I rub my palm as Dragon Lord Ember watches me in annoyance.
“Your species must be a fragile bunch.”
“Not too fragile. I think being vulnerable to stabbing is a universal thing.”
“It’s hard to penetrate dragon skin. Our scales provide protection against most harm. Thinking about that, it makes me wonder if this booping thing is a waste of time. In all likelihood, I won’t feel what you are doing.”
“Oh, well…if that’s how you feel…” I start to get up, but she brings me back down. “Okay…never mind.”
“I didn’t say no.” Dragon Lord Ember scoffs. “I’m sensing hesitation. What’s the matter? Afraid that I’ll eat you?”
“No.”
“Then, what’s wrong with you?”
“Because you’re probably very stressed, and I’m scared of your reaction.”
“My reaction?” Dragon Lord Ember’s eyes widen in surprise. “What does my stress have to do with the reaction?”
“Everything. I’ve come to realize that the higher the stress, the bigger the reaction.”
“What’s the most extreme reaction you’ve gotten?”
“One pony tried to have her way with me, while the other jammed her tongue down my throat.”
“I…uh…ah…” Dragon Lord Ember is at a loss for words. That’s surprising, I figure she would scoff and… “If that’s what you think is going to happen with me, then you better keep your expectations in check.” she scoffs. Ah, there we go. It was a delayed reaction. “I wouldn’t lower myself by attempting relations with a creature like you, no matter what reaction this…booping…may cause.”
“Uh-huh.” I say with trepidation “Well, I guess we better get this over with, then.”
“Fine.” she sighs “Let’s get on with it.”
Dragon Lord Ember moves into a position facing me, and I do the same. I’m actually hesitant about this; booping a dragon. Booping a pony and a changeling was simple, due to their similarities, but this is a different species entirely. The worst part is, Dragon Lord Ember looks a lot more aggressive than any of the other subjects. With her claws, she could rip me to shreds if I do the wrong thing.
It’s now or never. I can’t delay this any further.
Boop.
I feel the scaly nose of Dragon Lord Ember. It’s not soft like a ponies; it’s even harder than Maud Pie’s strong nose. Dragon Lord Ember looks unimpressed. I boop her again, but the slick nature of her nose makes my finger slide upwards and across her bridge. Dragon Lord Ember lets out a surprised “hmm?”
Did I do something wrong? Uh-oh.
“I’m sorry!” I say quickly “Your nose is a bit slippery.”
“Do that again.” she says.
“Huh? Do what again?”
“What you just did. Slide your finger up the bridge of my snout.”
“Ummm…okay…” I respond. Well, she doesn’t look mad. That’s a plus.
I do as she asks. When I press on her nose, I slide my finger up her bridge, and stop between her eyes. I slide my finger back, and I see a smile creep up on her face. Dragon Lord Ember doesn’t tell me to stop, so I do the action again. And again. And again. I hear her chuckle and see her sharp teeth as she grins. She…she actually likes this.
“Go further.” she says.
“What do you mean?”
“Move your finger up to the top of my head.”
I once again do as she asks. I slide my finger up her bridge, and the slide upwards to the top of her head. She coos at the touch. I am about to go again, when her head moves on its own, rubbing against my finger and forcing it up her head. I’m not moving at all any more, as Dragon Lord Ember proceeds to do all the moving herself. She grazes her head against my finger, moving it to the top, and sliding it back down. She then grabs my hand, and positions it to behind her right horn.
“Scratch.” she demands.
“What?”
“Scratch.” she repeats “I’m itchy.”
I scratch the back of her horn like it's an ear. Scratching at scales is a strange thing. I remember petting reptiles back on earth, such as snakes and blue tongued skinks, but I was always careful, as I had a fear that my finger tips would somehow damage their scales. I should do the same thing with Dragon Lord Ember.
“Scratch me harder!” she yells, dissatisfied by my carefulness.
I obey her order, scratching her harder. Her mouth opens into a smile, and her back left leg starts kicking at the gold, like a dog who has found their sweet spot. The sight is…actually…kind of adorable, but also a little weird. Dragons having a commonality with dogs is something I’m did not expect.
Dragon Lord Ember then grabs my hand, and moves it to the bottom of her chin.
“Scratch here, now!” she demands again.
I shouldn’t be one to argue, even though this has no longer become a booping session. I scratch as hard as I did behind her horn. Dragon Lord Ember lifts her head upwards, with loud moans and laughs leaving her mouth, and her back leg kicking wildly again. This is moving away from what I said earlier. This isn’t adorable, it’s just plain weird. I don’t know how long she wants me to scratch, but I’m not stopping until she tells me to.
Suddenly, Dragon Lord Ember grabs my hand, and starts dragging it down to her chest, rubbing it up and down again and again, and making me feel the various muscles around the area, moaning as she does it.
Again, I cannot help but take back what I said earlier. This isn’t just plain weird…it’s just plain…strange. Wait, isn’t that another version of weird? Okay. It’s awkward. Hold on, that feel less than weird. Uncomfortable? Yeah. Yeah, that one is better.
This is just plain uncomfortable.
Dragon Lord Ember’s eyes snap open, bringing my hand to a full stop. She looks down, seeing my hand on her chest, then looking back at me. Gradually, she gives me my hand back, allowing me to rest my hand down on my lap. There’s an awkward silence between us. A really awkward silence. I just had my hands all over the Dragon Lord, and she knows it.
“That was fine.” she says drolly.
That’s just crap, right there. Plain and simple. She loved it. But…I can see why she isn’t saying so. She has an image to maintain. She wouldn’t want to tell her dragon kin that a human made her kick wildly like a dog. The shame would be astronomical. Or, maybe it would be fine. Dragon Lord Ember doesn’t look like she wants to take that chance, though.
“Glad to hear it.” I say, confused, but with a nod.
“T-That doesn’t mean I want any repeat business!” she stammers a little “I-I am only saying that you did well.”
“Well or fine?” There is a bit of difference between the two words.
“Quiet!” she waves off my question. I don’t press further. “I…um…I can see why ponies like this. Not saying that I did, but I can see why PONIES do.”
“Still, I’m glad to see that you’re…uh…satisfied?”
“Satisfied? I…” she thinks for a couple of seconds “…sure, let’s go with that.”
“Good.” Another awkward silence falls between us. I glance around the room, looking for something to talk about. I find nothing. I suppose… “You want me to go?” I ask.
“Huh?” Dragon Lord Ember ponders “Hmmm…yes. I don’t have any further use for you, so that makes sense.”
“Alright.” I get up and head for the stone door, when I realize…I’m in the Dragon Lands! There’s so much potential research that could be done here! “Hey, Dragon Lord Ember, can I come back to see you again at some point?”
“What?!” I can see a little bit of blush on those scaly cheeks. I have no idea why, unless she’s taking my question the wrong way. “I-I told you! No repeat business!” Yeah, she mistook my question.
“No, not that. I’m a zoologist. I study animals, and I was wondering if I could come back at some point to study you and the dragons. I’ll be sure to stay out of your way.”
“O-Oh.” she understands “Yeah, that would be fine. If you want to come back here, send a letter, and I’ll send a dragon over if I agree to it.”
“Great.”
“Oh, by the way. If you tell anyone what happened in this room, I will find you and kidnap you.”
“What? Kidnap me?”
“Yeah.”
“Not kill me or hurt me?”
“Nope, just kidnap you.”
“For ransom?”
“No. I don’t need gold.”
“I…” her threat doesn’t make any sense. Why would she kidnap me instead of just clawing at my face or something? That would be much more threatening. I’m not going to question this any more than I already have. “Fine. But, Princess Celestia DID send you a letter about the booping. Can I tell her that I booped you and you were fine with it, and nothing else?”
“ESPECIALLY nothing else.”
“Good to know. Umm…who do I look for to give me a ride home?”
“You can find Rocky by the rock he landed on when he dropped you off. He’s always there.”
“So, the same dragon who picked me up?”
“That dragon.”
“Okay. Well…see you later.”
“Yes, go on.”
I leave her chambers and go on my way back to the outside, where I see Rocky on his rock. I ask him for a ride back, and he rolled his eyes before snatching me up like he did when he took me to the Dragon Lands.
Getting home was not as scary and being picked up away from it. That’s because I didn’t feel like I was being taken against my will, so the ride was a bit more pleasant. I’m not the greatest fan of heights, but I get the feeling that if I made a stupid mistake and fell off, Rocky would catch me. Well…I THINK he would catch me. That eye roll he did could have been him being annoyed at this task, and if I fell, he wouldn’t care.
I would care. Falling to my death would suck.
Luckily, he sets me down at the entrance of Ponyville. Before I can say thanks, he flies back up into the sky. I guess that much be a comfortable rock, if Dragon Lord Ember says that he’s always there. Oh well, I should get home and write some notes down about my experience with the Dragon Lord. The booping session was odd, but at least it didn’t go any further than it did earlier today with Ms. Harshwhinny.
Hey…is that Spike by my house?
Hey…is Spike holding gasoline?
Hey…IS SPIKE TRYING TO BURN DOWN MY HOUSE?!
“Hey!” I run up to Spike and grab his gasoline canister “Give me that! Why are you trying to burn my house down?!”
“I saw you going into Carousel Boutique! You were booping Rarity, weren’t you?!”
“Booping Rarity? No! No, I was booping Ms. Harshwinny! Didn’t you see her walking out of Carousel Boutique? Did you even look in the windows?”
“Booping Ms. Harshwhinny in front of Rarity? Does Rarity like that sort of stuff?”
“Hold on. I was with them a couple of hours ago. How long did it take you to get this gasoline?”
“Gasoline is hard to find in Ponyville. The hardware store was sold out, so I had to go to Canterlot to get it.”
“Okay, that opens up a bunch of different questions, like how many ponies need gasoline for reasons…” I shake my head of any thoughts that ponies might be more devious than I thought. “Never mind that. Spike, do you even know what booping is?”
“Of course I do!”
“What is it?”
“It’s…you know…” Spike blushes at having to say it “It’s…sex.”
Boop. I boop him on the nose. He slaps my hand away.
“That’s booping.” I say.
“THAT’S Booping?” Spike’s eyes widen “What…why didn’t you tell me that?”
“Because the last time I tried, you wouldn't listen and threatened to burn my house down! Where are your matches? I’m taking those, too.”
“I’m a dragon. I breathe fire.”
“Oh. I can't just take you, then. Well…I’m keeping the gasoline.” I go to the front door. I’ve had enough of this conversation.
“Hey! That’s expensive!”
“BILL ME!” I shout, and slam the door. I may be a little harsh on him, but he did try to burn my house down.
I set the gasoline container down in the kitchen, and go to my living room couch. Ah, my wonderful soft couch. Much better than sitting on a pile of gold and diamonds. I can see why it would be comfortable for a scaly dragon, but for me, nothing beats a nice fluffy mattress.
I close my eyes and sigh in relaxation. Maybe I should rest here for a little while, and clear my head of all the craziness that has happened to me today. With Ms. Harshwhinny’s sudden make out attack, and Dragon Lord Ember dragging my hand all over her, I think a quick rest is well deserved for…
Umm…my pants feel like they’re being tampered with.
I open my eyes to see…Ms. Harshwhinny fiddling with my belt buckle. How did she get in the house? Did she even know that Spike was planning on burning it? I would have hated to see her become a casualty, or at least injured, if Spike made due on his plan.
Wait a second…
“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” I shout. I have no time to feel sympathy, she’s trying to get at me, again.
Ms. Harshwhinny looks up at me, seeing that I have caught her, and she jumps off the couch and towards the open window by the front door. Ah, that’s how she managed to sneak in. How did I not notice the open window until now? Oh right, the gasoline.
I watch Ms. Harshwhinny jump out the open window, and run off into the distance to parts unknown. I shut the window quickly.
I really need to invest in window locks.
Author's Note
Credit to shoutingisfun for the pic. I found it on derpibooru, and it was too good not to reference in the fic.
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Booping Ditzy Doo, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy & Applejack
I thought I had seen everything, in terms of ponies. But, none have surprised me more so far, than this girl named Ditzy Doo. She is a young mare, in her early 20s, and she has a steady career as a mailmare. I’m told by her fellow employees that, although she can be clumsy, she is one of the best delivery ponies they have ever come across. Now, on its own, that sounds like a fine accomplishment, but not a huge deal. Where my amazement comes in, is that she is doing it all while enduring a rare medical disease.
She was born with a crooked left eye. While she can see well out of both, with one looking off to the side, it can throw her off balance. Talking to her now, though, she is undeterred by such a condition. The fact that she has been able to accomplish so much, despite this unfortunate disability, has made me smile.
Also, she’s actually super cute. Not in that “attractive” way, but in that “I just want to pet her and hug her” kind of way.
“So, how long have you been working here, Ditzy Doo?” I ask. I sit with her in the stock room on the second floor of the mail station. Boxes waiting for delivery are stacked all over. Some boxes are from a shopping service called everfree.com, which sells a whole lot of things, like movies, books, and games.
Actually, it’s very similar to a site from my world called amazon.com, but I’m derailing this again.
“For a few years, now. After I moved out of my parents house, I wanted to find a nice paying job, so I came to this nice place. The bits are good, and I have a lot of friends here.”
“So, you’re happy?”
“Yes, of course I’m happy. I mean, there have been times where my…you know…” she points to her eye “…condition, has gotten me into trouble, but I’m still very happy.”
“Can you tell me about that? Unless that makes you uncomfortable. It’s fine if you don’t want to.”
“No, no, it’s fine.” she smiles “During the first year of my employ, my imbalanced vision made carrying boxes a bit difficult. One time, I dropped a whole shipment of goods on Twilight Sparkle.”
“PRINCESS Twilight Sparkle?!” I gasp.
“She wasn’t a Princess, back then. She didn’t have wings or nothing. Just a regular unicorn. Still, I got into trouble for that. I don’t like it when ponies are mad at me.” she pouts sadly. Oh, that’s adorable.
“Sorry to hear that.”
“No need to be sorry. It all worked out. I improved at work, and now everypony is my friend! I like friends! Even my boss, who can be a real grumpypants, he’s my friend, too!”
“That’s wonderful to hear.” I say with a smile, writing down notes in my notebook.
“Hey, Mister?” she wonders “I like talking to you, but why are you interviewing me?”
“Huh? Oh, right. I didn’t tell you.” I’m an idiot. I didn’t tell her the purpose of my visit. I just asked for an interview when I saw her, and didn’t inform her why. “I was visited by the Ponyville Newspaper yesterday, and they actually offered me a job. They wanted me to interview certain townsfolk for a piece called ‘Extraordinary Ponies,’ and your name was at the top of the list.”
“M-Me?” she blushes “I-I’m honored. To be honest, I thought you came by to boop me.”
“Boop?” Oh, right. Booping. I hadn’t been approached for any booping for the past few days. I pretty much thought the fad had died off. Well, not completely died off. I saw Ms. Harshwhinny hiding in my bushes yesterday afternoon. Thankfully, I have installed window locks, and shooing her away with a broom works out well, so I’m ready for her if she ever comes back.
That being said, I do kind of miss it, too. I haven’t seen Queen Chrysalis for a few days. I hope she’s okay.
“Yeah.” Ditzy Doo continues “I got a letter a few days ago from Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight. It says that you help out with pony stress by booping them on the nose. I thought you came by to get to know me, before you boop me.”
“I…that wasn’t my intention when coming here. But…would you want me to?”
“I think so.” Ditzy Doo scratches at the floor with her left hoof. God, that’s cute. “I’ve heard good things. A recommendation from the Princesses can’t be all bad, right?”
“Right.” I nod “Okay, that should be fine. Can I ask you something, though? How stressed are you when you go to work, or just in general?”
“Stressed?” Ditzy Doo thinks “Hmmm…no, I haven’t really been all that stressed for a while. Maybe some days, I feel a bit down, but I usually perk up after a nice tasty muffin.”
“I see…” Do I tell her that the higher the stress, the more powerful the reaction? Nah. She seems like a happy pony. Maybe she’ll find it pleasant, and nothing else. I put my notepad away. “Okay, I’ll boop you. But…can I say one thing, beforehand?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“I’m just throwing this out there. If you feel uncomfortable, I’m sorry, but I have to get this off my chest.” I can’t hold this in for much longer. “You’re the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“R-Really?” Ditzy Doo blushes, brushing her hair around her ear in embarrassment “I-I’m not uncomfortable by that. Surprised, but not uncomfortable. Thanks, but…I’m seeing somepony in shipping. I’m sorry.”
“Huh? Oh…” she thought I was flirting with her. I suppose that saying a compliment like that would make one think I was flirting. “N-No, that’s fine. Far be it from me to try and snatch you away from this guy.” I chuckle. Hmm…I’m not correcting her assumption.
“I’m flattered, really. But, it’s pretty serious. If I wasn’t…I’d give it a shot, but…”
“Don’t worry about it. Like I said, I had to get it out there, because…man, you’re cute. He’s a lucky guy.”
“Thank you.” she giggles. “So, about the booping?”
“Of course.” I scoot my chair up closer to her. “Okay, so, I’m going to boop you on the nose. I’ll be gentle about it. If you feel uncomfortable, or if it’s not doing anything for you, feel free to tell me so.”
“Okay.” Ditzy Doo nods with a smile. “I look forward to it.”
I put my right hand into a pointing position at Ditzy Doo’s muzzle. Her nose twitches ever so slightly. So adorable. I hope she likes it. I’ll be disappointed if she found it unsatisfactory.
Boop.
ACHOOO!!!!
Ditzy Doo lets out a powerful sneeze. How powerful are we talking? Well, it’s loud. It’s got some heft to it. Oh, right. I’m also flying out of the second story window. Huh, I never thought that I would somehow be launched out of another window so soon after the last one, but here we are. I hope there are some bushes below to cushion my fall.
WHAM!
Ow.
Nope, there are no bushes to cushion my fall.
I look up at the sky; I refuse to move from my position. My eyes move to the shattered window I came out of. Ditzy Doo pokes her head out, letting out an embarrassed gasp.
“Oh my goodness! I’m sorry, Mister!”
“It’s okay!” I give her the thumbs up. In truth, my back hurts, but I can’t be mad at her. She just told me that she doesn’t like it when ponies are angry at her, and who am I to go into a hissy fit for being unceremoniously launched out of a window, due to a sneeze? “I’ll pay for the window!” Man, am I being generous today.
“Are you sure?” Ditzy Doo asks.
“Yeah! I’ll send some ponies out later today to fix it. Don’t worry!”
“Okay! I have to get back to work. Sorry about that!”
“It’s all good!” It’s not. I still hurt. Maybe my back needs some restructuring. I see Ditzy Doo nod and move away from the broken window. Good. I’d hate to see that ball of cuteness get cut by broken glass. Then, I see a wooden square being placed on the window. Once I get up, I’ll find some ponies to fix…
“Hey there!” a pegasus with a rainbow mane suddenly looms over me with an enthusiastic attitude. “What are you doing on the ground?”
“Currently recovering from being sneezed out of the window to the Ponyville Post Office.”
“Ditzy Doo?”
“How did you know?”
“She has a sensitive nose. One time, she sniffed some flowers, and the WHOLE flower garden was gone in an instant. It’s a good thing she’s cute.”
“You’re telling me.” I agree.
“Oh, you like ponies like that, now?”
“No, but I can freely admit when I see something cute.”
“Mr. Human! Mr. Human!” Pinkie Pie suddenly looms over me with a look of worry. “I saw you fly out the window! Is Maud Pie back for more?”
“No.”
“Did Ditzy Doo sneeze you out the window?” Huh, that was a pretty right on second assumption.
“Yes.”
“But Maud Pie isn’t after you?”
“Uh-Huh.”
“Okay then!” Pinkie Pie bounces away, going “La-la-la-la-la!!!”
Does anyone here even know what my name is? I keep telling them, but I’ve only been referred to as "Mr. Human." Forget it, I’ll take what I can get. Mr. Human sounds kind of fun, though. I’d love to get up off the ground, but ugh…my back.
“Hey…” the rainbow maned pony looks at me with concern “Do you need any help?”
“Well…my back hurts. Would you mind helping me up, so I can go to the hospital?”
“I’ll do you one better. There's friend of mine that will fix that back lickety-split! Come on!” she unfurls her wings to slowly help me up. It hurts, but the support of her wings is much appreciated. “By the way, my name is Rainbow Dash. The friend I’m taking you to see is Fluttershy. Have you met her before?”
“No, but I’m looking forward to it.” I give Rainbow Dash a smile.
We head outside of Ponyville, all the way to a nice little house at the top of a hill. It’s a beautiful looking place, with trees and flowers at the front, and birds chirping on the roof. It looks like a serene place to live. This Fluttershy must be someone very attune with nature. Rainbow Dash knocks on the door. Seconds pass, and a cream coated mare with pink hair and a butterfly mark on her flank opens the door.
“Oh, hey Rainbow Dash.” she says with a smile and friendly, but hushed tone. She then looks up at me. “Oh, and you brought the human with you.” Her eyes suddenly go wide after a couple moments. “The human?! Eep!” She shuts the door.
Um…what did I do?
“Fluttershy! Open up!” Rainbow Dash knocks again “He’s not going to hurt you! He needs your help!”
“What could he want with me?” I hear Fluttershy say on the other side “I’m just a simple pegasus! There’s nothing I can offer him!”
“He needs help with his back! There’s no better massage therapist than you!”
Silence. All quiet on the western front yard.
Slowly, the door opens up, revealing Fluttershy, looking at me through her mane, which is covering up most of her face.
Jesus, am I just now noticing that ponies are really cute? Can’t be. The only one I’ve referred to as cute before Ditzy Doo and Fluttershy has been Queen Chrysalis. Sure, I’ve called behavior from Ms. Harshwhinny and Dragon Lord Ember a variation of the word, but in terms of physicality? Not until recently.
“You…want a massage from me?” she asks.
“Yeah. I fell pretty hard on my back, and Rainbow Dash took me to you. I don’t mean to be a bother, and sorry for scaring you. If you don’t want to…”
“Wait…” Fluttershy stops me from continuing. I see a blush on her cheeks. I must have flattered her somehow. “You’re much nicer than I thought. I should be the one apologizing.” she steps back. “Please, come inside.”
