Avatars of Chaos

by KnightMysterio

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Cadance, Comedy, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Discord, Gore, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Princess Luna
Length: 7496

The Princesses of Equestria become the avatars for the Chaos Gods of Warhammer 40k. Hilarity ensues.

The great and mighty Princesses of Equestria have been growing steadily weaker. They have unknowingly been enforcing Order instead of Harmony, and in response, their powers are being drained away. Only by embracing Chaos can they regain their powers and become proper protectors of Equestria.

Fortunately, Discord has a solution: They just have to become the avatars of four hilariously evil Chaos gods who are having similar problems. Everypony wins.

There's absolutely no way in the Warp this can go wro... *snrk* sorry, I couldn't say that with a straight face.

Tagged Gore because Khorne will be allowed to do things.

Published 2016-08-29 03:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-08-31 14:44:31 UTC

Good First Impressions Are Important

Avatars of Chaos
by Jonathan “Whatever he's on right now, I want some” Spires
Chapter 2: Good First Impressions Are Important

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Equestria...
Canterlot Square...
A week after the deal was made...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Discord whistled merrily as he painted four large summoning circles around the statue of Starswirl the Bearded in the center of the square. Around him, the four princesses stood, watching nervously. Around them, just as nervous, various ponies milled about, getting ready for the celebration. Many stood clear of a buffet table, where griffins hired specifically for the event were setting out meat dishes, both for the meat eaters in the audience and for their impending guests. The fact that Discord had insisted that some of the meat be near raw for one of the soon-to-be-arrived chaos gods made several ponies nervous.

Most disturbing of all were the five large, fully grown dragons sitting on nearby rooftops, commanded by Dragon Lord Ember. She herself sat on the shoulder of one of the large dragons, her father and former Dragon Lord Torch.

“I don't like this, Ember,” Torch growled. “Summoning evil gods to help the alicorns regain Harmony in their souls...”

“From what I've heard, father, the gods being summoned are also in need of Harmony,” Ember said, watching over the dragons she had summoned to act as security for the event. “Extremes of Chaos to the extremes of Order the alicorns were unknowingly embracing.”

“It's still unsettling,” Torch muttered. “The fact that they're openly described as EVIL gods...”

Ember nodded. “I know, father, I know,” she said, sighing. “But we have to trust Discord to have our world's best interests in mind.”

Torch just looked at her.

“Yes, yes, I realize how stupid that sounded the moment I said it,” Ember said, pouting.

Discord, having overheard the whole thing, just snickered as he finished up the summoning circle for Nurgle.

Celestia came to look over the imagery in the summoning circles. “Will they be able to harm our subjects?” she asked.

“Not directly. Not even Khorne,” Discord said. “There's a special magic that protects this world from creatures like me, one that even I don't fully understand. It's what forced me to rely on mischief, mind control, transformations and vicious pranks rather than global destruction during my reign in the bad old days. I was incapable of doing direct damage.”

“Tirek did a lot of direct harm,” Luna said, frowning, she and the other princesses coming over as well.

“Tirek used this land's own magic against it,” Discord countered. “He may have been the one doing the blasting and the humiliating, but because he was empowered by the magic of the land and her people, he found a loophole that let him do direct damage. None of these oafs will think to use it, as they need this planet and your cooperation to get back to full strength.”

“It's galling that we have to help four forces of Evil become stronger...” Cadance said.

Twilight sighed. “I've been going over the numbers, Cadance. Any other method we might use will end up with us powerless before we can fully implement it,” she said. “We need them as much as they need us.”

Discord nodded. “Precisely. Now, if you'd be so kind as stand in front of the circles I told you to stand in front of? You need to begin the rituals. Fortunately, I've gotten them to relax the requirements, so you only need to sacrifice some of your blood instead of several thousand souls. I'll tell the boys to get ready.” He snapped his fingers and vanished. The princesses looked at each other and sighed wearily, each heading over to the circles they were assigned.

Applejack and Spike came out of the crowd, going up to Twilight. “You gonna be okay, sugar cube?” Applejack asked.

Twilight rolled her eyes as she sat down in front of Nurgle's circle. “Applejack, I'm summoning an evil god of plagues to help protect the world. We are so very far from 'okay.'”

Spike hugged her. “Well, whatever happens, we're always with you, Twilight. No matter what,” he said.

Twilight smiled. “Thank you. That... that helps a lot,” she said.

As Cadance took her spot in front of Slaanesh's circle, Shining Armor came up to her, Flurry Heart carried with him in saddlebag.

“You gonna be okay, honey?” Shining asked, hugging her.

“I hope so,” Cadance said. “I'm about to become the host for a god of sheer hedonism...”

“You can keep him in line,” Shining Armor said, nuzzling her. “You're strong. One of the finest princesses I've known... and one of the finest mothers as well.”

“Mama strong!” Flurry Heart gurgled cutely, reaching out for a hug. Cadance obliged her.

“I love you both so much,” she said softly.

Luna paused in front of Tzeentch's circle. “I like this not, sister,” she said. “From the way Discord described him, Tzeentch embodies every triple-dealing politician I've been forced to deal with since my return...”

“Indeed...” Celestia said. “I have similar reservations about my soon-to-be-patron, Khorne. But that's why we were paired up, to balance each other's personalities. Twilight's hyper-obsessiveness to Nurgle's passiveness. Cadance's temperate nature to Slaanesh's unrestrained hedonism. Your boisterous, honest nature to Tzeentch's scheming and cunning. And my pacifism to Khorne's warlike rages.”

