A Spice of Fluff in Equestria

by OmnipresentMicroorganism

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 2355

Interdimensional portals and genetic engineering. Two experiments that shouldn't be conducted next to each other.

When Hasbio split off from Hasbro, they started to branch off into areas of scientific research other than genetic engineering. Mainly, artificial wormhole generation. It was kept right next to the continuing attempts to rediscover the fluffy pony genetic formula, as Hasbro had taken it when they split. When a few fluffies were accidentally let out, and they escape into the sector next to them, who knows where they'll end up?

You do. Probably.

If you want to know what a fluffy pony is, go here.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-03 22:55:39 UTC

Two Fluffies and an Interdimensional Wormhole

A Spice of Fluff in Equestria

Chapter One

Two Fluffies and an Interdimensional Wormhole

John sighed as he took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose for the fifty-third time that sleepless night. The year was 2021, and it had been 9 months, 26 days, 5 hours, 2 minutes, 7.4926 seconds and counting since the wormhole project, titled Project Warpgate, had been commissioned. Half of that time had been spent doing overtime all night and the next day, trying to figure it out. The formula was right, he knew that. The device, a ring of a new steel-diamond alloy, which had only just been discovered to be possible, along with a plasma generator, and many, MANY, pieces of stabilized dark matter, which was built and quadruple checked for any major or minor fault, of which there was none, wasn’t the problem. That’s why he, and 49 other top scientists, were wracking their brains for any fault they could find. It didn’t help that he could hear the crying of the fifteen fluffy ponies being analyzed for their genetic code, despite the soundproofing.

What’s that? You don’t know what a fluffy pony is? Well, have some more exposition.

Five years ago, the creature (legally classified as a biotoy) known as the fluffy pony was announced. They were genetically engineered chimeric creatures, designed to be the perfect pet. They were about the size of a house cat, with stubby appendages ending in soft hoofpads, a large amount of fluff on their bodies, giving them their soft, huggable appearance, and tiny wings, a slightly stubby horn, or nothing at all. They also had sapience and basic speech (in a babyish lisp), albeit with the mental capacity of a 3-year-old. They were ‘programmed’ to be obsessed with love and hugs. Hasbro started a subdivision, called Hasbio, to create them. Unfortunately, PETA and Greenpeace extremists raided the labs and released most of the ‘beta’ versions of fluffies into the wild. These fluffies were incomplete, and ‘Smarty Syndrome’ was common among male unicorns, due to goat DNA. There were two kinds of smarties. Smarty friends, and the mean and demanding ones. Smarty friends were natural leaders, like that school president who would listen to everybody’s problems and actually listen. Feral herds (ferals being the name for wild fluffies) with a smarty friend often prospered, with equal sharing of food and nesting material. The other kind of smarty, however, was the complete opposite. They put themselves before everyone, hoarded all food, bedding, and ‘shiny tings’ and would make all-around awful leaders, kinda like Donald Trump. They can often be found knocking on people’s doors, demanding food and shelter, and, when refused, would give ‘sowwy poopies’, which involved facing away from the human, raising their tail, and releasing a stream of liquid shit directly at them. Due to poor bowel control, the beta fluffies often pooped when scared, calling it ‘scawdy poopies’. They were also obsessed with spaghetti, which they called ‘sketties’. They were also afraid of the dark, and had claustrophobia. Due to them breeding like rabbits, they quickly went down in value, until you could go to any pet store and buy one for 75 cents a pop. Hasbro was losing money, so they split from Hasbio, and blamed it all on them. Hasbio was good for at least 30 years, money-wise, due to them curing many mental diseases, and at least three types of cancer. Hasbro took all copies of the fluffy genetic formula before splitting, essentialy dooming Hasbio to not being able to do anything about the many complaints and lawsuits directed towards them. They immediately set about rediscovering the formula, with various side projects.

John heard the sound of the door opening, followed by footsteps. He turned around to see Callum, the head researcher on the fluffy project.

“Hey Cal. How’s it going with the fluffy thing?” John asked.

“Not good. The DNA is such a scrambled mix of dog, bird, cat, horse, human, goat, and a billion others that I can’t even begin to understand it. I’m heading home, I’ve had enough of this debauchery.” Callum replied, with a sullen look on his face.

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna join you. I need a break from the constant equations and coding.”

“Good. Hey, you wanna hit that In-N-Out just 5 blocks away?”

“Sure. I’ve been eating nothing but granola bars and protein shakes for the past 36 hours. Actual food will be refreshing.”

