Pictures in my Head

by Smashology

Rating: teen
Tags: Colgate, Coco Pommel, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Coloratura, Sapphire Shores, Discord
Length: 8630

While preparing for a theater play, Rara has to confront her deepest fears, her worst self-distrusts and her biggest illusions.

With the help of some "friends of friends", Rara prepares for a new challenge in her life: a theater play. In the meantime though her deepest fears, her worst self-distrusts and her biggest illusions will make her face her worst enemy: herself.

Cover art by SakuraWolfer.

Rated T for mild language.

Thanks to Sparkletop Rainbows for the editing! You're the real heroine here!

Featured on the popular stories list! (9/2/16-9/4/16)

Published 2016-09-02 16:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-22 19:30:11 UTC

The Dilemma

“We were great, you know. We were at the top of the world, the queens of Equestria. Then why are we in this bottomless piece of shit? We don’t belong here. It’s time Coloratura, it’s time.”

Rara was brushing her mane while her face looked at the mirror, the dressing room was full of important things for her like a country guitar, some clothes, a radio and two pictures: one with her former manager Svengallop, taken before her concert in Ponyville some months ago, and one with Applejack, taken shortly after the concert. From behind was a leather couch and a framed poster from her old alter ego, Countess Coloratura, promoting the last hit “The Spectacle.” Rara sighed, confused about the possible future of her career. She left the brush on the mirror desk and recharge the shoulders on the piece of furniture. A knock was heard on the door.

“Come in,” she said.

From the door appeared the designer Coco Pommel. “We’re ready for your first theatrical trial.”

Rara stood up from the chair, heading to the main stage. It was Bridleway, the same place where Hinny of the Hills had been shown. Now it was time for Rara to make her mark, moving away from the music industry for a moment and trying in a foreign territory for her: a monologue played by herself. Coco remained on the backstage, the entire place was empty and at the front was no other than the Lord of Chaos himself Discord, serving as director and producer of her show, although she didn’t know about the Lord part. Pony holograms were fulfilling the seats.

“Lights!” the chimera shouted and the lights from above illuminated the scenery and pointed at the singer. “Audience!” the holograms’ eyes began to glow. “Action!”

Approaching to the center and holding a sheet with said monologue, Rara began. “Everypony’s always quitting on me. My whole life... all the ponies I get to know... quit. I never do. I’m loyal. I stay. But they all leave me. Started with my dad... he–”

Suddenly one of the main lights fell to the stage, it crashed almost on Rara but she managed to evade it. Astonished about the incident she complained to Discord. “What was that?!”

“It should have been an accident. How inconvenient…” the holograms vanished. “Oh well, we now have to replace it with a brighter one.”

“What?” Rara was surprised for the wrong reasons.

“I said–”

“No, no, no. A light almost landed on my head and you’re more worry about the object than my own health?!”

“Listen, my lady!” Discord stood up from his seat and flew towards her. “All I’m doing is make sure everything goes well. Everything has to be perfect. According to the plan, errors are not allowed here!”

Coco ran to the stage to interfere between them to prevent a fighting. “Stop!” Both Rara and Discord focused on her for a moment and the arguing ceased, Coco sighed frustrated. “The premiere is in three days, the posters for the promo are wrongly done, the costume isn’t ready yet and both of you have been complaining for the same issues all this time. Could you please get along with each other for a minute?”

The entire theater felt empty for a moment. Finally Rara spoke. “If you need me, I’ll be in my dressing room.”

“Bu-but you’ve just arrived.”

“I don’t care, I have to order my thoughts right now,” the singer retired but as she traveled through the corridor she could hear the conversation between her dresser and producer.

“I’m losing my mind with this girl.”

“But she’s right. You care about details of the stage than what is in front of you. Maybe you’re putting the money, but I’ve been with her for a while now. I’m not only her dresser but her marketer as well.”

“Why does that even matter?”

“I have know her better for around three or four months. She has been... delicate since I met her, now there’s no doubt: she needs a specialist to control her mind.”

“Mind? You mean she got nuts?”

“No, what I mean is that she needs to put herself together and order her ideas. I’ll go out to search for a doctor, would you come with me?”

Discord sighed. “If it’s for her health, I’ll do it.”

“By the way, how long have you met her?”

“Since yesterday.”

Rara finally got into the dressing room and closed the door. To clear her mind, she turned on the radio and sat down on the leather couch. It received the signal of an interview program. What she hadn’t expected was who the announcer was interviewing.

“Welcome to our program ‘Writings on the Wall’, where we explore the past, present and future of the stars for three days. Here’s in our study the famous pop artist Sapphire Shores. Let us know: with the release of your latest album many critics have been praising your performance and your work, your career has a new breath of air and you’re even nominated for the Music Awards of this year. How could manage to be on the top once again?”

“All I can say is when you hit rock-bottom there’s only one way to go.”

“Come on, there has to be something else. You wouldn’t tell me you became who you are by magic.”

“Actually… yes. It’s called effort, which is something most of the ponies nowadays lack. They think by, like you said, magic, dreams will come true. It’s pretty clear they still live in a fantasy world.”