Rainbow Dash and I walk inside Fluttershy’s house. It looks even cozier on the inside than it did on the outside. A comfy looking couch, a small but charming looking TV set, bird houses…
Wait…bird houses? Oh, hey, a bird just came out of it. She must be a bird person…pony…
“You have a nice place.” I say.
“Thanks.”
“Do you like birds?”
“I like all animals. I help a lot of them. Birds, snakes, bears, manticores, bunnies…”
“I’m sorry…” I interrupt “Bears?”
“Yes. Bears are very friendly. Would you like to meet one? I have one in the backyard.”
“Umm…maybe later.” I say. Wow, she actually has a bear in the backyard? She must REALLY be attune with nature, if she’s somehow managed to tame a bear. My back kind of has more precedence, though. Maybe when I feel better.
“Okay. Follow me.” Fluttershy walks up a flight of stairs. Rainbow Dash and I follow her up. It leads straight into a large bedroom, with an inviting bed that looks so comfortable, that I feel like I’m going to fall asleep just by laying on it. “Lay down on your stomach. Oh…and…take off that shirt. I can’t massage you properly if you’re wearing that.”
“No problem.” I nod, taking off my shirt. I lay down on the bed. Man, I was right. This is a comfortable bed.
“Now, you might feel some pressure when it starts.” Fluttershy says. I feel her get onto the bed, and soon, her front hooves press down on my back. “I’m going to start slow. Let me know if you feel any discomfort.”
“Okay.” I nod. I feel her hooves rubbing against my back. Admittedly, I never had a massage before. Despite hooves feeling generally hard, Fluttershy’s touch is remarkably gentle. Still, there’s an obvious pressure against my back, especially as she starts moving downwards, to the areas which hurt the most.
POP. CRACK.
Oof. I can feel things moving back into place the more she massages me. It surprisingly doesn’t hurt very much. Actually, it feels quite nice. Maybe I should get massages more often.
“You have a lot of tension in your back.” Fluttershy says gently “When was the last time you received one of these?”
“Never.” I respond “This is my first time.”
“Oh my. I hope I’m leaving a good impression.”
“Trust me, Fluttershy, you’re doing wonderfully.” I close my eyes.
“Thank you. I might have to work a little more to get the tension out fully. Would that be okay?”
“That would be great.” I smile. “Keep doing what you’re doing.” The more Fluttershy massages my back, the more relaxed I become. I didn’t know I needed this until today, but right now, there’s no place I’d rather be. I sigh in relaxation and open my eyes.
Rainbow Dash is right in front of me, staring.
“Hey…you’re the booper, right?” Rainbow Dash asks bluntly. I’m too relaxed to be shocked at this.
“Yeah. I’m the one who boops.” I chuckle. “Did you get a letter, too?”
“I did. So um…since you’re here…” she scratches at the floor with her hooves “You mind…you know…booping me?”
“Sure.”
Boop.
Rainbow Dash is so close to me, booping her is very easy. I’m too calm for all that build up. I’m going straight for the main event. When I touch her muzzle, Rainbow Dash steps back. Her nose twitches ever so slightly from the feeling.
“Woah. That’s booping?”
“Sure is. You want some more?”
“Okay.” she smiles, walking back to me. I boop her some more. I’m slow and gentle, much like Fluttershy is with my back. Every time I boop Rainbow Dash on the nose, she smiles and giggles. “This is…awesome.”
“What are you two doing?” Fluttershy asks, stopping her massage.
“Fluttershy!” Rainbow Dash says excitedly “You got to check this out! Did you get a letter from Twilight and Princess Celestia about this guy?”
“No. Can’t say I have.”
“Well, get this. He boops ponies to help them relax! How awesome is that?”
“Oh…I don’t know. I don’t feel very stressed. But…you go ahead, I’ll keep massaging him.”
“No, no, no! This won’t stand!” Rainbow Dash shakes her head, looking back to me. “Hey, turn around and boop Fluttershy.”
“I don’t know. She didn’t sound like she wanted to do it.”
“Come on. Just one little boop. She’ll be fine. Fluttershy is always a timid one, but I think she’ll like this.”
“That’s okay.” I hear Fluttershy say “I don’t really need it.”
“Trust me, Fluttershy. You WILL like this.” Rainbow Dash glances back at me, gesturing me to turn around.
On any other day, I would have listened to Fluttershy and respected her wishes. But, I’m way too calm and relaxed at this point. That massage has made me susceptible to any request. I’m just happy that this is the only order that's asked of me. I can’t help but wonder if they said something else.
I turn around to face Fluttershy, who has positioned herself on my lap, with a look of wonderment in her eyes. My back feels much better, thanks to her, so I might as well make her comfortable, too.
“Don’t worry, Fluttershy.” I smile “I’ll be gentle.” Wow, did that sound wrong. Ah, who cares? Booping time.
Boop.
I press my finger against Fluttershy’s muzzle. She ‘eeps’ in surprise, but as I move my finger away, she exhales in relaxation. An instant reaction. That’s a first. I boop her again, and she sighs some more; closing her eyes with a smile.
“Oh, my…” she says. I boop her. “This is wonderful.” I boop her again. “Keep going.” I boop her more. “Don’t stop.”
“Hey! Hey! Save some for me!” I hear Rainbow Dash say.
Suddenly, Rainbow pushes me upwards, propping me against the headboard of the bed. I see both Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy approaching me with smiles on their faces. Booping two subjects at once. This should be interesting. I boop Rainbow Dash first. She giggles. I boop Fluttershy next. She exhales. Both different reactions, but the same result. Relaxation.
The two get closer to me. Very close. Soon, they are on both sides of my body, cuddling me as I continue to boop them. I’d make a few comments about this. God knows that there are a few on my mind. But that massage. Dear lord, that massage. I can’t say anything. I can’t think about anything else. Only booping. I will keep doing that until the sense comes back to my head.
I alternate between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Now both of them are giggling the more that I boop them. They cuddle my sides and feel my chest with their forelegs. The feeling is oh so comfortable. Their soft bodies feel nice against my skin. Is this what being on drugs is like? Maybe. I’m not even on any drugs, but I feel absolutely euphoric right now.
“What in tarnation?!” a unfamiliar southern voice calls out from the stairs.
We all look to the stairs to see a mare with a dark orange coat, blonde mane, a mark of apples on her flank, and wearing a stetson hat, staring at us with her mouth wide open.
“Applejack!” Rainbow Dash stammers in a panic. So, this is Applejack. “T-This…this is…”
“This is exactly what it looks like.” Fluttershy says, continuing to rub her hoof on my chest.
“That’s the thing…ah don’t know what this looks like.” Applejack looks at the scene, giving it the once over. “Wait a sec here…is this the boopin’ I’ve been hearin’ so much about?”
“That’s right!” Rainbow Dash becomes excited by Applejack’s correct guess “This is booping!”
“Ah see.” Applejack nods. She then removes her hat, and tosses it onto a nearby hat rack. Perfect aim. “Then, make some room fer me!” Applejack jumps onto the foot of the bed. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy move backwards to her. Now, I have three ponies staring at me; all with happy smiles on their faces. “Come on, human. Ya think ya can take us all on?”
“Is that a challenge?” I ask with a devious grin.
“Yer dang right it is! Show me what boopin’ is all about!”
“You’re on, Applejack!” I accept her challenge.
Boop.
I press Applejack’s muzzle. At first, she doesn’t seem to react, but when I press it again. “YEEE-HAW!!!” she yells in celebration. There we go.
Is this really how this day is going? I started off interviewing Ditzy Doo for the town paper. Now, I’m bopping three ponies at once. Quite honestly? I don’t really care! I’m far too in the zone to complain about this. What’s there to complain about? I’m having fun! I’m relaxing! I’m meeting new ponies, and I’m booping them! What’s not to like about this whole thing?
I’m going to have to assume that I’ll find plenty of reasons not to like this, once I get home and get a good night’s sleep to clear my head. Right now, though? I can’t be bothered to think of a single dislike about this whole situation.
One after the other, I boop these three mares on the nose. Each one causes them to giggle, sigh in relaxation, even squeal. Squeal? Oh my god, this must feel fantastic to them! I become faster with my boops. In my head, I’m imagining a beat every time my finger lands on their muzzles. I think about the notes to this one song I like called “Funky Town.” It’s going great with the booping.
“Won’t you take me to…funky town!” is playing in my head. I feel like singing it, but I’m too engrossed with my actions to do anything about it. The mares are on their backs wiggling around in tune with my booping, and looking oh so friggin' adorable.
Ponies…ponies are cute! They’re so damn cute!
Night has fallen. Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy are asleep in the big bed. My arms are tired. I booped them into submission. We didn’t take a break, and I’m exhausted. The only time we stopped, was when a crazed bunny jumped into the room and kicked me in the face. Fluttershy had none of it, and threw him out the window, into a nearby bush. I went way past the maximum of one hundred boops. I’m pretty sure each mare got three hundred boops from me.
I don’t think I’d want to do that again. I was happy with just a hundred boops with Queen Chrysalis. Maybe after a few days rest, I’d be okay with two hundred, but three hundred is just too much. Technically, I did over 900 boops. That’s just plain insanity.
I walk out of Fluttershy’s house, putting my shirt back on as I slowly walk along the road back to Ponyville. That high I was feeling from the massage is very much leaving me. My back is all better, but now my poor fragile psyche is flashing through everything that happened in that bed room.
The cuddling. The squealing. The caressing. The booping.
Holy lord…was I technically in a foursome? I mean, nothing in terms of mating…I-I mean…sexual…happened. But still…that’s just…weird. I don’t think I can deal with this. I need to go home. I need to go to bed. Maybe I should shower first. I had mares all over me, and I’m very, very sweaty.
Oh, damn it. Ms. Harshwhinny is in front of my house again. Can I have a break? Please?
“Ms. Harshwhinny. I have no time for this.”
“Mr. The Human…” lady didn’t even bother to know my name. Typical. “I implore you to let me inside.”
“No.” I say sternly “I had a really long day. I have an article to write when I wake up, and the last thing I need is you trying to jump me.”
“I never!” she scoffs “I wasn’t going to jump you!”
“Then, what are you doing here?”
“I want you to boop me! Is that so bad?”
“It is when the last time you did it, you stripped naked and straddled me!”
“Shhh!” Ms. Harshwhinny gets closer, attempting to silence me. “Not so loud, you ruffian!” She clears her throat, trying to maintain a sense of professionalism. “I must admit, I did have a rather…large reaction to your charms…but, I assure you, it won’t happen again.”
“You also tried to undo my pants, and you have been stalking me.”
“Well…um…that’s because…I…” Ms. Harshwhinny sighs angrily. “Okay, fine. You’re extremely attractive, and I would like to do stuff to you.”
“I’m not in the mood. Get back to me when…you know…I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.”
“Then, can you at least let me inside your house for the night?”
“Why?”
“I’m scared of the dark.”
“I’ll give you a flashlight.”
“I have no bits to afford a motel for the night.”
“I’ll give you some bits.”
“I’m cold, and there are Timberwolves after me.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I smacked one for scratching at me, and now they’re angry.”
As if on cue, I hear a large howl in the distance. Crap, she’s telling the truth. I can’t let her get attacked by Timberwolves, even if she’s been hounding me these last few days. Damn it. Why have I suddenly developed a weakness for ponies? This isn’t fair.
“Get inside, quickly.” I open the door. Ms. Harshwhinny runs inside. “Watch as much TV as you like. You’ll be sleeping on the couch. There’s food in the fridge. I’m going to take a shower, and go to bed.”
“Can I come with? I could use a shower, too.”
“No!”
“Please?”
“NO!”
“I’m good with a loofah.”
“You can take a shower after I’m done!”
“But, I want to take a shower with you.”
“NO!”
I’m regretting this decision, already.
Booping The Great & Powerful Trixie and....
That was a good night’s sleep. After yesterday’s craziness with Ditzy Doo and the others, all I could think about was sleep. That massage Fluttershy gave me really did the trick on my back, as I feel more comfortable than I have ever been. My bed feels softer than ever, and the furry pillow I’m holding feels extremely good against my body.
Wait a second…furry pillow? I don’t have a furry pillow.
I open my eyes. I look down. Ms. Harshwhinny is in my bed, snuggled up against my chest. How did she get into my room? I locked it last night to specifically prevent something like this from happening! She’s not wearing her fancy business jacket; I can see it placed on a chair nearby. I mean, it’s understandable that she wouldn’t wear that to bed, but now my head is filled with indecent thoughts. What if something happened, and I was too out of it to do anything about it?
My racing mind is making me shift around. Ms. Harshwhinny awakens and slowly opens her eyes. She stares at my chest, and rubs her face against it for a few seconds, before looking up at me with a smile.
“Hello, you.” she says in an attempt to sound seductive. I’m too petrified to judge her skills.
“What did we do, last night?” I’m going for the nitty gritty. I want to know.
“Nothing devious, I assure you.” Ms. Harshwhinny lets go of me; removing herself from the bed and going to her jacket. “I was cold, and wanted warmth. Your couch wasn’t a good source of heat, but you were. I climbed into bed with you, and had my snuggle. If it’s any consolation, you made a great cuddling partner.”
“How did you get into my room? I locked it!”
“You must have done a terrible job, because your door wasn’t locked.” she says, going to the door locks. “Horizontal is unlock, vertical is locked. Your lock was at a horizontal angle. Therefore, I was able to get in.”
“Oh.” Equestrian locks are different than the ones I’m used to. “That’s on me, then.”
“Quite. Do not worry, Mr. The Human, I did not take advantage of you during the night. A mare such as myself has her standards.”
“Says the one who…”
“Who got naked and straddled you, yes, I know.” she rolls her eyes “You only said that to me eight hours ago. Now, how about we have some breakfast, and we discuss the possibility of becoming a couple? I’ll pay.”
“You’ll…pay? You said you didn’t have any bits, last night!”
“Umm…well…” her eyes dart around the room, searching for a good lie. The fact that I’m able to read her expression proves that I won’t believe what she’s going to say to me. “I found some in my pocket. It’s enough for a pancake breakfast.”
“I’m not having breakfast with you!” I yell “Go be professional somewhere else!”
“Humph!” Ms. Harshwhinny sticks her nose up in annoyance “You don’t have to be so rude about it, Mr. The Human!”
“I have a name!” I jump out of bed and run towards her. Ms. Harshwhinny yelps and runs away. I chase her around the house. I want to get her out of here as fast as possible. I still have to write my article for the paper, and I'm quickly running out of time. Thankfully, Ms. Harshwhinny opens the front door and bolts for it. “Don’t come back!”
“I will mate with you! It will happen!” Ms. Harshwhinny screams as she gets farther and farther away.
Ponies who are out and about heard her yells, and all heads turn towards me.
“I-I…she’s crazy!” I slam my door, not interested to see their reactions. I have work to do.
Once I’m out of my pajamas and into my regular clothes, I take out my notebook, and get going on writing that article. This is the easy part; writing down my interview with Ditzy Doo at the Ponyville Post Office, including all the essential information with the occasional embellishments that writers always place in their work. The hard part is proofreading the damn thing. Every time I think I get all of the errors, there’s always one that slips by me. I have to be thorough this time; I doubt the Ponyville Press will be forgiving if I suddenly misspell “Mail” with “Male.”
I did it. It’s finished. And it’s perfect. I should deliver this as soon as possible. It’s still early, so there's more than enough time for me to deliver the article, and do any errands that come to mind for today.
Hold on. A thought has occurred. Crap, I completely spaced out. I forgot to get some repair ponies to fix the broken window! I told Ditzy Doo that I would get the window fixed the same day, and that obviously didn't happen. I’ll do that after I deliver this article. I hope Ditzy Doo isn't angry with me.
I book it across Ponyville, all the way to the publisher for the paper. A nice receptionist mare takes my article, briefly skimming it over before smiling at me, and wishing me a good day. Great, now onto fixing that window.
I find the nearest place to hire some repair ponies, and guide them over to the post office, where the hole in the window is still there. The guys got a laugh when I told them the story. Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. They get to work immediately after I pay them the necessary bits. Ditzy Doo arrives, and thanks me for the interview, while simultaneously apologizing for the mishap yesterday. Again, I tell her it’s fine, and shake hands…hooves…hands and hooves with her.
Well, that pretty much covers the more important tasks I have to do, today. Maybe I should go home and write a letter to Dragon Lord Ember. I would love to go back to the Dragon Lands, and do some studying of her species over there.
Suddenly, a bunch of ponies rush past me in excitement. Where the heck are they going? I hear music. Celebratory music. Has someone important arrived in town? I check it out, following the crowd of ponies, all the way to an even bigger crowd. They are standing in front of a nicely put together stage, with a velvet curtain, and a big flashing sign that says…
“The Great and Powerful Trixie.” I read out loud. Why does that name sound familiar? Wait a second, isn’t that the name of one of the ponies that Princess Twilight wanted to send that letter to? Is The Great and Powerful Trixie some kind of performer? Dumb question. With a name like that, she must be some kind of high class act.
“Filles and gentlecolts!” a loud voice booms “Welcome to the greatest show in all of Equestria! Now, I present to you the one! The only! The Great and Powerful Trixie!”
In an explosion of fireworks and confetti, a blue unicorn wearing a cape and wizard’s hat comes bursting from the velvet curtain. I see her silver hair and velvet eyes from where I stand, but I cannot see her flank mark. That cape is covering up the good stuff. Wait…that sounds weird. The cape is covering up…the mark. There we go. What is up with my word usage lately?
“Welcome all, to my wondrous show!” The Great and Powerful Trixie bellows. Hey, that’s the same voice as the announcer. Don’t we have an ego? “I, The Great and Powerful Trixie, have returned to Ponyville to blow your collective minds! Observe!” Trixie takes off her hat, showing the inside to the audience. Nothing there. “Inside is nothing. But, with a shake and toss…” she shakes and tosses it on the stage floor “…it becomes a Cockatrice!”
In a giant plume of smoke, a half snake, half chicken creature suddenly emerges, screeching a horrible sound from its beak. Its eyes are blind folded by some kind of golden glow. Odd. The crowd screams in terror at the sight.
“Do not worry! For I have blinded the cockatrice temporarily with a spell! Begone, foul beast!” The Great and Powerful Trixie swirls her cape at the creature, and in an instant, it forms back into her wizard hat. “Ha-ha!” she laughs in triumph “Trixie has vanquished the foe!” The crowd cheers at her heroics. “Now, for my next act of greatness, I shall…” The Great and Powerful Trixie’s eyes see me, and she stops her speech to stare right at me. Her eyes widen; unfamiliar with someone such as me. “You there! Step onto Trixie’s stage!”
“Me?” I point at myself.
“Yes! You! Get up here, so that Trixie can take a good look at you!” Her voice is demanding, and slightly intimidating.
I get up onto the stage. I couldn’t find the stairs, but climbing on isn’t that big of a deal. My legs are long enough to make the climb an easy task. Yikes. Not too easy. I nearly slipped. The crowd chuckles at my near slip, but whatever, I got up on the stage, and that’s what counts, so be quiet, crowd.
“What is your name?”
“My name is…”
“Trixie does not care what your name is!”
“But, you just asked…”
“Trixie has changed her mind!” Trixie is dismissive, and likes to talk about herself in the third person. “What kind of creature are you? A changeling? A troll?”
“I’m a human.”
“A human? Trixie has never heard of such a creature. In my eyes, you are a troll!” Trixie’s eyes scan me up and down. “Not the worst looking troll I’ve come across, I’ll give you that.”
“Ummm…thanks?” What’s with the kind-of-sort-of-maybe compliments? I feel like I’m starting to get hit on by ponies, and it’s weirding me out.
“Trixie got a letter from one Twilight Sparkle. Said that a…HUMAN…knew the ways of relaxation. How about you prove to this wonderful viewing audience that you have what it takes to satisfy and relax The Great and Powerful Trixie?”
“Oh…you…want me to boop you? Right here? Right now?”
“Yes…booping…I recall the letter describing the act as such.”
I hear the crowd mutter the term. “Booping?” goes one voice. “What’s that?” another says. “I don’t think the foals should be watching this.” goes another. Okay, booping isn’t THAT bad. Jeez. Lighten up.
“Trixie orders you to boop me on this stage!” Trixie slams her hoof down.
“You don’t need to be so demanding, you know.” I huff. I’m going to do this, regardless, but some politeness would be nice.
“Well, is it happening or not?” Trixie is very impatient.
“Fine. Here.”
Boop.
Trixie’s legs suddenly become wobbly, and she steps back from me. Her eyes blink out of sequence, with her left eye blinking well before her right. She seems dazed, maybe confused. Trixie shakes her head around, seemingly to try and get herself focused.
“Oh, my. Are you okay?” I say with concern “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No, I’m fine. I was just…caught off guard by the boop.” She’s explaining this in the first person. That’s an interesting switch. “It wasn’t painful, but it was…interesting.”
“I won’t do it again.”
“No!” Trixie asserts dominance “I want to see how far it can go.”
“But, if your legs are wobbly now, then…”
“I do not care! Trixie can take it! Trixie will not bow down to…”
Boop.
Slump.
Umm…
Trixie has just collapsed. Well, that was unexpected. One second, she’s being all pouty with me, the next, she’s on the stage in an unconscious heap. This was after two measly boops? Is she okay? The crowd murmers as I get closer to her.
“What happened?” I hear a voice. “He knocked her out cold.” another goes off. That one sounded bad. Made it seem like I punched her out. That’s dumb. Everyone saw it. It didn’t punch her. I would never punch a pony. If they hit me first, yeah, sure, but never out of annoyance.
Why am I going on about this? I have to check on Trixie.
She’s breathing. She’s…oh…she’s snoring. She’s fallen asleep. This wasn’t exactly the reaction I was expecting. I figured it was going to do something, but not this. Just looking at Trixie, I can tell she goes through the day to day grind of being annoyed by various ponies. However, falling asleep after two boops? That’s definitely new.
“Alright. I…erm…show’s over everyone.” I announce. The crowd groans in disappointment. “The Great and Powerful Trixie needs a great and powerful nap. She’ll be back soon, I promise.” Don’t know if it’s a promise that will be kept. I have no idea how long she plans on being in Ponyville, before heading off to host another magic show.
No time to ponder. I pick her up off the stage. Wow, I’ve never picked up a pony before. She’s not as heavy as I was expecting. I mean, she’s still got some weight, but I’m not falling over in my attempts to get her off the stage.
