Starlight Vs.

by Sense of Humor

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Trixie, Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Random, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 2279

Starlight is now the sole protector of Ponyville. She needs more aspirin, if you can spare it.

Against her will(mostly), Starlight agrees to protect Ponyville when Twilight and her other five friends are busy saving the entire world. The unicorn only agreed to this startling position because she actually believed that she wouldn't be doing any saving immediately.

She didn't think villains could pop out of nowhere, but they did, much to her chagrin. It's up to her to defeat them one by one, with her faithful butler--er, friend Spike and Robin...I mean, Trixie at her side.

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Comments and ideas appreciated!

Published 2016-09-08 13:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-10 19:55:37 UTC

Prologue

Author's Note

So, I hope you enjoy this fun new idea I've written for you guys! It came to me while rewatching the final episodes of villain-y Starlight and how powerful she is compared to Twilight. I figured it'd be cool to make a story about her combating threats to her newfound home and using the full potential of her abilities on villains familiar and not. Hopefully I won't be one of those people going "OH she's so powerful she could take out anyone lololololololol!" So, give this story a chance please.

Anyways, prepare to see more Sassy unicorns, belligerent bad guys and butler dragons in the oncoming chapters!

Prologue

"Starlight, you're going to catch flies like that!" Twilight pursed her lips at her cowering student, who stared back with that stupid horrified expression of hers like the one you can see right now. Twilight always got that stare for no reason at all; it just popped up when she randomnly revealed something to the unicorn. Honestly, her face might freeze like that forever if she kept it up. "Please close your mouth like a civilized pony."

"Im...I-I'm the what now?!" Starlight croaked in fear and despair unlike ever before. Except that one time when she destroyed Equestria back accident, but this was pretty close to that time.

Twilight rolled her eyes; Starlight used to listen better. "You're the protector of Ponyville now. You get to keep this town's citizens safe from the clutches of in the event that we are busy fighting a different battle. 'We' meaning the mane six."

"I-I can't be the protector of Ponyville--NOPONY CONSULTED ME!" The student whined dramatically from the floor, her blue eyes glistening with faux tears. "I didn't even sign a scroll, with all due respect!"

"Yes you did. Yesterday. " A large scroll levitated before her eyes and presented an all too familiar name in all too familiar handwriting. "I gave this to you yesterday and you quickly signed it."

"I thought it was some kind of friendship document! And besides, you six are the protectors of ponyville, not meeee!"

The Alicorn princess raised both eyebrows, but her eyes were halfway open. "Nooo, we used to be the protectors of ponyville! But Princess Celestia discussed that a villain may arise someplace while another attacks our hometown! You'll be the contingency plan for when that day comes!"

"You and Celestia put that kind of responsibility in my hooves?!" Starlight growled and gripped Twilight's face in her hooves. "How could you betray me like this?! I actually liked you..."

"That's just it! Princess Celestia never suggested you, I did!" To the student's confusion, her Sensei gave her a warm smile. At least, as warm as a smile could look being trapped between hooves. "As one my best friends, I remembered all the trouble you helped me fix and the problem solving you did on your own ever since you learned the error of your ways! I know you can take on this job, because I believe you."

"Flattery will getcha nowhere, Princess." Starlight deadpanned.

"You're more powerful than I am, anyways! Remember?"

"Whatever! I'm not gonna agree to this, Twilight! Even if Princess Celestia will be disappointed."

"More like frusturated with your disobeying attitude."

"What about Doctor Hooves? Or Big Mac? They look a whole lot more capable of protecting ponyville than me!"

"Citizens. You're the royal student."

"Ugh! Well, what about Princess Luna?! Does she even do anything nowadays?!"

"Doing...stuff in Las Pegasus."

"Discord?"

Twilight glared at her.

"Okay, Okay...The cutie marks crusaders!"

"Look, Starlight...this won't be as hard or stressful as you think it will be, I promise. " Twilight frowned and placed a hoof on the shoulder of a whimpering Starlight. She paused and added cheerfully: "C'mooon! Who's the last major villain we've had to face in ponyville or Equestria?"

Starlight gave a depressed stare. "Me."

