A Somber Glimmer

That day should have been a day of celebration for his accomplishment and it was. But it was a celebration without me. I am proud, as proud as any friend can be in this moment but, I am crushed on how easily I was forgotten. I was there when it happened; it was a special moment to witness. As the tower of books were about to topple over on me, he stopped them with his magic. The books circled around him and then straight on to the bookshelves. In that moment his cutie mark was earned and it was the end of everything. He rushed outside to show his family. They were so proud that they whisked him away and I haven’t seen him since. Sunburst I miss you so much. We did everything together and spent almost every day together. Why did you forget about me? It has been three weeks since that day. I wasn’t even invited to his party before he was sent off to Celestia School of magic. Why Sunburst?! You were my best friend but, now I feel like an acquaintance. Why couldn’t I have gotten my cutie mark? Then maybe you would still be here with me or maybe I would have went with you. This pain is not like any other I have ever felt. Will it ever end?

Today is the first day back to school and I am terrified of returning alone. None of the other kids wanted to include me in their groups. I am an outsider, alone. I feel confused and lost like a little puppy who has lost their master. Normally I would just follow Sunburst and we would sit in the front away from everyone else. I would always get picked on but it didn’t matter because I always had Sunburst to turn to. Their comments use to roll right off and not even affect me, but today just feels different. I am alone, weak, an easy target. As I walk in the doors to my first class, everyone's eyes instantly go to me. It’s as if they can smell my fear, like a pack of wild timberwolves circling their prey. I walk to a desk in the back right corner, hoping that everyone will stop staring. They start whispering amongst themselves as they occasionally glance back at me. Please just let me get through this day. I really just wish that Sunburst would just send me a letter or something. I just don’t understand why he cut off all contact with me.

A few girls about 5 desks in front of me start giggling as they glance over their shoulders at me. I bury my face in my hooves on my desk. I just want to cry I am so alone and everyone here knows it. Why did Sunburst have to get his cutie mark and run off to magic school? Why did he leave me here all alone? Please come home Sunburst! It’s not the same without you.

“Must suck to have no friends at all. Maybe if you weren’t so weird ponies might like you.” The filly turns back to her friends as they all burst out in laughter. She was light red with a dark purple mane and tail. Her name was Ruby Berry. She’s a part of the snobby popular filly group at our school. They spend most of their time picking on the nerdy and geeky ponies. I am not a part of either of those groups. I am just a misfit. I don’t fit in anywhere. I choose not to respond to them just hoping she will forget I exist. Maybe they’re right; I must be too weird for anypony to like me. Maybe that’s why Sunburst hasn’t talked to me since he got his cutie mark. He must have always found me weird and that was just his opening to leave. I’m sorry Sunburst I must have been holding you back for so long. I am just too strange to be friends with anypony.

A tear starts to roll down my cheek as I think about all the good times I had with sunburst. I am gonna miss times like those. They are some of the happiest moments I have had. My silent tears turn into muffled whimpers. I can hear those same five fillies turn around.
“Is she seriously crying in class?” A filly who goes by the name Sapphire Beauty giggles at her friends.

“Right! I mean like I would never be caught dead crying in class. She probably is just trying to get attention so someone will come sit by her.” Ruby Berry glares in my direction and then goes back to laughing with the other five. Their comments sting deep in my heart. I am not seeking attention but, there’s no point in replying it will only make things worse.

“What’s wrong Starlight? Maybe you just want people to feel bad for you because you're all alone and worthless.” Ruby Berry voice was very condescending. I raise my head up.
“I am not worthless!” Tears are still streaming down my face. I get up and run out of the classroom. I hate those fillies, they are downright rotten. I am not worthless, am I?

I don’t dare go back into that classroom. I am an outcast, a misfit. I am the weakened prey that they will all pounce on. The janitor's closet was my saving grace. I may be alone but maybe that’s just how it’s supposed to be. I sigh a bit at the thought. A tear rolls down my cheek as I think about how worthless I feel in this moment. What’s the point of life if you're destined to live alone?