Luna chuckled weakly. “I know, I know... It's just frustrating, is all. I wish we had better options than this...” she said. “Options that wouldn't require time we don't have...”

Celestia kissed her sister on the cheek. “I trust you, sister. Tzeentch will not overwhelm you, I am sure of it,” she said.

Luna gave Celestia a worried smile. “And what of you, sister? Will Khorne overwhelm you?”

Celestia took a deep breath. “From what Discord has told us, Khorne is rage incarnate. It will be... challenging... but I am reasonably confident I can keep his personality from overtaking my own,” she lied. Everything about Khorne scared her. But she had to try, despite her fear.

Luna nuzzled her. “You are strong, dearest sister. You couldn't have ruled Equestria by yourself for a millennium if you were not strong. I believe in yo,” she said, smiling.

Celestia smiled. “Thank you,” she said. She went over to Khorne's circle, where Sunset Shimmer was waiting for her. “My precious student. I am glad you chose to come back for this,” she said.

Sunset smiled warmly. “I couldn't stay away and let you face this without support,” she said softly.

Celestia hugged her. “It is so very wonderful to have you by my side again,” she said. “It gives me strength to have so many loving ponies with me. Especially ones as valuable to me as you and Twilight.”

Sunset blushed. “Be safe...”

Celestia nodded, and took her position in front of Khorne's summoning circle. At the altar of each circle was a small knife, each one adorned with the multi-pointed Star of Chaos. According to Discord, they would need to use the knives to bleed onto the altar. Normally, the four evil gods would demand sacrifices of thousands upon thousands of souls to appear on the physical plane directly. However Discord had apparently talked them into, as he called it, 'a freaking massive discount.'

Celestia was silently grateful. And as soon as the thought entered her head, Discord appeared before her.

“Okay,” he said, looking frustrated. “Ladies, get ready. The order of summoning is going to be Khorne, Nurgle, Tzeentch, and Slaanesh. Slaanesh was really insistent on going last for some reason... They're going to appear as giants, make a speech to introduce themselves, and then shrink down to my size so they can talk with everyone and enjoy the party Pinkie and the others set up. By the way, is everything ready?”

Pinkie's hair was uncharacteristically flat. She, Cheese Sandwich, and Party Favor were all managing the celebration and they all looked terrified. “Ready as we're gonna get,” Pinkie Pie said, forcing herself to smile. “If this works out, we're gonna be party legends...”

Discord nodded, and turned to Celestia. “Begin the ritual, as I showed you,” he said. “I just hope that idiot listened to me...”

Celestia nodded, and picked up the ritual knife in her magic. She held out a foreleg, and cut into it, wincing and letting the blood drip over the altar.

“Blood for the blood god,” Celestia intoned. “Skulls for the skull throne. Khorne, Master of Slaughter, I summon you to this mortal plane.”

Blood dripped onto the altar, which absorbed it and projected it down onto the summoning circle. The blood expanded, covering every line on the ritual circle, boiling with the power of the entity it was summoning.

And then the circle exploded.

A column of flame erupted from the summoning circle, bringing with it a massive demon of blood red and spikes. Its horns were viciously curved, as was the sneer on its lips. In its hands, it wielded a massive axe. Ponies, griffons, changelings, minotaurs, all screamed in fright, several of them fainting, even the dragons seeming to be unsettled by Khorne's fearsome presence.

“FEAR ME, CREATURES OF THIS PASTEL HELL!” Khorne bellowed, several ponies fainting in fright. “I AM KHORNE, THE LORD OF SKULLS! BEHOLD THE GOD OF... OW!!”

“Damn it, I TOLD YOU NOT TO SCARE THEM! You UTTER twit! Do you listen to anyone?” Discord shouted, having grown to match Khorne's impressive size and smacking him over and over again with a rolled-up newspaper.

“OW!! HEY, STOP THAT, I... OW!!” Khorne demanded, wincing with each smack of the newspaper. “CURSE YOU, MALAL! I... OW!!” A particularly powerful smack actually drew blood. “ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! I'M SS... SSSS... SSSS...” A pained look came to the monstrous god's face.

“Sorry?” Discord suggested, hitting him again.

“YES, THAT!” Khorne said, relieved he didn't have to actually say it. “LET ME TRY AGAIN, OKAY?!”

Discord, mid swing, frowned, a thoughtful look coming to his face. After a moment, he nodded. “All right. But no insults. And no fire and brimstone.”

“FINE, FINE...” Khorne muttered. He snapped his fingers, summoning his massive throne of skulls and sitting down on it with a grunt of frustration, closing his eyes. He sat his axe blade down and rested his hands on the hilt, caping his wings around his shoulders. After a moment's thought, he opened his eyes again, his expression stern.