Her teacher's smile faltered at that. "Well, kinda...the point is, it's been most of a season and we haven't seen one villain whatsoever! For most of the time, you don't have a thing to worry about because any potential villains are afraid to show up!"

"I guess thats true..." Starlight mused to herself, considering that this could be a laid back job and not demand responsibility from her as she'd expected. But that could make her off gaurd for an actual attack on ponyville. "I'm just...afraid I'll let you down on something so important!"

"So long as you have friendship, you'll never fail!" Twilight presented an Alfredo cheesey grin.

"Yes, so you keep saying...When do I start, exactly?"

"Right now!" Twilight squinted at her pupil in another glare. "Hey! I said stop making that face! It's not my fault a giant worm creature popped up in canterlot!"

"You're leaving now?! But don't I get a day to collect my thoughts and make a plan?" She whined in a pathetic tone.

Twilight shook her head. "Nope! Your plan is Attack, Defeat and always repeat. Hey, that ryhmes." The Alicorn began to make her way to her bedroom door now, waving a hoof in dismissal. "But, again....the chances of anyone attacking Ponyville on this specific day are too slim to work. Trust me."

"And then, Cheerilee totally kissed him."

Bon Bon gasped loudly, bouncing somewhat like Pinkie Pie would. "You're Joking! They really did it?"

"They kissed, if that's what you mean by 'did it'..." Lyra explained with a smile as big as her friends, as they began to travel to the outskirts of ponyville on the dirt road. A package of cakes sat on either of their backs with straps to aid them. "They look soooooo cute together! I'm just surprised they finally kissed now."

"Surprised or relieved?" Bon Bon smirked.

"Both!"

Their simultaneous giggling was cut short by a sudden blast of green far above their heads, from the outermost reaches of space it seemed. They gasped as the green explosion rocketed downwards like a falling star, leaving a trail for electricity the color of grass and limited punch. Ten yards before the two it landed; the huge crater throwing up tons of dirt and dust into the air like an impact should. Lyra quickly but up a shield in front of them so they wouldn't be knocked by the force of sound suddenly clapping together. The mares exchanged confused glances and ventured near to the crater against their better judgement, peeking in rather timidly.

Before the eyes of the mares was a minotaur. Or, at least that the only way to really describe it, despite several differences. For one, Minotaurs were not fifteen hooves tall and they did not have weird horns that made it seem even taller. They also didn't have unruly black manes that doubled as dreads, and they didn't usually have chain-connected blades that glowed brightly. They definitely didn't have green eyes, or smiles that were that menacing.

The 'minotaur' stood up from his kneeling position and closed the distance between himself and the mares slowly, like a bear that knew it had it's prey trapped. Bon Bon hesitantly took a protective step forward, while Lyra frantically searched for a defensive spell.

"What exactly are you? "

The voice spoke oddly, sounding rather confused for someone who just made an entrance like that. The best friends stared at each other in an expression of their own confusion, but not for long. "Uh...we're ponies? U-Unicorns and Earth ones to be exact."

"Hmmmf... " The lumbering narrowed his eyes upon them until another question from him was heard. "And...what is this place?"
"

"P-Ponyville."

"...Never heard of it. But it doesn't matter, I suppose." The giant beast stood up to his full height, back turned to them and arms wide as he bellowed to the sky. "This shall be the realm of my own making, a place to control without being opposed. I'll have to conquer China some other time...for Kai has ARRIVED!"

Lyra suddenly stopped crouching in fear, if only to rub her now aching head. "Excuse me, Mister minotaur guy...but what's a Kai?"

"That's me, insignificant equine: Kai! General Kai! The Spirit Warrior!" Kai turned back to them, noticeably faltering in his evil glare and more concerned with their knowledge of him." Supreme Warlord of all time!"

"Nope. Doesn't ring a bell. And if you're a spirit warrior, how did you get in this... physical place?"

"It's complicated." Kai snorted and scratched his shaggy mane as confusion struck him too. "Hmmm...You may know me as the harbinger of horror...? The master of pain...? Uh....Beast of vengeance? No? Maker of Widows...?"

"Hey!" Lyra snorted in brief laughter. "That was an innuendo joke, wasn't it? "

Bon Bon held up a hoof to stop her. "Actually, that was more of a dark humor thing, like killing husbands. Am I right?"

