God, This Sucks.

by pinky102368

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery, Comedy, Romance, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 2941

"God, this sucks" --every single reader of this fan fiction. This is a parody/satire fan fiction. It is supposed to be bad. Twilight turns out to be Princess Luna's daughter.

"God, this sucks" --every single person who reads this fan fiction.

Twilight turns out to be Princess Luna's daughter!! Find out how, why, and read this awesome tail (see what I did there?) of romance, mother-daughter relationship, adventure, awesome OCs, and more!!

I've always wanted to do a parody/satire fan fiction. Probably unoriginal, but, hey.
Rated teen so I can make ponies die and have more "tragic" themes.

Published 2016-09-05 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2017-04-18 03:52:13 UTC

Is She Okay???????

Author's Note

I came up with this gr8 idea, so I decided to carry on with it!!! I hope you just luvvvvv it! :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:

(Also, I hate Celestia so much. I mean, who the heck banishes their own little sister to the moon for 1,000 years?! That's why I made her Trollestia!"

--Parody102368

Okay, in all seriousness, I've always wanted to write a parody/satire fan fiction. This is a bit unoriginal, I know, but I hope it's at least a little entertaining.

Also, cookies to anyone that can catch the Starkit's Prophecy references (my favorite trollfic).

Is She Okay???????

Princess Luna walkeded down the hallway of the magnificent castle. She had only known the Castle of the Two sisters before, so walking down this hallway felt a bit awkward to her.

Princess Luna just came back from being Nightmare Moon--a wicked monster that wanted to make it nighttime in Equestrian forever. She had done terrible things at that time; but now she was back as Princess Luna, the real princess of the night!

Even though she was super happy for being herself again, she still had something on her mind. Something she needed to clear up with her big sis at once.

The night-themed alicorn approached her big sis's bedroom. She used her magic to open the door and close it behind her after she walked in.

"Sister! I thought you were resting in your bedroom. Is there something wrong?" Princess Celestia said from atop her bed.

The ruler of the land's younger sister nodded her head. "Is she okay?" Luna said in a low voice.

Celestia's face turned serious. "I made sure to take very good care of her."

Luna still looked concerned. "What did you do with her?"

"I gave her to a random unicorn family to take care of her. They didn't ask any questions when they found her at her doorstep."

Luna gasped, offendeed. "Why woulld you do that to my daughter???!!"

"It was to keep her safe! It is obvious that she is full of great, great power." Celestia defended herself.

"Who did you give her to?" Luna prompted.

"This unicorn family who kept trying and trying, yet could never get a daughter. Miscarriage after miscarriage; it never ends. I finally decided to care for my subjects (LOL, Trollestia joke!) and give them your daughter after I sent you TO THE MOOOON."

"Well, she was obviously cared for enough to rescue me from Nightmare Moon..." Luna mumbled under her breath.

"Yes." Celestia said. "And Night Wind is okay too, don't worry."

Night Wind was Luna's boyfriend. He was super duper powerful, hansom, and sweat! But his tragic past always put a hole in his life that Luna was able to fill. She was what he needed in his life so much that he created the Tree of Harmony to celebrate their love. They had 2 children; one with a sunny coat that glowed like the sun, and one with a twilight coat that glowed dark like the moon.

"That's good." Luna said. "Were both of my children successful in life?"

Celestia hesitated. "Well...Twilight was." (OMG TWILIGHT IS LUNA'S DAUGHTER PLOT TWIST!)

Luna frowned. "What happened to my other little girl?"

Celestia sighed. "She's somewhere really far away. You won't be able to reach her now."

Luna gasped at the implication. "Shes...she's dead?!"

Celestia looked uneasy. "Well, she isn't exactly..."

Luna's tears interrupted her sister. "I couldn't give her any love! And now's she dead! Gone! Dead@"

"Luna, she's somewhere far away, but I think..." Celestia paused, then smirked. She could trick her little sister into thinking that her own daughter is dead! That would be hilarious! "...yes, she is dead. I'm sorry about your loss."

Luna started crying and crying and crying. Her daughter was dead! Stuck in StarClan! She didn't even get a chance to meet her! She was lucky enough to give birth at the exact same time that she turned into Nightmare Moon, so that her children could see the Earth...but no, they couldn't see their own mother either!

Luna sniffed. "D-did she have friends?"

