A New Friend
It was a Friday night.
Ever since the Battle of the Bands The Dazzlings had just sort of been… existing for a while.
They’d lost their power, which was a bumper.
It wasn’t a huge problem, considering all the money they’d gathered during their years trapped here. They had enough stored away that if they stayed at their current apartment, they’d be well into their three thousands before they needed to start worrying about looking for somewhere cheaper.
Which left them with their new greatest enemy: boredom. Adagio was working on a low-key plan to get their magic back, but until it inevitably failed (like it always did), they were left with jack-all to do. After a few weeks of lounging about the house they’d started taking turns deciding how they should spend the day. They’d go in order of oldest to youngest, so it went Adagio, the group’s leader, Aria, the groups muscle, and Sonata, the groups… moral support. Adagio usually picked something nice, they’d all go out shopping or to a fancy restaurant. Aria’s choices were usually something tame, typically a video game night or movie marathon.
Today was Sonata’s choice and they’d all gone out for a ~~fun~~ day at the park. Things had actually started out pretty well. They hadn’t finished that way, but still.
Now they were on their way home from the emergency room, after Sonata had fallen from a tree and sprained her ankle. Adagio wanted to shout at her for being careless, but then again their youngest had been to the emergency room for much stupider reasons in the past. Aria had politely declined their other to come with them, claiming “she’d rather walk home down the highway alone than be seen in the ER with that numbnut again”.
Adagio was the one driving. She was the only one of them who had her license, mostly because in this world she was the only one legally old enough to drive, but also partly because Aria had clinical road rage, and Adagio refused to subject the world to the horrors of Sonata behind a wheel. She was evil, but not that evil. The girl in question sat beside her now in the passenger seat.
“Oh but she seemed really nice, Dagi!” Sonata defended.
Adagio sighed. During Sonata’s check-up, Adagio had been taken aside briefly to fill in some forms. She was both Sonata and Aria’s legal guardian after all, so it only made sense that she was the one responsible for them. But after she’d done so, she’d returned back to her younger sister to find her conversing with…
Aw dammit, what was the politically correct term? She couldn’t remember. But she’d heard enough about that girl to know she was not the type of person she wanted her sister to be making friends with. Sonata was born the runt of their litter, she was too naive and trusting as it was. Heck, she struggled talking to normal humans, never mind somebody like her.
“Too bad. I said no.”
“You never let me make my own friends,” Sonata pouted.
Adagio groaned.
“I have nothing against you making friends Sonata! Just… not with her.”
Sonata cocked her head to the side in confusion, “Why not?”
“She’s…” Adagio let out a heavy sigh, “she’s different.”
“Well duh, we’re soul-sucking demons from another dimension, every bodies different to us!” Sonata giggled
“Sonata, no… that’s not what I meant,” Adagio said quietly.
This was not going to be easy.
Sonata noticed Adagio’s lack of enthusiasm in her wording, and her smile disappeared. Usually when correcting her about something Adagio got annoyed. But this time she didn’t seem annoyed, she seemed… upset?
“When I said she’s different, I mean she’s different to everybody else as well. And not in the same way we are.”
Sonata frowned, not understanding.
“So… she’s different how?”
Adagio was silent for a moment. She needed to word this very carefully. Partly for Sonata's benefit, partly for her own. She needed to help her sister understand it, while also… not understand it too much. She took a breath.
“You know that voice you have in your head?”
Sonata nodded.
“She… well she…” she struggled. “Tell me what your voice is like, Sonata.”
“You mean the voice inside my head?” Sonata pointed to forehead for extra emphasis.
“Yeah.”
“Well... for me... I talk to it when you and Aria aren’t around. Well, not like I talk to it, talk to it, because like, it’s me. So I guess… I listen to it? Yeah, I listen to it.”
Adagio nodded.
“Has the voice inside your head ever said anything you thought didn’t sound right?” she asked.
Sonata frowned again.
“Of course not Dagi! That would be silly, it’s my voice after all.”
“I know.... but, roll with me here. Imagine it wasn’t your voice inside your head.”
Sonata thought for a second.
“How would that work?”
Adagio swallowed. “Imagine if you had a voice inside your head that wasn’t yours. You said you sometimes listen to it... well, what if the voice you could hear in your head wasn’t you?”
“I guess I’d be…” Sonata bit her tongue. “Well... I mean... who else’s would it be? If it’s in my head, maybe the voice is mine, and I just don’t know who I am?”
“That’s…" Adagio gave a light chuckle, "actually quite profound.”
“Oh! I learned that word in Miss Cheerliee’s class, profound means saying something of great-“
“Don’t ruin it.”
“Ehehehe… sorry.”
“But no, that’s not what I meant. You have two voices right? The one in your head, and the one that comes from your mouth?”
“We used to have three but kinda messed that one up, didn’t we?”
Adagio smirked, rolling her eyes, “Sonata I’m being serious.”
Her younger sister nodded. “No okay I got you, two voices. The one in my head, and the one I talk with.”
“Okay,” Adagio started. “Those two voices always agree with each other don’t they?”