But everything was interrupted when the voice came back. “Listen to her. That bitch is twice your age, doesn’t even have half of your talent and yet she’s more recognizable and gains more than you. Meanwhile, you’re rotting in this secondhoof dump trying to do something you are not capable of and trying to prove something you are wrong about. I’m telling you this: there’ll be no Applejack to save you from this. You’re alone and will always be alone.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Why? We’ve already had this conversation before.”

“I said LEAVE ME ALONE!”

She yelled at the top of her lungs. In her rampage Rara grabbed the radio and threw it at the framed poster falling to the floor, the frame was ruined and pieces of glass spread throughout the room.

“No, no, no,” Rara tried to fix it up, some of the pieces got into her clothes and, when she tried to pull them out carefully, her dress got ripped. “I didn’t mean it.”

“Why did you do that? I loved that photo.”

A knock on the door was heard again. “Come in,” she said. This time the one who appeared was a blue-coated unicorn wearing a jacket, probably for the cold outside.

“Are you the famous singer Coloratura?” she asked questioning the surrounding environment.

“Yes but please call me Rara. Sorry about the mess,” Rara stretched her hoof with her.

“...Sure,” the unicorn said as she lifted her head up to observe the room. “I’m Minuette.”

“Excuse me but what are you doing here?”

“Oh...” Minuette continued looking through the place from top to bottom. “Miss Pommel found one of my advertisements on the street and contacted me to watch out your health while you’re here.”

Rara showed surprise. “That must be quick. I mean, it’s already difficult to hire somepony for a specific job she was able to do it in minutes.”

“Minutes you say?” Minuette paused as she observed how Rara was suiting and putting in place the mess of the dressing room.

“Yes, I’m surprised Coco could do it. She’s a very nice and trustful pony,” Rara continued cleaning, Minuette couldn’t help but noticed the poster on the floor.

“So... when do we start?” Rara asked joyful. “Because I’m in a hurry right now.”

“How about in this instant?” Minuette asked, Rara nodded. “First of all we’ll make a diagnosis about the feelings and thoughts plaguing your mind. Lie back on the seat and then we will start.”

Leaning on the seat, Rara reposed. Minuette took the chair from the room, sat down and pulled out a notebook and pencil out of her jacket. She removed some of the glass pieces from it.

“I’d like to start with a simple words test. Just tell me the first word that pops in your head. Understand?”

“Yes,” Rara continued looking at the roof as Minuette began the process.

“Outstanding.”

“Important.”

“Success.”

“Fame.”

“Picture.”

“Remembrance.”

“Precious.”

“Soul.”

“Change.”

“Metamorphosis.”

“Parallel.”

“Personality.”

“Shadow.”

“Mask.”

“Instance.”

“Offering.”

“Spectacle.”

In the moment that word was pronounced the entire room fell into silence. No buzzing or breeze was listened. Minuette, thinking the pop star didn’t hear, repeated the word.

“Spectacle.”

The silence prevailed for a while.

“Done,” Rara stood up and massaged her head. “Sorry to waste your time but I don’t know if this is the correct way.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll come back to check out on you. In the meantime though I’d like you to think about them so we can continue, see you tomorrow. Nice to meet you Rara.” The unicorn stretched her hoof, Rara closed the deal by holding hers.

“Same to you, Minuette.”

“Wow, that was rushed. You don’t want to spend more time with her because you think this is a waste of time, like everything else in your life. How pitiful. This is going so well.”

The blue unicorn left the room, but as soon as she did, Rara followed her steps to the main entrance unnoticed. There, Coco Pommel and Discord were waiting for the results, meanwhile Rara listened to the conversation hidden.

“And?” Coco asked Minuette. “What is the diagnosis?”

“My diagnosis is that she craves for her past.”

Both the dresser and the producer were astonished and their pupils expanded. “What do you mean?” Discord asked.

“I believe I can manage to put her on the right track if you can help me, I mean we made the deal eight hours ago and she believed it was just a minute ago. But don’t put more pressure on her, for now give her a rest, I’ll come back every day to check her until the premiere. Thanks, Mr. Discord and Miss Pommel, see you tomorrow.”

Minuette walked away. Coco frowned and muttered. “Stupid bank, stupid City Hall and stupid rent check.”

“What was that?” Discord asked looking at her.

“Nothing.”

As she observe how her main supporters were heading to the door Rara sneaked herself until she reached the main stage. She remained there, still until both Discord and Coco arrived.

“What are you doing now?” asked Discord.

“Oh, I was visualizing how am I going to appear when the show starts,” Rara lied to them but she had no better excuses for now.

“Your dress...” Coco said preoccupied. “It’s all ripped.”

“It was only an accident.”

“Bu-but it’s your favorite,” Coco approached her to check her dress. “I can suture it for your big presentation.”

“Don’t worry about that. For now I need my outfit,” she then directed to Discord. “Listen, Discord, about what happened–”

“Don’t worry about that, it was my fault. When I have the chance I’ll repair it, BUT with my fingers and not my magic, AND it will be brighter like I said.”

Rara and Coco didn’t know how to react to that comment, they looked at each other confused. “You had magic all the time and you never told us?” Coco replied. “Can you imagine how much time we could have save?!”