I find a large stagecoach in the back of the stage, with a door that has a picture of her face, looking extremely smug. I should have expected nothing less. I open up the door, and I see a small room inside. A bed, a dresser, a mirror, make up. It looks nice and comfortable, actually. I set Trixie down on the bed. I hear her mumble in her sleep.
“Yay…great and powerful…” she says in a hushed tone while lightly wiggling her forelegs. That’s kind of cute.
I back up to exit the stage coach. Oh, a “Do Not Disturb” sign, also with her smug face on it. This will come in handy. I place it on the front of the door, and close it shut. There, now no one should disturb Trixie. It’s strange that only a couple boops would make her fall asleep like that. Guess she must have found it really soothing. Either that, or she’s a robot, and I found the off switch.
Whatever the case, I better write this down in my notebook. Drat, I left it at home. Better go get it.
Truth be told, that was a pretty disappointing. I was hoping that Trixie would have a more out there reaction, rather than keeling over in a sleeping pile of fluff. Maybe a crazy dance, or a more incredible magic show. I would have accepted a musical number. I wonder if there is music in Equestria that mimics the songs of my world? A pony Elvis, heck, even a pony Lady Gaga would impress me.
I get closer to my house. Abruptly, a couple of ponies run past me in fright.
“She’s here! Hide!” one of them says in panicked but hushed whispers.
Who’s here? I look to my house. Maybe it’s Ms. Harshwhinny again, back for more.
Oh.
It’s not Ms. Harshwhinny.
It’s Queen Chrysalis!
She sits by my front door, tapping her hoof on the grass beneath. I spot a look of concern on her face. Is she alright? Maybe something is bothering her. That’s probably why she’s here.
I wave to her. She sees me. Her mouth forms into an ecstatic smile as I get closer. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her. After all the craziness that has happened to me in her absence, seeing her again is like a warm and inviting light. Once I am in front of her, I wrap my arms around her in a tight embrace. I hear her gasp, but also chuckle.
“Whoa! What’s going on?” Queen Chrysalis asks, wrapping a foreleg around me “Did somepony die?”
“No. I’m just happy to see you.” I laugh. “I missed you so much.”
“You make it sound like I was gone for years.”
“It might as well have been, what with the week I’ve been having!” I separate from her, keeping a hand on her shoulder. “I had no way of contacting you! I’ve been worried sick!”
“Worried sick?” Queen Chrysalis puts a hoof on my forehead. “Hmmm…you’re a bit warm, but nothing too concerning. Are you sure you’re sick?”
“You know what I mean.” I chuckle, playfully moving Queen Chrysalis’ hoof off my forehead. “Come inside. You’re going to tell me all about where you’ve been!”
The two of us go inside, and I triple lock my door and my windows. No unwelcome visits from Ms. Harshwhinny tonight. I turn to Queen Chrysalis, who looks at me in bewilderment, no doubt wondering why I turned my cozy home into some kind of anti-pony fortress of solitude.
“I booped Ms. Harshwhinny, and she got kind of…needy.” I explain before she could question it.
“Ah.” Queen Chrysalis nods in seeming understanding. “Well then, I apologize for not contacting you sooner. I was doing as you asked.” I open my mouth to question what, but she interrupts with “I decided to train the army I have now, rather than make more. It was a bit rough for the past couple days, but things have improved.”
“Oh.” I remember our conversation from a week ago. “That’s great! I’m happy for you!”
“I'm glad to hear it. Like I said, though, the first couple days were a bit annoying. It has been a while since I ruled over my army as if they were children, and not soldiers. I had no idea how rambunctious they were, until now. Naturally, I have accumulated a lot of stress from it, so I desire your wonderful booping skills.”
“Of course.” I smile “I would love to boop you.”
“Careful…” Queen Chrysalis smirks deviously “Remember what happened with double entendres?”
“Very funny.” I laugh “I’m just saying. After all that has happened, it’ll be nice to boop someone normal, for a change.”
“Come on, they couldn’t have been that crazy.”
“Other than Nurse Redheart, everyone else has caused a mishap in one way or another. The only other exception is Trixie. She just got knocked out.”
“Wow!” Queen Chrysalis laughs heartedly “You must have the magic touch.”
“I don’t see how. It’s just booping.”
“Obviously, it’s more than that for some of these ponies.”
“What about you?”
“It’s a fun little stress reducer. Nothing more.” she replies casually and with a smile on her face. “What, did you expect a song and dance?” Queen Chrysalis teases me, playfully dancing around the room, but is amusingly careful not to knock anything over. “Oh, your booping is so good! I want you! Forever!”
I laugh alongside her. The image of Queen Chrysalis going full Ms. Harshwhinny would be a sight to see. A scary sight, for sure. Queen Chrysalis is taller than Ms. Harshwinny, so I’m going to assume that being straddled by her would be a frightening ordeal.
“Alright, alright. You want to get booped, or what?” I ask, my laughter subsiding.
“Hmmm... 'or what' does sound tempting. We could do a lot of things that 'or what' could signify...” Queen Chrysalis thinks with a devious smile, but then sits down on the floor “…but I’ll take the booping, for the time being.”
I approach her and extend my arm out.
Boop.
Queen Chrysalis giggles.
Boop.
Queen Chrysalis sticks her tongue out at me.
The same song. The same dance. I missed this. So much simpler than the others. The familiar sight makes me smile with nostalgia, even though it’s only been few days since I last saw her. I’m glad that she was simply off training her army. She really doesn’t know how worried I was for her. I thought she got hurt. Maybe worse than that. I don’t know what I would have done if I found out something happened to her.
Queen Chrysalis was the first friend I made in Equestria. By rights, that makes her my best friend. I see her practically all the time. I love her company. She’s been nice to me, has made me laugh, and has a certain charm about her that I’m surprised other ponies haven’t seen, yet. To find out that harm came to her would have set me off.
But, she isn’t hurt. She’s well. My finger is pressing against her muzzle, and she is smiling or sticking her tongue out at me. It’s a relaxing vision. Her emerald eyes looking at me half closed, and the light reflecting off of them like they are jewels. Her friendly smile, showing off the fangs that protrude from under her lips. Truth be told, I’m surprised there isn’t a King Chrysalis waiting at home. Why would she waste time on a human like me, and not going out there in search of a…coltfriend? Is that what they call it in Equestria?
I guess it’s the booping that’s making her stay, but we’ve been doing the same thing for the past few months. I’m amazed she continues to not be bored by this.
I wonder…I wonder if she’s willing to try something different?
I remember Dragon Lord Ember’s reaction. How I slid my finger across the bridge of her nose. How she enjoyed me scratching the back of her horn. I wonder if Queen Chrysalis would like that? It wouldn’t be her horn I’d be scratching, but the back of her ear.
Only one way to find out.
When my finger hits her nose, I slide it up the bridge, past her jagged horn, and open up my palm from behind her ear. Queen Chrysalis exhales in surprise, but she doesn’t look displeased. I start to pet her, brushing my hand on her mane, and then scratching behind her ear, like if I was petting a dog. A big bug dog, who is actually a changeling, and can talk.
Queen Chrysalis’ eyes close, and her mouth opens up, breathing heavily at my touch. She’s enjoying this. Her head moves around, rubbing it against my arm, as I continue to pet and scratch her. This is a better reaction than what I was expecting.
“Yes…” she whispers “That’s it…” she then bites her lip.
Wow, she’s REALLY enjoying this. I should stop before anything weird happens.
Wait…how come I’m not stopping?
Do I…want to see what happens? I don’t know, but my hand is continuing. Queen Chrysalis moves closer to me, closing the distance between us quickly. She leans down and rests her head on my shoulder, and nuzzles her cheek against mine. The warmth of her breath and body; I haven't felt such warmth in ages. She's so close, I can hear her heartbeat. It's fast; racing so hard, that it might as well be threatening to pop out of her.
My heart is doing the same exact thing.
“I want this…this is perfect…” she whispers further into my ear.
I stop petting her. I can't do it, anymore. I’m frozen. This reaction. Her behavior. My response. This feels weird. Maybe wrong. Maybe not. I don’t know.
Queen Chrysalis lets out another sigh, with a hint of a purr exiting her mouth, and she moves away from me, going back into her normal seated position. I can feel the heat emanating from her leaving, going back to her regularly scheduled temperature.
Her eyes open up, and she is no doubt seeing my stunned reaction.
“What happened?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.
“I…I started petting you, and…you nuzzled me.” I answer.
“You were petting me?” she thinks “I nuzzled you? Hmm…interesting. I don’t recall.”
“It just happened.”
“I do remember you sliding your finger across my bridge. That was relaxing. Have you done that before?”
“I…um…y-yeah. Dragon Lord Ember. She liked that.”
“I see…” she smiles. “Well, I suppose I should thank Dragon Lord Ember for introducing you to such a calming technique.” Her eyes glance behind me, probably looking at the clock. “Ah, I’m sorry for cutting our meeting short, but I must be off.”
“Oh, you don’t want to stay for dinner and a movie?” I ask, even though I’m still in a bit of a daze.
“It’s tempting, but I promised my army that I would return. Maybe next time.”
“That’s fine.” I watch Queen Chrysalis walk over to the door. “Good night.”
“Good night, honey.” Did she just call me 'honey?' She notices that I still look stunned. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Totally fine.”
Queen Chrysalis stares for a few moments. Then, after that small bout of silence, she shrugs, and gives me a small wave before exiting the house.
What the heck just happened? I mean, this should really be par for the course for me, if this past week has been any indication, but this is Queen Chrysalis here! Why would she behave like that? I have never seen her behave like that. All that nuzzling and relaxed noises. The heavy breathing. The soft whispers in my ear. The heat from her body.
Whoa. Is it getting hot in here, again?
Maybe a cold shower will help.
Author's Note
Another week has passed by. Surprisingly, it's the most quiet it had ever been. I spent the week helping the Ponyville Press with some articles; running around and doing interviews and the like. It's fun work, though it doesn't give me much time to work on my research, but it's not the biggest of deals. I sent a letter out to Dragon Lord Ember, asking if I could come by at some point to do some studying on her species and culture, and she replied back that she would be open to meet in a week, and that she will mail me back when she is ready.
However, during these last seven days, there has been a curious absence in my life...Queen Chrysalis. After that day, where I tried a new technique and she showed an…interesting appreciation for it, she hadn’t come back since then. Four days without her was hard enough, but now a whole seven? I hope she’s okay. I really do. Maybe I should ask Princess Celestia if she knows her whereabouts, or Princess Luna if she can find her in her dreams. I just want to know if she’s safe and unharmed.
I’d do all that at this very moment, if I wasn’t so caught up with my latest venture…looking for the house of one A.K. Yearling.
I received a letter from the famed author yesterday, giving me details on where to find her. Honestly, these directions look more like a treasure map, than anything I’m familiar with. What I wouldn’t give for Google Maps. Anyways, the letter itself asked for my assistance. I’m going to assume it’s booping. It’s always booping. If it’s anything else, I’m going to be genuinely surprised.
I’ve read A.K. Yearling’s work during my time in Ponyville. All she has written are those Daring Do books. Daring Do and The Griffin’s Goblet. Daring Do and The Quest For The Sapphire Stone, which is often referred to as Sapphire Statue in certain places of Equestria. I also read one of her later books, Daring Do and The Ring of Destiny. I’m pretty sure I saw Rainbow Dash on the front cover, though it could be a coincidence.
Maybe I’ll inquire her about it when I get back.
A.K. is a good author. She had a good sense of action and poise. It makes me feel like I’m living those death defying adventures with her, rather than feeling like I’m reading a story. I’m constantly reminded of Indiana Jones, a pulp hero from my world, as there are some striking similarities, namely that they get into absolutely ridiculous situations.
Like, in Daring Do and The Journey To Dragon Mountain, she survived a full blast of dragon fire by holding her hat in front of her. Suddenly, surviving a nuclear blast in a refrigerator doesn’t sound so silly. Lucky for me, I like silly.
I finally make it to A.K. Yearling’s cottage. Man, that was a bit of a hike. I mean, I like a good hike as much as the next able-bodied person or pony, but still, that was something. This cottage looks rather homely. It’s a nice little place, with a chimney, a sturdy looking roof, holes in the windows.
Wait…holes in the windows?
I hear shuffling inside. Oh my god, is A.K. Yearling being robbed?! I have to help!
I go to the door and open it quickly. Inside, I see a pony with its back turned to me, shuffling through piles of books and desk drawers. It’s wearing a cloak and a hat, obstructing the identity. I must make my presence known. Maybe my mysterious appearance will scare it off. Or, it could lead to a violent altercation. No turning back, I’m in it now.
“Hey!” I say.
The pony turns around in an action stance. It’s a mare. A light gold coat, rose colored eyes, black mane. She doesn’t look too happy. Hold on, she’s calming. Maybe…
“Oh, it’s you!” she says, surprised. This must be…
“A.K. Yearling?” I ask. I have to make sure.
“Yes. I’m sorry, I forgot you were coming today.” she goes back to shuffling. “As you can see, I’m in a bit of a tight spot.”
“I saw your windows were broken. Are you okay? Are you injured?”
“I’m okay, thanks for asking. This happened before I returned.” A.K. Yearling moves over a plank of wood on the floor, revealing a spot where something should be, but isn’t. I can tell, because the dust surrounds a circular blank spot. “Shoot! He took it!”
“Who took it?” I’m not good at the pronoun game.
“That Dr. Caballeron! He must be working with Ahuizotl again to steal the Red Ruby of Saddle Arabia!”
Wait…what?” I ask with an eyebrow cocked up. “Those are characters in your books. Has there been some kind of spell that brought them to life and…” A.K Yearling removes her cloak to reveal that underneath is an all too familiar adventurer’s uniform, a safari hat, and a mark that represents a compass. “Y…you’re…” I can’t get the words out. My mind has been blown.
“Oh…” she timidly smiles “Yeah…I’m Daring Do.”
“I…I…” I approach slowly, before… “I have so many questions! So, all those stories were true?! That is incredible! You actually scaled the mountains of Dragon’s Peak? A creature like Ahuizotl is real?! What about…” I can’t geek out any further, as Daring Do puts her hoof on my stomach, stopping me.
“As much as I enjoy talking to fans, I have to get going. It’s an urgent matter.” Daring Do makes a quick exit from her cottage.
I’m not letting her get away! I’m too much in awe to let a chance like this pass me by! I run alongside her. She looks and sees that I’m catching up with her. Her eyes look me up and down, probably impressed that I’m next to her.
“What are you doing?” she asks. “This could get dangerous!”
“Daring Do, after everything that has happened to me these past couple of weeks, I feel that I can handle whatever Equestria throws at me!” It’s true. I’ve gone through a window twice, been tackled, and was nearly smothered by a Princess. My words are making Daring Do’s eyes roll, but I can see the hint of a smirk on her face.
“Fine.” she nods “But stay close to me, and do as I say.”
“Yes ma’am. So, where are we going?”
“If I’m correct, Dr. Caballeron and Ahuizotl have taken the key to the Fortress of Talacon. Inside is the Red Ruby of Saddle Arabia.”
“Wait, I thought the fortress was destroyed in Daring Do and The Ring of Destiny!”
“A part of it was. The rest of it holds a series of death traps that lead to the Ruby. We’re taking a short cut. Hopefully, they didn’t find the shorter path, and we’ll be able to stop them there.”
“And if they did?”
“We’ll ambush them when they leave the fortress.”
Within an hour, Daring and I make it to the fortress. She was right; a good portion of it was destroyed, but there’s another entrance that holds a completely different treasure than the one in the book. I haven’t heard of this Red Ruby of Saddle Arabia, but I also haven’t read through every Daring Do story, either. Maybe it’s in a later volume. Daring Do sits down, waiting patiently for Dr. Caballeron and Ahuizotl to arrive. This is really exciting. Me, on an actual adventure with Daring Do. I shouldn’t geek out too much; this is supposed to be serious.
“So, how long do you expect it will take for them to show up?” I ask.
“It depends on if they find any hazards along the way. The normal path has quite a bit of quicksand, spike pits, and angry natives.”
“Ah. Well, here’s hoping they don’t make it, then.”
“Unlikely. Those two have survived many things. I doubt that they’ll be stopped. Slowed down? Yes. Stopped? No.”
She has a point. In all the stories where they make an appearance, they always managed to find a way out of a dangerous situation, no matter how outlandish it may have looked. The books never explained HOW they managed to survive, but since these books are from her perspective, I think that she didn’t ask that question herself, because she wasn’t interested in finding out.
“Hold on a second…” Daring Do smacks her forehead with a hoof “You came here for the booping, right?”
“Yeah. If you want to reschedule…”
“Actually, since we’re here, maybe you can give me a small session. You don’t have to go all out, but enough until they show up.”
“Ummm….” I think. Those guys could show up at any moment, but… “…yeah, okay.” Heck with it. Might as well. Daring Do gets herself in a more comfortable position facing me, while I point my finger out for the eventual boop. “Wait, before I do this, I have to ask…how stressed are you?”
“I’m a little stressed, due to this Ruby thing. Why? Does something happen if you boop me while I’m stressed?”
“There’s a chance you might have a bit of a big reaction.”
“Like what? Breaking out into hives?”
“No, not like that.” I chuckle at the thought “Just like…you get really tired.”
“I think I can handle getting poked on the nose. You ARE talking to the mare who defeated a manticore with a single hoof.” Daring Do then sticks her muzzle towards me further, closing her eyes. “Now, hurry up, will you?”
“Can’t argue with that logic.” I whisper to myself with a shrug.
Boop.
My finger presses against her muzzle. I can’t see her reaction; her eyes are closed, but she is smiling, so it must be okay. I boop her again. That smile is still there. I’m soft with my boops, and I change things up with every other boop; ever so slightly sliding my finger halfway up the bridge of her muzzle, before sliding it back to me.
“How are you feeling?” I query.
“Very well.” Daring Do nods. “I like that thing you do with your finger. Sliding it a bit up my muzzle. I can see why others like it.”
“Actually, that’s kind of the first time I did that part.” I admit. 'Kind of' is the right choice of words. The first time was an accident with Dragon Lord Ember, while with Queen Chrysalis, I did it purposefully, before it became a petting session.
“Wow.” Daring Do exhales “That’s impressive. You should do that with others, next time.”
“I’ll keep it in mind.” I smile. “Hey, Daring Do? Can I ask you a couple of questions? It’s regarding your books.” I might as well ask while I'm here... booping her.
“Go ahead.” she nods, her eyes still closed, and her mouth still smiling.
“In Daring Do and The Journey to Dragon Mountain, how did you manage to survive a giant blast of dragon fire using only your hat?”
“My hat is enchanted. It's been like that after Daring Do and The Summit of Mt. Golem. When I got injured during a battle with Ahuizotl, the monks there enchanted my hat to protect me from anything.”
“Wow.” I’m in awe. “I must have missed that one. I’ll be sure to pick it up.”
“It was my favorite book to write. I mean, getting hurt pretty bad in that one wasn’t very fun, but it made for a great story.”
“Oh…” I remember, “Going back to Daring Do and The Ring of Destiny, your sidekick for that one looked an awful lot like…”
“Rainbow Dash?”
“Yeah! Since you’re real and all, does that mean she went on an adventure with you?”
“She did. Actually, she and her friends joined up with me, too. I took a little bit of creative license and only had Rainbow Dash in the story. Her friends didn’t mind, though, especially that mare with the purple mane.”
“Rarity?”
“Yeah, her. She didn’t want to be reminded that she was in the…” Daring Do puts on her best Rarity voice when she says “…dark and dirty jungles with bugs and other foul creatures.” She’s pretty spot on. I chuckle at her accuracy.
I’m trying to get a bead on what Daring Do’s reaction is. I could say that she’s more open about herself, but I think she would have answered these questions regardless. There is the possibility that if I wasn’t booping her, and started asking these questions, that she would tell me to stay focused. I’ll never know. Still, that smile of hers isn’t going anywhere any time soon, unless something interrupts us, but it doesn’t seem like Dr Caballeron or Ahuzotl are close to…
Um…the fortress is opening up. Daring Do, back in action, lightly pushes my hand away and turns back to the fortress.
“They got here already?” she says in surprise “There was no sign of them at the entrance!”
“Maybe they found a way in.”
“That’s impossible! This is the only entrance to the fortress! Could they have found some kind of enchantment that hides their tracks?”
The door fully opens up. A few moments pass, and a figure comes out, with the red ruby around its neck. It’s not Dr. Caballeron. It’s not Ahuiztol. It’s a figure very familiar to me. A black exoskeleton. Frail looking insect wings. A contorted horn. Emerald eyes. Fangs.
It’s Queen Chrysalis! What’s she doing here? What’s she doing with the Ruby?
“Queen Chrysalis?” I say to myself, but Daring Do hears me.
“You know the Queen of the Changelings?” she says, caught off guard.
“Yeah. We’re friends. What on Earth is she doing here?” Hold up, I’m not on Earth. “I mean…what in Equestia is she doing here?” Much better.
“You’re friends with her? Wow…you get around.”
“Not too much. She was the first mare I met. We sort of hit it off…after I booped her, of course. It was because of her that this whole thing started.” I watch Queen Chrysalis play with the Ruby. That smile on her face feels childlike and playful. “It’s a shame that we have to take that Ruby away. She seems to really like it.”
“She does, but it belongs in the fortress. Or else…”
Daring Do’s words get interrupted by the appearance of Dr. Caballeron and Ahuizotl. Their appearance is exactly like the books described them, with Dr. Caballeron having a weirdly named gambogeish gray coat, a five o’clock shadow, and a general air of sleaziness to him. Ahuizotl is tall, looks like a messed up dog, blue, and has a tail with a hand at the end of it. Creepy.
The two emerge from the jungle in front of Queen Chrysalis, stopping her from enjoying the Ruby any further. They look like they’ve been through a lot. I guess those traps and angry natives were no joke.
Queen Chrysalis…she might be in danger. I stand to aid her, but Daring Do pulls me back down.
“What are you doing?” she asks in an angry whisper.
“Trying to help my friend!”
“She’s the Queen of the Changelings! She can handle herself! I doubt she needs you.”