As they walked towards the exit, contemplating burgers and advanced sciences, they failed to notice that they both forgot to lock their respective doors. The lights turned off, and they locked the entrance door, the whole facility dark as night, except for a faint light eminating from the crack in the fluffy door.

You were a wingy fluffy mare. The thing the hoomins in white not-fluff called you was ‘three-oh-one’, so you guess that was your name. You were currently curled up in the corner of your cage, silently crying yourself to sleep. The hoomins had given you many pointy owies, and taken a lot of your boo-boo juice. They had forgotten to give you nummies, so you had bad tummy owies. Suddenly, you heard a noise from outside your cage. You attempted to make yourself as small as possible. You had no blankie to hide under. All that was in your cage was a wawa bottle, a small red ball, and an empty food dish. Suddenly you heard speech.

“Is dere a fwuffy hewe?”

You looked up and saw an earthy stallion, with a neon green coat and electric blue mane. You softly spoke to him.

“Yush.”

He squinted through the bars and looked at you in the dim light of the night-light.

“Udda fwuffy! Too oh seben know how tu get owt!”

Your wings fluttered.

“Weawwy?”

He smiled and spoke.

“Yush!”

He looked at a strange red button on the front of your cage door. He pushed it, and the door popped open. You rushed out of the cage, and gave him a big huggie.

“Yay! Nyu fwend wet Tree oh wun owt!”

After your new friend, named ‘two-oh-seven’, let you out, you and him snuck out through the slightly ajar door. When you were out in the hall, you noticed pretty purple lights coming from the door next to yours. Luckily, it was also ajar. You and Two Oh Seven went to investigate.

Once inside, you saw something amazing. There was a big circle with what looked like a miniature galaxy of cream and purple inside it. You and Two Oh Seven walked up and stared at it. After about ten minutes of gawking, you tentatively stuck your hoofsie through. It felt funny. Like, a good funny though. After a minute of discussion with Two Oh Seven, you both stepped into the portal…

...And were sent flying through time and space.

Princess Twilight Sparkle of Equestria was sifting through hundreds of petitions, letters, and spam mail. She shook her head as a letter she had seen many times before came into her telekinetic grasp.

“Why does Ivory Scroll keep asking me not to replace her? She’s still mayor, I just live here.” She said, to no one in particular.

Suddenly, she dropped her letter. She had felt a large surge of magical energy, similar to the signature given off by the Crystal Mirror. She readjusted herself and picked up her letters.

It’s probably just Discord dimension-hopping again. Fluttershy will sort him out.

Still, she couldn’t help but think that something else was at play here…

She shook her head.

I’ll look into it tomorrow. But for now…

She stared at the massive pile of mail that was going to be her whole Friday.

She gulped.

I’ve got some work to do.

The Odds Of the Fluffies Surviving This Is Highly Improbable

A Spice of Fluffy In Equestria

Chapter Two

The Odds Of the Fluffies Surviving This Is Highly Improbable

You were Three-Oh-One. You had gone through a pretty-light-swirly place with your new friend, Two-Oh-Seven. When you woke up, you were stuck in a meanie tree. You wiggled your hoofsies and your body frantically to try and get out. Your wingies flittered so fast you could feel the breeze made by them. You screamed for Two-Oh-Seven. You looked around for him, before you saw his neon-green coat in the grass. He was still sleeping, his chest slowly rising and falling. You spoke to him, trying to wake him up.

“Huu huuu… Nyu fwend pweeze hewp fwuffy?”

He stirred a bit, mumbling and rolling, before his eyes snapped open. He blinked and looked around, before focusing on you.

“Twee-Oh-Wun! Fwuffy hewp yu!”

He stumbled over, and, after a lot of effort, pulled you out. You had a few scrapes on your sides, but otherwise you were fine. You rejoiced in your freedom.

“Yay! Nyu fwend hewp fwuffy owt ob meanie twee! Huggies!” You said, glomping him.

Suddenly, your tummy grumbled, reminding you that you needed to eat soon. You blushed in embarrassment, walked over to the grassies, and tentatively took a bite. Your eyes widened and you started eating the grass like a lawnmower. It was just so good. 207 raised his eyebrow and took a bite of the grass. Soon, the grass was being ‘mowed’ with two lawnmowers. After eating until your stomachs bulged, you and 207 collapsed next to each other and rested. Suddenly, a thought passed through your head. You turned to look at your friend.