“I’m trying to develop my manual skills. Let’s just quote... a friend of mine,” he cleared his throat and imitated the voice of his friend the best he could. “You are too dependent of your magic, you can’t rely on it all the time, you have to learn how to be practical because I’m not going to be with you forever so I’ve decided a plan specially designed for you: here’s a ticket to Manehattan and 50 bits in case you’re hungry. Try to find another hobby that doesn’t involve chaos or anything like that and find your place in the world, learn how to be useful, make new friends and remember that I love you,” he finished and facepalmed instantly, followed by a deep sigh. “Making friends has been difficult to me ever since and now it’s even worse since because she’s no longer here to support me. Physically here, I should say, and that was months ago. Sometimes I wondered to myself if the rest of the ponies are ready to accept me because of my... nature. Yeah, let’s call it like that... even high society have a hard time with me. I accepted your offer job because... I thought... I could redeem with myself and prove to Equestria I can be useful in other way. I just want this to be perfect, like both of you. You’re perfect.”

“No, we aren’t,” answered Coco.

“Yes, you are. You seem to be so unconcerned and acquiescent with your life. I mean sure, we all have our dairy problems but we manage to stand up and face them. It’s not like our shadow is going to appear right here and manipulate us in forms we never wanted to.”

Discord and Coco chuckled while Rara kept quiet. Instantly, there was an uncomfortable silence. “That was nice of your part,” said Coco. “I guess it’s time to go now. It’s late.”

“Go ahead,” said Rara. “I have a couple of things to do. Thanks for that, Discord.”

“No problem Rara but remember: the owner will close at ten o’clock.”

She accompanied her producer and dresser to the entrance. After watching Discord and Coco departing, Rara retired once more to the dressing room, which was still a mess despite the cleanliness she did previously. While thinking about the method Minuette recommended her before and picking up her main things, the voice came back.

“What was with all the chit-chat? Do you really care about that freak after what he has done to you?”

“He only wants to fit in, to do something different, to feel... relevant... like me.”

“Relevancy is like a plant you have to water every day, you know? Yours must be dried up at this moment.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You tell me, Mrs. Neglected.”

“Could you please stop harassing me?”

“You already know I can’t do that. No matter where you go I’ll always be there.”

Rara closed the doors and left Bridleway. On her way home, none of the ponies in the streets noticed her, whether it was the low light or her damaged dress, she felt alone. Suddenly her tummy rumbled, she was hungry. To fit in the standards of fame she must remained slenderly built, but this time she had overreacted the situation: she hadn’t eaten for several days and water was her only nourishment, at this time all the restaurants and stores were closed, not even a food cart was in the offing and her apartment wasn’t exactly nearby, it would be hours before she could taste a flower salad in her mouth. She reposed on the floor next to a garbage can and hunger was unbearable.

“Command that these bags become apples to satisfy your hunger.”

Her eyes observed how one of the bags from the garbage can transformed into a shiny apple, resting on her hooves. Knowing the effects the voice had in her head, she just threw the apple away, stood up and continued her way home.

“Ponies shall not live on apples alone.”

The Questionnaire

The next day was cloudy with a chance of rain, Rara ran as fast as she could to the theater. Wearing a trench coat, she arrived to the place. At the ticket office was Discord tapping his hoof, clearly a sign of waiting for her.

“Sorry I’m late.”

“What took you so long?” Discord asked and he couldn’t help but notice the eye bags on her face. He changed his mood from annoyed to surprised. “What happened to you? You look... different.”

“I know, I know. I couldn’t sleep well,” she yawned. “I’m not used to getting up early.”

“Getting up early?” Discord was astonished. “Rara, it’s midday. You were supposed to be here at eight o’ clock.”

The real time shocked the green pony, her jaw dropped. He continued speaking. “At least Miss Pommel has an excuse to look like you.”

“By the way where is she?”

“In your messy dressing room, she wants to give something for you. You should go and see her because you still have a compromise with your psychologist later. Now if you excuse me I have work to do.”

On the ticket office counter were two stacks of papers. Rara noticed they were the posters, after taking a look at one of them she replied to Discord.

“This isn’t the project I’ve been working on for the last months,” she said, bothered by the little to no changes of the poster.

“Come on, what’s wrong with it? It looks nice.”

“What’s wrong?” Rara took one of them and then pointed out the main faults. “First of all, it’s not a concert. Second, it doesn’t last for three hours and finally I’m not using my real name anymore. This advertising is fake.”

“Fake advertising is still advertising,” Discord snatched away the poster from her hooves, then proceeded to take the rest with him. “Listen to me. There’s not enough time to change them and Miss Pommel was supposed to hand them out but she’s too weary right now to do it so I have to. And I need to hurry because if the weather forecast is right...” He sighed. “Just go and see her. See you later, Rara.”

Discord opened the main doors and flew away. Rara obeyed and headed to her dressing room, not without a commentary from the voice. “You know what I want to see?”

“No.”

“A soap opera, about a girl who discovers an ancient artifact, leading to a war between two races of extraterrestrials to battle for the future of Equestria while she finds the perfect stallion whom she wants to share the rest of the life with him, in the blandest way possible. I even have the title: I like watching you sleep.”