“HEED ME, MORTALS, FOR I AM KHORNE, THE MASTER OF SLAUGHTER. BEFORE ME, ALL ENEMIES FALL TO RUIN. I AM THE STRENGTH WITHIN ALL WARRIORS, THEIR BRAVERY AND COURAGE IN BATTLE. MY VOICE IS IN THE SOUND OF A BATTLEAXE CLEAVING THROUGH BLOOD AND BONE. SERVE ME, AND MY BOUNDLESS RAGE WILL GRANT YOU STRENGTH BEYOND MEASURE. BUT KNOW THIS – I AM NO BENEVOLENT AND MERCIFUL DEITY. I WILL NOT GIVE AID IF CALLED, FOR I DESPISE COWARDS. NOR WILL I GIVE SUCCOR TO THE SAVAGE WHO TORTURES. TO SLAUGHTER YOUR ENEMIES, REDUCING THEM TO A STAIN ON YOUR WEAPON IS MY WAY, BUT POINTLESS CRUELTY, ESPECIALLY AGAINST THOSE WHO CANNOT GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF BATTLE, WILL EARN MY WRATH. I AM KHORNE. I HAVE COME.”

The gathering was still dismayed by Khorne's presence. But after Discord had calmed him, they themselves had calmed down as well. And after Khrone's speech, several Wonderbolts and royal guardsmen found themselves fascinated by him...

Discord, after checking to make sure his friend Fluttershy was all right, smirked at Khorne. “Was that so hard?”

“THERE ARE FIVE TRILLION WORDS IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE THAT CAN BE TRANSLATED AS OR ARE RELATED TO THE WORD 'HATRED.' NONE OF THEM ARE VIRULENT ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE HOW I FELL ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW, MALAL,” Khorne snarled.

“Oh yeah, this is gonna be fun...” Celestia muttered.

Discord chuckled. “Twilight, I believe it's your turn?”

Twilight gulped nervously. If Khorne was any indication of how these gods were... She took a deep breath to calm herself, and picked up her ritual knife.

“Nurgle, Lord of Plagues and Decay, I invoke you into this rotting world. Bring to us your blessings,” she said softly, repeating the ritual Celestia did.

As her blood spread out over the circle, a foul, noxious odor began to emanate from it, several in the audience becoming nauseous. Putrid green gases erupted from the circle, taking shape and forming... a rather pleasant looking door, a sign saying 'Welcome!' hanging from a hook on the door. The door opened, and a massive, hulking brute of a creature came out. Its greenish skin was leathery and covered in boils, rashes, and sores, open wounds on its vast, fat belly oozing pus. The smell became even worse as it fully emerged, its long, clawlike hands flexing, thick antlers adorning the creatures head. A wide-toothy smile came over the creature's face as it waved pleasantly.

“Hi there!” Nurgle said, grinning happily. “It's your Grandpa Nurgle here!” To say that everyone was surprised by the pleasant greeting would be an understatement. “Boy, a lot of people came to see us! And you're all so CUTE!” he said, chuckling as he looked over the crowd. The dragons looked somewhat affronted at being called cute. Nurgle didn't notice, and continued speaking. “Now, this odor of mine? It's a natural thing. I love natural things and embrace them fully. However, since we're going to be working with the royals here, I want to make a good impression, so I'll reign it in a little.” He concentrated, his eyes glowing black, and the foul odor reduced itself to almost nothing. The closest could still smell Nurgle's stink, but it wasn't maddeningly overpowering anymore. “Much better, right?”

The various ponies nodded. Fluttershy, who had almost fainted again upon Nurgle's arrival, found herself starting to warm up to the bloated pile of plague.

Nurgle grinned. “Now, I realize that a god of plagues and pestilence might not be the kind of person you'd want to associate with. And admittedly, I greatly enjoy my work. But I do sincerely care about every last one of my followers, from the smallest bacteria to the greatest of my Plaguebeasts. And as a show of that, I bring gifts!” He gestured, and several large trays of warm, brown pastries appeared. “MUFFINS!”

“I love him already,” said a gray, walleyed pegasus.

“UM...” Khorne said, immediately sensing a problem.

“Um...” Discord said, sensing the same problem.

“Relax, relax,” Nurgle said. “Nothing toxic in these. Just a simple bacteria culture to help with the digestion.” He patted his belly, and began to lower the muffins down to the audience.

Before he could, however, Twilight flew up to him. “Um... Lord Nurgle, sir?” she said, grinning weakly.

“Ah, my summoner and soon to be avatar!” Nurgle said, holding out a muffin to her. “And please, call me Grandpa Nurgle. What can I do for you?”

Twilight gulped nervously. “While we're grateful for your generosity... did you make sure that the bacteria was actually compatible with the systems of everyone here?”

Nurgle stared, blinking.

Twilight coughed nervously, continuing. “Because... because if it isn't, there could be some severe allergic reactions, and...”

Nurgle facepalmed. “No, no, you're right,” he said, handing off the trays to Discord. The walleyed pegasus let out a disappointed noise.

“Just gonna dump these in a volcano somewhere...” Discord muttered, vanishing. Nurgle sighed.

“I really didn't mean anyone any harm. This time,” Nurgle said. “I truly want to be friends with the people here.”

Twilight managed to smile. “I can appreciate that.”

Discord reappeared. “Well, that went better than expected,” he said, smiling. “Luna? I believe it's time to bring Tzeentch to this plane.”

Luna nodded, emboldened by how well Nurgle's introduction had gone. Perhaps Tzeentch would be friendly as well? She took up her ritual knife, and started the invocation.

“Oh Changer of Ways, we beseech you. Bring your wisdom and madness to this lowly world. Lord Tzeentch, we call upon you,” she said, cutting herself with the knife.

As Luna's blood ran through the altar and spread out over the circle, a distortion in the air began to form, a warp of pure chaos magic formed, changing into a massive, staring eye. The eye looked around at the frightened audience, before blossoming open like a flower.