The buffalo creature blankly stared down at the first two of his soon-to-be slaves, then left his hoof slide down his muzzle slowly. "I'd ask if you know Oogway, but I'm too far from China for you fools to know anything."

Bon Bon cheerfully gestured to herself. "Maybe we could help you get settled in ponyville somewhere, Mister Kai."

"General Kai...." A strange smile passed over him, causing the mares to frown again almost instantly. His eyes seemed to glow a bit more too. "And your Chi will help me enough, thanks anyways."

"What do you mean by Chi? And w-what are you doing...?!"

Spike patiently sat there, watching Starlight trek across the crystalline room and back several times as she brought her story to a close and finished by slapping a small journal in front of the small dragon. He picked it up and examined it's thick paper cover, his expression pretty unreadable. "I assume this is some kind of journal Twilight gave you?"

"She says I have to record stuff about the villains I defeat, in case they escape from jail." The unicorn massaged her forehead with one hoof and effectively stopped in front of her scaly companion. "Mostly their weakness and most powerful traits. Like I'm actually gonna write in that stupid thing."

"You seem pretty sassy today." Spike noted aloud, but not loud enough for his friend to notice; he knew that she'd deny it. Besides, Sass was just one of her many traits upon reforming. It was entertaining at times. "So, what's so bad about protecting Ponyville? Don't you want people to look up to you, or at least thank you a lot?"

"Yes, of course!" Starlight grimaced. "I just don't know about being a hero or anything...do I have what it takes to actually protect Ponyville?"

He walked up to her with the notebook in claw and pulled her forehoof upwards to his height. Smiling, he placed the book in her hoof. "That's what we're about to find out. This whole thing will be a test, the beginning of a personal journey like Twilight's before she became an Alicorn! When you bag your first baddie, You'll know you have what it takes to be the hero of Ponyville! Like in my comics!"

She rolled her eyes but smiled at him just the same, levitating the journal to a nearby desk. "I have to stop talking to you all the time about these things. You're too...motivational."

"That's what I'm here for!" Spike beamed childishly. "That and eating Ice Cream."

"Ha! Say, why don't we go eat some now? I know I won't be doing any saving right this minute." Before Spike could readily agree to the offer, an intense banging sound echoed from the front door downstairs. It sounded pretty urgent, because it kept repeating itself every four seconds. The pony and the dragon rushed downstairs soon after the frantic knocking began, and the unicorn opened the door to reveal a very familiar pony. "Oh Hey, Trixie! How ya--OOF!"

"Starlight!" Trixie spastically gripped her best friend's shoulders and shook her violently, eyes darting behind herself every two seconds. "My cart is ruined! Destroyed! Two weird emerald pony creatures just barreled right through it! It's nothing but pieces of wood and--"

"Pl-Please st-Stop sh-shaking m-me."

"Oh. Sorry."

"What exactly did you say happened?" Spike questioned her while Starlight's eyeballs rolled in her head for a moment. Trixie gestured to the town in the distance as she spoke. "They're in ponyville right now; those weird green ponies! I was just just sitting in my cart, minding my own business when it all just explodes! When I pushed all the wood off me, I saw them running towards town like rampaging Bison!'

"Hey! You're hurt." Starlight pressed her hoof against a huge purple bruise on the unicorn's shoulder and earned a pained wince.

"I am?...Oh. I somehow didn't notice that running all the way here." She looked behind them in worry now, biting her bottom lip. "So, maybe Twilight can come out and kick their flanks before anymore damage happens? Trixie can't perform in a ruined town...I mean, somepony could get hurt!"

"*sigh*...Twilight and the others are in Canterlot by now, or on their way." Starlight nervously explained and stepped out of the doorway to peer closely at ponyville. She could see smoke rising ever so slightly, which only added fuel to her nervous attitude. " And I don't know if I can contact any other help in time to save anypony!"

Spike exchanged a frown with Trixie. "So what do we do?"

Starlight inhaled deeply and exhaled in a determined snort, her brow furrowed into a slight scowl and her lips forming a grim line. "...You two won't be doing anything. But it's about time I started protecting my home."

Defeated Bad Guy #1: Kai...whoever he is.

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