“What does the title has to do with the premise?”

“Who cares? Everypony would pay to see it.”

She arrived to her dressing room, when she opened the door she discovered Coco sitting on the chair and resting her head on the counter. Rara knocked the door.

“Hi Coco. I’m here.”

Coco woke up abruptly. Her appearance was not what you would expected from a designer: her face looked haggard and her mane was tangled, not even wearing her traditional hibiscus flower.

“Hi Rara,” said Coco.

“Why do you look so tired?”

“I didn’t sleep, I spend the entire night sewing your outfit for the play.”

“That’s perfect! I want to try it now.”

Coco stood up, took the outfit from the wardrobe, where the rest of the clothes were hanging, and dressed the green pony. A robe, a hat which looked like it belonged to a priest and a pair of shoes, all of them in black, transformed the pop star into a reciter. Although she was still wearing her ripped dress, she noted how beautiful she was when she looked at herself to the mirror.

“So, what do you think?”

“...I don’t know what to say... I like it!”

“What the fuck is this bullshit?! This looks like a gown a barber would use for hair cutting. And this? This is a large shower cap, you look more like a priest than a real star. Where are the sequins? Where are the sheens? Why did you hired this bitch?!”

“But who am I supposed to be?”

“A troubadour,” Coco explained. “A medieval lyric poet who composes and sings in Provençal, especially in themes like love or the dairy life.”

“Uh huh...” While she continued to look at the mirror the yellow pony proceeded to sit on the leather couch. “Speaking of dairy life, I couldn’t help but noticed everypony calls you ‘Miss Pommel’. What’s with that?”

Coco was a bit nervous and unsure. “...It’s a little bit complicated for me to talk about this but if you want to know I’ll tell you,” the designer took a deep breath and started. “Approximately three or four months ago I received a rent check saying that payment wasn’t approved due to a name change I wasn’t aware of. I went to the City Hall and the bank to clear out the situation and asked for a petition for legal name change but nothing happened. My postal registration, landlord-tenant contract, employer notification, petition to notify family of amendment to vital statistics file, heck even my... my...” Coco seemed to be stuck in a word she didn’t wanted to say. Rara cheered her up to liberate her mouth.

“Just say it. It can’t be that hard.”

“My fucking birth certificate and resume were pointless!” Rara was surprised by that. A pony with a kind personality like Coco didn’t seemed to speak rudely. But she looked more calmed after swearing. “I went from being known as Coco to be ‘Miss Pommel’, from being prerogative to a bum in a matter of seconds. That bad joke ruined my life and I had to start from scratch. That’s why I accepted your offer job, I want ponies to exclaim my name once more. In fact, I need to thank you Rara,” Coco stood up from the leather couch and approached her.

“Why?”

“Because you’re the first one who have called me Coco in a long time, and therefore, you’ve accepted me as my old self,” she gave a big hug to Rara. She didn’t know how to react so she cuddled her head in return. “Now be prepared, because we’re going to spend the rest of the day in your theatrical trials before your meeting with Minuette.”

The hours passed, the clouds covered the sky and the trails were as precise as they could. Coco said to Rara that her meeting will be in a café nearby the theater so she headed there. The smell of coffee surrounded the air and on one of the seats near the counter was Minuette, wearing the same jacket from yesterday. Rara took the seat next to her.

“Hi Rara,” said the blue unicorn enthusiastic. “How is my favorite singer?”

“Tired. I didn’t sleep at all.”

“...Ok. I ordered a couple of cappuccinos for both of us, to lift your mood. So, did you think of the method we listed yesterday?”

“Not at all. All I can figure out is that those words are sort of analysis about me but... I don’t know.”

“You crave from your past Rara and we need to go deeper in it. You have to let go some things and to know yourself better,” Minuette pulled out the notebook and pencil. Rara briefly noticed how the same words from yesterday were written but when Minuette turned the page she discovered other process the unicorn designed for her. “And here’s where our second part of the process start. I’ve written a questionnaire designed for this purpose. Tell me, with all sincerity, the answer that pops into your head when each question is said. You cannot lie or skip them. Understand?”

Rara sighed. “Yes,” the cappuccinos were delivered and as the green pony began to sip the unicorn started.

“Your favorite virtue.”

“My acceptance and my open mind.”

“Your favorite qualities in a stallion.”

“His sureness and loyalty, to have trust he will be always there for us.”

“Your favorite qualities in a mare.”

“Her honesty.”

“What you appreciate the most in your friends.”

“They’re not afraid of telling me what’s wrong.”

“What you like the most of your appearance?”

“My constant gaze, my beautiful voice and my perfect smile.”

“Your main fault.”

“Not listening to my friends, not being conscious of my environment and my feeling of being lost.”

“Your favorite occupation.”

“Singer, but also I’m open to new roads.”

“Your idea of happiness.”

“A sunset, the smile of a foal, the fresh snoot of a chimney and a circle of friends whom I can share my thoughts with.”

“Your idea of misery.”

“Loneliness and oblivion.”

“If not yourself, who would you be?”

“My friend Applejack.”

“Where would you like to live?”

“A cabin in the woods.”

“Your favorite color.”