"Yes." Celestia was completely lying. She has friends now. "I think she at least knew her sister. But they didn't know that they were sisters." she added.

"At least they knew each other..." Luna said, not bothering to ask why Celestia didn't give the sisters to the same family.

"Oh, by the way little sis, there is something I need to tell you. Something happened while you were trapped in the Moon."

Luna gasped. "What could possibly be worse than hearing that my own daughter is dead?!"

"I don't think it's worse, but it definitely is some news." Celestia said.

Luna sniffed. "Well, spill it."

"I had two daughters of my own while you were banished."

Luna wanted to slurp some water just to do a spit-take. "I'M AN AUNT????"

Celestia nodded. She was telling the truth.

"Their names are Aurora and Star Gleam. I had to give them to two separate families, however, because I cannot possibly rule Equestria while I am taking care of fillies! You were lucky enough to have yours right before you got banished!"

Luna narrowed her eyes. Her first day back from being a monster, and now her sister is already poking fun at the horrifying event. She decided that she needed to see a familiar, kinder face. "Where is Night Wind?"

Celestia looked slightly surprised at the sudden question. "He's in Alicornia."

Luna nodded. That's where she thought he'd be. That's where he lived, after all. "Could you invite him over?"

"Sure." Celestia nodded.

Night Wind and Luna cuddled each other; happy about finally being reunited.

"It's been so long..." Night Wind whispered.

"I know, and I'm sorry. But I'm here now, and that's all that matters." Luna whispered back.

"Even through those 1,000 years, I still haven't even been interested in any other mare. I only wanted you...I love you. So much." Night Wind whispered. (awwww, isn't this sweet?) He folded his wing over his true love and held her close. He would NOT lose her again.

"And you were the only thing I could think about while I was banished inside of the moon. I love you." Luna breathed.

The two lovers stared out into the stars on this beautiful night. They wished this moment could last forever.

After about an hour of cute cuddling, Night Wind asked a question he has been wanting to ask for 1,000 years. "Where are our daughters?"

Luna sighed. "One of them rainbow-blasted me out of Nightmare Moon, and the other is...dead."

Night Wind's eyes widened with shock. "Sweet Celestia...I'm so sorry, Luna. You were really excited to meet them when you were pregnant with them."

"I just HAD to turn into Nightmare Moon, I guess." Luna giggled.

"You do know it's going to be a shock for Twilight to find out that she's your daughter, right?" Night Fall asked.

"Yes, I know...but she'll never treat me like her mother! She'll treat me like this evil beast!"

"You don't know that. From the moment Twilight was born, you knew she would be the caring, understanding one. It's time to test that theory."

Princess Luna sighed. "I'm ready."

Night Wing got up on all four of his legs and yawned. "Well, I need to go back to Alicornia. See you tomorrow, my love." Then he took off into the nighttime sky.

The Princess of the Night headed home to have a 1,000-year-late conversation with her sister. Then she would need to tell everyone that Twilight Sparkle is her daughter.

NIGHTWIND'S PAST, A CRIME SCENE, AND CONFESSIONS!

NIGHTWIND'S PAST, A CRIME SCENE, AND CONFESSIONS!

"Princess Twilight Sparkle sat in her bed, reading a book. She was really enjoying this book. Of course, she enjoys almost all books. But this book in particular was a book she really really liked, so she didn't want to be disturbed.

Unfortunately, Pinky Pie didn't know this, so she burst into the Twilight's room, jumping around like she always does.

"TWILIGHT, TWILIGHT TWIIILIGHT! GUESSWATGUESSWATGUESSWHAT?????!" she exclaimed.

Twilight sighed and put down her book. "What is it, Pinky?"

The pink pony smiled. Well, she was already smiling; but now she was smiling a full-on Smile HD smile. "PRINCESS LUNA IS IN TOWN!"

"What? How come I didn't hear about this?" Twilight sounded taken back.

"IDK! But it doesn't matter; COME ON! Follow me!" Then Pinky jumped up into the ceiling, leaving a big whole inthe ceiling because she broke into it with much force.

Twilight Sparkle rolled her eyes and then flew up through the hole Pinky left and started following the bouncing pony that was hopping from building to building like she did during the Smile song in season 2 (4th wall break lol!!).

Twilight landed in the streets of Ponyville and saw Luna (with her season 1 hair) looking around for something. Twiight approached the night princess.

