Ogress and Oubliettes

by Calamity Velvet

Rating: everyone
Tags: Thriller, Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Big Macintosh, Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 2497

Just another 'guys night'

Garbuckle, Sir McBiggin, Captain Wuzz, and two new ponies all fight in a battle against the evil Squidzard.

Fight scenes and generic dialogue ensues.

Published 2016-09-03 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-03 00:00:01 UTC

Fellowship of Guys Night

Card board arrows reigned across the land. A series of those arrows came from a single skeleton pony who held a bow in a golden aura, who soon meet his dimise along with the other archors as a giangantic swore slashed against his cardboard body, slicing him in half and ending his days, only for his brothers to follow along in his fate.

Sir McBiggin, a brave level 28 dark knight unicorn, who worn the horns of the very bull he killed during his hunts in the cold moutains in north Spiketopia upon his helmet, swung his mighty sword that had the blood of many a slayed dragon bad dragon, and killed yet another skeleton archor pony.

Grinning with sastifaction, he spun round his sword for his next kill... only to notice the rain that was upon him; a thousand arrows aimed directly at him to bring him to his knees. Not allowing the enemy's desired fate to come forth to him, he summoned his shield to protect himself against the many arrows.

But alas, he rolled a 2 instead of 15 and over, and thus the arrows were too much for Sir McBiggin. Unable to withstand that many arrows, Sir McBiggin only managed to block but a few arrows, just two or three out of the thousand. Knowing what would come next if he were to stay still, Sir McBiggin dragged himself away from the field due to his incridibely low amount of hit points.

Sir McBiggin was fortunate enough to roll such a high number, for if he rolled a 16 and lower, then he would have been finished before he found shelter. Panting for breath, Sir McBiggin heaved heavily as he struggled to keep himself awake.

"Sir McBiggin!" cried out Garbuckle, a well respected level 30 enchanter drake. "Are you alright?"

"Ee... nope." Sir McBiggin struggled to mutter, his breath becoming beyond his reach.

"Don't worry, I gotcha!" the enchantress assured him as he aimed his long, magical staff. The wounds and hitpoints lost was the worse a player could possibly get, all the way down to just one hitpoint. If any skeleton archers noticed this and shot an arrow to Sir McBiggin's fleshed heart, then he would of been done for. With a spell to cure serious and critical wonds, and a mass healing spell for good measure, Sir McBiggin rose again. "You alright?"

With a twirl of his might sword as it was unsheathed from his sucarb, Sir McBiggin gave a hard nod, and a deep "Eeyup!"

"I need some help here!" cried out the mighty, brave, awesome, incredible, specactular, all mighty-- ... um, ahem. Cried out the archor Captain Wazz, who just became a level 2 archor. He was swormed with sword and archor skeletons, and no matter how swiftly he drew his arrows from his quiver to bow, and not matter how many shots he marked, every one head cut off only had two more to take it's place.

WIth the grin of somepony who was about to kick some serious flank, Sir McBiggin held his sword high in the air before he made a strong jump towards the mass of skeletons, and the 19 he rolled made him crush not one, but two skeletons under his large muscline hooves upon his landing. Sir McBiggin didn't stop to praise himself for that, and instead turned immedietly round and slashed the dagger skeleton that was about to stab his armoured back.

With a nod between the green clothed archor and the dark armoured knight, Sir McBiggin charged after the mass of skeletons to begin his beheading, while Captain Wazz teleported (he didn't have enough intelegence points to do that) walked back a distance, giving himself some private space so he could prevent any surprise attacks upon the brave knight.

But, unknown to Captain Wazz, a sneaky little dagger skeleton was missed, and was clever enough to attempt to get ride of the eye-in-the-sky protection. With careful presision and caution, the skeleton was just inches away from his back that would insure an instant kill. The skeleton grinned; imagine the glory it will be remembered by! Dagger Skeleton 21-0408 the Brave, the Glorious, the Almighty Awesome; who had conqured one of the main threats of their lord, the Squidzard. He could imagine the ensued celebration, the cheering, the applause, the medel drawn upon his neck in his cardboard card, and the crowning... if he made that stab, and killed Captain Wazz once and for all, then he would be cherrished, remembered, and praised by many in all of Spiketopia!

If it would have succsessfully made that stab, that is. Just as he was about to rise his dagger over the back of the great archor, his head suddenly turned a bit too far to the right, and he collasped. Captain Wazz turned, and smiled upon what he just saw with relief and of admiration over the move.