I open my mouth to protest, but she’s right. Queen Chrysalis is a powerful one. She once tried to take over Equestria. I don’t know the entire specifics of how, but if she was enough of a threat on her own, then these two shouldn’t be a problem for her. Still…I want to be by her side, just in case.
“Who are you?” Dr. Caballeron asks Queen Chrysalis, with a tilted head of confusion.
“I’m Queen Chrysalis. Queen of the Changelings. You might have heard of me.”
“Oh, yes, of course. Where are my manners? I am Dr. Caballeron, and this is my associate, Ahuiztol.”
“Charmed.” Queen Chrysalis says in a sneer, looking Ahuiztol up and down in disinterest. Yeah, you go, Queen Chrysalis. “If you don’t mind. I have places to be.” Chrysalis turns to walk off, but she is suddenly stopped by Ahuizotl. He’s a fast one. He's also taller than her. She doesn't seem intimidated by him, though.
“Not just yet, my Queen.” Dr. Caballeron speaks in such a slimy voice. Just like how I imagined it. “We can’t but notice that enticing red ruby around your pretty neck. May we ask how you were able to acquire such a treasure?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“There’s no need to be rude. I merely ask, because I know for sure that one would have to go through a mile of dangerous traps and obstacles to get it. Not to mention…” Doctor Caballeron pulls a circular gold tablet, with an image of the fortress engraved on it. “Needing the key to open it. How did you get inside without this?”
“It wasn’t hard. A Queen such as myself needs no key to open doors. Now, back away.” Queen Chrysalis snarls.
“No, I don’t think we will.” Dr. Caballeron turns to… “Ahuiztol? You’re so quiet. Want to say something to our royal guest?”
“Gladly.” Ahuizotl replies with his own devious snarl.
WHAP!
He smacks Queen Chrysalis hard in the face, sending her to the ground!
“No!” I say, but before I could stand, Daring Do holds me down.
“Stay down!” she says quietly “You have no idea how strong he is!”
“Queen Chrysalis is in danger! I have to save her!” I stare into Daring Do’s eyes. I cannot let Queen Chrysalis get hurt any more. Daring Do’s eyes stare back. They widen, backing away.
“Wow…you...” she responds. She doesn’t bring any further context, shaking her head and going back to her serious face. "You can't take them both on. Maybe if they are separate somehow..."
“I’ll take that.” Ahuizotl takes the Ruby off of Queen Chrysalis’ neck, tossing it over at Doctor Caballeron. “Take this. I need to have a word with the weak Queen.”
“Do as you must. Just don’t take too long.” Dr. Caballeron trots off. Now, there’s only one of them.
“There he goes.” I say. “Daring Do, you go after him and retrieve the Ruby. I’ll stay behind and take care of Ahuiztol.”
“Huh, didn't think they would split off." Daring Do looks impressed. "Still...be careful. Don’t underestimate him.”
“It’s okay. I have a plan.” I smirk.
Daring Do nods, slinking off into the jungle to stop Dr. Caballeron. It’s you and me, Ahuiztol. I hop out of hiding, and walk towards the creature, who has his back turned towards me. He’s too busy looking at the fallen body of Queen Chrysalis. It’s okay, I’m here.
“Why are you so weak, my Queen?” Ahuizotl presses a hand on Queen Chrysalis’ neck. “Are you not receiving enough love? Or does the fearsome changeling have her heart set on somepony? I thought you had no patience for such a thing.”
“Excuse me?” I call out in my most polite voice possible. Ahuiztol turns to me with a snarl, but then a look of confusion graces his face. He's also much taller than I realized. I might have misjudged his height a little bit. “Hi, how are you?”
“What are you?” Ahuiztol asks. “I’ve never seen such a creature like you.”
“Yeah, I get that a lot.” I feign a chuckle “Um…I’m what is called a human. It’s okay if you never heard of me, because I’m the only one.”
“I see. Well, I am Ahuiztol.” he announces himself like he’s the greatest thing ever, hand over heart and all. “There are many like me, but I consider myself above them all.”
“No doubt.” I nod “A creature like you looks proud. But, you must get stressed from time to time, huh?”
“Yes. I am constantly accosted by one Daring Do. Have you heard of her?”
“No, can’t say I have.” I’m such a great liar. “Is she a nuisance?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe. All I want is treasure, and there she is, always stopping me from obtaining it. All I want is to be rich and powerful, is that so bad?”
“No, it’s not. I understand your frustration. Hey, I got an amazing technique that will relieve your stress in no time.”
“Really? What is it called?”
“It’s called booping. I just take my finger here…” I raise up my right hand, pointing upwards “…and boop you on the nose.”
“Really? That’s it? And it works?”
“One hundred percent success rate.”
“Wow. Well, I suppose I deserve a little relaxation.” Ahuiztol gets closer to me, leaning down to meet me face to face. “Well, young human. You have my curiosity. Show me what you can do.”
“Alright. Well, first…you close your eyes.” Ahuizotl closes his eyes. Perfect. “And…” My pointing gesture becomes a fist.
POW! Right in the kisser!
That was a good hit, too. Ahuizotl slams onto the ground in a daze. Guy’s not down yet. He looks at me in discomfort and unhappiness.
“That wasn’t relaxing at…”
POW! Take that you bastard!
Ahuizotl is down for the count. Enough about him. Time to check on Queen Chrysalis. She hasn’t moved since that first strike.
I kneel down and cradle her head on my lap. She groans in pain, and she has a cut on the top of her head. That damn Ahuizotl; I should have hit him harder. Queen Chrysalis mutters, and her eyes gradually open to see me. A smile creeps on her face, but also a look of confusion.
“Hey…” she says weakly “What are you doing here?”
“I came here with A.K…I mean…Daring Do.”
“Daring Do is real?”
“You know Daring Do?”
“I read her books. I like them.” she giggles cutely, before “Ah…” she winces in pain “My head…”
“I got you.” I say. I look through my pockets for a handkerchief. Of course I don’t have a handkerchief. Well, there is a tear in my shirt I sustained when me and Daring Do ran through the jungle. I suppose I could rip a piece off. Sorry Rarity, this was a pretty nice shirt.
Riiipppp!!!
Damn it. I ripped too much off. Now there’s a giant gap between the bottom, all the way up to underneath my left arm. I can’t think about this too much, I have to stop the bleeding. I wrap the fabric on my palm, and press it down onto the cut. Queen Chrysalis lets out a pained hiss. I’m sorry.
“Oww…” Queen Chrysalis whispers.
“Sorry, I have to put pressure on it to stop the bleeding.”
“No, it’s fine. It just hurts. This wouldn’t have happened if…” Queen Chrysalis trails off before she could complete her sentence.
“If what?”
“…if I wasn’t so weak.” she tries to turn her head away from me in shame, but my helping hand isn’t letting her. “I haven’t absorbed any love in the last few months.”
“Wait…” I’m confused “What? What do you mean by ‘absorbing love?’”
“I never told you about that?”
“No. I mean, I recall you saying something about changelings looking for love, but I figured you meant that in a romantic context.”
“I apologize, dear.” she chuckles. There she goes again; calling me affectionate names. “We changelings, though we eat and drink like others, we gather our power through absorbing love.”
“Absorbing love?” I’m trying to process this “Like…the emotion?”
“Something like that. We would change as somepony, colts or mares, and we gain the affection of a pony though small talk and minor seduction techniques. Once they feel love for us, we absorb that and use it to power ourselves. My army can last a couple weeks without feeding, if they are able to get a strong enough subject, while I can last a few months.”
“You must be really good, if you are able to last a few months without feeding.”
“I’m not the Queen for nothing, my darling.” she playfully brushes my arm. “Don’t worry, I don’t sleep with them. Most of the time.”
“I wasn’t worried. Even if you did, I wasn’t going to judge you.” I nod. If that’s what she needs to survive, then I can’t judge her. It’s interesting, though. Feeding off the emotion of love. “What happens to the subject?”
“No death, I assure you. Maybe some momentary dizziness, but they are relatively unharmed after that. We wipe their memories of the event, so that they won’t feel too lonesome.”
“A small comfort, I presume. Forgive me for saying this, but you should have known you were feeling weak. Why did you not go out to feed?”
“I…I thought I had enough power to last me another week. I spent the last of it retrieving that blasted Ruby.”
“Right, the Ruby. Why did you want it so bad?”
“Because it looked nice. Don’t need a better reason than that.” she smirks. “I used my power to change into a small bug. Got through all the traps. Once I retrieved it, I teleported right to the entrance, and opened it up without any silly key.”
“That’s impressive, but I’m sorry that this happened.”
“Don’t concern yourself with my stupidity. I should have found myself a subject. Now, it’ll be quite difficult.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t transform. I’m too weak. If I had power, I would be able to heal this cut with no problem.”
“Hmm…” I think. “What can I do to help?”
“W-What?” she blushes. That’s cute, but why is she blushing? “What do you mean by that?”
“I mean I want to help you find someone.”
“I told you, I can’t transform into anypony.”
“Why transform at all?”
“Because look at me! Nopony will want to talk with this!”
“Why not? I’m talking to you just fine.”
“That’s because you’re my friend. We’ve known each other for a while. Of course it’s easy for you. To others, I’m an ugly scary monster!”
“Oh, come on.” I roll my eyes. “You’re too pretty to be considered a monster.”
Queen Chrysalis looks at me for a long time. Her eyes have widened, and her mouth is partway open, likes she wants to say something, but getting the words out is the hardest thing ever. Was it something I said? Yeah, I complimented her, but has she never been called pretty before now?
“You…think I’m pretty?” she asks.
“Well…” I don’t think about this too long “…yeah. I think you’re very pretty. Have I never told you that?”
“No, you haven’t. I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“That’s how I feel.” I smile, “If you ask me, any guy would be lucky to…”
I don’t finish my words. Queen Chrysalis had wrapped a hoof around my head and pulled me down to her. Before I can ask what’s going on, I feel something I never thought I would ever feel.
Queen Chrysalis’ lips against my own.
Oh...oh my...
It’s a weird feeling. Her lips are soft and warm, and her kiss is gentle. I feel her fangs pressing against me, and I can hear her heartbeat pounding out of her chest. I am frozen. My hands are shaking, as if trying to find the right course of action, but deciding on just shaking against all other possible ideas.
I should push her away. I should ask her what has gotten into her. What could have happened to get her to do this? Was it the compliment? Seriously. NO ONE else has said this to her? How could they not? I mean, yeah sure, she’s not traditionally pretty like Princess Celestia or Princess Luna, but her mysterious and otherworldly appearance is exactly what makes her appealing. The hair. Those wings. Those fangs. That voice.
Wait…something is odd about what I am thinking. Am…am I attracted to her? No, no I can’t be. I’m a human. I can’t be attracted to her. It’s impossible for me to be attracted to her. But…why do I feel like I am?
I feel lonely on my days without her. Whenever I see her, I feel happy and excited. This past week without her made me upset something fierce. When I saw Ahuizotl hit her, I fell into a rage, and used my anger to deck him into unconsciousness. But, of course I would. She’s my friend. I’d do that for all my friends.
But…she’s the one kissing me. Is she attracted to ME?
I can’t think straight. I can’t move. I can’t…huh…this is….this is…
This is kind of nice.
My hands gain their movement back. I move them towards her, but I don’t push her away. My left hand caresses her neck, while the other caresses her cheek. I feel her mouth opening up further, and I can feel her tongue moving into my mouth. Woah. She’s going French on me. Screw it, I’m letting it happen. It feels too good to stop.
My head becomes filled with thoughts about her. Her smile. Her laugh. The time we have spent together. How I enjoyed every minute I was with her. This amazing kiss.
Oh my god. I…I think…I think I’m in love with her.
Suddenly, I hear a loud purr emanating from Queen Chrysalis, as her mouth opens wide, and I see a mist like essence leave my mouth and enter hers. She’s absorbing it, and I can see the cut on her head healing.
Oh, wow. She’s absorbing my love. It’s true! I can’t believe it!
Moments pass, and the absorption is complete. I let go and fall backwards onto the ground. She’s right, there is dizziness involved with love absorption.
I lay there for a few moments. Queen Chrysalis stands, walking over and looking down at me. She looks healed. She probably has enough strength now to do whatever she wants. She looks sad. Why does she look sad? Is she sorry for having done this? Why would she? I can't think straight, but at the same time, my mind is attempting to flashback to all the times where I should have seen this coming. The last time I booped her? No, that seems too far ahead. When we had movie night together? Nah, that's too soon.
Wait...oh...
"That card makes sense, now." I say to her, but she doesn't laugh.
"I'm sorry." she says quietly. Her wings unfurl and she flies off.
Wait a minute. Don't go! I stand as fast as I can. I'm still a little dizzy, but I have to try and...she's already gone. Too far for me to call her name. Why did she fly away? I wanted to talk to her about this. This changes everything between us. We're not just friends, anymore. She has feelings for me!
I...I have feelings for her...
I hear the clearing of a throat, and I turn to see Daring Do, with the Ruby around her neck, holding the key to the fortress in her hoof, and Dr. Caballeron bound and gagged behind her. Daring Do's mouth is agape in awe. I guess she saw everything.
"Hey." I give her a small friendly wave.
"Like I said...you DO get around." she clears her throat again, trying to change the subject. "I should put the Ruby back, before Equestria is destroyed."
"What do you mean?"
"This Ruby contains the soul of a demonic entity. The farther away it is from the fortress, the stronger the spirit gets. Could be enough to cause it to break and escape. You think Queen Chrysalis knew that?"
"I don't think so. She wouldn't lie to me."
"Clearly, she might have kept a lot of things from you. But, it's safe now, and that's all that matters." Daring Do walks past me, noticing the still unconscious body of Ahuizotl. "Did you do that?"
"Yeah. I did."
"You must care for her a lot, if you were able to knock Ahuizotl out." Daring Do smiles, opening up the fortress and walking inside to put the Ruby away.
"Yeah..." I say quietly to myself. "I do..."
I have to find her. I have to find Queen Chrysalis.
There’s so much I have to say to her. Actually, there’s so much I have to ask her. Why does she feel the way that she does for me? If this was ongoing, why didn’t she tell me sooner? Why did she look so sad after she kissed me? Well, yeah, she absorbed what I was feeling for her at that exact moment, but it was to help her live. I don’t think it’s grounds for feeling sad, but I have to ask her for clarification.
I also have to tell her how I feel. After saying bye to A.K Yearling, all I could think about was Queen Chrysalis. Every single step to Ponyville, my mind has been crowded by thoughts about what happened. That kiss. That amazing kiss. I should feel weird about this. A changeling, hell, a being of a different species locked lips with my own…and I was fine with that.
Is this what’s called “going native?” I’ve seen it in movies, where the guy goes to another part of the world, or a different planet, and falls for a female member of the indigenous population. There’s always that one guy, usually the villain, that goes “You aren’t going native, are you?” Only, there is no character that is asking this question. I’m asking myself.
Since nothing bad is going to happen if I answer that question…then…yeah…I suppose I am.
Still, the fact of the matter is that I have to find her. The problem is…I don’t know where to look.
But I know someone who does.
I take the train to Canterlot, where I hope to see Princess Celestia. I haven’t been to Canterlot before, but I hear it’s rather nice. If it’s anything like Princess Twilight’s castle, I think it won’t be much of a problem when it comes to looks and decor. Hopefully, Princess Celestia won’t find my sudden appearance intrusive. After all, evening is approaching, and she could be getting ready for bed while her sister Princess Luna is waking up for her shift.
The sun is still up when I get off the train to Canterlot. That train ride didn’t take as long as I thought it would be. All in all, it was a pleasant trip, though I did get a few confused stares by ponies who had never seen me before. Can’t say I blame them.
Wow, Canterlot looks amazing. It’s like a classic kingdom one would see in a story like King Arthur, with the architecture of the place reminding me of Camelot.
Wait a second. Camelot…Canterlot…ah….I see what you did there, Equestria. No time for random thoughts, I have to see the Princess.
I make it to the front of Canterlot Castle, where I am greeted by a dozen Royal Guards, all pointing their swords at me with their magic. Yikes. This isn’t the warm welcome I was expecting. I raise my hands up to show that I am unarmed and mean no harm.
“Halt!” one guard asks. Seems kind of a useless command; I’m already halted. “State your business, creature!”
“I’m here to see the Princess. I have…” must sound regal, must sound regal… “I have urgent news that requires her immediate attention!” Nailed it. I think.
“Nopony sees the Princess! Not no way, not no how!” he replies back. I am immediately reminded of the Wizard of Oz. Also, that’s stupid. I saw the Princess without even asking for her. All she had to do was poke her head out of some bushes and wriggle her rump around, and suddenly I got to meet her.
“Holster your weapons!” A voice calls out. All the Guards turn around to see Princess Celestia walk down the steps towards us. The Guards comply, putting away their weapons, and bowing before her. Princess Celestia walks up to me. “I’m surprised to see you here. Now that you’ve arrived, perhaps you can help me with something.”
“Actually, I need your help with something.”
“You do? What is it?”
“It’s Queen Chrysalis. I need your help in locating her.”
The Guards murmur around us after I said her name. Guess they’re still sour over some past events. Princess Celestia looks at me, worried, but also gives me a nod. She gestures me to follow her, so I do.
I follow her to her chambers, where no one should interrupt us. Once Princess Celestia closes the door, she turns to me with the same worried expression she showed earlier.
“What’s the matter?” she asks me in a caring tone “Did something happen to Chrysalis? Did she do something to you?”
“Not in the way you might be thinking. I’m not hurt or anything. The thing is…she…”
Before I can say anything, suddenly, Princess Luna comes bursting into the room, with a look of panic on her face. “Dear Sister! It’s Chrysalis! I think…” she stops talking when she sees me in the room. “You!” she looks at me angrily. What did I do? “What have you done to Chrysalis? She is in pain, and it’s all because of you!”
“What?!” I say “What do you mean she’s in pain? Where is she? I have to see her!” I’m panicking, too. Chrysalis in pain? No! That’s not what I want to hear! “Is she in the castle?”
“She’s not in the castle.” Princess Luna says “She is asleep, and I sensed her dreams. They are of you. You are yelling at her. Shunning her. Calling her a monster. What did you do to get her in such a state?!” Her tone is frightening and accusatory. Why would I ever talk to Queen Chrysalis like that? That’s preposterous!
“I didn’t do anything!” I reply. That might have been a bit of a fib. I should come clean. “Well…except…” Princess Luna’s eyes narrow, getting angrier. Princess Celestia just looks confused, but also curious. “I just got back from seeing A.K.Yearling, who’s also Daring Do, but that’s neither here nor there. Anyway, we were on an adventure, and I saw Queen Chrysalis get hurt, and I helped her, and that’s when she told me about the whole love absorption thing, and I asked if I could do anything to help, while also complementing her, and then she kissed me.”
Anger leaves Princess Luna, and it’s replaced by her jaw hitting the floor. Princess Celestia is the exact same way. It’s a bit funny, but I have no time to laugh. “She…kissed you?” Princess Celestia asks. I nod. “How was it?” A bit blunt, but I’ll answer that.
“It was…amazing.” I say truthfully. “I know that’s a bit weird to hear, since…you know.” I gesture to all of me, pointing out my human-ness. “But, then she absorbed the love I was feeling. Before I could say anything, she apologized and flew away.”
“That’s why she must be feeling this way.” Princess Luna says, probably to herself, but loud enough for me to hear. “She feels guilty about absorbing your love, and now she thinks you hate her for it.”
“Which is the exact opposite.” I chime in. “I need to find her to tell her how I feel.”
“And how do you feel?” Princess Celestia wonders.
“That…I love her!”
Silence permeates the room. Princess Celestia’s lips curl into a smile. “Well…it’s about time you figured that out.”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“Chrysalis has been in love with you for quite some time, now.” Princess Luna says bluntly. “When we first met, I told you that Chrysalis had been having pleasant dreams about you. They were…on the romantic side…to say the least.”
“To say the least?” I tilt my head to the right “How romantic are we talking about?”
“Well, there were some soft whispers, kissing, cuddling, groping, se…”
“Woah!” I interrupt. “Really?!”
“Pretty much.” she blushes “It was quite sweet…if also a bit lewd. But this isn’t important right now. What’s important is that you need to find Chrysalis and tell her how you feel. You know she feels the same way, now it’s your turn.”
“But, that’s why I came here. I don’t know where to look.”
“We do.” Princess Celestia nods. “We know where she resides, but there is a bit of a problem. Our teleportation magic only goes so far. Whenever we get close to Chrysalis’ lair, we are thrown quite a distance away.”
“Then, send me as close as possible, and I’ll walk it.”
“If we sent you ourselves, you would be making quite a journey. However, we do know someone who can get you a little bit closer.” Princess Celestia smirks, looking behind me. “And he’s right behind you.”
“Behind?” I ask. Before I could question this further, I feel a hand rest on my left shoulder. I look to see what looks like a lion’s paw resting on me, giving my shoulder a squeeze. I should react in a cool and calm… “AHHHH!” I scream. Screw it.
I turn around to see a creature I have never seen before. He looks like the unholy child of a messed up group love session. A deer antler on the left, a goat horn on the right, a lion’s paw, an eagle’s claw, a goat’s leg, a dragon’s leg, a long body like a snake but covered in fur, and a single fang protruding from his mouth. This guy is all over the place.
“Oh my, you scream like a little filly.” the creature looks at me in disappointment. “I haven’t the slightest clue about what makes him so appealing to the mares.” He speaks in such a smug tone, that I kind of feel like I want to punch him. Should I punch him? I probably shouldn’t, especially if he’s the key to getting me closer to Queen Chrysalis’ lair. “Is it because you stand on two legs? I stand on two legs, and I am not drawing in the lovely ladies in the slightest.”
“There are many reasons why that hasn’t happened, Discord.” Princess Luna rolls her eyes. Sassy.
Discord, huh? That’s his name? Makes sense, since his whole body seems to represent that quite accurately. Oh, he seems to have stopped with his snide tone, and is now staring at me rather angrily. Is there something I did?
“So, you’re the one who’s going to help me find Queen Chrysalis?” I ask.
“Perhaps. Though, honestly, I really shouldn’t be helping you. I come home from a long day of being me, when I see my beloved Fluttershy in bed with Applejack and Rainbow Dash! At first, I didn’t think anything of it, but when I asked her why she was in such a state she said that YOU BOOPED HER!” Discord jabs at my chest with his dragon claw. Ow. “You booped MY Fluttershy? And now you are asking for me to help YOU find Queen Chrysalis?! Have you no shame?”
