Why Luna is the Biggest Dum Dum

by Aqua Drops

First published October 7th, 2016 07:00

So Twilight has already told Celestia that she's a dum dum, tried to put a guard in time out, slid down the hallway in that guard's armour, threw a flower pot at Celestia, threw a paint balloon at one of Celestia's guests, sprained that guests hoof, told Cadance that she was a dum dum, burnt down the Canterlot Castle...you get the idea. So what next?

Chapters

How Do I Get it to the Moon?

How Do I Get it to the Moon?
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Why Luna is the Biggest Dum Dum

How Do I Get it to the Moon?

"Wow, they are getting fast at rebuilding the castle," Cadance marvelled as she looked at the newly built Canterlot Castle. There was a snicker beside her and she turned to look, enraged, at the filly who burnt down the castle in the first place. Twilight grinned back.

"You! Don't you look at me like that!" Cadance hissed. "You're the one who started this!" Twilight gave no reply, just jiggled around mockingly. Cadance felt like pulling out her hair. "I mean it! You are lucky you're alive. You're lucky I had the heart to save you! You're lucky you didn't burn with the-"

"You didn't have the heart to save me, you kicked me out the window and called yourself a hero!" Twilight interrupted, not losing the mocking grin. Mocking was one of her best qualities.

"At least I saved you!" Cadance shot back.

"Pretty lousy rescue," Twilight muttered.

"Why would I do that if I didn't have a heart?" The older mare challenged, determined to win something for once.

"Because you would have gotten in trouble from Celestia if you didn't save me!"

"Yeah well..." Cadance found she didn't have a reply for that. "Shut up!" She turned and flew away to complain to Celestia about smart asses and what not.

Twilight watched her fly away calmly and sat down to think about her next move. Did she want to do some thing naughty, or did she want to pretend to be good for a few months? The latter made her gag so she decided on the former.

She could soap the halls again... No, she'd already did that. That would be lazy. She could... No. Not a lot she could do.

I spy with my little eye... no that won't work, what was I doing again? Even evil little masterminds like Twilight lost their attention spans sometimes.

She rubbed her head trying to remember what she was doing when she noticed how dark it was getting. The sun was almost down.

Twilight watched as the sun dipped down over the horizon and bared her teeth. Most ponies thought the sunset was beautiful, but for Twilight it just made her want to set things on fire.

She watched the moon rise and looked at the odd shape of a mare on the moon. She leapt to her hooves when she remembered why the mare was there. She had told all the princesses that they were dum dums (her worst insult) but they were only the princesses down in Equestria.

There was still one princess left.

"She's a little brat and I don't want to be stuck foalsitting her!" Cadance whined, stamping her hooves like a little filly.

"Are you done yet?" Celestia asked, filing her hooves. Cadance muttered something under her breath. Celestia rolled her eyes. "I'll take that as a yes. Anyway, I was going to tell you this before, but you wouldn't shut up, so it had to wait."

Cadance bit back a rude reply.

"I looked into the future-"

"You what?" Cadance shrieked.

"Oh, it was only a little look," Celestia said, rolling her eyes again. "Besides, I checked and it turns out she's going to be a sensible mare!"

Cadance raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, I am going to make her a memory potion," she admitted. "But she won't be a little brat, so be nice to her and she'll remember you as a-" Celestia was cut off by a shout from outside.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?"

Their eye's widened. Celestia went as pale as a ghost.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" The voice roared again.

Celestia pulled down on her mane. "It can't be," she whispered, shaking. "Not her, not her, oh no..."

There was a smash at the window and glass flew everywhere. When the dust from the window cleared up, Cadance and Celestia let out a gasp. There was a dark blue alicorn standing on the windowsill with an absolutely furious expression. "Luna..." Celestia seemed to have lost her voice. Luna didn't even wait for the shock to clear up.

"I have been ignored. I have been shunned," she shouted. "I have been banished to the moon because I called my sister's flank fat!" Celestia's eye twitched. "I have had all of those things happen to me! And I have NEVER. I have NEVER heard of such INSOLENCE!!!"

Luna levitated a piece of paper and shook it into the air. "WHO SENT THIS???" She bellowed. Celestia and Cadance just stared. "WHO???"

Celestia seemed to find her voice. "Luna," she gasped. "Luna, how did you get back here?"

Luna lost her furious charade and turned calmly to her older sister. "I flew down," she said matter-of-factly.

Celestia made a noise in her throat that sounded like she was being strangled. "B-b-but," she stammered. "If you could fly down all this time, why didn't you come down sooner?"

"I liked it up there," Luna had a mocking smile, similar to one of Twilight's. "It was away from you and your fat ass."

Celestia's jaw went slack. She clearly couldn't find anything to say to that. Her cheeks turned dark red and for a moment, her face was the picture of fury.

Luna turned back to Cadance and suddenly started using the Royal Canterlot Voice. "ABOUT THIS LETTER!!!" She roared.

Cadance felt her lips twitch into a smile. "Letter?"

"Yes, letter," Luna snapped, annoyed that Cadance seemed to find it so funny. "This letter! IS SO RUDE!!! I have never even heard of such rudeness!!! Do you know who sent it?"

Celestia didn't seem to be able to talk so Cadance answered for her. "I think I do," she replied pleasantly. She gestured to the window. "It was that filly outside. Twilight Sparkle."

Luna's anger gave way to confusion. "The filly? But how would a filly know...such curses?"

Cadance's eyes widened. Curses? "Give me that," she snapped, snatching the letter. Scanning the letter with her eyes, she put her hoof over her mouth. She knew for a fact where Twilight had learned those swear words from.

"No idea," she lied.

Luna frowned and pondered this for a moment. "Well if that is the case, then I am going back to the moon," she announced, unfolding her wings. She turned to the dumbfounded Celestia. "Oh, and sister, one more thing. Have you got any spell books on dark magic? I have been thinking about turning into this demon of nightmares you have described me as in the rewritten history books."