“If dat wut gwassie nummies taste wike… Wut dus skettie nummies taste wike?”

You and 207 thought on this, and large amounts of drool started to ooze out of your mouths. You finally decided you were tired, and it was becoming dark time, so you and 207 went into a bush to sleep until morning.

John cursed as he logged onto his computer. According to an automated alert system, the Warpgate had been activated automatically overnight.

I knew I forgot something. I didn’t lock the goddamn door. Cal said he forgot to lock his door and two fluffies are missing. Man, hunger sure does a number on your mental state. Wait, does that say it was a success?

John squinted, blinked a few times, before opening the security camera recordings. The cameras did, in fact, show presumably a portal opening, but as soon as it was fully open, the cameras cut out to static.

Dammit. Magnetic interference.

He shrugged before opening the WarpOS Command Console to start it up again. After all, if it happened once, it could be repeated.

Booting OS…

Boot complete.

WarpOS Command Console

© 2021 All rights reserved.

//start

        Please imput password.

        //response; type=password; sd>54G.cb24’h87;62t3-fdb

        Password accepted.

Running function check…

Plasma generator: ONLINE

Ditanium outer ring: UNDAMAGED

Wormhole projectors: ONLINE

Stabilizer: ONLINE

Anchor: OFFLINE

Dark matter containers: EMPTY

WARNING: Without anchor, you will be unable to record the coordinates of planets. Do you wish to proceed?

//response; type=answer; yed

ERROR: Unrecognized response.

//response; type=answer; yes

Proceeding with opening…

ERROR: Dark matter not present. Please refill before opening can proceed.

        lgsarjkhbfmjhhcdb

        ERROR: Unrecognized response.

        //history; 12:10:32

        Retrieving history…

        ‘WARNING: POWER SURGE DETECTED.’

        ‘REROUTING EXCESS POWER TO ALL DEVICES.’

        ‘WARNING: WORMHOLE OPENING DETECTED.’

        ‘FUSE BLOWN IN ANCHOR.’

        ‘DARK MATTER DEPLETED.’

        ‘Surge protector activated.’

        ‘Returning to sleep mode.’

John stared at his screen in disbelief. If what it was saying was true, then it had wasted a cure for three types of cancer’s worth of money in tech. All because of a power surge.

John blinked.

“I’m gonna get fired for this, aren’t I?”

He sighed.

“Fuck.”

Twilight Sparkle woke up with her face on her desk. This was a fairly normal occurrence in the Friendship Castle. As such, Twilight had prepared a list for times she stayed up too late. She reached under her desk and grabbed a piece of parchment with said list on it in her telekinetic grasp. She cleared her throat and read the first step off the list.

“Step One: Check for a note from Spike.”

She looked around her study for a note, and eventually found one taped to the doorknob. She lifted it up and read it.

Dear Twilight:

You stayed up late AGAIN. Youreallyneed to get more sleep and stop rereading all the books in your library. If you’rewonderingwhere I am, I’m off helping the Crusaders. Starlight is hanging out with Trixie at the Hayson’s Deli place. I made breakfast for you by the way. It’s in the fridge, next to Starlight’s leftovers from last night and my Frost gems.

Hope you got enough sleep,

Spike.

(P.S. I didn’t know you liked Artemis Foal!)

Twilight blushed and moved the Artemis Foal book back into her private ‘Guilty Pleasures’ box. She looked at the list again.

“Step Two: Use the facilities and shower.”

After doing the-deed-that-we-all-must-do and showering, Twilight stepped out of her bathroom and picked up the list again.

“Step Three: Eat breakfast.”

Twilight walked to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Inside, she found some pancakes and haybacon, cooked just the way she liked it. She picked it up, used a small heating spell, and poured some syrup on it. While eating, she looked over her list. For some reason, there was a fourth step. It was very messily written, so she probably wrote it while sleep deprived.

“step four; look a t weird magic fulctuation.”

Twilight closed her eyes and used a basic magic-sensing spell. She could see the aura of everypony in Ponyville, and the powerful glow of the Tree of Harmony. She searched around, and found two small auras from two unknown creatures in the Whitetail Woods, bearing the faint trace of voidspace. She ended her spell and opened her eyes.

I think I’ll go get my friends and investigate. It never hurts to learn new things! Maybe it’s some transdimensional visitors, and they’re the ones chosen to represent their people! Or maybe it’s just Discord messing around again.

Twilight internally sqee’d.

Either way, it’s an exciting experience!

Twilight shrugged.

After all, what could go wrong?