Discord Goes On Vacation

by Doctor Disco

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Random, Discord, Princess Celestia
Length: 1825

And Rainbow Dash is granted with the powers of a god! May God have mercy...

Discord goes on a vacation, granting Rainbow some of his powers!

All hell breaks loose Everypony has a good laugh!

Please... I honestly don't know what my original idea even was after I finished this story...

Edit: WHAT THE HELL HOW DID THIS GET FEATURED.
THIS WAS MY FIRST STAB AT COMEDY WAT.
Edit #2: Now with a sequel! Fluttershy Builds An Ark!

Featured: September 5th, 2016?!?!

Published 2016-09-05 06:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-05 06:50:01 UTC

And Chaos Reigns

“Why can’t things ever float my way?!” Rainbow cried as she shook her hoof dramatically in the air. “Is there some omnipotent hoof writing out everything I say or do, and controls my life in every single possible way?” She then stopped, putting a hoof to her muzzle in thought. She then chuckled to herself softly. “Ha. That sounds like something Pinkie would say.”

Hanging limp on the cloud bed she had made, she looked down morosely at Ponyville. Applejack had just beat her at a competition, and that made Dash sulk like a crazy mare. Afterwards, nothing seemed to go well at all. Long story short, she burned her mouth alive with rainbow-pasted cupcakes (thanks Pinkie) after trying to cope with losing, crashed into Twilight and Rarity right after they left the spa (Rarity fainted), and destroyed a bird's nest by accident (Fluttershy was scary when she got mad).

All in all, things were not going her way today. It’s as if she had some bad mojo or something.

“I see you're having a bad day, Rainbow Dash,” a voice from behind her said. Flipping around on her cloud bed to see who it was, she fluttered her wings and began to hover.

“Discord!?”

“The one and only,” the draconequus said, taking a white bowl hat off which he somehow now wore along with a matching white suit and cane.

Calming down a bunch, Rainbow humphed and plopped onto her cloud bed once more. “What? Did you come here to make my day worse?” she grumbled.

“Oh, how I would love to! But that’s not why I’m here today. No siree!” he said. He then popped into existence in front of Rainbow and began to twirl his cane as he kicked his legs in and out.”I’m going on a vacation!”

“A what now?” Rainbow Dash asked, surprised.

“A vacation! Where you go away to some faraway place and-”

“I know what a vacation is!” Rainbow shouted, annoyed. “Why now?”

“Oh, I just thought being the Lord of Chaos and all was just a tad too much for me at the moment. That’s why I’m making you Chaos God for a day or two!”

“What?!” Rainbow cried, jumping off her cloud.

“Yes!” he exclaimed. He then snapped his fingers, causing a weird tingle to go through Rainbow’s body. “There’s only one rule you have to follow.” He began walking away on air. Turning his head around, he smirked. “Don’t hold it in.” With that, he vanished into thin air.

“What?!” Rainbow shouted, not knowing what to say. She then flew off her cloud to where she last saw Discord and growled. “DISCORD!” she shouted, and bolts of lightning appeared out of nowhere. Frightening her, she yelped and flew downward and away from where she had summoned lightning.

Wait… she thought. Flying lower to the ground, she looked at a dainty flower near the edge of the road and squinted her eyes. Pointing her hoof at it, she shouted, “LIGHTNING!...” But nothing happened.

In an attempt to try again, she threw both her forelegs and pointed them at the spot in the road, when…

BOOM!

An explosion knocked her back and she was thrown into the nearby shrubbery. Rubbing her forehead with a hoof as she sat up, one could see soot evident on her face. Her hair was blown back as if it was gelled, and she had a shocked look on her face. Taking to the air and slowly hovering over to where she had wanted the flower to be smited, she stare wide-eyed.

A crater now stood where a road once lay. Still flaming and debris everywhere. Rainbow Dash looked at her hooves. “Awha-some!” she whispered in awe. Testing something out, she clapped her hooves together twice, and the ground magically poofed back to it’s original state. Smirking, Rainbow stared at her hooves.

“A God, huh?”

“Mwahahahaha!” Rainbow laughed evily. She then smiled at the mare in front of her. “How was that Pinks?”

“Eh. It could’ve used a lot more pizazz.” Pinkie stated. She then began eating an ice cream cone that she had pulled from nowhere.

“Well, it’s the pizazz-iest I could make it, okay?” Rainbow murmured. She then clapped her hooves together, magically poofing up her own sundae which she began to eat.

“OH! How did you do that?” Pinkie asked.

“With chaos magic. Duh” Rainbow then threw her sundae behind her, where it blipped out of existence. “I still don’t understand how you can do things like that.”

“Well, it’s pretty easy! All you gotta do is believe, and-” Pinkie pulled a lawn chair and popcorn from nowhere, “-there you go!”

All of a sudden. Rainbow cried out in frustration. “Seriously?! It was that easy all along?” Pulling out a weather wand from her own pocket of impossibleness, she grumbled. “OF COURSE IT WAS!” she yelled, and it began to rain chocolate.

“Dashie, you have to release the chaos magic or it’s gonna take hold of you!” Pinkie cried out. The wind began to howl and Rainbow looked confused.

“What?” she sputtered, before everything exploded into neon colors.

“WhOa!” Rainbow exclaimed as it began to rain chocolate sideways.