“Fear not,” intoned the many-eyed creature within. The form Tzeentch took was bipedal, with many tendril-like eyestalks on its head, a mouth in its groin area, and black, glowing eyes lining its limbs. Twin tentacles erupted from its back, ending in mouths that babbled whispers in ancient languages.

“Fear not, for I am Tzeentch. I am the Changer of Ways, the Architect of Fate. In me, the wise and the clever will find succor and aid. In me, the sorcerer and the scholar shall find themselves blessed with greater knowledge and ability. I am Planner, Schemer. The God of a Thousand and One Plots. Mad are my ways, but in that madness is serenity. Know me, for I am He who Thinks. I am Tzeentch. I have come,” he intoned.

Discord smacked him with the newspaper. “I JUST got done telling Khorne not to scare them!” he said.

Tzeentch winced, rubbing where he had been struck. “I did say 'fear not' upon entrance, didn't I?” he said.

“Appearing in a giant EYEBALL?!” Discord shouted.

Tzeentch rolled his eyes. All of them. It was disorienting. “Fine, fine, I'm sorry. I just felt the need to make a dramatic entrance.”

The crowd, despite their initial fear, was amused by this exchange. And several unicorns and scientists in the audience found themselves wondering what Tzeentch could do for them...

Luna flew up to Tzeentch's face. “Greetings, Lord Tzeentch!” she intoned in the Royal Canterlot Tone. “I am Princess Luna, Ruler of the Moon and Defender of the Dream Realm! It is an honor to greet you! Together, we shall make a fierce team!”

“Marvelous,” Tzeentch muttered. “A loud one... Still, a dream guardian. That does present possibilities... Well met, Princess Luna.”

Luna beamed.

Discord rubbed his temples. “This has been more of a fiasco than I wanted...” he muttered. “Still, one left... Cadance, how are you holding up?” He teleported to Cadance's side, patting her on the shoulder.

“I am SCARED SHITLESS is what I am!” Cadance blurted, unable to stop herself.

Discord snickered. “Yes, they are a bit of a handful...” he said. “Still, I've managed to convince them to behave.”

Cadance shook her head. “Nurgle was okay, I guess, but Khorne and Tzeentch... GAH! What's Slaanesh going to be like?” she said, grimacing.

“If he's anything like these three, she's going to be a giant ham,” Discord muttered.

Cadance shook her head. Slaanesh's gender fluidity had been explained to her, but it still gave her a headache.

Discord sighed. “Anyway. Best just to rip the bandage off,” he said. “If you would?” He gestured to the altar.

Cadance frowned, but nodded. “All right then...” she said, taking up the ritual knife. “Slaanesh, Prince of Pleasure, Lord of Excess, we call you to this plane. Bring with you the glory of sensation, we beseech you.”

As Cadance's blood flowed through the altar and into the circle, clouds began to gather, blotting out the sun until only a single beam of light, shining down on Slaanesh's summoning circle, was left. A pillar of rose petals began to swirl up from the summoning circle.

And then the music equipment began, on their own, to play a trumpeting fanfare.

The column of petals faded, revealing a horned, pink-skinned bipedal figure of a race that vaguely resembled the minotaurs, although the face was more primate-like in appearance, tendril-like hair flowing over her shoulders like water. The creature was stunningly beautiful, clad in a gown of pure white, the collar lined with glittering white feathers.

Such was the first view the creatures of this world had of Slaanesh. And all of them found themselves aching for her touch, even the most celibate among them.

The fanfare began to change, becoming gentler, as Slaanesh began to sing.

“Whatever happened... to Faye Wray...

That elegant, satin-draped frame...”

It took Discord and the other chaos gods a moment to recognize the song as being from the Imperium's past several centuries ago. When they did, however...

“Oh please...” Tzeentch muttered, chuckling. Khorne just shook his head, grumbling, and Nurgle snickered in amusement.

“Of course. Of course!” Discord laughed, approving of the choice.

Slaanesh continued her song.

“As it clung to her thigh...

How I started to cry...

'Cause I wanted to be dressed...

Just the same!”

Slaanesh threw off the robe, which dissolved into rose petals. Beneath the robes he wore thigh-high leather boots, a purple thong and corset, and pink leather gloves. As she sang, she began a gyrating, almost perverse dance.

“Give yourself over to absolute pleasure!

Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh!

Erotic nightmares without any measure!

And sensual daydreams to treasure forever!

Can you feel it?

Whoa-oh-OH!

OOOH!!”

With that final, almost orgasmic cry, the rest of Slaanesh's clothes dissolved, leaving her nude. Slaanesh cackled as the music changed again, the spell he had over the crowd breaking. As they came to their senses, Slaanesh said,

“HELLO my candies! I am Slaanesh, the Prince of Pleasure, the Goddess of Sensation! I am Lust! I am Inspiration! Let the lovers find glory in my embrace! Let the artist, the writer, the musician find inspiration in my presence! But as for right now, let's PARTY!” he crowed, the crowd applauding.

The four gods shrunk down from their giant size, the audience starting to relax. Nurgle, dancing along with the music Slaanesh chose, grinned.

“Not bad,” the plague lord said.

Slaanesh snickered. “We need these cuddly things on our side,” she said. “And I knew weirdo and berserko would scare the crap out of them without meaning to.”

“GO FUCK YOURSELF,” Khorne muttered, heading over to the raw steaks at the buffet table.

