I'm Fairly Certain Nothing Objectionable Happened
Author's Note
After not writing anything for like 9-10 months, I have finally returned with. . . Well, it's something, anyway.
I'm Fairly Certain Nothing Objectionable Happened
Anypony who knew Fluttershy at even a basic level knew that she awoke at sunrise. Part of the reason why she did this was because she simply had to, for it was feeding time for the many animals that she loved and cared for. However, even if such a weighted responsibility did not rest on Fluttershy's shoulders, she still would probably find herself getting up with the dawn. Her property, while certainly not the best in all of Equestria (at least in her very humble opinion), did provide some spectacular views of a golden morning, and the wondrous sounds of unintruded nature sprinkled in with the sight made it even better. For her, home was nothing short of paradise.
Sometimes, on days where she particularly felt happy or excited, she went about her morning while singing a soft tune to herself. Even the greatest songbirds felt a twinge of jealously when they heard Fluttershy's angelic melodies, though no animal on the entire lot could deny that it was a treat better than any tangible snack.
On one particular day, when there were no clouds around to hide the brilliant sky's colors, Fluttershy continued singing even after finishing her morning chores. She found a prime spot in the soft grass right behind her cottage and gazed eastward. Celestia had just raised the sun a few minutes ago, bathing the horizon in a gold far more priceless than all the bits in Equestria.
Fluttershy was not alone. You see, to keep all these beautiful sights to herself would be nothing more than pure folly. Nuzzling up against her was a duck by the name of Mallard Fillmore. Mallard was a well-behaved little fellow who had never given Fluttershy even the slightest bit of trouble in the past. A few days ago, however, Mallard began to act funny. Normally, he was a very social duck, and would happily greet any visitors on the scarce occasion when Fluttershy had them. Lately, however, he had become as shy as his master, as if somepony sucked the self-confidence right out of him. It worried Fluttershy a bit, but she did knew neither what had brought this on nor how she could fix it.
As Fluttershy pondered what had gotten into her feathered friend, a flash of pure white light suddenly blinded her. She shrieked in surprise, and Mallard let out a startled quack. The light faded just as quickly as it arrived, however, and Fluttershy eventually managed to open one of her eyes.
Now she was really not alone, for in front of her stood a being she had never seen before. Yet at the same time, something felt familiar and even comforting about his presence. Perhaps that was why Fluttershy didn't immediately run away from him in the first place. He was a tall man-easily double Fluttershy's height- with a pair of round bifocals that gave him a fatherly appearance. In addition, he wore a sweater vest (that Rarity would certainly have criticized as outdated), jeans, and a dim but genuine smile.
Said smile rather quickly faded, however, into an expression of bewilderment as he noticed Fluttershy. He turned his head and silently analyzed the area around him with curious eyes.
"Jimbo?" He called out to the surrounding area. There was no response. "Sugarbooger? Anyone? Where did the living room go? For that matter, where did the house go?"
"I'm right here," Fluttershy spoke up, unsure why she felt compelled to reply. "I don't mean to be rude, um, sir, but you're kinda standing in my backyard."
He turned toward Fluttershy in preparation to reply, but said nothing. He had noticed poor little Mallard Fillmore leaning up against her, and it filled his heart with warmth at the sight. Oh, how he loved ducks. Though unsure about where he was, the man decided to approach the pony and say hello.
Fluttershy was unsure how to feel about the man as he came closer. A large part of her urged her to run away from this towering stranger, but she also noticed that Mallard seemed to feel differently. The duck seemed almost entranced by the man's presence, as if it was destined for them to meet. Unknown to the two of them, they had been visited by none other than Hugh Neutron, father of Jimmy Neutron and omniversal grandmaster of all things duck. Some would say that this was a strange coincidence. They would be wrong, for Hugh had unknowingly been sent by the fates themselves, but I will not delve any further into that.
Hugh plopped down next to Fluttershy and Mallard and made himself as comfortable as he could on the dew-stained grass. In one hand, Fluttershy noticed that he was holding a purple cylinder that she could not recognized. In the other hand, she caught glimpse of jet black rectangular prism that appeared to be some sort of device.
"Hey there, little yellow pony!" Hugh broke the uncomfortable silence as he pocketed the black device and put his free hand out for Fluttershy to shake. It's too bad she didn't have hands, otherwise she would have been lucky enough to shake hands with such a legendary hero for all the ducks in the omniverse. Nevertheless, Hugh realized that she only had hooves anyway and pulled his hand away. "And hello there, you little quackerjack," he practically cooed at Mallard Fillmore. He responded with a neutral quack.
"Um, hello," Fluttershy replied, her shyness getting the best of her once again. "What's your name, if you don't mind me asking, that is?"
"You can call me Hugh," said Hugh as his attention fixated on the purple object in his hand. He nonchalantly grabbed the top of it and pulled. A second later, a popping noise was heard, and he brought it up to his lips for a sip. "Yours?"
"I'm Fluttershy," She responded, slightly surprised that she managed to speak loud enough for Hugh to understand her. "How did you get here, anyway?"
Hugh rolled his eyes playfully. "Oh, I guess Jimbo-my son- left one of his devices on the coffee table again, and I mistook it for the TV remote. It must have sent me to some sort of colorful TV show about talking horses. I tell you, kids these days. I just wanted to watch the Retroville News and have myself a Purple Flurp, but I guess there will be another time for that."