“Ummm…” I turn to Princess Celestia and whisper “Does he know what booping is?”
“Yes.”
“Then, why is he so mad?”
“I can hear you! Just because you whisper does not mean I am suddenly deaf!” Yeesh, he really does sound peeved.
“Oh, right. Sorry. I mean…I’m not sorry for booping Fluttershy, but I am sorry that you’re angry. But, if you know what booping is…WHY are you angry with me?”
“Because she wouldn’t demonstrate it to me!” He yells. Suddenly, he blushes after saying it. “I-I mean…well…if she doesn’t demonstrate it…how would I be able to please her if I decide to do it, myself?”
“So…you’re not angry with me?”
“Of course I’m angry with you. I come home to see my darling Fluttershy in the company of two other ponies and I WASN’T invited? Who WOULDN’T want to invite me to something like that?”
“I can think of a few…” Princess Celestia says softly to herself, but I can hear her.
“I’m angry with you, because YOU…THE HUMAN…managed to get involved in something that I had been trying to for months.”
“Hey, we didn’t do any lewd stuff, if that’s what you’re implying.”
“So, you weren’t surrounded by beautiful mares cuddling your shirtless body?” Discord stares at me with a cocked eyebrow.
“Oh…um…” I see Princess Celestia and Princess Luna blushing, but also smiling as if they were proud of my quote on quote accomplishment. “Well…yeah, that happened.”
“My point is, that I want you to teach me all about this…booping." he makes air quotes as he says 'booping.' "If you do, I might consider helping you.”
“I suppose that can be arranged. Quick question, though. What were you doing in Princess Celestia’s room?”
“I was planning on turning that lamp into a snake to scare her. She’s deathly afraid of snakes.”
“I-I am not!” Princess Celestia says with a flustered look. “That is nothing but nonsense. It’s Luna who is afraid of snakes!”
“Tis a lie!” Princess Luna asserts with a hoof stomp. “Princess Luna is a friend to all creatures, including snakes! I am not afraid of such slithery beasts!”
The two Princesses start to bicker and argue amongst themselves, trying to convince each other that neither of them are afraid of snakes. I’m starting to think that the longer they argue, the less convincing they are in trying to sway me into thinking that they’re not afraid of snakes. Discord taps me on the shoulder, gesturing that we go outside to leave them alone. Might as well, we’re getting nowhere with this.
Discord snaps his fingers and WOAH!
We’re suddenly in a garden after a brief flash of light. He can teleport with the snap of his fingers? That’s amazing! Discord polishes his eagle claws with smug satisfaction. Yeah, yeah, it’s impressive, no need to grow an ego about it.
“Where are we?” I ask.
“We’re in the castle gardens. It’ll help us chat as we are away from those bickering Princesses.” He points upwards, directing me to the window up above, where I can see Princess Celestia and Princess Luna arguing amongst themselves. “Now then, about this booping thing.”
“Right. What would you like me to do, exactly?”
“Why, teach me, of course! My darling Fluttershy wouldn’t show me, so I had to go straight to the master, himself.”
“You want me to teach you how to boop? Wow, okay. And you will take me to Queen Chrysalis, right?”
“I told you. I’ll consider it.” he replies dismissively. Not much of an assurance, but if it’s a chance, then it’s a chance I’ll have to take. “Now, get on with it.”
“Alright. First, you have to get a bit lower and face me.” Discord gets lower, facing me face to face. “Here’s what you have to do. You take your hand.” I raise my right hand, while he raises his eagle claw hand. Hmm…that might be troublesome. “Actually, can you raise your hand with the lion paw? It might be a bit more cuddly.” He does so, but not before rolling his eyes. You want help or not? “Anyway, you bring it to a pointing position…” I point my finger at his nose. “And then…gently…prod her nose.”
“Prod her nose?”
“Yeah, like this.” I boop Discord on the nose. He looks at my finger with widened eyes, like he’s shocked that I would do such a thing with little hesitation. “This is what booping is like.”
“It is?” he raises an eyebrow, still looking at my finger. “How many times do you do it?”
“Well…it depends. On a trial run, I boop the nose about ten times. Like this.” I boop Discord’s nose some more. Each one as soft as the last, just to make sure he gets the message to be gentle when booping Fluttershy. Hey, he looks like he likes it. I can see a smile. “For some advanced techniques, when you rest your finger on her muzzle…” I do so “…you just as gently slide it up her bridge.”
I perform the technique. He eyes continue to follow my finger, as if studying it like a classmate whole wants to do really well on the school final. At the same time, I see his long body sway around in a relaxed state. I think he’s digging this.
“Oh my…” Discord says, “This is what made Fluttershy so submissive?”
“Submissive isn’t the right word. In fact, she became a bit more…not like herself. It was her that helped move me to the bed, and started crawling all over me.”
“Ah, so…dominant?”
“You could say that. Are you enjoying this?”
“Very much so. I can see why you are so popular with the mares. I’m also surprised that you are doing this so willingly for a male.”
“It’s not like you’re giving me much of a choice. You’re my only hope of getting to Queen Chrysalis.”
“You must really care for her, then.”
“I do. I’ve always cared about her, but now…I care about her even more than normal.” I see Discord chuckle at my words. He must find them amusing. “Okay, here’s one final technique. I didn’t try this on Fluttershy, because I didn’t think she’d be ready for it, but I’ll show it to you.”
“Oooh-ho-ho-ho!” he squeals in delight “I like this! A super secret technique? I better prepare myself!”
With a snap of his fingers, Discord suddenly transforms into…a…um…female version of himself, I guess? Aside from his more feminine face, he has a curvier body, and that small bit of chest fluff is now more pronounced, looking…kind of like a bosom. Weird.
“Umm…what is this?”
“This is my sultry form. I call her Eris. You like it?” he replies in that same male voice.
“Not with that voice. You’re kind of ruining the illusion.”
“Oh…” with another snap of his fingers, the voices changes into something more seductive. “How about this?” That voice is…is kind of amazing. I feel sorry for the poor pony that gets fooled by that.
“If I didn’t see you change into this form, I would be fooled.” I chuckle, but then retain my focus. “Okay, so…this is what you do. You boop her nose…” I boop Eris’ nose. “…you slide up her bridge…” I slide up her bridge “…you keep going, and wrap your hand around her ear…” I do it “and…you scratch.”
I start scratching Eris’ ear. Suddenly, her back leg kicks violently, much like Dragon Lord Ember's did, and her tongue lols out with drool dropping on the ground. Woah, that’s a pretty strong reaction. I don’t think she’s…he’s…she’s even stressed out. I think she just likes it.
“This is wonderful! Simply wonderful!” Eris exclaims. Suddenly, with a snap of her fingers, and a giant plume of smoke, she transforms back into normal male Discord. “I can’t take it any more. We are wasting valuable time!”
“What do you…” Hey, I feel something scratching my chin. It feels kind of sharp. I look down to see Discord’s eagle hand scratching my chin affectionately. “Um…Discord?”
“Huh?” Discord notices his mischevious hand, immediately retracting it. “Oh! I’m sorry! I suppose my feminine side hadn’t quite left, yet.”
“I see. So, about Queen…”
“No time! I must try this out at once!” Discord raises his hand into a snapping gesture. Hold up, what are you…
“Wait, no!”
SNAP. FLASH.
We are right in front of Fluttershy’s house. Damn it. Discord dances on his tippy toes in excitement. I can only guess what’s on his mind. He knocks on the door to Fluttershy’s house, where she opens it up welcomingly after a few moments. She tilts her head at Discord, as if wondering why he’s knocking on the door.
“Discord? You live here. Why did you…” her eyes move over to me, and I give her a small and friendly wave. “Oh, you brought the human.” Her eyelids lower to being halfway closed, attempting to give me a sultry expression. It’s pretty good, but ineffective for me. “Hello there. Come back for more?”
“He’s not here for anything!” Discord gets in the way of her seduction attempt. “I’m here for you!”
Discord raises his lion paw hand in defiance, brings it to a pointed position, and…
Boop.
He boops Fluttershy on the nose, just in the way I taught him. Fluttershy steps back in total shock. Her nose twitches slightly, absorbing the sensation. She back up at him, almost in awe in his gusto. Slowly, she leans forward, as if asking for more. He obliges, booping her on the nose again…and again…and again…and then movie past the intermediate technique of sliding his hand up her bridge, and going straight to the advanced stuff, where he pets and scratches her.
“Oh…my…” Fluttershy coos at Discord’s touch. “This is…so…wonderful…” She moves closer to him, wrapping herself around Discord’s waist, and feeling his fur with her face. “I must have more.” Jesus, this Fluttershy is such a hidden deviant.
“And you shall have it, my dear.” Discord whispers softly in her ear. He looks at me, and gives me the thumbs up. I thumbs him up right back, and then twist my wrist in a “now for your end of the bargain” gesture.
He nods, and with yet another snap of his fingers...
FLASH!
I am now in a place I have never been before.
It looks very much like some sort of post apocalyptic wasteland. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Discord sent me to some horrible future. I sure hope he didn’t, because if I ever found a way back, I would punch him dead in the face, after all that I did for him.
I hear buzzing. It sounds like a giant bee. There isn’t a giant bee now after me, is there? There’s so many things about Equestria that I still don’t know about.
GAH! I duck, seeing something black fly above me. It didn’t notice my presence, and keeps on going. Hold on a second…is that a changeling? It’s smaller than Queen Chrysalis; looking more like the size of an average pony. It’s getting farther and farther towards that…black and twisted looking castle?
A castle? I thought Queen Chrysalis lived in a cave. That’s what she told me. Maybe she moved in the past few months since we met. It looks kind of cool, but also very frightening. I see changelings flying around the place, moving through the sky like bees protecting their hive. Well, from my experience with Queen Chrysalis, the whole bug thing does kind of make sense.
If that’s where Queen Chrysalis lives, then that’s where I’m going.
It’s going to be a long trek. Not three movies worth, but still a long one.
I hate waking up alone in the morning.
Chrysalis and I have been together for the past few months, and every time we spend the night together, I always wake up alone. Sure, she leaves a nice card, with lovely words and her lipstick markings at the end, but seeing her wake up alongside me has somehow become something to add to my bucket list. In fact, ever since coming to Equestria, a lot of things have been crossed off my personal bucket list.
Visit an unknown world. Meet aliens. Fall in love. Have a stalker. Wait, that’s not on my bucket list. Who’s been adding things to my bucket list? Probably Chrysalis, that silly mare.
I suppose that last one did come true, since Ms. Harshwhinny did have that stalker phase. She stopped doing that, though, ever since Chrysalis, on our five month anniversary, brought her over for some surprise nightly activities.
We played Cards Against Equestria, and watched some movies. That’s about it. Nothing else. I swear. Fine, don’t believe me.
Anyway, back to my current situation; it’s New Year’s Eve, and I would have liked that Chrysalis was here, so that we could spend the whole day together. After all, I’m going to be attending the New Years’ Grand Galloping Gala at Canterlot, and I would like to have her accompany me. She might be there tonight, but having her with me all day would be even better. Guess I could use this time to focus on my other job.
Aside from helping out wherever I can, such as the newspaper publications, to tasks at Canterlot, to even my own research just for kicks, I’ve managed to make being a Booper my job. Incidentally, I couldn’t just build a booping station, and ask for bits, I first had to go to the rulers of Equestria to ask permission. Celestia and Luna automatically said yes, much to my surprise. I do feel bad for the others who have their proposed jobs rejected, but I don’t know of anyone who did have their jobs rejected, so maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad.
While I do take personal requests, such as stopping by the Dragon Lands to help Dragon Lord Ember, or Carousel Boutique to service Rarity, as she feels that public booping might tarnish her image, my workstation resides at the Ponyville Market, alongside the other services that ponies offer. It can feel a bit odd, being alongside the workers. While they sell trinkets and books, I sell nose prods and light petting, depending on how much the pony pays.
Five bits for ten boops. Ten for twenty. Twenty for twenty boops and petting. It’s a lucrative business. I’m quite rich now. I give some of my earnings to various charities, as really, I make way too much. Chrysalis came up with the rates. I make over a thousand bits a day. Every two months, I have to pay one hundred bits for house mortgage! Equestria is one of the cheapest places to live.
I go into the market, greeting the other ponies who are setting up for the day. I see signs everywhere, announcing New Year’s Eve sales. That’s not a bad idea. I quickly get a marker and some paper, and write down fifty percent off on all booping services. When I get to my stand, I already see a line of ponies waiting for me. Mostly mares, but there are some stallions there, too. Many of them are returning customers. Berry Punch, Roseluck, Lyra, Bon-Bon, even Ditzy Doo, who has overcome her tendency to sneeze when I boop her. It took a couple tries, and some rebuilt stands, but she is now able to get to twenty boops before her muzzle starts to twitch. Stallions such as Big Macintosh and Doctor Whooves are here, too. Doctor Whooves. I’m certain that Equestia is messing with me at this point.
“Hi everyone.” I wave to the ponies at my stand. They wave back.
“Hello.” A wave of voices emerge from the line.
“Since it’s a holiday, I have special pricing for today.” I place the sign down, and I see the eyes of the ponies go wide, along with their smiles. “Use the extra money to get something for that special somepony.”
“I want the petting!” Lyra shouts.
“Me too!” says Roseluck.
“ME! ME! ME!” goes the crowd. Looks like it’s going to be quite a lucrative day.
The line goes slower than usual, due to the ponies wanting the full treatment. It goes by even slower, as more and more ponies are showing up. When I think I’m heading to the end, more arrive; more than half are repeat customers that I already serviced earlier in the day. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining in the slightest. Seeing all the cute ponies having different reactions when I boop them, well, it makes me smile more than anyone would want to admit. Roseluck likes to coo and swoon, Lyra opens her mouth with her tongue hanging out, which only exacerbates things when I start petting her, while Trixie wobbles about; trying to avoid a situation like when I first booped her, and she fell down in a sleeping heap.
Ms. Harshwinny also arrives. On time, too. Every other day, she arrives at one o’clock in the afternoon, the lunch hour, for her booping and petting. She places the bag of twenty bits on the table.
“No need, Ms. Harshwhinny.” I say “It’s half off, today.”
“Keep it.” she says in that snooty attitude, even though she’s being shockingly generous. “As an apology for being so…needy.”
“Aw, you don’t have to do that.” I say. I hide the fact that she would have to do more than that to make me forgive her for all the stalky-ness. Truthfully, though, I don’t have harbor any hard feelings for it. It’s pretty funny on retrospect, and she’s been very respectful when she hangs out with Chrysalis and I.
“I insist.” she nods with a harumph.
“Well…if you say so.” I playfully respond, getting to the booping. Ms. Harshwhinny has the same response that she’s always had. Every time I boop her, she scoffs and harumphs, even though I know she’s enjoying this quite a bit. After I’m done with the petting, she pauses for a few moments, snorts, nods, and goes on her way.
I’ll see you later, Ms. Harshwhinny.
The early evening approaches, and I perform my last boop. It's Pinkie Pie, who comes down every week or so for my services. She may not look it, but there are days where she looks quite frazzled, Whenever I boop her nose, it sounds weirdly like a clown horn. I asked her why it does that, but she simply shrugs and sings a doodle as she hops away, satisfied with the result. Pinkie will always be a mystery to me.
I go home and get ready for the Gala. I put on a nice black tuxedo that Rarity made for me. I offered to pay for the suit, but Rarity said that the boops were the payment. Next tux or clothes that she makes for me, I’ll definitely pay her. The fabric she uses is nice and comfortable; warm without feeling hot, and snug but not tight. No knock on the door. No Chrysalis. Is she even going to come tonight? It’ll be awful lonely without her, even in the company of some nice ponies.
With a hop, skip, and a jump, I get to the train station on time to take the early train to Canterlot. Inside are other ponies all dressed up for the occasion, greeting me as I take my seat.
Such a cozy train. Back in my world, the trains are bustling with people who take up seats with their bags, purses, or spreading their legs way too wide. Here, well…it’s kind of the same. The similarity is pretty amusing.
“Excuse me.” a familiar droll voice says to me as I’m looking out the window. “May I sit next to you?” I turn to see Maud Pie, in a simple grey dress, staring at me with a small smile. I smile back, of course.
“Sure.” I pat the seat next to me. She sits down, looking back at me once she adjusts. “You look great.” I say.
“It’s just something I got from my closet.” she pats at her dress. “I don’t usually doll myself up for these things.”
“Still, the minimalist style suits you.” I smirk. “I haven’t seen you in a while. Usually, you come by every Wednesday for booping at my stand.”
“I was doing some research on rocks. I found some igneous rocks at the Dragon Lands, and the insides are REALLY intense.” her eyes widen slightly at the word “really.” It’s pretty adorable. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make my usual appointment. I’ll come by twice next week.”
“It’s fine.” I nod and pat her on the shoulder “No need to apologize.”
“So, I hear that you’re with the Changeling Queen. How is that?”
“It’s great. Chrysalis and I have been doing very well.”
“And, how about the mating?” she asks in a matter-of-fact tone.
If I was drinking something, I’d probably be doing a spit take at that question. Instead, I gulp some saliva down. Do I tell her how it’s going? I mean, I really shouldn’t. My mouth really wants to let loose with what has gone down these past couple months, but there are foals on this train!
“It’s…” I lean over to Maud’s ear. I whisper “It’s good.”
“I’m glad to hear it.” she whispers back in understanding. “Does she transform?”
“No. She’s offered, but I like to keep her as is.”
“You should try it out. See what happens.” Wow, Maud. That’s a bit lewd, coming from you. Then again, you did chase me around Ponyville for some mating of your own, so maybe saying this isn’t completely out of the ordinary.
“I’ll keep it in mind.” I chuckle.
The train makes it to Canterlot, and we all spill out towards the castle. The way the castle is decorated, it’s like walking into a high class party, or a movie premiere. There are spectators, and reporters on the scene. There’s a few that spot me, asking for an interview, but I’m not good with cameras and I rush into the castle, past Royal Guards who are nice enough to block off the reporters' path.
Inside, stands Princess Celestia and Princess Luna at the top of the stairs, greeting a line of ponies waiting to see them. One by one, they hello, and they bow or shake their hooves. I stand in line, and eventually, I get my turn. Their eyes sparkle just a little bit upon seeing me. I bow to them.
“It’s so nice of you to join us.” Celestia says. “You look quite nice, this evening.”
“As do you. Both of you.” I nod to Luna.
“Will Chrysalis be joining you, tonight?” Luna asks.
“I don’t know. I hope so.”
“Us, too.” Celestia nods with a smirk. “By the way, before you leave…” Celestia leans foward, sticking her muzzle out. Oh, I see. I boop her on the muzzle. She laughs at the touch. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” I then boop Luna. “For you, as well.”
“B-But, I didn’t ask.” Luna says with a blush.
“You were thinking it, though.”
Luna opens her mouths to speak, but closes it, responding with an affirmative nod. I knew it. I then move on to the ballroom, where I see other ponies enter. From here, I can hear the band inside, playing classical music. This really is a classy party.
I walk inside into the beautiful and expansive ball room. I didn’t get to see this place when I last visited. Then again, I was too much in a rush, as the last time I came to the castle, was when I asked Celestia for help in finding Chrysalis. I look over to the left to see other ponies from Ponyville here, include Maud, who’s chatting it up with a stallion. Hope he takes well to her voice. He has a smile on his face, so it could be looking good. Twilight sits at her table, along with her arsonist friend Spike, talking with Applejack and Rainbow Dash. The three turn to look at me, and wave with enthusiasm. I wave back. Applejack winks affectionately at me. I'm flattered, but no thanks. I respond with a nervous chuckle, before moving on.
Over at the hors d'oeuvres table is Discord talking with Rarity. Attached to his torso is a snazzily dressed Fluttershy. Her cheek is grazing against his fluff, and he pats the top of her head. His eyes glance up at me, and we lock for a good couple of seconds, acknowledging each other. He gives me the thumbs up with his lion paw, and I return the favor by giving him the thumbs up with my regular human hand. Looks like things are coming up Discord for them.
Everything looks fantastic. Except…it’s missing one thing that would be perfect.
As I take a couple of extra steps into the ballroom, the music slowly goes out, and all eyes turn towards me. I stop in my tracks. Uh-oh. Have they all heard about my booping, and they want a shot at it? Now’s not the time, guys and girls. I just want to enjoy myself.
Wait a second, they’re not looking at me. They’re looking at something behind me. Their mouths are open in amazement. Whatever is behind me must be magnificent. The music gradually comes on again. This time, it’s more romantic in tone.
“Ahem.” an all too familiar voice says behind me.
Oh my god. Is it…?
I turn around slowly, making myself wait out in anticipation like those extremely cheesy romance movies where the lonely person realizes that their love is right behind them. Man, I’m really thinking about cheesy romance movies lately.
I fully turn around, and I see her. Queen Chrysalis. Wearing a shiny black dress, with small emeralds spread out around it. Her necklace is also an emerald, which shines brighter than any necklace I’ve seen tonight. Her hair is shiny and slick, and covers her left eye like she’s a super model. She’s staring at me with such a wonderfully beautiful expression, that I feel like grabbing her and kissing her right then and there, but I must control myself. We are in a public place, after all.
“Chrysalis…you look…fantastic.” my eyes scan her up and down. Now I’m doing what other ponies were doing with me during my first few months.
“You clean up good, yourself.” she smiles. “If you don’t mind, I would very much like to try dancing with you.”
Chrysalis walks past me, heading to the dance floor, where other ponies are already slow dancing. A couple of them look at Chrysalis, no doubt admiring her beauty, before going back to dancing. I go up to her, and place a hand on the side of her neck, while the other is on her shoulder. Slowly, we move side to side. I’m being careful not to step on her hooves, while I can see she’s trying not to step on my feet.
“I missed you, today,” I say.
“Sorry. I was a little busy.”
“Being with your army?”
“No. Ever since Celestia publicly announced the truce between us, I told them to go wherever they pleased, while also telling them not to cause trouble, of course.” She chortles at the last part.
“Then…where were you?”
“Oh…I was right here…”
“In…Canterlot?” I ask in surprise. She was here this whole time? Those sneaky Princesses, they knew all along and didn’t tell me.