Slaanesh smirked, turning back to Tzeentch and Nurgle. “Anyway, I knew we needed to make sure these mortals liked us. We could operate without their favor, but it would complicate matters in getting ourselves back to full power. I remembered Malal telling us that these mortals liked music, so I figured a song would help them relax.”

“Which is why you let the rest of us go first,” Tzeentch said, understanding. “You wanted to break the tension. Clever. I approve.”

“I figured you would,” Slaanesh said. “Shall we join the festivities?”

Tzeentch went to join Khorne at the buffet table, while Slaanesh went over to the DJ booth to help with the music. Nurgle chose to just relax, sitting down next to the statue to observe all the partying. Grass growing through the stones rotted beneath him.

The four princesses gathered together, smiling. “That... went better than I expected it to,” Celestia said, Luna nodding in agreement.

Twilight nodded. “Yeah... I'm glad Slaanesh was able to break the tension,” she said.

“Hopefully the rest of the party will go off without a hitch, and we can merge with them in peace...” Cadance said, worried.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Elsewhere...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“I don't know about this, Garble...” said one of the young dragons gathered with the red-scaled dragon leading them. “I mean, they got elders there. Plus Dragon Lord Ember and her father...”

Garble sneered. “That's why we brought those binding spell scrolls,” he said. “They'll lock down the elders and Ember, and then we can show that namby-pamby little friendship lover what REAL dragons are like! We'll butcher those wuss princesses and conquer Equestria in a single blow!”

“There's also griffons there, and changelings, and minotaurs...” said a dragoness.

“So we'll have burgers, chicken, and fried bugs to go with our pony conquest. We're dragons!” Garble said. “There ain't nothing in the world stronger than us!”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Back at the party...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“HAH!” Khorne barked.

“Hm?” Tzeentch asked.

“HNH. THOUGHT I HEARD SOMEONE SAY SOMETHING AMUSING,” Khorne said.

A younger pony came up to Khorne, looking nervous. “Um... howdy...” said the little blue unicorn filly.

Khorne rolled his eyes. “KHORNE GREETS YOU, YOUNG WARRIOR TO BE,” he said.

“Um... Are you really a god of battle, Lord Khorne?” the filly asked.

Khorne grinned. “INDEED. AND IF YOU SWEAR YOURSELF TO ME, THEN NO ONE WILL EVER DARE CHALLENGE YOU,” he offered.

“T-That's okay,” the filly said, grinning nervously. “I was just thinking, with a name like 'Corn,' that you would be an agriculture god...”

Khorne flinched as if struck. “N-NO, IT'S NOT 'CORN,' C-O-R-N, IT'S 'KHORNE,' K-H-O-R-N-E,” he said, feeling suddenly uneasy.

“O-okay, I'm s-sorry, Lord Khorne, I just wanted to check,” the filly said, fleeing.

Slowly, Khorne turned to Tzeentch, who had a quite frankly EVIL grin over both his faces.

“...I'M NEVER GOING TO HEAR THE END OF THIS, AM I?” Khorne asked, dismayed.

“Nope!” Tzeentch said, giggling.

“HATE YOU SO MUCH...” Khorne muttered.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Author's Note

Frank-N-Furter is a high priest of Slaanesh and y'all know it.

Divine Dysfunction

Avatars of Chaos
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic/Warhammer 40k crossover
by Jonathan “WTF are you thinking” Spires
Chapter 1: Divine Dysfunction

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Equestria...
Canterlot Palace...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Four alicorns sat in the silent, empty throne room, discussing the problems they had been having recently. One, tall, white and majestic with a mane like a flowing sunset, sat nearest the throne. Sitting near her was a mare with fur as dark as night and a mane like the starry sky. With them was a candy-pink alicorn with a colorful mane, although one that didn't flow like the elder two. The youngest among them was a small purple alicorn with a nervous expression on her face. The cutie marks of each, a sun, moon, blue crystal heart, and starburst respectively, were all slightly faded.

This was bad, as it confirmed fears all of them had been having.

“So it's true then...” Celestia said softly. “We've been getting weaker.”

Luna nodded. “Indeed, dear sister. 'Tis harder for me to move the moon that it has been. And mine dream magic be not as powerful either.”

“I can feel my connection to magic starting to falter,” Twilight said, fidgeting nervously. “Plus my connection to the Rainbow Power has been getting weaker.”

Cadance looked ashamed. “I've begun to rely on the Crystal Heart to bolster my magic,” she said. “No one in the Empire has noticed yet, but still...”

Celestia nodded. “And it has become more difficult for me to move the sun,” she said. “Which brings us to the reason I asked everypony here this evening.”

“You said you had a solution, sister?” Luna asked, the younger alicorns giving her a hopeful look.

Celestia looked uneasy, her astral mane flowing to an unseen wind. “Not a solution... but maybe an answer,” she said. “In the heart of Canterlot there is a well of purest Harmony magic. If revealed itself to me after your fall from grace, Luna. If we commune with it, we might be able to discern the reason for our waning powers.”

Twilight frowned. “Why didn't you tell Cadance or I about this, Celestia?” she asked.

Celestia was silently pleased that her former student had finally stopped referring to her as 'Princess' all the time. “Because, my dear Twilight, the Well of Harmony told me not to reveal it to you unless it was in a time of great need.”

“Such as the four of us losing our powers,” Cadance said softly.