"Purple Flurp?" Fluttershy questioned, eyeing the soda can in Hugh's hand. "Is that what you're drinking?"
"You betcha!" Hugh exclaimed with genuine enthusiasm as he passed the can to Fluttershy. "You should try some. I bet you'll like it."
Fluttershy reluctantly took the can, momentarily stared at the logo splashed on the front, and took a sip. Afterward, she smiled pleasantly.
"Say, that was pretty good," she said. Of course, she was lying through her teeth, for it tasted like some sort of nasty carbonated gunk. However, she was the Element of Kindness, not the Element of Honesty, so she supposed that it was better not to risk hurting Hugh's feelings.
Hugh took the can back from Fluttershy, chugged the rest of it, and then belched rather loudly in the direction of the rising sun. "So, this is what you do with your mornings, Fluttershy?"
"Yes. It's beautiful, don't you think? I mean, if you don't, that's-"
"Yeah," Hugh stretched his legs as he lied back. "It's quite tranquil. The only thing it needs it needs is more ducks. And pie," Hugh added as he began to fantasize about Judy's delicious apple pie. He could almost taste it, even in a completely different universe. "I love pie."
Mallard Fillmore, as if offended by Hugh's suggestion that he wasn't enough duck for his grandmaster, emitted some sort of combination between a quack and a grunt. Then he lightly pecked at Hugh's pants.
Hugh glanced down at Mallard, having momentarily forgotten about his presence, and smiled wide. He picked him up and set him comfortably in his lap. "You're a pretty good duck," he complimented gently as he gently rubbed Mallard's back.
"His name is Mallard Fillmore," Fluttershy informed. "I'm surprised he's letting you handle him; he's been rather shy around others lately."
Hugh chuckled. "Well, let's just say I've mastered the way of the ducks. Wait, did you say lately?"
"Uh, yeah. He used to be very friendly, but something's happened recently. I've been trying to find out what's wrong, but I don't know yet; all I know is that this isn't like him."
Hugh's smile had already changed to a determined frown. Nobody messed with his ducks and merely got away with it. "Well, then I must settle this right away."
"Oh, I didn't mean to impose, Mr. Hugh, I-"
"Nonsense," Hugh cut her off gently but firmly as he stared bravely off into the distance like an action hero on top of a skyscraper at sunset. Fluttershy could see his brown eyes burn with grim determination. "This treatment of a helpless duck cannot go unpunished. Don't you agree?"
Fluttershy gave a determined smile. She could feel a newfound respect for Hugh form within her. "You're right. But how are we going to find out who's causing this?"
Hugh winked at her and flashed a sly grin. "Leave it to me, Fluttershy. They don't call me 'The Duck Whisperer' for nothing."
And with that, Hugh bent down and began to quite literally whisper to the duck. Fluttershy heard multiple quacks and some mumbled "Mmhmms", but could not quite understand their conversation. Finally, Hugh rose to his feet and beckoned Fluttershy to follow him.
"Come on," Hugh practically commanded. "Our culprit isn't far away."
And thus, our three heroes trotted, walked, and waddled right to the other side of Fluttershy's house. Hugh led the three of them down to the clear stream that formed the border between Fluttershy's cottage and the outside world. RIght on cue, completely unaware of the situation, a single female duck paddled alone in the water. Hugh Neutron stared her down, a smile on his face. You see, he knew very well when he first laid eyes on Mallard what the problem was: He was not being harassed, but rather the drake was lovestruck.
"Our little friend here has a crush on Mallary," Hugh explained to Fluttershy.
"Of course!" Fluttershy replied with an uncharacteristic burst of enthusiasm. "You're right. How did I not notice this before?"
Hugh chuckled, staring dreamily off into the distance. "Like I said, I have my way with ducks," he uttered. "Go get her, tiger," Hugh told Mallard as he bent down and gave him a light pat on the back. "She's waiting for you."
Mallard hesitated for a minute, but trusted the words of his grandmaster. He found the courage to waddle over to Mallary, joining her in the pool. The two ducks gazed at each other like two shy lovers; it was obvious that the attraction was mutual, but neither made a move. Finally, Mallary made the move, paddling over to Mallard. She nuzzled him. He nuzzled her. Finally, they paddled off together, two souls as one. It made Hugh shed a manly tear.
"Ah, young love," He muttered, wiping the tear off his eye. "It reminds me of the day I first met Judy."
Fluttershy gazed at the two literal lovebirds with her own relaxed smile. This morning was the best one she had in a long time, and it was all thanks to Hugh Neutron.
"Thank you for your help, Hugh," Fluttershy gratefully whispered. "How about I invite you in for tea?"
"I'd love to!" Said Hugh, and he meant it. Unfortunately, he knew he couldn't stay, and it saddened him. "I'm afraid I have to leave, though. Jimbo and Sugarbooger are probably worrying about me."
"Oh," Fluttershy looked down. "I'm sorry."
"Hey," Hugh bent down and wrapped her a hug. "Don't worry, Fluttershy. I never knew somebody out there shared my love for ducks, even if they are a yellow pony with wings. I'll come back some other time, I promise."
That made Fluttershy feel a little better. "OK. Best Duck Friends?"
"Best duck friends," Hugh winked.
Then he rose again, pulled the black remote out of his pocket, and vanished in another blinding flash of light.