“I came by to ask them for help in getting me ready for tonight. They apparently got their best working on me. You…um…” she blushes cutely “…you don’t think they overdid it, do you?”
“No. Not at all. This is wonderful.”
“Good. I was worried that they put too much make up on me, and that you’d think this dress was too flashy.”
“Too flashy? It looks gorgeous. YOU look gorgeous.”
“There you go…” she blushes even harder now “…embarrassing me with such compliments.”
“I thought you like getting compliments.”
“I do…but this is different. This isn’t some random gawking pony. It’s…you. Someone I’m in a relationship with. Such compliments take on a whole new meaning, now. It makes me…want to kiss you, rather than smugly laugh.”
“You can do both, if it’ll make you feel better.”
Chrysalis pauses for a couple moments, then smiles, leaning down and kissing me softly on the lips. When she leans back, she laughs in that lovable smug satisfaction. I chuckle at her laugh. I wrap my arms around her, and bring her in for an embrace.
“Is everything okay?” Chrysalis wonders.
“Yeah. I’m just happy to see you.”
“So am I.” I feel her foreleg pat me on the back. “Do anything exciting when I was gone?”
“Just the usual booping stuff. Sold my booping services for half off. I still managed to make just as much as I do on normal days.”
“That’s how good it is.” I hear her purr “They like what you do.”
“I wonder what will happen when they get sick of it?”
“Don’t worry, honey. If they get sick of if, know that I won’t.”
“Thanks.” I chuckle. We dance in silence for a couple minutes. The song slowly ends, and another starts right up. Other ponies walk onto the dance floor with their respective partners, but Chrysalis and I stay where we are. Thoughts begin to pool into my head. About the future. About us. I have an idea. “Hey, Chrysalis?”
“Hmmm…?” she hums while resting her head on my shoulder.
“I was thinking about taking our relationship to the next level.”
“Next level?” she moves away from my shoulder “How many more levels can we go?”
“I was thinking. How would you feel about…living with me?”
A small silence between us. Chrysalis tilts her head to the side. I don’t know what she is thinking, but from the look on her face, she seems confused about the prospect. Oh, I hope I didn’t say anything wrong.
“You mean…living in Ponyville with you?”
“Yeah.”
“I…I don’t know…” she looks down. “That’s a pretty big commitment. After all, I do have my castle, and an army to look after, who may need my help at one point or another. Though I told them they can go as they please, they'll come a time where they'll return, asking for aid. If I live with you, then what would happen when my army comes into Ponyville? We may be at peace, but I doubt everypony would be happy to see a large swarm of changelings so suddenly.”
“You're right.” she makes a good point, even if I am a bit disappointed. “Sorry. I didn’t think about that.”
I put my head down to look at the floor, but then her foreleg comes under my chin, moving my gaze back up to her smiling face. I love her smile.
“Hey.” she coos. “Never say never. Things change. One day, Ponyville will be just fine with a changeling swarm bearing down on them." her tone makes me laugh, and she laughs with me. "Just not right now, okay?”
My heart skips a beat. Having her live with me would be amazing, but I know that she has such a big duty to uphold. Her words do give me hope that one day, she will agree to live with me. I look forward to that day.
Wait…hold on…
“What if I live with you?” I ask.
“You?” her eyes widen “Live with me? What about your job as a booper? I don’t want you walking every day to Ponyville.”
“I can be teleported.”
“Sweetheart. Your place is in Ponyville. Not at my castle. It’s kind of a death trap, if you’re not a changeling.”
“Yeah…ain't that the truth?” I chuckle, scratching the back of my head. “It took some maneuvering to get inside the dang thing with Flufflepuff.”
“I’ll tell you what, though.” she grins “You can come by any time you want. You can even…” she whispers into my ear “…stay the night.”
“I’d like that.” I whisper back to her. “I still need to do some research on your army.”
“You still do that?”
“Yeah. I may not be going back to earth, but I still want to do some research.”
“Well, do I have some tales for you, when you come by.” she chuckles. Chrysalis moves her hoof to my cheek. “Oh…I love you, so much.”
“I love you, too.”
“I’d like to absorb some of your love, but I fear I might scare some ponies.”
“Well…there’s always tonight.”
“Yes, but the question is…will I be able to control myself until then?”
“Guess we’ll find out.”
Hours pass, and Chrysalis manages to control herself from attempting to absorb my love in front of everyone. I could see the struggle on her face; I have so much love to give her, but the display would probably make everyone think she went back to her old ways, even though that I would be willing to have my love absorbed.
It’s almost midnight. The clock is moving closer to the target number. The ponies look up, counting down. Chrysalis and I stand side to side, looking up and counting down with them. We’re at one more minute.
“Hey…” Chrysalis says.
“What is it?”
“How about a boop? For old time’s sake?”
Thirty seconds.
“Sure.” I smile. “I think I can manage a boop.”
“Are you sure? You’re not tuckered out from your job?”
“Believe me, Chrysalis. I have more than enough booping energy for you.” I stand in front of her. “Ready?”
“Always.”
Ten seconds.
I boop Chrysalis on the nose.
Nine…
She giggles.
Eight…
I boop Chrysalis on the nose.
Seven…
She sticks her tongue out in playful glee.
Six…
I boop Chrysalis on the nose.
Five…
She giggles again.
Four.
I boop Chrysalis on the nose.
Three…
She giggles.
Two…
I boop Chrysalis on the nose.
One…
She leans forward, and our lips lock. The fireworks go off around us, bursting in the sky, no doubt making beautiful lights. But, that’s not important right now. What’s important is us. Only us. We have a whole year ahead of us, now. Who knows what it will bring? Probably more shenanigans with booping. Maybe marriage with Chrysalis. Maybe some potential world ending event that needs my help to solve. I don't know, but I look forward to whatever comes our way. I can't think about that, right now, though. I have a changeling Queen to spend some quality time with.
A lot has changed these past few months, and it’s been a long and strange journey. What started as a scary situation, soon became an odd but fascinating and amazing story. I met so many ponies, and, surprisingly enough, I fell in love with someone wonderful. If I could do it all over again, would there be anything I would do over?
Considering I’m happy where I am right at this very moment…hell no.
Happy New Year, Chrysalis.
I boop Queen Chrysalis on the nose.
She giggles.
I boop Queen Chrysalis on the nose.
She sticks her tongue out in playful glee.
I boop Queen Chrysalis on the nose.
She giggles again.
Repeat ad nauseam. Unless you’re enjoying this as much as I am.
Even so, there's more than likely a particular question you feel like asking me, as I give the Queen of The Changelings another boop on the nose.
How did I get here?
How did I end up in this situation to begin with? How did I, with all of my research, university degrees, and years of knowledge, find myself prodding the nose of a fearsome changeling Queen, who turns into an adorably amused little filly at each successive boop? Actually, you don't know about my education, so all that stuff about degrees and research wouldn't be a part of your question.
Well, if you have the patience, I’ll tell you how I got into this little tizzy of a tale.
Upon ending up in this magical world, all I could see, hear and feel was the assaultive rain, the booming thunder, the blinding lightning, and the slippery ground beneath me. All elements for an unfortunate tumble that can lead to something worse. See, I did not reside in Equestria, but from an alternate world called Earth, a name in which the ponies of this world like to scoff at, since it’s synonymous with dirt.
I was chosen as the zoologist for a research expedition that was meant to travel to a newly opened portal. The scientists liked to call it the “Stargate,” based off of that movie and tv series, but that’s neither here nor there. I jumped at the opportunity to go. Another world with potentially different lifeforms? Who wouldn’t jump at the chance? Despite my enthusiasm, I decided to calm myself by watching a bunch of cheesy science fiction movies where the smart people did really stupid things and were rewarded by a gruesome demise. I made notes so that I wouldn’t befall such a horrible fate.
The day of the expedition arrived, and I was joined by two scientists, a linguist, a geologist, and a couple of soldiers, just incase there was any trouble. When we stepped through, it was only me that fell into this other world. No one else was next to me, or even near me. I was all alone in this scary place.
That is, until I ran into the creature that I am currently amusing.
Before I was hit by a rockslide caused by the storm, I was dragged into a darkened cave by a then unseen rescuer. It was after I addressed my gratitude, that she revealed herself as this black, insect style creature, that reminded me of a horse. I almost thought of her as a horse bug, up until she referred to herself as a changeling. Not just a changeling, but a changeling Queen. Wow, not a few minutes into this world, and I had already met royalty.
My enthusiasm was short lived, as she threatened to kill me if I cross her in any way. She was so close; with her sharp looking fangs waiting to bite me the first chance they get. I had to do something to make her trust me. I never thought to cross her even once; especially since she saved me from a terrible fate, so I had to let her know that I wasn’t a threat.
The way she moved, the way she slithered along the ground with silent steps, she reminded me more of a cat than a bug or a horse. It is with that knowledge that I did the unthinkable.
When she got close to me again, I booped her on the nose.
For those not in the know, booping is the act of pressing one’s finger to the nose of the one close to you. It’s a technique that works mainly on cats, as a signal of trust; that you mean no harm, and that you are a friend. I don’t know if I wanted to be this Queen’s friend, but I was fairly open to the idea, as she showed great intelligence.
It was the boop that shook the world. The instant I did it, she cooed and relaxed at my touch. She asked me what I did, but even when I explained it to her, she was sure that I used a spell. It was then that she chose to leave me alone, after I booped her on the nose a few more times, of course. No more threats, not more gnashing of the teeth. She even told me her name once the sun arose and we left the cave together; Queen Chrysalis.
That was a few months ago. I came to learn all about Equestria, and the creatures that inhabit it. No humans in sight, just talking ponies and changelings, with the occasional minotaur and dragon. I was shocked, to be sure, but after a couple weeks of studying by the more intrepid ponies of the aptly named town of Ponyville, including one Princess named Twilight Sparkle, they saw me as a friend, which was nice. I wasn’t going to spoil their generosity, and welcomed their friendship, as they were big on that.
I don’t know what happened to the others that went with me. The rulers of the land, a Princess Celestia and a Princess Luna, informed me through letters that there were no other human sightings. I wonder if they just fell through the other side, and didn’t go anywhere.
I still miss my friends, though. I miss my family. I miss….
“Why did you stop?” Queen Chrysalis interrupts my thoughts. “You’re not done, yet!”
“Sorry.” I blush in embarrassment, continuing my booping.
Queen Chrysalis visits me every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, each time with a look of stress on her face. The only thing that calms her is my booping. Each press against her muzzle causes her to laugh in delight, and occasionally stick her tongue out at me in faux protest. The fearsome Queen becomes awfully cute in this state, but I make sure not to tell her that, as she’s not the biggest fan of such compliments. She likes compliments like beautiful or gorgeous, but telling her that she’s gorgeous for sticking her tongue out at me doesn’t seem right.
That laugh is really nice though. I like the way she talks. It’s like two voices going off at once. Very otherworldly, very science fiction.
I could be outside; studying the animal life, but this is fine, too. After all, Queen Chrysalis is a changeling. She can transform into other creatures, even objects like rocks. She tells me that she has an army she created herself. She’s given me a lot of research material. She also shows up at my house as a different pony, because of some altercation years back that made others fear her, and she didn’t want to draw attention. I’ll ask her about that later, when she feels more comfortable talking about her past.
“And….” I boop her one last time. “One hundred.” I set my arm down.
“Already?” Queen Chrysalis looks at me, her ears downward, almost disappointed that we reached the maximum amount of boops for the day. “That went by quickly.”
“How are you feeling?” I ask her.
“Much better, thank you.” The Queen’s kind gratitude is something I didn’t expect when I first heard it a couple months ago. During the first booping sessions, she would nod and leave, which was fine, but once she started saying ‘thanks,’ I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me the least bit pleased.
“That’s good to hear. Sorry that you’ve been so stressed, lately.”
“Oh, it’s nothing of your doing, I assure you. My army can be quite rambunctious and hard to control. Like little children. Well, they are my children, but I expect more order out of them.”
“I’m sure you’ll work things out.”
“Yes, but then the next batch will come, and the next. My armies stretch far and wide, and I must cover more ground.” Queen Chrysalis sighs, deep in thought. “Maybe I should withhold having so many children, and work with what I have.”
“If that what makes you comfortable.”
“Help me out here.” Queen Chrysalis scoffs at my lack of aid for her problem. “If you think I shouldn’t have anymore children, you should just say so.”
“I don’t think it’s my place to tell you. You’re a Queen, so you know better than I. Far be it from me to tell you what to do with your body.”
“My…my body.” Queen Chrysalis looks at me with a shocked expression. “You don’t think that my children come from…me, do you?”
“You…never actually told me where your children come from. I always thought that you laid eggs or something.”
“I…I…” Queen Chrysalis is about to say something, but then a large stream of laughter leaves her, causing her to hold her side in both pain and hilarity. “Oh, my…I never told you how…” she laughs some more. “Forgive me, I’ve been so silly. I don’t give birth to the changelings. I create larvae using my magic. The cave I reside in helps them develop quickly, due to the dark and damp walls. All this time, and I never told you. Please, my apologies.”
“No…problem…” I look at her, confused. “Are you okay?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re being…really nice. Like….REALLY nice. Normally, you would make fun of me, or be dismissive when I tell you about my days without you. Is something the matter?”
“Oh…well…” her eyes scan me up and down, “You need to comb your hair. It looks like you have an extreme case of bedhead. Also, your shirt needs pressing, and you can never call me nice ever again.”
“That’s better, if only just a bit.” I chuckle. “As for your predicament, I’d say you should take care of the army that you have now. If you feel that raising an army again and again is so stressful, you should take a bit of a break from making more and focus on the current army.” Giving her advice sounds really weird, but it does have a potential benefit. “You really have to show me your army, sometime. I would love to get some research on your culture.”
“Perhaps. Depends on what kind of mood I’m in.” she smirks. “Thank you for the advice. It gives me something to think about.”
RUSTLE RUSTLE
Go the bushes outside my house. Both Queen Chrysalis and I look to the window, and see the bushes rustle some more.
“You saw that, right?” I ask.
“I did. You aren’t going mad…yet.”
Suddenly, the front door BURSTS open, revealing an action ready Princess Twilight Sparkle, pointing a hoof at Queen Chrysalis in a threatening manner.
“YOU!” she says loudly, almost like a bellow. “Get away from him!”
“Never!” Queen Chrysalis lets out a terrifying hiss, which even gives me pause, before…
“Hold it! Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I get between them, holding my hands up. “Let’s not fight in the house!”
“She’s evil!” Princess Twilight exclaims, “She tried to take over Canterlot by posing as my brother’s fiancee! She’s put a spell on you!”
“What?!” I say, “No! No, there’s no spell placed on me!”
“That’s exactly what somepony with a spell placed on them would say!” Her horn powers up, getting ready for a large blast of magic. “Now, stand back! I’ll rid you of this curse!”
“No! Stop!” I shout. “You two will NOT have a magic battle in my house! I just finished decorating it, and it’s finally perfect! I’m sorry for being blunt, and for demanding that royalty follow my rules, but this is MY house, and I don’t want it getting destroyed!” My tantrum causes Princess Twilight to power down her magic. I turn and see Queen Chrysalis powering down her own magical blast. “Queen Chrysalis? Did you try taking over Equestria?”
“Yes, but only once. I haven’t tried it since.”
“But, she will try eventually. That’s why she has to be stopped.”
“To be fair, I haven’t thought about it for months. I’ve been raising my armies, yes, but only so that they look for love, not really for destruction.”
“I…” I look over at Queen Chrysalis, surprised about all this new information. Now I have to see her army and learn more about their kind. Still… “Wow, okay. Whatever conflict you two have, it’s not important right now. I’m not under any spell. Queen Chrysalis is my friend.”
“WHAT?! FRIEND?!” Princess Twilight gasps. “She’s…your friend?”
“Yes. I met her when I first came to Equestria. She saved my life. Without her, I could have died. I owe her everything.” I look to Queen Chrysalis. A small but noticeable blush crosses her cheeks, but she attempts a hardened look, just incase Princess Twilight tries something again. “She comes here every other day, because being a Queen puts a lot of stress on her. So, I help her out.”
“By what?” Princess Twilight wonders.
“I help her by booping her.” I say matter of factly.
A strange pause lingers around the room. I don’t know why. Twilight looks at me, confused, but also frightened. What’s so frightening about booping? Is it some kind of insult to the ponies? I don’t know.
“You…boop her?” Twilight’s voice shakes.
“Yeah. I boop her every time she comes here, and for as long as she wants me to.”
“As long as she wants you to?”
“Yes.” Queen Chrysalis goes to my side. “He boops me. Many times. Being booped is the only way I can calm myself, and the way he boops me fits the bill, as nopony else can boop me as well as he can.”
I’m sort of proud of Queen Chrysalis’ words. I smile at her, and she smiles back. Princess Twilight isn’t smiling. She looks like she’s about to faint. I can’t imagine why.
“How many times does he boop you?” Princess Twilight asks.
“Oh, he first only booped me about ten to fifteen times a visit, but my stress levels have gotten really high lately, so he boops me about a hundred times a visit.”
“A-A-A H-HU-HUNDRED TIMES?!”
“Yeah. He boops me anywhere I feel comfortable.”
“A-anywhere?!” Twilight looks around the room. “Where does he boop you?”
“He boops me in the living room, the kitchen, the dining room, the hallway. I love trying new booping places in his house. We even booped on the floor you’re standing on.”
Twilight looks down at the floor, and immediately hops off. Why did she do that? Is there a spider on there? I don’t see a spider. Must be one of those imaginary magic spiders or something.
“We booped on that part of the floor, too.” Queen Chrysalis points to the new spot Princess Twilight is standing on. She hops off again and onto the carpet. “And the carpet.” Princess Twilight hops again. What’s her problem? “We haven’t tried booping in the bedroom yet, but I’d like to give it a shot.”
“I’ll boop you in the bedroom when I remember to make the bed before you arrive.” I say.
“Oh please, after all the booping, it’ll be a mess again.” Queen Chrysalis laughs. I laugh along with her. She’s right; whenever I boop her on the nose, sometimes she likes to stretch herself out as a way of getting comfortable. Her movements would muss up the sheets for sure.
“I guess you have a point. You do make a bit of a mess while I boop you.”
“H….how….are you able to boop her a hundred times? How…do you get the energy to do so?”
“Oh, booping that much isn’t really tiring.” I say, “If she wanted me to boop her two hundred times or more, I’d do it, no questions asked.”
“You…must be…some kind…of….a machine!” Twilight nearly yells that last bit.
“Machine? No. Booping just comes naturally to me. Whenever she asks, I’m more than happy to acquiesce her request. My arm might get a little sore, due to the extra work, but once I learned to alternate arms during our booping sessions, I never get tired.”
“What? How? What? Huh? How?” Princess Twilight is a incomprehensible mess. Her head shakes around in that ‘does not compute’ kind of a way.
“Princess Twilight? Are you okay? You look a little frazzled. Do you want me to boop you, too?”
“NO!” Princess Twilight steps back from me. “I mean…no thanks. I…appreciate the offer…but, I don’t think I’m ready for that…yet…”
“It’s really easy.” I smile. “Come here, and I’ll boop you. It won't hurt.”
“N-No!” Princess Twilight goes to the door. “I-I have to go. I need to…write stuff….down…and…stuff.” She opens the door. “It’s….good that….Queen Chrysalis isn’t….being evil. But…make sure she doesn’t do any more, okay?”
“Yeah, su-“ I am interrupted by the front door slamming. I take a peak out the window to see Princess Twilight running off to that tall Crystal Castle of hers off in the distance. “That was weird. I wonder why she didn’t want me to boop her?”
“I can’t imagine why.” Queen Chrysalis suppresses a snicker. What’s so funny?
“I mean, it’s not like it was going to hurt or anything. I was just going to boop her on the nose. It helps you out. Does it hurt ponies? Maybe that’s why she was so scared.”
“I don’t know. It will forever be a mystery.” Queen Chrysalis still attempts to keep herself from laughing. Now I know something is up. I can see it on her face.
“Okay, what’s with the suppressed laughter?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s not nothing. That face you’re making is far from nothing.”
“It’s nothing. I swear.” Queen Chrysalis’ face tightens. She’s hiding something.
“If you don’t tell me, I won’t boop you anymore.”
“It’s that.”
“That? Booping? What about it?”
“The way we talked about it to her.” Queen Chrysalis smiles a mischievous smile. It then transforms into a look of confusion. “Wait, you weren’t egging her on?”
“What do you mean? I was explaining why you were here.”
“But…all that booping talk. You weren’t making intentional double entendres?”
“No. Why would I…” I stop talking. I think about what she said. Double entendre. A word or phrase open to two interpretations, one of which is usually risqué or indecent. Risque. Booping. Double entendre. Booping. I boop Queen Chrysalis all over the house.
Oh.
OH.
OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
She thought that….
She thought booping meant….
She thought me and Queen Chrysalis were…
I look at Queen Chrysalis. She knows that I have realized what she was talking about. My eyes widen, while she nods her head. Then, after a couple of silent moments, I laugh. I laugh hard. I laugh so hard, that I could barely breathe. Queen Chrysalis laughs along with me. We get close during our laughing, and I wrap an arm around her shoulder, like two drinking buddies that just told a dirty joke and think it’s the funniest thing ever.
Tears stream down our faces while we laugh, and we separate, wiping our tears away and regain our breath and composure.
“Oh my god.” I say, still chuckling. “I have to go see Twilight and explain myself. Oh boy.”
“You better. If Twilight starts telling Ponyville what you said to her, they’re going to go nuts.”
“You’re right. That would be really…” I suddenly start laughing again. Booping. So funny. “Okay…” I calm down. “Okay, I’m back.”
“I should get going, too. I have to check on my army, and see how they are doing. Day after tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I’m available. Unless I get attacked by Ponies wanting to get booped.”
“Fat chance.” Queen Chrysalis chuckles. As she opens the door, she turns back. “Hey…one more for the road?”
I smile. I approach her. I raise a hand out. I point at her nose.
Boop.
Queen Chrysalis sticks her tongue out.
Booping Princess Twilight Sparkle
I never thought I had to do this. Going to the house of a purple pony princess to explain that booping didn’t mean something lewd. This evening is getting better by the second, with more improvements coming from the other town ponies watching me make my slow approach to Princess Twilight’s castle. I can hear their hushed voices, but I can’t make out what they say. To me, it sounds like “sss-shwishissss….”