“We are not powerless yet,” Celestia said firmly. “We still may find a solution.”

“We hope...” Twilight said softly.

Celestia frowned, but said nothing. She motioned for her fellow alicorns to follow her, opening a hidden tunnel underneath the throne, removing the panel welded over it with a spell.

“So that's the reason you insisted there be but one throne during court,” Luna said.

Celestia nodded. “The throne hides the entrance,” she said. “The panel has a locking spell and a perception filter spell. Most won't even look at it.” She set both throne and panel aside, a stairway forming. Celestia started down the stairs, the other alicorns following into the darkness. Four horns glowed with light when it became too dark to see, although the spells were extinguished quickly as they approached the bottom of the stairwell.

There, glowing with sheer might, was a pool of rainbow-colored liquid, one that swirled constantly in random patterns. The four alicorns could feel a sense of peace and well-being overcome them, intermixing with awe for the three encountering the well for the first time.

“Whoa...” Twilight said.

“So this...” Luna started.

“This is Harmony Incarnate,” Celestia said. “The Lifeblood of our world, the source of all its magic. The random songs, the abilities all the races have to control the world around us... all of it stems from here, entrusted to our kind ages ago. A drink from the neverending waters of this Well shall show us the truth of why we are getting weaker.”

As if on cue, four goblets filled with waters from the well appeared. Each alicorn brought the cup to their lips, the younger three watching the eldest. Celestia took a deep breath, and drank, the others doing the same.

Almost immediately after the first swallow, all four alicorns were overcome with a vision. In it, a monochrome Equestria moved along in unending, almost robotic patterns, looked over from the castle by four alicorn guards, all of them the same in appearance save for their coloring. The pattern never changed save for when one of the alicorns decided it would change, moving ponies together according to their will and whim. When a pony tried to break from the patterns set by the alicorns, a quadruple beam of power would erupt from the castle, annihilating the pony that dared break the peace.

And Equestria was at peace. Where nothing ever changed. Where everypony had their role, and never deviated from it. Where there was ORDER...

The vision faded, the force of it leaving staggering the alicorns.

“What... What was that?!” Luna said, distraught.

“There was no true emotion in that world,” Cadance said, shivering. “No real love, no real happiness...”

“Everything was the same. Over and over again, the same forever... Like Starlight's village, only worse...” Twilight said, visibly shaken.

Celestia closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face “That is what Harmony thinks we are becoming... Tyrants of order... Harmony thinks we are becoming tyrants of Order...”

Twilight shook her head. “No! No, we wouldn't do that! ...Would we?”

The four alicorns traded worried looks, each one trying to remember the decisions they've made over the past few months, the laws they've passed. They had seemed like good ideas at the time, but...”

“It seems, my fellow Princesses, that we are neglecting the other half of Harmony. We have been neglecting Chaos...”

“Well I could have told you that,” said a smarmy voice. The other princesses turned towards the source of the voice, seeing Discord floating in the pool on an inflatable raft, a margarita in one paw and sunglasses on his face. “You never call, you never write...”

Celestia fumed. “Stop floating in the most SACRED SPOT IN EQUESTRIA!” she demanded.

Discord just smirked, taking a sip of his drink. Luna, in even less of a mood for Discord's games than her sister, popped Discord's raft with a magical beam, sending him sinking into the pool of Harmony. Sputtering, his eyes glowing from accidentally swallowing the liquid, he scrambled out of the pool, coughing.

“Okay, okay, I'll get to the point. Now stop telling me how much I suck...” Discord muttered, the glow in his eyes fading as the visions he had been given went away. He dusted himself off, and said, “All right. The reason, my little ponies, that you are losing your powers is simple: you're no longer as Harmonious as you used to be.”

The four alicorns frowned, trading worried looks. “So it seems,” Cadance said softly.

“The question is how can we get back to full power? If we cannot do our jobs because Harmony is punishing us for our sins...” Celestia said.

“Calm down, I have a solution,” Discord said, smirking. “As the most harmonious being in Equestria at the moment, I'm more than willing to help you poor lost lambs back on the path of righteousness.”

The draconequus giggled at the irritated expressions the princesses gave him. “You should see your faces right now...”

“Get on with it!” Luna shouted.

“Party pooper,” Discord muttered. “Anyway, the answer is simple. You are becoming extremes of Order. To counterbalance this, I suggest becoming avatars of extremes of Chaos. I just so happen to know four evil Chaos gods who are having similar problems to the four of you.”

All four princesses were alarmed by this. “Become avatars of Chaos gods?” Twilight said uncertainly.

Discord nodded. “Specifically, bond with the God that is your antithesis,” he said. “I firmly believe that your personalities will balance each other out, and restore you all to full power as you become more harmonious, embracing aspects of yourself that you have let grow stagnant.”

The alicorns turned to each other, each concerned about Discord's plan.

“...Anypony have a better idea?” Cadance almost pleaded.

“I'm... completely at a loss, I'm afraid,” Twilight said, frowning.

“It is a mad plan. Sure if our personalities are the issue, therapists could help?” Luna asaid.

“Unfortunately, our personalities might prevent us from seeing the truth of what's wrong with us until it is too late and we are rendered completely powerless,” Celestia said. “I'm well aware of our various personality quirks, and ridiculously stubborn applies to all four of us. Discord's plan is... drastic, to say the absolute least, but to balance out such extreme opposites in personality could force the issue quicker. In addition, controlling the powers of chaos in addition to our own abilities might also solve our problem.”