"Princess Luna! It's nice to see you up-and-about; especially right after being Nightmare Moon! " Twilight exclaimed.

Princess Luna starred at Twilight. Then a large smile overtook Luna's lips. She started tearing up. "You've grown SO much..."

Twilight looked confused. "What? Don't you only know me from yester--HEY!!1!"

Luna interrupted Twilight by giving her a huge bear-hug. She held her daughter close. "I missed you SO much..."she muttered.

Twilight uncomfortably pushed her mother away from her. Didn't this woman know ANYTHING about personal space? "Um..."

Luna starred straight into Twilight's eyes, and then put a serious look on her face. Twilight just looked confused."Twilight, I need to tell you something. Something important."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "What could be so important right now?"

"You are my daughter." (le gasp!) Luna told her.

Twilight gasped."OH MY SWEET CELESTIA WUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT" :pinkiegasp:

"Yas. I am your mother."

"That's so awesome; my mother is an alicorn princess, my mentor is THE princess, my foal sitter is a princess, I'M a princess...PRINCESSES." Twilight exclaimed.

"Yep. You beingmy daughter is WHY u are a princess."

"That is SO awesome!"

"Come. Let me show you your father." Luna said. Then the mother and daughter took off into the sky.

"You...you're beautiful!" Night Wind cooed.

Twilight shifted uncomfortably. Her father's (who is also an alicorn) face was right in hers. They might be family, but COME ON, PERSONAL SPACE! "Thx..."

Night Wing gave his daughter a large bear hug. "If only you could've seen your sister!:

Twilight's eyes grew wide. "I DON'T HAVE A SISTER! I only have a brother!"

Luna shuffled her hooves a bit."Your sister's name is Sunset Shimmer." (OOOOOHHHHHHH PLOT TWIST!!!11!)

"SHE AIN'T MY SIS!" Twilight exclaimed. "SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND!"

Huh. Gay incest.

Luna looked so sickened from da incest. "Dafuq?"

Night Wind shook his head uncomfortably. "Well, I guess you have to break up, then."

"Oh, okay." Twilight sayed.

Luna's eyes brightened. "U listened to what we said! So u don't think I am a horrible monster?"

"Of course not!" Twilight beamed. "You're my mother! Mothers aren't evil!"

Night Wind frowned. "My mother was."

Luna starred at her boyfriend. "OMG wut. Spill it."

Night Wind looked up to the sky and sighed. "Well, it all started when I was born..." :pinkiegasp: :pinkiegasp:

(All of the text in this part is Night Wind's awesome backstory that I came up with in five minutes! I am so creative, aren't I?)

Night Wind starred up at the blurry face that was his mother. She had a devilish smile. That caused Night Wind to cry. In anger, his mother slapped him, leaving the bruise on his foreleg that would be there to remind him of his abusive mother, even when he grewup.

Night Wind is a filly now. He tried reaching for his teddybear. His mother walked over.

"Oh, you want this teddy bear? Well, GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER?!" she ripped up the teddy bear. #thuglife

Night Wind starting crying and crying and crying. "Mommi is so mean!"

"Bitch, I'M FABULOUS." she exclaimed.

When Night Wind was a teenager, his mother had murdered his father, his brothers, his sister, and would've killed him if the police haven't arrived. She was arrested, and Night Wind was safe, but now she always gets terrible flashbacks of his own (abusive) mother brutally murdering his family. (I think it was called PTSD...).

(Wasn't Night Wind's mom JUST TERRIBLE? He has been depressed by this tragic backstory until Luna entered his life. Oh, BTW this is the present day now."

"Oh my Celestia...no wonder you cry yourself to sleep sometimes!" Luna exclaimed.

"That's awful! My grandma's a murderer! It's a good thing you guys, or anyone else in our family aren't like this!" (Foreshadowing!) Twilight said.

"Yea." Night Wind muttered. Then he forced a smile onto his face. "Now; lets eat dinner."

They were in Alicornia, so the food was always delicious. Cow Delight (the best alicorn cook ever!) cooked the food. Twilight, Luna, and even Night Wind (remember that he ALWAYS eat's Cow Delight's food) were impressed.

"Delicious! I absolutely LUV burgers!" Twilight exclaimed.

Luna giggled. "Well, enjoy it while you can. We probably won't be on another family vacation liek this one ever again!"