Utterly incomprehensible.
I have made it to the castle. Such a huge place. I’m surprised it’s just home to Princess Twilight, her dragon assistant named Spike, and a mare named Starlight Glimmer. Sure, her friends arrive for their meetings on…friendship or something, but for the most part, it’s just her and the other two. I don’t see Starlight all that much. Well, I haven’t seen her at all. Actually, I don’t see many ponies that much, either, aside from my time getting groceries.
Am I stalling? I’m stalling. Better knock on the door.
The door feels like I’m knocking on crystal, despite that it looks like wood. Kind of hurts, but oh well. The door opens, revealing Princess Twilight. She yelps upon looking at me, and immediately tries to close the door in a rush.
“Wait!” I put my foot in the open space. Bad mistake, as the door hits my foot with force. Ouch. Nothing broken, but still ouch.
“Oh my goodness, I’m sorry!” Princess Twilight pleads. “I didn’t know your foot was there!”
“It’s okay.” I halfheartedly wave, trying to endure the pain. “It’s my fault.” I recover from my pained tone of voice. “Princess Twilight, I have to explain something to you.”
“There’s no explanation needed.” Twilight shakes her head, “I have to apologize. I shouldn’t have reacted like that. It’s not my business who you…”
“Booping is not what you think it is.”
Twilight ceases her apology and widens her eyes. “Wait…what?” she says. “What do you mean?”
“I think it’s better that I explain it to you inside.” I tell her. It’s a bit strange having this conversation under the watchful eyes of the other ponies of the town. I suppose that, despite living in Ponyville for a few months, I’m still somewhat fascinating to them. I don’t blame them. If any one of them ended up in my world, they would be the talk of the town. Especially Queen Chrysalis.
Princess Twilight fully opens the door, and I step inside. Her castle really is beautiful. Amazing architectural design. Also shiny. Not blindingly shiny, but it does give off some fairly bright reflections in the right light. Luckily, the sun is setting, so there’s no chance of sudden blindness.
Princess Twilight takes me into her study, which already has a nice fire going in the fireplace, giving off a warm and welcoming atmosphere. She gestures for me to sit down. There aren’t any seats around, so I sit on the carpeted floor by the fire place, with a nice comfy pillow under my backside.
“So…” Princess Twilight sits across from me. “Booping….isn’t a euphemism for the act of mating?”
“No.” I say with a chuckle, “I’m sorry that I made you think that. I thought you knew what it was, so I didn’t explain it to you properly. I don’t think Queen Chrysalis is sorry, though. She really wanted you to think booping meant the other thing.”
“I’m surprised you’re friends with her. But, if she’s not causing any trouble, then I guess it’s okay. Let me know if she tells you of anything insidious, okay?”
“Twilight, it’s fine.” I try to assure her, “She’s been a good friend to me.”
“To you, yes, but she was pure evil when I first faced her. I once saw an alternate future where she took over Equestria, and she was STILL evil.”
“Oh.” I pause. I had no idea Ponies have the ability to see into a potential future. One more thing to study. “I suppose that IS pretty bad. But, that world didn’t have me in it, did it?”
“No.” Princess Twilight giggles. “Maybe you’ve reformed her somehow.” she says, but then gets serious. “Still, if you see anything….”
“Don’t worry, I’ll let you know.” I nod, before continuing with “Now, about this booping thing.”
“Right. What is booping, actually?”
“In my world, the act of booping is meant to be a sign of trust…”
“Among your people?”
“No, not for people, but for cats.”
“Cats?” Princess Twilight tilts her head to the side in curiosity.
“Yeah. Cats can be a rather skittish bunch, and there are some methods to let them know that you mean them no harm. Sometimes, you give them food, show affection, like petting them, or you boop them.”
“Really?”
“Really. It works on a lot of cats, but not all of them. That’s why I was surprised that when I tried it on Queen Chrysalis, she responded so positively.”
“But, why would you perform a trust act that is usually reserved for cats?”
“The way Queen Chrysalis moved. The way she growled and slunk around the ground. It reminded me of a big cat, like a panther. I didn’t want her to hurt me, so I did the first thing that came to mind.”
“I see…” Princess Twilight nods in general understanding. “It’s actually kind of sweet that she trusts you so much. When she was posing as my brother’s fiancee, Princess Cadance, she was so cold and uncaring, which was how I figured out that something was wrong.”
“You’ll have to tell me that story, sometime.”
“You could ask her yourself, now that you know.” she smirks. “Now then, if booping isn’t some form of mating, then what is it?”
“It’s simple. I take my finger, and lightly prod your muzzle.”
Princess Twilight quickly shakes her head around at a fast rate of speed. The look on her face is telling me that she cannot believe what she just heard. The only thing the Princess can do, is stare at me for an exorbitantly long time. It’s not hard to understand, though; being told that a method to calm one down is to poke their nose can be quite incredible to hear.
“You…prod the nose?” she finally says. “Is…is that it?”
“Yeah, that’s all there is to it.”
“You don’t…when you boop Chrysalis, you don’t…like…massage her ears? Pet her mane? Rub her belly? None of that?”
“Nope. Just a…” I simulate a boop, “…boop, and that’s it.”
“That can’t seriously be it. No, you have to be doing something extra special. Something that she likes to make her keep coming back.”
“I swear…” I put a hand over my heart, “…that is all I am doing. Nothing special. Just a boop.”
“Wow…” Princess Twilight exhales, “It’s hard to believe that the Queen of the Changelings can be tamed by such a simple act.”
“I don’t know about tamed.” I chuckle, “But it does make her at lot less antagonistic.”
Princess Twilight puts a hoof to her chin; delicately tapping in while humming in deep thought. I don’t know what is going through her mind. If I was telepathic, maybe, but as I watch her eyes dart around the room, while making occasional glances at me and my hands, I’m beginning to think that she’s going to ask…
“Well, now that I know. You think…if you want to…you can boop me?”
There we go. Of course she was going to ask that. After I told her that booping was nothing more than a sign of trust, friendship and comfort, it shouldn’t have been that hard to figure out that that was going to be her next question.
“Um…yeah, sure.” I say. I get closer to her, and she gets closer to me. This is going to go either very well, or very poorly.
Booping Queen Chrysalis was one thing, but now I’m booping a Princess of Equestria. She has connections to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, the uncontested rulers of the land. If I mess this up, if she finds it unsatisfactory, this could lead to some very very bad ramifications that I don’t want to know about. What is the punishment for making a Princess unhappy? Death? Life in the dungeon? Death while serving life in the dungeon? The possibilities are endless!
“If you don’t feel comfortable booping me, I understand.” Princess Twilight speaks up, breaking my train of bad thoughts. “I’m not Queen Chrysalis, so I probably won’t be as good.”
I wince at her words. Now I can’t get the meaning of double entendres out of my head. The thing she just said. The way she said it. It sounds less like I’m going to poke her muzzle, and more like…oh my god. If anyone heard us on the other side of the door, I’m sure there would be a lot of questions surging through their heads. I have to stop thinking about this. No, I NEED to stop thinking about this. For the sake of my sanity.
“N-No, it’s fine, Princess. I’ll…um…boop you now.”
Princess Twilight shuts her eyes tightly, as I raise my finger up, getting ready to boop her on the nose. My finger gets closer and closer to her nose, as a bead of sweat makes its way down my cheek.
Boop.
The finger has landed on her nose. It give it a small press. Not as much pressure as I usually give Queen Chrysalis’ muzzle, as I’m not sure how hard Princess Twilight would like…oh, jesus…how HARD? God. No, brain. Stop it! I hate you!
Princess Twilight’s eyes open, crossing them to look at my finger pressed up against her nose. Slowly, I move my finger away, and she watches it detract from her nose, and back to me. I stare, wondering if she liked it or not.
“How was that?” I ask.
“That was…okay.” Princess Twilight says after moments of thought. “Maybe you should try it again.”
I shrug, and boop her on the nose again.
And again.
And again.
Each time I boop her, her face shows a more pleasant expression, like she’s enjoying the sensation. It’s not like Queen Chrysalis’ reactions, where she giggles and sticks her tongue out, but more like she’s sighing out of comfort and relaxation. This is actually pretty good research; seeing how a pony reacts to a boop in comparison to a more otherworldly creature. It’s quite fascinating. Once I am finished, I plan on writing into my handy dandy notebook that I carry around in my back pocket.
When my finger approaches her for another boop, her head swerves around my finger, and nuzzles against my hand, like a needy dog wanting to be pet. My eyes go wide at her action, but my hand, as if on instinct, opens up and allows her cheek to brush against my palm.
Princess Twilight. The Princess of Friendship. Is rubbing her cheek against my hand. And I’m letting it happen. Her sighs of comfort turn into small but horrifyingly noticeable moans. Her head rubs itself all over my hand, as if begging me to pet her. I almost feel like obliging, as there is something rather adorable about this whole thing, if one pardons the strange noises emanating from the alicorn. However, before anything more could be done, the royal horse noises stop, as she jerks away from my hand with wide open eyes, and the exact same expression of confusion and fright as me.
There’s nothing to really say to each other. I just wanted to show her what booping was. She was the one who took it to a weird place. I mean, yeah, it’s great that she didn’t react negatively to the booping, but I wasn’t expecting her to react like…THAT.
But…you know what…
“This is amazing!” both Princess Twilight and I say, as we move away from each other. I take out my notebook, and furiously scribble in my findings when booping her. In the corner of my eye, I see Princess Twilight scribbling with the same kind of ferocity onto a piece of parchment. I’m not going to think too much about it. She’s probably writing it down for research purposes as well.
I am finished with my notes. As odd as the experience was, these were some excellent findings. With Queen Chrysalis, she showed signs of amusement and playfulness. With Princess Twilight, she showed signs of relaxation and…and...I don’t even know what else, just that she really really liked it. I turn to Princess Twilight to see her rolling up the parchment.
“Spike!” Princess Twilight calls out. “Spike! Come here!”
Princess Twilight’s faithful dragon, Spike, comes running into the room like there’s some big emergency going on.
“What is it, Twilight?” Spike looks past her to see me. “Oh, hey.” he gives me a small wave. “What’s he doing here?”
“Nevermind that, Spike!” Princess Twilight tosses the rolled up parchment at him. “Send this to Princess Celestia, immediately!”
“Wait.” I hold my hand up. “What are you…”
“I’m on it!” Spike makes a enthusiastic salute, and uses his dragon breath to make the letter disappear.
“Hold on, what did you just send?” I ask.
“I sent Princess Celestia a letter about our booping!” Princess Twilight says with a wide smile.
“Your booping?!” Spike gasps with disgust, “Ew! What did you two DO in here?!”
“It’s not like that, Spike.” Princess Twilight waves it off, before turning to me. “Show him what booping is.”
Hm, booping a dragon seems odd, but if Princess Twilight wants me to. I reach down to poke Spike on the nose, when he suddenly swats it away.
“Get that finger away from me!” he shouts. “I don’t know where that’s been!”
“It’s been with me and Queen Chrysalis.” Princess Twilight says bluntly.
“Dude!" Spike sticks his tongue out in revulsion, “A Princess AND the Queen of The Changelings?!" He points at me with antagonism, "Have you no shame?!”
“Spike, it’s not…” I try to correct the misunderstanding, but…
“You’re gross!” Spike runs out the door.
I sigh. Well, looks like I found myself in another fine mess, and so soon after clearing up the other one. Now, Spike is the one that thinks booping is some sort of weird thing. Maybe I should just reword it. Poking? No, that won’t work. Maybe if I said “I’m going to boop you on the nose,” instead of “I’m going to boop you,” it won’t lead to any confusion. That could be a fine alternative.
Wait up, Princess Twilight had a letter sent to Princess Celestia about the booping, and I got way off track by all this booping talk again.
“Princess Twilight? What ABOUT the booping did you tell Princess Celestia about?”
“Oh, don’t worry. It specifies the act as well as you have. I made sure not to be vague about it.” she smiles. I sigh in relief. “I talked about how relaxing it was, and how you used it to hopefully reform Queen Chrysalis.”
“I see. Well, that’s good then.”
“I also told her to send my findings to other ponies.”
Wait…
“Other…ponies?”
“The ones that I know would enjoy this kind of treatment.”
“How many are we talking about here?”
“Oh, I’m talking about a lot of ponies. You have no IDEA how many ponies are out there that could use a good booping. I know Applejack gets a lot of stress on the farm. Rarity can get pretty frazzled when working on her dresses. Then there’s A.K Yearling, Ditzy Doo the mailmare, the Great and Powerful Trixie can also get kind of antsy on some days…”
“Twilight, I don’t know a lot of those ponies!”
“Don’t worry, you will soon enough. They’ll love you, and your booping skills!”
“Skills?! Twilight, I was fine with showing you what booping was, and now you’re asking me to boop all of Equestria, too?!”
“Not all of Equestria, just the ones I know will benefit from you.”
“But, my studies! I need to learn more about this world and the creatures that inhabit it!”
“And you will!” Princess Twilight starts to push me out the door. “You’ll learn first hand about us, and you’ll start as soon as possible!” Princess Twilight gets me all the way into the hallway, and closes the door with a quick “Good night!” and a slam.
I’m all alone in this hallway. The nice walls and various sculptures seem so cold and distant. Which is what I would be saying if I wanted to be dramatic. Also, I’m not really alone in the hallway, because Spike is here, too, and he doesn’t look happy to see me.
“Hey, Spike.”
Suddenly, the little dragon jumps up and latches onto my shirt collar. Wow, he’s fast! It’s a bit scary, I have to say. I wonder if he’d be open to talking to me about dragons and their habits and culture. Probably not right now, though. He’s mad.
“You listen to me…” he growls, “If you ever boop Rarity, I will burn your house down.”
I roll my eyes at his threat. It’s a bit of an overreaction, if I do say myself. It could be funny if I booped him on the nose right now, and show him the what for. But my extremely limited knowledge of dragons has taught me that they have sharp teeth. Spike is really mad, and he might try to bite my finger off if I tried to boop him.
“Come on, Spike. You’re overreacting. Booping is…”
“I know what booping is!”
“Ummm…you do?” I raise an eyebrow. It’s hard to believe him if he’s this angry. “I don’t think that you do. Let me explain…”
“No need!” Spike lets go of me and jumps onto the floor. He walks backwards, doing that thing where he points at his eyes, and then points back at me. “I’ll be watching you. If you disobey me…you know the penalty.”
“Spike…” Too late. He’s already run off further into the castle. I could call out to him; the walls can cause a loud enough echo.
However, it could be funnier to lead him along and get back at him for the threat later. We’ll see how I feel later down the line, if I run into this Rarity and do what Spike doesn’t want me to do. I don’t even know if I actually WANT to do it. I got things to do. My schedule has always been to look at the wildlife, and boop Queen Chrysalis, and now those plans have been flung out the window.
I mean, I could try to get my research done in the morning, assuming that these ponies show up in the afternoon. I know Queen Chrysalis arrives around the late afternoon, so any research can conceivably be done before she arrives. I just have to make sure to tidy up the house before she shows up, while also doing my desired research.
Then, there’s the issue of these ponies. Would they actually want this? To be booped by a total stranger. Well...yeah, there’s the whole human thing, and I’m sure some of them would be curious, but who else did Twilight want that letter sent to?
Hmm...Rarity, huh? I’ve heard of her, and I think I’ve seen her around town during my errands. White, purple hair, has diamonds as a mark. Guess the little guy has a bit of a crush on her. Wait, what am I guessing for? He threatened to burn my house down! I like my house!
Oh, well. I guess I should go back…um…there’s another pony in front of me.
Heliotrope coat, purple mane with an aquamarine stripe, persian blue eyes. Ah, this must be Starlight Glimmer. Either that, or a pony that snuck in and is trying to rob the place.
“Are you Starlight Glimmer?” I ask.
“I sure am.” she says with a grin, “And you’re the human who likes to boop ponies.”
“Oh my god…” I facepalm, “…look, here’s the thing…”
“Library. Five minutes.”
“Excuse me?” I lean down further to her. “What did you say?”
“Library. Five minutes. You’re going to show me all about…”
“Okay, I’ve had enough of this bit.”
Boop.
I prod Starlight Glimmer’s nose, effectively shutting her up. She looks at my finger pressed up against her muzzle in a shocked fashion. I can’t get through to anypony with words, so I might as well take action. Once I remove my finger, she has no idea what to say.
“THAT’S what booping is.” I say, annoyed.
I walk away from her and exit through the front door.
I don’t stop, even when I hear her say “Hey, I liked that t-“ before I shut the door.
I just want to go home and get a good night’s sleep. I’ll deal with the ramifications of this day at a later time.
View Online
Booping Fluffle Puff and "Booping" Queen Chrysalis
Christ, this castle is far. If this is the closest Discord could get me, then Queen Chrysalis’ sphere of magic canceling must be pretty huge. I think I’m about another forty-five minutes away; maybe an hour if I take a break. No, taking breaks are for people who don’t have a mission to fulfill. I feel like the protagonist in those cheesy romantic comedies, going on a mission to proclaim his or her love for the secondary lead, typically the best friend who swooned from the shadows, and thought he or she was too late to have a chance at love with the main character.
Oh, oh crap. My life has become a romantic comedy! I mean, there are certainly a few differences. Queen Chrysalis wasn’t trying to help me be with another mare, for one. This is so weird. I didn’t think anything like this would happen. Then again, I also didn’t think I’d be falling for Queen Chrysalis…or anyone here, for that matter, but I am, and that’s the way it goes.
Huh, I’m really accepting of this “loving Queen Chrysalis” thing. Maybe it’s because there are no human women around. That sounds mean, though. That would imply that I wouldn’t want to be with Queen Chrysalis if there was a human woman around. That one female geologist that was on my team was pretty cute, though. Man, what would have happened if she found out that Queen Chrysalis kissed me? She would flip out. Call me a sick pervert. Not talk to me ever again. Be unpleasant to be around.
You know what, I’m glad she isn’t here. I take all that back. Unless she falls for a stallion, then she wouldn't be saying such…
GAH!
I tripped over a rock! Now I’m falling down a hill! Stupid rock! You broke my chain of thought! When I stop tumbling, I’m going to kick your ass! Oh, right, rocks don’t have asses. Am I still rolling?
WHUMP!
Ow. I landed on my back. I hurt. A lot. Maybe a rest wouldn’t be too bad. After all, I am in pain, now. I hope I didn’t break anything. Nope, I can still move my appendages. How does my back feel. Hmm…it hurts, but nothing too serious. Actually, I’m feeling quite durable. After that day at Ponyville General, and especially after that massage, I’ve been feeling quite strong and spry.
Hey, I’m hearing rustling. Is there someone out there? I sit up to check. No, I don’t…HEY! I just saw a pink think in the corner of my eye. Is it Pinkie Pie? No, it can’t be. It was a lighter shade of pink, and fluffier than Pinkie Pie is. Speaking of which, I wonder what would happen if I booped Pinkie Pie. She’d probably…
OH CRAP!!!
A big pink fluffy pony just popped out of nowhere! She’s right in front of me! Wait…why am I scared? It’s a fluffy pony. She doesn’t seem to pose much of a threat. Then again, I’ve seen movies where the cute thing is the deadliest of them all. She’s not doing anything. She’s just…staring at me.
“Um…hi?” I say. “What are you doing out here?”
The pink fluffy pony’s eyes scan me up and down. Suddenly, she gasps, with her open mouth turning into a smile. She trots up to me, and nuzzles against my cheek with a purr. Aw…that’s kind of cute. But…why is she doing this? I put my hands on her shoulders. At least I think they’re shoulders. The fluff is too great to tell.
“What’s up?” I ask her.
“Pflt.” is the sound she makes; sticking her tongue out to make a fart noise. I want to burst out laughing out of reflex, but…
“What are you doing here?”
The pink fluffy pony points at my right hand, then at her muzzle. She does it again. Right hand. Muzzle. Right hand. Muzzle. Wait…is she…
“You want me to boop you?”
She makes another gasp noise, nodding her head rapidly. She does the same pointing motion, but also points to the castle. I think I’m starting to understand her. She knows Queen Chrysalis? Is she a changeling? Or a friend of Queen Chrysalis? I don’t know.
“You’re saying that if I boop you, you’ll take me to Queen Chrysalis?”
She nods again. Every rapid head nod makes a weird squeaky noise when she does it. She seems even stranger than Pinkie Pie. First Discord, now this fluffy pony is my ticket to get to Queen Chrysalis. Well…booping ponies to get ahead in life certainly is better than having to do a menial task. Better do it.
Boop.
“Plft.” she makes the fart noise again.
Boop.
“Plft.”
Boop.
“Plft.”
Is this how it’s going to be? Making amusing fart sounds when I boop her? What if I do the trick of sliding my finger up her muzzle? “Pllllllffffffftttttt….” she extends the noise until I separate. Huh. I don’t know why I expected anything other than that. What if I slide up her muzzle and pet her? “Pllllllfffffftttttt…purr….” she purrs when I scratch her behind the ears.
Oh, she’s really enjoying that. She’s purrs and nuzzles her cheek against my arm in relaxation. You know, for a giant piece of fluff, she’s quite adorable. Like a big living fluffy pillow that I just want to-ARGH!
She’s grabbed me and pinned me to the ground! So much fluff! She’s purring and rubbing her cheek all over my face! It would be cute if I wasn’t so caught off guard. I don’t want to protest and throw her off, since it doesn't hurt, and honestly, it’s not the most unpleasant sensation. It’s definitely not as life threatening as Princess Celestia sleeping on top of me, though I bet that if she wasn’t sleeping, and if I was attracted to her, I would deal with it with vim and vigor.
Where was I? Oh, yeah. I’m being smothered with love by the fluffy pony.
The fluffy one hops off, shaking herself off like a dog getting rid of water or dirt in it’s coat. She turns, facing Queen Chrysalis’ castle, and starts to hop towards it. Hey, wait up!
I follow her towards the castle. She hops up small hills, passes through crevices. Is this the safest way over? I counted like ten death traps just a few minutes into the walk. Then again, I wasn’t going to let a silly thing like that stop me. I’m getting the feeling that this isn’t the safest way, but is the fastest way, and I’m fine with that.