The door opens. I bury my face in my hooves hoping whoever it is will just leave. I sit there, feeling their presence. Every second ticks by, as I wait for either more heckling or annoying questions. The door closes and I hear footsteps echoing off the hallway walls. I sit there hoping they won’t come back. A few minutes go by; maybe I am in the clear. The door opens again. I lift my head to see the janitor standing there with my teacher Ms. Bloomington.

“Starlight, why are you in the closet dear?” She bends down slowly, hovering at my level.
“Please Starlight, you can tell me. I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.” My eyes begin to water and my lips are trembling. A few tears stream down my cheeks.

“Nobody likes me! Everypony just makes fun of me because I am weird! They all laughed at me because I was crying before class!” My eyes are faucets at this point. My face is a complete mess with a variety of fluids. I begin to hyperventilate as my sobbing becomes more violent.

“Starlight I don’t think you're weird. Why didn’t you come find me and tell me what was going on? Who was making fun of you? Please let me help you. You just need to tell me who did it.” Ms. Bloomington reaches her hooves out toward me inviting me in for a hug. I hesitate; knowing what will happen if I tell her who was picking on me. They will find me after class and it will be even worse than before. I scooch back on the floor enough for me to get up.

“It was nobody! Please leave me alone!” I pushed past her into the hall and ran toward the cafeteria. I ran out the doors of the school and into a nearby park. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I can feel my legs getting weak under the pressure. I lie down, curl up and just sob. The park is silent and still. A gentle breeze blows over the top of me, almost as if it was trying to lend some form of small comfort. Please just let this day be over. I just want to go to sleep. I want to just forget that the world exists.

I continued to lie in the grass for what felt like hours. The green blades felt good against my coat. It’s as if it was begging me to never leave. In the distance I can hear the sounds of birds chirping happily, as if they are trying to sing me to sleep. I can feel my body starting to relax against the soft ground. The sun beams down on me with a gentle warmth, so inviting I could take a nap and let all of my worries go. My mind goes blank as I enjoy the calm environment around me. My breathing gets slower and deeper as I start to fall asleep. This is what peace feels like… and I am grateful for these moments in which I have it.

I dart up out of my serene sleep, startled by the bell indicating recess. I take just a moment to fully wake up. My eyes are still trying to focus as my brain is still slowly processing what’s going on around me. The once tranquil park is now filled with the sounds of foals laughing and playing. I hear a voice from behind me.
“Why were you out here sleeping in the grass starlight?” It’s Ms. Bloomington again. I stare at her without saying anything. I can see the concern in her eyes. I know she is worried about me but why?

“Starlight, please talk to me I can tell something is up. Is something going on at home?” Her voice is soft and sweet. I don’t want to tell her about home. I am pretty much nonexistent there as well. My parents are divorced and don’t really talk to each other much. Most the time they just relay messages through me. Which half the time I don’t tell the other parent because, what they have said is cruel. But I just want to forget about them right now.
“Starlight?” Her eyes are crying out for an answer.

“I am fine Ms. Bloomington. I am just having an off day. I promise everything is fine.” In reality it’s the furthest thing from that but she doesn’t need to know.
“Are you sure Starlight?” I can see the look in her eyes. She wants to just reach out and hold me close in comfort. I put on a smile which was hard to do. But I need her to believe I am ok.

“I promise I am fine. If that changes I will be sure to come and talk to you. I know you want to help but honestly I am fine.” I hope that was enough for her to back off.
“Okay Starlight, I am here if you need me.” She trots off but I can tell she is still suspicious of me.
I walk a little ways from the playground area and lay back down in the cool green blades.

School was finally over. The bell rings and all the other foals gather their things and get ready to leave. I just want to go home to my room, but at the same time I don’t want to get bullied on the way home. I purposely find an excuse to stay late, just so that I won’t have to deal with Ruby Berry and Sapphire Beauty. I just can’t handle them constantly picking on me. They don’t know what I have been through or what I have to deal with. It wasn’t so bad when Sunburst was here but everything seems so much harder now. I guess when the one person who truly cares about you leaves; it makes your world come crashing down. He is an amazing wizard but part of me wishes he never got his cutie mark. I lost my friend because of his unique talent; it’s what tore us part. I will never let this happen again. Friendships are based on equality not individuality. Individuality is the destruction of friendship and happiness.