"Thanks, Silenthoof."

Silenthoof, a rogue who just joined the journey, only gave a simple nod, but underneath those serious eyes and clothed mask was a grin of pride. Resisting the urge to cry out in her own awesomeness, Silenthoof kept to her name and flew off to assinate another skeleton.

There it is! A lone archor, standing on the top of a cliff, just begging to be thrown to the very ground! Silent Hoof rubbed her cloaked hooves together, and prepared to pounce on the poor, unsuspecting creature.

But before Silenthoof could reach it to the cliff, though, there were three dagger skeletons and two archors who stood in her way. Silenthoof rolled her eyes at their attempt to look scary, knowing that they think that a dagger would beat a unhoofed pony.

The three dagger skeletons charged after her, making a loud clip-clop sound with every hoofbeat to intimindimate her even more, but Silenthoof was having none of that. To get the advantage of mobility, she swiftly flew towards them before sliding between two of them on the ground. Before they could react, Silenthoof got on her hind legs and gave a few hard punches on the first skeleton.

The other reacted, and swung his dagger for her neck, only for Silenthoof to crouch down to dodge before ramming her head into its chest, knocking it and the third skeleton down. The first skeleton made the foolish decision of charging after her while the first archor took aim for her. Silenthoof noticed this, so she grabbed it the moment it got in stabbing-distance and pulled it in front of her just in time for the arrow to strike.

She dodged the second arrow that came from the second skeleton archor, only to turn her head and realise she just backed up to the two dagger skeletons. They both turned and raised their heads and prepared to stab, but Silenthoof was swift enough to uppercut both of them away. The two archors attempted to avenge their brothers by firing a barage of arrows of arrows at her; silenthoof only saw this as a challenge she gladly accepted, as she flew towards them and dodged every arrow with the lose of only a few hitpoints here and there, but she moved blurry movement of zig-zages and other randomised movements to make herself a hard target, and it worked.

Before the archors knew it, she was already inbetween them. Having known no other way to react, they both fired both at once. Silenthoof responded to this by simply jumping in the air, letting the two archors hit each other. She looked up at the lone archor once again, and hoped it didn't notice and moved to some other spot. But, greatly, it was still resting upon the cliff, taking whatever stray targets it could get.

Silenthoof crept slowly and steadily towards the unsuspecting archor, making sure her pressence still wasn't known. Once when she was close enough, she readied herself to shove it off the cliff for its doomed.

Meanwhile, another lone archor simply stood on its spot to shoot whatever it could. It tried to take a shot at Garbuckle, only for the arrow to be leviatated towards another skeleton. It tried to hit Captain Wazz, only for it to be shot by his own arrow. It even tried to shot Sir McBiggin, only for it to be sliced in half by his mighty sword. To its luck, it finally found a good target; Silenthoof, who was just creaping up on one of its fellow archors. It steadied and readied his aim carefully, cautious to make sure it doesn't hit its own brotherin. But, to its luck, Silenthoof was just moving slow enough, and was just far enough away from the other archor that it could make a good shot.

The arrow flew from the skeleton's bow, and flew it did towards the unsuspecting Silenthoof. But, suddenly, it was blasted with a small green bolt and bursted into confetti. It turned its head round to find the source of the little blast, only for a tamahawk to hit it in the skull.

"Woo! This is fun!" yelled Pinki la Filli, before doing a somersault as she shot another spell that turned another skeleton into parsnips, which she managed to get herself 11 intelegence points beforehoof inorder to do that. "Wee!"

"Not for long, Filli!" said a voice that scares thousands... and by that, I mean thousands of skeletons.

"Oh, hiya Squizard!" replied Pinki la Filli.

"No, 'hi' is not what you say to the almighty Squizard! Your suppose to yell 'ahhh'... in fear!!!"

"Oh, right. 'AHHHHH...!!! In fear!' So, how does that sound?"

"GAH! La Filli, your ignorance shall be your doom! Prepare to face... the Squizard!"

"Okey dokey lokey!" Pinki accepted with a happy bounce. Enraged by how much he wasn't being taken seriously, the Squizard lowered on of his wands to blast a ball of magic at her. Pinki la Filli simply bounced a little higher to dodge before resuming her usual bouncing. "This is fun!"