“Orange.”

“Your favorite flower.”

“Apple blossom.”

“Your favorite bird.”

“Crane. More specific, blue crane.”

“What you hate the most.”

“The quitclaim, just because you can’t handle with your own offspring doesn’t mean you have to abandon them.”

“The natural talent you’d like to be gifted with.”

“To shape reality to my will.”

“What color is your soul?”

“Orange.”

“How you wish to die.”

Rara kept quiet, she didn’t want to continue and as the questionnaire went on she felt her privacy was harassed. Covering her face with her hooves she began to sniff, Minuette immediately stopped asking and left her notebook on the counter.

“Nopony said this would be easy, but I wasn’t expecting this reaction. Are... are you alright?”

“No, I am not,” Rara wiped her tears. “I guess it’s true what they say: you have to know who to complain with when somepony says your truths. This cannot get worse.”

Rara took another sip from her coffee. One of the employees turned on the radio, to light up the environment, Rara lifted her sight when she figured out the main theme. Her attention was totally focused in it.

“Welcome to the second part of our program ‘Writings on the Wall’. I can notice something is plaguing in your head, Sapphire Shores. Can you tell us what it is?”

“Yes. Have you ever feel that art is dying?”

“No, but what do you mean with that?”

“I mean that day by day we’re getting mindless entertaining by large quantities and ponies wanted to be famous and more famous with the tiniest endeavor. I can remember when back in my days you had to go to an audition to be accepted, to go all the way walking to the big studios to leave your voice demo and wait for an answer. At the present day everypony just has to do something silly in public to be popular for five minutes. Let me give you an example: I remember watching a play when I was a little filly, it was about a family dealing with dairy problems. Despite its cliché characters and limited resources, they knew how to speak to the audience and tackled themes that nowadays would be hard to talk because of today’s policy like racism, sexism, xenophobia, homophobia, domestic violence and slavery. When they had to be funny, they were. When they had to be serious, they were. When they had to be emotive, they were. And that was produced forty years ago! That was quality, that was effort, those were great ideas, good structure, wanting to do things right! What do we see today?”

“So you’re basically saying that the past was better and today’s artist are not good enough to reach the audience’s expectations?”

“Listen, I’m not one of those ponies who think the past is better than the present. I could give you many examples of why the present is better but that’s not what matters right now. What I’m trying to say is that they have more improvement opportunities than my generation and they don’t take advantages of it. Although there are some decent artists out there and some of them are kind of entertaining most of them are forgettable. They’re more interested in making money than leaving their mark, and I bet once their little worlds change abruptly there won’t be chances of sustaining themselves. Imagine if the big studios suddenly said that they will be only giving job to artists who truly can act, sing and so on. Sure, some of them would be willing to take classes, to change but most of them would fall into oblivion by their inability to adapt. Only when they recognize and value the things they have and took advantage of their tools that will be the time when they can be as big as the stars from the past.”

“Oh, you nostalfag who pretends to always have the reason, that’s exactly what I’m telling to her but this bitch doesn’t listen to me. Difficulties come and go constantly but in this case is foolishness what prevents us from being awesome. Let this anger run through your veins, let this fear take possession of your heart. Let me out Coloratura, let me out.”

While Rara was paying attention to the program Minuette was checking the answers given to her.

“I just noticed how many of your answer have to do with apples. Can you tell me why?”

Rara was distracted from the program and turned her head to Minuette. “Excuse me?”

“Many of your answers have to do with apples. Why?”

“...Because of a friend I value so much.”

“...That’s pretty nice from you and I get that you treasure your friend but... how can I say this carefully?” Minuette rubbed her chin, sipped her coffee and thought for a moment. “You can’t be trapped in a vicious circle. This could follow to a cult or worse: an obsession with your friend, where you only say things and do things because she commands you to. No matter how painful it would be, you have to let her go. Not forever, only the necessary to give her a rest so that in that way you can come back to her gladder and more appreciative. Your life can’t revolve around a pony in particular.”

With each word said, Rara felt more and more uncomfortable to the point that she didn’t want to know more about Minuette or the process. She broke out, enter into a trance and, for a brief moment, her voice within spoke.

“Sometimes there are things that you don’t want to know. Sorry if I don’t share your joy, but I feel stressed of this repetitiveness. Don’t tell me obvious, who wants to be better? We need more followers and more cash. Forgive me if I’m not as happy as you and can’t ignore the problems of life as you, but do you ever have a rest of yourself?! I mean, for the therapist you claim to be you’re so random. What are you supposed to be?!”

Minuette kept quiet for a while, both of them. Rara came back from her trance and noticed the eyes of her friend, she tried to apologize but it was late.

“I’m a dentist,” said the blue unicorn, glaring at her and bereaved by those words she explained everything in a serious mood.

“...You know? It’s not like I enjoy being joyful all the time,” Minuette was being frank to her and Rara focused on her look. “You think I’m happy seeing the children are afraid of me because they see me as a terrible monster who insert torture devices in their mouths? Or knowing that my co-workers take advantage of me behind my back and I’ve to make them believe I’m not conscious about it? I just can’t help but notice the happiness of every little thing, because life’s a ditch in reality. I tried to do something different, like you,” a single tear dropped from her eye and began to sob. The singer attempted to comfort her by putting her arm around her body but she neglected her charm. Minuette only pulled out some bits from her jacket, took her things and stood up. “Be happy with the life you have chosen.”