The other three could see the logic, such as it was. “So we suppose we must accept Discord's solution...” Luna muttered.

Cadance nodded. “I guess we have to...”

Twilight nodded in agreement, turning to Discord. “Tell these chaos gods we'll accept them,” she said. “Up to a point.”

Discord nodded. “That works,” he said. “I just hope they'll go for it...”

He snapped his fingers and vanished before the princesses could yell at him again, taking the still half-full cups of Harmony water with him.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
The Eye of Terror...
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“RRRRRARAAAAAAAGHHH!!” Khorne roared, the massive, red-skinned, spiked and horned demonic god thrashing about in frustration. “WHY!? WHY WHY WHY HAVE MY FORCES BEEN UNABLE TO BEST THE ACCURSED IMPERIUM!?!” He thrashed about the unholy, twisted landscape, slaughtering demons left and right, bathing his armor in blood.

His three companions glared at him disdainfully. The many-eyed, many mouthed, vaguely avian Tzeentch rubbed what was currently his temples, sighing. “Will you please be quiet, Khorne? I can barely think with your bellyaching.”

Khorne snarled at him. “DO NOT MOCK ME, CHANGER OF WAYS! I CAN BARELY STAND YOU ON A GOOD DAY! AND IT HAS NOT BEEN A GOOD DAY!!”

Tzeentch sneered. “Let me guess. 'Oh woe is me, my army of rampaging whackos hasn't been able to beat the big bad Imperium and their false god of an Emporer? They've been spanking my widdle wed booty all over the Warp!'” he simpered.

Slaanesh snickered. “You should come to me if you want to get spanked,” she said, tracing a finger over his chest sensually. “It'll be MUCH more pleasant experience.”

“Do you ever stop?” Nurgle gurgled, the obese, antlered plague lord glaring at Slaneesh. “Also, PLEASE just pick a gender and stick with it.”

“Not for you or any mortal alive,” Slaanesh said firmly.

“BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!!!” Khorne roared. “I AM GETTING TIRED OF YOU!! TIRED OF ALL OF YOU!! IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU FOOLS, THEN I WOULD RULE THE WARP AND ALL THE UNIVERSE!!”

Tzeentch laughed at him. “Idiot! You cannot destroy us! We always were, and we always will be! We're stuck with each other FOREVER!”

“A more horrifying fate I couldn't imagine,” Slaanesh muttered, glaring at Nurgle.

“You could try being a little nicer,” Nurgle muttered.

“It's all about me, fatso,” Slaanesh sneered, hands on her hips. “You're a fool for caring as much as you do. It's why Isha never accepted you and tried to destroy you after she escaped.”

Khorne and Tzeentch suddenly stopped their argument, flinching. Slaanesh immediately realized his mistake as Nurgle began to sniffle, and the sob uncontrollably.

“Isshhaaa...” he moaned, crying putrid tears into his hands. “I loved you so much... Why did you leave me?!”

“Brilliant,” Tzeentch muttered. “Thanks, Slaanesh.”

“I forgot, okay? He got me mad!” Slaanesh protested.

Khorne facepalmed, shaking his head. “This... this is just sad...”

“Now he's going to be whining for hours...” Tzeentch muttered.

“You COULD try comforting him,” said a voice.

The four gods looked up, in the direction of the voice. When they saw the mismatched, dragonlike entity before them, all previous enmity was forgotten.

“MALAL!” Khorne roared, throwing his axe at the dragonlike creature. Slaanesh, Tzeentch, and Nurgle responded in similar fashion, firing a blasts of pure heat, magic, and pestilence at the newcomer.

Malal just took the attacks, which splashed off of him harmlessly. “Speaking of just sad...” he muttered.

Khorne, furious beyond all measure, kept of the attack, charging Malal and picking up his massive axe in the process. He slashed at him over and over, Malal easily parrying each of the vicious attacks, grabbing Khorne and kneeing him in the crotch, sending him sprawling with a roundhouse kick.

Slaanesh tried to attack from behind, growing tentacles from her back tipped with poisonous spikes, but Malal just grabbed the tentacles and used him as a bludgeon against Tzeentch, preventing him from casting stronger spells.

Nurgle, for his part, just narrowed his eyes and sat back on his rotted throne, picking at an open sore. “...Why are you here?” he asked.

“Glad one of you is smart,” Malal said, sneering. The other three, slowly picking themselves up, glared at Malal in response to the comment, but didn't further their attack. Each summoned their thrones as Nurgle did and sat down, waiting for Malal to continue.

Malal looked them over and nodded. “Okay. As you all may have noticed, you've been losing your powers. Growing weaker. In response, your followers have been losing power as well, being driven away by the Imperium, the Necrons, the Eldar, and the various other threats of the universe. Correct?”

“Where have you been all this time?” Slaanesh asked, narrowing his eyes. “You disappeared for over a thousand years...”

“Correct?” Malal insisted. Reluctantly, the four Chaos gods nodded. Malal smirked. “As for your question, I'll answer that in a moment. First, another question. Would you like to know WHY you've been losing your powers?”

Tzeentch immediately became fascinated. “Admittedly, we've been distracted with our deteriorating empires...”

“IT WOULD BE NICE TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON...” Khorne muttered.