"No. It's. NOT!" yelled the Squizard, then fired a fireball at her followed by three more regular blasts of energy. Pinkie once again somersaulted to doge the first energy ball, used Resistance to block off the second, then slide on the ground on her knees, like she was singing the last few notes of a song, to slide under the third. Upon the approach of the fire ball, Pinki la Filli simply summoned a box, opened it, then caught the fire ball inside.

"No! This can't be happening!" exclaimed the Squizard. He watch in disguse with a touch of horror as Pinki la Filli simply hoped on one approaching skeleton after the other like a bunch of goombas, making the Squizard even more slightly more terried of her. "This isn't good! Pinki la Filli seems to be able to just dodge and destory everything I throw at her! She has even contained my own fireball into a simple box!" suddenly, the Squizard's eyes snapped open in realisation. "Wait a minute! I have an idea..." he said to himself as he stroked his own chin with one of his many technicales.

The moment Pinki la Filli bounced near the box, he fired a swift energy ball towards it, and it exploded! Pinki la Filli flew in the air with a face of shock and pain, espcieally in pain as she slide on the ground.

"MAHAHAHAHA!!! Not so fun now, isn't it, Pinki la Filli! After I destory you and all those other pesky rebels, Spiketopia will be mine, and I shall have Rarity Shmarity at last! Mahahaha.... mahahaha... MAHAHAHAHA *HAAA!!!***"

Pinki la Filli could only barely crawl, her hitpoints as low as 11; vulernable and unable to escape her death. The Squizard slowly moved up his wand to make the final blow, but before he managed to take the shot, he suddenly felt a sting in the buttoks.

"Don't worry Pinki, we are here to save you!" announced Captain Wazz before loading another arrow.

"Why, you!" exclaimed the Squizard in annoyance.

"Chaaaaaarged!" yelled Garbuckle, and soon everyone was charging towards the Squizard and his minions. Silenthoof jumped in the middle of a mass of soldiers, punching and dodging in random and insintive movements. Sir McBiggin blocked a few arrows with his shield, then jumped towards the archors to finish them off, with Garbuckle back-to-back with him as they helped each other as they always had in Guys Nights passed. Captain Wazz stayed behind, taking out any targets that get any clever ideas that might make their invasion head into a hault.

"We're winning!" Garbuckle exclaimed after firing a plasma bolt at another skeleton. Sure enough, all the skeletons were gone, and with a swift spell Spike healed Pinki la Filli back to full health. Garbuckle and Sir McBiggin both began their rital dance, and one by one Captain Wazz, Pinki la Filli, and Silenthoof all joined in as they all sang their chantof joy and victory.

It's guys night!

Oh yeah!

Having fun now!

Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

"Not so fast!" yelled the Squizard. Before all the warriors could react, the Squizard balsted a large wave round him to make them all fall down with very low hitpoints. "MAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHA! MAHAHAHA HA HA *HAAA!"***

"Oh no, we're done for!" exclaimed Garbuckle. The Squizard continued his genaric laugh as a new wave of skeletons appeared slowly one by one in a large swarm, slowly approaching them to finish them off.

"Nothing can save you now!" the Squizard yelled with glee. But, as if by a jinx, a ray of purple beams suddenly appeared everywhere as skeletons all round were turned into dust and ash. Spell Swirl the Magician (which is not a uncleverably ripped off name made by a young unicorn filly years ago) soared into the battlefield with her newly aquired wings. "What?! That's not possible!"

"Well, think again!" replied Spell Swirl before blasting a large level 90 beam of magic that headed down straight towards the Squidzard.

"Nooooooo!!!!" was his final words before he became nothing more than a pile of dust. With cheers and applause, Garbuckle said to the fair veteran enchantress,

"Wow! That was awesome, Spell Swirl! You saved us all!"

"Yeah, we would have been nothing but chocolate pudding if you didn't come along... hmm, being turned into chocolate doesn't sound that bad..."

"Yeah, Twi-- I mean, Spell Swirl. That was totally awesome!"

"Even I am amazed by your powress and magic, and I'm the Spirt of Chaos and Disharmony!"

"Eeyup."

Spell Swirl simply blushed by the praise. "Well, it was nothing... Shinning Armor (or 'Sir Gleaming Shield the Great') and I had been playing since I was a foal... so I'm a level 100 now." Spell Swirl admited. She smiled fondly at the fresh nestolgia of her foalhood. Shaking her head, she reminded herself why she entered in the first place.

"So, anypony ready for dinner? I got pancakes!"