“Oh, dis gon b gud!” Pinkie smiled as she began to float into the air along with everypony else. Irregardless of the situation, Pinkie set up her lawn chair in mid air and sat in it as she began to eat popcorn. “Let the chaos flow through you!” Pinkie shouted in a Palpatine-esque voice.

“I understood that reference!” Rainbow shouted, smiling herself.

“Rainbow! Pinkie Pie! Is that you?” a voice from below them called. Both of them looked down to see a still-grounded Twilight Sparkle.

“Yeah? Why?” they both said.

“We have to find the others! This can only be explained by Discord going rogue!”

“Chill, egghead! Relax! I’m the one causing all this.”

“WHAT?!” Twilight cried.

“Relax! Here, I’ll get you something to make you less tense.”

“Rainbow, I don’t need to be less tense! Everypony needs you to-” but Twilight was cut off by suddenly feeling like she was floating on a cloud. “Whoa.”

“Better?” Dash asked.

“Never been in my whole life, Rainbow!” Twilight smiled lazily, a glazed look on her eyes. “Is it bad that I see books with wings? Look at that one! It has rainbow feathers! Hehe…” Twilight began floating off the ground herself. She began to trot in mid-air, but it wasn’t taking her anywhere. As if she was a little filly without a care in the world, she began to giggle. “Woo! Hi, apple! I’m Twilight Sparkle!”

Smiling to herself, Rainbow began to snort and laugh. Pinkie, however, furrowed her brows.

“Did you just make Twilight high?” Pinkie asked.

“Eeyup!” Rainbow Dash continued to laugh.

“I don’t think that’s the best idea…”

“Why is that, Pinkie?”

Pinkie bit her lip and began to paddle away in a kayak she had summoned. “You’ll find out…” A bright purple light began to emanate from behind Rainbow. As she turned her head, Rainbow widened her eyes and gasped.

“...Crap,” Rainbow whispered. Twilight now blazed with purple fire, her mane and tail all spiked and pointy. Her eyes were white, and she still had a wide grin on her face.

“Uh, Twilight? You okay?”

Craning her neck to look at Rainbow, she kept smiling. “Never better, Rainbow Dash!”

“Uh-oh…” was all Rainbow said. She then flew away as fast as she could, but she knew it wouldn’t be enough.

“What in the hay is happening?!” Rainbow cried as she flew away from a crazed blazed Twilight Sparkle.

“What did ya do Rainbow?!” Applejack cried from below. For some reason, she now had wings.

“I dunno! I told Twilight to lighten up and made her high!”

“Everypony in Ponyville knows not to do that, Dash!” Applejack shouted, now running away from the purple alicorn.

“Did something happen involving Twilight and drugs when I was out of town?!” Rainbow panted, putting up a giant wall of bunnies as a shield.

“Yes, and it’s too long of a story to fit into a 2,000 word one-shot.”

“Seriously? We’re breaking the fourth wall at a time like this?”

“Well, what better time than now?” Applejack stated.

Suddenly, the wall of cute bunnies exploded into piles of fur and there floated a flaming Twilight Sparkle. “Found you!”

“Gwah!” Applejack stumbled backwards. “How do you use these darned wings, Rainbow? They just appeared on me when I saw Ponyville raining chocolate!”

“Just flap and fly!”

“Twilight Sparkle!” A voice from the tree orchards rang. All three heads turned to the source and found a mithril-clad Fluttershy with warpaint and a spear. “You will be punished for destroying all those cute innocent bunnies!”

“You will never defeat me! This isn’t even my final form!” Twilight chuckled darkly, and her purple fire burned into a crimson pink. She then laughed evilly.

“Then I will have to defeat you before then!” Fluttershy screamed, before plummeting forward. Her spear was aimed directly for Twilight.

“With that awful armour, you’re not!” Another voice rang. Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s shocked faces turned to a fabulously dressed Rarity who was holding a leash to Spike. A light blue aura then enveloped Fluttershy before her spear-tip pierced Twilight’s form. "It doesn't even match with your coat!" Both mares turned to look at Rarity and scowled.

“Stay out of this, drab queen!” they said in unison, and Twilight blasted Rarity with hell-fire. Luckily, Rarity put up a shield before this, and it only scorched Spike.

“You dare?!” Rarity shouted, and all hell broke loose.

In the distance, four figures sat on lawn chairs eating popcorn and watching the events unfold.

“I just hope Twilight doesn’t go too overboard this time,” Celestia remarked before stuffing her face with a hoof-ful of popcorn.

“It’s funny how I gave Rainbow only a part of my power, and it’s already turned the Mane Six against each other!”

“Except me!” Pinkie remarked, pulling out a camera from her mane and taking a snapshot. “This’ll go in my ‘Ponyville delves into chaos and nopony remembers it after’ scrapbook!”

“I’ll have a hard time removing this from their minds,” Luna grumbled, taking a sip of cider that they had salvaged before it all went down.

“Oh do lighten up, Luna. I know for a fact they’ll have no idea about what happened.” Discord put on some sunglasses as a miniature mushroom cloud came from Sweet Apple Acres. “The readers certainly have no idea what just happened.”

Author's Note

What did you readers do to deserve this fic... Oh my holy horses...

Make what you will of this...

It came out of the hell-hole that is my mind. Criticize it, tear it to shreds...

It's a ~~horrible one-shot~~ masterpiece!

EDIT: Okay... What in the actual frick frack snick snack.

This got featured?!?! I think I might need to go sit down...