Minuette left the place, Rara meditated what had happened for a minute and then followed her but as soon as she got out of the café she realized Minuette had disappeared. The entire city was moisten due to the raining and feeling guilty Rara had no choice but to come back to the theater. But when she arrived she discovered the place was close. Apparently she spent much, much more time in the café than expected. Rara tried to pull the main doors to get in, since she left her things inside the establishment, but a pull too strong on the door handles made her trip and fall into a puddle of mud. She stood up covered in sludge, with the rain above her head and the cold surrounding her body she had to find somewhere else to sleep, a park was her only option. When she approached the main entrance she heard a voice whispering to her.

“Rara...” she felt nervous and scared, thinking somepony was harassing her, she went around in circles looking for the responsible of this murmur. “Rara...” she thought it was the voice but... it wasn’t the voice, it sounded more different and, more important, trustful. She found it in front of the entrance and stopped, revealing a familiar face sitting on a taxi.

“Ah’m here.”

“Applejack?” Rara asked speechless. “But... I thought you were–”

“No,” Applejack paused. “Ah’m alive in ya Rara.”

The singer smiled despite the circumstances. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Get in this taxi, it’s just for the two of us. Leave this place and come with me, to mah farm, where there will be all the amenities ya need: food for yer tummy, a warm bath, a comfortable bed and all the company ya need.”

Rara, trustful of her old friend, was about to arrive when Applejack revealed her true intentions. “All these things Ah will give ya, if ya fall down and worship me,” and then she stepped backwards, everything was clear for her.

“Minuette was right, I have to let you go.”

“But... Ah’m yer friend, the only pony who comprehends ya. Be reasonable, listen to me–”

“No! You’re not Applejack, not my Applejack!” Rara got apart from the taxi, “For me there are only two ponies I shall be faithful to, their names are Celestia and Luna, and I will serve them only.”

Rara turned around and entered the park, leaving the taxi behind which vanished into the air. She found a bench and leaned on it, used her trench coat as a blanket, and, in the cold of the night, attempted to get some sleep.

The Decision

The sun rose, a new day had come, the day Rara would demonstrate her talent to the world and, therefore, leave her mark on the world. But she was not in the right mood to accept it. It looked like the coffee she drank yesterday had a negative effect on her because she couldn’t sleep the entire night. Her central retinal arteries were noticeable in her eyes and her pupils shrank to the minimal point. Totally sleepless, she didn’t notice the paparazzi and their cameras, the reckless ones even took away her trench coat and left her to her fate. She did nothing, just remain still.

“If there’s something ponies love to see more than a celebrity is a celebrity in disgrace,” the voice came back. “Come on, wake up,” the voice encouraged her once more. “Get up on your feet,” Rara obeyed her and slowly, stood up from the bench and stretched her body. “That’s the ticket.”

She was totally unrecognizable: her fatigued eyes, her disheveled and ruined mane, her hooves covered in mud, her body thinner than usual, her dress torn apart, her pale coat. She was in the last ones. Suddenly she was caught by surprise by a pony special to her. Special in the wrong way, a personal intruder.

“Don’t give me that face Coloratura, you’re not dreaming. I’m actually here. Now everywhere you go everypony will know you’re not even a bit perfect.”

Rara remained speechless, her heavy breathing was a sign of stress. The only thing she could do was turning around, continued her way back to the theater and left her behind but the intruder kept following her. All the ponies on the streets watched Rara and this time there was no dark to hide her appearance, they couldn’t look away her sight from her. The intruder was no other than the voice, who had taken the form of her older alter ego, the Countess, and slipped past the eyes of the public.

“So, that Minuette bitch said to be ‘happy with the life you have chosen.’ Why did you trust a dentist instead of me in the first place? I was the reason everypony loved you, without me you’re nothing. If you had listened to me, we must prevail as the most important singers in all of Equestria and then the world, you were fabulous, your ponies loved you and you betrayed them! You changed them for a fucking monologue about your dull life that nopony cares about. Well, good for you. Fuck it! I’ll tell you what. We’ll make a comeback, they’re getting ready for something huge and we’ll give it to them. Brush that pathetic mane! Wash your face! Take off those rags! Get some surgery! Thirties are your new sweet sixteen, motherfucker! We were original Coloratura, they fell down to our hooves, you’ve done so much for these little miserable bastards, give the ponies what they want, some good old-fashioned apocalyptic porn. I even have the title: The Countess Rises. A billion worldwide guarantee! You saved these ponies from their boring, miserable lives. You gave those dreams and hopes to every spectator you encountered. You made them drowned in their spittle, shit their pants. All you have to do is listen to my words!”

The Countess shocked Rara’s head sharply, her eyes went phosphorescent, her head exploded into a lights and color range and loud music came out of her ears. Soon, Manehattan was painted in neon colors, the sky was pink and tons of ponies were praising her image and repeating constantly ‘Ra-ra! Ra-ra!’ The singer, totally renovated, was located at the top of the highest building of the city and, sitting on a nearby corner, was the Countess wiggling her hind legs.