“Well, yeah… Mostly, I mean, sometimes I’ll think about something and choose not to say it, or sometimes I’ll say something and then realize I shouldn’t have.”
“But those are just exceptions? Mistakes? Your mouth has never said something your brain has disagreed with?”
“I mean, sometimes. Like that time Aria tried cooking and I told her it was yummy.”
Adagio shook her head. “Not like that. That’s a lie, you’re making the decision to say that. Your mouth knew it wasn’t telling the truth. Your mouth and your brain still agreed that her food was gross.”
“Which it really was, like I know you don’t like cooking for us every night Adagio but I’m old enough for you to teach me to cook now.”
“If you don’t let me finish you won’t be having any dinner tonight at all,” she snapped.
“Heeeyyy I’m listening! Two voices, head voice and talky voice. Always agree with eachother, I’m with you.”
“Okay, good…”
How did she continue this?
She couldn’t come straight out and explain it to her. For starters, she probably wouldn’t understand it. And probably worse, if she did understand it… Adagio wasn’t sure if she wanted to subject her little sister to that kind of thing. She wasn’t ready. Sonata still thought the Easter Bunny was real, having this type of thing explained realistically to her would mess her up.
So… how did she approach this? Sugar-coat it? Use a metaphor? Make something up?
“Adagio?”
“Hmm?”
“Went quiet for a minute there sis?”
“Oh, sorry I’m just… what was I saying?”
“Head voice and talky voice.”
“Oh oh yes, alright… Okay, soooo... you have the voice you speak with, and the voice in your head, right?”
Sonata nodded.
“And your head voice is like a back-up to your talky voice?”
“You’re good at describing it.”
Adagio nodded. “Okay, now I want you to imagine that… I want you to imagine there’s a third voice.”
Sonata wrinkled her nose at this. "A third voice?”
“A third voice,” Adagio nodded. “It’s like the head voice, but this one isn’t yours. It’s like there’s another completely different person whispering in your ear. Only they’re… in your head.”
“Who’s the other person?”
Adagio chewed her tongue for a moment.
“A stranger. Somebody you’ve never ever met before.”
Sonata gave a slight cringe at her words, “I’m not sure I’d like that.”
“Okay, yes, good!” Adagio jumped on her last line.
They were making progress.
“I want you to imagine that this stranger voice in your head, that you have no control over, says things that you don’t agree with.”
“Like what?”
“Like…. Okay, what do you love the most in the world?”
Sonata chirped up at this, “You Dagi! You’re my big sister and you take care of me! I love you and Aria the most.”
Adagio rolled her eyes, “Okay reel it in Sonata, don’t get gay on me.”
“But I am gay for you.”
The corners of Adagios lips flickered into a smile. She repressed a chuckle.
“Okay, now I want you to imagine that this stranger voice in your head doesn’t love me.”
“Why would somebody not love you?”
“I know, it’s a completely unrealistic and very unlikely circumstance, but try to imagine it okay?”
Sonata closed her eyes and gently rocked her head side to side. “Okaaayy… I’m imagining it… Now what?”
“I want you to imagine that the voice is saying really nasty things about me.”
Sonata frowned, "Why is it doing that?”
“That’s…” Adagio nodded, “… a very good question. Just imagine it.”
Sonata shook her head, “I don’t like it.”
“Now do me a favor, you know your real head voice?”
“Yep.”
“I want you to make it shut up.”
“Okie dokie.”
A second passed before Sonata opened her eyes, frowning.
“Hang on,” she said, confusion written across her face.
She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and gave a little groan of frustration. Adagio watched her from the corner of her eye.
“It won’t stop talking Dagi. I try but all it does is say how it needs to shut up!”
“Okay okay, don’t-” Adagio laughed, “-don’t hurt yourself, you aren’t supposed to be able to make it shut up.”
Sonata opened her eyes again, and looked over to her bigger sister.
“I never noticed it doesn’t stop talking before.”
“You know the only time it does stop talking?”
“Huh?”
“When you’re asleep.”
It took Sonata a moment, before her mouth opened in surprised. “So that’s what sleep is!”
Adagio smiled and nodded, “In a way, yes.”
“That’s so cool!”
“Okay but now, remember that stranger voice we talked about?”
Sonata nodded.
“Imagine you can’t make him shut up either. Imagine whenever your head voice sees me, your stranger voice starts talking trash about me. And not just me, it’s like that with everything you see. And just like the first voice, no matter how hard you try you can’t shut him up.”
“Unless I go to sleep?”
“Unless you go to sleep.”
Sonata was silent for a moment.
It was a rare sight to see Sonata so lost in her own trail of thought. Like witnessing a blood moon or seeing a baby dear. It was beautiful on it's own, but it became even more so when you take into account its rarity. After a moment, she finally spoke up.
“That’s horrible.”
Adagio nodded and gave a sympathetic smile. “Yeah. I imagine it would be.”
“Because like,” Sonata began, “it’d follow you everywhere you go, even when you went to the little girl’s room. And it would never shut up complaining. It’d be like having Aria tied to you.”
Adagio snorted.
“Yeah… Good comparison, Sonata. “
“So, what does this have to do with Sour Sweet?”