All of a sudden, an alicorn burst into the dining room. "HELP! HELP! MY FOALS WERE FILLYNAPPED!"

Twilight, Luna, and Nightwind frantically looked at each other.

"Oh noes!" they all exclaimed.

Luna sat up. "We'll find them!"

"Oh, thank God!" the alicorn exclaimed. She ran over and hugged Luna tightly. "Thank you SO much!"

"NP!" Luna said.

The alicorn left, with a thankful look on her face.

Night Wind frowned. "How are we going to find these fillies?"

Twilight sat up out of her chair. "By investigating the chrime scene!"

Thefamily went to the room inthe castle where the fillies were sleeping. There were no leads!

"Hmmm...I know who can help!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Who?" Luna asked.

"Derpy Hooves!"

Author's Note

Thx SOOOOOOO much for the positive comments! You all have encouraged me to continue this gr8 storyline!
I also got some AWESSOOOMMMEEE news!! Each chapter will have a drawing to go alongwhit it (starting from chapter3). I'm sure u will just luv the dtrawings!
EDIT: OHMYGAWD, I completely forgot! Twilight wasn't an alicorn right after Luna came back from being Nightmare Moon! I'm SUCH an stupidhead!
--Parody102368

The pictures will be of my favorite part of the chapter, and will be drawn well.
Why will they be drawn well?
Because I can't draw horribly on purpose. :P

By the way, I am trying to write this so it seems like an actual human would take the time to write an actual fanfic, and not a trollfic. Hopefully it seems like that; it could be funnier.
--Pinky102368

Dank Memes

"Now why the fuck should I do what you want?"

"Because this is a bad fanfic, and every bad fanfic needs the popular background character in it somewhere."

Derpy roled her eyes. "Fine." the n she bit out of her muffin.

Now Derpy joined the group in searching for the kidnapped fillies. They ended up looking all ovef Equestria, yet couldn't find them! Where could they be?

"How about we look in the Everfree forest, because that couldn't possibly be part of Equestria!" Night Wind exclaimed.

"ok." Both Luna and Twilight and Derpy said a t the same time. Then the group made their way to the Everfree Forest.

Luna shivered. "This place is creepy..." She went close into the comfort of Night Wind, because as we all know, all mares need a dude to keep any sense of security!

"OF course it's creepy! I mean, this is the Everfree Forest!" Twilight exclaimed. "Magic goes craxy here!"

Night Wind chuckled. "Relax, kiddo. We're just going to be here for a few minutes. I can't imagine any villain taking innocent fillies into the Everfree forest for no reason."

he ponies adventured in the Ever Free foresat.

"Dis feels like the time me and my friends went into this forest to fin tthe elemoonts!" Twilight exclaimed.

"Yes, it does feel liek dat time...when you found the elemoonts..." Luna was lost in thought as she uttered these words.

All of a sudden, a strange creature on two legs burst out of trees! "LOOK AT THIS NET!" He exclaimed!

The ponies gasped! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" They screamed~!

All of a sudden Night Wind burst in front of his girlfriend and daughter with a sword and stabbed the hell out of the creature. "Yay!" he exclaimed after the creature (it's a human lol!!!!!!11!1) lay down dead on the floor with a pool of blood.

"HOW COULD YOU MURDER SOMEONE?! HARAMBE DIDN'T DIE FOR YOU TO GO AND MURDER SOMEONE!" Luna shouted.

"I'm so sorry dear, I had to do what I had to do to protect you!"

"NO! YOU MURDERED SOMEINE! Y OU MURDEREDR!" Then the princess ran off into the forest.

"OH NOOOOOOO!" Nigh Wind cried out as he chaseda da d after his girlfeird.

All of a seudun some1 sneaked up behind Night Wind...it was a human about to say very plot-relevant stuff...he screamed...

"AND HIS NAME IS JOHN CEEEEEEENAAAAAAAA"

Author's Note

WAHAT WILL HAPPEN??!!!
Aslo sory for the realdlaky short chapter and long wati, i wsa 2 busy failing school ,lel
--Parody102368

I write these chapters at midnight. So, most of the spelling mistakes are actually real that I didn't bother to go back and change because...you know, it's a trollfic. So I wrote this much months ago, put it down, and then finally came back to it to post today. That's why it's really short.
You can't really write long chapters inspired by this shit.
--Pinky102368