“Listen to them, listen to that cheer!” the Countess lifted her left hoof up to raise the volume. “That’s what I’m talking about: flashy lights, mountains of bits, your own doll! Look at these ponies, look at their eyes, they are sparkling, they love this shit, they love blood, they love action, they don’t want something original, they want to see the same thing they’ve seen a thousand times before!”

Posters with Rara’s face appeared from nowhere and in matter of seconds covered every single building of Manehattan. Rara, for a brief moment, grinned.

“Yes, and the next time you scream it will explode in millions of eardrums. Your new style is absolutely atrocious. I don’t care about what your ‘friends’ think you’re not good anymore. You should be us, the one who was famous and the one who had everything. Not whatever you’ve become. If you are truly Coloratura Soprano, stay here at the top of the world, above them, for it is written. ‘We accept the love we think we deserve.’ And you deserve to be loved... for who you are in this moment.”

Rara caught up the Countess’s cheat and realized that, to achieve the major accomplishment, she had to slip down. Fearful of her destiny she looked downwards and stepped forward. But in that instant she was interrupted by a voice from afar.

“Rara!” the voice came closer and louder. “Rara, don’t do it!”

A couple of hooves held her and pulled her backwards, preventing her intention. Those hooves belonged to Coco, who made her come back to Equestria.

“What were you thinking?!”

Rara soon realized she was at the top of the theater. Apparently she had lost the notion of reality, she returned to her neglected aspect.

“Where have you been?” the designer asked worried. “Discord and I have been looking for you all morning and when you finally showed you instinctively went to the roof, you had us worried. Mind to explain?”

Rara remained speechless, she did the first thing that came to mind. She broke into tears. Coco didn’t know how to react to this situation so she lifted her up and gave pats on her back to make her feel better. Now it was her time to return the favor.

The rest of the day was spent in tidying Rara. Coco bathed, brushed, applied makeup and dressed her in the troubadour costume, the dressing room was now tidy entirely, like if it was the first time. The only difference was that the poster was not seen. Rara came back to be herself in a sense, but nothing Coco did could hide her previous experience. Discord came in when the girls finished.

“The audience is coming,” he said. “Better be ready. I already repair the light, like I said and it’s brighter.”

She continued to look at the mirror inexpressibly, Coco shrugged to him.

“I tried to raise her up, but she seems to be unaware of our presence,” she said. Discord then put his paw and claw on Rara’s shoulders and came up with a simple dialogue.

“I know we haven’t met formally since our introduction... but I just want to say that we are grateful you have given this opportunity to both of us. You are a great pony and a great friend.”

“Y-Yes,” Coco continued. “And that no matter how the night turns up to be we’ll be here for you.”

“Well, I have to order those ponies. Wish you luck.”

Discord left the dressing room. Rara noticed an envelope on the counter, she took it and tried to find the remittent but it hadn’t.

“It’s from Minuette,” Coco said, Rara looked at the designer astonished. “She came here this morning and tidied the room, she even repaired your old radio. You can turn it on if you want. It seemed to me she still wanted to help you despite of your behavior at the café. And before you even ask yes, she told me everything about. That was rude from your part, but I guess you wasn’t ready for talking about it.”

While Rara was opening the envelope, Coco decided to give her a last piece of advice. “Can I tell something to you?” Rara nodded.

“Contrary to you I got my dream job thanks to a friend. After I get the good side of my friend, I climbed up fashion career so quickly. I thought I was living in my dream life, but at the same time I was feeling empty. I couldn’t stop thinking if I was just only living in my friend’s favor so I started on my own. And I discovered that my dream was making dresses on ponies, not for my occupation. What I’m trying to say is you think you lost your dream and passion but that’s not the case either. You’re only preoccupied about what would happen but don’t worry. You’ll see everything is going to be ok. We’re ready when you are.”

Coco left the dressing room. Rara then read Minuette’s letter, the words chosen surprised her.

“For the best artist in all of Equestria. Continue to the end and don’t give up, don’t let anypony to tell you otherwise. Not even me. For it is written, ‘Let’s live a life that gives us pride to tell.’”

After that Rara turned on the radio. It was settled in the last station it was originally transmitting, she heard the voice of Sapphire Shores.

“This entire planet is backwards. There hasn’t been one instance of correct behavior by almost every single artist. I have come to the conclusion that they’re defected,” Rara, knowing her rival’s complains, was about to do the same as before: pick up the radio and throw it into the wall. But this time was different. “But I’m not better,” she stopped immediately. “I’m also worried about my future, I’m almost elderly and I know how media stop caring about an artist when it reach the pinnacle of its career. If you ask me I’m afraid, I’m afraid of my future, I’m still learning. Now, before I leave I want to say this message to Rara,” the singer was caught by surprise. Her rival, the pony she was jealous this whole time, wanted to speak to her? “You’re the most extraordinaire artist I’ve ever seen. You’re passionate about your job, you know true friends are more valuable than any amount of money and, although you’re afraid as me, you don’t give up against those difficulties. In fact, I’m jealous of you because you realized those things at a young age, I didn’t care about them until much later. I guarantee you will be loved by ponies for many generations to come. I’m anxious to see your play, I hope to arrive just in time... I hope you’ve heard me... Thanks for inviting me.”