“I’m not done yet, but we’re nearly there,” Adagio told her.
Sonata nodded and listened, waiting on her older sisters words.
“Remember when I said your head voice is a backup to your talky voice?”
She nodded.
“Now I want you to imagine that the stranger voice has its own talky voice.”
“How does it talk?”
“Through your mouth.”
“Wait, so I lose control of my own mouth?”
“Yes.”
“And it uses my mouth to say all those nasty things?”
“Yeah, it does.”
Sonata furrowed her brow. “But then it would be mean to the people I care about! And they’d think it was me saying all that mean stuff! It might call Aria lazy, or you fat.”
“Wait why would it call me fat?”
“And I wouldn’t be able to stop it… that’s a really scary idea.”
“It is but why would it call me fat?”
“Why are we talking about this, Adagio?”
“Er, I… Oh yes.” Adagio shook her head, returning to the conversation. “Well, the girl you were talking to… Sour Patch?”
“Sour Sweet.”
“…huh.”
“What?”
“Nothing, just… her name.”
“What about it?”
“It’s a bit… It’s kinda… Never mind. The reason we’re talking about it is because Sour Sweet… Sour Sweet… She has that extra voice in her head. That causes her to say nasty things that she doesn’t mean.”
Sonata’s face dropped.
“Really?”
Adagio swallowed and gave a small nod.
Sonata looked into her lap. “That’s so sad…”
“It is. I can’t imagine what the poor dear is going through... Heck, we’re evil demons and she has my sympathy.”
“So…” Sonata looked up into her sisters eyes. “Why does that mean we can’t be friends?”
Adagio gave a small whimper. “You aren’t making this easier for me you know.”
“What?”
“Just… Okay, while I’m sure Sour is a lovely girl, it’s the stranger inside her head I’m worried about.”
“Worried about?”
“Yeah, it making her do things she wouldn’t normally do. Like how your stranger voice would make you call me fat which I am not.”
Sonata’s eyes light up. “But, if I know she doesn’t mean it, then it’s okay right?”
“But Sonata, how would you know she didn’t mean it?”
“She could just tell me, silly!”
Adagio shook her head. “How can you be sure it isn’t her stranger talking?”
Sonata opened her mouth to answer, blinked, and then closed it again.
Adagio continued. “How do you know which voice is her and which one is her stranger? In her head she can tell the difference, but you have no idea. It’s all coming out of the same body. Her stranger voice could be telling you her real voice was the impostor.”
A second passed before Sonata nodded.
“I didn’t think of it like that,” she said quietly.
Adagio swallowed again. This whole conversation was giving her cotton mouth. “That’s why I don’t want you to be friends with her. She's got issues she needs to work out on her own. You getting involved would only make the situation more complicated for her.”
"But what if I want to help her?"
"Sometimes leaving people alone is the best help you can give them."
Sonata scrunched up her eyebrows. She seemed to be having a difficult time grasping that concept.
“But, she was so friendly? She didn’t seem like she had a stranger inside her.”
“Do we seem like we have soul sucking demons inside us?”
“Well… okay, I guess not.”
“Everybody is going through stuff in their own heads, Sonata. Whether that’s a soul sucking demon, a stranger's voice in your head or something else. Inside everyone’s head is a different story, and some stories are a lot more tragic than others. But it all looks the same on the outside. If you had a stranger in your head making you say bad things, would you be telling the world about it or trying your best to control it?”
“I guess I’d try to control it.”
“Which means hiding it. Maybe the reasons she came across so friendly was because she was trying to make up for the bad parts of her personality.”
“I… didn’t think of that.”
“It’s a coping mechanism. The loneliest people are often the kindest, because they don’t want to scare you away.”
“But that’s no way to live?”
It was unusual hearing Sonata partake in a grown up conversation. Adagio wasn’t sure if she liked it or not.
“No… no it’s not.”
“Can’t we do anything to help her?”
Adagio shook her head, “I suspect she's already getting the help she needs. That’s why she was visiting the hospital.”
“What do you mean?”
Adagio shrugged. “She has a mental illness. Hospitals cure illnesses.”
This seemed to instantly perk Sonata back up. “So, she might get better?”
“Maybe…” Adagio’s tone wasn’t hopeful. “A mental illness is a lot harder to mend than a broken leg. For starters, you can actually see what’s wrong with a broken leg.”
Sonata deflated a little upon hearing this.
Adagio quickly moved to cover her mistake.
“That’s not to say its, impossible that she won’t get better. Maybe one day she will. Who knows, science is getting further along every day.”
Sonata nodded. She leaned back into her chair and examined the view out of the window. After a moment she smiled.
“It’s nice that she has that then.”
This time it was Adagios turn to be confused.
“Has what?”
“The hope that one day she’ll get better. That one day she might have a normal life. I think if I was in her situation, that would be the thing keeping me going too.”
Adagio smiled. Sonata was on a roll with being profound today! She’d be marking this day down on the calendar for sure.
“So do you think one day I could be friends with her?”
Adagio turned to her little sister, and saw the enthusiasm behind her eyes. She nodded.
“Yeah, why not? Maybe one day. There’s always hope.”