Within fifteen minutes, we make it to the front of the castle. There isn’t a door, but just a black wall. The fluffy pony raises her hoof up, as if telling me to wait. Suddenly, the wall opens up, revealing a way inside. The fluffy pony throws her hoof down, and we both run through seconds before it closes. Jesus Christ, one wrong move and I’d be crushed by that thing. This has to be some kind of hazard. The fluffy one taps on my arm, motioning me to keep following her.
The inside of this castle is dark, and more than a little spooky. The walls seem slick, slimy maybe, kind of like that scene in this movie called Aliens. That was an awesome movie. I’m getting off track, but really, these walls remind me of that flick. Oh, and there’s also a bunch of bright blue eyes watching me.
Wait, bright blue eyes?
Oh, wow. Up above, in various catwalks and crevices, I see many eyes watching me. I can’t make out their appearances, but from what I can see, they have the shape of ponies. Very, very dark ponies. They don’t seem to be staring at me with aggression, but almost curiosity. I suppose this is a good sign. If they see me as an intruder, I’d probably be good as dead.
“It’s him.” I hear one whisper. “I can’t believe it.”
“The Booping King has arrived.” I hear an—hold on. Booping King?
“The Booping King.” said another. “The Booping King” said yet another.
The title is tossed around the castle. Every step the fluffy pony and I take, I hear the same words. The Booping King. Am…am I somehow known around these parts? Did Queen Chysalis tell them about me and what I did? Did she give me the moniker of The Booping King, and they followed her lead, or were her tales so grand, that I have somehow gained legendary status and they invented the name themselves? Either way, I don’t know how to feel about this. On the one hand, that’s actually pretty awesome, but on the other, I kind of wish it was a better title. I’m partial to “Master of The Universe,” myself, but that was a pipe dream at best.
The fluffy pony brings me to the largest area of the castle; the throne room. It makes sense, since the throne room is supposed to be the biggest and most impressive room in any castle. It certainly lives up to the whole “impressive” part. A massive throne in the middle, jagged rocks all around, holes in the walls for various changelings to appear, and eggs hanging above the throne. I can see little baby changelings sleeping soundly inside. Not quite ready to hatch, but well into their development cycle.
The sight is simultaneously astounding and frightening at the same time. I must be able to study these creatures more at some point in time.
The fluffy pony taps on my arm, getting her attention. She points at the throne, bringing my attention to the lone figure sitting with her head down, looking at the stone floor.
It’s Queen Chrysalis!
Before I can go to her, the fluffy pony stops me, hopping ahead and up the throne to the Queen. Queen Chrysalis looks sad, like something is depressing her. After what Princess Luna told me, I can get a good idea as to what is bothering her. I want to go up there to let her know that everything is okay, maybe get a good hug in there, too. She’s a great hugger.
The pink fluffball taps Queen Chrysalis on the foreleg, making her signature fart like noise.
“Go away, Fluffle. I’m not in the mood.” Queen Chrysalis says sadly. The fluffball is named Fluffle, eh? It fits. Fluffle continues to tap on Queen Chrysalis. She looks agitated now, giving Fluffle a sharp and angry look. “I told you! I’m not…”
Queen Chrysalis stops, noticing that Fluffle is pointing down the throne, right at me. Her vision slowly scans downward, finally noticing me staring up at her. I can see the look on her face. Her eyes show a sense of shock, but also elation at my appearance.
I’m here for you, Queen Chrysalis.
“You…” she says silently. I want to take a step, but that look of elation turns into anger. She stares daggers into Fluffle, who bends down in fright. “Why is he here? Why did you bring him here?! Answer me!” Fluffle is scared. She trembles in fear.
“Don’t yell at her!” I say, placing a foot on the first step up her throne. Queen Chrysalis turns away from her to face me. “I told her to take me.” I lie. Fluffle gave me a way in, and I took it. But, I don’t want to see her be yelled at. “Don’t be mad at her. Be mad at me.”
Queen Chrysalis’ anger looks to subside. That flash of a vicious Queen was one I had seen before, when we first met. It was frightening then, it’s frightening now. Slowly, it’s replaced by a look of empathy. She looks down at the cowering Fluffle, leaning to face her.
“Forgive me, Fluffle.” she says softly. Fluffle looks up at her, wiping tears away. “I broke my promise. I won’t ever do it again, I swear to you.”
Fluffle and Queen Chrysalis share a small, silent beat together. Then, Fluffle smiles, nuzzling her cheek against the Queen’s, purring as she does it. Fluffle bounces down the stairs with a smile, and stops at my side. She nods to me, thanking me for coming to her aid, and I nod to her for…blech, she just licked my hand. Oh well, you brought me to Queen Chrysalis, so it’s fine. She bounces away as I wipe my hand against my pant leg. I look up at Queen Chrysalis, and she motions me to meet her up to the throne.
I walk up to her. I see a small smirk on her face when she looks at me, but it disappears when I get closer to her. I wish she wouldn’t look so sullen; she has a beautiful smile.
“Fluffle?” I ask her.
“Fluffle Puff. She’s a changeling. She likes that form because it brings the most love from other ponies.”
“I can see why.” I smile and nod. “Does she talk?”
“Every once in a while. Don’t be fooled. She plays up the whole cute silent treatment, with the occasional gasp and tongue noise.”
“You mean ‘pllfftt?’” I recreate the noise. Queen Chrysalis chuckles slightly, but not as much as she normally would at childish humor. “I missed you.”
Queen Chrysalis’ eyes widen slightly at my words, as does a noticeable blush brighten up her black cheeks. She looks away from me, covering her cheeks as if embarrassed by me saying that.
“We hadn’t seen one another for less than a day. You can’t be missing me.”
“I can and I will. Why did you fly away from me after…”
“After I forced myself on you?” she interrupts.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“You don’t need to lie to me. I know what I did. I was weak. Helpless, and you saved me from that brute of a monster. When you offered your aid…I couldn’t help myself. I could sense something emanating from you, and I got greedy. I took your love without asking. I did a monstrous thing to my wonderful friend.” Her eyes well with tears. “You shouldn’t have come.”
“I wanted to be here, Queen Chrysalis. I wanted to see you.” I try to get her to look at me, but she moves her head every time I try to align myself to her field of view. “Queen Chrysalis, please look at me.”
“No. I can’t look at you without thinking of what I’ve done.”
“Please. I need to look into your eyes.” I gulp as I think of my next words, “Your emerald eyes are what makes my days better.” Cheesy, but I’m going for it. I hear a small gasp leave her lips. I think it might be working. Slowly, she turns her head to me. Green hair that had been covering her eyes part as she moves, as if a curtain is opening up to reveal her glorious eyes.
Our eyes lock. I can feel a sense of electricity in our gaze that I had not felt before. It’s so weird to be feeling this way. Whenever we would make eye contact, I felt that I was looking into the eyes of a good friend. Now that I feel more than that, staring into her makes my heart flutter.
“Why do you call me Queen Chrysalis?” she asks, breaking the silence.
“What do you mean? It’s your name.”
“Chrysalis is my name. Queen is my title. Why do you always refer to me as Queen Chrysalis?”
“Because…” I say, attempting to answer. Huh, that’s a pretty good question. Throughout my time here, I always referred to her as Queen Chrysalis. Despite being best friends, I never simply called her Chrysalis. “I thought you liked that.” I said. “I felt that, being in the presence of royalty, that referring to you, or anyone else with a title, should be referred to as such.”
“But…we were friends. Did you feel that I thought myself as superior?”
“I…never really thought about it like that. I never thought you looked down on me, for the past two months. The first couple of months could have gone either way. It wasn’t until you started thanking me for those booping sessions, that I realized that you thought of me as a friend.”
“I wouldn’t have minded if you called me Chrysalis. Whenever you referred to me as Queen, it felt like you thought that…” Chrysalis pauses, chuckling “…I thought…that you were beneath me. I haven’t thought of you as such for a while now. Referring to me by my title reminds me that I once did.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that I made you feel bad.”
“Don’t be. It’s my fault that I never brought it up. Please, you should be angry with me. I don’t mind if you are.”
“Why would I be angry with you?”
“Haven’t you heard a word I said? What I did to you? I betrayed our friendship by taking your love! I didn’t want to do that! I wanted…I wanted…” her voice becomes soft, less harsh than before “…I wanted to EARN it.”
Seeing Chrysalis like this; sad, vulnerable, in pain, is shocking me. She always struck me as a powerful and confident Queen; one who was bothered by nothing, and had no time for sympathy. In truth, I should have noticed her softer side. She was always so nice to me, and treated me warmly during the last two months. I had no idea that the days where I didn’t know of her true feelings were eating her up inside. Perhaps…if I noticed sooner…things would have been different.
“So, you’ve felt this way about me for the past two months?” I ask.
“A…bit longer than that.” she winces. “I was unkind to you…because…” she turns away again, embarrassed “…I didn’t know how to deal with these feelings. It’s un-Queenly of me; to resort to schoolfilly behavior. I am known for taking love, but with you…I didn’t want to do that. I wanted you to fall for me the standard way, despite…you know…being human and all.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“And how would you respond?” Chrysalis turns to me with a slight anger in her eyes. “If I told you that I was having feelings for you three months ago, how would you respond? Don’t try to sweet talk me, don’t try to sugarcoat your words! How would you have felt if I told you then?”
“I…” she makes a good point. I may be more accepting of such a relationship, now, but if she was having feelings for me three months ago… “…I wouldn’t have believed it.” I’m honest with her. “I would have thought you were kidding, and probably point out my humanity. I’d probably make a dumb joke, too.”
“And that’s why I didn’t tell you. I hid my feelings away, and tried to move on. But, I couldn’t move on. I kept seeing you. Every time I came to your house, I was only making it worse. But, you were so kind. You ARE so kind. After the night we met, you never showed fear. Every day you would see me, it was always with a smile. I loved your smile, but I kept hating myself for seeing you.”
“So, were you really training your army during the days we were apart?”
“Actually, that is true. I did follow your advice. It was the only thing I could do to be away from you. Even so, I couldn’t escape from how I felt.”
“I got that from Princess Luna.”
“What do you mean?” Chrysalis tilts her head in confusion “What did she say?”
“She told me that you’ve been…” I can’t help but blush at the remembrance “…having rather intense dreams about me.”
“Sh-She told you?!” Chrysalis blushes a bright red. “Oh, that nosy Princess! I should have sensed her in my dreams! Of course, I was preoccupied with…” her eyes widen. I think she knows she has said too much. “You must think of me as disgusting.”
“Disgusting? Not really. Surprised? Very. It’s…quite a big shock. As far as I know, I don’t think anyone has ever had dreams like that about me. Truth be told…” I chuckle slightly “…it’s weird…but a little flattering, too.”
“Flattering? Me having such dreams about you…is flattering?”
“Well…if it was anyone else around here, I’d be creeped out. Especially Ms. Harshwhinny. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if she WAS having dreams about me.” I laugh. I can see a small smirk on Chrysalis. “But…since it’s you…I don’t know…I…I’m kind of okay with it.”
“How can you be okay with it?”
“I can’t think of a better mare to be admitting this. The kind and beautiful changeling queen falling in love with me?”
“You…” Chrysalis steps back a little “You think I am beautiful?”
“I wasn’t lying when I called you pretty, Chrysalis. I’m telling the truth. When you kissed me, I felt something. I thought of all the time we had spent together, and how much I missed you when we were apart. In fact, I can barely think about what my life here would be like without you. Being with you gave me something to look forward to, and…” now I’m blushing “…if I was always with you…well…I’d be the luckiest guy in Equestria.”
“Oh…you….you…” Chrysalis shakes her head, but I see her eyes well up with emotion. “…you are truly the strangest man I have ever met.”
“I’m the only man you’ve ever met.”
Chrysalis laughs out loud. It’s such a great laugh. Her voice reverberates through the throne room, and I can see her changelings watching from above and around corners. They must have been listening to our conversation this entire time. Seeing Chrysalis finally smile…it’s such a wonderful sight to see. She approaches me slowly.
“So…this is the life that you want, then?” Chrysalis says softly “To be together with the once fearsome and villainous changeling queen? Who tried to rule over Equestria and enslave all who defied her?”
“You’re not planning on that now, are you?”
“Not in the immediate or far future. If I was, would that be a problem?” she says in an almost teasing manner. That’s the Chrysalis I know.
“I may have pause for a few minutes. I think if I booped you, you’d be calmed down.”
“You’re right. A few boops from you would do the trick. So, what you’re saying is…yes?”
“I’m saying hell yes.”
“Then…” she gets very close to me “…there’s something else you should know.”
“What is it?”
“During my time with the changelings, I have been teaching them a few things. One of which is…kind of a performance piece.”
“Oh, you put on a play?”
“Not exactly. It’s…it’s how I really feel when you boop me.”
“Wait…all that giggling and tongue sticking outing wasn’t how you felt?”
“It is…but it’s not everything.”
“So, how do you really feel when I boop you?”
“Why don’t you boop me, and find out?” She whispers softly in my ear. Suddenly, she SLAMS her hoof on the ground, and changelings from all over the throne room come out from their hiding spots. They stand, as if getting in positions for something. I look around, seeing them preparing themselves, and then back at Chrysalis, who looks at me with a smile. “My liege.” she bows to me.
“So, you were the one who named me The Booping King.” I smile. Chrysalis responds to me with a smile of her own.
I approach her, holding my hand out for booping. I don’t know how many boops she wants for this, but I’ll go with five. That seems to be a fine number.
Boop.
Chrysalis steps away from me. That’s all its going to take to start up this performance? Okay, I’m fine with…where’s that music coming from? It sounds like someone is playing a guitar riff. It sounds….familiar. Like…the opening to a song I’ve heard so many times.
Then, Chrysalis’ hoof HITS the floor with a powerful boom. The changelings around us start to hum a heavenly choir. Now, I KNOW I’ve heard this song before. Could it be? Could this song have had a version of it in Equestria?
Chrysalis sings. It’s utterly disarming and gorgeous.
“Life is a mystery. Everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name And it feels like home.”
Holy crap. I was right. I’ve heard this song before! It’s a song from Madonna, before she got weird! It’s called "Like A Prayer!" Christ, I love this song! Sing, Chrysalis! Sing!
The changeling’s wings sparkle and make chiming noises, much like the notes of the song. Then, I see other go to town on drums and guitars. Chrysalis goes into a wild and well choreographed dance routine.
“When you call my name, it's like a little prayer. I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there! In the midnight hour I can feel your power! Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there!” Chrysalis’ dance is hypnotic. She dances well for a being on four legs. She gets close to me. Very close. Like kissing distance close.
“I hear your voice…It’s like an angel sighing. I have no choice, I hear your voice…feels like flying.” That last part is punctuated by changelings singing the lyric with her. Chrysalis flies up into the air, closing her eyes. “I close my eyes.” She descends downwards. “Oh God I think I'm falling. Out of the sky, I close my eyes.” As she makes it to the ground, her eyes snap open. “Heaven help me!”
Chrysalis goes back into the dance routine. This time, a few changelings join her. They’re just as enthusiastic as she is. They really put their all into this. That she was able to coerce them into creating this elaborate number makes me want to see her command her army in a day-in-the-life.
“When you call my name, it's like a little prayer. I'm down on my knees, I wanna take you there! In the midnight hour I can feel your power! Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there!”
Wow, this is all so wonderfully choreographed. If I was some kind of play critic, I’d be giving this performance a ten out of ten. Or five out of five…whatever star rating critics give out these days. Woah, Chrysalis is really close to me again. This time, she’s whispering the lyrics. I’m turning into melted butter at her voice.
“Like a foal…you whisper softly to me.You're in control just like a foal…” she sways her hips side to side. “Now I'm dancing. It’s like a dream. No end and no beginning. You’re here with me, it's like a dream…” She jumps away from me, shouting “Let the choir sing!” and her voice echoes once again.
This time, the choir of changelings prop themselves up, and dance along with Chrysalis. Even Fluffle Puff is dancing. They sing along with their Queen. “When you call my name it's like a little prayer. I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there. In the midnight hour I can feel your power. Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there.”
Chrysalis begins to approach me very slowly, singing along with her army. “When you call my name, it's like a little prayer. I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there.In the midnight hour, I can feel your power. Just like a prayer you know I'll take you there!”
She is again close to me. She leans down to me, grazing her cheek against mine. Her warmth is incomparable. She moves to my left ear and sings ever so gently. “Life is a mystery. Everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name. And it feels like home.” She steps back before I can do anything about her closeness. She dances even more vigorously than before. As she sings “Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there. Just like a muse to me, you are a mystery. Just like a dream, you are not what you seem. Just like a prayer, no choice your voice can take me there.”
Chrysalis starts to repeat the lyrics. Her voice. The dancing. The way she’s looking at me. I can’t take it any more. I’m sorry, Chrysalis. I know how hard you worked on this, but I can’t help myself from doing what I’m going to do next.
I run up to her, grab her by the cheeks, and plant a big kiss on her lips. The other changelings don’t notice, continuing their song and dance like they are extremely into it. Even Fluffle Puff is singing her heart out from the choir, much like that one singer in the song in my world who stands out from the other vocalists in the choir.
That doesn’t matter anymore, right now. I’m kissing Chrysalis, and it’s just a great as it was the first time we kissed. I hope she doesn’t get too mad that I surprised her with this, then again, this could constitute as payback for kissing me so suddenly.
Oh, I think she likes it, because her tongue is crawling into my mouth, again…full on French. Is there a France in Equestria? Aw, who the heck cares? This is wonderful.
The other changelings finally notice our long kiss, and start to fade out from their song. Chrysalis and I separate as the song comes to a close. Her eyes open up, no doubt closing from relaxation, and she stares at me with such an elated expression that I can only hope that she enjoyed that as much as I did.
“I…” her hoof caresses my chest “…I feel so much love from you. Can I…have some?” Her polite yet seductive tone almost makes me die from a heart attack and possible blood loss if I was like those guys in Japanese anime who suffer from explosive nosebleed syndrome. Okay, I must be cool about this.
“You can have as much as you want.” I say in my best seductive voice. I think I did okay.
“I’ll be gentle.” she says. Damn. I mean…damn. That sounded amazing.
Chrysalis opens her mouth, and a purr escapes from it, as my mouth instinctively opens. That familiar mist floats out of me, and goes into her. Now that I expected it, it’s not as jarring as it was when it first happens. It’s a nice, almost warm feeling, giving my love to her. Maybe if I was unwilling, it would be discomforting, but being a willing subject, it’s not bad in the slightest.
Once she has her fill, she closes her mouth. That dizziness effect is still there, and I nearly fall forward. Luckily, Chrysalis catches me. I can feel her arm skin, and I can’t help but nuzzle her shoulder. I feel her foreleg caress my back lovingly.
“Can I come home with you?” she asks.
“Of course you can.” I answer with no hesitation.
“I’ll see you all tomorrow.” I hear Chrysalis tell her army. “Be on your best behavior, until I return.”
I try to turn around to give the changelings a wave, but with a quick FLASH of light, I am suddenly in my house. Well, that takes away any walking or flying time away. That’s a pretty nifty spell, if I do say so myself.
“So…” I separate myself from Chrysalis. “Would you like me to make you dinner?”
“As lovely as that would be, I’m wondering more about Ms. Harshwhinny on your couch.”
“Huh?” I turn to see Ms. Harshwhinny on my couch, wearing black lingerie, and posed in a position that she probably thought was seductive. Maybe for other ponies, I kind of sort of appreciate the effort, but the fact of the matter is, this is not the time or the place for this. “Hey!” I yell.
“Oh!” Ms. Harshwhinny jumps off the couch, trying to brush her hair back to be more professional, but the outfit is killing that mood. “Mr. The Human. You brought…” her eyes widen “…Q-Queen Chrysalis! My apologies!” she bows before her, more out of intimidation than anything. “Please, don’t kill me! Anything but that!”
“Anything?” Chrysalis slyly turns to me, moving her eyebrows up and down, wanting some saucy time.
“No.” I say with drollness.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Harshwhinny. Maybe another time.” Chrysalis says with a small chuckle from my reaction.
“Another time for what?” Ms. Harshwhinny is confused, but she shrugs, gathering her things, and heads for the door. “H-Have a good night.” she makes a quick exit, finally leaving the two of us alone.
“Really?” I ask Chrysalis.
“Relax, honey. I'm only joking.” Chrysalis giggles. “We'll see what happens after a few weeks.” I open my mouth to ask what she meant by that, but soon, I am surrounded by a green aura, and I float off the floor. Woah! This is weird. “Now then, on to important business. Where is your bed?”
“Up the stairs, and the first door you see.”
“Perfect.”
Chrysalis trots through the living room, and up the stairs, all the while looking directly into my eyes. It’s pretty intimate and nice, though the obvious question remains.
“What are we going to do on the bed, Chrysalis?” I ask. I chuckle to myself, remembering that I asked Ember that question, too. “Wah!” I yelp, as Chrysalis tosses me back, and I land on the soft and comfy mattress below. As soon as I get my bearings, Chrysalis crawls onto the bed, looking at me with a seductive growl. She kisses my neck and gives it a small lick. “Oh, oh wow. Chrysalis. This is great.” Chrysalis lays down next to me. Her neck is too long for direct eye contact, and I face her chest.
Small doubt takes in. Not the relationship, heck no; I’m all for it. But…this part of it? So soon? I don’t know if I’m fully prepared.
“Wait. Hold on.” I say, as Chrysalis wraps her forelegs around me. “I’m not sure if…” Chrysalis pulls me towards her chest, holding me tight, as my left ear is pressed against her chest, and I hear her heartbeat. “What…what’s happening?”
“I’ve always wanted to do this, with you.” she coos.
“Wait…” I think about this. Saucy stuff isn’t happening, but this is a nice and intimate setting. Are we… “Cuddling?” I ask for clarification.
“Yes. I always figured you’d make a good cuddling partner. You’re so warm.”
“I think that might be you.” I chuckle. She is quite warm. And comfortable. Getting a tad sleepy.
“No. It’s definitely you.” she whispers. I think we’re both getting a bit sleepy. I hear her yawn. The noise makes me yawn, too, and I start to close my eyes. “And don’t worry. We’ll work our way up to sex, eventually.”
My eyes spring open.
Author's Note
Happy Holidays from Queen Chrysalis and Mr. The Human.