“Thanks for coming Sapphire and we wish you the best of lucks. And thanks to you for tune in ‘Writings on the Wall’. See you next week.”

“Attention please,” Discord’s voice was listened throughout the corridors. “This is the first call, first.”

Rara turned off the radio and wrote as fast as she could a reply to Minuette on the same letter she gave to her, after finishing it and placed it in the envelope she headed to the main stage but not without a last duel between her and the Countess, chasing her down the corridors.

“Retract at this moment. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Yes I do. My friends trust me and I must trust them.”

“This is the second call, second.”

Rara turned to her with a purposeful, courageous and secure face. Coco was coming to her and hastened her pace, but in the wrong moment or maybe the appropriate one, she caught her discussing to the nothing. Without Rara paying attention to her Coco, unseen, witnessed everything.

“You call those freaks ‘friends’? I knew you had low standards for making friends but this is pathetic. You barely meet them, they are pathetic.”

“They are not. They are my friends.”

“Really? First was a farmer, now a shame for nature, a designer obsessed with her name and a dentist pretending to be a psychologist?”

Rara, satiated, broke out. “You don’t control my life, you can’t tell me what I have to do! Who cares about doing the things others want? It’s your passion, devotion and liking what matters. I liked being you, I enjoyed being you but I can’t take it anymore. It’s time to let you go. I feel sorry for you... because you’re alone... and I am not.”

Rara gasped and wheezed hardly, the Countess returned to the shadows it belonged. The singer turned around to find Coco looking at her. Perhaps she knew what had happened, perhaps she could saw and heard the Countess but instead she said nothing, she just stayed there, startled. Rara, conscious about the events, approached her and gave her the letter.

“If Minuette’s here delivered her this. It’s the last favor I ask.”

“This is the third call, third call. Let’s start.”

Rara went to the main stage and placed herself in the middle. The curtains of the stage opened, revealing the pop star dressed as a troubadour. The light that illuminated her was brighter than before. She could observed which ponies where there. Discord along with his friend, many critics from Manehattan, high society and royalty like Princess Cadance, Shining Armor and Princess Twilight who was with her friends. Among them was Applejack, her old friend. And at the front line, at the first row, was Minuette. She had achieved her dream, she was about to leave her mark. And so she began.

“Everypony’s always quitting on me. My whole life... all the ponies I get to know... quit. I never do. I’m loyal. I stay. But they all leave me. Started with my dad... he quit on us when I was little and my mom quit on me even though she was still around. She quit caring and quit feeling anything. Everything I tried, every friend I made, quit on me in some way... I always felt like I failed them... and drove them away. But here... I finally thought I’d found a place where I could be a part of something. This time we’ve been together has been the best days of my life. Sounds pathetic, but it’s true. I’ve never been happier than I’ve been playing music with all of you. Coming here each day gives me something to live for, something to make me drag my lazy carcass out of bed. I feel so alive here, playing with all of you. And it’s more than just living... it’s the fact I found a place in this world. A place where I matter and I fit in. I don’t feel lost anymore.”

But her efforts of getting rid of her worst enemy had taken a heavy toll on her. Mental stress, lack of sleep and lack of food had suffocated her, the former star had lost her majesty. She initially tumbled and everypony thought was part of the act but suddenly and abruptly she fainted. Everypony ran to her, to see if she was ok. But the truth was… she collapsed to never get up again.

“For the best therapist in all of Equestria. Thanks for spending your time with me. And as for your last question here’s my answer: In peace and satisfied. I would rather die before the ponies I love most. Thanks for helping me, thanks for being my friend.”

Author's Note

-The original concept was an ensemble cast featuring friends of the Mane 6, who didn't know each other (with an exception and a friend for each Mane), and running into each other in a concert. But I couldn't balance the characters and so I decided to restart everything and I chose to focus on Rara, who was the last character to be introduced in the original project. As for the others the only ones who made the jump into the new project were Minuette and Coco Pommel, while Tree Hugger was replaced by Discord and the remaining two (Gilda and Moon Dancer) were cut entirely.
-Sapphire Shores was added once the story was progressed and her role was a criticism towards fame, quality content and how the entertainment industry works, as well as the main topics Rara is dealing with like relevancy, taking risks and envy. Also it was the perfect way to compare past and present with their respective most important artist. If you think about it Sapphire Shores is like Madonna and Rara is like, let's say, Jackie Evancho.
-The roles of the supporting characters are the people an artist has to deal constantly: the director/producer/manager (Discord), the designer/makeup artist (Coco) and the therapist (Minuette). Also the three temptations are the three sacrifices an artist must do to stand out in a role: physical, psychological and mental.
-The name of the program, Writings on the Wall, was one of the planned titles for the story and the lyrics from said song helped me to reflect Applejack's importance in Rara's life (If I risk it all, could you break my fall? How do I live? How do I breathe? When you're not here I'm suffocating. I want to feel love, run through my blood. Tell me is this where I give it all up. For you I have to risk it all).