Malal grinned, and held up four cups, each filled with a glowing rainbow liquid. “This, my dear devious neighbors, is water from the Source of All Harmony.” The four Chaos gods grimaced at the mention of 'Harmony.' Malal continued, ignoring them. “Situated in a world protected via the strongest of magics, a world immune to the threats of the Necrons, the Tyranids... even the Warp itself.

Now Tzeentch was REALLY interested. “A world of magic so potent that it can repel US?” he said. “Amazing...”

Nurgle looked uncertain. “You've been to this world?”

“Indeed,” Malal said. “I am unable to manifest in my full power on that world, so I was limited to causing mischief. They know me there as Discord, and... well. I've been through a bit of a journey of self-discovery while there.”

“What's with the rainbow juice?” Slaanesh said, swirling the waters around in the cup.

Malal grinned. “Drink that, and Harmony will reveal why you are becoming so weak,” he said.

The four Gods traded worried looks. “...It can't hurt,” Nurgle said.

“I'll try anything once,” Slaanesh said, chuckling.

Khorne just grumbled, while Tzeentch had a thoughtful look on what was currently its face. All four drank... and all four were overcome with visions, their eyes glowing.

In it, they saw a dead universe. A world where nothing grew. No life, no hope, no Chaos... all was destroyed. All was nothingness. All was gone... save for four gods locked in eternal, futile struggle, their only company each other, each of them alone with their hated foes...

The vision came and went in mere moments, but all four understood.

“Our chaos has progressed too far...” Tzeentch said, shaken.

“IF WE DO NOT TEMPER OURSELVES, WE WILL BECOME DESTRUCTION. WE WILL HAVE NOTHING,” Khorne said, growling angrily.

“This is madness...” Slaanesh said, frightened. “It goes against everything I believe in, to restrain myself... but I can't see any other way to do it...”

Nurgle frowned at his cup. “Our power loss... It's in response to us losing focus to the more virtuous parts of our natures?”

Malal nodded. “Harmony, a force even greater than us, is draining you four in response to you becoming more destruction than chaos.”

Khorne growled. “WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT, THEN!? WE CANNOT CHANGE WHO WE ARE!”

Malal smirked. “I do have an idea,” he said. “On the planet I mentioned, there are four minor goddesses who are undergoing a similar weakening, only in response to them becoming extremes of Order. Bind yourselves to them. Make them your avatars. Make their strength yours, and give your strength to them. You will balance each other out, and become all the stronger because of it. Especially if you bond to one who is in some way your antithesis.”

The Chaos gods all traded thoughtful looks.

“It makes some sense,” Tzeentch said. “Harmony is, in essence, balance. As distasteful as we find the precepts of Order, in the past we have embraced what some mortals would consider virtue. Khorne, for example, you always favored valor, and killing warriors instead of innocents.”

“OF COURSE,” Khorne said, nodded. “BLOOD IS WORTHLESS IF IT DOESN'T COME FROM THE BUTCHERED BODY OF A WORTHY FOE.”

Tzeentch nodded. “Slaanesh, Nurgle, each of you also have shown favor to nobler things as well.” When the other two nodded, Tzeentch continued. “To clarify, Malal, you are suggesting that we join with these minor goddesses not to reform, but to embrace the better part of our natures that we have apparently been neglecting?”

Malal nodded. “Yes. Do this, and all eight of you will have your powers fully restored. And believe it or not, the philosophy of these goddesses I'm asking you to make your avatars is actually highly accepting. So long as you don't thoughtlessly harm those under their care, they will pretty much let you be who you are.”

“You have been changed...” Slaanesh said softly, going wide-eyed. “I can sense it... The pleasure from your thoughts every time you think of the creatures of this world...”

Malal grinned. “They've been a good influence,” he said. “So are you in?”

Tzeentch nodded. “Indeed. I'm rather excited to see a world that's safe from the Hell that the universe has become,” he said.

Nurgle looked thoughtful. “If nothing else, this world might have some new diseases for me to learn. And besides, I always like making new friends.”

“You'll fit in there better than you think, Nurgle,” Malal said. “Slaanesh? Khorne? What about you?”

Slaanesh looked thoughtful for a moment, and shrugged. “Oh, hell with it. Sounds like fun. I'm in,” she said.

Khorne grumbled. “IT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING I AM TO AGREE WITH TZEENTCH... BUT I AM AT A LOSS FOR BETTER IDEAS. TELL YOUR GODDESSES WE WILL GRANT THEM OUR BLESSING,” he said.

Malal grinned widely. “Superb. I'll tell them. Be ready to come to them in a week. We'll have a party introducing you and everything.”

“What do the goddesses present themselves as?” Slaanesh asked.

“Winged unicorns,” Malal said. “They call their race Alicorns.”

The four Chaos gods stared at Malal. “WHAT,” Khorne said.

Malal giggled, collecting the cups. “And while there are other races, such as griffons, changelings, and dragons, the dominant race of the planet is colorful ponies, pegasi, and unicorns! It's a joyously happy place, full of love and song! You'll love it!” he cackled, snapping his fingers and vanishing.

The four Chaos gods glared at the spot where Malal disappeared. It was later agreed that Khorne said it best. “I REALLY FUCKING HATE THAT GUY.”

TO BE CONTINUED...

Author's Note

All characters copyrighted to their original owners. I don't own anyone save the characters created by me. Comments, compliments, and constructive criticism is both appreciated and encouraged. If you like my work, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Even a dollar donation helps.